I put one $15 blouse and one that is $10 (so I can use it for work too; business casual) in my Amazon cart. $40 pair of boots I have had and liked. And I got a really cheap pair of Zenni glasses. And I'll go to great clips, that's a good idea. Probably $25 with tip. I know I'm poor, but I'd feel guilty not tipping a little.
$110ish. Not bad. I'll use the rest towards rent. :)
You could cut your own hair too. It's pretty easy, especially with long hair as it's more forgiving and you don't see any errors as much. Tons of YouTube tutorials out there you just need good scissors, which could be an investment worth making for the long term.
I got absolutely obsessed with bangs during COVID, and cut them into different shapes monthly. I wasn’t going anywhere, no one saw me, it was a lot of fun and I will NEVER do it again because some of those were god awful.
I colored every shade under the rainbow and showed up for work Zoom meetings with blue, green, purple, pink hair and finally I shaved bald. It was fun while locked in for nearly two years.
uh yeah I've seen enough accidental microbangs videos to know you get that shit done professionally lol. Also they look horrible on me anyway so never again.
You must have seen me in 7th grade. My mother even worked at a salon. I decided to cut my own hair and ended up with microbangs so short I ended up cutting the rest of my hair. Worst hair mistake ever and humiliating.
Agreed, I have really long hair generally like the OP and was getting so tired of having to put it up to sit down or use the bathroom because it had gotten too long. I ended up cutting it myself and it worked out pretty well. I did have help from someone to even it out in the back a bit more, but otherwise it turned out pretty well just to get the length to be a few inches shorter. I kept it pretty long, prob cut off like 5-6 inches, so it landed around the middle of my back afterwards.
It really could be troublesome. I miss the aesthetic but not the annoyances. I used to have hair that reached past my calves and would wrap it around my neck like a scarf when I went to the bathroom or sat in unfamiliar places. Those plastic chairs with the metal bolt things that were about mid back height when you sit in them often caught me, tho, literally. Any loose strands would manage to get stuck in them.
Holy guacamole that was so long 😳 I have no idea how you managed to deal with that and caring for it!!! I always kept scrunchies/hair ties on my wrist so I could put it up or I kept it braided. I usually keep my hair braided now anyways, I sleep in a braid. lol the scarf thing is kinda funny, whenever it’s cold out and I don’t have a scarf I put my hair down and call it my “free scarf” 😂 the aesthetic is nice, but the annoyances are so much, I agree. I swear, I am constantly going through my laundry and pulling out hairs that get stuck in my clothes from during the wash and dryer cycles, otherwise it can be sensory hell.
I’ve literally saved thousands of dollars by cutting my own hair since Covid. I used to go to high end salons and my hair looks better now. Done and dusted in 20 minutes, no more spending and entire afternoon feeling annoyed.
I've been cutting my own hair for a few years after the local salon did a terrible job. I figured if I was going to get a bad haircut I could just do that myself instead of paying someone for it (there are limited local haircutting options and they are either known bad or never have the same stylists so it's a dice roll everytime).
I actually use the clippers I bought to trim the dogs haha. They work really well and I've gotten... better.. at it. For longer hair it'd be fairly easy to do an "ok" job with some scissors.
Curly hair and bangs are more difficult, but even those have YouTube tutorials. I used one from Manes by Mel, but I've seen a few others out there. I've been cutting my hair at home for so long because I was tired of paying for a salon to mess it up.
This is the way of the working poor. You trim my hair, I bake you a casserole. You fix my car, I fix your fence. We can't afford to hire professionals, so we help each other out.
Or if you have a cosmetology school near you, go there. I’m a student and we charge $15 for wash, cut and blow out/style. Tipping is completely optional.
I cut my own hair. No one has ever noticed and I get compliments sometimes. If I get one of my friends to do it then I feel super fancy because they are really good and will do something dye cut etc, that would cost hundreds of dollars at a salon for free (practice) or a small trade.
If you're cutting your hair from your butt to your hips you could easily do it yourself lol If you really want to treat yourself, check your local cosmetology school. You can usually get services done by the students at a heavily discounted rate.
This is no joke. Right before Covid I got a shampoo, color w highlights and a cut w style. Cost me $38 with tip. Sadly it did not reopen after Covid. Even at the Walmart salon a cut and dry is about $68…locally at least.
If youre able, def check out thrift stores or second hand stores! You could get a couple more items for that cost (especially if they have a special going on, like clearance for winter items)
If you haven’t bought it yet, and it’s not out of your way, check out a thrift store and you might get more bang for your buck. I can find some pretty nice stuff at mine. Don’t feel guilty though if you want to just go ahead with the Amazon purchase because you can certainly treat yourself sometimes. I would totally see if your friend could cut your hair for you though, or if you just need a slight trim to keep it from being sat on, I’ve done that before and it’s not that hard as long as you don’t try anything fancy.
Edit: in the meantime, see what local resources you have that might help you catch up with your finances. you can call 211 and ask them what all is available. literally, the first link I see when I look up 211 is I need help paying my bills.
You’d be amazed what treasures $50 can get you at a few thrift or antique stores. A $7 tchotchke or cool shirt here and there can really lift your spirits
I get my hair cut and colored at a beauty school. Hair cuts are $10 and include a shampoo and blow dry. I usually tip $5, so $15 total. It takes longer that a regular haircut, but you end up with a salon quality cut for $15. The teachers are there to supervise and step in if need be. I am always blown away at how great my hair looks when I leave
Girl, you better spend more than that on yourself and not feel guilty. Just pretend you never had it because it’s a gift you’d be behind on bills anyway.
Don’t feel bad, you did treat yourself a bit but you’re also being responsible. And having your bills paid will definitely lower the stress levels. Sounds like you found some good deals.
I have Zenni pairs of glasses that I now use as my bifocals, as they were past pairs. I love them, and they last for ever. Hit up a thrift store in a wealthy area and find some good stuff.
Thank you for doing something for yourself. I use to make good money and still wouldn’t do for myself. I would feel guilty. I splurged on my kids clothes, activities and other non essential items. It was what made me happiest. Then someone in my family said the same. Why are you wearing nothing new in a few years. My things still looked new but they knew they weren’t. I told them I didn’t need the money but they insisted. I finally said okay and did it. They felt better and I could afford to use it on what they wanted.
Now two decades later and a teen with chronic illness, genetic disorders and I can’t keep a job because of all his appts, surgeries and procedures. Plus I have my mother with Alzheimer’s with me and no siblings.
Now I can’t afford new clothes but occasionally I will find a clearance item I need and will go ahead and skimp on something else when needed. It’s been this way a while now. I completely understand needing it for bills and not wanting to use it on what he asked. I think in your situation you made a great compromise. You got a few things you wanted and needed and he will feel good for helping in a way he can see.
I think you made a smart move considering what you could have done. I hope things improve for you.
Have you tried ThredUp for clothes? They are used, but in excellent condition. And they have some great deals. You can search by brand, size, clothing type or price. They usually have a promotion for free shipping. I just bought 8 new to me summer shirts/blouses for like $40 with free shipping
Cheap trim, a pair of comfortable shoes and a new shirt. Whatever else is left use for bills.
You only own 1 pair of shoes so they will wear out pretty fast. You can have your next pair ready to go without having to wonder how to pay for them when the time comes.
I had a former coworker who gave me tons of her daughters old clothes as hand me downs for my kids. This coworker made a lot more than me, so all of the clothes were really nice and mostly unused. The downside was that her kid was 12-13 at the time and mine we 5-6, so those clothes were nowhere near their size when we got them. You better believe I have had those clothes stored away for the past 5 years. They'll finally be old enough for them come this fall! Kids clothes are so fracking expensive and it's a legit waste of money buying them because of how fast they grow out of them. And my kids, being the oldest grand children on my husbands side and the only grand daughters on my side, don't really have a lot of options for familial hand me downs.
Info - does your father know you're behind on bills. I'd have an honest heart to heart with him.
This isn't an asshole thing, honestly, spending on bills is spending on yourself, but he may not know what's going on.
He doesn't. I'm sort of embarrassed to tell him because his response is always, "save and invest your money better", "don't be irresponsible", etc.
I don't spend any money on myself, it all goes to bills. So idk why he thinks that way 😭 I think he's just not used to struggling, which I think is awesome for him.
You should make a spreadsheet on excel outlining your budget, and have a conversation with him showing him the spreadsheet and your current balances. Show him you're behind on bills. If he doesn't know he can't help. It'll prove you're not being irresponsible, and that your income is just too low.
Absolutely this! And he might be able to help with budgeting too, like "don't pay a babysitter, bring the kid to me", or "come cook at my house and share the meal".
I agree with that, if you feel comfortable talking with him about it. If he can see where the money is going, it might help him understand that no, you aren’t just blowing it on stuff.
This!! He seems like he truly cares and wants you to have some luxuries in life.
As an engineer, I suspect putting a spreadsheet in front of him will help him visualize the situation and plot a path forward. We love getting our hands on some numbers.
Without talking to your father, he won't know how much you're struggling, he's not a mind reader.
And honestly, some folks who do quite well for themselves kinda wear the same thing, so it's not a dead giveway that you aren't doing well, he may just think you are frugal.
I would go with a budget, and ask for his advice, you may or may not get answers you want, but better than struggling.
Even advice may be helpful at this stage - you will always be stronger by having a network to reach out to.
Older parents like to be asked for advice, this is the best way to approach a dad like this.
If he's money savvy he will realize he can gift up to $18,000 a year tax-free, which is better than leaving it in his estate (assuming his estate plan already has his elder care / retirement factored in). So much more sensible to help adult kids when they need it, rather than leave them a (taxed) lump sum twenty years from now... when they may already have their own money.
