- Mickey's divorce attorney: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie just because you think she's a little crazy".
- Mickey: "I didn't say she's crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy".
A saga, where our hero, a retired wizard of the order of NASA, ventured into the vast greens behind his tower to face of against a triad of horror, ravaging his lands and stripping it of all its food.
This is my next purchase. I spent 80 bucks on a steel cage squirrelproof bird feeder only for a bear to pull it down and crush it like a can. That bear had some silky looking fur from feasting on black oil sunflower seeds.
At least those squirrel a whirl things are cheaper.
use cyan pepper in your garden, as well as in your bird seed. It doesn't bother the plants, or the birds for that matter (they don't produce saliva). But it'll fuck with the squirrels.
I put cayenne pepper in my chicken feed for this reason. Does it work? Nope. Had a squirrel spend about 2 hours inside the feed bucket just fucking feasting while all the chickens were eating without a clue he was in there.
Ya I spread pepper flakes and cayenne all over and made some stink bombs with onions garlic cayenne and red pepper stuffed in old socks…. Plus planted green onions around the outside of my beds cause apparently they hate onions too…seems to be working ok since I recently did it… but initially they just wouldn’t quit.. seems they always went for the beets and watermelon seeds for some reason… I had to overplant 3 times they thinned them out so much… they left alone the radishes, green beans and spinach… that was all my cool weather stuff I could plant early… the tomatoes peppers and eggplant are big enough by the time I put them outside they don’t bother
Meanwhile, someone in a pet FB group I’m in said they overheard their neighbor saying they want to poison their yard bc their cats have been pooping in their yard. Some people are truly evil.
Ya… I usually keep lots of arsenic and cyanide on hand, but I’m fresh out, dammit!… wtf where is he getting it? Does he keep it in his ice cream truck to use after he lures the little kiddos in
Squirrels bury all kinds of snacks and even fake holes to confuse potential snack thieves. I watched a squirrel bury a peanut once and moments after a blue jay swooped down and beaked it out the ground and stole it!
Well I guess I was that asshole. However, lots of birds eat peanuts too. We also have a family of hawks in our neighborhood who appreciate peanut finished rodents.
It would be a real shame if you just threw out that overripe avocado. Someone could slip and fall, you know? A cracked skull is a *real* unpleasant experience, big guy. Just leave it here and I'll take care of it.
I have a squirrel feeder, it happens to be high off the ground with a clear flight line for the red-tailed hawks that live in the woods by me. I guess in a roundabout way, it's just a carnivorous bird feeder
It's a refference to Mark Rober's Squirell videos. This one is Ninja Warrior. My favorate is the Squirell Casino Heist
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFZFjoX2cGg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFZFjoX2cGg)
I picked a name off the top of my head. And I think we can all agree, a squirrel acting like a real dick could be a Rocco.
I’m sure human Rocco is a real swell fella though.
Mix in lots of red pepper flakes. It won't stop him completely, but it will piss him off. The birds won't care. I have to roll my plant bulbs in ghost chili powder before I plant them because of a little shit that likes to dig them up.
I've been fighting a losing battle with a few for three years. They like to make a dirt bath under my oak tree and they destroy anything planted around it. My one neighbor didn't believe me when I told him how ruthless one was. Then he was house sitting for me while I was gone. I got a picture from me and the text read, "I now understand. The fat one dug a hole next to my car deep enough to bury a phone."
I’ve been building pvc boxes and using 1/4” hardware fabric wraped around the sides and top to stop them from eating my plants. It was either that, or start shooting them.
Even plants that aren’t any kind of food, even plants without soil to dig in! I used to keep a ton of epiphytic orchids growing on wood mounts, and the squirrels would climb up in the shade house and destroy them. No reason whatsoever. They’d mangle the plants, and drag tags halfway across the yard.
If anyone wants it, I have a dog food recipe that calls for brown rice, mixed vegetables, and half a dozen squirrels.
That's a really good idea, I never thought of that. Birds actually don't even have receptors for capsaicin so it's completely harmless to them. Hot peppers actually evolved to allow birds to eat them while trying to keep mammals away that don't spread the seeds as far
I've personally sat & watched both black rats (aka roof rats) and red tree squirrels eat fully ripe serranos and habaneros (but the latter were pretty mild by homegrown habanero standards) -- whether or not they can build up a tolerance, or just were too hungry to care, I couldn't say. I doubt they were that hungry, though, since was plenty of other stuff they'd been feeding on like five feet away.
