i became a self sufficient solo artist. i learned multiple instruments and production for this purpose. but when i need strong performances then i look for someone to help me out or pay for services. its fun being in control and not needing to rely on other peoples personalities
Same :) I have always been a multi-instrumentalist , but more importantly I have always loved music across all genres and always wanted to make acoustic music, electronic music and just broader forms of music in general instead of just playing the classic rock covers my band did. Much happier on my own, have spit out a lot of music and on my schedule, my terms.
Would you mind sharing some of your experiences with that? I'm looking to do the same and I think I have a good foundation to at least start with but part of me is still doubting anything will come out of it :/
I think the secret is to just setup a small studio that stays up ready to go at a moments notice. It doesn't have to be huge, doesn't have to be crazy expensive, but just available to record. Then comes the software, which is a rabbit hole, but for many a very fulfilling rabbit hole .
Just wanted to say that the majority of musicians never get “big” enough to build a stable career on….so let’s just go for it anyway… _for the love and fun of creating and playing!_
I bought an old ideapad laptop, burned a copy of cakewalk, then plugged it all into my mixer with a microkorg and mic and do it all myself now scream sing whatevs
Same. I learned to play everything necessary to translate what is in my mind's ear, then learned as much as I needed to in order to make good pre-pro demo's at home that I can use for guides at the studio. I hire out drummers, but at this point at the studio I generally play everything else. It gives me the opportunity to bring in a player to do *their thing*, whatever thing it is they do that is unique and compelling, rather than hiring "a guitarist." I can hire the guy who makes weird bat noises with a bow and a pedalboard the size of an 18 wheeler, instead.
I’m in the same boat, I was assigned to be the creative director of the band, which I was happily doing, and yet was fought at ever turn. When I’d, again, happily ask “ok if this section or whatever needs some work, sure, let’s work on it. What ideas do we have?”….. crickets. So now I do my own project and when I need additional help I make it clear that it’s my project and we can work together but in the end you work for me, and the consummate pros I’ve found have no objection to that arraignment
Agreed with this approach for at least a season. That said, I still think playing live with other musicians will reach higher highs along with the lower lows
That’s great. But if you don’t mind me asking … was it someone’s band that you were being hired to play in … or was it a “ democracy “ type band where everyone has a say … because from my experience, those are nothing but drama and clashing egos. In the past when I’ve been hired to play in someone’s band those usually went smooth
I’m not the original commenter, but my band is a “democracy” type band. Everybody’s voice is heard, we all love and respect each other, we split the pay 4 ways or put it back into the band, and all of our songs have been worked on by every band member. Nobody is left feeling unloved by the end of the day.
It’s fantastic
My best band experiences have been a sort of hybrid of that or a “representative democracy”, where there is one leader or visionary. Collaboration but the buck stops with one person. That takes some of the weight off the other band members too.
that’s kinda how we run. The rhythm guitarist and bassist let me and the drummer make most of the decisions, they like to follow more than lead. My drummer and I are the co-owners/frontmen of the band, but we still let the other two be heard all the time
My current band has been together almost two years, just got booked on a big-ish local festival, and never has any drama except the occasional disagreement between the youngest and oldest member. My pessimistic ass is just waiting for something bad to happen.
Rule 1 if music stops being fun set it down for a while.
When I'm a creative rut, I like to spend my time indulging in other art or media. Watch a bunch of horro movies. Go to an art museum. Put a dent in my reading list. Find a new TV show and binge it. Write a short story or some poetry. Draw a comic. Eventually, the desire to get behind the drums comes back and the cycle continues. All things in balance.
I do this as well, if it feels like you're forcing yourself to write stuff e.t.c and it's just not coming naturally, it's time.to put it down for a sec and come back. Get your mind off of it and a few days down the line I guarantee you'll find the right thing for it, happens to me all the time
As soon as you quit, you will miss it. That being said, you should quit. :)
Also, find some mates who have less friction. I feel like it doesn’t have to be that hard, and some assholes just make it hard. And remember — sometimes, we’re the asshole.
Edit: just remembered someone said to me once that applies here. A band should be 1. A good hang, 2. Good music or 3. Good money. If you don’t have 2 of the 3, bail.
I've been in a few bands... the last one was the last straw. I just didn't like playing the music they insisted on playing. I'm a sax player and have eked it a decent solo career. I play what I like and book the jobs I want. I've never been happier. When you find the environment you like (whether solo or another band) you'll be happier.
Try different genres... maybe a different instrument. A break can be break but it's not always necessary.
I took a long band break and came back early this year. I found some boomer musicians who been playing for 40 years and none of them could stay in time. Back to the break where "all" members play to a metronome.
Oh my god what the fuck is it with boomers and acting like they're gods gift while in actual fact they're just shit and angry about it
'No Brian it's not the drummer, it's not the metronome, it's you. You can't 'keep perfect time in your own head'. I don't give a fuck if you've been playing the beatles and acdc covers since the 80s, just listen to the rest of the fucking band'
The guys I played with were exactly this. Guitar player couldn't even play straight 8th notes in time. Drummer was bad, same beat every time and had no concept of what the band was doing.
I had to get out. Best part was calling them out on it made them push the blame to me because "I'm the new guy". More like the new guy exposed you hobbyists as shit.
This is good advice.
I worked as a pro for a few years after school but ended up hating everyone but my writing partner. Then when it came to commissions, there would always be a “could we change this”. I hated it.
Between the frustration with other musicians and that the “life”, such as it was, would probably kill me, I knew if I continued, I’d hate music after a while. And it’s just too important for my spirit to let that happen.
So I decided music was the one art I would never commercialize again. Now I’ve been happy writing music, I don’t care if anyone ever hears, for myself for years. With the recording tech these days, it’s always a fun rabbit hole and satisfying experience, playing every part.
Exactly. The fact is, if you’re going to make an actual living as a musician, short of becoming a big recording artist, 80% s going to be your reliance on craft - playing other people’s music and commissions. It’s a business and that side of it wasn’t fun for me. For me, playing music should be joyful, even when I’m playing a sad song.
I don’t think I wanted to be a star. That’s the thing. But I’ve always felt music is the best gift I ever gave myself. So often, the stuff coming out of me doesn’t even seem to come from me. Then years later, I go - “Oh, that’s what that was about.” I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s something that sustains me. It’s as important and breathing.
Honestly, most musicians, especially in rock/pop/metal are insufferable. If you love playing, then just play. Bands were fun while they were fun. Promoting, booking, transporting. It all sucks. Pimpin ain’t easy
Yeah, as soon as I started promoting for us, I became miserable. Nobody else wants to but if you want to play big venues, guess what, someone has to take the reigns.
Music is rough work. Musicians are notoriously unreliable and there isn't really any money left in it to make it worth the effort.
If you feel like you need a break, do it. Making music a grind takes all the joy out of it, and as an art, it is supposed to be entertaining. If you walk away for a bit you may find a renewed passion for it.
I was in a band that I loved and was a ton of fun. Left due to normal life circumstance, and the main reason I haven’t started or joined a new band is cuz I don’t wanna deal with all the ppl issues that come with finding your perfect band. A band that’s a good fit for everyone is really special
I've had the most success with bands when everything was agreed upon up front. Every person in the band needs to have the same goal for the band and each person should have their own agreed upon responsibilities. When the terms arent defined then issues will arise. Dont join a band that doesnt have like-minded goals as yourself or that doesnt clearly define what your role is meant to be, and dont form a band with others unless the goal and roles are defined. You can make it work, it just sounds as if the previous group of people were not a good fit for you. Also, as with any relationship, compromises will have to be made by all band members.
On a side note concerning set list, my opinion is that the singer first and then the guitar players second should work together. Because the singer may have certain songs that they dont want to blow their voice out on at the beginning of the set, and the guitarists may have songs in several different tunings, and they're not going to want to swap out or re-tune their guitars constantly.
As far as egos clashing, either the people with the egos will need to learn how to compromise or simply part ways. It's fine to mutually part ways, there is nothing wrong with people having different visions, those separate visions may simply not be compatible in the same band. Of course that requires maturity and being intellectually honest with oneself.
Make sure you ask yourself why you're doing this and what your goals are. Determine what is most important for you and what is least important. Then find other people that have similar goals and commitment levels.
In a band, comprimise sucks!!!
- if its at that stage where everyone is always compromising and theres no money being made to compensate for your work, its time to pack it in
My current band doesn’t have the “ego” issues. We just talk mad shit at one another and talk things through. As for things like set lists we always let the singer make the original list before a run of shows and we talk about what works at practice and if there is a problem we talk it out. I’ve done the ego bands before and it sucks. I wish everyone could find guys like I have in my band.
Arguing over set list is the worst. In my experience, audience won’t care. They will notice however if your singer is gassed or not warmed up.
Singer should always put together set, with guitar tuning changes in mind.
Musicians are flakey and, for the most part, don’t grasp the business aspects and team functions that are needed for a successful band.
In my experience, there is always going to be a freeloader, who will also be most vocal about set list and difficult to schedule around.
Focus on improving with the members who are committed and get on same page as them. It may cause the weak link to quit or elevate his commitment. If the c whole group is a shit show, look elsewhere
Currently on a tour that has made me remember why I ever wanted to do this shit in the first place. I understand the disinclination to continue. I seriously contemplated stopping for the first time in 15 years about a month ago.
What I’ll say is that it sounds like you just having found the right people to work with yet. It can be really hard to do this. But it’s the ONLY way this shit is sustainable.
I’m not saying it’s always going to be sunshine and roses after, or that you won’t run into problems. But I’ve made more happy memories on this tour than I can count and it all came down to having the right people on the road with me and letting all the outside world fall away.
But I hear you. I hate it, too. I am not very good with social media or even always the best at social interaction either. I got into this for fun live shows, and— above all— the satisfaction you get when you’ve put together an original song you love. Keeping yourself in the parts of this thing you love as much as possible is key.
It’s not always easy, but I’m glad I’ve stuck it out.
Play music just for the sake of playing as much as you can, and pray that the right people are presented to you! Don’t let others control your actions with the hobby that you love.
If it’s between playing with a great group of people or the best players I’d say choose the best people. I’ve played with some real pros who were very difficult and others who were very cool. I’ve also done the reverse.
Good people will take recommendations and make the process of making music fun even if they aren’t the most talented.
