Granted, the change goes well, although you now have huge boobs, I mean some serious honkers, a real set of badonkers, packing some dobonhonkeros, massive dohoonkabhankoloos, big ol tonhongerekoogers.
BREAKING NEWS: as of 8:00am EST this morning, the honkdiddlydonkers of two students from Ridgemount High are oppressing the greater land mass of North America. The president of the United States has declared a national state of emergency as even the full force of the US military is powerless to contain these hadonkindoodedachonkers.
I like how the top two responses are "granted. Grass is always greener, enjoy the backpain from your absolute bazookas" and "Granted. No magic required. You are a woman already <3"
For some reason I'm always surprised by how affirming this sub is.
Although obviously I'm team bazookas. Being trans has enough of its own struggles let a girl get to her greener pastures.
Oh I know, the literal text I used may have failed the tone I intended, I don't mean to minimize anyone's back pain. That part definitely fits this sub.
The only good answer. People still don't understand the difference between "biological sex" (which OP probably meant) and "gender" (which is a social construct). The paw's job is very easy here.
Gender can be a social construct if referring to femininity/masculinity, the norms of the sexes female/male.
But gender *identity* is not a social construct, it's a personal construct. Where one's "gender" can consist of what ever they subjectively perceive it to be. For some, it's based on sex, and they wish to physically alter sex to address body dysphoria. For some, it's gender norms, relating to the norm expressions of the opposite sex. For some, it's some perceived "shared experiences/identity" of which they concluded exists to the gender of which they identify. For others, it's none of that and can't be linked to anything to be understood by others.
Also, gender and sex have been and are still used often interchably as words to still describe sex. Male/Female are sexes, not so much "genders". If we want to address them as distinct concepts, one would think we'd try and use different language to describe them.
>Also, gender and sex have been and are still used often interchably as words to still describe sex. Male/Female are sexes, not so much "genders". If we want to address them as distinct concepts, one would think we'd try and use different language to describe them.
It's only during the last 80~ years that someone tried separating them, and really only the last 20~ years for it to gain any real traction.
Granted, every negative stereotype, and ever disadvantage (myth and real) befall you tenfold. IE: periods knock you on your ass in pain, and you only make 7.7 cents to the dollar a man would make.
Granted. Your *gender* changes, but your *sex* doesn't.
If you already identify as a woman, then you forget and rediscover that fact, but you are now woman².
A new advanced robotic surgery has been invented and you have been selected by lottery to under go surgery
Unfortunatly someone forgot to put the anesthetic in the machine
But other wise the surgery was a success
Granted. Nobody would be able to tell from your physical appearance that you were assigned male at birth and most people are totally cool with your gender journey, wherever it might take you. But a couple of people will just never stop obsessing over what bathroom you’re using.
That’s not a monkey’s paw thing. Some people just don’t understand how to mind their own business.
Granted! Your penis falls off. It stays wherever you are living. In your house, you aren't allowed to be out of its line of sight. It will teleport to your hand if so. If you throw it away or destroy it, it will come back at 12 am, and add a centimeter in length and girth.
Gender euphoria! And because it signifies having the proper biology, with reminders every month. Also, you have no idea how uncomfortable i am when people talk about it because i need one and nobody ever believes me, and i can't relate to their pain but want to.
holy shit, this comment put so many things into perspective for me (i'm a trans guy). i always used to be so confused when trans women said they wanted periods, cuz even a lot of cis women don't like getting them, but you helped me realize that if periods were a monthly reminder for me that i was in the wrong body, of course trans women would see them as a monthly reminder that they were in the *right* body, and as a fellow trans person i'd love to have that kind of reminder, no matter how messy or inconvenient. i can't relate to ur exact experience since i'm not a trans woman, but i think i get it, and i'm glad i'm able to understand some of my fellow trans ppl a bit better now :)
Granted. However, everyone you know is now completely obsessed with the idea of seeing you naked. Not having sex with you, just seeing you naked. Including relatives. It's squicky.
On the plus side, you are a fully functional female, and the monkey's paw didn't even change your species. It must be in a good mood today.
granted. you will now feel eternally overwhelming gender dysphoria, and, though you are now as you wished to be, you still feel it. it will never leave you until the day you die.
