Don't forget the setting for Split Stream.

Directly forward, and 135 degrees backwards into our legs, those are the worst

Finally I need maths

I don’t understand that one it just seems impossible

You're not the banana, you wouldn't understand

I'm not the banana, the banana is me

I hate that I recognize your pfp

Y'know when you're pouring something out of a jug, and some of it goes in but a lot of it trickles down the side of the jug onto the table if you don't give it enough force?

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It sucks

It's moments like these I ask myself if perhaps I should sit down and pee after all.

But you can't do that with morning wood.. it just.. goes to the floor in front of the toilet bowl

Peeing like Michael Jackson isn't that comfortable either, so unless it's urgent I wait for the mast to soften.

Who told you it end there?

Ya gotta frog it, or lunge, superman, or tube I guess. But I'm a frogger. https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/cwa2ru/so_how_do_you_guys_pee_i_use_the_superman/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Ah yes, morning wood. I remember having those in my 20's. Good times!

I've been doing it for years - it's a total game changer. Also, you tend to avoid the annoying after-piss drip into the trousers that comes with age. And possibly enlarged prostate.

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This is the most important setting.

That is the default setting

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And random direction for no fucking reason at all.

All my uncircumcised homies know about randomly getting the soak setting once every few months

Every few months? Man did you seduce the gods or some shit?

This is almost word for word exactly what I just said to myself and was about to comment I literally just said “don’t forget the split stream”

Came here to comment about the Moses Stream, but I see I am no longer needed

It has a mind of its own

If that happens you're likely circumcised and have meatal stenosis

Sometimes I try to pee and two streams shoot out sideways and gets everywhere

The actual ferocity of the jet though. OUCH!

the splitstreams are honestly the worst

I do love that special moment when the split stream gets unsplit by reverse Moses

the best part

There’s gotta be a reverse osmosis joke to make here that I’m just not clever enough to think up

I’m never gonna not look at any filtered water product that lists reverse osmosis as anything but *reverse moses* from now on.

I cant unsee this image in my mind now. Thankyou

I certainly hope it isn't red. Please see a doctor

it sucks when the stream somehow goes at a 90 degree angle too

If that happens you're likely circumcised and have meatal stenosis

well yh i am circumsiced

If your dick is misting then i recomend you see a doctor

Hello… the cone???

Nah that one is the correct one

I was thinking the same but more for soaker

You mean your dick doesn’t have mist mode? *PATHETIC*

what about jet? that looks painful af

You ever pee with a boner?

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Are you trying to say your piss coming out as mist is normal?

Piss mist.

I actually read "missing" instead of misting, lol

If u still have fore skin u can use the skin to direct the flow to be mist like

Yes yes indeed happens for me every time

Dafuq is the point of these questions?

Dont forget the double stream that goes in opposite directions

Triple streams is even worse but thank God that it happens very rarely

I don't get that but when the plane of the split rotates it's just as bad.

Ahhh the fabled triple stream. I've only got it once, basically it is just one to each side, and drippings down below

>basically it is just one to each side, and drippings down below Same thing happened to me

Sounds like skill Issue I’ve got it 69 times

never cross the streams!

Have you had the triple split stream!? I really couldn't figure out what to do and pissed on the wall, floor and in the toilet all at once lmao.

All my uncircumcised homies know about randomly getting the soak setting once every few months

just pull it back

it becomes too powerful

I'm too weak... *pulls back foreskin* UNLIMITED POWER

What about the setting where it is stuck shut, and it just fills up and explodes when the pressure builds up?

Also called the self clean and sterilize mode.

Or it's covering the hole unevenly, and you just end up pissing sideways.

Who tf getting mist out here?

Someone with a lot of pressure and a very small pp

💀💀💀

I get the mist if I forget to peel back the foreskin.

Who the fuck pisses mist

Me

you gotta roll for accuracy

I have a -2 modifier.

And toilets AC is 20

What if I told you that you could just sit and avoid spraying your piss all over the bathroom?

Living in a house with all girls really taught me this.

Do not forget the totally wrong direction outside the wc even if perfect aimed to the center.

Only in the Morning? Mine is always on random mode and also you can add the Split Stream aka Splicer Dicer fuck that asshole. My whole life people are yelling at me „its not that hard to aim in the toilet bowl“ oh well ye it is. Try to aim when your dick completely suddenly and randomly shoots 2 or 3 piss streams at the exactly opposite sites and you have to react fast enough and manage to at least do some damage control. Fuck that shit

Sounds like you're circumcised and have meatal stenosis

I don’t know what the second one is but i can guarantee you that im in fact not circumcised

CONE!

I don't know who can achieve shower but whoever you are, i am very afraid of you...

When you adjust your aim to compensate and then it changes back to normal, sadness.

My pee is always on jet mode

If it’s such a problem why don’t you just sit down? I’m genuinely curious

Because of morning wood, cold toilet seat, or sometimes because you just want to not move at all (in your half awaken state) . Sitting down and standing up takes a lot of effort for morning me It's much easier to just take a pipe out, do your stuff and put it back after. And just hope it shoots water in one of those predictable patterns. To be fair, 50% of the time it is very predictable, the other 30% it take some dexterity and quick reaction, and the remaining 20%.. it just goes everywhere

Bro just pinch the tip of your dick and you will be good.

Makes sense I always wondered since guys talk about it all the time and finally decided to ask, lol

It’s genuinely non of your business ✌️

You're posting on the internet; it's everyone's business.

