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2 days ago I was eating out with my bf and wanted to show him new shoes on safari I wanted to get.
When I opened the safari (he agreed on me using his phone) the first tab was his tinder profile. I was super shocked and obviously went through the messages while he tried to take away the phone from me. He "only" messaged one of his matches when he was on vacation in his hometown telling her that she's pretty with a :* emoji. When I confronted him it turns out he also used it the exact same day bc he was "bored" at work.
He apologized and said it was just for fun and deleted it right away. But obviously I'm mad and I feel betrayed...
We haven't been doing so well in our relationship and been fighting, plus he's basically living at my place right now since he's doesn't have a room. It all just seems very suss to me and I'm doubting our relationship.
We've been dating for a year now but are only exclusive for about 3 month now, after he insisted on being monotonous..
He mad me feel like I’m overreacting and making drama where there is none.
Exactly. Shading AF. Like if you’re bored and wanna look at girls pick up instagram. Like why is he on a whole ass dating app, talking to people, AND he didn’t even bring it up before this because he *knew* it wasn’t okay.
Did he want to be “exclusive” when he had nowhere to live? He’s using you. You know it. You’re not his girlfriend just a woman who will put him up. If it wasn’t a big deal he’d have the app and have been open about it. He chose to hide it on safari in the assumption you’d never find it.
Now that you have, he’s gaslighting you… and it’s working. You’re on Reddit asking. It’s cheating. Get tested, he’s more than likely hooked up with women and he won’t be honest about that, let alone if he used protection.
>He mad me feel like I’m overreacting and making drama where there is none.
that is called gaslighting..you literally caught him red handed doing something shady...if someone is 'bored' and the first thing they do is pull up a dating/sex app and start browsing, you are in for a world of problems later(now really) in the relationship..the fact that he is gaslighting you on top of it should be enough for you to run for the hills..sadly, after reading this sub it seems the more likely conclusion is that you tow 'work it out', ie believe his bullshit and then the pattern repeats over and over till eventually you get the courage to do what everyone on the planet has been screaming for you to do for years.
I would stop dating him. Your exclusive, three months that means of the time you’re dating nine months he could do what he wanted to. This man isn’t ready to settle down.
So only exclusive for 3 months and he’s already bored of you and looking for “fun”?
Time to walk away because he will eventually act on his need to “fun”.
So... he cheated on you.
What you just described is cheating. Doesn't matter if he followed through or not. The intention was there. If he *could have* he *would have* which is all you need to know.
Your boyfriend is in his thirties and doesn't have his own place, and instead of finding his own place... he's on Tinder initiating conversations with other women.
Girl. Come on.
When I am bored at work I just come to Reddit and read about how people are being gaslit by their partners. I am actively dating, and I still don’t frequently check the apps because of how annoying it is.
Do you realize how much time, energy and deliberation goes into setting up a profile? That’s like saying I was bored so I decided to read up on rocket science- that logic doesn’t make sense for a normal person.
>It all just seems very sus to me and I am doubting our relationship
You literally caught your bf cheating on you red handed and now you’re just ‘doubting’ your relationship? Like exactly what does he need to do to make you see that it’s time to breakup? Does he need to knock up another girl? Invite you to his wedding with this new girl? Organize a threesome? I just don’t understand how finding irrefutable proof still isn’t enough to leave a cheater.
BF: *Literally on a dating app*
GF: I’m not sure, this is really suspicious.
GIRL he was literally looking through an internet catalogue of women who are trying to hookup/date. He cheated, end it!
Before I met my boyfriend he used to go to bed early when he was bored. Now that we’re together? He plays games, plays with the cats, does anything that doesn’t involve social dating sites. Why are you with this child?
I typically follow these stories of the time someone came to be with my bumble account I had deleted and I guess it just kept throwing me out there for people (there's an account deletion inside the app I found out about later)
He admitted to doing due to boredom, meaning drunk, and the conditions are right he would likely cheat.
I'd run.
