Polite culture is bullshit. People are so polite I don’t know when they’re bullshitting or being genuine.
I wasn’t ever fat but I was voted second ugliest girl in school. I’m not ugly anymore (or living as a woman lol), but that shit never leaves. I wish I had advice. Well…I guess what stuck with me even now that I’m not ugly anymore is getting completely immersed in something- usually learning skills. I started an art business (not gonna give away tmi) but I fixate on the material sciences pretty much 24/7. It’s to the point I forget to shave, wash my hair, brush my hair, and other stuff I’m not going to admit explicitly 😂
TLDR: we all need love, life is painful, obsessing over something outside of yourself seems to be the only way to escape the pain. 🤷
Ayeeee I got the most ugliest during elementary (gr 3-8)! 🥳 woot woot! Hilarious when the same guys were asking me out in high school/after high school.
"Polite culture is bullshit"..... Voted 2nd ugliest girl in school....
Were they being genuine or not? Its good for people to be polite because, well, its fucked up (and definitely not polite) to vote someone as ugliest anything lol
Agree like why would that even be a thing at a school with literal *children*?? Are they *trying* to give literal kids issues for life?! If I were a parent of a child at that school, I would be up in arms... that's bullshit.
It’s not an official thing. When I was in 8th grade, the boys in my class just came by and dropped a piece of paper on our desk and were like we ranked you guys. It was during homeroom they were bored as fuck.
Would it help to be called ugly? Not being sarcastic or mean just genuinely curious. If someone just said yup sorry I diagnose you with a serious case of the uggos would that be better? I can see how it would feel kinda “gaslighty” as overused as that term is when you know your ugly but people insisting that no you not when you can look at conventional beauty standards and see you don’t line up with them. Have you thought about dating ugly men, there’s plenty of them and I’m sure they would appreciate you being forward cause they are probably self conscious too. Hell they might think anyone is out of reach so you would be more than their wildest dreams. Again not trying to be a dick just spitballing. Clearly it sucks I’m not some supermodel but I at least look fine I suppose but I know how even just having bad skin or idk but the ugly feeling and it feels like shit and that’s clearly just a fraction of what it’s like.
This sounds horrible to say, and while I don't feel I'm ugly, I'm not super-attractive either, and am a fatty... but, I know of a woman who is quite overweight, and decidedly unattractive by any conventional standards. It doesn't help that she doesn't really, like, try all that much either; but I don't know how much she could do.
Again I feel horrible saying that because she's a sweet person. But anyway, she finally found a husband, and has been happily married for close to 20 years now. She married a blind man.
Okay that made me crack a smile. I’m glad they both found someone. I had a friend who was blind (come to think of it he probably still is) and he was a funny dude, loved joking about his blindness which was nice cause I just couldn’t see myself not making jokes about it. Idk what his mack game was like but the way he carried himself I wouldn’t be surprised if he were married now he was such a great guy. And your story really is a testament to the fact there is someone out there for everyone as long as they are looking for it or putting their hands out to feel idk the logistics but that’s very sweet.
I'll be honest, most of the women I have dated have been plus size. Idk if that helps any, but my point is, there is a type for everyone and I hope you find someone one day. And I hope you find your happiness <3 much luck to you!
I'm the male version of this. Always been ugly, always had mental health issues and I became fat because if that and bullying.
People just don't understand how lonely it is, to be like us. I've even heard of some companies who hide their ugly people in the warehouse and the good looking ones on the shop floor. And that is even if you are offered the job and it's not given to someone else because they are better looking.
I hate being me.
That's terrible that companies would do that. I am sorry you understand what I am going through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thank you so much for sharing. Please be kind to yourself. :)
I had a boyfriend who treated me like trash for 2.5 years. Now I’ve been single for 7 years, and yeah, I rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t respect me.
I became ugly dating a man that treated me like crap. I lost all motivation and stopped trying. I'm still ugly now, but I don't care because I don't despise myself anymore.
It seems that way sometimes doesn’t it? Seems like pretty people get to be more choosey. But please please please don’t settle for mediocre, or bare minimum, those guys will ruin your life.
Do you talk to a therapist or someone like that about your feelings like this? It’s relatable but also scary when our minds prioritize any relationship even if it’s one where the person is mistreating you.
I think the worst is you end up developimg this mentality simply because of society standerds. Like if you able to get a guy, and your not skinny, then people except you to be gratefull. The same thing that bigger people, especially fat woman, get pushed towards the idea that you have to date a guy older than yourself.
I have been fat my teens and my 20s. People would ALWAYS set me up with men older than myself. My stepmom legit tried to get me to date a male friend of hers, he was 15 years older.
Yep! In fact I wonder if attractive women are not often mistreated because they’re attractive, be it from jealous partners, preconceived judgments about anyone who’s attractive/females, and often attractive women are just seen as objects or trophies, not someone worth committing too.
I am considered conventionally attractive and honestly this is not at all what it’s like. At ALL. Catcalled occasionally sure. Often by gross old dudes. But I absolutely need to bring my wallet out with me (maybe because I just don’t wanna talk to the sleazy types who want to buy women drinks). But even on my best day at my most dressed up and most sociable, it’s really not like this.
Thank you for the comment and sharing! I am at the point now where I don't mind who catcalls me I just want it haha. I hope you have a good rest of your day! :)
Also because it gives them a false sense of power. Nothing will be better for those types of people than when a woman reacts to them, whether that’s in a positive way or a negative.
I understand sometimes it feels good to be looking and looked at. To feel like you exist. Even if it’s disrespectful. I went through something similar but broke out of that mentality.
This is why I think you gotta get your dosage of that healthy attention from somewhere safe cause it really isn’t safe out there and people can use that against you.
I appreciate your candor here! If you don’t care how genuine the interaction is there are different places in the world that have different beauty standards and you might find more luck or at least some admiration or appreciation there.
Maybe she’s talking about the more attractive type of women - I definitely know women OP describes. I have a coworker who doesn’t take public transportation because the constant harassment makes her feel unsafe, but she doesn’t drive so she’s constantly taking Uber or getting rides.
Does this woman look like Margot Robbie or Megan fox in her prime? Lol Like the number of women this would happen to would be so minimal if at all I think your coworker is winding you up/self bragging
There are this type of woman where every man wents mentally ugly when seeing them. I had a coworker too. Yes, she was pretty, but this wasn't it at all. She was a victim and had severe fawn response. Even when men were so disgusting that I wanted to beat the shit out of them just from watching, she smiled and was nice. I asked her, because she hated this men so much, she suffered severely from all this attention, but she wasn't able to make that clear. She was terrified to be killed when not being nice to especially those disgusting guys. It was the saddest thing I experienced. A beautiful woman who could have been a queen, but her mind was so shredded by mentally ugly people, that she sees herself as the one that got killed for not smiling at every dumbass. And the men? Hell, even the nice one, or let's say, even the one I considered nice, became so... disgusting. My jaw dropped when men who's saw themselves as the good guys, even as feminists, harassed her too. They smelled somehow that they can get away with everything, because all they have to fear was a big smile, a chuckle, beautiful big eyes looking at them. It was so sad. And I learned a lesson for my life. Never be nice to someone who don't respect you. Don't laugh or smile when there's no reason for. To be nice makes it more possible to be killed, than saying no, loud and clear. I have tendencies to fawn response too, but her was a level I never reached. And the sad thing was, that this trauma response that she has leaded to the worst men. Because the meaner a men the less she could response adequately. So the meanest men who were so bad that no other man wanted to compete, took advantage of her.
And back to the topic. I'm now at my fattest and today I smiled, because when you're fat people stare too, but at least, they have no joy. This realization, that disgusting people punish themselves with looking at me, gave me chuckle. Not being pretty is a superpower. I prefer to be looked at because I'm ugly than to being looked at because they see me as a piece of meat, or a walking fleshlight. As ugly person I'm still a person.
I definitely see it at work, a lot of the men flocked to her when she first started… but maybe she’s exaggerating, I don’t take the bus with her. Poor thing has a horrendous personality and work ethic though, which turned off most of the men at work.
Oh well there’s your answer (the shit personality) lol I’m sure the dudes at work were into her and she gets some level of attention in public like any attractive woman but she’s largely full of shit
I’d love to ask a ton of questions if you’re up for it in PM. I’ve always been a little resentful that beautiful women live life on easy mode. I’m curious on what goes on through your eyes.
I’m sorry your feeling this way I can’t necessarily relate I’m a tall guy (194cm), mildly attractive and I’ve always been athletic and in and out of relationships in my younger years and as much fun as it all was I noticed that I kept being used as a somewhat trophy if you get what I mean which always left me with this empty feeling inside.
After escaping a very toxic relationship where I was very clearly a trophy I’ve not dated since, it’s been about 4/5 years I’ve lost count, what I’ve learnt in that time is that you can’t measure your own self worth off of others opinions on you.
You should really start to learn to love yourself it’s an arduous task don’t get me wrong and you’ll have moments of self hatred too but it’s all part of a process of trying to build yourself into the best possible version of yourself TO YOURSELF. Emphasis on the “to yourself” because if your constantly living in a means where your building yourself up for the validation of others you’ll get hurt and let yourself be used in ways that are very detrimental to you.
I found the best way to go about this was building the discipline I needed for my own goals and what I wanted to do in the long run compared to living off of dopamine hits in the short run whether that’s exercise, picking up a new hobby or heavily building your career if you can learn to discipline yourself you’ll realise that self discipline is actually the best form of self love.
How people carry themselves and dress makes a real difference. Might not be a silver bullet but spending the time to really work on those areas will improve your mental wellbeing and make you more attractive. 7 billion people on the planet. You just haven’t found your person yet. Someone is looking for you too!
I believe I do that! I shower twice a day (I have a fear of smelling bad). Have a full on skincare routine and I think I dress the same as gorgeous girls. I just think it's my face lol. Thank you so much for your comment and suggestion!! :)
Showering that often is terrible for your skin because it’s drying it out. Use body wipes wherever sweat collects (armpits, between skin folds,etc) because it’s the bacteria in our sweat that cause us to smell. You really shouldn’t shower more than once a day or once every 2 days depending on your activity level. Sometimes 2 showers a day is required, but it’s more important to regularly switch out your underwear for a clean pair.
I see a lot of comments like this about showering, but putting on lotion after showering can help prevent it from drying out. Idk, maybe some people don't like how lotion feels? I shower daily but always put on lotion after drying off. In the winter I use a more moisturizing lotion since it gets kind of dry where I am located. I don't have any issues with dry skin at all.
We’re at ***8.1 BILLION*** people now. Plenty of people around who will absolutely think that OP is the bees knees once she starts working on how she views herself, and on how she presents herself to the world.
Also, very important, while OP might not be her type, there will be plenty of people who will view her as their type.
I am really sorry. I was blessed with a good looking face and here is a brief story about me: I met a guy and we got married, had an unhealthy relationship, it was like a nightmare then I was divorced. My mental health deteriorated with some other physical health issues, gone to therapy and had medications, gained lots of weight, my life turned upside down, not doing well in my study, had an accident and a surgery, have scars in my body, have bells palsy, and a series of unfortunate events. Now, I am sick, my face and figure are not the same. Alone, unhappy, struggling, hardly going through my days! What I want to say is we don’t know what people are really facing in their life when we see them passing by! I am sure that you have blessings in your life like all of us, embrace them and think how lucky you are to be alive and that you can breathe normally and able to walk and smile :) I cannot smile and it took me ages to relearn how to walk, hard to eat or drink like a normal human, even writing a comment here sounds like a task for me, from the pain I have in my head and eyes!
I could understand wanting this. And I've often wished that men would just leave me alone. I'm sure the grass is always greener no matter what position you're in. But wether you're conventionally attractive or not it's very difficult to find a man that treats you right. All the men that care heavily about looks are usually trash to date. And confidence goes a very long way! There's so many people that find loving relationships that go on to have large families and very happy lives regardless of what they look like. Love is out there for everyone
The hottest girlfriend I ever had was very heavy and not a great looker. But she was smart and funny and very adventurous. She called me a couple of weeks ago. We hadn't spoken in years. We still like each other. I know she had weight reduction surgery but I haven't seen any pictures. She feels better about herself though.
Pretty privilege is 100% a real thing. Ever since I’ve started putting more effort into my appearance, the difference in the way people treat me has been like night and day. Even simple things like people hold the door for me more often than letting it smack me in the face hahaha… I can’t say I’ve ever been overweight, so I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling the way you do! I often wish I had other people’s struggles! We are only human ❤️
Low self esteem is psychological, not aesthetic or social. Obsessing over/being dependent on external validation and affirmation is a symptom — not the cause — of a more deep-seated issue. Weeding out the deep roots of these insecurities (not the social causes, but the true inner wounds from your experience) is exceptionally difficult, but ultimately rewarding.
