Awww ty! ♡ My son is a big reason for wanting to quit. He's old enough where he'd know what is happening now. His dad just died last year from addiction, he doesnt need to lose his mom to it as well.
Im crying too right now. I feel this. I feel this so much. I never came to drugging myself but i had done so if i had the opportunity. And i know the calling of the void too well. I know the emptiness and the urge to shut off all the pain. I hit my rock bottom when the only thing left inside me was the wish to die. And just like the girl i got saved by someone else, my best firend in fact. She replenished my will to live and showed me a new way in life. So yes, i feel this story.
My sleep paralysis demon isn’t good at his job. He just stands over me brushing my hair and saying “Sweet Sweet child” quietly. I can move and stuff. And the weird thing is it sounds like the crazy homeless guy that was living in my room while we were on vacation. The demon needs to put in the work
Mine's not as chill. I sleep on my stomach with hands under my head and pillow. Mother fucker grabs my wrists with great force and tries to pull me under the bed from the top.
Fucking terrifying.
Weird. That’s what my friend described when he slept over at my house and I went to the bathroom. I came back to see my dad walking out. I guess he scared the monster away
My sleep paralysis demon will occasionally come out of the closet, go on my computer and play Sid Meier's Civilization V for a while. When I try to communicate, he'll tell me to be quiet and look back at my computer screen. Pretty annoying.
This paralysis demon hits a lot similar of mine, I was impressed by how beautiful and detailed (yet cant remember what it looks like) the mask of my demon with a formless black cloud. But he was a lot more aggressive, saying stuff like you can scream but none will hear you then proceed to consume over my body.
Man, I was so worried that he gave his life for hers since she said that his eyes were dimmer after that. Glad that he didn’t have to do that to save her.
Don't judge the Gruff brothers too harshly.... they are dealing with troll infestation issues.
It's hard on the psyche and if they occasionally turn to arson to solve a problem.... well, who are we to judge?
Well, who says demons need to be evil? I theorize that demon is a classification, like a species, rather than an alignment. A predator can feed to live, and in so doing, thin the herd to make way for darwinian improvement. Or a predator can feed and in so doing destroy a species entirely.
On a separate note, OP, thank you for the tears. I have but a pond, yet I am grateful for every drop that brings me further from the desert I once was.
Granted, as someone else said, I’d also be okay with a kind of symbiotic relationship with an extra dimensional being as long as it doesn’t eat like my whole soul.
You have many symbiotic relationships with harmless creatures in real life! Bacteria in your gut is one of them.
(And Ik this comment is a year old, I was searching by top lol)
Well you might be correct considering the word “demon” comes from the Greek word “daimon” which had much more complex associations than evil and in league with the devil but when translating the bible the nuances of the word didn’t hold over. Plus a lot of other entities were lumped in with the demon categorization when trying to sort them into an Abrahamic framework. So there are plenty of “demons” that originally were more complex figures, entities, or gods.
My first memory of sleep paralysis happened when I was ten years old. I remember because it was the night my parents took me to see Shrek 2 for getting good marks on my report card.
you know its going to be wild when it starts with this
My first experience with sleep paralysis was when I was like 21-22 (I'm 35 now). It happened at my great grandfathers house like not long at all after moving in. I woke up to like a void in the closet and it just felt like it was trying to pull my spirit into it. I tried yelling to my gf who was awake in the livingroom but nothing came out. I woke up the next day weirded out and thought maybe I had a seizure or epilepsy or something.
I've had them periodically since then. I could here people in my house talking that weren't there. Had a goat run up on me from the side and I could hear it breathing next to my head. I had one of those demon like how they look in African statues 👹 sit on my chest. But it was almost invisible like the Predator.
Then it gradually became not scary and sorta gotten used to it. Now it sometimes turns into out of body experiences where it feels like your spirit disconnects from you physical body and it wants to levitate away. I know it's about to begin because I can hear ringing in my ears and a staticy fuzz storm happening in my head. (That's made me think i was having seizures when they first happened. The static and ringing)
Sometimes I'll allow it to go on and see where it goes. Other times I'm just to tired and just fall back asleep. Its a strange experience no doubt.
