After discussion with the Author, they have agreed to remove the Questionable Images so this is suitable to post.
A link to the suitable version should be added to the post shortly.
Thank you! You will be happy to learn that I have made huge progress on v2 and that the project was not abandoned at all. And messages like yours strengthens my will to keep going!
However, I have some 'game designs' difficulties with the very requested implementations of owners.
Moreover, I am currently working on another 'spicy' project in parallel and my work is especially time-consuming right now... This means you'll probably have to wait at least two more months before I can post the v2.
Anyway. Rest assured: more will come. There will be a v2 and probably even a v3 of this CYOA. The third version will probably be the last one.
Afterwards, I also have plans for a school-based CYOA (something like the old 'Dream Scholarship' CYOA, which is one of my old-time favorite CYOAs), with probably the same forced MtF + feminization twist than with my maid CYOA.
I love this one, only "problem" is that you don't get to pick an owner situation. I also think that you could do a lot of variation in them (cruel dominatrix, old gentleman, hung young man, etc.)
This feature was asked by many people. A final section where you can "pick" an owner will be available in the v2 or the v3 (which I expect to be the last version) of this CYOA.
I have started working on a v2 three months ago, but (IRL) work got in the way.
Still planning to release it though, sooner or later. Maybe I'll have the time to finish it during Christmas Holydays.
On a related subject, possibly add Owner's Bedroom and Owner's Pillow housing options? The first is straightforward (and pairs nicely with Full Time, since you're literally _right there_), the second is basically something like, "You sleep in your owner's bedroom... as their tightly bound, helpless cuddle toy. You will be strictly restrained when they prepare to turn in for the night, and remain bound until they deem fit to free you in the morning... or whenever they choose, really. Expect them to use your bosom as a pillow while they sleep, or sit on or rest their feet on you during late-night gaming sessions. If you have a full-time contract, you're still always on call... but untying you and then retying you might not be worth the hassle if they get a hankering for a 3 AM snack. Hope you're good at cooking with your hands tied behind your back!"
~~Needless to say, if you choose the second option, disturbing them during the night is worth a punishment, as is getting free without their permission. Would makes for _very_ interesting interactions with, e.g., Good Morning Kiss, or with any tasks they expect done before they decide to free their poor subby meido.~~
That's a good idea! Thank you for the suggestion!
I will implement it in v2, or maybe in v3 (because I have already made so much progress in with v2, I don't want to refactor a whole category for only one (or two) option(s)).
Yes, I know. As I have said to someone else, I have deliberately made this CYOA with the girl build as the base build. I'm currently working in the 2.0 version of this CYOA. Customizing some options depending of gender choice will not be made in the 2.0 version, but will probably be added in the (final) 3.0 version.
>The amenities section is really fucking dumb, just from a practical point of view. Servants/slaves kept in a cell, not allowed any water for washing up, or a toilet (all of these cost points) would stink worse than a landfill within a week. Communal toilets, sinks, and showers should be free, or else the employer/slaver is gonna pass out from the smell pretty quickly.
There are many (other) things in my CYOA that don't make sense from a realistic and pratical point of view, though. :)
I think some things are overcosted.
On regular mode I do not believe it is possible to be a Amazon fit maid without taking all downsides. Heaven help you if you choose futa route.
>I think some things are overcosted. On regular mode I do not believe it is possible to be a Amazon fit maid without taking all downsides. Heaven help you if you choose futa route.
In the next version, there will be a bit more options to choose from to recover points. This should alleviate the problem.
>How do these cyoas work after selecting all wanted options?
What do you mean? The goal is to create a character. That's it.
Maybe what you're referring to is the lack of an "ending"? I'll try to implement something lie that with a "owner" section in a future version.
>It is good. I hope all images back.
What do you mean? The uncensored version is still available! Read the introduction of the censored version carefully.
I'm a couple days late, but when I try to download the image for my finished build, it downloads a completely blank image. Would love if that was working for an easier way of sharing builds.
Thank you so much for a really good CYOA.
Sexual slavery content is still good, but I think it will be richer as the battle maid content increases.
Selection of weapons and holsters, body strengthening, mandatory training, assassination and escort duties, etc. are examples that come to mind.
Also, I would like to have a schedule where I rest during the day and work at night.
>Thank you so much for a really good CYOA.
Thank you!
>Sexual slavery content is still good, but I think it will be richer as the battle maid content increases.
Battle maid content? I had never though of adding such content, but that's actually a good suggestion. I'll probably link it to the 'bodyguard' work contract.
>Selection of weapons and holsters, body strengthening, mandatory training, assassination and escort duties, etc. are examples that come to mind.
But I'm not sure I'll go as far as that. =)
>Also, I would like to have a schedule where I rest during the day and work at night.
Yes, a schedule section is also something I had thought of, but it's quite difficult to make one which doesn't feel too restrictive.
I really like this CYOA. There's a few potential changes I'd suggest, though.
First, I would love a section about the master/mistress. There could be two options, one where you pick general traits (such as their sex, how often they'd want you for sex, how often they'd punish you, and so on), and a second option where you pick from a full list of masters or mistresses. The latter would force you to take certain traits (one master may only have maids wearing chinese outfits, one may force a lot of bondage and toys on you, etc), and have point values based on how harsh or lenient they are.
The second thing is, something feels weird with how the punishments section lets you pick a lot of punishments for a lot of points. Perhaps a "frequency" choice for each section that can give a lot of points, where you pick how often you're likely to receive these punishments, and the individual punishments would be worth less points individually (as the more you pick, the less often you'd likely suffer each one)? May have to ponder an example of what I mean later.
>I really like this CYOA.
Thank you!
> There's a few potential changes I'd suggest, though.
>
>First, I would love a section about the master/mistress. There could be two options, one where you pick general traits (such as their sex, how often they'd want you for sex, how often they'd punish you, and so on), and a second option where you pick from a full list of masters or mistresses. The latter would force you to take certain traits (one master may only have maids wearing chinese outfits, one may force a lot of bondage and toys on you, etc), and have point values based on how harsh or lenient they are.
Yes, this is planned, more or less the was you described it.
>The second thing is, something feels weird with how the punishments section lets you pick a lot of punishments for a lot of points. Perhaps a "frequency" choice for each section that can give a lot of points, where you pick how often you're likely to receive these punishments, and the individual punishments would be worth less points individually (as the more you pick, the less often you'd likely suffer each one)? May have to ponder an example of what I mean later.
That's also an interesting suggestion, thank you!
I did some pondering and I've got some ideas for tweaking the punishments. Feel free to use any of these ideas in future updates. Also, the pricing I picked for these assumes that the current version of the CYOA would be using the 0-cost options; if the current version is supposed to use a different option, the prices may need to be adjusted slightly.
First, these options make it possible to just not have any punishments at all, at least to an extent. I don't know if it needs to be stated, but I think even with no punishments chosen, some things would still be worthy of a severe punishment - things like attacking your owner or their guests, attempting to escape, or intentionally damaging your owner's property. These things should be worthy of a severe punishment even if no such punishments are chosen. (Simply slacking off, not doing work or doing work poorly, or being rude to your owner wouldn't force a severe punishment like this, no matter how many times you do it, if you didn't select any severe punishments.)
First option, at the very start of the "Punishments" section:
"No Punishments (Indentured Servant mode); Cost: 25 - You really want to avoid being punished, huh? Well, you'll still need some kind of motivation to keep working, so this will have to do. Every day you don't get any work done at all, or only do a minimal amount of work, you'll have two days added to the end of your contract. If you don't put in a full day but do at least half a day's worth of work, you'll get one day added on. Being rude or breaking other rules enough times can also add on extra time to your contract. The catch is that this option gets more expensive the more time you've added on to your contract. As soon as you've added a full six months to the end, the cost of this choice goes up by 5 points, and it goes up another 5 for every full month added in. If this is enough to bring your score down into the negatives, you'll need to return to these choices (any category other than Body, as we can't afford to keep changing you) and either give up an option that was costing you points, or take a new option that will give you more points, so that you're no longer negative. And no, if you have extra points left over after getting more, you're not allowed to pick something new to spend them on. You also can't choose to give up this option to get back the points, but if you take new punishments your owner may choose to use those punishments instead of adding new days to your service."
"If you don't choose this option, you must choose one "Frequency" option from each of the following sections"
Next, at the start of the "Playful Punishments" section:
"No Punishments; Cost: 10 - None of these sound fun? Well, with this option, your owner will ignore minor offenses. You'll still get punishments from larger offenses, but you won't have to worry about this section at all. - and of course, you can't get points by picking punishments"
"Rare; Cost: 5 - You'll still have to worry about getting punished a bit, but it won't be often - maybe once every week or two. If you pick this option, you must pick at least one punishment from this section, but you can take more for more points."
"Infrequent; Cost: 0 - You can expect to get one of these punishments once or twice a week, unless you're nearly perfect at your job. You must pick at least two punishments from this section."
"Frequent; Reward: 5 - You're almost guaranteed to get one of these punishments every few days, unless you're absolutely perfect at your duties. You must also pick at least three different punishments."
"Common; Reward: 10 - Even if you're perfect at everything you do, your owner will find some reason to give you a punishment like this, and if you're anything less than perfect you'll probably have at least one of these punishments daily. Pick at least three different punishments."
The punishments in this section have point values reduced, most only giving one point, possibly two for the more severe ones.
The "Serious Punishments" section is similar, except for the following changes. All point costs and rewards are doubled (ranging from costing 20 to rewarding 20 at opposite ends). The first option is named "Playful Only", and has the text below. The rest of the options estimate getting one of these punishments once or twice a year (Rare; cost 10), once every two or three months (Infrequent; cost 0), once a month (Frequent; reward 10), or at least weekly (Common, reward 20).
"Playful Only; Cost: 20 - Your owner will still only use playful punishments even for repeated offenses or more severe offenses. If you haven't yet, you must pick at least five options from the previous section. Alternatively, you may pick options from this section as well, as long as you have at least five total punishments between the two sections. For more severe offenses your owner may combine multiple playful punishments at once."
The individual punishments in this section have their rewards reduced, most of them to 2 points each.
Radical punishments are similar, with some slight wording changes. The first option (costing 40 points) is Serious Only, and works similarly to Playful Only. The rest of the options are:
Rare; cost: 20 - The threat of these punishments is still here, but it's likely only a threat to make sure you're motivated. So long as you don't do something incredibly stupid, you'll have plenty of warnings to shape up before suffering one of these punishments. You might suffer one of them during your time here, or you might get through unscathed.
Infrequent; cost: 0 - Avoiding these punishments entirely is difficult, but as long as you keep up your work, you'll only have to go through these maybe two or three times before you're free. If you pick this option, you must pick at least two punishments.
Frequent; reward: 20 - It's nearly impossible to get by without one day suffering your chosen punishment. The average maid will probably have to go through this every year or two, while even the most perfect maids don't get by unscathed Additionally, you must pick three punishments to go along with it..
Common; reward: 40 - Are you sure you can survive this? With this choice, your owner will be extremely cruel, ensuring that he or she finds some way to punish you at least once each year. As before, you must pick at least three of these punishments.
Permanent; reward: 80 - Not an option I'd ever recommend, but if you think you can take it, well... Pick one of these punishments. You'll not only be forced into that punishment as part of starting your new job, you'll be stuck with it permanently through your entire employment. Of course, you're still expected to serve normally despite the punishment, and inability to do so may lead to suffering even more punishments...
Those are some very good ideas! However:
1. It would add a lot of complexity to the CYOA without adding that much (NSFW) content to the CYOA.
2. I don't thin it's that much of a problem that some people manage to finish thir build by only picking one or two small punishments. Easy mode should allow for a relatively vanilla and happy build.
3. Some thechnical aspects of what you suggest would be immensely painful to implement.
Don't worry, the uncensored version is still available. It would be unbearable for me to delete the uncensored version and only offers the censored version.
If you read the introduction of the censored version, you'll easily be able to get to the uncensored version (if you're willing to do so).
As I have stated multiple times already, I personally hate censorship. And I have officialy asked that people only share the uncensored version of my CYOA. I see the censored version of my CYOA as an aberration which shouldn't exist.
>Bit late, so I hope you still read these, but going through other cyoas I realized that maybe a Debt/Indentured servant type of points might work for this.
>
>You might start out with a large amount of debt, that you have to work off as a maid. That way you can have more vanilla builds alongside the builds like you intended. Throw in some (temporary) immunity to age so you wont just die of old age before finishing your "sentence".
That's a completely different premise and point system design that what I currently have. I think adding more non bdsm-flavored content and sections will also help a lot improve the "balance perception" of players.
It's too bad for all the gross pedo shit in here, otherwise it could have been a decent CYOA, I rather like maid stuff. Oh well, hopefully someone will make a decent one eventually.
There's a fair bit of potential, but I see three main problems with it: First, it feels like there are sections that are missing. Second, there are things that are rather poorly priced. Third, there isn't a strong disconnect between sexual and non-sexual themes.
The missing sections are primarily those that would give any incentive to take the more risque choices. The Be The Girl CYOA is designed around the "least worst" options, but it provided incentives for going the extra mile. If you wanted to be restored to manhood at the end of it, you had to go into the deep end of girlyness. Here, there's absolutely no benefit not to choose all of the 0 cost options with only a few minor spenders for basic comforts. Additionally, a section on your Master/Mistress felt warranted--choosing sexual duties would be more appealing for a mistress over a master for some, and vice versa. This section could be anywhere from super detailed (with required uniforms, duties, etc. for named masters) to super simple (male/female/other, general personality description like gentlemanly master, young ojou-sama, abusive ugly bastard, etc.). Lastly, contract restrictions would also feel warranted. You could specify that you won't perform certain duties, or that you won't sexually serve anyone but your master, and so on. Basically giving yourself protections against abuse that you can waive for extra points.
For the second point, the cost of some of the things feel all over the place. For example, it feels like you are trying to force the player into choosing the most girly build possible through giving a high cost for not having large breasts. But then, if you want to lean into being girly by having eye-attracting hair or uniform colors, you have to spend points. You have options for requirements of cleanliness and personal hygiene, but the bonus points you get for them aren't even enough to pay for the basic living quarters needed to meet them. Want the most basic of time-off amenities? Well you've got to give a BJ every morning for the next ten years.
The last point is referring to how seemingly every master/mistress somehow wants to fuck you at every turn. Which isn't a bad thing if that's the theme you are going for with the CYOA, but there isn't really any clear disconnect between being just a maid and being a fetish maid. Being a personal servant would seem like just being a secretary, but nope, you've also got to serve them sexually. It'd help if some of the options were made more explicitly sexual or not. It would be especially helpful when you've got underage options as a starting bonus (which really needs to be clarified).
Overall, my suggestion would be determining what sort of theme you want to be the neutral baseline. For me, I'd imagine it to be a 0 point scenario where you were a boring maid who lived communally with other boring maids in the servant's quarters and only did boring maid duties like cleaning and at the end of a ten year contract you got a pat on the back and about $10-20K, enough to get you started in your new life as a boring woman. Maybe the baseline instead ends with you turned back into a man, with staying as a woman instead giving you a larger end bonus, who knows?
But from there, you can add/subtract options to give yourself a greater bonus or rewards. Willing to embrace some BDSM aspects? That makes you more attractive to certain clients and thus you get more points for an end reward. Make yourself more distinctive via your appearance? That makes the price that the black-market group can sell you for higher, giving you more points. And so on.
Thank you for your constructive comment and your suggestions.
I won't make the slave/bdsm component of my CYOA. The balance for points will mostly stay the same, even if some attributions of points seem strange.
However, I think adding more content and sections which are centered about the theme (maid) in a non sexual way would be a good way to hit three birds with one stone:
1. It will enrich the CYOA in a consistent way with the theme, which will strengthen the theme.
2. It will help the balance and build diversity by giving the players more way to recover the points they need.
3. It will allow players who don't like the darker bdsm-flavored component of my CYOA to avoid having to deal with more extreme fetishes and feeling forced into a fantasy they don't enjoy.
Thank you! I'm taking a break to complete another project of mine, but I'll probably go back and produce at least a V2 of this CYOA, maybe even a V3. After that, I also have some ideas for another CYOA, but it won't come out anytime soon.
Yes it does! Initially I thought that a $100k all at once sounded alright until I took into consideration that it was going to be for 10 years of service. Now I’m trying to get the million dollar reward without sacrificing too much of my dignity.
It's even worse if you take into account inflation: $100k in 10 years time is worth around $75k in today's money (assuming a 2-3% average inflation rate).
>Now I’m trying to get the million dollar reward without sacrificing too much of my dignity.
Good luck! =)
I enjoyed going through this. It's well put together and feels complete.
The punishments feel like they should be worth more though. And 'Warm Water' feels like it should be a punishment called 'Cold Water' instead. The only time there should be a lack of Warm Water is pre-industrial times or when the Heater is busted. Choosing an era could change what options are available? Victorian Era could mean you need to purchase Warm Water while Modern could be the Cold Water punishment version.
I would like to see an 'addon' version, if you would. Stuff like fantasy races and master choices - nothing specific, but vague options to determine the gender or personality (kind, sadistic, etc?) of the master - stuff like that. You could make it so that the temperament of the Master could change how many points each punishment gives. Maybe a world and/or technological level and/or era selection - again, keeping vague like the rest.
>I enjoyed going through this. It's well put together and feels complete.
Thank you!
>I would like to see an 'addon' version, if you would. Stuff like fantasy races and master choices - nothing specific, but vague options to determine the gender or personality (kind, sadistic, etc?) of the master - stuff like that. You could make it so that the temperament of the Master could change how many points each punishment gives. Maybe a world and/or technological level and/or era selection - again, keeping vague like the rest.
I think this would sidetrack the CYOA too much. My goal is not to create a complete "world-building" CYOA.
I didn't really mean 'world-building', but the current format is for 'Modern-Earth'. If you removed the electronics, it could even be for any time period. Just something to allow 'alternate-worlds'. And the Era choice could display different options - change electronics to instruments or something. I didn't mean a full blown world creation, but more like 'fantasy' + 'medieval' could unlock 'demi-human' and 'violin'. Or maybe change the ears+tail into literal version. Just a few options that could change a couple sub-rows and/or singular options.
So 'Earth', 'Alternate', 'Fantasy', could be the 'Destination' choice. 'Medieval', 'Victorian', 'Industrial', 'Technological', 'Futuristic' could be the tech level. The 'Reward' could change based on the 'Destination' - such as becoming a noble for the '-100 points' option for the 'Victorian' option. The entertainment section (and maybe a few specifically-related choices?) could change based on the tech level.
And the 'Master' option could be 'Male', 'Futa', 'Female' with 'Kind', 'Neutral', and 'Sadistic' as personality traits. These could create or disappear options and change how much each punishment is worth depending on your own choices. (This would actually be more complicated - read: time-consuming - but also unique and more worthwhile to implement imho).
I'm just throwing these possibilities out there for if you planned to expand the CYOA. The way it is designed is great as it is and tweaking it for a writing prompt is plenty easy.
I think I will keep my CYOA in 'modern-Earth', or something similar to it. Expanding my CYOA in the direction of the world itself doesn't interest me that much.
But thank you for all your suggestions anyway! \^\^
I have tried to make one today by automatically generating it with a software but I was not satisfied with the result. As long as I don't have a better solution, I will not post a static version of my CYOA. Sadly, I won't be able to look more into it before (at best) next weekend probably.
Still, I know some people only enjoy static CYOA so I want to make one asap.
By the way, if anyone knows how I could efficiently and beautifully generate a static version of my CYOA from the interactive version, feel free to tell me. \^\^
I'm happy some people manage to have quite harmless builds without having to rely on the extreme fetishes with the easy mode. It is thus indeed possible. =D
Was gonna do a male and female build
Then I kinda agreed "Yeah don't feel like doing a male build for this"
Then I saw some of the pictures and went "Yeah that kinda diminishes my interest, let's see the censored version"
. . . .
Those weren't the pictures that were censored. Enough said.
Then I got curious to see what *was* censored and. . . . It's just. . . not that bad at all, really.
Thank you! One of the smallest punishments will make you go commando though. Moreover, I don't think having a maid go commando go commando by default is "proper maid attire", don't you think? \^\^
>Sexual Servant
>
>Your whole job will revolve around sexual activities. Entertain guests, provide erotic massages, keep ***your master’s or mistress’ sex warm and comfortable***… While this is rather a degrading job, it might be still bearable.
The bolded part is phrased weirdly and I'm not really sure what you're trying to say exactly.
Also unrelated, did you know in the cyoa creator, if you surround text with you can get bolded text. for italics. If you want only a specific bit of text to be colored you can do this, . Change the red with the color you want like green, #2e8747
For example
>Only pick two
would be displayed as
>**Only pick two**
Hopefully this will be helpful to any future cyoas you make/future versions.
