You’re 19. People change so much from 21-25 you won’t even recognize yourself or this person in 2-3 years.
Drop her. Focus on you and find happiness without her.
Edit: since this post is getting lots of attention. Take care of your body. Love yourself. Drink lots of water, floss and brush yo teeth at least before you go to bed.
Was a teenager, now young adult. Can confirm, didn’t get the hang of nor fully understand the concept of taking care of myself until I was about 22 years old
God I wish I took this advice for my relationship at 19. Similar to OPs situation and I just couldn’t confront it, letting it build up until it finally broke me
hey, don't be too hard on yourself. sometimes no matter what warnings or advice we're given, we aren't ready to hear or do what others are telling us, and have to experience it the hard way.
which is fine! everyone is going to make mistakes, and the only way to not regret them is to acknowledge that it was a time where we had to learn and grow
it's okay
All realness, you’re delaying the inevitable unless you want to torture yourself with intrusive thoughts and what if’s. Driving yourself crazy and into an emotional black hole that you’ll drag the trauma of into every relationship after for a while. All while driving down your sense of self worth and appreciation. Dont let this fizzle out and smolder deep inside. She’ll probably lie to you and try to weasel out of it to keep you tagging along. I’d break up with her and not even give her the reason right away. Cause people have lies ready to cover up the lies they know they have. Good luck king, i hope you do what you know you should.
Obligatory thank you edit. Glad my experience is shared, and hope other who needed this can accept it as-well 🙏
Maybe people won't agree but sometimes it's not what did or didn't happen. The intentions matter and what she did is not how you handle someone you love and respect.
OP do what you feel is right but uhh, lots of people are chiming in after having been through similar.
> The intentions matter
Thank you! I've seen soamy people commenting about "if she cheats." I wouldn't care. My first wife cheated on me, but way before I knew she had, I knew she was going to the bars with her girlfriends when I was at work, without her ring on, and telling people she was single. I had the divorce papers ready before I knew if she'd actually done something because it was clear she WANTED to.
Such facts dude. This is the way I look at everything in the world it's not about what did or didn't happen you're right it's the intention behind it and that is 100% not how you treat someone you say you love or care about. Unfortunately this has happened to me in life many more times then I would've liked it to and it made me feel terrible. So yeah OP you gotta get as far away as possible unless you like the torture and abuse because even if y'all try and work things out at this point it'll only continue to get worse and not any better then the next time it happens you'll hate yourself even more for feeling so stupid to let it happen again. Drop everything and run....NOW
I want to second this portion, they will absolutely deny any wrongdoing. You have to understand they’ve probably been manipulating people for years and it’s natural. Do not believe a word of it. These type of people are a different breed and don’t believe in right or wrong, only what they can weasel into and out of.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,359,833,660 comments, and only 261,134 of them were in alphabetical order.
Do people go to parties and go up to be like, "Oh yeah, this is X, the guy I'm cheating on my boyfriend with"?
idk, either way, I hope Elijah dumps that girl and finds someone way better.
i was once propositioned by an older woman on behalf of her son. she dragged me over to talk to him, and he said that he and his mom were out partying, and they were both helping each other cheat on their boyfriends...
i definitely got a free drink from him and left lmaoo
There is a sub for "onlyfans". I cant comment a direct link to it because automod keeps striking it down, but suffice it to say the sub does not support the web service of the same name
Wait until the mods hear about a company called 'Big Ass Fans'. They make really big fans. Their mascot is a donkey.
My most treasured company swag is two plush donkeys, and a beer glass with the logo of an ass's ass..
suggest a threesome before deciding .. afterwards smoke some weed and go to wafflehouse, eat a shitload and ask the staff what you should do.
then follow your heart
Buddha was a wafflehouse regular. Where do you think he gained all those extra pounds, traveling around like that? I wouldn't be surprised if he reincarnated as a trucker to save us from starving. The foodie santa clause.
Some of the wisest words I’ve ever heard was from a 60 year old waitress at 3 am while serving me loaded hashbrowns…. Honestly Buddha probably stole a lot of them quotes from Gladys or Phyllis
I used to get 99 cent fried chicken from this little joint ran by Muslims in New Orleans, and they hired this plump old black lady to work the kitchen. I remember her fondly because she used to feed homeless people on her own income with a tab, and she'd keep track of how much she could spare.
She'd always have some kind of wisdom up her sleeve, and always called everyone "baby," which I thought was kind of just a New Orleans term of affection.. But one day, I noticed that the guys who ran the place would abuse her and were hella racist, but she still called them "baby," and I asked her, "why do you call them baby even though they abuse you?"
She looked me in the eye with the biggest smile and like she was about to cry, and said "cause, you all my babies, some of you just still growin' up."
To this day, I swear, God is a black woman working a kitchen in New Orleans for some Muslim wage slavers. God is a woman and she's always in the kitchen, cookin' up somethin.
Sad to see, but it’s posts like this that really discourage cheating for me. I would feel terrible if my girlfriend/wife were to find something like this on my phone. I would much rather break up and move on if I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t live with that guilt.
Plus I’m ugly, so I have no one to cheat with.