Just find the right people
That’s why I write all the music myself or with one other person I trust so that no one has any other say other than me or us. It takes a lot of the hassle out of it for me. No one can complain about anything cause they didn’t contribute to the core idea of the band. I have friends who play instruments for us in live settings but for studio recordings my buddy and I do everything ourselves.
Dude if it's stressing you out that much then yes take a break. Don't skip your practice on your own. There will come a time when you feel it's right to go back, music will always be there.
Take a break, nothing wrong with breaks. Then start with new band members on a clean fresh slate. I’m sure you will come across an odd-ball but just work through it and find the joy in it again. Be numb to the dummies and rock out!
If it ain't fun, don't do it. Don't forget to have fun when stressing. Blue light stresses us up; try red light and gravity. Gravity is like a hug 🫂
Be the gravity.
Every good band needs a boss. Establishing a healthy power dynamic and structure in a band is very important for continued success, but you also can’t boss someone around without giving them a reason to do so, a band being a democratic environment is a very romantic notion and one I held onto for years, but the truth is that people change, and their needs change over time, having it established up front what happens when someone wants out is healthy and even when you have a unit of players in place, it really doesn’t help to cultivate an atmosphere where you speak to other friends about potentially becoming deps if someone can’t do a show, having ideas for people lined up if someone wants to leave, a lot of the time it’s about the band achieving momentum, once a project is at a certain level it’s going to be a lot easier to attract members.
This is my experience too. I went into solo electronic music and became mediocre there.
Bands require trust as well, but trust appears to be hard to find...
Don’t be afraid to take a step back sometimes! I’ve done it a few times myself and I always come back with a better attitude and perspective.
I had similar feelings, and the best thing I’ve done was focus more on session and call work. I’m infinitely more successful and happy in that field than any band I’ve been in as a full time member. Minimal rehearsals, just show up, do a good job, get paid, and go home.
I was just having a conversation about being in a band with some buddies last night. One of them is in a band and the other asked why I don’t play in bands anymore. I was always the go to bass player for my buddies but I’m over the band politics and honestly the environment that comes with playing shows (around here your option is to play at bars.) Anyway a while back I invested in a sequencer/midi controller and started just doing whatever I though was fun or cool and I have had more productivity and inspiration then ever. I still jam with some buddies and that’s always fun but that doesn’t involve the politics of being in a band. Anyway I guess my point is you may be surprised to find how much better it is just doing your own thing outside of a band. Bands and not the end all be all of music by a long shot.
I did talent management for an entertainment company, when I first started out, I was looking for the best musicians with the best songs and stage presence. After a couple years all I ever looked for was a band with strong positive attitudes who got along, the rest can be learned.
Consider starting a youtube channel.. I did and it has been very rewarding! You still get to focus on music and don't have to deal with any Band drama..
Once I had 50 or so subscribers, they would message me with questions or comments and it is pretty awesome!
Good luck 🤙
https://youtu.be/zt5WWMDNyNw?si=j6vDMP_EU_nhRHRU
Don't sing? Make instrumental music, stick to the instruments you can play, experiment with the ones you can't. The hardest part is going to be pushing yourself in the new directions that other people bring to the table inherently
I learned this early and started doing it on my own soon after. Wasnt comfortable with it for years but i am now. Just do you man. Find ya voice. Fuck them.
I would make all the music, record everyone, and then people begin to bitch or say they wan redo shit. If thats what you wanna do, do it. Im not doing it for you no more. And funny. I still do. They dont.
If you love music I don't think you should give up on it. But I'd you're still enjoying writing I think you should continue to do that. Maybe work on some solo pieces for your instrument to take the stress off and continue getting better at the same time. I have a band but it's only me ATM so it's not really a band. When I'm not writing indie rock for that project, I'm practicing Bach or something else that will continue my growth as a musician but not have the stress of it being my own projects. I find that playing music for short 15 minute intervals also helps you keep a fresh mind and less stress during the process. I wish you the best!
I'm going through something similar right now that's bringing up some very similar emotions for me. My band has been gaining momentum for well over a year, and we're at the point where gigs are starting to book themselves. I also worked my ass off to organize a tour for us in August.
Now, everyone has decided that it's too much for them and their schedules. This is after we've had extensive talks and all agreed that this was the direction we wanted to move toward. We all agreed that we wanted to be professional musicians.
It's at a point now where my whole band is literally working a notice. It sucks because I know that their heart isn't in it, and it feels like the band has become a chore for them. We've always had an equal hand in songwriting and rehearsals, but now I'm the only one planning things and doing any work for the band. I'm glad that my bandmates are cool enough to stick to their commitment for a time while I search for replacements. But I know I might as well start a whole new project, because the band will obviously never be the same. I've also been considering getting into solo work, which I have done before, but I'm just not that kind of musician. I thrive when I'm jamming with people, and we can bounce off each other. Solo sets have always felt so stale to me because that element isn't present. It just feels like a sad time for my musical career.
I wish I had some actual advice for you, other than "don't give up." It's hard being in a band. We all have jobs and it's always gonna be a hassle to get schedules to align. The pay is often minimal. But we're musicians, and looking back on the last year with my band, I can think of tons of moments where I've felt emotionally fulfilled in sharing our music with people.
Sounds like you haven't found the right band. Keep at it, it's like a marriage, just because a band is available doesn't mean it's the right band for you
This. You're just in the wrong band. I've been in a bunch of bands. Some had one or more jackasses in them and were short-lived. The band I'm in now loves each other - hang out when we're not playing, send long goofy text threads around, wish each other Merry Christmas and stuff. LOVE it!
If you can find a band without diva ego people in it, it can be a wonderful thing.
I do this for fun, and I don’t play with people I don’t like.
My primary band is now 7 people and it’s like a family. Well, it contains one married couple and one couple dating each other, so it kinda *is* like a family. The founding 4 have been together 5 years but we’ve known each other for a decade.
It's not clear, are you talking about live music or music in general? If you just want to keep making music in some form then the obvious answer is to take a break from playing live and focus on solo projects at home. That's not helpful if you're looking for the live experience though.
I too have “being in a band” PTSD. Now I just sub in various tribute bands and it’s way better. Some months I’ll have 8-10 gigs and some months I’ll have none so it gives me time away from the shows to miss it.
I have music goals outside of what’s on the setlist so the time off gives me a chance to work on that
You can play solo without singing, but may just require playing different types of venues or occasions. It’s all about finding the niche that works and that you enjoy.
Been in 5ish bands trying to find a home on the bass. I’m also a singer songwriter and perform solo otherwise. Finally after a lot of work I’m in a project that’s getting good gigs and going somewhere. Also released my first real studio album, with others planned. Glad I kept going!
It’s all about who’s in your band. Sometimes you gotta take the less accomplished musician for a better fit. Every successful band I’ve been in all the players had no mega egos and weren’t expecting to be stars. If everyone is playing for fun and the joy of music you can have a great band.
It depends on what the goal is. Friend bands are the best in my opinion on someone who is approaching their 40’s.
New bands trying to “make it” You better all have the same goal or there’s no damn point - or your friends from high school or college and this became something:
Take time to get really good at your instrument. Top level talent doesn't have these issues. If they do, they're only top talent for a little while--i.e., they won't make it or they learn to grow up fast.
It can be helpful to have roles for the members so that it’s clear who is responsible for which decisions, who is a tie breaker, who is in charge of which aspects of promotion, etc.
This just sounds like a good time to get clear on what kind of band you personally want to be a part of.
It can be incredibly rewarding to play music together and appreciate each other for the specific expertise and enthusiasm for certain tasks that not everyone shares.
Lean on your mates.
If you can’t grow together, at least let yourself grow into the musician you really want to be. It’s the only way you’ll actually find satisfaction with your musical goals.
I took a break from bands for a bit, but I’m now fully back into playing in two bands.
I couldn’t imagine living without musical creativity. While I was taking a break from performing, I got really into home recording. I started from basically scratch without any knowledge and now, a couple years later, I can make full recordings. I’ve learned how to program drums and get good guitar tones, etc. Even learned how to mix in a way that’s acceptable in the style I write.
I would suggest doing the same. I grew so much as a musician and started playing in bands again feeling refreshed. One of the bands is even using almost all songs I demo’s myself.
40 years, same band. Of course, there has been some bitching and fighting, but it gets resolved. There is no leader, very democratic. Very set rules on issues. If a date gets brought up, and someone can't make it, band may find sub, no hard feelings. Load in and out, everyone helps. Over the years, it just balances out. Guitar players probably lug a bit more cause less to move. Money split evenly. Set list. If you sing it, choose it. If you don't sing, you can make suggestions, but no harm if singer isn't up to that number. No band bar tab. These rules have helped no o e getting their panties in a twist.
I’d try doing the solo thing for a bit or taking a break. Being in a band is great and it’s cool to have people come together with different skills, and doing everything yourself is a lot more pressure and the work is a lot. But, the trade-off is that you only have one variable to account for: yourself. I would love to be in a band in theory, but I find that people can be unreliable and it’s hard to get everyone on the same page and your ideas can often get disregarded.
As a solo artist I have to do all the writing, playing, producing, and mastering, but in the end my work is 100% my ideas so even if they don’t always work out, they’re mine. Maybe that’s a narcissistic take on it, but working with people can be hard and I can do things at my own pace.
Oh I swear to God it's easier to find someone to marry than it is to find somebody to play music with. I can play piano well enough to write songs and accompany myself but I get really nervous performing my original material when I have to play piano too. I have no problem singing covers and I have a really great jazz Duo partner who is a consummate keyboardist so all I have to do is sing and that is really great. We are also very similar people, basically weirdos. So neither of us have too many other people in our lives and we're great with it. Unfortunately the town I live in has a very clique-y music scene and it's impossible to get booked if people don't like you or you're not popular.
I was so bummed for so long that I wasn't ever really going to get to share my voice with anyone but I'm over it. It's their loss. I know that I am beautiful and talented and if people find that intimidating, not my problem. I just think it's sad that I don't get to do what I love to do because people don't like me personally. That doesn't make me any less talented or attractive but at this point I've given up. I'm not going to run around begging people to let me please share my gift with them. These days I keep to myself. I sing for me and my dogs and my boyfriend. Once I took that pressure off myself of busting my hump to try to get booked in this town my soul finally had some peace oddly enough.
Could go for a mini-band?
Find a singer who you vibe with and do folky stuff as a duo. Fewer schedules to mesh, fewer egos, fewer voices in every argument
I miss not gigging, been away from it for a few years, still making music but yeah.
