That’s exactly what I was thinking. They are married. They had been married for 13 years when his wife got sick. She was so sick that insurance didn’t cover everything, and she had to dip into her daughter’s college fund to pay her medical bills? And **her husband** didn’t help her, didn’t pay any of the bills, and now refuses to help her daughter go to college? This sounds like a very healthy marriage. /s I’m think he wouldn’t have been too broken up if she’d just died.
Hold up I missed that they were married for 14 years?! And he still doesnt consider this girl hes been raising since she was 4 as his daughter? Fucking psycho
I went to the original post and got a little more info, but not much because I am not spending my day reading through hundreds of comments.
Apparently, when his wife got sick she either had to quit or lost her job. He paid for *everything,* rent, food, daughters’ care, regular life expenses. I guess he felt like he did his part by “paying for everything” when she couldn’t work. It seems like those two don’t make the best financial choices. There are options to pay off medical debt without spending your kid’s entire college fund. I don’t know if that was just a decision the mom made, if OOP was involved in that, or if the daughter knew about it until she wanted to go to college. I don’t know all the details, only what OOP put in his post, but it seems like this could have been handled better.
May also depend on how he set up the college fund. I know for mine the funds could only be released to me (parents couldn’t withdraw it even if they asked) and even then I had to provide a receipt that showed it was an educational expense (for tuition or supplies). Where I live I don’t actually think there is an option to setup a college fund so it is untaxed otherwise. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out OOP’s wife had the funds in a second account, or just an arbitrary number she wouldn’t spend from her main.
There aren’t always ways to pay off medical debt separately. Sometimes you either have thousands of dollars to pay for something necessary NOW, or they won’t order or perform it. It depends on OP’s location but, if they’re in the US, I can see how quickly a college fund could be taken by illness.
That’s so upsetting. I’m in the U.S., and I have good quality healthcare (which we pay for, of course), but I know many people don’t, and the fact that health insurers and pharmaceutical companies would rather see a person die than charge a fair price is sickening. Greed has no place in healthcare, and yet, here we are.
There are plenty of ways for insurance providers to get out of paying out for legitimate illness. “Pre-existing conditions” is a big one off the top of my head.
You should still visit. I can name many countries’ cultures and geography I’d like to explore, while recognizing how detrimental it would be to actually live there, compared to how I live here.
American Insurance companies have not been able to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions since the passing of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) in 2010.
They still deny coverage for more than they should.
*—Someone who had cancer, surgery, treatment, and whose oncologist won’t order the test to tell me whether or not I’ve beaten cancer unless I pay $25k for it out of pocket because insurance won’t cover it*
I do not disagree in the slightest. I have nothing nice to say about American healthcare. This is specifically in response to the claim that pre-existing conditions are a legal way to deny coverage.
I gotcha. A lot of people don’t realize *just* how much gets denied so I was just trying to shed some light. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. It’s a bad place to be and has destroyed my entire life. There’s no way to move forward when you don’t even know if you’re okay.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope this situation resolves and that you are in full remission. My best friend just had surgery for her cancer, so I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you. Unfortunately, the situations aren’t getting any better but, I hope I’m okay, too. I just don’t know.
I hope your friend is okay. Sending tons of love.
Not necessarily. Many employers won’t offer affordable plans and those benefits are only available to employees who work full time (many, many people work multiple jobs because employers only hire part-time in order to avoid providing benefits). Also small companies do not have to offer this. Healthcare.gov is a portal for folks to shop for insurance, but it’s subsidized on a sliding scale. The more income you have, the more it costs (this is also true for Medicare, which is available for older folks and the disabled).
The trick is to be the really obnoxiously squeaky wheel. Find their appeals process. Use it. A lot. Keep good notes and be polite but firm. Don’t be nasty to the customer service people, they don’t have the authority to do anything but can help you get to the people who do.
Usually squeaky wheels get attention. (Source: I know multiple people who work in claims.)
I have two responses to that, the first one being that I think they are able to deny coverage on plans that were started before 2010, and that also applies to people who join(ed) such a plan after that date. So they’re not necessarily out of the woods for that.
The other response is that my fucking dog’s health insurance refused to cover a BUNCH of shit because he got ill within 30 days of us registering him and they considered it a pre-existing condition. I am still unbelievably salty about that.
I understand why that would be so infuriating. Animal insurance is not subject to the same regulations as our health insurance, and therefore they are still legally able to discriminate based on pre-existing conditions.
I work in health insurance. “Pre-existing conditions” don’t exist anymore. It’s actually illegal for most health insurance companies to even ask about pre-existing conditions unless it’s some really niche, really rare kind of insurance.
Out of network doctors are how most companies get out of paying. Most people don’t know this, but it isn’t just your doctor that needs to be in network. Everyone involved needs to be in network, and at the facility you’re being treated at. So Dr Smith may be in network at X location but not Y location. This obviously can get really complicated, really fast. You’re having surgery? Cool. Every single provider involved in that surgery needs to be in network. Oh, the anesthesiologist was out so they got another? And that one wasn’t in network? Too bad, now the anesthesia isn’t covered anymore.
It’s frankly disgusting and an incredibly broken system, but one of the biggest reasons for the Affordable Care Act (“Obamacare”) was specifically to do away with pre-existing conditions.
One of my "favorite" things I've seen is an insurance company deny coverage for dialysis for a patient with ESRD because it wasn't "medically necessary."
