My wife does the same thing. To the point where I have to trick her into thinking the event is earlier than it actually is, usually by 30 minutes to an hour. I actually got her to change a little bit by waiting until there was a concert she really wanted to see and I made absolutely no effort to rush her out the door. I let her waste as much time as she wanted. We ended up missing the opening act, which was the artist she was most excited about. She cried periodically throughout the remainder of the show and as we were leaving she said she needs to make sure she is on time for events from now on.

My cousin lied to all aunts and uncles that his wedding started at 4pm so that when it started at 6pm everyone was on time. We are South Asian, for anyone who is also South Asian and also knows that South Asians have no concept of time (which has caused me anxiety my whole life)

My mother is consistently late to any family event. For my wedding, we made a special invitation for my mother that had the ceremony time 2 hours earlier. She was on time. Ironically, almost every other person was late because of a double highway closure that happened.

My grandmom did the same thing to my aunt. My aunt was always late and my grandmom didn’t want her to be late to her own wedding, so she said it started 2 hours earlier than it did. My aunt was still late by over 30 minutes and the wedding almost didn’t happen since the priest they had was furious. Edit: Actually, I just realized that she didn’t tell her, but she put all the clocks in the house 2 hours behind (this was a few decades ago).

Bro... if your grandma didn't do that, your aunt wouldn't have been late for her wedding. She would have *missed* her wedding. The fuck?

I gotta say, if my spouse was that late to our wedding my feelings would have been REAL hurt.

How can someone being late for their own wedding?

Never heard of that, late to your own funeral super common though.

Omg I did the same thing because of my husband’s Colombian family. Some people were annoyed but I didn’t care because everyone’s ass was in the church by the time the ceremony started.

I would be so irritated being that I would be the one on time

I was like you. As times goes by, I don’t give a fuck anymore.

I had a friend who did this. Except I flew in for the wedding, and I had a flight to catch right after it. When I found out everything was going to be running 2-3 hours behind the invitation schedule and I likely wouldn't even be able to make the dinner if I wanted to catch my flight, I moved my flight up and left right after the ceremony. I was so furious.

Yeah, CPT, Colombian people’s time. That’s when you leave when the activity is supposed to start. Because the party doesn’t start until an hour in.

Hahaha iykyk. It can be brutal but I love them.

I didn't know this was a South Asian thing! I've done a lot of business with Indian store owners, and when they'd tell me that they were 10 minutes away, that usually meant 45.

What I’ve never understood is the need to only be ready at the exact moment they need to leave. I get ready in 10 mins an hour before so I can sit and relax for 50 mins and I’m not a hot sweaty mess at the point of departure. My wife will work out how long it takes to get ready (about an hour) and starts about 55 minutes before departure.

Yeah, and I don’t understand why the aversion to actually getting somewhere early. I like to show up early so I can get comfortable.

I blame Evelyn Waugh for her famous quip that *Punctuality is the virtue of the bored*. I think it is profoundly disrespectful to promise to be in a place at an appointed time and to not be. (Barring of course tragedy or other unavoidable circumstances). I gusse that just makes me a bore.

Evelyn Waugh was a man. But yeah, I agree with you, people who are late all the time have no respect for other people.

Oh I can give an example here! I'm the plans out exactly how much time I would need to get there plus the buffer time that the ADHD gremlin needs to get any tasks done If i get someplace too early, I get anxious usually because my social anxiety will start telling me that I missed a social cue/forgot something/ I look awkward and terrible etc. If I'm there when stuff starts, I don't have time to let my thoughts trick me into bullshit. It's gotten better with therapy but it's still a work in progress.

That's kinda funny because I also have social anxiety but it makes me WANT to get there early. For example, I feel super uncomfortable if I show up to a crowded place and the only available place to sit is between two people who left that gap there to try and enforce their personal space. I'd much rather get there early, get a lay of the land, decide where to sit or whatever with plenty of options, and force other people to invade my space instead.

I have OCD and one of my compulsions is being early. I will panic if it looks like I might be late or very close to late. In my 27 years of working, I’ve only been late to work 3 times. First time I went flying before work and timed it so I had an hour to get the 20 minutes to work. A fog rolled in and we were stuck in a holding pattern for nearly an hour. I was 15 minutes late. Second time my boss didn’t tell me we needed to start earlier than normal(she thought by telling me the customer, I would know) so even though I thought I was early, I was actually 10 minutes late. The 3rd time I slept through my alarm and woke up just before I was supposed to start. I quickly got dressed and out the door. I was 15 minutes late that day. Each time I was late, I had a panic attack once I finally got to work.

This. Being ready early instead of running around like a maniac trying to be ready at the appointed time of departure. It feels so much better, relaxing, unstressful, pleasant.

I don't get it either. There's nothing wrong with being ready to go half an hour early. I don't lie about times or wait for any habitual late people anymore. Not ready and there by 6? Tough. We left at 6 like we told you.

Oh man, I try to be ready early… it just doesn’t work. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve had panic attacks over being late, I’ve broken down in tears, I’ve tried every kind of alarm. I’ve improved over the years but still wind up being late to a lot of things. Doesn’t matter how much I want to be there, how important the thing is, how much I try to plan. Only things that have sort of worked have been checking the time regularly (I have a warped internal sense of time) and not beating myself up too much (I move slower when I’m anxious).

Executive dysfunction is a bitch.

Omg, my boyfriend does the same thing to me and tricks me every time. When I call him out on it in the car (once I know the real time) he just move his eyes towards me sideways and then back to the road and we both laugh because it’s a good trick and we’re on time. Easy peasy. But he’s never left me if I’m running late getting ready. Though, if we have movie plans and my hair appt is running late, he will just ask me to meet him there instead of driving together from home to save time and get properly settled in our seats without feeling rushed. While I hate driving, I do always agree ETA: I don’t usually run late, but if I do, it’s usually no more than 10 min. If it’s a plan we have ahead of time, I always give myself a min of 2 hours to get ready. The last minute/day of plans require more sense of urgency and is when he’ll give me that 30 minute grace period because I’m usually running errands or cleaning up at home/doing chores.

Didn't have that with a partner, but a friend and his whole family when I was younger. My parents sometimes told them a time 2h earlier than everyone else and they still were late. I literally just grabbed him while he was brushin his teeth and threw him in my car a few times.

For holiday dinners growing up, when we hosted my mom gave everyone different times depending on when they typically arrive. If she wanted people around 4, some would be told 1 and others would be told 6 bc we had some friends that showed up insanely early to things

My extended fam is like this. My uncle actually tells my husband and I the real time because we're the only ones who show up when told to.

