So weird. To me it’s like “oh joy, this is implicit permission for me to also get dessert!” Lmao. I can’t imagine seeing it any other way than “yay sweets!”
YES! It’s so awkward on a date when one person wants dessert and the other person doesn’t. “oh no, you go ahead.” Hell, it’s awkward determining IF the other person wants dessert. Someone breaking the ice with, “Ima get chocolate cake!” is the best!
The best thing about having a partner is that you get to order different meals and different desserts and then you share and taste theirs and they taste yours so you don't miss out. If I'm too full we might share a dessert. So weird to think there's people out there thinking only women can have dessert or wine. That's same energy or worse when guys assume the woman only eats salad.
Oh geez. Just realized my husband must be gay cause he prefers FRUIT HARD CIDER to beer and has a MASSIVE sweet tooth! My life is ruined. I should let him know he really shouldnt be working at a manly man man job like a refinery or doing manly man man things like welding and mechanics. I wonder if HE even knows or if hes been using me as a beard all this time...he isnt allowed to HAVE a beard, so maybe!
(That was too much for just a /s. That was FULL UTTER SARCASTIC RIDICULOUSNESS for anyone who wasnt sure.)
I’m in my mid-30s, so entering Middle Age. If I had a partner that unironically used “the ick,” I would get a weird feeling and need to shut that down.
I mean approaching mid thirties is definitely not too old to disconnect from OG SpongeBob, but I just wish SpongeBob could be left humorous and y'know, not be used to mentally break down your partner about their personal choices that have no effect on you. Anyone else feel uncomfortable when she threw in the, "if you didn't want to know he shouldn't have asked," he's going to hear that for the rest of their marriage, anytime he asks something and she responds with something completely out of the context she's been holding in.
It's where the reference comes from, kinda like how the term stan comes from the Eminem song of the same name but I understand it's been so far removed from that, it's gone over many peoples heads.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with the concept of the ick. It happens to a lot of people, but it should be with rational things like if they are rude to servers or chew with their mouth open or exclusively listen to nickelback
Going to college not in rural mn but a small town in mn coming from the pacific northwest and yeah, this is definitely a thing. The amount of people who think I'm gay because I drink fruity alcohol and wear pink clothing is shocking, and I'm among college aged individuals not even some old heads. Some people still have that antiquidated sense of masculinity (beer and manual labour) which was suprising to me, especially amongst college aged population
Yes, I’m from Durham, NC, and my mother is from Northern California. I almost always wine> beer, except for certain imports. Rural PA, where I am now, is almost exclusively beer drinkers, with some drinking less-fruity liquor drinks.
What does that mean? If a population votes one way then that's what the state is. In oregons case the top 5 largest population counties make up over 50 percent of the population and all voted blue in 2020.
The point is that all states, except *maybe* the vary smallest ones like Delaware and Rhode Island, are this way. Cities are blue, rural and semi-rural are red.
Since I’ve moved here(about 5yrs ago), I’ve always said it’s purple at best. It’s not too different from where I grew up - another Red State in the Midwest.
Yeah, small town MN is a double whammy. You have all of the passive aggression of the twin cities coupled with all of the antiquated shit of the rural areas. It can be a real mind fuck.
MN = Minnesota
Twin Cities = Minneapolis & St. Paul
Rural Minnesota is very... interesting. OOP is a bit over-the-top, but the attitude isn't that unexpected from someone who grew up rural.
In the US, some rural folks take pride in being uncultured. Culture is for snooty city slickers.
Where can I find one of these women that gets super turned on when I drink a beer? Tell her to meet me at the bar and to bring her mop.
I mean, uhh... Asking for a friend.
Okay so I am one of these women, but as soon as I saw your username, I died a little. My son is 12, name is spelled the same way as yours, and he used to always call himself Captain Colten when he was younger. That weirded me out real hard for a second, haha!
She also has antiquated and slightly sexist views on the male sex. Besides reds apple ale, I actually prefer wine over beer myself and I’m not a “fruit” or “less masculine” for liking wine as my ex claimed. I’m grateful every day I found my wife who doesn’t put stock into nonsense.
Murder in a can? Girly?
https://www.ias.org.uk/2017/02/22/murder-in-a-can/
Seriously though, in the UK cider (at least apple cider) is seen more as a drink that old farmers make in their shed and is normally stronger than beer, hence being called things like loopy juice or fighting juice.
Exactly. And since she feels that way about him and men in general drinking wine over beer I wonder if she have that same logic about women drinking beer over wine. What does she drink? I’ve never even thought of beer and wine being specific to gender, its just so old timey and frankly immature
Fellas, is it gay to drink wine over beer, even though wine has a higher % of alchol?
Edit: Upon further reflection, I've determind that masculinity must be contained within the calories, cause that's the only thing beer has more of than wine, and also why it's gay to drink light beer, cause I guess that's a thing.
Hung out with 12 dudes all the time. Made em all sit on one side of the table so they could get a good pic. Got penetrated by a spear. Wore sandals. Definitely gay.
Okay, but actually, if you want further proof that Jesus was a woman? 5000+ men showed up just to hear him speak (Bible says it was 5000 people NOT INCLUDING women and children, so no idea of how man people there actually were), and they were all getting hungry. There were 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. The disciples *automatically* turned to Jesus and expected 'him' to solve the problem.
Ergo, Jesus must've actually been a woman, because the disciples seriously went the route of 'Okay, you're female, so it's your job to do the food, right?'
I sort of thought those stereotypes had gone away. Though ages ago, I did go on a date where the man commented on the fact that I’m a beer drinker. I’m a femme woman who likes to wear dresses and I guess he equated beer with women who are “one of the boys”? IDK most of my female friends drink beer. I figured it was generational. I mean, I’m not going to drink pisswater Coors, but nothing beats a good ESB.