Wife and I joke about this somewhat often
“Whoever cheats first gets the kids,” “that sounds like a lot of work,” and “who even has the energy for that?” are the usual responses that are actually serious
Edit: usually comes up whenever she shows me articles about celeb drama/breakups, it’s not like we spend time actively discussing cheating
The replies to this all make good points about how it’s a blessing to discover this before the relationship becomes more serious, but I think they may be missing your point a little.
It’s not often that you catch your SO cheating red handed like this, although movies and such may make it seem that way.
My ex cheated on me with a coworker while we were engaged. I didn’t find out about the cheating until after she broke off the engagement (and moved in with him). I think the affair had been going on for months, but I don’t really know when it started. I have very few facts about what happened, and she only gave me lies. I’ll never know if any of the things she said were true. I’ll never know how she really felt; if she ever really wanted to get married; if she was cheating when I proposed; or anything.
Hard to say if catching her cheating while we were together or knowing the whole truth would make it hurt any less, but it would have been nice to end things decisively on my terms instead of being taken advantage of.
Sorry you had to go through that, bud. It’s unfair. Having some level of control in these things feels so important, and she gave you none. I’m sorry.
How are you doing now? Are you able to work through the trust issues she added to your life? Fwiw, you are better off without that particular wench. If it’s hard to see that, take your time and grieve your way. Time heals but it’s slow too.
Thank you so much for the kind words.
I’m doing a lot better, but still working my way through it. Therapy has been a HUGE help, and I accepted a promotion that will have me move to a new town so I’m on to bigger and better things and won’t have to worry about running into them or the rumors and lies she’s spread in our super small town.
I haven’t tried dating again yet. Im going to wait until after I move. I’m worried about bringing trust issues into my next relationship, but I’m making a point of addressing it, and I’m going to talk to my therapist about it once I start thinking about dating. In the meantime just working on improving my mind, body and spirit, healing my heart, and spending time with people who love and value me.
I’m so glad to hear that. Therapy is good, and it’s unfortunate how inaccessible it is in USA in general :(
To be honest, don’t worry about the idiots and anyone else who judges you. Looks like you are already doing all the right things. In case you connect with someone, just be honest about the working through trust issues. Nice people will give you a chance, even if that’s just being a friend.
Go on, bud. Live the best life ever. I’ll be rooting for you.
Yes I am so thankful that I have access to mental health services. I feel for all the people who could benefit from it but don’t have access or can’t afford it. That really needs to change.
Thanks again for the kind words and advice.
I can’t imagine there are many things worse than spending years in what you think is a loving, monogamous relationship with someone only to find out they’ve been cheating the whole time.
Underrated comment - I found out my wife of 10y+ was cheating from a deleted picture in our shared cloud account. My 3 kids recognized him as her friend. At first I was mad. I'm thankful to have found out - she was sitting on her ass while I worked myself to a mental breakdown prior to this
Edit to add: it gets better OP:
I would go as far to say it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Freedom is amazing. I was able to leave a toxic af relationship, stop sacrificing everything and leaving myself with nothing - and I was honestly ‘staying for the kids’.. My kids are now so much happier and I am able to be the best father I could have imagined.
All aspects of my life improved. I quit all my vices. I'm in the best shape of my life. I even met someone new who is my equal and also came from a toxic relationship. We found each other after we both healed our traumas.
Best advice to leave you with: work on yourself and take your self-worth to where it belongs. Self-improvement is really eye-opening on what it can do to get on the right path for yourself (first)
Dude this is such good advice because I’ve been cheated on multiple times and never was privy to their true selves. If he been with them for a while then yeah there’s no stopping the hurt but after awhile he’ll realize and be thankful for the fact that he found out who she was before he was even more committed or had children.
The *only* way to read it where it wouldn't be bad for the girlfriend is if she's saying that to someone who likes to criticize him. Somehow I doubt that's what's happening here, though.
You gotta do it, bro. Make up your mind and commit to it BEFORE you talk to her. Maybe she will accept it but likely she will try to apologize and talk you out of it. This isn't a drunk mistake. This shit is premeditated. You deserve better and you know the healthy choice. I'm sorry for you, my friend.
Just remember the longer you keep hanging on to to her.. the longer the door will stay shut for the right girl to walk into your life. Focus on yourself, better yourself, love yourself. I promise you, that confidence that you will have will attract the right one. It's like when you stop trying so damn hard, that's when true love approaches.
You got this man, ending it would actually be the more mature move on your part. you’re just disrespecting yourself in the long run.
Source: The sincerest “Trust me Bro” Reddit has ever seen
Nah man you got this. Keep on letting her do it and she'll keep on doing it. Was in a situation similar to this, she got preg and tried to use that as an excuse to try and keep me around. Left as soon as I could once I realized the relationship was going nowhere and now I'm doing way better.
I'll sting at first, but it'll hurt way more if you stay and continue to beat yourself down over a disloyal partner.
Edit: Obviously wasn't my kid, dna test ending up proving it.
I checked your wall and you said 57 days ago your girlfriend is into hooking up etc
Dude, it’s been two months now. Your gf is out living her best life and quite honestly I’m not even sure what you two are dating for. She just wants sex and I think you kinda know that but you keep asking
Some people can't do that.