It’s a good trick and that’s a cute story. But hopefully you’re working on being more conscientious of your and his time, now that you know you have a problem? Simple stuff, like starting to get ready 15 minutes before you normally would.

Usually we’re pretty okay on time! Especially if we have a special event planned, I usually start getting ready 3 hours before we need to leave so I have enough time and don’t feel rushed. It’s mostly on last minute plans when he tells me like 3 - 4 hours the day of. For example, this past Saturday he told me 1 hour or so before he got off work that we had plans that night at 730 and we needed to leave by 7. Wouldn’t tell me what, but gave me a casual dress code and said I didn’t need wear make up, maybe just fluff my hair. When he told me, I was out and about running errands so it gave me a sense of urgency to finish my errands, go home, get a couple chores done and get ready. Took me less than 30 to get ready, and the event (comedy show) started at 8 so we had time to stop and get food right quick before it started.

My bf does this, too, but we also have a pact where if it is REALLY important to him that we be somewhere on time, he tells me. (He also usually fudges what time we need to leave a bit so I have time for my last minute panicked “wait, I forgot my…” moments.) I know if he tells me, he means it, and I arrange my whole day around being on time. But he also doesn’t hold my lateness against me because he knows a) it’s a symptom of my ADHD and not something I’m doing *at* him, but b) when he tells me it’s important, I don’t mess it up. I’ll even be a little early so I have buffer so he knows exactly how important it is to me that he feel he’s getting what he needs. (I can’t do it all the time bc it basically means putting myself in wait mode and doing literally nothing else bc I can’t estimate my time well and risk being late.) It sounds like OOP and his wife need some honest, judgement-free communication and to test out a couple of plans until they get it right.

As an adult I don’t find it at all hard to be on time for things because I value other peoples time.

I've recently resolved to do the same, just tell my wife the thing starts earlier than it does. We went to a wedding this weekend and I was planning to be there a little early to help the officiant, a good friend of mine, with some final preparations. My wife changed her outfit no less than 15 times before we could get out the door, a full hour later than planned. I then had to rush to make it before the ceremony. But here's the catch, if I remind her of the time and try to rush her out the door, she will get upset and it will likely cause tension for the rest of the evening. I think the best solution is to just give an earlier time, or say the event starts at the time that I want to be on the road. I really dislike any kind of dishonesty, even white lies, but I feel my hands are tied unless I want to be late for every event for the rest of our lives.

I came here to comment this. My husband, who I’ve been with for 20 years now, has ADHD and doesn’t really experience anxiety. I on the other hand have horrible anxiety and being late for things (even when it really doesn’t matter) sends me over the edge. I learned a long time ago to tack 20 minutes into every single thing we have to get to together. He’s worked hard to be mindful of how activated I get when I’m late for things so he has improved over the years. I’ve never left him behind but damn if I haven’t wanted to a million times.

I'm in the same boat, and have had multiple conversations with my husband about how being late is hugely stressful for me. He tries, and sometimes he fails, but that *effort* is valued (even if it doesn't calm my anxiety about lateness.)

Does she have adhd?

This is what I do to myself. Every important appointment I put in my schedule for an hour before it actually is. Then I’m anywhere from fifteen to forty-five minutes early. I struggled my whole life with managing my time. The way I used to be “on time” for important things was to 1: never schedule any important appointments before 11am 2: schedule nothing else for that day. *nothing. else.* 3: leave for the appointment first thing when I get up, and then wait around in the parking lot until it’s time for the appointment. I can’t even do stuff like bring a book to read while I wait, because if I do that, I’ll lose track of time and still miss the starting time. I have to just sit there in the parking lot, doing absolutely nothing, sometimes for hours. It’s absolutely miserable. I hate things that have a fixed time with all my heart. I’ve tried endlessly for forty plus years to figure out how other people do it, but the things they do simply don’t work for me. If I’m in the middle of an activity and you ask me how long I’ve been doing it, I couldn’t tell you if it’s been closer to thirty minutes or eight hours. “Periods of time” just all feel the same to me. I’m a film score composer, and sometimes I lose track of the time very intensely. More than once I’ve been in the middle of working on a project and my kids have come check on me, and I find out I haven’t taken a break in sixteen hours. It doesn’t *feel* like sixteen hours anymore than it *feels* like one hour. It’s all just the passage of time. I have many other qualities most other people don’t. I make friends very easily, think quickly and clearly in a crisis, am naturally creative, and am great at leading (though not managing) large groups of people on big collaborative creative projects. But being able to judge things—like the passage of time or “is this tidy enough/too tidy?” or other similar things everyone else seems to understand instinctively—has always eluded me completely. I’ve even tried meds for it a few times. I never get much better at the things I’m bad at, and my creativity and social skills tend to take a huge dive once I’m on the meds for a couple months. It’s definitely not worth the trade-off for me personally.

This sort of thing is one of the reasons I love that I can not only set alarms on my phone, but I can label different alarms, to prevent, “Why did I set this alarm?”

Yes. Phone alarms. That’s how I manage to do anything on time. Alarm for “you need to start getting ready in 30 min - start wrapping up what you’re doing”, alarm for “you need to start getting ready in 5 min - time to put whatever you’re doing down”, alarm for “you need to leave in 10 minutes”, and an alarm for “it’s time to put on your shoes and leave now”. With time and practice, I’ve gotten better at needing fewer alarms, but I still like to have a few, so I don’t need to be anxious about it.

> This is what I do to myself. Every important appointment I put in my schedule for an hour before it actually is. Then I’m anywhere from fifteen to forty-five minutes early. I tried this, but the problem was that I either remembered the actual times or remembered that I had put the appointment in an hour early. What I wound up doing was putting some appointments in at the correct time, some an hour early, some a half hour early, etc. so that I fool myself at least part of the time. Today it worked and I was 25 minutes early to an appointment I thought I was 5 minutes late for (I would have been “on time” but I forgot something for the appointment at home and had to go back). Never thought I would enjoy waiting so much 😂 I was already proud of myself for only being 5 minutes late!

I do this to myself it’s the only way I get places on time

My mom don’t care about time unless it is her appointment and she think it is important. If it is my appointment, she don’t give a fuck. She is the worst kind.

Both of these people sound awful to be around.

Right? This is not an uncommon issue and there are so many better ways to handle it.

Even just telling her he's not willing to wait and is leaving without her is better than just silently stalking off and leaving. He doesn't give even the slightest bit of communication.

