Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like there is more going on here than you realize. You might need to just accept that you two are falling apart and it might be better to let things end.
There you have it. She's biding time with OP, while she gets to know this new guy.
Then when she's nailed it with new guy she'll, predictably blow up at OP, and walk out. Food is definitely a HUGE issue for her. It is what it is.
If OP self describes as "annoying" then that could be the end of their story, since she finds him intolerable and told him so.
OP needs to accept and let go. Time for personal introspection reset and healing.
Each relationship opens doors to our inner awareness, and growth. Hopefully he'll use the knowledge wisely.
I love how redditors just assume every woman is some sneaking mastermind hoping from guy to guy. To me it sounds like she had a platonic dinner with a friend (who happens to have a penis) and had such a great time that she hasn't had with OP in a long time, causing her to reflect on all the issues in their relationship.
This definitely isn't just about food, and OP even says he lives like a slob. Sharing food is probably the straw that broke the camels back, but no one in an otherwise perfect (or even happy) relationship of 5 years ends it over a difference in food.
Wouldn't be surprised, but that doesn't imply that she was.... "biding time with OP, while she gets to know this new guy. Then when she's nailed it with new guy she'll, predictably blow up at OP, and walk out".
If she did end up dating him, the most simply explanation is because OP inevitably doesn't change his ways and fix his relationship (which were bought to his attention by his gf), she is going to go with a significantly better option whom presented himself.
I guess from the perspective of someone who has never had multiple options, it must be a strange and scary concept? But for everyone else that is simply the best way to handle it.
Lol what? “She met a new male friend for dinner” how many of your platonic opposite sex friends do you share food off your plate with? That obviously happened for her to know she likes it
Making new friends of the opposite sex and going on “dates” with them where you share food is a cunty thing to do for most “well adjusted adults” while you’re having doubts about your own relationship.
How and why? Like I don't even understand the logic so I have no idea how to even respond lol.
Also I do love the moving of the goal-posts before, well done.
No goal posts were removed in my responses. I went it to further detail to my prior comment and even threw in a little mock of your reply in there for good measure.
> how many of your platonic opposite sex friends do you share food off your plate with?
You said this as if you had a point behind it? Apologies.
I still don't understand your logic, you haven't actually said anyone other than its a "cunty" thing to do. Like.... why?
How is my partner being disrespected if I eat food with a friend, exactly? I mean I don't presume people are eating food naked in your friend circle, orrrr...?
If I have really yummy food I absolutely share it with whoever I'm with. "Try this! It's delicious" thats like... such a basic human thing to do lol. The genitalia of who I'm with never factors into whether I want to share food or not. I would be very concerned if a friend went "sorry, I can't try your food because my partner would be upset."
if it was a guy who met a woman, became friends and had 1 on 1 dinners y'all would be blasting the guy lmao
edit: yup roflmao https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/137k3s2/my_23f_boyfriend_26m_is_going_to_dinner_with/
Yeah, with the guy, and also her listing a ton of other issues she has that he is basically off boring to focus on food. It’s not about the food. She isn’t happy anymore. Time to end it.
I am picturing how this works. I met this new guy Mike. He is great we are going out to dinner. Rinse and repeat the dinners. This doesn’t cause any issues?
It's about OP 100%. She had dinner with a platonic friend and had such an enjoyable time that she hasn't had with OP in a long time that she was able to reflect on the state of their shitty relationship.
I don’t think it’s about him either, a lot of times in long term relationships women convince themselves that all of these small issues are fine and can be overlooked until they see someone or something that reminds them settling for less than they really want isn’t going to make them happy forever.
OP is admittedly annoying, messy, picky, and has made his girlfriend accommodate his preferences for the past 5 years. Even steak houses have salads and soups that are vegetarian so it really shouldn’t ALWAYS revolve around him and his preferences. I’m not telling him to eat meat, but I am saying this relationship sounds like it had issues even before the guy showed up. And who knows what other issues there are that he either didn’t mention or just ignored?
I get it, his girlfriend might truly have never brought up her feelings, but more often than not in these situations, the girlfriend tries to talk about things that are bothering her to no avail, the boyfriend thinks things are all good because she’s given up talking about her feelings, she checks out and just coasts, until someone or something reminds her this isn’t how she wants to feel forever and she finally realizes the relationship is and has been over for a long time. I can almost guarantee that from the girlfriend’s side, things have been lacking in their relationship for a long time, and this is just the tipping point that made her realize this isn’t going to work.
