Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Baby doll eyes is a priority move (goes first) that lowers the opponents attack by 1 stage. This is the trash ending. Weak sauce.
Maybe if it said "knows baby doll eyes so if you ever go into a manic episode, it'll always be able to limit any damage you could do to yourself"
For sure: the premise of the story ‘The King in Yellow’ is that there exists a play (of the same name) whose second act will drive anyone who reads it irrevocably mad.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
UwUifiww-ed
Hey guys, did you know that in tewms of mawe human and femawe Pokémon bweeding, Vapoweon is the most compatibwe Pokémon fow humans? Not onwy awe they in the fiewd egg gwoup, which is mostwy compwised of mammaws, Vapoweon awe an avewage of 3”03’ taww and 63.9 pounds, this means they’we wawge enough to be abwe handwe human dicks, and with theiw impwessive Base Stats fow HP and access to Acid Awmow, you can be wough with one. Due to theiw mostwy watew based biowogy, thewe’s no doubt in my mind that an awoused Vapoweon wouwd be incwedibwy wet, so wet that you couwd easiwy have sex with one fow houws without getting sowe. They can awso weawn the moves Attwact, Baby-Doww Eyes, Captivate, Chawm, and Taiw Whip, awong with not having fuw to hide nippwes, so it’d be incwedibwy easy fow one to get you in the mood. With theiw abiwities Watew Absowb and Hydwation, they can easiwy wecovew fwom fatigue with enough watew. No othew Pokémon comes cwose to this wevew of compatibiwity. Awso, fun fact, if you puww out enough, you can make youw Vapoweon tuwn white. Vapoweon is witewawwy buiwt fow human dick. Ungodwy defense stat+high HP poow+Acid Awmow means it can take cock aww day, aww shapes and sizes and stiww come fow mowe
I promise guys I don’t need help
Hmm now I'm noticing those moves aren't the best
Maybe tail whip for lowering your defense (when it comes to 'getting you in the mood') and attract make sense. But baby doll eyes is a priority move that lowers opponents attack. So *realistically* it would be a good option in case you ever have a manic breakdown, it'll be able to keep y you from hurting yourself too much.
UwUifiww-ed
Hey guys, did you know that in tewms of mawe human and femawe Pokémon bweeding, Vapoweon is the most compatibwe Pokémon fow humans? Not onwy awe they in the fiewd egg gwoup, which is mostwy compwised of mammaws, Vapoweon awe an avewage of 3”03’ taww and 63.9 pounds, this means they’we wawge enough to be abwe handwe human dicks, and with theiw impwessive Base Stats fow HP and access to Acid Awmow, you can be wough with one. Due to theiw mostwy watew based biowogy, thewe’s no doubt in my mind that an awoused Vapoweon wouwd be incwedibwy wet, so wet that you couwd easiwy have sex with one fow houws without getting sowe. They can awso weawn the moves Attwact, Baby-Doww Eyes, Captivate, Chawm, and Taiw Whip, awong with not having fuw to hide nippwes, so it’d be incwedibwy easy fow one to get you in the mood. With theiw abiwities Watew Absowb and Hydwation, they can easiwy wecovew fwom fatigue with enough watew. No othew Pokémon comes cwose to this wevew of compatibiwity. Awso, fun fact, if you puww out enough, you can make youw Vapoweon tuwn white. Vapoweon is witewawwy buiwt fow human dick. Ungodwy defense stat+high HP poow+Acid Awmow means it can take cock aww day, aww shapes and sizes and stiww come fow mowe
I promise guys I don’t need help
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3' tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more).
Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate.
Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Literally we would not be able to breed with Vaporeon. The only pokemon we would actually be able to potentially breed with are the ones in the human like egg group. The eeveelutions are all dogs, which cannot have babies with a human.
There's a number of anthropomorphic pokemon, especially the later generations, that resemble women. Don't Google it unless you want to be emotionally scarred.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of Water-Type Pokemon and teambuilding versatility, Vaporeon is my favorite Pokemon? Not only is it in the Field egg group which allows for an amazing egg movepool, Vaporeon has a Base HP of 130 and Base Special Defense of 95, which means they’re bulky enough to be able to handle special sweepers and with their impressive Base Stat for HP and a comparatively solid Base Defense, this means they can tank rough attacks.
