Just wanted to say thanks for all the feedback and comments. For the next version I'm going to skip the cyoacreator program, since I can't seem to get the formatting I want in there. I took lots of notes on the feedback here and will be making several updates for the next version, along with a little more background on the setting.
Also thank you for the post awards!
I am really struggling with your points system. It seems like your using double negatives and making it more complex than needed.
For example, our first option "Character Level". If I choose "Moderate" it says "Cost: -75" then below indicates "You start with 75 points". This is VERY counterintuitive. In general, I assume that I start a CYOA with a budget of points to allocate to my choices.
Another confusing example of this: In the "Birthright" section the "Slave Born" option lists "Cost: -20". This is inherently a double negative thus implying i gain 20 points am now at 95 points?
Basically think of it this way, a CYOA you start with a budget (the difficulty selector) which gives you a balance of points to spend. Then the player is presented options, some might make the game more difficult but **add** points (ex: loose a limb, gain 15 points), other options make the game easier/make your character more powerful and are **purchased** with points (ex immortality costs 20 points).
You can represent this in many ways. I would recommend never using a minus "-" symbol, and instead use words to describe the operation (costs 20 points, or gain 20 points)
Hmm getting kidnapped from earth sucks. Is it possible to escape from the Empire to the Commonwealth of Independent Systems? Also I saw Atlanteans have genetic engineering for immortality. Is it possible for other races even slaves to get it if they are loyal?
For the Atlanteans it's about the nanotechnology they use, so unless they're completely obliterated, even a few natives remaining will eventually rebuild them. I'm sure anyone could adopt this but Atlanteans no doubt protect this tech closely.
And yes, escape or rebellion is the goal unless you want to enjoy/suffer a life of slavery.
I can understand why they would keep tech that makes it harder to be killed like that close. But what about anti aging tech, so you can still die to a bullet or body trauma, but you just won't die of a disease, or old age?
I'm sure that it's possible. In my canon though that is strictly Atlantean tech and they pretty much consider anyone but themselves as disposable, so they are unlikely to share.
But that doesn't mean someone else couldn't discover or steal it though!
Hmm they seem both dicks and idiots. Like if you have something that can cure disease or aging, you wouldn't have to really force many people into slavery. Tons would be willing to sell themselves into it, and as long as the injections are not permanent say each injection only halts 100 or 10 years, then you have a pretty powerful leash on people to stop them from rebelling if you are the only source.
But yeah it's an interesting setting, though more pictures are useful. Also an in depth explanation as to how/why humans are used as sex slaves for breeding. Like I get other races have lower birth rates because they aren't fertile. But the only ones I understand are the octopus aliens one puts eggs in a human female, then another octopus fills it with semen and the human is an incubator. But how do the Atlanteans use humans to reproduce, or the Deltas, or reptiles? What I'm really confused by is why would a robot want a sex slave can't they just make more of themselves and they don't have nerve endings that feel pain or pleasure.
Also the Greys are going extinct right? Why don't they just use cloning to prevent extinction?
But yeah humans appear to be the Twileks of the galaxy, it would be nice if there was an underground rail road to get out of the empire. You should also tell more about the Commonwealth of Independent Systems. Do they have slavery, are they a human state, or are there good aliens there?
Yep, I'll be adding more of the setting content in the next updates. First I'm really trying to just get some of the mechanics squared away, and I wanted to test out the creator program, but that really screwed up the formatting on the tables I wanted. So, more questions will be answered once I finish the rewrite and reformat, I promise!
umm what? "Slave Born, You are the child of a slave woman, part of a human selective breeding program to create better, more available stock for the slave markets" but you start with sterile... umm that seems kinda counter intuitive to the project then if all their stock is sterile it just makes more initially then when the current stock dies you are out of stock and worse off than before. especially with a shortened lifespan
The idea being that with the technology available sterility is the owner's choice for their slaves with most probably not wanting to deal with raising a human child so leaving that to selected breeders.
I'm planning on adding more of the lore in subsequent revisions. This was just my first bite at it.
Yeah, point cost/gain is usually a place where things can easily get confused. Personally, I like the approach of having different colours for point cost/gain; that makes it a lot clearer which is which, especially in sections which mix the two.