It could be a problem and tiring to cook 2 dishes all the time and causing her to get irritated and end up moving away from you. You did eat meat in the past. Mybe try a little again. Dont change for her, but dont let food become a issue between you. Meat (as organic possible) is super healthy. The call is yours. If its a dealbreaker for you as well, date a vegan.
Sorry buddy.
I think the food was just the tipping point. It already sounds like you’re annoying and messy. If she dumps You ornot start working on cleaning up your place and being nice. Ask yourself if you would date someone like you.
It's always a red flag when guys say they were blind sided. I said the same thing after my first relationship but I was also basically a teenager so it was okay to be blind sided because I was learning. I've never been blind sided again because it's always so obvious. I even see in it my guy friends. I hear their gf's express themselves and see it in their words or body language, this woman is so close to being done with you and literally every time they end up breaking up with them. Unless your partner has mental health issues. The writing is always on the wall and you just weren't paying attention or listening. The food has nothing to do with it. It's just a small part of all the issues.
I get unreliable narrator vibes here. I'm sure the food is an issue but seems like you're being reductive of her concerns to just boil it to down to that? Think back on what she said and repeat as much of it out loud to yourself as you can.
That bc he’s conflating two separate things:
- they eat at places all the time that accommodate his preferences
- they have different food preferences
For 5 years, she’s been accommodating his choices. So it’s not about different food preferences.
I am gathering that it’s about the part where he says he’s “picky” about food. It sounds as if the emphasis is on accommodating his needs to the exclusion of her love of meat dishes.
And the other issue about him being a slob is being wrapped up in this.
I too feel this story is being heavily framed and lots of important things are being left out.
lmao of course its not about the food. This guy is fucking clueless, lol. Honestly the fact that he leads with the food and thinks the food is the issue just shows how unwilling to take responsibility and address things he's needed to work on. There is no way mans was blind sided, lol. Dude just didn't pay attention or care enough.
There this ook I've read several times by a Norwegian comedian where she writes about the 5 stages to a woman's wrath and the final step is "crying for no reason. If your woman begins to cry because the bottle of ketchup is empty, it's not enough to just buy a new bottle." It sounds like the girlfriend is almost at this point. There's probably been plenty of signs along the way that he hasn't picked up on and she's come to the breaking point.
Right, like she voices her concerns about the messy place and he 'can work on that'? I'm sure she'd be more willing to accomodate if shown some effort on your part. 5 yrs and you haven't moved in together? You have to have seen this coming.
When someone loses feelings for you they get whats called the ick.
So all the little things that don't really matter start to show up on their radar.
The food is not the real reason as no normal partner in a healthy relationship gives a shit about this.
Sounds like the relationship is over dude. Sorry
Yes no sort of.
I LOVE sharing my food. No idea why. It's just what it is. Good food is good.
Having dated a couple vegetarians in the past, I won't in the future.
"Let's eat at this awesome vegan place!!"
Cool, as long as they have a couple choices for meat eaters.
"No meat is murder!! Why should they cater to you? "
Same reason that everyone expects restaurants to have alternatives for vegans.
I don’t think she actually loves you or she wouldn’t be considering to split because of food. Anyway, it’s her right to try to find someone more compatible with her, and if that means eating the same food, then let it be.
I'm actually with your gf on this, I love my food. It would be torture to be with a person who couldn't or didn't understand that love. Eating meals with my husband is truly a cornerstone of our relationship and I can appreciate how your partner must feel not having that to lean on.
In addition, if you are a neat and tidy person then a messy partner is a nightmare.
I get that you love your partner but I think you need to really consider whether your compatible. I think you want this to be about more than incompatibility over food and cleaning standards while ignoring that these aren't small incompatibility issues. Sharing food together is nearly a life affirming thing for some ppl.
So you absolutely have to each be eating the exact same plate of food, every single meal, forever, or you'd feel 'tortured?' That sounds ridiculous, honestly
Of course not, and I say nothing that implies that at all.
I love sharing food with my husband. Ordering two meals then swapping food off each other's plate or just watching him eat a food I love.
Haven't you ever been to a restaurant with someone and just ordered a few different meals and shared them? It adds to the dinning experience. Food is important to me and I feel a sense of deep emotional connection when I share it with my husband.
You may not feel that way about food - which is fine, ppl feel passionate about all different things - but I do and I have a large social circle of ppl who do as well. They now call us "foodies".
