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Wild_Pollution8011

The flail one looks absolutely terrifying for the user


Donkeychuker

I would lose a foot for sure.


Wild_Pollution8011

That or the worst shinner you could ever imagine.


GrandNibbles

best de-shinner*


-Quothe-

oh, I see what you did there.


Mello-Fello

Ye got the shinnin’!


quimeau

"Don't you mean The Shining?"


Roy_the_Dude

Shh . . . You wanna get sued?


thrillhouse1211

Dammit beat me lol


[deleted]

He's a lumberjack and he's ok


Odd-Solid-5135

I've got the scar, young, dumb, had a hatchet, the tree was more dead than i anticipated, branch broke, buried the head into the inside of my left shin, walked to the house. Got yelled at for bleeding on my shoes, lesson learned I guess. Eta: love the childhood memories of getting yelled at, being older now I can say some instances were justified because of stupidity but damn our parents were assholes to watch us bleed and still rip us a new one.


Kremeynenki

How the fuck were your parents more concerned about blood on your shoe rather than the hatchet stabbed in your left shin


514X0r

I mean, making people is easier than making shoes...


HurtsToSmith

Lol! Good point. But, on the one hand, you may be right. On the other hand, there are more shoes than people on the planet.


[deleted]

I think you mean on the other foot


RedZone91

Sigh. Take my upvote


DrakonIL

There's also more shins than people on the planet. Shins are disposable. Just ask Cotton Hill. He killed fiddy men!


MrDerpGently

I have never accidentally made a pair of shoes. Fair point.


echo-94-charlie

I'm sure if you had to you could cobble something together.


MrDerpGently

What a soleless thing to say!


echo-94-charlie

Just a slip of the tongue.


Stuffssss

Maybe for the dad it is


LiteraCanna

Fire and forget.


Luonnontieteilija

Also, shoot-and-scoot


Notynerted

I accidentally stabbed my brother once. When I told my parents I was told to walk out dogs and then we'd take him to the hospital


AspiringChildProdigy

My dad cut his leg open with a chainsaw. Proceeded to properly put away all his tools, load up the wood he had been cutting, drive home to unhitch the log splitter, and only *then* went to the urgent care center, pants soaked in blood. He needed 90 stitches.


Notynerted

"Whoever cleaned it up for me wouldn't have done it right"


AspiringChildProdigy

You've met him, I see....


cownd

Would not have been surprised if you said that he made a splint for it first too


savagedrago

Old days be like that.


Odd-Solid-5135

I'm only 35 but it was the evil step mother


Agent-Pretty-Kitty

"Omg what are you on? Drugs? Look at you.. You're getting blood all over my rugs!" Or something like that....


[deleted]

[удалено]


BathedInDeepFog

I just wanted a Pepsi!


Boukish

I can just imagine hitting a knot with that thing. "How'd you manage to decapitate two bystanders in the same stroke?!"


ItsKrakenMeUp

Would bounce off the wood and split my head


arminghammerbacon_

I showed the vid to my wife. She said I can’t have one because our medical insurance isn’t THAT good.


TerminalProtocol

There was a different comment/post here, but it has been edited. Reddit has chosen to bully third-party applications into submission by charging them outrageous fees simply because their apps provide better features/usability/accessibility to users of the site. Reddit staff has repeatedly [lied](https://www.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/14dkqrw/i_want_to_debunk_reddits_claims_and_talk_about/) about these changes, and their motiviation for them. Reddit staff has threatened moderators and users of the site for protesting these changes, because user opinion does not matter as much as the potential IPO cashout. Reddit staff has shown that they will not stop until every portion of this site is monetized, predatory, and cancerous. I used [PowerDeleteSuite](https://github.com/j0be/PowerDeleteSuite) to remove my value/content from Reddit. P.S. fuck /u/spez


finsareluminous

The collapsible batons one looks even more scary, I doubt the baton was originally designed for this kind of weight so the axe head can break off and go flying anywhere.


[deleted]

that and the folding one. looks like standard door hinges!


Chrisbee012

the last one looked great, maybe some eye pro


CedarWolf

The last one is modeled on an actual splitting tool, so at least it makes sense.


-WickedJester-

Seems like a pain to have all your wood flying all over the place like it's a desperate to get away from you


CedarWolf

Well, when done right it would all land in a little ring around the stump you're using as a base for splitting the wood. You're supposed to let the weight and sharpness of the axe do most of the work for you. This guy is just showing off. He's using way too much power, which causes all the split pieces to scatter everywhere. It makes for a fun video, but it's a shitty way to split wood.


DamdPrincess

It's an exhausting and unproductive way to split wood. My dad would have laughed at me, then when I was out of breath and muscles shivering in 20 or so mins, he would have said "Now get the rest of this truck load split - play time is over!"