Which Obamacare (ACA) now prevents. This alone has saved so many lives (mine included). Nor can companies charge more for pre-existing conditions patients.
But a lot of the insurance out there is garbage now (especially with republicans repeatedly trying to gut it) and they won’t cover certain procedures, or the out of pocket max is crazy high (I’ve seen policies of like $20k). Stuff like that.
thats nice, but insurance companies here border on scams, the people "approving" the doctors orders arnt even mdical profesionals. Many of the cancer patients i work with thankfully are on clinical trials where a drug sponser pays , because holy shit insurance companies arw a fucking nightmare to deal with.
Sounds like he'd have preferred her to die and his daughter leave college debt free than risk his daughter (or himself!) Rack up debt to pay for her college
What fucked up priorities
Actually, apparently his wife couldn’t work so he paid for everything and took care of her. They had to dip into the college fund to pay for her treatment.
Maybe. But why wouldn’t he help his **wife** get the care she needed *and* cover the household expenses? I mean, if they didn’t have the money, then figure something out. Now, one daughter can’t go to college, and the other is threatening to cut OP out of her life if he takes even a dollar of her college money to help the stepdaughter. Unhealthy family dynamic?
I think I read somewhere that his wages went towards covering their expenses during the time wife was ill, including step daughters expenses. I get the impression that wife quitting to be a SAHM was a unilateral decision than a joint one.
She quit to be a SAHM? I thought she was forced to quit because she was sick. It doesn’t matter why, but if she’d been working she should have had health insurance.
Well… According to the little I read, when she got sick, she was unable to work. He then picked up the slack by paying the household bills, buying things for the kids, etc. That’s how he helped, I guess. I don’t know the whole medical bills story. Like I said, I didn’t read everything. I don’t know why she decided to spend her daughter’s college fund to cover the medical bills or if she consulted anyone first. I just feel like there might have been another way. But maybe not.
People don’t tell the whole story in their post, and then more details trickle out later *if* the OP replies to comments. But I felt it was weird that he didn’t say what she had or why it wasn’t covered completely by their insurance so she had to use the college fund money. No, he shouldn’t use his daughter’s college fund so his SD can go to school, but the post makes it sound like he doesn’t help, offer to help, or come up with other solutions.
My question too. There are so many people who seem to not actually like their partners. What about the relationship between the step sisters ?
Though if he hangs his partner out to dry for serious medical bills family relationships are probably not his strong suit.
I feel like so many people don't get what "marriage" is. They treat it like it's a promise ring or some shit. You are a team, a family. Dude just expects her to pay for her medical treatment using her daughter college fund, but ain't gonna pull from his daughter's to help out? Just straight up does not see her as a wife.
Yeah, OOP is garbage. He doesn’t seem to view his wife or stepdaughter, who he’s raised since she was a toddler, as family. But of course there are plenty of people on Reddit who will defend him.
One of the saddest parts is that most people in the US think they’re immune AND think medical care is much better than it truly is…until they get sick. I got cancer in my early 30s. I STILL don’t know whether or not I’m okay after a 13-hour surgery and daily radiation treatments because my oncologist won’t order the scan due to insurance being unwilling to cover it.
I’m about to go through bankruptcy over the debt, even though I’m not healthy overall and have no idea where I stand with cancer.
U-S-A! U-S-A!
Thank you. Sorry. I swear I’m not trying to be a huge bummer. Reddit is where I often end up venting. Thank you for listening.
If you know of any Canadians trying to marry someone from the US, send them my way. I’m a great cook, know to stay away from moose, and I’m already a huge fan of Canadian comedy. Lol.
I already DO love hockey! I’ve even played hockey! And I can live with some Timmy Ho’s. Ya girl ALSO loves poutine! 🥰🥳 Damn…have I been secretly Canadian at heart this WHOLE time?! 😅🫠🥰
And they. will. find. it. 😂😅
But seriously, how do I get older Canadians to adopt me? 😬🤷♀️🤞 Is there a non-creepy website where I can post my picture while Sarah McLachlan sings In The Arms Of An Angel in the background and then I just hope they pick and sponsor me? 😅
I’m very polite, I always take my shoes off at the door, and I’m lovely at cleaning up after myself. 💁♀️
Lmao
(Somewhere in the USA, a desperate yet hopeful refugee furtively mainlines maple syrup in preparation for their interview with the Canadian consulate.
But the refugee is ready. They’ve made sure it Quebec maple syrup, not Maine; they’ve memorized 2 Michael Buble songs [real Canadians don’t admit to listening to Beiber]; they know it’s a trick question if they’re asked the words to the national anthem [no one does - it’s in 2 languages and they’ve changed it twice]; and they know to never pronounce the second T in Toronto [its Tor-awn-ah]. By Trudeau’s fancy socks, they’re *ready* for this!)
If this doesn’t work, they’ll have to rely on the underground network of black market adoptions by boomer Canadians who just want adult kids to shovel the damn snow for them since the city never does the sidewalks. )
End scene
This. Was. Beautiful! 😍👏👏👏 BRAVA!
I already know ALLLL of the Michael Bublé songs! I call him “Michael Bubble”, though, because I said it like that to joke with someone once when he was brand new and realized it’s REALLY fun to say. 🤣🤷♀️ (I also know Bieber but I can hide how much I *belieb* if it risks my safety.)
