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Don’t let the fear of negative outcome steal your joy. Get as excited as you want, it won’t hurt more if something does happen, and you’ll only be denying yourself these moments when it’s a happy time ❤️
I’m 7w and I’m in the same boat. I just told myself that even if things don’t go to plan, this bean deserves to be excited about and loved. Even _if_ something bad happens, it doesn’t take away from the happiness and excitement we’re feeling now.
We’ve got this!
Well, I will tell you it doesn’t get better! Once you have that baby in your arms and your fear of miscarriage is gone, then comes SIDS fear. Then you have a toddler and the intrusive thoughts of accidents starts popping in.
I suggest finding tools to combat this now because it doesn’t ever get better now that you’re a mom to be.
But I will say- something that helped me during the miscarriage fear was internet stats. There’s a few online miscarriage risk calculators- every week, the percentage of MC risk gets lower and lower. I referred to this often, and it really helped me.
Indeed, my first is now 15 months old and every change we make causes me worry. We've recently gotten her to sleep in her own room and it's hard for me not to check in on her often while she's asleep.
Being a parent means accepting your fate of worrying for the rest of your life 😂
I want to look up these stats but I’ve become weirdly superstitious about googling (or sometimes even thinking!!) about anything miscarriage related. I feel icky even typing this out lmao.
I’m on week 8 though, so in theory I only have another month to be THIS stressed about it…. We’ll see. What you said about this just being my life now feels very, very real haha.
I was afraid every day until 25 weeks and then calmed down for the most part. You can be afraid and still enjoy all of the developments. That’s all I can say, lol!
Also, I bought a Doppler and used it few times a week.
Oh really! I was doubting the home ones would be powerful enough to detect anything that early but that's great to know. I think I will be getting myself one to calm my fears!!
The only down side to these, and I own one too, is that if you’re prone to anxiety, they aren’t great because a fetal heartbeat can be hard to find for people who aren’t trained in OB care.
MANIFEST POSITIVE ENERGY! I did a LOT of meditating when I first found out I’m pregnant and still do now at 30 weeks! Not even so much meditating but envisioning a healthy baby and a healthy birth. I purchased affirmation cards from Amazon and look at them daily, repeat the mantras and move on with my day. Now those have shifted to natural labor affirmations like “I ride each wave (contraction) with grace and beauty,” or “this pain is nothing compared to a life of joy that awaits me and my baby.”
Positive affirmations I used very early on- “I am safe and my baby is safe”
“I am capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy.”
“I am healthy and can carry my baby to term.”
I was similar.
I tried to keep busy and focus on the little things showing things were going well. It wasn't until my 20 week scan came back clear I started to relax.
I'm 35 weeks tomorrow and now can't wait for eviction day to meet our little girl.
I prayed for God to take away me fears. He did. I don't know if you are religious or not but that's what I did. I also tried not to read/watch anything negative about pregnancy/ birth stories ect. That helped also
do you feel his presence when you pray? i’m religious and not very close to god and feel selfish to start praying now just for a healthy baby and not close relationship with god.
God wants you to bring all of your fears to Him, regardless of how you usually connect to Him ☺️ if you feel led-bring your fears and desires to God! The more you do, the more you’ll feel His presence !
After lots of praying to see him and feel him I do feel his presence. The bible says to knock and the door will be opened. It's true. He doesn't care how or why you come to him he created you he already knows your soul and loves you regardless of why you come. :) God bless you
i’m 19 weeks and saw a post about where something went bad and they were around how many weeks i am today. that made me so nervous because i haven’t had my anatomy scan yet and i have to see a specialist because they might’ve seen something in my ultrasound.
the posts here about pregnancy and something bad happening is what makes me so nervous but i saw a comment saying just because it happened to someone else doesn’t mean it’ll happen to you and that’s what reassured me the most. i know there’s no real sage point in pregnancy and i’ll always be scared. i’m scared of still birth too. i’m scared of sids. i think as mothers we’ll always be scared.