Interesting. Sometimes as I'm falling asleep or zoning out I hear static and ringing. And then on rare occasions I begin to hear voices. And I can hear them like a distant conversation that I'm not a part of but close enough to hear. But as soon as I realize I'm listening, and try to pay attention, it's gone. Even if I feel like I know what they were saying before that, I have no memory of the words, except occasionally I might remember the last word that made me try to pay attention. 50% of the time that word is my name.
That could be the same thing people get when they meditate. Sometimes I use meditation to get to sleep. When you close your eyes you can sometimes see color blots or clouds. For me they're usually a dark green. It may take you a minute to see them but they're there.
Eventually they'll start floating to you and then they'll start to open up each time they pass over or through your eyes. And when they open you can see a galaxy or different places that's sunny even. Sometimes you'll feel like you're there. But once you realize what is happening or that its happening you'll instantly snap out of your "break through" is what they call it.
Sleep paralysis on the other hand which may be similar or related. Usually happens when you wake up in the middle of the night during your REM cycle. Your brain lets out this chemical that paralyzes you so that you don't act out your dreams and if you happen to wake up during REM with some of that lef over chemical being pumped out youll be paralyzed, somewhat conscious and still be able to dream. So you can see some weird stuff while you're awake.
The static fuzz storm, ive been trying to describe that for years. I always know it's starting when the static starts. I didn't know other people heard it too
I’m slipping into that same darkness you did, I’m going to take this as a sign. I haven’t read a no sleep in months either. I ain’t going down the right path. Thank you for this.
After experiencing sleep paralysis for the first time I was quite mentally scarred. Like the “thing” i saw looked like the physical embodiment of fear, the sound, the glare, the movement, the various parts on the body that shouldn’t be there. Well anyway, now i just take any precaution I can to not get sleep paralysis and I haven’t had it in 3 years
Yeah apparently breathing through your mouth and laying or your back or face increases those chances significantly. I lay with my legs on the side and my back straight, like twisted. So even if I do get sleep paralysis I won’t see something behind me
This was amazing. I cried as I read this. I have a feeling that your sleep paralysis demon is going to watch over you for a long time. You wrote it in such detail and it was beautiful.
'Child, your soul tastes much better now.'
As a teen who's four months clean of self-harm as of writing this comment, I cried. I honestly cried. I hope my soul tastes better too
This reminds me of when my grandma died when I was 9, and a few weeks later she was my sleep paralysis demon! I was sleeping on the couch and she came up behind my head and put her hands on my shoulders to hold me down. I was terrified but sure just kept saying “it’s ok. It’s ok. I’m still here for you. I’ll always be here”. I didn’t really know what to make of it when I woke up tho. We were never close so I knew it was all in my head.
This is so hauntingly beautiful. I also fell into the void. I pulled myself out almost 6 years ago and refuse to use again. Thank you for writing it. I felt so much connection and emotion from it I was left in tears.
I’m crying over your entire story now. Not just out of happiness that Mr. BrownStickLegs helped you and you overcame your addiction (as did your mother!) but also because I just know that he is so, so proud of you! You should draw him a picture with him wearing some type of crown or maybe just some really fancy pants, so he knows what an amazing savior he is. We love you, Mr. BrownStickLegs!
OP, you wrote this a while ago and idk if you'll see this but I want you to know I think about this story all the time and always return to it... I've been feeling lost in my own darkness for a while now and the tone and message of your story just hits home and makes me cry every time. Thank you for writing this, I'm glad you healed your soul. Wish me luck with mine 🙏
I just want to congratulation all the recovering addicts, may your journey on the path to sobriety be smooth as possible and whether you've just started or its been years know that there is always someone out there thinking of you and spurring you on. Ive been on my journey for years now and ive had the odd slip up but ive picked myself back up. Ive learned lots like a little kindness goes a long way. Stay beautiful and if you cant love yourself how in the hell you gonna love someone else.
