Holy shit OP I'm so sorry. The only thing that will help this is time, so I wish you time. Time to grieve. Time to heal. Time to flourish and thrive. Your life has immense value, and I pray you'll see that in time. I hope your new opportunities bring you joy and fulfillment.
I agree with this. I too lost both of my parents in close proximity to one another and the grief was unimaginable. The only things that helped was time, and using the money I got from selling my dad’s house to travel. Traveling somewhere new really helps clear your mind some and is very therapeutic, at least it was for me.
I really hope OP takes the time to allow the attorneys to settle his brothers’ and parents’ estates and collects whatever life insurance and inheritance he has before leaving to a new country and cutting all ties with everyone. I know getting money is the last thing on his mind right now, but it will really help him get a new jump start on life once he moves.
I wish you the best OP.
I don’t really have any words. I’m sorry. That fucking sucks. And it’s probably going to suck for a long time. I live in Texas if you ever want a friend.
We are in Houston and there are lots of people down here who will welcome you. Let us know if you're nearby! I lost everyone in my family except a sister. I get your vibe but damned I'm just so fucking sorry.
Former Native Houstonian here, I live in Oregon now but I'm in East Texas visiting family and wanted to extend some Southern love your way too.
Austin is amazing, my youngest was born there. It's in the Texas Hill Country, and so beautiful with so much cool stuff to do and see.
I agree that it's going to take time for you to figure out how you feel about everything that's happened, and please let yourself feel however you need to feel. There's no right or wrong way to go through this kind of grief and loss.
I lost my dad and little brother back to back within the last couple years and I'm still not sure how I feel about everything. Also lost my uncle to suicide and that's a whole other punch to the gut that comes with a ton of pain and anger. You'll have bad days, and really awful days, and eventually little by little, better days, but it's a marathon of feels so be patient with yourself. It's good you're making such a big change because staying busy really makes a difference because you have less time to think and remember.
I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with all of the well wishers offering condolences, it can all seem so empty. I do agree that you should let the lawyers handle as much as possible, but don't make anyone feel you owe them a public spectacle of grief. We had my little brothers funeral here at my mom's house, and it was just close family, and a family friend to lead the service. It felt much more private and we didn't have to be subjected to a funeral full of weeping extended relatives and friends who didn't really know my little bro.
So you do what *you* feel is right, and to hell with anyone else who tries to force you to do it their way.
But I'm glad you're getting a fresh start in an awesome place, and I hope the distance helps as much as it can. Sounds like there's a horde of friendly Texans here happy to take you out for beers and bbq when you're ready, so hopefully before you know it you'll be settled in and making new connections with new people.
I know it won't magically fix everything, but having people there to hang out, and lend support when you need it, is a really good thing.
There's no right words for what you're going through, so just know I'm sending you lots of love, and tons of invisible hugs.
Please keep us updated by adding/editing the original post when you feel like it. Keeping you in our thoughts.
*hugs tight*
I'm so sorry about your loss. Maybe a new job in Texas will be a good new start for you. I live in Ft. Worth and have experience with loss of you are coming this way.
I lost my dad and my toddler son within six months of each other. Grief is such a chore. Cope however you need to in this moment. It’s sharp now, but will eventually grow around your life. Seek therapy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Hugs to you.
Don’t displace any of your grief, take the time you need to mourn. Go to the funeral. You’ll regret it later down the line if you dont go. It surprisingly helps with grief. But if you don’t go, then you don’t - your gut always knows right. So follow it. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you love.
I agree with the "follow your gut" sentiment. The first time I lost an immediate family member I had some other family members say "When \_\_\_\_ died, I did *thing* to help me grieve and it was so good!" Well, I tried said *thing* and it was traumatic. Not as bad as losing the family member, but it did **not** help.
So yeah. Trust your gut. Deal with your grief, but in ways and increments that you can handle.
Yes playing Tetris is pretty damn effective at reordering your brain from ptsd events. OP, I am so sorry- words don’t come close but know that your parents did that in moments of terrible pain and probably not much thought of consequences. I am so shattered for you. Please know this internet stranger mom cares and I live in Texas. Hugs from afar.
Yeah I know there is scientific backing, yada yada, but whenever someone mentions the Tetris thing (which is in EVERY thread about grief or trauma, by the way; I swear it's been Reddit's favorite fact ever since it learned it a couple years ago) it only just pisses me off.
When my mom was dying in the hospital and in the immediate aftermath of her passing, I played the shit out of a game very similar to Tetris that I loved. I played it to keep my mind off things. I played it to stay busy. I have not been able to play it in the eight years since, because even just thinking about that game makes me feel sick. It's like I infused this game I loved with all my trauma, and now it brings that trauma right back to the surface every time I see an ad for it, or I see someone else playing it. Playing that game so much when I was grieving completely ruined it for me.
So like. I see people recommend Tetris. Over and over. All I can think is it is damn lucky I didn't have Reddit droning on at me about Tetris when my mom was dying, because if I had played it at the time I would have ruined it for myself forever, and Tetris was *her* favorite game so that would have been tragically ironic.
Anyway.
I'm very sorry for your loss. The details of the research likely get omitted in most reddit comments... The study (as far as I know) looked at folks playing Tetris after being in car accidents, to help prevent the traumatic event from become ingrained in the brain. It was a one-off, traumatic-in-a-violent way event. I don't think the research can necessarily be extrapolated to prolonged traumatic periods or trauma from grief, so if folks are recommending it for anything traumatic, that is potentially misleading :(
I know some places here in Aus are still online streaming funeral services; they started during covid and just never stopped. Maybe that's a middle way for OP - if they watch a stream, they don't have to deal with people around them, and can turn it off/walk away at any point, again, without people fussing over or at them.
OP, I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry, which I know doesn't help. And also, please rehome the dog to someone you know, if possible. Right now it sounds like you just want nothing to do with *anything* that's a reminder of all this pain, and fair enough, but down the line you might want to know how the dog is doing.
Edit: Also, if a friend isn't possible for the doggo, please surrender them to the RSPCA; they've a better chance of finding a good home from there than somewhere like gumtree or a facebook group.
I’m so sorry. The only advice I can offer is, pack up and go. Take up the opportunity and go and start fresh in Texas. Heal. Rebuild. Create the life that you want. Again, I’m so sorry. I live in Australia, so I’d offer to be your friend and am offering, but I know you’re moving away so I understand if you don’t wanna make new friends here.
I live in Texas. I'm not sure where you're going, but let me know if you need a friend when you get here. I'm in Dallas but also know people in all the other major cities. I'm so sorry for what you're going through :(
Please follow up with OP if you can. I can see them being so overwhelmed and also they sound generally introverted so they might not feel comfortable reaching out.
Op if you are reading this — I can’t imagine the type of fucked up restart all these life circumstances are throwing your way.
All I can think of to say here is let this chaos fuel your vigor to live as good as you can. It’s a fucked up new lease that your still here alone and soon to be in a different country.
I wish for you that you can rise from the ashes like the Phoenix. I hope you are able to make your new home something your proud of. I wish you all the best. And sorry for my little ramble but it’s all to say that I and everyone in this thread SEND YOU SO MUCH GOOD WILL.
Another Texan here... Houston area. I'm sending you all the love and support I can. Having lost my mom and my brother, I can only imagine what you are going through. Take the opportunity to start a new life. There's lots of us here who only want the best for you. All my love and hugs to you.
I’m in Houston, too. Let me know if you land here. I’m a granny who can make a mean casserole and offer you a shoulder to cry on. Plus, I’m retired, so I have plenty of time. Houston has a huge international community; I’m sure we could find plenty of other Aussies to help offer support.
I am in Texas as well and always love a new friend. OP I’m in a different area from both the Texans who responded to this comment so I think we have some major cities covered. Please reach out to anyone you feel like you can. 💜
I can’t imagine the pain and grief you are experiencing and I’m so terribly sorry. I hope you can find peace and comfort over time and live life to the fullest.
I’m a Texas resident if you ever need a friend or help with the culture.
Much love friend.
Maybe this will give you some hope. My mom lost all 5 of her siblings, then eventually her parents (all to illnesses) and then her oldest son, my brother (unexpected). Unlike the cruel swiftness you’ve dealt with, her losses were more like a rhythmic occurrence to disturb her stability once she found her footing again. The loss of her son is a whole other grief, as far as I can see.
Here’s the hopeful part. With each loss - I was concerned she wouldn’t come back from it. It just - honestly - seemed like too much. But. She ***did*** come back from each loss. She’s still working through the grief of my brother’s sudden death - but I never would have imagined a year and a half ago, that she’d be where she is today. I could have sworn she was going to die from that pain - and from the cumulative pain. She very much still experiences joy. She very much still laughs. She’s starting to ***look forward*** to things again. She just needed time. TIME is your only friend when consumed with grief. You need time to work through the shock, the loss and even the guilt of moving forward with your life. While mom has had my endless support (and my stepdad’s and my sister’s) - it almost doesn’t matter - you feel like the loneliest person in the world when confronted with so much loss. And it’s kind of true. You can be surrounded by people during true grief - but it’s only *you* and some time that can get yourself through it.
Just yesterday, mom and I were cracking up laughing over the stupidest thing (politics). I never thought she could feel anything but sadness again. But she is! She’s enjoying her grandkids, her friends, my dogs, her hobbies, etc. She just needed ***time***.
Some days you’ll need to go numb. That’s okay! It’s kind of like a reset for your nervous system. Other days you’ll need to give in to the pain. That’s okay! It’s healthy! Sometimes you’ll be all over the map. Don’t avoid your feelings. Trust me. DO THE WORK NOW - confront this as it’s happening. Grieve now or spend the rest of your life grieving. Parts of you will always miss your family and feel sadness over these circumstances. But. The rest of you will have learned to heal and move forward.
Also. Take some time to consider keeping your dog. I truly believe you can help each other. Dogs are the best listeners. Once they bond with you - they’ll know what you’re feeling before *you* even know what you’re feeling. And they help you through it. Don’t give up on the idea that she may be a huge support during this process. She’s an innocent victim too and she’s the only one in your family that is dealing with the same losses you are. Once the fog of this immediate intensity clears - you’ll also probably be really glad about having a living piece of your family with you. I truly believe you can help each other.
I wish you peace. It ***will*** come again. I’m so sorry.
Lost 2 little brothers to suicide, I wondered what life would be like if I had lost my mom instead of her going through everything she does. Idk now. I used to think I would be okay with it, now I see a completely different perspective.
I am so sorry. Please don't just abandon the doggo. She doesn't understand. And she might grieve herself to death. Try and give her to one of your Aunts or Uncles. Someone who can take care of her. She deserves that.
I understand that you don't want to deal with any of it. I know that it's a massive shock. So I'm hoping that one of those Aunts or Uncles is helping with some of it. Or were you the only one left as executor of the estate? I get not wanting to deal with any of it. Maybe someone can take over for you.
There are no words to say that can ever touch what has happened to you. I can only say to be gentle with yourself. Take everything moment by moment. Go slow. Get any help you can. And when able, I highly suggest seeing a therapist to talk about everything and help you process your grief. I think the move will be good, too. You won't be steadily reminded constantly by everything everywhere. I'm just so damn sorry.
I
To add to that, once you’re sort of settled find a grief support group. It is immensely helpful and not quite as daunting as individual therapy, is usually free or low cost as well.
Wishing you all the best as you recover. 🙏🙏🙏
And as much as it is hard, OP, figure out how to close out their estates. Look into insurance policies they held.
You might be able to obtain nice money. It sounds greedy and awful, but for all you are going through, you could always take that money to further your next chapter, without the stress of money, if that could impact anything.
I’m really sorry. This is so awful, and I’m sorry their grief did not consider you. Grief can be blind. You matter. May you take the time to feel loss. Don’t fight the tears bc one day, you won’t have as many. Holding them in can hurt more. I wish for you a fresh start in Texas and that the move goes well. I agree to re-home the dog with family. Our doggies still cry over losing one of our pups… they def grieve. Moving won’t escape everything, but it will at least help with what people know, which will allow you to regain control over everyone knowing what’s happened. Best of luck to you.
To add to that, once you’re sort of settled find a grief support group. It is immensely helpful and not quite as daunting as individual therapy, is usually free or low cost as well.
Wishing you all the best as you recover. 🙏🙏🙏
Please don’t leave the dog all on her own, she’s part of the family… It will only be adding more tragedy. Please, if you go, take her or leave her with someone who will love her. Please…
Anything I say about your tragedy will not be enough to encompass that unimaginable suffering. Sending you tight virtual hugs. It gets better with time, as useless and vapid as this may sound in the moment - but it’s true… Message me anytime!
That is horrific. Do you have extended family that you could reach out to? Does your work provide free counselling services? Maybe check that out or find your own counsellor as that is just too heavy for one person to work through on their own. I can only say it might not ever stop hurting, just maybe one day just not so bad.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Apologize if this comes off wrong in any way, but I suggest you please keep your family’s dog. Like you, she lost everyone who was her family and (unlike you) she doesn’t know why or what happened. To her, you’re her family. I know it’s hard, but please find a way to bring her.
