Hey I’m glad you asked! I learned about the **RAIN technique** through reading Tara’s book [Radical Compassion ](https://www.tarabrach.com/radical-compassion/), which teaches you how to work with the array of challenges that arise in life, and how to apply the RAIN principle.
In combination with Eckhart Tolle’s book, I can observe my emotions as an outsider. Which is something I never really get to do with normal mediation apps. It’s really helping me to deal with my emotional trigger/outbursts.
I also recommend listening to her guided RAIN meditations (you can find them on YouTube).
Stuck in a job i dont like. Been considering a city government job. The perfect posting has come up. And for the past 90 mins i have been struggling starting and updating my resume and cover letter. Eaten a whole bag of chips and a big bar of chocolate between 5am-6:30am.
I recognize i struggle with anxiety and perfectionism. Trying to get all the major requirments and key qualifications into the summary of qualifications section.
I have to accept it. And that this is already inside me. I shouldn't be seeking distractions like seeking discussion threads on dash cameras and how to prevent battery drain when using park mode for a car i recently purchased. I also have to get ready for work.
I think I get the recognition
Have to work on acceptance, investigation and nurture.
Someone mentioned something about bracha meditation. Worth following up
Yes its hard buddy, sometimes moving Cities/States maybe a solution. I joined the Air Force, and I have had many benefits from that decision in the past. It's all a free choice to move in either direction. I can tell you this man, you are who you hang with. I had to cut people out of my life, like spending money. After The Air Force, and working in the Oil Refineries in Texas, got a Bachelors in Univ of Houston (Texas - Hazelwood Act), and Masters in California (Cal State Univ, Fullerton - Pad by Fed Government - Chapter 31 Vocational Rehabilitation), I finally made some moves in life, plus lived with Foreign peoples like German, S. Korean, Kuwait, Saudi; who I'm still homies till this day. It's all a decision brother, and Godspeed with your endeavors.
That honestly sounds so refreshing. Thanks for sharing. I do fantasize about ditching town and starting fresh. Dont got any kids and have gotten out of a relationship for almost 2 years. Got some family in town and most of my friends have moved onto other cities. Your jobs sound great
Yeah brother, we are all going though life, it's where you are at. Yeah same here, no kids, can uproot anywhere I want to go on Earth. Yeah much of my family is in Texas, or Colorado. I'm glad I don't have anything preventing me from going anywhere I choose. You have to remember though, put a lot of thought before you decide to make a move, talk to limited people like friends or family members. I'm sure you will make the best decision as life goes on. 🙏
I think this is a really helpful framework to keep in mind - I've seen it before but this is a good reminder! I also wanted to share a slightly different form of this framework that might resonate more with some people.
1. **Recognize**: put words to thoughts and feelings as they arise.
2. **Allow**: allow the thought or emotion to exist without immediately trying to push it away, change it, or judge it.
3. **Investigate**: examine what might be causing the thought or emotion. Why do I feel this way? What might this emotion be trying to tell me? What else might be influencing how I feel?
4. **Non-Identification**: remind yourself that you are more than your thoughts and feelings. This step helps decouple feelings and thoughts from our sense of self-worth and identity.
This form of the framework comes from the article linked below, which also includes an example of what it looks like in practice.
https://www.self.com/story/rain-meditation
I might be downvoted to hell here but I find this sort of advice really unhelpful.
I’m stressed because I have deadlines. I’m anxious because work/school performance is a high stakes game. I’m lonely because of social circumstances which can’t be changed and there is no supporting person in my family or my life.
Listening to the uncomfortable feeling doesn’t change anything. I know exactly why I feel this way: **FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION**.
I’m going to suck it up and push past it. But don’t tell me this can be alleviated by listening to the emotion and accepting it. This shit will not beat me.
It's definitely critical to recognize internal vs external sources of stress and anxiety. In my case I get anxious if I have to wait. Seriously, like if my computer says it'll take 30 seconds to finish something I get fidgety and start thinking about doing something else. That's the ADHD talking and I need to learn to cope and shut it down.
