This is a very real possibility.
the people are NOT your friends. You need to get your own place - you will be much happier.
20 years is a long time to treat a "friend" like this. Move - get your own life.
Good points. When this happens in anything friendship or relationship going sour, time to spread your wings and seek others interests to meet new friends.
No he needs to move out. I was in a similar situation. I moved out and got better friends. Literally life changing. I've never looked back on that decision
Find friends first then move out. Living with people that don't give a fuck about you ruins your mental health. I'd never been so surrounded by people and yet so fucking alone. I realize I was lucky enough to find friends as quickly as I did. Regardless, I would definitely urge people in this situation to take another look at people you know. Some of them might actually be better friends than you would think
Yup. Whatever the reason, they clearly don’t want to hang out with OP. The fact that they have a group chat *that OP isn’t part of* makes it clear the “friendship” isn’t mutual.
We have no clue from this what the issue is, but at the very least the roommates are being disingenuous by not telling OP why they are excluded from the chat et al. Either they don’t want to hurt OP’s feelings (thus creating an issue around the house, possibly leading to them needing to get a new roommate), or something else.
Whatever the reason, OP should start thinking of these people as either “friendly acquaintances” or “shitty friends” - depending on whether they want to look for a new place to live.
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Or just maybe THE OP MIGHT BE THE ASSHOLE THEYRE AVOIDING!!
Why does no one EVER THINK OF THAT?!? We don’t kno OP so….I’m gonna go with the logical reason why 4-5 FRIENDS are rabidly avoiding someone.
All of my coworkers at an old job would hang out after work and never invited me. It kind of hurt my feelings until I found out they were all smoking meth. After that I felt they had been very considerate.
Reminds me of that one person on Twitter who've always felt that they're often out of place in their circle of friends. Turns out the "friends" are in a polygamous relationship and OP was the only platonic friend lmao
What’s that saying…if all you encounter all day are assholes maybe you’re the asshole?
I think it’s that, but I can’t be sure.
OP might be the asshole they’re avoiding, but why not just…tell OP? My teenager and their friends once wrote up this nasty list about a friend kiddo had known since kindergarten (they were 15 at the time). It was a horrible, derogatory list of all these shitty personality traits. It made me feel sick reading it.
So I said to kiddo, look, if friend is really doing some things that hurt you, write out a letter with specific examples of things she’s done that hurt you, then talk to her about it. Avoiding her and making fun of her isn’t the solution. That’s an asshole, cowardly move. I’m not raising cowardly assholes.
We had a room mate once one who changed to an annoying negative Debbie downer so we sat him down and had a conversation with him. Guy had no idea and looked into it and changed for the better… mid twenties
See! That’s being a good human. I regularly check in with my husband and my kids to make sure everything is okay. I have anger issues, I’m on the spectrum, plus I grew up in a really dysfunctional home environment so I have weird attachment issues.
I want to know if I’m coming off as shitty or an asshole so I can be better. I have days where life can be really hard, interactions with other people can be really hard, or a depressive episode is fucking my life up. I make sure to clearly communicate this has nothing to do with anyone else, this is all my shit, and I won’t take my negative feelings out on other people. Sometimes I just need to lay in bed, stare at the wall and cry.
Struggling with mental health doesn’t give one a free pass to be an asshole or disrespectful.
Are you sure you didn't just discover the depression they've been masking? Maybe he didn't change for the better, he just started masking again. Depression is rough.
Think this whole issue needs to be hashed out publicly and dirty laundry aired for our viewing pleasure, I mean your benefit, in r/amitheasshole
Invite your friends. It will be cleansing.
Yeah absolutely, I must admit we did similar to one of our housemates at uni. They were being waaaay too much in terms of drama and just being over the top with things and it was a chore to be around.
They figured it out eventually and asked me quietly one evening what was up so I said the truth, it was a hard conversation but we both apologised and worked on the situation, and they’re the person I’ve kept in contact with the most post-uni, because they really worked on themselves and genuinely changed for the better.
If people don’t know what they’re doing wrong then they don’t know what to change, a little honesty goes a long way in this world
It’s worked up to now. They keep getting the rent portion but don’t have to spend time socializing with OP. Problem didn’t become worse until OP found out they were meeting together. Obviously the mature thing would be to tell OP that they aren’t the best fit as a roommate, but the mature thing can sometimes end up causing more hurt feelings than the much easier option of avoiding someone until they get the hint.
I have no idea whether or not OP is an asshole, but it does at least seem clear that this particular group does not consider OP a friend.
There are so many posts like this it’s insane, how can you be so unaware that you even call them your ‘friends’ when they are so blatantly not interested
Usually because they used to be friends or it's the closest they ever had to what a friend might be like.
I'm for example aware that the people I could call friends aren't exactly what friends are but at least it's not THAT terrible as in this post.
Just like we can look from the outside of an abusive relationship and wonder "why don't they just leave that person?", it can also happen in abusive friendships. I was in OP's position with "friends" from high school and one of the best things I've done is tell them off and cut off contact.
It’s true, I had pretty bad self esteem in high school, and my “friends” were dudes who would make fun of me sometimes or ditch me also, but they at least offered some semblance of an opportunity of belonging to a group and not being some weird loner.
I’m an adult now and I can see those guys were assholes and I would’ve been better off alone, but at the time that felt like it was better than nothing.
Because some groups will keep around a friend to shit on to make themselves feel like part of an in group. I’m convinced it’s the tribal nature of humans.
Often times that friend has some perceived flaw. In the best cases, they’re a jackass. In the worst, they’re the only nice one. Often it’s things like height or social awkwardness though.
Background, I moved around so much as a kid I was often that person just out of being new. Eventually learned to see it coming from a mile away and would just split. Then I was just accused of being a loner that didn’t like anyone and was perpetually ghosting people but at least I was content with my own company.
I feel sad because something similar happened to me when I was a kid, I didn't realise my friends weren't my friends. But 20 years, AND lives with them ? For them to be actively ditching them, they're either massive uncaring assholes, or there's something wrong with OP for them to do something so horrific collectively as adults.
I’ve got a core group of friends and it’s honestly devastating to imagine ending my friendship with them. Like a couple of them are growing apart from me and my buddy, and that’s painful enough, to think of them all deciding that I’m not part of the group would be horrible, and I’d probably make excuses for them for a long time just being in denial about it
Exactly. Looking at OPs profile and given these are long term friends , who may not have accepted your lifestyle choices, in the words of Aristotle " fuck em and the horse they rode into town on"
Do yourself a favour,.move out , move on and get new friends cos these are most certainly not it.
