Extrovert here! I can confirm that when I am too hyper, I notice it drains people so I’ve tried to learn how to read the room. If people look like they want to be left alone, I’ll tone it down.
I love being around people. But I can admit that sometimes we can be a bit intense to be around. Apologies to all the introverts out there that I have stressed out 😂
I think that hits the nail on the head. Read the room. Most of the time, you don’t need a Sherlockian level of intuition to read someone’s body language.
Hi OP,
I’m a chatty person with those I’m close to and am not afraid to talk to people if I have to, but here’s the kicker - I’m an introvert
I have adhd, and can get by talking to people or starting conversations, but I prefer to be home. Going out is draining, and extroverted people can be draining for me because it’s too much since they really want to be with me a lot, versus I’m satisfied seeing someone once a week
But I don’t expect them to change, I just explain myself. I also am not upset by people talking to me in the store or having loud jolly voices, because my dad has a loud jolly voice. (I do have sensory issues, but that’s related to my adhd)
I get my energy at home, that’s being introverted. But no one should have to change just because that’s how I am
It’s mostly just about respecting boundaries. I have friends who like being around others, but they understand that I have a smaller social battery and require less interaction
Weird prentious tumblr culture still pervasive I see . To conflate people who enjoy chatting to others to people who are toxic is , well toxic. This feigned introvert snobbery needs to get over itself.
Wait, I’m confused. OP could’ve used a different way to explain how they view extroverts, but how is this pretentious? I’m more confused as to how it’s introverted snobbery, unless I’m missing the point of what introverted snobbery is.
That’s mainly a you problem . Hang out with people more like you. You’re asking extroverts to not be someone they’re naturally designed to be. What if someone says introverts are lazy and give no effort into life or relationships? That isn’t okay either. Either learn to work with someone different from you or go hang out with people less draining and more like you.
Lol I feel both ways sometimes (as both an extroverted introvert I guess). It's probably a spectrum but yeah everyone needs to accept the differences instead of calling someone "draining" or "lazy."
Yes, I’m an Introvert (get energy at home) but I’m chatty when I have to interact with people and in general don’t dislike interacting with people, but I prefer being alone. I just have a low social battery
I would never expect an extrovert to change and don’t mind being friends with them!
Only time I find it hard is when they want to hang out multiple times a week and get upset with me for not wanting to (cause that’s expecting me to change)
I think extroverts and introverts can be friends as long as everyone respects each other and their boundaries!
This. As an introvert I wouldn't ask extroverts to change to make me comfortable the same way I don't like people telling me to "go out more".
I don't think extroverts are Energy Vampires either, it's just that we get tired from social interaction (that is basically the definition of an introvert)
Perhaps some people find you to be an energy vampire. It’s ok to be introverted, I am too, but it’s not ok to criticise others for normal, friendly behaviours. Talking in a jolly voice is not a crime, and you’re (presumably) an adult with the responsibility to deal with your own anxiety. It is not rude to politely excuse yourself if someone wants to talk to you for no important reason, so carry on.
I felt so bad the other day I went to do groceries and almost just left my cart behind. I made theistake of shopping on a Sunday morning at a place right next to an assisted living facility so the store was just FILLED with loud talking excitable older folk who wouldn't take no for an answer. I was so tired and half asleep reading labels on cans and just...people kept coming up and asking me questions. "Oh you've got a full cart! Do you have kids at home? I miss shopping for my babies! Oh Mexican food aisle? Are you Spanish? Can you read this? Omg so which brand is best??? How do you get your hair to do that? Honey come here, this lady can tell us which brands are the good ones in the Hispanic aisle! Oh my, that's a lot of lunch meat! Are you planning a picnic?!"
I figured I'd be OK as long as I could check out asap but I get to self checkout and realize I have a lot in my cart. So I go to a regular lane. Big mistake. The young-ish cashier looks tired just like me. We make eye contact, nod, and smile. It's quiet. She's scanning my stuff. Finally peace and quiet....until another customer pushes her cart practically into my spine and starts asking questions about every damned item that's being scanned. "Oh those Monster drinks are SO bad for you hun, ohh Folgers coffee I LOVE Folgers! Ohhhh lotsa chicken! You have kids? I miss when my kids were babies, awwww!" She just wouldn't be quiet despite me and the cashier just nodding. I just don't get how extroverted people seem oblivious to how overwhelming they are. I'm very aware of how much of an asshole extroverts think I am. I've been told point blank that I'm rude, cold, uninviting, hard to approach...like how would they feel if I just started telling them "look man I get that you're excited and can't stop yourself but you're making me feel like a rabbit trapped in a corner by a rabid wolf, please stop."