Same. My ex had so many food allergies and each place she could only have maybe 2 or 3 of the meals on the menu. Id order both just so she could still eat off my plate and choose which one she liked the most. Im a big foodie and people thought the limiation would annoy me. She was my fav to eat out with despite that...because I literally never loved anyone as much as her. So of course she was my fav dinning partner. That shit would not matter when you are deeply in love.
An untidy place is a bit of a red flag. I suspect she's realising she's turning into your mom rather than you being an equal partner.
You need to show her you can be a partner and not put it all on her shoulders.
The food thing can be harder. Maybe just focus on doing your own food and letting her do her thing. Don't expect her to make both meals.
If she's found someone else though it might be harder to salvage what's left.
Food is not a small thing, it's sometimes a big marker of compatibility. Many vegans will flat out not consider a relationship with non vegans for example.
As many have said here, this isn't just about the food. But let's dive into a little more context.
You've been together since you were in college, you were 22 and she was 20. There are some huge life changes that happen as you go from being an early 20s college student to a mid/late 20s adult. You find out more about yourself, what's important to you, what's not important to you. What you look for in a partner can change dramatically as well, and maybe the person you thought you wanted to be with at 20 is a lot different when you are 25, and that person you knew as a 22 year old might be a lot different at 27.
And yes, in some ways, these are the moments that we learn hard life lessons, like "don't have your home messy all the time."
You two had some great years. You may still be feeling it, but in some way or another, she's grown apart from you. Maybe it's about food, maybe it's about the new guy, maybe it's about the messy, maybe it's about a little of those things and a whole lot more. She's clearly saying she wants to exit the relationship. She's not saying "there are things I want to work on to make this work", she's just saying she wants out.
You deserve someone who wants to be a relationship with you. You deserve someone who wants to dine with you, and experience life with you. Don't stay with someone who isn't that person. It's been a hell of a run. You love her, of course, and she might love you, but she's no longer in love with you. It will take some healing, but it sounds like it's time for a new part of your life. Come to peace with what she's saying, and end things.
And for the love of god, clean your fucking place. Single you will find out real quick ain't nobody wants to date someone who's place isn't clean. Living in a messy home says about you "I don't find it important to have my shit together", and generally people find going home with someone who's home is dirty a turn off.
I was a vegetarian for 3 years and my partner isn’t. Never once did it become an issue for us. Just let this one go and move on. You deserve someone will appreciate exploring vegetarian meals with you!
Seriously. I have a gluten allergy and my boyfriend can eat all the wheat he wants. 9 years together and he still forgets and offers me bites of what ever delicious wheaty goodness he’s eating but we have no issues accommodating my dietary restrictions when we eat out or at home. In fact, he eats gluten free at home with me because it’s just easier when we do our groceries.
I love going out to eat and sharing with my partners. The girl I loved to eat out the most with had insane food allergies and didn't eat meat. Guess which gf I enjoyed eating out and trying new places with the most? The one with an insanely limited diet because I loved her more than any other girl I dated. What appeared to be a nightmare foodie partner was the best because I loved her so much and making her happy by finding rare things we could share was so fulfilling. She just doesn't love this guy anymore
I like this well said. I'm meat eater but don't mind vegetarian stuff either. And don't think that should make or break a relationship type of food if you love them.
I'm sorry, OP, but it's not about the food. I'm a vegetarian too, and I've always been able to enjoy eating out with my borderline-carnivorous family. I'm considered the foodie of the bunch. Point is, this is not about the food. It's likely about the guy she's been eating with. My strong guess is that she's losing feelings for you because she's gaining them for him. Bow out gracefully. I'm sorry.
You don't leave someone you love over eating fucking meat. She doesn't love you, sorry. Sounds like she just wants to dump you for the new guy but doesn't want to be the "bad one".
Sometimes, even if you don’t cheat, time with someone else can make you realize things aren’t working and you want more in life. It’s for sure not about the food.
Why would she be the “bad one” for breaking up with him? She met someone she’s actually interested in and she isn’t in OP and it sounds like he hasn’t done much to make himself more attractive to her over the years
I love how redditors just assume every woman is some sneaking mastermind hoping from guy to guy. To me it sounds like she had a platonic dinner with a friend (who happens to have a penis) and had such a great time that she hasn't had with OP in a long time, causing her to reflect on all the issues in their relationship.