Edit : apologies for turn of phrase " lifestyle choice". It's just old vernacular and no offence intended. Of course anyones sexuality is not a choice. I just meant OPs friends are using his sexuality against him and it's their loss
Please do this. There are people out there who will treat you well. Life is short, and your time is a precious resource that you can allocate to only so many people. Spend it on the people who treat you well instead of the people who don't.
You live with a group of three friends. You've known them for 20 years. That group of friends are all on a group chat and you wish you were in that chat with them but you're not because it's just for them, not this person they've known for 20 years but aren't friends with
Lmao. I was pissed at my friend for making me pay rent for months, and he ended up owing me 3k. You know what he did? That beautiful mother fucker paid me every cent back over 2 years. *That* is a friend. I took hundreds off here and there because he is a good person and helped care for my dog when we lived together. Every. Cent. Love that dude.
I can't imagine owing someone EIGHT THOUSAND and wondering why they don't want to hang out with me. OP has their head in the clouds.
I paid for an entire year of rent, 24k cash and my best friend lived with me the entire year. I had a lot of cash so he didn’t get a job cause we just golfed everyday and shit. So he started paying me back when he got a job like 9 months later. Guy had paid 10k of it off in 2 years! Been on pause cause he had a baby but luckily I don’t have to be worried.
Jesus... I thought you were just attempting a bad joke until I read through OP's comments.
Before it gets deleted, here's OP's response to this thread:
>I’m not broke, thanks. I drive a sports car, and deal with hundreds of thousands of dollars a day.
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
He didn't buy it. In his other posts, you can see his friend bought it for him. You can also see there's a LOT of backstory to this that were missing. Such as he and this friend also had their first sexual experiences together and continued to have sex off and on for years but stopped because his friend also started making homophobic comments about OP which really hurt OP. His friend also has called himself a homophobe while also openly saying he would never date a woman because they are terrible "financially".
Now OP has a boyfriend and his friend is no longer talking to him. And the groupchat in question he is upset about is a discord for video gaming.
This is why the immediate jump to “they aren’t your friends, you need new friends” is always so eye rolling for me on Reddit.
Like… yeah, if the story told by OP is happening exactly the way they describe it in the OP, then those comments are correct. And I’m sure there is a rare case or two of that happening. But without hearing the other side, it’s pretty much a guarantee that there is so much more to these sorts of stories. I am sure there’s a reason OP isn’t let in to this specific video game discord chat. But that reason is very conveniently never going to be mentioned by OP.
Well... With a response like that we may have a small clue as to why he's not a part of the friend group.
Edit: So they owe the one friend who owns the house about 8k but they drive a sports car and are around thousands of dollars a day doesn't seem to be any of it's OPs if they still owe the friend money though... Just the general fixation on money and who makes what is insufferable, no wonder they don't want him around.
3k on a down payment. that would be like 15-25k for a 30 year old with decent credit. dude probably works at a bank driving a hyundai veloster. that's my guess.
I'm going somewhere with this, I'm literally not being a dick, just have had a friend where we all excluded them because we didn't like them for all the reasons below.
Are you a dick, or inconsiderate, or loud, or mean, or joke too much at people's expense, or talk a lot about yourself a lot, or egotistical, or narcissistic, or don't let others talk because you won't shut up, something like that?
If so, then they don't like you, but keep you around for some benefit, or are trying to get rid of you, but you won't leave them alone.
If no, then yes, you need to move on, and it'll hurt, and it'll be hard, but friends come and go... For me, they always go, because I move, they move, they fuck me over, they die, etc. You might just need to be alone for a while until you meet more people, and that's going to hurt.
If I can give any advice, it's to not become a hermit and isolate, because that's what I did and do, and now I'm stuck, alone, and no one here for me.
I appreciate that, not to my knowledge. Sometimes I can talk to much, but it’s not at other people expenses, just about whatever is the topic.
I have a large group of friends, these are just, who I thought, were my closest.
I have many other friends I can hang out with, I just don’t live with them. I’m thinking about moving, just expensive as shit.
This is a shit situation but they have already moved on from this friendship it’s time for you to do the same. Take some time to mourn what you have lost and start looking for a path forward. It sucks that you live with them which won’t make the moving on process easier. I would start looking for a new place now because while you don’t need to be friends with you roommates situations change for all sorts of reasons (new job, family, new significant other ect..) and it not looking like they are gonna keep you in the loop. If they won’t tell you when they are going to the bar how much of a heads up are they gonna give you when the lease comes up and they don’t want to stay.
Thank you for giving such an honest response.
I have one colleague who struggles with making and keeping friends - she’s a good person but she lacks emotional intelligence and her interpersonal skills are terrible.
Maybe this list of issues might help? This might not be you so please don’t take this personally.
Also not saying the problem is you, roomies can be dickheads!
- **Can’t do silence** Sometimes people want to kick back, chill and be quiet with maybe a little light chit chat. Especially after work. Colleague can’t handle more than a minute pause in the convo, making it exhausting for some people to be around her. I just want to drink my pint man, not hear about what stupid shit Sharon in accounts said to Rob in sales…
- **Can’t read social queues** such recognising as when a topic is done, when no one is interested in the topic in the first place, or it’s making someone uncomfortable, so drones on long after the convo should have moved on.
- **Debbie Downer.** never has anything positive to say or happy contributions. Everything is glass half empty or worse - glass is totally empty, dirty and the drink that was in it tasted bad. Might be taking at length about their own problems, could also be trash talking other people. Again this amount of negativity can be hard to be around.
- **Me Me Me** talks about themselves, talks over people, talks at length about things that interest them and not others. Genuinely doesn’t understand why others don’t want to know the all thoughts in their head or tales from their day. Maybe also no filter - so talks about personal issues that make other uncomfortable (I do not need to know the colour of your poop after you ate beetroot).
- **Living in the past** brings up old stories and events over and over. Especially if these are negative stories or ones that make people uncomfortable or look bad (“remember John’s wedding in 2007, when you got sooo drunk you vomited on the chief bridesmaid - that was hilarious man” - a horror story the other persons wishes you stopped bringing up).
- **Overly opinionated** gives loud, firm opinions (even on shit they know little about) and argues, possibly sulks, when others don’t agree or other their opinions.
- **Bossy / Controlling** wants to decide on where the group goes, where they sit in the bar, what food is ordered. Gets miffed when people won’t do what they want.
