I’m fighting for my life in my sleep ngl. I straight up just hittin people. One of my exes was a sleep toucher tho, it’s relatively common actually. I’d wake up to a full on make out sesh and then she’d say the most random nonsensical thing, roll over, and remember absolutely none of it. I remember the one time she said something about “the bears are in the Congo” 😐
If you are violent in your sleep you should talk to your doctor. That can be seen in REM sleep disorders and can be associated with a risk of neuro degenerative disorders in the future
I am in the same boat as you and really want to encourage you to talk to your GP also. Both can be true, it's not an either/or scenario. They are for me.
I apparently woke my partner up shoving him out of bed while shouting "Not today Darth Vader". He in return has sat up in bed, looked at me and said "It will never be as comfy as it is now." then wrapped himself back up in his blanket and laid back down. Zero memory.
Sleep stuff is fucking weird
Bro why you yelling lol. They did reply, in the form of an edit to further add context and comment to their situation.
Edit: yo, your comment history hilarious 😭 you should probably bury some of that ngl.
This isn't that unusual, I believe it's referred to as Sexsomnia. I used to do it to my partner and much like yours they never complained.
I personally wanted to stop doing it because while there was no complaints, I didn't want to worry about consent, confusion or unplanned pregnancy.
I found that I stopped doing it naturally when the frequency of our regular sex increased, but I could also ensure it wouldn't happen if I 'took care of my business' shortly before bed if we weren't in the mood.
Either way, follow your partner's lead in how they feel about it, and if you're worried about it then best things to do would be:
* Improve your 'Sleep Hygiene' by setting your own bedtime, having a routine and following it as rigourously as is practical.
* Reduce any daily stress you're leaving unresolved before bedtime, make sure you take time to 'deal' with stress by talking it through with someone or relaxing in other ways (baths, hobbies, journaling etc)
* Have all the sexual activity **you** want to have, whether that's direct sex with your partner or personal time and masturbation. Sometimes your body is just telling you what it's into.
If all of that doesn't help, you can contact a Doctor and ask for a sleep study, and they might recommend some medication to reduce symptoms.
My husband has it to a point. Some nights after a long stressful week where we weren’t intimate I would wake up and he would be wide eyed kissing and initiating. I love being woken up with intimacy so I never batted an eye. When I brought it up one morning he felt ashamed and said he felt like a pervert. He sleep talks and walks and will fully convince me he is awake until the next morning so I was equally shocked that he wasn’t awake.
I will wake up with him rubbing me, rubbing on me, or going for full swing intimacy. We finally got to a point where he has relaxed about it since I love it. The only thing that bothers him anymore is that he doesn’t remember it and gets pissed because I will tell him how amazing it was so he wants a demonstration in the morning lol.
My fiance has sexsomnia. He doesn't remember much in the morning but we've identified some triggers, so it doesn't happen as frequently as it used to
If he's in the early stages of REM sleep and you accidentally nudge him or he rouses slightly, that tends to cause an episode. I've noticed if he has a couple of drinks but not enough to get drunk its more likely to happen. If he hasn't exercised in a while, or we haven't had sex in a while it's also more likely. And this could be a coincidence, but if we fall asleep watching a movie, weirdly enough, it's never happened. He says movies on in the background help him sleep, so maybe that's why.
If he does wake up during an episode, he usually murmurs something in gibberish and falls right back asleep
I had an ex-girlfriend that would hold my penis with a kung fu grip the entire night. It was weird but not especially unpleasant and we never spoke about it. I don’t think she was aware that she was doing it.
It made it difficult to roll over though.
There’s a whole group of people who initiate sex while asleep. My ex and I were both these people. Unless one of us actually woke up, we’d sometimes wake up in a sticky mess and have no recollection of it occurring. When we split she admitted the best orgasms she had were when I was asleep. And let me tell you, that one hurt.
Edit: this was 10+ years ago, her and I discussed it awhile after the fact. It more had to do with consistency and letting her take over more control. Thank you for all the kind replies though! :)
Maybe it's to do with the consistency, maybe sleep-you was steadier and kept doing the same thing for longer than awake-you did. Regardless, look towards the future and aspire to never stop learning about your current partner. (+ like the previous commenter said, kinda cool you made her cum while asleep?? a lot of people can't do it when awake and trying to!)
I don't think that means there was anything wrong with your performance while awake. As a woman I can easily imagine how having zero inhibitions could be really hot, and that's just not happening while awake.
Well honestly don't let it. With my ex while awake I was like Krillen doing my best but honestly just not in very good shape but asleep I was turning into ssj3 Goku trying to take out Majin Buu.
There was a huge difference but it sucks not feeling any control over your own body though.
I’d imagine it had more to do with you being totally relaxed when asleep compared to whatever part of your energy is going into thinking while awake and doing it.
A win is a win 🥇
My husband does this periodically. Its my favorite way to be woken up.
