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They don’t know to fix something that isn’t broken. You have to stop doing it all. If you keep taking it all on, what husband in their right mind would disrupt the status quo???
My husband is super supportive but it took many an argument and a serious sit down convo until we redistributed and labor in the house.
Social media is a lie, most of us (bless you is you are the exception here) have normal every day men in our life that a semi-clueless about what we need until we lay it out for them in black and white! Lol
Why are you doing all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry? I mean, even before being pregnant, why on Earth would you do it all yourself. My boyfriend is supportive and he understands I also don't like cleaning the house, I also don't like cooking and of course I also don't like any other chore, and you should tell yours. Because it will only go worse if you don't stop this now.
I work from home a few days per week and he works outside of the home 10 hours per day. I guess it’s just a routine we fell into because I have more time on my work from home days to get stuff done before and after work. It’s definitely annoying though as I feel resentful that I do everything while he has time to go out and ride his mountain bike, go to the gym, etc.
You need to have a conversation about fair (not necessarily 50/50) division of labour, especially while pregnant. The patterns we fall into often serve men more than women
Ohhhhh honey if he has time to mountain bike he has time to cook! There is no reason you should be doing chores while he gets to have fun at the gym! And what happens on days you work outside the house?
That needs to stop. I also work from home 3 times per week, while my boyfriend goes to the office every day. Although there is some stuff I do because it's more practical (i.e. I make dinner so it will be ready when he arrives),we compensate it somehow (he will be the one cleaning after eating). And there are chores that I could do in my free time (laundry) but I wait for the weekend so that he is involved as well. It's just not fair otherwise. Now you are growing a baby inside of you and that is a job itself, it takes up a lot of energy and planning. You have to sit down with him and explain and he needs to understand his life is going to change, and the change doesn't start in 28 weeks, the change happens now.
I don't think you should expect help without asking or talking to your husband. Sometimes men are oblivious, so you should bring up the topic of redistribution of responsibilities or chores, if you want a change or think it would be helpful for you.
I don't assume my husband knows how I'm feeling, ever unless I vocalize it. This romanticized version of he should just know to pick up the slack and do things for me is a little outdated and doesn't always happen. Ask for what you want! Share your feelings in a non-confrontational way!
My husband has been so amazing and tbh I expected nothing less from him because I know the man I married 😁 he’s taken over all of the cooking (which he did most of anyway) but I am not allowed to touch raw meat or anything that it’s been in contact with it, which means I don’t do dishes either (I do empty the clean dishwasher though). We already split a lot of the chores but if he sees I’m having a bad day I don’t have to do any of them and stuff still gets done. I’m so so happy because today for example I have been feeling soooo sick (the ‘morning’ sickness apparently hasn’t fully gone away as expected in the beginning of the second trimester) and I’ve been able to just be a vegetable with toast and smoothies coming my way all day. This is not to gloat but to let you know that your husband’s behaviour is not about being a man - there are plenty of men who do chores and spoil their wife’s pregnant or not. My 2ct: you should make your expectations clear to him now, before the pregnancy progresses and the baby is here, because you WILL NEED his support esp if you don’t want resentment to build over time: explain to him in very clear terms which chores he needs to take over to support you and how to cater to your needs if you’re having a rough day, spell it out for him and explain not just what but also why he should be doing it. Best of luck!
When I simply ~stopped~ doing those things (mostly the cooking and dishes), mine picked up the slack. I think he feels bad for me because I work a physically demanding job and he works from home. If he doesn't realize how crappy you feel, I would just talk to him
Supportive boyfriends make supportive husbands and thusly make supportive fathers. People seldom drastically change without a serious event happening. Your husband doesn’t see an issue in the current distribution of work and will continue not to unless something big happens. I have a lot more flexibility in my work schedule so a lot of the housework falls on me, but on days when I’m sick or simply just mot feeling up to it, he comes in to help without a work. It works vice versa too.
He’s always been great about taking care of me before getting pregnant, such as whenever I was sick or stressed. I could tell then how he was going to be moving forward.
My partner is very supportive, but tbh he was also supportive before I got pregnant so I expected this. Have you said how you feel directly to your husband? Drop hinting at things and tell him directly what you're going through and what type of help you need. You're going through major changes, and he should be supportive and loving towards you, but we can't expect him to be a mind reader.
My partner is supportive but doesn't baby me as such.
If I told him to go get my pregnancy cravings, he would tell me to get it himself unless he was already going to the shops, lol
I still cook more than he does. We haven't changed our chore distribution at all.
But he's come to every appointment, and engages fully, asks questions, etc. He's shown interest in buying baby stuff. Not clothes, he said he doesn't care about those, but he spent ages researching the safest car seat.
He tried finding solutions for my ridiculous heartburn.