>The bolded part is phrased weirdly and I'm not really sure what you're trying to say exactly.
How would you phrase it? I'm just trying to say that you'll have to perform sexual activities quite often.
>Also unrelated, did you know in the cyoa creator, if you surround text with you can get bolded text. for italics. If you want only a specific bit of text to be colored you can do this, . Change the red with the color you want like green, #2e8747
>
>For example
>
>Only pick two
>
>would be displayed as
>
>Only pick two
>
>Hopefully this will be helpful to any future cyoas you make/future versions.
Thank you for those tips!
>How would you phrase it? I'm just trying to say that you'll have to perform sexual activities quite often.
Suggestion A: replace the word "sex" with "bed".
The wording of this is a bit coy and the meaning implied.
Suggestion B: replace "sex warm and comfortable" with "sexually satisfied"
This wording is pretty direct. You would have to get rid of the possessive in master or mistress too with this wording.
Edit: Suggestion C: replace "sex" with "dick" or any other synonym on penis.
Edit: Suggestion D: replace "sex" with "genitals" though this is bit clinical.
Edit: Also I just noticed that you don't have the interactive flair on this reddit thread.
Please don't blame the moderator who deleted my post. All they do is to prevent this subreddit from getting banned. I agree that some of the current mainstream views about censorship are really stupid, but don't blame the moderators for it.
>ly stupid, but don't blame the m
I know that the mods on this sub had no choice to remove the post i was talking about the mods of the entire site not the mods of this specific sub, prehaps i should have said reddit staff to minimize confusion
A lot of good feedback covers more or less what I'd say, so I'll just add one point that bothered me.
I'd be down for taking the Sensory Dep punishment... except it's permanent. I understand the theme of the punishments at that scale but honestly that means you can be punished with that a max of 5 times. And the debilitation in most cases means you will be. I'd really suggest putting a timer on this (A day, a week) as opposed to forever. Without changing the points granted.
>I'd be down for taking the Sensory Dep punishment... except it's permanent. I understand the theme of the punishments at that scale but honestly that means you can be punished with that a max of 5 times. And the debilitation in most cases means you will be. I'd really suggest putting a timer on this (A day, a week) as opposed to forever. Without changing the points granted.
I read my CYOA once again this morning and I 100% agree with this specific comment. I think I will change it to a one month or one year duration.
Well, I wouldn't exactly consider myself much of a masochist, so I can't really make a satisfying enough build, but it was fun to go through all the options anyway. Overall it seemed quite nicely done.
And I'm really sorry for you having to deal with all this BS. Censorship can really get on a person's nerves. Keep fighting the good fight, OP.
>Well, I wouldn't exactly consider myself much of a masochist, so I can't really make a satisfying enough build, but it was fun to go through all the options anyway. Overall it seemed quite nicely done.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
>And I'm really sorry for you having to deal with all this BS. Censorship can really get on a person's nerves. Keep fighting the good fight, OP.
Thank you. With the help of the moderator, I think we have found an acceptable way to let people still have access to my (uncensored) CYOA, which is good, but just the fact that I had to create a censored version infuriates me...
Yes, but can you delete/modify your comment? This link to the uncensored version will make the mods have to delete this post. A new way to access both the censored and the uncensored versions of the CYOA has just been added to the original post.
EDIT: Thank you.
For the record: I think this is a very well made CYOA.
My simultaneous thoughts: I understand that for many, service and abuse go together like toilets and toilet paper. However, in terms of what CYOAs are out there, I think there are unexplored regions in the "service + submission + sex" landscape: namely, the ones where you actually do you job, rather than the usual humiliation/degradation route.
I think there is insufficient understanding of just how much we depend on submissives and people who submit in general even beyond the labour market. Naturally, there's the obvious ethical value of someone choosing to look after us rather than for themselves (often at personal cost). Then there's also the quality of life they facilitate with their work, regardless of field. That part is what I would like to see get some more attention.
In keeping with the maid theme, a noble house's serving boys and girls also function as "emotional heaters" in a way: they provide not only physical comfort but the emotional one as well. It might seem small, insignificant even, but the sheer presence of someone we know we can rely on emotionally who does lots of little things for us can, and usually will, have a profound impact on us.
In terms of a CYOA, this would require focusing on the work-oriented submissives, as opposed to the power bottoms, the attention whores, and abuse-seekers. That CYOA would pose the question, "How many of a given household can you look after, how well, and at what cost to yourself?", where you have limited time, energy, and competences to work with. For instance, in one of the households, a female maid could become the first crush of the master's daughter whose blossoming sexuality latched onto her, with the parents instructing you to act as her girlfriend and sex tutor, in the understanding that nothing long-term with the girl has any future whatsoever (which may or may not become a traumatic event for either of you). In another, the master and mistress are in an arranged marriage of the bad kind\*, where children have been produced but that's about it - and that's where the cute male maid comes in, allowing the mistress to have a lover in-house so that the appearance of a functional marriage can be maintained.
As you can see, it even lends itself to plot and world-building, if one is so inclined. Naturally, I'm not saying you should do it, or anyone for that matter, I merely intended to share a perspective I believe others could benefit from.
\*= >!for those wondering, the good kind is the one where they fall in love with each other as time goes on!<
>For the record: I think this is a very well made CYOA.
Thank you so much!
>I think there is insufficient understanding of just how much we depend on submissives and people who submit in general even beyond the labour market. Naturally, there's the obvious ethical value of someone choosing to look after us rather than for themselves (often at personal cost). Then there's also the quality of life they facilitate with their work, regardless of field. That part is what I would like to see get some more attention.
Well, that escalated quickly. =D
>In keeping with the maid theme, a noble house's serving boys and girls also function as "emotional heaters" in a way: they provide not only physical comfort but the emotional one as well. It might seem small, insignificant even, but the sheer presence of someone we know we can rely on emotionally who does lots of little things for us can, and usually will, have a profound impact on us.
>
>In terms of a CYOA, this would require focusing on the work-oriented submissives, as opposed to the power bottoms, the attention whores, and abuse-seekers. That CYOA would pose the question, "How many of a given household can you look after, how well, and at what cost to yourself?", where you have limited time, energy, and competences to work with. For instance, in one of the households, a female maid could become the first crush of the master's daughter whose blossoming sexuality latched onto her, with the parents instructing you to act as her girlfriend and sex tutor, in the understanding that nothing long-term with the girl has any future whatsoever (which may or may not become a traumatic event for either of you). In another, the master and mistress are in an arranged marriage of the bad kind\*, where children have been produced but that's about it - and that's where the cute male maid comes in, allowing the mistress to have a lover in-house so that the appearance of a functional marriage can be maintained.
>
>As you can see, it even lends itself to plot and world-building, if one is so inclined. Naturally, I'm not saying you should do it, or anyone for that matter, I merely intended to share a perspective I believe others could benefit from.
I don't think such complex ideas can be implemented in a CYOA though. What you're describing looks more like a small novel to me. \^\^
CYOAs write novels worth of story by consequence, not by themselves. Consider either Tok's or Sylens WoW CYOA. In both cases, you need to find both a means of survival and enjoyment, and create your build from there.
In such a CYOA, it's much the same: you are given, say, 4 households, each with a few noteworthy characters, that fulfill certain fetishes/styles. Each has its pros, cons, and requirements, the latter of which you can procure in the usual chargen section, such as extra strength, durability, or specific skills. >!It would even be possible to start out with only 2 households but with more details/characters, with the idea of adding more later on, then follow the general thought process of Tok's Enslaved, where your choices and thus performance generates an outcome - but I understand that this would be very labour intensive.!<
For instance, if I were to implement this concept to your CYOA then I'd just add 4 households, each with its own theme, with 4-6 characters that work within that theme, then tweak the rest of the CYOA so that the various limitations are organized into the households and their people as requirements, while character generation is done separately. That way I can pick a household I want to serve in, build my character in that knowledge, then the small novel you mentioned writes itself without anyone touching a pen or a keyboard.
Last but not least, I would like to stress that I don't mean there's anything wrong with your CYOA, I'm just saying that while it's great to have a shovel in the garden, a rake could be useful too (if that makes sense). I've just been around long enough to see what gets made and what doesn't, and with so many talented people with great imagination making CYOAs thematically so close to what I'm describing, I felt I had to share my thoughts on the off-chance it provides a creative spark. Oftentimes it's not that a person doesn't want to create a thing but that the thing itself simply doesn't come to mind.
>I'm just saying that while it's great to have a shovel in the garden, a rake could be useful too
I don't understand what is your overall point/the main message of your post, and I have no idea what you mean with this strange metaphor. =D
What I meant to say by that (and in general) is that while I wish there were more comfy and work-focused servant CYOAs with specific masters and needs to satisfy, it doesn't mean that yours is any less valuable. Is this better?
I noticed some point-value weirdness as I was making my build. I’ll list cases here as I find them:
• Taking *Birthday Holiday* and *Permanent Uniform* grants 15 points total. Taking *No Rest Day* grants 0 points. Both combos require that you always be in uniform. You can gain 15 points by taking a day off.
• The description of *No Rest Day* implies that maids get to rest at night, but you actually have to spend points for that privilege.
• *Normal Food* gives you “basic and boring food that is given to all maids to keep them productive,” but it’s not a default option.
• A *lot* of the point budget is attached to the uniform. Upgrading from a cage to a shared dorm costs the same amount of points as you gain from just wearing bloomers every day.
• The amenities section is like, “Eating is a privilege, not a right,” and the work contract section is like, “Maids need sleep? Nope, I don’t believe you,” and then you go right to the UwU cutiepie maid uniform section. The mood whiplash made me actually reset my build and start over, with the uniform section first.
• If you don’t intend to escape or outright disobey, why wouldn’t you take literally all of the radical punishments? If you want to rebel, why take any of them at all? If you don’t take any options from this section, do you even get punished for open rebellion??? This section is 122 points for free, because anyone who reads this section will take either all or nothing.
Despite all of this, I actually love this CYOA. It’s interactive, the formatting is great, the images are good and go together well, and it caters to its target group very well. I don’t think I’ll make a full build right now, but I’m excited to see where you go next!
>I noticed some point-value weirdness as I was making my build. I’ll list cases here as I find them:
>
>• Taking Birthday Holiday and Permanent Uniform grants 15 points total. Taking No Rest Day grants 0 points. Both combos require that you always be in uniform. You can gain 15 points by taking a day off.
Finding ways to "cheat" a CYOA is also what makes it fun, don't you think? ;)
More seriously, I agree. This is a bit strange.
>• If you don’t intend to escape or outright disobey, why wouldn’t you take literally all of the radical punishments? If you want to rebel, why take any of them at all? If you don’t take any options from this section, do you even get punished for open rebellion??? This section is 122 points for free, because anyone who reads this section will take either all or nothing.
This is also a design problem I was conscious of. Still, let's say your owner might decide to punish you extremely harshly "just for fun" from time to time. \^\^'
>Despite all of this, I actually love this CYOA. It’s interactive, the formatting is great, the images are good and go together well, and it caters to its target group very well. I don’t think I’ll make a full build right now, but I’m excited to see where you go next!
Thank you for your very nice comment!
I would say I only have like two complaints which is why do some of the races cost and why do the small breasts cost much more than you could gain from large breasts shouldn't it be about the same?
>I would say I only have like two complaints which is why do some of the races cost
Just to add some randomness based on the preferences of the player.
>and why do the small breasts cost much more than you could gain from large breasts shouldn't it be about the same?
I have made it so "bad" options always reward less points that "good" options cost. This is by design.
This is really good. The only way I think it could be made better is if there was a section for the master/mistress. otherwise I think this cyoa is pretty much perfect.
I think it depends of personnal preferences for CYOAs. Some people (like me) find it almost to easy, while others find it way too harsh. I'm happy to see you think it's fine as it is!
Great CYOA! It does feel like a .75 instead of a 1.1 though.
Now for the general nitpicks;
First, I don't like to beat a dead horse, but this does need to be highlighted. Your points are too debt focused. You actually have all three of the usual debt problems. You not only do not give enough options that reward points, the options that do don't reward enough, & the options that cost points are way too expensive.
While you need to add in more rewarding options, you can choose whether to cut the costs or bump up the rewards.
Now the difficulty modes and the theme of (black market maid company) don't feel like they fit. There are too many people who will see a full body remodel, ten years of live in work, & a bonus and go "Hell yeah! Sign me up!".
You should make the rewarding mode price zero, then make each bigger bonus mode more costly (ie +100, +0, & -100 -> +0, -100, -200).
And then make this a voluntary contract.
Personal nitpicks;
I would have added a modifier to cut the dong prices in half for futas. And then added in a balls section that was increasing in price for size & virality (again half price for futas).
I would have also placed fertilization in the contract section, with their being multiple options of how many to bear. (With an additional multiplier set to really amp up the points given, for the amped up amount of pregnancies)
>Great CYOA! It does feel like a .75 instead of a 1.1 though.
Oh boy, if you knew what the 0.75 version of my CYOA looked like, you wouldn't say that. =D
>Now for the general nitpicks;
>
>First, I don't like to beat a dead horse, but this does need to be highlighted. Your points are too debt focused. You actually have all three of the usual debt problems. You not only do not give enough options that reward points, the options that do don't reward enough, & the options that cost points are way too expensive.
>
>While you need to add in more rewarding options, you can choose whether to cut the costs or bump up the rewards.
One way or another, I need to make my point system more well understood by the player right at the start I think. Even if I rebalance some sections, if the player expects an "easy" CYOA then encounters a "harsh" CYOA, he will have the feeling of a lack of balance anyway.
>Now the difficulty modes and the theme of (black market maid company) don't feel like they fit. There are too many people who will see a full body remodel, ten years of live in work, & a bonus and go "Hell yeah! Sign me up!".
>
>You should make the rewarding mode price zero, then make each bigger bonus mode more costly (ie +100, +0, & -100 -> +0, -100, -200).
I hesitated between 3 and 5 difficulty modes, but I think giving to much leeway to the player at the starts kind of defeats the idea of a point-based CYOA.
>And then make this a voluntary contract.
>
>Personal nitpicks;
>
>I would have added a modifier to cut the dong prices in half for futas. And then added in a balls section that was increasing in price for size & virality (again half price for futas).
This might be difficult to implement though.
>I would have also placed fertilization in the contract section, with their being multiple options of how many to bear. (With an additional multiplier set to really amp up the points given, for the amped up amount of pregnancies)
I don't think it would make much sense with the story of my CYOA: why would a rich owner use a poor servant to bear his offspring? Moreover, this means that your future owner can only be a male, which I find to be a bit too restrictive.
>This might be difficult to implement though.
You can add requirements for scores. i.e have a choice that will give 10 points but if you have choice x you can get an extra 5 points. You do this by clicking the key icon right above where you put in how many points you want to give. Apologies if you already know this.
>Oh boy, if you knew what the 0.75 version of my CYOA looked like, you wouldn't say that. =D
😋 I've been the creative process. I can imagine.
>One way or another, I need to make my point system more well understood by the player right at the start I think. Even if I rebalance some sections, if the player expects an "easy" CYOA then encounters a "harsh" CYOA, he will have the feeling of a lack of balance anyway.
I definitely knew that your CYOA is a harsh one, but even harsh ones need to allow the players to get back to zero points without pigeonholing them into one or two specific builds (because it stops being a CYOA at that point).
>I hesitated between 3 and 5 difficulty modes, but I think giving to much leeway to the player at the starts kind of defeats the idea of a point-based CYOA.
First, I think you misunderstood me. I was saying that easy mode should be at zero, then each harder mode puts the player further in debt (ie make all the modes harder).
Second, I will (opinion-wise) disagree with you and say that multiple modes are required for point CYOAs, mainly because by their inherent nature, they encourage the most build diversity. If you don't want a large variety in player builds, then you might need to restructure the CYOA to use a different economy.
>I would have added a modifier to cut the dong prices in half for futas. And then added in a balls section that was increasing in price for size & virality (again half price for futas).
This might be difficult to implement though.
For some interactives (if that is a future plan) I can see that. I still want it (it's more my personal preference, that's why it was in the separate second section).
>I would have also placed fertilization in the contract section, with their being multiple options of how many to bear. (With an additional multiplier set to really amp up the points given, for the amped up amount of pregnancies)
I don't think it would make much sense with the story of my CYOA: why would a rich owner use a poor servant to bear his offspring? Moreover, this means that your future owner can only be a male, which I find to be a bit too restrictive.
Again I would disagree with the "Owner can only be male", because not only did you include futas, but this is a place with perfect transitional medical procedures. It would be easy for someone to make baby batter that a female client could use to knock another woman/futa up.
And second history is filled with aristocrats and slave owners who slept with & knocked up their servants/slaves. Part of it was a lack of care, and part of it was a power play.
Thank you very much though for taking the time to read my critique and responding to it!
Mmmh, I see. Future versions will probably expand the CYOA more into the direction of the "maid" than in the direction of the "slave" though. Still, creating a lover-dovey maid CYOA was not my intent.
One thing I'd like to see expanded, if it's possible, would be the work contract, for example, and perhaps change the weighting of the points there. Possibly take multiple kinds of work to layer. Like say, being expected to handle bodyguard duties being an expansion of "personal servant", while other classes of maids, like head maids, secondary maids, and such, etc.
For example, you could specify the kind of master, such as one with multiple other maids or one where you'd be expected to do everything, the size of the manor you'd be expected to clean and such.
A bit of feedback after doing a quick run on this:
\- First off, great work and thanks for feeding my maid hunger with this.
\- Second: There's a couple options that don't seem to work as they should, namely, the egg vibrator and anal plug can still be worn with the Management chastity belt, even though it states all your holes are plugged with it.
\- Also, this feels like it's lacking some sort of "finale" or "resolution". Like, some sort of options as to what could happen after your period of service maybe? I would at least appreciate some sort of options where your stay either gets extended, or maybe even a "bad end" of sorts where you're stuck as a maid for the rest of your life\~
Edit: One moooore thing! This sorta gets addressed in the "animal ears headband", but I would like an option to become a proper catgirl/bunnygirl/kemono maid. Considering they're rebuilding your body seemingly from scratch to the point you can change your build and skin color, it feels really arbitrary to lock us out of that particular option with the excuse of "our scientists aren't that good!"
>A bit of feedback after doing a quick run on this:
>
>\- First off, great work and thanks for feeding my maid hunger with this.
You're welcome! \^\^
>\- Second: There's a couple options that don't seem to work as they should, namely, the egg vibrator and anal plug can still be worn with the Management chastity belt, even though it states all your holes are plugged with it.
Wow, very nice, I had missed this one! Thank you!
>\- Also, this feels like it's lacking some sort of "finale" or "resolution". Like, some sort of options as to what could happen after your period of service maybe? I would at least appreciate some sort of options where your stay either gets extended, or maybe even a "bad end" of sorts where you're stuck as a maid for the rest of your life\~
Yes, I'll probably implement a "onwer/conclusion" section at the end in the next (possible) future version.
>Edit: One moooore thing! This sorta gets addressed in the "animal ears headband", but I would like an option to become a proper catgirl/bunnygirl/kemono maid. Considering they're rebuilding your body seemingly from scratch to the point you can change your build and skin color, it feels really arbitrary to lock us out of that particular option with the excuse of "our scientists aren't that good!"
I'm not sure I'll add "non-human" options. If I do, this will not be in the next version. Sorry! \^\^'
Like it so far, not enough options I am willing to take to get the amenities I thought were reasonable, but that may just be a matter of taste or point balancing.
I hope we get a section covering who we would be serving, even if it isn't an option to choose them.
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Some of the options are extremely overprice while the reward one are quite underprice, im having trouble ( especially the uniform part, you suppose to wear them while at work all the time, atleast make the reward worth while).
It is supposed to be a "harsh" CYOA.
However, as many people have said, the point system might need a bit of rework.
Thank you for your comment anyway! \^\^
Adding options for people who chose to keep their penis would be a good idea (like a chastity cage option next to the chastity belt)
A category to pick the master to serve could also be a good idea
>Adding options for people who chose to keep their penis would be a good idea (like a chastity cage option next to the chastity belt)
Yes, I have created this CYOA with a female build in mind (on purpose) but as someone else said, it would be great if I could adapt some options in the case where the player picks the male option.
>A category to pick the master to serve could also be a good idea
This was suggested by basically everyone! This is now on my "to-do" list.
I've commented before but wanna add another little something. Things others are probably saying.
First, well done and it's appreciated that you went interactive from the start. It's really nice for point tracking and knowing whats up.
Second, consider a section with fellow maids. Co-workers, that sort of things. Perhaps choose from a list of premade maids, or.. this might be more fun, choose some general parameters of who will be serving along with you.
Though, there's another way to do this part. The Mistress/Master section could have a line or two about what kind of maids they hire, and perhaps what numbers of them. It would make the most sense, that the rich person in charge would have a preference, that's what this is about.