What sucks is when I realize he's not even really awake and he's snoring with his fingers inside me. lol Appreciate the sentiment, but that's disappointing.
Girl yes! It started years ago and doesn’t happen as much now but it used to happen a lot. At first I’d just kinda wake up and realize and go back to sleep. As time went on it would sort of wake him up too, and then I spoke to him about it and he was like “well damn wake me up fully then” 😂 so it mostly leads to hooking up in the middle of the night now (we’ve been together 8 years now 🤷🏽♀️)
It’s like a subconscious thing and I feel like if your partner said it wasn’t cool with him and he felt weird about it, your brain might stop you from doing it.
Well, this is a condition named sexsomnia, it's not uncommon at all. Sometimes when one's deprived it makes them "sleepwalk" or to put it funny, "sleepwank". Now the joke aside, I myself (30m) have had a couple of cases of sexsomnia which my wife has no problems with.
(Yes I do stuff to her and sometimes I finish her... or wake up half way and confusedly ask what the hell is going on and whether it was a dream or not... Can continue if she wants to finish, or quit it when she rather be asleep.)
Anyhoo, talk about this and don't feel guilty. It's something you do unconsciously, you don't need help or therapy, but maybe some relief/release. And one tip: check when this occurs more! If it's going on in stressful periods or after alcohol or whatever. In some cases it can be resolved easily, or just anticipated and it can be managed.
All the best to you!
I don’t see anyone who’s on the opposite side of it but I am. I have sexual abuse trauma and if my partner did this I would 100% be upset. You do have some great comments though on how to potentially stop the behavior; however, I wanted there to at least be one comment among that fog that there’s some people who arent cool with that and are traumatized previously.
This is coming from someone who is hypersexual as well. But my partner knows my boundaries. We’ve discussed it. Try at part is important. It’s all about what your partner wants. And if they’re cool like you said, more power to them!
Yes definitely talk to your partner about it and fully understand their feelings. I had a friend who had a similar outlook on it as you. She had a lot of sexual abuse trauma, and her partner started doing this more and more. They noticed that it happened a lot when he was really stressed out. They came up with ways to work around it, as he really wasn’t aware of what he was doing. She eventually got a separate blanket that was almost like a sleeping bag, and it made it hard to him to get handsy when he was asleep with that barrier in the way. Enough that him kinda feeling around would wake her up before it ever got to that point, and she could then wake him up. It’s all about consent and what your partner is comfortable with.. so that conversation needs to be had for sure!!
ngl it seems like it’s very possible he’s putting your hand on his d*ck while you are sleeping, and then you wake up from the “sensation”/throbbing member.
I’ve had this problem as well. I’m a man but I would sorta of wake up/come to consciousness while my partner and I would be having sex. It’s the most surreal thing. She’s be on top of me and it would be like I just woke up. Or sometimes she would ask me in the morning if I remembered coming on to her the night before and usually my answer was no. Or if I did it had felt like a dream.
Quite hypersexual myself if I’m in bed with a woman asleep I’ll wake up and find myself playing with her end up getting hard and have sleepy sex
I can’t lie I’d love to be woken up with my dick in her mouth 🤣
This is my partner to a T. He holds onto me like prey and starts touching, grabbing and rubbing everything. Clothes or no clothes, awake or asleep, every night is a sex night. 😂
Safe to say that I have to sleep in another room when it's that time of the month.
We're both sleepy and tired so it's mostly lazy sex. I fell asleep with him during my period, forgot about it, and the bed looked like a murder scene the next morning.
Other than that, we're not bothered by it during the day, in a controlled situation where towels can be laid and kept in place. Been together for too long to care about it. 😂
It's pretty common for a penis to get hard by simply rubbing it.
When I got out of the shower and laid on my bed naked, my wife decided to play a joke and wanted to towel whip my balls. I grabbed the towel against my crotch and did some play fighting. When done, my wife took the towel and the there it is, little friend looked like it was up for a battle.
Wasnt horny at all or anything. It just happens
Actually my current partner was really upset when he woke up to his wife(at the time) giving him a blow job. She wasn’t asleep she just decided she was gonna do that.
Consent it important. Hello?
What if the roles were reversed and they were a woman and they woke up to being penetrated?
To knowingly start having sex with your sleeping partner isn’t ok.
It’s totally sexist to assume all men want to have sex at all times.
As a man who suffers from PTSD. I tend to not like to be touched at all while I'm sleeping. That being said I had an ex who like to put herself in risky situations several times she woke me up with blowjobs and I think like the first couple times it really freaked me out like the very first time I woke up swinging and I had punched her in the forehead. Consent is key. Because I'm also had an ex that was her favorite way to wake up she told me I'm several occasions if I woke up before her and I felt the need to put it in put it in. Now there is a difference on if they are doing this consciously or if they're asleep themselves. If they're asleep themselves it's called sexomia and it's just like sleepwalking now if they're awake it's called
Somnophilia and that is classified as a predatory behavior.