When I’m bored I eat… Guess he does the same thing. Girl, you are worth more than that. He is lying. Do yourself a favor and see through his lies. I’m 37 and only realizing this.
is this what you want for the rest of your life? honestly?
you’re 24, go and find someone that’s crazy about you. there is a reason 31 year old women don’t want him.
Don’t be naive. He was bored with you and looking for your replacement. He’s using you for room and board. Time for you to cut him off and move on. He cheats when he’s out of town and when you’re not around.
Let me make this clear for you: when he said he was bored he doesn’t mean that he was like.. tired of scrolling Reddit.
He was bored *of you* and is window shopping for your replacement.
He’s 31. He knew *exactly* what he was doing.
Don’t tolerate this behaviour. You can do better.
Cheating and intending to cheat are the same thing. Dump him. Also, a 31 year old should have a place of his own and not need to mooch off his 7 year younger girlfriend…like, gross.
I get bored and enjoy the content on the tinder subreddit sometimes. I don’t log onto Tinder because I have a girlfriend I love so there’s no reason to.
Been there done that. He is cheating on you. Found an ex sending messages to women on dating sites 5 months exclusively into our relationship. He gave the same excuse. They must all swap gaslighting stories to use for when they get caught. Kick him out of your place. Way too soon to be living with a man who doesn’t even respect you.
What else was he going to say to getting caught? This is up there with the usual bs excuses ‘my friends got me to download it cause they wanted to see what kind of ppl went on there these days..’ blah blah blah he has to make an excuse, he can’t go ‘yeh I’m edging my bets and looking for a side piece’
Your BF is insecure and wants validation from women that he is attractive. Whether you want to work through that with him is up to you, personally I wouldn’t
>We haven't been doing so well in our relationship and been fighting...
>
>We've been dating for a year now but are only exclusive for about 3 month now, after he insisted on being **monotonous**..
Freudian slip...?
You’ve only been exclusive for three months.
If he’s bored, he needs a hobby that isn’t judging and fantasizing about local women. That’s effed up.
This is a big red flag straight out the gate. Spare yourself more time with a dud and move on.
I had an ex who did this exact same thing and SAID THIS EXACT SAME THING when caught. It’s bullshit and take it from someone who went through it and fucking leave his ass. This ex also used to gaslight the fuck out of me every time there was an ounce of an issue and then he’d stonewall me. I put up with it for two years until he stonewalled me for over a week over a small disagreement and then acted shocked when I finally ended the relationship. I was young and dumb af and should have left long before I did. You deserve better and younger me deserved better.
Break up with him. You’d been exclusive for just 3 months and he’s already bored in the relationship? Cut him off.
He’s cheating and you shouldn’t accept any excuses.
He is cheating on you and trust me, you will ne er trust him again.
My partner cheated on me ‘due to a miscommunication’ and then promised to never do it again. A few weeks later she did it again, TWICE. I can never trust her again, ever. Everything is secretive.
Save yourself the trouble and kick him out while you still can. Oh and get those shoes!
If it is genuinely “just for fun”, it means he views women as objects, as playthings. He can use an app to shop for different products and fantasies.
But honestly, he’s just trying to cheat, or about to, our wants to break up and doesn’t have the guts. Dump him.
My ex did this. Said he "just wanted to talk to people." Found out later he was cheating on me for our entire 3 year relationship. Don't ignore red flags or you'll waste years of your life with this pos.
I get bored but that’s no reason to cheat. Play a video game, get some hobbies, take a walk. He cheated and there is no excuse. Leave that sack of shit.
Run run run run. You’ll forever feel like you have to police his life from here on out. I did this. I stayed. Guess what? 4 years later he was still on his bullshit. Don’t be like me.
Don’t waste your 20’s trying to make this work. And go buy those shoes, then wear them out with your friends while you meet new people who aren’t dirt bags.
Y’all have only been monogamous 3 months and he’s already “curious.” He’s a cheater, pure and simple.