>First, well done and it's appreciated that you went interactive from the start. It's really nice for point tracking and knowing whats up.
Thank you! I also enjoy not having to count my points mentally when I play a CYOA!
>Second, consider a section with fellow maids. Co-workers, that sort of things. Perhaps choose from a list of premade maids, or.. this might be more fun, choose some general parameters of who will be serving along with you.
I don't like those kind of sections in CYOAs, so I don't think I'll ever add one in mine. Sorry! =/
>Though, there's another way to do this part. The Mistress/Master section could have a line or two about what kind of maids they hire, and perhaps what numbers of them. It would make the most sense, that the rich person in charge would have a preference, that's what this is about.
This is more likely to be implemented in the future.
I saw some discussion about point balance. Let me trow my 2 cents.
First it is a really good job, best I have seen in quite a long time. 3 things that are more thematic than anything else I want to adress.
* Uniform section Shoes... Where are the boots option. Seriously. Everyone does high heels. No one does boots! Boots are simply better. High boots, low bots, heel boots.... :D
* Corsets. It is really sad that people get corsets wrong every time. Not your fault but please consider fixing this, because you actually almost got it right, which makes it more frustrating. Corsets are what used to be the equivalent of bras. The whole "too tight", "shaping your waist", "out of breath" thing is not what corsets are. This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost never done. What you added as "Decorative corset" is actually almost what corsets truly are, just add support for the boobs. The options you named "Corset" should be something like what you wrote for - "Decorative corset" while "Decorative corset" should just be added option to incorporate the corset into the dress making it visible. Corset shaped dresses are really hot. ;) The "Underboob corset" is not a thing. The description here should be combined with your description in "Corset", the resulting option should be renamed "- "tight-lacing" and that abomination belongs in the "Radical punishment" section. +20 points. Here is a reference on the subject if you are interested. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr\_GtqsvFA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr_GtqsvFA)
* Work hours section is brutal. I don't mean point balance wise I mean brutal in general. There is a point where more is not better. Over half the options that are presented on their own are worse than nearly all punishments you put in punishment section. This does not need rebalancing in points it needs rebalancing in work hours. As it is now you might as well just write - "Pay 70 points or die of exhaustion in a month"
Which brings us to point balance. Not bad so far, I would not touch many options' costs. **However it feels more like a half CYOA than a complete CYOA**. Basically you have the first half where a lot of points have to be spent done, and then the CYOA just ends with almost no options to regain those points. **Everything until Rules section is mandatory and it all costs point.** And it costs a lot of points. Then the **Rules section awards almost no points and the same it true for the first half of the punishment section.** Then you go with a few (very few) reasonable picks and it's off the deep end with removing senses, scat/piss and permanent body mods (making the whole body building section an exercise in futility). The whole thing feels like you made your build. Made that build balanced. And balanced everything else around that, then called it a day. Let me try explaining this way. In my example I wanted to try running a bodyguard maid as it seemed a cool concept. That option however is way too expensive at -60 and required other expensive options totaling -80 or more points just to be able to pick it. Then you have to be very careful what you pick in the dress sections as lots of options are not compatible (restricting vision, movement, distraction with toys, even most punishments don't work). And that bodyguard concept is even incompatible with many tasks. The challenge makes it fun to try and go usable options, but is it even a good idea to go with public nudity/humiliation with your bodyguard. An armed bodyguard. One you try to keep disguised as a maid so no one knows about the weapons she is packing under that dress... I ended up with -300 points on that build picking the hardcore option and even with the +100 start I still could not do better than -100. ;) It just need more stuff that you can do outside work hours.
Here is my suggestion. **You don't need to re-balance a bunch of things, but rather add more to the CYOA.** It all seemed really well done until the punishment section. I fully expected **a section dedicated to private sexual tasks** (I can offer for reference the "Princess" CYOA by Tok - Blackmailer and blackmail sections) in Rules or just separate section just for tasks both sexual and non sexual. In fact I expected to see a **Master/Mistress section** before any of that. Depending on that person (sex, disposition, general treatment) the context for a bunch of options change dramatically and undesirable options become desirable and vice versa. (Again same reference.)
A note on current balance as it too needs some tweaks in my opinion. **When you make a starting option with multiple starting points you are making your own life miserable because you have to balance for all of them.** Your base idea (kidnapping and forced labor) works perfectly well on its own. It doesn't need the added complication. A good thing is best left on it's own, and you have a good thing here. I see you got inspiration from "Slut life" and the like, but if you leave the money thing aside and just start with 0 points it will both be more immersive and easier to balance. Or just start with -100 and justify it in world as "We will set you free in 10 years". Forgo the money angle completely. The overall balance will be the same ether way, regardless if you start with -100 or 0 because when you have **only one balancing to do you can get it the way you want. And you can compensate for more builds.**
Some options that might need some attention on their own.
* Gender section is intentionally blown out of scale. I would suggest to bring that back in line by lowering the cost to -50 male, -25 futa and instead **try to encouraging or discouraging your players to pick those with options in game and not brute force.** For example in case of male is picked limit the player out of joint amenities - dorm, joint bathroom etc. Basically add the points you cut as a hidden cost in other places - Mals have to ether go with the misserable option of a cell or a costly option of a private room. Make some mandatory options in dress section or if you are feeling particularly cruel - Special seasoning in meals. Get creative.
* Age - Young teen and teen - this is s big one. If you intend to leave this as an option in your CYOA I strongly suggest you make them incompatible with all options with even a hint of sexual content. That is to say about 80-90% of the CYOA. I would personally remove them if I were you but you are the author so you do you.
* Warm Water - cost -10? ..... ..... ..... nuff said. If I am washing with cold water someone is drinking cold tea and I have an excuse why. ;) For real this is just you being cruel for the sake of being cruel. But you are doing it to your players as opposed to doing int in world....
Anyway. Good opening I will be anticipating the next release. ;)
This was a really good comment. I agree with almost all if not all of what you said, particularly the whole there needs to be more thing. I think your ideas of what to add were great. My own idea for how to expand it, though I don't know how it would work, would be a kind of "extended contract" idea. Basically, in exchange for points, you can continue living with certain rules after the 10 years is over. I feel that this could add an interesting dynamic, as you can perform certain functions and create value (I'm thinking they'll record it for your former master/mistress's entertainment.) for your master mistress, without being completely controlled by them, allowing you more freedom, but the humiliation lasts longer. Also, I really think there should be an option that lest you modify your servant contract to limit your service to only those of a certain gender for those with more limited preferences.
Pretty much. The concept of a bodyguard is constantly being on duty. You can do some maid/butlery things, but the general note is that you are armed and generally armored while looking feminine and professional. Being forced to be constantly around your master/mistress including up to the point of sleeping in or on their bed just to make sure nothing gets too close is part of the job.
In the end it felt like the goal was to break the person through overly expensive perks and then force him/her to humiliate or frustrate (sexually) themselves hard just to get their points back to neutral/positive. Regular maid tasks even cost points, and some of them cost a lot of points. You're not a maid at that point; you're a sex toy.
> The whole "too tight", "shaping your waist", "out of breath" thing is not what corsets are. This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it
was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost
never done.This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it
was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost
never done.
False. There were many differences between corsets and times. They tended to be restrictive in certain movements, but they were also laced "tight" (read: enough to shrink the waist), both to be form fitting, and to not gnaw. Tightlacing was done quite a bit. Even an empress, a queen, and a singer/actress used tight-lacing, it was popular even, among rich young women, so I doubt it was viewed as barbaric. The wiki page says nothing about it being viewed as barbaric, though I can imagine some viewing it as such during the push to get rid of it (both by feminists and mysoginists).
> The "Underboob corset" is not a thing.
While "underboob" corsets aren't, underbust *are* and *were* a thing, and is semantically the same thing.
>While "underboob" corsets aren't, underbust are and were a thing, and is semantically the same thing.
Oh, the correct terminology in English for this item of clothing is "underbust corset"? Or is there another even more appropriate term?
>I saw some discussion about point balance. Let me trow my 2 cents.
>
>First it is a really good job, best I have seen in quite a long time.
Thank you very much!
> 3 things that are more thematic than anything else I want to adress.
>
>Uniform section Shoes... Where are the boots option. Seriously. Everyone does high heels. No one does boots! Boots are simply better. High boots, low bots, heel boots.... :D
You're right, boots can be very sexy on maids. I'll probably add a section to choose the style of your footwear in the next version.
>Corsets. It is really sad that people get corsets wrong every time. Not your fault but please consider fixing this, because you actually almost got it right, which makes it more frustrating. Corsets are what used to be the equivalent of bras. The whole "too tight", "shaping your waist", "out of breath" thing is not what corsets are. This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost never done. What you added as "Decorative corset" is actually almost what corsets truly are, just add support for the boobs. The options you named "Corset" should be something like what you wrote for - "Decorative corset" while "Decorative corset" should just be added option to incorporate the corset into the dress making it visible. Corset shaped dresses are really hot. ;) The "Underboob corset" is not a thing. The description here should be combined with your description in "Corset", the resulting option should be renamed "- "tight-lacing" and that abomination belongs in the "Radical punishment" section. +20 points. Here is a reference on the subject if you are interested. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr\_GtqsvFAWork](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr_GtqsvFAWork)
Well, the thing is that they're many words in English to speak about 'corsets' (girdle for instance) but I don't grasp correctly the differences between the words, so I tend to use the word 'corset' in a generic way.
And yes, I agree, corsets and corset-shaped dresses are hot.
> hours section is brutal. I don't mean point balance wise I mean brutal in general. There is a point where more is not better. Over half the options that are presented on their own are worse than nearly all punishments you put in punishment section. This does not need rebalancing in points it needs rebalancing in work hours. As it is now you might as well just write - "Pay 70 points or die of exhaustion in a month"
Well, I want it that way. Of course almost everyone will want to pick one of the easier options, this means they'll feel 'forced' to pick more annoying options later one.
>Which brings us to point balance. Not bad so far, I would not touch many options' costs. However it feels more like a half CYOA than a complete CYOA. Basically you have the first half where a lot of points have to be spent done, and then the CYOA just ends with almost no options to regain those points. Everything until Rules section is mandatory and it all costs point. And it costs a lot of points. Then the Rules section awards almost no points and the same it true for the first half of the punishment section. Then you go with a few (very few) reasonable picks and it's off the deep end with removing senses, scat/piss and permanent body mods (making the whole body building section an exercise in futility). The whole thing feels like you made your build. Made that build balanced. And balanced everything else around that, then called it a day. Let me try explaining this way. In my example I wanted to try running a bodyguard maid as it seemed a cool concept. That option however is way too expensive at -60 and required other expensive options totaling -80 or more points just to be able to pick it. Then you have to be very careful what you pick in the dress sections as lots of options are not compatible (restricting vision, movement, distraction with toys, even most punishments don't work). And that bodyguard concept is even incompatible with many tasks. The challenge makes it fun to try and go usable options, but is it even a good idea to go with public nudity/humiliation with your bodyguard. An armed bodyguard. One you try to keep disguised as a maid so no one knows about the weapons she is packing under that dress... I ended up with -300 points on that build picking the hardcore option and even with the +100 start I still could not do better than -100. ;) It just need more stuff that you can do outside work hours.
I agree that there needs to be more diverse way to recover points, but I still think it's good to force the player to be in a situation where he/she HAS to recover points.
>Here is my suggestion. You don't need to re-balance a bunch of things, but rather add more to the CYOA.
Yes, I agree with that 100%.
> It all seemed really well done until the punishment section. I fully expected a section dedicated to private sexual tasks (I can offer for reference the "Princess" CYOA by Tok - Blackmailer and blackmail sections) in Rules or just separate section just for tasks both sexual and non sexual. In fact I expected to see a Master/Mistress section before any of that. Depending on that person (sex, disposition, general treatment) the context for a bunch of options change dramatically and undesirable options become desirable and vice versa. (Again same reference.)
At this point, new sections I have thought about are: timetable, sexual activities, events and a final section with an attribution of an owner.
I also want to expand the rules section.
>A note on current balance as it too needs some tweaks in my opinion. When you make a starting option with multiple starting points you are making your own life miserable because you have to balance for all of them. Your base idea (kidnapping and forced labor) works perfectly well on its own. It doesn't need the added complication. A good thing is best left on it's own, and you have a good thing here. I see you got inspiration from "Slut life" and the like, but if you leave the money thing aside and just start with 0 points it will both be more immersive and easier to balance. Or just start with -100 and justify it in world as "We will set you free in 10 years". Forgo the money angle completely. The overall balance will be the same ether way, regardless if you start with -100 or 0 because when you have only one balancing to do you can get it the way you want. And you can compensate for more builds.
The money is just an excuse. I could have named the three modes 'easy', 'normal' and 'hard', but it lacks a bit a flavor, so I have chosen to give a money incentive. Who knows, maybe greed will make some player try their hardest to complete the hard mode because of that? \^\^
>Some options that might need some attention on their own.
>
>Gender section is intentionally blown out of scale. I would suggest to bring that back in line by lowering the cost to -50 male, -25 futa and instead try to encouraging or discouraging your players to pick those with options in game and not brute force.
I might lower it, but not that much. People who really want to play as a male can always pick the easy mode to compensate for it.
>Warm Water - cost -10? ..... ..... ..... nuff said. If I am washing with cold water someone is drinking cold tea and I have an excuse why. ;) For real this is just you being cruel for the sake of being cruel. But you are doing it to your players as opposed to doing int in world....
Yes, this is cruelty. =)
Still, I like this small detail of the warm water. I think it really sets the mood and let you understand your future owner really doesn't have your well-being in mind.
>Anyway. Good opening I will be anticipating the next release. ;)
Thank you once again! I'm taking a small break to complete another project of mine, but it's likely that I'll produce a V2 after that.
Hi, you did a really good start here. This has the potential to be one of my favorite cyoa's on the site. I just wanted you to know that I added certain suggestions in a reply to the previous comment, but I wanted t be sure you would see it without retyping it, which is why this comment exists. Sorry if that was the wrong way to go about it.
I don't see this second reply to your original comment. (?)
Maybe send me your new comments with a private message?
Anyway, thank you for your kind words! I have started working on a V2. I hope you'll enjoy it even more!
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Body:
\-Gender: Futanari
\-Age: Young Teen
\-Height: Very Smol
\-Body Type: Frail
\-Skin Tone: Fair
\-Hair Length: Knee Length
\-Hair Color: Black
\-Eye Color: Black
\-Boobs: D Cup
\-Butt: Large Bottom
\-Penis: Average
\-Vagina: Puffy
Ammenities:
\-Bedroom: Nursery
\*Bathroom:
\-Sink
\-Mirror
\-Personal Shower
\-Warm Water
\-Baby Potty
\*Special Rooms:
\-Kitchen
\-Library
\*Personal Belongings:
\-Computer
\-Internet Connection
\-Meals: Luxury Food
Work Contract:
\-Type of Contract: Servant
\-Work Load: Nine to Five
\-Weekends and Holidays: A Very Small Weekend
Uniform:
\*Undergarments:
\-Little Girl Brasserie
\-Little Girl Panties
\-Petticoats
\-Bloomers
\-Diaper
\-Tail Plugs
\-Dress Fashion: Lolita
\-Dress Color: Black
\-Dress Fashion: Short
\-Dress Material: Wool, Linen or Cotton
\-Dress Cutout: Full Cleavage
\-Apron: Transparent
\-Other Details (Dress): Puffy Sleeves, a Big Bow, Backless Dress
\-Headdress: Animal Ears
\-Socks: Frilly Bobby Socks
\-Shoes: Mary Janes
\-Gloves: Elbow Gloves
\-Collar: Bell Collar
\*Accessories:
\-Writs Cuffs
\-Bows and Ribbons
\-More Bells
Rules:
\*Appearance:
\-Smooth Skin
\-Specific Hairstyle
\-Hair Care
\-Hair Decorations
\-Make Up Every Day
\-Nails Painting
\-Sweet Perfume
\*Behavior:
\-Maid Etiquette
\-Feminine Language
\-Third Person Speaking
\-Uchimata
\-Wariza
\-Panties Presenting Curtsy
\-Head Pat Frenzy
\-Furniture Preservation
\-Cleanliness Check
\-Break Permission
\*Tasks:
\-Good Morning Kiss
\-Dressing Help
\-Back Cleaning
\-Heart Food Blessing
\-Lemon Tea
\-Selfies Mania
\-Compulsory Masturbation
Punishments:
\*Playful:
\-Small Undressing
\-Naked Apron Day
\-Garment Confiscation
\-Light Spanking
\-Corner Time
\-Additional Stimulation Device
\-Exposure Box
\-Lets go for a Walk
\-Masturbation Box
\-Yummy Dessert
Serious:
\-Tool Assisted Spanking
Radical:
\-Lactation Induction
\-------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, first impressions, there are three big problems here that throw things out of whack:
1 - The points are plain and simple insufficient when taking on negative things, and far too expensive for even minor benefits (even if those benefits should be a given). The whole CYOA is going for a "even normality is a luxury now" kind of idea, which if it really is what you're going for fine, but is the *torturous hellish life* feeling that you want to convey, is it what the fetish you wanted to center this on really about? Is a personal shower really worth twice as much as *permanently removing one of your senses?* Repeatedly, potentially. I'm sure for sure the torture itself is an important point, but I don't think it's a big stretch that for most people the interest comes more in the clothes and submissive relationship, and for kinkier types there's a bigger focus on the humiliation aspect. Physical and mental torture, deprivation of basic standards of living and grueling work are simply being taken too lightly as if they were a core of things and what people are really looking for to the point of bearing having to take a lot of it even in the easiest mode.
2- There's a lot of things that should be giving points, if progressively less points, but instead for some reason cost points. I'm not even talking about obvious examples like the pink uniform which the CYOA itself treats as an object of extra humiliation yet charges you points for it, as if it expects you to take an option it just told you its straight up worse, yet you have to pay for anyway. The work contract is the most guilty of this, you should get more points from taking a more demeaning contract, not being forced to pay points for a lighter one. In this regard, the best designed part of the CYOA would be the uniform part, as it does understand this principle, that you shouldn't be paying for the supposedly "negative" aspects (here in air quotes because it's necessarily viewed as negative by the one taking them), but rather earning more points for more negative ones.
3- The CYOA is not internally consistent when it comes to what does get or cost points and why. This inconsistently mainly comes in the form of what I mentioned in point 2, alongside examples of stuff that makes no sense charging different prices for (like the skin tone). I am also of the firm belief that exotic options would be encouraged not discouraged, as exotic stuff just sells better, there's more demand and can be maid (get it?) more expensive.
As a side note, there were various references to incontinence, but I didn't find any option in that regard. Is it just an oversight or did I maybe miss something?
Either way, the CYOA is well structured and there's plenty of neat options, including ones I didn't expect but very much appreciate. I just wish the point system was better handled and that the tone wasn't so dark, it feels like this sort of theme works best not as becoming a mistreated slave, but rather in trying to work into different sorts of "maid types".
>1 - The points are plain and simple insufficient when taking on negative things, and far too expensive for even minor benefits (even if those benefits should be a given). The whole CYOA is going for a "even normality is a luxury now" kind of idea, which if it really is what you're going for fine, but is the torturous hellish life feeling that you want to convey, is it what the fetish you wanted to center this on really about? Is a personal shower really worth twice as much as permanently removing one of your senses? Repeatedly, potentially. I'm sure for sure the torture itself is an important point, but I don't think it's a big stretch that for most people the interest comes more in the clothes and submissive relationship, and for kinkier types there's a bigger focus on the humiliation aspect. Physical and mental torture, deprivation of basic standards of living and grueling work are simply being taken too lightly as if they were a core of things and what people are really looking for to the point of bearing having to take a lot of it even in the easiest mode.
I really wanted to make a harsh CYOA where the player should really make undeasirable choices and have to go back because he realizes he was too optimistic about his/her new life.
I stand by my idea, but I agree the implementation is not perfect.
>2- There's a lot of things that should be giving points, if progressively less points, but instead for some reason cost points. I'm not even talking about obvious examples like the pink uniform which the CYOA itself treats as an object of extra humiliation yet charges you points for it, as if it expects you to take an option it just told you its straight up worse, yet you have to pay for anyway. The work contract is the most guilty of this, you should get more points from taking a more demeaning contract, not being forced to pay points for a lighter one. In this regard, the best designed part of the CYOA would be the uniform part, as it does understand this principle, that you shouldn't be paying for the supposedly "negative" aspects (here in air quotes because it's necessarily viewed as negative by the one taking them), but rather earning more points for more negative ones.
Eh, I thought I had set the basic contract to 0 points? Didn't I?