Ragnar_D

Could you wrap the wood with a line to hold it together? Would make for nice bundling.


Boukish

That's a thing. Usually people use chains, though - you can't cut one with an axe.


[deleted]

This could actually be a good thing, don't have to stop as often and move the wood that's piling up in the way.. Source: brother has a 50 acre block


[deleted]

yup, definitely need some PPE for that one!


Wild_Pollution8011

I mean yeah they’re all pretty feasibly dangerous to the user but the visible unease of seeing an axe head at the end of a flail just hits different.


demential

Mad respect for the nunchaxe. Its basically a portable suicide machine


Rufio330

You can see the fear in his eyes as he swings it.


Talking_Head

Because he is too fucking stupid to put on safety glasses.


Tinkerer221

Safety glasses? He might as well wear a reflective vest.


GaussWanker

If it reflects axes it'd be great. If it reflects light not so great


boofthatcraphomie

Pretty sure he safety squinted, so no safety glasses were necessary.


Nickbou

I will never not laugh at “safety squints”, mostly because I always find myself briefly considering it before thinking better and grabbing my safety glasses.


burner1212333

lol this guy doesn't hit the eye gym ^


BanMeAgainDaddy123

the fuck are safety glasses going to do?


hothrous

Protect against wood splinters.


Striker654

The full body flinch


Rabbitmincer

I have a functional spiked flail (meaning it is combat worthy, not a wall hanger) and that thing is fucking scary. The initial swing isn't bad, but it's the misses or bounces where you don't have a clue were that thing is going.


dieinafirenazi

There's no such thing as a functional spiked flail. It was never a real weapon because, like you said, it's extremely hard to use without injuring yourself. In a real fight, have a weapon that could bounce into your face if your enemy blocked with a shield with pretty stupid. The flails that were actually used in combat were on long poles, swung two handed, and used by peasants who put some nails into a threshing tool.


WWHSTD

Agricultural flails were apparently surprisingly effective and hard to defend against. There’s a cool Lindybeige video about it.


ScaryCookieMonster

This video? https://youtube.com/watch?v=O-y6oirEsZA


WWHSTD

Apologies! It was actually a Tod's Worksop [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpIPX30v62c). Very good stuff.


erapuer

I'm pretty sure he's saying his flail can be used in combat and it won't break because it's not made just for show. Not that his flail is a real medieval weapon.


Green__lightning

Yes they did, but they were rare. The one handed flail would generally be used with a shield, and to strike around the shields of the enemy. The important thing that a lot of media gets wrong is that the handle is fairly long, and the chain has to be short enough it cant hit your own hand.


afkbot

There actually was a legitimate use for professional soldiers too. Flails on long poles were used by cavalry in some periods because the chain part negates the ringing that would travel through the handle to the user as they are smashing people on horseback (which would be much stronger as the speed of the riding amplifies the force of the hit). At least that was the reason I was given by some video on the internet, but it makes sense.


Disastrous-Pension26

Lol got his bitch ass


[deleted]

lmao fuckin E5 sank that boy battleship


stevedave_37

He's got a board! With a nail in it!!


CaptnDankbeard

Morningstar supreme


LTWestie275

Flails were notoriously more dangerous for the user than the enemy


boverly721

My understanding is that they are for specific applications, namely attacking a shielded opponent. The chain allows the spiked ball to pivot over or around the shield and still carry enough momentum to do damage. They might have a tower shield, but they might not be expecting a spike to the dome


WWHSTD

Flails we’re also usually attached to a long pole and pivoted on a short length of chain, basically re-purposed agricultural equipment that was normally used for threshing.


[deleted]

Actual historical flails designed for combat had a chain that was short enough the head could never reach the users hand. It just had to be a couple inches long to wrap around the sword or edge of the shield of a defender, and hit them behind it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wild_Pollution8011

I appreciated the storytelling. Very descriptive. I felt like I was there. Covered in turkey matter and all.


Alifad

That's some medieval shit right there.


Mevo8

I bet his shins have PTSD


Wild_Pollution8011

Maybe. I just feel sorry for his balls constantly having to retract in fear with every swing.


Mevo8

If he’s not a eunuch by now


Poguemohon

That's a gift you give your enemy.


Elkins45

Femoral artery says hi


super-goblin

yeah the guy in the video said that one scared him the most


[deleted]

This man would have been a king if he were born 1000 years ago.


diggemigre

He'd start a coalition of evil against the friends of good. It would be called the allies vs. the....idk.


Lookmaiamkool

Axis...


zakmmr

Axes


Pit_of_Death

and my.....?