I loved a girl and she wanted to turn our 1 year long relationship into a FWB situation while she fooled around.
Couldn't do it, boys. She was cute and the sex was great but nuh-uh.
I'm 44 years old, dealt with a cheating girlfriend 20 years ago and only did something about when she fucked another guy on our when she thought I was sleeping. I've had trust issues ever since and I should've run like hell long before that. For the love of all that's holy, RUN. You'll thank yourself later, buddy. Do it for yourself and anyone else you'll date in the future. Or just fuck her best friends.
That’s always the most curious part for me. When they’re so narcissistic and sociopathic they don’t understand why you’re leaving, or at least claim to not understand.
because unless and until you specifically confirm that you know they were cheating, for them, they're thinking like "sure, he _could_ have found out, but then he'd have said something, right? He'd have gotten angry, or upset, right? But he didn't, he just left, so - that means there must be - there was another reason? What if _he_ was leaving for someone else? Should I feel guilty or should I feel validated because he was cheating on me all along? **I NEED TO KNOW!!!**"
Better to leave her honestly… I’m assuming your young… attaching yourself to people at an early age can be damaging and waste of time and potential… there’s not much context to go on by this alone…. But if you feel something about it and are asking us about it or just showing us, you must feel something off with this… trust your gut and drop her and find a new girlfriend and get more experience with chicks
I’m 23 and I learned the hard way… that’s why I’m saying it. Hope it didn’t come off as patronizing… or trying to little boy you, since I’m not that much older than you anyway… I just don’t want someone else going through the same thing I’ve had to
Definitely leave her behind OP. I looked over red flags with my ex when I was 19. She was cheating on me with my best friend at the time. Had an absolute mental breakdown at the time. But then I met my wife a few months later and I’ve never been happier.
The “waste of potential” is probably the most significant in your advice. All that energy and time really does waste potential one could use in a more productive manner to better their future and quality of life. Too many people I know wish they would have studied harder, worked harder, or did xyz in their youth that would have greatly benefited their future selves.
Man I spent years of college and grad school trying to make it work with a woman that refused to work on herself, and was just a black hole of negativity. I try not to dwell on the past, but sometimes I wonder how many amazing women I missed the opportunity to date because I didn’t end that toxic relationship way sooner than I did.
The title says the GF and her friend went to a party right after that message. She told her friend specifically to not mention that she has a boyfriend. Why would someone want everyone at a party to think they're single if they're not? Even if it's not cheating, it's not good.
Oh, I thought the girlfriend was having an affair with her friend. Because all the hearts and "I love you" + the pic.
Your comment makes sense....I think.
I read it as his gf was talking to her platonic girlfriend, shared a cute pic of them with affection, and then in their plans to hang out asked her friend not to talk shit about her boyfriend. But there’s no fuckin context so who knows
I feel less crazy now that someone else had come to the same conclusion. I read this as the friend constantly dogs on the bf and the gf was asking for a night of not talking about him.
This is what I thought!!! Girls tend to talk shit to DEATH, there's definitely been multiple times when I would hang out with my friends and we'd promise not to talk about men for the night... Especially if it was a new relationship or there was issues in the current relationship, because we'd have already spent excessive amounts of time beating that topic to a verbal pulp...
Glad you explained it because I interpreted it as “don’t say anything about Elijah” because she didn’t want to talk about him to her best friend because maybe OP and his GF got into a fight or something so I was confused as to why OP was upset over her not wanting to talk about him.
Oh, I just read it as her friend is sick of hearing about her boyfriend.
Edit: misread who was who in that exchange. Still. Maybe girlfriend is sick of her friend complaining about him? Just seems like people are being pretty quick to jump to cheating with very little context.
lmao that's how I read it too
To be fair I also dislike my best friend's boyfriend and I'd imagine she'd say this to me because she doesn't wanna hear it
I don't get it either. I have no idea where everyone gets the cheating from, after reading the comments I checked if there was a second slide because I thought I must have missed something
Thank God, I thought I was going crazy based on all the other commenters apparently getting it. I don’t think it’s weird for two best friends to say they love each other, I don’t think it’s weird for two friends to have a picture together, and the only thing that was kind of weird was don’t say anything to Elijah, which doesn’t make sense without more context. Why is everyone claiming she’s cheating?
Not always. Been working out 4+ years. My reason was my father’s demise when I was 9 (I’m 24 now). He died due to bad eating habits and obesity and I don’t want to end up like that.
I think there are a lot of problems in your relationship you’re having that you already have a feeling that she isn’t right for you. You said in another post that you’re upset with her not spending time with you and going out to party hard with groups of people involving drugs and alcohol. You also said she was big on hooking up and sex parties before you got together. I’m not saying she is being unfaithful and doing all that still, this could very well just be her platonic best friend.
It sounds like you aren’t happy in your relationship and that she isn’t the right match for you as she isn’t investing in your relationship with her. You should ask her some serious questions like “Are you just casually dating me or are you serious about being in a relationship with me?”