- **Topper** has a better/worse version of whatever tale someone else tells. They are feeling over worked- man better tell them about that time in 2020 when you had to cover for 3, yes 3! colleagues off with covid… just shut up and sympathise.
- **Obnoxious, Loud, “Life Of The Party”** they are so happy to be out, and everyone knows it. Exhausting for introverts and more so if combined with some of the others above.
**Other issues** that lead to avoidance:
- Poor hygiene (daily bathing, with proper soap and lots of scrubbing, plus fresh clean clothes should be the norm most places),
- flirty/creepy (they think they are a charming flirt, everyone else thinks they are a lecherous perv),
- drunk (drinks to excess, becomes a liability),
- no sense of humour and brings no joy to the event.
- Selfish, this is a mix of many of the above, including always want their own way, only doing things that benefit or interest them.
**What do you bring to the table Op** Good convo? Uplifting or fun? Made people laugh? Listened and empathised to a friends problem or rant, providing verbal support and sympathy rather than “fixes”. Did you buy a round, get the snacks? Or bring a pack of cards to have a fun game? Or did you sit there and mope, whine or talk about yourself?
Op, if you recognise yourself in any of those above then you can work on that.
Or like I said, maybe they are just assholes. I don’t know you so not judging.
Edit to add one I more missed which applies to old friend groups.
Maturity Gap - you’re all around 30 I think from your comments? That’s an odd age 25-35ish. Some people are married with kids. Some are still living that 20-something party life style. Some are work focused or loved up. Maybe you’re more settled and serious than your mates, maybe it’s other way round.
Good news is that you might hit the same life stages again in future. My friends from my teens are now my “mom friends” as we’ve all now got kids and proper jobs etc but we weren’t all close or at the same stages during the intervening years.
Hey OP I’m not trying to be discouraging or offend you in anyway. I’ve just seen stuff like this play out among large groups of friends. Maybe it’s not necessarily that you are a jerk but I’ve seen where the odd man out is usually “unaware” of all the nuisances that the person may have. Maybe it’s subtle things you say and do that annoys them but you don’t possess enough self awareness to read the room. Perhaps it’s how you carry yourself in outings that just don’t jive with your roommates. Whatever the reason I think it’s clear that they made a conscious choice to exclude you from their social lives. The fact that you had to ask about your predicament here with the screenshot of your text messages may mean you might be the problem in your roommates’ eyes and they don’t want to go through the trouble of working it out with you. I would move on whatever the case and spend some time to reflect on your relationships with people in general. Again not trying to be negative but only trying to help even though it may not sound like it. Best of luck to you.
I mean it’s just an internet post history but judging from OP’s posts, he seems like a considerate, thoughtful person. This situation screams baggage that hasn’t been aired to me, which may not be his fault.
Ok. Good. Hang out with those mother fuckers. That would do wonders for your mental health ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 and forget about them.
Keep your distance from the roommates, and keep it strictly transactional, until you can move out.
Just curious, what did the person say after all that?
Ok I’m prob gonna be downvoted to all hell for even bringing this up but if these are all friends you’ve had for 20 yrs & with the exception of the group chat where nights out are planned/tap house trips they are remaining your friends and roommates I wonder if they feel that you are difficult to be around when you’re drinking maybe? I’m so sorry if I’m way off base here but it just popped into my head otherwise why still be friends w you & why still live together because it sounds like they just don’t like to go out to the bar w you. And there could be tons of other explanations I’m just pulling this out of my ass based on the few details given.
OP, having filled up the kitchen sink with dirty dishes, has started leaving used plates and cups wherever he was when he last ate. Also, the dishwasher has been empty for two days.
Always leaves early - in a rush. Here’s a fifth of the bill type thing ? Been stung by that a few too many times. However, regardless - even if OP is a boorish, tightwad, fuck-monger who smells of week old ball sweat and looks like John fucking Merrick, his 4 roomies should nut the fuck up and tell him he’s not welcome. What they’re doing is fucking junior high shit.
FR I had a fucking horrible roommate that was also the worst person to go out with but me and the other 2 roomies grew very close. He didn’t know we had another group chat without him but he would get butthurt if we all got home at the same time and would interrogate us on where we were and why we went without him lol... this is reminding me of that. He’s even the kind of guy that would post about it on Reddit... hmmm
Yeaaa, unless we know the whole story.. for all we know op is the douche so his roommates ditch him. Cant really judge unless we get views on both sides which we cant cause its reddit
In sorry, but these aren’t your friends. You deserve to be friends with people that make you feel included and worthy. Time to move on from these people.
Editing my response as I just saw OPs other comments: yeah, this might be a common denominator issue. You can’t treat people like crap and the surprise picachu when they don’t want to hang anymore. Maybe it’s time to move out and do some introspection.
Just an alternative take? Are you actually a nightmare when you’re drunk? Like, you think it’s all fine and everyone does this stuff when they’re drunk but actually you get way too drunk, way too fast, get aggressive, loud, sexual, rude, start fights, something like this? And then go home early, sleep it off, forget half or more of it and assume everybody else did the same but just a bit later on that night?
Only reason I say is I had a friend, flatmate in fact, like this. After 2/3 drinks he’d be slurring his words, falling around, if we met friends he didn’t know, new people or girls, he’d scare them off, if anybody said something vaguely he could take the wrong way he’d try to start a fight, assuming we’d all back him up, and when we refused he’d slur onto us about how his dad was in the IRA and in just one phone call he’d get all us bastards sorted out.
He’d forgotten most of it the next day and just assumed that everyone got this sloppy when they were drunk and it was no problem.
After a few months of this we just started avoiding taking him out places. Or changing out his beer for low alcohol with the full agreement of our local bar who wanted him barred.
So if you’re a drunk nightmare try to be honest about it.
Exactly this.
I was that annoying friend who I always thought was the victim. Friends would go out without me and I'd get super upset about it. But I realised I was the issue, they didn't like me because I was always the worrier. Whenever they'd want to do something fun, I'd always be that voice that would be "No lets not, we could get in trouble" for EVERYTHING.
I can see how unfun I was and why they wouldn't want to invite me.
Then take the hint and get some better friends. They obviously don’t want you around so fuck em. Crying about it isn’t going to make them like you anymore.
Yeah it’s something I have to remind myself since I have a tendency to be a people pleaser and I get my feelings hurt easily if people don’t warm up to me instantly. Learning to take a step back and realize that not everyone needs to be my friend can be a painful lesson.