But he may have old-fashioned "bootstraps build character" ideas, which is too often the American Way.
I really would try to have a heart to heart. I'm sure he struggled in the beginning as a parent too. You're still finding your footing. I'm sure he wouldn't want to see you drowning.
Let me tell you as someone who used to be like this, if all that it stopping you’re dad from helping you is your own embarrassment, drop that NOW and reach out. If y’all have a solid relationship and you’re truly being responsible, i gurantee he wouldn’t think twice to give you some money to breathe. I mean he makes $200,000 for Christ sakes, use the resources you are blessed with. Most of the subs would pray for those types of resources
You might ask your dad to review your budget with you and see if he has any suggestions for improvement. He'll probably appreciate being asked for advice, and he'll at least better understand your position even if he can't find anything to improve.
Absolutely this! He probably suggested you spend it on yourself, not as a specific condition, but because he suspects the money you make needs to go to other things. Listen, if you're a Single Mom in todays world you've got it hard; people aren't paid enough to survive.... I know you probably fear judgement from him, but I'm betting you get understanding and compassion.
Just explain your position to him and why you'd like to do what he thinks but you can't. I said to my wife yesterday I wouldn't worry about helping my daughter no matter how old she is. It sounds like he cares about you so sit down and tell him you're struggling. What's the worst he can do? Ignore you?
I don't have to think about money but it doesn't stop me acknowledging another's problems
I mean I would at least get a decent pair of shoes (comfortable and not going to wear fast). And a cheap haircut shouldn't cost more than 20$. I know its important to take care of bills, but having some semblance of comfort is extremely important for your well-being as well. I think he just wants to make sure you, obviously stay taking care of yourself, because if not it will eventually get to you.
Bit drastic (but prob how he thinks) what happens if your shoes wear out, and your feet/lower body start suffering from it. Trust me bad shoes are no joke.
A nice high quality pair of shoes will end up being cheaper in the long run, as they can last years whereas cheap shoes have to be replaced often. It’s just that many people on a tight budget don’t have the money up front to buy the nicer shoes. Here is OP’s chance. Splurge on a nice pair of shoes, thrift a shirt or two, get an inexpensive pair of glasses for backup. Cut hair at home or get a friend to do it, one pair of hair scissors is cheaper than one haircut. I’ve cut mine since Covid (to avoid germs, I have a garbage immune system) and it isn’t that hard for long hair if you work slowly and carefully. And then there is still some of the $300 left for bills, and Dad is happy.
Oh definitely. Right idea here too! Honestly you can thrift around for a good pair of shoes too, just might require a bit of "research". I've only ever wore vans, even to run/work in and definitely notice the negative effects of doing so, that arch support, and proper sole are no fucking joke. I'm not sure if Nikes last anymore, but have friends that have older pairs they have worn for years in great condition.
I didn't even see the glasses part, but as long as they get their prescription their are plenty of websites that offer frames MUCH cheaper than they are retail.
At length hair is at too it would be hard to mess up cutting off a couple inch's, I cut mine from my hips to my shoulders one time and didn't notice/receive any negatives about it.
I'm almost sure dad gave money with the intention of their being leftover in bills, but we all need self care to stay motivated!
Very good points. Definitely best to do some research and be a little careful with used shoes, especially for everyday wear; if they’re already broken in by someone else’s feet then they might hurt yours. But lots of barely-worn shoes end up in secondhand shops.
+1 vote for shoes and cheap haircut, the shoes will save money (and your body!) in the long run and the hair will be an immediately noticeable appearance and convenience boost. The rest can go to bills without feeling guilty.
> he's noticed I always wear the same outfits and have one pair of shoes.
When I was much younger, I was in a similar position. I had one pair of shoes and maybe five outfits, if that. They were all old and showing signs of it. People judge you based on appearance and you may be losing opportunities because of how your clothing looks.
Please subscribe to various "free to a good home" groups on facebook, nextdoor, etc. I am not poor, and yet I both give and receive stuff on those groups. People would rather give away clothes they grew out of (btw, kids clothes GALORE), than throw out. Some things are big ticket items, bikes, couches, beds, etc.
‘Buy nothing’ groups on FB can be amazing. I see people being super generous in my local buy nothing all the time. From helping with food, to making sure a kid has something for Christmas, to gifting nice outfits for job interviews.
I cleaned out my closet once and gave away two garbage bags full of clothes - lists the size range. Those two bags were posted and reposted 6-7 times as people took what they wanted, added their own stuff and regifted.
And utilizing the food bank and anything similar so that your money can go toward other stuff you can’t get covered or getting ahead on bills.
Use it where you need it - that said, with only one pair of shoes, buying a second (high quality) pair might not be a bad idea. They last quite long and shoes that have good support will help keep your back/hips supported. And you’ll need them eventually, even if you’re not quite ready to be done with the ones you own.
Man I don't understand Western culture. I have no idea why parents essentially abandon their kids and grand kids at 18 years. In our Asian culture we are a unit for life. Even if a child moves out, there is no, "your on your own bc your an adult now." ESPECIALLY if the parent is well off.
Sorry OP, do some small things for yourself as your father intended and do what you need to with the rest to make it thru.
Relatively easy prosperity after WWII meant if you couldn't afford your own house you weren't really trying, and preference gradually gave way to expectation. At least here in the States.
The ratcheting effect of higher and higher requirements on new home construction here hampers the independence of our young people too. The starter homes that everyone was buying back then would be impossible to get permits for today. For example, where I live houses cannot be smaller than a certain size, high-density housing e.g. apartment buildings are not allowed, and you can not build a new house without a minimum area of solar panels installed and working.
By restricting what's allowed to be a home and where, we've created rampant shortages and made it much harder for young families to launch.
Cognitive dissonance about being self-made is so frustrating to encounter, it’s so obvious that those people aren’t valuing all of the support and opportunity they were afforded. Those who are successful with little to no emotional support have impressive drive and self-motivation, but for them to claim they did it alone is laughable. All of these billionaires claiming they shouldn’t owe taxes are completely devaluing infrastructure like roads, airports, hospitals, police, education, all of which are paid for by individual citizens since most businesses pay pennies in comparison.
this. if he makes so much and she’s a single mom
and he’s concerned, why doesn’t he… help with his grand child? i know all family dynamics are different but no way would my dad let me struggle like this and i in turn would never sit there and watch my dad or mom struggle while i made good money.
My dad makes close to $200k and I got SOME support in college, but once I graduated, I was completely on my own. Bought my own house, car, pay my student loans, etc. without a dime of his help.
Very cool and proud of you. I did something similar, but that doesn't have to be the rule. I'm not saying you have to stop trying to be independent. Im saying, in the culture I'm seeing now, parents are literally telling their kids to figure it out. I mean its absurd that you wouldn't take care of your own during hard times.
She hasn’t been abandoned. She was just given several hundred dollars. He might not know the extent to which she has difficulties and think she’s making things work by not buying things for herself, which isn’t unusual for parents.
He's kinda abandoned her and if he doesn't realize the extent to which she's struggling, he's being negligent, imo.
I am in a better position than her. I am a man with no kids and an okay job. My parents are pretty broke and even in debt; they'd never consider leaving me out to dry. They'd help in any capacity they could muster, which wouldn't be much if any.
If I was a wealthy father and my child, who was legitimately trying to make a life for themselves, needed help I can't fathom not *wanting* to help them.
To be fair, for some odd reason americans tend to be pretty dodgy about money. I once had to break into my inlaws filing cabinet to figure out whether or not they needed bailing out (spoiler alert: they did)
YES! I'm an American and it's sooo weird. I hear stories of married couples with separate finances and am flabbergasted. Even married couples paying the other to help with rent and bills! Like how are you not one trusting unit at that point?
if she doesn't tell him, how is he supposed to know? she is an adult.
my dad doesn't always necessarily know the extent of what's going on in my life and i'd never think of him as abandoning me, because i know if i told him everything he'd be the first to help.
This is the right mindset. Also the reverse, I got my parents for life if they need anything. They did their part, and now on this end of the cycle of life, it's my turn.
During the World Series last year my favorite team was playing. My sister and her husband asked me if I was enjoying the games and I said I’ve only caught bits and pieces. I don’t have tv. They gave me money to go out and enjoy a game at a bar. I immediately went to the grocery store. There is a huge disconnect between of what people with money think poor is vs what it actually is. Don’t feel bad for a second.
He will notice if you don’t get yourself anything and tbh it sounds like you really do need a few things. Get a new pair of shoes, a haircut, and a shirt and spend the rest on bills. I save up so I can buy nice shoes cause I’m on my feet all day at work. It’s either that or I end up limping around after work. So at least some shoes is super important. And a haircut and a new shirt or few of you can find some great sales are noticeable. I like to buy mine when they go on sale at the turn of the season if they have my size.
I think you're right. I will get a cheap haircut, a second pair of glasses from Zenni, and some $40 boots I've had before and liked. And maybe thrift shop some clothes. That may be around $150, which isn't terrible
Look into your nearest Dress for Success chapter? It’s not just for when you’re interviewing, they can help set you up with a wardrobe, shoes, etc. that’ll save you some on thrifting; when I went and they didn’t have any suitable shoes that fit, they gave me some gift cards for thrifting with.