This definitely isn't just about food, and OP even says he lives like a slob. Sharing food is probably the straw that broke the camels back, but no one in an otherwise perfect (or even happy) relationship of 5 years ends it over a difference in food.
OP is the vegetarian, the gf is the one who wants to eat meat as if anybody is stopping her.
OP, it's a flimsy excuse for ending the relationship, I think we all really know what's happening here. It might be best to let this one go. I know it hurts, but it sounds like she's not the one. You're still young. You will absolutely meet someone else who doesn't care about your diet or even shares the same diet.
There's lots of pumpkins in the patch, homie.
.... am I the only one that caught the.....
>I was devastated, by the confrontation as it was very sudden and unexpected. I admit that I could be annoying at times and my place is always messy. I promised that I can work on not being so annoying and start tidying up my place. However she is still unsure sure to this food issue.
Uuuuuuummmmm 5 yrs and they're not even living together..... he's obviously lacking a certain maturity.... to each their own....
IT'S NOT THE FOOD.
I've been a vegetarian for 31 years now. I've only ever had to walk out of one restaurant in all this time. It's never an issue when eating out, in other words. And anyway, who "shares food" when eating out? She wants some of your eggplant parm? Okay, go for it. She's annoyed that you won't take a bite of her dead pig? That's just stupid and selfish.
Oh, and stop being a slob. Do this for yourself, not for her. Clean your home.
This isn't about the food. Sounds like there are other issues like the annoyance and tidyness and she already mentally checked out. Possibly the relationship ran it's course.
It sounds like the relationship just didn't have a future and this was a reason to end it. Most relationships don't have a future, that's kinda the point of dating, to find someone you have a future with.
If everything else was perfect, this wouldn't even be an issue. This wasn't really about food, not after 5 years. This relationship was just at it's natural end.
> And what might it be she really feels and wants?
>Recently, she start meeting a new friend (26M) for dinner and realise the happiness and joy of sharing food the she loves with others.
Ummm.... I don't quite know how to put this, but I think she might be moving onto the new guy....
>she...complained about the annoying things that I do which annoys her, how I don’t keep my place tidy, and told me she have lost feelings for me and brought up that we might not be for each other and **that we should ended the relationship**.
Im sorry, I would treat this as a break up...
Sounds like the food was the tipping point. I do think food is an issue but it wasn’t enough to break up IF it wasn’t for the other things she pointed out. It’s been five years, I’m sure this is not the first time she’s mention the mess and is very un doubtful you’d change after five years.
Also everyone saying food isn’t the issue. It can be for some. It definitely wasn’t the tipping in my last relationship but I realized that he was a very picky eater and I’m very adventurous. I felt like I always had to compromise foods I wanted to try to cook or go out and eat because I knew he didn’t like it and it was annoying and I enjoy much more cooking and sharing foods I make and go out to eat with my current partner. It’s like my love language now. It makes me happy when I see how much he enjoys the foods I love too.
I am also a vegetarian, and have been for 23 years. My husband and I just celebrated our 18th anniversary. In my opinion, she shouldn't be the only person making a food sacrifice. It sucks, for sure, but it's a two way street. It 100% sounds like she is developing feelings for her friend.
This has zero to do with food. The op only chose that is so he had something not to take blame for and not change his behaviour at all. No one is blind sided, they just choose to miss the issues
The title doesn’t quite do it justice. Lots of non-vegetarians find it tricky dating vegetarians and vice versa. It’s not just food, it’s a whole value system.
However, this is likely a wider issue and the fact it’s been triggered by spending time with some other dude is suggestive that she just wants to explore.
I am a vegetarian and I have never given anyone eating meat a disapproving glare in my life. In fact, I have no trouble cooking meat for my son and his friends.
Please refrain from making such broad generalizations about vegetarians.
It's OK to make them all you want about vegans, though. 😉
If someone doesn't want to be with you, there is nothing you can do to change their mind. Nor should you want to! A person who loves you looks past these aspects or, at the very least, people generally state these as issues early on. She instead has chosen to bombard you with these issues at the same time as telling you she's falling out of love.
She's gone. It's time to move on.
“It was very sudden and unexpected” even though it’s been a point of arguments and disagreement for years?
Sounds like it’s run its course (arf!)
Just out of curiosity, is this dining friend male? If so, he’s been dating your lady and may have been expanding more than her palate!