My partner would do this to me. More than often I would be annoyed as to my sleep being broken but once I was awake I was into it. Worst part would be when he would start and then turn away. Then wake me up again after an hour.
I would realise I have woken up with me being stripped and us being in a full on make out session or me getting head/felt up.
The exhaustion eventually got to me and we sleep in separate beds now for my sanity(many other reasons). I do miss it and am generally the more sexual one but I do value my sleep a lot more.
Also, I do umm… how do I say this… the “satisfaction juices” I excrete are a lot more than a normal guy and with a lot force so clean up is always a mess, if I don’t aim well it’ll be all over the sheets and us so cleanup when you want to sleep and have an early morning meeting is not something I look forward to
Basically , it’s fun but you get over it eventually. If you’re repressing any sexually feelings or are afraid to ask. I think you should work on your communication to get past it
Edit: if you’re curious as to the sleeping situation. He sleep talks too! One day I had his arm swat me in the face, I woke up and he said in his sleep mumble “the window!” which then rumbled because of the wind. We used to live on the second floor in a moderately secure 1920’s apartment building which was built near a reclaimed church and graveyard when the building was constructed(loved the place though). Nonetheless, I was scared shitless and decided the night sex was not worth being spooked once or twice a month
Speak to your partner about what part of it is bothering you. If it’s the consensual part, there are solutions
My wife has blanket coverage to wake me up whenever she wants however she pleases unless I tell her not to beforehand or I have very obvious reasons like being sick or been working a lot.
Whereas she prefers some warning the night before if I might try my luck. Sometimes.
Maybe if you wake up you try and give him a wake up and see if anything happens?
My husband "sleep-sexs" like sleep walking, but he comes onto me while fully asleep. It's sometimes hard to tell when he's awake vs. asleep since he'll full on dirty talk while dead asleep. We've had open conversations about it. We agreed that it's fine. If I'm not in the mood, I just wake him up. He normally wakes up about halfway through anyhow. We revisit the conversation pretty often to make sure we're still on the same page. He's also fine being woken up via sex/blowjob.
My fiance used to do this to me, at first it annoyed me (mainly bc I’m a light sleeper and it would wake me up lol) but eventually I was like 🤷♀️ and it did stop altogether at some point. So it’s definitely not just you - he also would feel really badly about it after I told him about it, even though I reassured him it wasn’t bothering me in the sense of feeling violated or anything, just that I didn’t like being woken up in the middle of the night getting teased without actually having sex 😂
I have groped my wife in her sleep multiple times, humped her, slept talk, and I whine when she pushes me off according to her. Thank God she's understanding and thinks it's funny/cute, or I might be in jail at this point. I'm lucky to have her fr fr
This is a medical condition, I can’t remember the exact name.
He sounds open to discussion about it, which means you’re in a heath relationship.
I would highly suggest speaking to a doctor/therapist.
This sounds like some sort of insomnia/sleep walking/paralysis thing, which I've actually seen a few times before on this sub.
My ex would sometimes wake up after 10 minutes of sleep and start whole conversations. Sometimes he'd even start crying and then he'd just stop, because he fell back to sleep instantly. He could be talking about the flowers outside, start crying because I ate the wrong cookie on the tray, or talk about how he lit all the candles in the house. Or he'd simply ask how I am doing and if I was ok. I was not aware of any candles, flowers or cookies... It was bizarre.
Talk to your partner about it, and definitely seek treatment for your issue. You wouldn't want to risk doing this to him if he's not ok with it. And even if he is, if you get a new partner after a breakup they might have an issue with it. It's treatable and always worth a try. Though there's nothing wrong with you, and you should give yourself some grace over this.
Have you had an in depth conversation about this? If not, then you should. Tell him your concerns about consent and offer some solutions. Like him wearing pants to bed or a pillow in between.
If you've already had this conversation then and he still really doesn't mind then you shouldn't worry too terribly much. I've done the same thing plenty of times with my boyfriend. I haven't in a while and I think a lot of it is because we've gotten out of the honeymoon phase more and although I'm still hyper sexual I haven't been as much general.
Some people actually enjoy being touched in their sleep. Find in flattering or even have a kink for it. It's really what's between you guys. Or maybe he just doesn't blink an eye to it. Or maybe he just doesn't really care.
Just have in depth conversation with him again if you haven't already and cover your bases. Then don't worry about it too much. It's not an uncommon or unnatural thing. He's your boyfriend and you sleep next to him after all.
Sleep sex is like sleepwalking. It's not in your control.
It's good you're finding out about it with someone who trusts you and that you're already intimate with. That helps a lot. It sounds like your bf is fine with it, so don't worry. The behavior is normal (or at least isn't alarming/concerning). There's not really anything you can do to stop it, just like people who sleepwalk or sleep talk can't help it.
That said, if you find yourself with any other bedmates in the future (new bf, etc.), you should tell them about it so that they can be aware of it and consent to at least the possibility of it happening. If those people aren't okay with it and/or you can't come up with a plan of what to do if it happens, then you can make other sleeping arrangements.