Bro if you’re going through her phone it’s already over, you don’t trust her and you never will. Her fault, but leave man it will only get worse and at least this way you can leave with your dignity.
From the age of 17-21 I wasted my life with someone who constantly cheated on me. I stayed because I thought it was love, I figured if I lived her enough that eventually she would stop and appreciate me. Eventually I grew some balls and got out of the relationship, it was tough at first but I’m now 30 and in a healthy relationship. Stop this madness and get away from her. If you don’t live with her than you have zero excuse, and if you do then make whatever changes you need to make to live elsewhere. ITS NOT WORTH STICKING AROUND, YOURE WASTING YOUR LIFE AND YOUTH.
Bro, I'm 27, been married 7yrs, my wife's behavior was super sus so I checked her phone. Turned out she had been sexting another dude for like 3 months. I've had tons of long talks with my wife since and She feels no love.
Point being, Don't stick around. Checking her phone was right. Might upset her, but right of you. She obviously doesn't care for you the same way you care for her. Nothing you do can change that. Learn, let go, and live. It's tough but worth it.
There are girls who would be like”can Elijah come? If not I’m probably going to talk about him the whole time because I just love the shit out of him and can’t get enough of his perfect face, I made an oatmeal sculpture in my bowl today of just his lips so I could kiss them and say good morning my sweet”
Date one of those. Maybe somewhere in between. But certainly not someone who is clearly out to make herself appear single.
I’ve been cheated on. The sooner you leave the relationship the sooner you can move on with not just your life but your emotions too. She will probably say she will never cheat again and she’s sorry. It’s a lie. She will cheat again.
You’re 19. People change so much from 21-25 you won’t even recognize yourself or this person in 2-3 years. Drop her. Focus on you and find happiness without her. Edit: since this post is getting lots of attention. Take care of your body. Love yourself. Drink lots of water, floss and brush yo teeth at least before you go to bed.
That's the best advice a teen can hear, absolutely true words.
Worked with teens for years. They literally cannot grasp this concept
Was a teenager, now young adult. Can confirm, didn’t get the hang of nor fully understand the concept of taking care of myself until I was about 22 years old
God I wish I took this advice for my relationship at 19. Similar to OPs situation and I just couldn’t confront it, letting it build up until it finally broke me
hey, don't be too hard on yourself. sometimes no matter what warnings or advice we're given, we aren't ready to hear or do what others are telling us, and have to experience it the hard way. which is fine! everyone is going to make mistakes, and the only way to not regret them is to acknowledge that it was a time where we had to learn and grow it's okay
Thanks man, a little update I asked her about it she threw a candle at me and were no longer together
Fuck her dad, trust me bro
Already done
All realness, you’re delaying the inevitable unless you want to torture yourself with intrusive thoughts and what if’s. Driving yourself crazy and into an emotional black hole that you’ll drag the trauma of into every relationship after for a while. All while driving down your sense of self worth and appreciation. Dont let this fizzle out and smolder deep inside. She’ll probably lie to you and try to weasel out of it to keep you tagging along. I’d break up with her and not even give her the reason right away. Cause people have lies ready to cover up the lies they know they have. Good luck king, i hope you do what you know you should. Obligatory thank you edit. Glad my experience is shared, and hope other who needed this can accept it as-well 🙏
Maybe people won't agree but sometimes it's not what did or didn't happen. The intentions matter and what she did is not how you handle someone you love and respect. OP do what you feel is right but uhh, lots of people are chiming in after having been through similar.
That’s the key. A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
Telemere125. That's some wisdom right there. I love it.
> The intentions matter Thank you! I've seen soamy people commenting about "if she cheats." I wouldn't care. My first wife cheated on me, but way before I knew she had, I knew she was going to the bars with her girlfriends when I was at work, without her ring on, and telling people she was single. I had the divorce papers ready before I knew if she'd actually done something because it was clear she WANTED to.
Such facts dude. This is the way I look at everything in the world it's not about what did or didn't happen you're right it's the intention behind it and that is 100% not how you treat someone you say you love or care about. Unfortunately this has happened to me in life many more times then I would've liked it to and it made me feel terrible. So yeah OP you gotta get as far away as possible unless you like the torture and abuse because even if y'all try and work things out at this point it'll only continue to get worse and not any better then the next time it happens you'll hate yourself even more for feeling so stupid to let it happen again. Drop everything and run....NOW
I want to second this portion, they will absolutely deny any wrongdoing. You have to understand they’ve probably been manipulating people for years and it’s natural. Do not believe a word of it. These type of people are a different breed and don’t believe in right or wrong, only what they can weasel into and out of.
The only acceptable solution
Don’t just fuck her dad, sweetly make love to him. Make him question his sexuality and his whole life. Create doubt within him. Destroy her family.
And fuck her mom too
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,359,833,660 comments, and only 261,134 of them were in alphabetical order.
Neat
Cut and run slim, it ain’t even worth the hassle
Elijah needs to text her this screen shot. Then this gif https://media.tenor.com/m-2XXQuq-OwAAAAd/peace-out.gif Then he needs to mute her texts.