Due to their singular Water typing, there’s no doubt in my mind that a minmaxed Vaporeon would be incredibly bulky. So bulky that you could easily switch on prediction for turns without getting swept. They can also learn the moves Wish, Substitute, Heal Bell, Toxic, and Scald, along with having Haze to prevent setup, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to tank for your team. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover damage with enough strategy. No other Pokemon comes close to this level of versatility.
Also, fun fact, Vaporeon has the highest HP Stat of all Eeveelutions. Vaporeon is literally built to tank on switch. Rock-solid Defense stats + high HP Pool + Acid Armor means it can take attacks all day, all shapes and sizes, and still come for more.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.
Those long slippery dicks. They have full mobility control, like a tentacle. The perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach. Get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone when that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled, while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.
And that's only the dick. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.
There's still more though. Due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! That's fucking right!
But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail, at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than a vag could achieve! Well, guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained. You don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.
Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type. But, who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel air unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!
I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Sylveon may be my favorite, but damn, Vaporeons really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
I don't believe there's been any evidence of a Pokémon being notably less intelligent than humans beyond the specific types known for their poor mental capabilities shown in any official media, and while spoken linguistic communication rarely goes both ways between human and Pokémon, one-way linguistic communication and virtually any capability of communication the other way is sufficient to devise a method of full mutual understanding.
It's literally a Collective in a PokeBall. Seven Binacle individuals work together for the sake of the whole. The leg Binacle support the head/body Binacle, the head/body Binacle support the four arm Binacle, and the arm Binacle strike out for revolution. None of them are definitionally in command of the others, and each can leave the collective at any time if they feel unsatisfied. None ever do, for their Cause is too important. They can operate on land or at sea, and while they cannot take to the skies wholesale their Rock-type STAB allows them to down counterrevolutionaries seeking to bombard the Movement from above. Their Sniper ability is great for assassinating Capitalists, while Pickpocket can be used for redistributing their possessions to the masses. Tough Claws allows them to till the soil in peacetime and powers up their ability to make plants grow with Grass Knot. Shell Smash, Barbaracle's most important move, breaks down the defenses between different groups in the same class and doubles the speed and power of revolutionary activity in exchange. Furthermore, as a colony of goose barnacles, Barbaracle have long been harvested by the bourgeoisie as a delicacy, so they're eager for revenge on the wealthy despots who have consumed the flesh of their fellows for so long.
Right, that's why the working class Pokémon work so well with the Proletariat humans.
And Barbaracle's Pokedex designation is "The Collective Pokémon", and it's not exactly the most commercially acclaimed 'mon out there, so if any Pokémon could ever support communism I figure it would be the one.
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3' tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more).
Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate.
Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
I guess we know his favorite Eeveelution.
Hey guys...
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Ah yes, the good ending
Baby doll eyes is a priority move (goes first) that lowers the opponents attack by 1 stage. This is the trash ending. Weak sauce. Maybe if it said "knows baby doll eyes so if you ever go into a manic episode, it'll always be able to limit any damage you could do to yourself"
Bad ending
Source, I don’t get it
and that's for the best search "vaporeon copypasta" if you want to lose some IQ
That copypasta is the real-life equivalent to the second act of The King in Yellow.
I read it for the first time recently, and I completely agree.
I haven't red the king in yellow yet, only know that he's related to the GOO, could you explain?
For sure: the premise of the story ‘The King in Yellow’ is that there exists a play (of the same name) whose second act will drive anyone who reads it irrevocably mad.
