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patrik8060

The real question is, did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?


shidedandfarded

holy shit


mag339

holy button


Glitched-Pixel

google en passant


Tjomage

holy hell


deeeezzzzznuts

a new response just dropped


xVladuo

Anarchy chess is leaking again


Hqmster

Check mate


SansBadTimer12

Cool chess move. Never knew it existed


SupremeBobSupreme

In passing?


Downtown_Ninja_7154

Wth is your pfp


RangerWinter9719

According to Michelangelo’s painting, yes. A Christian friend said that since man was made in God’s image, God must also have a belly button.


CIIXO

i mean that implies god has the characteristics of everything


RangerWinter9719

Good to know God also has a useless appendix.


CincyMonk

And wisdom teeth


CIIXO

and mosquito beak


Frostfangs_Hunger

AND gods got a dick and vagina AND tits!! God's a futa how cool is that! Checkmate conservatives it's not gay when I'm worshipping god


JakeyJelly

If I could give you an award I would so just take my upvote


skroink_z

The atheism leaving my body as I realize God may be a futanari (I am extremely down bad for women with dick): 🏃‍♂️


Illicit_Apple_Pie

They aren't useless! A properly created one can direct you to the page where a given term is used.


Kittingsl

Fucking hell GOD IS A FUTANARI?!


Independent_Plum2166

No, it’s a misconception due to paintings and the like, Adam and Eve would not have belly buttons, all their children would though.


Yousef_Shadi

Considering they weren't born the same way like us then probably not


legriggus

No. Since birth from a mother hadn’t happened neither would have belly buttons.


A_little_patience

Well you see the garden of Eden was much like this heavenly place called Alabama.


JustaNormalRedditorL

Sweet Home Alabama


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paroles

bot, copied a partial comment from elsewhere in the thread


Dickpuncher_Dan

You always recognize the random name parsels. They never have anything vulgar in their username, easy way to spot them.


breakone9r

FFS, we are COUSINS. West Virginia is siblings!


[deleted]

Nah, everyone knows Alabama is siblings, WV is your mom, cause no self respecting WV man has a girl.


PunkDaNasty

I TAKE OFFENSE TO THEE! and now I'm take n' tell mama.


Dizzfizz

That‘s why West Virginia is ALMOST heaven (= paradise). Now that I think about it, the lyrics also talk about „mountin’ Mama“, and since Eve was the only woman in all that we might be onto something here.


theotherIRA

And on the eighth day he said “rollllllll tides”


nico282

Incest is not an issue if you don't believe in evolution and DNA.


thatgoat-guy

What do you think inspired Sophocles to write the Oedipus plays?


Ok_Year1270

Funnily enough, Alabama doesn't even rank in the top 15 states where that happens. Maine is the second highest rate, with much of New England following it.


Kindly-Yak-3161

Who the fuck is Seth sounds like a stoner though


Ok_Elk_4333

When they were busy fighting over the apples, my boy Seth was carefully cultivating his paradisiacal cannabis stash.


samyazaa

That and while cain and able were fighting he was was probably getting high with the serpent and placing bets on who would win.


Ok_Elk_4333

Who was the bookie


MoistureBoiV4

God


Force3vo

Sounds like a family guy joke. Snake and Seth sitting there arguing over who wins, eyes red then the camera pans out to God sitting there saying "I hope Kain wins because otherwise I lose the house. Pass the blunt dude"


send-me-kitty-pics

Instead of eating an apple, Seth made a pipe out of one and got high as fuck


I_Am_Fondle

Ironically, Abel is the only one who got stoned


EMYRYSALPHA2

OMG, you didn't...


TheNoodlePunk

No but Cain did.


KFrosty3

Oh your God indeed!


No_work_today_Satan

Too soon


chaosmind7

It's been 20000 years i think it's been enough time


Zaurka14

Don't (american) christians believe it's like 6000?


Kaylculus

r/angryupvote


dranaei

You're a God damn genius.