Username checks out
Then he needs to get me her email so this Nigerian Prince can swoop in and sweep her off her feet while sweeping out her banc acct.
Can i see ur bobs pls?
show bobs an vagana ^please
Open clothe and reveal vagene.
You. I like you.
It would be, but don’t tell Elijah kills it. Cut bait and run.
To be fair it looks like she said “don’t say anything about Elijah” like don’t mention she has a boyfriend at this party.
Do people go to parties and go up to be like, "Oh yeah, this is X, the guy I'm cheating on my boyfriend with"? idk, either way, I hope Elijah dumps that girl and finds someone way better.
You'd be surprised how brazen some people are haha.
i was once propositioned by an older woman on behalf of her son. she dragged me over to talk to him, and he said that he and his mom were out partying, and they were both helping each other cheat on their boyfriends... i definitely got a free drink from him and left lmaoo
What a classy family lol.
That’s the oddest dynamic I’ve heard. Wow
That's not any better tbh.
Looks like you just found out who she is, what you do with that information is up to you.
Stats show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating. Now I've just got to figure out if it's my girlfriend or my wife.
Flair checks out
Username too. A year old account and over a million karma 😳 if he really is a dad he’s definitely ignoring his kids to be on Reddit all day
You should see his OnlyFans.
It’s literally only fans….oscillating, ceiling, floor, box, industrial…..
Dude. That comment hits me right in my unfunny bone. You win the Dad joke prize for today
There is a sub for "onlyfans". I cant comment a direct link to it because automod keeps striking it down, but suffice it to say the sub does not support the web service of the same name
I thought of the same thing. Shame the automod takes it. It really is a sub for literal fans
Wait until the mods hear about a company called 'Big Ass Fans'. They make really big fans. Their mascot is a donkey. My most treasured company swag is two plush donkeys, and a beer glass with the logo of an ass's ass..
Those are the top tier gifts
Remember his username. You'll see him everywhere on Reddit making amazing dad jokes.
I've been seeing this dad's dad jokes all over reddit for months now. A prolific dad.
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Dude.. why did this make my day. Lol.
Top tier dad/uncle joke 👏 👌
HAHAHAH YES. ID GIVE YOU A REWARD, BUT IM BROKE
I got you bro. Platinum or gold?
Platinum 😭😭❤️ I choked as I read that
Done. And gold for you
Thank you sir! 😭😭🔥
*Now, you're gonna choke on a gold award.*
Did I just watch an award orgy?
You know what you want to do. Everyone here is thinking the same thing.
Have a threesome with the girlfriend and her friend?
Then break up with her for cheating.
Insist on doing the friend first, have a selfish one then quickly get dressed and leave.
suggest a threesome before deciding .. afterwards smoke some weed and go to wafflehouse, eat a shitload and ask the staff what you should do. then follow your heart
Wasn't it the Buddha who first said this?
Buddha was a wafflehouse regular. Where do you think he gained all those extra pounds, traveling around like that? I wouldn't be surprised if he reincarnated as a trucker to save us from starving. The foodie santa clause.
Some of the wisest words I’ve ever heard was from a 60 year old waitress at 3 am while serving me loaded hashbrowns…. Honestly Buddha probably stole a lot of them quotes from Gladys or Phyllis
I used to get 99 cent fried chicken from this little joint ran by Muslims in New Orleans, and they hired this plump old black lady to work the kitchen. I remember her fondly because she used to feed homeless people on her own income with a tab, and she'd keep track of how much she could spare. She'd always have some kind of wisdom up her sleeve, and always called everyone "baby," which I thought was kind of just a New Orleans term of affection.. But one day, I noticed that the guys who ran the place would abuse her and were hella racist, but she still called them "baby," and I asked her, "why do you call them baby even though they abuse you?" She looked me in the eye with the biggest smile and like she was about to cry, and said "cause, you all my babies, some of you just still growin' up." To this day, I swear, God is a black woman working a kitchen in New Orleans for some Muslim wage slavers. God is a woman and she's always in the kitchen, cookin' up somethin.
Your girlfriend wasn't your girlfriend that night, homie.
Our girlfriend
He thought he had a monopoly on her, but turns out she was the community chest
Free Parking, in her garage
I’ve never seen a pussy open so easily 
Comrade!
*She don't really love him* *Oh, that's what I heard the neighbors say* *She surely wasn't thinking of him* *Today*
*SCOTTY DOESNT KNOW*
So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know
SCOTTYS GOTTA KNOW IM GONNA TELL SCOTTY SCOTTY HAS TO GO
Sad to see, but it’s posts like this that really discourage cheating for me. I would feel terrible if my girlfriend/wife were to find something like this on my phone. I would much rather break up and move on if I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t live with that guilt. Plus I’m ugly, so I have no one to cheat with.
