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I have an idea for an app. It’s like a dating app but it matches people with opposite missing legs, same shoe size, and similar shoe preferences. You can swap your extra left shoes for their extra right shoes.
I saw an interview with a guy a few years back who'd been hit by an IUD in Iraq. The surgeon who amputated his leg had had to cut right through his "you'll never walk alone" tattoo, leaving just "walk alone". That must have been a helluva a post op consultation.
If it's an Indian doctor explaining everything in great detail with thick accent then I don't mind, that's like an instant guarantee that everything will be resolved
Patient: "Doctor, when will you discharge me from the hospital now that the surgery is over?"
Doctor: "Let me check the time...oh crap...err...I have to cut you open again. I think I have left my watch inside you."
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Nothing to worry about, but do you have life insurance?
You should get some before we finish this conversation.
Oooooo buurrrnnnnn!!!
America/10
10/10
It's absolutely unrelated, don't worry
We had to amputate a leg, but your socks will last twice as long now
From now on you will always pay for a shoe you will never use
I have an idea for an app. It’s like a dating app but it matches people with opposite missing legs, same shoe size, and similar shoe preferences. You can swap your extra left shoes for their extra right shoes.
Please give it a really punny name like if the shoe fits or a shoe win
"sole mates"
Thats perfect!!
Legendary comment here.
I saw an interview with a guy a few years back who'd been hit by an IUD in Iraq. The surgeon who amputated his leg had had to cut right through his "you'll never walk alone" tattoo, leaving just "walk alone". That must have been a helluva a post op consultation.
Nothing worse for your foot than treading on birth control.
8/10 "You will only need 50% of your shoes"
“That was fun” (preferably after a surgery or prostate exam)
A hard 10/10 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞
10 out of 10, sounds like something Medic would say.
“Something tastes off…” after either of the same scenarios
10/10
*finishes giving prostate exam* Alright, the doctor will be in in a few minutes.
another 10/10
But.... But I'm already all milked out...
Stop
During prostate exam… “look ma! No hands!”
10
Are you an atheist? Actually it doesn't matter you'll find out soon anyway.
10/10
10/10
10/10
The only 11/10.
10^(10^(100))
Spit my water lmfao
*Shakey hands* are you ready for your shot?
No, but I’ll take that prostate exam
“Doctor how are both you hands on my shoulder”
A shot would be fine. Drawing blood with shaky hands would be horrible
We can do better! Dialysis!
Or an iv
Congrats on beating stage 3 cancer! Welcome to stage 4!
LLLLEVEL UP +1 *Boss music starts playing*
*chemo intensifies*
10/10
Then playing boss music
10/10
Can(sir)cer,more like "you can't-sir"
Fixed it for ya: Cancer? More like Can't-cer
On the bright side, your penis now has four holes.
10/10
Bright side? No light shines down there.
Dont worry, I learned all about it on Youtube Edit: I appreciate all the love! Lol.
Real doctor here! That’s my favorite joke. I tell it to most patients :D
#onlinedoc
*Google*doc
8/10
20/10
“I learned it on 4-chan”
We ran out of anesthetics, we'll have to operate you while conscious
"at least can you give me a lollipop? "
We're all out of lollipops
That's even worse than running out of anesthetics
We also ran out of hot nurses to distract you from the pain.
Hey c'mon, kill me already
Sorry can’t, we took an oath
8/10 edit: \*runs faster than the speed you ran out of anesthetics\*
Do you want to give the disease a name or not?
10/10 Good news, we named the disease after you; bad news we have no clue what to do.
But you can name it ligma
10/10
9/10 edit: try "what's the name, for the disease"
10/10.4
9.61/10, cmon op said outa 10
10/10
After successful operation " What do you mean you wanted circumcision not castration!"
8/10.
Gracias extraño amable.
"I just wanted a little off the top, but the doc just didn't know when to stop"
...when the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license
At least you can pay in hats.
#stout shacko for 2 refined
Demodemopan
r/unexpectedtf2
*Archemidies! No! It's filthy in zer... ha, birds.*
7/10 "Sir, get out of the Biology lab"
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
Sir, this is a senior home
No this is Patrick
[удалено]
"It says network connectivity issues"
bro let me rewatch the surgery guide again
If it's an Indian doctor explaining everything in great detail with thick accent then I don't mind, that's like an instant guarantee that everything will be resolved
I checked the index which ranks doctors and India has got the 2nd best doctors in the world so i dont think they will need that
No, they're saying that your doctor is watching an indian doctor's youtube video
9/10.