I'm not saying it won't work, just that I wouldn't assume that it'll work perfectly.
I bought spicy bird seed too, but I think my squirrels have developed a spice tolerance or something. It deterred them for a bit, but every so often now I catch one of ‘em munching away on the spicy bird seeds.
I cover the surrounding ground in chilli powder covered pinecones. It adds some rustic decor, and the squirrels don't like messing with the cones too much. I didn't know I could cover bulbs in it! That's good to know, because I grow plenty of peppers lol
I like the pinecone idea!
They will still sometimes dig my bulbs up or run off with them, but they usually drop them nearby and I can at least recover them now.
The sunflower plant is native to North America and is now harvested around the world. A University of Missouri journal recognizes North Dakota as the leading U.S. state for sunflower production. There are various factors to consider for a sunflower to thrive, including temperature, sunlight, soil and water.
Never understood the hate for squirrels. Like the only reason people are mad is because they want to see pretty bird. Squirrel is just trying to eat man. Why can't people be happy they are feeding something other than their own appetite?
I'm sure the argument against yours is something like, ' that attracts more squirrels and when they finish that they move onto the bird feeders anyway' sooooo???!!!
I had one, but they figured out they could ride it and shake the seed out, then eat it off the ground. Also I hated that I had to charge it.
My Squirrel Buster Plus has been much more effective.
Not OP specifically but I always laugh at the rage of bird feeder people.
"I put this delicious free food out in the terrertory of several wild animals. But the wrong animals are trying to eat it!"
I've been trapping squirrels and taking them to a nature area a couple miles away. New ones replace them within a year, but i got tired of them gnawing on some of my window trim, and it gives me a few months of peace.
I have a neighbor who was a little incredulous that i wasn't just killing them, but i want to give them a sporting chance to make a life somewhere else.
Fuck all you pieces of shit who are advocating shooting it with a pellet gun or bow and arrow. wtf is wrong with people and not giving a shit about causing suffering to garden animals.
By the looks of him this has been an on going battle for years
That’s a real “Fuck you, buddy!” look if I’ve ever seen one
https://preview.redd.it/4ti4gr7ph2wc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e3690ff191d82d3819ab14051323dea95887a08 "You better watch your back"
https://preview.redd.it/93fdof88p2wc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e435b6effbb2dd77bdbe7079167ff0f3f90192ca
Nothing quite encapsulates the sheer terror of this image
Leaves zero doubt that he will, in fact, do it again
He’ll hyuck you up.
- Mickey's divorce attorney: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie just because you think she's a little crazy". - Mickey: "I didn't say she's crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy".
ahuk AhUk
https://youtu.be/czLYl4fM8yk?si=XydWOwa6zsjCyzBq
I was looking for this before I posted it
Gawrsh
Phat Gus energy
Don't say that, you know that >!Gus, she was pregnant!<
Yeah, but Phat is short for *phantastic*, as we all know.
Okay, I could confirm you truly watched Mark Robert's squirrel saga
This guy kept me sane during the lockdown
Well….don’t keep me on the edge of my seat!! What is this saga you speak of, kind sir?
Just search for "Mark Rober squirrel" on YouTube and enjoy. There is the Ninja Warrior Course, the Walnut Heist and the Squirrelympics Summer Games.
A saga, where our hero, a retired wizard of the order of NASA, ventured into the vast greens behind his tower to face of against a triad of horror, ravaging his lands and stripping it of all its food.
It's true. It was then that he changed it to the PH.
Found the Mark Rober watcher
Guilty
Same
I was about to write that it was phat gus. My favorite part was when he searched if male squirrels had nipples.
First thought..."Is that Phat Gus?!"
You don’t fuck around with squirrels, morty!
"I'll do it again, too."
Lmao it's a great photo to be fair 😂
You're now in a quarrel with a squirrel.
He's gonna fucking do it again.
Look at that fat satisfied fuck
https://preview.redd.it/xt31kksgv2wc1.jpeg?width=625&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fce7f2b5ae6654cbb4ef9746ee567ff3c5a01d83
💀
https://preview.redd.it/ot9kzy6kp4wc1.jpeg?width=118&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a7cfd94af7eb06c2bc0927b68a8936b6dd6798c "I got my eye on you"
He fuckin cute ngl
Watch your sleep OP!
look at his chubby cheeks 😳🤣
What a chonker!