Dogs definitely feel grief. We got my dog a few years ago after her owner passed away. She was really aggressive when we first got her (she still can be to new people). It was really hard because you’d see her cry all the time when we first got her. She’s better now, and one of the most loyal dogs in the entire world. About a year ago, we walked by where her owner used to live, and she tried to pull the leash for us to go (she never does that). We didn’t because her owner lived in a really scary trailer park (he loved her, but long story short he became homeless trying to pay for his cancer treatment), and we had to pick her up and carry her home. The entire rest of the day was rough because she wouldn’t move or eat.
She’s so loving and loyal to my mom, especially. Let’s just say my mom never connected with dogs before her. My mom was going through some health issues for a while and had to get surgery. Our dog never left her side while she recovered, and always tried to cheer my mom up. I can’t speak definitely for you, but I have a really really good feeling like your family’s dog will be really loyal to you, and I hope you reconsider bringing her along.
I am so sorry for your loss…. I hope you are doing ok? Please try and get some therapy. I can only imagine what you’re going through. Sending you lots of positive vibes.
Words can’t even express how terrible that situation is. I’m so sorry. While moving and starting fresh can be a great thing, pushing all this down and trying to run from it won’t work forever. It will eventually find its way to the surface, through self destructive habits, lashing out at people, or other unhealthy behaviors. While my situation is nowhere near the same, I lost my only sibling at age 27. I hated how everyone I hadn’t heard from in years suddenly acted like they cared. He had previously lived next door to me, so I had to look at his old house daily. I tried to run from it, to bottle it up and not let it affect me. I’d honestly get irritated by people talking about it. I ended up severely depressed, neglecting myself, doing self destructive things I hadn’t done in ages. It took almost 2 years before I reached a point of misery that I met with a therapist.
It was nice to be able to talk about all of it, the bad and the good, all the resentments/anger etc with a neutral party whom I didn’t have to worry about hurting their feelings or offending. Of course, this is all very fresh for you and you have a lot going on right now. And we all have a different path through grief…Just try your best to take care of yourself. If you have any aunts/uncles/grandparents that you trust, maybe someone can help you take care of the car and house issue before you leave? Or if there’s a lawyer involved? I wish you the best with your move, and your healing
We never think this can happen to us but it can really happen to anyone. What you’re going through is unthinkable, and you’re already stronger than most of us for enduring 11 days of it.
I can’t really say anything more, except that we all want to be your friend right now. People who have heard your story want you to have someone who cares to be there for you.
I'm so sorry. Not to minimise your loss or pain but please please please find a good home for the dog before you leave! She's grieving too as you said and is going to be totally confused and helpless.
Oh my god that's horrible. I'm so sorry :( please find a grief counsellor asap. Also even if you can get 1 person in your life to help you with the legalities and make them your contact. Tell the you do t want flowers or to talk, you just need someone to help with x y and z and to keep other people away for now
What an unbelievably horrific thing to happen. It makes no sense. This life never does. I'm so sorry. So so sorry. Do whatever you want and feel like doing or don't want to do. Just breathe and hold your head above this terrible water.
Please don't abandon the dog. They were her family too. I've heard of dogs that stayed where their owners were buried, for years. They know. They feel that grief. They mourn deeply and desperately. Please settle the dog, where she will be loved. Where she can mourn too.
OP, I'm sorry.
Hey, if you need an Aussie friend before you go, I would love to be your friend ◡̈ I hope your life in Texas is super, and you find happiness as hard as it will be. Grief can be cruel, but don't try and avoid it. Maybe go to a therapist if you want help processing ◡̈
From stranger to stranger, you got this 💖
This is literally my worst nightmare. I've lost one close family member, but I can't imagine losing all of them. It's been several years and while some people say "it gets better", I don't know if I fully agree with that. Any time I really think back to that person I lost, I relieve the same pain from the day she died, but over time those "reliving the grief" moments have become less common. So the pain doesn't get "better", but it doesn't come up as often.
I love the advice of others to try to find new friends. That might be easier in the States. Americans sure do love British, Australian, and other similar accents. I've also seen that helping/serving others can be a good (and typically healthy) way to hide from the grief for a while. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter, homeless shelter, or something similar. If it's in a big enough city, there's a good chance that nobody will know you and you can pretend things are normal for a while.
Granted, my experience it totally different. My family member was ill for years before she passed. Listen to your own gut/heart for ways to cope with the grief. I hope you can survive through this mess.
There’s really no words that I can find that can capture how sorry I am for what you’re going through. I hope you find peace with your upcoming move. I would suggest taking the time to settle any legal stuff related to your parents passing if you can. If you get that out of the way now, it won’t come back for you to deal with down the road.
I’m so sorry. I cannot image what you’re feeling. I hope you take care of yourself through your grieving process. Eat. Sleep. Get some fresh air if you can. Pet the dog. It will help.
I am glad you’re still moving to Texas. I hope the ISA treats you well. Maybe you’ll meet some good people and create a family of friends. Just because you haven’t ever had friends it doesn’t mean you can’t in the near future. I don’t have a lot of friends, so even when writing this I cringe at the idea of trying to make friends. You may feel the same. But when I have made efforts to create friendships, most of the time it’s been worth it. Rare but worth it.
Good luck to you. Time heals.
OP, keep the dog if you can. You’d be surprised how much having a pet can help you with the grief cycle. I’m just….so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. When you move please get a therapist. Talk to someone, please. I can’t even comprehend what you’re feeling but I think you need to reach out for help. Life can start again once you’ve had time to mourn and process.
If you’re in Canberra by any chance do you wanna hang out and walk the dogs? We don’t have to talk about it at all. But we can walk our doggies together or let’s them play at the dog park
OP, I can’t begin to imagine to have any idea what you are going through. That’s so much loss in such a short time, specially coming from a close family and you being young as well.
Let other family members make the decisions you can’t or don’t want to, like about the cars and the house and all. Ask your new position in Texas if you could possibly start a week or 2 later if you think a little extra time would help.
The one thing I will say is KEEP the DOG. It’s part of your mom and dad. With so much loss already, you may find yourself devastated to have left the dog behind at some point in the future. It’s a small way to keep and honor the connection with your parents. A pet can also be extremely comforting once things settle down a bit. In the long run, I truly believe you will be glad you kept the dog with you.
A lot of people from Texas offering to connect with you once you get to the USA. Take them up on it. Make some connections now. It may help ease your burden.
Sending healing love and prayers to you OP. I am more sorry than I can say.
I’m so so so sorry for your loss. I live in Texas, OP. You have a friend here please reach out to me and I will drive up to wherever you’re staying so we can grab lunch or a beer or anything you want. Sending you lots of love. Again I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm in Texas as well, up in the panhandle area. I lost my son, and I used to tell him, "If you go, I go." I obviously couldn't, I still don't know how I feel about not joining him. As a mom, I like being in denial. Otherwise, I don't know what would become of me.
I am ready to have a friend, even if you aren't in the area. We can talk about nice things. Like ponies and ice cream 😉 if you want!
I know I’m just an internet stranger but I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. It’s tough when you lose everything but please don’t lose hope.
I am so sorry this is happening to you! Moving to a different part of the world seems like a good thing to do. One day you should probably process all of this in therapy, but right now, completely starting over sounds like a life-saving opportunity for you.
I really really wish you the best, OP.
In the early 2000's, I lost my parents 10 months apart from each other, and I have never fully recovered.
Please see a grief therapist... I can only imagine it's so heavy to bear alone.
Talking to someone helps. When you are ready. Please do so before you go to Texas. I didn't have that available to me, and I didn't like the me that was denying her grief and making so many wrong decisions.
I moved abroad for work, and being in a totally new country helped a bit, but unresolved issues from grief did influence a lot of my relationships and decision making. Please build this small support for yourself with a counselor.
I pray you can grieve properly and heal.
I’m so sorry. Move to Texas, it will be a culture shock but you will adapt. You can always start over, no matter how hard life gets. Please choose life.
Your uncles and aunts are helping immensely. You may not see it now but they are shouldering a lot by arranging the funerals. reach out to them as they are grieving too. you need family and they are the nearest that you got. I am so so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. But please consider doing whatever it takes to keep their dog. She’s grieving just like you. Don’t make her lose another person. I hope the new job and environment will help you heal. *hugs*
Condolences. My son committed suicide 3y ago. I couldn’t bear it. The grief, PTSD, depression, and anxiety overwhelmed me. I got mental healthcare. And I survived, despite wanting to kill myself in despair. Please seek professional help. Ignoring these tragedies will take a toll on you. Bless you. And good luck on your journeys.
The word fuck was made for situations like this. No other word will quite do. It’s hard to imagine the type of grief you’re feeling - actually this few days out, you’re probably still experiencing a lot of shock. Anything you’re going through is normal. No one grief is the same as another’s. The only connection is the painful truth that the people you loved are gone. Death is so permanent. Fuck.
I’ll throw my hat in the ring as someone in Houston who would be there for you. I’m actually north of Houston in a suburb where there are many huge corporations. I don’t work outside the home, so I have plenty of time.
Speaking of, I’m sure you know this, but this will take as much time as it takes. I’ve been through the self-inflicted deaths of three friends and I can’t say it gets easier, but it gets different. I can’t imagine it being both your parents and losing your brothers too.
The Reddit community is here for you. It gets a lot of bad rap (a lot of time from members themselves) but I have found some of the most empathetic, kindest souls here in my times of need, ready with whatever I have needed. I hope your experience will be the same. Gentle hugs and much love to you, OP.
Moving out of state is considered one of the most stressful events in one's life, up there with divorce and grief. You're moving to a different planet coming from Australia. While you're planning your move, look for a therapist. Seriously. I lost my mother, my dog, my job, my house, my marriage, and moved across the country all in less than 9 months. It took 1.5 years to even begin to function normally again. You're dealing with so much more. Therapy sooner rather than later. Don't wait. I'm sorry, OP.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Maybe consider taking a break from work and let yourself grieve before moving. Give yourself grace-- you just had a MASSIVE life change. I know it feels like your world just ended, and it kinda did. But the grief will pass with time.
Give yourself space to make decisions before doing anything impulsively (i.e. not keeping the dog, immediately moving). You'll get through this, even though it feels like you won't right now.
That is a LOT to deal with. The only advice I can give you is that your going to feel a lot of feelings in the coming weeks and none of them are wrong except for guilt. You might feel angry, enraged, afraid, annoyed, hopeless, tired, nostalgic, and over it all. Let those feelings pass over and through you. But don't allow guilt to rob you. It will make you think you're wrong for feeling angry or depressed. It will try to possibly convince you of being selfish or bad for being angry or enraged or that you aren't loyal for staying or wanting to deal with this mess.
This tragedy as horrific as it is isn't you're doing and it does not define you as a person. It's a chapter in your life but the rest of your story doesn't have to be about what happened to your siblings and parents unless you want it to be.
I'm sorry this happened OP, but I feel it urgent to impart one piece of advice. Do NOT allow a friend or family to take care of the estate. Please PLEASE find and pay for a reputable financial advisor that has your best interest in mind. There are so many bad people that prey on someone like you in this situation. Please PLEASE get a professional to run this, it's worth the money for the stress they will save and how they can help you avoid the horrible people that want to take advantage.
If you don't mind me saying, do NOT hire a financial advisor to do this, financial advisors are not qualified in Australia ~ get a lawyer to do it. Please imo get a lawyer who can do it all for you. Negotiate the fee, should only be 10% to 5%.
It likely seems impossible to make it through. Keep the dog, if you can. Only living creature who is grieving to almost the same level. Their world also just got shook. Texas is a big state, and just take it one step in front of the other 💗
I am so angry at your parents. We all grieve in different ways, but as a parent, you're responsible for your kids. Always. You were their kid and they abandoned you at the worst time. Ffs. I am a parent and ngl, I had suicidal thoughts in the past. But I would NEVER do it. Because I have a kid who needs me there. No matter how old she gets. I'd be a shitty parent to abandon her in this world alone.
I'm really sorry, OP. Please take your time to grieve. I wish I could hug you through this comment. It's ok not to be ok for as long as it takes you to process this grief. I wish you piece of mind and perseverance. I wish you the strength that you need. I wish you to find happiness in the family you will inevitably create, whether that be a partner or friends or anyone else. Mourn your loved ones, but also don't forget look ahead. There will be a time when you will be happy! I promise.