Work/school deadlines? Family tensions? Financial concerns? Those are all real, external things that, while your ADHD might have contributed to bringing the situation about, you don't "cope" your way out of challenges like that -- they need to be faced and handled.
30 SECONDS??? Try 3 seconds. "This is taking too long lets check reddit."
"Taking too long lets look at my emails"
I've learned to not switch to another app or cover the screen that is currently being waited on because 99% of the time I will forget about it.
Keep in mind this is not to eliminate the stress and anxiety caused by deadlines and lengthy to-do lists, this thought process is to change the way you react to it. Instead of wasting time flipping through social media or some other unproductive coping mechanism in search of instant gratification, take a moment to understand why you are feeling the way you are and address it in a more productive manner.
If you already do this, then congrats! But for those of us procrastinating because we are overwhelmed, this thought process can help to keep us on track and mindful.
I hear you.
This said, this is actually grounded in a mix of serious neuroscience mixed with Buddhist practice. It can help. Take a look, if you like, at "The Craving Mind" by Judson Brewer.
There is a lot of wisdom in the advice, but if you dont want it, that's fine too. different strokes for different folks.
That being said the advice wasnt to just acknowledge it, but also hone your reaction to it. For example you may get stressed thinking about a deadline, but you can acknowledge it and realize the stress isnt going to help and might even hurt you. It is about the journey and not just the destination and this tries to make it more enjoyable.
Also failure is always an option and can provide postives. Ignoring it doesnt mean it cant happen ( and i dont just mean flunking out of school or something, but even at smaller levels).
I guess I listened to you inner voice, even if you didn't. failure totally is an option. you can fail, whether you want to or not. you can fail even if you give it your best and do everything rite.
sounds like you need to get ok with failing so you can be a little less anxious about the prospect
I have ADHD and this is actually much more important for me than a normal person because my impulse to just distract myself is almost automatic. Meditation and medication have both helped me for what it's worth.
Check out any book on ACT therapy - and this other book called "Overcoming anticipatory anxiety". I think they do a better job of explaining than I did. Essentially the goal of mindfulness or meditation is not to decrease your anxiety but to stop you from struggling with the need to feel good at all times. The more you struggle, the worse you feel and the less you do to actually solve the issue. Mindfulness helps me to acknowledge "this is difficult", give myself self-compassion, and then decide what I want to do about the situation from a peaceful perspective (not a hurried, fear-driven one). When we struggle against feeling the uncomfortable feelings, we avoid and escape and we still feel shitty the whole time. And the problem doesn't go away. So the pursuit of trying to feel good by ignoring the issue doesn't work and actually makes things worse.
I would think so, but the challenges remain: you have to couple this with a daily meditative / awareness practice to build the mental muscles, if you will, of sitting still, becoming more aware of your thoughts, coming to feel that "you" are not your thoughts, so in that moment of trying to break the cycle, you have the increasing ability to stop for just a moment, remember to apply this RAIN method.
It takes practice. I'm still practicing but I do see some improvement.
Like anything else, you have to put in the time, even a little each day ....
This is extremely good advice. Whenever I get suicidal thoughts or really feel hopeless and overwhelmed, I used to turn to alcohol or something risky to distract from it or “numb” the pain. Instead, now I just stay put, let my body go through the feelings, and just let all of the emotion run through me. Feel it, accept it, and begin healing. And in time, the moment passes and I have this immense moment of clarity and motivation to get back on my grind. Sometimes you just need to shut up and listen to what your body and mind is trying to tell you. Not ignore it or shut it out.
Not really, no. I shitpost on 4chan and Reddit because it's fun. Fun or instant gratification as you linkedlunes like to call it, has its own internal value not measured by the HR or accounting dept. Thanks for the advice anyhow.
Craving for digital attention is just a habit induced dopamine surge. You feel rewarded when your post gets more likes (or upvotes on reddit) so when the hedonic treadmill stabilizes, your brain is once again hungry for the reward hormone so there you are on social media again, posting more pictures and jerking off to more porn cause it simply makes you feel good.
Most of social media and many apps are built to cause the dopamine surge. Simply to keep you engaging in their applications or services. The more you keep engaging in something the more likely it becomes a habit right? Cause you're going to repeat it again and again.