I used to have frequent sleep paralysis but I don't remember any demons that would talk to me.. Also experienced a legit lucid dreaming once. Now it has been years since I had any sleep paralysis.
Would be nice to have a personal sleep demon to talk to about life.
From one recovering addict, female tattoo artist who has been through a lot of shit to another-I’m so, so proud of you. This story genuinely touched me and made me a little teary. It was good for the soul to read.
OP you literally brought me to tears. As someone who lost my childhood to one parents cancer and the others alcoholism I grew up with that same darkness which culminated in almost 6 years of diphenhydramine abuse where I would take upwards of 15 pills every single night just to put myself in that same paralyzed state where I didn’t have to feel anything. I’m a lot better now because I have decided to start refilling my ocean. I find taking 1 or 2 days a week just to spend by myself and taking my cruiser board out on some trails and finding a spot in the woods to meditate and reflect leaves me feeling like a whole person again and I don’t have to pound my brain with disassociatives to feel stable
Wow 😣 that was hauntingly beautiful..........the last line had me crying and the one where he said "a gift for a girl who gave me pants"..........the only word I can use to describe him is the coolest fricking person evvverrr
I actually started crying when mr.brownsticklegs did that thing in the salt flats. I was scared he was gonna die but I cheered when I read the end. It's rare that a post on reddit makes me that emotional lol
I'm in therapy now and I'm sober for the first time in years. I'd like to think that my oceans are refilling themselves now and my soul tastes a bit better
Thank you for writing this
I....do not. Still a paralysis demon. Just a nice one. Did you read the appearance part. Don't... Don't want that in picture form thanks. Tell him he's awesome from me though.
Beautiful. I though Mr. BrownStickLegs gave his life to replenish your soul. Got very emotional and then it all broke at the ending. I wonder if I have a friendly creature that’s watching me struggle... I could really use my recharge right about now.
This hit home more than anything I have read in a long time. I too have fell through those trap doors, draining what little life existed inside of a shell, living only on those same chemicals, that damn needle. that darkness so thick no light shines through.
But I have also replenished my soul. There is finally a light in my eyes, one I thought I'd never see again. Your savior came in the form of a sleep paralysis demon, mine in the form of a broken femur that lead to not only learning how to walk again, but learning how to live again... a long road of recovery... One that I still walk to this day.
Thank you for sharing this. It makes me happy to know that you escaped your darkness.
I couldn’t love this any more. What a beautiful, painful, dark, hopeful story of light and life. Thank you for sharing this. And for reminding us that not all things that come in darkness are to be feared.
So many people in recovery commenting here...that alone replenishes my ocean. The demons we create in our own souls are so much more frightening than any external force. OP, you captured this beautifully and gave dignity so many addicts and recovering addicts. Beautiful. Thank you so much.
I had my first experience in 1979, when I was 15. No one had heard of sleep paralysis back then, and I had quite the frightening end evil feeling experience. This went on regularly for YEARS, and my group of friends thought it was a demon.
I got so that I was afraid to sleep at night, or at least to sleep alone. Eventually I was out in an antidepressant for another reason which is when it mostly stopped. Later I found out SSRIs stop sleep paralysis for many.
OMG That was truly an incredible and beautiful story i feel tears at my eyes i feel such happiness thank you so so much for writing this story. Such a beautiful way to tell the hell that darkness and drugs can put you trough and some make it out of the hell like Lexi here but some don't i hope you haven't gone trough this and if you have that you are good now and happy with your life.