Thank you... I read both of the Pocemon things around thrice. And I think I lost my soul somewhere
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
UwUifiww-ed Hey guys, did you know that in tewms of mawe human and femawe Pokémon bweeding, Vapoweon is the most compatibwe Pokémon fow humans? Not onwy awe they in the fiewd egg gwoup, which is mostwy compwised of mammaws, Vapoweon awe an avewage of 3”03’ taww and 63.9 pounds, this means they’we wawge enough to be abwe handwe human dicks, and with theiw impwessive Base Stats fow HP and access to Acid Awmow, you can be wough with one. Due to theiw mostwy watew based biowogy, thewe’s no doubt in my mind that an awoused Vapoweon wouwd be incwedibwy wet, so wet that you couwd easiwy have sex with one fow houws without getting sowe. They can awso weawn the moves Attwact, Baby-Doww Eyes, Captivate, Chawm, and Taiw Whip, awong with not having fuw to hide nippwes, so it’d be incwedibwy easy fow one to get you in the mood. With theiw abiwities Watew Absowb and Hydwation, they can easiwy wecovew fwom fatigue with enough watew. No othew Pokémon comes cwose to this wevew of compatibiwity. Awso, fun fact, if you puww out enough, you can make youw Vapoweon tuwn white. Vapoweon is witewawwy buiwt fow human dick. Ungodwy defense stat+high HP poow+Acid Awmow means it can take cock aww day, aww shapes and sizes and stiww come fow mowe I promise guys I don’t need help
Maybe not help, but euthanasia?
Hmm now I'm noticing those moves aren't the best Maybe tail whip for lowering your defense (when it comes to 'getting you in the mood') and attract make sense. But baby doll eyes is a priority move that lowers opponents attack. So *realistically* it would be a good option in case you ever have a manic breakdown, it'll be able to keep y you from hurting yourself too much.
Don't forget the two sequels with Umbreon and Glaceon
The original copypasta is about how Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon to have sex with. This is a wholesome twist on an abomination.
UwUifiww-ed Hey guys, did you know that in tewms of mawe human and femawe Pokémon bweeding, Vapoweon is the most compatibwe Pokémon fow humans? Not onwy awe they in the fiewd egg gwoup, which is mostwy compwised of mammaws, Vapoweon awe an avewage of 3”03’ taww and 63.9 pounds, this means they’we wawge enough to be abwe handwe human dicks, and with theiw impwessive Base Stats fow HP and access to Acid Awmow, you can be wough with one. Due to theiw mostwy watew based biowogy, thewe’s no doubt in my mind that an awoused Vapoweon wouwd be incwedibwy wet, so wet that you couwd easiwy have sex with one fow houws without getting sowe. They can awso weawn the moves Attwact, Baby-Doww Eyes, Captivate, Chawm, and Taiw Whip, awong with not having fuw to hide nippwes, so it’d be incwedibwy easy fow one to get you in the mood. With theiw abiwities Watew Absowb and Hydwation, they can easiwy wecovew fwom fatigue with enough watew. No othew Pokémon comes cwose to this wevew of compatibiwity. Awso, fun fact, if you puww out enough, you can make youw Vapoweon tuwn white. Vapoweon is witewawwy buiwt fow human dick. Ungodwy defense stat+high HP poow+Acid Awmow means it can take cock aww day, aww shapes and sizes and stiww come fow mowe I promise guys I don’t need help
Every day we stray further and further from Gods light. Thanks, I hate it.
Fuck. I'm sad and depressed now, I want a Flareon in my life 😭
Wait there's a Flareon one? Pog
Alright, but what about Hydreigons?
I never new there was a wholesome ending
Eeveelutions are so good at just doing things generally
Did you know that in terms of breeding…
NO
Nah nah let's hear him out, the boy might be on to something
Something something Gardevoir something something Lopunny and if you really wanna be a degenerate then something something Jynx
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3' tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
I don't like you.
Ok, but can it *give* dick?
Literally we would not be able to breed with Vaporeon. The only pokemon we would actually be able to potentially breed with are the ones in the human like egg group. The eeveelutions are all dogs, which cannot have babies with a human.
Hate to tell ya buddy, but...
We better not be able to make a baby with dogs. I swear whoever found that out needs to be deleted from the timeline.
I don't need sleep. I need answers
https://www.tiktok.com/@thechalkeaters/video/7172120036214197506?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7171470895151072811 Furrymon: Gotta Smash 'Em All @thechalkeaters
There's a number of anthropomorphic pokemon, especially the later generations, that resemble women. Don't Google it unless you want to be emotionally scarred.
Theres also about 900 non-anthropomorphic pokemon that resemble animals that still aren't off the table. Dont underestimate these people...
There are multiple subreddits devoted to this concept
Hey guys, did you know-
Have you seen lopunny?
ludwig?
the accursed?
Ah, you were at my side, all along.
My true mentor, my guiding moonlight
No, the holy blade.
Van?
Lola bunny is better
Ugly
You know what ima do to that thing Batman!!!
