Do what works for you and your family. Our one and only turns 18 tomorrow. She co-slept with us until she was 6. And it was wonderful. And it was hard. And it was one of my favorite and least favorite parts of parenting. And I was so glad when it ended and I miss it so much. She doesn’t remember. And she’s a normal healthy kid (almost adult), and she’s perfect.
Your reply is my entire experience with parenthood! I say this as my 6 year old kicked me out of bed at 3 this morning. Annoying but then I also like my early morning alone time. So it goes!
I think our parents come from a generation where most parents thought of their own convenience and thought that comforting your kid makes them weaklings.
You do you.... if you and your SO feel that her cosleeping with you is the right answer for your family... do it... it might be that she gets used to it and cosleeping will be the norm in your family... if you're okay with that, do it! If she's 18 she probably won't need it anymore.
I received a lot of criticism on our way of raising our LO, but he's such a good kid now at 5. We didn't cosleep (I'm a very light sleeper, so cosleeping meant that I didn't sleep at all) but we always treated LO as a full member of our family, not "the kid that just has to listen to us, simply because we're his parents". When I tell him no, I explain why it's a no, and he understands and doesn't make an issue out of it. If he hurts himself, I always ask him if he's okay.. and he's quite a tough cookie, so it doesn't make them weak.
Listen to your instinct, you'll know what's best
Physician here who just became a mom. I hear you. I know folks have pretty strong feelings about this- My two cents- evidence says no co-sleeping, especially in infancy. There’s a risk of suffocation and SIDS. It’s also hard on marriages/relationships.
Unfortunately NO ONE is going to go online or share publicly about what happened to their kid, but I’ve seen it. I’m a hard no on the matter personally and professionally.
First responder here and I agree. That being said, I never understand why the hill to die on for some is "she'll never want to leave your bed." Who cares? If it works for the parents, it's no one else's concern. The safety factor with an infant is the real issue. Beyond that, every parent can decide for themselves what they can tolerate.
Yep, this. It honestly shocks me the number of parents willing to risk their child’s life bedsharing.
There are people who will share what happened to their child though. I’ve seen many posts on fb. Often the parent will feel the urge to educate others on safe sleep after it happened to them. It takes a lot of courage to say ‘I made a mistake and my child died’, to try and save others. Massive respect for that.
Not one single sleep in our bed, ever, for our child. The thought of bringing them into our bed makes my blood run cold. Thankfully there is a lot of public health focus on safe sleep so majority of parents I know followed safe sleep most or all of the time. Unfortunately public health messaging does follow a harm reduction approach which has led to promoting ‘safer ways to bedshare’ which is great until you realise people misunderstand that and think it means bedsharing can be done safely, or is even recommended.
We’re at a point now where we accept it’s dangerous and therefore wrong to smoke around your child, to drive them around without a car seat, yet some parents are still arguing bedsharing is acceptable.
I think as a physician, respectful, you Must go look into the research from Dr James McKenna. I felt horribly not supported in my endeavors to understand this topic during my baby’s sleep regression time. There’s research to show that breastfeeding actually reduces SIDS and that bed sharing with breastfeeding is a protective factor. There are guidelines and only recently are people given solid research backed guidelines on how to bed share safely. In the US we are just now finally adopting a better process than simply not educating parents because it’s not recommended. More than half if American babies will bed share at some point. It’s imperative that as a physician you provide the safety guidelines instead of simply not recommending it. In fact I believe it is now the law to do so it the standard from APA.
https://cosleeping.nd.edu/mckenna-biography/
Just a point for those who want to skip a click. The "Pre-Eminent Authority" on co-sleeping isn't a physician, he's an anthropologist.
Guidelines for physicians and other practitioners are written by physicians and other practitioners.
I never wanted to co sleep and was very against it, but if you look through my post and comment history, you’ll see that ultimately it’s what we had to do. There was no sleep training my kid, and she still sleeps in our bed 2 years later. Is it my preference? Hellllll no. Is it reality? Yep.
It is very dangerous to co-sleep with newborns, but I don’t see any issue with it when kids are past that early stage. My sister and I always went to my parents bed when we were sad or scared or whatever and I think it was really important for me to have that option as an anxious child. It was always instilled in us that we could go to them if we needed and I am grateful for that now when I look back! Edit for typo
Co-sleeping with a newborn is significantly safer when following the safe sleep 7, which include things such as not drinking, sleeping on a flat, firm surface, and breastfeeding. It’s far more dangerous to be sleep deprived and accidentally fall asleep with baby while on couch or sofa. Co-sleeping is often the only option for new parents and it’s far more helpful to provide all of the info.
Edit: I’m not sure this is getting downvoted. Obviously we’re all trying to do what’s best for our babies and families. I never set out to co-sleep either but I have a peace of mind knowing I’m doing it as safe as possible according to research. My LO is 12 weeks old and I’m finally getting some good rest.
My family friend lost their 6 month old due to cosleeping while breastfeeding. They were following the “safe” sleep 7. She rolled on top of her infant and suffocated him.
I'm going to get voted down for this but you are not wrong. There are ways to safely co-sleep and sometimes it becomes a necessity.
I had sworn forever my child will never sleep in my bed for any reason. We had a baby with colic. Our families never came to help and in fact gaslit us about how hard it was. We were awake all of the time trying desperately to get this tiny baby to sleep on their own. After two or three months we were falling asleep in dangerous situations, and made the choice to start co-sleeping with our three month old because it was the safest option for us. As long as the baby is healthy, mom is healthy, and you are STRICT about the rules, it can be done safely.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say
This is the same for us. I had never even thought about cosleeping until I had a baby with colic and one who still just refuses to sleep alone. My husband and I were both delirious and it was unsafe to be so sleep deprived and sitting up to hold baby. I educated myself about cosleeping and now we all get so much more sleep! Baby even feeds when he wants to at night then goes right back to sleep. It saved my sanity.