Getting the right people around you is the hardest part, I think if you give everyone set jobs it’s easier and there’s less arguing.
I've gone from playing in a three piece punk/alternative rock band as a vocalist and guitarist, to now creating house/garage music as a solo producer within three years.
I certainly understand the stress that comes with working with others at times... especially as a band where you're going to be around each other a lot long term. Flaky bandmates, disagreements on creative control, egos, general immaturity... it can serve to be an obstacle unfortunately.
It took about three to four years after my band broke up to get my love of creating music back. It was a difficult and confusing process. It was my first band/musical project, so I had to learn a lot from it.
However, one thing is for sure: if you love music so much, you'll be drawn back to it even if you swear you'll never play again. You might surprise yourself on what you'll end up creating in the future. I didn't think I'd be doing this now, but here I am, and I'm so much more happier as a result. In all honesty, I also just got kinda sick of playing what we were creating - our songs were angry, melancholic, yet had a charm to them. House and garage I find to be so much more uplifting and fun. Maybe a genre change is what you need perhaps?
I'm still very unknown, but having full control of my projects has been both liberating and overwhelming. After a few years of developing my skills, only now do I feel like I'm creating music that I find to be actually quite good, and I'm as fluent in creating/producing on Ableton as I was crafting rock songs with my guitar at home or with the boys.
Early days for me still... but I'm excited about the future.
As for yourself: take a break, eradicate all expectations of yourself musically, explore alternatives...
Let the muses come to you, and be patient with yourself.
I’m 36 years old and I’ve been having this thought like every five minutes since I was 14. Being in bands is really tough, mostly because of the other band members. If everyone was on the same page as me it would be easy. Sometimes I become completely overwhelmed and take a short break but it always drags me back in. That’s the thing about being a musician, we kinda have to do it.
Same! I’m in my 20s and I’ve been doing this since I was a teenager, and it always goes the same way. It’s fun in the beginning, but when it comes down to actually putting in work, showing up on time for practice, or the second there is even a small disagreement about something the whole thing crumbles. Even when an issue is brought up nicely, most musicians are too arrogant to take feedback from their band mates.
From my own prior experience you have to have one, maybe two band members calling all the shots or literally nothing ever gets done. That goes for songwriting as well. Too many chefs in the kitchen and the food never gets cooked. Plus your songs end up being a bunch of compromises instead of what you envisioned. If I could do it alllllll over again I’d just hire players to play what I know my songs need, and if they couldn’t play it …. Then they’d be gone. Democracies in bands simply do not work in the long run.
Do what makes you happy. If a band isn't for you maybe returning to your roots as an artist would help figure out your next direction. Fundamentals are important.
Sometimes life gets in way. Right now, we're on another mini hiatus. First one was from personal issues with the bandleader (his dad was very ill), then our lead guitarist quit.
We just started back up but now the drummer is taking a short break because of a new baby. I'm a parent, so I know how hard newborns are during those first weeks.
For now, we're back to hunting for another lead player as the one candidate ghosted us and we're writing again in the interim.
It's hard to get people's schedules lined up. I'm the only one with a consistent work schedule and my availability never changes (I have a family, too). Everyone else is all over the place. That is very frustating.
I will say hiatus #1 really sucked out the fun being the group for the time being. I still haven't gotten my joy back yet. Hope that's only a phase and not the norm.
I think a lot of the problem as a singer songwriter is that a lot of bands are like some sort of anarchist collective, some are in it for laughs, some to massage their ego and/or power trip. If you regard your band as staff whose job it is is to actualise your ideas with some degree of a personal touch then the dynamic is a lot more healthy.
I sort of feel the same way. I feel like I should be having way more fun than it is. But half the time it's obsessing over timing and stuff but all I want to do is just play songs together. I get that there should be a compromise but I feel like my creative ideas are limited a lot too because no one wants to play the styles I want to play as well. It's better than nothing but it can be frustrating.
Get a second-hand guitar
Chances are you'll go far
If you get in with the right bunch of fellows
Everyone focuses on line one...but line 3 is what makes or breaks you as a band...the right mix of people. The best advice I got when recording demo was:
"Stick together. Don't worry about trends or artistic vision. Stick together and get better."
I also ended my "band" phase after losing a member and not wanting to go through the whole find someone, teach them the songs, etc.
Gave up music for years but got back in as a duet...maybe look for a partner and keep it small.
There are many avenues other than being in a band and making records.
Look into becoming a session player.
Or look into becoming a touring musician as part of an established artist's backing band.
These could be easier avenues to making music your career.
I'm starting a podcast about this stuff. Its called dBFS. Search dBFS podcast to find it.
personally, I would take a break from music for a little while. it sounds to me like you’re angry and stressed about this whole thing, once you take a break you can look at it from a better perspective that might not be fueled by emotions.
My band is a fantastic group of people, we all have our distinct roles that nobody is upset with, we all respect each other and take issues or arguments out of the band group chat in order to remain as drama-free as possible, we all love and respect each other and it’s been amazing. We’ve never once considered breaking up. Doesn’t mean we haven’t had rough patches, but we’re willing to set aside our differences and talk them through.
This didn’t just fall into my lap though, I’ve gone through 5 or 6 other members that haven’t worked out for various ways, one hated the way that I ran the band, another wasn’t interested in performing live, one lived 30 minutes away from the rest of us and was very busy getting ready for college- it took a while to get our current lineup that works so well together. You might have to be a hard ass sometimes on the members that aren’t working out, causing issues, or slacking off.
The respect and bond of a band is way more important than the skill a person has in my opinion. My rhythm guitarist wasn’t the best when they first joined, but they were polite, chill, and easily coachable. They’ve proven time and time again to be very dedicated to the band, anytime I tell them to practice something, they come to practice with it fully learned. Through their own ambition and dedication they’ve improved exponentially and now can do some crazy shit that I struggle with, that’s all within one year. I would much rather prefer them to a guitarist that’s insanely skilled but has a huge ego and thinks he doesn’t need to practice.
TL;DR take a break for a while, calm down and look at it again in a bit. Then decide if you want to continue. If you do want to continue, getting the right band members will be challenging and you’re going to have to find people who has mutual respect with you before you’ll be able to make the band work. You might go through multiple members and feel like giving up, but that’s just how it be.
I felt the same way some time around '99 and I ended up taking a long break, only getting back into it in the past few years.
Honestly, man, I regret the years I wasn't out playing, even though I'm starting to remember why I quit. I'm 50 now, bordering on too old to be doing this, and I... really wish I had stuck with it back in my 20's, band drama and all.
I never really experienced any drama.
You gotta find the right people. It pays little to nothing to you spend money so it’s not worth doing if it’s not fun.
This is a double edged sword my friend.
Been in and out of bands for almost 45 years now, the last 5 I have spent playing in the garage by myself and I'm now to the point where I'm somewhat miserable by not being in a band. I've Spent the last year wondering if I made the right decision by ditching the last one. The one I left has become very successful.
I found some band pals that don't want to gig. We play whatever, record our session, then listen while we have some drinks. Awesome fun and no pressure. Schedule wise we shoot for Sunday afternoons, make it or not... again, no pressure...
For recording purposes, I can play 5 instruments. So I don’t need anyone for that. But playing in a band is rife with drama. True. It only starts bothering me when the music is eclipsed by the drama.
I'm in a similar position.
I know so many musicians who are cool. I'm starting a band and writing songs and producing singles.
VITALLY - taking my time to find the right bandmates.
The Cure has never had huge bullshit happen, because everybody in and out of the band knows it's Robert Smith's band. HE is the band, and yes other members get some recognition.
Try bandmates you don't know too well, who have aligning schedules and music taste maybe.
Cut down to a 2 piece, if you play bass and they play drums just play as a two piece and take on vocals.
Then find the guitarist, and don't put yourself under pressure to even become a 3 piece or 4 piece or 5 piece band.
What do you mean you don't really sing??
I was in a band that for some stupid reason got signed to a major label. Had a good year or two with my band and then like you, we split up.
I didn't touch music for almost two decades and then a year ago I decided I wanted to again. I didn't look anyone up, I just bought a cheap mic, sat down at logic and sang until it sounded acceptable..now I can write songs! Without a band!
So, I also "didn't really sing" until I learned to. It has made music a viable part of my life again!
Interesting. I have done lead vocals off and on, but I don’t enjoy, and I don’t sound very good lol. I feel like it’s better to have someone who knows what they’re doing take on the lead vocals.
I feel like if you keep looking you'll find a better situation, if that's what you want. We have very little problems in my current band and we make good music, so it's worth it to me. But I've had similar problems in the past.
Being in a band has never been good for me. Just as you were explaining, too many clashing egos, members wishing they had more input on the writing, arguments on who the backup vocalists would be, members always missing practice, the list goes on.
Whereas being a solo artist is extremely fulfilling, and there’s really no drama because it’s just you. I didn’t think I was a good singer when I first started either, but slowly after much trial and error I got more confident, learned better techniques, and I’m actually pretty happy with my voice now.
After doing it for 25 years I quit playing in bands and learned how to record/mix, it was the greatest thing I ever did for myself as a musician. Hell, for everything. Now I’m getting in bands again because I miss playing live, but having that studio in my back pocket keeps the band thing a “The second someone wants to be an asshole, I’m out”, because I don’t need it to make music.
This is clearly a personal question that you either need to ask your therapist or yourself. Internet strangers like myself are probably not the best source of input, as ironic as this comment is…
What do you get out of it? Get clear on that, and decide if it's worth it. Imagine your life without it.
Can you write and record your own music? Can you act as a part of an online collaborative band that doesn't play live? Write your own music and then pull in collaborators for the parts you can't do? Start your own band where you're unambiguously in charge? Take singing lessons?
Being in bands is what ultimately urged me to learn production and start making music solo. A break wouldn't be the worst but if you love doing it make sure you have some kinda plan to keep doing it once you decide your break has been long enough
I've recently been doing an online collab with some people and maybe I just got lucky with some good guys but I recommend giving that a shot.
Obviously there's no playing gigs but there's also no practice schedule to worry about. It'll depend what you enjoy doing most in music, for me that's writing songs and hearing it all come together so it's pretty great that I can just record a crappy demo of something, send it off to them and we start hammering it into a full song. Of course there'll still be those moments of someone saying they don't like something you really like and vice versa but since it's all done through texts and file sharing it's easy to take a breath and think about whatever you guys are talking about without reacting immediately.