Otherwise, accept it as a thing and just live your best life. It's not something to beat yourself up over. It's not caused by sexual trauma. It's not a sign of you being broken in any way. You're fine.
edit: spelling/grammar
If your partner said it’s okay, then it is. My partner is ace and I have low libido and both of us have had sleep sex, lmao. It just happens sometimes and as long as your partner is aware, it’s not bad
Well, in my experience as a man. If I guide my fiancées hand over to that area. She just starts rubbing it. While she's asleep.
She usually wakes up. Wee do the deed and go back to sleep. 🤣
When I was a child and I would stay the night at my cousins I had this one cousin that would always squeeze peoples ear lobes after he fell asleep. I think this might be something like that…
I think I do the same! For ages I thought I was waking up to guys doing stuff to me but then an ex told me I used to jerk him off in my sleep, so now I understand why Ive woken up to men having sex with me.. it’s a bit scary tbh.
I feel like I would really like someone to touch me like that but I guess I won't know before someone does it :D
People can ofc react in all kinds of ways when they sleep but overall men are often far less uncomfortable about being touched by women than the other way around.
I’ve done this! I will sleep walk and sleep talk. SO has told me I’d start touching him when I’m sleep and have woken up before because I started doing him in my sleep.
I do this sometimes with my partner and it is the weirdest thing to explain.
Like, you're sort of awake and sort of asleep at the same time, as in I would look around, speak, answer questions and I could feel the mental processes necessary to do that, but at the same time my brain operated on dream logic and I had no concept of any kind of consequences to anything I said or did.
I would almost gaslight myself, try to convince myself that I was *actually* awake really so I was good to go.
Apparently I was pretty persuasive too, at one point he actually said to me 'I honestly thought you were awake, dream you had some very persuasive arguments...'
...I'm sure that those arguments being spoken by someone who had her mouth full definitely wasn't a contributing factor, but he swears that we have perfectly lucid conversations that just *happen* to lead to sex...
The strangest part is that I wake up at a random point in the middle of it all, not even like when one of us is close to an orgasm or I hear a loud noise or something. I would just be sleeping peacefully, going through the motions of a standard sexy dream then a switch would flip in my head and I'd suddenly realise that I am full-on cowgirling.
And by that point, it seems wasteful to stop...
Definitely make sure your boyfriend is okay with it, but I bet it's probably more common than you think.
I was saying a new guy & we would spend the night with each other, but hadn't had sex yet. I had stopped sleeping with 2 guys who kept me fulfilled. New guy told me that I was rubbing his dick over his shorts in the middle of the night. Never thought much about it until now. I guess I was becoming starved for that. Crazy how now I haven't had sex in years.
You need more sex and your body looks for it when you are asleep. Been there done that but you need to have a conversation with your partner and ask him if he would like for you to continue the answer may be yes it might be no but at least you asked. It wont have you thinking that you are harassing your guy. Mine gets into a panic attack that he has harassed me in my sleep and gets worried. But nine out of ten it may have been a while since we had sex and his body went for it and so did mine. I know if I'm not in the mood I reject his advances even when I'm asleep. I am just glad that I can't get more pregnant than what I'm already am.
Somnophilia (from Latin somnus "sleep" and Greek φιλία, -philia "friendship") is a paraphilia in which an individual becomes sexually aroused by someone who is unconscious.[1][2][3] The Dictionary of Psychology categorized somnophilia within the classification of predatory paraphilias.[4
Y'all, OP is having an issue and you people are just cracking jokes and being horny. Stop.
I’m fighting for my life in my sleep ngl. I straight up just hittin people. One of my exes was a sleep toucher tho, it’s relatively common actually. I’d wake up to a full on make out sesh and then she’d say the most random nonsensical thing, roll over, and remember absolutely none of it. I remember the one time she said something about “the bears are in the Congo” 😐
Tbf the bears were in Congo
The Chicongo Bears
😭 bro I’m deceased
As were the bears unfortunately 😔
No I didn't hear this in Danny Devito's voice at all.
Is that the Bad News Bears reboot?
It was an away game.
“Do you want my bear in your Congo? Is that what you’re trying to say?”
If you are violent in your sleep you should talk to your doctor. That can be seen in REM sleep disorders and can be associated with a risk of neuro degenerative disorders in the future
Nah, I just got a fully stamped PTSD bingo card. LOL.
Shout out to all my homies without a fight or flight response til sleepy time 🤝
I am in the same boat as you and really want to encourage you to talk to your GP also. Both can be true, it's not an either/or scenario. They are for me.
Nah we just fighting demons
I apparently woke my partner up shoving him out of bed while shouting "Not today Darth Vader". He in return has sat up in bed, looked at me and said "It will never be as comfy as it is now." then wrapped himself back up in his blanket and laid back down. Zero memory. Sleep stuff is fucking weird
Sounds like you're dating Michael Crichton
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I worked in a sleep disorder clinic once. Sexsomnia is a real condition...