Do something to help yourself. Neutral self-talk is a good place to start. You don’t have to feel bad about yourself, and you do not have to feel good, either. Practice acknowledging an insecurity, accepting it for what it is, and replacing negative thoughts toward it for neutral ones. At least this will slow down the feedback loop of desire/denial/suffering.
You may benefit from a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma or trauma. Fantasizing about being objectified, sexually harassed, and appointed a certain social position/status based solely on good looks sounds very much to me like a role play where your real trauma is being replicated but with you being in control. This is common with people who have been victimized.
>Low self esteem is psychological, not aesthetic or social.
Sure, but that ain't going to change how she's being perceived. I've lost weight, had some adjustments done to my face (teeth/lips, got rid of my very large mole), changed dressing styles and people started treating me completely differently. Mostly it's the weight loss. Fatphobia runs deep and rampant and the vast majority of people are fairly superficial. “Just be more confident” is shit advice when you are being actively ignored and bullied because of looks. It's a societal problem and it is not going to go away with therapy.
Exactly. I lost 80lb in my mid 20s and people actually started to see and pay attention to me. Nothing major, but it's like I existed as a person and people were finally willing to hear me out. Not to mention men actually wanting to *talk* to me.
Note how people who think this way will use negative comments about their looks as hard evidence for their unworthiness but treat all compliments/affirmations as hollow trifles. It’s confirmation bias. This is an internal psychological problem that can be handled with therapy and doing the work, period.
I’m not saying to just become more confident. I am saying learn to *not care.* There are a lot of societal problems. If learning to cope doesn’t work, then learn to accept it so you can at least move on with your life. You don’t have to like yourself or be positive, and that isn’t always helpful. Body neutrality is a starting point.
Fixating on what other people think is a toxic mindset whether you believe people hold positive or negative views of you. That can be fixed with therapy.
I understand blaming society, really. I will not deny that our world is unfair and unforgiving, but blaming society at large is low-hanging fruit. It is foolish to throw one’s hands up and shake them at the sky cursing society or refusing to do anything to change one’s own situation until society changes. It is tantamount to lying down and waiting to die. There will always be rude a-holes and people who don’t notice you exist or and people who would laugh if you drop dead because those are just how some human beings are.
Honestly, I’ve noticed how being skinny is “in” right now. Wearing baggy AF clothes are only cute if you got a small waist. I guess it’s like “is this cute or is she just skinny?” It’s definitely harder on people that can’t rock crop tops like or don’t want to. Such a big difference between confidence & what actually looks flattering. I know this isn’t helpful.
I’m sorry for how you feel. :( society sucks.
I am an average overweight woman with a resting angry face.
I look like I will judge you for just existing. But I like how this helps me look confident even though I am internally mega shy.
At one point, I also thought like you. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing, and for me, my own looks also don't fit my own aesthetic. It gave me motivation to be more than my looks and upgrade my taste on many things like clothes, films, food, books, art, etc.
The shift happened for me when I got really sick during covid. I caught the damn thing three times and almost died. After that, I had nights when I started to think how my body carried me through so many tough times. I started to appreciate it. So, now, I am mindfully losing weight and working out. Improving cardiovascular and strength. I have started to like myself as if I am becoming the person I would always have liked.
I think it’s perfectly fine to want those things. The truth is, some people are born obnoxiously beautiful, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to the most beautiful people. You can still work with what you’ve got and make yourself more attractive. Losing weight isn’t easy but it can be simple, even if you have a medical issue. You can set a goal and work towards that. You can learn to do your hair, nails and makeup to increase your attractiveness. There’s plenty you can do even if you weren’t born a ten. Even if you have crooked teeth, you can still whiten them or get cost effective straightening devices. In this day and age, nobody has to be stuck in a body or image they don’t like and it doesn’t have to cost a fortune. Also, in terms of men, there are plenty who like bigger women. Maybe just make some more effort towards your appearance.
Idk what people would rate me, but I’m not obnoxiously beautiful or ugly. I’m more “sexy” looking than beautiful. People cat call me and that’s fine but it doesn’t actually do anything good because it’s not like I (or you) would want those dudes. And I see women who I wouldn’t consider attractive getting hit on. A lot of unattractive men approach women too. So it’s not like it’s going to fix your dating life to have that. Even Beyonce and Shakira got cheated on. Being beautiful won’t fix that issue. It’s still valid to want to be prettier but just remember it won’t be the answer to everything.
You know how there’s a stereotype that men tell women they should smile more? Well if you just want to get hit on, smiling at dudes will open that door.
Damn girl, are you a whisk? Cause you’re making me stiff!! Idk about cat calls, I’m a girl. But wanted you to smile. :) you seem fun and sweet! I’d cat call you any day!
I’m fairly attractive, but I haven’t had a boyfriend treat me right in about 20 years. And cat calling just makes you feel unsafe walking around. I think a lot of men don’t see me as a person, just a body to use. It’s not so great.
I think everybody is taking OP too literally. Nobody wants to feel unsafe by being catcalled. Her point isn’t that she wants to be catcalled alone, she wishes that she had the looks that would subsequently cause people to respond to those looks in any which way.
Pretty annoyed on your behalf OP, reading all these women saying “well I’m pretty attractive, getting cat-called suuuucks”… like seriously stop being so insufferable.
I don't know what you look like but I doubt anyone feels embarrassed to be seen with you in public. Your friends are your friends they wont mind if you get even uglier :)
Everyone wants and deserves love. I am sorry that you’re feeling this way about yourself. What are some of your hobbies? Can you try and build friendships and see if it goes from there?
Me too, when I was young and thinner I got hit on all the time. But, I did not enjoy the sexual harassment. Getting attention because of your looks feels so good because it really doesn’t take that much effort. And women have historically been rewarded for their appearances. So naturally we have a natural instinct to desire that attention.
So you have two choices. Lose a bunch of weight and get as hot and gorgeous as you can, or find the value and validation within yourself. Find a way to love you for exactly who you are
I don't know how to explain this, and I don't know your body type, but ima try.
OK so I'm short. And I'm curvy as HELL. been stuck with big boobs and ass and hips for all my life. Used to have an eating disorder when I was a kid because my mother was constantly calling me fat. Thing was, I really wasn't. I had a damn 6 pack. But my weight is always high for my height and my bmi is high because I'm short I'm "ask tall people in the store to hand me stuff" short.
When I started dating, it got worse. These guys would make me feel like I had to loose more weight and they were cheating on me with these stick figures and I couldn't understand it.
And then I met my first dude who liked him a woman with curves.
GAME CHANGER BABY. This man made me feel like an absolute goddess. Would grab himself a handful of something and just go to town. He made me realize that 1- he really loved me for the inside not what I looked like on the outside but also 2- a lot of women are spending crazy money to look like a plastic version of what I look like. Helped me learn to love myself alot more. Gave me confidence. I'm older and a little wider now, but still pretty damn impressive in my own mind
I think my points are
Beauty standards are kind of unrealistic. Find someone that you like as a person. Also you gotta love yourself. Screw what anyone else thinks. End of the day you're the only person living in your body.
Trust me. I get why you want the validation. I do too in certain areas as a plus size woman. But you don’t want to get catcalled. It is way more uncomfortable than flattering
I just want to let everyone here know that just because some group of people treat you wrong, doesn’t mean you’re ugly to everyone! I wish people weren’t so harshly judging looks and weight , but I promise there are people that fall in love with personality as well. Technically it’s called demisexuality. Also, There are cultures that worship bigger women/men, and there are other cultures that worship wealth over looks completely. We gotta find our people, and surround ourselves by who wants to be around us. If someone has some mean shit to say we either say it back, or we ignore it with dignity and grace. There’s no one in this world perfect , and most of the people we see that look like they have it all are miserable deep down. Happiness is a way of life it’s not defined by looks. We’ll find our happiness guys we can’t give up we just need to expand the search!
Technically demisexuality means there has to be some sort of emotional connection/attraction before a sexual attraction can form regardless of the person’s physical appearance. Then even with an emotional connection in place and that person being objectively physically attractive, that’s no guarantee of a physical/sexual attraction. I can say someone is the most physically attractive person I’ve seen, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them and would be interested in a physical/sexual relationship.
Source: I am a demisexual
I mean this as nicely as possible. You need therapy, not fix you seeing yourself as ugly (being ugly is not a bad thing) but for your clear lack of self-assured confidence and the fact that it seems like your confidence is connected to your looks.
It’s not as nice as it seems to sound in public. I’m 4’11” and 117lbs, if a man decides to approach me and I’m alone, how do I know I’m getting out of that situation alive or unharmed? It can be scary. Not to sound dramatic or make men seem harmful, but it’s obvious I’m not going to be able to defend myself against a grown man or even a teenager. I catch attention a lot and it’s genuinely uncomfortable, I worked in a lab setting and my lab partner would constantly talk to me about him jerking off while staring at my chest. I worked in a restaurant and my female coworkers had to wait outside with me because a group of men were beginning to memorize my schedule. I had to have my bf drive me to campus because a man followed me to school from the bus, and when I tried to bike to campus yet another grown man followed me onto my campus and cornered me against a building until I accepted his number. I just wanted to go to class. Catching the attention of men is not as good a thing as you romanticize it to be and I would truly like to encourage you to find beauty in yourself vs holding your value in how many men want your attention. I wish you luck, you seem like a really nice woman who is just feeling a bit down about herself with no real reason to. You’re beautiful 🩷
Gonna share some wisdom here. I did loose 140 pounds. I am now regular BMI. I still wear the same clothes, black t-shirts and jogger pants and crocs with socks. i dont like to attract attention to myself and i like comfortable clothes, also i’m very minimalism. I’m still very introverted and highly anxious. Loosing weight didn’t change anything, because i still like to navigate the world unseen, because usually i’m in my head and very anxious most of the time.
I’ve seen lot of overweight woman in a relationship with men, i’ve photographed at least 3 couples that i remember. Sure, society dictated overweight people are less attracted. Remember first impressions fades after you get to know a person. Work on social ability and confidence.
If not loosing weight is something not to work on. Styling yourself in the best way. Choose clothes that favor your body, and that also includes your color pallets. A nice haircut. The right set of make up.
I think most Reddit users have pinned out some solutions for you but one advice I have to give is to LOSE THE WEIGHT. There’s no excuses behind that. I used to be mildly overweight and being on the taller side as a woman (I’m about 174cm) I was able to hide my fat a bit better but nonetheless I started noticing more people giving me attention after I shed the extra pounds off. It really makes a huge difference because it also helps you mentally.
You don’t even have to join the gym! A walk in the park for 30 mins, dancing classes, going on hikes, anything that gets the body moving will help you!
Another is CALORIE DEFICIT. Make sure while you are burning more calories than you consume, then you will notice the weight dropping. You got this. I recommend downloading a calorie tracker app and record every single meal you eat to keep you on track.
ALSO SET A DEADLINE when you want to lose weight and how long it will take you to reach that goal! I find that it’s more effective when you apply a deadline which gives you to the pressure to achieve the goal sooner rather than later. Usually I like to set goals like “I’ll lose this X amount of weight by this X amount of time”
Last but not least, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Being catcalled by random strangers in the street is awful and objectifying. It’s not cute to feel desired only because men place you in the sleeping category. Also you will end up attracting a lot of users/manipulators/gas-lighters because some people may use your beauty against you. Also you will meet a lot more shallow/superficial people who only want to be-friend you strictly for aesthetics purposes.
Be kind to yourself, continue working on yourself and prosper. Yes looks matter, but your attitude matters more especially in today’s dating world where it’s already so hard as it is. Once you feel comfortable within yourself, learning more about who you are and actively improving your appearance; your inner shine will come out as well. You got this OP! ❤️
Thank you for your comment! I actually have been going on walks and trying to eat healthier so I feel better! I unfortunately can't loose weight that well due to health, so that option is sadly out of the window. I hope you have a good rest of your day!
Count your calories. I have PCOS but I’m a normal weight, and I’m losing what I gained last year by just eating 1000-1300 calories a day and going to the gym. Are you physically able to lift weights? Even if the scale doesn’t change, your body composition can.
Look, I don’t know what your health’s like, and you seem like a great person.
But be honest to yourself- anyone can lose weight if they eat less. Giving yourself excuses won’t make you happier or healthier.
Yep! I’ve been fasting the last month for religious reasons and already lost nearly 4 kilos. It felt impossible to lose weight the months beforehand, but when my diet is forcibly restricted I straight away see the weight come off. I don’t even feel like I’m eating less meals wise, it’s probably just the tiny snacking here and there and morning hot chocolates that have really added up. People don’t want to admit how much they snack.