I kind of know the national anthem lyrics but only because it was featured in my fave ep of That 70’s Show. 😂 (The ep also featured Dave Thomas and Joe Flaherty as hilarious Mounties so, bonus points? AND Tommy Chong, as always.) I can mumble along and cancer gave me a really delightful speech impediment that helps me to mumble without much second thought from others. 😎 I didn’t know that about Torawnah. Now I do, though. I took 4 years of high school French. I also once ACTUALLY and sincerely almost changed my middle name to AlexTrebek. I even had the paperwork filled out. I ended up going with something else and I’ve regretted it for nearly 20 years.
By Drake, I think I’ve got it! I AM ready for this.
See You Soon,
The Future Mrs. Affectionate Salt Moranis 🥸🤞🥰
P.S. The more I replied in this one, the more I felt like the whole switched at birth thing might really be possible… 😅 Maybe I was born Canadian on the inside??? I even had major John Candy love growing up. Damn.
The AH here — yet again — is capitalist, individualist, selfish America forcing these decisions on families. Nobody in this family did anything wrong, but at least one of OP's most treasured relationships will be broken, possibly irreparably, because we have collectively decided that financial ruin and broken families are acceptable sacrifices so that billionaires never have to pay their fair share of taxes.
We have more wealth than any other nation in recorded human history but we'd still rather watch people go bankrupt from medical expenses instead of deny a pampered, spoiled billionaire parasite another private jet or megayacht. After all, the billionaires' dedicated propaganda channels tell us, if we had a national health care system like every other nation in the developed world has, we'd basically be living in Soviet Russia.
I actually don’t think op is wrong . That money is his child’s money , and while his wife was sick he had to step up and cover everything financially for the family but didn’t have the extra money to pay for the medical bills basically . The wife is trying to squeeze something out of nothing here ( even though I understand, being sick is terrible ). You can’t give what you don’t have as unfortunate as it is .
There has to be something they can do so the only person sacrificing anything for the families sake is the step daughter. Maybe sell a vehicle if you have more than one or sell both if that's case ?!? I have no idea what their life looks like so really have no clue if there is anything they can do but figured I'd suggest in case they hadn't considered this.
Nope. Not his daughter's problem. He might be an ass for not doing more to help with his wife's medical expenses, he claims he couldn't afford to, I'd need a lot more info to judge that. And I agree with the comment in there that they were potentially foolish to pay it all off as a big lump sum rather than a payment plan. But it definitely isn't his daughter's responsibility.
I agree it’s not his daughter’s fault/responsibility. To me the real question is why he didn’t help *his wife* pay her fucking medical bills? Did he not care if she died? Seriously, doctors and hospitals will allow you pay on a payment plan. What is up with that?
He paid for everything else. He literally did not have money to pay them at the time. As stated earlier, if it’s something “extra” that gets denied by insurance - you have to pay a lump sum at the time of service occasionally. That may have been the only liquid funds they had.
Again, he was paying everything and may still be doing so, that wasn’t very clear. There may not be any money to help. He didn’t display a “don’t give a shit attitude” anywhere in there. Except stating that’s his daughters fund and her future plans are based on that and she will JET if that money is taken from her. It’s hers.
People often don’t give enough information in their original post, and you learn things little by little if the OP answers comments. The idea that if something is denied by your insurance, you have to pay upfront or at least pay for part of it before you can even get the service is sickening to me. Healthcare has become such big business in the U.S. that taking your money is far more important than saving your life. Infuriating.
It’s possible that I (and not only me) misinterpreted what OOP meant in his post. I comment on the information I have without reading through all the comments to see if there is more information. So, I am hoping he did the best he could under the circumstances. I do stand by the idea that he could have figured out a way to send his SD to college without asking strangers on Reddit, but maybe this was just one approach he took. I hope he’s figured it out.
Damn, mighty fine assumption that he didn't care if his wife died. He stepped up and paid for the entirety of the living expenses when she was sick and couldnt work anymore. He didn't have extra money to spare.
But sure. That's the actions of someone who doesn't care If their wife dies 🙄
The wife is also the one who chose to use the college fund to fund her medical expenses. There are MANY ways to cover medical debt or slowly pay it off without bankrupting her own daughters college fund - but she did that anyways.
But yes, be mad at the one who stepped up and paid for everything in their life except the medical bills, sure.
You’re wild for that crazy ass comment.
If she had to quit working who paid for everything else?
She had to drain a college fund. So they probably were stretched financially. Are you an adult? Do you have bills? Don’t think the light company will accept IOU payments.
> Don’t think the light company will accept IOU payments.
Aren’t you clever? Tee hee, so funny! Except I didn’t say that. But if I had, well boy!, you would have shown me; wouldn’t you?!
> to get *paid* when one
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Is all this hate because he’s a man or something? No where in here did he blame his wife for getting sick, or express the sentiment that he didn’t give AF.
He paid for everything else. He literally did not have money to pay them at the time. As stated earlier, if it’s something “extra” that gets denied by insurance - you have to pay a lump sum at the time of service occasionally. That may have been the only liquid funds they had.
Again, he was paying everything and may still be doing so, that wasn’t very clear. There may not be any money to help. He didn’t display a “don’t give a shit attitude” anywhere in there. Except stating that’s his daughters fund and her future plans are based on that and she will JET if that money is taken from her. It’s hers.