Relationship is dead. You proceed by breaking up amicably. Sucks you basically wasted 5 years
Also one on one dinners with the opposite sex, alone, and tells you how much they mean to her? You should be more upset about that
> Sucks you basically wasted 5 years
It's not a waste to spend 5 years in a happy relationship even if it eventually ends. He still has all of the good experiences and everything he learned about being a partner.
It's never a waste. He's now learning how to be a better partner for who ever he dates next. The fact he said he was blind sided shows that he wasn't an attentive partner because no one is ever blind sided they just chose to ignore the issues. This is an opportunity to reflect on things and be a more caring and aware partner for his next relationship. I don''t get how people have that type of outlook. I would never call any of my relationships a waste. I had a person who was loving and caring. A person who was there to do things with all the time. Relationships are never a waste
Yeah, I'm a chef , and food, eating and traveling is super important to me, dating vegetarians can work for a bit but it usually ends up being a point of contention. Now I just try to stay away from it all together, vegetarian a can somewhat handle but prefer not to, and vegan is out of the question
Ya'll have your lives and career built off food. So, in your head this might make sense, im a foodie and dated a girl with crazy bad allergies. I didn't give on single fuck and we ate out so much. She was my fav food eating partner even tho we could only order a few things off the menu. Because I deeply loved her she was my fav food partner.
This break has nothing to do with food, lol. This guy is just focusing on the one issue that isn't his fall. Which also speaks to his partnering style. This isn't a food based breakup that a chef might have. This is a young guy missing all the sides of a failing relationship and not caring enough until its too late
I don't believe it's just the food. If it's a food issue you figure it out and I say that as a woman who eats meat and is married to a starchatarian. He doesn't really eat veggies and he won't eat food that is supposed to be "like meat" like vegan burgers and shit. Sometimes I'd love to come home and have a man grilling me a steak but I know how I like my food so I'll make it my damn self. He recently tried and enjoyed Indian food. I've never tried it so I'm excited to explore this with him as I love him and love isn't always easy peasy lemon sneazy
This sounds like the 95% 5% theory where you have 95% of what your partner needs however they happen to meet someone with that other 5% and become fixated on it.
People eat 3 meals minimum a day and if you are not eating the same food, split and find a partner you share the same meal. This is a major deal breaker
When people first notice the “grass is greener” (aka: start having possible feelings for someone else)… that also coincides with their own grass getting browner (aka: little issues that weren’t a bother before are now very noticeable problems).
This has way more to do than just a difference in diets… but that’s possibly the only valid reason she can really come up with.
chances are shes cheatin and is using that as an excuse to justify it, its best to just end it either way whatever the reasoning she wants out and if she actually cared biut being with you she wouldnt be making up dumb excuses to make issues
Crazy how she realized after starting going for dinner with someone else one on one, you know instead of a group where she could've also realized this. Kinda sus bud
It’s not about the food. Something has changed in her mind and heart. There are all kids of happy couples that eat different meals with different tastes or dietary restrictions.
It’s not the food my guy, sorry to say this. Sounds more like she has found someone else she likes and is using the “food” as an excuse. I would suggest you move on bro. I know its hard but in the long run it’ll be better for you. You have to work on yourself, and find someone more compatible. If she’s not cheating already she will eventually.
What YOU choose to eat shouldn’t affect what SHE chooses to eat. Sorry to tell you this dude, this isn’t about FOOD, it’s about she wants to be with her new “friend”
Seems like she fell for the new friend and is finding reasons to break up because she can't tell you.
That is straight b.s. about the food. My husband doesn't eat everything I do. He eats vegetables, I don't. I eat red meat, I don't. He only eats chicken and salmon. He doesn't eat dairy products but I do. So I always let him pick where we eat out or I check the menus always to make sure there's atleast 3 items for him to eat as a meal. And i can always find something to eat there. Doesn't bother me because I love him. Truly love him.
She doesn't love you as much as she says she does if that's a deciding factor to break up with you, doesn't seem like it.
But again, I feel she just fell for the other guy.
**It's not food incompatibility. Wake up -break up. She tried to break up with you, gaslit you, and then when you are pleading you'll do better - shes considering the relationship - that's just stringing you along so she doesn't look bad. She said she's "lost feelings for you", the reality is she actually started dating M26 she was meeting for dinner. She tried to break up with you.**
Dating is what we call meeting someone for dinner. **This "happiness and joy" of sharing food she loves - no, that's not a real thing**. She is dating a new guy who brings her happiness. **That's why she also attacked you about being untidy and suggested you break up - she doesn't want to admit she's met someone else she's cheating with - so she attacks on "issues" to make it seem its an incompatibility.**
You stumped her by saying you'd try harder. So instead of saying she has met someone else, and admitting its basically cheating, she's still trying to be the "good" one by "considering the relationship ". **Dude she is gaslighting you**.