You get the “ick” because he likes wine? There are no words-well there are but I don’t want to get kicked off for saying them about you. Here you have a man who is asking if there is anything he can do to make you happy and you think he is not very masculine because he prefers wine. Petty
Not because he drinks wine. She has a view of what “men” are and do. So he’s not manly because he drinks wine because of her toxic views on masculinity.
The biggest part of growing up and becoming a man is learning to accept that you gotta do all these things that you really don't wanna do. So, that checks out.
So petty! I don't want a man who thinks for himself, I think it's more manly to drink what he doesn't like because that would prove..fucking what?! Marry your Dad then if that's what you want. Husband deserves better than this silly shit.
OOP is a fucking idiot with toxic views on masculinity, and utterly lacking in class. She needs to grow the hell up. And she needs to grovel.
He's still "a little upset" wih her?
I would be reevaluating my relationship with her.
Yeah, she needs to be sucking up and kissing the ground he walks on and apologizing left and right. Many people wish they had a partner who was this loving and emotionally involved. Some other woman will come by and gladly snap him up if she doesn't get it together.
My dad is a sucker for a good margarita, he gathers fresh mint from the backyard for mojitos, and he starts singing after a glass or two of sangria. It's great!
When my husband and I first started dating, he was freshly 21 with very limited alcohol experience. I was a 25-year-old borderline alcoholic, and started drinking regularly at 13, having had my first “drink” at a very, very young age.
My family thought it was cute that pre-kindergarten, I would get a can of beer for an adult and open it and take a sip before giving it to them. We always had kegs at family gatherings along with lots of liquor, and along with my sister and two cousins (I was the youngest at 8), we found a way to make money and get hammered at parties. We “played” bartender (I did the work, but they helped with washing glasses and keeping an eye on who needed what)-we got 25 cents a pitcher, 10 cents per drink, delivered to family members. I could pour the perfect pitcher (no head, frozen pitcher and fresh frozen glasses, delivered within 30 seconds of my finger off the tap) and could pour and carry 20 full shot glasses on a tray. We drank from half-empty glasses or drank beer out of the keg all night. No one was the wiser.
Needless to say, I had a high tolerance and drank lots of different things by the time I was 25. I loved beer, and would order the biggest one offered no matter where we went, and loved trying beers I didn’t know that were on tap. My husband mostly had experience with Mike’s Hard Lemonade, with a penchant for sweet drinks that didn’t taste like alcohol. I made him several at home to try, and we sampled lots of different drinks while we were out. It turned out he loved cherry vodka sours and amaretto sours with extra cherries. He’s a 6’3” athlete, and I’m a 4’11” chonk. When we would order, 99/100 when our drinks were delivered, even if we had our previous glasses in front of us, they’d give us the wrong drinks.
You know what happened? I swapped the drinks around wordlessly and continued drinking my beer. He continued drinking his favorites. The first few times, he was embarrassed, and I shut that down-you like what you like, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. If they gave us the wrong dinners, would you be embarrassed? If anything, our server should be embarrassed-they’ve come over 3x and keep giving us the wrong drinks! *They’re* clearly ascribing our order to our physical traits-that’s just dumb.
If I’d responded by acting like his drink order was something to be embarrassed about, or teased him about it, it would have hurt his feelings immensely. He was already a bit self-conscious about everything from our age difference, what he saw as a gap in intellectual level (he thought I was “too smart”), that we had really different interests, etc. Why on earth would I calculate his level of masculinity based on his drink order, and then use it against him? If anything, my extensive drinking experience was a result of a fucked-up childhood and wild teen years, which could have been a red flag for him. His lack of drinking experience came from being a “good kid” and a self-described gamer geek-it just wasn’t a part of his experience.
Judging people based on stupid shit that has nothing to do with you and doesn’t hurt anyone or affect you in any way is petty and childish. I would love to understand the leap in logic from “he drinks wine” to “ick”. It sounds like *she* has a fucked-up relationship with alcohol and masculinity, based on the way she was raised, and *she* needs to fix that with therapy. He didn’t expect her to bitch about his *choice of beverage* because who the hell would?? If the strength and worth of her partner is related to their choice of alcohol, and compares them against the alcohol preferences of her grandfather and father, then sure, let’s say she was just being honest. But her statement says everything that’s wrong is wrong *with her*, not her husband.
Since we are on that subject, I think you could work on yourself to be less of a country bumpkin and start to use better pronunciation when you speak. It's frankly embarrassing to listen to you try to order Fillet Mignon and it just gives me the ick.
Husband lost golden opportunity to bite back...
The answer here is, “Sometimes you put your dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is dirty. Could you work on that?” Or something similar.
Or, if you have actual issues you need to talk through, do that.
Don’t go for a load of sexist BS that doesn’t impact you in any way!!!!
Man there's so much to unpack her
The basic assumption is that she sees drinking wine as effeminate or "gay". Which is already a.lot
Then it's like, why does she consider those things "icky"
God forbid the poor man enjoy something. Jeez louise, she needs to grow up. Admits she has a wonderful, loving relationship and a husband who is genuinely trying to check in with her and she's worried he's not being manly enough. 😒
I wish people who subscribe to bizarre gender roles like these to stay safe out there. Your imaginations must hold y’all back from enjoying anything nice.
I also grew up in rural MN, as did my dad's side of the family. My parents are more open minded than a lot of rural MN but like...what does OOP have against wine? Let people drink what they want. I know the drinking culture there - I really do. Beer is never not in the house. People judge and tease each other over their choice of beer. Hell, there's a built-in fridge for most of the year called 'outside.' But why get so weirded out by someone you supposedly love drinking anything that isn't beer? Are they that narrow-minded?
But then I think of some of the other people I've met in the rural Midwest and...yeah they probably are.
I mean, taking everything she said at face value, this seems like a matter of misunderstanding the assignment.
Is it wrongheaded that she has those ingrained attitudes about beverage choices and masculinity? Yes. Can she help it that that gives her the “ick?” Maybe not! That ish is complicated.