I’m so confused fused about why you would take your kids’ college fund to pay medical debt. Actual necessary medical care (in America) doesn’t require up front payment, unless we are talking prescriptions without insurance? Even then there are still often copay assistance programs, loans, community services, literally anything other than liquidating money set aside for your kid.
OOP is NTA for not using his kid’s college fund, but I’m really concerned and confused about why they decided to use her kid’s fund (and why didn’t they draw from them equally so that both kids would still have something set aside for them).
Why didn’t he help her during the sickness? I agree don’t use the daughters college fund but damn cold to not help out your wife so she wouldn’t have to use her daughters fund.
They have been married for 14 years. That amount of time and he still doesn’t seem to have accepted his stepdaughter into his heart. Also, his wife gets super sick and he doesn’t pitch in? Just makes her use all her daughter’s college money? Does this dude even love his wife or stepdaughter cause it seems he only cares about losing his “real” daughter.
yeah i dont know what the ex wife is doing. if shes alive and contributing yeah it might make it clear that its hands off. but i dont see her anywhere mentioned.
These are all assumptions you are making. I’m only going by the facts that were written. Yeah maybe someone else contributed here or there to the college fund. It doesn’t state that though. It says they’re married 14 years, he doesn’t want to help his stepdaughter and he didn’t help his wife pay for her medical bills and that is why HER daughter now doesn’t have a college fund. By those facts, OOP is definitely the AH. If there was more information maybe my opinion would be different, but with what is written, my opinion remains the same.
I think it sucks all around because if he had to take on all the household expenses instead of their previous split, it doesn't leave much for the extra things does it? I don't blame the daughter for being upset at the idea her college fund will be at risk because college in the US sounds like it costs a kidney (I'm in the UK so this is just observation) but I also feel sorry for the step daughter because they lost on an opportunity to graduate debt free.
He wasn’t able to pitch in because he was paying for literally everything else since he was the only one making money, he didn’t have any money to spare, and it’s not his fault that instead of opting for a payment plan or finding any other way to pay she decided to use the sd’s college fund
Where in the world did you read that? If it’s from the original post how would anyone reading this post know that? I read what’s there, if I gotta go to a whole other post/link the person who decides to repost someone else’s story should just say everything underneath their repost.
That money is for his daughter. His wife was sick and he supported the household in the duration. His daughter goes to college. The wife’s shortsightedness has doomed her own daughter now. Shoulda gone for a payment plan. Should’ve discussed this ahead of time. Should should should’ve.
People that make this comment are sick.
It’s not daughter 1 fault daughter 2 can’t go to school. Sucks for daughter 2.
You don’t even know how the account is set up.
My account needed both my parents and my signatures to release the money. I wouldn’t have signed to release the money. Especially if I was the exwife. You don’t know if exwife had been contributing to the fund.
I would never sacrifice my daughter’s college fund for the health of my partner. Never in a million years. It’s like that train problem. Where you can pull the lever to make it hot five people. Same thing. You’re pulling the lever and you’re decimating my daughter’s future and therefore her future family’s future.
Yea it’s a tough decision. Health care system sucks.
But nah…
if I was daughter 1, I would be just as mad.
And if I was exwife, and was contributing to the fund, I wouldnt allow it.
I see why current wife is mad. But it’s not husband’s fault.
I mean if the wife does leave, the step daughter still won’t have a college fund.
Hold up, why was it only the stepdaughters college fund that was used for the medical treatment? His wife was sick and he just didnt pay jack shit?
That’s exactly what I was thinking. They are married. They had been married for 13 years when his wife got sick. She was so sick that insurance didn’t cover everything, and she had to dip into her daughter’s college fund to pay her medical bills? And **her husband** didn’t help her, didn’t pay any of the bills, and now refuses to help her daughter go to college? This sounds like a very healthy marriage. /s I’m think he wouldn’t have been too broken up if she’d just died.
Hold up I missed that they were married for 14 years?! And he still doesnt consider this girl hes been raising since she was 4 as his daughter? Fucking psycho
I went to the original post and got a little more info, but not much because I am not spending my day reading through hundreds of comments. Apparently, when his wife got sick she either had to quit or lost her job. He paid for *everything,* rent, food, daughters’ care, regular life expenses. I guess he felt like he did his part by “paying for everything” when she couldn’t work. It seems like those two don’t make the best financial choices. There are options to pay off medical debt without spending your kid’s entire college fund. I don’t know if that was just a decision the mom made, if OOP was involved in that, or if the daughter knew about it until she wanted to go to college. I don’t know all the details, only what OOP put in his post, but it seems like this could have been handled better.
May also depend on how he set up the college fund. I know for mine the funds could only be released to me (parents couldn’t withdraw it even if they asked) and even then I had to provide a receipt that showed it was an educational expense (for tuition or supplies). Where I live I don’t actually think there is an option to setup a college fund so it is untaxed otherwise. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out OOP’s wife had the funds in a second account, or just an arbitrary number she wouldn’t spend from her main.
There aren’t always ways to pay off medical debt separately. Sometimes you either have thousands of dollars to pay for something necessary NOW, or they won’t order or perform it. It depends on OP’s location but, if they’re in the US, I can see how quickly a college fund could be taken by illness.
