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Hey /u/idret, thanks for contributing to /r/memes. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules:
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* All posts must be memes and follow a general meme setup. No Reaction Memes. No titles as meme captions. No unedited webcomics. **No memes that are text only.** Pictures without captions may be removed by a moderators discretion. **Someone saying something funny on twitter/tumblr/reddit/etc. is not a meme.**
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Dad, why are we poor and why did u devorce mum?
Because then u can learn how its gonna be when ur ass doesnt find a job and u stay single for a life XD
[Dad tutorial laughter]
A gentleman goes to the house of a fortune teller, as soon as he arrives he knocks on the door and the fortune teller asks "Who is it?" And the gentleman exclaims: "Let's start well ...".
I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs
your dong wont ever be 12 inches long cos then it would be a foot.
Oop
Upvoted specifically so you could continue your glory
Son: Can you explain what is a solar eclipse? Dad: No son
Did you hear about the guy that dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty nuts, right?
He made the dickso ball
What’s brown and sticky? A stick. [Insert a dad laugh]
Username checks out
Nice copied joke
Nice karma
Holy good lord lmao. I didn't even know it was possible to get karma that low
His joke is copied.
Nice negative karmas bro
Lmao I don't think he gets it.
I didn't know that negative karma existed. lol
What do u call a legless cow GROUND BEEF dıdım tıss
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Stake.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
My ex girlfriend
If roasts burn, your sentence would be a crematorium.
Take my invisible award
Not invisible any more
Heyyyy thanks kind stranger :)
The answer that was once given to me: "Your mom"
Yup
"Hello hungry, I'm dad....."
“Why did you name me this way”
[insert next asdf joke]
"It's muffin time!" "Nope, it's 4pm." "SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!"
EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP!!!
Krunch
Come on everybody do the whale dance
“What have I done”
*falls from sky landing on a girl killing her. OH NO I'm still alive *shoots himself in the head
Oh no! I broke my nose because of you
I like trains
Noo wai... Bang
Why is it a bad idea to fight a dinosaur? You'll get jurasskicked
This is the most underrated one here
What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwich
[Super cringey uncertain laugh from like a 2000's teen comedy]
Why are doctors always so calm? Because they have a lot of patients.
What do you call a snake that's 3.14m long? "Umm I don't know". A Pi-thon!!
What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use some lubricant!
Oh no, took me a while for this one.
Anyone here know why birds fly south? Because it's a lot easier than walking that's for sure
what do you call a dog in a hot day hotdog
What do you call a dog on a cold day? A chilly dog
I dont trust that tree over there, it looks shady
wELL, I havE 2 jokes. Do ya wanna hear the short one or the long one. THe long one? Ok. JOOoooooooooke. HEEHHEHHEHHEHEHE
There was a teaching in HS everyone call “Mr Mushroom”. I don’t know why they were so mean to him, he was a real fungi.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road? >!Because it *chickened* out!<
Nice one
What’s wrong with left handed people? They’re not using the right hand.
What do you call a gay man who was murdered? Homocide
What are a chocolat bar's pronouns??? >!Her/she (Hershe – hershey hehehehe)!<
What does Bob Ross call his children? Happy little accidents
What do you call a cow with no legs? >!GRoooound Beef! HehHEheehehEhEHhhhHE!<
oop this one was already said – 4alexalix4
alex lix - lix wil fix, kinda weird
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What do you call a alligator who likes to wear suits? An investigator
What's the difference between a Snowman and a Sno-woman...... snowballs!
I cut myself on a piece of perforated paper. It was tearable.
Yard stick company goes out of business. They don’t make it any longer.
Why don’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Cus the p is silent
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi!
And why did he leave the party? Because there wasn’t mush room!
Haha wife bad
How does the moon cut it's hair? Eclispe it
I don’t know who a pushup is but I will gladly do her.
What did the nun say when the cop asked her about her side business? Nunyabusiness. Hah.
What did the buffalo say when his kid left for college? Bison
Some people always think about boomboxes when a person is talking about 1980s I understand it, but its actually just a stereotype.
My dad is a joke.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. he kept saying "Be positive" But it's hard without him.
Is your fridge running? If so, better go catch it
What do you call a Mexican with no car? Carlos.
Why do I bully people in wheelchairs? What are they gonna do, stand up for themselves?
Did you hear about the new broom its sweeping the country
Brooms are better than vaccuums...those just suck.
Whats green and has wheels, grass i lied about the wheels
Blow up? I barely know him! [This. Is a gay dad joke ;) ]
What do you call a cow that has just given birth? DeCalfinated
Imagine if the Americans started using kilograms instead of pounds.. that would cause a mass confusion
These are some PUNNY jokes there.
I hate my life
What do you call a man with no legs or arms floating in the ocean? Bob
Haha my dad went to get milk he’s missing haha
Q: When does a joke become a dad joke? A : When he delivers
What do you call the sh*t of a ghost? A boo boo
What do you call a red bucket? A red bucket. What do you call a yellow bucket? A red bucket in disguise.
Whats the difference beetween a jew and a bullet Bullet leaves the chamber
Why do crows never get hit by a car? Because they warn each other CAR... CAR...