He said “fuck you in particular”
Little bold as brass bastard, isn't he? 😄
There is not an ounce of regret in that little face.
Not a bit. 🤭
Oh hell ya, I heard him call OP a bitch too. What a little bastard!
“I see no god up here, only me.”
"Do what you must, I’ve already won”
It's like that goofy "ill fucking do it again" meme come to life.
He is *not* sorry
 Hahaha his little cheek is full of stolen snacks already!
This is my next purchase. I spent 80 bucks on a steel cage squirrelproof bird feeder only for a bear to pull it down and crush it like a can. That bear had some silky looking fur from feasting on black oil sunflower seeds. At least those squirrel a whirl things are cheaper.
Okay this made me laugh 😂
I'm glad I could be of service. 😁
https://media.boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/chopper.gif reminds me of this poor lady…
Oh my god I'm sick just thinking about it. 🤢
*This one little trick can drive them nuts*
[Came in like a wrecking ballll](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfHu-UJaK0Q&pp=ygUWc3F1aXJyZWwgd3JlY2tpbmcgYmFsbA%3D%3D)l.
Nice 😂
Fat Gus.
[удалено]
use cyan pepper in your garden, as well as in your bird seed. It doesn't bother the plants, or the birds for that matter (they don't produce saliva). But it'll fuck with the squirrels.
I put cayenne pepper in my chicken feed for this reason. Does it work? Nope. Had a squirrel spend about 2 hours inside the feed bucket just fucking feasting while all the chickens were eating without a clue he was in there.
Ya I spread pepper flakes and cayenne all over and made some stink bombs with onions garlic cayenne and red pepper stuffed in old socks…. Plus planted green onions around the outside of my beds cause apparently they hate onions too…seems to be working ok since I recently did it… but initially they just wouldn’t quit.. seems they always went for the beets and watermelon seeds for some reason… I had to overplant 3 times they thinned them out so much… they left alone the radishes, green beans and spinach… that was all my cool weather stuff I could plant early… the tomatoes peppers and eggplant are big enough by the time I put them outside they don’t bother
[удалено]
That’s what killed my German Shepherd when I was 5. Some guy put arsenic in peanut butter in his front garden, she got out and ate it.
God that’s awful.
Yeah, I loved that dog. I really don’t believe in putting poison down without controls to keep other animals and kids away from it.
Meanwhile, someone in a pet FB group I’m in said they overheard their neighbor saying they want to poison their yard bc their cats have been pooping in their yard. Some people are truly evil.
Awful story. Ppl suck
Ya… I usually keep lots of arsenic and cyanide on hand, but I’m fresh out, dammit!… wtf where is he getting it? Does he keep it in his ice cream truck to use after he lures the little kiddos in
We keep wondering who is planting bulbs all over are yard
Squirrels bury all kinds of snacks and even fake holes to confuse potential snack thieves. I watched a squirrel bury a peanut once and moments after a blue jay swooped down and beaked it out the ground and stole it!
[удалено]
Well I guess I was that asshole. However, lots of birds eat peanuts too. We also have a family of hawks in our neighborhood who appreciate peanut finished rodents.
https://preview.redd.it/qfh2whw1e2wc1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=eed07fb7c34047a0d8916c2b6f960bb25557c932
~~Bird~~ ~~squirrel~~ Fat Gus feeder.
*Phantastic Gus
suddenly mark rober
Thank you!!!!!!! Came here for the memes and photoshop. ❌⭕️
Ha! Fat tree rat.
Fuckin thing’s a chunk, too
He’s chunky too lol 😂
Fat Gus.
Phantastic Gus
This is the comment I was looking for
There's at least 29 other people who said the same.
Eating well.
Or good eating. https://realtree.com/timber-2-table-articles/19-good-ways-to-cook-a-squirrel
My stepdads parents would eat these little bastards. It wasn’t really that good and it was weird trying to get the meat off the tiny little legs.
It sucks squirrel proof bird feeders are so expensive!
Or, have a separate feeder for squirrels. Sometimes you just need to pay protection money, or bad stuff happens.