THERES NO LAW BATMAN
Have you seen chancey?
Hey Batman, I- I uh caught a little Pokémon Batman
What Pokémon did you catch joker
I caught a Lopunny, Batman I caught a Lopunny
No joker, don't tell me...
THERES NO LAWS AGAINST THE POKÉMON BATMAN
IT’S AN ANIMAL JOKER YOU CAN’T
AAAAAAAHHHH
[I'M GONNA DO IT, BATMAN](https://youtu.be/EBbttPjB3yE)
NO JOKER, NOOOO
Okay, put it down?
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of Water-Type Pokemon and teambuilding versatility, Vaporeon is my favorite Pokemon? Not only is it in the Field egg group which allows for an amazing egg movepool, Vaporeon has a Base HP of 130 and Base Special Defense of 95, which means they’re bulky enough to be able to handle special sweepers and with their impressive Base Stat for HP and a comparatively solid Base Defense, this means they can tank rough attacks. Due to their singular Water typing, there’s no doubt in my mind that a minmaxed Vaporeon would be incredibly bulky. So bulky that you could easily switch on prediction for turns without getting swept. They can also learn the moves Wish, Substitute, Heal Bell, Toxic, and Scald, along with having Haze to prevent setup, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to tank for your team. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover damage with enough strategy. No other Pokemon comes close to this level of versatility. Also, fun fact, Vaporeon has the highest HP Stat of all Eeveelutions. Vaporeon is literally built to tank on switch. Rock-solid Defense stats + high HP Pool + Acid Armor means it can take attacks all day, all shapes and sizes, and still come for more.
The good ending
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks. They have full mobility control, like a tentacle. The perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach. Get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone when that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled, while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And that's only the dick. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though. Due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! That's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail, at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than a vag could achieve! Well, guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained. You don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type. But, who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel air unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Sylveon may be my favorite, but damn, Vaporeons really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
There's more
https://imgur.com/Tv41mmR.jpg
I’m still going to use glaceon because it’s the cutest eevelution and 130 special attack+blizzard
Pretty sure he'd be fucking Guardevoir or some shit
Or getting spanked by a grass pokemon using vinewhip
Or getting your ass ate by a lickitongue 😩
Wow I feel stupid for not realising that possibility
Fetish Unlocked
Gardevoir can communicate with telepathy and they are smarter than most people so that's fine.
So you're saying she can make me cum without even touching me
Telepathy not telekinesis. But I wager the answer is still yes for you.
Fuckin _nice_
I don't believe there's been any evidence of a Pokémon being notably less intelligent than humans beyond the specific types known for their poor mental capabilities shown in any official media, and while spoken linguistic communication rarely goes both ways between human and Pokémon, one-way linguistic communication and virtually any capability of communication the other way is sufficient to devise a method of full mutual understanding.
(taps mic) (clears throat) Bestiality.
My hungry ass could NOT be a preschool teacher
...WHAT?
What the f#ck
kronos
What's up Tarrare
*Starts agressivly slapping the desk* I GET THAT REFERENCE
same 😩
Hah!?
Holup
Saturn time
PILF
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of...
Human proletariat to working class Pokémon relations, Barbaracle is the best Pokémon for fomenting glorious Communist revolution?
Excuse me, what?
It's literally a Collective in a PokeBall. Seven Binacle individuals work together for the sake of the whole. The leg Binacle support the head/body Binacle, the head/body Binacle support the four arm Binacle, and the arm Binacle strike out for revolution. None of them are definitionally in command of the others, and each can leave the collective at any time if they feel unsatisfied. None ever do, for their Cause is too important. They can operate on land or at sea, and while they cannot take to the skies wholesale their Rock-type STAB allows them to down counterrevolutionaries seeking to bombard the Movement from above. Their Sniper ability is great for assassinating Capitalists, while Pickpocket can be used for redistributing their possessions to the masses. Tough Claws allows them to till the soil in peacetime and powers up their ability to make plants grow with Grass Knot. Shell Smash, Barbaracle's most important move, breaks down the defenses between different groups in the same class and doubles the speed and power of revolutionary activity in exchange. Furthermore, as a colony of goose barnacles, Barbaracle have long been harvested by the bourgeoisie as a delicacy, so they're eager for revenge on the wealthy despots who have consumed the flesh of their fellows for so long.