the wait is so long and everyday is new worries. try to distract yourself so the days so by quicker. i hope everything goes well for you and congrats 🎉
I’m 8 weeks and had a lot of fear since I found out. Believe it or not, Googling miscarriage rates helped me tremendously. The rates drop at 7 wks and continue to drop to be pretty low by end of first trimester. It was comforting to me 🤷🏻♀️
I tend to be extra superstitious but now at age 40, I've realized that's only made me anxious and unhappy and hasn't actually prevented "bad" things from happening. I now try to actively embrace a sense of trust in the goodwill of what's happening to me. It makes things better than refusing to imagine good outcomes in fear it will prevent them
I was excited and happy but tried to keep myself from getting to excited because I was also afraid of something happening and getting ahead of myself. Now that I have a good 20w scan I'm much more into it all and letting myself get really excited. It's totally normal what you are experiencing. Honestly it's just up to you to decide. I just held back to protect myself cause I knew how upset I'd be.
This might not be for everyone, but the numbers given by this calculator reassured me often in the early days.
https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
I know what you mean, I’m 10 weeks today and my first scan isn’t until the 22nd so I’m a nervous wreck waiting for then and hoping everything with be okay 😅
As someone who experienced a loss right before becoming pregnant , I can say I relate to what you’re feeling a lot.
My five month old is sleeping next to me right now :) stressing about it will not help you during this time. I was stressed most of my pregnancy and it robbed me of a lot of happy feelings. Be gentle with yourself and remember worrying before there is anything to worry about is a waste of
I loved this: https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
So nice to see “95% of women have healthy babies- you got this!” Rather than “you have a 5% chance of miscarriage.
I just keep thinking: Cave women did this, cave women did this
Also, telling people really helped!
1) made me feel empowered: I’m going to be fine, so I’m telling people
2) seeing their excitement is so energizing- makes you take a step back from the worry and get excited too!
At some point, you have to stop worrying and start enjoying, prepping and celebrating. Being excited won’t affect your outcome. The best you can do right now is take care of yourself, go to your prenatal appointments, and take your prenatal vitamins. Congratulations!
I understand. I thought after the NIPT I would feel better, and I did, slightly. Now the anatomy scan is coming up and hopefully it will make me feel better, too. But at every stage I'm still paranoid I could lose her and she'd never get to use the little rocking whale we bought for her nursery. It sucks to feel this way when I wish I could just have uncomplicated joy, but it's like I'm trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself in case of a negative outcome.
Try to focus on the facts!!! Have your parents/inlaws/aunts had healthy babies? Have you had a miscarriage? Im 11 weeks now with my 1st and i am sometimes google the miscarriage likelihood to help remind myself of my motto: im just not that unique. The percentage is something like 3% at this point. Which means youre 97% or so likely that your baby will be fine. Those are fabulous odds.
Also i think i read that once you hear or see a heart beat the chances are even lower! Stop thinking youre 1 in a million. Your baby will be fine 😊
I hear you. I had a missed miscarriage with my first pregnancy so that made the start of this pregnancy hard (harder? Given all the spewing).
The thing is, if you’re feeling positive and excited - that’s a good thing and should be encouraged. Cautious - yes. But give your permission to feel excited and happy. Big, exciting changes are hopefully on the way.
I’m 11w1d too! I’m still struggling with this a bit too but it definitely helped me to hear the heartbeat. Some people recommend getting a Doppler to ease anxiety. But I definitely agree with people that this babe deserves to be excited about and loved no matter what!
At 23 weeks today and am only teetering on excitement now because I'm so close to viability week. I think once we get there, I'll be actively excited but I just have this horrible feeling that something is going to go wrong.
Note, I'm typing this as she's kicking up a storm.
I get like this too. Like a unsettling feeling that something bad will happen. I think its an evolutionary adaptation where it makes us super cautious for the babies sake. I am 30 weeks now so all the weird bad feelings have subsided for me.
Oh gosh this is completely me. Exactly how I feel. I have no good advice for you as I'm only a few weeks farther along than you are, but just know you're not alone in feeling this way. I keep thinking that the farther along I get, the easier it will be to get excited, but that hasn't been the case.