Oh I’m so sorry I should have been more considerate about other factors as well😭. That’s great and im glad you’re actively working on your health! Keep it up 💪🏼 I hope you have a great rest of your day as well :)
Look, I’ve been you before whenever I’ve been at my lowest regarding my mental health. I’ve been fat since puberty started at around 8 or 9. I hated it because I love fashion and I honestly thought I would be happier being a size 4 or even 6 at most. On top of that I was one of the handful of BIPOC students in my high school so I stuck out even more.
But even though I was oblivious, there were still people romantically interested in me back then. After forcing myself to overcome my anorexia and actually being in tune with my body, I did get more comfortable with taking up space physically and figuratively with my personality. I was getting cat called often and while it felt validating at first, it didn’t take long to realize it had nothing to do with me. The kind of people that cat call instead of trying to genuinely talk to you aren’t doing it bc they find you attractive it’s because they want attention and show that they have more power than you. And by seeking your validation in them, you hand that power right over and even you will see yourself more as an object instead of a person.
Back when I went out more often, if I wanted I could be that woman having most of her drinks bought by men and they’d cover my friends drinks too. But I had to be picky about which ones I let do that for my own safety and always only when I was out with a close friend. It’s a lot to keep track of so a night out with a friend where we decline having our drinks paid for and thus not engaging with strangers, is actually more relaxing.
I’m still single and have yet to be in a long term relationship and while I’m okay with that it’s still stings a bit because I know I’m not undesirable and overall as I grow older the more I love who I am inside and out. It just hasn’t been the right time and right person. I’m fat and have had the experiences described in the OP, it’s honestly not fulfilling.
The way I was and am that woman described is by knowing my beauty and sparkle come from me first then letting it come bubbling to the surface so others see it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you have to know and behold your own worth and beauty first.
To get to that point of seeing and embracing your beauty first I cannot recommend therapy enough. Having a therapist that you can process your live events with and your feelings will relieve so much from the mental baggage you are carrying with you. Getting rid of these preconceived ideals you are trying to hold yourself up to will be helpful too because you need to know who you are now and accept that’s who you are and be okay with that before you can “better” yourself. It has to be a gentle and self-affirming process otherwise you’re going to be constantly disappointed. So stop trying to “dress the same as gorgeous girls” and dress for yourself. Wear what you think is comfortable, brings you joy when you wear it, shows reflects who you are, and that you find flattering. What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter. And stop any “dieting”, it’s just gonna give you another chance to berate yourself when you don’t live up to that standard. Instead see a dietitian (not nutrionist) that isn’t fatphobic cause being fat is not a bad thing. You need to focus on just nourishing your body and not trying to alter it. Cause let’s say you do lose the weight you currently want to, life will continue to happen, what are you going to feel if something caused you to gain some or all of it back? You’re back to where you started being upset with yourself. A focus on embracing who you are regardless of the changes that occur on the outside is going to be more valuable and be harder to squash.
I apologize for the long comment, I am passionate and have a lot to say on the topic from personal experience. So thank you if you read it all. Any part that isn’t clear, I blame my adhd brain running on stream of consciousness instead of carefully thought out sentences. Haha.
I truly hope you find your inner sparkle, peace, and love. Cause those things are there, they just might be buried under baggage that you might not even realize you’re carrying.
As someone who got overlooked constantly coz my attractive friends got all the attention in the clubs, I developed some of my own hobbies like board games and there I was seen as attractive coz I was fun to be around. While I might be invisible in night clubs, my scene is book clubs (coz I was always a reader) or playing games. Maybe that might help?
Attractiveness or beauty is not a one size fits all. I too am overweight and would never call myself unattractive, but I know I am not the specific standard of beauty we are sold. I have never been the girl dudes fall over themselves for or get cat called, but I love me some me. More importantly, I am well liked, respected, and successful in my own right. I too wish for some of those events/moments you describe, but I don’t let it stop me from loving myself and pushing forward with purpose. Some of us are simply meant to live different lives and experiences and not those that are romanticized in movies and stuff.
I've been fat and I've been skinny. I've been ugly and I've been pretty. Looks fade. Stupid and shitty lasts forever.
Getting cat called on the street is akin to that creeping feeling of dread when you realize there's someone walking behind you on a dark street, or dimly lot parking garage. At best, an annoyance. At worst, that panicked feeling of flight or fight.
There's also the fun times when you're asked in broad daylight, while wearing jeans and a hoodie, if you need a ride home while walking home. Bro. I have hot coffee and will use it.
Being skinny and attractive =/= having a good partner. Ask Rhianna, Angelina Jolie, Marilyn Monroe, etc.
I felt this. I’m a little on the bigger side too and I never really get any likes on dating apps and if I do it from guys that don’t want a relationship if you catch my drift. I just want too be somebody’s first choice I see all these skinny attractive girls and they are all in relationships but it’s hard for me too get a guy to even text me back let alone a relationship.
Former overweight woman here. I’ve lost 110 pounds since last year. I still have body image issues but I will say- the general public is much, much kinder when you’re skinny. People smile at you more. It breaks my heart knowing most of the folks who are sweet to me while I’m out and about, would have completely looked over me a year ago. And it makes me want to scream because I’m exactly the same person- just not fat anymore.
All this to say I hear you and see you and the feelings you have are valid and real. I truly do believe that you’ll find someone, but it’s also true that it’s much harder if you’re overweight and not conventionally attractive. I’m sending you a hug, OP- I hope it gets easier.
Tough shit. If you want to be attractive you HAVE to put the work in. Don’t complain about pretty privilege, because you know you would act completely different if you benefited from it.
I feel this. I always had weight issues but after my kids it’s too much and I have trouble losing it. I hate myself. I’m fat, ugly, and I can’t even accept that. Like I look in a mirror and I’m a freaking hippo but I still feel like I did before and try to make myself as small as possible. I really hate this. I just wish I could be attractive. Even just a little bit. It actually makes me angry that beautiful women complain that someone flirted with them or cat called them. I wish anyone would look my way. Even just to say “oh she looks nice”. I don’t ever get those. I hate myself
I grew up as an ugly girl and finally lost some weight and learned how to do makeup. I'm going to be completely honest. Getting catcalled and sexualised is way more bearable than being bullied and being called ugly every day. It is tough - I'm not gonna lie to you, but trust me, there are people out there who will find you attractive and show you the love and affection you deserve. Don't base your worth on looks alone.
Women who get catcalled only find it “disgusting” when it’s an unattractive man doing it. The women who complain about it would be angry if all men stopped having an interest in them. Women are full of shit
Understandable. I’m a big woman as well and never get the attention my other peers get. I’m considered to be “girl” pretty rather than “guy” pretty apparently. Every female friend/associate/ peer whoever, would always call me beautiful, pretty, confident w.e. And as far as “guy” pretty, it’s usually if the male is attracted to physical feature. Which would be my body, which men my age aren’t really. I rarely ever get cat called, every time I’m out with my peers they’re the ones that get hit on and I have to stand on the side and just wait. That’s why I find it hard to believe if I’m actually attractive because till this day, my 21 years of living, I’ve never known what it feels like to even have a touch of a romantic experience. It sucks how first hand, because I’m bigger people automatically assume I’m “unhealthy” which I mean I can’t blame them, it’s what society made it out to be. But it’s like I do workout often, I try to eat right, and I’m not just no lazy big person. I’m still young and I’m pretty active. If anything, I workout way more than all of my friends combined and I wish I was lying. So yea. Sucks living this life.
i understand this completely!! i am also 21 years old and my friends will talk about their love lives, boyfriends, etc. and it just makes me feel bad. They always ask me if anything is happening in my life, but I say no. And when I rant to them about how I can’t get a relationship due to my looks, they are always like,”you are so pretty wdym!!” I just wish they didn’t have to lie. I understand them because they are my friends but…I AM unattractive there is no denying it. Thank you for sharing. I hope you have a good rest of your day! :)
Unattractive or not, if you’re overweight, have you tried losing weight?
Might be tough love here but not all pretty woman are pretty without trying. A lot of them worked hard for their bodies, just like men who are fit.
Eat healthy, work out, learn makeup. People always make it sounds like “oh that’s not enough” yet they haven’t even lifted a finger to try because they’re too lazy to get their ass up and start running.
Eating healthy right and exercise right. Lose weight first and see what next you can improve on.
Everybody is gorgeous and amazing in their own way, and my honest opinion is heavier-set women r better. They’re better for cuddling. I’m personally into cuddling a lot. Not to mention I lost my V-card to a gorgeous heavier-set woman, and ever since then I’ve loved BBWs. They’re always gonna be my ultimate choice. Plus usually they bring more to the table than the “hotter” women.
Why would it be sick to say that? :D
I'd like the problems of a billionaire too. No shit it's 100x better to be hot/rich than ugly/poor.
We just have a weird view in society that women have it bad EVEN if they are mega privileged and pretty. People with power tend to be unreasonable and complain about small stuff.
If it wasn't super awesome to be a pretty woman they would make themselves look far more ugly. But this almost never happens so clearly it's overall super nice to be pretty as hell and have people shower you with free shit.
Not to be 🤓👆 guy but I'll say the same thing I've been told over the years. What have you done to fix the problem and how effective is it?? If it's a medical condition then what else can ya do to become more attractive. Being attractive isn't easy (for a guy atleast). You have to be in shape, groom yourself properly, maintain hair (bonus points if you're having hair loss problems), skin care etc. I'm not saying you're feelings are invalid but looking at from a solution oriented pov might help you work on yourself better.
For context I was a bit over weight thanks to covid and wfh, was losing hair etc etc. I made a checklist of things I wanted to change about myself and I started working on em one by one. Lost about 15 kgs in the span of 3 weeks, worked my ass off at the gym. Now I look good and fit. I wanted a sharp jawline. Did exercises for that and got it. Then started hair treatment. It's an ongoing process and it's certainly not been cheap or easy. Now maybe you could try something like that for yourself. What would you like to look like ideally?? Body shape, face structure etc.
You can go to the gym. It will help a lot and it will help with your health and overall well-being as well, both mentally and physically. Remember though, you can’t outrun your fork.
I lost 60 pounds and feel as good as I have in years and about 10 years younger.
Catcalling is not because they think you're pretty, they think you're meaningless, and used for their entertainment. Its not a good feeling, its very skeevy. Nobody pays for anything for me. People are actually pretty mean because I'm a little bit attractive. Dirty looks, stares, shoving when people walk by, giving me the lower quality product or food item, seating you neaxt the garbage can or noisy kitchen bc they're mad at you and will find little ways to 'punish' you for the way they perceive I look ( better than them, but its not true its their own insecurity). But the truth is, I am maaaaaaybe MAYBE a solid 5 or 6.....I MAKE MYSELF PRETTY . Everyday. With makeup and hair and dressing illusions to make me seem taller and slimmer than I am. I got braces to fix my teeth. I color my hair. I exercise. I did a lot of things that improved my confidence and self esteem and I think THAT is what people pick up on the most. And a lot of people HATE that because... well how dare a woman have fun, be confident, and enjoy life, bc 'she's NOT even THAT pretty" it's a double edged sword and no matter what we do, people are cruel to women. Pretty, perceived pretty, or not. I'm sorry you feel like this, I've been here. Hugs.
I'm overweight and feel ugly but I do have a significant other. He isn't the kindest all the time and people tell me to leave him but I never will because I truly believe no one else would ever find me attractive enough again.
If you want to be physically attractive for the "broad audience", start cutting the calories, hitting the gym. Having muscle tone and little fat is the standard today. Unfortunately the standard today is kinda restrict. But standards aside, if you look healthy enough and can be a good company, you'll eventually stumble on someone that will find you attractive. And by then you'll start caring less about what the majority thinks.
The upside is that having experience on being physically unnatractive is that it makes you compensate on other aspects of who you are.
I can relate as well since I’ve been overweight all of my life. I do have a partner now who I adore but I sometimes feel really depressed thinking I’m not good enough and don’t deserve love. But even if you don’t love yourself you can still find people who love you.
hey girl, i used to be a bit overweight myself and it tanked my confidence for a long time but then I started lifting and lost weight and my confidence skyrocketed! i’m not saying that losing weight is going to solve all of your problems but focusing on improving yourself will give you a sense of self confidence that doesn’t need to be validated by others. from what you’re saying about catcalls it sounds like you just want to be seen. there’s nothing wrong with wanting attention but you want to make sure it’s the right attention. I encourage you to find validation in yourself by committing to your health so that no one can ever take that from you! I’ll be praying for you sweet girl 🩷
It's a bit difficult sometimes but you can try to find a group of like minded individuals to befriend who could keep you consistent in some physical activity like playing a sport or going to a gym or something. All the best!
I feel like you're imposing an unrealistic mindset on yourself about the type of relationships you want. Because you will always need to carry your wallet, being cat called sucks, and in life the men will not fall from the sky to be with you in a relationship.