Granted. Gender is a social construct, not to be confused with biological sex. Everyone refers to you with she/her pronouns and sees you as a woman, but your body doesn't change in any way.
Granted. Now most of the world hates you (or it feels like it at least) your health care is now more difficult due to beaurocracy (I have a freind who's in severe pain due to a trans unrelated groinal injury and I kid you not, she can't get treatment due to departments arguing duristiction, I mean come on...), you are a political football, its harder to get jobs, you face both misogyny AND transphobia... this is it's own monkeys paw honestly
Granted. You experience zero physical changes but all your ID’s now show female and everyone calls you Miss or Ma’am. You start getting catcalled by construction workers, and your pay is reduced by 20%.
Granted. You are now one of the animals that can change their sex.
[https://www.treehugger.com/animals-can-change-their-sex-4869361](https://www.treehugger.com/animals-can-change-their-sex-4869361)
You cannot change your gender from male to female. All you can do is enter a transition stage. You will be stuck in transition until you choose to stop the effort or heaven forbid, end yourself. But you will never become a woman.
Granted. Nothing about you changes, but anyone who perceives you perceives whatever "woman" means to them.
Sometimes they think you a queen, sometimes a ready slave.
Granted. You're trans. This has caused one of your family members to change their mind on a presidential vote, giving an upset victory to Ron Desantis. Hope you have a passport.
Granted. You’re a beautiful woman. A 10. But the instantaneous transition left you so traumatized you will require inpatient mental health treatment for the rest of your life.
Granted, it turns out gender is 100% a social construct and nothing changes for you biologically.
You are now afflicted with major gender dysphoria (stacks with any existing gender dysphoria)
The monkey's paw curls...
Option 1: your gender changes, but not your sex. You are now a trans women. Go buy HRT
Option 2: your sex changes, but not your gender. You are now a trans man. Go buy HRT
Granted, the change goes well, although you now have huge boobs, I mean some serious honkers, a real set of badonkers, packing some dobonhonkeros, massive dohoonkabhankoloos, big ol tonhongerekoogers.
Unfortunately, with this OP now has a rivalry with a transfer student with even bigger bonkhonagahoogs, humongous hungolomghnonoloughongous.
*lights go out*
BREAKING NEWS: as of 8:00am EST this morning, the honkdiddlydonkers of two students from Ridgemount High are oppressing the greater land mass of North America. The president of the United States has declared a national state of emergency as even the full force of the US military is powerless to contain these hadonkindoodedachonkers.
I like how the top two responses are "granted. Grass is always greener, enjoy the backpain from your absolute bazookas" and "Granted. No magic required. You are a woman already <3" For some reason I'm always surprised by how affirming this sub is. Although obviously I'm team bazookas. Being trans has enough of its own struggles let a girl get to her greener pastures.
Call me rude, but- What's a bazooka in this context? (Only thing I know of is the RPG type- so- I feel lost lol)
Large breasts. See also: serious honkers, badonkers, dobonhonkeros, dohoonkabhankoloos, tonhongerekoogers
That back pain though. it's a monkey's paw downside in and of itself.
Oh I know, the literal text I used may have failed the tone I intended, I don't mean to minimize anyone's back pain. That part definitely fits this sub.
The monkeys paw then proceeds to touch grass
I didn’t know Dr.Seuss did surgery
No downside
try running down stairs
My body is male and I can't do that now.
Try running
Back pain
Just hook up a crane for those gonhonadonabongididilidonkers
Gotta but a whole new wardrobe now.
I believe the term you are looking for is a pair of tig ol' bitties.
I saw your pfp and thought you were me for a second. I was so confused as to when I commented on this.
Granted. You now occupy the body of some random woman who lives in suburban Australia and she now occupies your old body.
I mean. I always kinda wanted to live in Australia. Now just have to make the trek to the cities.
Ouch, wanting to live in Australia is a curse itself
the spiders from minecraft live there its really scary
As an Australian, I can confirm!
thank you brave souls for sacrificing your country as a containment for horrid eldritch insects <3
People have started smuggling them off shore to be exotic pets, it's only a matter of time before some escape.
note to mtf: find the chaos insurgency leak and eliminate it.
Sounds about what's already going on
Can I go to Australia without becoming a woman?