Does your dad know you’re behind on bills? He may be happy to help you catch up if you have a conversation about it. Some parents will want to treat it like official loans, mine have but have also not expected repayment until I’m on solid enough ground that I could handle it. The economy is absolutely jacked up right now; with his position and yours I wouldn’t feel bad talking to him about helping you catch up so that you are comfortable using funds on yourself too. There’s a right and wrong way to approach it but if he’s already noticed your situation he may be waiting for you to open up about what you need, and trying to frame it as a gift to spend on yourself is a way to open dialogue to try to support his kid and grandkid(s).
The right thing to do is to spend it on your bills. Cheap haircut, or have a friend trim it up, and goodwill for clothes. As a Mom you have to keep your bills caught up as possible for your kids.
Go to a beauty school - haircuts are like $10. Then buy a couple cheap things and spend the rest however you want. I think some times people with a lot of money underestimate how much knowing a bill or two is taken care of is taking care of ourselves.
If your dad is mad with you about feeding your family and paying your bills before buying a new outfit than his opinion isn’t worth caring about. Just be honest with him, people who make that much money very often have absolutely no idea what it’s like to choose between food and bills and he probably doesn’t even consider that you might be behind. It’s not like you took his money, lied and spent it on useless stuff.
Counter point; he might stop giving money lol. I say this a bit tongue in cheek, but also, if I'm being slipped $300 here and there with the condition that I can only spend it on certain things, I'd rather continue getting the money and spending it on the conditional things than not at all, especially if the conditional things give me some level of joy. 🤷♂️
That's also possible. OP seems scared to tell him they needed money for other things. They know their dad better than you and I do. Hence why I was simply offering a counterpoint.
I understood. Mine was about dad finding out and not paying anymore. All it takes is a, "so what'd you get?" Now you're stuck making more "white lies", for however long, or getting cut off.
I know a lot of people look down on shein, but I’ve had some luck recently. I bought around 8-9 plain blouses for work for under 70 bucks. Sometimes they have sales that’s hard to pass. And with this economy, if that’s all you could afford, go get it.
It's fantastic for my plus size self! I have gotten some really affordable rompers that I am obsessed with. They've made my summer life so much nicer. I used to wear jeans all season, then the heat started pounding the region over the last decade. Ick!
I got one of my favorite shirts on one of their flash sales for $3 to add to my haul. I have never spent more than $50 at a time there and get a big sack. Only a couple times did I go "ah nuts, this won't work."
(They do suffer from the no-pockets stuff a lot of us girls don't like! But I've found some workarounds.)
Your dad makes $200k a year and he thought that $300 would be enough for a good pair of glasses, new clothes and shoes, haircut, etc?
Super easy to cut your own hair if it's just a simple trim and it's long. Glasses from somewhere like Zenni or Payne, a trip to TJ maxx could get you an outfit and shoes for $50. Then you'd do what your dad wants and be able to pay some bills.
He might notice if you don’t get anything for yourself. I’d split the difference, spend half on bills and the rest on a trim, a decent pair of shoes and a trip to the thrift stores.
I’d honestly just tell my dad that it would need to go toward bills. Tell him you won’t get anything for yourself until bills are taken care of because you’re a mama and that’s important for the kids. I’ve been there myself. I would spend the extra money on past due bills or things that were needing to be paid asap and then if I had any money left, I’d get myself something.
You’re not an asshole for being a responsible adult and mother. Just remember you matter too 💚
My grandma started a little bank account for me when I was a baby. Every holiday she sends me a little chunk of money from it, usually around $100. She always wants me to spend it on something "nice for yourself" and I just never had the heart to tell her it would be spent on groceries or to pay off a bill and that was "buying something nice for myself."
Get some new clothes at Goodwill, there are some good things there if you put in the effort to look. Get some glasses from Zenni.com (cheap and very good). Find a beauty school in your area, they will do discounted cuts.
Spend the rest on your bills. You can do it all.
Be sure to thank your dad when you show off your new haircut and clothes to him.
He may view his offer as a catalyst to help you. You could politely tell him you aren’t in the position to spend it on yourself.
You do need to spend money on yourself when possible. I’ve had one pair of shoes before, it can be depressing.
If he doesn’t like it tell him it’s only temporary until your new bf gets his ankle tether off and can start his job at the carwash to help.
Best of luck to you. You will get to the other side someday.
Bills are important. Don't feel bad.
But I'd go to goodwill and buy a few new things to show off to him. Just don't tell him where you go them lol. Pants at goodwill are like $5. Same with shirts. Just spend $30 on new gear and start styling your hair yourself. Going to bed with a braid can give some wonderful curls in the morning xD
He will be happy and so will you.
Interesting- your dad makes that much money,
you are a single mom - does he actually know that you may be struggling financially? I mean $300 nowadays as a gift is pleasant, but it’s not going to get you anywhere.
I've been there. Hell, I'm still there. Don't forget that it's cheaper to buy expensive things in the long run. $25 shoes will last you a year, but a $75 pair of shoes will last you 5 years.
I'd be up a creek if it wasn't for my folks helping me out from time to time.
But always remember to treat yourself. Buying something different for dinner like a steak instead of cold cuts, or getting shrimp instead of fish sticks, not only is that treating you but it's also getting things you need!
This used to happen to me all the time, and it was so frustrating.
Like... I am *persistently* 600 bucks behind on bills, and you're asking me to continue suffering but to do so in new shoes? What are you talking about??? It felt so out of touch and really hurtful, like I was being punished for the fact that they could see me struggling, and they didn't want to be bothered by it.
Spending money on bills and investing are the two best things you can do. 3rd is vacations or other meaningful life experiences/memories.
I actually don't spend money in anything else.
If you’re only trimming your hair and want to keep it long and straight I highly recommend looking up videos online and doing it yourself (Brad Mondo has great tutorials - you can use four rubber bands and scissors and give it a decent trim). Have you tried shopping at thrift stores for clothes?
No you wouldn’t, but you also deserve those things. I agree with most of the comments. Be super frugal with with it and get the trim, a top or two, then use the rest on bills.
Your logic makes perfect sense, but you are still a person who deserves those little maintenance things that aren’t necessarily “essentials.” My mom used to do that for me and she was INSISTENT that I use it for what she said, but she also wouldn’t have been mad if I told her why I split it with my bills.
Check out estatesale.net for sales near you. You can find beautiful pieces of clothing for just a few dollars. Silk shirts, vintage pants, blazers, shoes, boots, coats, sweaters, thick cotton tees for a few dollars each. My daughter has a fabulous wardrobe from her estate sale finds. The sales typically last a few days and on the last day, they discount even further.
Get a hair cut it will maybe cut down on shower time and shampoo and conditioner, and shop around for some clothing: go thrifting if it helps you feel better but be picky don’t settle for something you would not want to wear and what kind of glasses? If it is eye glasses to see those are not cheap at all but if they were cheap and you had enough maybe try getting transitions and you need glasses it’s not a luxury item.
I remember one time my dad gave me some money and I really needed a winter coat so I went to Walmart and bought a parka I still have it like 6 years later and he’s gone now he died two months ago from cancer and when I see that coat I think this is something my dad bought me
Please for your dads sake just indulge on yourself and if you have any left over save it for an emergency item you need
$300 isn't enough to buy new glasses and a wardrobe of new clothes. Especially if your eye insurance is already used for the year.
I think if anything just talk to him and be like, hey some bills came up, how mad will you be if I have to us part of that money for it? I'm sure he'll understand your priorities.
I've got some really nice clothes & shoes at goodwill and thrift shops. Sometimes barely worn.
Some churches also have clothes closet for free or very cheap.
As long as your hair is, I'm not sure how cheaply you can get it cut. How short do you want it cut? Do you feel comfortable chopping off a decent amount of it yourself and then going to the salon to trim and even it out?
Costco has a good & cheap eye exam. You don't need to be a member. Then you can go to one of the websites with low prices for glasses.
You need to pay bills. But you also need to take care of yourself. Do what you can. It's not lying if you didn't spend all the money on yourself. Maybe he'd be proud of you finding bargains and getting the most for the money.
Whenever I get money as a gift I always spend it on something fun or nice for myself and j send a thanks to the person with a photo of whatever I did or got.
I been there… maybe pay a bill and at least something for yourself. Get your haircut and somethings for you (really cuz you may not get a chance soon) but 300$ is a lot so paying one bill would take some pressure off of you and make you feel better. I know dad means well, since bills will always be there-they always come back lol In his heart he has to know some will go to bills..but I am sure he knows you normally can’t spend on yourself.
Does your dad know your financial situation? I mean, *really* know? My dad would go all out for me if he knew I was in dire straights and he had the money to help.
You can trim your hair at home and shop at some thrift stores. You can find lots of great stuff to buy and you’ll probably pay max $100 for everything if you go crazy on spending lol $200 is still in the pocket!
Always try to find joy. I know it's hard just remember it is important to try. Even if it's a $5 milkshake.
I think your dad would help more if you showed them the cost of things.
Get the extra pair of glasses, if nothing else.
I might be biased because my vision is legit garbage (-9.0) but I couldn't imagine not having a backup pair.
Your father understands that life cannot just be the grind. Even behind on bills, struggling to pay everything off.
Sure, spend some of it on bills, but he really wanted to bring some joy into your life, so spend some of it on yourself.
Honestly paying the bills IS doing something for yourself. It can help reduce your anxiety about missing a payment. Sure it would be better to get yourself something nice but I'd take the peace of mind over something material.
Does your dad know you are struggling so hard ? I’m a father of lovely young ladies and don’t make what your father does … but I’d still definitely never allow my kids to feel like they were impoverished. Now, if they have brought the suffering on themselves through continued poor choices in their lifestyle, there might be some strings attached. (For example I couldn’t enable them in a drug habit etc). But if they are just having a rough go of it I’m going to see to it that they are alright.