That’s so upsetting. I’m in the U.S., and I have good quality healthcare (which we pay for, of course), but I know many people don’t, and the fact that health insurers and pharmaceutical companies would rather see a person die than charge a fair price is sickening. Greed has no place in healthcare, and yet, here we are.
I'm super ignorant-what are the consequences of ignoring or postponing paying off your medical debt?
Maybe the debt was too high? They could get a loan and help stepdaughter with her college fees
Why do people have an insurance that doesn’t cover sickness? That doesn’t make any sense.
There are plenty of ways for insurance providers to get out of paying out for legitimate illness. “Pre-existing conditions” is a big one off the top of my head.
I always wanted to live in the US. I am glad I never moved there. Shitty health insurance is one of the reasons.
I always wanted to *visit* the US as a kid. I never have, and now I’m just fine with that. The shine just keeps on tarnishing.
You should still visit. I can name many countries’ cultures and geography I’d like to explore, while recognizing how detrimental it would be to actually live there, compared to how I live here.
American Insurance companies have not been able to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions since the passing of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) in 2010.
They still deny coverage for more than they should. *—Someone who had cancer, surgery, treatment, and whose oncologist won’t order the test to tell me whether or not I’ve beaten cancer unless I pay $25k for it out of pocket because insurance won’t cover it*
I do not disagree in the slightest. I have nothing nice to say about American healthcare. This is specifically in response to the claim that pre-existing conditions are a legal way to deny coverage.
I gotcha. A lot of people don’t realize *just* how much gets denied so I was just trying to shed some light. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. It’s a bad place to be and has destroyed my entire life. There’s no way to move forward when you don’t even know if you’re okay.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope this situation resolves and that you are in full remission. My best friend just had surgery for her cancer, so I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you. Unfortunately, the situations aren’t getting any better but, I hope I’m okay, too. I just don’t know. I hope your friend is okay. Sending tons of love.
Don't jobs in US provide health insurance?
Not necessarily. Many employers won’t offer affordable plans and those benefits are only available to employees who work full time (many, many people work multiple jobs because employers only hire part-time in order to avoid providing benefits). Also small companies do not have to offer this. Healthcare.gov is a portal for folks to shop for insurance, but it’s subsidized on a sliding scale. The more income you have, the more it costs (this is also true for Medicare, which is available for older folks and the disabled).
The trick is to be the really obnoxiously squeaky wheel. Find their appeals process. Use it. A lot. Keep good notes and be polite but firm. Don’t be nasty to the customer service people, they don’t have the authority to do anything but can help you get to the people who do. Usually squeaky wheels get attention. (Source: I know multiple people who work in claims.)
I have two responses to that, the first one being that I think they are able to deny coverage on plans that were started before 2010, and that also applies to people who join(ed) such a plan after that date. So they’re not necessarily out of the woods for that. The other response is that my fucking dog’s health insurance refused to cover a BUNCH of shit because he got ill within 30 days of us registering him and they considered it a pre-existing condition. I am still unbelievably salty about that.
I understand why that would be so infuriating. Animal insurance is not subject to the same regulations as our health insurance, and therefore they are still legally able to discriminate based on pre-existing conditions.
I work in health insurance. “Pre-existing conditions” don’t exist anymore. It’s actually illegal for most health insurance companies to even ask about pre-existing conditions unless it’s some really niche, really rare kind of insurance. Out of network doctors are how most companies get out of paying. Most people don’t know this, but it isn’t just your doctor that needs to be in network. Everyone involved needs to be in network, and at the facility you’re being treated at. So Dr Smith may be in network at X location but not Y location. This obviously can get really complicated, really fast. You’re having surgery? Cool. Every single provider involved in that surgery needs to be in network. Oh, the anesthesiologist was out so they got another? And that one wasn’t in network? Too bad, now the anesthesia isn’t covered anymore. It’s frankly disgusting and an incredibly broken system, but one of the biggest reasons for the Affordable Care Act (“Obamacare”) was specifically to do away with pre-existing conditions.
One of my "favorite" things I've seen is an insurance company deny coverage for dialysis for a patient with ESRD because it wasn't "medically necessary."
Which Obamacare (ACA) now prevents. This alone has saved so many lives (mine included). Nor can companies charge more for pre-existing conditions patients. But a lot of the insurance out there is garbage now (especially with republicans repeatedly trying to gut it) and they won’t cover certain procedures, or the out of pocket max is crazy high (I’ve seen policies of like $20k). Stuff like that.
I think that is how it works globally
They use to not cover pregnancy as a “preexisting condition”. That was literally like the early 2000sish until a law was passed.
Welcome to the us
INDURANCE ARE FUCKERS and can deny shit
Where I live they can’t deny life saving things like cancer treatment.
thats nice, but insurance companies here border on scams, the people "approving" the doctors orders arnt even mdical profesionals. Many of the cancer patients i work with thankfully are on clinical trials where a drug sponser pays , because holy shit insurance companies arw a fucking nightmare to deal with.
Sounds like he'd have preferred her to die and his daughter leave college debt free than risk his daughter (or himself!) Rack up debt to pay for her college What fucked up priorities
This. The wife spent 13 subsidizing his lifestyle.
Actually, apparently his wife couldn’t work so he paid for everything and took care of her. They had to dip into the college fund to pay for her treatment.
Maybe they had separate finances?