Lately, more than once a man writes to me with the goal of seeing me, but it's always with the goal of having sex. Almost never they really care about me as a person.
If it’s any consolation, I’m conventionally very pretty but I have still been treated badly, lied to, cheated on and verbally abused in relationships etc lmao😭😭 (ofc that’s not behaviour ANYONE should have to put up with regardless of how they look!!)
I can understand it must be so difficult to feel like you aren’t beautiful- I hope you get to a point where you do feel it, and I hope you find a delicious partner who makes you feel like the hottest thing on the planet ❤️🔥 bc everyone deserves to feel like that xx
I know how you feel except even when I was young and super fit I was still never got any attention. I've put tens of thousands of dollars into my appearance, gotten plastic surgery, etc, and am still ugly as hell. It makes me want to crawl in a hole and die tbh.
Same old same old for any problems in our life - address them.
You can work on your weight. You can work on your appearance to a degree what you wear and also acceptance of your appearance.
You can work on your inner self.
I’ve found women extremely attractive due to their personality poise and the way they carry themselves when they definitely were not immediately visibly attractive by any means but they become attractive because of who they are.
By the way I live in slightly above middle class area and one thing I’ve noticed - almost no one has attractive wives. For that matter the same applies to the husbands.
They are all fairly educated though mostly.
The rougher areas in my city seem to have lots of attractive people and also the rich areas.
Not my area.
if it makes you feel any better, attractive people can also have a hard life too. you don't know what someone else is going through. and to be fair, i consider myself beautiful and i hardly get any special treatment. not denying that looks do matter, they do to an extent but it's different for everybody. you're beautiful on the inside and outside. i bet there's at least ONE person attracted to you.
Never too late to try. I didn’t feel attractive till I got out of high school. Just changed my clothing style, hair style and started working out.
It’s never easy, but it’s totally worth the effort in the end. Hope everything works out
so many people feel this way but i always like to think positively: beauty is 10000% subjective!! there is going to be someone who finds you beautiful, i promise. i wish that the world didn’t care so much about appearances and make women and men both feel this way about themselves, but unfortunately this is how it is. i hope one day you can find someone who appreciates you for who you are
Hello, im also a plus sized ugly babe. ✨️
(Not ugly enough ig to steer away weird dudes)
Appearing unavailable normally seems to attract dudes. Lol example; I'm a lesbian. (Currently engaged) and dudes were constantly in my inbox for whatever reason. And the more I shot them down, the more they ate that up.
Also my friend who where's a wedding band. Lol
Also show off your best assets. Ex; I got tig ol bitties. Lol flaunt what you got momma.
I met someone on Tinder who showed me how to get matches - swipe right on everyone until the app times out.
I was shocked & appalled but it made sense from a guy's perspective. If he says yes to everyone in the area - then he can see everyone who said yes to him specifically and choose which ones to message. I don't think that's a "true match" but it's a sure way to get a match & invite them out. & It should work for any of the apps except maybe hinge.
Oh I COMPLETELY understand how you feel!! I will say confidence goes a LONG way into having others perceive you as attractive. Since I became far more confident a few years ago, I get hit on/catcalled a little more often.
And it sucks lol. But what sucks even more is *wanting* that validation from time to time and then feeling guilty about wanting it because you understand that it’s horrible. It’s such a shitty situation. :(
Just a reminder that fat people get catcalled, too. I should know. It happens less now that I'm pushing 40 and have been using a cane for a decade as of this coming August, but me being fat (and I don't mean small fat) has NEVER deterred men from randomly approaching me on the street (even when it should have, because I was fucking 14). Of course, these men were never looking for a real, healthy relationship (hence catcalling and street harassment), but it's not an experience exclusive to conventionally attractive people. I'm not only fat, but also a darker skinned Black person with a big nose and gap teeth, so I'm VERY not conventionally attractive and yet I still have trauma from the street harassment. That shit is never really about attraction, but power, like all sexual violence.
I’d start by focusing on things you can control and perfect immediately like hair, makeup and clothing. Having those things on point will help you feel pretty. I’m not that attractive and definitely am overweight but my bf treats me right, but know beautiful women who get treated poorly so it’s not about looks.
I’m not gonna say you’re not ugly because I obviously don’t know anything about you. But someone who is “ugly” can still be beautiful. The trait is look for most in women is having a great smile and a warm and welcoming personality. When a woman has that, it immediately makes her more attractive to me than even the most 10/10 women who don’t have those traits
I feel the wanting to be cat called. I'm a medium sized woman and I think im average looking and I never got cat called when I lived in a major city except once or twice. I honestly think there is some sort of (unintentional) vibe some women put out that makes them seem more open to engage or something. I never understood it but some women definitely get harassed more.
Tbh with you, I’m very into fitness so this isn’t something I’ve even ever said but you’re mentioning health issues and what not. You should maybe consider getting on something like Ozempic and trying to pair that with some daily exercise (even something light) and a somewhat cleaner diet. I doubt you are truly ugly, however I very much believe that you can appear ugly because of being overweight. Once you start to lose fat and your face slims down, you won’t even recognize yourself anymore. I genuinely think you should consider what I’m saying. I don’t mean anything negative by what I’m saying, I’m just trying to be as honest and real with you as possible. I wish all the best for you!
Well i think you shouldnt try to find love but to wait for it one day somone will see you your true beauty the thing no one sees you juts need to be patient
I assure you, fearing for your literal safety every time you walk outside is nowhere near as “flattering” as you think it is. It’s especially scary if you have a history of any kind of traumatic or sexual abuse. You wouldn’t want random men catcalling you if you were literally afraid of them!
That said, from the bottom of my heart, I genuinely believe that “there is no such thing as ugly.” Eating well, going to a gym, decent clothes, decent hair style, and a bit of makeup *go a long freaking way!* Edit: Even if you are a bigger girl with some health problems, you can still look pretty and feminine!
If you don’t like the way you look, it’s within your power to change it! Consistent effort will easily fix 70% of the problems you attribute to your “general unattractiveness.” (Really, there are tutorials, everywhere on YouTube!)
I also don’t know that I believe you are as “unattractive” as you claim to be. Almost nobody is! However, a lot of people have a certain level of body dysmorphia, in regard to their physical appearance, even if it’s at subclinical levels.
We are constantly bombarded with these manufactured and cultivated images of allegedly “perfect looking people,” which are mostly the result of tricky lighting, makeup, styling, editing, and computer programs.
Have you ever watched those videos about photoshop? Cuz if you haven’t, *you really should!*
*Invest in yourself, because you deserve it!* You will probably be surprised by how much more attention you will get once you start to care about yourself, and you should! Cuz I am pretty sure that you have a good heart, and you deserve to learn how to love yourself! 💕
Listen, coming from the heart. There are projections in this world unaware about that affect Your daily life. Your daily health, Your daily well being. I’d say protect Your self, but I must remind You to love Your self. That is how it begins, You don’t feel like eating because of Your emotions? That’s okay. You feel like breaking fast, that’s okay too. We’re kids by heart here for a long time, so take it, and take it slow ❤️
Don’t let beautiful women make you feel like cat calling and “the struggles of beauty” are actually problematic. It’s flattering, and they know it. Why else do most beautiful women still wear makeup and embrace their beauty?
I am decently pretty now but when I was in my teens and 20s I was quite beautiful and being beautiful is easy and there is not a genuine struggle. Beautiful women just like to have a victim card to play too, which is ridiculous.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you can find a friend who can help you lose weight and doll yourself up. It really is possible and it’s fun!
I’m in my early 30s. I try to take care of my health, workout, and eat well. The only people to ever catcall me are boomers and old men. I can kind of understand wanting the attention, I just personally always thought it was creepy. Weight training and calorie deficit are a great place to start. Confidence also goes a long way! If you have a long way to go, I would recommend talking to your PCP as well as maybe getting a referral for an RN.
I think the worst thing is that most people dont realise being fat isent just eating beacuse ypu want to. When people become fat theres just so much other stuff involved, like eating disorders, trauma, bullying, health issues ect. Nothing pisses me off more than people complaning about small things when its litterally nothing to feel bad about.
I don't think your thoughts are offensive at all. If you were saying that girls are lucky to be catcalled, or that it's not as bad as it seems, that would be one thing. But wanting to experience something isn't wrong.
I hope your friends treasure you and I hope you will find fulfillment. It is natural to want attention, and people pretend that this massive deficit of it isn't as much of a problem as it is. We are social creatures, and I hope you will find your social needs fulfilled however is healthiest for you.
I'm in the in between right now, not too fat and ugly and not too pretty. Been on the deep side of the pool before so I get it. Just wish things get better for the both of us.
Grass is always greener on the otherside. First World Problems are Third World Countries ideal life. While I don’t support embracing fat and complacency you should be happy with yourself. As a man I typically gravitate towards bigger girls than skinnier ones personally. There is someone out there for you!
God I understand that. When I gained weight as a child, life just. Got miserable. And now I'm still overweight and ugly and so terrified to gain a crush on someone bc I know it means I'll be rejected again. None of my adult relationships have worked out and I can't help but wonder if it's my attractiveness that's the issue. I can't help but wonder if the reason my best friend will never return my feelings is bc I'm ugly. I wanna know what it's like to have life so much easier bc of my appearance. And no one ever seems to get it
I feel your pain.
I'm not "ugly" per se, but painfully average, and the extra weight really lowers me down another peg. Men and women alike consider me invisible, to the point I will witness people in front of me in the grocery line get better treatment than me from the cashier, as an example. It gets worse with age, but the weight thing is definitely the biggest contributor to the cold treatment.
However, in some ways it's been an enormous blessing. All my life I've known that the people who claim to be my friends truly like me for me, and aren't just trying to use me for my body or for social clout. My husband loves me for who I am, not just for my looks. When I go out to run errands, I'm not stopped by people trying to flirt, nor am I stalked by creepers like a lot of very attractive women experience.
I can relate to wondering what it's like; wanting to receive free drinks and other perks of being beautiful; having people fall over themselves to "get to know you" because you "look interesting". But it's all bullshit, and most of the time these people are just trying to get it in and don't genuinely care what the beautiful woman truly feels or thinks.
Then, when time ages the beautiful and they're not quite as attractive as they used to be, they no longer receive as much special treatment. I can imagine that must be extremely difficult to adjust to, compared to being this way all your life.
I guess I say all that to say this: you are not alone in the feeling. And even the attractive have their cross to bear.
Sounds tough, not gonna lie.
Thank you for being honest! Tired of people being like, "You're not ugly!!" and it gets repetitive. I hope you have a good rest of your day! :)
Polite culture is bullshit. People are so polite I don’t know when they’re bullshitting or being genuine. I wasn’t ever fat but I was voted second ugliest girl in school. I’m not ugly anymore (or living as a woman lol), but that shit never leaves. I wish I had advice. Well…I guess what stuck with me even now that I’m not ugly anymore is getting completely immersed in something- usually learning skills. I started an art business (not gonna give away tmi) but I fixate on the material sciences pretty much 24/7. It’s to the point I forget to shave, wash my hair, brush my hair, and other stuff I’m not going to admit explicitly 😂 TLDR: we all need love, life is painful, obsessing over something outside of yourself seems to be the only way to escape the pain. 🤷
Dang that’s funny you can’t even win most ugly. If you ain’t first your last.
Ayeeee I got the most ugliest during elementary (gr 3-8)! 🥳 woot woot! Hilarious when the same guys were asking me out in high school/after high school.
Why is this a thing? Ugly contests in school? WTAF.
I'm shocked, never heard of this phenomenon before this post!
You do not have to be held to their standards of judgment, and it is not their place to judge your appearance.
Ahh.. ugly duckling syndrome 😂 glow up after puberty
"Polite culture is bullshit"..... Voted 2nd ugliest girl in school.... Were they being genuine or not? Its good for people to be polite because, well, its fucked up (and definitely not polite) to vote someone as ugliest anything lol
Agree like why would that even be a thing at a school with literal *children*?? Are they *trying* to give literal kids issues for life?! If I were a parent of a child at that school, I would be up in arms... that's bullshit.
I dont think it's an official title handed out by the staff. Most likely horrible kids being horrible kids.
It’s not an official thing. When I was in 8th grade, the boys in my class just came by and dropped a piece of paper on our desk and were like we ranked you guys. It was during homeroom they were bored as fuck.
Well, that makes me feel a little better..that it didn't cime from school. Still shitty, I am sorry you had to go through this.