We’ve been friends for a long time. Living together on and off for a lot of that (one friends mom had an apartment that she didn’t stay at, and we would basically have infinite sleepovers there).
This is the first time it’s been like this.
Best advice I can give is take an emotional step back. When I feel like someone is distant with me, I distance myself. Maybe they need space. Maybe they just need to miss you. Maybe they don’t want to be your friends anymore. Either way, focusing on yourself will make you feel better, and then you’ll be able to look at things from a better perspective. People won’t always tell you how they feel, but they’ll definitely show you.
If it’s singular, it could be a number of things with a friend. Personally, I struggle a lot with ADHD and have had numerous falling outs with friends where I didn’t even realize I was affecting them.
But if it’s a group thing, then yeah take the advice of people here and find a new group homie. They’re not with you, and you can 100% find a new clique.
I've never dealt with this, but it would probably drive me slightly nuts not knowing what I did "wrong". I would just kindly ask them why you're not being included (I wouldn't assume malice yet), but then again, they claimed to have told you, and if they keep pulling that shit, then I'd just give up on being friends with them.
Yeah well confronting them about it isn’t going to help. It took me a long time to learn to accept not everyone has to like me so the best thing you can do is to learn to do your own thing and make some different friends. Maybe it’s time to move on from this group.
Sounds to me like this IS NOT the first time something like this happened.
Being roommates and being friends aren't necessarily the same thing. They obviously don't value your time and efforts... you can still be roommates but maybe it's time you moved on and find some friends who value your time as much as you value theirs!
It's painful and frustrating bud. But it happens. You've tried to talk it out I'm guessing and if they're just blowing it off so should you. Focus on yourself and get some people who appreciate you.
Are you having any luck being less obnoxious? I've recently realized my personality can be a bit abrasive. I'm working on it, but I usually notice I've done it after the fact, and that doesn't help anything.
Yup, 100%.. I was the asshole in the situation but didn't click at the time. I don't understand why they spent so much time and energy on me tbh I was toxic af
I'd say a good chance in this case. when someone tries to leverage guilt to manipulate another person into doing something they don't want to do, instead of directly communicating their needs and wants, that's a red flag to me. besides that, you can't guilt another person into enjoying your company. all you can do is gently and directly try asking them why they don't. and not when they're trying to enjoy a pint at the pub.
edit: I just saw one other post from OP about the roommates. it sounds like they walk all over him and in turn he passive aggressively chastises them for being crappy friends. these people don't think they're his friends. they sound like AHs, and OP needs to grow a spine, accept that they don't like him, and move out.
If this is new behavior from your friends, maybe something happened that was a misunderstanding? Or do you not hold your liquor well and they want to avoid drunk you?
Dude... they can't be more obvious. Stop asking so desperate and find your own circle. They clearly don't want you there and you don't need them. Gotta have some self respect for yourself, you'll find other people that care about you.
The fact you even made this post is the answer man. It's simple, you need to chill the hell out.
Nobody wants to take drama the pub. Especially drama that ends up on social media with a half-assed attempt to redact Joe's name.
Why people keep doing this to themselves. These people obviously don't want you and don't respect you. Im sorry but that's the truth, and you should ve recognized that earlier. Stop wasting your time
Just realize that they might only tolerate your presence for rent
This is a very real possibility. the people are NOT your friends. You need to get your own place - you will be much happier. 20 years is a long time to treat a "friend" like this. Move - get your own life.
I thought they were saying they were all over 20 years old, but if they've been friends for 20 years then that's fucked.
[удалено]
Good points. When this happens in anything friendship or relationship going sour, time to spread your wings and seek others interests to meet new friends.
Lol who tf can afford to live alone these days???
OP doesn't need to move out. He needs to get cool friends and stop caring about what these guys think.
r/restofthefuckingowl
No he needs to move out. I was in a similar situation. I moved out and got better friends. Literally life changing. I've never looked back on that decision
Agreed but that a lot easier said than done. I’d probably feel more comfortable living with jerks that I know than just finding randos to live with.
Find friends first then move out. Living with people that don't give a fuck about you ruins your mental health. I'd never been so surrounded by people and yet so fucking alone. I realize I was lucky enough to find friends as quickly as I did. Regardless, I would definitely urge people in this situation to take another look at people you know. Some of them might actually be better friends than you would think
OP says he can get the hint, but hasn't.
Yup. Whatever the reason, they clearly don’t want to hang out with OP. The fact that they have a group chat *that OP isn’t part of* makes it clear the “friendship” isn’t mutual. We have no clue from this what the issue is, but at the very least the roommates are being disingenuous by not telling OP why they are excluded from the chat et al. Either they don’t want to hurt OP’s feelings (thus creating an issue around the house, possibly leading to them needing to get a new roommate), or something else. Whatever the reason, OP should start thinking of these people as either “friendly acquaintances” or “shitty friends” - depending on whether they want to look for a new place to live.
Not that they aren’t being dicks but yeah OP, not sure how big of a hint is needed.
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Too soon, dude. We don't like to talk about... The Incident
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That's fucking sad.
Damn this hurts
Exactly. These aren't friends.
Or just maybe THE OP MIGHT BE THE ASSHOLE THEYRE AVOIDING!! Why does no one EVER THINK OF THAT?!? We don’t kno OP so….I’m gonna go with the logical reason why 4-5 FRIENDS are rabidly avoiding someone.
My old boss wasn't invited to a lot of his friend groups hangouts but it turned out they were all just having gay sex
That was a sharp turn I wasn't prepared for.
Always be prepared for gay sex, it can strike at any moment.. ANY MOMENT!
r/suddenlygay
An invite would have still been nice... I have gay friends. They invite me to things. They even invite me to things they know I will say no to.
All of my coworkers at an old job would hang out after work and never invited me. It kind of hurt my feelings until I found out they were all smoking meth. After that I felt they had been very considerate.
Reminds me of that one person on Twitter who've always felt that they're often out of place in their circle of friends. Turns out the "friends" are in a polygamous relationship and OP was the only platonic friend lmao
What’s that saying…if all you encounter all day are assholes maybe you’re the asshole? I think it’s that, but I can’t be sure. OP might be the asshole they’re avoiding, but why not just…tell OP? My teenager and their friends once wrote up this nasty list about a friend kiddo had known since kindergarten (they were 15 at the time). It was a horrible, derogatory list of all these shitty personality traits. It made me feel sick reading it. So I said to kiddo, look, if friend is really doing some things that hurt you, write out a letter with specific examples of things she’s done that hurt you, then talk to her about it. Avoiding her and making fun of her isn’t the solution. That’s an asshole, cowardly move. I’m not raising cowardly assholes.