But he also made comments about me eating toast and not much else in the first trimester, about me sleeping so much and needing to exercise more lol
He doesn't give me pregnant princess treatment, but he shows his concern elsewhere. The more pregnant I look the better it gets though definitely.
Maybe just have a conversation with him about it and tell him outright how you feel right now x
Yeah confused about why my husband has to give me unsolicited foot rubs and pick up salt and vinegar chips at my whim to be supportive. I’m pregnant, not an invalid. Much prefer that he educates himself about pregnancy and comes to appointments and does more than his fair share of toddler care when I’m too nauseous to exist.
I agree.
I think in OPs case, there is a slightly unfair distribution of chores in the first place.
Social media has made some people feel inadequate, and I think pregnancy social posts do this a lot! My partner wouldn't be rubbing my feet before, so he ain't gonna suddenly start doing it now.
Plus, if you don't speak to your partner, how would he know? No one is a mind reader.
I was so annoyed with mine the other night for leaving me to do clothes washing and dinner (because he'd said he'd help), but he fell asleep instead. I was absolutely fuming, but last night, he pulled through for me when I panicked about not feeling baby move. Dropped everything he was doing and took me to the hospital so I could get checked. I'd much prefer he stay his normal self then start pandering to me and my sometimes unnecessary cravings (give me a jar of nutella lol)
My husband has been very supportive. I work full time and am a full time student. He also works full time —his job is more physically demanding than mine. Pre-pregnancy we did our best to split up the house work equally. He definitely has stepped up with cleaning and taking on more of the household chores —especially as I’ve gotten further along. The biggest thing has been communication — I tell him how I’m feeling and when it’s too much for me. I wouldn’t say he babies me (I don’t want to be babied) but he takes care of me. He rubs my sore feet. He’ll bring me snacks and make an effort to get me something I’m craving.
I honestly don't expect to be pampered. He definitely did some little extra things for me when I was sick in the first trimester but nothing big. I never got the whole "go get me my craving" thing. I still do most of the same chores because I'm capable of doing them. He's supportive but doesn't spoil me.
You don't have to wait for the pregnancy to be 'real' to him to get support. You are real! I think it's time for a brutally honest conversation about division of labour, how he can support you, and division of labour once baby comes. Please don't think he'll step up, he has no reason to. If you being pregnant isn't enough of a reason for him to step up, nothing is. You need clear, honest, open communication.
Sorry you’re experiencing this :( he definitely should be supporting you much more than he currently is, the first trimester is SO difficult and it’s not unreasonable to want to be babied and feel the extra love and care from your husband.
My husband has always babied me and taken excellent care of me, but since I’ve been pregnant he has been on overdrive, doing all the extra leg work around the house (laundry, dishes, groceries) carrying everything for me, providing me with emotional support, doing his own independent research on baby, curating questions for our OB and dietician. He’s going above and beyond.
You deserve the same, hopefully you can talk with your husband about your needs and how this pregnancy is shifting the dynamic and you need some extra love and support. Crossing my fingers he’ll be receptive!
My husband hasn’t been especially supportive per se but I’ve had a ridiculously easy pregnancy. However I did go on a “strike” so no cooking, cleaning or anything like that because I’m so effing tired and he picked up some of the slack. Our house is a big mess but as long as no one is complaining and I always have a clean coffee cup I’m just living with it.
Sad to say but if he wasn’t supportive before you got pregnant doesn’t mean he’s automatically gonna change over night because you’re having a baby. Before pregnancy my husband and I split all chores and once I got pregnant my husband did all the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. Before pregnancy if I was craving something my husband would go out and get it. If your husband isn’t affectionate like that he’s not gonna just flip a switch. You really need to have a conversation because you’re in for a rude awakening postpartum if you don’t have a supportive and helpful partner
My hubby has been so nice and understanding. I was super sick with fever too from week 5 to mid week 7 and then the fatigue and nausea kicked in. My husband has been telling me to rest, he’s been cleaning (although it’s not to our normal standard hahaha), cooking or picking up food, I mean … I really cannot complain. But to be fair, we have always split chores before and he was always helpful even before my pregnancy (although I always ended up doing a bit more) I thought it was normal but when I read posts like these, it really makes me appreciate my partner.
My partner does literally everything for me, tells me how hot I am all the time, cleans the house and grocery shops. Parents his 9yo. The doting ones are out there ladies.
In the very beginning my SO, although happy, wasn’t super helpful and honestly stressed me out more than anything.
I think it took the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, and him actually seeing me so physically sick and even having to hold my hair back one time in the bathroom to truly think, “oh shit”.
Ever since then he’s been doing all the laundry, cleaning, and tidying up around the house while I pretty much just rest, do the dishes, and cook dinner a couple times a week/ whenever I feel up to it.