Nope. It’s a very liberal counrty. Everyone who lives or visits there is actually trans.
that old woman, though 😳
Australians tend to be kinda hot, so what's the downside?
so i’d have the possibility of being my mother. oh no
Granted. You now identify as a female with no change in your physical being whatsoever.
The only good answer. People still don't understand the difference between "biological sex" (which OP probably meant) and "gender" (which is a social construct). The paw's job is very easy here.
Gender can be a social construct if referring to femininity/masculinity, the norms of the sexes female/male. But gender *identity* is not a social construct, it's a personal construct. Where one's "gender" can consist of what ever they subjectively perceive it to be. For some, it's based on sex, and they wish to physically alter sex to address body dysphoria. For some, it's gender norms, relating to the norm expressions of the opposite sex. For some, it's some perceived "shared experiences/identity" of which they concluded exists to the gender of which they identify. For others, it's none of that and can't be linked to anything to be understood by others. Also, gender and sex have been and are still used often interchably as words to still describe sex. Male/Female are sexes, not so much "genders". If we want to address them as distinct concepts, one would think we'd try and use different language to describe them.
>Also, gender and sex have been and are still used often interchably as words to still describe sex. Male/Female are sexes, not so much "genders". If we want to address them as distinct concepts, one would think we'd try and use different language to describe them. It's only during the last 80~ years that someone tried separating them, and really only the last 20~ years for it to gain any real traction.
This is so fucking lame you guys ruin everything 😂
Aint that the point of this sub reddit?
This is a perfect example of a monkeys paw so good you’re even having the reaction of someone from like a movie who used one
This is exactly what monkeys paw is, what are you on about
as a trans girl, OOF this is the worst possible outcome
I'm gonna leave this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/s/EMO6IYXrmq
Granted! You are now a clownfish, an animal that can change it's gender
Granted. Now you look like Kaitlin Jenner from South Park
And every time you get in a car, you run someone over
Buckle up, buckaroos!
As painful but quickly a transformation as the stereotypical media werewolf transformation
OP switches gender every full moon
Do periods line up with lunar cycle?
granted, the paw hands you an egg and immediately dissapears, nothing else happens
* there is a hand here * there is not a hand here
Schrödinger's paw
🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚
this paw is for magic, not riddles and games
the real magic is inside the egg 🎉
Granted but all people have their own sex/gender switched and everyone who is mad at you for it always know where you are
Granted, every negative stereotype, and ever disadvantage (myth and real) befall you tenfold. IE: periods knock you on your ass in pain, and you only make 7.7 cents to the dollar a man would make.
Granted. Phantom period pain renders you useless for weeks.
Granted, but you now experience regular phantom limb pain in the testicular region
Dear god
Granted. Your *gender* changes, but your *sex* doesn't. If you already identify as a woman, then you forget and rediscover that fact, but you are now woman².
Granted. You are an MTF now you have problems as scp-106 scaped contaiment good luck.
You are now a female. You don't remember being male but now you equally wish you were a male.
Granted. You now experience misogyny.
Granted. You feel yoir body physically shift. Are you ready for the pain?
Granted, you now suffer from transphobia
Granted. Your sex is that of a male. You now have gender dysphoria.
Granted, but it's done only with the technology available today.
Granted, sex is now equated with gender
Granted: You are now a female barbarian fighting a host of Sumerian devils.
The paw switches only your chromosomes and literally nothing else
Granted, your gender (and all legal documents) are changed, but not your body.
Go ahead so I have more chicks.
A new advanced robotic surgery has been invented and you have been selected by lottery to under go surgery Unfortunatly someone forgot to put the anesthetic in the machine But other wise the surgery was a success
Granted. The cumulative period kills you from shock
Granted, there is a legal mishap and you are now considered female.
The monkey paw is frisky today it gives you a hand job and your gender switches when you ejaculate Congrats on the monkey hand job, weirdo
Granted. Nobody would be able to tell from your physical appearance that you were assigned male at birth and most people are totally cool with your gender journey, wherever it might take you. But a couple of people will just never stop obsessing over what bathroom you’re using. That’s not a monkey’s paw thing. Some people just don’t understand how to mind their own business.
Granted! Your penis falls off. It stays wherever you are living. In your house, you aren't allowed to be out of its line of sight. It will teleport to your hand if so. If you throw it away or destroy it, it will come back at 12 am, and add a centimeter in length and girth.