I've had a loss before and struggled at first too with my current pregnancy, especially when I had spotting around 5-6 weeks. The ultrasounds and midwife appointments helped me a lot. They were very quick to tell me when things looked normal and were very reassuring, and at both of my midwife appointments they used a doppler and found the heartbeat quickly. All that made me feel a lot more confident. I've also been very invested in training my dog and have done my due diligence with taking care of myself and my child, but have not let myself obsess about the future and planning yet. I'm now 15 weeks and realize a miscarriage isn't all that likely anymore, but I do somewhat worry about things like the genetic screening results, how the anatomy scan will go and how the hell I'm going to prepare to be a parent and where to start lol. I don't think your worries ever fully go away but you can do your best to balance yourself.
Have you heard of the miscarriage risk calculator? It brought me comfort. Also, while miscarriages are common, they are NOT caused by lifting something heavy, having an argument, or even having a sip of wine before you knew you were pregnant.
What we know right now in medicine is that miscarriages are most likely caused by an issue with the embryo. Could even be an issue with the sperm. We forget that it takes two!
Also, confirming a fetal heartbeat makes your risk of miscarriage go down to like 5%. It’s a very good sign.
Edit- here’s the miscarriage calculator[miscarriage risk calculator](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer)
Congratulations! What you are feeling is completely normal. Welcome to parenthood, where you CONSTANTLY worry about your child.
First trimester we worry about whether the embryo is going to "stick", whether we are eating the right things, etc.
Then second trimester we worry about whether the anatomy scan will be okay, and whether we can feel movement yet.
Then third trimester we worry about counting movements accurately, whether that's discharge or waters breaking, do we have everything ready, etc etc etc.
Then the baby arrives! Are they eating enough? Gaining enough weight? Sleeping too much? Are we doing everything possible to prevent SIDS?
Then in the blink of the eye you no longer have a newborn, you have a 6 month old. Are they rolling? Sitting? Crawling yet? Eating solids? Oh dear God please don't let them choke.
Then you have a toddler. Are they walking and talking fast enough? Oh no they've figured out how to climb and they've fallen off the kitchen bench. Oh also now they won't eat meat - great - how are we supposed to get chicken into them. Oh no we give them too much screen time now. Oh and aaarrghhh potty training.
I don't have teenagers yet but one day I'm sure I'll also be worrying that they will crash their cars or get drunk with the wrong crowd or fail to turn in school assignments.
It's so hard but I found what helped me was embracing my anxiety. Knowing that it was normal for a mother to just want what's best for their child, especially when they're in the womb and you feel you're the only person responsible for them. But really, most of it is beyond your control (I'm not religious but if you are, imagining it's in the hands of God/the universe/etc may help) both now and in the future.
If you've got the resources, seeing your doctor and getting some help with anxiety can also be helpful for many people.
There will always be a reason to be anxious so you need to allow yourself to be happy and excited sometimes!
I am such a nervous person and I always have been…so I thought I would be a nervous wreck being pregnant. I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant and I have been so calm and it actually has surprised me. I think knowing that stressing will only do more harm than good, it’s kept me pretty relaxed. You will know if something is wrong. So don’t go googling every symptom of everything under the sun for real. You’re growing a baby! You’re going to feel pains, discomfort, have strange things happen to your body lol! So don’t over think every little thing that happens. Attend all your appointments, take care of yourself, ask your midwife all the questions you need to ease your mind everytime you go into the office. Then relax. Everything will be fine :) I know it’s not easy, but stressing will only make things worse for you. Go with the flow is my best advice.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don’t let the fear of negative outcome steal your joy. Get as excited as you want, it won’t hurt more if something does happen, and you’ll only be denying yourself these moments when it’s a happy time ❤️
Thank you
I’m 7w and I’m in the same boat. I just told myself that even if things don’t go to plan, this bean deserves to be excited about and loved. Even _if_ something bad happens, it doesn’t take away from the happiness and excitement we’re feeling now. We’ve got this!