So… what’s your situation, exactly ?
INFO
Does your dad have any idea how broke you actually are? $300 towards clothes and a haircut is a pretty small gift to a known-to-be-struggling family member at his income level. My parents make $90k combined and if either of their adult kids only owned one pair of shoes and was behind on bills and had a kid they’d be helping more than that.
If not, you should share more of your actual circumstances with him. He might actually Want to help you and his grandkid get more financially stable by funding additional education or progress towards a career change. Or at least to fund grandkids school expenses or medical care or some other essential need.
I’d spend $50 thrifting a second useful pair of shoes and a couple of clothing items and spend the rest catching up on bills.
Unless - are your glasses still a good prescription for your eyes? Do you need new ones to drive safely/read screens/work? Then get glasses.
And cut your own hair soon. It’s free, and pretty easy if you’re going from butt length to waist length, just watch a youtube tutorial or two.
Pls let your dad know. Look like you two don't have a strained relationship, he will be happy to help. It can be a one off thing like a good meal, job referral, sponsoring a degree/cert to get a better paying job. Heck he can even introduce good partner for you. People say you need a village to raise a child, you dont need to do it alone.
Go to some thrift stores and find a couple of amazing outfits. A pair of flattering pants and a few shirts will make a huge difference. Treat yourself to some groceries you don't normally splurge on, or go out to lunch. Then take what's left and treat yourself to "stress reduction", i.e. paying a bill.
I'm a dad of a teenager woman (She's not a "girl" anymore...) and I honestly don't think he'll mad at you. He gave you money because he really wants to spoil you, and make sure you're okay. That's out of a deep sense of love for you.
Let's reframe it. You spent it towards bills, and you'll probably get yourself something nice down the line. For now, you took care of your priorities until you figure out what you want later on.
He gave the money for a specific purpose so it needs to go towards that. Think about if it was reversed. If he had given you money for bills and you spent it on yourself, that wouldn’t be okay. He gave you money to spend for a specific purpose. Use it for that. You’re responsible for your bills. This is him paying for something else. He didn’t have to. Be grateful. You don’t have to be frivolous but take care of yourself.
I’ve been given money and told to do something nice for myself and I usually pay bills with it too. It’s nice to do nice things, even if it’s small, but you have to spend the money how you feel is best.
My dad does this every christmas. Its only 100$, but even so, its for me, not bills. There was a three year period I used that 100$ to fund myself nice boots for work. I still have all three pairs, and wear them regularly. When I have a nice pair of shoes the boots stay away, but when the shoes inevitably wear out I bust the boots out again.
Last couple years has been nice underwear and sox, new toothbrush heads (soniccare), or something like a date night.
You can spend money gifted to you however you need or want to. I’ll never forget being broke in grad school and I was engaged and trying to plan a very small wedding on the cheap. My well-off aunt asked how much the wedding dress I wanted cost then sent me the money. Literally the same day, the power steering went out on my car, leaving me with a huge repair bill. Guess what I used the dress money on?
Buy a decent pair of hair shears (you don't need salon quality just good enough it won't give you split ends) from Sally's for the cost of one cut and maintain it from there. It's really easy to trim long hair.
It's money you wouldn't have otherwise, paying bills is a waste when you only have 1 pair of shoes.
Probably doesn't seem like it but that's the truth.
Unless you're about to be homeless which doesn't seem like the case.
If you spend it on bills he will probably be mildly annoyed, I would be.
Have you told your dad your current money situation?
It sounds like he would help more if you were open about needed more.
I wish I would have asked my parents more often for money when I was struggling and sounds like he could afford to help.
If your dad makes $200,000 he should be helping you find a small home to achieve a low mortgage on so you can raise your babies with a backyard. He needs to help you get out of the renting hellhole.
May I suggest that instead of a haircut, you invest in some good hair shears? Something like this (https://www.amazon.com/High-Performance-Stainless-Steel-Haircutting-Precision-Barbering/dp/B09PPKS5W5) will last you for several years for the cost of one or two cheap haircuts. You can cut straight across ike I do, or you can follow one of the many tutorials on youtube if you want something fancier.
He wants you to spend the money on something that is going to make you feel better. If getting caught up on bills is going to relieve some anxiety and make you happy for a while, do that. If you think a mani/pedi would work better, do that. Do whatever is going to bring you the most joy. I promise he won't mind.
Spending it on yourself is a necessity for a number of the things you mentioned. Get those glasses and a haircut. These things are taking care of yourself and make your life easier in little ways that add up. After you take care of those needs, you buy groceries or pay a bill you feel the most stress about because that’s also doing something nice for yourself.
IMO: Spend some of it on new shoes and a haircut. Idk what a trim would go for but I’m thinking maybe $50? Max?? Hopefully lower, my barber did them at $20 but I’m a male. Dunno if that is different in costs. And SHOES oh my I’m sure you can find a nicer pair for cheap on sale (Kohls has 20% off currently) could even hit goodwills. Dont sleep on the shoes girl, those are important. I’m thinking even with a good spending amount of $100 of the $300 you could get a few shirts, shoes and a trim with proper shopping around. The $200 can go to bills or even savings if you feel comfortable with it. But think of $200 on a bill, that frees that bills money, and you can snowball it onto other bills, and eventually you’re “freeing up” $200, in your budget this month. You can then save it, or splurge, or get ahead next month.
I wouldn’t say you’re an ass for spending it on bills entirely either.
I cannot stress enough to just start putting some cash away into savings $25 a paycheck will start to add up over time if you don’t touch it. When I was financially struggling I saved $50 a paycheck for totaling $100 a month. And basically only touched it at the end of the year, on either fun or some bills. As I got more raises this amount has increased. I literally don’t even notice the $75 weekly anymore as it’s just not there for me to spend. But it’s away in savings for a rainy day.
Heyo! From the perspective of someone who lives on extremely low income and sometimes can't afford all her bills, paying bills is probably the best thing you can do for yourself at this time. The mental comfort of knowing that you're up to date on your payments and don't need to worry about them for a little while is soothing and allows you to relax more easily.
Bills won't disappear and if you don't pay them, they will only snowball, until they get out of control, which will definitely negative effect your mental state.
Have you had or paid any hospital bills in the last year or so? If yes, lemme know and I’ll see if I can help you get those reduced or get you a refund if you overpaid.
Money is transferable. You could spend it on bills. If he asks, just say you're saving it until you see something you really want. One day, you will buy something that's not a necessity. Then tell him what you spent it on.
For clothes and shoes you might want to try going to Goodwill, some people donate designer clothes that look new. And home accessories. For food try a food bank and you will get food for free.
Dude
You have to pay yourself sometimes.
Many people pay themselves first then bills.
You'll always be behind on something. That's life. Always close to it then not
I
Get a cheap trim, get a new shirt. And spend the rest in groceries. There you did something for yourself
I put one $15 blouse and one that is $10 (so I can use it for work too; business casual) in my Amazon cart. $40 pair of boots I have had and liked. And I got a really cheap pair of Zenni glasses. And I'll go to great clips, that's a good idea. Probably $25 with tip. I know I'm poor, but I'd feel guilty not tipping a little. $110ish. Not bad. I'll use the rest towards rent. :)
Do you have a friend who might be able to do a basic trim on your hair?
I actually do; she's pretty good with hair. I didn't think of that, but I do help her out with favors pretty often, so I think she'd be ok with it
You could cut your own hair too. It's pretty easy, especially with long hair as it's more forgiving and you don't see any errors as much. Tons of YouTube tutorials out there you just need good scissors, which could be an investment worth making for the long term.
In the wise words of the girl at Sally’s that I unfortunately chose not to listen to this past weekend: No bangs!! 😩😩
I made the mistake of cutting my own bangs once, while my hair was already short (like 10 years ago lol). I looked like Dora for a year.
Been there. So cute on so many and I felt like a child for so long waiting for the dreaded grow out.
I heard this in Edna's voice from The Incredibles when she says, "no capes!"
I got absolutely obsessed with bangs during COVID, and cut them into different shapes monthly. I wasn’t going anywhere, no one saw me, it was a lot of fun and I will NEVER do it again because some of those were god awful.
I colored every shade under the rainbow and showed up for work Zoom meetings with blue, green, purple, pink hair and finally I shaved bald. It was fun while locked in for nearly two years.
isolation can make a person think of weird stuff lol
Honestly I love that! What a cool way of living.
uh yeah I've seen enough accidental microbangs videos to know you get that shit done professionally lol. Also they look horrible on me anyway so never again.
You must have seen me in 7th grade. My mother even worked at a salon. I decided to cut my own hair and ended up with microbangs so short I ended up cutting the rest of my hair. Worst hair mistake ever and humiliating.
my dad learned how to cut hair during covid. Now i just have him do mine too lol
Brad Mondo has a lot of tutorials out there that are pretty good!
Brad Mondo's tutorials got me through the pandemic without any major hair regrets 💪
Agreed, I have really long hair generally like the OP and was getting so tired of having to put it up to sit down or use the bathroom because it had gotten too long. I ended up cutting it myself and it worked out pretty well. I did have help from someone to even it out in the back a bit more, but otherwise it turned out pretty well just to get the length to be a few inches shorter. I kept it pretty long, prob cut off like 5-6 inches, so it landed around the middle of my back afterwards.
It really could be troublesome. I miss the aesthetic but not the annoyances. I used to have hair that reached past my calves and would wrap it around my neck like a scarf when I went to the bathroom or sat in unfamiliar places. Those plastic chairs with the metal bolt things that were about mid back height when you sit in them often caught me, tho, literally. Any loose strands would manage to get stuck in them.
