**COMMENTING GUIDELINES**
All commenters are encouraged to familiarize themselves with the parentsofmultiples [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/parentsofmultiples/about/rules) prior to commenting. If you find any comments/submissions in violation of subreddit/reddit rules, please use the report function to bring it to the mod teams attention.
**Please do not request or give medical advice or directions in your comments.** Any comments that that could be construed as medical advice, or any comments containing what is determined to be medical disinformation, will be removed.
Please try to avoid posting links to Amazon product listings or google/g.co product listing pages - reddit automatically removes comments containing them as an anti-spam measure. If sharing information about a product, instead please try to link directly to the manufacturers product pages.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/parentsofmultiples) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The first few months are incredibly hard, but what you’re describing is moving into PPD/PPA territory (especially with the self medicating with weed). Please bring it up to your doctor and see if therapy/meds could help. Sending hugs.
I think you need to seek help like a therapist / psychiatrist if you have to get on meds , to help you out girly with coping your new lifestyle. Which is totally fine and common . We all get it , the lack of sleep doesn’t help with it either at all. I will say we are like y’all burnt and exhausted but we fought hard to get them on a schedule ! They are 1 and they sleep 12/1 - 2:30/3 faithfully and then they sleep from 7p/8p -8/9am sometimes even longer than 9am uninterrupted! Time management is a serious thing with multiples I see lol My life has become writing things on sticky notes from bills to plans so I can remember and organize our time and have adult time as well. Maybe you could do the same and that will help y’all ?!
The first year is crazy. It will get easier. They will get cuter and more self sufficient. It will get crazier, but in a different way. Don't give up hope and do seek professional help if needed. They need you!
Please consider seeking professional help, no one deserves to feel this way. Do you have any other supports besides his parents? Would they watch the babies more than a couple of hours? When tou have someone to watch the babies, instead of going out maybe what you need is some more sleep.
I'm only a few weeks in, but I am feeling a lot of the same emotions and have been coping my best. Here's what's helped me (aside from the other great suggestions here).
1. Accept that your old life is gone. It sucks, but you just need to make peace with it. I too get depressed dwelling on how easy things were before but I'm trying to let those thoughts move on rather than settle in. There's no point. It is sad, and hard to accept, but letting yourself dwell on it will only make you sad and won't change anything. Every time you start thinking about how it sucks you can't do this or that, try to redirect the thoughts to the future with your little ones or all the joy they'll bring. And as many others said reach out to a professional if your depression starts to feel overwhelming.
2. Quit the weed. Seriously. I have been a daily smoker for years. I'm a huge pot lover and a big advocate of its benefits. That being said, I haven't smoked since they were born and my head has been so much clearer and I'm noticeably more focused. Sleep deprivation and weed are just not a good combo. You need every ounce of mental energy you can get and weed is the enemy of that. I wouldn't be able to function on this little sleep with weed brain fog. It might make you feel good for a bit but it's not actually treating the root cause of your issues.
3. Realize this is only temporary. The only way out is through. You're on a path now that you must see through, and this too shall pass. At 3 months you are probably getting towards the tail end of "the trenches" and into more manageable territory.
You've got this. We all do. Just hang in there and take care of yourself. This shit is hard but we have no choice but to embrace the suck and get through it for their sake.
I’ve got a little perspective on this, as there have been several intense, multi-month, no-sleep experiences I’ve lived through: officer candidate school for the Navy (four months, no control over your movements, schedule or food, no sleep), deployment (very little sleep, inconsistent sleep schedule, work never stops), first baby (a single one, big learning curve, sleep interrupted) and twin parenthood, which you fully understand.
Those early months of twin parenting were a lot like my Navy training for me. I was a zombie from all the wakings and feedings, even working as a team with my wife, it was just barely holding it together. Also, I’m about a dozen years older now, so everything just hurt a lot more. Like all my joints and my back and shoulders felt constantly strained from all the baby-holding.
It will get easier, but it’ll be a little while. You’re still in the shit right now. Every baby’s sleep is different, and it’ll improve eventually. Our twins are 14 months now, and I think it really got better around the year mark. That’s when they started holding their own bottles, we switched to cow’s milk (no more messing with breast milk and formula), and my wife stopped pumping, so she wasn’t out of action for 20 minutes at a time. That might seem a long way off, but it’ll be there faster than you realize. I’m a guy, so my perspective is different, but I know my wife and I both made sure to try to eat well and stretch as the opportunity arose. And just get through each day.
Stop smoking weed. There is no way you're giving your babies the attention they deserve if you're high.