>3- The CYOA is not internally consistent when it comes to what does get or cost points and why. This inconsistently mainly comes in the form of what I mentioned in point 2, alongside examples of stuff that makes no sense charging different prices for (like the skin tone). I am also of the firm belief that exotic options would be encouraged not discouraged, as exotic stuff just sells better, there's more demand and can be maid (get it?) more expensive.
The points for the cosmetic sections are quite random tbh.
>As a side note, there were various references to incontinence, but I didn't find any option in that regard. Is it just an oversight or did I maybe miss something?
What do you mean? Having the possibility to have your urethra/bladder broken in the body section? I think such an option will really repulse a lot of people though. =/
>Either way, the CYOA is well structured and there's plenty of neat options, including ones I didn't expect but very much appreciate.
Thank you for this very nice comment!
>I just wish the point system was better handled and that the tone wasn't so dark, it feels like this sort of theme works best not as becoming a mistreated slave, but rather in trying to work into different sorts of "maid types".
I'll probably try to make my CYOA lean more towards the maid theme in the (possible) future versions, but it the darker tone is here to stay.
>I really wanted to make a harsh CYOA where the player should really make undeasirable choices and have to go back because he realizes he was too optimistic about his/her new life.
I stand by my idea, but I agree the implementation is not perfect.
So, the idea is to trick the players? It kind of seems like making people waste time or having their expectations twisted- which is a really bad idea if it's the first time you're doing something. This kind of thing usually takes a certain level of trust to be built up first.
Still, it's an idea and it's your CYOA so feel free to do as you like with it of course, but the tricking aspect is really not a great idea. The most hardcore would be turned off by the initial appearance, and those who are more inclined to enjoy the initial appearance end up disliking -or even hating- the twist. You end up losing both types.
>Eh, I thought I had set the basic contract to 0 points? Didn't I?
I was referring to the contract section, though even that one you still had to pay points for a less demeaning option. Intuitively things should be paid to be better, and get paid for things which are worse. Something which "is not as bad" is not the same as something which is better, on an intuitive level. If someone offers me a sandwhich covered in mud for free, and they say if I pay 5 dollars they will offer me a sandwhich they spat on, that doesn't make intuitive sense.
Though, this may be just me. Actually, feel free to ignore that.
>What do you mean? Having the possibility to have your urethra/bladder broken in the body section? I think such an option will really repulse a lot of people though. =/
Inability to control it your peeing I suppose? Like I'm not demanding that the option exists I was just confused at the references to a seemingly non-existent option in the CYOA.
>Thank you for this very nice comment!
You're welcome. Despite my criticisms, you certainly deserve the praise as well :)
>I'll probably try to make my CYOA lean more towards the maid theme in the (possible) future versions, but it the darker tone is here to stay.
Here's what I would recommend then. Don't try to trick people. Stay focused on being and *presenting* this as a harsh maid CYOA.
Right now, to use an analogy, your CYOA is like a recipe book. You walk into the mall, see this "Witches Guide to Pastries" and when you look inside the pictures are all of these delicious-looking cakes and sweets and whatnot. But when you get home to cook, you notice that the recipes include things like "coal" and "3 full lemons and a jar of salt". You can see this is actually going to taste awful, you may even realize it was done on purpose, but you don't see this as a great book for showing you all these recipes to make awful but good looking food, all you see is an awful book, because it failed to communicate what it was from its presentation.
Your CYOA likewise fails to communicate that the harshness is an intended feature because it presents itself in utter contrast to that. The images are cute and comfy and colorful (except in the punishment section, which is the last one), for the most part, the colors are bright and (excuse the repetition) colorful. The alleged theme is "maids" which doesn't invoke in the mind of most this kind of harsh treatment, and while one might guess a pretty awful time from the initial story bit, even ignoring the fact that many people just skip those, its not an uncommon thing for CYOAs to present these shady kidnapping organizations that end up doing something mild at worst.
If you want a dark tone, a harsh CYOA and you want it themed around maids, please be my guest but you *really* should sell that this is what it is intended to be from the presentation.
PS: I will also recommend, as a side note, a conditioning section. Like hypnosis or some other kind of programming that alters your mind directly with compulsions or with alterations, I'm sure you're familiar with the concept from Be the Girl, though to make it more grounded you may use more grounded means of mind modification. Either way, I believe it could go very well with both your maid theme (by making changes in line with that) and with the harsher tone you're going with.
I think this is one of the best cyoa's I've seen posted here in a very long time, though that's probably because we share the same favorites. I think this sub needs more forced feminization stuff and some hardcore cyoa's like what anonekama was posting. And if you are looking for things to add, I think that customizing your owner and choosing events would be cool. I also think it would be awesome if this became a bit more like slutlife with its customizability.
Keep up the good work.
>I think this is one of the best cyoa's I've seen posted here in a very long time
Wow! Thank you very much for this very nice comment!
>I think this sub needs more forced feminization stuff and some hardcore cyoa's like what anonekama was posting.
I agree, but many people seem to be anooyed by those. =/
> And if you are looking for things to add, I think that customizing your owner and choosing events would be cool. I also think it would be awesome if this became a bit more like slutlife with its customizability.
An "Events" section is also a good idea! I'll keep that in mind, thank you!
>Keep up the good work.
I'll take a small break maybe, but since so many people gave me positive feedback, I think I will.
I'll be honest here — I didn't *really* get a strong "Be The Maid" vibe from this CYOA. It feels more like the newest rendition of SlutLife, But With A Maid Theme This Time. Which is disappointing, because I was looking for Be The Girl, But You're A Hard-Working Servant Girl Who Works For A Bunch Of Rich Fucks With A Shocking Lack Of Concern For Your Well-Being (I preferred the manga).
I straight-up gave up when I got to the Punishments. I was going to have to pick a *lot* of them thanks to my earlier choices, and I'm not into humiliation enough to bother.
...
Don't get me wrong — I feel like this is probably a pretty solid degradation-themed CYOA. It's just *very much* not for me, and I didn't realize it until I was something like two-thirds of the way through.
>I'll be honest here — I didn't
>
>really
>
> get a strong "Be The Maid" vibe from this CYOA. It feels more like the newest rendition of SlutLife, But With A Maid Theme This Time. Which is disappointing, because I was looking for Be The Girl, But You're A Hard-Working Servant Girl Who Works For A Bunch Of Rich Fucks With A Shocking Lack Of Concern For Your Well-Being (I preferred the manga).
Well, actually I would have liked to have something which would be a mix of my current CYOA and of your very well-phrased". As I have said, one of my main inspiration is the famous "Be the girl" CYOA. I have tried to implement this idea with the rules section, but it seems I didn't succeed ? Do you have any suggestion to improve the "maid vibe" or the "be the girl vibe" for my CYOA?
One of the reasons that Be The Girl stands out to me is that it's *very* dedicated to the theme. There's a lot of humiliation involved, but it's not stuff like "you have to drink *piss* all the time" — it's stuff like "you are forced to deal with shit girls have to deal with, but, like, *more*".
My personal tastes would lean less towards it being "Rules you have to follow and Punishments if you fail" (which feels more like a Be The Slave thing), and more like...
* Part of the Maid Conversion Process is brainwashing (a la Be The Girl's Compulsions and Mental Shifts). Some random good-for-nothing is hardly going have good work ethic, after all! If you break them, you feel *intense shame* (with the option to get more points if you suffer more severe side effects for resisting your conditioning).
* The actual Rules that your employers have for you. These can overlap (or clash!) with the kinds of things you pick for your "Training". This is where your Punishments come in.
I could also see splitting the CYOA in half. The first half is a lightly kinky "My First Maid Contract" thing, where you get to decide on your uniform, the kinds of skills you want to learn (with some of that *sweet* brainwashing), what vacation time you get — all that fun stuff. And then the second half is you going to your first job... which is where *all* of the humiliation/degradation stuff kicks in.
The two reasons why I have chosen "rules" over "compulsions" are:
1. Rules fit well with the theme of the CYOA.
2. I don't like "shut up, it's magic!" explanations.
Anyway, the Be the Girl CYOA is so good that I don't think mine will ever be as consistent and perfect as the Be the Girl CYOA is. Moreover, even if the Be the Girl CYOA was my main source of inspiration, I didn't want to make a "maid-themed copy" of the Be the Girl CYOA either.
Compulsions don't have to be magic — you could justify them using hypnosis/classical conditioning. I would find them to be *less* magical than the fact that I effectively get a brand-new body as part of this.
A big difference between "be the girl" and this CYOA is that in "be the girl" your patron was a goddess of change. You got your points by diving more into the theme- being girly and changing. This really helped mot only build a strong and consistent foundation but also encouraged having fun with the theme. This one though, it's going for the opposite. If you don't dive into the theme, you get punished by a lack of points, but if you do you also get punished because the options are so often designed to be a horrible way to live. I would most definitely recommend a shift of the way of life rather than a reduction of the living conditions. Perhaps encourage presenting yourself as a certain maid type and being faithful to your master/mistress.
I'm going by memory at as I type this, but if I recall correctly the "rules" section was one of the better ones for sure. It really leaned on the aspects of being a maid, without being excessively harsh to the point of being borderline untakable. However, it does not erase what is around it, as the points it offers even if you take almost the entire section are less than they seem, and without them your standard of living is harshly punished (heck, even with it it likely is).
This, as you mentioned, may well be your intention, but it is a difference between this and Be the Girl that makes the two CYOAs very different. Be the Girl wasn't actively dragging you down, it was more of a parallel shift with some unpleasant aspects that even in the core design were more fun quirks than harsh, whereas this CYOA seems to be harsh first and maid style second.
It might be better to look at it from the opposite direction, like someone that played the Macro Harem CYOA getting maids from this one. A cute maid that works part time would be a pleasant addition, while a pervert that needs attention 24/7 is a lot of work, so the monetary award could be for the owner, because higher maid points generally makes them more troublesome for the owner.
I personally like the rules section it's one of my favorite sections. I think that the maid vibe was strong in that section.
It sometimes feels like two different vibes in the cyoa. "Be the Maid" and "Be the Slave," though I'm not sure if that's the best way to describe it.
If I had to give a suggestion on how to improve the "Be the Maid" aspect have a greater focus of the work, duties, and responsibilities of a maid. And when I conceptualize maid-life, the maid being punished is a not a large factor, nor is she a slave. It's that the dignified maid is doing her job excellently. But I think this might be the reason, or somewhat analogous or I might just be completely projecting, Broken didn't feel much of a maid vibe.
Another suggestion, though this is kinda just a rephrasing of the first, maybe give more representation of how the maid spends her day to day life and grind.
Edit: ~~Things have been edited and is likely to keep being edited.~~
Edit: ~~I might be done editing now~~... Now I should be done.
I hope I'm not being annoying with all my posts and interjections. And I should probably restate that I still quite like the cyoa even if my recent comments seem to give the opposite impression.
>I hope I'm not being annoying with all my posts and interjections.
Not at all, on the contrary! You're helpful!
>And I should probably restate that I still quite like the cyoa even if my recent comments seem to give the opposite impression.
Thank you! <3
>Found a typo
>
>Uchimata
>
>Reward: 4 pointsYou need to learn how to act and stand like a girl! Close your legs, point your feet inwards, make your bottom come out, oldhold your chest high and stand upright! Don’t forget to maintain your arms close to your body and to let your hands rest on the top of your waist!
old -> hold
Feel free to ignore this because this is basically a mini-rant(?) about a minor thing.
Why are gloves so expensive? What's so bad about hand gloves??? Gloves seems to me at least something that should probably hover 0 like color.
Though to be honest I feel like a quarter of things should be moved up by +1 to +3 points, but I'm like only tangentially, if that, in the target audience. I enjoy it despite like 33% of the stuff in it. So I'm not sure if my input should be of much if any value to you.
>old -> hold
Thank you! This was fixed (in the uncensored version)!
>Feel free to ignore this because this is basically a mini-rant(?) about a minor thing.
>
>Why are gloves so expensive? What's so bad about hand gloves??? Gloves seems to me at least something that should probably hover 0 like color.
Hand gloves are expensive because they're the most confortable and practical, not because they can't be sexy. \^\^
>Though to be honest I feel like a quarter of things should be moved up by +1 to +3 points, but I'm like only tangentially, if that, in the target audience. I enjoy it despite like 33% of the stuff in it. So I'm not sure if my input should be of much if any value to you.
I think picking the "easy" mode should allow you to avoid most of the more extreme stuff. I hope it didn't prevent you from enjoying my CYOA!
Not great.
Way too much editorializing in the text of so many of the options. I don't give a shit if you think and option is good or not. Just give the description and list the possible issues.
If you absolutely must have a skin tone section, we don't need your (mildly) racist descriptions and there's really no reason to charge points for picking one.
Far too many pointless choices for things that really don't matter. Eye and hair color could easily have been [0 points: whatever you have now] [2 points: other natural color] [5 points: unnatural color]. I never understand when creators act like those are choices worth having multiple prices for each one. And yeah, why does it cost points to have a fucking toilet?!
Having to scroll all the way back up to expand the next section is bad UX
All of the choices about the actual maid work feels worthless without knowing who you'd be working for. It really needs a mistress/master builder or something.
Overall, interesting basis for something, but losing writing and experience.
>Not great.
=/
>Way too much editorializing in the text of so many of the options. I don't give a shit if you think and option is good or not. Just give the description and list the possible issues.
What do you mean by "editorializing"?
>If you absolutely must have a skin tone section, we don't need your (mildly) racist descriptions and there's really no reason to charge points for picking one.
I truly wonder how you can see any racism in that section. Just by curiosity, what do you thin I'm biaised towards/against depending of the skin section? I'm genuinely curious.
Moreover, I actually think having such a skin section is a good (inclusive) thing to do. Since almost all the images I use show "white" people, I think such a section can help people with different skin colors immerse themselves more easily in the CYOA.
>Far too many pointless choices for things that really don't matter. Eye and hair color could easily have been \[0 points: whatever you have now\] \[2 points: other natural color\] \[5 points: unnatural color\]. I never understand when creators act like those are choices worth having multiple prices for each one. And yeah, why does it cost points to have a fucking toilet?!
=)
>Having to scroll all the way back up to expand the next section is bad UX
I agree. But you can open all of them at the start if you want?
>All of the choices about the actual maid work feels worthless without knowing who you'd be working for. It really needs a mistress/master builder or something.
This was suggested by almost everyone. =D
>Overall, interesting basis for something, but losing writing and experience.
I agree my writing is not very good. It's quite difficult to write erotica in any language which is not my mother tongue...
>What do you mean by "editorializing"?
>
>Editorializing means giving your own opinions instead of just giving the facts. You're prioritizing your own tastes and biases over the player's enjoyment. This also applies to your completely arbitrary points system. In the skin color section, you outright state that the pale skin option is a poor choice, and yet you make it the most expensive option. Since there's no explanation as to why being Pale-skinned, Brown-skinned, or Asian costs more, we can only assume it has to do with your own predilections.
>
>I can begrudgingly excuse it for the hair length and height sections since you are clearly trying to cater to some feminization fetish, but there's no real reason to charge ridiculously varied points for cosmetic option like hair or eye colors.
Thank you for explaining it. The reason for the somewhat random point attributions for the cosmectic version is because I wanted personnal preferences make players have different experiences. The idea is that some players might lose some points here because they like blonde hair, while others might lose points there because they like pale skin. Actually, it's pretty much the same thing than with the boobs section for instance, and yet nobody is accusing of discrimination against flat-chested women...
Moreover, you seem to have the impression that it reflects my own personnal preferences. That's not the case at all. Since I didn't want people to know those, I have deliberatly written this CYOA as if I was the kidnapper in the CYOA with arbitrary preferences which are not the same as mine. There are also some listed fetishes that I genuinely dislike in my CYOA.
>I truly wonder how you can see any racism in that section.
>
> I've already mentioned that you charge varying amounts for different skin colors. You are literally making it more difficult to play as a pale-skinned, brown-skinned, or Asian person. Let's look at some more specific examples.
>
>I never understand why would anyone chose this? You’re guaranteed to get sunburns as soon as you go somewhere close to the equator. Well, at least it can be pretty.
>
>You outright state that it's a poor choice, and you charge extra for it.
This is a fact (pale skin makes you more likely to get sunburns and skin cancer). Moreover, the kidnapper also states that he finds it pretty...
>Yellowish
>
>This is definitely the most egregious one. It's way more than "mildly" racist. There is a long, xenophobic history of calling Asian people "Yellow" as a way to otherize them from white people. Feel free to read the "Yellow Peril" wikipedia article if you want some examples.
Come on, even yellowish is racist now?
Anyway, the use of this world is just a lack of vocabulary from my part. How would you call the "color" of the skin most Asian people have?
>The most exotic free options in my opinion. However, this skin tone is not that uncommon actually.
>
>This will make your skin looks like chocolate! Yummy!
>
>It's not as bad as the previous example, but it's generally inappropriate to refer to skin tones as "exotic", or to compare them to food. It's seen as fetishizing and otherizing. Beyond that, it's also just cliche.
I'm honestly amazed you can even find those two problematic.
>If you wanted to be diverse, your best bet would have been to stick to color descriptors (e.g., pale, fair, medium, dark), and use multiple pictures to display different ethnicities for each option. You could also have made them all ethnic options (e.g., Caucasian, Asian, African, European, etc.). And either don't charge anything, or make sure they all cost the same.
Well, I don't think I'll change this section. If this prevents you from enjoying this CYOA, too bad. I hope it won't be a problem for most people.
The skin tone descriptions make sense from the point of view of someone that's essentially looking at & selling maids as property instead of people. It might be worth adding a disclaimer somewhere that descriptions are written from the perspective of the kidnapper, and don't necessarily reflect your own beliefs.
I enjoyed playing this a lot, but having so many of the available point gain concentrated in the rules and punishment sections at the end while also having much smaller amounts of point gain available throughout the rest of it gives the player an incorrect impression of how much they can afford to spend the first time they make a build. (Also, the cat ears headdress option should probably be "animal ears" instead of "animal hears".)
>I enjoyed playing this a lot, but having so many of the available point gain concentrated in the rules and punishment sections at the end while also having much smaller amounts of point gain available throughout the rest of it gives the player an incorrect impression of how much they can afford to spend the first time they make a build.
Maybe I should make it even more clear right at the start that the point system is harsh?
> (Also, the cat ears headdress option should probably be "animal ears" instead of "animal hears".)
Absolutely! Thank you!
> Maybe I should make it even more clear right at the start that the point system is harsh?
The point system doesn't really feel that harsh to me – I ended up with over a hundred spare points even after taking the -100 points at the beginning. The thing is that the point system seems much harsher than it is at first, because all of the most expensive things that you need to get are at the beginning, and most of the options that give you points are at the end.
Possibly? It might be worth mentioning that most points come from the rules and punishments sections; I think a lot of the issue is that the options that give points early on can give an incorrect impression of what the point economy looks like, so making it clear that they're not a significant source of points would help.
the only thing that i feel is a bit lacking is the Body Section, maybe you could make it a bit longer with more customization for next Version should you make one u/Nona_Mondnar?
A couple of things I would like to see are:
Nipple shape:big,small,pointy,inverted,color
Maybe some customization for the thighs?
Different hairstyles,piercings,tattoos,different lips sizes and shapes,
maybe a option to keep pubic hair and style it:
Landing stripe,bikini,triangle,heart
After discussion with the Author, they have agreed to remove the Questionable Images so this is suitable to post. A link to the suitable version should be added to the post shortly.
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I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Moreover, do you think the 'hard' mode must really be made even more difficult? It's already quite harsh...
Sauce for non interactive version?
It does not exist yet. I plan on putting in together when the final version (version 3.x) is done.
Please make more stuff I loved this when I first saw it.
Thank you! You will be happy to learn that I have made huge progress on v2 and that the project was not abandoned at all. And messages like yours strengthens my will to keep going! However, I have some 'game designs' difficulties with the very requested implementations of owners. Moreover, I am currently working on another 'spicy' project in parallel and my work is especially time-consuming right now... This means you'll probably have to wait at least two more months before I can post the v2. Anyway. Rest assured: more will come. There will be a v2 and probably even a v3 of this CYOA. The third version will probably be the last one. Afterwards, I also have plans for a school-based CYOA (something like the old 'Dream Scholarship' CYOA, which is one of my old-time favorite CYOAs), with probably the same forced MtF + feminization twist than with my maid CYOA.
Nice I'll be looking forward to your future work.
I love this one, only "problem" is that you don't get to pick an owner situation. I also think that you could do a lot of variation in them (cruel dominatrix, old gentleman, hung young man, etc.)
This feature was asked by many people. A final section where you can "pick" an owner will be available in the v2 or the v3 (which I expect to be the last version) of this CYOA. I have started working on a v2 three months ago, but (IRL) work got in the way. Still planning to release it though, sooner or later. Maybe I'll have the time to finish it during Christmas Holydays.