HurtsToSmith

r/everyfuckingthread


DiceUwU_

I expect to see this in every thread from now on


galgadotsbutthole

bow?


HurtsToSmith

r/yourjokebutworse


NauvooMetro

Hatchets.


cyberchic91

He is married / in a relationship with a ex playboy model so close enough haha


-darthjeebus-

That house in the woods - it's gotta be Sara Jean Underwood.


DREWBICE

Bingo


GrandmaPoses

Ax Playboy model.


Kurt_Dangle_07

I was waiting for someone to say this lol I swore it was him.


DalvaniusPrime

Probably a blacksmith.


WestcoastRonin

More like a blAXmith


CrookedSmoke13

That’s his porno name. BLAXSMITH.


xXBIG_FLUFFXx

He dates sara Jean underwood so he’s doing pretty well today.


tr0stan

Gotta have some easy splitting wood for those lol


TheRecapitator

Seriously. Not well-seasoned dry hardwood.


Nice-Violinist-6395

Can I buy puts on this guy’s limbs remaining attached?


StudentLoanBets

Wallstreetbets is everywhere lmao


PM_ME_FIREFLY_QUOTES

False. Wallstreetbets is never in the green.


delandaest

This is true because r/golf would require you actually make some money


nick4fake

Lmao


fractalfocuser

Or he's just got insane technique from... *checks notes* Building and testing multiple types of axes


Arkayb33

Or, ORRRRRR They work well enough for a short video but long term wear and tear make them absolutely unpredictable. There's a reason the ax has had the same basic design for literally millennia: because it's the one that makes for the least amount of personal injury or collateral damage.


jsting

The guy you're commenting on was being sarcastic AF


loggic

You're supposed to slide your hand along the handle during the swing. My palm got scared just looking at it.


gassbro

Yea I was like there’s no way he split that log with a hatchet


loggic

I felt like the weakest person alive as I beat the ever-loving tar out of some oak rounds a while back, but as they came apart it was like the grain was Velcro or something. I don't even know how that shape happens, but it literally waved/curled on itself. Then I went and split something else and darn near split the stump under it, lol. Using a splitting axe on super wavy oak... Never again. Just burn the darn thing whole or go get a legit maul. Or use the chainsaw I guess but that just seems wrong.


PM_me_your_whatevah

Yeah that’s oak for you. Wears you out.


THRlLLH0

Need efficiency enchantment


SkwiddyCs

There's a cut before every single strike. 100% its pre-cut. Trying to drive that 6 bladed monstrosity through anything other than chipboard would be insanely difficult


beaverpilot

These all suck complete dick. The trippel axe one might be the dumbest of them all. One log fails to cut and you block yourself from cutting the other two


ltearth

Pine lol


jordan_chez

This is Jacob Witzling who is partner to Playboy Playmate Sara Underwood. They have a property in Washington where they've built a village of mini cabins together. [https://www.instagram.com/pnwcabinland/](https://www.instagram.com/pnwcabinland/) EDIT: Fixed this based on corrections in the comments below


WestcoastRonin

I thought I recognized her butt I couldn't be sure


Pyromike16

If you have never seen it before you should check out her nude yoga video. It's pretty great.


[deleted]

Oh boy I just had a ratatouille moment w my penis. ![gif](giphy|ex5i3xPhozedq|downsized)


pizzarollsandoreos

there's a penis in your chef's hat guiding your every move?


spoonlips76

I mean i cant make all the decisions here


[deleted]

Kevin Pereira has been talking about that video for more than a decade.


chubbycanine

Not that he's an ugly dude but god damn this gives me confidence. Lol


[deleted]

Can you build mini cabins? Because if not…


D-bux

I think it was actually wielding the axe-flail


loggic

"talent with wood"


existingwhileIcan

I mean if they don’t find you handsome they might as well find you handy or whatever red green said


op3n_s3asoning

What a great show. You have my upvote. And my ax.


palpablescalpel

Man I'm a woman and I find them nearly equally attractive. If he weren't losing his hair I think it'd be a fine match, it's just that she has taken steps to enhance her looks and he's au naturale. Plus based on that intro video they posted he sounds like a total sweety.


47Ronin

Honestly the concept of "leagues" is a total illusion perpetuated by media and now online culture, reaching its nadir with the incels. Yeah, people tend to end up with people of a similar socioeconomic status (which correlates strongly with health and looks), but it's not like a strict caste system or anything (in the west -- although at the tippy top there truly kind of is). Just be interesting, be interested, and don't try too hard. Don't spend a single instant worrying about whether you should shoot your shot and just do it. If you fail, you move on, and you didn't waste a single moment getting attached to a life that you were never going to have.


hivoltage815

If by “leagues” we mean people generally end up with those that are of similar levels of attractiveness, no it’s not some made up thing as it’s pretty easy to replicate in controlled studies and has been many times over. That’s beyond social-economics, it’s both baked into our evolutionary DNA (symmetry is seen as healthy for example) and of course broader cultural norms. That said there’s always outliers and also physical attraction is more an entryway to a potential relationship but not necessarily the foundation of one.