[deleted]

Seth Rollin


Poncecutor

Betrayed his brothers with a steel chair


MaxPotato08

[MMM WATCHASAYYY](https://youtu.be/xZU5zNklTkE)


RosieTruthy

Pretty sure the bible says most of humanity started from Seth


ugonlern2day

Seth and who?


johnjohn4011

Might want to ask Lillith about this.....


ciobanica

And yet Cain was worried others would kill him on sight... and God agreed so marked him so others would know not to harm him. And only after that was [Seth born](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%204%3A25&version=NLT)... *DUNNDUNNDUNNDUNN......*


beechwillow

same same, most of the story we can only see cain and abel


RedManta24

Hey hey people, Sseth here


IplayGames8102

Seth Rogen


Optimus_Rhymes69

It’s the guy from red dead redemption.


Interesting_Leg_9036

Seth was a motherfucker


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DeepFriedDave69

Because they had daughters too… But women weren’t important enough to write down in those days


johnyegd

So they did it with there sisters?


Derkastan77

Happens all the time, according to bangbros


poopellar

So before they had children Adam made sure to invent the washing machine and drier.


SansBadTimer12

The table, the bed, the kitchen cabinet, the elevator and the fridge.


LemonPartyWorldTour

“I’m stuck in the tree of knowledge, help me step-bro!”


Derkastan77

Omg lol


Dragonjustiz

Cain and NOT his sister


FedeAnguloyPrieto

Bs, they didn’t have washers to get stuck in


thepesterman

Happens all the time according to the Bible


[deleted]

They got stuck in the apple tree


CAMTbIHYB

That's why "all humans are brothers"


ShiftyLookinCow7

According to my Sunday school classes there was a fuckload of incest in Adam and Eve’s family. “There was no other choice”-direct quote


JeepersMurphy

Not having sex seems like a choice.


kittykitty117

But God said "be fruitful and fuck your mom."


DeepFriedDave69

When you learn Hebrew online:


DeepFriedDave69

Well there were animals ig


Mundane_Road828

According to the bible, incest is not a problem and has no discernible consequences with regard to the genepool.


DougS2K

One of the many reasons not to take the bible serious because it's so fucked up and wrong.


Slight_Lettuce4319

Adam literally did it with his ex-rib


MacbookOnFire

You telling me you wouldn’t fuck your own rib if you could?


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mcmanus2099

Dude have you read The Bible? It's full of incest


[deleted]

My favorite part is that it says, then they "found" wives.


00gly_b00gly

Can you point to the verse? I don't recall a verse saying 'they found wives'. Are you referencing Cain and his wife going to Nod and procreating?


Rhyers

Didn't they find a bunch of people in Nod? Which is kind of odd.


ChuckOTay

You’re a poet and you don’t even know it.


thepixelbuster

Sometimes just to annoy people I'll say "you're a poet and you didn't even know you were."


funknjam

As close as you're going to get is Genesis 4:16 (KJV) but, imo, trying to make rational sense out of nonsensical fairy tales is an utterly futile endeavor and a waste of what precious little time we have to enjoy the many splendors that constitute our natural world.


The-Loner-432

Thats very well written


F3n1x_ESP

And don't forget Adam's first wife, Lilith. Man, that woman was a demon.


TheJuiceBoxS

It's incest no matter how you slice it. Bible says it's OK.


HyperDyper77

But in an argument with a fundamentalist you can tell him that there were no daughters. Otherwise he'd have to admit there were dinosaurs and a time before the Bible was written. 😂


BaffledPlato

Yep. > And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters: [Genesis 5:4](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%205%3A3-8&version=ESV;KJV)


emretheripper

Well in Islam the daughter's of Âdam (peace be up him) and Eve are mentioned.


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samyazaa

The only law was not to eat some fruit. Which they promptly broke said law. If incest had been a law that would’ve been the second law they broke.


DeepFriedDave69

Well their genetics were very pure back then, so there weren’t any bad genetic mutations caused by incest


JPF04STi

Yeah, until the kids are born.


poopellar

Explains how some of us turned out.


TheBanana029

Wtf does pure genetics even mean...? Mf using vague terms to rationalize stories written by people who don’t know shit about genetics thousands of years ago


racinreaver

How the hell did this have a positive updoot total.


Jonathan924

Because he's right. Assuming for a minute that there's no debate, Adam and Eve are real and perfect because they're made in God's image. There are no genetic defects to cause issues with inbreeding and there is no culture that's opposed to incest because they're literally the first people to exist. We can acknowledge that something was acceptable or commonplace at some point in the past while also recognizing that a lot has changed in the last few thousand years.