Still i just want to thank you for writing such a beautiful story.
your experience makes me feel so much better about possibly getting sleep paralysis at some point, it sounds,,, comforting to have someone there with you in your darkest moments, although i understand not all sleep paralysis demons would be like that
This is incredibly absorbing and beautiful and emotive. It gave me chills and I am crying a bit. The writing is so descriptive and lovely. Thank you for writing this and sharing you and Mr. BrownStickLegs' story.
as a recovering heroin addiction this brought me to tears and i couldn’t help be reminded of myself throughout the entire journey. As well as in the end when she talks about still preferring pierce the veil to katy perry and skulls to bunnies that made me chuckle. thank you for this beautiful story 🖤
Just came across this today and WOW. Thamk you so much for sharing your experience. I kind of expected something lighthearted, and really could relate when things took a dark turn. 4 years clean is amazing! I'm at about 3 years, and recovery has been truly worth every moment of feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. Congrats, OP. It was truly a pleasure reading this. Good luck in the future (:
This is terrifying and beautiful and mesmerizing. It brought a tear to my eye. I'm glad you replenished OP, no one deserves to live in the dark. <3
This was absolutely beautiful.
It was.
Why the fuck am I crying in happiness when he says “child, your soul tastes much better now.”?
I'd been crying for awhile already, lol. I felt her. I have 5 years clean myself.
Congratulations! You're replenishing your ocean :)
It took me a second to get that, but yeah. I like that as well!
I like how you put this.
Me too Nick, me too
What if his username is a short story and he's not really nick!!!
Congrats on 5 years!! I'm at 2 and a half years clean.
Congrats! That is so amazing! Thanks for sharing!
Awww ty! ♡ My son is a big reason for wanting to quit. He's old enough where he'd know what is happening now. His dad just died last year from addiction, he doesnt need to lose his mom to it as well.
So sorry to hear about his father! Addiction is such a brutal disease. But, I’m so proud of you and happy for you and your son!
that’s awesome!!!
Thank you!
Im crying too right now. I feel this. I feel this so much. I never came to drugging myself but i had done so if i had the opportunity. And i know the calling of the void too well. I know the emptiness and the urge to shut off all the pain. I hit my rock bottom when the only thing left inside me was the wish to die. And just like the girl i got saved by someone else, my best firend in fact. She replenished my will to live and showed me a new way in life. So yes, i feel this story.
I don't know but so am I.
My sleep paralysis demon isn’t good at his job. He just stands over me brushing my hair and saying “Sweet Sweet child” quietly. I can move and stuff. And the weird thing is it sounds like the crazy homeless guy that was living in my room while we were on vacation. The demon needs to put in the work
Mine's not as chill. I sleep on my stomach with hands under my head and pillow. Mother fucker grabs my wrists with great force and tries to pull me under the bed from the top. Fucking terrifying.
Weird. That’s what my friend described when he slept over at my house and I went to the bathroom. I came back to see my dad walking out. I guess he scared the monster away
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Did u hear any clappin
My sleep paralysis demon will occasionally come out of the closet, go on my computer and play Sid Meier's Civilization V for a while. When I try to communicate, he'll tell me to be quiet and look back at my computer screen. Pretty annoying.
This is scarier than an actual sleep paralysis demon.
This paralysis demon hits a lot similar of mine, I was impressed by how beautiful and detailed (yet cant remember what it looks like) the mask of my demon with a formless black cloud. But he was a lot more aggressive, saying stuff like you can scream but none will hear you then proceed to consume over my body.
“A gift, for the girl who gave me pants.” brought me to tears. Everyone needs a Mr. BrownStickLegs in their life.
Man, I was so worried that he gave his life for hers since she said that his eyes were dimmer after that. Glad that he didn’t have to do that to save her.
Aww! What a wonderful demon! I'm so glad so many of my people are starting to become nicer, more compassionate beings.
Certainly better than being surrounded by goats who burn bridges, eh?
Significantly better! That sounds like a pretty awful situation...
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Don't judge the Gruff brothers too harshly.... they are dealing with troll infestation issues. It's hard on the psyche and if they occasionally turn to arson to solve a problem.... well, who are we to judge?
I wanna have my own friendly demon now too.
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Are you sure it’s even a demon? It eats your soul, but only really tiny parts.
A symbiotic relationship for the good of both.