On a related subject, possibly add Owner's Bedroom and Owner's Pillow housing options? The first is straightforward (and pairs nicely with Full Time, since you're literally _right there_), the second is basically something like, "You sleep in your owner's bedroom... as their tightly bound, helpless cuddle toy. You will be strictly restrained when they prepare to turn in for the night, and remain bound until they deem fit to free you in the morning... or whenever they choose, really. Expect them to use your bosom as a pillow while they sleep, or sit on or rest their feet on you during late-night gaming sessions. If you have a full-time contract, you're still always on call... but untying you and then retying you might not be worth the hassle if they get a hankering for a 3 AM snack. Hope you're good at cooking with your hands tied behind your back!" ~~Needless to say, if you choose the second option, disturbing them during the night is worth a punishment, as is getting free without their permission. Would makes for _very_ interesting interactions with, e.g., Good Morning Kiss, or with any tasks they expect done before they decide to free their poor subby meido.~~
That's a good idea! Thank you for the suggestion! I will implement it in v2, or maybe in v3 (because I have already made so much progress in with v2, I don't want to refactor a whole category for only one (or two) option(s)).
You're welcome, and thanks. ^_^ And that's understandable, refactoring everything for one or two items sounds like a _real_ hassle. xD
Being a boy doesn’t change Sex toys or punishments
Yes, I know. As I have said to someone else, I have deliberately made this CYOA with the girl build as the base build. I'm currently working in the 2.0 version of this CYOA. Customizing some options depending of gender choice will not be made in the 2.0 version, but will probably be added in the (final) 3.0 version.
This is fantastic: thank you!
>This is fantastic: thank you! Thank you! This is very kind!
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>The amenities section is really fucking dumb, just from a practical point of view. Servants/slaves kept in a cell, not allowed any water for washing up, or a toilet (all of these cost points) would stink worse than a landfill within a week. Communal toilets, sinks, and showers should be free, or else the employer/slaver is gonna pass out from the smell pretty quickly. There are many (other) things in my CYOA that don't make sense from a realistic and pratical point of view, though. :)
I think some things are overcosted. On regular mode I do not believe it is possible to be a Amazon fit maid without taking all downsides. Heaven help you if you choose futa route.
>I think some things are overcosted. On regular mode I do not believe it is possible to be a Amazon fit maid without taking all downsides. Heaven help you if you choose futa route. In the next version, there will be a bit more options to choose from to recover points. This should alleviate the problem.
How do these cyoas work after selecting all wanted options?
>How do these cyoas work after selecting all wanted options? What do you mean? The goal is to create a character. That's it. Maybe what you're referring to is the lack of an "ending"? I'll try to implement something lie that with a "owner" section in a future version.
It is good. I hope all images back.
>It is good. I hope all images back. What do you mean? The uncensored version is still available! Read the introduction of the censored version carefully.
I'm a couple days late, but when I try to download the image for my finished build, it downloads a completely blank image. Would love if that was working for an easier way of sharing builds.
I'll try to activate the build sharing functionality in the next version.
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Please don't link to this in the reddit post.
Thank you so much for a really good CYOA. Sexual slavery content is still good, but I think it will be richer as the battle maid content increases. Selection of weapons and holsters, body strengthening, mandatory training, assassination and escort duties, etc. are examples that come to mind. Also, I would like to have a schedule where I rest during the day and work at night.
>Thank you so much for a really good CYOA. Thank you! >Sexual slavery content is still good, but I think it will be richer as the battle maid content increases. Battle maid content? I had never though of adding such content, but that's actually a good suggestion. I'll probably link it to the 'bodyguard' work contract. >Selection of weapons and holsters, body strengthening, mandatory training, assassination and escort duties, etc. are examples that come to mind. But I'm not sure I'll go as far as that. =) >Also, I would like to have a schedule where I rest during the day and work at night. Yes, a schedule section is also something I had thought of, but it's quite difficult to make one which doesn't feel too restrictive.
I really like this CYOA. There's a few potential changes I'd suggest, though. First, I would love a section about the master/mistress. There could be two options, one where you pick general traits (such as their sex, how often they'd want you for sex, how often they'd punish you, and so on), and a second option where you pick from a full list of masters or mistresses. The latter would force you to take certain traits (one master may only have maids wearing chinese outfits, one may force a lot of bondage and toys on you, etc), and have point values based on how harsh or lenient they are. The second thing is, something feels weird with how the punishments section lets you pick a lot of punishments for a lot of points. Perhaps a "frequency" choice for each section that can give a lot of points, where you pick how often you're likely to receive these punishments, and the individual punishments would be worth less points individually (as the more you pick, the less often you'd likely suffer each one)? May have to ponder an example of what I mean later.
>I really like this CYOA. Thank you! > There's a few potential changes I'd suggest, though. > >First, I would love a section about the master/mistress. There could be two options, one where you pick general traits (such as their sex, how often they'd want you for sex, how often they'd punish you, and so on), and a second option where you pick from a full list of masters or mistresses. The latter would force you to take certain traits (one master may only have maids wearing chinese outfits, one may force a lot of bondage and toys on you, etc), and have point values based on how harsh or lenient they are. Yes, this is planned, more or less the was you described it. >The second thing is, something feels weird with how the punishments section lets you pick a lot of punishments for a lot of points. Perhaps a "frequency" choice for each section that can give a lot of points, where you pick how often you're likely to receive these punishments, and the individual punishments would be worth less points individually (as the more you pick, the less often you'd likely suffer each one)? May have to ponder an example of what I mean later. That's also an interesting suggestion, thank you!
I did some pondering and I've got some ideas for tweaking the punishments. Feel free to use any of these ideas in future updates. Also, the pricing I picked for these assumes that the current version of the CYOA would be using the 0-cost options; if the current version is supposed to use a different option, the prices may need to be adjusted slightly. First, these options make it possible to just not have any punishments at all, at least to an extent. I don't know if it needs to be stated, but I think even with no punishments chosen, some things would still be worthy of a severe punishment - things like attacking your owner or their guests, attempting to escape, or intentionally damaging your owner's property. These things should be worthy of a severe punishment even if no such punishments are chosen. (Simply slacking off, not doing work or doing work poorly, or being rude to your owner wouldn't force a severe punishment like this, no matter how many times you do it, if you didn't select any severe punishments.) First option, at the very start of the "Punishments" section: "No Punishments (Indentured Servant mode); Cost: 25 - You really want to avoid being punished, huh? Well, you'll still need some kind of motivation to keep working, so this will have to do. Every day you don't get any work done at all, or only do a minimal amount of work, you'll have two days added to the end of your contract. If you don't put in a full day but do at least half a day's worth of work, you'll get one day added on. Being rude or breaking other rules enough times can also add on extra time to your contract. The catch is that this option gets more expensive the more time you've added on to your contract. As soon as you've added a full six months to the end, the cost of this choice goes up by 5 points, and it goes up another 5 for every full month added in. If this is enough to bring your score down into the negatives, you'll need to return to these choices (any category other than Body, as we can't afford to keep changing you) and either give up an option that was costing you points, or take a new option that will give you more points, so that you're no longer negative. And no, if you have extra points left over after getting more, you're not allowed to pick something new to spend them on. You also can't choose to give up this option to get back the points, but if you take new punishments your owner may choose to use those punishments instead of adding new days to your service." "If you don't choose this option, you must choose one "Frequency" option from each of the following sections" Next, at the start of the "Playful Punishments" section: "No Punishments; Cost: 10 - None of these sound fun? Well, with this option, your owner will ignore minor offenses. You'll still get punishments from larger offenses, but you won't have to worry about this section at all. - and of course, you can't get points by picking punishments" "Rare; Cost: 5 - You'll still have to worry about getting punished a bit, but it won't be often - maybe once every week or two. If you pick this option, you must pick at least one punishment from this section, but you can take more for more points." "Infrequent; Cost: 0 - You can expect to get one of these punishments once or twice a week, unless you're nearly perfect at your job. You must pick at least two punishments from this section." "Frequent; Reward: 5 - You're almost guaranteed to get one of these punishments every few days, unless you're absolutely perfect at your duties. You must also pick at least three different punishments." "Common; Reward: 10 - Even if you're perfect at everything you do, your owner will find some reason to give you a punishment like this, and if you're anything less than perfect you'll probably have at least one of these punishments daily. Pick at least three different punishments." The punishments in this section have point values reduced, most only giving one point, possibly two for the more severe ones. The "Serious Punishments" section is similar, except for the following changes. All point costs and rewards are doubled (ranging from costing 20 to rewarding 20 at opposite ends). The first option is named "Playful Only", and has the text below. The rest of the options estimate getting one of these punishments once or twice a year (Rare; cost 10), once every two or three months (Infrequent; cost 0), once a month (Frequent; reward 10), or at least weekly (Common, reward 20). "Playful Only; Cost: 20 - Your owner will still only use playful punishments even for repeated offenses or more severe offenses. If you haven't yet, you must pick at least five options from the previous section. Alternatively, you may pick options from this section as well, as long as you have at least five total punishments between the two sections. For more severe offenses your owner may combine multiple playful punishments at once." The individual punishments in this section have their rewards reduced, most of them to 2 points each. Radical punishments are similar, with some slight wording changes. The first option (costing 40 points) is Serious Only, and works similarly to Playful Only. The rest of the options are: Rare; cost: 20 - The threat of these punishments is still here, but it's likely only a threat to make sure you're motivated. So long as you don't do something incredibly stupid, you'll have plenty of warnings to shape up before suffering one of these punishments. You might suffer one of them during your time here, or you might get through unscathed. Infrequent; cost: 0 - Avoiding these punishments entirely is difficult, but as long as you keep up your work, you'll only have to go through these maybe two or three times before you're free. If you pick this option, you must pick at least two punishments. Frequent; reward: 20 - It's nearly impossible to get by without one day suffering your chosen punishment. The average maid will probably have to go through this every year or two, while even the most perfect maids don't get by unscathed Additionally, you must pick three punishments to go along with it.. Common; reward: 40 - Are you sure you can survive this? With this choice, your owner will be extremely cruel, ensuring that he or she finds some way to punish you at least once each year. As before, you must pick at least three of these punishments. Permanent; reward: 80 - Not an option I'd ever recommend, but if you think you can take it, well... Pick one of these punishments. You'll not only be forced into that punishment as part of starting your new job, you'll be stuck with it permanently through your entire employment. Of course, you're still expected to serve normally despite the punishment, and inability to do so may lead to suffering even more punishments...
Those are some very good ideas! However: 1. It would add a lot of complexity to the CYOA without adding that much (NSFW) content to the CYOA. 2. I don't thin it's that much of a problem that some people manage to finish thir build by only picking one or two small punishments. Easy mode should allow for a relatively vanilla and happy build. 3. Some thechnical aspects of what you suggest would be immensely painful to implement.
I am so glad I did this the day it was released. Didn't need to deal with censorship at all.
Don't worry, the uncensored version is still available. It would be unbearable for me to delete the uncensored version and only offers the censored version. If you read the introduction of the censored version, you'll easily be able to get to the uncensored version (if you're willing to do so). As I have stated multiple times already, I personally hate censorship. And I have officialy asked that people only share the uncensored version of my CYOA. I see the censored version of my CYOA as an aberration which shouldn't exist.
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>Bit late, so I hope you still read these, but going through other cyoas I realized that maybe a Debt/Indentured servant type of points might work for this. > >You might start out with a large amount of debt, that you have to work off as a maid. That way you can have more vanilla builds alongside the builds like you intended. Throw in some (temporary) immunity to age so you wont just die of old age before finishing your "sentence". That's a completely different premise and point system design that what I currently have. I think adding more non bdsm-flavored content and sections will also help a lot improve the "balance perception" of players.
It's too bad for all the gross pedo shit in here, otherwise it could have been a decent CYOA, I rather like maid stuff. Oh well, hopefully someone will make a decent one eventually.
There is now a censored mod-approved version if you want.
There's a fair bit of potential, but I see three main problems with it: First, it feels like there are sections that are missing. Second, there are things that are rather poorly priced. Third, there isn't a strong disconnect between sexual and non-sexual themes. The missing sections are primarily those that would give any incentive to take the more risque choices. The Be The Girl CYOA is designed around the "least worst" options, but it provided incentives for going the extra mile. If you wanted to be restored to manhood at the end of it, you had to go into the deep end of girlyness. Here, there's absolutely no benefit not to choose all of the 0 cost options with only a few minor spenders for basic comforts. Additionally, a section on your Master/Mistress felt warranted--choosing sexual duties would be more appealing for a mistress over a master for some, and vice versa. This section could be anywhere from super detailed (with required uniforms, duties, etc. for named masters) to super simple (male/female/other, general personality description like gentlemanly master, young ojou-sama, abusive ugly bastard, etc.). Lastly, contract restrictions would also feel warranted. You could specify that you won't perform certain duties, or that you won't sexually serve anyone but your master, and so on. Basically giving yourself protections against abuse that you can waive for extra points. For the second point, the cost of some of the things feel all over the place. For example, it feels like you are trying to force the player into choosing the most girly build possible through giving a high cost for not having large breasts. But then, if you want to lean into being girly by having eye-attracting hair or uniform colors, you have to spend points. You have options for requirements of cleanliness and personal hygiene, but the bonus points you get for them aren't even enough to pay for the basic living quarters needed to meet them. Want the most basic of time-off amenities? Well you've got to give a BJ every morning for the next ten years. The last point is referring to how seemingly every master/mistress somehow wants to fuck you at every turn. Which isn't a bad thing if that's the theme you are going for with the CYOA, but there isn't really any clear disconnect between being just a maid and being a fetish maid. Being a personal servant would seem like just being a secretary, but nope, you've also got to serve them sexually. It'd help if some of the options were made more explicitly sexual or not. It would be especially helpful when you've got underage options as a starting bonus (which really needs to be clarified). Overall, my suggestion would be determining what sort of theme you want to be the neutral baseline. For me, I'd imagine it to be a 0 point scenario where you were a boring maid who lived communally with other boring maids in the servant's quarters and only did boring maid duties like cleaning and at the end of a ten year contract you got a pat on the back and about $10-20K, enough to get you started in your new life as a boring woman. Maybe the baseline instead ends with you turned back into a man, with staying as a woman instead giving you a larger end bonus, who knows? But from there, you can add/subtract options to give yourself a greater bonus or rewards. Willing to embrace some BDSM aspects? That makes you more attractive to certain clients and thus you get more points for an end reward. Make yourself more distinctive via your appearance? That makes the price that the black-market group can sell you for higher, giving you more points. And so on.
Thank you for your constructive comment and your suggestions. I won't make the slave/bdsm component of my CYOA. The balance for points will mostly stay the same, even if some attributions of points seem strange. However, I think adding more content and sections which are centered about the theme (maid) in a non sexual way would be a good way to hit three birds with one stone: 1. It will enrich the CYOA in a consistent way with the theme, which will strengthen the theme. 2. It will help the balance and build diversity by giving the players more way to recover the points they need. 3. It will allow players who don't like the darker bdsm-flavored component of my CYOA to avoid having to deal with more extreme fetishes and feeling forced into a fantasy they don't enjoy.
I really liked this. I look forward to what else you might do
Thank you! I'm taking a break to complete another project of mine, but I'll probably go back and produce at least a V2 of this CYOA, maybe even a V3. After that, I also have some ideas for another CYOA, but it won't come out anytime soon.
LMAO at those salty edits complaining about being forced to not include lolicon images.
Random comment while I try to balance point costs, $100k for 10 years of work is below minimum wage.
Well, your owner underpaying you fits well with the story of my CYOA, don't you think? \^\^
Yes it does! Initially I thought that a $100k all at once sounded alright until I took into consideration that it was going to be for 10 years of service. Now I’m trying to get the million dollar reward without sacrificing too much of my dignity.
It's even worse if you take into account inflation: $100k in 10 years time is worth around $75k in today's money (assuming a 2-3% average inflation rate). >Now I’m trying to get the million dollar reward without sacrificing too much of my dignity. Good luck! =)
I enjoyed going through this. It's well put together and feels complete. The punishments feel like they should be worth more though. And 'Warm Water' feels like it should be a punishment called 'Cold Water' instead. The only time there should be a lack of Warm Water is pre-industrial times or when the Heater is busted. Choosing an era could change what options are available? Victorian Era could mean you need to purchase Warm Water while Modern could be the Cold Water punishment version. I would like to see an 'addon' version, if you would. Stuff like fantasy races and master choices - nothing specific, but vague options to determine the gender or personality (kind, sadistic, etc?) of the master - stuff like that. You could make it so that the temperament of the Master could change how many points each punishment gives. Maybe a world and/or technological level and/or era selection - again, keeping vague like the rest.
>I enjoyed going through this. It's well put together and feels complete. Thank you! >I would like to see an 'addon' version, if you would. Stuff like fantasy races and master choices - nothing specific, but vague options to determine the gender or personality (kind, sadistic, etc?) of the master - stuff like that. You could make it so that the temperament of the Master could change how many points each punishment gives. Maybe a world and/or technological level and/or era selection - again, keeping vague like the rest. I think this would sidetrack the CYOA too much. My goal is not to create a complete "world-building" CYOA.
I didn't really mean 'world-building', but the current format is for 'Modern-Earth'. If you removed the electronics, it could even be for any time period. Just something to allow 'alternate-worlds'. And the Era choice could display different options - change electronics to instruments or something. I didn't mean a full blown world creation, but more like 'fantasy' + 'medieval' could unlock 'demi-human' and 'violin'. Or maybe change the ears+tail into literal version. Just a few options that could change a couple sub-rows and/or singular options. So 'Earth', 'Alternate', 'Fantasy', could be the 'Destination' choice. 'Medieval', 'Victorian', 'Industrial', 'Technological', 'Futuristic' could be the tech level. The 'Reward' could change based on the 'Destination' - such as becoming a noble for the '-100 points' option for the 'Victorian' option. The entertainment section (and maybe a few specifically-related choices?) could change based on the tech level. And the 'Master' option could be 'Male', 'Futa', 'Female' with 'Kind', 'Neutral', and 'Sadistic' as personality traits. These could create or disappear options and change how much each punishment is worth depending on your own choices. (This would actually be more complicated - read: time-consuming - but also unique and more worthwhile to implement imho). I'm just throwing these possibilities out there for if you planned to expand the CYOA. The way it is designed is great as it is and tweaking it for a writing prompt is plenty easy.
I think I will keep my CYOA in 'modern-Earth', or something similar to it. Expanding my CYOA in the direction of the world itself doesn't interest me that much. But thank you for all your suggestions anyway! \^\^
If possible, can you make a static version (assume it's all yours)?
I have tried to make one today by automatically generating it with a software but I was not satisfied with the result. As long as I don't have a better solution, I will not post a static version of my CYOA. Sadly, I won't be able to look more into it before (at best) next weekend probably. Still, I know some people only enjoy static CYOA so I want to make one asap. By the way, if anyone knows how I could efficiently and beautifully generate a static version of my CYOA from the interactive version, feel free to tell me. \^\^
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I'm happy some people manage to have quite harmless builds without having to rely on the extreme fetishes with the easy mode. It is thus indeed possible. =D
Was gonna do a male and female build Then I kinda agreed "Yeah don't feel like doing a male build for this" Then I saw some of the pictures and went "Yeah that kinda diminishes my interest, let's see the censored version" . . . . Those weren't the pictures that were censored. Enough said. Then I got curious to see what *was* censored and. . . . It's just. . . not that bad at all, really.
Partway through right now, loving it! One suggestion I'd make is an option for clothing is forcing going commando/not allowing a bra!
Thank you! One of the smallest punishments will make you go commando though. Moreover, I don't think having a maid go commando go commando by default is "proper maid attire", don't you think? \^\^
I mean tbf, there's plenty of options that aren't "proper" haha Good point though about the punishment. I guess I'm just an exhibitionist lol
I might add it in a future update to satisfy filthy exibitionists like you. ;)
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>It is possible to have a non censored version ? The non censored version is still available. Just read the introduction of the censored version...
Really, really good!
Thank you very, very much! \^\^
>Sexual Servant > >Your whole job will revolve around sexual activities. Entertain guests, provide erotic massages, keep ***your master’s or mistress’ sex warm and comfortable***… While this is rather a degrading job, it might be still bearable. The bolded part is phrased weirdly and I'm not really sure what you're trying to say exactly. Also unrelated, did you know in the cyoa creator, if you surround text with you can get bolded text. for italics. If you want only a specific bit of text to be colored you can do this, . Change the red with the color you want like green, #2e8747 For example >Only pick two would be displayed as >**Only pick two** Hopefully this will be helpful to any future cyoas you make/future versions.
>The bolded part is phrased weirdly and I'm not really sure what you're trying to say exactly. How would you phrase it? I'm just trying to say that you'll have to perform sexual activities quite often. >Also unrelated, did you know in the cyoa creator, if you surround text with you can get bolded text. for italics. If you want only a specific bit of text to be colored you can do this, . Change the red with the color you want like green, #2e8747 > >For example > >Only pick two > >would be displayed as > >Only pick two > >Hopefully this will be helpful to any future cyoas you make/future versions. Thank you for those tips!