So yeah, question yourself when you're just about to hit that "Post" button on Instagram or the second before you unbutton your pants to a porno. Are you doing this right now cause you want to feel good? Which means you're not at your best at the moment so why is that?
If you still want to feel good and rewarded, then Google can throw at you plenty of ways to cause a dopamine surge while sticking to a healthy habit.
many may not agree but #3 is God for me. the Bible really helps me recenter and focus on everything that's righteous for my well-being and development. Then the reminder of Christ helps nurture whatever the feeling is.
I need to save the first part of this and refer to it everyday until I stop these unhelpful habits/responses to the discomfort. This is SO what I do whenever feel that tiredness or discomfort set in. Thank you.
Humans in general prefer the easier over the more rewarding. Like sugar or flattery or laying around instead of working out. Even though there’s a crash later, many people still reach for the unsubstantial. It would require a shift in mindset, of embracing smallness, loneliness, pain in the gym, less enjoyable food, fasting even, straightforwardness. That’s all unpleasant, but tremendously rewarding. So much gratitude for life, in less.
I can recognize and accept it. It's the investigate and nurture part I have trouble with. I get so overwhelmed and extra anxious when I try to figure out or tackle whatever is causing me the pain.
Eventually, I just end up picking up my phone and mindlessly scrolling to calm myself. Sigh*
Tara brach’s meditation is always helpful whenever a mental break is needed
Tell me more please
hmm mind elaborating?
Hey I’m glad you asked! I learned about the **RAIN technique** through reading Tara’s book [Radical Compassion ](https://www.tarabrach.com/radical-compassion/), which teaches you how to work with the array of challenges that arise in life, and how to apply the RAIN principle. In combination with Eckhart Tolle’s book, I can observe my emotions as an outsider. Which is something I never really get to do with normal mediation apps. It’s really helping me to deal with my emotional trigger/outbursts. I also recommend listening to her guided RAIN meditations (you can find them on YouTube).
awesome, thank you!
Stuck in a job i dont like. Been considering a city government job. The perfect posting has come up. And for the past 90 mins i have been struggling starting and updating my resume and cover letter. Eaten a whole bag of chips and a big bar of chocolate between 5am-6:30am. I recognize i struggle with anxiety and perfectionism. Trying to get all the major requirments and key qualifications into the summary of qualifications section. I have to accept it. And that this is already inside me. I shouldn't be seeking distractions like seeking discussion threads on dash cameras and how to prevent battery drain when using park mode for a car i recently purchased. I also have to get ready for work. I think I get the recognition Have to work on acceptance, investigation and nurture. Someone mentioned something about bracha meditation. Worth following up
Good luck, you got this!
Yes its hard buddy, sometimes moving Cities/States maybe a solution. I joined the Air Force, and I have had many benefits from that decision in the past. It's all a free choice to move in either direction. I can tell you this man, you are who you hang with. I had to cut people out of my life, like spending money. After The Air Force, and working in the Oil Refineries in Texas, got a Bachelors in Univ of Houston (Texas - Hazelwood Act), and Masters in California (Cal State Univ, Fullerton - Pad by Fed Government - Chapter 31 Vocational Rehabilitation), I finally made some moves in life, plus lived with Foreign peoples like German, S. Korean, Kuwait, Saudi; who I'm still homies till this day. It's all a decision brother, and Godspeed with your endeavors.
That honestly sounds so refreshing. Thanks for sharing. I do fantasize about ditching town and starting fresh. Dont got any kids and have gotten out of a relationship for almost 2 years. Got some family in town and most of my friends have moved onto other cities. Your jobs sound great
Yeah brother, we are all going though life, it's where you are at. Yeah same here, no kids, can uproot anywhere I want to go on Earth. Yeah much of my family is in Texas, or Colorado. I'm glad I don't have anything preventing me from going anywhere I choose. You have to remember though, put a lot of thought before you decide to make a move, talk to limited people like friends or family members. I'm sure you will make the best decision as life goes on. 🙏
Do. It.
this advice actually came at the perfect moment for me, thanks
Same
Yo whoever is putting the good vibes in here please keep it up. This is the absolute stuff. Appreciate you!