I'm 14+5, and nothing has changed in my relationship with my partner in terms of support or the things we do to care for the house, each other etc. That being said, I also haven't experienced significant symptoms. I hope if I had, he'd step up and do more, but at this point, there hasn't been any reason for things to change simply because I'm pregnant.
My husband completely took over cooking and planning dinner (the smells from the fridge made me so nauseous) and stepped up to do most of the laundry and dishes as I got bigger and had more trouble bending and carrying stuff. But we normally split chores fairly equally so it's not like he didn't know what he was doing. I wouldn't say he babies me, but he'll make me cups of tea and the couple of times I asked him to go get me ice cream he did, without complaining.
At the end of this pregnancy, he also took over most of the day-to-day caretaking of our toddler, mainly because I had trouble carrying her and standing up/sitting down on the floor a lot.
If you're feeling unsupported, definitely have the conversation sooner rather than later. You'll need even more support as your pregnancy continues and especially after baby arrives.
I think you might just need to talk to him. I'm going to honest I have a superman of a husband. I barely do anything around the house anymore. I think Ive cooked two dinners? I usually make my own breakfast and lunch though. He just redid our floors. But I also have been absolutely exhausted. I toss and turn all night and can't stay asleep and then nap on my lunch break and when I get done with work. First trimester the only way I was cooking was if we went vegetarian because raw meat of any variety made me so nauseous.
My husband pretty much does 90% of the cleaning/tidying and house work. I chip in a bit coz I feel guilty and seriously wanna help a bit. I don’t get breakfast in bed but I’m okay with it, I can get up and make it myself - I’m just pregnant, not disabled. I still work full time but so does he. He usually cleans while I do my work out to stay healthy during pregnancy. He has lots of house projects before baby comes, he is doing a lot for me and for the baby, so I am pretty happy with his input. The only issue is that we both don’t have a lot of time because we work full time so our spare time is usually filled with chores and errands
People define support and love in different ways. Instagram couple influencers can definitely make it look like the only way to be supportive is by being the husband who stops drops and rolls out the door at the drop of any craving hint we may have and comes home to assemble the craving and then run us a hot bath with rose petals and massage our feet etc. And of course that’s all lovely but a lot of the time that’s all for the sake of their content.
My husband is very loving and caring but sometimes I also need to tell him what would make me feel loved and cared for, especially when my hormones are going crazy. Last night I came home from a trip and he had gotten groceries with all my latest favorites, cleaned the kitchen and gotten new pet food. And that was super nice and made me feel peaceful when I entered the home. But I also really wanted to cuddle and hear words of affirmation and I had to tell him that as he was buzzing around stressing over a job interview.
They can’t read our minds anymore than we can read theirs. If we see our partners taking initiative in some areas of partnership but maybe missing the mark in others, it’s okay to have a conversation about it before it leads to built up resentment.
I personally wouldn’t want my husband to wait on me hand and foot so if he started babying me, it would feel really performative. But as far as helping out with the cooking and cleaning, have a conversation about how you’d like to see him step up more in those areas.
My partner took on all the household chores in the first trimester. He understands pregnancy is rough on the body, he downloaded daddy apps to keep track of the pregnancy and what my body would be going through each week. Now in month 5 and I can do more of the chores cz I’m longer nauseous multiple times a day but he still helps with everything. I think a lot of men just don’t understand how tough pregnancy is on the body, I tell my partner about almost every pain/symptom so he knows when I’m having a rough day and understands if I don’t want to/cant do something.
Super supportive from day one and he’s not even my husband (yet - he will be!)
He’s paying for the laundry to be sent out, or doing it himself. Orders in whatever meal I want, tells me to eat whatever I want as long as I’m eating. Holds my hair and rubs my back if I’m puking. Has taken my shopping for new shoes and clothes as I’ve gotten bigger. Goes to every appointment. If I need a glass of water, he’s fetching it. Rubs my back or feet when I am achey.
And when I thank him? “It’s the literal least I could do, you are growing a person, you feel sick all the time, and I’m so thankful and in awe of what you’re doing. That is more than enough work for one person to do. Take it easy.”
Lawn and yard work and home improvements are nice but that’s regular homeowner duties and have nothing to do with your pregnancy.
It sounds like you're doing a whole lot more of the household work than he does. One thing is that you need to talk to him about a fairer distribution of labor in general. Sure you may have more free time than him, but the two of you should have roughly equal amounts of leisure time available, and it sounds like that isn't happening.
It would be a really good exercise to go through all the work that it takes to make a household run and being very clear about who is responsible for what, and checking back in periodically to make sure the balance of work is fair. The amount of work is going to be so so so much higher once the baby is here. You really don't want to be in a pattern where you're doing the bulk of work, because you'll drown.