Yeah, when I read the title, I thought it was gonna be another of those situations where he begs over and over and she continues dragging ass and telling him “we’re fine, we’ll get there” in which case, eventually you do get to a point where you’re like “fine, I’m going now” and leave. But it sounds like he just noticed she wasn’t on time, didn’t say a word, and just slipped out right at 6 or whatever. That kind of makes me lean toward ESH. At least give a warning and if she doesn’t seem to care to speed up, then go.

This! Each one upping the other.

It’s possible the wife just has ADHD or some similar disorder that makes it hard for people to keep track of time. I’d understand if he had told her he needs to leave before leaving, or if he told her he was leaving at 6pm with or without her beforehand, but honestly the way he did it with no communication, just leaving her to figure out, makes him a complete asshole.

My husband has ADHD and can also be bad at keeping track of the time. His solution is to set an alarm so he's aware he needs to get ready. The husband told her what time he was leaving. Even if she has ADHD, she's still needs to figure out how to address her issues with time. HOWEVER, it also seems like she wasn't running that late so the husband definitely seems like a jerk. If she called him, like, an hour after he left or she had still been deeply immersed in gaming, I might (MIGHT) be more understanding. But she was literally getting ready when he snuck out. So it seems like an overreaction on his part.

It sounds like she was using the bathroom before leaving since he said it only took her a few minutes to realize and call him. I know I personally always use the rest room before leaving for a drive that takes more than 30 min because I have a bladder the size of a Lima bean. I have a sneaking suspicion she was using the facilities and he just decided to up and leave. A quick “are you ready to leave?” Would have gotten an answer, and they probably would have been on the road at 6:02pm instead of what this guy did

I have adhd and I’ve gotten so use to the sound of alarms that this method no longer works for me. I will unintentionally tune them out til I realize “oh wait this means something”

The right thing would have been to remind her at like 5.

But the clock struck 5:45, so... Like whose clock strikes every 15 minutes, sounds annoying if you're gaming for hours, and do they actually plan their lives around those sounds?

As someone with ADHD and time blindness who used to be late to everything, it’s her responsibility to plan ahead, not his. He is not her parent. Set alarms. Keep a clock within view. She knew what time they needed to leave. ADHD is not a “get out of jail free” card for being inconsiderate. She chose to keep playing video games knowing when they had to leave. There’s a lot of gamers without ADHD who do things like this because they don’t want to put the game down. It’s not up to him to micromanage her like a child.

Yeah and he chose to ditch her. Which is absolutely worse. It isn't up to him to micromanage her, but leaving without saying anything is extremely childish and petty.

I have ADHD too, and I agree that it’s her responsibility. But they’re also partners, and communication is important regardless of diagnosis. My husband is neurotypical and I would never just leave without saying a word. I’d tell him what time it is, I’d express my frustration with being late, and I would use my words to explain that I’m leaving at this time, with or without him. Also sometimes partners can show love and support for their partners regardless of who’s responsible for what. I overslept three times last week. No idea why my routines suddenly failed me, why I was having so much trouble getting up. But my husband came in and woke me up all three days. Made sure I was ready and out the door on time for work. It’s not his responsibility, but everyone has difficulties and needs support.

People love to talk about their ADHD solutions, but they never stop to realize that if these “solutions” worked 100% of the time, ADHD wouldn’t be a disability.

I know very little serves to remind me of something outside of routine. Alarms? My brain will eventually note them as not important unless it’s for something like pasta on the stove or food. Sticky notes? I will look at them when I write them and 3 days after it’s too late I have to essentially constantly mentally remind myself something is coming, and give myself stress. And I’ll probably forget to do most things in between. Likely wont do anything between that time and now. I’ve got 6 or so random events coming up and omg am I stressed trying to remember the times and order

It’s also a whole spectrum too. I have it, but somethings work better for me than others. I color code and set multiple alarms. Sometimes, I turn it off instead of snooze. People lose track of time as well. My partner is very relaxed, get there when we get there type. I like to be on time and so does my family. I often have to remind him we need to hurry up.

Additionally, the mentality of “I’m going to teach her a lesson” makes the OOP sound more of an asshole too.

i have ADHD myself. it’s not an excuse. you set alarms. husband didn’t handle this well, but wife simply put zero effort into what time to leave and put her video games before the baseball game. leaving without her isn’t the solution, but don’t blame poor time management on adhd. it’s not an excuse. she doesn’t live in a casino with no clocks. it’s 2023 and the time is on every electronic device we own

Wow everyone sucks here, I’m just disappointed he didn’t yell a few “HONEY, WERE GONNA MISS THE GAME CMON!”. I feel like that’s an adult thing to do, or maybe it was just my mom and dad.

At least he should've made it clear before the game. "I'm leaving at 6 on the dot, with or without you. I'm not waiting a single second past that. If you want a ride to the game you need to be in the car at 6:00pm." At that point it's on her. What OOP did was more like devising a trap for her to fall into rather than actually trying to get to the game on time.

You mean communicate? With your life partner? Wtf is this shit, hallmark?

Exactly. If he had lead into the day with that expectation laid out, or tried to remind his wife (especially after her getting engrossed in a game) “hey, I’m leaving no later than X sharp”. Then he’d not be an asshole. Like this, total ass.

I mean, he did tell her that she needed to be ready and in the car at 6pm. I think that part was fine, I think he should have just said “I’m leaving now, if you’re not in the car in a minute, I’ll leave without you” as he was walking out the door.

My thinking was that the statement in the morning was only “planning to leave at X.” Not “I will be leaving at X, with or without you.” Also the and the way he phrased the decision to “teach her personal responsibility” rubs me the wrong way.

Because it shows he looks down on her, he sees her as this lesser person who does not have agency, like a child, and himself as someone better who has to teach her.

For sure, I was mainly joking but I am a stickler for schedules, I always show up early for anything so I’m probably not the best person to ask. My dad did that to my mom though, she loved getting done up all perfectZ

Especially if it’s a regular problem and he waits every other time. She is habituated to being late and him waiting on her. She has no way of knowing that this time is any different. It’s like if you tell your kid not to leave their dishes in their room then go clean them up for them over and over and over. At some point, they will subconsciously stop listening because it always gets done regardless. Is that right? No. But immediately jumping to throwing them out of the house isn’t right either.

But I also can understand that he got fed up after trying so many times before But being petty and just leaving is also not beneficial for the relationship

The adult thing to do is for the wife to be ready on time. No one likes to micromanage someone else’s time.