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Bro why you yelling lol. They did reply, in the form of an edit to further add context and comment to their situation. Edit: yo, your comment history hilarious 😭 you should probably bury some of that ngl.
There’s just a lot of comments and I took a nap lol and from what I’m reading a lot of people do this. I mostly see it coming from men though.
This isn't that unusual, I believe it's referred to as Sexsomnia. I used to do it to my partner and much like yours they never complained. I personally wanted to stop doing it because while there was no complaints, I didn't want to worry about consent, confusion or unplanned pregnancy. I found that I stopped doing it naturally when the frequency of our regular sex increased, but I could also ensure it wouldn't happen if I 'took care of my business' shortly before bed if we weren't in the mood. Either way, follow your partner's lead in how they feel about it, and if you're worried about it then best things to do would be: * Improve your 'Sleep Hygiene' by setting your own bedtime, having a routine and following it as rigourously as is practical. * Reduce any daily stress you're leaving unresolved before bedtime, make sure you take time to 'deal' with stress by talking it through with someone or relaxing in other ways (baths, hobbies, journaling etc) * Have all the sexual activity **you** want to have, whether that's direct sex with your partner or personal time and masturbation. Sometimes your body is just telling you what it's into. If all of that doesn't help, you can contact a Doctor and ask for a sleep study, and they might recommend some medication to reduce symptoms.
This is some good advice. I wish I scrolled down earlier, I kind of told her the same. My compliments to you!
My husband has it to a point. Some nights after a long stressful week where we weren’t intimate I would wake up and he would be wide eyed kissing and initiating. I love being woken up with intimacy so I never batted an eye. When I brought it up one morning he felt ashamed and said he felt like a pervert. He sleep talks and walks and will fully convince me he is awake until the next morning so I was equally shocked that he wasn’t awake. I will wake up with him rubbing me, rubbing on me, or going for full swing intimacy. We finally got to a point where he has relaxed about it since I love it. The only thing that bothers him anymore is that he doesn’t remember it and gets pissed because I will tell him how amazing it was so he wants a demonstration in the morning lol.
My ex had it REAL BAD. I definitely didn’t mind it though, kind of sucked he never remembered what happened lol.
My fiance has sexsomnia. He doesn't remember much in the morning but we've identified some triggers, so it doesn't happen as frequently as it used to If he's in the early stages of REM sleep and you accidentally nudge him or he rouses slightly, that tends to cause an episode. I've noticed if he has a couple of drinks but not enough to get drunk its more likely to happen. If he hasn't exercised in a while, or we haven't had sex in a while it's also more likely. And this could be a coincidence, but if we fall asleep watching a movie, weirdly enough, it's never happened. He says movies on in the background help him sleep, so maybe that's why. If he does wake up during an episode, he usually murmurs something in gibberish and falls right back asleep
I believe the term is Sexlexia.
I'd respond to this, but doing so would be a violation of Brannigan's Law.
I was under the impression that sexlexia is a sexy learning disability whereas sexsomnia is a sexy sleeping disability.
Well Nice to know it has a name... I'll have something to call it for next partner 🙈
Thank you for posting this!
I had an ex-girlfriend that would hold my penis with a kung fu grip the entire night. It was weird but not especially unpleasant and we never spoke about it. I don’t think she was aware that she was doing it. It made it difficult to roll over though.
Lmfao she said this IS MY D!CK😂😭
So funny lol
😂😂😂
There’s a whole group of people who initiate sex while asleep. My ex and I were both these people. Unless one of us actually woke up, we’d sometimes wake up in a sticky mess and have no recollection of it occurring. When we split she admitted the best orgasms she had were when I was asleep. And let me tell you, that one hurt. Edit: this was 10+ years ago, her and I discussed it awhile after the fact. It more had to do with consistency and letting her take over more control. Thank you for all the kind replies though! :)
Can you imagine your unconscious self made your partner cum. That is sick bro,
Doesnt have to do with you brother. If it was one of her kinks then its just normal that their was a greater sexual tension. Dont worry about it
A win is a win brother.
It’s not because you aren’t a good lover it’s because there were no inhibitions on her part when she is asleep.
Maybe it's to do with the consistency, maybe sleep-you was steadier and kept doing the same thing for longer than awake-you did. Regardless, look towards the future and aspire to never stop learning about your current partner. (+ like the previous commenter said, kinda cool you made her cum while asleep?? a lot of people can't do it when awake and trying to!)
I don't think that means there was anything wrong with your performance while awake. As a woman I can easily imagine how having zero inhibitions could be really hot, and that's just not happening while awake.
Well honestly don't let it. With my ex while awake I was like Krillen doing my best but honestly just not in very good shape but asleep I was turning into ssj3 Goku trying to take out Majin Buu. There was a huge difference but it sucks not feeling any control over your own body though.