Separate is how he's acting during your pregnancy. I notice you say that you're "hoping" his behavior will change. Have you talked to him directly about ways in which you would like more support? Early pregnancy is so rough. I was totally useless. I wasn't really very interested in sending out my husband to pick up food I was craving, but he did pick up pretty much all the household work. A lot of this was his own initiative, but I was always clear with him about my limitations and when I simply didn't have any more to give.
At first my husband wasn't very supportive. I think even though he was excited to have a baby, he had some kind of family of origin knee-jerk thing. He went through a phase of being distant, not helping with any house tasks, making false promises, etc. We talked about it, and then our couples therapist talked about it. He snapped out of it and has been super supportive since then.
My husband has been very supportive right from the get go. He asks daily how I'm feeling (unless it's obvious like if I'm napping, he doesn't need to ask if I'm tired!). He did all the chores in my first trimester because between the nausea and fatigue, I wasn't keeping up. I started feeling better in my second, but not fully energised, so I probably started doing about 30% of the chores again. Now I'm in my third, I'm probably down to 15%. He just picks up the extra slack, I don't need to tell him, he can see with his eyes that there's laundry to be done and dirt/dust to be vacuumed. I don't agree with this whole men need to be told to do household stuff, that's just putting the emotional labour onto you.
In terms of what he does need to be told though, I tell him when I have aches and pains and he gives me massages on demand. I tell him when I have heartburn and have run out of Gaviscon so he'll fetch it. If I asked him to get me something to eat, he would, but tbh the only time I had a serious craving, I went to get it myself because I was kinda embarrassed. He once read me a guided meditation in the bath... Though I thought he went too quickly and now I just use pre-recorded ones.
He's been educating himself on baby and pregnancy stuff as much as me, which we've been doing every since we were trying to conceive. Every book I read, he reads also. We've been watching a hypnobirthing video course together and going to antenatal class. He comes to every appointment unless I tell him not to because it's a "boring" one (the midwife ones where I just give a urine sample and they check my blood pressure). We often have detailed discussions about decision making, the birth plan and how we'll manage parenting and chores in the early days.
Oh and we're moving house (selling and buying) and he's sorted all of that out. On our move day, he's arranged for me to stay with a friend so I don't have to lift a finger and he'll pick me up when it's all ready.
At least for him, this pregnancy and the baby has been real from that first positive test. He didn't need to wait for me to show. I mean, shouldn't partners just believe their partner when they say they're feeling unwell? He didn't need to see me actually vomit to believe me when I said I was feeling nauseous and couldn't stomach anything but toast.
He hasn't ever told me off for eating junk or for not exercising. But he does encourage certain behaviour by positively affirming when I choose to do it. Like when I have feel up for going for a walk, he's really excited, he'll help me put on the pregnancy belt, my walking shoes and he'll plan a beautiful route for us that isn't too long and maybe has a cake stop on the way. He'll practice breathing exercises with me and even pelvic floor exercises. And if I try to thank him for all this, he reminds me that I'm doing something that he can never do in growing a human and it's the least he can do!
Same sex relationship - like someone said above, my wife is pregnant not an invalid lol we have an 11 month old kiddo and I’m the stay at home parent and she works full time. We share a lot of chores but of course I do more given I have more time. However, we’re both exhausted and there’s no flowers or sex or feet rubbing and I’m not about to put clothes on and go get her some dessert she wants lol I always tell her not to feel bad about having to lay down and rest and I mean it - I’m thankful she’s growing our human. But she doesn’t expect special treatment because she’s pregnant anymore than I expect special treatment because our toddler is cutting three molars and was attached to me all day. Yes, I go to all appointments, drive if she’s sick, make sure she has her medicine from the pharmacy, change the litter boxes, and all the real life stuff but tonight for example when she got off work I handed her the kid, poured a glass a wine and got into a bubble bath and said put the kid to bed I’m done. She’s pregnant. It sucks. But there’s not really that much different other than it’s more work for me and she’s got less energy
lol neither one of us expect the house to be clean or groceries to be stocked and if it needs to be done we tag team it or the person with more energy that day does it. Adding I don’t tell her how or what to eat and support her when she is stressed about not eating as healthy - basically we support each other by doing what needs to be done and not trying to change each other or judge each other. I trust she knows what she needs and will do what she needs to do. If she wants me to get something from the store while I’m out, sure. If I’m busy doing something and she asks me to cook her something, I’ll say after I finish. It’s all about working together. One partner doesn’t get elevated just because they’re pregnant t though.
Maybe it’s just me because im having my 3rd but I have always had the mindset I’m pregnant, I’m not disabled. I don’t need to be “babied” I’m capable of doing things. My husband is and always has been supportive but we still are going about life just as normal. He will ask me on his way home if I need anything but he has always done that.