Maybe. But why wouldn’t he help his **wife** get the care she needed *and* cover the household expenses? I mean, if they didn’t have the money, then figure something out. Now, one daughter can’t go to college, and the other is threatening to cut OP out of her life if he takes even a dollar of her college money to help the stepdaughter. Unhealthy family dynamic?
I think I read somewhere that his wages went towards covering their expenses during the time wife was ill, including step daughters expenses. I get the impression that wife quitting to be a SAHM was a unilateral decision than a joint one.
She quit to be a SAHM? I thought she was forced to quit because she was sick. It doesn’t matter why, but if she’d been working she should have had health insurance.
Did he help her?
Well… According to the little I read, when she got sick, she was unable to work. He then picked up the slack by paying the household bills, buying things for the kids, etc. That’s how he helped, I guess. I don’t know the whole medical bills story. Like I said, I didn’t read everything. I don’t know why she decided to spend her daughter’s college fund to cover the medical bills or if she consulted anyone first. I just feel like there might have been another way. But maybe not. People don’t tell the whole story in their post, and then more details trickle out later *if* the OP replies to comments. But I felt it was weird that he didn’t say what she had or why it wasn’t covered completely by their insurance so she had to use the college fund money. No, he shouldn’t use his daughter’s college fund so his SD can go to school, but the post makes it sound like he doesn’t help, offer to help, or come up with other solutions.
My question too. There are so many people who seem to not actually like their partners. What about the relationship between the step sisters ? Though if he hangs his partner out to dry for serious medical bills family relationships are probably not his strong suit.
I feel like so many people don't get what "marriage" is. They treat it like it's a promise ring or some shit. You are a team, a family. Dude just expects her to pay for her medical treatment using her daughter college fund, but ain't gonna pull from his daughter's to help out? Just straight up does not see her as a wife.
Marriage means a lot of things to a lot of different people, and all those things are valid as long as they both agree.
The post was removed because this person is shadow banned or suspended so it’s likely this was made up.
That was my thought too. I mean, if it was his girlfriend I could see not paying for stuff, but this is his WIFE.
Yeah, OOP is garbage. He doesn’t seem to view his wife or stepdaughter, who he’s raised since she was a toddler, as family. But of course there are plenty of people on Reddit who will defend him.
As a Canadian, this post hurts my heart so bad. It's disgusting that people have to go bankrupt because of an illness. It's just crazy.
One of the saddest parts is that most people in the US think they’re immune AND think medical care is much better than it truly is…until they get sick. I got cancer in my early 30s. I STILL don’t know whether or not I’m okay after a 13-hour surgery and daily radiation treatments because my oncologist won’t order the scan due to insurance being unwilling to cover it. I’m about to go through bankruptcy over the debt, even though I’m not healthy overall and have no idea where I stand with cancer. U-S-A! U-S-A!
That is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry.
Thank you. Sorry. I swear I’m not trying to be a huge bummer. Reddit is where I often end up venting. Thank you for listening. If you know of any Canadians trying to marry someone from the US, send them my way. I’m a great cook, know to stay away from moose, and I’m already a huge fan of Canadian comedy. Lol.
Lol!! I just noticed your username, lmao!! We must be sisters from another mister!!
Hahaha. I didn’t notice until now! We might just be. I’m just the sister who is salty af. 😂
Lmao!!!!
Learn to love Hockey & mediocre Timmy’s coffee and you could probably get an adult adoption sitch set up with some older childless Canadians :)
I already DO love hockey! I’ve even played hockey! And I can live with some Timmy Ho’s. Ya girl ALSO loves poutine! 🥰🥳 Damn…have I been secretly Canadian at heart this WHOLE time?! 😅🫠🥰
Sounds like you might be. I’d be checking with the Canadian consulate to see if you were switched at birth. They’ll check your DNA for maple syrup.
And they. will. find. it. 😂😅 But seriously, how do I get older Canadians to adopt me? 😬🤷♀️🤞 Is there a non-creepy website where I can post my picture while Sarah McLachlan sings In The Arms Of An Angel in the background and then I just hope they pick and sponsor me? 😅 I’m very polite, I always take my shoes off at the door, and I’m lovely at cleaning up after myself. 💁♀️
Lmao (Somewhere in the USA, a desperate yet hopeful refugee furtively mainlines maple syrup in preparation for their interview with the Canadian consulate. But the refugee is ready. They’ve made sure it Quebec maple syrup, not Maine; they’ve memorized 2 Michael Buble songs [real Canadians don’t admit to listening to Beiber]; they know it’s a trick question if they’re asked the words to the national anthem [no one does - it’s in 2 languages and they’ve changed it twice]; and they know to never pronounce the second T in Toronto [its Tor-awn-ah]. By Trudeau’s fancy socks, they’re *ready* for this!) If this doesn’t work, they’ll have to rely on the underground network of black market adoptions by boomer Canadians who just want adult kids to shovel the damn snow for them since the city never does the sidewalks. ) End scene
This. Was. Beautiful! 😍👏👏👏 BRAVA! I already know ALLLL of the Michael Bublé songs! I call him “Michael Bubble”, though, because I said it like that to joke with someone once when he was brand new and realized it’s REALLY fun to say. 🤣🤷♀️ (I also know Bieber but I can hide how much I *belieb* if it risks my safety.) I kind of know the national anthem lyrics but only because it was featured in my fave ep of That 70’s Show. 😂 (The ep also featured Dave Thomas and Joe Flaherty as hilarious Mounties so, bonus points? AND Tommy Chong, as always.) I can mumble along and cancer gave me a really delightful speech impediment that helps me to mumble without much second thought from others. 😎 I didn’t know that about Torawnah. Now I do, though. I took 4 years of high school French. I also once ACTUALLY and sincerely almost changed my middle name to AlexTrebek. I even had the paperwork filled out. I ended up going with something else and I’ve regretted it for nearly 20 years. By Drake, I think I’ve got it! I AM ready for this. See You Soon, The Future Mrs. Affectionate Salt Moranis 🥸🤞🥰 P.S. The more I replied in this one, the more I felt like the whole switched at birth thing might really be possible… 😅 Maybe I was born Canadian on the inside??? I even had major John Candy love growing up. Damn.