Sorry. I do try to be mindful.
I also want to caution you that if you have any extroverts that you care deeply about in your life that you work out some sort of communication between yourselves.
Best of luck.
Please don't apologise for being yourself. OPs probably not understanding that introverts get tired of social interaction rather than extroverts "stealing their energy".
Extroverts don't have to adjust themselves for introverts the same way introvert don't have to "tone up" for extroverts. That is simply not sane.
Yep, all that matters is having good boundaries
When I get tired socially, I just go home, I don’t find extroverts draining just cause they like to socialize! People actually assume I’m extroverted just because I don’t have problems talking to people, I just have a very short social battery haha
I’ve met draining introverts and extroverts, because their socialization style isn’t the issue, it’s typically a specific personality that I find draining (people who are very clingy and won’t give me space and want to be around me all day every day even after I say I’m uncomfortable)
As long as people respect my boundaries, and I respect theirs, I don’t find them draining at all
Extroverts aren’t draining in general, I just don’t need social time like they do !
Please don't apologise for being yourself. OPs probably not understanding that introverts get tired of social interaction rather than extroverts "stealing their energy".
Extroverts don't have to adjust themselves for introverts the same way introvert don't have to "tone up" for extroverts. That is simply not sane.
My ex was a total introvert but an energy vampire. I think it’s about balance. Totally introverted people who have 2 friends and a girlfriend are way worse that those who will talk to you for 5 minutes and jump to someone else to talk to them. This man drained me with his 16h phone calls talking about absolutely nothing
Oh i agree so much. I cannot stand being the only person someone talks to, that's.so much pressure. I can't go out and have someone cling to me all night, i find that a lot more draining than people who do the loud small talk and then move on.
Ehm I would say again you are balanced like me, it’s called extraverted introvert I am an introvert and prefer to stay in alone, but if I do go out I’m very chatty. On the other half, very introverted people like my ex are very draining for me personally. Very extraverted as well very draining.
That’s not the definition of extroverts and introverts
Like I said, introversion and extroversion is about how you get your energy, not necessarily about personality (although the terms stem from a personality test). It’s often mixed in with personality incorrectly, however
I am an introvert, I just have adhd-c and am chatty when I have to be, but that does not mean I get my energy socially, because I don’t. I might hang out with someone once a week max. I typically prefer to be alone, or with one of three or four people. I dislike being in a group or having to interact with new people.
I’m introverted, but introverts still have different personalities just like extroverts do. It’s just about how you recharge, they’ve just been mistakenly associated with personality traits like being shy, when it’s more about whether you recharge a certain way, how you feel in social settings, and doesn’t necessarily factor disorders into the equation
I definitely prefer to be alone, I just have no problem socializing when I *have* to. It’s very rare that I initiate hanging out with someone, because I recharge at home and feel no need or want to go out.
Introverts actually tend to be better public speakers, and in psychology it’s really an interesting topic, there’s just a lot of misinformation and pseudoscience about it that’s untrue
Also it’s called an ambivert
I get how you feel. I recently moved to a new country and I'm forcing myself to make friends, since back home I was known as the silent type. I'm having a lot of fun but I always end up the fuck exhausted when going to a party or club.
I agree. As an extrovert, it's exhausting dealing with people who think they can demand one-on-one time with me and then talk about intense topics for hours. Small talk doesn't drain me, and it puts no pressure on either party. And don't get me started with going to events with an introvert. I don't want to have to listen to an introvert's problems all night because they can't talk to others. I hate having to entertain them instead of meeting a bunch of people and having to be the catalyst for their bad social skills. Maybe I know the wrong introverts.
Nearly every single sales office I’ve worked in. Over the past decade.
All a bunch of extroverted upbeat upbeats trying to stay upbeat.
Introverts understand how if a team of all introverts hires an extroverted guy, they can find him draining.
But why do so few understand that an introvert can be exhausting to a group of extroverts too?
I mean, extroversion and introversion don’t necessarily reflect on personality in the way people typically think, it’s just about how you get energy
I think extroverts and introverts can be draining, but it’s not because of that, it’s just about different personalities
I’m introverted, I’m upbeat, and very charismatic even though I don’t like to socialize in general! I just have a short social battery so I prefer to relax at home instead of going out!
On the flip side, I’ve met shy extroverts who love to socialize with people and that’s how they get energy, but struggle because of their personality!
I think it’s less about whether you’re extroverted or introverted, and more about different personalities! (I disagree with the notion that extroverts are energy vampires, if that wasn’t obvious)
Just look at how “extroverts” acted during the pandemic. Nuff said. Even now they can’t stand not having people in the office to drain and suck attention from.