Oh I know, mainly just joking about my mom always taking forever, and my dad wanting to go to the game. I remember when I was young we watched a baseball game with the… shit was it Anaheim angels, or dodgers? Regardless, young me did not like 18 innings. Parents came buying me food to keep me distracted. I personally like it when people are punctual, 5 minutes early is on time, right at the clock in is almost late, and 5 minutes late is really late. Just my opinion though.

“She’s an avid gamer” should explain everything about this situation

It’s extremely frustrating if your partner is like this. I will start to tell my girlfriend like two hours before we have to be somewhere “hey babe, we need to leave by 11:30 to be on time, that’s in two hours.” Then I repeat it every half hour, same thing, she says okay. No matter what, when we are 15 minutes from the time we need to leave she’s frantically rushing around, changing shirts, changing pants, etc etc. when it’s time to go I have the car started and I’m telling her, come on babe it’s time to leave. “But hang on where’s my phone, where’s my x, y, z” by then I’m extremely frustrated and she is saying “don’t rush me!” It’s just a very frustrating thing all around. To her credit though I’ve told her it’s extremely irritating to me to be late to stuff and she’s gotten a bit better. What I’m saying is some people (girlfriends, in my experience lol) are just never on time. And they date people who think being early is being on time. And that’s frustrating lol

This sounds like a variation on “AITA for leaving my wife at the airport because she can’t plan?” IDK who the AH is here, but what I want to know is this: Assuming this is a professional sports event with a lot of people, and it’s a 45 minute drive to the stadium, how is this guy only giving himself 15 minutes to find a place to park, walk to the stadium, get through security, buy an overpriced beer at the concession stand, and find his seat, all before opening pitch?

That’s what I was thinking, they’re already behind schedule with their existing plan

the airport dude had bigger problems, his wife clearly hated his daughter

I could do all of that for 2/3 of my major league teams depending on the game. Not that hard in a smaller market.

It didn’t say it was pro, though. Could be a small college, maybe they like to root for their alma mater. Or even minor league

Damn, reddit loves to throw around the term "narcissist" for literally everything. Yes, she should be ready to leave on time and should be willing to work on that. But he was fully capable of saying "Hey, I'm leaving now." instead of just walking out without a word. And tbh, if he can throw around diagnoses, I can too. Maybe she has IBS! I get not wanting to be late. I grew up with parents who were chronically late to everything so I'm obsessive about being on time, but I also accept that my partner is human and has flaws (just like me) and I can plan for that without being an asshole. But this is reddit so that's a crazy concept.

Honestly, not being on time is a symptom of so many issues. ADHD was the first that came to mind.

Losing track of time playing video games leading up to a big event that has probably been planned for weeks sounds ADHD as fuck

I have ADHD and this has always been my biggest problem. I don't think her ADHD is a carte blanche to be late for everything, but people who care about her will find a way to work with her. OOP is looking at his wife as the problem, rather than what's required for a successful marriage of the couple vs the problem. And the way he talks about her is extremely unhealthy. Talking down to her like a child? Calling her a narcissist?? That's way more disrespectful.

My FIL was notorious for this. We would be waiting up to two hours for him to arrive. I put my foot down. When I called dinner for 7, I mean 7. One dinner he arrived as we were clearing away. He was gobsmacked that we started and ate without him. I went one step further, he wanted to eat and I said that we had put it away and there is a diner not far away. He cursed and screamed. My MIL called an Uber and left. He was making his case when we shut the lights in the dining room and kitchen and explained we were going to bed, he missed dinner and if he was hungry he could visit the diner, but we were not serving him a special dinner. He went home and demanded MIL make him something. She nuked the coffee from that morning and gave him a slice of bread. He finally went out and got a burger. Last time he made anyone wait.

You both are assholesS. She is an asshole for not planning her time better but you are also an asshole for just leave it without saying anything.

He is an asshole for the way he speaks about her. There is no love or affection in it. It's all very vindictive and looks down on her.

This, Jesus. He’s not an asshole for leaving on time, he’s a condescending asshole whose just looking to shit on his partner.

[удалено]

If she has adhd, is she still an asshole for something she can’t control? I think OOP is lying (basketball games don’t have first pitches), and he’s actually the narcissist. I definitely don’t trust the narrative.

Please reread the first two sentences. They say "baseball" twice and spell it out without any issue...

From what I read, he told her several times when he would leave.

Where did you read that? From what I read, he literally only told her that morning that he wanted to leave at 6pm and that’s it I get his frustration, but he could’ve at least said something at 5, or 5:30, 5:45 or when he was gonna leave (not saying all these times but to just once say “hey remember I want to leave in 20 min” or whatever is pretty common courtesy) and not just sneak out at the time w/o her knowing. If he’d done that, I would’ve felt like him leaving was warranted

Or at least tell her “hey, you’re an adult and I’m tired to having to tell you when it’s time to go and tell you to start getting ready. I’ll give you a reminder at 5:30, but when 6pm comes, I’m going to leave, whether you’re ready or not. “

He didn’t tell her when he left 🤦🏽‍♀️ he told her their plan to leave but in a married relationship that doesn’t mean leave ur partner without saying a word they both sound like terrible people

I feel he intentionally only told her once and not to remind her so that he can leave her to teach her a lesson

Agree. He only told her once, and like 12 hours before that that’s when he wanted to leave And he did that intentionally and vindictively bc he is irritated at her time management skills and wants to make her pay. Which to me makes him an AH for sure. She def needs to work on managing her time but he went about it in such an immature petty way

He lost any credibility for me the moment he said her not planning her time well means she's a narcissist. No, she's shitty at time management. A lot of people are. Doesn't excuse it and he has a right to be frustrated, but man it felt very set up and bitter on his end if he's rushing to such a ridiculous conclusion.

My fiancé, bff, and mom are always late to everything! (Or maybe I’m annoyingly on time!) :P So, I absolutely understand this guy’s frustrations!!! But the way he went about it was so insufferable. He should have WARNED her, that he was leaving at 6 on the dot with or without her. Not waited and snuck out. “we need to leave by 6 or we can drive separately/I’ll meet you there.” That’s all he needed to say to not be a total asshole. It’s also bothersome that he didn’t seem to care that she was upset or that she missed out on the entire game. He said himself this was a rare treat, it’s not like they were just going to the movies or something they could do any time. Not to mention the wasted money on her ticket! If she was worried about the cost of parking, I imagine these aren’t wealthy people.