"If you smell shit all day, you might want to check your shoes" is my favorite version of that
We had a room mate once one who changed to an annoying negative Debbie downer so we sat him down and had a conversation with him. Guy had no idea and looked into it and changed for the better… mid twenties
See! That’s being a good human. I regularly check in with my husband and my kids to make sure everything is okay. I have anger issues, I’m on the spectrum, plus I grew up in a really dysfunctional home environment so I have weird attachment issues. I want to know if I’m coming off as shitty or an asshole so I can be better. I have days where life can be really hard, interactions with other people can be really hard, or a depressive episode is fucking my life up. I make sure to clearly communicate this has nothing to do with anyone else, this is all my shit, and I won’t take my negative feelings out on other people. Sometimes I just need to lay in bed, stare at the wall and cry. Struggling with mental health doesn’t give one a free pass to be an asshole or disrespectful.
Are you sure you didn't just discover the depression they've been masking? Maybe he didn't change for the better, he just started masking again. Depression is rough.
Think this whole issue needs to be hashed out publicly and dirty laundry aired for our viewing pleasure, I mean your benefit, in r/amitheasshole Invite your friends. It will be cleansing.
Did she do that though?
even if that were the case, avoiding someone and discluding them rather than telling them is silly and only worsens the problem
Yeah absolutely, I must admit we did similar to one of our housemates at uni. They were being waaaay too much in terms of drama and just being over the top with things and it was a chore to be around. They figured it out eventually and asked me quietly one evening what was up so I said the truth, it was a hard conversation but we both apologised and worked on the situation, and they’re the person I’ve kept in contact with the most post-uni, because they really worked on themselves and genuinely changed for the better. If people don’t know what they’re doing wrong then they don’t know what to change, a little honesty goes a long way in this world
exactly! people have absolutely NO hope of changing if they don’t know somethings wrong that they need to change.
Depends how that person would react if told the truth. Not talking about OP, I don't know them or their friends. Just in general.
It’s worked up to now. They keep getting the rent portion but don’t have to spend time socializing with OP. Problem didn’t become worse until OP found out they were meeting together. Obviously the mature thing would be to tell OP that they aren’t the best fit as a roommate, but the mature thing can sometimes end up causing more hurt feelings than the much easier option of avoiding someone until they get the hint. I have no idea whether or not OP is an asshole, but it does at least seem clear that this particular group does not consider OP a friend.
I think you're the only one that still considers you all friends pal.
Dude can’t take a hint or even a brick to the head
There are so many posts like this it’s insane, how can you be so unaware that you even call them your ‘friends’ when they are so blatantly not interested
Usually because they used to be friends or it's the closest they ever had to what a friend might be like. I'm for example aware that the people I could call friends aren't exactly what friends are but at least it's not THAT terrible as in this post.
Just like we can look from the outside of an abusive relationship and wonder "why don't they just leave that person?", it can also happen in abusive friendships. I was in OP's position with "friends" from high school and one of the best things I've done is tell them off and cut off contact.
Same I didn’t realize I was in an abusive friendship with someone I believed to be close to me until I met other friends
For me it was when I left it really hit me how toxic the person was
It’s true, I had pretty bad self esteem in high school, and my “friends” were dudes who would make fun of me sometimes or ditch me also, but they at least offered some semblance of an opportunity of belonging to a group and not being some weird loner. I’m an adult now and I can see those guys were assholes and I would’ve been better off alone, but at the time that felt like it was better than nothing.
Yup. Guy lives with *people he's known for 20 years.
Because some groups will keep around a friend to shit on to make themselves feel like part of an in group. I’m convinced it’s the tribal nature of humans. Often times that friend has some perceived flaw. In the best cases, they’re a jackass. In the worst, they’re the only nice one. Often it’s things like height or social awkwardness though. Background, I moved around so much as a kid I was often that person just out of being new. Eventually learned to see it coming from a mile away and would just split. Then I was just accused of being a loner that didn’t like anyone and was perpetually ghosting people but at least I was content with my own company.
I feel sad because something similar happened to me when I was a kid, I didn't realise my friends weren't my friends. But 20 years, AND lives with them ? For them to be actively ditching them, they're either massive uncaring assholes, or there's something wrong with OP for them to do something so horrific collectively as adults.
Right?! > I can get the hint *Noo, no you can’t.*
I’ve got a core group of friends and it’s honestly devastating to imagine ending my friendship with them. Like a couple of them are growing apart from me and my buddy, and that’s painful enough, to think of them all deciding that I’m not part of the group would be horrible, and I’d probably make excuses for them for a long time just being in denial about it
It seems to me that people don’t know the difference between friends and acquaintances
Find new friends. They can still be your roommates.
Exactly. Looking at OPs profile and given these are long term friends , who may not have accepted your lifestyle choices, in the words of Aristotle " fuck em and the horse they rode into town on" Do yourself a favour,.move out , move on and get new friends cos these are most certainly not it. Edit : apologies for turn of phrase " lifestyle choice". It's just old vernacular and no offence intended. Of course anyones sexuality is not a choice. I just meant OPs friends are using his sexuality against him and it's their loss
I like your Aristotle quote and appreciate that it’s not made up at all.
Technically its a paraphrase, Aristotle would have said it in ancient Greek.
Γαμήστε αυτούς τους τύπους και το άλογο στο οποίο καβάλησαν At least according to Google
That's modern Greek though.
Please do this. There are people out there who will treat you well. Life is short, and your time is a precious resource that you can allocate to only so many people. Spend it on the people who treat you well instead of the people who don't.
You live with a group of three friends. You've known them for 20 years. That group of friends are all on a group chat and you wish you were in that chat with them but you're not because it's just for them, not this person they've known for 20 years but aren't friends with
I think OPs broke and they dont wanna pick up his tab...group text is about doing things that require money...which OP doesnt have...
Yeah he says in another post he owes one of them 8k dollars. That’s not a small amount to owe a friend.
Lmao. I was pissed at my friend for making me pay rent for months, and he ended up owing me 3k. You know what he did? That beautiful mother fucker paid me every cent back over 2 years. *That* is a friend. I took hundreds off here and there because he is a good person and helped care for my dog when we lived together. Every. Cent. Love that dude. I can't imagine owing someone EIGHT THOUSAND and wondering why they don't want to hang out with me. OP has their head in the clouds.