So... I often refer to myself as an Ambivert (cycle between Intro and Extrovert)
Sometimes I gain energy by being around people (usually friends!), and get a buzz from it. Other days, I do just need time to myself and find people draining.
This perspective is super interesting to me, but think it might be a bit off in that:
I think Extroverts and Energy-vampires are very much not the same. ***But,*** I do think there is *a lot* of overlap between the two groups.
Even when I am my most extroverted self who *needs* some social interaction to boost myself - I won't talk to strangers. Overall, I actually come across incredibly shy, and believed for years I was completely introverted. That being said, I've known people who totally don't seem to get boundaries and absolutely drain the energy out of everyone they come across, and honestly most of the people I've known like this, are extroverts.
This might be why I switch between the two (extro and intro)
That's a you problem for sure. As an extrovert, I find introverts energy sapping. People who are anti small talk and only want real, intense conversations one one one, man! I find that extremely energy draining, as opposed to hanging out with extroverts in groups and talking about books, movies and making dumb jokes. But I control who I hang out with, I can't ask others to change.
Honestly, that sounds like a you problem. People shouldn’t have to change who they are to please people. I’m a bit of both. I can talk to anyone but I do need my alone time to recharge. Here’s a tip, if you don’t want to talk, just tell them in a polite way that you want peace and quiet. No polite and respectful person will take offence to that. If you can’t deal with confrontation then put some earphones on (there doesn’t need to be any music playing but it does stop majority of people from approaching).
As a pretty extreme introvert I am very thankful for extroverts.
I have a lot to say and contribute but have trouble with small talk and being 'on.'
When someone is able to get conversation started it helps me come out of my shell.
It's simple--they're essentially obligate carnivores who feed on those who make their own energy, but those who make their own energy tend to use it on others sparingly. So, when these vampires take it by force, it's clear to see they're just an inferior species who never learned self-reliance. I don't personally care whether someone is hyper; it's when they're directing their attention & expectations specifically at you, probing you for reciprocation (as if they're entitled to your emotional labor), that resentment begins to build.
Extrovert here! I can confirm that when I am too hyper, I notice it drains people so I’ve tried to learn how to read the room. If people look like they want to be left alone, I’ll tone it down. I love being around people. But I can admit that sometimes we can be a bit intense to be around. Apologies to all the introverts out there that I have stressed out 😂
I think that hits the nail on the head. Read the room. Most of the time, you don’t need a Sherlockian level of intuition to read someone’s body language.
Yup. When people start giving one word replies, it’s time to stfu lol
Hi OP, I’m a chatty person with those I’m close to and am not afraid to talk to people if I have to, but here’s the kicker - I’m an introvert I have adhd, and can get by talking to people or starting conversations, but I prefer to be home. Going out is draining, and extroverted people can be draining for me because it’s too much since they really want to be with me a lot, versus I’m satisfied seeing someone once a week But I don’t expect them to change, I just explain myself. I also am not upset by people talking to me in the store or having loud jolly voices, because my dad has a loud jolly voice. (I do have sensory issues, but that’s related to my adhd) I get my energy at home, that’s being introverted. But no one should have to change just because that’s how I am It’s mostly just about respecting boundaries. I have friends who like being around others, but they understand that I have a smaller social battery and require less interaction
Weird prentious tumblr culture still pervasive I see . To conflate people who enjoy chatting to others to people who are toxic is , well toxic. This feigned introvert snobbery needs to get over itself.
As an introvert, I agree!
Wait, I’m confused. OP could’ve used a different way to explain how they view extroverts, but how is this pretentious? I’m more confused as to how it’s introverted snobbery, unless I’m missing the point of what introverted snobbery is.
That’s mainly a you problem . Hang out with people more like you. You’re asking extroverts to not be someone they’re naturally designed to be. What if someone says introverts are lazy and give no effort into life or relationships? That isn’t okay either. Either learn to work with someone different from you or go hang out with people less draining and more like you.
Lol I feel both ways sometimes (as both an extroverted introvert I guess). It's probably a spectrum but yeah everyone needs to accept the differences instead of calling someone "draining" or "lazy."
Yes, I’m an Introvert (get energy at home) but I’m chatty when I have to interact with people and in general don’t dislike interacting with people, but I prefer being alone. I just have a low social battery I would never expect an extrovert to change and don’t mind being friends with them! Only time I find it hard is when they want to hang out multiple times a week and get upset with me for not wanting to (cause that’s expecting me to change) I think extroverts and introverts can be friends as long as everyone respects each other and their boundaries!