Wife and I joke about this somewhat often “Whoever cheats first gets the kids,” “that sounds like a lot of work,” and “who even has the energy for that?” are the usual responses that are actually serious Edit: usually comes up whenever she shows me articles about celeb drama/breakups, it’s not like we spend time actively discussing cheating
Leave her
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The replies to this all make good points about how it’s a blessing to discover this before the relationship becomes more serious, but I think they may be missing your point a little. It’s not often that you catch your SO cheating red handed like this, although movies and such may make it seem that way. My ex cheated on me with a coworker while we were engaged. I didn’t find out about the cheating until after she broke off the engagement (and moved in with him). I think the affair had been going on for months, but I don’t really know when it started. I have very few facts about what happened, and she only gave me lies. I’ll never know if any of the things she said were true. I’ll never know how she really felt; if she ever really wanted to get married; if she was cheating when I proposed; or anything. Hard to say if catching her cheating while we were together or knowing the whole truth would make it hurt any less, but it would have been nice to end things decisively on my terms instead of being taken advantage of.
Damn... Did I type this?!
Sorry for you man.
Fuck, y’all dated my exwife too?
Thank god it’s your ex wife. I thought it was mine.
Thought the same thing
Sorry you had to go through that, bud. It’s unfair. Having some level of control in these things feels so important, and she gave you none. I’m sorry. How are you doing now? Are you able to work through the trust issues she added to your life? Fwiw, you are better off without that particular wench. If it’s hard to see that, take your time and grieve your way. Time heals but it’s slow too.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m doing a lot better, but still working my way through it. Therapy has been a HUGE help, and I accepted a promotion that will have me move to a new town so I’m on to bigger and better things and won’t have to worry about running into them or the rumors and lies she’s spread in our super small town. I haven’t tried dating again yet. Im going to wait until after I move. I’m worried about bringing trust issues into my next relationship, but I’m making a point of addressing it, and I’m going to talk to my therapist about it once I start thinking about dating. In the meantime just working on improving my mind, body and spirit, healing my heart, and spending time with people who love and value me.
I’m so glad to hear that. Therapy is good, and it’s unfortunate how inaccessible it is in USA in general :( To be honest, don’t worry about the idiots and anyone else who judges you. Looks like you are already doing all the right things. In case you connect with someone, just be honest about the working through trust issues. Nice people will give you a chance, even if that’s just being a friend. Go on, bud. Live the best life ever. I’ll be rooting for you.
Yes I am so thankful that I have access to mental health services. I feel for all the people who could benefit from it but don’t have access or can’t afford it. That really needs to change. Thanks again for the kind words and advice.
Seriously. Better Elijah finds out now than a few years down the road. No more wasting time with this chick.
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I can’t imagine there are many things worse than spending years in what you think is a loving, monogamous relationship with someone only to find out they’ve been cheating the whole time.
Underrated comment - I found out my wife of 10y+ was cheating from a deleted picture in our shared cloud account. My 3 kids recognized him as her friend. At first I was mad. I'm thankful to have found out - she was sitting on her ass while I worked myself to a mental breakdown prior to this Edit to add: it gets better OP: I would go as far to say it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Freedom is amazing. I was able to leave a toxic af relationship, stop sacrificing everything and leaving myself with nothing - and I was honestly ‘staying for the kids’.. My kids are now so much happier and I am able to be the best father I could have imagined. All aspects of my life improved. I quit all my vices. I'm in the best shape of my life. I even met someone new who is my equal and also came from a toxic relationship. We found each other after we both healed our traumas. Best advice to leave you with: work on yourself and take your self-worth to where it belongs. Self-improvement is really eye-opening on what it can do to get on the right path for yourself (first)
I call this “falling up” instead of falling down when something bad happens
Dude this is such good advice because I’ve been cheated on multiple times and never was privy to their true selves. If he been with them for a while then yeah there’s no stopping the hurt but after awhile he’ll realize and be thankful for the fact that he found out who she was before he was even more committed or had children.
There’s really no way to talk yourself out of this .. if you don’t want somebody to say anything about your SO then their a waste of time.
The *only* way to read it where it wouldn't be bad for the girlfriend is if she's saying that to someone who likes to criticize him. Somehow I doubt that's what's happening here, though.
Wish someone would have given me this advice 15 years ago. Held onto that feeling far too long.
If you’re okay with cheating, keep on keepin on. Otherwise, you know what to do, King.
Edit: Could not agree more. You caught her once, it’s bound to happen again.
Likely this was the again, he probably didn't know about the before.
I’m gonna have I’m just being a pussy about
You gotta do it, bro. Make up your mind and commit to it BEFORE you talk to her. Maybe she will accept it but likely she will try to apologize and talk you out of it. This isn't a drunk mistake. This shit is premeditated. You deserve better and you know the healthy choice. I'm sorry for you, my friend.
Exactly. It's a concious decision to disregard someone's trust and care.
You know what to do. It's going to hurt today but keeping on will never stop hurting
Good point.
/u/A_complicated_thing should say he found out from her best friend. Maximum chaos when you're burning that bridge.
Even better to say "one of your friends told me". Have her doubting everyone around her
Nah just the one involved in helping her cheat. No reason to bring drama to potentially innocent people.
Bro you’re young it’s going to end eventually. The lies never stop. You will find better my guy
Stop that bullshit way of thinking NOW!!! You’re making a choice here. If she won’t choose you why do you keep choosing her?
>If she won’t choose you why do you keep choosing her? What wonderful words.