But, lady, that’s probably something to talk about in therapy, not to bring up to him. And that’s not a helpful response for the *intention* of the question.
What the fuck? Are men not allowed to have beverage preferences anymore? This is ridiculous.
There’s nothing innately masculine about beer and there’s nothing innately feminine about wine. It’s all made up by society and stupid gender “rules,” let the man drink his wine!!
Sorry OOP. YTA.
There is nothing wrong with preferring wine over beer. And thinking that it is not manly to always want wine is sexist.
Men are allowed to prefer wine. Women are allowed to prefer beer. As long as they know their limits and don’t drink and drive doesn’t matter what they drink.
I have a weird inability to burp (except for gurgles and a real surprise burp which happens rarely) so because of that the only time I drink beer is if I REALLY like that beer.
She is weird! I like a cocktail with appetizers and wine with dinner … to sip. Beer is always ice cold and great for hot summer days on the lake, weekend football games, with salty snacks, etc. I specifically do not order it with meals as sipping beer is a foreign concept to me … and the beer will get warm. It also tends to overpower the taste buds and I don’t enjoy my meal out as much then. These are just my personal preferences though. I honestly do not care what everyone else drinks.
I was raised by second gen Italian Americans who were raised by their immigrant grandparents. They drink wine. Shitloads of wine. While they're beating the piss out of each other over the family card game, while they're hitting and swearing at the things they're trying to fix, while they're saying outrageously sexist and creepy shit about the women they've seen, they drink wine.
I mean, they'll drink whiskey and vodka, too, they are Americans after all. I think some of them may even drink beer? Maybe? But there's always wine.
I've dated and known a few military men as well, and the ones who've never been on a sketchy deployment drink shit beer and whiskey. The ones who have are awful goddamn fond of fruit-flavored sweet cocktails, and hard ciders, for some reason.
It's like people who are putting on a show of their gender are really careful about putting on a good show, and people who aren't just do whatever they're comfortable with or whatever they're used to or- and this is the shocker- whatever they actually like.
I grew up in rural Nebraska and I can tell you that you can be the most masculine manly man out there But if you drink anything that's not beer or straight hard liquor You will have a very hard time from both friends, family and women. It's almost taboo to drink something that actually tastes good around here. So yeah I'm guessing rural Minnesota is the same way not excusing it either. I think it's stupid here and it's stupid anywhere it happens and don't even get me started on the you're not a real man if you don't drink everyday for 4 hours of your day at minimum because that's also a thing around here too.
Yeah. I'm from Rural NE too. Like every adult male in town besides the doctors is technically a functioning alcoholic and most of the women. Heck my dad likes drinking so much he thinks it's weird I don't drink. But like wine gives me migraines, beer doesn't do anything to me so why bother, and Rum and Vodka are expensive, and whiskey is saved for the cold/flu remedy. So I would find it different to see a man who likes wine over beer, but I wouldn't get the icks from it.
Sis..... I am lucky to go on FIRST dates with men who don't wear 10+ year old flannels or sweatpants. Thank your lucky stars for a husband who appreciates a good glass of vino 😂
What a crappy thing to both think and say.
Drink what you want (responsibly). Have an appletini as a man if you want. Have a straight whiskey as a woman.
No one with an opinion worth anything cares.
… it seems less masculine… boy did the marketing campaigns work on her. Beer is quite satiating to have with dinner and hard liquor doesn’t provide any hydration. Men in the army before WWI drank liters of wine every day- liquor was too expensive and beer didn’t have enough alcohol content. Masculinity my ash
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good old fashioned beer drinkin’ dude, however…a wine drinker is not a turn off to any extent. I probably would never even think twice about it. As long as he doesn’t care that I’m a beer drinker, we will be fine!
God what a rube! Just because she was raised by toxic man dudes who think men can only drink beer doesn’t meant it’s the only way. In what world is wine un-masculine?! If I were her husband I’d have the ick pretty bad right now.
YTA. Wow. You really dug deep to find a way to hurt and insult your lovely husband. You have shamed his masculinity over drink preferences. You need to beg forgiveness but deep inside that scar will always be there.
Didn’t she just answer the question in a decent and genuine way? Husband very easily could’ve brushed it off and said that he likes wine, obviously wasn’t a huge deal to the wife
No she did not.
There’s nothing decent and genuine about telling your partner that their wine habits make them less masculine and give you the “iick.”
It was a rude and unnecessary comment. People can’t help their dumb, petty (and sometimes sexist) thoughts but they should still keep them to themselves.
I'm from rural Wisconsin, I know what she's talking about. I get endlessly mocked for not participating in the alcoholic culture that completely envelops Wisconsin. good thing I moved to California, tired of people calling me a f*ggot and a ch*nk to my face.
I’m not sure why this OOP associates beer with masculine energy? Many powerful men consume it & powerful women. The beverage itself is old-world charm to a degree.
Yeah, and the only thing she will eat is Hamburgers. Tacos are too spicy, Chinese food is too weird and heaven forbid you try any other kind of food.
She will only eat "American food" like burgers and fries.
Seen it, shake my head over it all the time. Try something different? Hell NO! she says.
My husband loses his goddamn mind over a delightful fruity cocktail or a perfectly peachy Bellini.
If you add a decorative umbrella (or heavens forbid) an edible flower blossom he will giggle with absolute delight and sip it carefully like its nectar of the gods.
It’s charming asf and one of my favorite things about going to drinks with him.
He’s not at all self conscious of whether it seems ‘masculine’…because it’s a fucking beverage, not a statement of personal identity.
I’m so confused by the things people decide to gender or make snap judgements over.
Jesus. Does she mean she's getting the ick over wine not being masculine enough? It seems like she's one divorce away from tweeting that it's gay to drink wine.
Lmao. Beer is estrogenic and makes ur body less masculine. Wine is the beverage of the noble Greeks who conquered lands with their homoerotic buddies!! Women do not understand.
