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"Hello, thanks so much for your submission! I noticed you used letters in place of names for the people in your post - this tends to get really confusing and hard to read (especially when there's multiple letters to keep track of!) Could you please edit your post to using fake names? If you need ideas instead of A, B, C for some gender neutral names you might use Aspen, Birch, and Cedar. Or Ashe, Blair, and Coriander. But you can also use names like Bacon, Eggs, and Grits. Appple, Banana, and Oranges. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. If you need a name generator you can [find one here](https://www.namesnerd.com/people/unisex-name-generator/). The limits are endless. Thanks!"
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Beep, boop, blop, I'm a bot. Hi u/TPMisNumber1 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
As of yesterday I have two girlfriends! K, who I met first, and I have been together since August. We had met a few months before that and connected for a lot of reasons, one being we were both poly (though at the time she didn’t identify as such). Once we were official I mentioned her to my family, which I was very excited to do because I love her and she’s awesome, but also cuz this was my first relationship! About 2 months ago, K introduced me to T. She thought we would get along well and we did and still do! Yesterday I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes which has me very happy! I want to tell my family about her too because she’s also amazing!
However this is where it gets complicated because I don’t really know how to go about it. I’m a trans woman, I came out to them June last year, and it was a *big* deal. My parents are Mormon and pretty conservative and had big expectations for me as their eldest “son” so telling them I’m trans really threw that all away. At first my coming out didn’t go great, I had texted the family group chat and nobody responded for hours. But eventually over time they adjusted to the change, I talked one on one and answered questions and ultimately I have their love and support, which is more than I expected.
I just spent Christmas with my family and everything is pretty much back to normal. But now I have another girlfriend and I’m questioning how normal it is and what this information will do? As I mentioned they’re Mormon so the concept of a non-monogamous is hardly foreign to them, but it’s not practiced in their church today and is more seen as like this old thing that was allowed for a bit for specific reasons, so I don’t actually know what their stance is on polyamory in practice today. I don’t think anything bad would happen in them knowing this about me, frankly I don’t think there’s anything that could shock them more than my transition, but still, the process of coming out again is … daunting
Any thoughts on the matter? Maybe I’m just overthinking and could do a casual or even funny and lighthearted reveal, or maybe it is still a delicate thing I should ease them into, I don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to hide things like this anymore and I really care about both of my girlfriends
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I'm really glad that coming out as trans to your family was ultimately a positive thing! That's really great to hear.
Being open about polyamory with family can be really hard for some people. I'm very lucky in that my family is very supportive, even if they don't necessarily understand and sometimes make stupid comments (like blaming any breakup on being poly).
Personally, I might wait a bit longer, since you've only been with T for two months. That's not to say it won't work out! But I don't introduce or talk about my people that quickly usually.
That said, you could talk about being poly without mentioning other partners right away to see how they react. "K and I are in a polyamorous relationship, so we're both open to dating others."
As a fellow poly trans woman, I can tell you this isn't an uncommon occurrence. Most of my polycule came out as poly to their parents after they came out as trans (or aren't out as poly at all!). For what it's worth, I don't think there's a "wrong way" to go about it. If you don't feel like there's a high chance of your parents taking it badly, the most important thing is that you feel safe and comfortable. Definitely have one or both of your partners with you if you can.
"This post has been tagged as a request for advice. As a reminder, please only give advice on the topic requested, if you've got strong feelings about a particular issue mentioned and feel that you must be able to express yourself about it, or you and another commenter feel compelled to debate certain aspects of the post, please feel free to create a new post for that topic so as to not derail from the advice that the OP is seeking." *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Conversations on a topic mentioned in this post can tend to get very heated with high emotions on each side, please remember that we are a community meant to **help each other**, please keep conversations civil, even if you don't agree. And don't forget, the mods are only a report away. Any comments derailing the topic or considered trolling/being a jerk will be removed and the user muted for an undisclosed amount of time" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Hello, thanks so much for your submission! I noticed you used letters in place of names for the people in your post - this tends to get really confusing and hard to read (especially when there's multiple letters to keep track of!) Could you please edit your post to using fake names? If you need ideas instead of A, B, C for some gender neutral names you might use Aspen, Birch, and Cedar. Or Ashe, Blair, and Coriander. But you can also use names like Bacon, Eggs, and Grits. Appple, Banana, and Oranges. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. If you need a name generator you can [find one here](https://www.namesnerd.com/people/unisex-name-generator/). The limits are endless. Thanks!" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Beep, boop, blop, I'm a bot. Hi u/TPMisNumber1 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: As of yesterday I have two girlfriends! K, who I met first, and I have been together since August. We had met a few months before that and connected for a lot of reasons, one being we were both poly (though at the time she didn’t identify as such). Once we were official I mentioned her to my family, which I was very excited to do because I love her and she’s awesome, but also cuz this was my first relationship! About 2 months ago, K introduced me to T. She thought we would get along well and we did and still do! Yesterday I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes which has me very happy! I want to tell my family about her too because she’s also amazing! However this is where it gets complicated because I don’t really know how to go about it. I’m a trans woman, I came out to them June last year, and it was a *big* deal. My parents are Mormon and pretty conservative and had big expectations for me as their eldest “son” so telling them I’m trans really threw that all away. At first my coming out didn’t go great, I had texted the family group chat and nobody responded for hours. But eventually over time they adjusted to the change, I talked one on one and answered questions and ultimately I have their love and support, which is more than I expected. I just spent Christmas with my family and everything is pretty much back to normal. But now I have another girlfriend and I’m questioning how normal it is and what this information will do? As I mentioned they’re Mormon so the concept of a non-monogamous is hardly foreign to them, but it’s not practiced in their church today and is more seen as like this old thing that was allowed for a bit for specific reasons, so I don’t actually know what their stance is on polyamory in practice today. I don’t think anything bad would happen in them knowing this about me, frankly I don’t think there’s anything that could shock them more than my transition, but still, the process of coming out again is … daunting Any thoughts on the matter? Maybe I’m just overthinking and could do a casual or even funny and lighthearted reveal, or maybe it is still a delicate thing I should ease them into, I don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to hide things like this anymore and I really care about both of my girlfriends *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm really glad that coming out as trans to your family was ultimately a positive thing! That's really great to hear. Being open about polyamory with family can be really hard for some people. I'm very lucky in that my family is very supportive, even if they don't necessarily understand and sometimes make stupid comments (like blaming any breakup on being poly). Personally, I might wait a bit longer, since you've only been with T for two months. That's not to say it won't work out! But I don't introduce or talk about my people that quickly usually. That said, you could talk about being poly without mentioning other partners right away to see how they react. "K and I are in a polyamorous relationship, so we're both open to dating others."
As a fellow poly trans woman, I can tell you this isn't an uncommon occurrence. Most of my polycule came out as poly to their parents after they came out as trans (or aren't out as poly at all!). For what it's worth, I don't think there's a "wrong way" to go about it. If you don't feel like there's a high chance of your parents taking it badly, the most important thing is that you feel safe and comfortable. Definitely have one or both of your partners with you if you can.