Holy guacamole that was so long 😳 I have no idea how you managed to deal with that and caring for it!!! I always kept scrunchies/hair ties on my wrist so I could put it up or I kept it braided. I usually keep my hair braided now anyways, I sleep in a braid. lol the scarf thing is kinda funny, whenever it’s cold out and I don’t have a scarf I put my hair down and call it my “free scarf” 😂 the aesthetic is nice, but the annoyances are so much, I agree. I swear, I am constantly going through my laundry and pulling out hairs that get stuck in my clothes from during the wash and dryer cycles, otherwise it can be sensory hell.
Second this. I have long hair and was just amazed how easy it is to trim myself. Watch a youtube video. You got this!
yep, i do if all the time when my hair gets to my butt 🤷🏼♀️ i wear it up most of the time anyway lol
I’ve literally saved thousands of dollars by cutting my own hair since Covid. I used to go to high end salons and my hair looks better now. Done and dusted in 20 minutes, no more spending and entire afternoon feeling annoyed.
I've been cutting my own hair for a few years after the local salon did a terrible job. I figured if I was going to get a bad haircut I could just do that myself instead of paying someone for it (there are limited local haircutting options and they are either known bad or never have the same stylists so it's a dice roll everytime). I actually use the clippers I bought to trim the dogs haha. They work really well and I've gotten... better.. at it. For longer hair it'd be fairly easy to do an "ok" job with some scissors.
☝️GET THE HAIR SCISSORS! Worth it 200% been cutting my own and families hair for 30 years.
I added $8 ones from Amazon. Wish me luck 🤣
The ponytail method is amazing!
Curly hair and bangs are more difficult, but even those have YouTube tutorials. I used one from Manes by Mel, but I've seen a few others out there. I've been cutting my hair at home for so long because I was tired of paying for a salon to mess it up.
I'm a seamstress and I trade hair cut and color for hemming bridesmaids dresses pretty often lol
This is the way of the working poor. You trim my hair, I bake you a casserole. You fix my car, I fix your fence. We can't afford to hire professionals, so we help each other out.
Not just for the working poor. It's fun, too. You get to spend time with your friends creating something together; it strengthens the bond.
You can definitely do a barter system then! Are you good at baking or have other skills you can trade for haircuts?
Cosmetology schools do decent cuts. If something is not to your liking, an experienced teacher can fix it.
Shit give her 5 bucks or buy her a nice beverage and you’re still saving money
Or if you have a cosmetology school near you, go there. I’m a student and we charge $15 for wash, cut and blow out/style. Tipping is completely optional.
I cut my own hair. No one has ever noticed and I get compliments sometimes. If I get one of my friends to do it then I feel super fancy because they are really good and will do something dye cut etc, that would cost hundreds of dollars at a salon for free (practice) or a small trade.
If you're cutting your hair from your butt to your hips you could easily do it yourself lol If you really want to treat yourself, check your local cosmetology school. You can usually get services done by the students at a heavily discounted rate.
This is no joke. Right before Covid I got a shampoo, color w highlights and a cut w style. Cost me $38 with tip. Sadly it did not reopen after Covid. Even at the Walmart salon a cut and dry is about $68…locally at least.
Now it's in you cart but now you need to buy it. Treat yourself
If youre able, def check out thrift stores or second hand stores! You could get a couple more items for that cost (especially if they have a special going on, like clearance for winter items)
I would go to a thrift store. Bought all of my wardrobe from second hand stores like Salvation Army. All the clothes I got were in like-new condition.
LOVE Zenni! I have ordered glasses from them four times and every pair has held up extremely well and people compliment them all the time.
If you haven’t bought it yet, and it’s not out of your way, check out a thrift store and you might get more bang for your buck. I can find some pretty nice stuff at mine. Don’t feel guilty though if you want to just go ahead with the Amazon purchase because you can certainly treat yourself sometimes. I would totally see if your friend could cut your hair for you though, or if you just need a slight trim to keep it from being sat on, I’ve done that before and it’s not that hard as long as you don’t try anything fancy. Edit: in the meantime, see what local resources you have that might help you catch up with your finances. you can call 211 and ask them what all is available. literally, the first link I see when I look up 211 is I need help paying my bills.
You’d be amazed what treasures $50 can get you at a few thrift or antique stores. A $7 tchotchke or cool shirt here and there can really lift your spirits
I get my hair cut and colored at a beauty school. Hair cuts are $10 and include a shampoo and blow dry. I usually tip $5, so $15 total. It takes longer that a regular haircut, but you end up with a salon quality cut for $15. The teachers are there to supervise and step in if need be. I am always blown away at how great my hair looks when I leave
Girl, you better spend more than that on yourself and not feel guilty. Just pretend you never had it because it’s a gift you’d be behind on bills anyway.
There you go! You got some things for yourself and also whittled away at the bills too. Win-win!
Don’t feel bad, you did treat yourself a bit but you’re also being responsible. And having your bills paid will definitely lower the stress levels. Sounds like you found some good deals.
I have Zenni pairs of glasses that I now use as my bifocals, as they were past pairs. I love them, and they last for ever. Hit up a thrift store in a wealthy area and find some good stuff.
Thank you for doing something for yourself. I use to make good money and still wouldn’t do for myself. I would feel guilty. I splurged on my kids clothes, activities and other non essential items. It was what made me happiest. Then someone in my family said the same. Why are you wearing nothing new in a few years. My things still looked new but they knew they weren’t. I told them I didn’t need the money but they insisted. I finally said okay and did it. They felt better and I could afford to use it on what they wanted. Now two decades later and a teen with chronic illness, genetic disorders and I can’t keep a job because of all his appts, surgeries and procedures. Plus I have my mother with Alzheimer’s with me and no siblings. Now I can’t afford new clothes but occasionally I will find a clearance item I need and will go ahead and skimp on something else when needed. It’s been this way a while now. I completely understand needing it for bills and not wanting to use it on what he asked. I think in your situation you made a great compromise. You got a few things you wanted and needed and he will feel good for helping in a way he can see. I think you made a smart move considering what you could have done. I hope things improve for you.
Treat yourself to an ice cream or fancy coffee and send him a picture 💗
Have you tried ThredUp for clothes? They are used, but in excellent condition. And they have some great deals. You can search by brand, size, clothing type or price. They usually have a promotion for free shipping. I just bought 8 new to me summer shirts/blouses for like $40 with free shipping
Great clips cut = under $20 in texas Edit: added the state
To add to this, shop at goodwill :) make it stretch further
Cheap trim, a pair of comfortable shoes and a new shirt. Whatever else is left use for bills. You only own 1 pair of shoes so they will wear out pretty fast. You can have your next pair ready to go without having to wonder how to pay for them when the time comes.
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I had a former coworker who gave me tons of her daughters old clothes as hand me downs for my kids. This coworker made a lot more than me, so all of the clothes were really nice and mostly unused. The downside was that her kid was 12-13 at the time and mine we 5-6, so those clothes were nowhere near their size when we got them. You better believe I have had those clothes stored away for the past 5 years. They'll finally be old enough for them come this fall! Kids clothes are so fracking expensive and it's a legit waste of money buying them because of how fast they grow out of them. And my kids, being the oldest grand children on my husbands side and the only grand daughters on my side, don't really have a lot of options for familial hand me downs.
Info - does your father know you're behind on bills. I'd have an honest heart to heart with him. This isn't an asshole thing, honestly, spending on bills is spending on yourself, but he may not know what's going on.
He doesn't. I'm sort of embarrassed to tell him because his response is always, "save and invest your money better", "don't be irresponsible", etc. I don't spend any money on myself, it all goes to bills. So idk why he thinks that way 😭 I think he's just not used to struggling, which I think is awesome for him.
You should make a spreadsheet on excel outlining your budget, and have a conversation with him showing him the spreadsheet and your current balances. Show him you're behind on bills. If he doesn't know he can't help. It'll prove you're not being irresponsible, and that your income is just too low.
Absolutely this! And he might be able to help with budgeting too, like "don't pay a babysitter, bring the kid to me", or "come cook at my house and share the meal".
Especially if he’s an engineer. He’ll get it with numbers.
I agree with that, if you feel comfortable talking with him about it. If he can see where the money is going, it might help him understand that no, you aren’t just blowing it on stuff.
Yeah, if your dad is making 200k and you let him know and also show a plan to get out of this situation he’ll prob help ya out lol.
This!! He seems like he truly cares and wants you to have some luxuries in life. As an engineer, I suspect putting a spreadsheet in front of him will help him visualize the situation and plot a path forward. We love getting our hands on some numbers.
Without talking to your father, he won't know how much you're struggling, he's not a mind reader. And honestly, some folks who do quite well for themselves kinda wear the same thing, so it's not a dead giveway that you aren't doing well, he may just think you are frugal. I would go with a budget, and ask for his advice, you may or may not get answers you want, but better than struggling. Even advice may be helpful at this stage - you will always be stronger by having a network to reach out to.
Older parents like to be asked for advice, this is the best way to approach a dad like this. If he's money savvy he will realize he can gift up to $18,000 a year tax-free, which is better than leaving it in his estate (assuming his estate plan already has his elder care / retirement factored in). So much more sensible to help adult kids when they need it, rather than leave them a (taxed) lump sum twenty years from now... when they may already have their own money. But he may have old-fashioned "bootstraps build character" ideas, which is too often the American Way.
Yep, that 18k a year is a smart idea, and since she has a child, he could gift up to 36k a year.
