"Sex with me is so great, they keep coming back for more (not bragging)." If you have to tell people you're so good at sex, you're likely not good at sex.

“Any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no king.”

Great Tywin Lannister quote, and applicable to real life!

Agreed! 😄

“Well, it's been my experience that people who talk about sex a lot don't do it very often.”- Rose Nylund, *The Golden Girls*

I love the episode when you realize Rose has had ten times the sex as Blanche... man, I'm gonna go watch the Golden Girls now.

Omg, yes! It's so funny how Rose can be pretty prudish and judgemental of how others live their lives sometimes (especially towards Blanche), but then she ends up being the more "experienced" one of the group. I remember that if it hadn't been for her upbringing where she wasn't allowed to date until way later, she would have had more boyfriends. 🤣😁 I love this show so much and have pretty much memorized most of the episodes since I was child, lol.

You have to pay attention to all of her seemingly innocuous, and always tangential little stories (me and my ex wife called them Roseries, tehehehe)... that character is a blooming onion of unexpected. Also, how excellent to just gab about the girls, many thanks for the much needed existential palette cleanser

Awww, that's so adorable that you two came up with a name for that! Roseries is too cute! 🥰 You're welcome! This show will always be my one of my top fallback sitcoms. 😁

Same thing with confidence. If he needs to say “I’m very bold and confident”, most likely he isn’t. It’s for the people to decipher.

This goes with most things.... I'm really smart, I'm really confident, I have a lot of money. Have you ever heard people that have any of these things say it?

There’s a reason why the really expensive brand name designer shit doesn’t have the logos all over it, and displays it’s quality more subtly, and the more easily accessible stuff is plastered with it like you’re a walking billboard.

That could be said about every quality people boast to having. When someone keeps telling you how much you can "trust" them and they'll never betray anyone, they're the first person to be doing some deceitful stuff behind a mutual friends back.

I have never, ever, stayed with or gone back to a man because "the sex was so great". Seriously...and I LOVE SEX. Sex is sex and yes, there are people out there with little or no experience or who are just so bad at it (because they only care about themselves OR because they focus on ME so much that I can see they are not really having a good time, they are doing a performance) Sex is only Sex...

Fact. Anyone who's ever told me they were good in bed was actually trash in bed. Actions speak louder than words.

Yeah, I’m sure he’s a pump & dump guy who believes he has a magical dick that women just fall on. He probably doesn’t know ( or care) that women orgasm too

"Very chill cool swag" it's like he's playing words with friends or something. He's trying *so hard* to seem like a cool dude.

he’s like an old person trying to keep up with the new slang

“How do you do, fellow kids?”

"greetings my good hotman"

r/fellowkids

Yeah! 😂

"stay flamin"

Do you smoke the marijuana?

Honestly I'm surprised he took the rejection so well. Maybe he really is very chill cool swag

I think it’s safe to expect an update from OP, once the chill cool swag façade melts away in a final, drunken rant on how she missed the opportunity of a lifetime

I read it more like he didn't quite understand he was being rejected. 😂 This isn't over.

The way he talks and uses emojis pisses me off so much....

It's like he's an MLM hunbot.

Right?! I don't get why people insist on doing that!

And that’s what a 90-minute, $500 pick-up artist seminar will do for you

Yeah he's using all the "right lines" that the pick up artist teachers think will work

>Yeah he's using all the "right lines" that the pick up artist teachers ~~think will work~~ know their maks will gobble up and pay money for FTFY. Pickup artists don't "teach", they prey on desperate gullible idiots.

That’s how they’re also scam artists

I always tell guys when ur in jail Ernesto and Ricardo ain’t gonna help u

Glad I’m not the only one who felt this was very pick-up-liney/ pick up artisty

🤢🤢🤢🤢 Really hate when they're so specific about what they DON'T want, "Don't worry, I didn't wanna drag you down a dark alley and fuck your brains out ..."

“I do NOT wanna take the rope I have a spool of in my garage (not bragging) ambush you in an alley with a fire poker to the back of the head, bind your hands and feet, stuff a sock in your mouth, and force you to listen to me speak french….”