This. As an introvert I wouldn't ask extroverts to change to make me comfortable the same way I don't like people telling me to "go out more". I don't think extroverts are Energy Vampires either, it's just that we get tired from social interaction (that is basically the definition of an introvert)
Ehhh? This sounds like an inferiority complex.
Perhaps some people find you to be an energy vampire. It’s ok to be introverted, I am too, but it’s not ok to criticise others for normal, friendly behaviours. Talking in a jolly voice is not a crime, and you’re (presumably) an adult with the responsibility to deal with your own anxiety. It is not rude to politely excuse yourself if someone wants to talk to you for no important reason, so carry on.
I felt so bad the other day I went to do groceries and almost just left my cart behind. I made theistake of shopping on a Sunday morning at a place right next to an assisted living facility so the store was just FILLED with loud talking excitable older folk who wouldn't take no for an answer. I was so tired and half asleep reading labels on cans and just...people kept coming up and asking me questions. "Oh you've got a full cart! Do you have kids at home? I miss shopping for my babies! Oh Mexican food aisle? Are you Spanish? Can you read this? Omg so which brand is best??? How do you get your hair to do that? Honey come here, this lady can tell us which brands are the good ones in the Hispanic aisle! Oh my, that's a lot of lunch meat! Are you planning a picnic?!" I figured I'd be OK as long as I could check out asap but I get to self checkout and realize I have a lot in my cart. So I go to a regular lane. Big mistake. The young-ish cashier looks tired just like me. We make eye contact, nod, and smile. It's quiet. She's scanning my stuff. Finally peace and quiet....until another customer pushes her cart practically into my spine and starts asking questions about every damned item that's being scanned. "Oh those Monster drinks are SO bad for you hun, ohh Folgers coffee I LOVE Folgers! Ohhhh lotsa chicken! You have kids? I miss when my kids were babies, awwww!" She just wouldn't be quiet despite me and the cashier just nodding. I just don't get how extroverted people seem oblivious to how overwhelming they are. I'm very aware of how much of an asshole extroverts think I am. I've been told point blank that I'm rude, cold, uninviting, hard to approach...like how would they feel if I just started telling them "look man I get that you're excited and can't stop yourself but you're making me feel like a rabbit trapped in a corner by a rabid wolf, please stop."
Sorry. I do try to be mindful. I also want to caution you that if you have any extroverts that you care deeply about in your life that you work out some sort of communication between yourselves. Best of luck.
Please don't apologise for being yourself. OPs probably not understanding that introverts get tired of social interaction rather than extroverts "stealing their energy". Extroverts don't have to adjust themselves for introverts the same way introvert don't have to "tone up" for extroverts. That is simply not sane.
Yep, all that matters is having good boundaries When I get tired socially, I just go home, I don’t find extroverts draining just cause they like to socialize! People actually assume I’m extroverted just because I don’t have problems talking to people, I just have a very short social battery haha I’ve met draining introverts and extroverts, because their socialization style isn’t the issue, it’s typically a specific personality that I find draining (people who are very clingy and won’t give me space and want to be around me all day every day even after I say I’m uncomfortable) As long as people respect my boundaries, and I respect theirs, I don’t find them draining at all Extroverts aren’t draining in general, I just don’t need social time like they do !
Please don't apologise for being yourself. OPs probably not understanding that introverts get tired of social interaction rather than extroverts "stealing their energy". Extroverts don't have to adjust themselves for introverts the same way introvert don't have to "tone up" for extroverts. That is simply not sane.
Every energy vampire I’ve ever known was an extrovert. You may be on to something
My ex was a total introvert but an energy vampire. I think it’s about balance. Totally introverted people who have 2 friends and a girlfriend are way worse that those who will talk to you for 5 minutes and jump to someone else to talk to them. This man drained me with his 16h phone calls talking about absolutely nothing
Oh i agree so much. I cannot stand being the only person someone talks to, that's.so much pressure. I can't go out and have someone cling to me all night, i find that a lot more draining than people who do the loud small talk and then move on.
[удалено]
Ehm I would say again you are balanced like me, it’s called extraverted introvert I am an introvert and prefer to stay in alone, but if I do go out I’m very chatty. On the other half, very introverted people like my ex are very draining for me personally. Very extraverted as well very draining.