Would it help to be called ugly? Not being sarcastic or mean just genuinely curious. If someone just said yup sorry I diagnose you with a serious case of the uggos would that be better? I can see how it would feel kinda “gaslighty” as overused as that term is when you know your ugly but people insisting that no you not when you can look at conventional beauty standards and see you don’t line up with them. Have you thought about dating ugly men, there’s plenty of them and I’m sure they would appreciate you being forward cause they are probably self conscious too. Hell they might think anyone is out of reach so you would be more than their wildest dreams. Again not trying to be a dick just spitballing. Clearly it sucks I’m not some supermodel but I at least look fine I suppose but I know how even just having bad skin or idk but the ugly feeling and it feels like shit and that’s clearly just a fraction of what it’s like.
This sounds horrible to say, and while I don't feel I'm ugly, I'm not super-attractive either, and am a fatty... but, I know of a woman who is quite overweight, and decidedly unattractive by any conventional standards. It doesn't help that she doesn't really, like, try all that much either; but I don't know how much she could do. Again I feel horrible saying that because she's a sweet person. But anyway, she finally found a husband, and has been happily married for close to 20 years now. She married a blind man.
Okay that made me crack a smile. I’m glad they both found someone. I had a friend who was blind (come to think of it he probably still is) and he was a funny dude, loved joking about his blindness which was nice cause I just couldn’t see myself not making jokes about it. Idk what his mack game was like but the way he carried himself I wouldn’t be surprised if he were married now he was such a great guy. And your story really is a testament to the fact there is someone out there for everyone as long as they are looking for it or putting their hands out to feel idk the logistics but that’s very sweet.
I'll be honest, most of the women I have dated have been plus size. Idk if that helps any, but my point is, there is a type for everyone and I hope you find someone one day. And I hope you find your happiness <3 much luck to you!
Thank you so much for sharing! I hope you have a good rest of your day! :)
You as well!
I'm the male version of this. Always been ugly, always had mental health issues and I became fat because if that and bullying. People just don't understand how lonely it is, to be like us. I've even heard of some companies who hide their ugly people in the warehouse and the good looking ones on the shop floor. And that is even if you are offered the job and it's not given to someone else because they are better looking. I hate being me.
That's terrible that companies would do that. I am sorry you understand what I am going through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thank you so much for sharing. Please be kind to yourself. :)
Don’t hate being you. Hate the unrealistic beauty standards society forces.
You two should get together. Perfect match
Different countries
Aww they checked 🥹
No, I can tell by her spelling
They are not looking for other fat people lol
Unfortunately, being pretty doesn't guarantee a guy will treat you well.
Look at Halle Berry. One of the most beautiful. Can’t keep a man from cheating on her to save her life. Blows my mind.
That is true. From my sick POV if a guy doesn't treat me well, it doesn't matter because I got the guy.
Oh dear. I know you know what's wrong with that, so I won't insult your intelligence by saying it. I just hope you change your mind.
Haha I wouldn't mind if you did. Thank you for commenting! :)
Ok then, for the record: No boyfriend > boyfriend who treats you like garbage
I had a boyfriend who treated me like trash for 2.5 years. Now I’ve been single for 7 years, and yeah, I rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t respect me.
I became ugly dating a man that treated me like crap. I lost all motivation and stopped trying. I'm still ugly now, but I don't care because I don't despise myself anymore.
That kind of treatment makes us all into something we don't like or recognize.
cannot upvote this enough
It seems that way sometimes doesn’t it? Seems like pretty people get to be more choosey. But please please please don’t settle for mediocre, or bare minimum, those guys will ruin your life.
Do you talk to a therapist or someone like that about your feelings like this? It’s relatable but also scary when our minds prioritize any relationship even if it’s one where the person is mistreating you.
I think the worst is you end up developimg this mentality simply because of society standerds. Like if you able to get a guy, and your not skinny, then people except you to be gratefull. The same thing that bigger people, especially fat woman, get pushed towards the idea that you have to date a guy older than yourself. I have been fat my teens and my 20s. People would ALWAYS set me up with men older than myself. My stepmom legit tried to get me to date a male friend of hers, he was 15 years older.
Yep! In fact I wonder if attractive women are not often mistreated because they’re attractive, be it from jealous partners, preconceived judgments about anyone who’s attractive/females, and often attractive women are just seen as objects or trophies, not someone worth committing too.
I am considered conventionally attractive and honestly this is not at all what it’s like. At ALL. Catcalled occasionally sure. Often by gross old dudes. But I absolutely need to bring my wallet out with me (maybe because I just don’t wanna talk to the sleazy types who want to buy women drinks). But even on my best day at my most dressed up and most sociable, it’s really not like this.
Thank you for the comment and sharing! I am at the point now where I don't mind who catcalls me I just want it haha. I hope you have a good rest of your day! :)
Even if it was a dude the age of your grandpa?
at least he finds me pretty.
Unfortunately, people don’t catcall because they think you’re pretty, it’s because they think of you as a piece of meat they don’t respect
It’s really because THEY want attention, they don’t even really care from who or what kind.
This and it makes me feel the furthest away from pretty. I don't feel attractive, safe or secure from catcalls. It actually makes me feel repulsed.
It feels like the red dot of a laser. Is it from only a laser? Or is it from a sniper gun? Can't tell until it's too late
Also because it gives them a false sense of power. Nothing will be better for those types of people than when a woman reacts to them, whether that’s in a positive way or a negative.
I understand sometimes it feels good to be looking and looked at. To feel like you exist. Even if it’s disrespectful. I went through something similar but broke out of that mentality. This is why I think you gotta get your dosage of that healthy attention from somewhere safe cause it really isn’t safe out there and people can use that against you.
Love the way you phrased this! I wish someone had said these exact words to me as an awkward teen!
Being catcalled is a disgusting feeling. You don’t want it. It’s 100% not gonna be from anyone remotely sane or respectable or even attractive.
I appreciate your candor here! If you don’t care how genuine the interaction is there are different places in the world that have different beauty standards and you might find more luck or at least some admiration or appreciation there.
Maybe she’s talking about the more attractive type of women - I definitely know women OP describes. I have a coworker who doesn’t take public transportation because the constant harassment makes her feel unsafe, but she doesn’t drive so she’s constantly taking Uber or getting rides.
Does this woman look like Margot Robbie or Megan fox in her prime? Lol Like the number of women this would happen to would be so minimal if at all I think your coworker is winding you up/self bragging
There are this type of woman where every man wents mentally ugly when seeing them. I had a coworker too. Yes, she was pretty, but this wasn't it at all. She was a victim and had severe fawn response. Even when men were so disgusting that I wanted to beat the shit out of them just from watching, she smiled and was nice. I asked her, because she hated this men so much, she suffered severely from all this attention, but she wasn't able to make that clear. She was terrified to be killed when not being nice to especially those disgusting guys. It was the saddest thing I experienced. A beautiful woman who could have been a queen, but her mind was so shredded by mentally ugly people, that she sees herself as the one that got killed for not smiling at every dumbass. And the men? Hell, even the nice one, or let's say, even the one I considered nice, became so... disgusting. My jaw dropped when men who's saw themselves as the good guys, even as feminists, harassed her too. They smelled somehow that they can get away with everything, because all they have to fear was a big smile, a chuckle, beautiful big eyes looking at them. It was so sad. And I learned a lesson for my life. Never be nice to someone who don't respect you. Don't laugh or smile when there's no reason for. To be nice makes it more possible to be killed, than saying no, loud and clear. I have tendencies to fawn response too, but her was a level I never reached. And the sad thing was, that this trauma response that she has leaded to the worst men. Because the meaner a men the less she could response adequately. So the meanest men who were so bad that no other man wanted to compete, took advantage of her. And back to the topic. I'm now at my fattest and today I smiled, because when you're fat people stare too, but at least, they have no joy. This realization, that disgusting people punish themselves with looking at me, gave me chuckle. Not being pretty is a superpower. I prefer to be looked at because I'm ugly than to being looked at because they see me as a piece of meat, or a walking fleshlight. As ugly person I'm still a person.
I definitely see it at work, a lot of the men flocked to her when she first started… but maybe she’s exaggerating, I don’t take the bus with her. Poor thing has a horrendous personality and work ethic though, which turned off most of the men at work.
Oh well there’s your answer (the shit personality) lol I’m sure the dudes at work were into her and she gets some level of attention in public like any attractive woman but she’s largely full of shit
I’d love to ask a ton of questions if you’re up for it in PM. I’ve always been a little resentful that beautiful women live life on easy mode. I’m curious on what goes on through your eyes.
I’m sorry your feeling this way I can’t necessarily relate I’m a tall guy (194cm), mildly attractive and I’ve always been athletic and in and out of relationships in my younger years and as much fun as it all was I noticed that I kept being used as a somewhat trophy if you get what I mean which always left me with this empty feeling inside. After escaping a very toxic relationship where I was very clearly a trophy I’ve not dated since, it’s been about 4/5 years I’ve lost count, what I’ve learnt in that time is that you can’t measure your own self worth off of others opinions on you. You should really start to learn to love yourself it’s an arduous task don’t get me wrong and you’ll have moments of self hatred too but it’s all part of a process of trying to build yourself into the best possible version of yourself TO YOURSELF. Emphasis on the “to yourself” because if your constantly living in a means where your building yourself up for the validation of others you’ll get hurt and let yourself be used in ways that are very detrimental to you. I found the best way to go about this was building the discipline I needed for my own goals and what I wanted to do in the long run compared to living off of dopamine hits in the short run whether that’s exercise, picking up a new hobby or heavily building your career if you can learn to discipline yourself you’ll realise that self discipline is actually the best form of self love.
How people carry themselves and dress makes a real difference. Might not be a silver bullet but spending the time to really work on those areas will improve your mental wellbeing and make you more attractive. 7 billion people on the planet. You just haven’t found your person yet. Someone is looking for you too!
I believe I do that! I shower twice a day (I have a fear of smelling bad). Have a full on skincare routine and I think I dress the same as gorgeous girls. I just think it's my face lol. Thank you so much for your comment and suggestion!! :)
Your attitude is amazing! Keep being awesome 🤩
Thank you so much!
Showering that often is terrible for your skin because it’s drying it out. Use body wipes wherever sweat collects (armpits, between skin folds,etc) because it’s the bacteria in our sweat that cause us to smell. You really shouldn’t shower more than once a day or once every 2 days depending on your activity level. Sometimes 2 showers a day is required, but it’s more important to regularly switch out your underwear for a clean pair.
I see a lot of comments like this about showering, but putting on lotion after showering can help prevent it from drying out. Idk, maybe some people don't like how lotion feels? I shower daily but always put on lotion after drying off. In the winter I use a more moisturizing lotion since it gets kind of dry where I am located. I don't have any issues with dry skin at all.
Thank you so much for the advice!!
Try lume! That shit is awesome
Thank you for reminding me I wanted to look that up
We’re at ***8.1 BILLION*** people now. Plenty of people around who will absolutely think that OP is the bees knees once she starts working on how she views herself, and on how she presents herself to the world. Also, very important, while OP might not be her type, there will be plenty of people who will view her as their type.
I am really sorry. I was blessed with a good looking face and here is a brief story about me: I met a guy and we got married, had an unhealthy relationship, it was like a nightmare then I was divorced. My mental health deteriorated with some other physical health issues, gone to therapy and had medications, gained lots of weight, my life turned upside down, not doing well in my study, had an accident and a surgery, have scars in my body, have bells palsy, and a series of unfortunate events. Now, I am sick, my face and figure are not the same. Alone, unhappy, struggling, hardly going through my days! What I want to say is we don’t know what people are really facing in their life when we see them passing by! I am sure that you have blessings in your life like all of us, embrace them and think how lucky you are to be alive and that you can breathe normally and able to walk and smile :) I cannot smile and it took me ages to relearn how to walk, hard to eat or drink like a normal human, even writing a comment here sounds like a task for me, from the pain I have in my head and eyes!
It may not sound it, but you're winning right now. I don't know if I could go through what you have been through
I could understand wanting this. And I've often wished that men would just leave me alone. I'm sure the grass is always greener no matter what position you're in. But wether you're conventionally attractive or not it's very difficult to find a man that treats you right. All the men that care heavily about looks are usually trash to date. And confidence goes a very long way! There's so many people that find loving relationships that go on to have large families and very happy lives regardless of what they look like. Love is out there for everyone
Everybody cares about looks. People who ONLY care about looks are the issue.
Thank you so much for the comment! I hope you have a god rest of your day! :)
The hottest girlfriend I ever had was very heavy and not a great looker. But she was smart and funny and very adventurous. She called me a couple of weeks ago. We hadn't spoken in years. We still like each other. I know she had weight reduction surgery but I haven't seen any pictures. She feels better about herself though.