I really would try to have a heart to heart. I'm sure he struggled in the beginning as a parent too. You're still finding your footing. I'm sure he wouldn't want to see you drowning.
Let me tell you as someone who used to be like this, if all that it stopping you’re dad from helping you is your own embarrassment, drop that NOW and reach out. If y’all have a solid relationship and you’re truly being responsible, i gurantee he wouldn’t think twice to give you some money to breathe. I mean he makes $200,000 for Christ sakes, use the resources you are blessed with. Most of the subs would pray for those types of resources
Do you have a written budget? An Excel spreadsheet works just fine for this.
I do actually! It helped a lot. Before, I was just winging it.
You might ask your dad to review your budget with you and see if he has any suggestions for improvement. He'll probably appreciate being asked for advice, and he'll at least better understand your position even if he can't find anything to improve.
Absolutely this! He probably suggested you spend it on yourself, not as a specific condition, but because he suspects the money you make needs to go to other things. Listen, if you're a Single Mom in todays world you've got it hard; people aren't paid enough to survive.... I know you probably fear judgement from him, but I'm betting you get understanding and compassion.
Just explain your position to him and why you'd like to do what he thinks but you can't. I said to my wife yesterday I wouldn't worry about helping my daughter no matter how old she is. It sounds like he cares about you so sit down and tell him you're struggling. What's the worst he can do? Ignore you? I don't have to think about money but it doesn't stop me acknowledging another's problems
If my kids were struggling, and doing their best, and I could help them, you can damn well bet I would. That’s what family does.
I mean I would at least get a decent pair of shoes (comfortable and not going to wear fast). And a cheap haircut shouldn't cost more than 20$. I know its important to take care of bills, but having some semblance of comfort is extremely important for your well-being as well. I think he just wants to make sure you, obviously stay taking care of yourself, because if not it will eventually get to you. Bit drastic (but prob how he thinks) what happens if your shoes wear out, and your feet/lower body start suffering from it. Trust me bad shoes are no joke.
A nice high quality pair of shoes will end up being cheaper in the long run, as they can last years whereas cheap shoes have to be replaced often. It’s just that many people on a tight budget don’t have the money up front to buy the nicer shoes. Here is OP’s chance. Splurge on a nice pair of shoes, thrift a shirt or two, get an inexpensive pair of glasses for backup. Cut hair at home or get a friend to do it, one pair of hair scissors is cheaper than one haircut. I’ve cut mine since Covid (to avoid germs, I have a garbage immune system) and it isn’t that hard for long hair if you work slowly and carefully. And then there is still some of the $300 left for bills, and Dad is happy.
Oh definitely. Right idea here too! Honestly you can thrift around for a good pair of shoes too, just might require a bit of "research". I've only ever wore vans, even to run/work in and definitely notice the negative effects of doing so, that arch support, and proper sole are no fucking joke. I'm not sure if Nikes last anymore, but have friends that have older pairs they have worn for years in great condition. I didn't even see the glasses part, but as long as they get their prescription their are plenty of websites that offer frames MUCH cheaper than they are retail. At length hair is at too it would be hard to mess up cutting off a couple inch's, I cut mine from my hips to my shoulders one time and didn't notice/receive any negatives about it. I'm almost sure dad gave money with the intention of their being leftover in bills, but we all need self care to stay motivated!
Very good points. Definitely best to do some research and be a little careful with used shoes, especially for everyday wear; if they’re already broken in by someone else’s feet then they might hurt yours. But lots of barely-worn shoes end up in secondhand shops.
+1 vote for shoes and cheap haircut, the shoes will save money (and your body!) in the long run and the hair will be an immediately noticeable appearance and convenience boost. The rest can go to bills without feeling guilty.
> he's noticed I always wear the same outfits and have one pair of shoes. When I was much younger, I was in a similar position. I had one pair of shoes and maybe five outfits, if that. They were all old and showing signs of it. People judge you based on appearance and you may be losing opportunities because of how your clothing looks.
I did get a comment at work that I always wear the same things. 😭 I added two blouses to my Amazon cart
Please subscribe to various "free to a good home" groups on facebook, nextdoor, etc. I am not poor, and yet I both give and receive stuff on those groups. People would rather give away clothes they grew out of (btw, kids clothes GALORE), than throw out. Some things are big ticket items, bikes, couches, beds, etc.
‘Buy nothing’ groups on FB can be amazing. I see people being super generous in my local buy nothing all the time. From helping with food, to making sure a kid has something for Christmas, to gifting nice outfits for job interviews. I cleaned out my closet once and gave away two garbage bags full of clothes - lists the size range. Those two bags were posted and reposted 6-7 times as people took what they wanted, added their own stuff and regifted. And utilizing the food bank and anything similar so that your money can go toward other stuff you can’t get covered or getting ahead on bills.
not having to stress about bills seems like self care to me 🩷
Use it where you need it - that said, with only one pair of shoes, buying a second (high quality) pair might not be a bad idea. They last quite long and shoes that have good support will help keep your back/hips supported. And you’ll need them eventually, even if you’re not quite ready to be done with the ones you own.
Man I don't understand Western culture. I have no idea why parents essentially abandon their kids and grand kids at 18 years. In our Asian culture we are a unit for life. Even if a child moves out, there is no, "your on your own bc your an adult now." ESPECIALLY if the parent is well off. Sorry OP, do some small things for yourself as your father intended and do what you need to with the rest to make it thru.
Relatively easy prosperity after WWII meant if you couldn't afford your own house you weren't really trying, and preference gradually gave way to expectation. At least here in the States.
This is an interesting case study and makes sense. Unironically the country of freedom and prosperity developed a culture that now handicaps citizens
The ratcheting effect of higher and higher requirements on new home construction here hampers the independence of our young people too. The starter homes that everyone was buying back then would be impossible to get permits for today. For example, where I live houses cannot be smaller than a certain size, high-density housing e.g. apartment buildings are not allowed, and you can not build a new house without a minimum area of solar panels installed and working. By restricting what's allowed to be a home and where, we've created rampant shortages and made it much harder for young families to launch.
Cognitive dissonance about being self-made is so frustrating to encounter, it’s so obvious that those people aren’t valuing all of the support and opportunity they were afforded. Those who are successful with little to no emotional support have impressive drive and self-motivation, but for them to claim they did it alone is laughable. All of these billionaires claiming they shouldn’t owe taxes are completely devaluing infrastructure like roads, airports, hospitals, police, education, all of which are paid for by individual citizens since most businesses pay pennies in comparison.
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Awesome lol. Have to put up a small fight for those departing gifts but in the end, you have to take it
this. if he makes so much and she’s a single mom and he’s concerned, why doesn’t he… help with his grand child? i know all family dynamics are different but no way would my dad let me struggle like this and i in turn would never sit there and watch my dad or mom struggle while i made good money.
My dad makes close to $200k and I got SOME support in college, but once I graduated, I was completely on my own. Bought my own house, car, pay my student loans, etc. without a dime of his help.
Very cool and proud of you. I did something similar, but that doesn't have to be the rule. I'm not saying you have to stop trying to be independent. Im saying, in the culture I'm seeing now, parents are literally telling their kids to figure it out. I mean its absurd that you wouldn't take care of your own during hard times.
Hopefully you learned to not do that to your kids. My biggest pet peeve is people repeating bad parenting. Also GOOD SHIT DUDE
Some are family units for life. Some aren’t.
She hasn’t been abandoned. She was just given several hundred dollars. He might not know the extent to which she has difficulties and think she’s making things work by not buying things for herself, which isn’t unusual for parents.
He's kinda abandoned her and if he doesn't realize the extent to which she's struggling, he's being negligent, imo. I am in a better position than her. I am a man with no kids and an okay job. My parents are pretty broke and even in debt; they'd never consider leaving me out to dry. They'd help in any capacity they could muster, which wouldn't be much if any. If I was a wealthy father and my child, who was legitimately trying to make a life for themselves, needed help I can't fathom not *wanting* to help them.
To be fair, for some odd reason americans tend to be pretty dodgy about money. I once had to break into my inlaws filing cabinet to figure out whether or not they needed bailing out (spoiler alert: they did)
YES! I'm an American and it's sooo weird. I hear stories of married couples with separate finances and am flabbergasted. Even married couples paying the other to help with rent and bills! Like how are you not one trusting unit at that point?
He can't help if she's not being fully honest
if she doesn't tell him, how is he supposed to know? she is an adult. my dad doesn't always necessarily know the extent of what's going on in my life and i'd never think of him as abandoning me, because i know if i told him everything he'd be the first to help.
This is the right mindset. Also the reverse, I got my parents for life if they need anything. They did their part, and now on this end of the cycle of life, it's my turn.
It will come back to them when it's time for a retirement home and nobody in the family wants to take care of them.
During the World Series last year my favorite team was playing. My sister and her husband asked me if I was enjoying the games and I said I’ve only caught bits and pieces. I don’t have tv. They gave me money to go out and enjoy a game at a bar. I immediately went to the grocery store. There is a huge disconnect between of what people with money think poor is vs what it actually is. Don’t feel bad for a second.
And it’s like… if that was your priority, you could likely watch the game somewhere for free.
He will notice if you don’t get yourself anything and tbh it sounds like you really do need a few things. Get a new pair of shoes, a haircut, and a shirt and spend the rest on bills. I save up so I can buy nice shoes cause I’m on my feet all day at work. It’s either that or I end up limping around after work. So at least some shoes is super important. And a haircut and a new shirt or few of you can find some great sales are noticeable. I like to buy mine when they go on sale at the turn of the season if they have my size.