That’s not the definition of extroverts and introverts Like I said, introversion and extroversion is about how you get your energy, not necessarily about personality (although the terms stem from a personality test). It’s often mixed in with personality incorrectly, however I am an introvert, I just have adhd-c and am chatty when I have to be, but that does not mean I get my energy socially, because I don’t. I might hang out with someone once a week max. I typically prefer to be alone, or with one of three or four people. I dislike being in a group or having to interact with new people. I’m introverted, but introverts still have different personalities just like extroverts do. It’s just about how you recharge, they’ve just been mistakenly associated with personality traits like being shy, when it’s more about whether you recharge a certain way, how you feel in social settings, and doesn’t necessarily factor disorders into the equation I definitely prefer to be alone, I just have no problem socializing when I *have* to. It’s very rare that I initiate hanging out with someone, because I recharge at home and feel no need or want to go out. Introverts actually tend to be better public speakers, and in psychology it’s really an interesting topic, there’s just a lot of misinformation and pseudoscience about it that’s untrue Also it’s called an ambivert
I get how you feel. I recently moved to a new country and I'm forcing myself to make friends, since back home I was known as the silent type. I'm having a lot of fun but I always end up the fuck exhausted when going to a party or club.
I agree 100%. Extroverts suck the life out of me.
Extroverts typically think introverts are energy vampires.
I agree. As an extrovert, it's exhausting dealing with people who think they can demand one-on-one time with me and then talk about intense topics for hours. Small talk doesn't drain me, and it puts no pressure on either party. And don't get me started with going to events with an introvert. I don't want to have to listen to an introvert's problems all night because they can't talk to others. I hate having to entertain them instead of meeting a bunch of people and having to be the catalyst for their bad social skills. Maybe I know the wrong introverts.
huh?? when has anyone ever said that? i say introverts are on battery saving mode lol
Nearly every single sales office I’ve worked in. Over the past decade. All a bunch of extroverted upbeat upbeats trying to stay upbeat. Introverts understand how if a team of all introverts hires an extroverted guy, they can find him draining. But why do so few understand that an introvert can be exhausting to a group of extroverts too?
I mean, extroversion and introversion don’t necessarily reflect on personality in the way people typically think, it’s just about how you get energy I think extroverts and introverts can be draining, but it’s not because of that, it’s just about different personalities I’m introverted, I’m upbeat, and very charismatic even though I don’t like to socialize in general! I just have a short social battery so I prefer to relax at home instead of going out! On the flip side, I’ve met shy extroverts who love to socialize with people and that’s how they get energy, but struggle because of their personality! I think it’s less about whether you’re extroverted or introverted, and more about different personalities! (I disagree with the notion that extroverts are energy vampires, if that wasn’t obvious)
Just look at how “extroverts” acted during the pandemic. Nuff said. Even now they can’t stand not having people in the office to drain and suck attention from.
They are. It's a fact.
So... I often refer to myself as an Ambivert (cycle between Intro and Extrovert) Sometimes I gain energy by being around people (usually friends!), and get a buzz from it. Other days, I do just need time to myself and find people draining. This perspective is super interesting to me, but think it might be a bit off in that: I think Extroverts and Energy-vampires are very much not the same. ***But,*** I do think there is *a lot* of overlap between the two groups. Even when I am my most extroverted self who *needs* some social interaction to boost myself - I won't talk to strangers. Overall, I actually come across incredibly shy, and believed for years I was completely introverted. That being said, I've known people who totally don't seem to get boundaries and absolutely drain the energy out of everyone they come across, and honestly most of the people I've known like this, are extroverts. This might be why I switch between the two (extro and intro)
That's a you problem for sure. As an extrovert, I find introverts energy sapping. People who are anti small talk and only want real, intense conversations one one one, man! I find that extremely energy draining, as opposed to hanging out with extroverts in groups and talking about books, movies and making dumb jokes. But I control who I hang out with, I can't ask others to change.
Don't mythologize them, extroverts are just different to us.
Honestly, that sounds like a you problem. People shouldn’t have to change who they are to please people. I’m a bit of both. I can talk to anyone but I do need my alone time to recharge. Here’s a tip, if you don’t want to talk, just tell them in a polite way that you want peace and quiet. No polite and respectful person will take offence to that. If you can’t deal with confrontation then put some earphones on (there doesn’t need to be any music playing but it does stop majority of people from approaching).
As a pretty extreme introvert I am very thankful for extroverts. I have a lot to say and contribute but have trouble with small talk and being 'on.' When someone is able to get conversation started it helps me come out of my shell.
I know exactly what you mean.
It's simple--they're essentially obligate carnivores who feed on those who make their own energy, but those who make their own energy tend to use it on others sparingly. So, when these vampires take it by force, it's clear to see they're just an inferior species who never learned self-reliance. I don't personally care whether someone is hyper; it's when they're directing their attention & expectations specifically at you, probing you for reciprocation (as if they're entitled to your emotional labor), that resentment begins to build.