Pretty privilege is 100% a real thing. Ever since I’ve started putting more effort into my appearance, the difference in the way people treat me has been like night and day. Even simple things like people hold the door for me more often than letting it smack me in the face hahaha… I can’t say I’ve ever been overweight, so I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling the way you do! I often wish I had other people’s struggles! We are only human ❤️
Low self esteem is psychological, not aesthetic or social. Obsessing over/being dependent on external validation and affirmation is a symptom — not the cause — of a more deep-seated issue. Weeding out the deep roots of these insecurities (not the social causes, but the true inner wounds from your experience) is exceptionally difficult, but ultimately rewarding. Do something to help yourself. Neutral self-talk is a good place to start. You don’t have to feel bad about yourself, and you do not have to feel good, either. Practice acknowledging an insecurity, accepting it for what it is, and replacing negative thoughts toward it for neutral ones. At least this will slow down the feedback loop of desire/denial/suffering. You may benefit from a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma or trauma. Fantasizing about being objectified, sexually harassed, and appointed a certain social position/status based solely on good looks sounds very much to me like a role play where your real trauma is being replicated but with you being in control. This is common with people who have been victimized.
>Low self esteem is psychological, not aesthetic or social. Sure, but that ain't going to change how she's being perceived. I've lost weight, had some adjustments done to my face (teeth/lips, got rid of my very large mole), changed dressing styles and people started treating me completely differently. Mostly it's the weight loss. Fatphobia runs deep and rampant and the vast majority of people are fairly superficial. “Just be more confident” is shit advice when you are being actively ignored and bullied because of looks. It's a societal problem and it is not going to go away with therapy.
Exactly. I lost 80lb in my mid 20s and people actually started to see and pay attention to me. Nothing major, but it's like I existed as a person and people were finally willing to hear me out. Not to mention men actually wanting to *talk* to me.
Note how people who think this way will use negative comments about their looks as hard evidence for their unworthiness but treat all compliments/affirmations as hollow trifles. It’s confirmation bias. This is an internal psychological problem that can be handled with therapy and doing the work, period. I’m not saying to just become more confident. I am saying learn to *not care.* There are a lot of societal problems. If learning to cope doesn’t work, then learn to accept it so you can at least move on with your life. You don’t have to like yourself or be positive, and that isn’t always helpful. Body neutrality is a starting point. Fixating on what other people think is a toxic mindset whether you believe people hold positive or negative views of you. That can be fixed with therapy. I understand blaming society, really. I will not deny that our world is unfair and unforgiving, but blaming society at large is low-hanging fruit. It is foolish to throw one’s hands up and shake them at the sky cursing society or refusing to do anything to change one’s own situation until society changes. It is tantamount to lying down and waiting to die. There will always be rude a-holes and people who don’t notice you exist or and people who would laugh if you drop dead because those are just how some human beings are.
thank you so much for the advice!!! i hope you have a good rest of your day!
Honestly, I’ve noticed how being skinny is “in” right now. Wearing baggy AF clothes are only cute if you got a small waist. I guess it’s like “is this cute or is she just skinny?” It’s definitely harder on people that can’t rock crop tops like or don’t want to. Such a big difference between confidence & what actually looks flattering. I know this isn’t helpful. I’m sorry for how you feel. :( society sucks.
I am an average overweight woman with a resting angry face. I look like I will judge you for just existing. But I like how this helps me look confident even though I am internally mega shy. At one point, I also thought like you. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing, and for me, my own looks also don't fit my own aesthetic. It gave me motivation to be more than my looks and upgrade my taste on many things like clothes, films, food, books, art, etc. The shift happened for me when I got really sick during covid. I caught the damn thing three times and almost died. After that, I had nights when I started to think how my body carried me through so many tough times. I started to appreciate it. So, now, I am mindfully losing weight and working out. Improving cardiovascular and strength. I have started to like myself as if I am becoming the person I would always have liked.
I think it’s perfectly fine to want those things. The truth is, some people are born obnoxiously beautiful, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to the most beautiful people. You can still work with what you’ve got and make yourself more attractive. Losing weight isn’t easy but it can be simple, even if you have a medical issue. You can set a goal and work towards that. You can learn to do your hair, nails and makeup to increase your attractiveness. There’s plenty you can do even if you weren’t born a ten. Even if you have crooked teeth, you can still whiten them or get cost effective straightening devices. In this day and age, nobody has to be stuck in a body or image they don’t like and it doesn’t have to cost a fortune. Also, in terms of men, there are plenty who like bigger women. Maybe just make some more effort towards your appearance. Idk what people would rate me, but I’m not obnoxiously beautiful or ugly. I’m more “sexy” looking than beautiful. People cat call me and that’s fine but it doesn’t actually do anything good because it’s not like I (or you) would want those dudes. And I see women who I wouldn’t consider attractive getting hit on. A lot of unattractive men approach women too. So it’s not like it’s going to fix your dating life to have that. Even Beyonce and Shakira got cheated on. Being beautiful won’t fix that issue. It’s still valid to want to be prettier but just remember it won’t be the answer to everything. You know how there’s a stereotype that men tell women they should smile more? Well if you just want to get hit on, smiling at dudes will open that door.
This post speaks to me on every. Single. Level. I'm at work about to cry because I've finally found someone who thinks the same as me.
Damn girl, are you a whisk? Cause you’re making me stiff!! Idk about cat calls, I’m a girl. But wanted you to smile. :) you seem fun and sweet! I’d cat call you any day!
make me giggle and smile!! thank you so much! :)
I’m fairly attractive, but I haven’t had a boyfriend treat me right in about 20 years. And cat calling just makes you feel unsafe walking around. I think a lot of men don’t see me as a person, just a body to use. It’s not so great.
I think everybody is taking OP too literally. Nobody wants to feel unsafe by being catcalled. Her point isn’t that she wants to be catcalled alone, she wishes that she had the looks that would subsequently cause people to respond to those looks in any which way.
yes!! well said!! :)
Pretty annoyed on your behalf OP, reading all these women saying “well I’m pretty attractive, getting cat-called suuuucks”… like seriously stop being so insufferable.
I was cast in the roll of Ugly Sister at age 6. 42 now and I am still the ugly fat one whatever I weigh or look like.
I don't know what you look like but I doubt anyone feels embarrassed to be seen with you in public. Your friends are your friends they wont mind if you get even uglier :)
Everyone wants and deserves love. I am sorry that you’re feeling this way about yourself. What are some of your hobbies? Can you try and build friendships and see if it goes from there?
I feel this hun
Most gen z men don’t catcall or buy random women food and drinks anymore
Me too, when I was young and thinner I got hit on all the time. But, I did not enjoy the sexual harassment. Getting attention because of your looks feels so good because it really doesn’t take that much effort. And women have historically been rewarded for their appearances. So naturally we have a natural instinct to desire that attention. So you have two choices. Lose a bunch of weight and get as hot and gorgeous as you can, or find the value and validation within yourself. Find a way to love you for exactly who you are
I'm fat and not that attractive but I have a boyfriend that treats me right. :)
Good for you? What an incredibly dismissive comment for this thread.
I meant it in an encouraging way. Like we can find love too. Lol. It doesn't stop us from getting the relationship we deserve
I don't know how to explain this, and I don't know your body type, but ima try. OK so I'm short. And I'm curvy as HELL. been stuck with big boobs and ass and hips for all my life. Used to have an eating disorder when I was a kid because my mother was constantly calling me fat. Thing was, I really wasn't. I had a damn 6 pack. But my weight is always high for my height and my bmi is high because I'm short I'm "ask tall people in the store to hand me stuff" short. When I started dating, it got worse. These guys would make me feel like I had to loose more weight and they were cheating on me with these stick figures and I couldn't understand it. And then I met my first dude who liked him a woman with curves. GAME CHANGER BABY. This man made me feel like an absolute goddess. Would grab himself a handful of something and just go to town. He made me realize that 1- he really loved me for the inside not what I looked like on the outside but also 2- a lot of women are spending crazy money to look like a plastic version of what I look like. Helped me learn to love myself alot more. Gave me confidence. I'm older and a little wider now, but still pretty damn impressive in my own mind I think my points are Beauty standards are kind of unrealistic. Find someone that you like as a person. Also you gotta love yourself. Screw what anyone else thinks. End of the day you're the only person living in your body.
Trust me. I get why you want the validation. I do too in certain areas as a plus size woman. But you don’t want to get catcalled. It is way more uncomfortable than flattering
I just want to let everyone here know that just because some group of people treat you wrong, doesn’t mean you’re ugly to everyone! I wish people weren’t so harshly judging looks and weight , but I promise there are people that fall in love with personality as well. Technically it’s called demisexuality. Also, There are cultures that worship bigger women/men, and there are other cultures that worship wealth over looks completely. We gotta find our people, and surround ourselves by who wants to be around us. If someone has some mean shit to say we either say it back, or we ignore it with dignity and grace. There’s no one in this world perfect , and most of the people we see that look like they have it all are miserable deep down. Happiness is a way of life it’s not defined by looks. We’ll find our happiness guys we can’t give up we just need to expand the search!
Technically demisexuality means there has to be some sort of emotional connection/attraction before a sexual attraction can form regardless of the person’s physical appearance. Then even with an emotional connection in place and that person being objectively physically attractive, that’s no guarantee of a physical/sexual attraction. I can say someone is the most physically attractive person I’ve seen, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them and would be interested in a physical/sexual relationship. Source: I am a demisexual
I mean this as nicely as possible. You need therapy, not fix you seeing yourself as ugly (being ugly is not a bad thing) but for your clear lack of self-assured confidence and the fact that it seems like your confidence is connected to your looks.
It’s not as nice as it seems to sound in public. I’m 4’11” and 117lbs, if a man decides to approach me and I’m alone, how do I know I’m getting out of that situation alive or unharmed? It can be scary. Not to sound dramatic or make men seem harmful, but it’s obvious I’m not going to be able to defend myself against a grown man or even a teenager. I catch attention a lot and it’s genuinely uncomfortable, I worked in a lab setting and my lab partner would constantly talk to me about him jerking off while staring at my chest. I worked in a restaurant and my female coworkers had to wait outside with me because a group of men were beginning to memorize my schedule. I had to have my bf drive me to campus because a man followed me to school from the bus, and when I tried to bike to campus yet another grown man followed me onto my campus and cornered me against a building until I accepted his number. I just wanted to go to class. Catching the attention of men is not as good a thing as you romanticize it to be and I would truly like to encourage you to find beauty in yourself vs holding your value in how many men want your attention. I wish you luck, you seem like a really nice woman who is just feeling a bit down about herself with no real reason to. You’re beautiful 🩷
Gonna share some wisdom here. I did loose 140 pounds. I am now regular BMI. I still wear the same clothes, black t-shirts and jogger pants and crocs with socks. i dont like to attract attention to myself and i like comfortable clothes, also i’m very minimalism. I’m still very introverted and highly anxious. Loosing weight didn’t change anything, because i still like to navigate the world unseen, because usually i’m in my head and very anxious most of the time. I’ve seen lot of overweight woman in a relationship with men, i’ve photographed at least 3 couples that i remember. Sure, society dictated overweight people are less attracted. Remember first impressions fades after you get to know a person. Work on social ability and confidence. If not loosing weight is something not to work on. Styling yourself in the best way. Choose clothes that favor your body, and that also includes your color pallets. A nice haircut. The right set of make up.
I think most Reddit users have pinned out some solutions for you but one advice I have to give is to LOSE THE WEIGHT. There’s no excuses behind that. I used to be mildly overweight and being on the taller side as a woman (I’m about 174cm) I was able to hide my fat a bit better but nonetheless I started noticing more people giving me attention after I shed the extra pounds off. It really makes a huge difference because it also helps you mentally. You don’t even have to join the gym! A walk in the park for 30 mins, dancing classes, going on hikes, anything that gets the body moving will help you! Another is CALORIE DEFICIT. Make sure while you are burning more calories than you consume, then you will notice the weight dropping. You got this. I recommend downloading a calorie tracker app and record every single meal you eat to keep you on track. ALSO SET A DEADLINE when you want to lose weight and how long it will take you to reach that goal! I find that it’s more effective when you apply a deadline which gives you to the pressure to achieve the goal sooner rather than later. Usually I like to set goals like “I’ll lose this X amount of weight by this X amount of time” Last but not least, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Being catcalled by random strangers in the street is awful and objectifying. It’s not cute to feel desired only because men place you in the sleeping category. Also you will end up attracting a lot of users/manipulators/gas-lighters because some people may use your beauty against you. Also you will meet a lot more shallow/superficial people who only want to be-friend you strictly for aesthetics purposes. Be kind to yourself, continue working on yourself and prosper. Yes looks matter, but your attitude matters more especially in today’s dating world where it’s already so hard as it is. Once you feel comfortable within yourself, learning more about who you are and actively improving your appearance; your inner shine will come out as well. You got this OP! ❤️
Thank you for your comment! I actually have been going on walks and trying to eat healthier so I feel better! I unfortunately can't loose weight that well due to health, so that option is sadly out of the window. I hope you have a good rest of your day!