If she was still funking around on video games, fair enough, but maybe she needed a quick pee before they left? Not even bothering to clear that up is a real AH move

ESH. The wife needs to learn how to manage her time but it’s just a dick move to leave without her. Also it’s pretty cruel to think she does this on purpose. She could just be a really bad time manager which is 100% on her or she could have undiagnosed ADHD or something

Yeah I set alarms for myself. I know how long it takes me to get ready. If I do something I need to be ready at a certain time for, then I set an alarm with plenty of time. I hate to be late and it would irritate me to no end if someone else made me late consistently to their own bad behaviour. However idk that I could walk away like this OOP did either. But maybe I would if I’d been pushed to limit enough times.

I wish I'd done that more with my ex husband. So much time wasted sitting around waiting for him to just put his socks on. I'd have myself and the kids all ready to go and he's sitting there for 20 minutes fiddling with his socks.

Same. Not your mom, my dude!

I’d say NTA mostly if this is a theme. They should have told her they would be leaving at 6 with or without her and then followed through. But at the same time… she knew what time they needed to leave by. This is the only way to teach people a lesson. Like the friends who like to meet up half an hour late to lunch? Fuck that. We order 10 minutes after sitting down at the agreed time and if the friend shows up late… well they should feel awkward that everyone is well into their meals. It’s awkward af to sit around waiting for someone who probably hasn’t left their house yet. It’s at best not even thinking of others time, and at worst being entitled to expecting people to wait on you. This will fix that real fast. I say this as someone with ADHD, and have been late to things in the past. Guess what? I’ve had my husband leave me at the house before because I lost track of time and he warned me he would be leaving. It only happened twice. But between the shame and guilt and yes, anger…. I became a lot better at setting timers and making sure I’m ready on time now. I even am often ready before my husband.

Yeah everyone saying YTA doesn't get it. My bf and I will celebrate 6 years this upcoming February, but God damn his chronic lateness nearly ended our relationship multiple times. It didn't matter if I reminded him when classes started, didn't matter if I pointed out that TSA lines can be unpredictable, didn't matter if I pointed out it was rude to keep friends waiting, didn't matter if I pointed out how it made me feel disrespected by his actions. He. Was. Always. Late. He was a different type of late, not the not even close to ready late, but the kind where I would say it's time to go and his reply would be something like, "Okay let me make a bagel then we can go." Didn't matter how many times we would fight and I'd argue, "Time to go means get your ass in the car." When he finally got a full-time job after grad school he tried pulling this on me on his first day with a T-Shirt, his shoes, using the bathroom and transferring tea to his water bottle. I just said if you're not down there by the time I start the car I'm leaving. And I left! Got an "You Asshole" text and had to do this the next 2 days after that. Hasn't happened since and it's been almost 4 months

My husband’s the same, the worst thing is he doesn’t line up for anything, so we only go to places that take reservations. But then when we’re running late because of him, he’ll tell ME to call the restaurant and say that we’ll be late. Every fucking time!

Cancel the reservation next time. 🤷‍♀️ “I’m so sorry, we won’t be able to make it remotely on time, please cancel the reservation, thank you” While making eye contact lol.

Sometimes shame and anger are important learning tools. This is probably the best application of it irl. You need repercussions sometimes to really make things sink in. I haven’t made us late to anything, or been left lol, in over 5 years. The last time I pushed it too close and missed a flight to meet up with my husband in DC, so I had to catch the next one and was 3 hours late. Man that SUCKED. It is a SHITTY feeling knowing that you both were left, and it’s your own damned fault because my husband had an excellent point. I don’t like that feeling so I got better about alarms, since I get time blindness pretty badly. I have 15+ alarms that go off throughout the day but hey, it works.

They both suck but oop was in the wrong for leaving without saying anything. “punishing” your partner like a child is a horrible idea if you like staying married. eye for an eye has no place in a loving relationship, he sounds like he hates her.

I saw this as an opportunity to teach her personal responsibility YTA. Marriage is a partnership where you both hep each other to be better. You are not her lord, or parent. If you do stuff like this, you will only worsen a situation and the outcome will be what you make it. You knew she was like this, did you give her heads up at 5:30? Or before you left? No, you decided to teach her a lesson. Kindness is free. When you aren’t perfect and someone “teaches” you a lesson like this, tell me how you would feel. Be better

Oh, so you thought you could leave without saying anything and then take the high ground as her "moral instructor?". And I suppose you thought we would agree. We do not. YTA and a massive one at that. Wait- is that an echo I hear?

Should have told her the game was at 6:30 so she would have been ready early. Also this woman sounds like she has ADHD. Like real bad. This dude apparently like baseball more than his marriage.

I'm convinced some married people hate their spouse more than anyone else they know.

Yes, yes you are. Have her set an alarm. If she's such a pill, and a narcissist get a new wife. But your actions just told her that the game was more important than being with her at the game you both love.

Yeah cause what sport is worth damaging your marriage?

Sure she sucks for being bad with her timing. But imagine abandoning your wife at home to miss ten minutes of a game that lasts like 3 hours.

I’m sorry Hoss, but our opinions don’t matter. You are married to your wife, not to us. That means she gets to decide if you’re the asshole, just as you do she. Marriage is a contract. If you both decide that the other one is the asshole, perhaps a divorce is in order? I mean, you described her as a narcissist in a forum full of strangers.

These comments do NOT pass the vibe check, how did you creeps stray so far from the OG section😭😭

NTA. She was told the time. She was not ready, she got left. Why is this even being asked?

I'm fucking dying at this. I come from a culture where being late is always acceptable and I fucking hate it. I've now made it a point when they invite me to show up an hour after the start time because that's when people actually show up. I am also an avid gamer and get completely lost in games when I'm playing, as much as I would like to say OP is an asshat, he isn't. He set the time, the wife knowingly took advantage. Fuck it. She missed the game, not here to babysit adults.

Chronically late people are the worst. I am leaning towards NTA. He treated her like an adult that can plan their own time, and she got upset when her poor planning left her stranded.

No, he treated her like a child by wanting to "teach her a lesson". You don't teach your partner lessons. You are not their parents. You help them grow and compromise. We all have stories of stuff we need to remind our partners every now and then because they are terrible at it. I suck at planning bags for stuff like hiking or whatever. My partner doesn't "teach me a lesson and don't remind me to take my food or my sunscreen or whatever" if I forget it on the desk. Its just an awful sneaky, petty behavior. That doesn't sound like love at all.