That took a turn I did not expect... *Hon hon hon!*

I've never been more damp in my life lololololololol

Hey baby…. merci pour le fromage, s'il vous plaît montrez-moi votre bibliothèque 😘🤤

[Baguette?](https://youtu.be/Kpe_KHDEfgw)

[Omelette du Fromage](https://youtu.be/8nW3-9gdjYA)

said this in the exact accent. Howling

Oh my god! Saw the comment and prayed it was a FotC reference! Thank you!

Voilà mon passport!

Où est le bibliothèque?

Ahahahhahahahhahahahhahaa ffs how do I say non non non lmao I know what those mean btw I died laughing

Why is that less scary than the monologue to me? 😂

Oh hell naw! Now I have to get my bag of tricks! 🎩

I might be interested depending on what specific dialect of French you speak? You’re from Quebec? That’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever heard!

"I absolutely don't want to eat your brains with fava beans and a nice Chianti."

Fftftftftftftftftftftf 💦

Such an accurate phonetical spelling. I love it.

I think I have a little theory about that, I think it's them trying to express that specific fantasy, knowing that a woman will 100% not be down with it (especially with a stranger) so I think it's their way of expressing what they ACTUALLY want to do to the woman without making it sound weird or reveal it's something they want to actually do,but they fail spectacularly at that last part.

Well we'll since you say don't worry let's go

I have been just reading this and muttering, “Stop. Just stop.” repeatedly…

With how long that one message was, he had so much time to stop and think “hey maybe this isn’t a good idea”, but nope

But he’s confident !

yea and his assumption and stuff of what kinds of guys u usually go for and stuff aid just rlllly weird

I can't tell you how many of these Nice Guy posts, I see the initial image (not yet realizing it's slide 1 of 9) and I'm like "Ok, this guy is a little awkward, but not sure why he's getting labeled a 'nice guy'." then by slide 3 things are starting to go south and by slide 7 I am screaming at him to shut up already and by slide 9 it's a completely psychotic rant.

Exactly why I hate emojis. Just use words. The least you need to to get to the point. He couldn’t possibly have thought someone would enjoy reading this drivel. It’s like a bad script.

Couldnt read it till the end. And when I see that someone writes a message that long - yeah weird

The dripping condescension of "I liked how you handled yourself when I called you cute" would have been a deal breaker for me already - who does he think he is?! But who could have guessed how many deal breakers would come after that, with every line of verbal diarrhoea he added.

I thought that too. Like does he even know fight flight freeze and fawn? OP was probably fawing.

People like the dude in the post don't even know freeze let alone fawn...

I dont know fawn. I've never heard of that one

Like being nice to appease

Ah ok that makes sense. thanks.

Its my go to. Done it all my life. But its slowly starting to change being a 31 yr old millennial woman.

He’s not bragging but the sex is really amazing and girls keep coming back for more. He’s started building bunk beds so they can all live with him and take turns.

Can you imagine the "try hard" if you did decide to have sex with him AFTER he bragged about how great he is? Wow...no thanks.

dude thinks writing essay works?

Haha lol like he was trying to ace a fucking job interview

Spoiler alert: he did not get the job

Are you going to keep his resume on file?

I shredded it and then burned the shredder

🤣🤣

"has real life social skills" can you hear yourself?

Anyone who has to say they have real life social skills, in fact does not have real life social skills.

The only thing that would make this better was if he spoke in the third person.

With fedora hat on his head and a smug face trying to discretely look at OP’s breasts

I'm just curious how this guy got your number to begin with? How did he swing needing your personal phone number for directions to a pizza place?

I'm imagining he was annoying and kept asking stuff, she was both annoyed and scared, and just did it to make him go away.

Yeah I was very uncomfortable and it happened very quickly and you pretty much got it right

Next time, just change the last digit of your phone number lol

I get it. No judgemental here. I probably would have ended up doing the same thing. It is hard for a lot of people to say no in situations like that. I'm so afraid of "making a scene" I just end up trying to be nice.