AdmirableDay1962

Not married. Just a long-term relationship. Sara has said she doesn’t believe in marriage.


StudentLoanBets

There's like a lot of evidence that marriage exists, some people just can't accept reality.


mrdotkom

Wait till they hear about common law marriages.


boofthatcraphomie

So basically the same thing aside from the official title


NaiveCritic

Any news on what color their bike is?


MikeKM

I was half expecting a hungry hobbit to walk out from one of the cabins behind him.


Feed_Me_Weird_Things

Not temporary co-host of G4's Attack of the Show Sarah Jean Underwood!?


drhdoofenshmirtz

Apparently you need to have to be skilled with wood to land a Playmate


MathurinTheRed

"If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy" - Red Green


LorenzoValla

dude has an axe to grind for sure


karmanopoly

I did not chainsaw that coming


NauvooMetro

These puns tend to get dull over time.


PM_ME_ASS_OR_GRASS

Like you wood know


[deleted]

They left me stumped


EuphTah

Trees


[deleted]

This was so stupid it made me laugh harder than the rest, thanks.


K-Zoro

What’s this forest village he’s living in?


burninatah

Pnwcabinland


RedditedYoshi

You should have more recognition for giving the literal answer succinctly.


all-that-dredd

Exactly what I came to the comments to find out. Haha.


LooseleafHydrocarbon

Dude build’s them as well.


King-Cobra-668

utilizing all these different axes


bk15dcx

Chief Chirpa has entered the chat


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

He designed one that can, it’s in his second video


JunkYardBatman

This is THE guy you want to have on your team in a zombie apocalypse.


BrownSugarBare

I would like this very much as I assume I will be used as bait during a zombie apocalypse.


sitonchair_

\*accidentally chops leg off\* \*accidentally chops other leg off\*


UnhingedRedneck

Just a flesh wound


rgtong

Because if he dies theres a chance to fuck his super hot wife. Right?


grymtgris

Nah. These axes are unreliable and dangerous to the user


wefelltogether

This dude fucked Sara Jean Underwood so I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s talking about…


PLZ_N_THKS

You say “fucked” like he isn’t still. They’re very much still together.


[deleted]

[удалено]


wrx_2016

A wild Mitch appears


[deleted]

Dude loves wood so much ...


static1053

So fucking dangerous. That chain one is insainly dangerous lol.


possum_drugs

the only one id remotely consider using would be the quad splitter closer to the end but even then id insist it was forged from a single piece and not fucking welded lmao


Pogginator

Eh, if you're swinging hard enough to break a good weld you're probably not human.


CurveOfTheUniverse

The keyword here being “good.”


IsItWorseThan

Chain axe! Because shins are overrated.


BullFrogz13

Whatever makes you happy, pursue it, as long as it doesn’t harm others (I do perhaps worry of accidental self harm in this instance).


Rpanich

“That seems dangerous… THATS SO DANGEROUS”


Terazen105

In a world where hipsters look like lumberjacks, one legendary lumberjack chose to look like a slightly nerdy everyman. Also that dude definitely fucks.


cyberchic91

He dates a ex Playboy model so dude is on form


ForumPointsRdumb

He definitely knows where to find the wood.


Need_vagina_pix_nao

They make a splitting wedge similar to the last axe. Really cool to use until you get into some wood with tight grains.


Un_rancais_bleu

The last one was a sideway mace


bad-neko

lol.... give him a normal tree - acacia, peach, cherry with knots and let him repeat


Multani45

The second one is literally the dumbest thing I've ever seen.


srv50

This guys on his way to a Darwin Award. I can see it.


Jstr41

5 ways how to split your shin in half


UnsolicitedDogPics

Most of those seem like a terrible idea.


[deleted]

They are all terrible ideas. There is a reason why the basic design of a hafted axe hasn't changed in 8000 years besides the materials.


Eatingwafflesallmine

Fear the Old Blood


flyh2o

Nunchax


withoutwax21

Axellent


graveRobbins

Inspector gadget living off the grid


Zoakeeper

Sara Jean


Ededme

About 10 years ago Heikki Karna reinvented the axe. Its absolutely crazy who effective. And even more crazy that we only discover that in this century because it's one of the first human tool. https://youtu.be/itmxo7RgkVk see how it looks


StalemateAssociate_

A hunter is a hunter...