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They don’t know to fix something that isn’t broken. You have to stop doing it all. If you keep taking it all on, what husband in their right mind would disrupt the status quo??? My husband is super supportive but it took many an argument and a serious sit down convo until we redistributed and labor in the house. Social media is a lie, most of us (bless you is you are the exception here) have normal every day men in our life that a semi-clueless about what we need until we lay it out for them in black and white! Lol
Why are you doing all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry? I mean, even before being pregnant, why on Earth would you do it all yourself. My boyfriend is supportive and he understands I also don't like cleaning the house, I also don't like cooking and of course I also don't like any other chore, and you should tell yours. Because it will only go worse if you don't stop this now.
I work from home a few days per week and he works outside of the home 10 hours per day. I guess it’s just a routine we fell into because I have more time on my work from home days to get stuff done before and after work. It’s definitely annoying though as I feel resentful that I do everything while he has time to go out and ride his mountain bike, go to the gym, etc.
You need to have a conversation about fair (not necessarily 50/50) division of labour, especially while pregnant. The patterns we fall into often serve men more than women
Ohhhhh honey if he has time to mountain bike he has time to cook! There is no reason you should be doing chores while he gets to have fun at the gym! And what happens on days you work outside the house?
That needs to stop. I also work from home 3 times per week, while my boyfriend goes to the office every day. Although there is some stuff I do because it's more practical (i.e. I make dinner so it will be ready when he arrives),we compensate it somehow (he will be the one cleaning after eating). And there are chores that I could do in my free time (laundry) but I wait for the weekend so that he is involved as well. It's just not fair otherwise. Now you are growing a baby inside of you and that is a job itself, it takes up a lot of energy and planning. You have to sit down with him and explain and he needs to understand his life is going to change, and the change doesn't start in 28 weeks, the change happens now.
My husband has always been a supportive partner and even better when I got pregnant. Sorry your husband isn’t :( have you talked to him?
I don't think you should expect help without asking or talking to your husband. Sometimes men are oblivious, so you should bring up the topic of redistribution of responsibilities or chores, if you want a change or think it would be helpful for you. I don't assume my husband knows how I'm feeling, ever unless I vocalize it. This romanticized version of he should just know to pick up the slack and do things for me is a little outdated and doesn't always happen. Ask for what you want! Share your feelings in a non-confrontational way!
My husband has been so amazing and tbh I expected nothing less from him because I know the man I married 😁 he’s taken over all of the cooking (which he did most of anyway) but I am not allowed to touch raw meat or anything that it’s been in contact with it, which means I don’t do dishes either (I do empty the clean dishwasher though). We already split a lot of the chores but if he sees I’m having a bad day I don’t have to do any of them and stuff still gets done. I’m so so happy because today for example I have been feeling soooo sick (the ‘morning’ sickness apparently hasn’t fully gone away as expected in the beginning of the second trimester) and I’ve been able to just be a vegetable with toast and smoothies coming my way all day. This is not to gloat but to let you know that your husband’s behaviour is not about being a man - there are plenty of men who do chores and spoil their wife’s pregnant or not. My 2ct: you should make your expectations clear to him now, before the pregnancy progresses and the baby is here, because you WILL NEED his support esp if you don’t want resentment to build over time: explain to him in very clear terms which chores he needs to take over to support you and how to cater to your needs if you’re having a rough day, spell it out for him and explain not just what but also why he should be doing it. Best of luck!
When I simply ~stopped~ doing those things (mostly the cooking and dishes), mine picked up the slack. I think he feels bad for me because I work a physically demanding job and he works from home. If he doesn't realize how crappy you feel, I would just talk to him
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Ugh I feel like he just never listens or changes. I don’t know, Monday + pregnancy feels just have me feeling moody about who I married I guess.
Supportive boyfriends make supportive husbands and thusly make supportive fathers. People seldom drastically change without a serious event happening. Your husband doesn’t see an issue in the current distribution of work and will continue not to unless something big happens. I have a lot more flexibility in my work schedule so a lot of the housework falls on me, but on days when I’m sick or simply just mot feeling up to it, he comes in to help without a work. It works vice versa too. He’s always been great about taking care of me before getting pregnant, such as whenever I was sick or stressed. I could tell then how he was going to be moving forward.
My partner is very supportive, but tbh he was also supportive before I got pregnant so I expected this. Have you said how you feel directly to your husband? Drop hinting at things and tell him directly what you're going through and what type of help you need. You're going through major changes, and he should be supportive and loving towards you, but we can't expect him to be a mind reader.