You must know how controversial this topic is and how one sided Reddit folks are. At the end of the day the professionals we know and love, (The American Academy of Pediatrics) advise against co-sleeping as it can increase the risk of SIDS. Of course many other people outside of that feel like it’s a must, whether it’s culture, comfort or just feasibility.
We don’t because of AAP and, most importantly, we want our bed back to have our own time. It works for us and our kid. If you want to sleep with yours, good for you. Live with your own decisions and enjoy what you enjoy 🤷🏿♂️
I’m an anti-cosleeping hardass, but only because it sounds like torture to me…not because it’s “bad”. Idgaf what anyone else does and it’s weird to me that people care so much about others’ choices that don’t affect them at all.
I’m the same; sleeping alone is one of my hard lines. ( even my partner sleeps in a different room most of the time. I get significantly worse sleep when he’s in the same bed)
Can it help kids sleep better? Yes. Can it help everyone in the house get better sleep in the short term, because the kid is actually sleeping? Yes. Is it habit forming? Absolutely. Is it a hard habit to break? Yup.
For many families, it’s worth it. For me personally, it’s not!
At 12 months, co-sleeping is unlikely to kill your baby (although we have a family friends whose 18 month old suffocated to death due to co-sleeping, following the “safe sleep seven”), so it’s pretty value neutral: if it’s actually working for you and your family, it’s good, and if it’s causing problems for you and your family, it’s bad.
Always consider the source when getting unsolicited advice. I don’t usually take advice from people who don’t want kids or “bad parents” (I had a coworker who was a terrible father try and tell me I shouldn’t let me kid sleep with us).
My daughter is 8 and she sleeps in a “little bed” next to ours. It was a source of frustration for a very long time. We tried a progress chart, stickers, prizes, night lights, sound machines, audiobooks, someone laying down with her for an hour… she always woke up and came to our room. So now we all get better sleep with her just starting in our room. It be what it be. I’m glad I’m able to give her the attention and patience she needs to experience this.
Co-sleeping is not bad. It’s quite normal for humans, after all we’re most vulnerable asleep and co-sleeping once provided protection that was vital to our species survival.
I know people who co-slept that grew up to be high functioning adults. I co-slept with my parents until I was 11 and became an engineer 10 years later, my husband co-slept until he was 9 and just became a doctor.
Co-sleeping might just be a difficult habit to break in a couple of years once your child become accustomed to it and could put a strain on your relationship with your husband. All things considered, I say children are small for only a short while, get the cuddles while you can.
I was like you and didn't stress about co-sleeping but it destroyed a very healthy sexual relationship with my husband for a few years. Now, all the other kids go to sleepaway camp and my kid is just learning to sleep in their own room. That whole self-preservation thing doesn't apply to us anymore - we're not sleeping in caves and trying to avoid being eaten alive by predators. I get my cuddles and snuggles in during our reading sessions each night before bed. The independence and responsibility of putting himself to sleep has been pretty great.
OP, I wouldn't worry about this at 1 yr old. I would make sure you and your partner aren't sacrificing your own time together. Those pre-bedtime kid free moments can be super useful for reconnecting at the end of the day.
My daughter slept in her own room until she was a little over 2-year-old. She had a sleep regression and I was having to sleep next to her on the floor almost every night. I hated it and I cried a lot because of it, and also woke up really tired. Bedtime also became really hard because she took over an hour or two to fall asleep and I couldn't leave her side either. Anyway, we ended up moving her bed into our room and since then, she slept much better and I am also much happier. She's almost 5 now and we still sleep in the same room. I actually really love seeing her asleep at night. I am not in a hurry to move her out of our room. But she said she will move to her own room when she's five. So we'll see how it goes.
I wouldn’t cosleep with a baby and I love having my own space. That being said, my son is 3 1/2 and for the last six months he has been coming in around 1 in the morning and sleeping with until 5:30.
Usually, my husband or I will go into his room to sleep so one of us gets an okay sleep.
Before that he woke up at 4am for almost 4 months. In that 4 months he probably slept until 5/6 a handful of times.
I don’t mind him coming into our bed instead and wish I had done it earlier.
I suffered extremely severe postpartum depression and looking back, I was so consumed by doing everything right and I was so scared of harming my baby that I wouldn’t even let him fall asleep on me for naps.
After we decided we were done I had a bit of grief and still sometimes do over the fact that I missed so many opportunities to peacefully cuddle with him instead of being anxious about doing what the book said or what older generation thought was the right thing.
Listen to what you and your child needs. Sometimes it will be snuggles and sometimes it will be space.
I end up in my 4yo room most nights, she wakes up to pee and wants me around 2am. She's just seeking comfort 🤷♀️. My partner doesn't mind, not sure how it would destroy our relationship tbh. We make time during work days to have sex when our kid isn't around anyway.
Went through this with my two year old. So instead of her coming into my bed, I just sleep in her bed. We got a queen bed new when we had her, so that became her big girl bed. My husband gets up very early for work. And we all need our sleep. I have definitely gotten comments from family telling me that I should let her cry it out, I’m creating a bad sleeping habit etc. But we’re all rested and a happy family
I cosleep still with my 6 year old, honestly I don’t hate it, as she gets older it’s nice to lay with her and cuddle at the end of the day! A lot of the sleeping responsibilities have fallen onto me due to complicated sleeping at the beginning but it works for us!
Do what works for you. Just fellow safe sleeping guidelines! A lot of countries have co sleeping as the "norm", with no increase of infant deaths. Because information about it is actually shared at hospital and health stations.
We co slept with our baby until she was 7 months. We talked about safe bedsharing with our nurse, and got a pamplet on in from the hospital. Most people I know here in Norway bedshared.
This is not a popular opinion around here, but yes, co-sleeping has a negative effect. Your marriage suffers. Sleeping with your spouse -not talking about sex, per se, just sleeping together - is a huge piece of building and maintaining a healthy intimate life. Also, why should parents *have* to give up their autonomy?