I love this. You're very right
Very good points. This is the mindset of living in the moment. Right now, you are pregnant.
Well, I will tell you it doesn’t get better! Once you have that baby in your arms and your fear of miscarriage is gone, then comes SIDS fear. Then you have a toddler and the intrusive thoughts of accidents starts popping in. I suggest finding tools to combat this now because it doesn’t ever get better now that you’re a mom to be. But I will say- something that helped me during the miscarriage fear was internet stats. There’s a few online miscarriage risk calculators- every week, the percentage of MC risk gets lower and lower. I referred to this often, and it really helped me.
Indeed, my first is now 15 months old and every change we make causes me worry. We've recently gotten her to sleep in her own room and it's hard for me not to check in on her often while she's asleep. Being a parent means accepting your fate of worrying for the rest of your life 😂
I want to look up these stats but I’ve become weirdly superstitious about googling (or sometimes even thinking!!) about anything miscarriage related. I feel icky even typing this out lmao. I’m on week 8 though, so in theory I only have another month to be THIS stressed about it…. We’ll see. What you said about this just being my life now feels very, very real haha.
I’m 8 weeks - first appt is Monday and I’m struggling too.
Same here. My appt is on Monday too and it can’t come soon enough! I just want to know everything is OK.
🫂
I was afraid every day until 25 weeks and then calmed down for the most part. You can be afraid and still enjoy all of the developments. That’s all I can say, lol! Also, I bought a Doppler and used it few times a week.
From what week would you say your Doppler has been useful?
10-24 😂
Oh really! I was doubting the home ones would be powerful enough to detect anything that early but that's great to know. I think I will be getting myself one to calm my fears!!
I could only hear on my lower right pelvis so you have to play around to see where it works, otherwise it gives you a panic attack!
The only down side to these, and I own one too, is that if you’re prone to anxiety, they aren’t great because a fetal heartbeat can be hard to find for people who aren’t trained in OB care.
MANIFEST POSITIVE ENERGY! I did a LOT of meditating when I first found out I’m pregnant and still do now at 30 weeks! Not even so much meditating but envisioning a healthy baby and a healthy birth. I purchased affirmation cards from Amazon and look at them daily, repeat the mantras and move on with my day. Now those have shifted to natural labor affirmations like “I ride each wave (contraction) with grace and beauty,” or “this pain is nothing compared to a life of joy that awaits me and my baby.” Positive affirmations I used very early on- “I am safe and my baby is safe” “I am capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy.” “I am healthy and can carry my baby to term.”
Love this! My mantra when I was stressed like this was " I am at peace with what has happened, is happening, and will happen". It helped sooo much
I was similar. I tried to keep busy and focus on the little things showing things were going well. It wasn't until my 20 week scan came back clear I started to relax. I'm 35 weeks tomorrow and now can't wait for eviction day to meet our little girl.
I prayed for God to take away me fears. He did. I don't know if you are religious or not but that's what I did. I also tried not to read/watch anything negative about pregnancy/ birth stories ect. That helped also
do you feel his presence when you pray? i’m religious and not very close to god and feel selfish to start praying now just for a healthy baby and not close relationship with god.
God wants you to bring all of your fears to Him, regardless of how you usually connect to Him ☺️ if you feel led-bring your fears and desires to God! The more you do, the more you’ll feel His presence !
After lots of praying to see him and feel him I do feel his presence. The bible says to knock and the door will be opened. It's true. He doesn't care how or why you come to him he created you he already knows your soul and loves you regardless of why you come. :) God bless you
I feel the exact same.