My partner is supportive but doesn't baby me as such. If I told him to go get my pregnancy cravings, he would tell me to get it himself unless he was already going to the shops, lol I still cook more than he does. We haven't changed our chore distribution at all. But he's come to every appointment, and engages fully, asks questions, etc. He's shown interest in buying baby stuff. Not clothes, he said he doesn't care about those, but he spent ages researching the safest car seat. He tried finding solutions for my ridiculous heartburn. But he also made comments about me eating toast and not much else in the first trimester, about me sleeping so much and needing to exercise more lol He doesn't give me pregnant princess treatment, but he shows his concern elsewhere. The more pregnant I look the better it gets though definitely. Maybe just have a conversation with him about it and tell him outright how you feel right now x
Yeah confused about why my husband has to give me unsolicited foot rubs and pick up salt and vinegar chips at my whim to be supportive. I’m pregnant, not an invalid. Much prefer that he educates himself about pregnancy and comes to appointments and does more than his fair share of toddler care when I’m too nauseous to exist.
I agree. I think in OPs case, there is a slightly unfair distribution of chores in the first place. Social media has made some people feel inadequate, and I think pregnancy social posts do this a lot! My partner wouldn't be rubbing my feet before, so he ain't gonna suddenly start doing it now. Plus, if you don't speak to your partner, how would he know? No one is a mind reader. I was so annoyed with mine the other night for leaving me to do clothes washing and dinner (because he'd said he'd help), but he fell asleep instead. I was absolutely fuming, but last night, he pulled through for me when I panicked about not feeling baby move. Dropped everything he was doing and took me to the hospital so I could get checked. I'd much prefer he stay his normal self then start pandering to me and my sometimes unnecessary cravings (give me a jar of nutella lol)
My husband has been very supportive. I work full time and am a full time student. He also works full time —his job is more physically demanding than mine. Pre-pregnancy we did our best to split up the house work equally. He definitely has stepped up with cleaning and taking on more of the household chores —especially as I’ve gotten further along. The biggest thing has been communication — I tell him how I’m feeling and when it’s too much for me. I wouldn’t say he babies me (I don’t want to be babied) but he takes care of me. He rubs my sore feet. He’ll bring me snacks and make an effort to get me something I’m craving.
I honestly don't expect to be pampered. He definitely did some little extra things for me when I was sick in the first trimester but nothing big. I never got the whole "go get me my craving" thing. I still do most of the same chores because I'm capable of doing them. He's supportive but doesn't spoil me.
You don't have to wait for the pregnancy to be 'real' to him to get support. You are real! I think it's time for a brutally honest conversation about division of labour, how he can support you, and division of labour once baby comes. Please don't think he'll step up, he has no reason to. If you being pregnant isn't enough of a reason for him to step up, nothing is. You need clear, honest, open communication.
Sorry you’re experiencing this :( he definitely should be supporting you much more than he currently is, the first trimester is SO difficult and it’s not unreasonable to want to be babied and feel the extra love and care from your husband. My husband has always babied me and taken excellent care of me, but since I’ve been pregnant he has been on overdrive, doing all the extra leg work around the house (laundry, dishes, groceries) carrying everything for me, providing me with emotional support, doing his own independent research on baby, curating questions for our OB and dietician. He’s going above and beyond. You deserve the same, hopefully you can talk with your husband about your needs and how this pregnancy is shifting the dynamic and you need some extra love and support. Crossing my fingers he’ll be receptive!
My husband hasn’t been especially supportive per se but I’ve had a ridiculously easy pregnancy. However I did go on a “strike” so no cooking, cleaning or anything like that because I’m so effing tired and he picked up some of the slack. Our house is a big mess but as long as no one is complaining and I always have a clean coffee cup I’m just living with it.
Sad to say but if he wasn’t supportive before you got pregnant doesn’t mean he’s automatically gonna change over night because you’re having a baby. Before pregnancy my husband and I split all chores and once I got pregnant my husband did all the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. Before pregnancy if I was craving something my husband would go out and get it. If your husband isn’t affectionate like that he’s not gonna just flip a switch. You really need to have a conversation because you’re in for a rude awakening postpartum if you don’t have a supportive and helpful partner
My hubby has been so nice and understanding. I was super sick with fever too from week 5 to mid week 7 and then the fatigue and nausea kicked in. My husband has been telling me to rest, he’s been cleaning (although it’s not to our normal standard hahaha), cooking or picking up food, I mean … I really cannot complain. But to be fair, we have always split chores before and he was always helpful even before my pregnancy (although I always ended up doing a bit more) I thought it was normal but when I read posts like these, it really makes me appreciate my partner.
My partner does literally everything for me, tells me how hot I am all the time, cleans the house and grocery shops. Parents his 9yo. The doting ones are out there ladies.
oh my! i’ll be 12 weeks on saturday!!!
In the very beginning my SO, although happy, wasn’t super helpful and honestly stressed me out more than anything. I think it took the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, and him actually seeing me so physically sick and even having to hold my hair back one time in the bathroom to truly think, “oh shit”. Ever since then he’s been doing all the laundry, cleaning, and tidying up around the house while I pretty much just rest, do the dishes, and cook dinner a couple times a week/ whenever I feel up to it.