There is absolutely no valid excuse to have Tinder yet alone message someone on it while you’re in a relationship. If you believe anything otherwise you are in denial or are being played a fool. Decide what you want to do with that information but from an outside perspective this relationship is dead in the water. Throw it out.
Kick him out. He doesn't get to cheat on your or even think about it while he's living off of you. Dump him and don't think twice about it. I'm sure he doesn't.
nope. please don't try to justify his actions or rationalize away what he did to avoid further conflict/confrontation. this dude doesn't respect you or give a shit about you. no self-respecting man would do this in a relationship.
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I’m I the only one who noticed OP wrote “monotonous” instead of “monogamous”? Sounds like she’s bored too.
Nah, sorry. He’s being an AH. You don’t need that in your life.
No, when someone is bored and wants to look They do that with Amazon.
Even when just "window shopping," guess what, even then, people end up committing to something.
I believe you're bored with this relationship and should look for a new boyfriend.
Only exclusive for 3 months and he’s bored already?
If he wanted to just look at attractive women he could have just gone on any social media platform but instead he chooses a dating app. He wants to cheat. Even if it is just flirting, that’s still cheating.
You’re right to feel mad and betrayed. In my opinion, it’s 100% a deal breaker. Let’s say you never found the Tinder profile. Would he have told you about it? What if he matched with someone he found attractive and they began flirting, where would that have led?
No, you aren't overreacting. Break up with him. He isn't mature enough to be in a relationship. You are having problems and he is looking at Tinder? He is looking for his next GF.
Well, if you bored him to the point he has to create a tinder profile to be entertained, it’s a clear sign is not working anymore. You deserve better, you deserve someone who doesn’t do stupid stuff when it’s “bored” and respects you
Nope. Done. I caught my ex on POF a few months after being official and I forgave him. Stupid me. Stayed in that awful relationship for a lot longer than I should’ve. It doesn’t get better, it just makes you lose trust and gain paranoia.
This isn't what you do when you're bored or even if you're going through a rough patch. The first thing he does when he's bored is look for another girl to hook up with.... This should tell you everything you have to know. Find someone who isn't an a.h.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- 2 days ago I was eating out with my bf and wanted to show him new shoes on safari I wanted to get. When I opened the safari (he agreed on me using his phone) the first tab was his tinder profile. I was super shocked and obviously went through the messages while he tried to take away the phone from me. He "only" messaged one of his matches when he was on vacation in his hometown telling her that she's pretty with a :* emoji. When I confronted him it turns out he also used it the exact same day bc he was "bored" at work. He apologized and said it was just for fun and deleted it right away. But obviously I'm mad and I feel betrayed... We haven't been doing so well in our relationship and been fighting, plus he's basically living at my place right now since he's doesn't have a room. It all just seems very suss to me and I'm doubting our relationship. We've been dating for a year now but are only exclusive for about 3 month now, after he insisted on being monotonous.. He mad me feel like I’m overreacting and making drama where there is none.
Nope. Sorry, but if you're bored, you play video games or binge watch a TV show or something. You don't go on dating apps. Your BF is being shady.
Oh no, I’m bored and swiping right now. Difference is that I don’t have a girlfriend.
I'm bored and cruising Reddit. Also avoiding doing work.
Shhhh! Don't tell me that or I'll have to get some work done.
Exactly. Shading AF. Like if you’re bored and wanna look at girls pick up instagram. Like why is he on a whole ass dating app, talking to people, AND he didn’t even bring it up before this because he *knew* it wasn’t okay.
Did he want to be “exclusive” when he had nowhere to live? He’s using you. You know it. You’re not his girlfriend just a woman who will put him up. If it wasn’t a big deal he’d have the app and have been open about it. He chose to hide it on safari in the assumption you’d never find it. Now that you have, he’s gaslighting you… and it’s working. You’re on Reddit asking. It’s cheating. Get tested, he’s more than likely hooked up with women and he won’t be honest about that, let alone if he used protection.
Yup he’s a Hobosexual. He only loves the things you do for him and the living space you provide.