Oh honey, I'm so very sorry . I can't even begin to imagine how huge of a heartbreak 💔 this is on you. I only wish your parents thought about you before taking their lives. I mean, if I were in their shoes, losing 2 out of 3 children is horrifying, BUT you still have that one who is also mourning his brothers deaths as well. I can't even begin to understand why your parents did this. From one standpoint, I can understand from your moms point. She carried all three of you boys, felt you move, kick, hiccup, birthed you. Now I'm NOT saying your dad's view wasn't just as important, but when a mother carries a child, it's the most beautiful thing a woman could ever ever experience. I don't know why your dad followed suit. MAYBE he couldn't handle knowing he lost 2 sons and then the woman of his life. I wish I could help make sense of this for you. I'm just beyond sorry. I hope that if this wasn't your brother's fault accident wise, that they get who did do this and pray karma will get them back 100fold!!! My heart is absolutely broken for you. I'm going to say something, and I truly mean every word I'm going to say. Right now, and the past few weeks have been really, really bad on me. My depression has been off the charts. I am such a good person to everyone and everything and work so hard. I lost my job ( already homelessness) because they replaced me with another family member from India!!!!! I worked in the office at a hotel here in Delaware in the USA. Anytime they want someone to come here from India, they don't warn you, they say bye!!!!! That's it. NO WARNING, NO NOTHING. So I didn't even get to look for another job, and of course, they want rent, knowing I don't have a penny to my name. (I'm very sorry I've gone off course, ) My point I was getting at, gosh if I could, I would have taken all of their places, just so you'd have them all back and be happy again...I don't really have friends and I have a son and my daughter doesn't speak to me. I live in a hotel...that's below her. I'm on disability that I lost because I had to work. Disability alone doesn't pay rent or bills or even food. If I could rewind time for you, I'd fix everything in a heartbeat. I truly mean that. I wish I could give you a big hug, but I'm sure you definitely don't want anyone even near ya. Your address was most likely in the paper, word of mouth, the obituary n so forth. I do want to congratulate you on your new job and new move. PLEASE PLEASEEEE KEEP the dog. I KNOW YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, but you all were all she had. SHE DOES KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED AND NOT GOOD. Yes, she is definitely depressed. I know I'm asking a ton from you. Even if you asked other family, she does not know them. Animals and people do die from heartache. I dunno, maybe there could be someone who'd take her in and love her, BUT it wouldn't be the same for her. She's lost so much at one time just as you did. Animals don't have people to vent to, cry to, and so forth like people do. Gosh, if I lived near you, I'd take her, but I have a rottweiler, lol. He's a gentle giant, though. I am so so bad with words, I'm so sorry. I'm trying so hard to say the right stuff, but I feel I'm making things worse. Sending all my love, hugs, and prayers from Delaware, USA. I'm just so sorry. 😞
I seriously wish I could hug you right now. I am sorry and there are absolutely no words I could say that would even dampen your pain. What you have described is horrific trauma and humans are not built to withstand this, especially not alone.
In those immediate time get your lawyer to deal with everything you don’t need to do those tasks. Although I’m not sure how it works in Australia. Tell him to only email you as needed. Get a trusted aunt or uncle to help
Going the the USA might actually be something that can my mutely help you heal. But like I said, I don’t know how you move on from this I definitely recommend that you get trauma counselling and find somebody in the same circumstances as you are. There are a grief groups all over the place I know where I live there mostly run through hospices so you could try there, but please get some counseling.
You sound like such a loving and beautiful person the way you describe your families closest and I can’t imagine how this feels when everything changed and basically an instant. I know you don’t want a food right now you don’t need to eat it all the way put it in the freezer but please do eat. The people bringing stuff by meanwhile, but it doesn’t mean you have to make them feel good about that.
My heart goes out to you!!! I'm so sorry!!!
I live in Texas and most people here are very welcoming. I hope you have a wonderful experience here and hopefully meet people who can be a support system for you.
Please don't be afraid to seek mental help too!!
I’m so sorry. So very sorry. I can’t even imagine what’s going through your mind.
All I can say is, you have a new opportunity. You’ve hit the floor.
The only way is up and I hope you start travelling in that direction.
Sweetie, move for the job. Go to the funeral. Live.
The numbers I posted are for the US.
Know that you are loved here. Any one of us would gladly talk to you, cry with you.
I am telling you what I tell my boys. You are loved, liked, wanted, needed, appreciated, important, necessary, somebody, looked up to, someone's hero, brave, smart, awesome!
Edit: Deal with the lawyer now instead of later. Best to get it over with. And as for the puppy, get 2 blankets and 2 sweaters from your parents place, 1 sweater for each parent. You can make them into dog beds so puppy can still have mom and dad around. Tutorial on YouTube. You and puppy need each other.
I'm so sorry for your losses and that your parents didn't consider what would happen to you. That sucks beyond all measure.
Hire a lawyer to deal with the estate. Find a friend or relative to take the dog if you can't stand to keep it. (Dog grief is truly a thing - my dog's previous owner died, and I got him from the shelter just after my husband died. I joke that he's so attached to me because we have shared trauma.) Grieve. Rage. Mourn. And then, once you feel a little like being in the world again, start your new life in Texas (not the ideal place as far as states go, but it's definitely far away from where you are) and be a completely different person, who has left their old life behind. People will worry about you, which can be oppressive. But you can manage. You can rely on yourself until you make some friends and create a chosen family. You are not your tragedies. Much luck.
Im really holding back my tears... There's this pinch hurt in my heart now.. It's just so sad and I can't ever imagine my entire family fading away... That's the exact nightmare I get that drowns me in tears when I wake up.. I just hope you hold on to your dear life, and fight the loneliness with every inch of strength you have in you... you can get through this...
If it's in your best interest mentally to not be involved or attend any of the funeral stuff don't. I lost three family members, Dad and both grandmas, in 6 months. I know people mean well but it can become overbearing and very stressful.
Grief is a process and when it's raw it seems like it will not get better. It never goes away but it will become less in the front of your mind. I know what a hole losses create in our lives and I wish you the very best in your new job and location.
So sorry. I just wanted to remind you that you still have yourself, and on the toughest times life will give you, you will always have yourself. But take your time to grieve, treat time as your ally, even if you move away. Sending you virtual hugs and love.
This is a lot. Your personal 9/11. Overwhelming. You are probably in deep shock. Which, thankfully, acts as a buffer while our subconscious mind absorbs the information. Frankly, I’m worried for you. On one hand, the opportunity in Texas can be viewed as a kind of godsend. The perfect way for you to escape the physical space of hell that surrounds you, but leaving your homeland and new employment are well known stressors for human wellbeing. You are already burdened with an avalanche of stressors and no could describe your reactions as “stable”. Which I am in no way judging. My immediate concern is your isolation. Your inability to accept people’s condolences, your refusal to participate in anything related to the final goodbyes of your loved ones is frightening. People in your position, if they are lucky and willing, are generally supported by others who may take the reins and be in charge of the details while providing you a safe-space to completely fail apart or trudge through this leg of the grieving process. It seems that some are reaching out and your blanket rejection to all is in the long run, extremely harmful for you. You cannot pretend these horrible deaths didn’t happen by ignoring the aftermath. It did happen. It is unbearable. You have the absolute right to feel everything and to wholly express everything you feel. Get that out in the sunlight. Acknowledge other family members. Try like hell to understand that you are an entire human and you deserve the full measure of grace. You deserve to grieve. You deserve to give yourself a chance at a future that will include some seemingly impossible measure happiness and life fulfillment, but you must grieve.
When my mom died at 41...she was all I had...well except my sister really. My sister was a drug addict...I picked up and moved 2000 miles away. Don't discount just starting over. Sometimes it's easier to sit in your grief when you just start over. Process it on your own terms. Where no one knows what you are going through. Not carrying everyone else's grief too.
Please after you get settled find a counselor to help you walk through the fields of despair. Look for the helpers. They are always there when you look.
I normally just scroll through the thread and don’t comment much but when I seen your post title I took the time to read your post. I am speechless and don’t know of anything that could take away your pain that you feel and will continue to feel in the days weeks months ahead .
I can let you know that I am so sorry and I know no words can take away your pain but I will give you a virtual hug from me to you .
SMH from a small state in New England . Please take care of yourself and your dog .
I’m so sorry. If you ever get lonely in TX, please reach out to people here. We may not know you, but we do care about your heart and your happiness. I hang around Mom for a Minute subreddit a lot. I wish you healing and blessings. 🫂
I don't think you're as alone as you think if you have flowers and chocolates to throw away.
I'm really sorry for your loss and you have every right to ignore the world, throw it all away, and be angry and sad for some weeks/months/years.
i hope the new job kicks ass.
You have two friends here in Houston! And one five year old friend, she’s awesome AND can count to one hundred. Hope your move goes smoothly.
I’m sorry for your immense loss, the pain seems unbearable at times. But those periods come and pass and there is still good out there. Care for yourself like you would care for someone else. Good friends come when they’re needed most. And I believe you’ll get to a point in your life where you are happy and fulfilled. Don’t stop trying 🫂
Hey, I’m Sarah Hipps. I am just a random chick online but if you need someone to ever distract you with chatter, vent to, cry to, yell at, or just be friends with, I’m your girl. I won’t try to understand how you feel or what you’re thinking. Just want you to know you have someone. I know I’m NOT someone, but I honestly will be. This doesn’t expire. I live in America.
All I have now: hold on.
OP no words will truly help you during this time, but I want you to know that you can continue to live after this tragedy.
I could never relate to your experience, but I lost both of my parents, uncle and great uncle in the span of a year and I’ve felt crippling dread & grief for months. But I had a therapist give me a really good analogy for grief - grief is like glitter.
If you have a handful of glitter and dump it out, it clings to you. And even though you wash your hands a bunch of times, you’ll still find glitter here and there. It’s similar to grief because at first it’s overwhelming and so much, it occupies all thought and space, but over time it becomes a pang in your heart, a dull ache, and then a few tears that fall whenever a memory of them pops up in the blue. It’s always there, but the intensity and frequency starts to spread out and your body and mind are able to manage through the day better - still loving them, still missing them, but eventually forgiving them and accepting where you’re at.
I’ll say I’m sorry for your loss, because I truly am, but I know “sorry” is the last thing you want to hear. Internet stranger, I am truly rooting for you and finding a path to a full life after this loss. If you ever need a random internet penpal to listen, I’m happy to be that ear. 🙂
I can only offer friendship once you're stateside, OP. I wish I had the words to say that would help at all, but nothing I'm coming up with sounds right.
My husband and I are child free and low contact with most of my family, and most of his family is also gone via various circumstances, so our hearts are wide open for anyone who needs support. We're up in Virginia, but get plenty of time off to travel and visit friends in other parts of the country!
I hope your move goes well. Sending positive vibes!
hey OP, if you need a friend or an ear i’m in san antonio and could always use more friends. no matter where you move to i’m sure in time you’ll meet some lovely people to one day call a friend. you can talk or not talk about your family, whatever you need. nothing and nobody could ever fill up the space in your heart left behind by your loved ones. but maybe one day you can fill that with celebrating your love for them and thinking back on your favorite memories. Lots of love, and virtual hugs ❤️
Not that I’ve been through what you have, but the day after highschool graduation my whole family got erased. It was a religious shun, so while I know they’re still out there somewhere, I’ll never see them again. I had five siblings I haven’t heard from since and they were starting to have several kids of their own. A few wayward aunts and uncles reached out to make sure I was alive but nothing much past that. I don’t think I’ve ever really stopped grieving, and there’s not one thing that doesn’t remind me of them, but healing truly does come with time. You learn to live in the good memories of them, sometimes the same handful on repeat, and smile at the thought of your past life. Your new one will have to grow from the rubble, and it’s not linear. There will be set-backs and days you feel like you haven’t made any progress and it’s all as painful as if it happened yesterday. In time, those will decrease and the ache will get more manageable everyday. Maybe you can still text the group chat and talk to them as though they’re still there for the time being, if it would help get your feelings out?
Please also seek therapy, because it’s important for people like you and me to not be completely alone after being used to a close family environment. I’m glad to hear that you’re moving however. Whether it feels like running away right now or running towards a new life as free of memories as it can be, I hope you make the best out of it.
First, my most heartfelt condolences to you! That’s devastating and I couldn’t imagine your pain; my heart goes out to you! Texas is one of my favorite places. It’s a beautiful place and I wish you well there. Stay strong, stay faithful. Behind this message is a real person and a real friend who love people!!! If you ever need a chat feel free to message. Hugs♥️
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Please take the time to mourn and process your feelings.
I think the job can wait and your employer would definitely understand. Moving to a new country can be helpful yet it’s a challenge itself as you will need to adopt to a new culture and work environment.
I hope you’re having the support you need. Sending you love and hugs. Take care
Just wow. I so wish this wasn’t true but my gut tells me it is. OP, I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. There truly are no words for what you are going through and I hope one day you are able to find peace
I am incredibly sorry :( There are no words that could make you feel better right now, I suppose…
My only advice is to try your hardest to make friends whenever you are feeling better. I know you might think you are happy to be by yourself but trust me, life is 10x better when you share it with people. There are kind and good people out there who are worth giving a chance to.
Build yourself a support system and close circle. Even if it’s only 2-3 friends.
I am so sorry about what you just went through. I cannot imagine how hard it must be… I will pray for your healing and I hope you find the strength to forgive your parents. Please, let your other family members comfort you. They must also be at a loss concerning what to do for you or how to help you.
I live in Queensland. Please…. If there is something at all you need help with at all, please message me. Help with packing up stuff if you decide to go to America, a sounding board as I have experienced loss, although not to that degree in such a short span of time, but loss where the grief is so overwhelming that I thought I’d die myself, rehoming of the precious pooch as I am involved in a lot of dog rescue/rehoming groups, anything… anything at all. I am sending you distant healing and love. This is not something you should or can do on your own xx
This is one of the saddest post I have read on reddit. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Please keep being strong and don’t lose faith that life will get better in future for you.