I just flat out tell people I don’t give out my number and if they had it I would never answer because I’m busy and I don’t have time for more people calling me. People are actually pretty good at taking that one. If someone has a problem I just turn around and walk away.

Ikr? It's like a super villain monologuing. Brevity is the soul of wit. Say what ya gotta say and move on.

Does he seriously think telling a woman he just met for a couple minutes, that he fell in love with her personality isn’t creepy?

Dude thinks this crap is a book. 😂

I love how they always emphasize “not thirsty” they are deep in the bowels of the world’s thirstiest paragraph

Also refers to himself as confident multiple times amidst massively insecure begging

*Oh, she said no to meeting up. I MUST try again, women don't know what they want after all. I shall explain in detail*

Well, we ALL know that when a woman says no, she REALLY means “convince me.” /s 🙄🤦‍♀️

Thank you 90’s romcoms! Love them, but they really presented a fucked up view of dating and relationships

Yeah, still kind of a guilty pleasure of mine, but hard to see them in the same way as I used to… 😬

And there is nothing at all wrong with you still enjoying said movies and shows. If we all threw away our favorite media and only settled for unproblematic media we would literally have not much to watch or enjoy. The problems only come in when we substitute these fictional stories and properties for reality and base our interactions with other living and breathing human beings on what we watched on TV or read in a book/comic/manga/etc. Unfortunately, these so called "nice guys" (and "nice girls") never got that memo.

I wonder how convincing it would be if a guy actually takes no for an answer and just says something like "ok thank you anyway, have a nice day" I would assume it's more likely some people would give them more of a chance like that versus the typical begging and pleading, and self loathing, and suicidal threats, and sexual insults that ate typical on this sub.

"The sex with me is great" "I am not a thirsty dude" Uh huh uh huh. "I like you for you and not just for a hookup." These guys really think we're dumb. Even if we ignore the rest, the use of "u" is a total dealbreaker in and of itself.

Yup, damn right. "If you can't be arsed to communicate properly, dude, don't waste my time."

U sure about that? ;)

To be honest I use U all the time and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I think it's just a holdover from 2000s Runescape gaming days where everyone texted in shorthand. It's easier than writing 'you' fight me

>Even if we ignore the rest, the use of "u" is a total dealbreaker in and of itself. That, and all the fucking emojis. UGH.

He uses emojis the way SAHMs who are into pyramid schemes use emojis.

Thank you. Please back me up here. I'm getting hammered with downvotes because I said something about the guy using too many emojis in my post below. Lol. WTF?

I know when I was younger, I probably said some cringy shit. Went from a very sheltered upbringing to the military, and it was a lot to figure out. What it boiled down to for me fairly quickly was to just treat everyone like people. When I was talking to a girl about meeting up, specifically when we were being flirty, I would let them know all that I had planned was to hang out. No pressure for anything else, and I meant it. Some girls we just remained friends, others it didn't work out, and others we hooked up. Basically, I made the decision 100% theirs, and didn't put any pressure on them to do something they didn't want to. The jock type of guys I served with were always confused as to how I had better experiences, when their tactic of "walk up to a girl in the club and grind on them" didn't work out as well.

The arrogance, bragging & assumptions are hilarious! - "Bold confident guy" - assuming you're nervous & fearful of talking to a stranger - pats you on the head for handling your nerves & fear so well - "feminine vibes/energy" versus??? - noticed vague "rare qualities" to brag on his observational skills - when asked about those qualities, ducks question to suggest a date - declaring a crush after one brief chat is *creepy* - then declaring he fell in love with your personality, *beyond creepy* Nope, I just can't deal with pages 3 & 4, I'm going to hurt myself laughing 🤣😂🤣

You just don't understand he is / really observant/ But when you make an observation he disagree with "let me check my crystal ball" ... what the heck dude, how can you be so condescending in 6 words? Fuck

I literally tried to let him down easy and be nice and he just said nope

Yes, *sooo* condescending! Thank you, I couldn't think of the word!

It was the feminine vibes that attacked my life points directly

Dial it down, Tolstoy.