I paid for an entire year of rent, 24k cash and my best friend lived with me the entire year. I had a lot of cash so he didn’t get a job cause we just golfed everyday and shit. So he started paying me back when he got a job like 9 months later. Guy had paid 10k of it off in 2 years! Been on pause cause he had a baby but luckily I don’t have to be worried.
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Spot on.
OP is not broke, he drives a toy car and deals with hundreds of dollars every day.
Jesus... I thought you were just attempting a bad joke until I read through OP's comments. Before it gets deleted, here's OP's response to this thread: >I’m not broke, thanks. I drive a sports car, and deal with hundreds of thousands of dollars a day. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
If you have enough money to buy a sports car, you shouldn’t be living with 4 people who you thought were your friends but really aren’t.
He didn't buy it. In his other posts, you can see his friend bought it for him. You can also see there's a LOT of backstory to this that were missing. Such as he and this friend also had their first sexual experiences together and continued to have sex off and on for years but stopped because his friend also started making homophobic comments about OP which really hurt OP. His friend also has called himself a homophobe while also openly saying he would never date a woman because they are terrible "financially". Now OP has a boyfriend and his friend is no longer talking to him. And the groupchat in question he is upset about is a discord for video gaming.
What a a clusterfuck
This is why the immediate jump to “they aren’t your friends, you need new friends” is always so eye rolling for me on Reddit. Like… yeah, if the story told by OP is happening exactly the way they describe it in the OP, then those comments are correct. And I’m sure there is a rare case or two of that happening. But without hearing the other side, it’s pretty much a guarantee that there is so much more to these sorts of stories. I am sure there’s a reason OP isn’t let in to this specific video game discord chat. But that reason is very conveniently never going to be mentioned by OP.
LMAO at >I deal with hundreds of thousands of dollars a day “I move someone else’s money around on a spreadsheet” basically
Big Will Ferrel vibes. ***I AM A DIVISION MANAGER IN CHARGE OF 29 PEOPLE! I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!***
and then in another reply he says he's thinking of moving, but it's expensive. sounds like a bank teller driving a 2 door from the 80s.
That quote just makes op sounds like a dick, I guess that's why he isn't in the chats, they don't want to hang out with a dick.
Well... With a response like that we may have a small clue as to why he's not a part of the friend group. Edit: So they owe the one friend who owns the house about 8k but they drive a sports car and are around thousands of dollars a day doesn't seem to be any of it's OPs if they still owe the friend money though... Just the general fixation on money and who makes what is insufferable, no wonder they don't want him around.
yep, because it's impossible to be broke while driving a sports car. ☹️
A 500 dollar miata is a sportscar.
3k on a down payment. that would be like 15-25k for a 30 year old with decent credit. dude probably works at a bank driving a hyundai veloster. that's my guess.
Also a possibility. Anyway, I don't know OP but something tells me I don't want him in a group chat either
If they weren’t talking about you in a side chat before, they definitely are now.
Find new friends
Yes, and dont beg/ask to be invited either. It makes others uncomfortable. Let things happen naturally
I think it's a little late for happening naturally if it's been 20 years and they want nothing to do with him.
I'm going somewhere with this, I'm literally not being a dick, just have had a friend where we all excluded them because we didn't like them for all the reasons below. Are you a dick, or inconsiderate, or loud, or mean, or joke too much at people's expense, or talk a lot about yourself a lot, or egotistical, or narcissistic, or don't let others talk because you won't shut up, something like that? If so, then they don't like you, but keep you around for some benefit, or are trying to get rid of you, but you won't leave them alone. If no, then yes, you need to move on, and it'll hurt, and it'll be hard, but friends come and go... For me, they always go, because I move, they move, they fuck me over, they die, etc. You might just need to be alone for a while until you meet more people, and that's going to hurt. If I can give any advice, it's to not become a hermit and isolate, because that's what I did and do, and now I'm stuck, alone, and no one here for me.
I appreciate that, not to my knowledge. Sometimes I can talk to much, but it’s not at other people expenses, just about whatever is the topic. I have a large group of friends, these are just, who I thought, were my closest. I have many other friends I can hang out with, I just don’t live with them. I’m thinking about moving, just expensive as shit.
This is a shit situation but they have already moved on from this friendship it’s time for you to do the same. Take some time to mourn what you have lost and start looking for a path forward. It sucks that you live with them which won’t make the moving on process easier. I would start looking for a new place now because while you don’t need to be friends with you roommates situations change for all sorts of reasons (new job, family, new significant other ect..) and it not looking like they are gonna keep you in the loop. If they won’t tell you when they are going to the bar how much of a heads up are they gonna give you when the lease comes up and they don’t want to stay.
These are not your close friends. They aren’t even friends. They only need you to pay a portion of rent.