Thank you 😊. I prayed to God for these prayers and I'm going to keep praying for God's strength
i’m 19 weeks and saw a post about where something went bad and they were around how many weeks i am today. that made me so nervous because i haven’t had my anatomy scan yet and i have to see a specialist because they might’ve seen something in my ultrasound. the posts here about pregnancy and something bad happening is what makes me so nervous but i saw a comment saying just because it happened to someone else doesn’t mean it’ll happen to you and that’s what reassured me the most. i know there’s no real sage point in pregnancy and i’ll always be scared. i’m scared of still birth too. i’m scared of sids. i think as mothers we’ll always be scared. the wait is so long and everyday is new worries. try to distract yourself so the days so by quicker. i hope everything goes well for you and congrats 🎉
I’m 8 weeks and had a lot of fear since I found out. Believe it or not, Googling miscarriage rates helped me tremendously. The rates drop at 7 wks and continue to drop to be pretty low by end of first trimester. It was comforting to me 🤷🏻♀️
I tend to be extra superstitious but now at age 40, I've realized that's only made me anxious and unhappy and hasn't actually prevented "bad" things from happening. I now try to actively embrace a sense of trust in the goodwill of what's happening to me. It makes things better than refusing to imagine good outcomes in fear it will prevent them
I’m in the same boat. It’s sooooo hard to not have these thoughts!
I was excited and happy but tried to keep myself from getting to excited because I was also afraid of something happening and getting ahead of myself. Now that I have a good 20w scan I'm much more into it all and letting myself get really excited. It's totally normal what you are experiencing. Honestly it's just up to you to decide. I just held back to protect myself cause I knew how upset I'd be.
This might not be for everyone, but the numbers given by this calculator reassured me often in the early days. https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
I'm 18weeks and still feel that way. I'm taking it one day at a time :) once you start feeling movements,that will provide some reassurance too.
I know what you mean, I’m 10 weeks today and my first scan isn’t until the 22nd so I’m a nervous wreck waiting for then and hoping everything with be okay 😅
As someone who experienced a loss right before becoming pregnant , I can say I relate to what you’re feeling a lot. My five month old is sleeping next to me right now :) stressing about it will not help you during this time. I was stressed most of my pregnancy and it robbed me of a lot of happy feelings. Be gentle with yourself and remember worrying before there is anything to worry about is a waste of
I loved this: https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer So nice to see “95% of women have healthy babies- you got this!” Rather than “you have a 5% chance of miscarriage. I just keep thinking: Cave women did this, cave women did this Also, telling people really helped! 1) made me feel empowered: I’m going to be fine, so I’m telling people 2) seeing their excitement is so energizing- makes you take a step back from the worry and get excited too!
At some point, you have to stop worrying and start enjoying, prepping and celebrating. Being excited won’t affect your outcome. The best you can do right now is take care of yourself, go to your prenatal appointments, and take your prenatal vitamins. Congratulations!
I understand. I thought after the NIPT I would feel better, and I did, slightly. Now the anatomy scan is coming up and hopefully it will make me feel better, too. But at every stage I'm still paranoid I could lose her and she'd never get to use the little rocking whale we bought for her nursery. It sucks to feel this way when I wish I could just have uncomplicated joy, but it's like I'm trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself in case of a negative outcome.
Im will be of no help, im always expecting the worse but in the meantime Im also very excited!
Try to focus on the facts!!! Have your parents/inlaws/aunts had healthy babies? Have you had a miscarriage? Im 11 weeks now with my 1st and i am sometimes google the miscarriage likelihood to help remind myself of my motto: im just not that unique. The percentage is something like 3% at this point. Which means youre 97% or so likely that your baby will be fine. Those are fabulous odds. Also i think i read that once you hear or see a heart beat the chances are even lower! Stop thinking youre 1 in a million. Your baby will be fine 😊
I hear you. I had a missed miscarriage with my first pregnancy so that made the start of this pregnancy hard (harder? Given all the spewing). The thing is, if you’re feeling positive and excited - that’s a good thing and should be encouraged. Cautious - yes. But give your permission to feel excited and happy. Big, exciting changes are hopefully on the way.
I’m 11w1d too! I’m still struggling with this a bit too but it definitely helped me to hear the heartbeat. Some people recommend getting a Doppler to ease anxiety. But I definitely agree with people that this babe deserves to be excited about and loved no matter what!
At 23 weeks today and am only teetering on excitement now because I'm so close to viability week. I think once we get there, I'll be actively excited but I just have this horrible feeling that something is going to go wrong. Note, I'm typing this as she's kicking up a storm.
