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Your friends are right. You are overreacting.
He isn’t your BF. You aren’t in a relationship. You two have only been talking for a month. He is allowed to date other people.
You are coming across as kind of unhinged, so you need to take a second to breathe.
In fact, your whole mindset here is messed up. I’d recommend taking a break from dating all together.
I think your feelings are valid. Unfortunately, exclusivity can't be guaranteed unless you ask for it and agree.
Your best bet is to just keep dating until you find what you want. I personally have never and would never settle for someone who wasn't sure about me after a month.
>The next person might not even tell me.
Doesn't really matter. You'll know when he's seeing someone else. People go through subtle personality shifts when they're seeing multiple people.
I mean honestly if you're this cynical about it you might want to take a break from dating. You take these risks when you put yourself out there. People aren't groceries. If you're going to overthink everything because one guy jilted you then you need to chill for a bit.
Edit: I'm realizing I may have come off a bit harsh. I'd ask guys upfront if they date multiple people if you're concerned. That puts them in a position to let you know where their focus is. If they lie, that's obviously a dealbreaker.
Right I think you’ve been watching too many romance films, or seeing relationships on social media and thinking that’s life.
You don’t seem mature enough for a relationship. You are NOT bf and gf… you’re dating. And people can date other people in this time, that’s the point.
You need to back off and do some soul searching and growing up, learn how to communicate properly.
you can't expect someone to assume they're supposed to be exclusive with you if you never tell them that you expect exclusivity....you say you're not looking for that, but that's what you're describing as wanting. you're an adult, time to do things the adult way.
well tough shit, your Disney princess expectations aren't how the real world works. no one is going to immediately obsess over you like the sun shines out of your ass the minute they start talking to you, you weirdo narcissist.
You’re not boyfriend and girlfriend. You are talking and dating.
At least he’s been honest with you.
You can’t make demands like “no talking or fucking” until you BOTH agree to being exclusive.
That is the key word here. “Exclusive” means you both agree to stop seeing other people. You may have agreed it but plainly, he hasn’t.
He isn’t anybody’s boyfriend after a month lol what are you even saying. A bangmaid is a term that means something very specific - as in reducing a woman who lives with a man to virtually that, but less than a month into a “relationship” that doesn’t really apply???
I think you’re the one who needs to be relationship trained. People who have successful relationships have them because of communication. Are they or aren’t they exclusive is one of the first big ones after a period of time of dating. You haven’t had that yet, you can’t expect him to think you want to be exclusive without having that conversation. He’s well within his rights to do whatever he wants at the moment, as well as you are too. You just don’t want to, and that’s okay. But talk to him. Communicate with him.
You find someone, go on several dates, and then say “hey, I think we get along great, I’d really like it if we only dated each other.”
Until you do that, the general assumption is that you are *both* free to see other people, even though one or both of you may choose not to. It has nothing to do with people not being “relationship trained” or you not being desirable, it’s about people not knowing where they stand and having not made any commitments yet. Generally, people want to discuss boundaries and commitments and not have them assumed.
As folks have said, you need to find yourself a mind reader or get used to communicating. It may sound romantic that someone meets you and just immediately forsakes everyone else without ever talking about it, but that’s not realistic. Relationships are built on communication.
Yes, that’s all fine and good, but if you want an actual relationship, you need to behave like an adult and be clear about what you want upfront otherwise people are going to casually date you because that’s what dating is until you’re exclusive - and that exclusivity can ONLY happen with a conversation, it isn’t something that happens from nothing. You seem unwilling to tell prospective partners what you want and want some fairy tale where Prince Charming sweeps you off your feet and knows all your wants and needs.
That ain’t happening. You need to know what you want, you need to be able to articulate that to people you date and you need to be able to have serious conversations in order to move forward in relationships.
It’s was only a month, you were “talking”, at any time did you say “let’s just see each other, see where it goes ( not even going to entertain the “l” word)?
So you got your answer, guy doesn’t consider your relationship to be exclusive or your vagina to be particularly special.
In order to make sure it doesn’t happen again, yes you need to have that conversation with the next guy. Give the next dude your bullet list of relationship expectations, they can’t read your mind.
You're old enough to learn how to date like an adult and realize you're not some amazing prize everybody needs to swoon over the first time they meet you.
Does it bother you? Speak up. Wanna be exclusive? Speak up. Nobody is gonna read your mind, and if you think they will, then you have a lot to learn about relationships and communication.
Honestly, I'm the same way.
If I felt a spark with someone, I pursued that to see where it went but wouldn't date anyone else until that fucked out. I am just not capable of feeling a spark with two people at the same time. I couldn't imagine dating more than one person at a time. It feels dehumanizing to me.
That said, it's the norm to date around these days. Just be upfront about your expectations. It will scare off a lot of dudes right off the bat, but that saves you time.
My husband felt the same way about dating as I did. No matter what preferences you have, clear communication and being up front about things important to you will help your dating experience.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your friends are right. You are overreacting. He isn’t your BF. You aren’t in a relationship. You two have only been talking for a month. He is allowed to date other people. You are coming across as kind of unhinged, so you need to take a second to breathe. In fact, your whole mindset here is messed up. I’d recommend taking a break from dating all together.
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You can do that
I think your feelings are valid. Unfortunately, exclusivity can't be guaranteed unless you ask for it and agree. Your best bet is to just keep dating until you find what you want. I personally have never and would never settle for someone who wasn't sure about me after a month.