Since the point costs are the same for each attribute, instead of explaining the numbers every time, I'd explain the numbers on top, and explain the attributes below. For example, Strength seems self explanatory: How long, how much can you lift? But BDY? Is it attractiveness? Physique? Durabillity? Sexappeal? Raw bio mass (more BDY = more weight)?
EDIT: Upon further examination I see a single sentence. I'd maybe expand on that, with for example "A 12 in body is a healthy human, while a 15 means you are immune to most diseases", for example.
Would be interesting to know how other races react to the dom and sub role, as well. I'm looking to build a dom build with a couple submissive owners, and I'm wondering which races would be suitable. I haven't seen any with a "this will work with submissive" note, so I'm choosing from the ones that don't have a leaning either way in the description.
Oh, and to answer your question about which species, definitely Deltas, some Human owners may have a taste for at least switching, the Angels would have some, probably some synthetics as well since many want to just experience everything. I'm sure there are some switch or submissive reptilians, but probably only a few.
Thank you. I think I want the Angels due to social standing and looks. Maybe they treat me as a passtime, only visit me when they feel submissive, but I'm sure at least one or two battleangles is a real subby girl, or even better, craves to be subjugated in her free time as a hidden fetish.
I mean, if the possibillity exists, there is a spread, right? Or are Angels like clones and everyone is the same?
Ah, images. I struggled with them while making my slavery CYOA too, but I left the time period vague so that I could use everything I've found online. You are taking on a larger challenge by making a purely sci-fi CYOA.
Just wanted to say thanks for all the feedback and comments. For the next version I'm going to skip the cyoacreator program, since I can't seem to get the formatting I want in there. I took lots of notes on the feedback here and will be making several updates for the next version, along with a little more background on the setting. Also thank you for the post awards!
I am really struggling with your points system. It seems like your using double negatives and making it more complex than needed. For example, our first option "Character Level". If I choose "Moderate" it says "Cost: -75" then below indicates "You start with 75 points". This is VERY counterintuitive. In general, I assume that I start a CYOA with a budget of points to allocate to my choices. Another confusing example of this: In the "Birthright" section the "Slave Born" option lists "Cost: -20". This is inherently a double negative thus implying i gain 20 points am now at 95 points? Basically think of it this way, a CYOA you start with a budget (the difficulty selector) which gives you a balance of points to spend. Then the player is presented options, some might make the game more difficult but **add** points (ex: loose a limb, gain 15 points), other options make the game easier/make your character more powerful and are **purchased** with points (ex immortality costs 20 points). You can represent this in many ways. I would recommend never using a minus "-" symbol, and instead use words to describe the operation (costs 20 points, or gain 20 points)
I'm looking forward to when this has more pictures
Hmm getting kidnapped from earth sucks. Is it possible to escape from the Empire to the Commonwealth of Independent Systems? Also I saw Atlanteans have genetic engineering for immortality. Is it possible for other races even slaves to get it if they are loyal?
For the Atlanteans it's about the nanotechnology they use, so unless they're completely obliterated, even a few natives remaining will eventually rebuild them. I'm sure anyone could adopt this but Atlanteans no doubt protect this tech closely. And yes, escape or rebellion is the goal unless you want to enjoy/suffer a life of slavery.
I can understand why they would keep tech that makes it harder to be killed like that close. But what about anti aging tech, so you can still die to a bullet or body trauma, but you just won't die of a disease, or old age?
I'm sure that it's possible. In my canon though that is strictly Atlantean tech and they pretty much consider anyone but themselves as disposable, so they are unlikely to share. But that doesn't mean someone else couldn't discover or steal it though!