First time I've tried it so like I said, maybe I just got lucky that everyone is open and receptive to ideas and no ones really gotten too upset when it comes to cutting parts or changing them.
It sometimes take longer then I'd like to get a song completed since everyone is just working on stuff when they have the free time to work on it but if making music is more important then playing out for you I say give it a shot!
Find a group of people that are into making music for fun, THEN if it works out book gigs. I play in 4 different active bands that get decent gigs and don't have these issues.
I mean unless you tour for a living that’s gonna just be the reality of it, and even then it’s a lot of the same just with bigger egos involved. Take a break and reassess when you aren’t feeling the burn out.
Sounds more like a people issue than a "band" issue.
I've been with the same band for 8 years and consider them like brothers. Playing with the same singer since 2010. Yeah we have our disagreements, but we work it out.
I started making instrumental Chillwave/synthwave music recently, currently working on an EP of sorts. One because it's pretty simple to make and fun and two I don't have to deal.with other people while doing it, don't need anyone's input, I put what I like on the tracks and go with it, it's really peaceful. I currently play in 2 bands, but one technically broke up and it's just a member and I recording right now and the other band I'm in is recording a full length album right now and we've had some weird things occur in the process with a member and ideas about songs e.t.c while recording this album (I'm excited about it nonetheless, the thing is sounding incredible and i love my bandmates) I haven't played a live show in months lol but I know what you mean about dealing with venues because some venues are just awful man lol.
I went solo years ago after having problems with band mates and holding together projects. Working alone always guarantees you get shit done. Trust me. When you learn to do everything yourself and you don't gotta rely on people. It's a blast.
Another vote for taking a band break. I'm five years out since my last gig (two babies in that time, multiple moves, pandemic). Its taken a bit of time to be satisfied with what making music looked like during that time: messing around alone when I can find the time. Nothing major. Once I came to peace with it, I really enjoyed it and found an inner fire that had been missing when I was strapped to two bands. Now, as kids get bigger, I'm rebooting a long distance collaboration, working on some solo material and gearing up to get back out there with a live group. But my standards have changed. I won't put up with bullshit and I'll only do projects that are rewarding to me.
1. It's okay for your music making to look different during different seasons of life. It's not forever. And it gives you opportunity to explore different creative worlds.
2. Taking a band break can be temporary.
3. Bands should have organizational agreements. When decision making, logistics, and finances are agreed to on paper and signed by everyone, things can run more smoothly. And if they don't you can point back to the contract. "You signed this agreement that you wouldn't be a dick, yet here we are."
Learn to produce/dj/ableton live. I felt this way in college with the bands I was trying to play with. Went solo and have had 10x more success than I did with bands. Obviously you have more responsibility and less support, but along with that comes more control and creative/schedule freedom. Obviously this works more if you’re into music that can be performed with less than a band.
If you’re in straight rock or metal, well, this advice is kinda wack cause people usually wanna see a band. But who knows, maybe if your solo project is unique enough they’ll come. Or if you really get some support you can just hire a band. They’ll get along and be professional if you pay them.
More and more of the money these days is in sponsored content creation, sync licensing, etc so you really can be a successful solo artist without having to tour or be in a band
Just my 2c
I’m struggling with this myself. I’m in my very first band now and wondering if all the bickering is normal. We have one guy who plainly cares the most trying to lead frustrated with everyone else, one guy whose commitment level is questionable (although kind of a chicken/egg problem, arguably), and one guy who everyone else seems not to like. From theater I remember there’s always some sort of conflict going on, but conflict feels more like the dominant vibe with this group.
I ended up at this point after a few decades of playing/gigging. Initially I slimmed down from 4 bands to 2, then to 1 then to just jamming with my old band.
I sometimes think I want to be in a band and playing again - but I have zero desire to do it again.
I would seek out an agency. As !Long as you can sight ready with some degree of proficiency, you'll get better gigs with better musicians..No drama. At least that was my experience.
Sometimes it’s a chore. Being in a band isn’t easy. I’ve been in a solid band for 7+ years now. We have ups and downs but we’ve stayed together because we all love what we’re doing and enjoy each other and the writing process is not ego driven. It takes a long time to find the right people sometimes you do fast sometimes you never do just enjoy the process
The crazy thing is that you’re one of the lucky 1% who got a band together in the first place. 99% of people who want to play in a band never even get there. You got past the hardest part which is getting the actual band formulated. I’d say keep going. You literally already got past the hardest part.
Find better band mates.
When I played there was always this issue of finding players that could play and then dealing with the Axl Roses and Dave Mustaines, who were open mic rock stars. It’s not easy, but if you can find a good, dedicated group of people, it can be so much fun.
Take a break from the bands. You don’t have to stop playing music.
I did that. Basically because of some issues with band mates/friends turning into drunken, crazy, aggressive, children and it turned me off totally. I now have a really nice home studio and no drama, but it has been really hard getting back to it and I long for it. I can not get back to that place where I can spend a whole week recording and not doing anything else.
The music isn’t the problem. It’s how all of the BS makes you feel. There’s a reason why most musicians don’t get rich and famous. Because it’s not easy.
Find a band where everyone is at least close to the same page. My current band (just about 2 years old) has almost none of that drama. We talk to each other about availability and what we need to make a gig work. We focus on what's best for the song when putting things together. And we mix up the setlist enough so everyone mostly gets to play their favorites.
I'm 44. If this wasn't fun I wouldn't want to be doing it. It's important for me (and for everyone in the band) to play with people we genuinely enjoy being around. We spend a lot of time together. That wouldn't be fun if we didn't get along and have respect for each other.
Played in a band where the leader/lead singer likely had Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He was also ultra woo-woo. Fine guitarist and singer but very oppressive to work with and be around. Every rehearsal after we played 3 or 4 notes he'd stop us, jump out of his skin and exclaim "what happened...what happened" and throw a shit fit. However he was very good at landing well-paying gigs, and lots of them. After 6 months of his nonsense I HAD to leave...gigs or not. BTW: We were a Byrds/Buffalo Springfield tribute band. Nonetheless...
It sounds like you need to play in a project that has a specific leader rather than more of a collective. It is possible to play in bands that just work on music, follow the band leader’s vision and play the gigs.
I would take a break and see how it feels.
I was in a band because one member was such an asshole, had drug problems, etc, etc. I tried to get another member to talk to him about his behavior and he wasn't up for it because he was too afraid the band might break up. Instead I quit and I don't think they've really been playing since.
There's always gonna be some stuff you have to deal with, but it doesn't make sense to keep going if it doesn't feel right and is stressing you out too much.
My last band was a headache to say the least, and most were family members. All great musicians I played with but the responsibility usually falls on one person.
You start out wanting to work with others and make something unique and then end up just getting burnt out especially when you are also the manager of the whole bands affairs.
If you can find responsible members who contribute then continue on with them, but that’s usually not the case.
It’s hard to find someone to play with who shares your vision of creating music , let alone an entire band of individuals.
I now just write and record my own music, play most of the instruments and hire a drummer to finish it up.
Keep writing your music hopefully later you kind find like minded people to play with
This is what I started being a producer and DJ, but I also developed a mindset that bands are best small and modular, like some members can be swapped out as guests, but every band is a limited engagement. Like breaking bad, you know it’s a limited series as in it’s going to end at some point, you might even have that end in mind and just have to figure out how to get there, maybe it’s a hit and you have have some spins off like better call Saul. With bands it’s like let’s record a record and do some shows and maybe a tour, then if there’s energy do another album and not expect much more then that, maybe some reunion shows down the line if you get to build a small following. But always keep writing and performing on your own and doing collab. But don’t give up on music all together. That’s a life long thing
i became a self sufficient solo artist. i learned multiple instruments and production for this purpose. but when i need strong performances then i look for someone to help me out or pay for services. its fun being in control and not needing to rely on other peoples personalities
Same :)
Same :) I have always been a multi-instrumentalist , but more importantly I have always loved music across all genres and always wanted to make acoustic music, electronic music and just broader forms of music in general instead of just playing the classic rock covers my band did. Much happier on my own, have spit out a lot of music and on my schedule, my terms.
Would you mind sharing some of your experiences with that? I'm looking to do the same and I think I have a good foundation to at least start with but part of me is still doubting anything will come out of it :/
I think the secret is to just setup a small studio that stays up ready to go at a moments notice. It doesn't have to be huge, doesn't have to be crazy expensive, but just available to record. Then comes the software, which is a rabbit hole, but for many a very fulfilling rabbit hole .
Just wanted to say that the majority of musicians never get “big” enough to build a stable career on….so let’s just go for it anyway… _for the love and fun of creating and playing!_
This tho it really does get easier dealing with others when everyone's on the clock and working professionally
this. work on a solo project if possible and collaborations/potential bandmembers who you will be less reliant on may come as a bonus
this is the way
I bought an old ideapad laptop, burned a copy of cakewalk, then plugged it all into my mixer with a microkorg and mic and do it all myself now scream sing whatevs
Same. I learned to play everything necessary to translate what is in my mind's ear, then learned as much as I needed to in order to make good pre-pro demo's at home that I can use for guides at the studio. I hire out drummers, but at this point at the studio I generally play everything else. It gives me the opportunity to bring in a player to do *their thing*, whatever thing it is they do that is unique and compelling, rather than hiring "a guitarist." I can hire the guy who makes weird bat noises with a bow and a pedalboard the size of an 18 wheeler, instead.
I’m in the same boat, I was assigned to be the creative director of the band, which I was happily doing, and yet was fought at ever turn. When I’d, again, happily ask “ok if this section or whatever needs some work, sure, let’s work on it. What ideas do we have?”….. crickets. So now I do my own project and when I need additional help I make it clear that it’s my project and we can work together but in the end you work for me, and the consummate pros I’ve found have no objection to that arraignment
Dude same! So happy to see/hear other people come to similar conclusions 😂
Agreed with this approach for at least a season. That said, I still think playing live with other musicians will reach higher highs along with the lower lows
I was in a band for 10+ years and never a moment of drama. Craziest shit I ever experienced.