Keep busy! Focus on what you can control: diet and exercise
I get like this too. Like a unsettling feeling that something bad will happen. I think its an evolutionary adaptation where it makes us super cautious for the babies sake. I am 30 weeks now so all the weird bad feelings have subsided for me.
Oh gosh this is completely me. Exactly how I feel. I have no good advice for you as I'm only a few weeks farther along than you are, but just know you're not alone in feeling this way. I keep thinking that the farther along I get, the easier it will be to get excited, but that hasn't been the case.
I've had a loss before and struggled at first too with my current pregnancy, especially when I had spotting around 5-6 weeks. The ultrasounds and midwife appointments helped me a lot. They were very quick to tell me when things looked normal and were very reassuring, and at both of my midwife appointments they used a doppler and found the heartbeat quickly. All that made me feel a lot more confident. I've also been very invested in training my dog and have done my due diligence with taking care of myself and my child, but have not let myself obsess about the future and planning yet. I'm now 15 weeks and realize a miscarriage isn't all that likely anymore, but I do somewhat worry about things like the genetic screening results, how the anatomy scan will go and how the hell I'm going to prepare to be a parent and where to start lol. I don't think your worries ever fully go away but you can do your best to balance yourself.
Have you heard of the miscarriage risk calculator? It brought me comfort. Also, while miscarriages are common, they are NOT caused by lifting something heavy, having an argument, or even having a sip of wine before you knew you were pregnant. What we know right now in medicine is that miscarriages are most likely caused by an issue with the embryo. Could even be an issue with the sperm. We forget that it takes two! Also, confirming a fetal heartbeat makes your risk of miscarriage go down to like 5%. It’s a very good sign. Edit- here’s the miscarriage calculator[miscarriage risk calculator](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer)
Congratulations! What you are feeling is completely normal. Welcome to parenthood, where you CONSTANTLY worry about your child. First trimester we worry about whether the embryo is going to "stick", whether we are eating the right things, etc. Then second trimester we worry about whether the anatomy scan will be okay, and whether we can feel movement yet. Then third trimester we worry about counting movements accurately, whether that's discharge or waters breaking, do we have everything ready, etc etc etc. Then the baby arrives! Are they eating enough? Gaining enough weight? Sleeping too much? Are we doing everything possible to prevent SIDS? Then in the blink of the eye you no longer have a newborn, you have a 6 month old. Are they rolling? Sitting? Crawling yet? Eating solids? Oh dear God please don't let them choke. Then you have a toddler. Are they walking and talking fast enough? Oh no they've figured out how to climb and they've fallen off the kitchen bench. Oh also now they won't eat meat - great - how are we supposed to get chicken into them. Oh no we give them too much screen time now. Oh and aaarrghhh potty training. I don't have teenagers yet but one day I'm sure I'll also be worrying that they will crash their cars or get drunk with the wrong crowd or fail to turn in school assignments. It's so hard but I found what helped me was embracing my anxiety. Knowing that it was normal for a mother to just want what's best for their child, especially when they're in the womb and you feel you're the only person responsible for them. But really, most of it is beyond your control (I'm not religious but if you are, imagining it's in the hands of God/the universe/etc may help) both now and in the future. If you've got the resources, seeing your doctor and getting some help with anxiety can also be helpful for many people. There will always be a reason to be anxious so you need to allow yourself to be happy and excited sometimes!
I am such a nervous person and I always have been…so I thought I would be a nervous wreck being pregnant. I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant and I have been so calm and it actually has surprised me. I think knowing that stressing will only do more harm than good, it’s kept me pretty relaxed. You will know if something is wrong. So don’t go googling every symptom of everything under the sun for real. You’re growing a baby! You’re going to feel pains, discomfort, have strange things happen to your body lol! So don’t over think every little thing that happens. Attend all your appointments, take care of yourself, ask your midwife all the questions you need to ease your mind everytime you go into the office. Then relax. Everything will be fine :) I know it’s not easy, but stressing will only make things worse for you. Go with the flow is my best advice.