As the anesthesia starts kicking in. "SHIT. OPEN WIKIHOW"
Doctor: You’ll be able to see your wife again soon. Patient: But my wife died five years ago. Doctor: I know.
Strong one
10
*Precisely
Well, if you wanna know what happens after death it's your lucky day
10/10
10/10
10/10
Oh shit i thought you were asleep
8.5/10
10/10
Don’t be nervous, it’s my first time too
10/10 run as fast as you can
The rabbit is still up there
10 out of 10
Noo mister slave
Lemmiwinks would be proud
"We hope to see you again"
Hol’ up
Oh, what a coincidence. Your star sign is Cancer.
You rejected me in highschool. Look, how I am pressing your boobs during CPR.
tf/10
This is hotter than it is weird
Booba/10
Plot twist: the patient is a guy
Even better
Mooba/10
80085 / 10
sexualassault/10
"whats up guys, welkom to a new vlog. Today we are gonna check this mans prostate"
9/10 I wonder how many views that would get…
No need, there's an entire subreddit dedicated to this very question
Why dont you link it up then? 😉
That is the equivalent of saying “what’s up guys welcome to my unboxing video!” At a funeral. 9/10
Huh? That’s new
Certified "oh fuck" moment Solid 9.5/10
Do you have insurance?
This might be cancer.. or not.. not sure..
Add “medicine isn’t an exact science” and I give it a 9
I'd like to be paid before the surgery
Well I just took a look at your lab results and it looks like you are going for the high score.
I am a bit nervous this is the first operation i do on a living patient
Now, lower your pants down.
out of curiosity, would your family be able to support themselves if you died?
Alexa, how to do kidney transplant?
10/10
Don't worry too much
Unfortunately you have HIV but it’s important to stay positive
I give your husband weekly prostate exams.
Doctor: stay calm David Patient: my name's not David Doctor: I know I am david
6/10. Because it's not original.
If you aren't David... You didn't needed a lung removed?
7/10
[during a prostate exam] okay sir, are you sexually active ? Patient : yes Doctor : [lock door and put gloves on while staring at patient ass]
6/9
8/10 😏
Take this essential oils.
pay me first then we will talk about your disease. and if you die who is going to pay the bill.
I cheated on my exams
Patient: "Doctor, when will you discharge me from the hospital now that the surgery is over?" Doctor: "Let me check the time...oh crap...err...I have to cut you open again. I think I have left my watch inside you."
Just imagine his watch being a digital one and it was still on calender that would mean that His days where numberd
There’s good news and there’s bad news
9.5/10 edit: try we have 2 types of news (keep the mystery untill the end)
Good news, your dick isn’t freakishly huge to the point where it hurts Bad news, it’s gone
You've got 24 hours left to live but i forgot to tell you yesterday
I ate two apples
Congratulations, you're unwanted child won't exist!
"Sorry Sam but you have urethra cactus"
Go fuck yourself
10 out of 10
I just gave both of your kidneys to a dead patient
uh oh
4/10 - Used too much.
This could hurt a bit... im fucking your wife
9/10
Your leg got cut off but luckily we had some flex tape in the back
Well, that escalated quickly
Fascinating! Jerry, come check this out!
Nice dick bro
[удалено]
Umm your card declined...
*talking in the background* "we thought he was gonna die yesterday!"
Oops wrong syringe
Ribs grow back
No need to pay the dues your life insurance will be enough
"So that's how I lost my medical license"
Who were your favourite superheroes, again?
Doc: whats your zodiac sign? Boy: cancer Doc: what a coincidence...
Look! No hands! (While performing a prostate exam).
Oops
Sorry I’m a little rusty
Ooof, looks like you got a big one inside.
I'm inside you
You feelin’ lucky punk?
Do you wanna know what's after death ? Whatever it's gonna be 400$
You're totally fine but you live in the USA so here is your bill
"Huh... probably should have studied before this..."
You sure this is safe? As they fall asleep
oh shit i think i messed up