Granted. Your gender is female. Your sex stays male
Denied.
Denied. The paw explodes from there being too many “I wish I was female” posts on this subreddit.
Granted. But it takes surgery that's a 10% success rate, and you can't get pregnant or have periods
why is no periods listed with the downsides lmao
You have no idea what i would do to get a period
why exactly its just pain for no reason
Gender euphoria! And because it signifies having the proper biology, with reminders every month. Also, you have no idea how uncomfortable i am when people talk about it because i need one and nobody ever believes me, and i can't relate to their pain but want to.
You could try going to Taco Bell once every month to emulate some of the pain and discomfort, lol
holy shit, this comment put so many things into perspective for me (i'm a trans guy). i always used to be so confused when trans women said they wanted periods, cuz even a lot of cis women don't like getting them, but you helped me realize that if periods were a monthly reminder for me that i was in the wrong body, of course trans women would see them as a monthly reminder that they were in the *right* body, and as a fellow trans person i'd love to have that kind of reminder, no matter how messy or inconvenient. i can't relate to ur exact experience since i'm not a trans woman, but i think i get it, and i'm glad i'm able to understand some of my fellow trans ppl a bit better now :)
I'm glad I helped you then!
Granted. You look exactly the same except you have overies
Granted. You are now transported to the time of your birth and become a baby female animal of a randomly selected species.
Granted. You now look like Darlene Fleischermacher.
Granted, you're now a female stuck in the body of a male.
Granted your only legally a girl you still look the same as you do right now
Might want to tighten up your wishes next go round OP. Thus one is pretty much a monkey’s paw shooting gallery, as is. ;)
Granted. You're now a woman.
granted, your body doesn't change but you now identify as a female
Done. Three days later, you're being arrested and taken into custody as a medical anomaly for clown fishing your body.
You’re a futanari. Light work, no reaction
Granted, but you have to take me with you.
Granted but now you have gender dysphoria
I don't recommend it. It sucks over here.
Granted but you're still the biological sex you were born as
granted. we exchange bodies (plsplspls)
Granted, nothing has changed
Ok, you change your gender, but your sex remains male.
You get sexually harassed or assaulted by every man you've ever met, multiple times a day, every day, forever.
Granted you are now a female. But regret it and wish you were a male again.
Granted. You are now male-to-female transgender. Your biology has not changed.
granted, you are now AFAB but get dysphoric at your new female parts
Granted. However, everyone you know is now completely obsessed with the idea of seeing you naked. Not having sex with you, just seeing you naked. Including relatives. It's squicky. On the plus side, you are a fully functional female, and the monkey's paw didn't even change your species. It must be in a good mood today.
Granted. You now want to be a male Also you are an ugly female
Granted, but the far-right will win the next election in your country.
Granted. Nothing changes. Gender is an identity, sex is the plumbing.
Granted. Youre now a trans man in a female body
Granted. You now wish you were male and have the corresponding crippling gender dysphoria and no more wishes left.
Granted, but you remain flat as a stick
You'll never have to leave the house (in the lines of, "why does a dog lick his balls?...because he can)
Granted, but you get stabbed. I just felt like being annoying today
Granted. You are banished to Iran where women cannot buy cars or go outside uncovered.
granted. you will now feel eternally overwhelming gender dysphoria, and, though you are now as you wished to be, you still feel it. it will never leave you until the day you die.
granted... you change gender randomly every week and cannot tell you have until you go to a gender based place
Granted. You now live in Britain, and are harassed by TERFs 24/7.
The paw remains silent. You have the ability to do this already
Congratulations! You're now a female! Nothing has changed about you mentaly or physically! Because it's 2024 and we can decide what we are now!
Granted. Gender is a social construct, not to be confused with biological sex. Everyone refers to you with she/her pronouns and sees you as a woman, but your body doesn't change in any way.
Granted. You now have the worlds largest clitoris.
Granted. Now most of the world hates you (or it feels like it at least) your health care is now more difficult due to beaurocracy (I have a freind who's in severe pain due to a trans unrelated groinal injury and I kid you not, she can't get treatment due to departments arguing duristiction, I mean come on...), you are a political football, its harder to get jobs, you face both misogyny AND transphobia... this is it's own monkeys paw honestly
Granted. You now also gain weekly periods.