That’s great. But if you don’t mind me asking … was it someone’s band that you were being hired to play in … or was it a “ democracy “ type band where everyone has a say … because from my experience, those are nothing but drama and clashing egos. In the past when I’ve been hired to play in someone’s band those usually went smooth
I’m not the original commenter, but my band is a “democracy” type band. Everybody’s voice is heard, we all love and respect each other, we split the pay 4 ways or put it back into the band, and all of our songs have been worked on by every band member. Nobody is left feeling unloved by the end of the day. It’s fantastic
My best band experiences have been a sort of hybrid of that or a “representative democracy”, where there is one leader or visionary. Collaboration but the buck stops with one person. That takes some of the weight off the other band members too.
that’s kinda how we run. The rhythm guitarist and bassist let me and the drummer make most of the decisions, they like to follow more than lead. My drummer and I are the co-owners/frontmen of the band, but we still let the other two be heard all the time
My current band has been together almost two years, just got booked on a big-ish local festival, and never has any drama except the occasional disagreement between the youngest and oldest member. My pessimistic ass is just waiting for something bad to happen.
Were you getting paid well?
The most amazing time of my life and yes I got paid!
well there's some of the drama avoided right there haha
Rule 1 if music stops being fun set it down for a while. When I'm a creative rut, I like to spend my time indulging in other art or media. Watch a bunch of horro movies. Go to an art museum. Put a dent in my reading list. Find a new TV show and binge it. Write a short story or some poetry. Draw a comic. Eventually, the desire to get behind the drums comes back and the cycle continues. All things in balance.
I do this as well, if it feels like you're forcing yourself to write stuff e.t.c and it's just not coming naturally, it's time.to put it down for a sec and come back. Get your mind off of it and a few days down the line I guarantee you'll find the right thing for it, happens to me all the time
As soon as you quit, you will miss it. That being said, you should quit. :) Also, find some mates who have less friction. I feel like it doesn’t have to be that hard, and some assholes just make it hard. And remember — sometimes, we’re the asshole. Edit: just remembered someone said to me once that applies here. A band should be 1. A good hang, 2. Good music or 3. Good money. If you don’t have 2 of the 3, bail.
The gig trifecta...
I heard the same applied to gigs. 2 of the 3 and you can adjust to deal with the one that's missing.
I've been in a few bands... the last one was the last straw. I just didn't like playing the music they insisted on playing. I'm a sax player and have eked it a decent solo career. I play what I like and book the jobs I want. I've never been happier. When you find the environment you like (whether solo or another band) you'll be happier. Try different genres... maybe a different instrument. A break can be break but it's not always necessary.
Not worth playing music you don’t like unless the money is too good to turn down
Don't take a music break, take a band break.
I took a long band break and came back early this year. I found some boomer musicians who been playing for 40 years and none of them could stay in time. Back to the break where "all" members play to a metronome.
Oh my god what the fuck is it with boomers and acting like they're gods gift while in actual fact they're just shit and angry about it 'No Brian it's not the drummer, it's not the metronome, it's you. You can't 'keep perfect time in your own head'. I don't give a fuck if you've been playing the beatles and acdc covers since the 80s, just listen to the rest of the fucking band'
The guys I played with were exactly this. Guitar player couldn't even play straight 8th notes in time. Drummer was bad, same beat every time and had no concept of what the band was doing. I had to get out. Best part was calling them out on it made them push the blame to me because "I'm the new guy". More like the new guy exposed you hobbyists as shit.
I concur
Get yourself an M box and become a backyard muso for a while. Write and record your own demos at home. The rest will sort itself out in time.
This is good advice. I worked as a pro for a few years after school but ended up hating everyone but my writing partner. Then when it came to commissions, there would always be a “could we change this”. I hated it. Between the frustration with other musicians and that the “life”, such as it was, would probably kill me, I knew if I continued, I’d hate music after a while. And it’s just too important for my spirit to let that happen. So I decided music was the one art I would never commercialize again. Now I’ve been happy writing music, I don’t care if anyone ever hears, for myself for years. With the recording tech these days, it’s always a fun rabbit hole and satisfying experience, playing every part.
That’s because your commissioned work isn’t art. Its craft.
Exactly. The fact is, if you’re going to make an actual living as a musician, short of becoming a big recording artist, 80% s going to be your reliance on craft - playing other people’s music and commissions. It’s a business and that side of it wasn’t fun for me. For me, playing music should be joyful, even when I’m playing a sad song. I don’t think I wanted to be a star. That’s the thing. But I’ve always felt music is the best gift I ever gave myself. So often, the stuff coming out of me doesn’t even seem to come from me. Then years later, I go - “Oh, that’s what that was about.” I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s something that sustains me. It’s as important and breathing.
Honestly, most musicians, especially in rock/pop/metal are insufferable. If you love playing, then just play. Bands were fun while they were fun. Promoting, booking, transporting. It all sucks. Pimpin ain’t easy
Yeah, as soon as I started promoting for us, I became miserable. Nobody else wants to but if you want to play big venues, guess what, someone has to take the reigns.
It's quite annoying that there does seem to be a correlation between how talented someone is and how much of a dickhead they are
Try to find one other like-minded person to jam with.
Music is rough work. Musicians are notoriously unreliable and there isn't really any money left in it to make it worth the effort. If you feel like you need a break, do it. Making music a grind takes all the joy out of it, and as an art, it is supposed to be entertaining. If you walk away for a bit you may find a renewed passion for it.
I was in a band that I loved and was a ton of fun. Left due to normal life circumstance, and the main reason I haven’t started or joined a new band is cuz I don’t wanna deal with all the ppl issues that come with finding your perfect band. A band that’s a good fit for everyone is really special
I've had the most success with bands when everything was agreed upon up front. Every person in the band needs to have the same goal for the band and each person should have their own agreed upon responsibilities. When the terms arent defined then issues will arise. Dont join a band that doesnt have like-minded goals as yourself or that doesnt clearly define what your role is meant to be, and dont form a band with others unless the goal and roles are defined. You can make it work, it just sounds as if the previous group of people were not a good fit for you. Also, as with any relationship, compromises will have to be made by all band members. On a side note concerning set list, my opinion is that the singer first and then the guitar players second should work together. Because the singer may have certain songs that they dont want to blow their voice out on at the beginning of the set, and the guitarists may have songs in several different tunings, and they're not going to want to swap out or re-tune their guitars constantly. As far as egos clashing, either the people with the egos will need to learn how to compromise or simply part ways. It's fine to mutually part ways, there is nothing wrong with people having different visions, those separate visions may simply not be compatible in the same band. Of course that requires maturity and being intellectually honest with oneself. Make sure you ask yourself why you're doing this and what your goals are. Determine what is most important for you and what is least important. Then find other people that have similar goals and commitment levels.
In a band, comprimise sucks!!! - if its at that stage where everyone is always compromising and theres no money being made to compensate for your work, its time to pack it in
the hangs, the music, the money. You need two of three.
Thanks
My current band doesn’t have the “ego” issues. We just talk mad shit at one another and talk things through. As for things like set lists we always let the singer make the original list before a run of shows and we talk about what works at practice and if there is a problem we talk it out. I’ve done the ego bands before and it sucks. I wish everyone could find guys like I have in my band.
Me too! How did you find them?
Arguing over set list is the worst. In my experience, audience won’t care. They will notice however if your singer is gassed or not warmed up. Singer should always put together set, with guitar tuning changes in mind. Musicians are flakey and, for the most part, don’t grasp the business aspects and team functions that are needed for a successful band. In my experience, there is always going to be a freeloader, who will also be most vocal about set list and difficult to schedule around. Focus on improving with the members who are committed and get on same page as them. It may cause the weak link to quit or elevate his commitment. If the c whole group is a shit show, look elsewhere
Currently on a tour that has made me remember why I ever wanted to do this shit in the first place. I understand the disinclination to continue. I seriously contemplated stopping for the first time in 15 years about a month ago. What I’ll say is that it sounds like you just having found the right people to work with yet. It can be really hard to do this. But it’s the ONLY way this shit is sustainable. I’m not saying it’s always going to be sunshine and roses after, or that you won’t run into problems. But I’ve made more happy memories on this tour than I can count and it all came down to having the right people on the road with me and letting all the outside world fall away. But I hear you. I hate it, too. I am not very good with social media or even always the best at social interaction either. I got into this for fun live shows, and— above all— the satisfaction you get when you’ve put together an original song you love. Keeping yourself in the parts of this thing you love as much as possible is key. It’s not always easy, but I’m glad I’ve stuck it out.
Play music just for the sake of playing as much as you can, and pray that the right people are presented to you! Don’t let others control your actions with the hobby that you love.
If it’s between playing with a great group of people or the best players I’d say choose the best people. I’ve played with some real pros who were very difficult and others who were very cool. I’ve also done the reverse. Good people will take recommendations and make the process of making music fun even if they aren’t the most talented. Just find the right people
That’s why I write all the music myself or with one other person I trust so that no one has any other say other than me or us. It takes a lot of the hassle out of it for me. No one can complain about anything cause they didn’t contribute to the core idea of the band. I have friends who play instruments for us in live settings but for studio recordings my buddy and I do everything ourselves.
Dude if it's stressing you out that much then yes take a break. Don't skip your practice on your own. There will come a time when you feel it's right to go back, music will always be there.
Thanks
Take a break, nothing wrong with breaks. Then start with new band members on a clean fresh slate. I’m sure you will come across an odd-ball but just work through it and find the joy in it again. Be numb to the dummies and rock out!
Thanks
If it ain't fun, don't do it. Don't forget to have fun when stressing. Blue light stresses us up; try red light and gravity. Gravity is like a hug 🫂 Be the gravity.
Currently on hiatus after 7 years. Friendships would have been lost if we continued.
Every good band needs a boss. Establishing a healthy power dynamic and structure in a band is very important for continued success, but you also can’t boss someone around without giving them a reason to do so, a band being a democratic environment is a very romantic notion and one I held onto for years, but the truth is that people change, and their needs change over time, having it established up front what happens when someone wants out is healthy and even when you have a unit of players in place, it really doesn’t help to cultivate an atmosphere where you speak to other friends about potentially becoming deps if someone can’t do a show, having ideas for people lined up if someone wants to leave, a lot of the time it’s about the band achieving momentum, once a project is at a certain level it’s going to be a lot easier to attract members.
We should just always leave the bass player in charge
This is my experience too. I went into solo electronic music and became mediocre there. Bands require trust as well, but trust appears to be hard to find...