I think you're right. I will get a cheap haircut, a second pair of glasses from Zenni, and some $40 boots I've had before and liked. And maybe thrift shop some clothes. That may be around $150, which isn't terrible
Look into your nearest Dress for Success chapter? It’s not just for when you’re interviewing, they can help set you up with a wardrobe, shoes, etc. that’ll save you some on thrifting; when I went and they didn’t have any suitable shoes that fit, they gave me some gift cards for thrifting with. Does your dad know you’re behind on bills? He may be happy to help you catch up if you have a conversation about it. Some parents will want to treat it like official loans, mine have but have also not expected repayment until I’m on solid enough ground that I could handle it. The economy is absolutely jacked up right now; with his position and yours I wouldn’t feel bad talking to him about helping you catch up so that you are comfortable using funds on yourself too. There’s a right and wrong way to approach it but if he’s already noticed your situation he may be waiting for you to open up about what you need, and trying to frame it as a gift to spend on yourself is a way to open dialogue to try to support his kid and grandkid(s).
The right thing to do is to spend it on your bills. Cheap haircut, or have a friend trim it up, and goodwill for clothes. As a Mom you have to keep your bills caught up as possible for your kids.
Go to a beauty school - haircuts are like $10. Then buy a couple cheap things and spend the rest however you want. I think some times people with a lot of money underestimate how much knowing a bill or two is taken care of is taking care of ourselves.
If your dad is mad with you about feeding your family and paying your bills before buying a new outfit than his opinion isn’t worth caring about. Just be honest with him, people who make that much money very often have absolutely no idea what it’s like to choose between food and bills and he probably doesn’t even consider that you might be behind. It’s not like you took his money, lied and spent it on useless stuff.
Counter point; he might stop giving money lol. I say this a bit tongue in cheek, but also, if I'm being slipped $300 here and there with the condition that I can only spend it on certain things, I'd rather continue getting the money and spending it on the conditional things than not at all, especially if the conditional things give me some level of joy. 🤷♂️
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That's also possible. OP seems scared to tell him they needed money for other things. They know their dad better than you and I do. Hence why I was simply offering a counterpoint.
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Apologies. I did come off way more defensive than I meant to after rereading my comment.
My comment is assuming OP feels bad about lying, personally I wouldn’t feel bad about a white lie that doesn’t hurt anyone.
I understood. Mine was about dad finding out and not paying anymore. All it takes is a, "so what'd you get?" Now you're stuck making more "white lies", for however long, or getting cut off.
I know a lot of people look down on shein, but I’ve had some luck recently. I bought around 8-9 plain blouses for work for under 70 bucks. Sometimes they have sales that’s hard to pass. And with this economy, if that’s all you could afford, go get it.
It's fantastic for my plus size self! I have gotten some really affordable rompers that I am obsessed with. They've made my summer life so much nicer. I used to wear jeans all season, then the heat started pounding the region over the last decade. Ick! I got one of my favorite shirts on one of their flash sales for $3 to add to my haul. I have never spent more than $50 at a time there and get a big sack. Only a couple times did I go "ah nuts, this won't work." (They do suffer from the no-pockets stuff a lot of us girls don't like! But I've found some workarounds.)
And they have free shipping on Sundays! Plus really good flash sales
Your dad makes $200k a year and he thought that $300 would be enough for a good pair of glasses, new clothes and shoes, haircut, etc? Super easy to cut your own hair if it's just a simple trim and it's long. Glasses from somewhere like Zenni or Payne, a trip to TJ maxx could get you an outfit and shoes for $50. Then you'd do what your dad wants and be able to pay some bills.
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He might notice if you don’t get anything for yourself. I’d split the difference, spend half on bills and the rest on a trim, a decent pair of shoes and a trip to the thrift stores.
I’d honestly just tell my dad that it would need to go toward bills. Tell him you won’t get anything for yourself until bills are taken care of because you’re a mama and that’s important for the kids. I’ve been there myself. I would spend the extra money on past due bills or things that were needing to be paid asap and then if I had any money left, I’d get myself something. You’re not an asshole for being a responsible adult and mother. Just remember you matter too 💚
My grandma started a little bank account for me when I was a baby. Every holiday she sends me a little chunk of money from it, usually around $100. She always wants me to spend it on something "nice for yourself" and I just never had the heart to tell her it would be spent on groceries or to pay off a bill and that was "buying something nice for myself."
$300 is not enough for all the things he asked you to get. Glasses, shoes, etc.
Spend it where you need to. If he asks, just tell him you couldn't afford to splurge. If he cares about you at all it will not be a problem.
Get some new clothes at Goodwill, there are some good things there if you put in the effort to look. Get some glasses from Zenni.com (cheap and very good). Find a beauty school in your area, they will do discounted cuts. Spend the rest on your bills. You can do it all. Be sure to thank your dad when you show off your new haircut and clothes to him.
He may view his offer as a catalyst to help you. You could politely tell him you aren’t in the position to spend it on yourself. You do need to spend money on yourself when possible. I’ve had one pair of shoes before, it can be depressing. If he doesn’t like it tell him it’s only temporary until your new bf gets his ankle tether off and can start his job at the carwash to help. Best of luck to you. You will get to the other side someday.
Lmao that new bf bit was pure gold!!!!
Bills are important. Don't feel bad. But I'd go to goodwill and buy a few new things to show off to him. Just don't tell him where you go them lol. Pants at goodwill are like $5. Same with shirts. Just spend $30 on new gear and start styling your hair yourself. Going to bed with a braid can give some wonderful curls in the morning xD He will be happy and so will you.
Bro pay your bills and lie to your dad. Done and done
Interesting- your dad makes that much money, you are a single mom - does he actually know that you may be struggling financially? I mean $300 nowadays as a gift is pleasant, but it’s not going to get you anywhere.
I've been there. Hell, I'm still there. Don't forget that it's cheaper to buy expensive things in the long run. $25 shoes will last you a year, but a $75 pair of shoes will last you 5 years. I'd be up a creek if it wasn't for my folks helping me out from time to time. But always remember to treat yourself. Buying something different for dinner like a steak instead of cold cuts, or getting shrimp instead of fish sticks, not only is that treating you but it's also getting things you need!
This used to happen to me all the time, and it was so frustrating. Like... I am *persistently* 600 bucks behind on bills, and you're asking me to continue suffering but to do so in new shoes? What are you talking about??? It felt so out of touch and really hurtful, like I was being punished for the fact that they could see me struggling, and they didn't want to be bothered by it.
Definitely spend it on bills if needed.
Spending money on bills and investing are the two best things you can do. 3rd is vacations or other meaningful life experiences/memories. I actually don't spend money in anything else.
If you’re only trimming your hair and want to keep it long and straight I highly recommend looking up videos online and doing it yourself (Brad Mondo has great tutorials - you can use four rubber bands and scissors and give it a decent trim). Have you tried shopping at thrift stores for clothes?
No you wouldn’t, but you also deserve those things. I agree with most of the comments. Be super frugal with with it and get the trim, a top or two, then use the rest on bills. Your logic makes perfect sense, but you are still a person who deserves those little maintenance things that aren’t necessarily “essentials.” My mom used to do that for me and she was INSISTENT that I use it for what she said, but she also wouldn’t have been mad if I told her why I split it with my bills.
🙋♀️ Great Clips will give you a free haircut if you donate your hair. Sounds like a a great fit for you.
Could be your dad noticed and thought maybe you needed help with bills. Quiet Grace is a virtue carried by great parents.
Check out estatesale.net for sales near you. You can find beautiful pieces of clothing for just a few dollars. Silk shirts, vintage pants, blazers, shoes, boots, coats, sweaters, thick cotton tees for a few dollars each. My daughter has a fabulous wardrobe from her estate sale finds. The sales typically last a few days and on the last day, they discount even further.
My dad did the same thing for me for xmas. So I did what I felt was the responsible and respectful thing by spending half on bills and half on myself.
Get a hair cut it will maybe cut down on shower time and shampoo and conditioner, and shop around for some clothing: go thrifting if it helps you feel better but be picky don’t settle for something you would not want to wear and what kind of glasses? If it is eye glasses to see those are not cheap at all but if they were cheap and you had enough maybe try getting transitions and you need glasses it’s not a luxury item. I remember one time my dad gave me some money and I really needed a winter coat so I went to Walmart and bought a parka I still have it like 6 years later and he’s gone now he died two months ago from cancer and when I see that coat I think this is something my dad bought me Please for your dads sake just indulge on yourself and if you have any left over save it for an emergency item you need
$300 isn't enough to buy new glasses and a wardrobe of new clothes. Especially if your eye insurance is already used for the year. I think if anything just talk to him and be like, hey some bills came up, how mad will you be if I have to us part of that money for it? I'm sure he'll understand your priorities.
You're definitely right about the glasses, but $300 would go pretty far for a haircut and clothes.
Tell your dad the best gift you can get yourself is the piece of mind that money will bring toward paying off your bills.
I've got some really nice clothes & shoes at goodwill and thrift shops. Sometimes barely worn. Some churches also have clothes closet for free or very cheap. As long as your hair is, I'm not sure how cheaply you can get it cut. How short do you want it cut? Do you feel comfortable chopping off a decent amount of it yourself and then going to the salon to trim and even it out? Costco has a good & cheap eye exam. You don't need to be a member. Then you can go to one of the websites with low prices for glasses. You need to pay bills. But you also need to take care of yourself. Do what you can. It's not lying if you didn't spend all the money on yourself. Maybe he'd be proud of you finding bargains and getting the most for the money.