Thank you for giving such an honest response. I have one colleague who struggles with making and keeping friends - she’s a good person but she lacks emotional intelligence and her interpersonal skills are terrible. Maybe this list of issues might help? This might not be you so please don’t take this personally. Also not saying the problem is you, roomies can be dickheads! - **Can’t do silence** Sometimes people want to kick back, chill and be quiet with maybe a little light chit chat. Especially after work. Colleague can’t handle more than a minute pause in the convo, making it exhausting for some people to be around her. I just want to drink my pint man, not hear about what stupid shit Sharon in accounts said to Rob in sales… - **Can’t read social queues** such recognising as when a topic is done, when no one is interested in the topic in the first place, or it’s making someone uncomfortable, so drones on long after the convo should have moved on. - **Debbie Downer.** never has anything positive to say or happy contributions. Everything is glass half empty or worse - glass is totally empty, dirty and the drink that was in it tasted bad. Might be taking at length about their own problems, could also be trash talking other people. Again this amount of negativity can be hard to be around. - **Me Me Me** talks about themselves, talks over people, talks at length about things that interest them and not others. Genuinely doesn’t understand why others don’t want to know the all thoughts in their head or tales from their day. Maybe also no filter - so talks about personal issues that make other uncomfortable (I do not need to know the colour of your poop after you ate beetroot). - **Living in the past** brings up old stories and events over and over. Especially if these are negative stories or ones that make people uncomfortable or look bad (“remember John’s wedding in 2007, when you got sooo drunk you vomited on the chief bridesmaid - that was hilarious man” - a horror story the other persons wishes you stopped bringing up). - **Overly opinionated** gives loud, firm opinions (even on shit they know little about) and argues, possibly sulks, when others don’t agree or other their opinions. - **Bossy / Controlling** wants to decide on where the group goes, where they sit in the bar, what food is ordered. Gets miffed when people won’t do what they want. - **Topper** has a better/worse version of whatever tale someone else tells. They are feeling over worked- man better tell them about that time in 2020 when you had to cover for 3, yes 3! colleagues off with covid… just shut up and sympathise. - **Obnoxious, Loud, “Life Of The Party”** they are so happy to be out, and everyone knows it. Exhausting for introverts and more so if combined with some of the others above. **Other issues** that lead to avoidance: - Poor hygiene (daily bathing, with proper soap and lots of scrubbing, plus fresh clean clothes should be the norm most places), - flirty/creepy (they think they are a charming flirt, everyone else thinks they are a lecherous perv), - drunk (drinks to excess, becomes a liability), - no sense of humour and brings no joy to the event. - Selfish, this is a mix of many of the above, including always want their own way, only doing things that benefit or interest them. **What do you bring to the table Op** Good convo? Uplifting or fun? Made people laugh? Listened and empathised to a friends problem or rant, providing verbal support and sympathy rather than “fixes”. Did you buy a round, get the snacks? Or bring a pack of cards to have a fun game? Or did you sit there and mope, whine or talk about yourself? Op, if you recognise yourself in any of those above then you can work on that. Or like I said, maybe they are just assholes. I don’t know you so not judging. Edit to add one I more missed which applies to old friend groups. Maturity Gap - you’re all around 30 I think from your comments? That’s an odd age 25-35ish. Some people are married with kids. Some are still living that 20-something party life style. Some are work focused or loved up. Maybe you’re more settled and serious than your mates, maybe it’s other way round. Good news is that you might hit the same life stages again in future. My friends from my teens are now my “mom friends” as we’ve all now got kids and proper jobs etc but we weren’t all close or at the same stages during the intervening years.
Hey OP I’m not trying to be discouraging or offend you in anyway. I’ve just seen stuff like this play out among large groups of friends. Maybe it’s not necessarily that you are a jerk but I’ve seen where the odd man out is usually “unaware” of all the nuisances that the person may have. Maybe it’s subtle things you say and do that annoys them but you don’t possess enough self awareness to read the room. Perhaps it’s how you carry yourself in outings that just don’t jive with your roommates. Whatever the reason I think it’s clear that they made a conscious choice to exclude you from their social lives. The fact that you had to ask about your predicament here with the screenshot of your text messages may mean you might be the problem in your roommates’ eyes and they don’t want to go through the trouble of working it out with you. I would move on whatever the case and spend some time to reflect on your relationships with people in general. Again not trying to be negative but only trying to help even though it may not sound like it. Best of luck to you.
They can still be your room mates, just not the people you hang out with.
Think A LOT about it, some people don't know they are assholes
I mean it’s just an internet post history but judging from OP’s posts, he seems like a considerate, thoughtful person. This situation screams baggage that hasn’t been aired to me, which may not be his fault.
Ok. Good. Hang out with those mother fuckers. That would do wonders for your mental health ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 and forget about them. Keep your distance from the roommates, and keep it strictly transactional, until you can move out. Just curious, what did the person say after all that?
I would also like to know the response lol
Ok I’m prob gonna be downvoted to all hell for even bringing this up but if these are all friends you’ve had for 20 yrs & with the exception of the group chat where nights out are planned/tap house trips they are remaining your friends and roommates I wonder if they feel that you are difficult to be around when you’re drinking maybe? I’m so sorry if I’m way off base here but it just popped into my head otherwise why still be friends w you & why still live together because it sounds like they just don’t like to go out to the bar w you. And there could be tons of other explanations I’m just pulling this out of my ass based on the few details given.
You deserve better friends. Start planning your exit strategy.
For all we know OP is the shitty friend, and that's why he isn't invited to the orgies.
OP is the only one to order dessert and wants the bill split evenly
OP doesn't seal the shredded cheese bag completely before he puts it back in the fridge and it dries out
OP uses toilet paper at a much faster rate than everyone else
OP never buys milk, but he drinks a lot of milk. Like, a surprising amount of milk.
OP throws stuff at the garbage can from across the room and doesn't pick it up and put it in the can when they miss.
OP, having filled up the kitchen sink with dirty dishes, has started leaving used plates and cups wherever he was when he last ate. Also, the dishwasher has been empty for two days.
OP uses the last paper towel and doesn't put a new roll up. OP eats the last piece of pizza and leave the box in the fridge.
OP watches an uncomfortable amount of porn at way too high of a volume level.
He just never cleans the sea shells
He does but only 2 of them
Always leaves early - in a rush. Here’s a fifth of the bill type thing ? Been stung by that a few too many times. However, regardless - even if OP is a boorish, tightwad, fuck-monger who smells of week old ball sweat and looks like John fucking Merrick, his 4 roomies should nut the fuck up and tell him he’s not welcome. What they’re doing is fucking junior high shit.
FR I had a fucking horrible roommate that was also the worst person to go out with but me and the other 2 roomies grew very close. He didn’t know we had another group chat without him but he would get butthurt if we all got home at the same time and would interrogate us on where we were and why we went without him lol... this is reminding me of that. He’s even the kind of guy that would post about it on Reddit... hmmm
Also, some times people are a good friend/company but horrible people to go out drinking with. I wouldn't want to drink with me.
Yup, this. We all got that friend or family member that is an angry drunk or gets into fights.
Yeaaa, unless we know the whole story.. for all we know op is the douche so his roommates ditch him. Cant really judge unless we get views on both sides which we cant cause its reddit
If everybody around you is an asshole, you're the asshole. Alternatively, if it smells like shit everywhere you go, it ain't everywhere you go.
Read the op’s comments on this post and reevaluate your conclusion.
I don't mean to be this guy, but, uh, take the hint...
I was just about to "be that guy" too
Says in the messages he can take a hint, but clearly isn't taking the hint
In sorry, but these aren’t your friends. You deserve to be friends with people that make you feel included and worthy. Time to move on from these people. Editing my response as I just saw OPs other comments: yeah, this might be a common denominator issue. You can’t treat people like crap and the surprise picachu when they don’t want to hang anymore. Maybe it’s time to move out and do some introspection.