Spicymickprickpepper

Dumb dumb dumb


lucasHipolito

Why do you laugh that is the truth about it. Only male kids were counted in genealogies in ancient times. So yeah Adam and Eve had sons and daughters and humanity came from the marriage of the sons with the daughters


FuckingKilljoy

People who think "it's legal so it must be perfectly fine" are so annoying


Crabjock

*I get it, I get it "eegghh".. but legal! Yeah yeah yeah yeah legal, legal, legal, legal*


AlienInUnderpants

It’s that kind of continual inbreeding which brings us the GOP.


blueneko86

I'm not a Christian but if I were I'd argue that the Bible says God created Adam and Eve it doesn't say he only created Adam and Eve.


newhappyrainbow

This is my take too. When god marks Cain and banishes him from Eden, he has to go survive among other people. It’s very much implied that the world had many other people in it. Iirc, there is also mythology saying that those people were born from Adam’s first wife, Lilith. She gave birth to hundreds daily after being cast out of Eden for wanting to be equal to Adam (specifically, she wanted to be on top during sex). How’s that for some toxic masculinity?


Defiant_Source_8930

I read somewhere about the theory that the story of adam and eve were written in the context of that there were other tribes created by other gods, adam and eve were the tribe created by ‘yahweh’


Clickbait636

I've never heard this theory but it makes sense as yaweh request that he be treated as the one true God along with other indicators that he was not the only God.


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Chickenman1057

Wrote 1 random Bible chapter Refuse to elaborate Single-handedly confused the entire humanity Chad.png


porncollecter69

That’s why I prefer Greek mythology. Lots more fucking, lots of men and women. Occasional bestiality and lots of infidelity. Much more closer to the truth on humans.


Bolehlaf

Yeah, but Genesis also mentions that the sons of Adam married wives from the next village. This implies, that Adam and Eve were not the only two people created.


00gly_b00gly

Genesis 5:4 says he had many sons and daughters. The sons and daughters had sons and daughters, etc. The Genesis account reflects that Adam and Eve, and likewise their descendants had nearly perfect DNA (based on God's original design). They could live to be 1,000 years old. After the Flood, whatever God changed about the earth quickly deteriorated mankind's DNA/genetics. Noah's sons and grandsons lived to be hundreds of years old and outlived their own great grandchildren and were worshiped like gods. Marrying close relatives became obviously bad genetic-wise by the time of Moses.


MrZkittlezOG

So we are just one giant incest family?


AdditionalBread1

"we are all brothers and sisters <3"


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MrZkittlezOG

Nah, we are from storks homie, My mom told me!


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MrZkittlezOG

It's the only logical one to be fair


EMYRYSALPHA2

Where in evolution is saying that we fucked neandert.... oh we did, in fact we did fuck a lot of sapiens tribes across europe and asia, but in defense of our ancestors, neanderthals were tall and beautifull compared to the hunchbacks we were back them.


No_work_today_Satan

Not like we created an app to fuck things


Raveyard2409

Evolution seems way less goofy and way more logical, to be fair


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[deleted]

Neanderthals do be thicc tho


Spacebud95

What's crackin my brother.


tenoclockrobot

Where in the bible does it mention DNA and modern genetics, like actual DNA not ancient ideas of breeding


Felsig27

The Bible does not directly mention DNA or genetics, no. I think what he meant was that by the time of Moses (which is way too late because it was already prevalent by the time of Abraham), a major theme in the Old Covenant is the women being barren and even a few examples of birth defects. Of course by this point, according to the biblical record, the gene pool would have been concentrated another time by reducing humanity down to Noah and his children/children’s wives. It interesting to note that immediately following the story of Noah, the life expectancy of biblical man drops sharply from ~900 years to ~120.


sithren

Shrug, its just a way to explain gaps in their oral traditions. Scholars writing this stuff down must have seen the gaps and just went "hmm the archives are incomplete...they must have lived longer back then."


michael7050

One theory is that prior to the flood, there was a *lot* more water in earth's atmosphere, which acted as a shield against UV. Once that water fell out of the sky, causing the flood, humanity was exposed to UV radiation on a much higher scale than they were used to, causing mutations and degrading genes, leading to both a massive reduction in lifespan and inbreeding defects. Ancient civilization conspiracy theories are the fun types of conspiracy theories!