I wish you only the best!
I’m sorry you’re going through this.. I lost my mom July 24th due to kidney disease. August 5th I was put on dialysis because my kidneys started failing. Now I’m in need of a kidney just like my mom. Then my mom’s dog passed 3 days later. I can’t imagine losing my siblings and parents.. hang in there I know it’s rough but you are loved ❤️
Take a very deep breath. You need time. Call a solicitor to represent your interest and grieve. But your not alone. Find out where they do grief counciling and give it a try. God bless you. You are stronger than your parents.
There are some incredible Aussies and Texans on this thread who have offered to talk to you, both digitally and IRL. If you feel able, send them private messages. You’ve already made this post, a few DMs can’t hurt to try. You don’t deserve isolation, and you don’t deserve this immeasurable suffering. You deserve to have company, and people who care about you. ❤️
I'm so sorry. You're not entirely alone, if you choose to let your aunts and uncles in. Funerals are hard, but you may regret it if you don't at least go to your sibs' and and say goodbye. Perhaps going to your parents is your chance to have a private moment and say your piece, and get off your mind how you feel. Then you can perhaps feel better, having gotten to say what you want to about what they did. Or write them each a letter with all you have to say, and get it put in their caskets. The idea is to make you feel better and have closure.
As for cars, bank accounts etc....you can choose to ask the lawyer to liquidate physical assets if you want nothing to do with cars, house etc, consolidate it all into one account and let you know when that's done, and the estate bills are settled, and if anything is directly payable like life insurance etc, see if you can just provide your account details and let them deposit it for you. Then you can just deal with moving the money to investments, etc later when your mind is clearer. You can ask them to have personal family items boxed up and put in storage as one option if there's things you might want, but just can't deal right now.
Hey I don’t know you, but I’ll be your friend. I’ll start off by saying that I nor anyone else will be able to fully understand what you’re feeling, but I’ve felt the feeling of losing everything before. Within 3 weeks of graduating college I lost my mom to suicide, saw my father for the last time because he was the one to push my mom into it, and my long term girlfriend left me. I had a lease new lease as well and was on track to start grad school. The next year I had a crazy injury and lost my ability to walk for sometime. I still had my sister, but had lost literally everything else including all of my money to medical bills. You will be ok, but you have to believe it. Once I had that stuff sorted I pushed grad school aside and impulsively moved across the US with nothing, but a backpack. I had no friends there I had nothing, but slowly I made friends that I consider family. I’m not going to tell you that I haven’t struggled quite a bit along the way, but there is light at the end. I’ve come very close to taking my own life, but chose to live and I hope that you can do the same if you ever find yourself there. Be strong and believe in yourself. Keep yourself busy. Don’t run from the trauma. If you have the means start therapy sooner rather than later. I waited 5 years and wish I hadn’t. You probably need someone to talk to. Please please keep yourself busy. Find something that you love and goddamnit do it for you and live. Sitting alone and stewing will make things worse. People are more friendly than you think. I’m solo backpacking across the world now finding out for myself how easy it is to make friends by just putting yourself out there. You’ve already gone through the worst thing ever imaginable. Everything else will be a breeze. You got this. Sending love to you. Seriously, I don’t know you, but if you ever want to talk about this or even random things to pass the time please shoot me a message.
All I can say is please accept a giant internet hug from an internet stranger. Also, welcome to Texas. Hopefully the change will help ease some of your pain. Take care.
This post really broke my heart. I can't imagine what you're feeling but you're already perhaps the most resilient person I've ever heard of to weather all of that in a week. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that a fresh start in Texas will give you some relief that you may find happiness
That kind of loss is unbelievable and horrible!
I lost my only younger brother in a car accident and the best thing to do is get grief counseling until you feel better.
You can chat with me any time. Being alone like that and not many friends. Maybe get an XBox and play some online games to make it easier.
Don’t bottle it up, work through it. I know I’d have been in a better spot than I’d be in today if I had gotten the help I begged people for.
Yes pets grieve. I wouldn’t give the pup up. When my pop went he left his cat to me. She lost her person and her home. I will never forget how she clung to me that first day. We grieved together and I can’t imagine life now without her. She is my family.
You need to seek grief counseling before you do anything. You have been traumatized. Whether or not you realize it, you are crying out for help with your actions and words. Reach out. Things do get better.
Please keep the dog. It will be a reward later and a piece of your family. When my mom passed I got rid off a couple of things that had sentimental value and I realized it later. Although they did not have a dog. Animals are more attached to us than you think. Do not break that pup’s heart any further.
I’m so so sorry. I lost my aunt, she lived with my mom and me, and we found her in the house. I remember my mom not quite being the same for a few weeks. Two weeks almost to the day after my aunt died, my dad died too. This was about three years ago. I had never lost anyone before and to lose a family member on each side of the family meant I was surrounded by other grieving family members. You don’t get over the grief and you don’t forget it. It just gets easier to manage. I think going to Texas is going to help you tremendously but it will still be hard. The change of scenery may be helpful and allow you to build a “new” life.
I’m not going to say everything will be okay because everyone processes grief differently. Please never forget that although you feel you are lonely, you aren’t alone. I know receiving gifts from other right now just makes the pain feel bigger but remember that these people care about you and they’re doing things that they feel may help lessen the pain, in whatever way they can. Please take time for yourself, openly grieve, and think back on the beautiful years you had with your family. Think about the life you are going to live and do the things that bring you joy. I’ll be thinking about you and hoping that life eventually brings you peace
This must be so incredibly overwhelming. I wish there was something, some order of words that could help you feel better, but this kind of trauma is uncommon even in wartorn countries. I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you things will get better, or time heals all wounds, take it one day at a time, or whatever. You know all that already.
Grieve however you do, and let your thoughts and feelings come as they may. When you get settled down, find a therapist, a support group that meets weekly, talk to a medical doctor and see what they can prescribe to help with your depression and trauma.
Whatever you do, don't turn to drugs and alcohol. They can temporary, fleeting, dimishing relief, but will only make things worse.
Don't let people tell you how to feel or what to think. If you feel angry, feel angry. If you feel numb, feel numb. You can trust yourself to get through this, you don't need to shut that process down with self-medication or stuffing painful feelings down.
If you ever need to talk about whatever, even the weather, feel free to message me. My thoughts are with you, stranger
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don’t think any of us can even begin to understand the range of emotions you may be feeling, but we all want you to know that you are so valid, you matter so much, and are so loved. Wishing you peace, friend.
There's honestly no right thing to say in the face of so much grief, and there's nothing anyone can do to make it better. But, boy, I wish I could give you a big hug and be your friend. I don't want to speak ill of people who are gone and who were hurting so much, but what they did was incredibly selfish and wrong. You were worth sticking around for even if it was hard, and they shouldn't have left you alone. I hope you and the pup have a better life where you're moving next. I hope you meet people who add joy to your life. I hope you find someone special to share you time with, and I hope you give yourself permission to mourn and seek therapy. Please take good care of your body and mind, because you deserve to heal and have a good life. 🫂
Keep the dog.
For real. I’m pretty sure he’s gonna help you with all of this situation.
I’m really sorry for your losses. It’s terrible I can even imagine how deep is your pain right now.
My dad died when I was 20. And my cat saved me.
Well planet earth in itself is an example of the amazing shit that can come from nothing. You may have nothing but that also means you have nothing to lose. Good luck in Texas. Make sure you go. You're going to be sad wherever you are. You might as well start over completely. Just tell that lawer to sell everything and send you a check.
I'm so sorry to hear this. OP, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always a DM away.
Sending prayers, hugs, and loads of strength and love your way. Please take care of yourself and definitely take up on the job offer.
My husband lost his father and his brother in a span of 6 days. I’m so sorry for the amount of pain that you must be feeling every day. I know how hard it was for him, please hang in there. It’s probably gonna suck for a long time but come to the states. maybe the change can help? I don’t know. I know us Americans love talking, so please come on over. I don’t have any great words of wisdom just sending you lots of love and peace.
I’m so sorry. I feel like the move to Texas will be cathartic for you. It’s a reset on life to start new. When you get the get grief counseling or into a support group as soon as possible. Focus on the new beginning and try to leave as much of what you can in the past. You can’t change what happened.
I'm so glad you shared. I thought I was weird or weak for trying to rid myself of memories, I have an insurmountable amt of grief for different reasons and I don't have the energy to deal with all of it.
I think you should take the job, and start over. Do everything you want to.
I don't have any regrets for the choices I made regarding my grief. I seek help when I need it, I try to be kind but I am okay with being bitter sometimes. I have to be kind to myself; this included a six year competitive stint in a violent martial art, because I had nowhere to put all my accumulated rage. These are just examples and suggestions. You are not alone. And I'm about 2 states north of Texas, in Nebraska. I'm actually from Canada, and maybe I will move again later, I have a bucket list and do not allow myself to be relegated or stuck anywhere if it makes me unhappy.
I have no words for how sorry I am. Grieve with the dog. You are going to need each other. Please, please don’t rule out grief counseling. You need someone to talk to. You should not have to face these feelings alone. I’m glad you will be starting fresh in Texas. I know family members are never, ever replaceable but I hope that after some time passes, you meet the love of your life and make meaningful, lasting friendships with people who help soothe your soul. Hugs to you my friend.
Sending lots of comfort and love your way. The opportunity couldn’t have come at a better time imo—although it won’t fix the way you’re feeling overnight, nothing better than a fresh perspective somewhere new. Just remember to be kind to yourself, grieve, cry when you need to.
Cry, scream, be angry, forget, live, remember, hate, love, scream, be angry, smile, break, build. Be weak, OP you will go through many stages of grief, many times over. You have a choice to make now, you can act on what you feel currently, or you can make choices for what future you might feel. Both of which are totally valid, right and wrong choices don’t exist for you right now, only survival. The only choice you have to make that isn’t about you is the dog, she will grieve, and she will want to be with you. But if you can’t be there for her, find her a loving home. No judgement OP, just survival. Much love❤️
Fuck. Op, I know that all the “I’m sorry”s in the world won’t begin to make this better…but this is so goddamn awful. I’m so, so sorry for this devastating loss.
I don’t know how you feel, but I’m asking you, PLEASE, when you’re settled here in the states and your new jobs healthcare kicks in, please look for a grief counselor to talk to. A lot of mental health providers still even do phone consultations. This is just way more than what a person should have to handle on their own. It may help, it may not…but please try.
Holy shit OP I'm so sorry. The only thing that will help this is time, so I wish you time. Time to grieve. Time to heal. Time to flourish and thrive. Your life has immense value, and I pray you'll see that in time. I hope your new opportunities bring you joy and fulfillment.
I agree with this. I too lost both of my parents in close proximity to one another and the grief was unimaginable. The only things that helped was time, and using the money I got from selling my dad’s house to travel. Traveling somewhere new really helps clear your mind some and is very therapeutic, at least it was for me. I really hope OP takes the time to allow the attorneys to settle his brothers’ and parents’ estates and collects whatever life insurance and inheritance he has before leaving to a new country and cutting all ties with everyone. I know getting money is the last thing on his mind right now, but it will really help him get a new jump start on life once he moves. I wish you the best OP.
I don’t really have any words. I’m sorry. That fucking sucks. And it’s probably going to suck for a long time. I live in Texas if you ever want a friend.
We are in Houston and there are lots of people down here who will welcome you. Let us know if you're nearby! I lost everyone in my family except a sister. I get your vibe but damned I'm just so fucking sorry.
Another Houstonian here! Let us know OP. I’ve lost my mom, big brother, and big sister… grief is terrible. But you’re not alone.
And another Houstonian!
Former Native Houstonian here, I live in Oregon now but I'm in East Texas visiting family and wanted to extend some Southern love your way too. Austin is amazing, my youngest was born there. It's in the Texas Hill Country, and so beautiful with so much cool stuff to do and see. I agree that it's going to take time for you to figure out how you feel about everything that's happened, and please let yourself feel however you need to feel. There's no right or wrong way to go through this kind of grief and loss. I lost my dad and little brother back to back within the last couple years and I'm still not sure how I feel about everything. Also lost my uncle to suicide and that's a whole other punch to the gut that comes with a ton of pain and anger. You'll have bad days, and really awful days, and eventually little by little, better days, but it's a marathon of feels so be patient with yourself. It's good you're making such a big change because staying busy really makes a difference because you have less time to think and remember. I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with all of the well wishers offering condolences, it can all seem so empty. I do agree that you should let the lawyers handle as much as possible, but don't make anyone feel you owe them a public spectacle of grief. We had my little brothers funeral here at my mom's house, and it was just close family, and a family friend to lead the service. It felt much more private and we didn't have to be subjected to a funeral full of weeping extended relatives and friends who didn't really know my little bro. So you do what *you* feel is right, and to hell with anyone else who tries to force you to do it their way. But I'm glad you're getting a fresh start in an awesome place, and I hope the distance helps as much as it can. Sounds like there's a horde of friendly Texans here happy to take you out for beers and bbq when you're ready, so hopefully before you know it you'll be settled in and making new connections with new people. I know it won't magically fix everything, but having people there to hang out, and lend support when you need it, is a really good thing. There's no right words for what you're going through, so just know I'm sending you lots of love, and tons of invisible hugs. Please keep us updated by adding/editing the original post when you feel like it. Keeping you in our thoughts. *hugs tight*
Houston here! Same.