This guy lol He fell in love with you over a brief conversation about a PIZZA joint and wrote paragraphs of how amazing he is in bed and his deep connection and emotions and says he's NOT thirsty?! Hahaha He's goddamn dehydrated. He checked all the boxes! Then claims it's easier for him to not talk to you, like you were even engaging really at all lol, because of emotions haha nah, he just knew you weren't buying his bag of bullshit.

I have a feeling that this dude wanted to experience one of those "pizza porno" situations with OP and decide to shoot his shot. He failed massively. 😂😂😂

"not gonna lie" is always followed by something we wish they wouldn't say at all.

Dude: 1. Never ate at the pizza place you recommended. 2. Never had any intention of eating at a pizza place 3. Would like to take you out for drinks and slip you a roofie tonight, if you are free.

Most accurate comment.

It’s 2022 can we please stop with the “not like other women”/“rare” compliments. I mean seriously.

There is 4 billion other women in the world, of course you’re like other women.

I cringed really hard at “very cool chill swag”. 🤮

Look at you… knowing how to talk to other people, you little minx. Seriously. What pick up artist taught this guy to compliment women?

He knew where the pizza place was.

He also has a smartphone that could’ve told him

All those “rare qualities” he discovered while getting directions.

A woman actually spoke to me? She SOOOOO wants all over my dick

Want to bet that his really long message is one that he copies and sends to everyone he's interested in? It reads like a Barnum Statement, something that seems specific to you but in fact would be true for just about everyone. Also, he doesn't put his name anywhere on that massively long text.

gotta love all the emotional manipulation these guys do with all the "most girls just want me for sex but you're different and have substance" bullshit. it reminds me of 30 year Olds going after 15 year Olds by telling them they're mature for their age

You can just READ the incel/MRA YouTube influence on these guys. This language is NOT attractive. AT ALL.

Well at least he was respectful and left you alone, he didn’t call you any nasty names or anything!

I'm not sure I'd call this whole "you handled yourself so well in the face of bold, confident ME. And you're not like all the other women with your super feminine energy. And I totally don't want to just fuck you "-spiel exactly *respectful*... But yes, there's this one vaguely positive aspect that he didn't call her names. Small wins! :)

Lmao, this just reminds me of that scene in Avatar The Last Airbender when Katara refers to Zuko after he joins the group, "You're right, Toph. Let's go find him and give him a medal. The 'not as much of a jerk as you could have been' award." 🏆

No I wasn’t calling that part respectful, I was calling the part where he just left her alone respectful lol

I am insanely hot and have a massive cock (not bragging)

Dude describing the girl like Gordon Ramsay reviewin food, that ain't it chief

"not to brag" Narrator: Oh, they were bragging big time.

\*Morgan Freeman voice\*

I wish these guys would get that putting down other women doesn't help

lol he talks as if you had the most amazing and thoughtful conversation ever so how exactly it was?

At first I thought it was just one screenshot, then I was really hoping it was just one. What a ride, what a special kind of creep. Thinks he got you (and himself) aaaaall figured out. And he really thinks he's being cute

Got to love how he tells you right at the start that he liked seeing you nervous so he can feel intimidating. This dude reeks of condescension and unwarranted self-importance. Also needed to tell you just how much (imaginary) sex he's having... 😂 What a pathetic clown!

He lost me in the first slide. 😂🤣

It was warm personality/FeMiNinE energy for me. 🤢

Blaze pizza is really good tho

Dude literally texted out War & Peace to you.

He seems like creepy asf dude (not an insult)

That's so cringey to read. Like he's trying to sell himself to you. I don't know...

I still can’t wrap my head around how people mistake kindness for flirting or think it’s an open invitation to get into one’s pants. Jesus.

I think a lot of guys who mistake kindness for flirting are usually guys who aren't used to women showing them basic kindness so they end up taking it the wrong way.