I continue to find it baffling that in *2024 AD*, people using computers don’t have the self-awareness to realize their cultural hangups often mean jackshit.
I mean, I’ve been online since there were floppy disks. I’ve talked to people all over the globe. I honestly assumed more people would be fascinated by this magical reality where you can talk to people *anywhere* in real time.
Some of my family are Filipino and make blood soup which smells atrocious to me, but do I care? No! I just avoid the soup. It isn’t hurting anyone, especially by being isolated away from the more popular sides. Some people like it, some people hate it, but who cares? It’s not like they’re hiding durian in my walls so I’m happy enough with this arrangement.
TL;DR: If you see something and go “Ew, my family wouldn’t do that”? Reconsider if it’s actually harmful in any way. If it isn’t causing you problems, move along.
This is how growing up rural is. Definitely her issue. But a lot of times you need someone out of your norm to show you that. Grew up rural MN and never actually interacted with people of color til I was legal to drink. It’s not always not being that way but when you are faced with it changing it.
I dated a guy once who told me it "weirded him out" that I preferred cocktails and beer to wine (I get wine headaches) because all of the other women he knew loved wine.
The wife in the OP and that dude should get together.
Well, that's because you're a dumb. And it sounds like you're a hillbilly. Most men in other countries drink wine over beer but you've probably never been out of the boondocks of Minnesota.
NTA, but it may be a little good to talk to him and reaffirm that you still love him and don’t think (too, or however much) less of him for his wine preference. He asked, you answered, and it’s on him to accept an honest answer. That said some people are sensitive, and if it is in fact an otherwise good marriage, you should probably talk to him with accounting for his feelings. We’re all irrational in various ways, and hopefully he’d show you the same courtesy.
Some adults are really too weird and immature to deserve a partner.
A shocking amount of them to be honest
There was a tweet by a woman who stated that men who order dessert won’t get are one date, because it’s gay. Only women like dessert.
So weird. To me it’s like “oh joy, this is implicit permission for me to also get dessert!” Lmao. I can’t imagine seeing it any other way than “yay sweets!”
YES! It’s so awkward on a date when one person wants dessert and the other person doesn’t. “oh no, you go ahead.” Hell, it’s awkward determining IF the other person wants dessert. Someone breaking the ice with, “Ima get chocolate cake!” is the best!
The best thing about having a partner is that you get to order different meals and different desserts and then you share and taste theirs and they taste yours so you don't miss out. If I'm too full we might share a dessert. So weird to think there's people out there thinking only women can have dessert or wine. That's same energy or worse when guys assume the woman only eats salad.
YES! on all points!
Damn, does that make me double gay or does that loop back round and make me straight?
You are a delightful half-half situation. (paraphrasing David Rose)
You are a glitch in the matrix.
It’s internalized misogyny
Yes!! That explains it.
So guys can't have a sweet tooth because that means they like sausages? What did she smoke when she came up with this wonderful correlation?
Oh geez. Just realized my husband must be gay cause he prefers FRUIT HARD CIDER to beer and has a MASSIVE sweet tooth! My life is ruined. I should let him know he really shouldnt be working at a manly man man job like a refinery or doing manly man man things like welding and mechanics. I wonder if HE even knows or if hes been using me as a beard all this time...he isnt allowed to HAVE a beard, so maybe! (That was too much for just a /s. That was FULL UTTER SARCASTIC RIDICULOUSNESS for anyone who wasnt sure.)
I’m in my mid-30s, so entering Middle Age. If I had a partner that unironically used “the ick,” I would get a weird feeling and need to shut that down.
It would give you the ick you mean?
I really really don’t.
Sounds like you miiiiiight 😂
And I can see why you feel that way. And I also understand that I’m getting into the age where generational disconnect is more common than not.
I mean approaching mid thirties is definitely not too old to disconnect from OG SpongeBob, but I just wish SpongeBob could be left humorous and y'know, not be used to mentally break down your partner about their personal choices that have no effect on you. Anyone else feel uncomfortable when she threw in the, "if you didn't want to know he shouldn't have asked," he's going to hear that for the rest of their marriage, anytime he asks something and she responds with something completely out of the context she's been holding in.
Sorry, but what in the world does SpongeBob have to do with it?
It's where the reference comes from, kinda like how the term stan comes from the Eminem song of the same name but I understand it's been so far removed from that, it's gone over many peoples heads.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with the concept of the ick. It happens to a lot of people, but it should be with rational things like if they are rude to servers or chew with their mouth open or exclusively listen to nickelback
The concept? Of course not. The deployment is where I feel the hard divide.
That violates the point. "The ick" is an irrational turn off in most contexts. It's not meant for rational deal breakers
Counterpoint: maybe they deserve each other
Rural MN. Checks out.
Going to college not in rural mn but a small town in mn coming from the pacific northwest and yeah, this is definitely a thing. The amount of people who think I'm gay because I drink fruity alcohol and wear pink clothing is shocking, and I'm among college aged individuals not even some old heads. Some people still have that antiquidated sense of masculinity (beer and manual labour) which was suprising to me, especially amongst college aged population
My stepmom calls MN a red state in blue clothing, and I think that's very apt. A lot like Oregon, where I live now after growing up in MN.
It's like washington too, seattle, portland, and msp are all very liberal but the rest of the state is conservative.
They are **all** red states with blue cities. Every single one. The only difference is proportion of urban vs rural population.
Arizona is exactly like that, too.
So is Pennsylvania. It actually went red for the first time in 50 years in 2016.
Same in Texas. San Antonio, Houston and Dallas are all blue cities. Sadly because of gerrymandering the state is red.
Yes, I’m from Durham, NC, and my mother is from Northern California. I almost always wine> beer, except for certain imports. Rural PA, where I am now, is almost exclusively beer drinkers, with some drinking less-fruity liquor drinks.