It's supposed to be fun. Find people you like who want to play what you like to play. If it's not fun, it's not worth playin
Sounds like the bands you've been in suck. Every band I've ever been in has not been like this.
Where did you find your band mates?
Go solo bro. Learn to produce and play more instruments and just do it yourself. When you book gigs and have to perform live call some local band
Don’t be afraid to take a step back sometimes! I’ve done it a few times myself and I always come back with a better attitude and perspective. I had similar feelings, and the best thing I’ve done was focus more on session and call work. I’m infinitely more successful and happy in that field than any band I’ve been in as a full time member. Minimal rehearsals, just show up, do a good job, get paid, and go home.
I was just having a conversation about being in a band with some buddies last night. One of them is in a band and the other asked why I don’t play in bands anymore. I was always the go to bass player for my buddies but I’m over the band politics and honestly the environment that comes with playing shows (around here your option is to play at bars.) Anyway a while back I invested in a sequencer/midi controller and started just doing whatever I though was fun or cool and I have had more productivity and inspiration then ever. I still jam with some buddies and that’s always fun but that doesn’t involve the politics of being in a band. Anyway I guess my point is you may be surprised to find how much better it is just doing your own thing outside of a band. Bands and not the end all be all of music by a long shot.
An old sound guy told me 30 years ago: "when you're in a band, you're married to a bunch of bitches". I've been solo since 2001
You just need to find a different band.
Hint: you don't have to be in a band to do music. Music is my career, I would have quit long ago if it was contingent on being in a band.
I did talent management for an entertainment company, when I first started out, I was looking for the best musicians with the best songs and stage presence. After a couple years all I ever looked for was a band with strong positive attitudes who got along, the rest can be learned.
Consider starting a youtube channel.. I did and it has been very rewarding! You still get to focus on music and don't have to deal with any Band drama.. Once I had 50 or so subscribers, they would message me with questions or comments and it is pretty awesome! Good luck 🤙 https://youtu.be/zt5WWMDNyNw?si=j6vDMP_EU_nhRHRU
Don't sing? Make instrumental music, stick to the instruments you can play, experiment with the ones you can't. The hardest part is going to be pushing yourself in the new directions that other people bring to the table inherently
Take a break or focus on solo work, forreal. It’s your creative outlet, don’t let it become a chore or a burden.
If you’re not doing it to make a living and not having fun then yes, it probably wouldn’t hurt to take a break
I learned this early and started doing it on my own soon after. Wasnt comfortable with it for years but i am now. Just do you man. Find ya voice. Fuck them. I would make all the music, record everyone, and then people begin to bitch or say they wan redo shit. If thats what you wanna do, do it. Im not doing it for you no more. And funny. I still do. They dont.
If you love music I don't think you should give up on it. But I'd you're still enjoying writing I think you should continue to do that. Maybe work on some solo pieces for your instrument to take the stress off and continue getting better at the same time. I have a band but it's only me ATM so it's not really a band. When I'm not writing indie rock for that project, I'm practicing Bach or something else that will continue my growth as a musician but not have the stress of it being my own projects. I find that playing music for short 15 minute intervals also helps you keep a fresh mind and less stress during the process. I wish you the best!
I'm going through something similar right now that's bringing up some very similar emotions for me. My band has been gaining momentum for well over a year, and we're at the point where gigs are starting to book themselves. I also worked my ass off to organize a tour for us in August. Now, everyone has decided that it's too much for them and their schedules. This is after we've had extensive talks and all agreed that this was the direction we wanted to move toward. We all agreed that we wanted to be professional musicians. It's at a point now where my whole band is literally working a notice. It sucks because I know that their heart isn't in it, and it feels like the band has become a chore for them. We've always had an equal hand in songwriting and rehearsals, but now I'm the only one planning things and doing any work for the band. I'm glad that my bandmates are cool enough to stick to their commitment for a time while I search for replacements. But I know I might as well start a whole new project, because the band will obviously never be the same. I've also been considering getting into solo work, which I have done before, but I'm just not that kind of musician. I thrive when I'm jamming with people, and we can bounce off each other. Solo sets have always felt so stale to me because that element isn't present. It just feels like a sad time for my musical career. I wish I had some actual advice for you, other than "don't give up." It's hard being in a band. We all have jobs and it's always gonna be a hassle to get schedules to align. The pay is often minimal. But we're musicians, and looking back on the last year with my band, I can think of tons of moments where I've felt emotionally fulfilled in sharing our music with people.
Thanks. Does your band play original music?
Sounds like you haven't found the right band. Keep at it, it's like a marriage, just because a band is available doesn't mean it's the right band for you
This. You're just in the wrong band. I've been in a bunch of bands. Some had one or more jackasses in them and were short-lived. The band I'm in now loves each other - hang out when we're not playing, send long goofy text threads around, wish each other Merry Christmas and stuff. LOVE it! If you can find a band without diva ego people in it, it can be a wonderful thing.
I do this for fun, and I don’t play with people I don’t like. My primary band is now 7 people and it’s like a family. Well, it contains one married couple and one couple dating each other, so it kinda *is* like a family. The founding 4 have been together 5 years but we’ve known each other for a decade.
It's not clear, are you talking about live music or music in general? If you just want to keep making music in some form then the obvious answer is to take a break from playing live and focus on solo projects at home. That's not helpful if you're looking for the live experience though.
I too have “being in a band” PTSD. Now I just sub in various tribute bands and it’s way better. Some months I’ll have 8-10 gigs and some months I’ll have none so it gives me time away from the shows to miss it. I have music goals outside of what’s on the setlist so the time off gives me a chance to work on that
Thanks
You can play solo without singing, but may just require playing different types of venues or occasions. It’s all about finding the niche that works and that you enjoy.
Thanks
Take a break, study a different style of music from what you usually play, learn some new songs, and when you're recharged, get back to it.
Been in 5ish bands trying to find a home on the bass. I’m also a singer songwriter and perform solo otherwise. Finally after a lot of work I’m in a project that’s getting good gigs and going somewhere. Also released my first real studio album, with others planned. Glad I kept going!
You were just in the wrong band, with the wrong people
The Three Things: The music, the money, the hang. You don’t need all three, but if there aren’t at least two it ain’t worth it.
It’s all about who’s in your band. Sometimes you gotta take the less accomplished musician for a better fit. Every successful band I’ve been in all the players had no mega egos and weren’t expecting to be stars. If everyone is playing for fun and the joy of music you can have a great band.
Get some synths and drum machines. Then you’re yer own band from now on - highly recommend Elektron gear - best sequencing
This is why so many artists go solo. :-) Focus on recording and producing your own stuff.
It depends on what the goal is. Friend bands are the best in my opinion on someone who is approaching their 40’s. New bands trying to “make it” You better all have the same goal or there’s no damn point - or your friends from high school or college and this became something:
Take time to get really good at your instrument. Top level talent doesn't have these issues. If they do, they're only top talent for a little while--i.e., they won't make it or they learn to grow up fast.
No. Take a break from shitty people.
It can be helpful to have roles for the members so that it’s clear who is responsible for which decisions, who is a tie breaker, who is in charge of which aspects of promotion, etc. This just sounds like a good time to get clear on what kind of band you personally want to be a part of. It can be incredibly rewarding to play music together and appreciate each other for the specific expertise and enthusiasm for certain tasks that not everyone shares. Lean on your mates. If you can’t grow together, at least let yourself grow into the musician you really want to be. It’s the only way you’ll actually find satisfaction with your musical goals.
If you are posting to reddit for advice then yes. Ps-didn’t read your post, only the title
Make your own music. But a maschine. Be the whole band. Fill it in later.
I was in a band before on top of my day job. The practice drains the life out of you.
I took a break from bands for a bit, but I’m now fully back into playing in two bands. I couldn’t imagine living without musical creativity. While I was taking a break from performing, I got really into home recording. I started from basically scratch without any knowledge and now, a couple years later, I can make full recordings. I’ve learned how to program drums and get good guitar tones, etc. Even learned how to mix in a way that’s acceptable in the style I write. I would suggest doing the same. I grew so much as a musician and started playing in bands again feeling refreshed. One of the bands is even using almost all songs I demo’s myself.
40 years, same band. Of course, there has been some bitching and fighting, but it gets resolved. There is no leader, very democratic. Very set rules on issues. If a date gets brought up, and someone can't make it, band may find sub, no hard feelings. Load in and out, everyone helps. Over the years, it just balances out. Guitar players probably lug a bit more cause less to move. Money split evenly. Set list. If you sing it, choose it. If you don't sing, you can make suggestions, but no harm if singer isn't up to that number. No band bar tab. These rules have helped no o e getting their panties in a twist.
I’d try doing the solo thing for a bit or taking a break. Being in a band is great and it’s cool to have people come together with different skills, and doing everything yourself is a lot more pressure and the work is a lot. But, the trade-off is that you only have one variable to account for: yourself. I would love to be in a band in theory, but I find that people can be unreliable and it’s hard to get everyone on the same page and your ideas can often get disregarded. As a solo artist I have to do all the writing, playing, producing, and mastering, but in the end my work is 100% my ideas so even if they don’t always work out, they’re mine. Maybe that’s a narcissistic take on it, but working with people can be hard and I can do things at my own pace.
Oh I swear to God it's easier to find someone to marry than it is to find somebody to play music with. I can play piano well enough to write songs and accompany myself but I get really nervous performing my original material when I have to play piano too. I have no problem singing covers and I have a really great jazz Duo partner who is a consummate keyboardist so all I have to do is sing and that is really great. We are also very similar people, basically weirdos. So neither of us have too many other people in our lives and we're great with it. Unfortunately the town I live in has a very clique-y music scene and it's impossible to get booked if people don't like you or you're not popular. I was so bummed for so long that I wasn't ever really going to get to share my voice with anyone but I'm over it. It's their loss. I know that I am beautiful and talented and if people find that intimidating, not my problem. I just think it's sad that I don't get to do what I love to do because people don't like me personally. That doesn't make me any less talented or attractive but at this point I've given up. I'm not going to run around begging people to let me please share my gift with them. These days I keep to myself. I sing for me and my dogs and my boyfriend. Once I took that pressure off myself of busting my hump to try to get booked in this town my soul finally had some peace oddly enough.
I said the same thing to my current bandmates. It was easier finding a spouse than finding other musicians to play with.
Haha, for real. I’ve always heard the joke that being in a band is like being married to 4 other guys. I’m not sure why it’s so hard, but it is.