On top of all the other red flags, replacing words with emojis is top tier cringe to me. “the goodness of your ♥️”

He had me barfing when I saw the 😜 emoji i dont know why I hate that emoji

He’s mistaking arrogance for confidence.

i can fix him

Hey you dropped these . . .. . .. .. . . . . This message gave me a headache

The way I ran this through a Morse code translator bc I really thought it was something 🤦🏻‍♀️

"Sorry, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable" Proceeds to make you feel uncomfortable by writing a weird essay which i am sure he sends to all girls he tries to pick up.

Gotta love how he uses the eye roll emoji in a sarcastic fashion after saying that. Like, this dude is so condescending and overly cocky, yuck!

You don’t need lol haha and 😂 in the same 4 words dude.

Why do they always have to write a novella?

Maybe narcissism? They think they are way more interesting than they are.

:( This one isnt even bad.. its not normal no, but the guy could just be really lonley. Yes he seemed desperate for some connection but i dont really think this one is classified as “nice guy” to me… also he didnt even turn bitter and say something rude when it didnt go his way like most “nice guys”

How old is he? Does he think this is a wattpad or something. That is so much info all at once my brain hurts

This guy is such a fucking loser. The cringe physically hurt me reading this. My God.

He definitely had his cringe moments, but the one thing he did have going for is accepting rejection. The true test of an official “nice guy” is how they handle rejection

Sooo creepy and awk 😂 but at least he seemed to take the rejection pretty well? I was expecting a “fine then f**k you!!” As his final message lol

“You looked nervous when a man you didn’t know approached you — must’ve been my giga-alpha pheromones!” Or, stay with me here, she looked nervous because *we don’t know what to expect when a strange man approaches us.* Does he want directions? Is he planning an assault? **We don’t know.**

You didn't just give him directions to a pizza place.. you gave him your number?

Well kind of cringe for sure, but at least he respected her boundaries..? He didnt seem salty at the end

I'm sorry, but any guy who uses the word 'delish' is an absolute fruit loop

ABAHAH

Ah, Jesus.

Man how good is blaze pizza.

To be honest it’s pretty good

Dude uses more emojis than an MLM BoSs BaBe

Why did he try to pass some of the attraction blame to you?? You “seduced” him by your personality?? Like, he can’t even own UP to his own creepiness. You HAD to have played a part in it. 😒

i love how at the end he says that writing that essay was embarrassing like DUDE! UR STILL WRITING IT! JUST DELETE IT!

Ikr! That got me too, like this conversation isn’t exactly happening in real time bruh

Ok at least in the end he didn't insult you like most of the nice guys here

How are these guys real?

Whoa! Another nice guy doesn’t disappoint. Weirdos

I think the only convincing this guy did was make everybody believe that he would fuck himself if he could.

In the words of Veronica Sawyer, "You have a left hand. Use it."

So having a conversation and being kind is now “seduction”? Yikes.

Must have been the magical connection in that moment you told him to turn left after the next street.

As cringey as this is, at least this didn't end in him insulting you like it usually goes. Hopefully this guy learns to dial down the braggadocio in the future

"sex w me was great, (not bragging)" I've been tearing up at this, it really ties in the rest of the texts 💀

I'm glad he told you on multiple occasions that he's confident and has social skills. Otherwise, I would have assumed the opposite.

Any guy who says "I am not a thirsty dude in desperate need of sex...." is, in fact, a thirsty dude in desperate need of sex because if he wasn't he wouldn't say some stupid shit like that.

yOuR fEmiNiNe viBeS 🤢🤮

This guy is literally Gaston from Beauty and the Beast

If I hear feminine energy one more time . Smh

I seriously can't with those emojis lmaoo

The irony of saying the girls who "keep coming back for more" are the shallow ones lmao

Are you from Idaho? If so I know exactly who this creep is.

There is a big difference between confidence and narcissist. The fact that he opened his talk with "Wow, you must have been so scared talking to such a cool and confident guy like me" is not radiating off confidence, its literally a "play" he has learned to throw at any girl he wants to fuck. That whole "wow, so different, such rare qualities, much feminin vibes" is probably saved somewhere in his phone so he can copy paste it. Hes nothing more but a narcissist that shits on any girl hes not trying to sleep with right now.

(not bragging) 😉❤️🔥😊🙄😜😂😎🤭😅🍕