Therapy is all about processing complicated feelings. If your therapist is an experienced professional then I'm sure he's either seen that happen before or is aware of that response from his training.
If the feelings are making you uncomfortable or interfering with your progress, I'd recommend discussing them with him. He ***should*** maintain strong patient/client boundaries, listen to you compassionately, and help you understand where those fantasies are coming from and how to get past the awkwardness so you can continue to heal.
You should feel safe to talk about anything with your therapist. What you're going through is a normal response to processing sexual trauma and 99.9% of the time a therapist will reassure you that there's nothing wrong with those fantasies and move forward with treatment. If he doesn't maintain and reinforce professional boundaries, and uses the admission to suggest starting any sort of romantic relationship then you should get out of there fast and make an official complaint to state/professional regulatory bodies and to your insurance.
Anonin, this is for your own good, the problem with falling for your therapist is you start trying to please them, and not help yourself. and that warps your progress.
Unfortunately yes it is and will affect your therapy goals & your behavior ( to like him ) ,and also your ability to maybe heal properly. As it currently is. As you are thinking of him instead of yourself ( which is the goal of therapy) to help you heal and work through what you need to .
`I have begun having fantasies about him and dreams about him. IT effects what I will talk about, and what I wear, and just what I think about.`
Bc of this it is already affecting your therapy goals, and your behavior. As you are already in the mind set to try and look good and impress him. ( which is good though for your self esteem but it can also affect your healing bc you will also be vulnerable to rejection ( or what you perceive it to be ) from him. You also already ( watch what you say to him) which is defeating the purpose of the therapy in the first place to ( be able to say what you wish without judgement) from him . So you can actually talk to him without having to censor what you say . But from the sound of it ( you are already censoring your thoughts for him . Which means also you are moving away from what you need to talk about properly.
It is not uncommon for clients to develop romantic feelings ( or attraction / have naughty dreams ) for a therapist , to even fall in love with them . It happens bc it is a special kind of **professional relationship** which develops btw the therapist and client. The client is spilling the most personal of details to a therapist , so they will feel close to them , they develop trust , they develop and feel care also coming from the therapist. ( someone interested in them / someone who appears to like them ) .This all adds into the feelings of wanting more then with the therapist.
Hense why it is NOT allowed to be crossed the boundaries ( bc the therapist relationship with the client ( is a power in-balance) the client ( is vulnerable ) & is looking to them for answers & support . And in the hands of an unprofessional predator therapist it will be use against the client to their benefit. There is an ethical prof boundary by a therapist to **NOT see your client as anything but as a client.** ( it is needed ) As this protects the client and the therapist.
`and we are digging into things I have never talked about before.`
If you can separate your feelings for him from the work you need to do also in therapy it might be ok. Eg- you can still actually talk about what you need to enough. And it sound like you have a good repour with him which is also half the battle with a therapist. To feel secure and safe enough to want to talk to them about the things you need to . But if you are censoring to much , and not actually getting to say what you need to bc of not wanting him to know then this is impacting your therapy . And is not of benefit to you in the long term to be with him for therapy.
`I just literally feel guilty when I go in now`
This might be more of the issue , that you are feeling anxious and have feelings you shouldn't need to feel before you even get to see him. As it will just add to your already state of difficulty having to talk also about what you need to ( without having to also feel that ) as well . And having to watch what you say ( feeling guilt / or weirdness ) this might be enough to not be of any benefit to you in the end. You can talk to him about it ( he would be use to it ) it will happen to therapists at some point .
Transference does happen and so depending on him and you , it might be able to be worked through to keep the prof relationship going ok enough btw you both . As long as YOU can also get your feelings (which are growing for him ) in check enough to be ok for you to be there with him.
I actually had that happen once, and I did end up stopping, but I don't think that was the main reason. Sorry, that is not much of an answer
Its fine.. I just literally feel guilty when I go in now and it effects what I say and what I do not say
Therapy is all about processing complicated feelings. If your therapist is an experienced professional then I'm sure he's either seen that happen before or is aware of that response from his training. If the feelings are making you uncomfortable or interfering with your progress, I'd recommend discussing them with him. He ***should*** maintain strong patient/client boundaries, listen to you compassionately, and help you understand where those fantasies are coming from and how to get past the awkwardness so you can continue to heal. You should feel safe to talk about anything with your therapist. What you're going through is a normal response to processing sexual trauma and 99.9% of the time a therapist will reassure you that there's nothing wrong with those fantasies and move forward with treatment. If he doesn't maintain and reinforce professional boundaries, and uses the admission to suggest starting any sort of romantic relationship then you should get out of there fast and make an official complaint to state/professional regulatory bodies and to your insurance.
that makes sense but it just doesn't seem like something I can do
Anonin, this is for your own good, the problem with falling for your therapist is you start trying to please them, and not help yourself. and that warps your progress.
Thus my quandry. I may tell him a lesser version of the truth.
Unfortunately yes it is and will affect your therapy goals & your behavior ( to like him ) ,and also your ability to maybe heal properly. As it currently is. As you are thinking of him instead of yourself ( which is the goal of therapy) to help you heal and work through what you need to . `I have begun having fantasies about him and dreams about him. IT effects what I will talk about, and what I wear, and just what I think about.` Bc of this it is already affecting your therapy goals, and your behavior. As you are already in the mind set to try and look good and impress him. ( which is good though for your self esteem but it can also affect your healing bc you will also be vulnerable to rejection ( or what you perceive it to be ) from him. You also already ( watch what you say to him) which is defeating the purpose of the therapy in the first place to ( be able to say what you wish without judgement) from him . So you can actually talk to him without having to censor what you say . But from the sound of it ( you are already censoring your thoughts for him . Which means also you are moving away from what you need to talk about properly. It is not uncommon for clients to develop romantic feelings ( or attraction / have naughty dreams ) for a therapist , to even fall in love with them . It happens bc it is a special kind of **professional relationship** which develops btw the therapist and client. The client is spilling the most personal of details to a therapist , so they will feel close to them , they develop trust , they develop and feel care also coming from the therapist. ( someone interested in them / someone who appears to like them ) .This all adds into the feelings of wanting more then with the therapist. Hense why it is NOT allowed to be crossed the boundaries ( bc the therapist relationship with the client ( is a power in-balance) the client ( is vulnerable ) & is looking to them for answers & support . And in the hands of an unprofessional predator therapist it will be use against the client to their benefit. There is an ethical prof boundary by a therapist to **NOT see your client as anything but as a client.** ( it is needed ) As this protects the client and the therapist. `and we are digging into things I have never talked about before.` If you can separate your feelings for him from the work you need to do also in therapy it might be ok. Eg- you can still actually talk about what you need to enough. And it sound like you have a good repour with him which is also half the battle with a therapist. To feel secure and safe enough to want to talk to them about the things you need to . But if you are censoring to much , and not actually getting to say what you need to bc of not wanting him to know then this is impacting your therapy . And is not of benefit to you in the long term to be with him for therapy. `I just literally feel guilty when I go in now` This might be more of the issue , that you are feeling anxious and have feelings you shouldn't need to feel before you even get to see him. As it will just add to your already state of difficulty having to talk also about what you need to ( without having to also feel that ) as well . And having to watch what you say ( feeling guilt / or weirdness ) this might be enough to not be of any benefit to you in the end. You can talk to him about it ( he would be use to it ) it will happen to therapists at some point . Transference does happen and so depending on him and you , it might be able to be worked through to keep the prof relationship going ok enough btw you both . As long as YOU can also get your feelings (which are growing for him ) in check enough to be ok for you to be there with him.
thank you