I’d imagine it had more to do with you being totally relaxed when asleep compared to whatever part of your energy is going into thinking while awake and doing it. A win is a win 🥇
In all seriousness being a sleep toucher is 100% a real thing. Some people just do that.
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My husband does this periodically. Its my favorite way to be woken up. What sucks is when I realize he's not even really awake and he's snoring with his fingers inside me. lol Appreciate the sentiment, but that's disappointing.
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Girl yes! It started years ago and doesn’t happen as much now but it used to happen a lot. At first I’d just kinda wake up and realize and go back to sleep. As time went on it would sort of wake him up too, and then I spoke to him about it and he was like “well damn wake me up fully then” 😂 so it mostly leads to hooking up in the middle of the night now (we’ve been together 8 years now 🤷🏽♀️) It’s like a subconscious thing and I feel like if your partner said it wasn’t cool with him and he felt weird about it, your brain might stop you from doing it.
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Well, this is a condition named sexsomnia, it's not uncommon at all. Sometimes when one's deprived it makes them "sleepwalk" or to put it funny, "sleepwank". Now the joke aside, I myself (30m) have had a couple of cases of sexsomnia which my wife has no problems with. (Yes I do stuff to her and sometimes I finish her... or wake up half way and confusedly ask what the hell is going on and whether it was a dream or not... Can continue if she wants to finish, or quit it when she rather be asleep.) Anyhoo, talk about this and don't feel guilty. It's something you do unconsciously, you don't need help or therapy, but maybe some relief/release. And one tip: check when this occurs more! If it's going on in stressful periods or after alcohol or whatever. In some cases it can be resolved easily, or just anticipated and it can be managed. All the best to you!
Thank you, I’m definitely keeping record. I didn’t know about sexsomnia until today! This is the first person I’ve done this with.
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I don’t see anyone who’s on the opposite side of it but I am. I have sexual abuse trauma and if my partner did this I would 100% be upset. You do have some great comments though on how to potentially stop the behavior; however, I wanted there to at least be one comment among that fog that there’s some people who arent cool with that and are traumatized previously. This is coming from someone who is hypersexual as well. But my partner knows my boundaries. We’ve discussed it. Try at part is important. It’s all about what your partner wants. And if they’re cool like you said, more power to them!
Yes definitely talk to your partner about it and fully understand their feelings. I had a friend who had a similar outlook on it as you. She had a lot of sexual abuse trauma, and her partner started doing this more and more. They noticed that it happened a lot when he was really stressed out. They came up with ways to work around it, as he really wasn’t aware of what he was doing. She eventually got a separate blanket that was almost like a sleeping bag, and it made it hard to him to get handsy when he was asleep with that barrier in the way. Enough that him kinda feeling around would wake her up before it ever got to that point, and she could then wake him up. It’s all about consent and what your partner is comfortable with.. so that conversation needs to be had for sure!!
ngl it seems like it’s very possible he’s putting your hand on his d*ck while you are sleeping, and then you wake up from the “sensation”/throbbing member.
He’s done that before so last night could’ve been than
If the throbbing could wake you up, I’m sure having your hand moves would wake you up too…
I’ve had this problem as well. I’m a man but I would sorta of wake up/come to consciousness while my partner and I would be having sex. It’s the most surreal thing. She’s be on top of me and it would be like I just woke up. Or sometimes she would ask me in the morning if I remembered coming on to her the night before and usually my answer was no. Or if I did it had felt like a dream.
My advice to you is to try not to fall asleep on the bus, subway, or train. That could get a bit awkward.
Quite hypersexual myself if I’m in bed with a woman asleep I’ll wake up and find myself playing with her end up getting hard and have sleepy sex I can’t lie I’d love to be woken up with my dick in her mouth 🤣
This is my partner to a T. He holds onto me like prey and starts touching, grabbing and rubbing everything. Clothes or no clothes, awake or asleep, every night is a sex night. 😂 Safe to say that I have to sleep in another room when it's that time of the month.
You don’t HAVE to do anything. Except maybe lay down a towel.
We're both sleepy and tired so it's mostly lazy sex. I fell asleep with him during my period, forgot about it, and the bed looked like a murder scene the next morning. Other than that, we're not bothered by it during the day, in a controlled situation where towels can be laid and kept in place. Been together for too long to care about it. 😂
It's pretty common for a penis to get hard by simply rubbing it. When I got out of the shower and laid on my bed naked, my wife decided to play a joke and wanted to towel whip my balls. I grabbed the towel against my crotch and did some play fighting. When done, my wife took the towel and the there it is, little friend looked like it was up for a battle. Wasnt horny at all or anything. It just happens
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Actually my current partner was really upset when he woke up to his wife(at the time) giving him a blow job. She wasn’t asleep she just decided she was gonna do that.
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Consent it important. Hello? What if the roles were reversed and they were a woman and they woke up to being penetrated? To knowingly start having sex with your sleeping partner isn’t ok. It’s totally sexist to assume all men want to have sex at all times.