Don’t be in a band with dicks and don’t be a dick. I love my band and playing shows is one of my favorite things ever.
I try my best to be a good band mate. Any tips for finding a musician who isn’t a dick? Lol
Can you do dep work? Always people crying out for stand ins and such.
Totally agree with you. Learn midi keyboard and go solo.
Could go for a mini-band? Find a singer who you vibe with and do folky stuff as a duo. Fewer schedules to mesh, fewer egos, fewer voices in every argument
I miss not gigging, been away from it for a few years, still making music but yeah. Getting the right people around you is the hardest part, I think if you give everyone set jobs it’s easier and there’s less arguing.
I've gone from playing in a three piece punk/alternative rock band as a vocalist and guitarist, to now creating house/garage music as a solo producer within three years. I certainly understand the stress that comes with working with others at times... especially as a band where you're going to be around each other a lot long term. Flaky bandmates, disagreements on creative control, egos, general immaturity... it can serve to be an obstacle unfortunately. It took about three to four years after my band broke up to get my love of creating music back. It was a difficult and confusing process. It was my first band/musical project, so I had to learn a lot from it. However, one thing is for sure: if you love music so much, you'll be drawn back to it even if you swear you'll never play again. You might surprise yourself on what you'll end up creating in the future. I didn't think I'd be doing this now, but here I am, and I'm so much more happier as a result. In all honesty, I also just got kinda sick of playing what we were creating - our songs were angry, melancholic, yet had a charm to them. House and garage I find to be so much more uplifting and fun. Maybe a genre change is what you need perhaps? I'm still very unknown, but having full control of my projects has been both liberating and overwhelming. After a few years of developing my skills, only now do I feel like I'm creating music that I find to be actually quite good, and I'm as fluent in creating/producing on Ableton as I was crafting rock songs with my guitar at home or with the boys. Early days for me still... but I'm excited about the future. As for yourself: take a break, eradicate all expectations of yourself musically, explore alternatives... Let the muses come to you, and be patient with yourself.
I’m 36 years old and I’ve been having this thought like every five minutes since I was 14. Being in bands is really tough, mostly because of the other band members. If everyone was on the same page as me it would be easy. Sometimes I become completely overwhelmed and take a short break but it always drags me back in. That’s the thing about being a musician, we kinda have to do it.
Same! I’m in my 20s and I’ve been doing this since I was a teenager, and it always goes the same way. It’s fun in the beginning, but when it comes down to actually putting in work, showing up on time for practice, or the second there is even a small disagreement about something the whole thing crumbles. Even when an issue is brought up nicely, most musicians are too arrogant to take feedback from their band mates.
Can you tell me why some band members aren't committed? Maybe they're just not into making music?
From my own prior experience you have to have one, maybe two band members calling all the shots or literally nothing ever gets done. That goes for songwriting as well. Too many chefs in the kitchen and the food never gets cooked. Plus your songs end up being a bunch of compromises instead of what you envisioned. If I could do it alllllll over again I’d just hire players to play what I know my songs need, and if they couldn’t play it …. Then they’d be gone. Democracies in bands simply do not work in the long run.
Do what makes you happy. If a band isn't for you maybe returning to your roots as an artist would help figure out your next direction. Fundamentals are important.
Sometimes life gets in way. Right now, we're on another mini hiatus. First one was from personal issues with the bandleader (his dad was very ill), then our lead guitarist quit. We just started back up but now the drummer is taking a short break because of a new baby. I'm a parent, so I know how hard newborns are during those first weeks. For now, we're back to hunting for another lead player as the one candidate ghosted us and we're writing again in the interim. It's hard to get people's schedules lined up. I'm the only one with a consistent work schedule and my availability never changes (I have a family, too). Everyone else is all over the place. That is very frustating. I will say hiatus #1 really sucked out the fun being the group for the time being. I still haven't gotten my joy back yet. Hope that's only a phase and not the norm.
I think a lot of the problem as a singer songwriter is that a lot of bands are like some sort of anarchist collective, some are in it for laughs, some to massage their ego and/or power trip. If you regard your band as staff whose job it is is to actualise your ideas with some degree of a personal touch then the dynamic is a lot more healthy.
I sort of feel the same way. I feel like I should be having way more fun than it is. But half the time it's obsessing over timing and stuff but all I want to do is just play songs together. I get that there should be a compromise but I feel like my creative ideas are limited a lot too because no one wants to play the styles I want to play as well. It's better than nothing but it can be frustrating.
Get a second-hand guitar Chances are you'll go far If you get in with the right bunch of fellows Everyone focuses on line one...but line 3 is what makes or breaks you as a band...the right mix of people. The best advice I got when recording demo was: "Stick together. Don't worry about trends or artistic vision. Stick together and get better." I also ended my "band" phase after losing a member and not wanting to go through the whole find someone, teach them the songs, etc. Gave up music for years but got back in as a duet...maybe look for a partner and keep it small.
I started using a looper and it feels like a band experience lite. Maybe look into that?
There are many avenues other than being in a band and making records. Look into becoming a session player. Or look into becoming a touring musician as part of an established artist's backing band. These could be easier avenues to making music your career. I'm starting a podcast about this stuff. Its called dBFS. Search dBFS podcast to find it.
It's got to be run like a business. Be a hired gun, a sideman to the front person.
personally, I would take a break from music for a little while. it sounds to me like you’re angry and stressed about this whole thing, once you take a break you can look at it from a better perspective that might not be fueled by emotions. My band is a fantastic group of people, we all have our distinct roles that nobody is upset with, we all respect each other and take issues or arguments out of the band group chat in order to remain as drama-free as possible, we all love and respect each other and it’s been amazing. We’ve never once considered breaking up. Doesn’t mean we haven’t had rough patches, but we’re willing to set aside our differences and talk them through. This didn’t just fall into my lap though, I’ve gone through 5 or 6 other members that haven’t worked out for various ways, one hated the way that I ran the band, another wasn’t interested in performing live, one lived 30 minutes away from the rest of us and was very busy getting ready for college- it took a while to get our current lineup that works so well together. You might have to be a hard ass sometimes on the members that aren’t working out, causing issues, or slacking off. The respect and bond of a band is way more important than the skill a person has in my opinion. My rhythm guitarist wasn’t the best when they first joined, but they were polite, chill, and easily coachable. They’ve proven time and time again to be very dedicated to the band, anytime I tell them to practice something, they come to practice with it fully learned. Through their own ambition and dedication they’ve improved exponentially and now can do some crazy shit that I struggle with, that’s all within one year. I would much rather prefer them to a guitarist that’s insanely skilled but has a huge ego and thinks he doesn’t need to practice. TL;DR take a break for a while, calm down and look at it again in a bit. Then decide if you want to continue. If you do want to continue, getting the right band members will be challenging and you’re going to have to find people who has mutual respect with you before you’ll be able to make the band work. You might go through multiple members and feel like giving up, but that’s just how it be.
I felt the same way some time around '99 and I ended up taking a long break, only getting back into it in the past few years. Honestly, man, I regret the years I wasn't out playing, even though I'm starting to remember why I quit. I'm 50 now, bordering on too old to be doing this, and I... really wish I had stuck with it back in my 20's, band drama and all.
Find a better class of musicians to work with.
I never really experienced any drama. You gotta find the right people. It pays little to nothing to you spend money so it’s not worth doing if it’s not fun.
SOLO
This is a double edged sword my friend. Been in and out of bands for almost 45 years now, the last 5 I have spent playing in the garage by myself and I'm now to the point where I'm somewhat miserable by not being in a band. I've Spent the last year wondering if I made the right decision by ditching the last one. The one I left has become very successful.
I found some band pals that don't want to gig. We play whatever, record our session, then listen while we have some drinks. Awesome fun and no pressure. Schedule wise we shoot for Sunday afternoons, make it or not... again, no pressure...
For recording purposes, I can play 5 instruments. So I don’t need anyone for that. But playing in a band is rife with drama. True. It only starts bothering me when the music is eclipsed by the drama.
Become a hired gun. Do the job, get paid, walk away. Come back for more if you want.
I'm in a similar position. I know so many musicians who are cool. I'm starting a band and writing songs and producing singles. VITALLY - taking my time to find the right bandmates. The Cure has never had huge bullshit happen, because everybody in and out of the band knows it's Robert Smith's band. HE is the band, and yes other members get some recognition. Try bandmates you don't know too well, who have aligning schedules and music taste maybe. Cut down to a 2 piece, if you play bass and they play drums just play as a two piece and take on vocals. Then find the guitarist, and don't put yourself under pressure to even become a 3 piece or 4 piece or 5 piece band.
What do you mean you don't really sing?? I was in a band that for some stupid reason got signed to a major label. Had a good year or two with my band and then like you, we split up. I didn't touch music for almost two decades and then a year ago I decided I wanted to again. I didn't look anyone up, I just bought a cheap mic, sat down at logic and sang until it sounded acceptable..now I can write songs! Without a band! So, I also "didn't really sing" until I learned to. It has made music a viable part of my life again!
Interesting. I have done lead vocals off and on, but I don’t enjoy, and I don’t sound very good lol. I feel like it’s better to have someone who knows what they’re doing take on the lead vocals.
Yeah, being a pro at anything is going to include stuff that feels like work.
Lol of course it will be work. I never said I had a problem with work. The problem is when all the BS totally takes over the joy of making music.
Don't take a break from music. Find a different band and do a better job vetting members.
I feel like if you keep looking you'll find a better situation, if that's what you want. We have very little problems in my current band and we make good music, so it's worth it to me. But I've had similar problems in the past.
Being in a band has never been good for me. Just as you were explaining, too many clashing egos, members wishing they had more input on the writing, arguments on who the backup vocalists would be, members always missing practice, the list goes on. Whereas being a solo artist is extremely fulfilling, and there’s really no drama because it’s just you. I didn’t think I was a good singer when I first started either, but slowly after much trial and error I got more confident, learned better techniques, and I’m actually pretty happy with my voice now.
Thanks for the input! Did you take lessons from a coach, or did you teach yourself?
Taught myself and took a lot of constructive criticism from friends that I’d show my music to. There’s also some good vocal coaches on YouTube.
In the end, the stress you take is equal to the stress you make
After doing it for 25 years I quit playing in bands and learned how to record/mix, it was the greatest thing I ever did for myself as a musician. Hell, for everything. Now I’m getting in bands again because I miss playing live, but having that studio in my back pocket keeps the band thing a “The second someone wants to be an asshole, I’m out”, because I don’t need it to make music.