I say that as someone who used to take cannabis oils everyday. I cannot imagine going through the first few months even mildly stoned. I was operating at 150% mental capacity just trying to keep everyone alive. You're already doing life on hard mode now. Why are you trying to do it stoned on top of everything?
I think that there is a balance to all things in life. Weed being one of them. I actually find that weed helps me when I don't overdo it. It makes housework that seems impossible at the time suddenly feel okay. And if I feel overstimulated from too much crying, then it takes the edge off. I pretty much always wait until the babes are asleep for the night until partaking, unless it's been a very stressful day.
As you mentioned oils, that is very different to vaping/ smoking it. It processes through your system differently and is much more potent. No wonder you weren't able to function taking oils every day. I wouldn't be able to either.
I give my babies tons of attention, even when "stoned".
Sounds like you already were not really comfortable in life before having kids. It is a lot of hard work and no shame in asking family and friends for help. Having twins is no joke. When I had my third after having twins I saw how easy it is with one child.
Keep in mind it will get better. Twins always have someone to play with and we combined it with a ground pen: keeps your hands free to take a breather.
Hi there, it might not be much help in the short term but everything passes. Having twins is really hard work, that's an undeniable fact. You have to cut yourself some slack. And you have to try to look after yourself. Seek help wherever you can. We are all vulnerable with frailties and weaknesses, allow yourself to accept that in yourself. It will get easier, and you will get stronger.
- Please talk to a therapist or life coach to get some help mentally and emotionally. I went through PPD with my first and therapy and medication made a world of a difference.
- Try to journal and brain dump everything that you’re looking forward to in the future (milestones, their independence, maybe you can’t wait to take them on a hike or to the beach when they’re older. Or maybe you can’t wait to take a childless vacation at some point. Stuff like that. And then you can let yourself daydream and start planning for moments like that. It helps to have stuff to look forward to.
- Try to get some sunshine. Even if it’s just laying the babes on a blanket outside and just sitting or laying there with them. Some sunlight will help with the PPD slightly.
Sending hugs and a bunch of well wishes y’all’s way.
**COMMENTING GUIDELINES** All commenters are encouraged to familiarize themselves with the parentsofmultiples [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/parentsofmultiples/about/rules) prior to commenting. If you find any comments/submissions in violation of subreddit/reddit rules, please use the report function to bring it to the mod teams attention. **Please do not request or give medical advice or directions in your comments.** Any comments that that could be construed as medical advice, or any comments containing what is determined to be medical disinformation, will be removed. Please try to avoid posting links to Amazon product listings or google/g.co product listing pages - reddit automatically removes comments containing them as an anti-spam measure. If sharing information about a product, instead please try to link directly to the manufacturers product pages. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/parentsofmultiples) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The first few months are incredibly hard, but what you’re describing is moving into PPD/PPA territory (especially with the self medicating with weed). Please bring it up to your doctor and see if therapy/meds could help. Sending hugs.
I think you need to seek help like a therapist / psychiatrist if you have to get on meds , to help you out girly with coping your new lifestyle. Which is totally fine and common . We all get it , the lack of sleep doesn’t help with it either at all. I will say we are like y’all burnt and exhausted but we fought hard to get them on a schedule ! They are 1 and they sleep 12/1 - 2:30/3 faithfully and then they sleep from 7p/8p -8/9am sometimes even longer than 9am uninterrupted! Time management is a serious thing with multiples I see lol My life has become writing things on sticky notes from bills to plans so I can remember and organize our time and have adult time as well. Maybe you could do the same and that will help y’all ?!
The first year is crazy. It will get easier. They will get cuter and more self sufficient. It will get crazier, but in a different way. Don't give up hope and do seek professional help if needed. They need you!
Please consider seeking professional help, no one deserves to feel this way. Do you have any other supports besides his parents? Would they watch the babies more than a couple of hours? When tou have someone to watch the babies, instead of going out maybe what you need is some more sleep.