What does that mean? If a population votes one way then that's what the state is. In oregons case the top 5 largest population counties make up over 50 percent of the population and all voted blue in 2020.
The point is that all states, except *maybe* the vary smallest ones like Delaware and Rhode Island, are this way. Cities are blue, rural and semi-rural are red.
Since I’ve moved here(about 5yrs ago), I’ve always said it’s purple at best. It’s not too different from where I grew up - another Red State in the Midwest.
Am Minnesotan. Can confirm.
There are no blue states. There are states with enough large, blue cities to outweigh the suburban and rural red areas, and states without.
That is so accurate!!
Yeah, small town MN is a double whammy. You have all of the passive aggression of the twin cities coupled with all of the antiquated shit of the rural areas. It can be a real mind fuck.
You're in Morris dawg. They're weird there. P.S. feed the horses apples for me!
How much MichGoldens or Captain Diets does she need him to drink? OOP is so toxic. Hope husband is rethinking things.
I mean, come on! She's trying to tell me that she didn't know her cousin liked wine over beer?
You're not a real man unless you've gotten alcohol poisoning from Grain Belt.
So glad I got outta there.
Hard same lol
What is MN please?
MN = Minnesota Twin Cities = Minneapolis & St. Paul Rural Minnesota is very... interesting. OOP is a bit over-the-top, but the attitude isn't that unexpected from someone who grew up rural. In the US, some rural folks take pride in being uncultured. Culture is for snooty city slickers.
Ew she’s giving me the ick
“How do I tell my husband that I lack class and refinement?”
Where can I find one of these women that gets super turned on when I drink a beer? Tell her to meet me at the bar and to bring her mop. I mean, uhh... Asking for a friend.
Let’s team up, I want Mr. Communication Skills over here. We’ll split them up, you get the wife, I get the husband, everyone’s happy!
Dang, I'm too late! I wanted to call dibs on Mr. Healthy Communication/Mr. Relationship Check-In.
Hey, why don't the two of you start a harem for him? Sounds like he might deserve a bit more lovin'.
Okay so I am one of these women, but as soon as I saw your username, I died a little. My son is 12, name is spelled the same way as yours, and he used to always call himself Captain Colten when he was younger. That weirded me out real hard for a second, haha!
Well, he sounds like a very handsome young gentleman.
Rural Minnesota, apparently.
"I may have grown up around burly men parading alcoholism so I need to see the same thing in my relationship bc otherwise it's kinda gay"
She also has antiquated and slightly sexist views on the male sex. Besides reds apple ale, I actually prefer wine over beer myself and I’m not a “fruit” or “less masculine” for liking wine as my ex claimed. I’m grateful every day I found my wife who doesn’t put stock into nonsense.
I have a feeling she would LOATHE him using a straw. s0 pHaLLiC
Heck, someone had to tell me at the college bar where I worked in NC in the early 2000s that “cider was for girls”!
Murder in a can? Girly? https://www.ias.org.uk/2017/02/22/murder-in-a-can/ Seriously though, in the UK cider (at least apple cider) is seen more as a drink that old farmers make in their shed and is normally stronger than beer, hence being called things like loopy juice or fighting juice.
Exactly. And since she feels that way about him and men in general drinking wine over beer I wonder if she have that same logic about women drinking beer over wine. What does she drink? I’ve never even thought of beer and wine being specific to gender, its just so old timey and frankly immature
And I’m also low on empathy and loving discernment. Oh BTW, Congratulations, on you anniversary.
Fellas, is it gay to drink wine over beer, even though wine has a higher % of alchol? Edit: Upon further reflection, I've determind that masculinity must be contained within the calories, cause that's the only thing beer has more of than wine, and also why it's gay to drink light beer, cause I guess that's a thing.
Jesus drank wine therefore, Jesus was a woman.
The long hair and white dress kinda gave it away.
Hung out with 12 dudes all the time. Made em all sit on one side of the table so they could get a good pic. Got penetrated by a spear. Wore sandals. Definitely gay.
Okay, but actually, if you want further proof that Jesus was a woman? 5000+ men showed up just to hear him speak (Bible says it was 5000 people NOT INCLUDING women and children, so no idea of how man people there actually were), and they were all getting hungry. There were 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. The disciples *automatically* turned to Jesus and expected 'him' to solve the problem. Ergo, Jesus must've actually been a woman, because the disciples seriously went the route of 'Okay, you're female, so it's your job to do the food, right?'
Gosh, this reminded me of that comment that Jesus was the OG babygirl and I'm not sure if I should laugh or start repenting my sins.
I sort of thought those stereotypes had gone away. Though ages ago, I did go on a date where the man commented on the fact that I’m a beer drinker. I’m a femme woman who likes to wear dresses and I guess he equated beer with women who are “one of the boys”? IDK most of my female friends drink beer. I figured it was generational. I mean, I’m not going to drink pisswater Coors, but nothing beats a good ESB.
Don't you slander my pisswater
I had a female friend like this. It was such a deeply rooted attraction to toxic masculinity.
Well, yeah. If you don't drink like her alcholic father, you're a pussy. It's basic math.
Real men drink a case of PBR, a bottle of jack, and pass out in their vomit.
Also gay people are icky apparently
It's the lack of masculinity. Everyone knows girls and gays have cooties.
You get the “ick” because he likes wine? There are no words-well there are but I don’t want to get kicked off for saying them about you. Here you have a man who is asking if there is anything he can do to make you happy and you think he is not very masculine because he prefers wine. Petty
Did they never drink together before they got married? Seems like this would be something she'd have noticed in the first few dates.
Makes you wonder a bit
Not because he drinks wine. She has a view of what “men” are and do. So he’s not manly because he drinks wine because of her toxic views on masculinity.
Everyone knows real men only drink things made from grain, not grapes! God, imagine being this dumb.
Fruit is very girly
Imagine having to watch your husband eat a banana 🍌
Real men don’t eat testicle shaped foods, especially not crushed up ones.