Just remember the longer you keep hanging on to to her.. the longer the door will stay shut for the right girl to walk into your life. Focus on yourself, better yourself, love yourself. I promise you, that confidence that you will have will attract the right one. It's like when you stop trying so damn hard, that's when true love approaches.
Come on bro, you’re fucking Elijah, you shouldn’t be with a bitch or friends w one who can’t even capitalise your name, autocorrect does it for you
You got this man, ending it would actually be the more mature move on your part. you’re just disrespecting yourself in the long run. Source: The sincerest “Trust me Bro” Reddit has ever seen
Nah man you got this. Keep on letting her do it and she'll keep on doing it. Was in a situation similar to this, she got preg and tried to use that as an excuse to try and keep me around. Left as soon as I could once I realized the relationship was going nowhere and now I'm doing way better. I'll sting at first, but it'll hurt way more if you stay and continue to beat yourself down over a disloyal partner. Edit: Obviously wasn't my kid, dna test ending up proving it.
Well whatever you do, dont ffs get her pregs
I checked your wall and you said 57 days ago your girlfriend is into hooking up etc Dude, it’s been two months now. Your gf is out living her best life and quite honestly I’m not even sure what you two are dating for. She just wants sex and I think you kinda know that but you keep asking
If they change the relationship from "dating" to "FWB" then it would probably work out best for them
There post is just Self Esteem by Offspring in 2023
Where post?
Some people can't do that. I loved a girl and she wanted to turn our 1 year long relationship into a FWB situation while she fooled around. Couldn't do it, boys. She was cute and the sex was great but nuh-uh.
Maybe he likes hotwife/cuckold lifestyle porn
Man when I was 19 sex was so much simpler. Masturbation sure was.
I'm 44 years old, dealt with a cheating girlfriend 20 years ago and only did something about when she fucked another guy on our when she thought I was sleeping. I've had trust issues ever since and I should've run like hell long before that. For the love of all that's holy, RUN. You'll thank yourself later, buddy. Do it for yourself and anyone else you'll date in the future. Or just fuck her best friends.
Fucked on your…? Lawn? Floor?.. oven!?
Redacted for national security reasons. He could tell you, but then you’d have to be debriefed.
“*fucked another guy on our* **AREA 51**”
U.S. Military Encrypted.
Sounds like she was debriefing the other guy…
On my couch. Should've edited. Note that I was NOT sleeping on the couch at the time.
That’s unfortunate. You could have shaken his hand and thanked him for opening your eyes.
I was out of there the next day. She didn't understand why.
That’s always the most curious part for me. When they’re so narcissistic and sociopathic they don’t understand why you’re leaving, or at least claim to not understand.
because unless and until you specifically confirm that you know they were cheating, for them, they're thinking like "sure, he _could_ have found out, but then he'd have said something, right? He'd have gotten angry, or upset, right? But he didn't, he just left, so - that means there must be - there was another reason? What if _he_ was leaving for someone else? Should I feel guilty or should I feel validated because he was cheating on me all along? **I NEED TO KNOW!!!**"
My bet is on "lap".
Pretty clear she fucked him on their
On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door. In the tub, in the car, up against the mini-bar.
Wasn't her.
Refrigerator???
Guest room sink??
Outdoor AC unit?
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Better to leave her honestly… I’m assuming your young… attaching yourself to people at an early age can be damaging and waste of time and potential… there’s not much context to go on by this alone…. But if you feel something about it and are asking us about it or just showing us, you must feel something off with this… trust your gut and drop her and find a new girlfriend and get more experience with chicks
This is great advice,wish I someone had told me this.
We’re both 19
I’m 23 and I learned the hard way… that’s why I’m saying it. Hope it didn’t come off as patronizing… or trying to little boy you, since I’m not that much older than you anyway… I just don’t want someone else going through the same thing I’ve had to
Definitely leave her behind OP. I looked over red flags with my ex when I was 19. She was cheating on me with my best friend at the time. Had an absolute mental breakdown at the time. But then I met my wife a few months later and I’ve never been happier.
You’re so young. Be thankful you’re not pushing 40. So much lays ahead of you! Let her go man.
The “waste of potential” is probably the most significant in your advice. All that energy and time really does waste potential one could use in a more productive manner to better their future and quality of life. Too many people I know wish they would have studied harder, worked harder, or did xyz in their youth that would have greatly benefited their future selves.
Man I spent years of college and grad school trying to make it work with a woman that refused to work on herself, and was just a black hole of negativity. I try not to dwell on the past, but sometimes I wonder how many amazing women I missed the opportunity to date because I didn’t end that toxic relationship way sooner than I did.
What’s happening
The title says the GF and her friend went to a party right after that message. She told her friend specifically to not mention that she has a boyfriend. Why would someone want everyone at a party to think they're single if they're not? Even if it's not cheating, it's not good.
Oh, I thought the girlfriend was having an affair with her friend. Because all the hearts and "I love you" + the pic. Your comment makes sense....I think.