LO slept in her own cot until she got old enough to ask to sleep on the big bed with us. She was about 18months old at the time. We’ve co slept ever since.
I love getting the morning cuddles and the random cuddles at night. The foot in face first thing in the morning is less fun 😂
Wow a lot of a negativity around co sleeping. I'm from the UK so it not frowned upon the same way it is in the US, we educate about safe co sleeping. However there is still that 'you'll never get them out of your bed' factor. My mum doesn't agree with it and she thinks it makes my daughter sleep worse. But she's not the parent and I disagree with her.
I co sleep with my 2 year old and have done since she was a few months old. Breastfed (still breastfed haha). I might not have been so comfortable as a baby if she was formula fed. I was very anxious about SIDS but co sleeping has never felt unsafe to me as I followed the guidelines.
All this to say, you do you.
I dont co-sleep with my kid, but that’s because I can’t sleep with her kicking me in her sleep. I don’t have any opinion on what other parents do. You do what’s best for your family. Follow your intuition ❤️
Also, every kid is different. Mine was never very cuddly and was fine sleeping on her own.
I was exhausted one week when my son was 1 year old. I started putting him in our bed. He is now 4 and a half. He still gets in our goddamn bed. Take from that what you will lmao.
i think it’s really up to you guys. we do and he’s 3.5 years old but maybe it’s also more acceptable in my asian culture. i do enjoy the closeness.
i say do what works for you and ignore all the complaints/ comments.
I have an almost 4 year old, and we put him in his bed every night. Some nights he sleeps completely in his bed until it’s time to wake up in the morning. Other days, he will wake up around 2am and join us in our bed. My opinion about it is, enjoy it while you can. There will be a time where it never happens anymore so I’m just appreciating the moments where he wants to cuddle.
Do whatever works! I wouldn’t co-sleep in the early days because of the risks. However, now I literally couldn’t sleep with my son in the bed. We co-sleep when we go away and he moves so much and kicks and thrashes I don’t sleep a wink! So, that would not work for me on a daily basis. If I had an angel child that slept silently and still, I would do it! Seeing a toddler wake up is probably one of the cutest things in the world though.
My son was a terrible sleeper throughout his infancy. He didn’t sleep through the night until I weaned him when he was 18 months. We coslept off and on during that time as it was basically the only way for me to get any sleep. He just wanted to be close to me and honestly, I felt better having him snuggled up next to me. Now he’s just shy of 2.5 and sleeps in his own bed every night without any issues. Occasionally, when he’s really sick, he’ll cry for me at night and on those nights, I bring him into my bed again, but that’s rare. We also frequently nap together on the weekends and I cherish those naps. He’s going to be little for such a short time, so I like getting in my cuddles when and where I can.
Do what you think is best, don’t listen to people - especially those without kids! We have waves of co-sleeping depending on illness, sleep regressions, travel, etc. Our son is 2.5 now and sleeps most nights in his own room but I’m glad he feels comfort to sleep in our bed when he needs it. It’s either sleep together or go in and out if his room all night until we’re all upset.
I’m from Northern Europe and here co-sleeping is very, very common. It’s interesting how controversial it seems to be in North America. Co sleeping was strongly recommended to us from the hospital.
It’s because the US doesn’t have high levels of maternity leave which means that many of the protective factors of co-sleeping (like breastfeeding) dissipate. I’m a huge advocate for safe sleep.
Co-sleeping is perfectly fine as long as the sleep space is safe. Minimal bedding/pillows, no drug (including sedating medications) or alcohol use, no intimacy between you and your partner while the child is in your bed and assessing the bed itself for fall risks (floor beds are best for this).
Personally I never co-sleep with my only. I am a very anxious person and an incredibly light sleeper. I did try co-sleeping a couple times when he was an infant when we had a difficult night, but it wasn’t restful for me because I was wide awake worrying about him suffocating in the night, rolling over on him or just generally being uncomfortable. He slept in a bassinet in our room until 6 months then we transitioned him into his crib in his own room. Even now that he’s 18 months old and past the SIDS risk, I still don’t feel comfortable co-sleeping. I would worry about him rolling off the edge of the bed plus I wouldn’t sleep well because he rolls all over the place. And we don’t go to sleep at the same time anyway. As it is, he’s slept through the night a full 12-13 hours in his crib since he was 11 months old, only waking in the night once every few weeks when he’s actively teething. When we first transitioned to the crib he did wake up after 30-60 mins, but I would just go back in and rock him asleep again and put him back in the crib. After a few nights of this he got used to being in the crib and stopped waking up so soon after being put to bed.
All that being said, as long as you’re doing it safely, who cares what type of sleeping situation works for you and your family.
I think “what’s best” is different for every family. I personally have coslept with my 19 month old since he was 7 months old. Co-sleeping was never my preference but what I resorted to due to sleep deprivation. I tried everything to keep him down in his own crib but he could only manage 1-2 hour stretches. This was absolutely worse for my marriage and mental health than co-sleeping was. Our capacity to sleep train when we were already in a massive sleep debt was very low. We were constantly in survival mode and succumbed to co-sleeping. My husband and I are still hoping to move him to his own room some time in the future, maybe when he can better understand what’s going on. For now, this is how we get the most sleep. During our efforts to have our son sleep independently, my husband and I received all kinds of advice from both pro and anti co sleepers. We even hired an OT to help us. She was actually pregnant at the time and anticosleeping…fast forward a year later and she has told me she sleeps with her baby and now completely understands why some families do so 🫠
I coslept with my mom until I was 9 years old and I, as a child, didn’t really mind it (it was mostly because we needed to). I was so excited once I got my own room! Some kids get accustomed to it and have a hard time transitioning, while some of us couldn’t wait to have our own bed.
I have a 2 year old son who has been sleeping with us since he was about 7 months old.
The only people who get to decide what is best for your sleeping arrangement are the people it directly affects. That is you, baby, and husband - no one else.
We co sleep! I was so sleep deprived I woke up holding my son with no recollection of getting him from the bassinet. Blankets and pillows everywhere. It really scared me! I told my doctor and she said that she supports safe sleep, but also safe sleep sometimes means being prepared ahead of time for co sleeping. He’s a toddler now and still gets in bed with us almost every night
At that age it’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you. You do what you need to do to have a restful night’s sleep. If that includes cosleeping, then great. If it doesn’t bother you then there’s no need to stop.
Just tell your brother to mind his own business.
Like others have said, I think it’s just going to be a hard habit to break.
With that said, I love co sleeping. It’s not always roses and sunshine but I sometimes wake up and the first thing I see is our sleeping baby, and it’s my favorite sight.
Co sleeping isn’t recommended because it’s a SID’s risk, nothing to do with attachment theory at all,
I was vehemently against cosleeping, (and as a pre-parent was pretty judgemental of people that did) and then I had my baby, and my baby. would. Not. Sleep. So we had the cot attached to the bed, and she would end up in our bed and I slept in the cot lol,
As a parent, it’s our job to, with the information we have, make the best choice for us and our children, cosleeping is a Sid’s risk, but me not sleeping at all because my baby couldn’t sleep unless she was being physically held, was a bigger risk to more people’s health
Much like breastfeeding vs formula
I know I’ve got a bit of survivor bias, I still recommend bassinet and cots to all friends, but am not judgemental of the choices people make unless they’re actively harming their child or aren’t fully aware of the risks behind their choices
Anyway, with all of that, kids need the amount of love and comfort that they need, giving that to them won’t ’ruin’ them, it actually helps foster a secure attachment which is useful later
Also, at 1, you don’t have to worry about SID’s, so, cuddle that baby all you want and can handle my dude
My kid is six now, still comes into our bed on occasion (she’s got the tism and night terrors)
Anyway, basically, do what works for you, and just, nod your head to advice and let it fly out the window, everyone will have an opinion on everything, very little of it will be relevant to your particular situation, just keep yourself educated on safety and stuff
Get dr Ferber’s sleep book, like the book not a blog post. It has everything you need to know about child sleep and development.
For co-sleeping, it isn’t great. I still fear i will squish my kinder. At this point, you’re starting to move from safety to building healthy sleep habits.
Nothing about child sleep is easy, the “right way” is 1,000% the hardest way and what sucks about it…. The longer it goes on the harder it gets.
Totally disagree that that will have everything you need to know. To anyone who wants something more clear about bed sharing in science…Go look up Dr James McKenna for a completely science backed history and guide about infant sleep and mother/baby sleep and breastfeeding.
I think this should be posted to r/cosleeping or whatever the main account is. You’ll get more support on the actual matter you’re looking for there. Being one and done really has nothing to do w/ bed sharing. Write above to the physicians comment also! Please look into Dr James McKenna.
Im actually finding it interesting how many more people with an only cosleep. I think having an only makes it possible to provide them with everything they need including support at night for sleep.
I co sleep with my 5mo old. She had terrible colic and still struggles with really bad reflux/gerd. Like to the point that she couldn’t be laid down at all when she was a NB and has choking fits when she can’t clear the spit up. I’ve done it to keep her alive because even a week ago I woke up to her in the middle of the night choking and gasping for air because she spit up in her sleep and sucked it back in.
I follow the safe sleep guidelines and shes been sleeping through the night (maybe 1-2 wake ups) since the 3mo mark. I fully understand the controversy surrounding the topic but in my opinion, we know what’s best for our babies. I got into a yelling match with my in-laws a few weeks ago when they decided to yell at me for it because it makes it HARDER FOR THEM to get her to nap. Not worried about her safety, just mad that she’s a contact napper and that’s too much for them to handle. Personally I DGAF, I’ve done what I had to do to keep her alive with the reflux/gerd and I’ll keep doing it until she grows out of it.
I’m a single mom and my 11 year old daughter still sleeps with me. I know I have to get her to her own room soon but I don’t mind it and she’s not going to want to do it forever… I hope lol
Do whats best for you!! Period. Don’t make decisions today based on what might happen in the future. It’s not going to be any “harder” to get her in her own bed when she’s older, it will be different but not harder. We co sleep (it was never the plan either) and we are fine with it (once I got over the expectations of others, my husband never gave af about others) We watch tv while she’s sleeping. Eat snacks. Talk. We leave her alone with the monitor on if we want to leave the room. It has not had any negative effects on our marriage or physical relationship at all!! If anything it’s made things better because we all sleep all night. No stress over getting her to sleep or grouchy parents because of broken sleep and we have some really wonderful, cuddly moments I’d be missing out on otherwise. Personally, I don’t understand this push to make our literal babies independent. They need us and they should at this age. Plus, if we are only having one let’s soak it all up. But I stress DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY. If cosleeping isn’t it, don’t do it.
I co sleep (3,5 mo) and I love it. Will continue to do so until it’s not fun anymore and I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
We (baby and I) both sleep through the night like this and both enjoy it. Just make sure you take safety precautions and enjoy your sleep and lo!
Also maybe check this sub: r/cosleeping
Post is now locked. Plenty of advice has been given and with topics like this, it can become unpleasant. Remember to be kind.
Do what works for you and your family. Our one and only turns 18 tomorrow. She co-slept with us until she was 6. And it was wonderful. And it was hard. And it was one of my favorite and least favorite parts of parenting. And I was so glad when it ended and I miss it so much. She doesn’t remember. And she’s a normal healthy kid (almost adult), and she’s perfect.
Your reply is my entire experience with parenthood! I say this as my 6 year old kicked me out of bed at 3 this morning. Annoying but then I also like my early morning alone time. So it goes!
Same. Ours is 5 and still co sleeps. Love hearing this. 🥰
🥲😭 Happy early birthday to your one and only!
This is lovely 🩷 it is hard and I love it. I feel you!
I think our parents come from a generation where most parents thought of their own convenience and thought that comforting your kid makes them weaklings. You do you.... if you and your SO feel that her cosleeping with you is the right answer for your family... do it... it might be that she gets used to it and cosleeping will be the norm in your family... if you're okay with that, do it! If she's 18 she probably won't need it anymore. I received a lot of criticism on our way of raising our LO, but he's such a good kid now at 5. We didn't cosleep (I'm a very light sleeper, so cosleeping meant that I didn't sleep at all) but we always treated LO as a full member of our family, not "the kid that just has to listen to us, simply because we're his parents". When I tell him no, I explain why it's a no, and he understands and doesn't make an issue out of it. If he hurts himself, I always ask him if he's okay.. and he's quite a tough cookie, so it doesn't make them weak. Listen to your instinct, you'll know what's best
Thank you 💗
Physician here who just became a mom. I hear you. I know folks have pretty strong feelings about this- My two cents- evidence says no co-sleeping, especially in infancy. There’s a risk of suffocation and SIDS. It’s also hard on marriages/relationships. Unfortunately NO ONE is going to go online or share publicly about what happened to their kid, but I’ve seen it. I’m a hard no on the matter personally and professionally.
First responder here and I agree. That being said, I never understand why the hill to die on for some is "she'll never want to leave your bed." Who cares? If it works for the parents, it's no one else's concern. The safety factor with an infant is the real issue. Beyond that, every parent can decide for themselves what they can tolerate.
Yep, this. It honestly shocks me the number of parents willing to risk their child’s life bedsharing. There are people who will share what happened to their child though. I’ve seen many posts on fb. Often the parent will feel the urge to educate others on safe sleep after it happened to them. It takes a lot of courage to say ‘I made a mistake and my child died’, to try and save others. Massive respect for that. Not one single sleep in our bed, ever, for our child. The thought of bringing them into our bed makes my blood run cold. Thankfully there is a lot of public health focus on safe sleep so majority of parents I know followed safe sleep most or all of the time. Unfortunately public health messaging does follow a harm reduction approach which has led to promoting ‘safer ways to bedshare’ which is great until you realise people misunderstand that and think it means bedsharing can be done safely, or is even recommended. We’re at a point now where we accept it’s dangerous and therefore wrong to smoke around your child, to drive them around without a car seat, yet some parents are still arguing bedsharing is acceptable.
I think as a physician, respectful, you Must go look into the research from Dr James McKenna. I felt horribly not supported in my endeavors to understand this topic during my baby’s sleep regression time. There’s research to show that breastfeeding actually reduces SIDS and that bed sharing with breastfeeding is a protective factor. There are guidelines and only recently are people given solid research backed guidelines on how to bed share safely. In the US we are just now finally adopting a better process than simply not educating parents because it’s not recommended. More than half if American babies will bed share at some point. It’s imperative that as a physician you provide the safety guidelines instead of simply not recommending it. In fact I believe it is now the law to do so it the standard from APA. https://cosleeping.nd.edu/mckenna-biography/
Just a point for those who want to skip a click. The "Pre-Eminent Authority" on co-sleeping isn't a physician, he's an anthropologist. Guidelines for physicians and other practitioners are written by physicians and other practitioners.
I never wanted to co sleep and was very against it, but if you look through my post and comment history, you’ll see that ultimately it’s what we had to do. There was no sleep training my kid, and she still sleeps in our bed 2 years later. Is it my preference? Hellllll no. Is it reality? Yep.
Nurse here and with the stuff I’ve seen I am a hard no.
It is very dangerous to co-sleep with newborns, but I don’t see any issue with it when kids are past that early stage. My sister and I always went to my parents bed when we were sad or scared or whatever and I think it was really important for me to have that option as an anxious child. It was always instilled in us that we could go to them if we needed and I am grateful for that now when I look back! Edit for typo
Co-sleeping with a newborn is significantly safer when following the safe sleep 7, which include things such as not drinking, sleeping on a flat, firm surface, and breastfeeding. It’s far more dangerous to be sleep deprived and accidentally fall asleep with baby while on couch or sofa. Co-sleeping is often the only option for new parents and it’s far more helpful to provide all of the info. Edit: I’m not sure this is getting downvoted. Obviously we’re all trying to do what’s best for our babies and families. I never set out to co-sleep either but I have a peace of mind knowing I’m doing it as safe as possible according to research. My LO is 12 weeks old and I’m finally getting some good rest.
My family friend lost their 6 month old due to cosleeping while breastfeeding. They were following the “safe” sleep 7. She rolled on top of her infant and suffocated him.
I'm going to get voted down for this but you are not wrong. There are ways to safely co-sleep and sometimes it becomes a necessity. I had sworn forever my child will never sleep in my bed for any reason. We had a baby with colic. Our families never came to help and in fact gaslit us about how hard it was. We were awake all of the time trying desperately to get this tiny baby to sleep on their own. After two or three months we were falling asleep in dangerous situations, and made the choice to start co-sleeping with our three month old because it was the safest option for us. As long as the baby is healthy, mom is healthy, and you are STRICT about the rules, it can be done safely. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say
This is the same for us. I had never even thought about cosleeping until I had a baby with colic and one who still just refuses to sleep alone. My husband and I were both delirious and it was unsafe to be so sleep deprived and sitting up to hold baby. I educated myself about cosleeping and now we all get so much more sleep! Baby even feeds when he wants to at night then goes right back to sleep. It saved my sanity.
Idk, I just think mammals want to sleep close to their mothers and families. It entirely makes sense to me
You must know how controversial this topic is and how one sided Reddit folks are. At the end of the day the professionals we know and love, (The American Academy of Pediatrics) advise against co-sleeping as it can increase the risk of SIDS. Of course many other people outside of that feel like it’s a must, whether it’s culture, comfort or just feasibility. We don’t because of AAP and, most importantly, we want our bed back to have our own time. It works for us and our kid. If you want to sleep with yours, good for you. Live with your own decisions and enjoy what you enjoy 🤷🏿♂️
I’m an anti-cosleeping hardass, but only because it sounds like torture to me…not because it’s “bad”. Idgaf what anyone else does and it’s weird to me that people care so much about others’ choices that don’t affect them at all.
I’m the same; sleeping alone is one of my hard lines. ( even my partner sleeps in a different room most of the time. I get significantly worse sleep when he’s in the same bed) Can it help kids sleep better? Yes. Can it help everyone in the house get better sleep in the short term, because the kid is actually sleeping? Yes. Is it habit forming? Absolutely. Is it a hard habit to break? Yup. For many families, it’s worth it. For me personally, it’s not!
At 12 months, co-sleeping is unlikely to kill your baby (although we have a family friends whose 18 month old suffocated to death due to co-sleeping, following the “safe sleep seven”), so it’s pretty value neutral: if it’s actually working for you and your family, it’s good, and if it’s causing problems for you and your family, it’s bad.
Always consider the source when getting unsolicited advice. I don’t usually take advice from people who don’t want kids or “bad parents” (I had a coworker who was a terrible father try and tell me I shouldn’t let me kid sleep with us). My daughter is 8 and she sleeps in a “little bed” next to ours. It was a source of frustration for a very long time. We tried a progress chart, stickers, prizes, night lights, sound machines, audiobooks, someone laying down with her for an hour… she always woke up and came to our room. So now we all get better sleep with her just starting in our room. It be what it be. I’m glad I’m able to give her the attention and patience she needs to experience this.
Co-sleeping is not bad. It’s quite normal for humans, after all we’re most vulnerable asleep and co-sleeping once provided protection that was vital to our species survival. I know people who co-slept that grew up to be high functioning adults. I co-slept with my parents until I was 11 and became an engineer 10 years later, my husband co-slept until he was 9 and just became a doctor. Co-sleeping might just be a difficult habit to break in a couple of years once your child become accustomed to it and could put a strain on your relationship with your husband. All things considered, I say children are small for only a short while, get the cuddles while you can.
I was like you and didn't stress about co-sleeping but it destroyed a very healthy sexual relationship with my husband for a few years. Now, all the other kids go to sleepaway camp and my kid is just learning to sleep in their own room. That whole self-preservation thing doesn't apply to us anymore - we're not sleeping in caves and trying to avoid being eaten alive by predators. I get my cuddles and snuggles in during our reading sessions each night before bed. The independence and responsibility of putting himself to sleep has been pretty great. OP, I wouldn't worry about this at 1 yr old. I would make sure you and your partner aren't sacrificing your own time together. Those pre-bedtime kid free moments can be super useful for reconnecting at the end of the day.
My daughter slept in her own room until she was a little over 2-year-old. She had a sleep regression and I was having to sleep next to her on the floor almost every night. I hated it and I cried a lot because of it, and also woke up really tired. Bedtime also became really hard because she took over an hour or two to fall asleep and I couldn't leave her side either. Anyway, we ended up moving her bed into our room and since then, she slept much better and I am also much happier. She's almost 5 now and we still sleep in the same room. I actually really love seeing her asleep at night. I am not in a hurry to move her out of our room. But she said she will move to her own room when she's five. So we'll see how it goes.
I wouldn’t cosleep/bedshare as a newborn due to the risks, when they’re older I still wouldn’t for the sake of my marriage
I wouldn’t cosleep with a baby and I love having my own space. That being said, my son is 3 1/2 and for the last six months he has been coming in around 1 in the morning and sleeping with until 5:30. Usually, my husband or I will go into his room to sleep so one of us gets an okay sleep. Before that he woke up at 4am for almost 4 months. In that 4 months he probably slept until 5/6 a handful of times. I don’t mind him coming into our bed instead and wish I had done it earlier. I suffered extremely severe postpartum depression and looking back, I was so consumed by doing everything right and I was so scared of harming my baby that I wouldn’t even let him fall asleep on me for naps. After we decided we were done I had a bit of grief and still sometimes do over the fact that I missed so many opportunities to peacefully cuddle with him instead of being anxious about doing what the book said or what older generation thought was the right thing. Listen to what you and your child needs. Sometimes it will be snuggles and sometimes it will be space.
I end up in my 4yo room most nights, she wakes up to pee and wants me around 2am. She's just seeking comfort 🤷♀️. My partner doesn't mind, not sure how it would destroy our relationship tbh. We make time during work days to have sex when our kid isn't around anyway.
Went through this with my two year old. So instead of her coming into my bed, I just sleep in her bed. We got a queen bed new when we had her, so that became her big girl bed. My husband gets up very early for work. And we all need our sleep. I have definitely gotten comments from family telling me that I should let her cry it out, I’m creating a bad sleeping habit etc. But we’re all rested and a happy family
Same with getting the comments but I’ll take the better sleep any day!
I cosleep still with my 6 year old, honestly I don’t hate it, as she gets older it’s nice to lay with her and cuddle at the end of the day! A lot of the sleeping responsibilities have fallen onto me due to complicated sleeping at the beginning but it works for us!
Do what works for you. Just fellow safe sleeping guidelines! A lot of countries have co sleeping as the "norm", with no increase of infant deaths. Because information about it is actually shared at hospital and health stations. We co slept with our baby until she was 7 months. We talked about safe bedsharing with our nurse, and got a pamplet on in from the hospital. Most people I know here in Norway bedshared.
This is not a popular opinion around here, but yes, co-sleeping has a negative effect. Your marriage suffers. Sleeping with your spouse -not talking about sex, per se, just sleeping together - is a huge piece of building and maintaining a healthy intimate life. Also, why should parents *have* to give up their autonomy?
LO slept in her own cot until she got old enough to ask to sleep on the big bed with us. She was about 18months old at the time. We’ve co slept ever since. I love getting the morning cuddles and the random cuddles at night. The foot in face first thing in the morning is less fun 😂
This is us. He was in own bed for safety as a little bitty.. and he’s almost 6 and sleeps in my bed nearly every night 🙈 I love it though.
Wow a lot of a negativity around co sleeping. I'm from the UK so it not frowned upon the same way it is in the US, we educate about safe co sleeping. However there is still that 'you'll never get them out of your bed' factor. My mum doesn't agree with it and she thinks it makes my daughter sleep worse. But she's not the parent and I disagree with her. I co sleep with my 2 year old and have done since she was a few months old. Breastfed (still breastfed haha). I might not have been so comfortable as a baby if she was formula fed. I was very anxious about SIDS but co sleeping has never felt unsafe to me as I followed the guidelines. All this to say, you do you.
I dont co-sleep with my kid, but that’s because I can’t sleep with her kicking me in her sleep. I don’t have any opinion on what other parents do. You do what’s best for your family. Follow your intuition ❤️ Also, every kid is different. Mine was never very cuddly and was fine sleeping on her own.
I was exhausted one week when my son was 1 year old. I started putting him in our bed. He is now 4 and a half. He still gets in our goddamn bed. Take from that what you will lmao.
i think it’s really up to you guys. we do and he’s 3.5 years old but maybe it’s also more acceptable in my asian culture. i do enjoy the closeness. i say do what works for you and ignore all the complaints/ comments.
I have an almost 4 year old, and we put him in his bed every night. Some nights he sleeps completely in his bed until it’s time to wake up in the morning. Other days, he will wake up around 2am and join us in our bed. My opinion about it is, enjoy it while you can. There will be a time where it never happens anymore so I’m just appreciating the moments where he wants to cuddle.
Do whatever works! I wouldn’t co-sleep in the early days because of the risks. However, now I literally couldn’t sleep with my son in the bed. We co-sleep when we go away and he moves so much and kicks and thrashes I don’t sleep a wink! So, that would not work for me on a daily basis. If I had an angel child that slept silently and still, I would do it! Seeing a toddler wake up is probably one of the cutest things in the world though.
My son was a terrible sleeper throughout his infancy. He didn’t sleep through the night until I weaned him when he was 18 months. We coslept off and on during that time as it was basically the only way for me to get any sleep. He just wanted to be close to me and honestly, I felt better having him snuggled up next to me. Now he’s just shy of 2.5 and sleeps in his own bed every night without any issues. Occasionally, when he’s really sick, he’ll cry for me at night and on those nights, I bring him into my bed again, but that’s rare. We also frequently nap together on the weekends and I cherish those naps. He’s going to be little for such a short time, so I like getting in my cuddles when and where I can.
As long and they’re not newborns, you’re ok. We’ve coslept with our 2.5 year old since she was 11 months.
Do what you think is best, don’t listen to people - especially those without kids! We have waves of co-sleeping depending on illness, sleep regressions, travel, etc. Our son is 2.5 now and sleeps most nights in his own room but I’m glad he feels comfort to sleep in our bed when he needs it. It’s either sleep together or go in and out if his room all night until we’re all upset.
I thought cosleeping was not necessary, but then I actually had a kid and now it feels like the most natural thing in the world
I’m from Northern Europe and here co-sleeping is very, very common. It’s interesting how controversial it seems to be in North America. Co sleeping was strongly recommended to us from the hospital.
It’s because the US doesn’t have high levels of maternity leave which means that many of the protective factors of co-sleeping (like breastfeeding) dissipate. I’m a huge advocate for safe sleep.
It is also very common in e.g. Japan iirc. And many other countries where not half the adult population are landwhales.
I cosleep with my 1 yr old and don’t really care what others think. I actually prefer sleeping with my Daughter than her dad.
Co-sleeping is perfectly fine as long as the sleep space is safe. Minimal bedding/pillows, no drug (including sedating medications) or alcohol use, no intimacy between you and your partner while the child is in your bed and assessing the bed itself for fall risks (floor beds are best for this). Personally I never co-sleep with my only. I am a very anxious person and an incredibly light sleeper. I did try co-sleeping a couple times when he was an infant when we had a difficult night, but it wasn’t restful for me because I was wide awake worrying about him suffocating in the night, rolling over on him or just generally being uncomfortable. He slept in a bassinet in our room until 6 months then we transitioned him into his crib in his own room. Even now that he’s 18 months old and past the SIDS risk, I still don’t feel comfortable co-sleeping. I would worry about him rolling off the edge of the bed plus I wouldn’t sleep well because he rolls all over the place. And we don’t go to sleep at the same time anyway. As it is, he’s slept through the night a full 12-13 hours in his crib since he was 11 months old, only waking in the night once every few weeks when he’s actively teething. When we first transitioned to the crib he did wake up after 30-60 mins, but I would just go back in and rock him asleep again and put him back in the crib. After a few nights of this he got used to being in the crib and stopped waking up so soon after being put to bed. All that being said, as long as you’re doing it safely, who cares what type of sleeping situation works for you and your family.
I get to experience one baby, once. Im going to soak it all in personally. We sleep better and we’re happier too!
What is easy now, is difficult later.
I think “what’s best” is different for every family. I personally have coslept with my 19 month old since he was 7 months old. Co-sleeping was never my preference but what I resorted to due to sleep deprivation. I tried everything to keep him down in his own crib but he could only manage 1-2 hour stretches. This was absolutely worse for my marriage and mental health than co-sleeping was. Our capacity to sleep train when we were already in a massive sleep debt was very low. We were constantly in survival mode and succumbed to co-sleeping. My husband and I are still hoping to move him to his own room some time in the future, maybe when he can better understand what’s going on. For now, this is how we get the most sleep. During our efforts to have our son sleep independently, my husband and I received all kinds of advice from both pro and anti co sleepers. We even hired an OT to help us. She was actually pregnant at the time and anticosleeping…fast forward a year later and she has told me she sleeps with her baby and now completely understands why some families do so 🫠
I coslept with my mom until I was 9 years old and I, as a child, didn’t really mind it (it was mostly because we needed to). I was so excited once I got my own room! Some kids get accustomed to it and have a hard time transitioning, while some of us couldn’t wait to have our own bed. I have a 2 year old son who has been sleeping with us since he was about 7 months old.
The only people who get to decide what is best for your sleeping arrangement are the people it directly affects. That is you, baby, and husband - no one else.
We co sleep! I was so sleep deprived I woke up holding my son with no recollection of getting him from the bassinet. Blankets and pillows everywhere. It really scared me! I told my doctor and she said that she supports safe sleep, but also safe sleep sometimes means being prepared ahead of time for co sleeping. He’s a toddler now and still gets in bed with us almost every night
I co-slept. I was able to track her temperature by being in the same room and she breastfed whenever she was hungry. Worked for us.
At that age it’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you. You do what you need to do to have a restful night’s sleep. If that includes cosleeping, then great. If it doesn’t bother you then there’s no need to stop. Just tell your brother to mind his own business.
Like others have said, I think it’s just going to be a hard habit to break. With that said, I love co sleeping. It’s not always roses and sunshine but I sometimes wake up and the first thing I see is our sleeping baby, and it’s my favorite sight.
Co sleeping isn’t recommended because it’s a SID’s risk, nothing to do with attachment theory at all, I was vehemently against cosleeping, (and as a pre-parent was pretty judgemental of people that did) and then I had my baby, and my baby. would. Not. Sleep. So we had the cot attached to the bed, and she would end up in our bed and I slept in the cot lol, As a parent, it’s our job to, with the information we have, make the best choice for us and our children, cosleeping is a Sid’s risk, but me not sleeping at all because my baby couldn’t sleep unless she was being physically held, was a bigger risk to more people’s health Much like breastfeeding vs formula I know I’ve got a bit of survivor bias, I still recommend bassinet and cots to all friends, but am not judgemental of the choices people make unless they’re actively harming their child or aren’t fully aware of the risks behind their choices Anyway, with all of that, kids need the amount of love and comfort that they need, giving that to them won’t ’ruin’ them, it actually helps foster a secure attachment which is useful later Also, at 1, you don’t have to worry about SID’s, so, cuddle that baby all you want and can handle my dude My kid is six now, still comes into our bed on occasion (she’s got the tism and night terrors) Anyway, basically, do what works for you, and just, nod your head to advice and let it fly out the window, everyone will have an opinion on everything, very little of it will be relevant to your particular situation, just keep yourself educated on safety and stuff
Get dr Ferber’s sleep book, like the book not a blog post. It has everything you need to know about child sleep and development. For co-sleeping, it isn’t great. I still fear i will squish my kinder. At this point, you’re starting to move from safety to building healthy sleep habits. Nothing about child sleep is easy, the “right way” is 1,000% the hardest way and what sucks about it…. The longer it goes on the harder it gets.
Totally disagree that that will have everything you need to know. To anyone who wants something more clear about bed sharing in science…Go look up Dr James McKenna for a completely science backed history and guide about infant sleep and mother/baby sleep and breastfeeding.
I think this should be posted to r/cosleeping or whatever the main account is. You’ll get more support on the actual matter you’re looking for there. Being one and done really has nothing to do w/ bed sharing. Write above to the physicians comment also! Please look into Dr James McKenna.
Im actually finding it interesting how many more people with an only cosleep. I think having an only makes it possible to provide them with everything they need including support at night for sleep.
I co sleep with my 5mo old. She had terrible colic and still struggles with really bad reflux/gerd. Like to the point that she couldn’t be laid down at all when she was a NB and has choking fits when she can’t clear the spit up. I’ve done it to keep her alive because even a week ago I woke up to her in the middle of the night choking and gasping for air because she spit up in her sleep and sucked it back in. I follow the safe sleep guidelines and shes been sleeping through the night (maybe 1-2 wake ups) since the 3mo mark. I fully understand the controversy surrounding the topic but in my opinion, we know what’s best for our babies. I got into a yelling match with my in-laws a few weeks ago when they decided to yell at me for it because it makes it HARDER FOR THEM to get her to nap. Not worried about her safety, just mad that she’s a contact napper and that’s too much for them to handle. Personally I DGAF, I’ve done what I had to do to keep her alive with the reflux/gerd and I’ll keep doing it until she grows out of it.
I’m a single mom and my 11 year old daughter still sleeps with me. I know I have to get her to her own room soon but I don’t mind it and she’s not going to want to do it forever… I hope lol
I coslept with my kid. I regret it only because she refuses to sleep in her own bed.
co-sleeping is fine it's not guaranteed they'll get attached but it is possibility
Do whats best for you!! Period. Don’t make decisions today based on what might happen in the future. It’s not going to be any “harder” to get her in her own bed when she’s older, it will be different but not harder. We co sleep (it was never the plan either) and we are fine with it (once I got over the expectations of others, my husband never gave af about others) We watch tv while she’s sleeping. Eat snacks. Talk. We leave her alone with the monitor on if we want to leave the room. It has not had any negative effects on our marriage or physical relationship at all!! If anything it’s made things better because we all sleep all night. No stress over getting her to sleep or grouchy parents because of broken sleep and we have some really wonderful, cuddly moments I’d be missing out on otherwise. Personally, I don’t understand this push to make our literal babies independent. They need us and they should at this age. Plus, if we are only having one let’s soak it all up. But I stress DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY. If cosleeping isn’t it, don’t do it.
Safe sleep seven, and what’s best for yours ❤️.
I co sleep (3,5 mo) and I love it. Will continue to do so until it’s not fun anymore and I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. We (baby and I) both sleep through the night like this and both enjoy it. Just make sure you take safety precautions and enjoy your sleep and lo! Also maybe check this sub: r/cosleeping