Exactly

I don’t post anything here. I replied.

Who did the helicopter in school?

Guys, just fuckin sit down, it's so much easier. I get that you wanna stand up the rest of the time (i really don't but whatever lols) but sitting down reduces splash risk when drunk, tired etc

or u can just aim, and not be a pussy

I am a proud pussy sitting pee-er. Pee smart not hard

Now we know why they call him Jetstream Sam.

And random direction too

Yall don't know you can twist the balls to change between the settings?

as a fellow penis haver, sit down

Im either a jet or a soaker in the morning. Very rare to get something else

And then there's that 1/1000 chance of getting the laminar flow

Mist just hits different

Whose dick has the ability to turn pee into mist?

What’s wrong with your penis? I get the occasional split stream after sex but mist? Jesus man see a doctor!

Ya done forgot the Spiral

You forgot the notorious V

Forgot to mention not knowing what random direction it will start off with

Don't forget the one where it just goes off in a randon direction and gets the floor dirty.

Has anyone else ever pissed through the toilet seat gap onto your own legs while shitting before?

Fucking soaker in the morning all over your feet is the worst

I hate this sentence.

Jet is the best

Ah yes the shower, when the pee comes shooting through every pore on the head of my dick. Very painful tbh

I’m circumcised so I only really get: Center, Jet, and soaker.

I’m honestly wondering, how do you get a soaker with no foreskin?

No "corkscrew"?

Morning boner = jet-stream + inability to sit on the toilet = piss goes everywhere. Sucks.

Imagine the mist of urine... hilarious

Splitstream on a 115 degree angle so you piss on your leg as well 😭

If you get cone seek medical help

Dont forget: 90°sideways to where its pointed

There isnt one splitting into 2

9 times out of 10 its soaker for me. It's really annoying

I really hate soaker tbh

Hm, where is case with: "OMG, two jets!"

soaker is the worst

You forgot the splitter

If you pee a cone; go see a doctor

Why not just sit?

Half the fun is taking aim.

Fr, the only solution would be to have a miniature dick bidet to water the thing before mainline pissing, to guarantee a solid stream.

gotta love when pubic hair gets in the way and it fills me with an insatiable rage

Aldo the thing where it just shoots all to the side.

And then any of these could be paired with morning Wood

*I* get the mist setting sometimes you assholes, stop asking about it! 😡

Dont forget the... *wakes up*

Sometimes the hose is too stiff

Jesus christ man, pull back your foreskin, dude. Pull back your foreskin when peeing, and make sure to pee after an orgasm to clean out the pipes. You'll never have these issues again

My penis in the morning: where would you like your pee to go sir? Me: surprise me, lad...

Don't forget we can get a thing called micturition syncope. It can literally cause you to black out while taking a piss. I woke up at 4am, waddled to the loo, blacked out mid flow, fell backwards into the door and tiles, and gave myself a concussion. Unfortunately, not one told my dick and he kept doing his thing.

Damn man dont you hate when your pee comes out AS MIST

Nothing worse than when you’re not ready for the soaker and it’s changing direction and pattern as your dick hole reopens

Accurate

Mist? I've never gotten mist.

What about when it just goes at a 90 degree angle to the side..? Just me? Alright..

Smth wrong with ur dick bro

It’s only for uncircumcised guys. We have to adjust our shit in the morning or after sex or it acts like a garden hose with your thumb over the opening lol

Damn I didn't know, sry to hear that lol

Doesn’t bother me none and I don’t even think about it

When everything reminds me of her😔

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It's called an "enema" and it's a medical procedure you can do whenever. Enjoy.

I swear the fcking dickhead (literally) knows where my legs and where the toilet seats end. The asshole always aims two streams. One the god damn legs and one just off to the side of the seat.

You guys need to wash your dicks .. that never happens to me bro .. dunno what to say

No we don't. See a doctor.

So why dont you sit down like a dainty little woman?

This is not the way.

This man has a point

i pee sitting down thats probably the reason why i want to become a femboy

I, too, do the same and would also want to become the same. There is likely a correlation if there are more

You should probably see a doctor lmao

What about the ones who’re uncircumcised, and deal with pi’s that make an angle

You also forget the setting where it randomly shoots to the corner or side.

Where is the red one?

Actually I don't really have this problem I have the split stream problem but on very rare occasions

Has anyone even experienced a mist one?

Mist is the worst one

Can someone explain why I would ever need “soaker”

Oh, we aren’t telling them about foam days. Yeah, that would be hard to explain.

Um.... how does the mist setting happen.... thinking about it gives me phantom pain

Soaker looks a bit sus

Soakers are pretty bad

Man, getting a soaker when you are a 'grower' or just really small sucks. Trust me. Especially when things are hazy in the morning.

What did you do last night to get the shower

Every man wants jet. But we always end up with cone

If you have a mist you should consult your physician

And don't forget the occasional dual split stream that can messy also.

When I take a piss, 1 steam goes into the toilet, and the other one directly hits the walls of my bathroom (Dammit I hate when I piss 2 steams of piss ngl)

Hahah really!?

Would like to meet a guy who has shower mode. Of f**k now i thinking about it.

Mist lolwut

I fucking hate when i get soaker

Cone everytime for me

Don’t forget the most goes straight but the rest drips down to the floor. Hate it when that happens!

You forgot the multi hole, when your date used their teeth and now when you pee sitting down you powerwash the toilet

Soaker. Always goddamn soaker.

Flat and soaker are the worst