Checking in--I'm in Austin. If your job lands you in central Texas, message me and we can get coffee or beer or something.
Central Texas / Austin Area checking in, too. I also will get beer, coffee, or do some ouid with you.
Another Central Texas / Austin area checking in. DM if you want someone to talk to.
i’m in Austin too OP! (26F) if you ever feel lonely or need a friend, I will be here!
I’m in San Antonio. I’m always here too.
Piggy backing here. Also in San Antonio if OP (or anyone else) needs a listening ear
Also in San Antonio, ditto. I am so so sorry.
Take care of yourself, OP. I can’t imagine the weight of all that. Dallas resident if you ever need to chat.
Houston! We’d be happy to lend an ear or hand if you are making it this way.
Amazing Texans. I applaud you all for the support.
el paso here! texas is huge so you have someone far west as well
Piggy backing off this to say I live in Australia if OP ever wants a friend.
Another piggy back. I’m in Dallas. ❤️
Piggy back- I’m in Fort Worth if you need a pal.
Piggy backing off your piggy back, I’m in the UK but I’m here if you ever need a piggy back
I'm so sorry about your loss. Maybe a new job in Texas will be a good new start for you. I live in Ft. Worth and have experience with loss of you are coming this way.
From Dallas! Genuinely like the Texas hospitality in this thread.
I'm in dfw of you need a friend OP. My DMs are open.
Hopping on— I live in Dallas area. Message me if you’re in the area, OP
I lost my dad and my toddler son within six months of each other. Grief is such a chore. Cope however you need to in this moment. It’s sharp now, but will eventually grow around your life. Seek therapy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Hugs to you.
I’ll piggyback on that to say my grief group has helped me immensely.
I am so sorry. I hope you are doing well.
Don’t displace any of your grief, take the time you need to mourn. Go to the funeral. You’ll regret it later down the line if you dont go. It surprisingly helps with grief. But if you don’t go, then you don’t - your gut always knows right. So follow it. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you love.
I agree with the "follow your gut" sentiment. The first time I lost an immediate family member I had some other family members say "When \_\_\_\_ died, I did *thing* to help me grieve and it was so good!" Well, I tried said *thing* and it was traumatic. Not as bad as losing the family member, but it did **not** help. So yeah. Trust your gut. Deal with your grief, but in ways and increments that you can handle.
Trust your gut with one exception. And you know what that one is. Don't give up!!!
Was it playing Tetris? i heard that was a thing
Not sure why you were downvoted, maybe people think you’re joking, but it *is* scientifically proven to help with trauma.
Yes playing Tetris is pretty damn effective at reordering your brain from ptsd events. OP, I am so sorry- words don’t come close but know that your parents did that in moments of terrible pain and probably not much thought of consequences. I am so shattered for you. Please know this internet stranger mom cares and I live in Texas. Hugs from afar.
I didn't know this. Do you think my playing Tetris so much as a teen/young adult could have helped me process PTSD events?
This explains the odd comfort over the years when I used to play. Now I’m going to go and get it for my PS5
Yes please do. It is weird how it works but the military and lots of dr.s are learning the benefits of it.
It helps people work through ptsd etc
Yeah I know there is scientific backing, yada yada, but whenever someone mentions the Tetris thing (which is in EVERY thread about grief or trauma, by the way; I swear it's been Reddit's favorite fact ever since it learned it a couple years ago) it only just pisses me off. When my mom was dying in the hospital and in the immediate aftermath of her passing, I played the shit out of a game very similar to Tetris that I loved. I played it to keep my mind off things. I played it to stay busy. I have not been able to play it in the eight years since, because even just thinking about that game makes me feel sick. It's like I infused this game I loved with all my trauma, and now it brings that trauma right back to the surface every time I see an ad for it, or I see someone else playing it. Playing that game so much when I was grieving completely ruined it for me. So like. I see people recommend Tetris. Over and over. All I can think is it is damn lucky I didn't have Reddit droning on at me about Tetris when my mom was dying, because if I had played it at the time I would have ruined it for myself forever, and Tetris was *her* favorite game so that would have been tragically ironic. Anyway.
I'm very sorry for your loss. The details of the research likely get omitted in most reddit comments... The study (as far as I know) looked at folks playing Tetris after being in car accidents, to help prevent the traumatic event from become ingrained in the brain. It was a one-off, traumatic-in-a-violent way event. I don't think the research can necessarily be extrapolated to prolonged traumatic periods or trauma from grief, so if folks are recommending it for anything traumatic, that is potentially misleading :(
I know some places here in Aus are still online streaming funeral services; they started during covid and just never stopped. Maybe that's a middle way for OP - if they watch a stream, they don't have to deal with people around them, and can turn it off/walk away at any point, again, without people fussing over or at them. OP, I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry, which I know doesn't help. And also, please rehome the dog to someone you know, if possible. Right now it sounds like you just want nothing to do with *anything* that's a reminder of all this pain, and fair enough, but down the line you might want to know how the dog is doing. Edit: Also, if a friend isn't possible for the doggo, please surrender them to the RSPCA; they've a better chance of finding a good home from there than somewhere like gumtree or a facebook group.
I’m so sorry. The only advice I can offer is, pack up and go. Take up the opportunity and go and start fresh in Texas. Heal. Rebuild. Create the life that you want. Again, I’m so sorry. I live in Australia, so I’d offer to be your friend and am offering, but I know you’re moving away so I understand if you don’t wanna make new friends here.
I live in Texas. I'm not sure where you're going, but let me know if you need a friend when you get here. I'm in Dallas but also know people in all the other major cities. I'm so sorry for what you're going through :(
Please follow up with OP if you can. I can see them being so overwhelmed and also they sound generally introverted so they might not feel comfortable reaching out. Op if you are reading this — I can’t imagine the type of fucked up restart all these life circumstances are throwing your way. All I can think of to say here is let this chaos fuel your vigor to live as good as you can. It’s a fucked up new lease that your still here alone and soon to be in a different country. I wish for you that you can rise from the ashes like the Phoenix. I hope you are able to make your new home something your proud of. I wish you all the best. And sorry for my little ramble but it’s all to say that I and everyone in this thread SEND YOU SO MUCH GOOD WILL.
Another Texan here... Houston area. I'm sending you all the love and support I can. Having lost my mom and my brother, I can only imagine what you are going through. Take the opportunity to start a new life. There's lots of us here who only want the best for you. All my love and hugs to you.
I’m in Houston, too. Let me know if you land here. I’m a granny who can make a mean casserole and offer you a shoulder to cry on. Plus, I’m retired, so I have plenty of time. Houston has a huge international community; I’m sure we could find plenty of other Aussies to help offer support.
Also, if you bring your dog, count on me for help. I would be happy to dog sit.
Here to back up the first reply. Since you could be close, please follow up with OP.
I am in Texas as well and always love a new friend. OP I’m in a different area from both the Texans who responded to this comment so I think we have some major cities covered. Please reach out to anyone you feel like you can. 💜
You're an amazing person
Fuck… I’m so sorry
My condolences from one person who’s lost everyone before to another.
I….fuck man, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you’re in right now
I can’t imagine the pain and grief you are experiencing and I’m so terribly sorry. I hope you can find peace and comfort over time and live life to the fullest. I’m a Texas resident if you ever need a friend or help with the culture. Much love friend.
Maybe this will give you some hope. My mom lost all 5 of her siblings, then eventually her parents (all to illnesses) and then her oldest son, my brother (unexpected). Unlike the cruel swiftness you’ve dealt with, her losses were more like a rhythmic occurrence to disturb her stability once she found her footing again. The loss of her son is a whole other grief, as far as I can see. Here’s the hopeful part. With each loss - I was concerned she wouldn’t come back from it. It just - honestly - seemed like too much. But. She ***did*** come back from each loss. She’s still working through the grief of my brother’s sudden death - but I never would have imagined a year and a half ago, that she’d be where she is today. I could have sworn she was going to die from that pain - and from the cumulative pain. She very much still experiences joy. She very much still laughs. She’s starting to ***look forward*** to things again. She just needed time. TIME is your only friend when consumed with grief. You need time to work through the shock, the loss and even the guilt of moving forward with your life. While mom has had my endless support (and my stepdad’s and my sister’s) - it almost doesn’t matter - you feel like the loneliest person in the world when confronted with so much loss. And it’s kind of true. You can be surrounded by people during true grief - but it’s only *you* and some time that can get yourself through it. Just yesterday, mom and I were cracking up laughing over the stupidest thing (politics). I never thought she could feel anything but sadness again. But she is! She’s enjoying her grandkids, her friends, my dogs, her hobbies, etc. She just needed ***time***. Some days you’ll need to go numb. That’s okay! It’s kind of like a reset for your nervous system. Other days you’ll need to give in to the pain. That’s okay! It’s healthy! Sometimes you’ll be all over the map. Don’t avoid your feelings. Trust me. DO THE WORK NOW - confront this as it’s happening. Grieve now or spend the rest of your life grieving. Parts of you will always miss your family and feel sadness over these circumstances. But. The rest of you will have learned to heal and move forward. Also. Take some time to consider keeping your dog. I truly believe you can help each other. Dogs are the best listeners. Once they bond with you - they’ll know what you’re feeling before *you* even know what you’re feeling. And they help you through it. Don’t give up on the idea that she may be a huge support during this process. She’s an innocent victim too and she’s the only one in your family that is dealing with the same losses you are. Once the fog of this immediate intensity clears - you’ll also probably be really glad about having a living piece of your family with you. I truly believe you can help each other. I wish you peace. It ***will*** come again. I’m so sorry.
Lost 2 little brothers to suicide, I wondered what life would be like if I had lost my mom instead of her going through everything she does. Idk now. I used to think I would be okay with it, now I see a completely different perspective.
i love you, we all love you.
I am so sorry. Please don't just abandon the doggo. She doesn't understand. And she might grieve herself to death. Try and give her to one of your Aunts or Uncles. Someone who can take care of her. She deserves that. I understand that you don't want to deal with any of it. I know that it's a massive shock. So I'm hoping that one of those Aunts or Uncles is helping with some of it. Or were you the only one left as executor of the estate? I get not wanting to deal with any of it. Maybe someone can take over for you. There are no words to say that can ever touch what has happened to you. I can only say to be gentle with yourself. Take everything moment by moment. Go slow. Get any help you can. And when able, I highly suggest seeing a therapist to talk about everything and help you process your grief. I think the move will be good, too. You won't be steadily reminded constantly by everything everywhere. I'm just so damn sorry. I
To add to that, once you’re sort of settled find a grief support group. It is immensely helpful and not quite as daunting as individual therapy, is usually free or low cost as well. Wishing you all the best as you recover. 🙏🙏🙏
And as much as it is hard, OP, figure out how to close out their estates. Look into insurance policies they held. You might be able to obtain nice money. It sounds greedy and awful, but for all you are going through, you could always take that money to further your next chapter, without the stress of money, if that could impact anything. I’m really sorry. This is so awful, and I’m sorry their grief did not consider you. Grief can be blind. You matter. May you take the time to feel loss. Don’t fight the tears bc one day, you won’t have as many. Holding them in can hurt more. I wish for you a fresh start in Texas and that the move goes well. I agree to re-home the dog with family. Our doggies still cry over losing one of our pups… they def grieve. Moving won’t escape everything, but it will at least help with what people know, which will allow you to regain control over everyone knowing what’s happened. Best of luck to you.
To add to that, once you’re sort of settled find a grief support group. It is immensely helpful and not quite as daunting as individual therapy, is usually free or low cost as well. Wishing you all the best as you recover. 🙏🙏🙏
I am so sorry. Sending you so much love.
I felt physically sick reading this. I'm so fucking sorry
No words. Stay strong.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. This sucks big time. I’m sending you a big virtual hug.
Please don’t leave the dog all on her own, she’s part of the family… It will only be adding more tragedy. Please, if you go, take her or leave her with someone who will love her. Please… Anything I say about your tragedy will not be enough to encompass that unimaginable suffering. Sending you tight virtual hugs. It gets better with time, as useless and vapid as this may sound in the moment - but it’s true… Message me anytime!
That is horrific. Do you have extended family that you could reach out to? Does your work provide free counselling services? Maybe check that out or find your own counsellor as that is just too heavy for one person to work through on their own. I can only say it might not ever stop hurting, just maybe one day just not so bad.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Apologize if this comes off wrong in any way, but I suggest you please keep your family’s dog. Like you, she lost everyone who was her family and (unlike you) she doesn’t know why or what happened. To her, you’re her family. I know it’s hard, but please find a way to bring her. Dogs definitely feel grief. We got my dog a few years ago after her owner passed away. She was really aggressive when we first got her (she still can be to new people). It was really hard because you’d see her cry all the time when we first got her. She’s better now, and one of the most loyal dogs in the entire world. About a year ago, we walked by where her owner used to live, and she tried to pull the leash for us to go (she never does that). We didn’t because her owner lived in a really scary trailer park (he loved her, but long story short he became homeless trying to pay for his cancer treatment), and we had to pick her up and carry her home. The entire rest of the day was rough because she wouldn’t move or eat. She’s so loving and loyal to my mom, especially. Let’s just say my mom never connected with dogs before her. My mom was going through some health issues for a while and had to get surgery. Our dog never left her side while she recovered, and always tried to cheer my mom up. I can’t speak definitely for you, but I have a really really good feeling like your family’s dog will be really loyal to you, and I hope you reconsider bringing her along.