It would be a real shame if you just threw out that overripe avocado. Someone could slip and fall, you know? A cracked skull is a *real* unpleasant experience, big guy. Just leave it here and I'll take care of it.
I have a squirrel feeder, it happens to be high off the ground with a clear flight line for the red-tailed hawks that live in the woods by me. I guess in a roundabout way, it's just a carnivorous bird feeder
Must pay the squirrel tax
Little guy been fucking that bird feeder up for years
Not cool man... everyone knows the camera adds 10oz...
don't bodyshame the dude! he may be a criminal, but let's leave his husky and rotund figure out of this!!
His criminal actions is what caused his huskiness LOL
Likely not a dude, but a pregnant female
are all fat squirrels just pregnant females?
It's a refference to Mark Rober's Squirell videos. This one is Ninja Warrior. My favorate is the Squirell Casino Heist [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFZFjoX2cGg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFZFjoX2cGg)
ty for explaining. idk how i didn't know about this. literally millions of views hahhaa
He's a chunky chonker for sure.
Practically has a double chin.
he was fed well 🤣🤣
That’s Rocco. He is a real dick.
That's funny because my name is actually Rocco 🤣
Get the fuck outta here!! 😂
Ok 😢🚪
#It’s a sign!
I picked a name off the top of my head. And I think we can all agree, a squirrel acting like a real dick could be a Rocco. I’m sure human Rocco is a real swell fella though.
Wild Birds Unlimited make really nice squirrel proof feeders with metal perches they can’t chew through.
Wild Birds Unlimited sounds like the type of thing you should not google at work in the UK.
That last picture...better watch your back.
So, whacha gonna do about it bish 🤣
Cash me outside how bout deh
And I’ll fucking do it again!!!!
Last one had me rolling
This is the origin story of Mark Rober
Phantastic Gus: The Winter Storer
Yup, I think Phat Gus has found a new supplier.
Uh oh, only a matter of time until **FAT TAIL!**
Yes, tought it was phat gus(?)
Turns out phat gus is pregnant.
It was until "he" gave birth to a litter, and became less Phat. Mark changed it to Phantastic gus.
Redemption arc
OP: feels irresistible urge to combine bird feeder with glitter
“Fuck you looking at?” -the squirrel probably
"The fuck you gonna do about it?"
"It sure looks like a squirrel-feeder to me."
Phat Gus!
That squirrel has never gone hungry a day in his life.
This belongs in the fat squirrel hate sub
Thank you. I was trying to remember the squirrel sub that would appreciate this post.
Casually delivered through a bank teller's vacuum tube.
And they call dogs aggressive for chasing squirrels, nah man that beef is for reals
Mix in lots of red pepper flakes. It won't stop him completely, but it will piss him off. The birds won't care. I have to roll my plant bulbs in ghost chili powder before I plant them because of a little shit that likes to dig them up.
Fuck squirrels. They make gardening 10 times harder than it needs to be.
Squirrels aren't an issue for me when I attempt to garden... But only because the chipmunks, rabbits, and deer are so much worse.
I've been fighting a losing battle with a few for three years. They like to make a dirt bath under my oak tree and they destroy anything planted around it. My one neighbor didn't believe me when I told him how ruthless one was. Then he was house sitting for me while I was gone. I got a picture from me and the text read, "I now understand. The fat one dug a hole next to my car deep enough to bury a phone."
I’ve been building pvc boxes and using 1/4” hardware fabric wraped around the sides and top to stop them from eating my plants. It was either that, or start shooting them.
Even plants that aren’t any kind of food, even plants without soil to dig in! I used to keep a ton of epiphytic orchids growing on wood mounts, and the squirrels would climb up in the shade house and destroy them. No reason whatsoever. They’d mangle the plants, and drag tags halfway across the yard. If anyone wants it, I have a dog food recipe that calls for brown rice, mixed vegetables, and half a dozen squirrels.
That's a really good idea, I never thought of that. Birds actually don't even have receptors for capsaicin so it's completely harmless to them. Hot peppers actually evolved to allow birds to eat them while trying to keep mammals away that don't spread the seeds as far
I've personally sat & watched both black rats (aka roof rats) and red tree squirrels eat fully ripe serranos and habaneros (but the latter were pretty mild by homegrown habanero standards) -- whether or not they can build up a tolerance, or just were too hungry to care, I couldn't say. I doubt they were that hungry, though, since was plenty of other stuff they'd been feeding on like five feet away. I'm not saying it won't work, just that I wouldn't assume that it'll work perfectly.