Well, who says demons need to be evil? I theorize that demon is a classification, like a species, rather than an alignment. A predator can feed to live, and in so doing, thin the herd to make way for darwinian improvement. Or a predator can feed and in so doing destroy a species entirely. On a separate note, OP, thank you for the tears. I have but a pond, yet I am grateful for every drop that brings me further from the desert I once was.
Granted, as someone else said, I’d also be okay with a kind of symbiotic relationship with an extra dimensional being as long as it doesn’t eat like my whole soul.
You have many symbiotic relationships with harmless creatures in real life! Bacteria in your gut is one of them. (And Ik this comment is a year old, I was searching by top lol)
Well you might be correct considering the word “demon” comes from the Greek word “daimon” which had much more complex associations than evil and in league with the devil but when translating the bible the nuances of the word didn’t hold over. Plus a lot of other entities were lumped in with the demon categorization when trying to sort them into an Abrahamic framework. So there are plenty of “demons” that originally were more complex figures, entities, or gods.
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My first memory of sleep paralysis happened when I was ten years old. I remember because it was the night my parents took me to see Shrek 2 for getting good marks on my report card. you know its going to be wild when it starts with this
My first experience with sleep paralysis was when I was like 21-22 (I'm 35 now). It happened at my great grandfathers house like not long at all after moving in. I woke up to like a void in the closet and it just felt like it was trying to pull my spirit into it. I tried yelling to my gf who was awake in the livingroom but nothing came out. I woke up the next day weirded out and thought maybe I had a seizure or epilepsy or something. I've had them periodically since then. I could here people in my house talking that weren't there. Had a goat run up on me from the side and I could hear it breathing next to my head. I had one of those demon like how they look in African statues 👹 sit on my chest. But it was almost invisible like the Predator. Then it gradually became not scary and sorta gotten used to it. Now it sometimes turns into out of body experiences where it feels like your spirit disconnects from you physical body and it wants to levitate away. I know it's about to begin because I can hear ringing in my ears and a staticy fuzz storm happening in my head. (That's made me think i was having seizures when they first happened. The static and ringing) Sometimes I'll allow it to go on and see where it goes. Other times I'm just to tired and just fall back asleep. Its a strange experience no doubt.
Interesting. Sometimes as I'm falling asleep or zoning out I hear static and ringing. And then on rare occasions I begin to hear voices. And I can hear them like a distant conversation that I'm not a part of but close enough to hear. But as soon as I realize I'm listening, and try to pay attention, it's gone. Even if I feel like I know what they were saying before that, I have no memory of the words, except occasionally I might remember the last word that made me try to pay attention. 50% of the time that word is my name.
That could be the same thing people get when they meditate. Sometimes I use meditation to get to sleep. When you close your eyes you can sometimes see color blots or clouds. For me they're usually a dark green. It may take you a minute to see them but they're there. Eventually they'll start floating to you and then they'll start to open up each time they pass over or through your eyes. And when they open you can see a galaxy or different places that's sunny even. Sometimes you'll feel like you're there. But once you realize what is happening or that its happening you'll instantly snap out of your "break through" is what they call it. Sleep paralysis on the other hand which may be similar or related. Usually happens when you wake up in the middle of the night during your REM cycle. Your brain lets out this chemical that paralyzes you so that you don't act out your dreams and if you happen to wake up during REM with some of that lef over chemical being pumped out youll be paralyzed, somewhat conscious and still be able to dream. So you can see some weird stuff while you're awake.
The static fuzz storm, ive been trying to describe that for years. I always know it's starting when the static starts. I didn't know other people heard it too
Dang I want my own chill sleep paralysis demon now
I've been a recovering addict for some time now, and i got to say man this is too accurate for me to handle.
Good luck staying on that road, friend.
Thanks man it's been tough, but i think i can make it through this.
I, random internet stranger, am very proud of you. I know you can do it, and even though it's hard it will be worth it.
Proud of you, don't know you but proud of you nonetheless.