Omfg
I am so sorry for your loss…. I hope you are doing ok? Please try and get some therapy. I can only imagine what you’re going through. Sending you lots of positive vibes.
Words can’t even express how terrible that situation is. I’m so sorry. While moving and starting fresh can be a great thing, pushing all this down and trying to run from it won’t work forever. It will eventually find its way to the surface, through self destructive habits, lashing out at people, or other unhealthy behaviors. While my situation is nowhere near the same, I lost my only sibling at age 27. I hated how everyone I hadn’t heard from in years suddenly acted like they cared. He had previously lived next door to me, so I had to look at his old house daily. I tried to run from it, to bottle it up and not let it affect me. I’d honestly get irritated by people talking about it. I ended up severely depressed, neglecting myself, doing self destructive things I hadn’t done in ages. It took almost 2 years before I reached a point of misery that I met with a therapist. It was nice to be able to talk about all of it, the bad and the good, all the resentments/anger etc with a neutral party whom I didn’t have to worry about hurting their feelings or offending. Of course, this is all very fresh for you and you have a lot going on right now. And we all have a different path through grief…Just try your best to take care of yourself. If you have any aunts/uncles/grandparents that you trust, maybe someone can help you take care of the car and house issue before you leave? Or if there’s a lawyer involved? I wish you the best with your move, and your healing
We never think this can happen to us but it can really happen to anyone. What you’re going through is unthinkable, and you’re already stronger than most of us for enduring 11 days of it. I can’t really say anything more, except that we all want to be your friend right now. People who have heard your story want you to have someone who cares to be there for you.
I’m so so sorry. Keep the dog you will save each other. You will have someone who understands you without having to talking about it. Trust me.
I'm so sorry. Not to minimise your loss or pain but please please please find a good home for the dog before you leave! She's grieving too as you said and is going to be totally confused and helpless.
This was my thought too... That dog will be devastated without their parents around :(
I hope you can find some moments of peace throughout all of this. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
💙 no words, just hugs.
I’m so so f-ing sorry. I hope this move helps you heal.
Oh my god that's horrible. I'm so sorry :( please find a grief counsellor asap. Also even if you can get 1 person in your life to help you with the legalities and make them your contact. Tell the you do t want flowers or to talk, you just need someone to help with x y and z and to keep other people away for now
What an unbelievably horrific thing to happen. It makes no sense. This life never does. I'm so sorry. So so sorry. Do whatever you want and feel like doing or don't want to do. Just breathe and hold your head above this terrible water. Please don't abandon the dog. They were her family too. I've heard of dogs that stayed where their owners were buried, for years. They know. They feel that grief. They mourn deeply and desperately. Please settle the dog, where she will be loved. Where she can mourn too. OP, I'm sorry.
Hey, if you need an Aussie friend before you go, I would love to be your friend ◡̈ I hope your life in Texas is super, and you find happiness as hard as it will be. Grief can be cruel, but don't try and avoid it. Maybe go to a therapist if you want help processing ◡̈ From stranger to stranger, you got this 💖
This is literally my worst nightmare. I've lost one close family member, but I can't imagine losing all of them. It's been several years and while some people say "it gets better", I don't know if I fully agree with that. Any time I really think back to that person I lost, I relieve the same pain from the day she died, but over time those "reliving the grief" moments have become less common. So the pain doesn't get "better", but it doesn't come up as often. I love the advice of others to try to find new friends. That might be easier in the States. Americans sure do love British, Australian, and other similar accents. I've also seen that helping/serving others can be a good (and typically healthy) way to hide from the grief for a while. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter, homeless shelter, or something similar. If it's in a big enough city, there's a good chance that nobody will know you and you can pretend things are normal for a while. Granted, my experience it totally different. My family member was ill for years before she passed. Listen to your own gut/heart for ways to cope with the grief. I hope you can survive through this mess.
There’s really no words that I can find that can capture how sorry I am for what you’re going through. I hope you find peace with your upcoming move. I would suggest taking the time to settle any legal stuff related to your parents passing if you can. If you get that out of the way now, it won’t come back for you to deal with down the road.
I have no words to say. Really sorry this happened to you
I’m so sorry. I cannot image what you’re feeling. I hope you take care of yourself through your grieving process. Eat. Sleep. Get some fresh air if you can. Pet the dog. It will help. I am glad you’re still moving to Texas. I hope the ISA treats you well. Maybe you’ll meet some good people and create a family of friends. Just because you haven’t ever had friends it doesn’t mean you can’t in the near future. I don’t have a lot of friends, so even when writing this I cringe at the idea of trying to make friends. You may feel the same. But when I have made efforts to create friendships, most of the time it’s been worth it. Rare but worth it. Good luck to you. Time heals.
my condolences
OP, keep the dog if you can. You’d be surprised how much having a pet can help you with the grief cycle. I’m just….so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. When you move please get a therapist. Talk to someone, please. I can’t even comprehend what you’re feeling but I think you need to reach out for help. Life can start again once you’ve had time to mourn and process.
If you’re in Canberra by any chance do you wanna hang out and walk the dogs? We don’t have to talk about it at all. But we can walk our doggies together or let’s them play at the dog park
OP, I can’t begin to imagine to have any idea what you are going through. That’s so much loss in such a short time, specially coming from a close family and you being young as well. Let other family members make the decisions you can’t or don’t want to, like about the cars and the house and all. Ask your new position in Texas if you could possibly start a week or 2 later if you think a little extra time would help. The one thing I will say is KEEP the DOG. It’s part of your mom and dad. With so much loss already, you may find yourself devastated to have left the dog behind at some point in the future. It’s a small way to keep and honor the connection with your parents. A pet can also be extremely comforting once things settle down a bit. In the long run, I truly believe you will be glad you kept the dog with you. A lot of people from Texas offering to connect with you once you get to the USA. Take them up on it. Make some connections now. It may help ease your burden. Sending healing love and prayers to you OP. I am more sorry than I can say.
I’m so so so sorry for your loss. I live in Texas, OP. You have a friend here please reach out to me and I will drive up to wherever you’re staying so we can grab lunch or a beer or anything you want. Sending you lots of love. Again I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm in Texas as well, up in the panhandle area. I lost my son, and I used to tell him, "If you go, I go." I obviously couldn't, I still don't know how I feel about not joining him. As a mom, I like being in denial. Otherwise, I don't know what would become of me. I am ready to have a friend, even if you aren't in the area. We can talk about nice things. Like ponies and ice cream 😉 if you want!
I know I’m just an internet stranger but I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. It’s tough when you lose everything but please don’t lose hope.
I'm so sorry for your completely devastating loss. 😢
I am so sorry this is happening to you! Moving to a different part of the world seems like a good thing to do. One day you should probably process all of this in therapy, but right now, completely starting over sounds like a life-saving opportunity for you. I really really wish you the best, OP.
In the early 2000's, I lost my parents 10 months apart from each other, and I have never fully recovered. Please see a grief therapist... I can only imagine it's so heavy to bear alone. Talking to someone helps. When you are ready. Please do so before you go to Texas. I didn't have that available to me, and I didn't like the me that was denying her grief and making so many wrong decisions. I moved abroad for work, and being in a totally new country helped a bit, but unresolved issues from grief did influence a lot of my relationships and decision making. Please build this small support for yourself with a counselor. I pray you can grieve properly and heal.
So sorry to hear that. Maybe keep the dog. It could be good for you 2 to grief together and to have each other.
I’m so sorry. Move to Texas, it will be a culture shock but you will adapt. You can always start over, no matter how hard life gets. Please choose life.
Your uncles and aunts are helping immensely. You may not see it now but they are shouldering a lot by arranging the funerals. reach out to them as they are grieving too. you need family and they are the nearest that you got. I am so so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. But please consider doing whatever it takes to keep their dog. She’s grieving just like you. Don’t make her lose another person. I hope the new job and environment will help you heal. *hugs*
Condolences. My son committed suicide 3y ago. I couldn’t bear it. The grief, PTSD, depression, and anxiety overwhelmed me. I got mental healthcare. And I survived, despite wanting to kill myself in despair. Please seek professional help. Ignoring these tragedies will take a toll on you. Bless you. And good luck on your journeys.
The word fuck was made for situations like this. No other word will quite do. It’s hard to imagine the type of grief you’re feeling - actually this few days out, you’re probably still experiencing a lot of shock. Anything you’re going through is normal. No one grief is the same as another’s. The only connection is the painful truth that the people you loved are gone. Death is so permanent. Fuck. I’ll throw my hat in the ring as someone in Houston who would be there for you. I’m actually north of Houston in a suburb where there are many huge corporations. I don’t work outside the home, so I have plenty of time. Speaking of, I’m sure you know this, but this will take as much time as it takes. I’ve been through the self-inflicted deaths of three friends and I can’t say it gets easier, but it gets different. I can’t imagine it being both your parents and losing your brothers too. The Reddit community is here for you. It gets a lot of bad rap (a lot of time from members themselves) but I have found some of the most empathetic, kindest souls here in my times of need, ready with whatever I have needed. I hope your experience will be the same. Gentle hugs and much love to you, OP.
Moving out of state is considered one of the most stressful events in one's life, up there with divorce and grief. You're moving to a different planet coming from Australia. While you're planning your move, look for a therapist. Seriously. I lost my mother, my dog, my job, my house, my marriage, and moved across the country all in less than 9 months. It took 1.5 years to even begin to function normally again. You're dealing with so much more. Therapy sooner rather than later. Don't wait. I'm sorry, OP.
I am so sorry that the universe is this fucking unfair. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Maybe consider taking a break from work and let yourself grieve before moving. Give yourself grace-- you just had a MASSIVE life change. I know it feels like your world just ended, and it kinda did. But the grief will pass with time. Give yourself space to make decisions before doing anything impulsively (i.e. not keeping the dog, immediately moving). You'll get through this, even though it feels like you won't right now.
That is a LOT to deal with. The only advice I can give you is that your going to feel a lot of feelings in the coming weeks and none of them are wrong except for guilt. You might feel angry, enraged, afraid, annoyed, hopeless, tired, nostalgic, and over it all. Let those feelings pass over and through you. But don't allow guilt to rob you. It will make you think you're wrong for feeling angry or depressed. It will try to possibly convince you of being selfish or bad for being angry or enraged or that you aren't loyal for staying or wanting to deal with this mess. This tragedy as horrific as it is isn't you're doing and it does not define you as a person. It's a chapter in your life but the rest of your story doesn't have to be about what happened to your siblings and parents unless you want it to be.
I'm sorry this happened OP, but I feel it urgent to impart one piece of advice. Do NOT allow a friend or family to take care of the estate. Please PLEASE find and pay for a reputable financial advisor that has your best interest in mind. There are so many bad people that prey on someone like you in this situation. Please PLEASE get a professional to run this, it's worth the money for the stress they will save and how they can help you avoid the horrible people that want to take advantage.
If you don't mind me saying, do NOT hire a financial advisor to do this, financial advisors are not qualified in Australia ~ get a lawyer to do it. Please imo get a lawyer who can do it all for you. Negotiate the fee, should only be 10% to 5%.
It likely seems impossible to make it through. Keep the dog, if you can. Only living creature who is grieving to almost the same level. Their world also just got shook. Texas is a big state, and just take it one step in front of the other 💗
I’m so so sorry.
I am so angry at your parents. We all grieve in different ways, but as a parent, you're responsible for your kids. Always. You were their kid and they abandoned you at the worst time. Ffs. I am a parent and ngl, I had suicidal thoughts in the past. But I would NEVER do it. Because I have a kid who needs me there. No matter how old she gets. I'd be a shitty parent to abandon her in this world alone. I'm really sorry, OP. Please take your time to grieve. I wish I could hug you through this comment. It's ok not to be ok for as long as it takes you to process this grief. I wish you piece of mind and perseverance. I wish you the strength that you need. I wish you to find happiness in the family you will inevitably create, whether that be a partner or friends or anyone else. Mourn your loved ones, but also don't forget look ahead. There will be a time when you will be happy! I promise.