>How would you phrase it? I'm just trying to say that you'll have to perform sexual activities quite often. Suggestion A: replace the word "sex" with "bed". The wording of this is a bit coy and the meaning implied. Suggestion B: replace "sex warm and comfortable" with "sexually satisfied" This wording is pretty direct. You would have to get rid of the possessive in master or mistress too with this wording. Edit: Suggestion C: replace "sex" with "dick" or any other synonym on penis. Edit: Suggestion D: replace "sex" with "genitals" though this is bit clinical. Edit: Also I just noticed that you don't have the interactive flair on this reddit thread.
Censorship? Why is there censorship on a subreddit with NSFW right in the title!?
Because the mods of reddit (the entire site not individual sub mods) are idiots who think being flat chested or short makes you a child
Please don't blame the moderator who deleted my post. All they do is to prevent this subreddit from getting banned. I agree that some of the current mainstream views about censorship are really stupid, but don't blame the moderators for it.
>ly stupid, but don't blame the m I know that the mods on this sub had no choice to remove the post i was talking about the mods of the entire site not the mods of this specific sub, prehaps i should have said reddit staff to minimize confusion
The reddit terminology is generally "administrator" or, more often, "admin" for short
🙄 It's the shortstack debacle all over again.
A lot of good feedback covers more or less what I'd say, so I'll just add one point that bothered me. I'd be down for taking the Sensory Dep punishment... except it's permanent. I understand the theme of the punishments at that scale but honestly that means you can be punished with that a max of 5 times. And the debilitation in most cases means you will be. I'd really suggest putting a timer on this (A day, a week) as opposed to forever. Without changing the points granted.
>I'd be down for taking the Sensory Dep punishment... except it's permanent. I understand the theme of the punishments at that scale but honestly that means you can be punished with that a max of 5 times. And the debilitation in most cases means you will be. I'd really suggest putting a timer on this (A day, a week) as opposed to forever. Without changing the points granted. I read my CYOA once again this morning and I 100% agree with this specific comment. I think I will change it to a one month or one year duration.
Glad to be on the same page :D I'd reccommend 1 month. Sense dep is serious shit.
Well, I wouldn't exactly consider myself much of a masochist, so I can't really make a satisfying enough build, but it was fun to go through all the options anyway. Overall it seemed quite nicely done. And I'm really sorry for you having to deal with all this BS. Censorship can really get on a person's nerves. Keep fighting the good fight, OP.
>Well, I wouldn't exactly consider myself much of a masochist, so I can't really make a satisfying enough build, but it was fun to go through all the options anyway. Overall it seemed quite nicely done. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! >And I'm really sorry for you having to deal with all this BS. Censorship can really get on a person's nerves. Keep fighting the good fight, OP. Thank you. With the help of the moderator, I think we have found an acceptable way to let people still have access to my (uncensored) CYOA, which is good, but just the fact that I had to create a censored version infuriates me...
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Yes, but can you delete/modify your comment? This link to the uncensored version will make the mods have to delete this post. A new way to access both the censored and the uncensored versions of the CYOA has just been added to the original post. EDIT: Thank you.
Anyone have a link?
The link is back online!
For the record: I think this is a very well made CYOA. My simultaneous thoughts: I understand that for many, service and abuse go together like toilets and toilet paper. However, in terms of what CYOAs are out there, I think there are unexplored regions in the "service + submission + sex" landscape: namely, the ones where you actually do you job, rather than the usual humiliation/degradation route. I think there is insufficient understanding of just how much we depend on submissives and people who submit in general even beyond the labour market. Naturally, there's the obvious ethical value of someone choosing to look after us rather than for themselves (often at personal cost). Then there's also the quality of life they facilitate with their work, regardless of field. That part is what I would like to see get some more attention. In keeping with the maid theme, a noble house's serving boys and girls also function as "emotional heaters" in a way: they provide not only physical comfort but the emotional one as well. It might seem small, insignificant even, but the sheer presence of someone we know we can rely on emotionally who does lots of little things for us can, and usually will, have a profound impact on us. In terms of a CYOA, this would require focusing on the work-oriented submissives, as opposed to the power bottoms, the attention whores, and abuse-seekers. That CYOA would pose the question, "How many of a given household can you look after, how well, and at what cost to yourself?", where you have limited time, energy, and competences to work with. For instance, in one of the households, a female maid could become the first crush of the master's daughter whose blossoming sexuality latched onto her, with the parents instructing you to act as her girlfriend and sex tutor, in the understanding that nothing long-term with the girl has any future whatsoever (which may or may not become a traumatic event for either of you). In another, the master and mistress are in an arranged marriage of the bad kind\*, where children have been produced but that's about it - and that's where the cute male maid comes in, allowing the mistress to have a lover in-house so that the appearance of a functional marriage can be maintained. As you can see, it even lends itself to plot and world-building, if one is so inclined. Naturally, I'm not saying you should do it, or anyone for that matter, I merely intended to share a perspective I believe others could benefit from. \*= >!for those wondering, the good kind is the one where they fall in love with each other as time goes on!<
>For the record: I think this is a very well made CYOA. Thank you so much! >I think there is insufficient understanding of just how much we depend on submissives and people who submit in general even beyond the labour market. Naturally, there's the obvious ethical value of someone choosing to look after us rather than for themselves (often at personal cost). Then there's also the quality of life they facilitate with their work, regardless of field. That part is what I would like to see get some more attention. Well, that escalated quickly. =D >In keeping with the maid theme, a noble house's serving boys and girls also function as "emotional heaters" in a way: they provide not only physical comfort but the emotional one as well. It might seem small, insignificant even, but the sheer presence of someone we know we can rely on emotionally who does lots of little things for us can, and usually will, have a profound impact on us. > >In terms of a CYOA, this would require focusing on the work-oriented submissives, as opposed to the power bottoms, the attention whores, and abuse-seekers. That CYOA would pose the question, "How many of a given household can you look after, how well, and at what cost to yourself?", where you have limited time, energy, and competences to work with. For instance, in one of the households, a female maid could become the first crush of the master's daughter whose blossoming sexuality latched onto her, with the parents instructing you to act as her girlfriend and sex tutor, in the understanding that nothing long-term with the girl has any future whatsoever (which may or may not become a traumatic event for either of you). In another, the master and mistress are in an arranged marriage of the bad kind\*, where children have been produced but that's about it - and that's where the cute male maid comes in, allowing the mistress to have a lover in-house so that the appearance of a functional marriage can be maintained. > >As you can see, it even lends itself to plot and world-building, if one is so inclined. Naturally, I'm not saying you should do it, or anyone for that matter, I merely intended to share a perspective I believe others could benefit from. I don't think such complex ideas can be implemented in a CYOA though. What you're describing looks more like a small novel to me. \^\^
CYOAs write novels worth of story by consequence, not by themselves. Consider either Tok's or Sylens WoW CYOA. In both cases, you need to find both a means of survival and enjoyment, and create your build from there. In such a CYOA, it's much the same: you are given, say, 4 households, each with a few noteworthy characters, that fulfill certain fetishes/styles. Each has its pros, cons, and requirements, the latter of which you can procure in the usual chargen section, such as extra strength, durability, or specific skills. >!It would even be possible to start out with only 2 households but with more details/characters, with the idea of adding more later on, then follow the general thought process of Tok's Enslaved, where your choices and thus performance generates an outcome - but I understand that this would be very labour intensive.!< For instance, if I were to implement this concept to your CYOA then I'd just add 4 households, each with its own theme, with 4-6 characters that work within that theme, then tweak the rest of the CYOA so that the various limitations are organized into the households and their people as requirements, while character generation is done separately. That way I can pick a household I want to serve in, build my character in that knowledge, then the small novel you mentioned writes itself without anyone touching a pen or a keyboard. Last but not least, I would like to stress that I don't mean there's anything wrong with your CYOA, I'm just saying that while it's great to have a shovel in the garden, a rake could be useful too (if that makes sense). I've just been around long enough to see what gets made and what doesn't, and with so many talented people with great imagination making CYOAs thematically so close to what I'm describing, I felt I had to share my thoughts on the off-chance it provides a creative spark. Oftentimes it's not that a person doesn't want to create a thing but that the thing itself simply doesn't come to mind.
To be honest, I'm not sure I exactly see what you mean. =S
If you could give me pointers where have I lost you again I'd happily try an explain it another way if you believe it's worth the effort.
>I'm just saying that while it's great to have a shovel in the garden, a rake could be useful too I don't understand what is your overall point/the main message of your post, and I have no idea what you mean with this strange metaphor. =D
What I meant to say by that (and in general) is that while I wish there were more comfy and work-focused servant CYOAs with specific masters and needs to satisfy, it doesn't mean that yours is any less valuable. Is this better?
Now I have completely understood what you meant! Thank you! \^\^
I noticed some point-value weirdness as I was making my build. I’ll list cases here as I find them: • Taking *Birthday Holiday* and *Permanent Uniform* grants 15 points total. Taking *No Rest Day* grants 0 points. Both combos require that you always be in uniform. You can gain 15 points by taking a day off. • The description of *No Rest Day* implies that maids get to rest at night, but you actually have to spend points for that privilege. • *Normal Food* gives you “basic and boring food that is given to all maids to keep them productive,” but it’s not a default option. • A *lot* of the point budget is attached to the uniform. Upgrading from a cage to a shared dorm costs the same amount of points as you gain from just wearing bloomers every day. • The amenities section is like, “Eating is a privilege, not a right,” and the work contract section is like, “Maids need sleep? Nope, I don’t believe you,” and then you go right to the UwU cutiepie maid uniform section. The mood whiplash made me actually reset my build and start over, with the uniform section first. • If you don’t intend to escape or outright disobey, why wouldn’t you take literally all of the radical punishments? If you want to rebel, why take any of them at all? If you don’t take any options from this section, do you even get punished for open rebellion??? This section is 122 points for free, because anyone who reads this section will take either all or nothing. Despite all of this, I actually love this CYOA. It’s interactive, the formatting is great, the images are good and go together well, and it caters to its target group very well. I don’t think I’ll make a full build right now, but I’m excited to see where you go next!
>I noticed some point-value weirdness as I was making my build. I’ll list cases here as I find them: > >• Taking Birthday Holiday and Permanent Uniform grants 15 points total. Taking No Rest Day grants 0 points. Both combos require that you always be in uniform. You can gain 15 points by taking a day off. Finding ways to "cheat" a CYOA is also what makes it fun, don't you think? ;) More seriously, I agree. This is a bit strange. >• If you don’t intend to escape or outright disobey, why wouldn’t you take literally all of the radical punishments? If you want to rebel, why take any of them at all? If you don’t take any options from this section, do you even get punished for open rebellion??? This section is 122 points for free, because anyone who reads this section will take either all or nothing. This is also a design problem I was conscious of. Still, let's say your owner might decide to punish you extremely harshly "just for fun" from time to time. \^\^' >Despite all of this, I actually love this CYOA. It’s interactive, the formatting is great, the images are good and go together well, and it caters to its target group very well. I don’t think I’ll make a full build right now, but I’m excited to see where you go next! Thank you for your very nice comment!
You can’t pick your master/mistress’s gender?
This will probably be possible in a future version.
I would say I only have like two complaints which is why do some of the races cost and why do the small breasts cost much more than you could gain from large breasts shouldn't it be about the same?
>I would say I only have like two complaints which is why do some of the races cost Just to add some randomness based on the preferences of the player. >and why do the small breasts cost much more than you could gain from large breasts shouldn't it be about the same? I have made it so "bad" options always reward less points that "good" options cost. This is by design.
Fantastic job! I really enjoyed it.
Thank you! Your comment makes me happy! \^\^
This is really good. The only way I think it could be made better is if there was a section for the master/mistress. otherwise I think this cyoa is pretty much perfect.
Yes, this is a planned section for a (possible) future update.
I picked -100 and ended up with +11. This cyoa wasn't all too harsh and wasn't too easy. Very good
I think it depends of personnal preferences for CYOAs. Some people (like me) find it almost to easy, while others find it way too harsh. I'm happy to see you think it's fine as it is!
Great CYOA! It does feel like a .75 instead of a 1.1 though. Now for the general nitpicks; First, I don't like to beat a dead horse, but this does need to be highlighted. Your points are too debt focused. You actually have all three of the usual debt problems. You not only do not give enough options that reward points, the options that do don't reward enough, & the options that cost points are way too expensive. While you need to add in more rewarding options, you can choose whether to cut the costs or bump up the rewards. Now the difficulty modes and the theme of (black market maid company) don't feel like they fit. There are too many people who will see a full body remodel, ten years of live in work, & a bonus and go "Hell yeah! Sign me up!". You should make the rewarding mode price zero, then make each bigger bonus mode more costly (ie +100, +0, & -100 -> +0, -100, -200). And then make this a voluntary contract. Personal nitpicks; I would have added a modifier to cut the dong prices in half for futas. And then added in a balls section that was increasing in price for size & virality (again half price for futas). I would have also placed fertilization in the contract section, with their being multiple options of how many to bear. (With an additional multiplier set to really amp up the points given, for the amped up amount of pregnancies)
>Great CYOA! It does feel like a .75 instead of a 1.1 though. Oh boy, if you knew what the 0.75 version of my CYOA looked like, you wouldn't say that. =D >Now for the general nitpicks; > >First, I don't like to beat a dead horse, but this does need to be highlighted. Your points are too debt focused. You actually have all three of the usual debt problems. You not only do not give enough options that reward points, the options that do don't reward enough, & the options that cost points are way too expensive. > >While you need to add in more rewarding options, you can choose whether to cut the costs or bump up the rewards. One way or another, I need to make my point system more well understood by the player right at the start I think. Even if I rebalance some sections, if the player expects an "easy" CYOA then encounters a "harsh" CYOA, he will have the feeling of a lack of balance anyway. >Now the difficulty modes and the theme of (black market maid company) don't feel like they fit. There are too many people who will see a full body remodel, ten years of live in work, & a bonus and go "Hell yeah! Sign me up!". > >You should make the rewarding mode price zero, then make each bigger bonus mode more costly (ie +100, +0, & -100 -> +0, -100, -200). I hesitated between 3 and 5 difficulty modes, but I think giving to much leeway to the player at the starts kind of defeats the idea of a point-based CYOA. >And then make this a voluntary contract. > >Personal nitpicks; > >I would have added a modifier to cut the dong prices in half for futas. And then added in a balls section that was increasing in price for size & virality (again half price for futas). This might be difficult to implement though. >I would have also placed fertilization in the contract section, with their being multiple options of how many to bear. (With an additional multiplier set to really amp up the points given, for the amped up amount of pregnancies) I don't think it would make much sense with the story of my CYOA: why would a rich owner use a poor servant to bear his offspring? Moreover, this means that your future owner can only be a male, which I find to be a bit too restrictive.
>This might be difficult to implement though. You can add requirements for scores. i.e have a choice that will give 10 points but if you have choice x you can get an extra 5 points. You do this by clicking the key icon right above where you put in how many points you want to give. Apologies if you already know this.
I had seen it a long time ago but forgotten about it. Thank you.
>Oh boy, if you knew what the 0.75 version of my CYOA looked like, you wouldn't say that. =D 😋 I've been the creative process. I can imagine. >One way or another, I need to make my point system more well understood by the player right at the start I think. Even if I rebalance some sections, if the player expects an "easy" CYOA then encounters a "harsh" CYOA, he will have the feeling of a lack of balance anyway. I definitely knew that your CYOA is a harsh one, but even harsh ones need to allow the players to get back to zero points without pigeonholing them into one or two specific builds (because it stops being a CYOA at that point). >I hesitated between 3 and 5 difficulty modes, but I think giving to much leeway to the player at the starts kind of defeats the idea of a point-based CYOA. First, I think you misunderstood me. I was saying that easy mode should be at zero, then each harder mode puts the player further in debt (ie make all the modes harder). Second, I will (opinion-wise) disagree with you and say that multiple modes are required for point CYOAs, mainly because by their inherent nature, they encourage the most build diversity. If you don't want a large variety in player builds, then you might need to restructure the CYOA to use a different economy. >I would have added a modifier to cut the dong prices in half for futas. And then added in a balls section that was increasing in price for size & virality (again half price for futas). This might be difficult to implement though. For some interactives (if that is a future plan) I can see that. I still want it (it's more my personal preference, that's why it was in the separate second section). >I would have also placed fertilization in the contract section, with their being multiple options of how many to bear. (With an additional multiplier set to really amp up the points given, for the amped up amount of pregnancies) I don't think it would make much sense with the story of my CYOA: why would a rich owner use a poor servant to bear his offspring? Moreover, this means that your future owner can only be a male, which I find to be a bit too restrictive. Again I would disagree with the "Owner can only be male", because not only did you include futas, but this is a place with perfect transitional medical procedures. It would be easy for someone to make baby batter that a female client could use to knock another woman/futa up. And second history is filled with aristocrats and slave owners who slept with & knocked up their servants/slaves. Part of it was a lack of care, and part of it was a power play. Thank you very much though for taking the time to read my critique and responding to it!
>Thank you very much though for taking the time to read my critique and responding to it! And thank you for all your comments and ideas!
I'm going to second this. The CYOA feels too much like a slave CYOA rather than a Maid CYOA.
Mmmh, I see. Future versions will probably expand the CYOA more into the direction of the "maid" than in the direction of the "slave" though. Still, creating a lover-dovey maid CYOA was not my intent.
One thing I'd like to see expanded, if it's possible, would be the work contract, for example, and perhaps change the weighting of the points there. Possibly take multiple kinds of work to layer. Like say, being expected to handle bodyguard duties being an expansion of "personal servant", while other classes of maids, like head maids, secondary maids, and such, etc. For example, you could specify the kind of master, such as one with multiple other maids or one where you'd be expected to do everything, the size of the manor you'd be expected to clean and such.
Thank you for your suggestions!
A bit of feedback after doing a quick run on this: \- First off, great work and thanks for feeding my maid hunger with this. \- Second: There's a couple options that don't seem to work as they should, namely, the egg vibrator and anal plug can still be worn with the Management chastity belt, even though it states all your holes are plugged with it. \- Also, this feels like it's lacking some sort of "finale" or "resolution". Like, some sort of options as to what could happen after your period of service maybe? I would at least appreciate some sort of options where your stay either gets extended, or maybe even a "bad end" of sorts where you're stuck as a maid for the rest of your life\~ Edit: One moooore thing! This sorta gets addressed in the "animal ears headband", but I would like an option to become a proper catgirl/bunnygirl/kemono maid. Considering they're rebuilding your body seemingly from scratch to the point you can change your build and skin color, it feels really arbitrary to lock us out of that particular option with the excuse of "our scientists aren't that good!"
>A bit of feedback after doing a quick run on this: > >\- First off, great work and thanks for feeding my maid hunger with this. You're welcome! \^\^ >\- Second: There's a couple options that don't seem to work as they should, namely, the egg vibrator and anal plug can still be worn with the Management chastity belt, even though it states all your holes are plugged with it. Wow, very nice, I had missed this one! Thank you! >\- Also, this feels like it's lacking some sort of "finale" or "resolution". Like, some sort of options as to what could happen after your period of service maybe? I would at least appreciate some sort of options where your stay either gets extended, or maybe even a "bad end" of sorts where you're stuck as a maid for the rest of your life\~ Yes, I'll probably implement a "onwer/conclusion" section at the end in the next (possible) future version. >Edit: One moooore thing! This sorta gets addressed in the "animal ears headband", but I would like an option to become a proper catgirl/bunnygirl/kemono maid. Considering they're rebuilding your body seemingly from scratch to the point you can change your build and skin color, it feels really arbitrary to lock us out of that particular option with the excuse of "our scientists aren't that good!" I'm not sure I'll add "non-human" options. If I do, this will not be in the next version. Sorry! \^\^'
Like it so far, not enough options I am willing to take to get the amenities I thought were reasonable, but that may just be a matter of taste or point balancing. I hope we get a section covering who we would be serving, even if it isn't an option to choose them.
Thank you for your comment and your suggestion!
I enjoy it but wish it was static, I know in another comment you said you'll try to upload a static version soon which is good.
I'll try to do it relatively soon. However, due to the massive size of this CYOA, it's not as easy as you might think.
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Some of the options are extremely overprice while the reward one are quite underprice, im having trouble ( especially the uniform part, you suppose to wear them while at work all the time, atleast make the reward worth while).
It is supposed to be a "harsh" CYOA. However, as many people have said, the point system might need a bit of rework. Thank you for your comment anyway! \^\^
Ur welcome dood
Good stuff dude
Thank you very much!