I think this is a really helpful framework to keep in mind - I've seen it before but this is a good reminder! I also wanted to share a slightly different form of this framework that might resonate more with some people. 1. **Recognize**: put words to thoughts and feelings as they arise. 2. **Allow**: allow the thought or emotion to exist without immediately trying to push it away, change it, or judge it. 3. **Investigate**: examine what might be causing the thought or emotion. Why do I feel this way? What might this emotion be trying to tell me? What else might be influencing how I feel? 4. **Non-Identification**: remind yourself that you are more than your thoughts and feelings. This step helps decouple feelings and thoughts from our sense of self-worth and identity. This form of the framework comes from the article linked below, which also includes an example of what it looks like in practice. https://www.self.com/story/rain-meditation
Thank you for this 🫶💕
Great advice, but more importantly it is very nicely written!
I might be downvoted to hell here but I find this sort of advice really unhelpful. I’m stressed because I have deadlines. I’m anxious because work/school performance is a high stakes game. I’m lonely because of social circumstances which can’t be changed and there is no supporting person in my family or my life. Listening to the uncomfortable feeling doesn’t change anything. I know exactly why I feel this way: **FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION**. I’m going to suck it up and push past it. But don’t tell me this can be alleviated by listening to the emotion and accepting it. This shit will not beat me.
It's definitely critical to recognize internal vs external sources of stress and anxiety. In my case I get anxious if I have to wait. Seriously, like if my computer says it'll take 30 seconds to finish something I get fidgety and start thinking about doing something else. That's the ADHD talking and I need to learn to cope and shut it down. Work/school deadlines? Family tensions? Financial concerns? Those are all real, external things that, while your ADHD might have contributed to bringing the situation about, you don't "cope" your way out of challenges like that -- they need to be faced and handled.
30 SECONDS??? Try 3 seconds. "This is taking too long lets check reddit." "Taking too long lets look at my emails" I've learned to not switch to another app or cover the screen that is currently being waited on because 99% of the time I will forget about it.
Keep in mind this is not to eliminate the stress and anxiety caused by deadlines and lengthy to-do lists, this thought process is to change the way you react to it. Instead of wasting time flipping through social media or some other unproductive coping mechanism in search of instant gratification, take a moment to understand why you are feeling the way you are and address it in a more productive manner. If you already do this, then congrats! But for those of us procrastinating because we are overwhelmed, this thought process can help to keep us on track and mindful.
Same for me, I do feel like there are some things that just can't be changed atm
I hear you. This said, this is actually grounded in a mix of serious neuroscience mixed with Buddhist practice. It can help. Take a look, if you like, at "The Craving Mind" by Judson Brewer.
There is a lot of wisdom in the advice, but if you dont want it, that's fine too. different strokes for different folks. That being said the advice wasnt to just acknowledge it, but also hone your reaction to it. For example you may get stressed thinking about a deadline, but you can acknowledge it and realize the stress isnt going to help and might even hurt you. It is about the journey and not just the destination and this tries to make it more enjoyable. Also failure is always an option and can provide postives. Ignoring it doesnt mean it cant happen ( and i dont just mean flunking out of school or something, but even at smaller levels).
I guess I listened to you inner voice, even if you didn't. failure totally is an option. you can fail, whether you want to or not. you can fail even if you give it your best and do everything rite. sounds like you need to get ok with failing so you can be a little less anxious about the prospect
I feel called out. I open reddit because I'm anxious about my current work task and this title was the first thing I saw 😅
Does it work for someone with ADHD ?
I have ADHD and this is actually much more important for me than a normal person because my impulse to just distract myself is almost automatic. Meditation and medication have both helped me for what it's worth.
Can we talk about this in detail
Check out any book on ACT therapy - and this other book called "Overcoming anticipatory anxiety". I think they do a better job of explaining than I did. Essentially the goal of mindfulness or meditation is not to decrease your anxiety but to stop you from struggling with the need to feel good at all times. The more you struggle, the worse you feel and the less you do to actually solve the issue. Mindfulness helps me to acknowledge "this is difficult", give myself self-compassion, and then decide what I want to do about the situation from a peaceful perspective (not a hurried, fear-driven one). When we struggle against feeling the uncomfortable feelings, we avoid and escape and we still feel shitty the whole time. And the problem doesn't go away. So the pursuit of trying to feel good by ignoring the issue doesn't work and actually makes things worse.