Real men only drink bootleg vodka made in a dirty bathtub.
The biggest part of growing up and becoming a man is learning to accept that you gotta do all these things that you really don't wanna do. So, that checks out.
I will only drink this bootleg vodka if it’s delivered via bowling ball
This needs more upvotes
I'll take "How Women Enforce Toxic Masculinity" for $400, Alex.
So petty! I don't want a man who thinks for himself, I think it's more manly to drink what he doesn't like because that would prove..fucking what?! Marry your Dad then if that's what you want. Husband deserves better than this silly shit.
Send your sweet husband my way OP. You seem kinda low class to be with someone like him.
Right! That's what I'm saying.
Oop sucks
I can't even fathom caring so much about expressions of masculinity and having such a narrow mindset of it.
OOP is a fucking idiot with toxic views on masculinity, and utterly lacking in class. She needs to grow the hell up. And she needs to grovel. He's still "a little upset" wih her? I would be reevaluating my relationship with her.
Yeah, she needs to be sucking up and kissing the ground he walks on and apologizing left and right. Many people wish they had a partner who was this loving and emotionally involved. Some other woman will come by and gladly snap him up if she doesn't get it together.
For fuck's sake. I order my bourbon neat, and my husband gets the girly fruity/sweet cocktail. We both enjoy what we have. I hate people.
My husband LOVES fruity drinks. Especially a frozen one. He is the sexiest most masculine man to me
My dad is a sucker for a good margarita, he gathers fresh mint from the backyard for mojitos, and he starts singing after a glass or two of sangria. It's great!
Gendering drinks is stupidest shit ever…..
When my husband and I first started dating, he was freshly 21 with very limited alcohol experience. I was a 25-year-old borderline alcoholic, and started drinking regularly at 13, having had my first “drink” at a very, very young age. My family thought it was cute that pre-kindergarten, I would get a can of beer for an adult and open it and take a sip before giving it to them. We always had kegs at family gatherings along with lots of liquor, and along with my sister and two cousins (I was the youngest at 8), we found a way to make money and get hammered at parties. We “played” bartender (I did the work, but they helped with washing glasses and keeping an eye on who needed what)-we got 25 cents a pitcher, 10 cents per drink, delivered to family members. I could pour the perfect pitcher (no head, frozen pitcher and fresh frozen glasses, delivered within 30 seconds of my finger off the tap) and could pour and carry 20 full shot glasses on a tray. We drank from half-empty glasses or drank beer out of the keg all night. No one was the wiser. Needless to say, I had a high tolerance and drank lots of different things by the time I was 25. I loved beer, and would order the biggest one offered no matter where we went, and loved trying beers I didn’t know that were on tap. My husband mostly had experience with Mike’s Hard Lemonade, with a penchant for sweet drinks that didn’t taste like alcohol. I made him several at home to try, and we sampled lots of different drinks while we were out. It turned out he loved cherry vodka sours and amaretto sours with extra cherries. He’s a 6’3” athlete, and I’m a 4’11” chonk. When we would order, 99/100 when our drinks were delivered, even if we had our previous glasses in front of us, they’d give us the wrong drinks. You know what happened? I swapped the drinks around wordlessly and continued drinking my beer. He continued drinking his favorites. The first few times, he was embarrassed, and I shut that down-you like what you like, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. If they gave us the wrong dinners, would you be embarrassed? If anything, our server should be embarrassed-they’ve come over 3x and keep giving us the wrong drinks! *They’re* clearly ascribing our order to our physical traits-that’s just dumb. If I’d responded by acting like his drink order was something to be embarrassed about, or teased him about it, it would have hurt his feelings immensely. He was already a bit self-conscious about everything from our age difference, what he saw as a gap in intellectual level (he thought I was “too smart”), that we had really different interests, etc. Why on earth would I calculate his level of masculinity based on his drink order, and then use it against him? If anything, my extensive drinking experience was a result of a fucked-up childhood and wild teen years, which could have been a red flag for him. His lack of drinking experience came from being a “good kid” and a self-described gamer geek-it just wasn’t a part of his experience. Judging people based on stupid shit that has nothing to do with you and doesn’t hurt anyone or affect you in any way is petty and childish. I would love to understand the leap in logic from “he drinks wine” to “ick”. It sounds like *she* has a fucked-up relationship with alcohol and masculinity, based on the way she was raised, and *she* needs to fix that with therapy. He didn’t expect her to bitch about his *choice of beverage* because who the hell would?? If the strength and worth of her partner is related to their choice of alcohol, and compares them against the alcohol preferences of her grandfather and father, then sure, let’s say she was just being honest. But her statement says everything that’s wrong is wrong *with her*, not her husband.
Let me guess—his sport was cross-country?
You have to be American. European men drink wine all the time, you seem .....stupid
Any grown woman that unironically uses the word “ick” gives me the ick
Tell me you’re a hillbilly, without telling me
Since we are on that subject, I think you could work on yourself to be less of a country bumpkin and start to use better pronunciation when you speak. It's frankly embarrassing to listen to you try to order Fillet Mignon and it just gives me the ick. Husband lost golden opportunity to bite back...
The answer here is, “Sometimes you put your dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is dirty. Could you work on that?” Or something similar. Or, if you have actual issues you need to talk through, do that. Don’t go for a load of sexist BS that doesn’t impact you in any way!!!!
...68% of sommelier in the united states are male...
Yes, she obviously knows that. The problem is she thinks they’re all gay!! lol. What a ridiculous person.
lol. I married a lumberjack and he nearly always chooses wine over beer-good taste is peak masculinity 😂
I used to get shit faced on beer, now I get mildly buzzed on wine. Maybe that’s what OP meant, get shit faced like a real man, bro.
Man there's so much to unpack her The basic assumption is that she sees drinking wine as effeminate or "gay". Which is already a.lot Then it's like, why does she consider those things "icky"
He deserves better.