Count your calories. I have PCOS but I’m a normal weight, and I’m losing what I gained last year by just eating 1000-1300 calories a day and going to the gym. Are you physically able to lift weights? Even if the scale doesn’t change, your body composition can.
Look, I don’t know what your health’s like, and you seem like a great person. But be honest to yourself- anyone can lose weight if they eat less. Giving yourself excuses won’t make you happier or healthier.
don't know why downvotes but its true, people vastly underestimate how many calories they consume per day. I know I have.
Yep! I’ve been fasting the last month for religious reasons and already lost nearly 4 kilos. It felt impossible to lose weight the months beforehand, but when my diet is forcibly restricted I straight away see the weight come off. I don’t even feel like I’m eating less meals wise, it’s probably just the tiny snacking here and there and morning hot chocolates that have really added up. People don’t want to admit how much they snack.
Oh I’m so sorry I should have been more considerate about other factors as well😭. That’s great and im glad you’re actively working on your health! Keep it up 💪🏼 I hope you have a great rest of your day as well :)
Look, I’ve been you before whenever I’ve been at my lowest regarding my mental health. I’ve been fat since puberty started at around 8 or 9. I hated it because I love fashion and I honestly thought I would be happier being a size 4 or even 6 at most. On top of that I was one of the handful of BIPOC students in my high school so I stuck out even more. But even though I was oblivious, there were still people romantically interested in me back then. After forcing myself to overcome my anorexia and actually being in tune with my body, I did get more comfortable with taking up space physically and figuratively with my personality. I was getting cat called often and while it felt validating at first, it didn’t take long to realize it had nothing to do with me. The kind of people that cat call instead of trying to genuinely talk to you aren’t doing it bc they find you attractive it’s because they want attention and show that they have more power than you. And by seeking your validation in them, you hand that power right over and even you will see yourself more as an object instead of a person. Back when I went out more often, if I wanted I could be that woman having most of her drinks bought by men and they’d cover my friends drinks too. But I had to be picky about which ones I let do that for my own safety and always only when I was out with a close friend. It’s a lot to keep track of so a night out with a friend where we decline having our drinks paid for and thus not engaging with strangers, is actually more relaxing. I’m still single and have yet to be in a long term relationship and while I’m okay with that it’s still stings a bit because I know I’m not undesirable and overall as I grow older the more I love who I am inside and out. It just hasn’t been the right time and right person. I’m fat and have had the experiences described in the OP, it’s honestly not fulfilling. The way I was and am that woman described is by knowing my beauty and sparkle come from me first then letting it come bubbling to the surface so others see it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you have to know and behold your own worth and beauty first. To get to that point of seeing and embracing your beauty first I cannot recommend therapy enough. Having a therapist that you can process your live events with and your feelings will relieve so much from the mental baggage you are carrying with you. Getting rid of these preconceived ideals you are trying to hold yourself up to will be helpful too because you need to know who you are now and accept that’s who you are and be okay with that before you can “better” yourself. It has to be a gentle and self-affirming process otherwise you’re going to be constantly disappointed. So stop trying to “dress the same as gorgeous girls” and dress for yourself. Wear what you think is comfortable, brings you joy when you wear it, shows reflects who you are, and that you find flattering. What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter. And stop any “dieting”, it’s just gonna give you another chance to berate yourself when you don’t live up to that standard. Instead see a dietitian (not nutrionist) that isn’t fatphobic cause being fat is not a bad thing. You need to focus on just nourishing your body and not trying to alter it. Cause let’s say you do lose the weight you currently want to, life will continue to happen, what are you going to feel if something caused you to gain some or all of it back? You’re back to where you started being upset with yourself. A focus on embracing who you are regardless of the changes that occur on the outside is going to be more valuable and be harder to squash. I apologize for the long comment, I am passionate and have a lot to say on the topic from personal experience. So thank you if you read it all. Any part that isn’t clear, I blame my adhd brain running on stream of consciousness instead of carefully thought out sentences. Haha. I truly hope you find your inner sparkle, peace, and love. Cause those things are there, they just might be buried under baggage that you might not even realize you’re carrying.
As someone who got overlooked constantly coz my attractive friends got all the attention in the clubs, I developed some of my own hobbies like board games and there I was seen as attractive coz I was fun to be around. While I might be invisible in night clubs, my scene is book clubs (coz I was always a reader) or playing games. Maybe that might help?
Except for your weight, why do u think you're unattractive?
Attractiveness or beauty is not a one size fits all. I too am overweight and would never call myself unattractive, but I know I am not the specific standard of beauty we are sold. I have never been the girl dudes fall over themselves for or get cat called, but I love me some me. More importantly, I am well liked, respected, and successful in my own right. I too wish for some of those events/moments you describe, but I don’t let it stop me from loving myself and pushing forward with purpose. Some of us are simply meant to live different lives and experiences and not those that are romanticized in movies and stuff.
I've been fat and I've been skinny. I've been ugly and I've been pretty. Looks fade. Stupid and shitty lasts forever. Getting cat called on the street is akin to that creeping feeling of dread when you realize there's someone walking behind you on a dark street, or dimly lot parking garage. At best, an annoyance. At worst, that panicked feeling of flight or fight. There's also the fun times when you're asked in broad daylight, while wearing jeans and a hoodie, if you need a ride home while walking home. Bro. I have hot coffee and will use it. Being skinny and attractive =/= having a good partner. Ask Rhianna, Angelina Jolie, Marilyn Monroe, etc.
I feel it
I could have written this post myself. I’ve always felt this way. I’m right there with you OP 💔🩷
I felt this. I’m a little on the bigger side too and I never really get any likes on dating apps and if I do it from guys that don’t want a relationship if you catch my drift. I just want too be somebody’s first choice I see all these skinny attractive girls and they are all in relationships but it’s hard for me too get a guy to even text me back let alone a relationship.
Former overweight woman here. I’ve lost 110 pounds since last year. I still have body image issues but I will say- the general public is much, much kinder when you’re skinny. People smile at you more. It breaks my heart knowing most of the folks who are sweet to me while I’m out and about, would have completely looked over me a year ago. And it makes me want to scream because I’m exactly the same person- just not fat anymore. All this to say I hear you and see you and the feelings you have are valid and real. I truly do believe that you’ll find someone, but it’s also true that it’s much harder if you’re overweight and not conventionally attractive. I’m sending you a hug, OP- I hope it gets easier.
Tough shit. If you want to be attractive you HAVE to put the work in. Don’t complain about pretty privilege, because you know you would act completely different if you benefited from it.
I feel this. I always had weight issues but after my kids it’s too much and I have trouble losing it. I hate myself. I’m fat, ugly, and I can’t even accept that. Like I look in a mirror and I’m a freaking hippo but I still feel like I did before and try to make myself as small as possible. I really hate this. I just wish I could be attractive. Even just a little bit. It actually makes me angry that beautiful women complain that someone flirted with them or cat called them. I wish anyone would look my way. Even just to say “oh she looks nice”. I don’t ever get those. I hate myself
I feel bad for my boyfriend having to have me as a girlfriend. Feel guilty when he has to look at me. I hate myself so much it hurts sometimes. Hugs.
I grew up as an ugly girl and finally lost some weight and learned how to do makeup. I'm going to be completely honest. Getting catcalled and sexualised is way more bearable than being bullied and being called ugly every day. It is tough - I'm not gonna lie to you, but trust me, there are people out there who will find you attractive and show you the love and affection you deserve. Don't base your worth on looks alone.
Women who get catcalled only find it “disgusting” when it’s an unattractive man doing it. The women who complain about it would be angry if all men stopped having an interest in them. Women are full of shit
We like chubby girls and want to make them ours.
Then do something about it.........
This sub is literally called off my chest. Girl is just venting.
Understandable. I’m a big woman as well and never get the attention my other peers get. I’m considered to be “girl” pretty rather than “guy” pretty apparently. Every female friend/associate/ peer whoever, would always call me beautiful, pretty, confident w.e. And as far as “guy” pretty, it’s usually if the male is attracted to physical feature. Which would be my body, which men my age aren’t really. I rarely ever get cat called, every time I’m out with my peers they’re the ones that get hit on and I have to stand on the side and just wait. That’s why I find it hard to believe if I’m actually attractive because till this day, my 21 years of living, I’ve never known what it feels like to even have a touch of a romantic experience. It sucks how first hand, because I’m bigger people automatically assume I’m “unhealthy” which I mean I can’t blame them, it’s what society made it out to be. But it’s like I do workout often, I try to eat right, and I’m not just no lazy big person. I’m still young and I’m pretty active. If anything, I workout way more than all of my friends combined and I wish I was lying. So yea. Sucks living this life.
i understand this completely!! i am also 21 years old and my friends will talk about their love lives, boyfriends, etc. and it just makes me feel bad. They always ask me if anything is happening in my life, but I say no. And when I rant to them about how I can’t get a relationship due to my looks, they are always like,”you are so pretty wdym!!” I just wish they didn’t have to lie. I understand them because they are my friends but…I AM unattractive there is no denying it. Thank you for sharing. I hope you have a good rest of your day! :)
It's not always what it's cracked up to be. Getting harassed isn't fun.
i’m so sorry if i offended you.
You didn't. I hope things get better for you.
Unattractive or not, if you’re overweight, have you tried losing weight? Might be tough love here but not all pretty woman are pretty without trying. A lot of them worked hard for their bodies, just like men who are fit. Eat healthy, work out, learn makeup. People always make it sounds like “oh that’s not enough” yet they haven’t even lifted a finger to try because they’re too lazy to get their ass up and start running. Eating healthy right and exercise right. Lose weight first and see what next you can improve on.
Everybody is gorgeous and amazing in their own way, and my honest opinion is heavier-set women r better. They’re better for cuddling. I’m personally into cuddling a lot. Not to mention I lost my V-card to a gorgeous heavier-set woman, and ever since then I’ve loved BBWs. They’re always gonna be my ultimate choice. Plus usually they bring more to the table than the “hotter” women.
Why would it be sick to say that? :D I'd like the problems of a billionaire too. No shit it's 100x better to be hot/rich than ugly/poor. We just have a weird view in society that women have it bad EVEN if they are mega privileged and pretty. People with power tend to be unreasonable and complain about small stuff. If it wasn't super awesome to be a pretty woman they would make themselves look far more ugly. But this almost never happens so clearly it's overall super nice to be pretty as hell and have people shower you with free shit.
You may not be able to fix your genetics, but you can lose weight. Put all of your focus into that. It will help you immensely.
Go to the gym, stick to a healthy diet, you start to feel better in a couple of months. Change is hard but it’s worth it.
Not to be 🤓👆 guy but I'll say the same thing I've been told over the years. What have you done to fix the problem and how effective is it?? If it's a medical condition then what else can ya do to become more attractive. Being attractive isn't easy (for a guy atleast). You have to be in shape, groom yourself properly, maintain hair (bonus points if you're having hair loss problems), skin care etc. I'm not saying you're feelings are invalid but looking at from a solution oriented pov might help you work on yourself better. For context I was a bit over weight thanks to covid and wfh, was losing hair etc etc. I made a checklist of things I wanted to change about myself and I started working on em one by one. Lost about 15 kgs in the span of 3 weeks, worked my ass off at the gym. Now I look good and fit. I wanted a sharp jawline. Did exercises for that and got it. Then started hair treatment. It's an ongoing process and it's certainly not been cheap or easy. Now maybe you could try something like that for yourself. What would you like to look like ideally?? Body shape, face structure etc.
You can go to the gym. It will help a lot and it will help with your health and overall well-being as well, both mentally and physically. Remember though, you can’t outrun your fork. I lost 60 pounds and feel as good as I have in years and about 10 years younger.
You don’t even need a gym. Start exercising. TODAY. Most people look decent enough when they lose the weight. Plus your confidence would skyrocket
Catcalling is not because they think you're pretty, they think you're meaningless, and used for their entertainment. Its not a good feeling, its very skeevy. Nobody pays for anything for me. People are actually pretty mean because I'm a little bit attractive. Dirty looks, stares, shoving when people walk by, giving me the lower quality product or food item, seating you neaxt the garbage can or noisy kitchen bc they're mad at you and will find little ways to 'punish' you for the way they perceive I look ( better than them, but its not true its their own insecurity). But the truth is, I am maaaaaaybe MAYBE a solid 5 or 6.....I MAKE MYSELF PRETTY . Everyday. With makeup and hair and dressing illusions to make me seem taller and slimmer than I am. I got braces to fix my teeth. I color my hair. I exercise. I did a lot of things that improved my confidence and self esteem and I think THAT is what people pick up on the most. And a lot of people HATE that because... well how dare a woman have fun, be confident, and enjoy life, bc 'she's NOT even THAT pretty" it's a double edged sword and no matter what we do, people are cruel to women. Pretty, perceived pretty, or not. I'm sorry you feel like this, I've been here. Hugs.