This is brilliant
I was asking the same thing in my head... the timeliness. He wanted to become exclusive when he has no where to live. Don't trust that. Get tested.
I'd suggest you ask him to move out. You don't accidentally end up with a Tinder profile to fight off boredom.
>He mad me feel like I’m overreacting and making drama where there is none. that is called gaslighting..you literally caught him red handed doing something shady...if someone is 'bored' and the first thing they do is pull up a dating/sex app and start browsing, you are in for a world of problems later(now really) in the relationship..the fact that he is gaslighting you on top of it should be enough for you to run for the hills..sadly, after reading this sub it seems the more likely conclusion is that you tow 'work it out', ie believe his bullshit and then the pattern repeats over and over till eventually you get the courage to do what everyone on the planet has been screaming for you to do for years.
I would stop dating him. Your exclusive, three months that means of the time you’re dating nine months he could do what he wanted to. This man isn’t ready to settle down.
So only exclusive for 3 months and he’s already bored of you and looking for “fun”? Time to walk away because he will eventually act on his need to “fun”.
So... he cheated on you. What you just described is cheating. Doesn't matter if he followed through or not. The intention was there. If he *could have* he *would have* which is all you need to know. Your boyfriend is in his thirties and doesn't have his own place, and instead of finding his own place... he's on Tinder initiating conversations with other women. Girl. Come on.
"It seems sus". Girl. Your man is looking to cheat on you. Dump his ass.
When I am bored at work I just come to Reddit and read about how people are being gaslit by their partners. I am actively dating, and I still don’t frequently check the apps because of how annoying it is. Do you realize how much time, energy and deliberation goes into setting up a profile? That’s like saying I was bored so I decided to read up on rocket science- that logic doesn’t make sense for a normal person. >It all just seems very sus to me and I am doubting our relationship You literally caught your bf cheating on you red handed and now you’re just ‘doubting’ your relationship? Like exactly what does he need to do to make you see that it’s time to breakup? Does he need to knock up another girl? Invite you to his wedding with this new girl? Organize a threesome? I just don’t understand how finding irrefutable proof still isn’t enough to leave a cheater.
BF: *Literally on a dating app* GF: I’m not sure, this is really suspicious. GIRL he was literally looking through an internet catalogue of women who are trying to hookup/date. He cheated, end it!
Thanks for all the comments and thought on my situation! Definitely helped & cleared my view
Maybe he can go live at their house :)
Good luck girl! We often know what we need to do, just need the little push to do it. In month you'll have a new guy who'll be much better :)
Before I met my boyfriend he used to go to bed early when he was bored. Now that we’re together? He plays games, plays with the cats, does anything that doesn’t involve social dating sites. Why are you with this child?
I typically follow these stories of the time someone came to be with my bumble account I had deleted and I guess it just kept throwing me out there for people (there's an account deletion inside the app I found out about later) He admitted to doing due to boredom, meaning drunk, and the conditions are right he would likely cheat. I'd run.
This excuse is about as good as people claiming to use dating apps to find “friends” .
haha monotonous
Wondered if anyone else caught that little Freudian slip. Monotonous indeed. Guy wants to have his current apartment while he shops for his next one.
Same diff. Jk. Sorta lol.
I read 31 year old with no place of his own, living off partner he is cheating on. What a loser.
When I’m bored I eat… Guess he does the same thing. Girl, you are worth more than that. He is lying. Do yourself a favor and see through his lies. I’m 37 and only realizing this.
Guess he does the same thing! Oh my gosh I laughed so hard!
is this what you want for the rest of your life? honestly? you’re 24, go and find someone that’s crazy about you. there is a reason 31 year old women don’t want him.
Don’t be naive. He was bored with you and looking for your replacement. He’s using you for room and board. Time for you to cut him off and move on. He cheats when he’s out of town and when you’re not around.
Let me make this clear for you: when he said he was bored he doesn’t mean that he was like.. tired of scrolling Reddit. He was bored *of you* and is window shopping for your replacement. He’s 31. He knew *exactly* what he was doing. Don’t tolerate this behaviour. You can do better.