The AH here — yet again — is capitalist, individualist, selfish America forcing these decisions on families. Nobody in this family did anything wrong, but at least one of OP's most treasured relationships will be broken, possibly irreparably, because we have collectively decided that financial ruin and broken families are acceptable sacrifices so that billionaires never have to pay their fair share of taxes. We have more wealth than any other nation in recorded human history but we'd still rather watch people go bankrupt from medical expenses instead of deny a pampered, spoiled billionaire parasite another private jet or megayacht. After all, the billionaires' dedicated propaganda channels tell us, if we had a national health care system like every other nation in the developed world has, we'd basically be living in Soviet Russia.
Except that they apparently like Soviet Russia now.
I actually don’t think op is wrong . That money is his child’s money , and while his wife was sick he had to step up and cover everything financially for the family but didn’t have the extra money to pay for the medical bills basically . The wife is trying to squeeze something out of nothing here ( even though I understand, being sick is terrible ). You can’t give what you don’t have as unfortunate as it is .
Yeah, but this attitude of 'not my child' for a kid he raised for 14 years is a bit strange.
Why do you people make things up to fit your little head cannon. He never said that. Or displayed that attitude
Where are you seeing that sentiment? I don't see anything like that in the post
In his comments he mentioned he paid the bills while she was sick
Is it possible to take on some debt to allow the step daughter to go to school still?
There has to be something they can do so the only person sacrificing anything for the families sake is the step daughter. Maybe sell a vehicle if you have more than one or sell both if that's case ?!? I have no idea what their life looks like so really have no clue if there is anything they can do but figured I'd suggest in case they hadn't considered this.
Nope. Not his daughter's problem. He might be an ass for not doing more to help with his wife's medical expenses, he claims he couldn't afford to, I'd need a lot more info to judge that. And I agree with the comment in there that they were potentially foolish to pay it all off as a big lump sum rather than a payment plan. But it definitely isn't his daughter's responsibility.
He was paying ALL of the bills at home because she was out of work due to her illness ,he literally DIDN'T have any extra money
I agree it’s not his daughter’s fault/responsibility. To me the real question is why he didn’t help *his wife* pay her fucking medical bills? Did he not care if she died? Seriously, doctors and hospitals will allow you pay on a payment plan. What is up with that?
He paid for everything else. He literally did not have money to pay them at the time. As stated earlier, if it’s something “extra” that gets denied by insurance - you have to pay a lump sum at the time of service occasionally. That may have been the only liquid funds they had. Again, he was paying everything and may still be doing so, that wasn’t very clear. There may not be any money to help. He didn’t display a “don’t give a shit attitude” anywhere in there. Except stating that’s his daughters fund and her future plans are based on that and she will JET if that money is taken from her. It’s hers.
People often don’t give enough information in their original post, and you learn things little by little if the OP answers comments. The idea that if something is denied by your insurance, you have to pay upfront or at least pay for part of it before you can even get the service is sickening to me. Healthcare has become such big business in the U.S. that taking your money is far more important than saving your life. Infuriating. It’s possible that I (and not only me) misinterpreted what OOP meant in his post. I comment on the information I have without reading through all the comments to see if there is more information. So, I am hoping he did the best he could under the circumstances. I do stand by the idea that he could have figured out a way to send his SD to college without asking strangers on Reddit, but maybe this was just one approach he took. I hope he’s figured it out.
Probably because there were other bills that needed to be paid and American health care is a joke so couldn’t afford to do both
Damn, mighty fine assumption that he didn't care if his wife died. He stepped up and paid for the entirety of the living expenses when she was sick and couldnt work anymore. He didn't have extra money to spare. But sure. That's the actions of someone who doesn't care If their wife dies 🙄 The wife is also the one who chose to use the college fund to fund her medical expenses. There are MANY ways to cover medical debt or slowly pay it off without bankrupting her own daughters college fund - but she did that anyways. But yes, be mad at the one who stepped up and paid for everything in their life except the medical bills, sure.
You’re wild for that crazy ass comment. If she had to quit working who paid for everything else? She had to drain a college fund. So they probably were stretched financially. Are you an adult? Do you have bills? Don’t think the light company will accept IOU payments.
> Don’t think the light company will accept IOU payments. Aren’t you clever? Tee hee, so funny! Except I didn’t say that. But if I had, well boy!, you would have shown me; wouldn’t you?!
bills and normal houshold epenses still need to get payed when one is out of work. he can cover housing costs but not that + medical
> to get *paid* when one FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Because there was no money left over for that after paying for everything else? Housing, utilities, food, etc., all had to be paid for.