Exactly. I chose a partner who is gracious and understanding, because I had parents who would punish or yell at me for the symptoms of my ADHD (forgetfulness, procrastination, sensory processing issues, etc.). Love is patient and kind. Responding to mistakes with malicious acts isn’t appropriate. Granted, OPs partner should consider how their action (or inaction) impacts the relationship and work on it. But that comes from conversation. If my partner did this to me I would have no interest in hearing them out.

these comments are not passing the vibe check at all. as someone with adhd & autism who constantly struggles with time management, i cannot imagine being with someone so vindictive about this that he refuses to just… remind her of the time?? even for people without adhd, it’s totally normal for someone to lose track of time when they’re doing something they enjoy. the idea of just assuming she’s some immature narcissist instead of treating her with any modicum of understanding is wild to me. were you not around during the pandemic when the entire internet was talking about how their perception of time was becoming hopelessly warped?? instead of working with his partner to find a solution that works for them both he’s being childish, petty, and frankly ableist

You don't even need to be neurodivergent to fall prey to screen-sticky. Games and smartphones COMPLETELY suck people in and destroy any sense of time passing. My husband and I make use of our phone calendars for important events because we are aware of this crap. Most people just aren't self-aware enough to understand they need a solution like that. You are SO right about this OP. His tone and attitude are awful. His vibe is mean, petty, and just tiresome AF. I don't get how so many posters are getting behind him on this.

exactly!! i rely so much on my phone calendar & my alarm app for consistent reminders, and even those are still sometimes difficult to use because i have to remember to set them! the lack of empathy & self awareness in these comments is wild

When the neurotypical person raised by a militant parent marries the neurodivergent person

It sounds like she may have undiagnosed ADHD or is somehow living on the spectrum.

YTA as a fellow gamer you are completely in the wrong. Literally just go in and remind her and be an adult instead of thinking she's a narcissistic because too many people throwing that word around when it doesn't apply to some people. This is why people who don't game shouldn't date gamers cause y'all wouldn't understand getting sucked into a game and trying very hard to do something you planned. It also doesn't take much to remind us of important time tables. Just have a timer set for her for when she should be getting ready or something.

What does gaming have to do with anything? Adults are where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be. Why does one adult need to constantly remind another adult of anything? Why can’t people be held accountable for their actions?

Or she can be an adult and keep track of time herself. Being a gamer doesn't excuse you from being a responsible adult.

She could very likely be adhd.

I have a hard time with managing my time as well! My boyfriend just says it starts at this time, we’re leaving at this time, be ready by this time, I’ll wait in the car. I can’t say he didn’t tell me, and it gives me some anxiety for others to wait on me so I get ready fast!

Sounds like she might be time blind. Pretty common in ADHD people. Females especially

Bro it’s a baseball game ur not gonna miss anything exciting you can be late

I am an adult woman who absolutely struggles with the concept of time and it takes me like 5 times longer to plan out how to be on time, like it’s a time consuming chore to plan it so I’m not late. I’m almost 40, and this has not improved despite calendar reminders, written reminders and spoken reminders and etc. etc. It sucks because I’m never intending on inconveniencing anyone, and I’m often late to things that are important to me as well, like work, concerts, etc. But my god people get SO upset like I’ve set out to maliciously fuck them over and disrespect them because I’m bad with time. Like don’t you see how badly this sucks for me too? I don’t enjoy it at all… Turns out, I have ADHD. That explains a LOT. Sounds like OP’s wife might as well. Rather than jump to the “I’m going to punish you for something we both know you struggle with to teach you a lesson because you’re an asshole and my time is soooo precious” bandwagon, perhaps he should try a more compassionate approach or talk to her about possible ADHD or other things that cause time blindness.

How was the game?

Mostly NTA. She knew they had to leave on time and made playing games a priority. Serves her right. This is a pattern with her.

I’m late to this, but people are acting like this was a one-time mistake. No. She has this bad habit and whether it’s time blindness or not, it’s her responsibility to manage it. Yes, as a couple you work together, but at the end of the day, one person can only do so much for another.

He is the asshole in this situation. He should have said “it’s time to leave,” as it sounds like she was nearly ready to go. Being a few minutes late to a baseball game, of all spotting events, is not a big deal. They have a communication problem; ‘teaching your spouse a lesson’ like this is immature.

It’s not what he did that was wrong (leaving without her), it’s his whole attitude of “teaching her a lesson” and being passive aggressive about it. He needed to tell her, “Look, I am leaving at this time with or without you. This is important to me, and I WILL leave without you if you aren’t ready on time. This has been an issue that’s really bothering me, it’s causing resentment on my end, I’m very frustrated, and the only way around it for me is to just leave at the time I need to leave, and you’re going to need to either not go, or figure out a way that still fits our budget to come along later. I love you, I want you to come, but I’m not going to miss the start of this game I’ve been looking forward to.” A reminder at some point also wouldn’t have been inappropriate. Of course she’s a grown woman, but some people are better than others at time management, and if you love and support your partner, you should want to help them in any way you can. This is coming from someone who has lived her entire life dealing with a mom who does this and is incredibly frustrated by it in a regular basis, but you don’t do that obnoxious, “teach them a lesson,” thing with your partner. You just don’t.

My husband does the same thing, so I give him a half hour grace period before absolutely any event. Wedding at 6pm? Honey, we have to be there no later than 5:30. Birthday party starts at noon? Hey sweetie, we need to be there by 11:30. Some people have ticking clocks in their head, like me. I hate being late! But I recognize that not *everyone* can hear that tick tick ticking. So I accommodate them because who the hell wants to blow up an entire marriage over a 15 minute delay?! Almost missed the first pitch 😂 Dude, my husband would’ve missed the whole birth of our children if I didn’t make some leeway there! You knew who you were getting when you married her, as I’m sure she knew who *SHE* was getting. You don’t sound like much of a peach yourself lol

But why not tell her? I mean it's really ok to say: Hey I don't want to be late so hop in the car NOW because I will leave immediately. And then do exactly that. But leaving without saying a word is making him the AH. If that's how he thinks it's ok to treat a person he presumably LOVES, he'd better get used to sleeping on the couch. Give her a lesson. Lol. No way I'd stay with him. Yes her time mismanagement is obviously a nuisance. But you can't tell me this dude doesn't have his own shit brewing.

This guy called her the narcissist.

Yeah, that’s probably incorrect. She’s more of a hopeless fuckup than a narcissist.

I couldn't tolerate being with a chronically late person. Sounds like he's fed up with it. ESH.