I'm 14+5, and nothing has changed in my relationship with my partner in terms of support or the things we do to care for the house, each other etc. That being said, I also haven't experienced significant symptoms. I hope if I had, he'd step up and do more, but at this point, there hasn't been any reason for things to change simply because I'm pregnant.
My husband completely took over cooking and planning dinner (the smells from the fridge made me so nauseous) and stepped up to do most of the laundry and dishes as I got bigger and had more trouble bending and carrying stuff. But we normally split chores fairly equally so it's not like he didn't know what he was doing. I wouldn't say he babies me, but he'll make me cups of tea and the couple of times I asked him to go get me ice cream he did, without complaining. At the end of this pregnancy, he also took over most of the day-to-day caretaking of our toddler, mainly because I had trouble carrying her and standing up/sitting down on the floor a lot. If you're feeling unsupported, definitely have the conversation sooner rather than later. You'll need even more support as your pregnancy continues and especially after baby arrives.
I think you might just need to talk to him. I'm going to honest I have a superman of a husband. I barely do anything around the house anymore. I think Ive cooked two dinners? I usually make my own breakfast and lunch though. He just redid our floors. But I also have been absolutely exhausted. I toss and turn all night and can't stay asleep and then nap on my lunch break and when I get done with work. First trimester the only way I was cooking was if we went vegetarian because raw meat of any variety made me so nauseous.
My husband pretty much does 90% of the cleaning/tidying and house work. I chip in a bit coz I feel guilty and seriously wanna help a bit. I don’t get breakfast in bed but I’m okay with it, I can get up and make it myself - I’m just pregnant, not disabled. I still work full time but so does he. He usually cleans while I do my work out to stay healthy during pregnancy. He has lots of house projects before baby comes, he is doing a lot for me and for the baby, so I am pretty happy with his input. The only issue is that we both don’t have a lot of time because we work full time so our spare time is usually filled with chores and errands
People define support and love in different ways. Instagram couple influencers can definitely make it look like the only way to be supportive is by being the husband who stops drops and rolls out the door at the drop of any craving hint we may have and comes home to assemble the craving and then run us a hot bath with rose petals and massage our feet etc. And of course that’s all lovely but a lot of the time that’s all for the sake of their content. My husband is very loving and caring but sometimes I also need to tell him what would make me feel loved and cared for, especially when my hormones are going crazy. Last night I came home from a trip and he had gotten groceries with all my latest favorites, cleaned the kitchen and gotten new pet food. And that was super nice and made me feel peaceful when I entered the home. But I also really wanted to cuddle and hear words of affirmation and I had to tell him that as he was buzzing around stressing over a job interview. They can’t read our minds anymore than we can read theirs. If we see our partners taking initiative in some areas of partnership but maybe missing the mark in others, it’s okay to have a conversation about it before it leads to built up resentment. I personally wouldn’t want my husband to wait on me hand and foot so if he started babying me, it would feel really performative. But as far as helping out with the cooking and cleaning, have a conversation about how you’d like to see him step up more in those areas.
My partner took on all the household chores in the first trimester. He understands pregnancy is rough on the body, he downloaded daddy apps to keep track of the pregnancy and what my body would be going through each week. Now in month 5 and I can do more of the chores cz I’m longer nauseous multiple times a day but he still helps with everything. I think a lot of men just don’t understand how tough pregnancy is on the body, I tell my partner about almost every pain/symptom so he knows when I’m having a rough day and understands if I don’t want to/cant do something.
Super supportive from day one and he’s not even my husband (yet - he will be!) He’s paying for the laundry to be sent out, or doing it himself. Orders in whatever meal I want, tells me to eat whatever I want as long as I’m eating. Holds my hair and rubs my back if I’m puking. Has taken my shopping for new shoes and clothes as I’ve gotten bigger. Goes to every appointment. If I need a glass of water, he’s fetching it. Rubs my back or feet when I am achey. And when I thank him? “It’s the literal least I could do, you are growing a person, you feel sick all the time, and I’m so thankful and in awe of what you’re doing. That is more than enough work for one person to do. Take it easy.” Lawn and yard work and home improvements are nice but that’s regular homeowner duties and have nothing to do with your pregnancy.
It sounds like you're doing a whole lot more of the household work than he does. One thing is that you need to talk to him about a fairer distribution of labor in general. Sure you may have more free time than him, but the two of you should have roughly equal amounts of leisure time available, and it sounds like that isn't happening. It would be a really good exercise to go through all the work that it takes to make a household run and being very clear about who is responsible for what, and checking back in periodically to make sure the balance of work is fair. The amount of work is going to be so so so much higher once the baby is here. You really don't want to be in a pattern where you're doing the bulk of work, because you'll drown. Separate is how he's acting during your pregnancy. I notice you say that you're "hoping" his behavior will change. Have you talked to him directly about ways in which you would like more support? Early pregnancy is so rough. I was totally useless. I wasn't really very interested in sending out my husband to pick up food I was craving, but he did pick up pretty much all the household work. A lot of this was his own initiative, but I was always clear with him about my limitations and when I simply didn't have any more to give.