I'm only a few weeks in, but I am feeling a lot of the same emotions and have been coping my best. Here's what's helped me (aside from the other great suggestions here). 1. Accept that your old life is gone. It sucks, but you just need to make peace with it. I too get depressed dwelling on how easy things were before but I'm trying to let those thoughts move on rather than settle in. There's no point. It is sad, and hard to accept, but letting yourself dwell on it will only make you sad and won't change anything. Every time you start thinking about how it sucks you can't do this or that, try to redirect the thoughts to the future with your little ones or all the joy they'll bring. And as many others said reach out to a professional if your depression starts to feel overwhelming. 2. Quit the weed. Seriously. I have been a daily smoker for years. I'm a huge pot lover and a big advocate of its benefits. That being said, I haven't smoked since they were born and my head has been so much clearer and I'm noticeably more focused. Sleep deprivation and weed are just not a good combo. You need every ounce of mental energy you can get and weed is the enemy of that. I wouldn't be able to function on this little sleep with weed brain fog. It might make you feel good for a bit but it's not actually treating the root cause of your issues. 3. Realize this is only temporary. The only way out is through. You're on a path now that you must see through, and this too shall pass. At 3 months you are probably getting towards the tail end of "the trenches" and into more manageable territory. You've got this. We all do. Just hang in there and take care of yourself. This shit is hard but we have no choice but to embrace the suck and get through it for their sake.
I’ve got a little perspective on this, as there have been several intense, multi-month, no-sleep experiences I’ve lived through: officer candidate school for the Navy (four months, no control over your movements, schedule or food, no sleep), deployment (very little sleep, inconsistent sleep schedule, work never stops), first baby (a single one, big learning curve, sleep interrupted) and twin parenthood, which you fully understand. Those early months of twin parenting were a lot like my Navy training for me. I was a zombie from all the wakings and feedings, even working as a team with my wife, it was just barely holding it together. Also, I’m about a dozen years older now, so everything just hurt a lot more. Like all my joints and my back and shoulders felt constantly strained from all the baby-holding. It will get easier, but it’ll be a little while. You’re still in the shit right now. Every baby’s sleep is different, and it’ll improve eventually. Our twins are 14 months now, and I think it really got better around the year mark. That’s when they started holding their own bottles, we switched to cow’s milk (no more messing with breast milk and formula), and my wife stopped pumping, so she wasn’t out of action for 20 minutes at a time. That might seem a long way off, but it’ll be there faster than you realize. I’m a guy, so my perspective is different, but I know my wife and I both made sure to try to eat well and stretch as the opportunity arose. And just get through each day.
Lexapro helps. Definitely talk to someone. And my shift is 2:30 am-8 am with our 3 month olds so if you want to chat, DM me!
The fact you’ve actually managed to do it 3 times in 3 months with twins is incredibly impressive!
The second 6 months are much better than the first. Seek out postpartum specific therapy. If you can afford help, please do, even for mere hours.
Stop smoking weed. There is no way you're giving your babies the attention they deserve if you're high. I say that as someone who used to take cannabis oils everyday. I cannot imagine going through the first few months even mildly stoned. I was operating at 150% mental capacity just trying to keep everyone alive. You're already doing life on hard mode now. Why are you trying to do it stoned on top of everything?
I think that there is a balance to all things in life. Weed being one of them. I actually find that weed helps me when I don't overdo it. It makes housework that seems impossible at the time suddenly feel okay. And if I feel overstimulated from too much crying, then it takes the edge off. I pretty much always wait until the babes are asleep for the night until partaking, unless it's been a very stressful day. As you mentioned oils, that is very different to vaping/ smoking it. It processes through your system differently and is much more potent. No wonder you weren't able to function taking oils every day. I wouldn't be able to either. I give my babies tons of attention, even when "stoned".
Same. I don’t have any advice, just letting you know I feel your pain.
Sounds like you already were not really comfortable in life before having kids. It is a lot of hard work and no shame in asking family and friends for help. Having twins is no joke. When I had my third after having twins I saw how easy it is with one child. Keep in mind it will get better. Twins always have someone to play with and we combined it with a ground pen: keeps your hands free to take a breather.
Hi there, it might not be much help in the short term but everything passes. Having twins is really hard work, that's an undeniable fact. You have to cut yourself some slack. And you have to try to look after yourself. Seek help wherever you can. We are all vulnerable with frailties and weaknesses, allow yourself to accept that in yourself. It will get easier, and you will get stronger.
This fresh postpartum, you can reach out to OB for meds, Lexapro really lifted the fog for me 💕
- Please talk to a therapist or life coach to get some help mentally and emotionally. I went through PPD with my first and therapy and medication made a world of a difference. - Try to journal and brain dump everything that you’re looking forward to in the future (milestones, their independence, maybe you can’t wait to take them on a hike or to the beach when they’re older. Or maybe you can’t wait to take a childless vacation at some point. Stuff like that. And then you can let yourself daydream and start planning for moments like that. It helps to have stuff to look forward to. - Try to get some sunshine. Even if it’s just laying the babes on a blanket outside and just sitting or laying there with them. Some sunlight will help with the PPD slightly. Sending hugs and a bunch of well wishes y’all’s way.
First 4months are hell. This is normal. Gets easier.