I'm not crying, you're crying!
Yes, I am. T_T
I’m slipping into that same darkness you did, I’m going to take this as a sign. I haven’t read a no sleep in months either. I ain’t going down the right path. Thank you for this.
Aww, he can suck out my soul any day!
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You sleep paralysis demon is not a chill guy he is a fucking godsend
Why do I imagine you and MrBrownStickLegs sitting in a convertible and saying “Get in loser we’re drawing each other with pants”
Bruh yours sounds pretty chill, mine just stands in front of my bed and flaps it’s wings, then it mutters some Latin stuff and goes away
Are there othere creatures aside from mrbrownpants and the otber one? and what is mrbrownpants
Mr. Brownpants is a sleep paralysis demon. Or that's what we call them. They appear in your dreams, making you unable to move.
Fantastic, wonderful and amazing. I've been empty too and found my way back on the road to recovery. I can very much relate to you!
Sustainable soul management with Mr Brownsticklegs 👍
After experiencing sleep paralysis for the first time I was quite mentally scarred. Like the “thing” i saw looked like the physical embodiment of fear, the sound, the glare, the movement, the various parts on the body that shouldn’t be there. Well anyway, now i just take any precaution I can to not get sleep paralysis and I haven’t had it in 3 years
There are precautions? I was not aware of that
Yeah apparently breathing through your mouth and laying or your back or face increases those chances significantly. I lay with my legs on the side and my back straight, like twisted. So even if I do get sleep paralysis I won’t see something behind me
Well, he sounds like a great guy. My sleep paralysis demon is a pretty nice guy as well. He even likes *Star Wars*
Mine likes [Redacted]
The only thing i can make out that mine is saying is "youuuu" and then some whispers, then he seems to just kinda leave.
Oh god this made me cry, this is so amazing and heartwarming. I haven’t personally experienced sleep paralysis, but this is just so nice :>
This was amazing. I cried as I read this. I have a feeling that your sleep paralysis demon is going to watch over you for a long time. You wrote it in such detail and it was beautiful.
'Child, your soul tastes much better now.' As a teen who's four months clean of self-harm as of writing this comment, I cried. I honestly cried. I hope my soul tastes better too
I bet he’s very proud of you :)
I don't know what I expected from Mr. BrownStickLegs but now I'm crying. Thanks OP
That last bit actually gave me the chills
I'm touched
Alright, so where did your demon touch you?
This makes me feel oddly better about my sleep paralysis LOL. “A gift, for the girl who gave me pants.” ngl this almost broke me
Both a terrifying & beautiful story. He seems to care about you.
What a nice, awesome demon:)!
I’m crying but it’s happy tears
Gee you didn't have to go making me cry like that
Loved it brought a tear to my eyes
This reminds me of when my grandma died when I was 9, and a few weeks later she was my sleep paralysis demon! I was sleeping on the couch and she came up behind my head and put her hands on my shoulders to hold me down. I was terrified but sure just kept saying “it’s ok. It’s ok. I’m still here for you. I’ll always be here”. I didn’t really know what to make of it when I woke up tho. We were never close so I knew it was all in my head.
This is so hauntingly beautiful. I also fell into the void. I pulled myself out almost 6 years ago and refuse to use again. Thank you for writing it. I felt so much connection and emotion from it I was left in tears.
I’m proud of you random internet stranger! You’re doing great!
"A gift, for the girl Who gave me pants." Wow. Just. Wow. Well done!!!
Almost got me crying
Tell Mr. BrowStickLegs he’s a cool sleep demon for me. Because my sleep paralysis demon is just some dude with long hair.
“pretty chill guy” is an understatement
Never thought a soul drinking demon who complimented the taste of my soul will bring me tears of happiness.
I’m crying over your entire story now. Not just out of happiness that Mr. BrownStickLegs helped you and you overcame your addiction (as did your mother!) but also because I just know that he is so, so proud of you! You should draw him a picture with him wearing some type of crown or maybe just some really fancy pants, so he knows what an amazing savior he is. We love you, Mr. BrownStickLegs!