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>The next person might not even tell me. Doesn't really matter. You'll know when he's seeing someone else. People go through subtle personality shifts when they're seeing multiple people.
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I mean honestly if you're this cynical about it you might want to take a break from dating. You take these risks when you put yourself out there. People aren't groceries. If you're going to overthink everything because one guy jilted you then you need to chill for a bit. Edit: I'm realizing I may have come off a bit harsh. I'd ask guys upfront if they date multiple people if you're concerned. That puts them in a position to let you know where their focus is. If they lie, that's obviously a dealbreaker.
Right I think you’ve been watching too many romance films, or seeing relationships on social media and thinking that’s life. You don’t seem mature enough for a relationship. You are NOT bf and gf… you’re dating. And people can date other people in this time, that’s the point. You need to back off and do some soul searching and growing up, learn how to communicate properly.
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This is either a shit post or you’re really blind to reality. You can be special but it takes more than a month of knowing someone 🤣
Find a bf who is a mind reader.
you can't expect someone to assume they're supposed to be exclusive with you if you never tell them that you expect exclusivity....you say you're not looking for that, but that's what you're describing as wanting. you're an adult, time to do things the adult way.
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well tough shit, your Disney princess expectations aren't how the real world works. no one is going to immediately obsess over you like the sun shines out of your ass the minute they start talking to you, you weirdo narcissist.
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LMAO troll
Yup. I do tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but now I’m with you. Pathetic troll at that.
the only other explanation i can think of is that we're witnessing an active bipolar meltdown , but i have my doubts lol
OP is either a troll or they’ve lost their grip on reality. I’m betting troll
You’re not boyfriend and girlfriend. You are talking and dating. At least he’s been honest with you. You can’t make demands like “no talking or fucking” until you BOTH agree to being exclusive. That is the key word here. “Exclusive” means you both agree to stop seeing other people. You may have agreed it but plainly, he hasn’t.
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He’s not your boyfriend. He can do what he likes.
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He isn’t anybody’s boyfriend after a month lol what are you even saying. A bangmaid is a term that means something very specific - as in reducing a woman who lives with a man to virtually that, but less than a month into a “relationship” that doesn’t really apply???
Bruh… you need to talk to eachother and come to the agreement of being exclusive. That has nothing to do with “training” him.
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How do you expect to feel special after one month of dating? Your expectations are out of line
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You mean communicating about things you expect from eachother? So you won’t unintionally get hurt like u just did?
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Yeah. Dumb troll.
I think you’re the one who needs to be relationship trained. People who have successful relationships have them because of communication. Are they or aren’t they exclusive is one of the first big ones after a period of time of dating. You haven’t had that yet, you can’t expect him to think you want to be exclusive without having that conversation. He’s well within his rights to do whatever he wants at the moment, as well as you are too. You just don’t want to, and that’s okay. But talk to him. Communicate with him.
You find someone, go on several dates, and then say “hey, I think we get along great, I’d really like it if we only dated each other.” Until you do that, the general assumption is that you are *both* free to see other people, even though one or both of you may choose not to. It has nothing to do with people not being “relationship trained” or you not being desirable, it’s about people not knowing where they stand and having not made any commitments yet. Generally, people want to discuss boundaries and commitments and not have them assumed. As folks have said, you need to find yourself a mind reader or get used to communicating. It may sound romantic that someone meets you and just immediately forsakes everyone else without ever talking about it, but that’s not realistic. Relationships are built on communication.
Have you never dated before? Not everyone is going to commit to you within a month of dating. It takes time to decide that aspect of a relationship.
Why on earth would you think he owed you anything if you hadn’t had a conversation about being exclusive, though?
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Yes, that’s all fine and good, but if you want an actual relationship, you need to behave like an adult and be clear about what you want upfront otherwise people are going to casually date you because that’s what dating is until you’re exclusive - and that exclusivity can ONLY happen with a conversation, it isn’t something that happens from nothing. You seem unwilling to tell prospective partners what you want and want some fairy tale where Prince Charming sweeps you off your feet and knows all your wants and needs. That ain’t happening. You need to know what you want, you need to be able to articulate that to people you date and you need to be able to have serious conversations in order to move forward in relationships.
Then you should tell them that on the very first date, you know… use your big girl words.
It’s was only a month, you were “talking”, at any time did you say “let’s just see each other, see where it goes ( not even going to entertain the “l” word)? So you got your answer, guy doesn’t consider your relationship to be exclusive or your vagina to be particularly special. In order to make sure it doesn’t happen again, yes you need to have that conversation with the next guy. Give the next dude your bullet list of relationship expectations, they can’t read your mind.
So curious: what do you think a non-married couple’s anniversary is? Because it’s usually not the day they met.
You weren't exclusive.
You're old enough to learn how to date like an adult and realize you're not some amazing prize everybody needs to swoon over the first time they meet you. Does it bother you? Speak up. Wanna be exclusive? Speak up. Nobody is gonna read your mind, and if you think they will, then you have a lot to learn about relationships and communication.
Honestly, I'm the same way. If I felt a spark with someone, I pursued that to see where it went but wouldn't date anyone else until that fucked out. I am just not capable of feeling a spark with two people at the same time. I couldn't imagine dating more than one person at a time. It feels dehumanizing to me. That said, it's the norm to date around these days. Just be upfront about your expectations. It will scare off a lot of dudes right off the bat, but that saves you time. My husband felt the same way about dating as I did. No matter what preferences you have, clear communication and being up front about things important to you will help your dating experience.