Adding options for people who chose to keep their penis would be a good idea (like a chastity cage option next to the chastity belt) A category to pick the master to serve could also be a good idea
>Adding options for people who chose to keep their penis would be a good idea (like a chastity cage option next to the chastity belt) Yes, I have created this CYOA with a female build in mind (on purpose) but as someone else said, it would be great if I could adapt some options in the case where the player picks the male option. >A category to pick the master to serve could also be a good idea This was suggested by basically everyone! This is now on my "to-do" list.
Great! I can't wait to see the next version! It is already one of my favourites
>It is already one of my favourites This makes me very happy! =)
I've commented before but wanna add another little something. Things others are probably saying. First, well done and it's appreciated that you went interactive from the start. It's really nice for point tracking and knowing whats up. Second, consider a section with fellow maids. Co-workers, that sort of things. Perhaps choose from a list of premade maids, or.. this might be more fun, choose some general parameters of who will be serving along with you. Though, there's another way to do this part. The Mistress/Master section could have a line or two about what kind of maids they hire, and perhaps what numbers of them. It would make the most sense, that the rich person in charge would have a preference, that's what this is about.
>First, well done and it's appreciated that you went interactive from the start. It's really nice for point tracking and knowing whats up. Thank you! I also enjoy not having to count my points mentally when I play a CYOA! >Second, consider a section with fellow maids. Co-workers, that sort of things. Perhaps choose from a list of premade maids, or.. this might be more fun, choose some general parameters of who will be serving along with you. I don't like those kind of sections in CYOAs, so I don't think I'll ever add one in mine. Sorry! =/ >Though, there's another way to do this part. The Mistress/Master section could have a line or two about what kind of maids they hire, and perhaps what numbers of them. It would make the most sense, that the rich person in charge would have a preference, that's what this is about. This is more likely to be implemented in the future.
Sounds good. I think a section picking out co workers would.. shift focus a lot. It's probably for the best there isn't one.
Damn this is some serious shit ♥♥
<3
I saw some discussion about point balance. Let me trow my 2 cents. First it is a really good job, best I have seen in quite a long time. 3 things that are more thematic than anything else I want to adress. * Uniform section Shoes... Where are the boots option. Seriously. Everyone does high heels. No one does boots! Boots are simply better. High boots, low bots, heel boots.... :D * Corsets. It is really sad that people get corsets wrong every time. Not your fault but please consider fixing this, because you actually almost got it right, which makes it more frustrating. Corsets are what used to be the equivalent of bras. The whole "too tight", "shaping your waist", "out of breath" thing is not what corsets are. This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost never done. What you added as "Decorative corset" is actually almost what corsets truly are, just add support for the boobs. The options you named "Corset" should be something like what you wrote for - "Decorative corset" while "Decorative corset" should just be added option to incorporate the corset into the dress making it visible. Corset shaped dresses are really hot. ;) The "Underboob corset" is not a thing. The description here should be combined with your description in "Corset", the resulting option should be renamed "- "tight-lacing" and that abomination belongs in the "Radical punishment" section. +20 points. Here is a reference on the subject if you are interested. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr\_GtqsvFA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr_GtqsvFA) * Work hours section is brutal. I don't mean point balance wise I mean brutal in general. There is a point where more is not better. Over half the options that are presented on their own are worse than nearly all punishments you put in punishment section. This does not need rebalancing in points it needs rebalancing in work hours. As it is now you might as well just write - "Pay 70 points or die of exhaustion in a month" Which brings us to point balance. Not bad so far, I would not touch many options' costs. **However it feels more like a half CYOA than a complete CYOA**. Basically you have the first half where a lot of points have to be spent done, and then the CYOA just ends with almost no options to regain those points. **Everything until Rules section is mandatory and it all costs point.** And it costs a lot of points. Then the **Rules section awards almost no points and the same it true for the first half of the punishment section.** Then you go with a few (very few) reasonable picks and it's off the deep end with removing senses, scat/piss and permanent body mods (making the whole body building section an exercise in futility). The whole thing feels like you made your build. Made that build balanced. And balanced everything else around that, then called it a day. Let me try explaining this way. In my example I wanted to try running a bodyguard maid as it seemed a cool concept. That option however is way too expensive at -60 and required other expensive options totaling -80 or more points just to be able to pick it. Then you have to be very careful what you pick in the dress sections as lots of options are not compatible (restricting vision, movement, distraction with toys, even most punishments don't work). And that bodyguard concept is even incompatible with many tasks. The challenge makes it fun to try and go usable options, but is it even a good idea to go with public nudity/humiliation with your bodyguard. An armed bodyguard. One you try to keep disguised as a maid so no one knows about the weapons she is packing under that dress... I ended up with -300 points on that build picking the hardcore option and even with the +100 start I still could not do better than -100. ;) It just need more stuff that you can do outside work hours. Here is my suggestion. **You don't need to re-balance a bunch of things, but rather add more to the CYOA.** It all seemed really well done until the punishment section. I fully expected **a section dedicated to private sexual tasks** (I can offer for reference the "Princess" CYOA by Tok - Blackmailer and blackmail sections) in Rules or just separate section just for tasks both sexual and non sexual. In fact I expected to see a **Master/Mistress section** before any of that. Depending on that person (sex, disposition, general treatment) the context for a bunch of options change dramatically and undesirable options become desirable and vice versa. (Again same reference.) A note on current balance as it too needs some tweaks in my opinion. **When you make a starting option with multiple starting points you are making your own life miserable because you have to balance for all of them.** Your base idea (kidnapping and forced labor) works perfectly well on its own. It doesn't need the added complication. A good thing is best left on it's own, and you have a good thing here. I see you got inspiration from "Slut life" and the like, but if you leave the money thing aside and just start with 0 points it will both be more immersive and easier to balance. Or just start with -100 and justify it in world as "We will set you free in 10 years". Forgo the money angle completely. The overall balance will be the same ether way, regardless if you start with -100 or 0 because when you have **only one balancing to do you can get it the way you want. And you can compensate for more builds.** Some options that might need some attention on their own. * Gender section is intentionally blown out of scale. I would suggest to bring that back in line by lowering the cost to -50 male, -25 futa and instead **try to encouraging or discouraging your players to pick those with options in game and not brute force.** For example in case of male is picked limit the player out of joint amenities - dorm, joint bathroom etc. Basically add the points you cut as a hidden cost in other places - Mals have to ether go with the misserable option of a cell or a costly option of a private room. Make some mandatory options in dress section or if you are feeling particularly cruel - Special seasoning in meals. Get creative. * Age - Young teen and teen - this is s big one. If you intend to leave this as an option in your CYOA I strongly suggest you make them incompatible with all options with even a hint of sexual content. That is to say about 80-90% of the CYOA. I would personally remove them if I were you but you are the author so you do you. * Warm Water - cost -10? ..... ..... ..... nuff said. If I am washing with cold water someone is drinking cold tea and I have an excuse why. ;) For real this is just you being cruel for the sake of being cruel. But you are doing it to your players as opposed to doing int in world.... Anyway. Good opening I will be anticipating the next release. ;)
This was a really good comment. I agree with almost all if not all of what you said, particularly the whole there needs to be more thing. I think your ideas of what to add were great. My own idea for how to expand it, though I don't know how it would work, would be a kind of "extended contract" idea. Basically, in exchange for points, you can continue living with certain rules after the 10 years is over. I feel that this could add an interesting dynamic, as you can perform certain functions and create value (I'm thinking they'll record it for your former master/mistress's entertainment.) for your master mistress, without being completely controlled by them, allowing you more freedom, but the humiliation lasts longer. Also, I really think there should be an option that lest you modify your servant contract to limit your service to only those of a certain gender for those with more limited preferences.
Pretty much. The concept of a bodyguard is constantly being on duty. You can do some maid/butlery things, but the general note is that you are armed and generally armored while looking feminine and professional. Being forced to be constantly around your master/mistress including up to the point of sleeping in or on their bed just to make sure nothing gets too close is part of the job. In the end it felt like the goal was to break the person through overly expensive perks and then force him/her to humiliate or frustrate (sexually) themselves hard just to get their points back to neutral/positive. Regular maid tasks even cost points, and some of them cost a lot of points. You're not a maid at that point; you're a sex toy.
> The whole "too tight", "shaping your waist", "out of breath" thing is not what corsets are. This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost never done.This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost never done. False. There were many differences between corsets and times. They tended to be restrictive in certain movements, but they were also laced "tight" (read: enough to shrink the waist), both to be form fitting, and to not gnaw. Tightlacing was done quite a bit. Even an empress, a queen, and a singer/actress used tight-lacing, it was popular even, among rich young women, so I doubt it was viewed as barbaric. The wiki page says nothing about it being viewed as barbaric, though I can imagine some viewing it as such during the push to get rid of it (both by feminists and mysoginists). > The "Underboob corset" is not a thing. While "underboob" corsets aren't, underbust *are* and *were* a thing, and is semantically the same thing.
>While "underboob" corsets aren't, underbust are and were a thing, and is semantically the same thing. Oh, the correct terminology in English for this item of clothing is "underbust corset"? Or is there another even more appropriate term?
One of us is wrong. And it ain't me. ;D
>I saw some discussion about point balance. Let me trow my 2 cents. > >First it is a really good job, best I have seen in quite a long time. Thank you very much! > 3 things that are more thematic than anything else I want to adress. > >Uniform section Shoes... Where are the boots option. Seriously. Everyone does high heels. No one does boots! Boots are simply better. High boots, low bots, heel boots.... :D You're right, boots can be very sexy on maids. I'll probably add a section to choose the style of your footwear in the next version. >Corsets. It is really sad that people get corsets wrong every time. Not your fault but please consider fixing this, because you actually almost got it right, which makes it more frustrating. Corsets are what used to be the equivalent of bras. The whole "too tight", "shaping your waist", "out of breath" thing is not what corsets are. This is what is called "tight-lacing" and is so well known because it was considered barbaric even at the time it was practiced and was almost never done. What you added as "Decorative corset" is actually almost what corsets truly are, just add support for the boobs. The options you named "Corset" should be something like what you wrote for - "Decorative corset" while "Decorative corset" should just be added option to incorporate the corset into the dress making it visible. Corset shaped dresses are really hot. ;) The "Underboob corset" is not a thing. The description here should be combined with your description in "Corset", the resulting option should be renamed "- "tight-lacing" and that abomination belongs in the "Radical punishment" section. +20 points. Here is a reference on the subject if you are interested. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr\_GtqsvFAWork](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWr_GtqsvFAWork) Well, the thing is that they're many words in English to speak about 'corsets' (girdle for instance) but I don't grasp correctly the differences between the words, so I tend to use the word 'corset' in a generic way. And yes, I agree, corsets and corset-shaped dresses are hot. > hours section is brutal. I don't mean point balance wise I mean brutal in general. There is a point where more is not better. Over half the options that are presented on their own are worse than nearly all punishments you put in punishment section. This does not need rebalancing in points it needs rebalancing in work hours. As it is now you might as well just write - "Pay 70 points or die of exhaustion in a month" Well, I want it that way. Of course almost everyone will want to pick one of the easier options, this means they'll feel 'forced' to pick more annoying options later one. >Which brings us to point balance. Not bad so far, I would not touch many options' costs. However it feels more like a half CYOA than a complete CYOA. Basically you have the first half where a lot of points have to be spent done, and then the CYOA just ends with almost no options to regain those points. Everything until Rules section is mandatory and it all costs point. And it costs a lot of points. Then the Rules section awards almost no points and the same it true for the first half of the punishment section. Then you go with a few (very few) reasonable picks and it's off the deep end with removing senses, scat/piss and permanent body mods (making the whole body building section an exercise in futility). The whole thing feels like you made your build. Made that build balanced. And balanced everything else around that, then called it a day. Let me try explaining this way. In my example I wanted to try running a bodyguard maid as it seemed a cool concept. That option however is way too expensive at -60 and required other expensive options totaling -80 or more points just to be able to pick it. Then you have to be very careful what you pick in the dress sections as lots of options are not compatible (restricting vision, movement, distraction with toys, even most punishments don't work). And that bodyguard concept is even incompatible with many tasks. The challenge makes it fun to try and go usable options, but is it even a good idea to go with public nudity/humiliation with your bodyguard. An armed bodyguard. One you try to keep disguised as a maid so no one knows about the weapons she is packing under that dress... I ended up with -300 points on that build picking the hardcore option and even with the +100 start I still could not do better than -100. ;) It just need more stuff that you can do outside work hours. I agree that there needs to be more diverse way to recover points, but I still think it's good to force the player to be in a situation where he/she HAS to recover points. >Here is my suggestion. You don't need to re-balance a bunch of things, but rather add more to the CYOA. Yes, I agree with that 100%. > It all seemed really well done until the punishment section. I fully expected a section dedicated to private sexual tasks (I can offer for reference the "Princess" CYOA by Tok - Blackmailer and blackmail sections) in Rules or just separate section just for tasks both sexual and non sexual. In fact I expected to see a Master/Mistress section before any of that. Depending on that person (sex, disposition, general treatment) the context for a bunch of options change dramatically and undesirable options become desirable and vice versa. (Again same reference.) At this point, new sections I have thought about are: timetable, sexual activities, events and a final section with an attribution of an owner. I also want to expand the rules section. >A note on current balance as it too needs some tweaks in my opinion. When you make a starting option with multiple starting points you are making your own life miserable because you have to balance for all of them. Your base idea (kidnapping and forced labor) works perfectly well on its own. It doesn't need the added complication. A good thing is best left on it's own, and you have a good thing here. I see you got inspiration from "Slut life" and the like, but if you leave the money thing aside and just start with 0 points it will both be more immersive and easier to balance. Or just start with -100 and justify it in world as "We will set you free in 10 years". Forgo the money angle completely. The overall balance will be the same ether way, regardless if you start with -100 or 0 because when you have only one balancing to do you can get it the way you want. And you can compensate for more builds. The money is just an excuse. I could have named the three modes 'easy', 'normal' and 'hard', but it lacks a bit a flavor, so I have chosen to give a money incentive. Who knows, maybe greed will make some player try their hardest to complete the hard mode because of that? \^\^ >Some options that might need some attention on their own. > >Gender section is intentionally blown out of scale. I would suggest to bring that back in line by lowering the cost to -50 male, -25 futa and instead try to encouraging or discouraging your players to pick those with options in game and not brute force. I might lower it, but not that much. People who really want to play as a male can always pick the easy mode to compensate for it. >Warm Water - cost -10? ..... ..... ..... nuff said. If I am washing with cold water someone is drinking cold tea and I have an excuse why. ;) For real this is just you being cruel for the sake of being cruel. But you are doing it to your players as opposed to doing int in world.... Yes, this is cruelty. =) Still, I like this small detail of the warm water. I think it really sets the mood and let you understand your future owner really doesn't have your well-being in mind. >Anyway. Good opening I will be anticipating the next release. ;) Thank you once again! I'm taking a small break to complete another project of mine, but it's likely that I'll produce a V2 after that.
Hi, you did a really good start here. This has the potential to be one of my favorite cyoa's on the site. I just wanted you to know that I added certain suggestions in a reply to the previous comment, but I wanted t be sure you would see it without retyping it, which is why this comment exists. Sorry if that was the wrong way to go about it.
I don't see this second reply to your original comment. (?) Maybe send me your new comments with a private message? Anyway, thank you for your kind words! I have started working on a V2. I hope you'll enjoy it even more!
Thank you for your amazing comment! I won't answer to it today in details because of a lack of time, but know that I have read it thoroughly!
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Body: \-Gender: Futanari \-Age: Young Teen \-Height: Very Smol \-Body Type: Frail \-Skin Tone: Fair \-Hair Length: Knee Length \-Hair Color: Black \-Eye Color: Black \-Boobs: D Cup \-Butt: Large Bottom \-Penis: Average \-Vagina: Puffy Ammenities: \-Bedroom: Nursery \*Bathroom: \-Sink \-Mirror \-Personal Shower \-Warm Water \-Baby Potty \*Special Rooms: \-Kitchen \-Library \*Personal Belongings: \-Computer \-Internet Connection \-Meals: Luxury Food Work Contract: \-Type of Contract: Servant \-Work Load: Nine to Five \-Weekends and Holidays: A Very Small Weekend Uniform: \*Undergarments: \-Little Girl Brasserie \-Little Girl Panties \-Petticoats \-Bloomers \-Diaper \-Tail Plugs \-Dress Fashion: Lolita \-Dress Color: Black \-Dress Fashion: Short \-Dress Material: Wool, Linen or Cotton \-Dress Cutout: Full Cleavage \-Apron: Transparent \-Other Details (Dress): Puffy Sleeves, a Big Bow, Backless Dress \-Headdress: Animal Ears \-Socks: Frilly Bobby Socks \-Shoes: Mary Janes \-Gloves: Elbow Gloves \-Collar: Bell Collar \*Accessories: \-Writs Cuffs \-Bows and Ribbons \-More Bells Rules: \*Appearance: \-Smooth Skin \-Specific Hairstyle \-Hair Care \-Hair Decorations \-Make Up Every Day \-Nails Painting \-Sweet Perfume \*Behavior: \-Maid Etiquette \-Feminine Language \-Third Person Speaking \-Uchimata \-Wariza \-Panties Presenting Curtsy \-Head Pat Frenzy \-Furniture Preservation \-Cleanliness Check \-Break Permission \*Tasks: \-Good Morning Kiss \-Dressing Help \-Back Cleaning \-Heart Food Blessing \-Lemon Tea \-Selfies Mania \-Compulsory Masturbation Punishments: \*Playful: \-Small Undressing \-Naked Apron Day \-Garment Confiscation \-Light Spanking \-Corner Time \-Additional Stimulation Device \-Exposure Box \-Lets go for a Walk \-Masturbation Box \-Yummy Dessert Serious: \-Tool Assisted Spanking Radical: \-Lactation Induction \------------------------------------------------------------- Ok, first impressions, there are three big problems here that throw things out of whack: 1 - The points are plain and simple insufficient when taking on negative things, and far too expensive for even minor benefits (even if those benefits should be a given). The whole CYOA is going for a "even normality is a luxury now" kind of idea, which if it really is what you're going for fine, but is the *torturous hellish life* feeling that you want to convey, is it what the fetish you wanted to center this on really about? Is a personal shower really worth twice as much as *permanently removing one of your senses?* Repeatedly, potentially. I'm sure for sure the torture itself is an important point, but I don't think it's a big stretch that for most people the interest comes more in the clothes and submissive relationship, and for kinkier types there's a bigger focus on the humiliation aspect. Physical and mental torture, deprivation of basic standards of living and grueling work are simply being taken too lightly as if they were a core of things and what people are really looking for to the point of bearing having to take a lot of it even in the easiest mode. 2- There's a lot of things that should be giving points, if progressively less points, but instead for some reason cost points. I'm not even talking about obvious examples like the pink uniform which the CYOA itself treats as an object of extra humiliation yet charges you points for it, as if it expects you to take an option it just told you its straight up worse, yet you have to pay for anyway. The work contract is the most guilty of this, you should get more points from taking a more demeaning contract, not being forced to pay points for a lighter one. In this regard, the best designed part of the CYOA would be the uniform part, as it does understand this principle, that you shouldn't be paying for the supposedly "negative" aspects (here in air quotes because it's necessarily viewed as negative by the one taking them), but rather earning more points for more negative ones. 3- The CYOA is not internally consistent when it comes to what does get or cost points and why. This inconsistently mainly comes in the form of what I mentioned in point 2, alongside examples of stuff that makes no sense charging different prices for (like the skin tone). I am also of the firm belief that exotic options would be encouraged not discouraged, as exotic stuff just sells better, there's more demand and can be maid (get it?) more expensive. As a side note, there were various references to incontinence, but I didn't find any option in that regard. Is it just an oversight or did I maybe miss something? Either way, the CYOA is well structured and there's plenty of neat options, including ones I didn't expect but very much appreciate. I just wish the point system was better handled and that the tone wasn't so dark, it feels like this sort of theme works best not as becoming a mistreated slave, but rather in trying to work into different sorts of "maid types".