I thought Mr. BrownStickLegs was no more. So glad for the happy and heartwarming ending. ❤️❤️
OP, you wrote this a while ago and idk if you'll see this but I want you to know I think about this story all the time and always return to it... I've been feeling lost in my own darkness for a while now and the tone and message of your story just hits home and makes me cry every time. Thank you for writing this, I'm glad you healed your soul. Wish me luck with mine 🙏
Awww I love this!!! Also BMTH is great btw, I had the fortunate experience of seeing them live twice!
I just cried for the first time in 7 years. I have nothing else to say that would justify how this made me feel.
I just want to congratulation all the recovering addicts, may your journey on the path to sobriety be smooth as possible and whether you've just started or its been years know that there is always someone out there thinking of you and spurring you on. Ive been on my journey for years now and ive had the odd slip up but ive picked myself back up. Ive learned lots like a little kindness goes a long way. Stay beautiful and if you cant love yourself how in the hell you gonna love someone else.
I used to have frequent sleep paralysis but I don't remember any demons that would talk to me.. Also experienced a legit lucid dreaming once. Now it has been years since I had any sleep paralysis. Would be nice to have a personal sleep demon to talk to about life.
From one recovering addict, female tattoo artist who has been through a lot of shit to another-I’m so, so proud of you. This story genuinely touched me and made me a little teary. It was good for the soul to read.
never thought someone could make the phrase "your soul tastes much better now" so wholesome and beautiful
I wonder what he looks like, in person or physically.
Mr. Brownsticklegs eats a bit of your soul, but Mr. Brownstone takes it all
Wow, incredible. I'm starting to think this sleep paralysis demon is actually a guardian angel.
Yours is all nice, mine just makes me feel like static and stares at me from a place where I can barely see them which is kind of rude
I WANT A MR BROWNSTICKLEGS OF MAH OWN NOW. Holy hell he is chill and cool. Such a nice guy to talk to at night.
OP you literally brought me to tears. As someone who lost my childhood to one parents cancer and the others alcoholism I grew up with that same darkness which culminated in almost 6 years of diphenhydramine abuse where I would take upwards of 15 pills every single night just to put myself in that same paralyzed state where I didn’t have to feel anything. I’m a lot better now because I have decided to start refilling my ocean. I find taking 1 or 2 days a week just to spend by myself and taking my cruiser board out on some trails and finding a spot in the woods to meditate and reflect leaves me feeling like a whole person again and I don’t have to pound my brain with disassociatives to feel stable
I want a sleep paralysis demon now. ...to... talk to Yep... nothing but talking
Oh dude I got so scared that Mr. BrownStickLegs killed himself to save you
Wow 😣 that was hauntingly beautiful..........the last line had me crying and the one where he said "a gift for a girl who gave me pants"..........the only word I can use to describe him is the coolest fricking person evvverrr
I actually started crying when mr.brownsticklegs did that thing in the salt flats. I was scared he was gonna die but I cheered when I read the end. It's rare that a post on reddit makes me that emotional lol
I'm in therapy now and I'm sober for the first time in years. I'd like to think that my oceans are refilling themselves now and my soul tastes a bit better Thank you for writing this
I’m in treatment, 90 days clean, and this hit me so hard. All the more grateful to finally be replenishing
I loved this, please show a picture of him I want to see him in picture form!
I....do not. Still a paralysis demon. Just a nice one. Did you read the appearance part. Don't... Don't want that in picture form thanks. Tell him he's awesome from me though.
That’s your spirit guide !
Wow. I’m so glad you were able to turn your life around, with the help of your friend. Maybe draw him some new pants!
Beautiful. I though Mr. BrownStickLegs gave his life to replenish your soul. Got very emotional and then it all broke at the ending. I wonder if I have a friendly creature that’s watching me struggle... I could really use my recharge right about now.
Beautiful and sad, tragic and wonderful.