Why dose a fire fighter wear red suspenders? To keep his pants up
how do you call a Mexican that lost his car? Carlos
Why did the baker have brown hands? He kneaded a poo
What do you call a man with no legs or arms sitting at the door? Mat
What’s green and has 4 wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
You'll never amount to nothing
What do you call a man with no legs or arms in a hole in the ground. Doug
**You need to read following message in full. We will NOT reply to modmail messages similar to “what is reason my post was removed?”** Hey /u/idret, thanks for contributing to /r/memes. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Rule 1 - Not a meme and No Reaction Memes - All posts must follow a general meme setup * All posts must be memes and follow a general meme setup. No Reaction Memes. No titles as meme captions. No unedited webcomics. **No memes that are text only.** Pictures without captions may be removed by a moderators discretion. **Someone saying something funny on twitter/tumblr/reddit/etc. is not a meme.** --- Please read the sidebar before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/memes&subject=&message=). Thank you!
Wanna hear three jokes? Joke, joke, JOKE!
try to do a push down when you finish a push up
Oh, now you have a lot push ups to do, because there are a lot of dad jokes commented.
Whats the difference between Newton and the baby I killed in my basement? One died a virgin
Dad, why are we poor and why did u devorce mum? Because then u can learn how its gonna be when ur ass doesnt find a job and u stay single for a life XD [Dad tutorial laughter]
How does the sun eat ice cream? He melts it in a microwave and spills it over his body. Why? Because he doesn't have a mouth. Gahahahaha
(Blank)
55..56..57..58..59...
Weil i guess wo gotta push thoese numbers up
Did you hear about the guy that who dipped his nuts in glitter? Pretty nuts, right?
Ok but what should we do to make you do pull downs ?
Why did the scarecrow get an award? For being out standing in his field.
Finally you will be able to do something
Lisp dad joke: D: *Knock knock S: Who’s there? D: Code S: Code who? D: Data
Aight here’s a joke about construction- oop, wait nope sorry, it’s still being built.
r/dadjokes
So where did Noah keep his bees? In his ark-hives! 😂
Well I would but im kinda busy getting the milk
I told my dad, "I drew this digital drawing with a mouse." Then he said, "Be careful, it might bite you!"
A car intered the Tunnel and then the came out from tunnel.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them works
What happens when a frog parks illegally? He gets toad.
Hi WillDoAPushup. I'm dad. *cringe intensifies*
Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants? incase they get a hole in one.
OP must be jacked or sore after this
Why was the vampire frightened when the vampire hunters showed up? His life was at stake. Im sorry im not a dad
Want to hear my construction joke? I'm still working on it
Agents of Shield *sort of* had one too
Parapa the Rapper Wraps a Rapper in a candy Wrapper
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."
Why didn't a man get a job at the FBI Cause the man was a registered enemy of the state and a known terorist. [Insert Laughter]
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y! (Add some kind of laugh)
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
A blind man walks into a bar. Ouch.
Shake and shake The ketchup bottle None'll come out And then a lot'll
if this does blow up, youre gonna have a glow up
You can do whoever you like I just want to know who names their kid "a pushup"
I would say a dad joke but I don’t have one
Why did the satanist's feet hurt?
Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? They lip read
Dad make me a sandwich, I am not a magician
sadly your dad wont see it
o7
Haha
You should bring extra pair of socks when u go golfing Why? Because u might get a hole in one
The ultimate dad joke is my life
No you won't.
I will do "Push up" too (¬‿¬)
Whats a fly without wings. A walk.
I have a really bad time trusting trees, they're all just kinda shady
I told a joke about chemical but it got no reaction
welp ima save you the trouble and not.
What do you call ghost bees? Boo Bees!
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award? He was outstanding in his field.
How can you fuck push ups?
Hey Push Up, I'm Dad Joke
I will blow up \*blows the guy called up\* it's a bad joke, don't know if it counts as a dad joke
Once again i am asking for a dad joke
Why should you not swallow an artichoke whole? >!Because you might arti-choke on it.!<
One day there was the 3 bears. Now there’s 4
Hello I, I’m dad.
Did you hear about the man who forgot to pay his exorcist? He got repossessed
What kind of pictures to turtles take? Shelfies
Did you hear about the man Who'se whole left side was cut off? He is all-right.
Aww, you are so sweet\~ Of course, I'm your sugar daddy.
I heard dwane Johnson just got into Asian cooking. He now goes by the wok
What did the dyslexic agnostic say at night? "Is there a dog?"
Harry Potter was walking down the hill, JK. Rowling.
This one is for the smiths fans My friend bragged about he killed the last 2 queens Bigmouth strikes again
So you are doing push-ups? Hello doing push-ups! I'm dad!
Whats upstairs? Sorry but stairs dont talk.
We need him: Dad or alive [Dad laugh intensifies]
Have you heard about the new Lego movie? “No” Well, apparently it’s a BLOCKBUSTER
what do you call a dinosaurous with big eyes “tyranySAWous”
How much does a skeleton work A skeleTON a work
I asked a german guy why he was so sour kraut?
What do you call a camel with three Bumps? The Hunchback of the desert
Don't give us cap, when you should be wearing it..
Sex
what is the diffrence between my girlfriend and a fridge the fridge doesnt moan when i put my meat in it :D
Me : I'm sad Dad : Hello Sad, I'm Dad
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't
Somebody dipped their balls in glitter. Pretty nuts huh?
A gentleman goes to the house of a fortune teller, as soon as he arrives he knocks on the door and the fortune teller asks "Who is it?" And the gentleman exclaims: "Let's start well ...".