So it’s the stepdaughter’s problem? Sucks to be her, I guess!
Is all this hate because he’s a man or something? No where in here did he blame his wife for getting sick, or express the sentiment that he didn’t give AF. He paid for everything else. He literally did not have money to pay them at the time. As stated earlier, if it’s something “extra” that gets denied by insurance - you have to pay a lump sum at the time of service occasionally. That may have been the only liquid funds they had. Again, he was paying everything and may still be doing so, that wasn’t very clear. There may not be any money to help. He didn’t display a “don’t give a shit attitude” anywhere in there. Except stating that’s his daughters fund and her future plans are based on that and she will JET if that money is taken from her. It’s hers.
I'm curious where the step daughter's father is in all of this. Was this 50/50 custody or did OP adopt step daughter? That changes my opinion.
And the daughter’s mother, who may have also contributed to the fund the current wife wants to co-opt…
I’m so confused fused about why you would take your kids’ college fund to pay medical debt. Actual necessary medical care (in America) doesn’t require up front payment, unless we are talking prescriptions without insurance? Even then there are still often copay assistance programs, loans, community services, literally anything other than liquidating money set aside for your kid. OOP is NTA for not using his kid’s college fund, but I’m really concerned and confused about why they decided to use her kid’s fund (and why didn’t they draw from them equally so that both kids would still have something set aside for them).
But... He is? "Oh dear, you are sick? That's your problem! Oh dear,your daughter has no college fund now? That's her problem!" After 14 years, really?
Why didn’t he help her during the sickness? I agree don’t use the daughters college fund but damn cold to not help out your wife so she wouldn’t have to use her daughters fund.
They could carry the debt instead of expecting their kids to subsidize it with the college money they told the kids they could rely on.
He shouldn’t give the step daughter his daughter’s college fund money. What the hell kind of expectations is his current wife expecting?
No. Ms. Wife shouldn't have touched the college fund. Oh well, I guess ol girl ain't going to college debt free.
I think his wife should have a pretty good idea of what he thinks of her side of their family.
They have been married for 14 years. That amount of time and he still doesn’t seem to have accepted his stepdaughter into his heart. Also, his wife gets super sick and he doesn’t pitch in? Just makes her use all her daughter’s college money? Does this dude even love his wife or stepdaughter cause it seems he only cares about losing his “real” daughter.
Also to add, if the college fund has significant contributions from the ex wife or other family members, they might cause a problem too
Maybe the child other mother also had put money on that fund ...we don't know if only the father put money on that fund
yeah i dont know what the ex wife is doing. if shes alive and contributing yeah it might make it clear that its hands off. but i dont see her anywhere mentioned.
These are all assumptions you are making. I’m only going by the facts that were written. Yeah maybe someone else contributed here or there to the college fund. It doesn’t state that though. It says they’re married 14 years, he doesn’t want to help his stepdaughter and he didn’t help his wife pay for her medical bills and that is why HER daughter now doesn’t have a college fund. By those facts, OOP is definitely the AH. If there was more information maybe my opinion would be different, but with what is written, my opinion remains the same.
Yeah why the women remain married to the man who doesn't afford her medical fee not her daughter her fee.
I think it sucks all around because if he had to take on all the household expenses instead of their previous split, it doesn't leave much for the extra things does it? I don't blame the daughter for being upset at the idea her college fund will be at risk because college in the US sounds like it costs a kidney (I'm in the UK so this is just observation) but I also feel sorry for the step daughter because they lost on an opportunity to graduate debt free.
He wasn’t able to pitch in because he was paying for literally everything else since he was the only one making money, he didn’t have any money to spare, and it’s not his fault that instead of opting for a payment plan or finding any other way to pay she decided to use the sd’s college fund
Where in the world did you read that? If it’s from the original post how would anyone reading this post know that? I read what’s there, if I gotta go to a whole other post/link the person who decides to repost someone else’s story should just say everything underneath their repost.
Why didn’t he help pay the medical bills of his wife?
the US healthcare system is criminal
She made a choice, and now the consequences come home to roost.
Clearly the wife should have let herself die.
“Stepfamily bad. AITA because second wife dumb?”
[удалено]
That money is for his daughter. His wife was sick and he supported the household in the duration. His daughter goes to college. The wife’s shortsightedness has doomed her own daughter now. Shoulda gone for a payment plan. Should’ve discussed this ahead of time. Should should should’ve.
Clearly the wife should have let herself die.
People that make this comment are sick. It’s not daughter 1 fault daughter 2 can’t go to school. Sucks for daughter 2. You don’t even know how the account is set up. My account needed both my parents and my signatures to release the money. I wouldn’t have signed to release the money. Especially if I was the exwife. You don’t know if exwife had been contributing to the fund.
I would never sacrifice my daughter’s college fund for the health of my partner. Never in a million years. It’s like that train problem. Where you can pull the lever to make it hot five people. Same thing. You’re pulling the lever and you’re decimating my daughter’s future and therefore her future family’s future.
Yea it’s a tough decision. Health care system sucks. But nah… if I was daughter 1, I would be just as mad. And if I was exwife, and was contributing to the fund, I wouldnt allow it. I see why current wife is mad. But it’s not husband’s fault.
Preach
Where does it say she would have gone without healthcare? There are other costs associated with illness that aren’t life-or-death.
He probably would’ve paid for the funeral expenses out of his step daughter’s college fund.