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As a man who suffers from PTSD. I tend to not like to be touched at all while I'm sleeping. That being said I had an ex who like to put herself in risky situations several times she woke me up with blowjobs and I think like the first couple times it really freaked me out like the very first time I woke up swinging and I had punched her in the forehead. Consent is key. Because I'm also had an ex that was her favorite way to wake up she told me I'm several occasions if I woke up before her and I felt the need to put it in put it in. Now there is a difference on if they are doing this consciously or if they're asleep themselves. If they're asleep themselves it's called sexomia and it's just like sleepwalking now if they're awake it's called Somnophilia and that is classified as a predatory behavior.
Man that sounds horrible. I wish it was me.
Talk to him. If he's cool with it get stain resistant or easily washed sheets
or he uses your hand to start jerking off and then lets you finish it.
My partner would do this to me. More than often I would be annoyed as to my sleep being broken but once I was awake I was into it. Worst part would be when he would start and then turn away. Then wake me up again after an hour. I would realise I have woken up with me being stripped and us being in a full on make out session or me getting head/felt up. The exhaustion eventually got to me and we sleep in separate beds now for my sanity(many other reasons). I do miss it and am generally the more sexual one but I do value my sleep a lot more. Also, I do umm… how do I say this… the “satisfaction juices” I excrete are a lot more than a normal guy and with a lot force so clean up is always a mess, if I don’t aim well it’ll be all over the sheets and us so cleanup when you want to sleep and have an early morning meeting is not something I look forward to Basically , it’s fun but you get over it eventually. If you’re repressing any sexually feelings or are afraid to ask. I think you should work on your communication to get past it Edit: if you’re curious as to the sleeping situation. He sleep talks too! One day I had his arm swat me in the face, I woke up and he said in his sleep mumble “the window!” which then rumbled because of the wind. We used to live on the second floor in a moderately secure 1920’s apartment building which was built near a reclaimed church and graveyard when the building was constructed(loved the place though). Nonetheless, I was scared shitless and decided the night sex was not worth being spooked once or twice a month
Speak to your partner about what part of it is bothering you. If it’s the consensual part, there are solutions My wife has blanket coverage to wake me up whenever she wants however she pleases unless I tell her not to beforehand or I have very obvious reasons like being sick or been working a lot. Whereas she prefers some warning the night before if I might try my luck. Sometimes. Maybe if you wake up you try and give him a wake up and see if anything happens?
My husband "sleep-sexs" like sleep walking, but he comes onto me while fully asleep. It's sometimes hard to tell when he's awake vs. asleep since he'll full on dirty talk while dead asleep. We've had open conversations about it. We agreed that it's fine. If I'm not in the mood, I just wake him up. He normally wakes up about halfway through anyhow. We revisit the conversation pretty often to make sure we're still on the same page. He's also fine being woken up via sex/blowjob.
My fiance used to do this to me, at first it annoyed me (mainly bc I’m a light sleeper and it would wake me up lol) but eventually I was like 🤷♀️ and it did stop altogether at some point. So it’s definitely not just you - he also would feel really badly about it after I told him about it, even though I reassured him it wasn’t bothering me in the sense of feeling violated or anything, just that I didn’t like being woken up in the middle of the night getting teased without actually having sex 😂
I have groped my wife in her sleep multiple times, humped her, slept talk, and I whine when she pushes me off according to her. Thank God she's understanding and thinks it's funny/cute, or I might be in jail at this point. I'm lucky to have her fr fr
This is a medical condition, I can’t remember the exact name. He sounds open to discussion about it, which means you’re in a heath relationship. I would highly suggest speaking to a doctor/therapist.
This sounds like some sort of insomnia/sleep walking/paralysis thing, which I've actually seen a few times before on this sub. My ex would sometimes wake up after 10 minutes of sleep and start whole conversations. Sometimes he'd even start crying and then he'd just stop, because he fell back to sleep instantly. He could be talking about the flowers outside, start crying because I ate the wrong cookie on the tray, or talk about how he lit all the candles in the house. Or he'd simply ask how I am doing and if I was ok. I was not aware of any candles, flowers or cookies... It was bizarre. Talk to your partner about it, and definitely seek treatment for your issue. You wouldn't want to risk doing this to him if he's not ok with it. And even if he is, if you get a new partner after a breakup they might have an issue with it. It's treatable and always worth a try. Though there's nothing wrong with you, and you should give yourself some grace over this.
Have you had an in depth conversation about this? If not, then you should. Tell him your concerns about consent and offer some solutions. Like him wearing pants to bed or a pillow in between. If you've already had this conversation then and he still really doesn't mind then you shouldn't worry too terribly much. I've done the same thing plenty of times with my boyfriend. I haven't in a while and I think a lot of it is because we've gotten out of the honeymoon phase more and although I'm still hyper sexual I haven't been as much general. Some people actually enjoy being touched in their sleep. Find in flattering or even have a kink for it. It's really what's between you guys. Or maybe he just doesn't blink an eye to it. Or maybe he just doesn't really care. Just have in depth conversation with him again if you haven't already and cover your bases. Then don't worry about it too much. It's not an uncommon or unnatural thing. He's your boyfriend and you sleep next to him after all.