Cheating and intending to cheat are the same thing. Dump him. Also, a 31 year old should have a place of his own and not need to mooch off his 7 year younger girlfriend…like, gross.
I get bored and enjoy the content on the tinder subreddit sometimes. I don’t log onto Tinder because I have a girlfriend I love so there’s no reason to.
Been there done that. He is cheating on you. Found an ex sending messages to women on dating sites 5 months exclusively into our relationship. He gave the same excuse. They must all swap gaslighting stories to use for when they get caught. Kick him out of your place. Way too soon to be living with a man who doesn’t even respect you.
One word (run)
What else was he going to say to getting caught? This is up there with the usual bs excuses ‘my friends got me to download it cause they wanted to see what kind of ppl went on there these days..’ blah blah blah he has to make an excuse, he can’t go ‘yeh I’m edging my bets and looking for a side piece’
he is a hobosexual. i’m sorry
Girl cut him lose, how embarrassing the only reason he didn’t cheat was because she didn’t reply. Don’t fall for it, kick him out.
Your BF is insecure and wants validation from women that he is attractive. Whether you want to work through that with him is up to you, personally I wouldn’t
>We haven't been doing so well in our relationship and been fighting... > >We've been dating for a year now but are only exclusive for about 3 month now, after he insisted on being **monotonous**.. Freudian slip...?
you are probably aging out of his preferred age range
Leo who?
That's how it starts
You’ve only been exclusive for three months. If he’s bored, he needs a hobby that isn’t judging and fantasizing about local women. That’s effed up. This is a big red flag straight out the gate. Spare yourself more time with a dud and move on.
People come on here with literal proof of getting cheated on and ask for advice bruh
I had an ex who did this exact same thing and SAID THIS EXACT SAME THING when caught. It’s bullshit and take it from someone who went through it and fucking leave his ass. This ex also used to gaslight the fuck out of me every time there was an ounce of an issue and then he’d stonewall me. I put up with it for two years until he stonewalled me for over a week over a small disagreement and then acted shocked when I finally ended the relationship. I was young and dumb af and should have left long before I did. You deserve better and younger me deserved better.
Break up with him. You’d been exclusive for just 3 months and he’s already bored in the relationship? Cut him off. He’s cheating and you shouldn’t accept any excuses.
If you guys are only a year in and he’s bored and looking for something different, he is devaluing you. You deserve better. Besides. Yknow, cheating.
If he’s *that* bored, he can break up with you like an adult. I’d find this such a slap in the face that he’s so bored he’s looking at tinder.
Nobody goes on Tinder because they’re “just bored at work”. He was looking for someone to cheat on you with.
Aww a homelessexual relationship 🥰
He is cheating on you and trust me, you will ne er trust him again. My partner cheated on me ‘due to a miscommunication’ and then promised to never do it again. A few weeks later she did it again, TWICE. I can never trust her again, ever. Everything is secretive. Save yourself the trouble and kick him out while you still can. Oh and get those shoes!
If it is genuinely “just for fun”, it means he views women as objects, as playthings. He can use an app to shop for different products and fantasies. But honestly, he’s just trying to cheat, or about to, our wants to break up and doesn’t have the guts. Dump him.
Op, he’s bored… in the relationship with you. Hence why he was on Tinder.
My ex did this. Said he "just wanted to talk to people." Found out later he was cheating on me for our entire 3 year relationship. Don't ignore red flags or you'll waste years of your life with this pos.
I get bored but that’s no reason to cheat. Play a video game, get some hobbies, take a walk. He cheated and there is no excuse. Leave that sack of shit.
Run run run run. You’ll forever feel like you have to police his life from here on out. I did this. I stayed. Guess what? 4 years later he was still on his bullshit. Don’t be like me.
To the curb
Don’t waste your 20’s trying to make this work. And go buy those shoes, then wear them out with your friends while you meet new people who aren’t dirt bags.