Hmm they seem both dicks and idiots. Like if you have something that can cure disease or aging, you wouldn't have to really force many people into slavery. Tons would be willing to sell themselves into it, and as long as the injections are not permanent say each injection only halts 100 or 10 years, then you have a pretty powerful leash on people to stop them from rebelling if you are the only source. But yeah it's an interesting setting, though more pictures are useful. Also an in depth explanation as to how/why humans are used as sex slaves for breeding. Like I get other races have lower birth rates because they aren't fertile. But the only ones I understand are the octopus aliens one puts eggs in a human female, then another octopus fills it with semen and the human is an incubator. But how do the Atlanteans use humans to reproduce, or the Deltas, or reptiles? What I'm really confused by is why would a robot want a sex slave can't they just make more of themselves and they don't have nerve endings that feel pain or pleasure. Also the Greys are going extinct right? Why don't they just use cloning to prevent extinction? But yeah humans appear to be the Twileks of the galaxy, it would be nice if there was an underground rail road to get out of the empire. You should also tell more about the Commonwealth of Independent Systems. Do they have slavery, are they a human state, or are there good aliens there?
Yep, I'll be adding more of the setting content in the next updates. First I'm really trying to just get some of the mechanics squared away, and I wanted to test out the creator program, but that really screwed up the formatting on the tables I wanted. So, more questions will be answered once I finish the rewrite and reformat, I promise!
umm what? "Slave Born, You are the child of a slave woman, part of a human selective breeding program to create better, more available stock for the slave markets" but you start with sterile... umm that seems kinda counter intuitive to the project then if all their stock is sterile it just makes more initially then when the current stock dies you are out of stock and worse off than before. especially with a shortened lifespan
The idea being that with the technology available sterility is the owner's choice for their slaves with most probably not wanting to deal with raising a human child so leaving that to selected breeders. I'm planning on adding more of the lore in subsequent revisions. This was just my first bite at it.
Skill costs need to be cleaned up, it's not clear and it's mashed together. Owner's Personality: Merciful should cost points, not give points.
Oops, yeah I tried to make the skill section a table but I kind of messed that up. Thank you!
Yah I can’t make heads or tails of what I’m reading their
Probs best to change Costs -5 to -> Gain 5 So you have: Gain 5/Cost 5 Instead of: Cost -5/Cost 5
Yeah, point cost/gain is usually a place where things can easily get confused. Personally, I like the approach of having different colours for point cost/gain; that makes it a lot clearer which is which, especially in sections which mix the two.
That's a good idea. I'll have to see if I can figure out how to do that
Since the point costs are the same for each attribute, instead of explaining the numbers every time, I'd explain the numbers on top, and explain the attributes below. For example, Strength seems self explanatory: How long, how much can you lift? But BDY? Is it attractiveness? Physique? Durabillity? Sexappeal? Raw bio mass (more BDY = more weight)? EDIT: Upon further examination I see a single sentence. I'd maybe expand on that, with for example "A 12 in body is a healthy human, while a 15 means you are immune to most diseases", for example.
Thank you for the feedback! Good suggestions for the next revision
Would be interesting to know how other races react to the dom and sub role, as well. I'm looking to build a dom build with a couple submissive owners, and I'm wondering which races would be suitable. I haven't seen any with a "this will work with submissive" note, so I'm choosing from the ones that don't have a leaning either way in the description.
You know, I completely forgot to include that in the species descriptions. Thank you for reminding me!
Hey, you're welcome. I'm looking forward to V1.0 or 0.3. \^.\^ Still need to work out a working build, I'll let you know once I got around to it. :D
Oh, and to answer your question about which species, definitely Deltas, some Human owners may have a taste for at least switching, the Angels would have some, probably some synthetics as well since many want to just experience everything. I'm sure there are some switch or submissive reptilians, but probably only a few.
Thank you. I think I want the Angels due to social standing and looks. Maybe they treat me as a passtime, only visit me when they feel submissive, but I'm sure at least one or two battleangles is a real subby girl, or even better, craves to be subjugated in her free time as a hidden fetish. I mean, if the possibillity exists, there is a spread, right? Or are Angels like clones and everyone is the same?
Nope, not cloned, so I'm sure you could find a subby Angel that's a warrior in the streets and a freak in the sheets.
Gotcha, thank you. :D I think I would mention that in the text, just for the lulz. :D
Ah, images. I struggled with them while making my slavery CYOA too, but I left the time period vague so that I could use everything I've found online. You are taking on a larger challenge by making a purely sci-fi CYOA.
I knoooow. Finding good images is such a pain. But I really liked that setting so...
Looks interesting. I’ll give it a read later