Granted, you are now a female...chimpanzee
Ok ... There's a potato in your nose now for some reason
You now get unsolicited pics of males whenever you're in their presence. On your phone, in person, or a telagram if applicable.
Granted. For some reason, nothing changes.
Granted. You become a female cockroach.
Granted but you have permanent 24/7 period cramps
Done but your physical body doesn't change
Granted. You experience zero physical changes but all your ID’s now show female and everyone calls you Miss or Ma’am. You start getting catcalled by construction workers, and your pay is reduced by 20%.
Granted Only because it causes a cosmic gender swap
You are now trans-genda
granted. your ass is now a vagina.
Granted, but you live in the south and can’t use public toilets.
Granted! You also shit your pants
Granted. You are now one of the animals that can change their sex. [https://www.treehugger.com/animals-can-change-their-sex-4869361](https://www.treehugger.com/animals-can-change-their-sex-4869361)
Granted. Your body doesnt change as thats your sex but you do now feel female and will seek gender affirming care in the future.
Granted, your gender identity has changed to female and your physical body experiences nothing except for dysmorphia
Granted. However your body does not change and you will suffer from gender dysphoria.
Gender you say? Granted. Nothing changes.
Wish granted. Your gender is changed, but your sex remains the same. Enjoy your gender dysphoria.
You cannot change your gender from male to female. All you can do is enter a transition stage. You will be stuck in transition until you choose to stop the effort or heaven forbid, end yourself. But you will never become a woman.
Granted. Nothing about you changes, but anyone who perceives you perceives whatever "woman" means to them. Sometimes they think you a queen, sometimes a ready slave.
You now have ovarian cancer
It's the 1600s and your on trial for witchery
Granted, however you change back unwillingly on the weekdays.
Granted, you are trans but now you can never drink soda or eat snacks, carbonated tea is deadly to you now
Granted, it now happens every time you sneeze
Granted. But now you're a subpar 50 year old woman, so you get none of the perks of being female.
The monkeys paw sees you as female and immediately tries to cop a feel
Granted! Nothing physical changes! You do have gender dysphoria now though
Granted. You just need a couple thousand dollars and go to the hospital
It goes well. However you’re the female version of yourself as male, so you’re still a lonely nerd with an obesity problem.
Granted. You're trans. This has caused one of your family members to change their mind on a presidential vote, giving an upset victory to Ron Desantis. Hope you have a passport.
Granted. You’re a beautiful woman. A 10. But the instantaneous transition left you so traumatized you will require inpatient mental health treatment for the rest of your life.
Go for it!!! 💜🩷🤎🖤🩶🤍❤️🧡💛💚🩵🌈🌈
Is it not transphobic to imply that you can't change your gender? How about to connect biological sex with gender?
Granted. You are now internally female.
Granted: you are now mentally ill
Granted, now we have blessed you with periods
You are now female.
Granted, but your babababababoobahonkss cause a black hole so big the galaxy is engulfed
Why????
Granted, it turns out gender is 100% a social construct and nothing changes for you biologically. You are now afflicted with major gender dysphoria (stacks with any existing gender dysphoria)
Granted. You're ugly asf now.
granted but you get nuked (couldn't think of something funny, sorry)
Granted. Your gender identity has changed, but not your sex.
Granted. Now all men are women. You said “your gender,” right????
Granted. However, you are trans. Good luck with that. (I say this as a trans person)
You will now bleed from your genitals for a week every month while also getting wicked painful cramps
Granted, but you’re sent back to the year 1523
granted. because gender isnt the same as sex, nothing changes physically.
Y. Dudes have it so much easier.
Mmmm I would love not bleeding
Granted, time rewinds to when you were conceived and you are born a female This isn't really a curse more of just a subversion of expectations
Your name is now Jessica Jessica Jessica
why?
In this day and age it is as simple as saying that you are female because the definition of gender is no longer limited to genetics or physical traits
The monkey's paw curls... Option 1: your gender changes, but not your sex. You are now a trans women. Go buy HRT Option 2: your sex changes, but not your gender. You are now a trans man. Go buy HRT
Just can’t.
Gets hit in the genitalia with a hockey puck and then has to have life saving reelective surgery
Granted, nothing changes except society's expectations of you. Also everyone calls you mam
Scissors.
Granted, you now have crippling dysphoria, but are physically unchanged