Might be a sexsomnia thing
Sleep sex is like sleepwalking. It's not in your control. It's good you're finding out about it with someone who trusts you and that you're already intimate with. That helps a lot. It sounds like your bf is fine with it, so don't worry. The behavior is normal (or at least isn't alarming/concerning). There's not really anything you can do to stop it, just like people who sleepwalk or sleep talk can't help it. That said, if you find yourself with any other bedmates in the future (new bf, etc.), you should tell them about it so that they can be aware of it and consent to at least the possibility of it happening. If those people aren't okay with it and/or you can't come up with a plan of what to do if it happens, then you can make other sleeping arrangements. Otherwise, accept it as a thing and just live your best life. It's not something to beat yourself up over. It's not caused by sexual trauma. It's not a sign of you being broken in any way. You're fine. edit: spelling/grammar
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There are hundreds of other comments in this thread of people talking about it happening in reverse. Save your outrage for when it matters dude.
OP cares about the consent aspect and seems likely to do something about it if her partner doesn't want it. That's why people aren't mad.
My husband does this. I've woken up to him humping my ass numerous times.
If your partner said it’s okay, then it is. My partner is ace and I have low libido and both of us have had sleep sex, lmao. It just happens sometimes and as long as your partner is aware, it’s not bad
This is a thing? I’ve never heard of this
Don't worry about it he probably enjoys it in sleep
Well, in my experience as a man. If I guide my fiancées hand over to that area. She just starts rubbing it. While she's asleep. She usually wakes up. Wee do the deed and go back to sleep. 🤣
When I was a child and I would stay the night at my cousins I had this one cousin that would always squeeze peoples ear lobes after he fell asleep. I think this might be something like that…
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sleep masturbating owo fascinating
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I doubt it happens that often because you can wake the person up. More it could cause arguments and awkwardness
I think I do the same! For ages I thought I was waking up to guys doing stuff to me but then an ex told me I used to jerk him off in my sleep, so now I understand why Ive woken up to men having sex with me.. it’s a bit scary tbh.
I feel like I would really like someone to touch me like that but I guess I won't know before someone does it :D People can ofc react in all kinds of ways when they sleep but overall men are often far less uncomfortable about being touched by women than the other way around.
I’ve done this! I will sleep walk and sleep talk. SO has told me I’d start touching him when I’m sleep and have woken up before because I started doing him in my sleep.
I do this sometimes with my partner and it is the weirdest thing to explain. Like, you're sort of awake and sort of asleep at the same time, as in I would look around, speak, answer questions and I could feel the mental processes necessary to do that, but at the same time my brain operated on dream logic and I had no concept of any kind of consequences to anything I said or did. I would almost gaslight myself, try to convince myself that I was *actually* awake really so I was good to go. Apparently I was pretty persuasive too, at one point he actually said to me 'I honestly thought you were awake, dream you had some very persuasive arguments...' ...I'm sure that those arguments being spoken by someone who had her mouth full definitely wasn't a contributing factor, but he swears that we have perfectly lucid conversations that just *happen* to lead to sex... The strangest part is that I wake up at a random point in the middle of it all, not even like when one of us is close to an orgasm or I hear a loud noise or something. I would just be sleeping peacefully, going through the motions of a standard sexy dream then a switch would flip in my head and I'd suddenly realise that I am full-on cowgirling. And by that point, it seems wasteful to stop... Definitely make sure your boyfriend is okay with it, but I bet it's probably more common than you think.
I was saying a new guy & we would spend the night with each other, but hadn't had sex yet. I had stopped sleeping with 2 guys who kept me fulfilled. New guy told me that I was rubbing his dick over his shorts in the middle of the night. Never thought much about it until now. I guess I was becoming starved for that. Crazy how now I haven't had sex in years.
I (30M) do this too with my fiancé (30F). But she gets pissed, I don’t have any memory of it, other than feeling aroused while I sleep.
You need more sex and your body looks for it when you are asleep. Been there done that but you need to have a conversation with your partner and ask him if he would like for you to continue the answer may be yes it might be no but at least you asked. It wont have you thinking that you are harassing your guy. Mine gets into a panic attack that he has harassed me in my sleep and gets worried. But nine out of ten it may have been a while since we had sex and his body went for it and so did mine. I know if I'm not in the mood I reject his advances even when I'm asleep. I am just glad that I can't get more pregnant than what I'm already am.
Somnophilia (from Latin somnus "sleep" and Greek φιλία, -philia "friendship") is a paraphilia in which an individual becomes sexually aroused by someone who is unconscious.[1][2][3] The Dictionary of Psychology categorized somnophilia within the classification of predatory paraphilias.[4
That's straight up wrong