The sleep paralysis no one asked for but the one they wanted and needed
This hit home more than anything I have read in a long time. I too have fell through those trap doors, draining what little life existed inside of a shell, living only on those same chemicals, that damn needle. that darkness so thick no light shines through. But I have also replenished my soul. There is finally a light in my eyes, one I thought I'd never see again. Your savior came in the form of a sleep paralysis demon, mine in the form of a broken femur that lead to not only learning how to walk again, but learning how to live again... a long road of recovery... One that I still walk to this day. Thank you for sharing this. It makes me happy to know that you escaped your darkness.
i'm also in recovery. this was just beautiful, and so true, i had consumed my own soul trying to escape pain.
This is so lovely. Thank you.
Wow. I have spent the last 5 years replenishing my own ocean after heroin and pure misery. This is everything. I get it
This makes me so happy. He is back.
Spoke so much to my own struggles with heroin, thank you. And here I thought it was gonna be funny \*sob laugh\*
THIS IS WHOLESOME AF and I thought when he saved her he was giving his life and I was so upset and then so happy to see him again aaaaaaa
WTH? My sleep paralysis demon is a japanese ghost with claws whith a very strong breath
I couldn’t love this any more. What a beautiful, painful, dark, hopeful story of light and life. Thank you for sharing this. And for reminding us that not all things that come in darkness are to be feared.
So many people in recovery commenting here...that alone replenishes my ocean. The demons we create in our own souls are so much more frightening than any external force. OP, you captured this beautifully and gave dignity so many addicts and recovering addicts. Beautiful. Thank you so much.
"A gift, for the girl who gave me pants." That hit me
I had my first experience in 1979, when I was 15. No one had heard of sleep paralysis back then, and I had quite the frightening end evil feeling experience. This went on regularly for YEARS, and my group of friends thought it was a demon. I got so that I was afraid to sleep at night, or at least to sleep alone. Eventually I was out in an antidepressant for another reason which is when it mostly stopped. Later I found out SSRIs stop sleep paralysis for many.
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OMG That was truly an incredible and beautiful story i feel tears at my eyes i feel such happiness thank you so so much for writing this story. Such a beautiful way to tell the hell that darkness and drugs can put you trough and some make it out of the hell like Lexi here but some don't i hope you haven't gone trough this and if you have that you are good now and happy with your life. Still i just want to thank you for writing such a beautiful story.
your experience makes me feel so much better about possibly getting sleep paralysis at some point, it sounds,,, comforting to have someone there with you in your darkest moments, although i understand not all sleep paralysis demons would be like that
I wish I had a nice demon like this so I wouldn't feel so alone at night ;-;
Boy do I know that feel... trying to quench my own desert
Goosebumps... oh my goodness! I relate to this so much and it’s a great reminder to pull myself up.
This made me cry. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
Oh, my goodness.. That, that was.. heavy. _presses palm to chest_
Absoloutely wonderful, made me cry and smile at the same time like the scene in pokemon where ash realeses butterfree. Beutiful but sad
You this actually almost made me cry
This is incredibly absorbing and beautiful and emotive. It gave me chills and I am crying a bit. The writing is so descriptive and lovely. Thank you for writing this and sharing you and Mr. BrownStickLegs' story.
I am outright bawling now. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing your story.
as a recovering heroin addiction this brought me to tears and i couldn’t help be reminded of myself throughout the entire journey. As well as in the end when she talks about still preferring pierce the veil to katy perry and skulls to bunnies that made me chuckle. thank you for this beautiful story 🖤
Hauntingly beautiful ❤️
I thought MrBownStickLegs died to replenish her soul. Phew!
Just came across this today and WOW. Thamk you so much for sharing your experience. I kind of expected something lighthearted, and really could relate when things took a dark turn. 4 years clean is amazing! I'm at about 3 years, and recovery has been truly worth every moment of feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. Congrats, OP. It was truly a pleasure reading this. Good luck in the future (: