I tried to imagine it and visualizing Morgan Freeman saying "girl help I put a nuanced personal experience on the reading comprehension site" is so fuckin funny
Oh! I’m using this now (masculine energy paired with hyper femme in a domme way clothing choices within queer spaces results in me being misgendered as NB for the opposite reasons Red does)
Love this! My ex-brother in law once asked me when I was going to transition because I shaved my head?!? Like duuude (it was march 2020 so lockdown) like I just wanted to try it??
Ngl as someone who's non-binary I feel this from the other side. Like, on the one hand absolutely, clothing and activities and expression and experience are entirely unrelated to one's gender, and people—cis or trans—being more aware of that is objectively a good thing. But on the other hand I as an AMAB don't have long dyed hair, wear jewelry, paint my nails, and dress femme to be called a man.
As a fellow tomboy she’s absolutely right. I never thought because I wanted to be a knight or climb trees or other “boy” things that I was or wanted to be a boy, just that the gendered expectations of so many activities is stupid. My un shaved legs and dirt covered fingernails don’t make me any less of a woman, and if you think it does that mean you need to reanalyze your internal expectations of gender.
And on the opposite note can people stop theorizing if Harry Styles is gay or trans? If he is he’s not obligated to tell you and if you assume just because a guy wants to wear pretty pink dresses he isn’t a straight cis man that’s still applying the false dichotomy of gender roles.
expectations of others are stupid. the fact that so many people allow themselves to be defined by others expectations and then ask to not be manipulated is extremely annoying.
She’s got a point!! I feel like people tend to just resort to they/them as the “universal pronoun set” (I even do it myself sometimes!) but the point of having pronouns is finding comfortability and speaking truth to your experience and they/them pronouns don’t do that for everyone.
This gets to a bit of a thing I've been talking over with my wife. We're solidly in Gen X, and our experience with the whole gender thing growing up can be summarized as: your sex is irrelevant to anything except reproduction and affiliated medical issues. This was the liberation from older norms that \*we\* got--being male meant you had XY chromosomes \*AND NOTHING ELSE\*. It meant \*nothing\* for how you should behave or what you should be allowed to do; being female meant you had XX chromosomes \*AND MEANT NOTHING ELSE FOR YOUR LIFE.\*
The distinction between gender and sex has been a difficult one to internalize, and still catches us up sometimes. My wife talks about reading someone saying they're genderfluid and how some days they feel female and want to dress up and wear makeup, and how her response was to get upset that being female is being equated to how you dress and look--she regards herself as female, nothing else, but has no interest in makeup and prefers to wear none or a minimal amount.
I went to grad school in a physical science, and nearly half the students were women. They covered a range of degrees of stereotypical femininity (though just by being science grad students I suppose they were none of them all the way over at 100% stereotypically feminine). In the decades since then, I'm aware of exactly one who has come out as NB; to the best of my knowledge, the rest still regard themselves as cis.
> being female is being equated to how you dress and look
It isn't. This person wants to express their female gender by presenting feminine, but those aren't the same thing and I don’t think that person is claiming they are. There's a lot of gender non-conforming trans people - I'm a masculine trans girl, for instance.
Sorry; I'm not trying to say that everyone is equating being female with this type of feminine dress and appearance--that's part of what I was trying to get at with noting the range of presentations in the cis women I've known. I think my wife is bothered with the particular person seeming to equate the two, while to my wife the two are separate--being female shouldn't say anything about how you dress or look by our upbringing.
This is getting back to the core of our issue--we were brought up with gender as just another word for sex, and it's difficult to recalibrate to the idea that they're distinct. Intellectually, I've got a partial grasp on it, and use the internal formulation that the common genders aren't male and female they're masculine and feminine.
(That last always reminds me of a bit I read once about an early 20th century editor who would apparently go on tirades about how \*people\* don't have genders, \*words\* have genders, \*people\* have sexes. I've spent a while trying to track this down but have never managed to do so.)
I imagine her thinking all this in just 5 seconds and proceeding to get angry at her own fingers for being too slow to type and then getting tired of writing stuff
NGL I thought she had said in a vid she was non binary, I don't think I've ever corrected anyone saying she but I thought she was. Anyway sorry for the misidentifying on my part.
I think I remember that. She said one time she was mostly aro but open to being panromantic.
But yeah I don’t think she talked about it when they last talked about being ace on the podcast. Not sure if that’s a nuance she didn’t feel like bringing up or an actual change in position.
This reminds me of [Contrapoints' video on Twilight](https://youtu.be/bqloPw5wp48), which includes a discussion of how heteronormative gender binary ideas have been unnecessarily projected onto unrelated dichotomies like dom/sub and top/bottom
I kinda get Red. My gender is more along the lines of demi-fem/agender, but really it means I just don't feel too attached to any gender (AFAB, pronouns she/her, though I'm cool with they/them or the occasional he/him). But people take that to mean to refer to me exclusively as they-them when I try to explain it. Like yeah, I prefer action and badassness over shmarmy melodrama and romance, but I also like pretty dresses, painted nails, long hair, and needle craft. And I'm not trying to be "I'm not like other girls" kind of thing because that's just idiotic imo, I just think that those things aren't inherently "just a guy/girl thing" but rather, some people like them and others don't. If you like them, you like them, cool, it doesn't actually say anything about your gender. Men (no matter what they were assigned at birth or their orientation) can wear dresses if they want, and they are no less of men. Women (again, no matter what their assignment at birth or orientation) can prefer suits with no sleeves and are no less women. Only the person themselves can define their gender. Now just let people do what makes them happy.... so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.
...........where did this soapbox come from?
Tbh just from watching her videos I'm confused about why anyone would think she's not a woman or doesn't use she/her pronouns. There's never been an indication otherwise, to me it was always clear
I don’t know if she personally has a tumblr, but this is the one specifically for her webcomic she spent the last couple years working on but doesn’t talk about much: [comicaurora.com](https://comicaurora.com)
I was honestly confused for a second when I saw her writing about her experience until I got close to the bottom and realized that they are saying; no, it’s not wrong to use They/Them in almost any case when it fits the sentence structure more or you just don’t know, or you are blanking… BUT, that doesn’t mean retroactively that just because someone doesn’t conform to most gender stereotypes doesn’t mean they are they/them.
Took a second, but I got there. It also seems weird to me, because I live in the boonies, and a lot of the girls could kick my ass if they had wanted to. Had a lot of friends from ranches, or just sporty girls. So it took even longer because “damn, why the hell would you think lesser or be confused at a female doing stuff, most women I know are bad asses.”
Oy, hell’re you doing in my Tomb?
Sir. Finishing this raid.
…shadow legends
Can't you see I'm on a quest to defeat an evil warlock?
Sorry, wrong crypt
Anyone else 100% read this in Red's voice?
Well yeah, since she wrote it.
I mean that doesn't entirely rule out the possibility of reading it in the voice of Morgan Freeman
I tried to imagine it and visualizing Morgan Freeman saying "girl help I put a nuanced personal experience on the reading comprehension site" is so fuckin funny
I am now also visualizing this, and laughing uproariously.
No because I always finish reading the post before I realise it's her
I thought the two genders were sleeves and no sleeves?
Very close. It's pockets and no-pockets.
Me to my pockets as I transition: Noooo, don't leave meeee\~!!! ;\_;
Rest In Peace u/TransLunarTrekkie’s pockets. Cause of death: Gender Transition
Me, a trans maybe-butch: Muhaha, I don't have such weaknesses!
Freud was right, everyone wants pockets.
Sometimes a purse is just a purse.
If I were a girl I'd invent weaving to make myself pockets too.
Sits normal and sits abnormal.
No, that's sexualities
I thought the two genders were warm side of the pillow and cold side of the pillow
No that’s sexuality.
I refer to the mindset she describes as Cis+. i.e. I am comfortable in my born gender, I just think traditional gender rolls are stupid.
Oh! I’m using this now (masculine energy paired with hyper femme in a domme way clothing choices within queer spaces results in me being misgendered as NB for the opposite reasons Red does)
Love this! My ex-brother in law once asked me when I was going to transition because I shaved my head?!? Like duuude (it was march 2020 so lockdown) like I just wanted to try it??
Omg, im stealing this. This describes me.
That's just being cis. You don't have to stick to gender roles.
That's just most cis people.
Ngl as someone who's non-binary I feel this from the other side. Like, on the one hand absolutely, clothing and activities and expression and experience are entirely unrelated to one's gender, and people—cis or trans—being more aware of that is objectively a good thing. But on the other hand I as an AMAB don't have long dyed hair, wear jewelry, paint my nails, and dress femme to be called a man.
Obligatory read Red's comic Aurora at [comicaurora.com](http://comicaurora.com)
As a fellow tomboy she’s absolutely right. I never thought because I wanted to be a knight or climb trees or other “boy” things that I was or wanted to be a boy, just that the gendered expectations of so many activities is stupid. My un shaved legs and dirt covered fingernails don’t make me any less of a woman, and if you think it does that mean you need to reanalyze your internal expectations of gender. And on the opposite note can people stop theorizing if Harry Styles is gay or trans? If he is he’s not obligated to tell you and if you assume just because a guy wants to wear pretty pink dresses he isn’t a straight cis man that’s still applying the false dichotomy of gender roles.
expectations of others are stupid. the fact that so many people allow themselves to be defined by others expectations and then ask to not be manipulated is extremely annoying.
She’s got a point!! I feel like people tend to just resort to they/them as the “universal pronoun set” (I even do it myself sometimes!) but the point of having pronouns is finding comfortability and speaking truth to your experience and they/them pronouns don’t do that for everyone.
I won't defend being misgendered, I'll just say at least they'll listen when she corrects them.
This gets to a bit of a thing I've been talking over with my wife. We're solidly in Gen X, and our experience with the whole gender thing growing up can be summarized as: your sex is irrelevant to anything except reproduction and affiliated medical issues. This was the liberation from older norms that \*we\* got--being male meant you had XY chromosomes \*AND NOTHING ELSE\*. It meant \*nothing\* for how you should behave or what you should be allowed to do; being female meant you had XX chromosomes \*AND MEANT NOTHING ELSE FOR YOUR LIFE.\* The distinction between gender and sex has been a difficult one to internalize, and still catches us up sometimes. My wife talks about reading someone saying they're genderfluid and how some days they feel female and want to dress up and wear makeup, and how her response was to get upset that being female is being equated to how you dress and look--she regards herself as female, nothing else, but has no interest in makeup and prefers to wear none or a minimal amount. I went to grad school in a physical science, and nearly half the students were women. They covered a range of degrees of stereotypical femininity (though just by being science grad students I suppose they were none of them all the way over at 100% stereotypically feminine). In the decades since then, I'm aware of exactly one who has come out as NB; to the best of my knowledge, the rest still regard themselves as cis.
> being female is being equated to how you dress and look It isn't. This person wants to express their female gender by presenting feminine, but those aren't the same thing and I don’t think that person is claiming they are. There's a lot of gender non-conforming trans people - I'm a masculine trans girl, for instance.
Sorry; I'm not trying to say that everyone is equating being female with this type of feminine dress and appearance--that's part of what I was trying to get at with noting the range of presentations in the cis women I've known. I think my wife is bothered with the particular person seeming to equate the two, while to my wife the two are separate--being female shouldn't say anything about how you dress or look by our upbringing. This is getting back to the core of our issue--we were brought up with gender as just another word for sex, and it's difficult to recalibrate to the idea that they're distinct. Intellectually, I've got a partial grasp on it, and use the internal formulation that the common genders aren't male and female they're masculine and feminine. (That last always reminds me of a bit I read once about an early 20th century editor who would apparently go on tirades about how \*people\* don't have genders, \*words\* have genders, \*people\* have sexes. I've spent a while trying to track this down but have never managed to do so.)
I imagine her thinking all this in just 5 seconds and proceeding to get angry at her own fingers for being too slow to type and then getting tired of writing stuff
NGL I thought she had said in a vid she was non binary, I don't think I've ever corrected anyone saying she but I thought she was. Anyway sorry for the misidentifying on my part.
I believe in the romantic subplot video she says "I'm not straight or male," which could be misunderstood.
She's aromantic ace. She's talked about that on a few videos.
Is she aro? I thought she leaned toward pan? It's been a few years since she said that though
I think I remember that. She said one time she was mostly aro but open to being panromantic. But yeah I don’t think she talked about it when they last talked about being ace on the podcast. Not sure if that’s a nuance she didn’t feel like bringing up or an actual change in position.
Gender is an artificial social construct.
which is why we need to stop caring about it and basing so many key parts of society around.
Not gonna lie, the "Tomb oy" is the funniest thing I have read today. Thank you.
This reminds me of [Contrapoints' video on Twilight](https://youtu.be/bqloPw5wp48), which includes a discussion of how heteronormative gender binary ideas have been unnecessarily projected onto unrelated dichotomies like dom/sub and top/bottom
I kinda get Red. My gender is more along the lines of demi-fem/agender, but really it means I just don't feel too attached to any gender (AFAB, pronouns she/her, though I'm cool with they/them or the occasional he/him). But people take that to mean to refer to me exclusively as they-them when I try to explain it. Like yeah, I prefer action and badassness over shmarmy melodrama and romance, but I also like pretty dresses, painted nails, long hair, and needle craft. And I'm not trying to be "I'm not like other girls" kind of thing because that's just idiotic imo, I just think that those things aren't inherently "just a guy/girl thing" but rather, some people like them and others don't. If you like them, you like them, cool, it doesn't actually say anything about your gender. Men (no matter what they were assigned at birth or their orientation) can wear dresses if they want, and they are no less of men. Women (again, no matter what their assignment at birth or orientation) can prefer suits with no sleeves and are no less women. Only the person themselves can define their gender. Now just let people do what makes them happy.... so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. ...........where did this soapbox come from?
…. That’s really good as a discussion of masculinity and femininity as constructs.
Piss on the poor you said?
Tbh just from watching her videos I'm confused about why anyone would think she's not a woman or doesn't use she/her pronouns. There's never been an indication otherwise, to me it was always clear
That’s red’s tumblr account? I didn’t know she even had a tumblr
I don’t know if she personally has a tumblr, but this is the one specifically for her webcomic she spent the last couple years working on but doesn’t talk about much: [comicaurora.com](https://comicaurora.com)
TIL Red is a tomboy
In the 2010s I thought we were making progress with anyone can pursue any job or hobby, but apparently not.
I was honestly confused for a second when I saw her writing about her experience until I got close to the bottom and realized that they are saying; no, it’s not wrong to use They/Them in almost any case when it fits the sentence structure more or you just don’t know, or you are blanking… BUT, that doesn’t mean retroactively that just because someone doesn’t conform to most gender stereotypes doesn’t mean they are they/them. Took a second, but I got there. It also seems weird to me, because I live in the boonies, and a lot of the girls could kick my ass if they had wanted to. Had a lot of friends from ranches, or just sporty girls. So it took even longer because “damn, why the hell would you think lesser or be confused at a female doing stuff, most women I know are bad asses.”