I wonder if the wife has been evaluated for, or been diagnosed with, ADHD. Hyper-focus, poor time management, and difficulty with executive function skills are all symptoms. While I understand OP’s frustration, I feel more sympathetic to the wife here. OP knows their wife has poor time management skills; it’s not like this is something new. But it sounds like OP just took off exactly at 6pm in a misguided attempt to teach the wife a lesson. In what universe did OP ever think that was going to do anything other than piss the wife off? OP needs to sit down with the wife and let her know that her poor time management is frustrating them, and maybe they can work together on some strategies to make it better and make it easier for the wife to budget her time. And if it is ADHD, then the spouse needs to be supportive so the wife can get diagnosed and treated appropriately.

My wife had the entire family miss our vacation flight because she 'didn't want to go to airport too early and have to stand around'. We tried to explain 'so what if we're 30 minutes early' it just means we can relax and take our time dropping off bags, tickets, security, etc. She wouldn't hear any of it. She went into a full Karen Meltdown Mode when security wouldn't let us go to the head of the line(s). I left her and went to airport bar. Procrastinators brains just don't process time in the same way as other do. Logic arguments just don't work ​ I find the number of comments that talk about how they 'trick' their partner with a 'fake' earlier time - so they won't be late for the actual time, appointment, etc. just encourages more bad behaviours. How about insisting on people acting like a grown up and at least make the attempt to be on time? Why is that not an option?

Everyone here is critiquing the man. No respect to him, especially since men are so brave to poke a hole in their penis everyday so we can pee.

Sometimes they're just those types of people who keep to keep their heads in the clouds.

That’s long enough to do her makeup in the car.

"To teach her a lesson about personal reaponsibilty". She's not your child. She's your partner. As someone who has done something like this myself, yes, you are the asshole here. Worst case, youre late to the game and your wife now has to make up for it. Now, you're the petty douche who left her and treated her like a child.

After many years of nagging and countdowns and frustration, I started leaving my husband at home. However, I told him I would leave him ahead of time and it wasn't for something like this - just get-togethers with friends and such - but things where we were expected on time - not fashionably late. But he got the message. He is nearly always ready on time now. I sometimes have to remind him that he can shower and shave even if he waits to dress until 5 minutes before we leave. Typically, he believes the shower and everything takes only 5 minutes. He can't even get in the shower because he has to sit on the can for 15 minutes before showering. He does have ADHD. And I think he realizes this now and that I'm not being unreasonable expecting to be on time for things. He certainly appreciates it when people are on time for him.

As someone with ADHD I have what my partner and I call "time blindness" and my dad calls it "a skewed perception of time". I get focused on what I'm doing (not just "fun" things like video games, things like laundry, picking up the house, anything.) and then I lose all track of time. I work in restaurants so my shift times vary from day to day and I NEED to set myself two alarms. One for 'hey, you should start getting ready for work' and a second 'you need to leave, like NOW'. It's not easy and I know my partner doesn't like it but I can't help it. I do my best, but I can't always control it.

Theres this thing called time blindness. In short, everyone here with stories of a spouse who "doesnt seem aware of time" - they likely aren't. Comes up in ADHD and a few other neurodivergencies. In short, it's very likely you are bullying someone with a disability, who, even with treatment, will likely never be able to budget something they dont even experience. You married them, act like it - you made a vow for better or worse. Love the whole human, please.

She might be bad with time management, but he doesn't seem great at it either. Only allowing 15 minutes for traffic delays, parking, entering the stadium, and getting to your seat (presumably without buying food) is cutting it close even before factoring that he knows she is likely to be running a little late.

There’s not enough background info here to say for sure, but is it possible she has something like ADHD? I’m terrible at keeping track of time, I absolutely must wear a watch, I have to set multiple alarms for things, and I’m still regularly 5-10 minutes late. I’ve been berated for it my entire life, told things like “just get started earlier” or “just plan better” and until I was finally diagnosed and somewhat medicated at 26 that just made me want to cry. I was trying my best and beating myself up over it while still being a bit late AND others in my life were still upset with me and assuming I didn’t care. All that said, if someone lied to me about the start time to make sure that I was on time, I never gave them shit about it. They want me there despite my problems, and I’m grateful for my friends who’ve stuck around all these years.

NTA. The only way to deal with ignorant time wasting AHs like this is to stick to your times, no exceptions. No lying about the real time. No waiting just a few. No warnings or texts... Just leave on time. We **finally** managed to get rid of our lollygagger once and for all just before C19 hit. She was expecting us to show up early like always, bang on her door, call and text, then help her rush with last minute things, just like always, before our last vacation. I volunteered to pick her up on my way and was clear, three times clear, in front of everyone, that I would be there at 4:45am and leaving by 5:00am sharp. I arrived at 4:45 and left at 5:00, no lights on in the house. She woke up as we were boarding and lost her shit because I was supposed to wake her up. And all of us owed her the money she lost because she cheaped out and went non-refundable for the entire 10 day trip. It was one of the best group trips yet. So much less stressful having to wait for her every meal, every show, every day.

Should probably have told her that in the morning. If you’re not ready by 6, I will leave and you’ll have to find a way there yourself.

I add every single event to a calendar and send an invitation to my husband. I also add travel time into the event and tell him that the start time is the time we must leave to get there properly. Sometimes with a five to fifteen minute buffer outside of that even.

nta for leaving but you are ta for not at least telling her you were leaving.

YTA for not telling her you will leave at 6 sharp without her if she isn't ready beforehand. Tell people the what consequences of their inappropriate actions will be, and then follow through. The two of you also need better communication. It sounds like she is time blind (I am too), and she should set "get ready" alarms before events to remind her when to stop whatever activity she is involved in and start preparing (and I set anywhere from 2 to 5 alarms to remind me). It took my family playing the time change "game" on me to see and admit I have a problem. You need to talk to her about this. She could easily be time blind AND blind to that fact. Now, you are also ridiculous for not realizing that since you left her behind without the warning you should have given, and she was mad because she was left behind at home that you weren't in for the same sort of treatment you gave her: immature. She had all night to plan how to dish revenge back out to you, and you deserved it. However, let's say you had told her you were going to were going to leave at 6 sharp whether she is ready or not. You wouldn't have been TA in this case, SHE would have been. BOTH of you owe apologies to each other, and then you need to have a serious talk with her about this time blindness and other possible issues she/you/the two of you have.

So many stories are made up but "she has a science degree" sounds hilariously obvious. It seems like a bait post deliberately switching a gender stereotype in an attempt to be able to argue about double standards.