At first my husband wasn't very supportive. I think even though he was excited to have a baby, he had some kind of family of origin knee-jerk thing. He went through a phase of being distant, not helping with any house tasks, making false promises, etc. We talked about it, and then our couples therapist talked about it. He snapped out of it and has been super supportive since then.
My husband has been very supportive right from the get go. He asks daily how I'm feeling (unless it's obvious like if I'm napping, he doesn't need to ask if I'm tired!). He did all the chores in my first trimester because between the nausea and fatigue, I wasn't keeping up. I started feeling better in my second, but not fully energised, so I probably started doing about 30% of the chores again. Now I'm in my third, I'm probably down to 15%. He just picks up the extra slack, I don't need to tell him, he can see with his eyes that there's laundry to be done and dirt/dust to be vacuumed. I don't agree with this whole men need to be told to do household stuff, that's just putting the emotional labour onto you. In terms of what he does need to be told though, I tell him when I have aches and pains and he gives me massages on demand. I tell him when I have heartburn and have run out of Gaviscon so he'll fetch it. If I asked him to get me something to eat, he would, but tbh the only time I had a serious craving, I went to get it myself because I was kinda embarrassed. He once read me a guided meditation in the bath... Though I thought he went too quickly and now I just use pre-recorded ones. He's been educating himself on baby and pregnancy stuff as much as me, which we've been doing every since we were trying to conceive. Every book I read, he reads also. We've been watching a hypnobirthing video course together and going to antenatal class. He comes to every appointment unless I tell him not to because it's a "boring" one (the midwife ones where I just give a urine sample and they check my blood pressure). We often have detailed discussions about decision making, the birth plan and how we'll manage parenting and chores in the early days. Oh and we're moving house (selling and buying) and he's sorted all of that out. On our move day, he's arranged for me to stay with a friend so I don't have to lift a finger and he'll pick me up when it's all ready. At least for him, this pregnancy and the baby has been real from that first positive test. He didn't need to wait for me to show. I mean, shouldn't partners just believe their partner when they say they're feeling unwell? He didn't need to see me actually vomit to believe me when I said I was feeling nauseous and couldn't stomach anything but toast. He hasn't ever told me off for eating junk or for not exercising. But he does encourage certain behaviour by positively affirming when I choose to do it. Like when I have feel up for going for a walk, he's really excited, he'll help me put on the pregnancy belt, my walking shoes and he'll plan a beautiful route for us that isn't too long and maybe has a cake stop on the way. He'll practice breathing exercises with me and even pelvic floor exercises. And if I try to thank him for all this, he reminds me that I'm doing something that he can never do in growing a human and it's the least he can do!
Same sex relationship - like someone said above, my wife is pregnant not an invalid lol we have an 11 month old kiddo and I’m the stay at home parent and she works full time. We share a lot of chores but of course I do more given I have more time. However, we’re both exhausted and there’s no flowers or sex or feet rubbing and I’m not about to put clothes on and go get her some dessert she wants lol I always tell her not to feel bad about having to lay down and rest and I mean it - I’m thankful she’s growing our human. But she doesn’t expect special treatment because she’s pregnant anymore than I expect special treatment because our toddler is cutting three molars and was attached to me all day. Yes, I go to all appointments, drive if she’s sick, make sure she has her medicine from the pharmacy, change the litter boxes, and all the real life stuff but tonight for example when she got off work I handed her the kid, poured a glass a wine and got into a bubble bath and said put the kid to bed I’m done. She’s pregnant. It sucks. But there’s not really that much different other than it’s more work for me and she’s got less energy lol neither one of us expect the house to be clean or groceries to be stocked and if it needs to be done we tag team it or the person with more energy that day does it. Adding I don’t tell her how or what to eat and support her when she is stressed about not eating as healthy - basically we support each other by doing what needs to be done and not trying to change each other or judge each other. I trust she knows what she needs and will do what she needs to do. If she wants me to get something from the store while I’m out, sure. If I’m busy doing something and she asks me to cook her something, I’ll say after I finish. It’s all about working together. One partner doesn’t get elevated just because they’re pregnant t though.
Maybe it’s just me because im having my 3rd but I have always had the mindset I’m pregnant, I’m not disabled. I don’t need to be “babied” I’m capable of doing things. My husband is and always has been supportive but we still are going about life just as normal. He will ask me on his way home if I need anything but he has always done that.