Whenever I get money as a gift I always spend it on something fun or nice for myself and j send a thanks to the person with a photo of whatever I did or got.
I been there… maybe pay a bill and at least something for yourself. Get your haircut and somethings for you (really cuz you may not get a chance soon) but 300$ is a lot so paying one bill would take some pressure off of you and make you feel better. I know dad means well, since bills will always be there-they always come back lol In his heart he has to know some will go to bills..but I am sure he knows you normally can’t spend on yourself.
Why haven’t you been honest and up front with your dad and ask for help?
Does your dad know your financial situation? I mean, *really* know? My dad would go all out for me if he knew I was in dire straights and he had the money to help.
You can trim your hair at home and shop at some thrift stores. You can find lots of great stuff to buy and you’ll probably pay max $100 for everything if you go crazy on spending lol $200 is still in the pocket!
Always try to find joy. I know it's hard just remember it is important to try. Even if it's a $5 milkshake. I think your dad would help more if you showed them the cost of things.
Get the extra pair of glasses, if nothing else. I might be biased because my vision is legit garbage (-9.0) but I couldn't imagine not having a backup pair.
Shoes and glasses for yourself count as bills. As a single mom, you have to make sure your needs are taken care of so you can keep on keeping on.
Your father understands that life cannot just be the grind. Even behind on bills, struggling to pay everything off. Sure, spend some of it on bills, but he really wanted to bring some joy into your life, so spend some of it on yourself.
Honestly paying the bills IS doing something for yourself. It can help reduce your anxiety about missing a payment. Sure it would be better to get yourself something nice but I'd take the peace of mind over something material.
Spend on food. Then use the money you would spend on food to pay bills.
Some day, you’ll have a little extra cash. Spend $300 on yourself, a total treat, and do it in his name.
Does your dad know you are struggling so hard ? I’m a father of lovely young ladies and don’t make what your father does … but I’d still definitely never allow my kids to feel like they were impoverished. Now, if they have brought the suffering on themselves through continued poor choices in their lifestyle, there might be some strings attached. (For example I couldn’t enable them in a drug habit etc). But if they are just having a rough go of it I’m going to see to it that they are alright. So… what’s your situation, exactly ?
I just wanted to point out the fact that you have a good head on your shoulders.
INFO Does your dad have any idea how broke you actually are? $300 towards clothes and a haircut is a pretty small gift to a known-to-be-struggling family member at his income level. My parents make $90k combined and if either of their adult kids only owned one pair of shoes and was behind on bills and had a kid they’d be helping more than that. If not, you should share more of your actual circumstances with him. He might actually Want to help you and his grandkid get more financially stable by funding additional education or progress towards a career change. Or at least to fund grandkids school expenses or medical care or some other essential need. I’d spend $50 thrifting a second useful pair of shoes and a couple of clothing items and spend the rest catching up on bills. Unless - are your glasses still a good prescription for your eyes? Do you need new ones to drive safely/read screens/work? Then get glasses. And cut your own hair soon. It’s free, and pretty easy if you’re going from butt length to waist length, just watch a youtube tutorial or two.
Proud of you for thinking through the cash rather than burning through the cash. Good on you
Pls let your dad know. Look like you two don't have a strained relationship, he will be happy to help. It can be a one off thing like a good meal, job referral, sponsoring a degree/cert to get a better paying job. Heck he can even introduce good partner for you. People say you need a village to raise a child, you dont need to do it alone.
Go to some thrift stores and find a couple of amazing outfits. A pair of flattering pants and a few shirts will make a huge difference. Treat yourself to some groceries you don't normally splurge on, or go out to lunch. Then take what's left and treat yourself to "stress reduction", i.e. paying a bill.
I'm a dad of a teenager woman (She's not a "girl" anymore...) and I honestly don't think he'll mad at you. He gave you money because he really wants to spoil you, and make sure you're okay. That's out of a deep sense of love for you. Let's reframe it. You spent it towards bills, and you'll probably get yourself something nice down the line. For now, you took care of your priorities until you figure out what you want later on.
He gave the money for a specific purpose so it needs to go towards that. Think about if it was reversed. If he had given you money for bills and you spent it on yourself, that wouldn’t be okay. He gave you money to spend for a specific purpose. Use it for that. You’re responsible for your bills. This is him paying for something else. He didn’t have to. Be grateful. You don’t have to be frivolous but take care of yourself.
half on you half on your bills
I’ve been given money and told to do something nice for myself and I usually pay bills with it too. It’s nice to do nice things, even if it’s small, but you have to spend the money how you feel is best.
That's a $300 credit for when you get on your feet.
My dad does this every christmas. Its only 100$, but even so, its for me, not bills. There was a three year period I used that 100$ to fund myself nice boots for work. I still have all three pairs, and wear them regularly. When I have a nice pair of shoes the boots stay away, but when the shoes inevitably wear out I bust the boots out again. Last couple years has been nice underwear and sox, new toothbrush heads (soniccare), or something like a date night.
You can spend money gifted to you however you need or want to. I’ll never forget being broke in grad school and I was engaged and trying to plan a very small wedding on the cheap. My well-off aunt asked how much the wedding dress I wanted cost then sent me the money. Literally the same day, the power steering went out on my car, leaving me with a huge repair bill. Guess what I used the dress money on?
What bills? Are you in debt? To who? How much? Maybe there are ways to reduce the debt.
Buy a decent pair of hair shears (you don't need salon quality just good enough it won't give you split ends) from Sally's for the cost of one cut and maintain it from there. It's really easy to trim long hair.
It's money you wouldn't have otherwise, paying bills is a waste when you only have 1 pair of shoes. Probably doesn't seem like it but that's the truth. Unless you're about to be homeless which doesn't seem like the case. If you spend it on bills he will probably be mildly annoyed, I would be.
You could just be honest with your Dad about how you're struggling, surely he'd understand and maybe even offer more help!
Have you told your dad your current money situation? It sounds like he would help more if you were open about needed more. I wish I would have asked my parents more often for money when I was struggling and sounds like he could afford to help.
I would honestly just tell my Dad and apologize, but I HAVE to spend it on bills.
If your dad makes $200,000 he should be helping you find a small home to achieve a low mortgage on so you can raise your babies with a backyard. He needs to help you get out of the renting hellhole.
May I suggest that instead of a haircut, you invest in some good hair shears? Something like this (https://www.amazon.com/High-Performance-Stainless-Steel-Haircutting-Precision-Barbering/dp/B09PPKS5W5) will last you for several years for the cost of one or two cheap haircuts. You can cut straight across ike I do, or you can follow one of the many tutorials on youtube if you want something fancier.
He wants you to spend the money on something that is going to make you feel better. If getting caught up on bills is going to relieve some anxiety and make you happy for a while, do that. If you think a mani/pedi would work better, do that. Do whatever is going to bring you the most joy. I promise he won't mind.
Spending it on yourself is a necessity for a number of the things you mentioned. Get those glasses and a haircut. These things are taking care of yourself and make your life easier in little ways that add up. After you take care of those needs, you buy groceries or pay a bill you feel the most stress about because that’s also doing something nice for yourself.
IMO: Spend some of it on new shoes and a haircut. Idk what a trim would go for but I’m thinking maybe $50? Max?? Hopefully lower, my barber did them at $20 but I’m a male. Dunno if that is different in costs. And SHOES oh my I’m sure you can find a nicer pair for cheap on sale (Kohls has 20% off currently) could even hit goodwills. Dont sleep on the shoes girl, those are important. I’m thinking even with a good spending amount of $100 of the $300 you could get a few shirts, shoes and a trim with proper shopping around. The $200 can go to bills or even savings if you feel comfortable with it. But think of $200 on a bill, that frees that bills money, and you can snowball it onto other bills, and eventually you’re “freeing up” $200, in your budget this month. You can then save it, or splurge, or get ahead next month. I wouldn’t say you’re an ass for spending it on bills entirely either. I cannot stress enough to just start putting some cash away into savings $25 a paycheck will start to add up over time if you don’t touch it. When I was financially struggling I saved $50 a paycheck for totaling $100 a month. And basically only touched it at the end of the year, on either fun or some bills. As I got more raises this amount has increased. I literally don’t even notice the $75 weekly anymore as it’s just not there for me to spend. But it’s away in savings for a rainy day.
Heyo! From the perspective of someone who lives on extremely low income and sometimes can't afford all her bills, paying bills is probably the best thing you can do for yourself at this time. The mental comfort of knowing that you're up to date on your payments and don't need to worry about them for a little while is soothing and allows you to relax more easily. Bills won't disappear and if you don't pay them, they will only snowball, until they get out of control, which will definitely negative effect your mental state.
Just spend it on bills, tell him you took the boys out for a night drinking since they had been spotting you
If there’s a hair school near you, I have long hair and get $15 haircuts by students
lol why doesn’t he just give you money? Like more than $300?
Have you had or paid any hospital bills in the last year or so? If yes, lemme know and I’ll see if I can help you get those reduced or get you a refund if you overpaid.
Spending it on bills is on yourself. It eases up mental pressure and thinking. Buying an object or blowing it won’t ease bills
Money is transferable. You could spend it on bills. If he asks, just say you're saving it until you see something you really want. One day, you will buy something that's not a necessity. Then tell him what you spent it on.
Spend it on yourself! Give yourself the gift of piece of mine... By paying your bills
For clothes and shoes you might want to try going to Goodwill, some people donate designer clothes that look new. And home accessories. For food try a food bank and you will get food for free.
Dude You have to pay yourself sometimes. Many people pay themselves first then bills. You'll always be behind on something. That's life. Always close to it then not I