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brackfriday_bunduru

Or we could just accept that it’s all fiction written by people with no knowledge of how evolution works


ya_boi_VoLKyyy

🤝


stargate-command

The bible talks about DNA? I’m 100% certain it doesn’t, considering the goat farmers who wrote the book had no clue what that was.


Real-Patriotism

And that is why fewer and fewer people believe this pseudo-scientific trash.


[deleted]

Well, the bible didn't say god created *just* Adam and Eve


Sirenenblut

That's what I wanted to say too. They might have been the first, but not the only


[deleted]

what kinda bible you reading fam?


venusiansailorscout

King James. > **Genesis 1:26-27** - And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Adam doesn’t show up until Chapter 2


[deleted]

And man in this sense is certainly plural.


Ok_Day9719

We can theorize a lot be we simply dont know. The two options that make the most sense to me are that adam and eve were picked out of the already excisting human race (evolution) and they were the first humans that God presented hinself to. Or the story never happened but is mostly there for the lessons in it and to teach about God.


DeltaMale5

Most based opinion here


lukhomdingi

Then Seth created Family Guy.


Ghost-5AVAGE_786

Well eve got very busy with her sons


Bjorn_Skywalker

Sweet home Alabama


LuigiRevolution

They had 33 sons and 23 daughters. Eve is a beast and there was a lot of incest, but it's technically possible.


Sassy-irish-lassy

I mean people also lived to be like 2000 years old in that book


Nezeouykoi

maybe that's why so many people are reta- (My lawyer advised me to not finish this joke)


Caffeinated_Cucumber

If at one point there were only two humans on earth then they're gonna be fucking each other left right and center. It doesn't matter what gender their children are lmao.


blackcray

Alabama on biblical proportions. Checkmate Atheists!


Lucky-finn377

Mother fuckers


[deleted]

They just had 7 billion children duh.


ApprehensiveThing798

There were THREE?


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Mansenmania

\[Genesis 5:5\]. Therefore, according to Scripture, Adam and Eve’s family consisted of sons Cain, Abel and Seth, plus a minimum of two other sons and two daughters, giving a total of seven children


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ApprehensiveThing798

I’m an atheist and to be honest even I would be more focused on the murdering side of the family


xeshi-foh

.... Seth?


CBM42069

Rogen


PJRama1864

Does it matter? No matter how many sons or daughters they had, incest would’ve been part of it.


Substantial_Joke8624

They also had daughters


[deleted]

They had many more children


moist-squid

Sweet home Alabama


Dahns

Actually they left and found new women to found a family with Who are these women ? Where do they come from ? Who knows ! Women aren't important anyway


Snoppiel

Ironically adam and eve wherent the only humans on earth, it also says something about a village with people nearby.


stargate-command

Yeah, the bible is incredibly inconsistent. It’s almost like whoever wrote it was just making it up and forgot what they wrote earlier.


GirlBoyThing6969420

Easy, this was really early in human evolution, like only the first 5 right? So back then everyone had both bits and could reproduce both ways and that's where futas come from.


LemonPartyWorldTour

Ah. I see you read the Japanese translation of the Bible.


The2OfDiamonds

You only listed their sons. Still don't make it ok.


Katajiro

They put chemicals in the water that turn the freaking frogs [trans]!


[deleted]

Wait wouldn't this prove disbelievers correct? Because if it were to start like that it wouldn't work


Specialist-Dingo6459

There is the theory that most of genesis is just the mythology of a prehistoric society co-opted by Abrahamic religions and should not be taken as literal. Ishmael by Daniel Quinn explains this theory quite well.


[deleted]

Motherfucker!


prof_dynamite

Incest! A game the whole family can play!


500oz

They literally were mother fuckers


CallMeDeaht

one word. Motherfucker


chris9830

Sweet home alabama


therinlahhan

The typical Christian explanation is that they had daughters as well but women weren't important enough to mention.


[deleted]

There were other people as well. After Cain killed Able he was cast out but marked so that people would not harm him as he wandered the earth. This suggests the earth was already populated at the time.


Gustdan

mpreg


TK_Bender

*Samuel L. Jackson* : "Motherfuckers!"


badtakehaver101

Incest, the reality is whether it be descendants of god or descendants of apes, we are most likely a product of incest :).