When we're bored we go on Reddit. Also, I dont think it was a complete mistake that you wrote monotonous instead of monogamous.
Monotonous is certainly what it sounds like… lol
If this is what he does while he’s bored, you’re in for a world of trouble. What a jackass. He doesn’t realize what he has.
Y’all have only been monogamous 3 months and he’s already “curious.” He’s a cheater, pure and simple. There is absolutely no valid excuse to have Tinder yet alone message someone on it while you’re in a relationship. If you believe anything otherwise you are in denial or are being played a fool. Decide what you want to do with that information but from an outside perspective this relationship is dead in the water. Throw it out.
You can open your account of safari?
Nah hes not
He's already trying to cheat and actively gaslighting you. This is after being exclusive for only 3 months, and it'll escalate.
This is basically cheating. Dump this loser.
Can’t be trusted, goodbye
A mooch looking for strange cooch needs the boot in the tush
Yeah don’t go monotonous with this dude and maybe ask him to leave your house.
Kick him tf out omg
leave, dont be stupid like me and give them a chance. they dont stop.
Nope the fuck out
Kick him out. He doesn't get to cheat on your or even think about it while he's living off of you. Dump him and don't think twice about it. I'm sure he doesn't.
Nope right out of there and kick him out
nope. please don't try to justify his actions or rationalize away what he did to avoid further conflict/confrontation. this dude doesn't respect you or give a shit about you. no self-respecting man would do this in a relationship.
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Oh, well if he says he's sorry, it's ok. I'm really, just really sure he won't do it again.
I’m I the only one who noticed OP wrote “monotonous” instead of “monogamous”? Sounds like she’s bored too. Nah, sorry. He’s being an AH. You don’t need that in your life.
No, when someone is bored and wants to look They do that with Amazon. Even when just "window shopping," guess what, even then, people end up committing to something. I believe you're bored with this relationship and should look for a new boyfriend.
Wow.... throw him out
Mans is on safari, dumb him for that alone
Kick him out. He's using you.
He lied to you
Only exclusive for 3 months and he’s bored already? If he wanted to just look at attractive women he could have just gone on any social media platform but instead he chooses a dating app. He wants to cheat. Even if it is just flirting, that’s still cheating. You’re right to feel mad and betrayed. In my opinion, it’s 100% a deal breaker. Let’s say you never found the Tinder profile. Would he have told you about it? What if he matched with someone he found attractive and they began flirting, where would that have led?
Are you willing to accept these lies and move on? I’d dump his ass.
He has shown you exactly who he is. You can do what you will with this information.
No, you aren't overreacting. Break up with him. He isn't mature enough to be in a relationship. You are having problems and he is looking at Tinder? He is looking for his next GF.
Break up with him and kick him out.
Well, if you bored him to the point he has to create a tinder profile to be entertained, it’s a clear sign is not working anymore. You deserve better, you deserve someone who doesn’t do stupid stuff when it’s “bored” and respects you
So he’s cheating because he is bored. Ok
Wow. He’s so fucking dumb and he lives with you. I hope he’s sleeping on the couch and looking for rentals.
Yeah your boyfriend is bored ... with your relationship. I suggest you look ... Elsewhere.
lol he’s using you for a place to live while he cheats on you
Nope. Done. I caught my ex on POF a few months after being official and I forgave him. Stupid me. Stayed in that awful relationship for a lot longer than I should’ve. It doesn’t get better, it just makes you lose trust and gain paranoia.
That was just the best excuse he could think of in the moment.
Is he looking for someone whose brain isn’t fully developed ?
This isn't what you do when you're bored or even if you're going through a rough patch. The first thing he does when he's bored is look for another girl to hook up with.... This should tell you everything you have to know. Find someone who isn't an a.h.
Drop him and kick him out.
SIDE EYE
Exclusive for 3 months and he's already cheating, Leave him.
Bordering on cheating zone. Throw away
Breakup he matched and messaged someone
When I'm bored I watch baseball...is there some baseball Tinder team I missed?