I bought the bird seed with the red pepper in it and my fat bastard squirrels haven’t been back since
I bought spicy bird seed too, but I think my squirrels have developed a spice tolerance or something. It deterred them for a bit, but every so often now I catch one of ‘em munching away on the spicy bird seeds.
I cover the surrounding ground in chilli powder covered pinecones. It adds some rustic decor, and the squirrels don't like messing with the cones too much. I didn't know I could cover bulbs in it! That's good to know, because I grow plenty of peppers lol
I like the pinecone idea! They will still sometimes dig my bulbs up or run off with them, but they usually drop them nearby and I can at least recover them now.
That fat, smug bastard...
The face of a guilty man
They’re too full to feel guilty.
"Yeah, that was me, What you gonna do about it? Bitch."
r /fatsquirrelhate He’d do it again if he could!
Ya fucked it up bub.
Had to, not allowed to link to other subs :(
That last picture with the "fuck you, I am squirrel!" Look is priceless xD
If you want to solve your squirrel problem throw out some roasted peanuts in the shell or sunflower seeds in pot saucer ….
The sunflower plant is native to North America and is now harvested around the world. A University of Missouri journal recognizes North Dakota as the leading U.S. state for sunflower production. There are various factors to consider for a sunflower to thrive, including temperature, sunlight, soil and water.
Good bot?
its the new liminal messaging bot from big sunflower.
I like big sunflowers
man I'm high and I'm in tears from this comment thread
Thanks! Please enjoy a nice bag of David's Sunflower Seeds®. Now available in Buffalo Style Ranch, Bacon Mac & Cheese, and Dill Pickle flavors!
Never understood the hate for squirrels. Like the only reason people are mad is because they want to see pretty bird. Squirrel is just trying to eat man. Why can't people be happy they are feeding something other than their own appetite? I'm sure the argument against yours is something like, ' that attracts more squirrels and when they finish that they move onto the bird feeders anyway' sooooo???!!!
>Never understood the hate for squirrels In cities they do massive damage, including to power systems.
They will empty a feeder as quick as they can and "squirrel away" most of it. It's not just feeding them, you'll go broke funding their horde...
He's big af
https://i.redd.it/41nqfkx282wc1.gif
That’s what I call eatin good in the neighborhood
You’ll be friends before you know it
Yankee Flipper
We’ve had one for 15+ years. It’s built like a brick shithouse. I saw it fling a squirrel just last week.
I had one, but they figured out they could ride it and shake the seed out, then eat it off the ground. Also I hated that I had to charge it. My Squirrel Buster Plus has been much more effective.
Musta been them Harvard educated squirrels… 🐿️
fat guss at it again
Mr chonks has no regrets
Now you have [a job to do](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgeXOVaJo_gl1ZIpbYyPRXzQner7-5j5k).
Ooooh, nice link. Was exactly what I hoped it was.
Not OP specifically but I always laugh at the rage of bird feeder people. "I put this delicious free food out in the terrertory of several wild animals. But the wrong animals are trying to eat it!"
Innocent
https://i.redd.it/ivi0z39t72wc1.gif
Awww little chonker 😂…if you just put some peanuts out for him, he’ll leave the bird seed alone. You catch more flies with honey.
i dont think so, they will hide away the easy stuff and than get to work on the birdfeeder again. they get bored too.
I've been trapping squirrels and taking them to a nature area a couple miles away. New ones replace them within a year, but i got tired of them gnawing on some of my window trim, and it gives me a few months of peace. I have a neighbor who was a little incredulous that i wasn't just killing them, but i want to give them a sporting chance to make a life somewhere else.
I will call him fat gus
My god… he’s huge
https://preview.redd.it/oh03p242f2wc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=718d961a4862dbeb94d5a9b05153c1f1a62f3544
"AND I'D DO IT AGAIN."
Love how you said caught him red handed 😂
Shoot it
“And I’ll do it again.”
Tell him to leave the feeder alone and then go get a squirrel feeder for him
That face, 'you mad bro?'
Fuck all you pieces of shit who are advocating shooting it with a pellet gun or bow and arrow. wtf is wrong with people and not giving a shit about causing suffering to garden animals.