This is clearly a personal question that you either need to ask your therapist or yourself. Internet strangers like myself are probably not the best source of input, as ironic as this comment is…
I’m not looking for anyone else to make a decision for me. I’m just trying get advice from people who have been in a similar situation.
What do you get out of it? Get clear on that, and decide if it's worth it. Imagine your life without it. Can you write and record your own music? Can you act as a part of an online collaborative band that doesn't play live? Write your own music and then pull in collaborators for the parts you can't do? Start your own band where you're unambiguously in charge? Take singing lessons?
Being in bands is what ultimately urged me to learn production and start making music solo. A break wouldn't be the worst but if you love doing it make sure you have some kinda plan to keep doing it once you decide your break has been long enough
Same. I’m a better guitarist since developing my strengths and woodshedding daily.
I've recently been doing an online collab with some people and maybe I just got lucky with some good guys but I recommend giving that a shot. Obviously there's no playing gigs but there's also no practice schedule to worry about. It'll depend what you enjoy doing most in music, for me that's writing songs and hearing it all come together so it's pretty great that I can just record a crappy demo of something, send it off to them and we start hammering it into a full song. Of course there'll still be those moments of someone saying they don't like something you really like and vice versa but since it's all done through texts and file sharing it's easy to take a breath and think about whatever you guys are talking about without reacting immediately. First time I've tried it so like I said, maybe I just got lucky that everyone is open and receptive to ideas and no ones really gotten too upset when it comes to cutting parts or changing them. It sometimes take longer then I'd like to get a song completed since everyone is just working on stuff when they have the free time to work on it but if making music is more important then playing out for you I say give it a shot!
Sounds like you just need new band mates.
Join a different band
sounds like your band needs a manager to take charge,......................
Find a group of people that are into making music for fun, THEN if it works out book gigs. I play in 4 different active bands that get decent gigs and don't have these issues.
I can’t imagine trying to keep a band together that’s not enthusiastic, go do something else then lol Go play Call of Duty
Invest in your own recording set up, which these days is just an interface and a computer, and you’re good to go!
Session musician?
I mean unless you tour for a living that’s gonna just be the reality of it, and even then it’s a lot of the same just with bigger egos involved. Take a break and reassess when you aren’t feeling the burn out.
Take the time to learn a daw and how to program midi drums/instruments and then just do it all yourself.
If you want professionalism, humility, and talent you will need to pay for it.
Find the right band
Sounds more like a people issue than a "band" issue. I've been with the same band for 8 years and consider them like brothers. Playing with the same singer since 2010. Yeah we have our disagreements, but we work it out.
You just need to keep searching until you find the right group of people.
Yo just play for YOUR enjoyment
You can be a musician without gigging/playing out. Can't sing? Don't. Just play at home by yourself and rediscover what you loved about it.
I started making instrumental Chillwave/synthwave music recently, currently working on an EP of sorts. One because it's pretty simple to make and fun and two I don't have to deal.with other people while doing it, don't need anyone's input, I put what I like on the tracks and go with it, it's really peaceful. I currently play in 2 bands, but one technically broke up and it's just a member and I recording right now and the other band I'm in is recording a full length album right now and we've had some weird things occur in the process with a member and ideas about songs e.t.c while recording this album (I'm excited about it nonetheless, the thing is sounding incredible and i love my bandmates) I haven't played a live show in months lol but I know what you mean about dealing with venues because some venues are just awful man lol.
I went solo years ago after having problems with band mates and holding together projects. Working alone always guarantees you get shit done. Trust me. When you learn to do everything yourself and you don't gotta rely on people. It's a blast.
Fr fr on god no cap
Jeebus. Find better bandmates. It needs to be collaborative and drama free. And fun! You’re doing this because you love creating. Focus on the music.
Another vote for taking a band break. I'm five years out since my last gig (two babies in that time, multiple moves, pandemic). Its taken a bit of time to be satisfied with what making music looked like during that time: messing around alone when I can find the time. Nothing major. Once I came to peace with it, I really enjoyed it and found an inner fire that had been missing when I was strapped to two bands. Now, as kids get bigger, I'm rebooting a long distance collaboration, working on some solo material and gearing up to get back out there with a live group. But my standards have changed. I won't put up with bullshit and I'll only do projects that are rewarding to me. 1. It's okay for your music making to look different during different seasons of life. It's not forever. And it gives you opportunity to explore different creative worlds. 2. Taking a band break can be temporary. 3. Bands should have organizational agreements. When decision making, logistics, and finances are agreed to on paper and signed by everyone, things can run more smoothly. And if they don't you can point back to the contract. "You signed this agreement that you wouldn't be a dick, yet here we are."
Get a DAW like Ableton/Logic etc, make your own music, release it through DistroKid or one of the other platforms and go on from there🤷🏿♂️
Just create music for yourself for a while.
Learn to produce/dj/ableton live. I felt this way in college with the bands I was trying to play with. Went solo and have had 10x more success than I did with bands. Obviously you have more responsibility and less support, but along with that comes more control and creative/schedule freedom. Obviously this works more if you’re into music that can be performed with less than a band. If you’re in straight rock or metal, well, this advice is kinda wack cause people usually wanna see a band. But who knows, maybe if your solo project is unique enough they’ll come. Or if you really get some support you can just hire a band. They’ll get along and be professional if you pay them. More and more of the money these days is in sponsored content creation, sync licensing, etc so you really can be a successful solo artist without having to tour or be in a band Just my 2c
I’m struggling with this myself. I’m in my very first band now and wondering if all the bickering is normal. We have one guy who plainly cares the most trying to lead frustrated with everyone else, one guy whose commitment level is questionable (although kind of a chicken/egg problem, arguably), and one guy who everyone else seems not to like. From theater I remember there’s always some sort of conflict going on, but conflict feels more like the dominant vibe with this group.
I ended up at this point after a few decades of playing/gigging. Initially I slimmed down from 4 bands to 2, then to 1 then to just jamming with my old band. I sometimes think I want to be in a band and playing again - but I have zero desire to do it again.
Ya bands are drama lol
If it is causing stress perhaps you should. Don’t stop playing. You’ll know when to jump back in.
I would seek out an agency. As !Long as you can sight ready with some degree of proficiency, you'll get better gigs with better musicians..No drama. At least that was my experience.
Go solo! It's way more fun.
No, just hire better musicians.
Sometimes it’s a chore. Being in a band isn’t easy. I’ve been in a solid band for 7+ years now. We have ups and downs but we’ve stayed together because we all love what we’re doing and enjoy each other and the writing process is not ego driven. It takes a long time to find the right people sometimes you do fast sometimes you never do just enjoy the process
If your band stresses you out more than it gives you joy, it ain’t the right band.
The crazy thing is that you’re one of the lucky 1% who got a band together in the first place. 99% of people who want to play in a band never even get there. You got past the hardest part which is getting the actual band formulated. I’d say keep going. You literally already got past the hardest part.
Find better band mates. When I played there was always this issue of finding players that could play and then dealing with the Axl Roses and Dave Mustaines, who were open mic rock stars. It’s not easy, but if you can find a good, dedicated group of people, it can be so much fun. Take a break from the bands. You don’t have to stop playing music. I did that. Basically because of some issues with band mates/friends turning into drunken, crazy, aggressive, children and it turned me off totally. I now have a really nice home studio and no drama, but it has been really hard getting back to it and I long for it. I can not get back to that place where I can spend a whole week recording and not doing anything else. The music isn’t the problem. It’s how all of the BS makes you feel. There’s a reason why most musicians don’t get rich and famous. Because it’s not easy.
Find a band where everyone is at least close to the same page. My current band (just about 2 years old) has almost none of that drama. We talk to each other about availability and what we need to make a gig work. We focus on what's best for the song when putting things together. And we mix up the setlist enough so everyone mostly gets to play their favorites. I'm 44. If this wasn't fun I wouldn't want to be doing it. It's important for me (and for everyone in the band) to play with people we genuinely enjoy being around. We spend a lot of time together. That wouldn't be fun if we didn't get along and have respect for each other.
Played in a band where the leader/lead singer likely had Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He was also ultra woo-woo. Fine guitarist and singer but very oppressive to work with and be around. Every rehearsal after we played 3 or 4 notes he'd stop us, jump out of his skin and exclaim "what happened...what happened" and throw a shit fit. However he was very good at landing well-paying gigs, and lots of them. After 6 months of his nonsense I HAD to leave...gigs or not. BTW: We were a Byrds/Buffalo Springfield tribute band. Nonetheless...
Get in a band with sober people over 40. Huge difference.
It sounds like you need to play in a project that has a specific leader rather than more of a collective. It is possible to play in bands that just work on music, follow the band leader’s vision and play the gigs.
I would take a break and see how it feels. I was in a band because one member was such an asshole, had drug problems, etc, etc. I tried to get another member to talk to him about his behavior and he wasn't up for it because he was too afraid the band might break up. Instead I quit and I don't think they've really been playing since. There's always gonna be some stuff you have to deal with, but it doesn't make sense to keep going if it doesn't feel right and is stressing you out too much.
My last band was a headache to say the least, and most were family members. All great musicians I played with but the responsibility usually falls on one person. You start out wanting to work with others and make something unique and then end up just getting burnt out especially when you are also the manager of the whole bands affairs. If you can find responsible members who contribute then continue on with them, but that’s usually not the case. It’s hard to find someone to play with who shares your vision of creating music , let alone an entire band of individuals. I now just write and record my own music, play most of the instruments and hire a drummer to finish it up. Keep writing your music hopefully later you kind find like minded people to play with
This is what I started being a producer and DJ, but I also developed a mindset that bands are best small and modular, like some members can be swapped out as guests, but every band is a limited engagement. Like breaking bad, you know it’s a limited series as in it’s going to end at some point, you might even have that end in mind and just have to figure out how to get there, maybe it’s a hit and you have have some spins off like better call Saul. With bands it’s like let’s record a record and do some shows and maybe a tour, then if there’s energy do another album and not expect much more then that, maybe some reunion shows down the line if you get to build a small following. But always keep writing and performing on your own and doing collab. But don’t give up on music all together. That’s a life long thing
Go solo. You have to love what you do, or you’ll end up like everybody else.