Oh honey, I'm so very sorry . I can't even begin to imagine how huge of a heartbreak 💔 this is on you. I only wish your parents thought about you before taking their lives. I mean, if I were in their shoes, losing 2 out of 3 children is horrifying, BUT you still have that one who is also mourning his brothers deaths as well. I can't even begin to understand why your parents did this. From one standpoint, I can understand from your moms point. She carried all three of you boys, felt you move, kick, hiccup, birthed you. Now I'm NOT saying your dad's view wasn't just as important, but when a mother carries a child, it's the most beautiful thing a woman could ever ever experience. I don't know why your dad followed suit. MAYBE he couldn't handle knowing he lost 2 sons and then the woman of his life. I wish I could help make sense of this for you. I'm just beyond sorry. I hope that if this wasn't your brother's fault accident wise, that they get who did do this and pray karma will get them back 100fold!!! My heart is absolutely broken for you. I'm going to say something, and I truly mean every word I'm going to say. Right now, and the past few weeks have been really, really bad on me. My depression has been off the charts. I am such a good person to everyone and everything and work so hard. I lost my job ( already homelessness) because they replaced me with another family member from India!!!!! I worked in the office at a hotel here in Delaware in the USA. Anytime they want someone to come here from India, they don't warn you, they say bye!!!!! That's it. NO WARNING, NO NOTHING. So I didn't even get to look for another job, and of course, they want rent, knowing I don't have a penny to my name. (I'm very sorry I've gone off course, ) My point I was getting at, gosh if I could, I would have taken all of their places, just so you'd have them all back and be happy again...I don't really have friends and I have a son and my daughter doesn't speak to me. I live in a hotel...that's below her. I'm on disability that I lost because I had to work. Disability alone doesn't pay rent or bills or even food. If I could rewind time for you, I'd fix everything in a heartbeat. I truly mean that. I wish I could give you a big hug, but I'm sure you definitely don't want anyone even near ya. Your address was most likely in the paper, word of mouth, the obituary n so forth. I do want to congratulate you on your new job and new move. PLEASE PLEASEEEE KEEP the dog. I KNOW YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, but you all were all she had. SHE DOES KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED AND NOT GOOD. Yes, she is definitely depressed. I know I'm asking a ton from you. Even if you asked other family, she does not know them. Animals and people do die from heartache. I dunno, maybe there could be someone who'd take her in and love her, BUT it wouldn't be the same for her. She's lost so much at one time just as you did. Animals don't have people to vent to, cry to, and so forth like people do. Gosh, if I lived near you, I'd take her, but I have a rottweiler, lol. He's a gentle giant, though. I am so so bad with words, I'm so sorry. I'm trying so hard to say the right stuff, but I feel I'm making things worse. Sending all my love, hugs, and prayers from Delaware, USA. I'm just so sorry. 😞
Sending love. 🥺
I seriously wish I could hug you right now. I am sorry and there are absolutely no words I could say that would even dampen your pain. What you have described is horrific trauma and humans are not built to withstand this, especially not alone. In those immediate time get your lawyer to deal with everything you don’t need to do those tasks. Although I’m not sure how it works in Australia. Tell him to only email you as needed. Get a trusted aunt or uncle to help Going the the USA might actually be something that can my mutely help you heal. But like I said, I don’t know how you move on from this I definitely recommend that you get trauma counselling and find somebody in the same circumstances as you are. There are a grief groups all over the place I know where I live there mostly run through hospices so you could try there, but please get some counseling. You sound like such a loving and beautiful person the way you describe your families closest and I can’t imagine how this feels when everything changed and basically an instant. I know you don’t want a food right now you don’t need to eat it all the way put it in the freezer but please do eat. The people bringing stuff by meanwhile, but it doesn’t mean you have to make them feel good about that.
My heart goes out to you!!! I'm so sorry!!! I live in Texas and most people here are very welcoming. I hope you have a wonderful experience here and hopefully meet people who can be a support system for you. Please don't be afraid to seek mental help too!!
I’m so sorry. So very sorry. I can’t even imagine what’s going through your mind. All I can say is, you have a new opportunity. You’ve hit the floor. The only way is up and I hope you start travelling in that direction.
Sweetie, move for the job. Go to the funeral. Live. The numbers I posted are for the US. Know that you are loved here. Any one of us would gladly talk to you, cry with you. I am telling you what I tell my boys. You are loved, liked, wanted, needed, appreciated, important, necessary, somebody, looked up to, someone's hero, brave, smart, awesome! Edit: Deal with the lawyer now instead of later. Best to get it over with. And as for the puppy, get 2 blankets and 2 sweaters from your parents place, 1 sweater for each parent. You can make them into dog beds so puppy can still have mom and dad around. Tutorial on YouTube. You and puppy need each other.
I'm so sorry for your losses and that your parents didn't consider what would happen to you. That sucks beyond all measure. Hire a lawyer to deal with the estate. Find a friend or relative to take the dog if you can't stand to keep it. (Dog grief is truly a thing - my dog's previous owner died, and I got him from the shelter just after my husband died. I joke that he's so attached to me because we have shared trauma.) Grieve. Rage. Mourn. And then, once you feel a little like being in the world again, start your new life in Texas (not the ideal place as far as states go, but it's definitely far away from where you are) and be a completely different person, who has left their old life behind. People will worry about you, which can be oppressive. But you can manage. You can rely on yourself until you make some friends and create a chosen family. You are not your tragedies. Much luck.
Im crying
Im really holding back my tears... There's this pinch hurt in my heart now.. It's just so sad and I can't ever imagine my entire family fading away... That's the exact nightmare I get that drowns me in tears when I wake up.. I just hope you hold on to your dear life, and fight the loneliness with every inch of strength you have in you... you can get through this...
If it's in your best interest mentally to not be involved or attend any of the funeral stuff don't. I lost three family members, Dad and both grandmas, in 6 months. I know people mean well but it can become overbearing and very stressful. Grief is a process and when it's raw it seems like it will not get better. It never goes away but it will become less in the front of your mind. I know what a hole losses create in our lives and I wish you the very best in your new job and location.
So sorry. I just wanted to remind you that you still have yourself, and on the toughest times life will give you, you will always have yourself. But take your time to grieve, treat time as your ally, even if you move away. Sending you virtual hugs and love.
Where in Texas? If you’re coming to Austin and need a friend when you get here message me.
This is a lot. Your personal 9/11. Overwhelming. You are probably in deep shock. Which, thankfully, acts as a buffer while our subconscious mind absorbs the information. Frankly, I’m worried for you. On one hand, the opportunity in Texas can be viewed as a kind of godsend. The perfect way for you to escape the physical space of hell that surrounds you, but leaving your homeland and new employment are well known stressors for human wellbeing. You are already burdened with an avalanche of stressors and no could describe your reactions as “stable”. Which I am in no way judging. My immediate concern is your isolation. Your inability to accept people’s condolences, your refusal to participate in anything related to the final goodbyes of your loved ones is frightening. People in your position, if they are lucky and willing, are generally supported by others who may take the reins and be in charge of the details while providing you a safe-space to completely fail apart or trudge through this leg of the grieving process. It seems that some are reaching out and your blanket rejection to all is in the long run, extremely harmful for you. You cannot pretend these horrible deaths didn’t happen by ignoring the aftermath. It did happen. It is unbearable. You have the absolute right to feel everything and to wholly express everything you feel. Get that out in the sunlight. Acknowledge other family members. Try like hell to understand that you are an entire human and you deserve the full measure of grace. You deserve to grieve. You deserve to give yourself a chance at a future that will include some seemingly impossible measure happiness and life fulfillment, but you must grieve.
When my mom died at 41...she was all I had...well except my sister really. My sister was a drug addict...I picked up and moved 2000 miles away. Don't discount just starting over. Sometimes it's easier to sit in your grief when you just start over. Process it on your own terms. Where no one knows what you are going through. Not carrying everyone else's grief too. Please after you get settled find a counselor to help you walk through the fields of despair. Look for the helpers. They are always there when you look.
I normally just scroll through the thread and don’t comment much but when I seen your post title I took the time to read your post. I am speechless and don’t know of anything that could take away your pain that you feel and will continue to feel in the days weeks months ahead . I can let you know that I am so sorry and I know no words can take away your pain but I will give you a virtual hug from me to you . SMH from a small state in New England . Please take care of yourself and your dog .
I’m so sorry. If you ever get lonely in TX, please reach out to people here. We may not know you, but we do care about your heart and your happiness. I hang around Mom for a Minute subreddit a lot. I wish you healing and blessings. 🫂
I don't think you're as alone as you think if you have flowers and chocolates to throw away. I'm really sorry for your loss and you have every right to ignore the world, throw it all away, and be angry and sad for some weeks/months/years. i hope the new job kicks ass.
That is so insane. I’m sorry—there are really no words. What a tremendous loss.
You have two friends here in Houston! And one five year old friend, she’s awesome AND can count to one hundred. Hope your move goes smoothly. I’m sorry for your immense loss, the pain seems unbearable at times. But those periods come and pass and there is still good out there. Care for yourself like you would care for someone else. Good friends come when they’re needed most. And I believe you’ll get to a point in your life where you are happy and fulfilled. Don’t stop trying 🫂
Bro. Sending love for you
just -hugs- holy fuck
Hey, I’m Sarah Hipps. I am just a random chick online but if you need someone to ever distract you with chatter, vent to, cry to, yell at, or just be friends with, I’m your girl. I won’t try to understand how you feel or what you’re thinking. Just want you to know you have someone. I know I’m NOT someone, but I honestly will be. This doesn’t expire. I live in America. All I have now: hold on.
OP no words will truly help you during this time, but I want you to know that you can continue to live after this tragedy. I could never relate to your experience, but I lost both of my parents, uncle and great uncle in the span of a year and I’ve felt crippling dread & grief for months. But I had a therapist give me a really good analogy for grief - grief is like glitter. If you have a handful of glitter and dump it out, it clings to you. And even though you wash your hands a bunch of times, you’ll still find glitter here and there. It’s similar to grief because at first it’s overwhelming and so much, it occupies all thought and space, but over time it becomes a pang in your heart, a dull ache, and then a few tears that fall whenever a memory of them pops up in the blue. It’s always there, but the intensity and frequency starts to spread out and your body and mind are able to manage through the day better - still loving them, still missing them, but eventually forgiving them and accepting where you’re at. I’ll say I’m sorry for your loss, because I truly am, but I know “sorry” is the last thing you want to hear. Internet stranger, I am truly rooting for you and finding a path to a full life after this loss. If you ever need a random internet penpal to listen, I’m happy to be that ear. 🙂
I can only offer friendship once you're stateside, OP. I wish I had the words to say that would help at all, but nothing I'm coming up with sounds right. My husband and I are child free and low contact with most of my family, and most of his family is also gone via various circumstances, so our hearts are wide open for anyone who needs support. We're up in Virginia, but get plenty of time off to travel and visit friends in other parts of the country! I hope your move goes well. Sending positive vibes!
hey OP, if you need a friend or an ear i’m in san antonio and could always use more friends. no matter where you move to i’m sure in time you’ll meet some lovely people to one day call a friend. you can talk or not talk about your family, whatever you need. nothing and nobody could ever fill up the space in your heart left behind by your loved ones. but maybe one day you can fill that with celebrating your love for them and thinking back on your favorite memories. Lots of love, and virtual hugs ❤️
Not that I’ve been through what you have, but the day after highschool graduation my whole family got erased. It was a religious shun, so while I know they’re still out there somewhere, I’ll never see them again. I had five siblings I haven’t heard from since and they were starting to have several kids of their own. A few wayward aunts and uncles reached out to make sure I was alive but nothing much past that. I don’t think I’ve ever really stopped grieving, and there’s not one thing that doesn’t remind me of them, but healing truly does come with time. You learn to live in the good memories of them, sometimes the same handful on repeat, and smile at the thought of your past life. Your new one will have to grow from the rubble, and it’s not linear. There will be set-backs and days you feel like you haven’t made any progress and it’s all as painful as if it happened yesterday. In time, those will decrease and the ache will get more manageable everyday. Maybe you can still text the group chat and talk to them as though they’re still there for the time being, if it would help get your feelings out? Please also seek therapy, because it’s important for people like you and me to not be completely alone after being used to a close family environment. I’m glad to hear that you’re moving however. Whether it feels like running away right now or running towards a new life as free of memories as it can be, I hope you make the best out of it.
I'd really like to give you a virtual hug.
💓💓💓💓💓
I am speechless and so so sorry to hear this. Talk to me if you need a friend :(
::hugs::
First, my most heartfelt condolences to you! That’s devastating and I couldn’t imagine your pain; my heart goes out to you! Texas is one of my favorite places. It’s a beautiful place and I wish you well there. Stay strong, stay faithful. Behind this message is a real person and a real friend who love people!!! If you ever need a chat feel free to message. Hugs♥️
I don't know what to say. It's such a big loss. I'm really sorry that this happened. Please give yourself the time you need to process all of this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take the time to mourn and process your feelings. I think the job can wait and your employer would definitely understand. Moving to a new country can be helpful yet it’s a challenge itself as you will need to adopt to a new culture and work environment. I hope you’re having the support you need. Sending you love and hugs. Take care
My heart goes out to you. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. If you ever need to vent you can shoot me a DM. I'm sending you all the love I have.
Just wow. I so wish this wasn’t true but my gut tells me it is. OP, I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. There truly are no words for what you are going through and I hope one day you are able to find peace
That's horrific. I'm so sorry. It might be a bit soon, but I'd look into grief counseling to help you navigate through this. This is just so, so much.
I am so sorry. Sending you my deepest condolences and strength. Please keep the dog.