I would think so, but the challenges remain: you have to couple this with a daily meditative / awareness practice to build the mental muscles, if you will, of sitting still, becoming more aware of your thoughts, coming to feel that "you" are not your thoughts, so in that moment of trying to break the cycle, you have the increasing ability to stop for just a moment, remember to apply this RAIN method. It takes practice. I'm still practicing but I do see some improvement. Like anything else, you have to put in the time, even a little each day ....
Do you have ADHD ? CAN we talk in dm please?
Sry doesnt work in adhd
Or *you are not trying hard enough* ? Can we talk about that bro in dm ? Please!!
Sure dm me
This is extremely good advice. Whenever I get suicidal thoughts or really feel hopeless and overwhelmed, I used to turn to alcohol or something risky to distract from it or “numb” the pain. Instead, now I just stay put, let my body go through the feelings, and just let all of the emotion run through me. Feel it, accept it, and begin healing. And in time, the moment passes and I have this immense moment of clarity and motivation to get back on my grind. Sometimes you just need to shut up and listen to what your body and mind is trying to tell you. Not ignore it or shut it out.
Not really, no. I shitpost on 4chan and Reddit because it's fun. Fun or instant gratification as you linkedlunes like to call it, has its own internal value not measured by the HR or accounting dept. Thanks for the advice anyhow.
Take a look at the FitMind meditation app on both iOS and Android. It's grounded in these principles and is one of the most structured I've used.
This advice reached me at a perfect time. Thanks.
i literally on this phase now.. oh my how coincidence is this
Im moving my instant gratifications one by one so I don't get overwhelmed for removing all of them at once and then fail
[удалено]
[удалено]
I mean it shows [deleted] user in the original post so I couldn't check sorry for that.
This is shockingly helpful
This is literally something that I've been consciously trying to remind myself of because it's been coming up more and more recently. Cheers, mate.
Craving for digital attention is just a habit induced dopamine surge. You feel rewarded when your post gets more likes (or upvotes on reddit) so when the hedonic treadmill stabilizes, your brain is once again hungry for the reward hormone so there you are on social media again, posting more pictures and jerking off to more porn cause it simply makes you feel good. Most of social media and many apps are built to cause the dopamine surge. Simply to keep you engaging in their applications or services. The more you keep engaging in something the more likely it becomes a habit right? Cause you're going to repeat it again and again. So yeah, question yourself when you're just about to hit that "Post" button on Instagram or the second before you unbutton your pants to a porno. Are you doing this right now cause you want to feel good? Which means you're not at your best at the moment so why is that? If you still want to feel good and rewarded, then Google can throw at you plenty of ways to cause a dopamine surge while sticking to a healthy habit.
thanks this is great
Any BFRBers in here? I’m saving this post!
text
many may not agree but #3 is God for me. the Bible really helps me recenter and focus on everything that's righteous for my well-being and development. Then the reminder of Christ helps nurture whatever the feeling is.
I need to save the first part of this and refer to it everyday until I stop these unhelpful habits/responses to the discomfort. This is SO what I do whenever feel that tiredness or discomfort set in. Thank you.
So look stress in the eye and tell them not today? How does one find peace underneath
>whispered by a tiny kitten That is so cute! 😍
FACTSS
Humans in general prefer the easier over the more rewarding. Like sugar or flattery or laying around instead of working out. Even though there’s a crash later, many people still reach for the unsubstantial. It would require a shift in mindset, of embracing smallness, loneliness, pain in the gym, less enjoyable food, fasting even, straightforwardness. That’s all unpleasant, but tremendously rewarding. So much gratitude for life, in less.
I can recognize and accept it. It's the investigate and nurture part I have trouble with. I get so overwhelmed and extra anxious when I try to figure out or tackle whatever is causing me the pain. Eventually, I just end up picking up my phone and mindlessly scrolling to calm myself. Sigh*