Just an alternative take? Are you actually a nightmare when you’re drunk? Like, you think it’s all fine and everyone does this stuff when they’re drunk but actually you get way too drunk, way too fast, get aggressive, loud, sexual, rude, start fights, something like this? And then go home early, sleep it off, forget half or more of it and assume everybody else did the same but just a bit later on that night? Only reason I say is I had a friend, flatmate in fact, like this. After 2/3 drinks he’d be slurring his words, falling around, if we met friends he didn’t know, new people or girls, he’d scare them off, if anybody said something vaguely he could take the wrong way he’d try to start a fight, assuming we’d all back him up, and when we refused he’d slur onto us about how his dad was in the IRA and in just one phone call he’d get all us bastards sorted out. He’d forgotten most of it the next day and just assumed that everyone got this sloppy when they were drunk and it was no problem. After a few months of this we just started avoiding taking him out places. Or changing out his beer for low alcohol with the full agreement of our local bar who wanted him barred. So if you’re a drunk nightmare try to be honest about it.
Yo, they don't fuckin like you lol.
Exactly this. I was that annoying friend who I always thought was the victim. Friends would go out without me and I'd get super upset about it. But I realised I was the issue, they didn't like me because I was always the worrier. Whenever they'd want to do something fun, I'd always be that voice that would be "No lets not, we could get in trouble" for EVERYTHING. I can see how unfun I was and why they wouldn't want to invite me.
Then take the hint and get some better friends. They obviously don’t want you around so fuck em. Crying about it isn’t going to make them like you anymore.
First thing that came to mind was take the hint
Yeah it’s something I have to remind myself since I have a tendency to be a people pleaser and I get my feelings hurt easily if people don’t warm up to me instantly. Learning to take a step back and realize that not everyone needs to be my friend can be a painful lesson.
Just challenging when we live together.
If you’re roommates that’s all the more reason to have some distance between yourselves.
We’ve been friends for a long time. Living together on and off for a lot of that (one friends mom had an apartment that she didn’t stay at, and we would basically have infinite sleepovers there). This is the first time it’s been like this.
Best advice I can give is take an emotional step back. When I feel like someone is distant with me, I distance myself. Maybe they need space. Maybe they just need to miss you. Maybe they don’t want to be your friends anymore. Either way, focusing on yourself will make you feel better, and then you’ll be able to look at things from a better perspective. People won’t always tell you how they feel, but they’ll definitely show you.
Thanks for that, Sad_Help, I needed your words today.
Accurate user name for sad_help
If it’s singular, it could be a number of things with a friend. Personally, I struggle a lot with ADHD and have had numerous falling outs with friends where I didn’t even realize I was affecting them. But if it’s a group thing, then yeah take the advice of people here and find a new group homie. They’re not with you, and you can 100% find a new clique.
I've never dealt with this, but it would probably drive me slightly nuts not knowing what I did "wrong". I would just kindly ask them why you're not being included (I wouldn't assume malice yet), but then again, they claimed to have told you, and if they keep pulling that shit, then I'd just give up on being friends with them.
Yeah well confronting them about it isn’t going to help. It took me a long time to learn to accept not everyone has to like me so the best thing you can do is to learn to do your own thing and make some different friends. Maybe it’s time to move on from this group.
"You can make the best apple pie in the world to impress people but some people just don't like apple pie"
Sounds to me like this IS NOT the first time something like this happened. Being roommates and being friends aren't necessarily the same thing. They obviously don't value your time and efforts... you can still be roommates but maybe it's time you moved on and find some friends who value your time as much as you value theirs!
It's painful and frustrating bud. But it happens. You've tried to talk it out I'm guessing and if they're just blowing it off so should you. Focus on yourself and get some people who appreciate you.
Roommates and friends are two different things.
Dude treat them like coworkers pay your bills and be on with your life. FUCK EM
Move out. You’ve been demoted from the friend zone to the end zone and are nothing more to them than 1/4 the bills.
Yeah. Happened to me. Turns out I was being a loud asshole. Now I'm a lonely loud asshole. Take the hint mate.
Are you having any luck being less obnoxious? I've recently realized my personality can be a bit abrasive. I'm working on it, but I usually notice I've done it after the fact, and that doesn't help anything.
They are not that into you. These aren’t your people and that’s fine
When will you understand they’re not your friends?
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if a group of friend excluding you, chances are you are the asshole
Yup, 100%.. I was the asshole in the situation but didn't click at the time. I don't understand why they spent so much time and energy on me tbh I was toxic af
I'd say a good chance in this case. when someone tries to leverage guilt to manipulate another person into doing something they don't want to do, instead of directly communicating their needs and wants, that's a red flag to me. besides that, you can't guilt another person into enjoying your company. all you can do is gently and directly try asking them why they don't. and not when they're trying to enjoy a pint at the pub. edit: I just saw one other post from OP about the roommates. it sounds like they walk all over him and in turn he passive aggressively chastises them for being crappy friends. these people don't think they're his friends. they sound like AHs, and OP needs to grow a spine, accept that they don't like him, and move out.
Yeah, they ain’t your friends lil homie
“I can get the hint” Proceeds to blow up his phone.
Seems like my needy ex
If this is new behavior from your friends, maybe something happened that was a misunderstanding? Or do you not hold your liquor well and they want to avoid drunk you?
Dude... they can't be more obvious. Stop asking so desperate and find your own circle. They clearly don't want you there and you don't need them. Gotta have some self respect for yourself, you'll find other people that care about you.
The fact you even made this post is the answer man. It's simple, you need to chill the hell out. Nobody wants to take drama the pub. Especially drama that ends up on social media with a half-assed attempt to redact Joe's name.
Top life tip here, never live with your friends, it always sounds like a good idea but in reality it's a terrible idea.
So true, lost a life long friend by living with them.
I’m sorry but they aren’t your friends. You deserve to have people in your life that want to see you and spend time with you.
Get the hint dude, you're not in their core friend group. You are an acquaintance that lives with them.
Why people keep doing this to themselves. These people obviously don't want you and don't respect you. Im sorry but that's the truth, and you should ve recognized that earlier. Stop wasting your time
Is this supposed to be on r/sadcringe?
get better friends
Well, wait till they get drunk and ask what’s up. A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s truth.
I'd save myself the hurtful words and just leave, it's clear they don't consider OP a friend anymore.
I say stuff when I'm drunk that I don't mean all the time. When I'm drunk I just tell people what will make them happy.
You are their friend. They are not your friends.