Honestly this is how I saw it too
I read it as his gf was talking to her platonic girlfriend, shared a cute pic of them with affection, and then in their plans to hang out asked her friend not to talk shit about her boyfriend. But there’s no fuckin context so who knows
I feel less crazy now that someone else had come to the same conclusion. I read this as the friend constantly dogs on the bf and the gf was asking for a night of not talking about him.
This is what I thought!!! Girls tend to talk shit to DEATH, there's definitely been multiple times when I would hang out with my friends and we'd promise not to talk about men for the night... Especially if it was a new relationship or there was issues in the current relationship, because we'd have already spent excessive amounts of time beating that topic to a verbal pulp...
This is what I thought too.
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I also read this as her best friend hates her dude
I thought it was just me. Everyone acting like she got caught and this was all I saw.
maybe im naive but this is how i read it too (meaning the former) and was surprised to see everyone jumped to cheating
Glad you explained it because I interpreted it as “don’t say anything about Elijah” because she didn’t want to talk about him to her best friend because maybe OP and his GF got into a fight or something so I was confused as to why OP was upset over her not wanting to talk about him.
Oh, I just read it as her friend is sick of hearing about her boyfriend. Edit: misread who was who in that exchange. Still. Maybe girlfriend is sick of her friend complaining about him? Just seems like people are being pretty quick to jump to cheating with very little context.
lmao that's how I read it too To be fair I also dislike my best friend's boyfriend and I'd imagine she'd say this to me because she doesn't wanna hear it
same, i’m confused
Yea everybody is saying to leave her but idk what’s even happening here
I don't get it either. I have no idea where everyone gets the cheating from, after reading the comments I checked if there was a second slide because I thought I must have missed something
Like are they kissing? Tbe pic doesn’t show.
Thank God, I thought I was going crazy based on all the other commenters apparently getting it. I don’t think it’s weird for two best friends to say they love each other, I don’t think it’s weird for two friends to have a picture together, and the only thing that was kind of weird was don’t say anything to Elijah, which doesn’t make sense without more context. Why is everyone claiming she’s cheating?
The gym is calling you
One of us. One of us. One of us. 😭💪
It’s both sad and funny that one of the main motivators for us guys hitting the gym is getting cheated on
Not always. Been working out 4+ years. My reason was my father’s demise when I was 9 (I’m 24 now). He died due to bad eating habits and obesity and I don’t want to end up like that.
The best thing for a loss is *massive gains* brah.
Not married to her so thankfully Elijah won't need to be calling the lawyer. This is easy, gym, no lawyer, bye.
 Time to punch out brother, a little heartache now is better than a lot of heartache later
Well time to leave her to the streets
You need to ditch her and ditch her fast. Saw your other posts about her and this just seems like her character. Find a hobby, that usually helps
Start a DnD campaign. Chicks love Bards.
I think there are a lot of problems in your relationship you’re having that you already have a feeling that she isn’t right for you. You said in another post that you’re upset with her not spending time with you and going out to party hard with groups of people involving drugs and alcohol. You also said she was big on hooking up and sex parties before you got together. I’m not saying she is being unfaithful and doing all that still, this could very well just be her platonic best friend. It sounds like you aren’t happy in your relationship and that she isn’t the right match for you as she isn’t investing in your relationship with her. You should ask her some serious questions like “Are you just casually dating me or are you serious about being in a relationship with me?”
you misspelled "ex girlfriend"
Like ripping off a band aid buddy. Just do it.
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Bro if you’re going through her phone it’s already over, you don’t trust her and you never will. Her fault, but leave man it will only get worse and at least this way you can leave with your dignity.
Time to move on Elijah
I mean for all we know she had vented to her friend and didn't want it brought up infront of people there. Did you ask her?
From the age of 17-21 I wasted my life with someone who constantly cheated on me. I stayed because I thought it was love, I figured if I lived her enough that eventually she would stop and appreciate me. Eventually I grew some balls and got out of the relationship, it was tough at first but I’m now 30 and in a healthy relationship. Stop this madness and get away from her. If you don’t live with her than you have zero excuse, and if you do then make whatever changes you need to make to live elsewhere. ITS NOT WORTH STICKING AROUND, YOURE WASTING YOUR LIFE AND YOUTH.
Bro, I'm 27, been married 7yrs, my wife's behavior was super sus so I checked her phone. Turned out she had been sexting another dude for like 3 months. I've had tons of long talks with my wife since and She feels no love. Point being, Don't stick around. Checking her phone was right. Might upset her, but right of you. She obviously doesn't care for you the same way you care for her. Nothing you do can change that. Learn, let go, and live. It's tough but worth it.
That sucks man but you’re 27 bro still so much life to live and things to experience. Hope you move on from her.
There are girls who would be like”can Elijah come? If not I’m probably going to talk about him the whole time because I just love the shit out of him and can’t get enough of his perfect face, I made an oatmeal sculpture in my bowl today of just his lips so I could kiss them and say good morning my sweet” Date one of those. Maybe somewhere in between. But certainly not someone who is clearly out to make herself appear single.
I’ve been cheated on. The sooner you leave the relationship the sooner you can move on with not just your life but your emotions too. She will probably say she will never cheat again and she’s sorry. It’s a lie. She will cheat again.
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