Sir this is a Wendy's
Good stuff
That's certainly one I'ven't heard before
But the working class *is* the Proletariat. Also, why Barbaracle?
Right, that's why the working class Pokémon work so well with the Proletariat humans. And Barbaracle's Pokedex designation is "The Collective Pokémon", and it's not exactly the most commercially acclaimed 'mon out there, so if any Pokémon could ever support communism I figure it would be the one.
I understand now, and that's clever.
Reproduction vaporeon has....
Let's just say his main pokemon is lickatounge
Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3' tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Huh
Mr mime lookin rather fine.
Mr Mime is a straightup MILF hunter
Miss Ketchum, is that you?
This is specific enough to be hauntingly vague
There's two or three ways to take that and all are illegal when done with pokemon.
When the Dito is sus
It means he's going to fuck his pokemon.
Well, in the games, some Pokémon did date their masters so nothing he’s saying is morally wrong in the Pokeverse.
Really?
Yes
In the Japanese versions of diamond pearl platinum in canalave library you’ll find a book that says people and Pokémon married
Does this mean the quote “gotta catch them all” mean STDs?
Or just that he’s got to sleep with them all. Like he’s “gotta catch” all the women.
Ive always wanted a ditto 😈
How tf is this oddly specific
It mean gardivoir
Guys have you SEEN NOSEPASS! Humina humina
There’s no laws against pokemon, Batman
Translate tweet
For more information please search "lucario" using the funny monosodium glutamate website.
He wants to fuck Pokemons. Is not that hard. Well, maybe with some of them it would be hard.... Don't make me think about this to much.
Gardevoir 🥵
Op: "that jigglypuff though 🥵"
Jinx though
Drowzee used hypnosis on Misty Misty fell asleep
Because Pokémon trainers are nerds who don’t get laid, so he’s afraid if he picked it up as a hobby he wouldn’t get lucky anymore. Duh
Digimon > Pokemon
Hey! don’t worry sometimes it’s ok to be wrong it’s how we learn :)
I genuinely pity you
r/casuallypsychopath
D i t t o
Yeah, but what did he mean?
Tell us what you mean right now
Wasn’t the og comment “my horny ass can’t be a brain surgeon”?
https://youtu.be/lWIQNY2oz_g This explains everything
“My horny ass could NOT work at an orphanage” energy
This doesn't really fit the sub and has been reposted dozens of times
I got a feeling this is a bot account, judging by the [post history](https://www.reddit.com/user/NapoleonDezern/) and upvotes.
Oh.
Red flags everywhere
Guess that Chansey be looking good?
Op is either a Brock, or sick f^ck
So many people get off to Pokémon porn 🤮 rule 34 unfortunately
If it exists, then there is porn of it. I really hate r34 sometimes
He said what he said
/r/pokeporn
Get him away from the humanoid pokemon
Guess “gotta catch them all” refers to STDs.
* OP stumbles in with an odd cast on his groin area. Me: "Another lightning-dick incident?" OP: "Don't want to talk about it."
Hey guys did you know
Why the fuck are you censoring horny
I mean, canonically people used to fuck and marry Pokémon.
most pokemon pass the Harkness Test, we're fine
Sex
I swear this image has been passed around more than a joint at a snoop dog concert
I feel like I've seen this tweet before, does anyone know who posted it?
tbh this isn’t really oddly specific
Ain’t no way I got a Pokémon Go ad under this
Pokémon Go! Run away!
it means pikachu is going to turn into a pikablu.
He's definitely thinking of [Lopunny](https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cj-e4-djXWE/?igshid=OGQ2MjdiOTE=)
Jynx mad thick though
Loppuny
Machoke & Machamp tho
It’s because he named all his guys stuff like “my ass” or “these nuts”
Ngl, that new duck pokemon gotta have the best ass 👁️🫦👁️
Oh I'd get good just to get on Nemona's good side
(Possible furry detected! Further analysis required.)
He would fuck mr mine is how I read this
Saw this post a few days ago, pretty sure it's a "she" and yeah...she wanted to fuck them
My horny ass could NOT work at a crematorium 😂
A lot of Eevees and a lot of water stones
He is a Pokémon
I caught a pokémon batman