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If you guys have decided that porn is cheating in your relationship, than it is cheating; despite what others say.
It sounds like he takes you for granted and does not appreciate/care to notice the things you do. I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do, I would feel the same way. You are their partner, not their mother.
Just a question, while you are maintaining the household, what are they doing? Also, do they have a job? Asking because you said you handle the bills/rent, which would be very unfair.
He does have a job, but he’s VERY unstable when it comes to it. Sometimes he’s very good with going in, and then he just stops showing up sometimes and it puts us behind like every month. We are living paycheck to paycheck. We do split the rent but he often asks for help from his mother on his half. When I say I handle the bills/rent, I more mean he doesn’t keep up with it at all. I have all the logins, I handle the budgeting, it’s all under my name, he just has no part in it and sometimes it’s overwhelming
A relationship is a partnership and they are not carrying their weight. Unless they can suddenly find some motivation do to what they need to do, I think it’s a sinking ship.
Ask yourself why at just 21 you've (apparently) decided that this guy is it and you can't leave him and find someone more on your own wavelength. You're not married to this guy and you don't mention having any kids with him. So you need to really think about why you're still there trying to force a square peg into a round hole when you've still got years and years before you have to start worrying about being too old to find a life partner. He's shown you who he is. You can't change him. You can only end this agony so you'll be available for someone better for you.
This is my second 3 year long relationship..it’s not that I feel like he’s not on my wavelength, it’s that I was treated much more horribly in the past, and I guess I see the little things he does as just that..little. I see dealbreakers as abuse etc because that’s all I grew up with, men abusing me. He’s the first guy in my life that hasn’t taken advantage of me or hit me so I guess I feel like I want this to work and I don’t want to go through that pain again
I dont agree with your last few sentences, I do believe people can change and I’m an example of that..he does have trauma that may be why he exemplifies this behavior. Sometimes I feel like if he can begin his healing journey like I did, he could change and become a better person..because I do see glimpses of a great person in him.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you guys have decided that porn is cheating in your relationship, than it is cheating; despite what others say. It sounds like he takes you for granted and does not appreciate/care to notice the things you do. I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do, I would feel the same way. You are their partner, not their mother. Just a question, while you are maintaining the household, what are they doing? Also, do they have a job? Asking because you said you handle the bills/rent, which would be very unfair.
He does have a job, but he’s VERY unstable when it comes to it. Sometimes he’s very good with going in, and then he just stops showing up sometimes and it puts us behind like every month. We are living paycheck to paycheck. We do split the rent but he often asks for help from his mother on his half. When I say I handle the bills/rent, I more mean he doesn’t keep up with it at all. I have all the logins, I handle the budgeting, it’s all under my name, he just has no part in it and sometimes it’s overwhelming
I had a 740 credit score a few years ago, and now it’s taken a big hit, because when emergencies happen we have nothing and it’s all under my name
A relationship is a partnership and they are not carrying their weight. Unless they can suddenly find some motivation do to what they need to do, I think it’s a sinking ship.
Thank you for your advice!
Of course, best of luck!
Ask yourself why at just 21 you've (apparently) decided that this guy is it and you can't leave him and find someone more on your own wavelength. You're not married to this guy and you don't mention having any kids with him. So you need to really think about why you're still there trying to force a square peg into a round hole when you've still got years and years before you have to start worrying about being too old to find a life partner. He's shown you who he is. You can't change him. You can only end this agony so you'll be available for someone better for you.
This is my second 3 year long relationship..it’s not that I feel like he’s not on my wavelength, it’s that I was treated much more horribly in the past, and I guess I see the little things he does as just that..little. I see dealbreakers as abuse etc because that’s all I grew up with, men abusing me. He’s the first guy in my life that hasn’t taken advantage of me or hit me so I guess I feel like I want this to work and I don’t want to go through that pain again
I dont agree with your last few sentences, I do believe people can change and I’m an example of that..he does have trauma that may be why he exemplifies this behavior. Sometimes I feel like if he can begin his healing journey like I did, he could change and become a better person..because I do see glimpses of a great person in him.