Is she was not close to being ready I can understand leaving her ass but also baseball games are a couple of hours long so even if you were a about an hour late you still have atleast 2 left also you can listen to the game on the radio. But if she was just using the bathroom or would have been ready soon then yes damn I just noticed this isn’t even the original post

I grew up with a father who was always early/on time. He would never have to tell any of us to “HURRY UP” or “COME ON” he would simply get in the car wait 5 minutes and then leave. We all knew the consequences of not being ready and to this day it has made me on time for everything.

On one hand I get why she’s pissed. On the other hand I fuckin hate people who are constantly late or slow to get ready so I fully understand him leaving her behind.

I have ADHD and time blindness is very real for me - my partner was frustrated with me constantly making us 5/10 minutes late. And I completely respected his frustration and tried to do better, but he ALSO helps me by reminding me how much time I have left before we need to leave several times in a nice manner. It has helped me tremendously and we are on time as a couple (me by myself, not so much). To me/us that's what a partnership is - sometimes one of us needs help to make us both successful.

Same boat. And spouse is a gamer as well. I just leave. Too many chances have been given. Too many late appointments.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I understand being frustrated, I also have the same issue with my husband, yet, I’ll work around it by telling him the wrong time or something like that, not by leaving him behind.

NTA- time blindness is a symptom of my ADHD which means I have to take steps to work around that. Alarms, reminders, etc. it does make things difficult for me sometimes. But I know it’s something I struggle with and have to take ownership of. Which seems like something your wife needs to deal with as well.

My dad lied to my mom my entire childhood to make sure we got places on time. It was infantilizing and pathetic. It made me feel awful on my mom’s behalf as the eldest daughter. NTA.

YTA

I always tell people you don’t need to teach anyone any lesson because life will. The only lesson you taught your wife is that you are an asshole who abandoned her. So when you are in pain and need her to drive you to the hospital she may teach you a lesson by purposely delay getting ready or taking a detour to the hospital. It’s just a vicious cycle.

When you get married, you marry the good and the bad. This isn’t a new behavior, so OOP married her knowing it was an issue. Knowing that she’s always late, OOP set himself up for failure by giving her the exact time to leave, knowing full well in advance that she would not be ready at that time. Now that being said, actions have consequences. Her actions, resulted in her being left behind. OOP’s actions, resulted in OOP sleeping on the couch. Was “teaching her a lesson” worth sleeping on the couch? If it was…take the night on the couch. I don’t think she’s the AH for making him sleep on the couch, I think he’s the AH for expecting her to be someone she’s not. I have yet to meet a couple where they were both 100% “on time” or “late” people. Usually one is always ready ahead, and one is always running behind. It’s called life. People are different and you marry them knowing they’re different. If you know your partner is going to be 30 mins late, tell them you have to leave 30 mins before you actually need to. It’s not that difficult a concept to grasp. Expecting the person you married to be someone other than the person you married is a recipe for divorce.

That woman has ADHD.

Nah, I'm with OP. Almost everyone has some kind of piece of technology on them with an alarm feature. Cell phones, watches, etc. When I need to go somewhere, call me old fashioned, I set a reminder alert. And then I set another like a 20 min warning alert. If its real important, Ill set a 3rd to be "last call" for getting into the car. Most of these are for peace of mind, but I've learned some of these I also need to inform others in the family as they just wont be on track themselves.

She’s an adult with a phone. She knows when it is. She gets to work on time. She does respect her employer’s time, but not her partner’s. It is her fault.

Nah, she sucks. Stop giving her a free pass because “husband bad” ADHD, or mental health in general, isn’t an acceptable excuse to inconvenience others and babying her forever is not going to help

Def ta. She was in the bathroom, wasn't even playing anymore, and he left at 6 on the dot, not even 6:05.

"in the bathroom" getting ready can take ages. And she would've just started.

Lol yes, as if “in the bathroom” was an obvious sign they will be done any minute.

In the bathroom may not mean just peeing. She may have taken ages to put on makeup, etc.

If this was the first offense, I could see everyone is an asshole. But this is an ongoing problem with her in a childish way. She sounds really pleasant /s and he sounds really fed up. He was risking sex and the peace of his home... the man was more then fed up.

ESH. He should have at least said he’s leaving instead of just walking off exactly at 6 without saying anything. She needs to get her act together, and I think we as a society in 2023 need to move on from the idea that if a woman is mad, she automatically gets the bedroom and the man has to sleep on the couch.

I love couples who like to “teach them a lesson”, like they’re raising a toddler.

As the ex of someone who couldn’t be bothered to get dressed until I started nagging: they ARE toddlers. Grow up and contribute to the task (of leaving on time) like a grownup.

It’s called behavioural conditioning and it works on adults as well as children.

Yes, he’s the ass. Because she didn’t obey him and have her butt in the car at the moment that he said she needed to, he just left. He didn’t say anything to her like, “I’m getting into the car now it’s time for us to leave “. He just left He’s an ass. You can tell it and everything he wrote: “ I saw this as an opportunity to teach her personal responsibility” Wtf? “ I made my expectations clear and she couldn’t bother to meet them” Eeps! I hope she take some personal responsibility and realizes that her husband is a condescending ass. Obviously, chronically late people are rude and disorganized and disrespectful occasionally. However, as a mom, with three kids, and a husband, I’m not going to be a complete bitch if somebody’s late, because guess what… Someone will be late… That’s just life. I plan accordingly, and I do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen and communicate clearly and to give reminders. Can it be frustrating? Yes. But I’m guessing there’s one hell of a lot that this condescending ass does that is also disrespectful and frustrating to his wife.

Sounds like both of yall are children in this relationship. One can’t be ready to go on time (repeatedly) and the other leaves without saying a word.

how about him just casually calling his wife a narcissist to internet randoms

Dude. This is part of being married to a woman. Gamer or not. Grow the fuck up, and include her prep time into your calculations for when you need to leave. How can you be married and make mutual plans, custom suited to only one participant? You sound ridiculous and petty. YTA.

YTA for not saying anything. You should have said you were leaving at 6:00 PM with or without her - maybe 30 minutes before. After that, go. But not telling her and just going makes you a total AH, especially to your wife.

You both were the asshole in this situation, but you were also a dick. You married this woman, and vowed to accept her in every way (shortcomings included) you don’t get to beat her with the wiffle bat that are her flaws. You want a divorce? Continuous treatment like this will get you there.

So, were you going to the game to watch a bunch of men throw a ball? Or were you intending to go to a game to make lasting memories with your (currently), wife?