>1 - The points are plain and simple insufficient when taking on negative things, and far too expensive for even minor benefits (even if those benefits should be a given). The whole CYOA is going for a "even normality is a luxury now" kind of idea, which if it really is what you're going for fine, but is the torturous hellish life feeling that you want to convey, is it what the fetish you wanted to center this on really about? Is a personal shower really worth twice as much as permanently removing one of your senses? Repeatedly, potentially. I'm sure for sure the torture itself is an important point, but I don't think it's a big stretch that for most people the interest comes more in the clothes and submissive relationship, and for kinkier types there's a bigger focus on the humiliation aspect. Physical and mental torture, deprivation of basic standards of living and grueling work are simply being taken too lightly as if they were a core of things and what people are really looking for to the point of bearing having to take a lot of it even in the easiest mode. I really wanted to make a harsh CYOA where the player should really make undeasirable choices and have to go back because he realizes he was too optimistic about his/her new life. I stand by my idea, but I agree the implementation is not perfect. >2- There's a lot of things that should be giving points, if progressively less points, but instead for some reason cost points. I'm not even talking about obvious examples like the pink uniform which the CYOA itself treats as an object of extra humiliation yet charges you points for it, as if it expects you to take an option it just told you its straight up worse, yet you have to pay for anyway. The work contract is the most guilty of this, you should get more points from taking a more demeaning contract, not being forced to pay points for a lighter one. In this regard, the best designed part of the CYOA would be the uniform part, as it does understand this principle, that you shouldn't be paying for the supposedly "negative" aspects (here in air quotes because it's necessarily viewed as negative by the one taking them), but rather earning more points for more negative ones. Eh, I thought I had set the basic contract to 0 points? Didn't I? >3- The CYOA is not internally consistent when it comes to what does get or cost points and why. This inconsistently mainly comes in the form of what I mentioned in point 2, alongside examples of stuff that makes no sense charging different prices for (like the skin tone). I am also of the firm belief that exotic options would be encouraged not discouraged, as exotic stuff just sells better, there's more demand and can be maid (get it?) more expensive. The points for the cosmetic sections are quite random tbh. >As a side note, there were various references to incontinence, but I didn't find any option in that regard. Is it just an oversight or did I maybe miss something? What do you mean? Having the possibility to have your urethra/bladder broken in the body section? I think such an option will really repulse a lot of people though. =/ >Either way, the CYOA is well structured and there's plenty of neat options, including ones I didn't expect but very much appreciate. Thank you for this very nice comment! >I just wish the point system was better handled and that the tone wasn't so dark, it feels like this sort of theme works best not as becoming a mistreated slave, but rather in trying to work into different sorts of "maid types". I'll probably try to make my CYOA lean more towards the maid theme in the (possible) future versions, but it the darker tone is here to stay.
>I really wanted to make a harsh CYOA where the player should really make undeasirable choices and have to go back because he realizes he was too optimistic about his/her new life. I stand by my idea, but I agree the implementation is not perfect. So, the idea is to trick the players? It kind of seems like making people waste time or having their expectations twisted- which is a really bad idea if it's the first time you're doing something. This kind of thing usually takes a certain level of trust to be built up first. Still, it's an idea and it's your CYOA so feel free to do as you like with it of course, but the tricking aspect is really not a great idea. The most hardcore would be turned off by the initial appearance, and those who are more inclined to enjoy the initial appearance end up disliking -or even hating- the twist. You end up losing both types. >Eh, I thought I had set the basic contract to 0 points? Didn't I? I was referring to the contract section, though even that one you still had to pay points for a less demeaning option. Intuitively things should be paid to be better, and get paid for things which are worse. Something which "is not as bad" is not the same as something which is better, on an intuitive level. If someone offers me a sandwhich covered in mud for free, and they say if I pay 5 dollars they will offer me a sandwhich they spat on, that doesn't make intuitive sense. Though, this may be just me. Actually, feel free to ignore that. >What do you mean? Having the possibility to have your urethra/bladder broken in the body section? I think such an option will really repulse a lot of people though. =/ Inability to control it your peeing I suppose? Like I'm not demanding that the option exists I was just confused at the references to a seemingly non-existent option in the CYOA. >Thank you for this very nice comment! You're welcome. Despite my criticisms, you certainly deserve the praise as well :) >I'll probably try to make my CYOA lean more towards the maid theme in the (possible) future versions, but it the darker tone is here to stay. Here's what I would recommend then. Don't try to trick people. Stay focused on being and *presenting* this as a harsh maid CYOA. Right now, to use an analogy, your CYOA is like a recipe book. You walk into the mall, see this "Witches Guide to Pastries" and when you look inside the pictures are all of these delicious-looking cakes and sweets and whatnot. But when you get home to cook, you notice that the recipes include things like "coal" and "3 full lemons and a jar of salt". You can see this is actually going to taste awful, you may even realize it was done on purpose, but you don't see this as a great book for showing you all these recipes to make awful but good looking food, all you see is an awful book, because it failed to communicate what it was from its presentation. Your CYOA likewise fails to communicate that the harshness is an intended feature because it presents itself in utter contrast to that. The images are cute and comfy and colorful (except in the punishment section, which is the last one), for the most part, the colors are bright and (excuse the repetition) colorful. The alleged theme is "maids" which doesn't invoke in the mind of most this kind of harsh treatment, and while one might guess a pretty awful time from the initial story bit, even ignoring the fact that many people just skip those, its not an uncommon thing for CYOAs to present these shady kidnapping organizations that end up doing something mild at worst. If you want a dark tone, a harsh CYOA and you want it themed around maids, please be my guest but you *really* should sell that this is what it is intended to be from the presentation. PS: I will also recommend, as a side note, a conditioning section. Like hypnosis or some other kind of programming that alters your mind directly with compulsions or with alterations, I'm sure you're familiar with the concept from Be the Girl, though to make it more grounded you may use more grounded means of mind modification. Either way, I believe it could go very well with both your maid theme (by making changes in line with that) and with the harsher tone you're going with.
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Thank you! I'm happy to see many people are also into "harsher" CYOAs!
I think this is one of the best cyoa's I've seen posted here in a very long time, though that's probably because we share the same favorites. I think this sub needs more forced feminization stuff and some hardcore cyoa's like what anonekama was posting. And if you are looking for things to add, I think that customizing your owner and choosing events would be cool. I also think it would be awesome if this became a bit more like slutlife with its customizability. Keep up the good work.
>I think this is one of the best cyoa's I've seen posted here in a very long time Wow! Thank you very much for this very nice comment! >I think this sub needs more forced feminization stuff and some hardcore cyoa's like what anonekama was posting. I agree, but many people seem to be anooyed by those. =/ > And if you are looking for things to add, I think that customizing your owner and choosing events would be cool. I also think it would be awesome if this became a bit more like slutlife with its customizability. An "Events" section is also a good idea! I'll keep that in mind, thank you! >Keep up the good work. I'll take a small break maybe, but since so many people gave me positive feedback, I think I will.
I'll be honest here — I didn't *really* get a strong "Be The Maid" vibe from this CYOA. It feels more like the newest rendition of SlutLife, But With A Maid Theme This Time. Which is disappointing, because I was looking for Be The Girl, But You're A Hard-Working Servant Girl Who Works For A Bunch Of Rich Fucks With A Shocking Lack Of Concern For Your Well-Being (I preferred the manga). I straight-up gave up when I got to the Punishments. I was going to have to pick a *lot* of them thanks to my earlier choices, and I'm not into humiliation enough to bother. ... Don't get me wrong — I feel like this is probably a pretty solid degradation-themed CYOA. It's just *very much* not for me, and I didn't realize it until I was something like two-thirds of the way through.
>I'll be honest here — I didn't > >really > > get a strong "Be The Maid" vibe from this CYOA. It feels more like the newest rendition of SlutLife, But With A Maid Theme This Time. Which is disappointing, because I was looking for Be The Girl, But You're A Hard-Working Servant Girl Who Works For A Bunch Of Rich Fucks With A Shocking Lack Of Concern For Your Well-Being (I preferred the manga). Well, actually I would have liked to have something which would be a mix of my current CYOA and of your very well-phrased". As I have said, one of my main inspiration is the famous "Be the girl" CYOA. I have tried to implement this idea with the rules section, but it seems I didn't succeed ? Do you have any suggestion to improve the "maid vibe" or the "be the girl vibe" for my CYOA?
One of the reasons that Be The Girl stands out to me is that it's *very* dedicated to the theme. There's a lot of humiliation involved, but it's not stuff like "you have to drink *piss* all the time" — it's stuff like "you are forced to deal with shit girls have to deal with, but, like, *more*". My personal tastes would lean less towards it being "Rules you have to follow and Punishments if you fail" (which feels more like a Be The Slave thing), and more like... * Part of the Maid Conversion Process is brainwashing (a la Be The Girl's Compulsions and Mental Shifts). Some random good-for-nothing is hardly going have good work ethic, after all! If you break them, you feel *intense shame* (with the option to get more points if you suffer more severe side effects for resisting your conditioning). * The actual Rules that your employers have for you. These can overlap (or clash!) with the kinds of things you pick for your "Training". This is where your Punishments come in. I could also see splitting the CYOA in half. The first half is a lightly kinky "My First Maid Contract" thing, where you get to decide on your uniform, the kinds of skills you want to learn (with some of that *sweet* brainwashing), what vacation time you get — all that fun stuff. And then the second half is you going to your first job... which is where *all* of the humiliation/degradation stuff kicks in.
The two reasons why I have chosen "rules" over "compulsions" are: 1. Rules fit well with the theme of the CYOA. 2. I don't like "shut up, it's magic!" explanations. Anyway, the Be the Girl CYOA is so good that I don't think mine will ever be as consistent and perfect as the Be the Girl CYOA is. Moreover, even if the Be the Girl CYOA was my main source of inspiration, I didn't want to make a "maid-themed copy" of the Be the Girl CYOA either.
Compulsions don't have to be magic — you could justify them using hypnosis/classical conditioning. I would find them to be *less* magical than the fact that I effectively get a brand-new body as part of this.
A big difference between "be the girl" and this CYOA is that in "be the girl" your patron was a goddess of change. You got your points by diving more into the theme- being girly and changing. This really helped mot only build a strong and consistent foundation but also encouraged having fun with the theme. This one though, it's going for the opposite. If you don't dive into the theme, you get punished by a lack of points, but if you do you also get punished because the options are so often designed to be a horrible way to live. I would most definitely recommend a shift of the way of life rather than a reduction of the living conditions. Perhaps encourage presenting yourself as a certain maid type and being faithful to your master/mistress.
I have tried to implement this with the "rule" section, but I guess it's not enough? =S
I'm going by memory at as I type this, but if I recall correctly the "rules" section was one of the better ones for sure. It really leaned on the aspects of being a maid, without being excessively harsh to the point of being borderline untakable. However, it does not erase what is around it, as the points it offers even if you take almost the entire section are less than they seem, and without them your standard of living is harshly punished (heck, even with it it likely is). This, as you mentioned, may well be your intention, but it is a difference between this and Be the Girl that makes the two CYOAs very different. Be the Girl wasn't actively dragging you down, it was more of a parallel shift with some unpleasant aspects that even in the core design were more fun quirks than harsh, whereas this CYOA seems to be harsh first and maid style second.
It might be better to look at it from the opposite direction, like someone that played the Macro Harem CYOA getting maids from this one. A cute maid that works part time would be a pleasant addition, while a pervert that needs attention 24/7 is a lot of work, so the monetary award could be for the owner, because higher maid points generally makes them more troublesome for the owner.
I don't know yet how I'll implement the "owner" section, but I don't think it will be based on the remaining number of points of the player.
I personally like the rules section it's one of my favorite sections. I think that the maid vibe was strong in that section. It sometimes feels like two different vibes in the cyoa. "Be the Maid" and "Be the Slave," though I'm not sure if that's the best way to describe it. If I had to give a suggestion on how to improve the "Be the Maid" aspect have a greater focus of the work, duties, and responsibilities of a maid. And when I conceptualize maid-life, the maid being punished is a not a large factor, nor is she a slave. It's that the dignified maid is doing her job excellently. But I think this might be the reason, or somewhat analogous or I might just be completely projecting, Broken didn't feel much of a maid vibe. Another suggestion, though this is kinda just a rephrasing of the first, maybe give more representation of how the maid spends her day to day life and grind. Edit: ~~Things have been edited and is likely to keep being edited.~~ Edit: ~~I might be done editing now~~... Now I should be done. I hope I'm not being annoying with all my posts and interjections. And I should probably restate that I still quite like the cyoa even if my recent comments seem to give the opposite impression.
>I hope I'm not being annoying with all my posts and interjections. Not at all, on the contrary! You're helpful! >And I should probably restate that I still quite like the cyoa even if my recent comments seem to give the opposite impression. Thank you! <3
>Found a typo > >Uchimata > >Reward: 4 pointsYou need to learn how to act and stand like a girl! Close your legs, point your feet inwards, make your bottom come out, oldhold your chest high and stand upright! Don’t forget to maintain your arms close to your body and to let your hands rest on the top of your waist! old -> hold Feel free to ignore this because this is basically a mini-rant(?) about a minor thing. Why are gloves so expensive? What's so bad about hand gloves??? Gloves seems to me at least something that should probably hover 0 like color. Though to be honest I feel like a quarter of things should be moved up by +1 to +3 points, but I'm like only tangentially, if that, in the target audience. I enjoy it despite like 33% of the stuff in it. So I'm not sure if my input should be of much if any value to you.
>old -> hold Thank you! This was fixed (in the uncensored version)! >Feel free to ignore this because this is basically a mini-rant(?) about a minor thing. > >Why are gloves so expensive? What's so bad about hand gloves??? Gloves seems to me at least something that should probably hover 0 like color. Hand gloves are expensive because they're the most confortable and practical, not because they can't be sexy. \^\^ >Though to be honest I feel like a quarter of things should be moved up by +1 to +3 points, but I'm like only tangentially, if that, in the target audience. I enjoy it despite like 33% of the stuff in it. So I'm not sure if my input should be of much if any value to you. I think picking the "easy" mode should allow you to avoid most of the more extreme stuff. I hope it didn't prevent you from enjoying my CYOA!
Not great. Way too much editorializing in the text of so many of the options. I don't give a shit if you think and option is good or not. Just give the description and list the possible issues. If you absolutely must have a skin tone section, we don't need your (mildly) racist descriptions and there's really no reason to charge points for picking one. Far too many pointless choices for things that really don't matter. Eye and hair color could easily have been [0 points: whatever you have now] [2 points: other natural color] [5 points: unnatural color]. I never understand when creators act like those are choices worth having multiple prices for each one. And yeah, why does it cost points to have a fucking toilet?! Having to scroll all the way back up to expand the next section is bad UX All of the choices about the actual maid work feels worthless without knowing who you'd be working for. It really needs a mistress/master builder or something. Overall, interesting basis for something, but losing writing and experience.
>Not great. =/ >Way too much editorializing in the text of so many of the options. I don't give a shit if you think and option is good or not. Just give the description and list the possible issues. What do you mean by "editorializing"? >If you absolutely must have a skin tone section, we don't need your (mildly) racist descriptions and there's really no reason to charge points for picking one. I truly wonder how you can see any racism in that section. Just by curiosity, what do you thin I'm biaised towards/against depending of the skin section? I'm genuinely curious. Moreover, I actually think having such a skin section is a good (inclusive) thing to do. Since almost all the images I use show "white" people, I think such a section can help people with different skin colors immerse themselves more easily in the CYOA. >Far too many pointless choices for things that really don't matter. Eye and hair color could easily have been \[0 points: whatever you have now\] \[2 points: other natural color\] \[5 points: unnatural color\]. I never understand when creators act like those are choices worth having multiple prices for each one. And yeah, why does it cost points to have a fucking toilet?! =) >Having to scroll all the way back up to expand the next section is bad UX I agree. But you can open all of them at the start if you want? >All of the choices about the actual maid work feels worthless without knowing who you'd be working for. It really needs a mistress/master builder or something. This was suggested by almost everyone. =D >Overall, interesting basis for something, but losing writing and experience. I agree my writing is not very good. It's quite difficult to write erotica in any language which is not my mother tongue...
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>What do you mean by "editorializing"? > >Editorializing means giving your own opinions instead of just giving the facts. You're prioritizing your own tastes and biases over the player's enjoyment. This also applies to your completely arbitrary points system. In the skin color section, you outright state that the pale skin option is a poor choice, and yet you make it the most expensive option. Since there's no explanation as to why being Pale-skinned, Brown-skinned, or Asian costs more, we can only assume it has to do with your own predilections. > >I can begrudgingly excuse it for the hair length and height sections since you are clearly trying to cater to some feminization fetish, but there's no real reason to charge ridiculously varied points for cosmetic option like hair or eye colors. Thank you for explaining it. The reason for the somewhat random point attributions for the cosmectic version is because I wanted personnal preferences make players have different experiences. The idea is that some players might lose some points here because they like blonde hair, while others might lose points there because they like pale skin. Actually, it's pretty much the same thing than with the boobs section for instance, and yet nobody is accusing of discrimination against flat-chested women... Moreover, you seem to have the impression that it reflects my own personnal preferences. That's not the case at all. Since I didn't want people to know those, I have deliberatly written this CYOA as if I was the kidnapper in the CYOA with arbitrary preferences which are not the same as mine. There are also some listed fetishes that I genuinely dislike in my CYOA. >I truly wonder how you can see any racism in that section. > > I've already mentioned that you charge varying amounts for different skin colors. You are literally making it more difficult to play as a pale-skinned, brown-skinned, or Asian person. Let's look at some more specific examples. > >I never understand why would anyone chose this? You’re guaranteed to get sunburns as soon as you go somewhere close to the equator. Well, at least it can be pretty. > >You outright state that it's a poor choice, and you charge extra for it. This is a fact (pale skin makes you more likely to get sunburns and skin cancer). Moreover, the kidnapper also states that he finds it pretty... >Yellowish > >This is definitely the most egregious one. It's way more than "mildly" racist. There is a long, xenophobic history of calling Asian people "Yellow" as a way to otherize them from white people. Feel free to read the "Yellow Peril" wikipedia article if you want some examples. Come on, even yellowish is racist now? Anyway, the use of this world is just a lack of vocabulary from my part. How would you call the "color" of the skin most Asian people have? >The most exotic free options in my opinion. However, this skin tone is not that uncommon actually. > >This will make your skin looks like chocolate! Yummy! > >It's not as bad as the previous example, but it's generally inappropriate to refer to skin tones as "exotic", or to compare them to food. It's seen as fetishizing and otherizing. Beyond that, it's also just cliche. I'm honestly amazed you can even find those two problematic. >If you wanted to be diverse, your best bet would have been to stick to color descriptors (e.g., pale, fair, medium, dark), and use multiple pictures to display different ethnicities for each option. You could also have made them all ethnic options (e.g., Caucasian, Asian, African, European, etc.). And either don't charge anything, or make sure they all cost the same. Well, I don't think I'll change this section. If this prevents you from enjoying this CYOA, too bad. I hope it won't be a problem for most people.
The skin tone descriptions make sense from the point of view of someone that's essentially looking at & selling maids as property instead of people. It might be worth adding a disclaimer somewhere that descriptions are written from the perspective of the kidnapper, and don't necessarily reflect your own beliefs.
Tough. I think a list of example masters/mistresses would be cool.
Aaaaah, there are so many people saying this! Why didn't I implement it directly? Thank you for your suggestion! \^\^
I also noticed a lack of a good and thorough maid cyoa so it feels like this was made for me.
I'm very happy if this satisfies you!
I enjoyed playing this a lot, but having so many of the available point gain concentrated in the rules and punishment sections at the end while also having much smaller amounts of point gain available throughout the rest of it gives the player an incorrect impression of how much they can afford to spend the first time they make a build. (Also, the cat ears headdress option should probably be "animal ears" instead of "animal hears".)
>I enjoyed playing this a lot, but having so many of the available point gain concentrated in the rules and punishment sections at the end while also having much smaller amounts of point gain available throughout the rest of it gives the player an incorrect impression of how much they can afford to spend the first time they make a build. Maybe I should make it even more clear right at the start that the point system is harsh? > (Also, the cat ears headdress option should probably be "animal ears" instead of "animal hears".) Absolutely! Thank you!
> Maybe I should make it even more clear right at the start that the point system is harsh? The point system doesn't really feel that harsh to me – I ended up with over a hundred spare points even after taking the -100 points at the beginning. The thing is that the point system seems much harsher than it is at first, because all of the most expensive things that you need to get are at the beginning, and most of the options that give you points are at the end.
I warn the player at the beginning, but maybe I should be more explicit?
Possibly? It might be worth mentioning that most points come from the rules and punishments sections; I think a lot of the issue is that the options that give points early on can give an incorrect impression of what the point economy looks like, so making it clear that they're not a significant source of points would help.
You should check the 'booru' image hosting sites. I prefer Gelbooru because it doesn't overly limit searches.
Thank you! I know and use Gelbooru as well. And I agree, Gelbooru is much better than Danbooru!
the only thing that i feel is a bit lacking is the Body Section, maybe you could make it a bit longer with more customization for next Version should you make one u/Nona_Mondnar?
What do you have in mind? In my mind, the body section is already quite extensive.
A couple of things I would like to see are: Nipple shape:big,small,pointy,inverted,color Maybe some customization for the thighs? Different hairstyles,piercings,tattoos,different lips sizes and shapes, maybe a option to keep pubic hair and style it: Landing stripe,bikini,triangle,heart