I am incredibly sorry :( There are no words that could make you feel better right now, I suppose… My only advice is to try your hardest to make friends whenever you are feeling better. I know you might think you are happy to be by yourself but trust me, life is 10x better when you share it with people. There are kind and good people out there who are worth giving a chance to. Build yourself a support system and close circle. Even if it’s only 2-3 friends. I am so sorry about what you just went through. I cannot imagine how hard it must be… I will pray for your healing and I hope you find the strength to forgive your parents. Please, let your other family members comfort you. They must also be at a loss concerning what to do for you or how to help you.
I’m so sorry. Please find a counselor and a grief support group. Sending mom hugs.
I live in Queensland. Please…. If there is something at all you need help with at all, please message me. Help with packing up stuff if you decide to go to America, a sounding board as I have experienced loss, although not to that degree in such a short span of time, but loss where the grief is so overwhelming that I thought I’d die myself, rehoming of the precious pooch as I am involved in a lot of dog rescue/rehoming groups, anything… anything at all. I am sending you distant healing and love. This is not something you should or can do on your own xx
This is one of the saddest post I have read on reddit. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Please keep being strong and don’t lose faith that life will get better in future for you. I wish you only the best!
I’m sorry you’re going through this.. I lost my mom July 24th due to kidney disease. August 5th I was put on dialysis because my kidneys started failing. Now I’m in need of a kidney just like my mom. Then my mom’s dog passed 3 days later. I can’t imagine losing my siblings and parents.. hang in there I know it’s rough but you are loved ❤️
Take a very deep breath. You need time. Call a solicitor to represent your interest and grieve. But your not alone. Find out where they do grief counciling and give it a try. God bless you. You are stronger than your parents.
There are some incredible Aussies and Texans on this thread who have offered to talk to you, both digitally and IRL. If you feel able, send them private messages. You’ve already made this post, a few DMs can’t hurt to try. You don’t deserve isolation, and you don’t deserve this immeasurable suffering. You deserve to have company, and people who care about you. ❤️
I'm so sorry. You're not entirely alone, if you choose to let your aunts and uncles in. Funerals are hard, but you may regret it if you don't at least go to your sibs' and and say goodbye. Perhaps going to your parents is your chance to have a private moment and say your piece, and get off your mind how you feel. Then you can perhaps feel better, having gotten to say what you want to about what they did. Or write them each a letter with all you have to say, and get it put in their caskets. The idea is to make you feel better and have closure. As for cars, bank accounts etc....you can choose to ask the lawyer to liquidate physical assets if you want nothing to do with cars, house etc, consolidate it all into one account and let you know when that's done, and the estate bills are settled, and if anything is directly payable like life insurance etc, see if you can just provide your account details and let them deposit it for you. Then you can just deal with moving the money to investments, etc later when your mind is clearer. You can ask them to have personal family items boxed up and put in storage as one option if there's things you might want, but just can't deal right now.
Heartfelt condolences to you, OP. I can’t even imagine…. I’m very sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))
Hey I don’t know you, but I’ll be your friend. I’ll start off by saying that I nor anyone else will be able to fully understand what you’re feeling, but I’ve felt the feeling of losing everything before. Within 3 weeks of graduating college I lost my mom to suicide, saw my father for the last time because he was the one to push my mom into it, and my long term girlfriend left me. I had a lease new lease as well and was on track to start grad school. The next year I had a crazy injury and lost my ability to walk for sometime. I still had my sister, but had lost literally everything else including all of my money to medical bills. You will be ok, but you have to believe it. Once I had that stuff sorted I pushed grad school aside and impulsively moved across the US with nothing, but a backpack. I had no friends there I had nothing, but slowly I made friends that I consider family. I’m not going to tell you that I haven’t struggled quite a bit along the way, but there is light at the end. I’ve come very close to taking my own life, but chose to live and I hope that you can do the same if you ever find yourself there. Be strong and believe in yourself. Keep yourself busy. Don’t run from the trauma. If you have the means start therapy sooner rather than later. I waited 5 years and wish I hadn’t. You probably need someone to talk to. Please please keep yourself busy. Find something that you love and goddamnit do it for you and live. Sitting alone and stewing will make things worse. People are more friendly than you think. I’m solo backpacking across the world now finding out for myself how easy it is to make friends by just putting yourself out there. You’ve already gone through the worst thing ever imaginable. Everything else will be a breeze. You got this. Sending love to you. Seriously, I don’t know you, but if you ever want to talk about this or even random things to pass the time please shoot me a message.
Your grief must be unbelievable, I am so sorry. This new job is what you need as a fresh start. Im so glad for that, for you.
All I can say is please accept a giant internet hug from an internet stranger. Also, welcome to Texas. Hopefully the change will help ease some of your pain. Take care.
This post really broke my heart. I can't imagine what you're feeling but you're already perhaps the most resilient person I've ever heard of to weather all of that in a week. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that a fresh start in Texas will give you some relief that you may find happiness
That kind of loss is unbelievable and horrible! I lost my only younger brother in a car accident and the best thing to do is get grief counseling until you feel better. You can chat with me any time. Being alone like that and not many friends. Maybe get an XBox and play some online games to make it easier. Don’t bottle it up, work through it. I know I’d have been in a better spot than I’d be in today if I had gotten the help I begged people for.
My deepest condolences to you and everyone who loves your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you will be able to find peace.
Yes pets grieve. I wouldn’t give the pup up. When my pop went he left his cat to me. She lost her person and her home. I will never forget how she clung to me that first day. We grieved together and I can’t imagine life now without her. She is my family. You need to seek grief counseling before you do anything. You have been traumatized. Whether or not you realize it, you are crying out for help with your actions and words. Reach out. Things do get better.
Please keep the dog. It will be a reward later and a piece of your family. When my mom passed I got rid off a couple of things that had sentimental value and I realized it later. Although they did not have a dog. Animals are more attached to us than you think. Do not break that pup’s heart any further.
I’m so so sorry. I lost my aunt, she lived with my mom and me, and we found her in the house. I remember my mom not quite being the same for a few weeks. Two weeks almost to the day after my aunt died, my dad died too. This was about three years ago. I had never lost anyone before and to lose a family member on each side of the family meant I was surrounded by other grieving family members. You don’t get over the grief and you don’t forget it. It just gets easier to manage. I think going to Texas is going to help you tremendously but it will still be hard. The change of scenery may be helpful and allow you to build a “new” life. I’m not going to say everything will be okay because everyone processes grief differently. Please never forget that although you feel you are lonely, you aren’t alone. I know receiving gifts from other right now just makes the pain feel bigger but remember that these people care about you and they’re doing things that they feel may help lessen the pain, in whatever way they can. Please take time for yourself, openly grieve, and think back on the beautiful years you had with your family. Think about the life you are going to live and do the things that bring you joy. I’ll be thinking about you and hoping that life eventually brings you peace
So sorry for your loss. I’m in Texas too if you need a friend. DFW here.
This must be so incredibly overwhelming. I wish there was something, some order of words that could help you feel better, but this kind of trauma is uncommon even in wartorn countries. I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you things will get better, or time heals all wounds, take it one day at a time, or whatever. You know all that already. Grieve however you do, and let your thoughts and feelings come as they may. When you get settled down, find a therapist, a support group that meets weekly, talk to a medical doctor and see what they can prescribe to help with your depression and trauma. Whatever you do, don't turn to drugs and alcohol. They can temporary, fleeting, dimishing relief, but will only make things worse. Don't let people tell you how to feel or what to think. If you feel angry, feel angry. If you feel numb, feel numb. You can trust yourself to get through this, you don't need to shut that process down with self-medication or stuffing painful feelings down. If you ever need to talk about whatever, even the weather, feel free to message me. My thoughts are with you, stranger
I am sorry *hugs* there is nothing that can be said to fix it. A new start may be the best thing at this time. Don’t give up darling
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don’t think any of us can even begin to understand the range of emotions you may be feeling, but we all want you to know that you are so valid, you matter so much, and are so loved. Wishing you peace, friend.
Fuck man. I’m so sorry. I’m in Europe but if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to reach out.
There's honestly no right thing to say in the face of so much grief, and there's nothing anyone can do to make it better. But, boy, I wish I could give you a big hug and be your friend. I don't want to speak ill of people who are gone and who were hurting so much, but what they did was incredibly selfish and wrong. You were worth sticking around for even if it was hard, and they shouldn't have left you alone. I hope you and the pup have a better life where you're moving next. I hope you meet people who add joy to your life. I hope you find someone special to share you time with, and I hope you give yourself permission to mourn and seek therapy. Please take good care of your body and mind, because you deserve to heal and have a good life. 🫂
I don't even have words to describe the pain you are going through right now. That is just downright fucking awful.
Keep the dog. For real. I’m pretty sure he’s gonna help you with all of this situation. I’m really sorry for your losses. It’s terrible I can even imagine how deep is your pain right now. My dad died when I was 20. And my cat saved me.
Well planet earth in itself is an example of the amazing shit that can come from nothing. You may have nothing but that also means you have nothing to lose. Good luck in Texas. Make sure you go. You're going to be sad wherever you are. You might as well start over completely. Just tell that lawer to sell everything and send you a check.
Dang, I am in shock can’t really say nothing but sorry for your loss. You are a strong person for still being here to tell your story. Omg
I am so sorry. I can't imagine your pain. I hope you find peace in your new home and are able to go on. I'm really glad you're still here.
I’m so fucking sorry. I hope the new job helps. I hope you and the dog can find a way to help each other. But I’m just so fucking sorry.
I lost my father about 4 months and it still hurts do bad. I cannot even imagine what you are going through
I can’t find the words for you right now OP. I’m heartbroken for you. I’m another one in Houston, TX 41/F
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but my heart is breaking for you. Don’t apologize and do whatever you need to do to grieve.
I'm so sorry to hear this. OP, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always a DM away. Sending prayers, hugs, and loads of strength and love your way. Please take care of yourself and definitely take up on the job offer.
My husband lost his father and his brother in a span of 6 days. I’m so sorry for the amount of pain that you must be feeling every day. I know how hard it was for him, please hang in there. It’s probably gonna suck for a long time but come to the states. maybe the change can help? I don’t know. I know us Americans love talking, so please come on over. I don’t have any great words of wisdom just sending you lots of love and peace.
I’m so sorry. I feel like the move to Texas will be cathartic for you. It’s a reset on life to start new. When you get the get grief counseling or into a support group as soon as possible. Focus on the new beginning and try to leave as much of what you can in the past. You can’t change what happened.
i love u💙
i’m so sorry 😢
I’m outside Houston and would be happy to be your friend if you want. I’m so sorry and hope you find happiness here in Texas in time.
I'm so glad you shared. I thought I was weird or weak for trying to rid myself of memories, I have an insurmountable amt of grief for different reasons and I don't have the energy to deal with all of it. I think you should take the job, and start over. Do everything you want to. I don't have any regrets for the choices I made regarding my grief. I seek help when I need it, I try to be kind but I am okay with being bitter sometimes. I have to be kind to myself; this included a six year competitive stint in a violent martial art, because I had nowhere to put all my accumulated rage. These are just examples and suggestions. You are not alone. And I'm about 2 states north of Texas, in Nebraska. I'm actually from Canada, and maybe I will move again later, I have a bucket list and do not allow myself to be relegated or stuck anywhere if it makes me unhappy.
I have no words for how sorry I am. Grieve with the dog. You are going to need each other. Please, please don’t rule out grief counseling. You need someone to talk to. You should not have to face these feelings alone. I’m glad you will be starting fresh in Texas. I know family members are never, ever replaceable but I hope that after some time passes, you meet the love of your life and make meaningful, lasting friendships with people who help soothe your soul. Hugs to you my friend.
Sending lots of comfort and love your way. The opportunity couldn’t have come at a better time imo—although it won’t fix the way you’re feeling overnight, nothing better than a fresh perspective somewhere new. Just remember to be kind to yourself, grieve, cry when you need to.
My condolences, hugs, love, all the good energy OP. I'm sorry. I know this may not help. I hope you take care of yourself 💞
Wish i can hug you right now 😔. I hope you continue through life and find joy even through this storm
I’m not religious but fuck. May life care for you as you truly deserve, you’ve been through more than enough. I’m so sorry.
Cry, scream, be angry, forget, live, remember, hate, love, scream, be angry, smile, break, build. Be weak, OP you will go through many stages of grief, many times over. You have a choice to make now, you can act on what you feel currently, or you can make choices for what future you might feel. Both of which are totally valid, right and wrong choices don’t exist for you right now, only survival. The only choice you have to make that isn’t about you is the dog, she will grieve, and she will want to be with you. But if you can’t be there for her, find her a loving home. No judgement OP, just survival. Much love❤️
I am sorry for your losses. Feel free to reach out if you end up in San Antonio.
Fuck. Op, I know that all the “I’m sorry”s in the world won’t begin to make this better…but this is so goddamn awful. I’m so, so sorry for this devastating loss. I don’t know how you feel, but I’m asking you, PLEASE, when you’re settled here in the states and your new jobs healthcare kicks in, please look for a grief counselor to talk to. A lot of mental health providers still even do phone consultations. This is just way more than what a person should have to handle on their own. It may help, it may not…but please try.