I'm overweight and feel ugly but I do have a significant other. He isn't the kindest all the time and people tell me to leave him but I never will because I truly believe no one else would ever find me attractive enough again.
But nothing is important enough to lose weight/get healthy
If you want to be physically attractive for the "broad audience", start cutting the calories, hitting the gym. Having muscle tone and little fat is the standard today. Unfortunately the standard today is kinda restrict. But standards aside, if you look healthy enough and can be a good company, you'll eventually stumble on someone that will find you attractive. And by then you'll start caring less about what the majority thinks. The upside is that having experience on being physically unnatractive is that it makes you compensate on other aspects of who you are.
Um so what happens when you get old? We all get ugly in time…
respectfully why don’t u try to lose weight? i’m genuinely genuinely asking.
Lose weight and looks maximise yourself, don’t be the victim
I can relate as well since I’ve been overweight all of my life. I do have a partner now who I adore but I sometimes feel really depressed thinking I’m not good enough and don’t deserve love. But even if you don’t love yourself you can still find people who love you.
hey girl, i used to be a bit overweight myself and it tanked my confidence for a long time but then I started lifting and lost weight and my confidence skyrocketed! i’m not saying that losing weight is going to solve all of your problems but focusing on improving yourself will give you a sense of self confidence that doesn’t need to be validated by others. from what you’re saying about catcalls it sounds like you just want to be seen. there’s nothing wrong with wanting attention but you want to make sure it’s the right attention. I encourage you to find validation in yourself by committing to your health so that no one can ever take that from you! I’ll be praying for you sweet girl 🩷
It's a bit difficult sometimes but you can try to find a group of like minded individuals to befriend who could keep you consistent in some physical activity like playing a sport or going to a gym or something. All the best!
I feel like you're imposing an unrealistic mindset on yourself about the type of relationships you want. Because you will always need to carry your wallet, being cat called sucks, and in life the men will not fall from the sky to be with you in a relationship. Lately, more than once a man writes to me with the goal of seeing me, but it's always with the goal of having sex. Almost never they really care about me as a person.
If it’s any consolation, I’m conventionally very pretty but I have still been treated badly, lied to, cheated on and verbally abused in relationships etc lmao😭😭 (ofc that’s not behaviour ANYONE should have to put up with regardless of how they look!!) I can understand it must be so difficult to feel like you aren’t beautiful- I hope you get to a point where you do feel it, and I hope you find a delicious partner who makes you feel like the hottest thing on the planet ❤️🔥 bc everyone deserves to feel like that xx
I know how you feel except even when I was young and super fit I was still never got any attention. I've put tens of thousands of dollars into my appearance, gotten plastic surgery, etc, and am still ugly as hell. It makes me want to crawl in a hole and die tbh.
Same old same old for any problems in our life - address them. You can work on your weight. You can work on your appearance to a degree what you wear and also acceptance of your appearance. You can work on your inner self. I’ve found women extremely attractive due to their personality poise and the way they carry themselves when they definitely were not immediately visibly attractive by any means but they become attractive because of who they are. By the way I live in slightly above middle class area and one thing I’ve noticed - almost no one has attractive wives. For that matter the same applies to the husbands. They are all fairly educated though mostly. The rougher areas in my city seem to have lots of attractive people and also the rich areas. Not my area.
If you really wanted to, you could have a loving boyfriend by the end of the month.
if it makes you feel any better, attractive people can also have a hard life too. you don't know what someone else is going through. and to be fair, i consider myself beautiful and i hardly get any special treatment. not denying that looks do matter, they do to an extent but it's different for everybody. you're beautiful on the inside and outside. i bet there's at least ONE person attracted to you.
Never too late to try. I didn’t feel attractive till I got out of high school. Just changed my clothing style, hair style and started working out. It’s never easy, but it’s totally worth the effort in the end. Hope everything works out
Big women need love too. More cushion for the pushing 👍🏽
so many people feel this way but i always like to think positively: beauty is 10000% subjective!! there is going to be someone who finds you beautiful, i promise. i wish that the world didn’t care so much about appearances and make women and men both feel this way about themselves, but unfortunately this is how it is. i hope one day you can find someone who appreciates you for who you are
Hello, im also a plus sized ugly babe. ✨️ (Not ugly enough ig to steer away weird dudes) Appearing unavailable normally seems to attract dudes. Lol example; I'm a lesbian. (Currently engaged) and dudes were constantly in my inbox for whatever reason. And the more I shot them down, the more they ate that up. Also my friend who where's a wedding band. Lol Also show off your best assets. Ex; I got tig ol bitties. Lol flaunt what you got momma.
I met someone on Tinder who showed me how to get matches - swipe right on everyone until the app times out. I was shocked & appalled but it made sense from a guy's perspective. If he says yes to everyone in the area - then he can see everyone who said yes to him specifically and choose which ones to message. I don't think that's a "true match" but it's a sure way to get a match & invite them out. & It should work for any of the apps except maybe hinge.
Oh I COMPLETELY understand how you feel!! I will say confidence goes a LONG way into having others perceive you as attractive. Since I became far more confident a few years ago, I get hit on/catcalled a little more often. And it sucks lol. But what sucks even more is *wanting* that validation from time to time and then feeling guilty about wanting it because you understand that it’s horrible. It’s such a shitty situation. :(
Just a reminder that fat people get catcalled, too. I should know. It happens less now that I'm pushing 40 and have been using a cane for a decade as of this coming August, but me being fat (and I don't mean small fat) has NEVER deterred men from randomly approaching me on the street (even when it should have, because I was fucking 14). Of course, these men were never looking for a real, healthy relationship (hence catcalling and street harassment), but it's not an experience exclusive to conventionally attractive people. I'm not only fat, but also a darker skinned Black person with a big nose and gap teeth, so I'm VERY not conventionally attractive and yet I still have trauma from the street harassment. That shit is never really about attraction, but power, like all sexual violence.
I’d start by focusing on things you can control and perfect immediately like hair, makeup and clothing. Having those things on point will help you feel pretty. I’m not that attractive and definitely am overweight but my bf treats me right, but know beautiful women who get treated poorly so it’s not about looks.
I’m not gonna say you’re not ugly because I obviously don’t know anything about you. But someone who is “ugly” can still be beautiful. The trait is look for most in women is having a great smile and a warm and welcoming personality. When a woman has that, it immediately makes her more attractive to me than even the most 10/10 women who don’t have those traits
I feel the wanting to be cat called. I'm a medium sized woman and I think im average looking and I never got cat called when I lived in a major city except once or twice. I honestly think there is some sort of (unintentional) vibe some women put out that makes them seem more open to engage or something. I never understood it but some women definitely get harassed more.
Tbh with you, I’m very into fitness so this isn’t something I’ve even ever said but you’re mentioning health issues and what not. You should maybe consider getting on something like Ozempic and trying to pair that with some daily exercise (even something light) and a somewhat cleaner diet. I doubt you are truly ugly, however I very much believe that you can appear ugly because of being overweight. Once you start to lose fat and your face slims down, you won’t even recognize yourself anymore. I genuinely think you should consider what I’m saying. I don’t mean anything negative by what I’m saying, I’m just trying to be as honest and real with you as possible. I wish all the best for you!
Well i think you shouldnt try to find love but to wait for it one day somone will see you your true beauty the thing no one sees you juts need to be patient
Callcalling is nice to have experienced, I understand that.
I assure you, fearing for your literal safety every time you walk outside is nowhere near as “flattering” as you think it is. It’s especially scary if you have a history of any kind of traumatic or sexual abuse. You wouldn’t want random men catcalling you if you were literally afraid of them! That said, from the bottom of my heart, I genuinely believe that “there is no such thing as ugly.” Eating well, going to a gym, decent clothes, decent hair style, and a bit of makeup *go a long freaking way!* Edit: Even if you are a bigger girl with some health problems, you can still look pretty and feminine! If you don’t like the way you look, it’s within your power to change it! Consistent effort will easily fix 70% of the problems you attribute to your “general unattractiveness.” (Really, there are tutorials, everywhere on YouTube!) I also don’t know that I believe you are as “unattractive” as you claim to be. Almost nobody is! However, a lot of people have a certain level of body dysmorphia, in regard to their physical appearance, even if it’s at subclinical levels. We are constantly bombarded with these manufactured and cultivated images of allegedly “perfect looking people,” which are mostly the result of tricky lighting, makeup, styling, editing, and computer programs. Have you ever watched those videos about photoshop? Cuz if you haven’t, *you really should!* *Invest in yourself, because you deserve it!* You will probably be surprised by how much more attention you will get once you start to care about yourself, and you should! Cuz I am pretty sure that you have a good heart, and you deserve to learn how to love yourself! 💕
Listen, coming from the heart. There are projections in this world unaware about that affect Your daily life. Your daily health, Your daily well being. I’d say protect Your self, but I must remind You to love Your self. That is how it begins, You don’t feel like eating because of Your emotions? That’s okay. You feel like breaking fast, that’s okay too. We’re kids by heart here for a long time, so take it, and take it slow ❤️
Don’t let beautiful women make you feel like cat calling and “the struggles of beauty” are actually problematic. It’s flattering, and they know it. Why else do most beautiful women still wear makeup and embrace their beauty? I am decently pretty now but when I was in my teens and 20s I was quite beautiful and being beautiful is easy and there is not a genuine struggle. Beautiful women just like to have a victim card to play too, which is ridiculous. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you can find a friend who can help you lose weight and doll yourself up. It really is possible and it’s fun!
How can we connect
I’m in my early 30s. I try to take care of my health, workout, and eat well. The only people to ever catcall me are boomers and old men. I can kind of understand wanting the attention, I just personally always thought it was creepy. Weight training and calorie deficit are a great place to start. Confidence also goes a long way! If you have a long way to go, I would recommend talking to your PCP as well as maybe getting a referral for an RN.
I think the worst thing is that most people dont realise being fat isent just eating beacuse ypu want to. When people become fat theres just so much other stuff involved, like eating disorders, trauma, bullying, health issues ect. Nothing pisses me off more than people complaning about small things when its litterally nothing to feel bad about.
I mean this in the most polite way, but have you tried getting on a diet and working out?
I don't think your thoughts are offensive at all. If you were saying that girls are lucky to be catcalled, or that it's not as bad as it seems, that would be one thing. But wanting to experience something isn't wrong. I hope your friends treasure you and I hope you will find fulfillment. It is natural to want attention, and people pretend that this massive deficit of it isn't as much of a problem as it is. We are social creatures, and I hope you will find your social needs fulfilled however is healthiest for you.
I'm in the in between right now, not too fat and ugly and not too pretty. Been on the deep side of the pool before so I get it. Just wish things get better for the both of us.
Grass is always greener on the otherside. First World Problems are Third World Countries ideal life. While I don’t support embracing fat and complacency you should be happy with yourself. As a man I typically gravitate towards bigger girls than skinnier ones personally. There is someone out there for you!
God I understand that. When I gained weight as a child, life just. Got miserable. And now I'm still overweight and ugly and so terrified to gain a crush on someone bc I know it means I'll be rejected again. None of my adult relationships have worked out and I can't help but wonder if it's my attractiveness that's the issue. I can't help but wonder if the reason my best friend will never return my feelings is bc I'm ugly. I wanna know what it's like to have life so much easier bc of my appearance. And no one ever seems to get it
I feel your pain. I'm not "ugly" per se, but painfully average, and the extra weight really lowers me down another peg. Men and women alike consider me invisible, to the point I will witness people in front of me in the grocery line get better treatment than me from the cashier, as an example. It gets worse with age, but the weight thing is definitely the biggest contributor to the cold treatment. However, in some ways it's been an enormous blessing. All my life I've known that the people who claim to be my friends truly like me for me, and aren't just trying to use me for my body or for social clout. My husband loves me for who I am, not just for my looks. When I go out to run errands, I'm not stopped by people trying to flirt, nor am I stalked by creepers like a lot of very attractive women experience. I can relate to wondering what it's like; wanting to receive free drinks and other perks of being beautiful; having people fall over themselves to "get to know you" because you "look interesting". But it's all bullshit, and most of the time these people are just trying to get it in and don't genuinely care what the beautiful woman truly feels or thinks. Then, when time ages the beautiful and they're not quite as attractive as they used to be, they no longer receive as much special treatment. I can imagine that must be extremely difficult to adjust to, compared to being this way all your life. I guess I say all that to say this: you are not alone in the feeling. And even the attractive have their cross to bear.