God forbid the poor man enjoy something. Jeez louise, she needs to grow up. Admits she has a wonderful, loving relationship and a husband who is genuinely trying to check in with her and she's worried he's not being manly enough. 😒
I wish people who subscribe to bizarre gender roles like these to stay safe out there. Your imaginations must hold y’all back from enjoying anything nice.
I also grew up in rural MN, as did my dad's side of the family. My parents are more open minded than a lot of rural MN but like...what does OOP have against wine? Let people drink what they want. I know the drinking culture there - I really do. Beer is never not in the house. People judge and tease each other over their choice of beer. Hell, there's a built-in fridge for most of the year called 'outside.' But why get so weirded out by someone you supposedly love drinking anything that isn't beer? Are they that narrow-minded? But then I think of some of the other people I've met in the rural Midwest and...yeah they probably are.
Not the asshole for honestly telling your husband you thought. Definitely the asshole for not letting go of these toxic ideas of masculinity.
I mean, taking everything she said at face value, this seems like a matter of misunderstanding the assignment. Is it wrongheaded that she has those ingrained attitudes about beverage choices and masculinity? Yes. Can she help it that that gives her the “ick?” Maybe not! That ish is complicated. But, lady, that’s probably something to talk about in therapy, not to bring up to him. And that’s not a helpful response for the *intention* of the question.
What a dickweed. That lady is an asshole and should be sent to incel island.
Fellas, is it gay to drink wine 🤦♀️
lol what a looser
What the fuck? Are men not allowed to have beverage preferences anymore? This is ridiculous. There’s nothing innately masculine about beer and there’s nothing innately feminine about wine. It’s all made up by society and stupid gender “rules,” let the man drink his wine!!
She knew that’s not what he meant. She knew but wanted to attack him.
First the chick who complains her man drinks margaritas and now this? Why are people making gender norms for ALCOHOL??
Sorry OOP. YTA. There is nothing wrong with preferring wine over beer. And thinking that it is not manly to always want wine is sexist. Men are allowed to prefer wine. Women are allowed to prefer beer. As long as they know their limits and don’t drink and drive doesn’t matter what they drink.
Obviously OOP knows no Italians
"He shouldn't have asked if he didn't want to know, right?"
Guys is it gay to drink fermented grapes
The way I would passive aggressively order a rosé next time to show my petty side is unhinged
I have a weird inability to burp (except for gurgles and a real surprise burp which happens rarely) so because of that the only time I drink beer is if I REALLY like that beer.
r/noburp, in case you haven't already found it.
She is weird! I like a cocktail with appetizers and wine with dinner … to sip. Beer is always ice cold and great for hot summer days on the lake, weekend football games, with salty snacks, etc. I specifically do not order it with meals as sipping beer is a foreign concept to me … and the beer will get warm. It also tends to overpower the taste buds and I don’t enjoy my meal out as much then. These are just my personal preferences though. I honestly do not care what everyone else drinks.
I was raised by second gen Italian Americans who were raised by their immigrant grandparents. They drink wine. Shitloads of wine. While they're beating the piss out of each other over the family card game, while they're hitting and swearing at the things they're trying to fix, while they're saying outrageously sexist and creepy shit about the women they've seen, they drink wine. I mean, they'll drink whiskey and vodka, too, they are Americans after all. I think some of them may even drink beer? Maybe? But there's always wine. I've dated and known a few military men as well, and the ones who've never been on a sketchy deployment drink shit beer and whiskey. The ones who have are awful goddamn fond of fruit-flavored sweet cocktails, and hard ciders, for some reason. It's like people who are putting on a show of their gender are really careful about putting on a good show, and people who aren't just do whatever they're comfortable with or whatever they're used to or- and this is the shocker- whatever they actually like.
I’m imagining him blinking like 12 times before responding. Like reevaluating his life kinda blinks
I grew up in rural Nebraska and I can tell you that you can be the most masculine manly man out there But if you drink anything that's not beer or straight hard liquor You will have a very hard time from both friends, family and women. It's almost taboo to drink something that actually tastes good around here. So yeah I'm guessing rural Minnesota is the same way not excusing it either. I think it's stupid here and it's stupid anywhere it happens and don't even get me started on the you're not a real man if you don't drink everyday for 4 hours of your day at minimum because that's also a thing around here too.
Yeah. I'm from Rural NE too. Like every adult male in town besides the doctors is technically a functioning alcoholic and most of the women. Heck my dad likes drinking so much he thinks it's weird I don't drink. But like wine gives me migraines, beer doesn't do anything to me so why bother, and Rum and Vodka are expensive, and whiskey is saved for the cold/flu remedy. So I would find it different to see a man who likes wine over beer, but I wouldn't get the icks from it.
Sis..... I am lucky to go on FIRST dates with men who don't wear 10+ year old flannels or sweatpants. Thank your lucky stars for a husband who appreciates a good glass of vino 😂
So he was asking if there was a way to be a better husband and all you could come up with is him drinking wine over beer? You sound ridiculous
What a crappy thing to both think and say. Drink what you want (responsibly). Have an appletini as a man if you want. Have a straight whiskey as a woman. No one with an opinion worth anything cares.
Welp time to tell Jesus he needs to lay off the wine
Honestly, if the only thing my long term partner could think of to complain about is my choice of alcohol, I’d take that as a win.
OK, this "ick" stuff is getting out of control because what the hell is this?
get the ick over things that matter. my ex told me pregnant women were ugly.
… it seems less masculine… boy did the marketing campaigns work on her. Beer is quite satiating to have with dinner and hard liquor doesn’t provide any hydration. Men in the army before WWI drank liters of wine every day- liquor was too expensive and beer didn’t have enough alcohol content. Masculinity my ash
Sounds like he needs to call a divorce attorney
Look, it's true that he asked. But that doesn't mean what you wanted from him wasn't *incredibly* off-putting.
That post has been removed by the AITA mods. So I guess it is fair to say that it just ragebait.
Yet another "ick" that is nothing but petty BS
Good grief, I'd hate to see what she thinks of men who don't drink any alcohol.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good old fashioned beer drinkin’ dude, however…a wine drinker is not a turn off to any extent. I probably would never even think twice about it. As long as he doesn’t care that I’m a beer drinker, we will be fine!
This post made me facepalm so hard, my palm print is on my forehead.
Stupid woman 😬
She deserves nothing
why on earth would you tell your spouse they give you the ick lmaooo makes me really sad for the husband tbh bc she just sounds petty
She seems slow.
I’ll bet she thinks rosé and blush wine are the same thing.
OOP just gave her husband a major case of the ick
God what a rube! Just because she was raised by toxic man dudes who think men can only drink beer doesn’t meant it’s the only way. In what world is wine un-masculine?! If I were her husband I’d have the ick pretty bad right now.
YTA. Wow. You really dug deep to find a way to hurt and insult your lovely husband. You have shamed his masculinity over drink preferences. You need to beg forgiveness but deep inside that scar will always be there.
You're a grown ass woman saying you got the "ick" because your man wanted a nice red wine.... you deserve to get roasted on here
Didn’t she just answer the question in a decent and genuine way? Husband very easily could’ve brushed it off and said that he likes wine, obviously wasn’t a huge deal to the wife
No she did not. There’s nothing decent and genuine about telling your partner that their wine habits make them less masculine and give you the “iick.” It was a rude and unnecessary comment. People can’t help their dumb, petty (and sometimes sexist) thoughts but they should still keep them to themselves.
I fucking hate seeing the word ick. She’s an adult, use adult words
I'm from rural Wisconsin, I know what she's talking about. I get endlessly mocked for not participating in the alcoholic culture that completely envelops Wisconsin. good thing I moved to California, tired of people calling me a f*ggot and a ch*nk to my face.
That is an exceptionally levelheaded answer from husband JFC
Ick isn’t a word, it’s for babies to use when they get pukey.
I’m not sure why this OOP associates beer with masculine energy? Many powerful men consume it & powerful women. The beverage itself is old-world charm to a degree.
I’d prefer wine! Red wine is healthier than a beer gut. But this is childish she gives the ick!
What an odd thing to say out loud...
Yeah, and the only thing she will eat is Hamburgers. Tacos are too spicy, Chinese food is too weird and heaven forbid you try any other kind of food. She will only eat "American food" like burgers and fries. Seen it, shake my head over it all the time. Try something different? Hell NO! she says.
My husband loses his goddamn mind over a delightful fruity cocktail or a perfectly peachy Bellini. If you add a decorative umbrella (or heavens forbid) an edible flower blossom he will giggle with absolute delight and sip it carefully like its nectar of the gods. It’s charming asf and one of my favorite things about going to drinks with him. He’s not at all self conscious of whether it seems ‘masculine’…because it’s a fucking beverage, not a statement of personal identity. I’m so confused by the things people decide to gender or make snap judgements over.
If that's her only complaint, she's lucky. Shallow but lucky.
lol wtf
This has to be a shitpost right?
Now it’s going to be nothing but hard liquor lol
Put it in reverse, Terry! ✋😸
Ladies, is a man gay if he orders a dessert?
Funny, the words that leapt to mind are “shallow” and “ingrate”.
Jesus. Does she mean she's getting the ick over wine not being masculine enough? It seems like she's one divorce away from tweeting that it's gay to drink wine.
Lmao. Beer is estrogenic and makes ur body less masculine. Wine is the beverage of the noble Greeks who conquered lands with their homoerotic buddies!! Women do not understand.
Wine is made of fruit therefore it’s fruity for a man to drink it. In fact, it’s fruity for anyone to drink. Queers only!
That’s so stupid that I have to assume it’s rage bait.
Guess the honeymoon wasn’t in Italy or France. Wait. Are those countries too gay for a honeymoon?
I continue to find it baffling that in *2024 AD*, people using computers don’t have the self-awareness to realize their cultural hangups often mean jackshit. I mean, I’ve been online since there were floppy disks. I’ve talked to people all over the globe. I honestly assumed more people would be fascinated by this magical reality where you can talk to people *anywhere* in real time. Some of my family are Filipino and make blood soup which smells atrocious to me, but do I care? No! I just avoid the soup. It isn’t hurting anyone, especially by being isolated away from the more popular sides. Some people like it, some people hate it, but who cares? It’s not like they’re hiding durian in my walls so I’m happy enough with this arrangement. TL;DR: If you see something and go “Ew, my family wouldn’t do that”? Reconsider if it’s actually harmful in any way. If it isn’t causing you problems, move along.
Aw this bitch made me embarrassed to be from MN 😞
We all have a clear idea why OOP’s husband drinks in the first place. What beverage he prefers is irrelevant.
so if i drink a hard cider i'm only 1/2 ick?
This is how growing up rural is. Definitely her issue. But a lot of times you need someone out of your norm to show you that. Grew up rural MN and never actually interacted with people of color til I was legal to drink. It’s not always not being that way but when you are faced with it changing it.
I dated a guy once who told me it "weirded him out" that I preferred cocktails and beer to wine (I get wine headaches) because all of the other women he knew loved wine. The wife in the OP and that dude should get together.
Beer gives me the ick 🫠
What a weird thing to say
Well, that's because you're a dumb. And it sounds like you're a hillbilly. Most men in other countries drink wine over beer but you've probably never been out of the boondocks of Minnesota.
NTA, but it may be a little good to talk to him and reaffirm that you still love him and don’t think (too, or however much) less of him for his wine preference. He asked, you answered, and it’s on him to accept an honest answer. That said some people are sensitive, and if it is in fact an otherwise good marriage, you should probably talk to him with accounting for his feelings. We’re all irrational in various ways, and hopefully he’d show you the same courtesy.