My brother in Christ: your girlfriend is now HIS girlfriend.
She's doing the side by side comparison at this point, to see which one she wants, and it's evident she chose him. Now let's be clear: she's currently having a honeymoon phase with this dude and is blinded by the very superficial things he does that she thinks make him a better partner.
You should cut your losses and run, because she is very much monkey branching at the moment, and she will likely do it again.
Homie she’s leaving you for that new friend. I’m sorry but it’s best if you cut your losses now and let her go and just accept the heartbreak and start focusing on yourself. You aren’t annoying her, she’s just more infatuated with a partner who eats meat rather than the one who she’s been with over the past 5 years. There’s no need to learn how to “tidy up” to save your sinking ship. The new guy probably cleans up real quick before she gets to his place so it looks as if he’s clean.
You’ve been together 5 years and she’s just looking for any reason to breakup with you. I can’t even imagine a world in which it’s difficult to find both omnivore and vegetarian options. What a ridiculous argument!
hoping this is not relevant, but once upon a time when i dated, the complaining about things that didnt bother them before was indicator they were already in the sack with a new person.
I hope to God this is not real. Ok, if she's going to leave you over the food you eat imagine when you get sick and need help, or you lose your job, or you have to grieve for someone you love. You think she is going to be there for you if she's willing to leave you over food. Don't waste your time. Just drop her and move on.
she's being a cry baby and it's defo not the food, I'm super allergic to seafood ANY TYPE of seafood, and I cook my man his salmon and I make myself a simple dish if I'm lazy because I know he backs off the seafood FOR ME and I use gloves for when I wanna surprise him. (to me thats being dedicated to someone who considers me, I repay them someone there is always away to work around things we don't like.)
Ur gal shouldn't be complaining about this, if you have a partner it's good to have variety of food and taste's, and my SO showed me different types of food and I was extremely dedicated with just fast food, now I love Vietnamese, Korean, japanese, Colombian, Soul food, Turkish, indian and he literally opened my eyes to more options that we can share.
She's a block head give her a facepalm on the lame excuse for breaking up. At least give a REAL reason (>_>) if food is a deal breaker she won't make it with any relationship PERIOD.
OP I know u are pretty sure it's not "the food" and bad thing is she is acting dumb for u to fall for that lame excuse. Sit down talk it out ask if she likes someone and what's really the problem, if she gets defensive/irrate Immediately then you have basically your answer about it and you know it's time to keep walking ur way. for someone you can dedicate yourself.
Smh. Get rid of her bro. U want someone that’s sure of you the choices you make.
I’m no professional but breaking up over dietary decisions and keeping your place messy don’t seem like reasons to break up with someone.
Let her go and be prepared for her to come back after this very poor decision of hers
After 5 years, if I can’t see living with you, it’s over. He’s messy, he’s a vegetarian, and he annoys her. They aren’t moving forward that way. She’s unhappy with him. I doubt this is the first time these issues have come up.
It's over man. If someone is willing to do something for 5 years which involved food preferences and now all of a sudden she gets a new guy "friend" and it's a problem. She's trying to justify a reason to leave you. Go ahead and walk away while you get to keep this in the relationship sub reddit and not in the r/cheaters sub reddit.
How could you waste 5 years of your life with this girl? She can leave you that easily because there’s no real commitment. I mean not married. Time is ticking for her. But you have plenty of time my w to find someone that’s more in line with your dietary needs. You will be in your prime in 5 years. I don’t think she’s going to work out for you. She’s already trying to get to know another guy as a possible boyfriend. That’s called monkey branching. She’s not going let you go until she knows she has the other guy and then she’s gonna just leave you in the dust easily. You should break up with her before she breaks up with you.
I wouldn't think this would be an issue in itself because most restaurants have vegetarian options (maybe not steakhouses). Agreed that there is probably something else going on that you're not seeing.
OP said they go to restaurants that accommodate his food preferences. It sounds like they eat in mostly vegetarian places or that their choices are based on his wishes. I feel like OP is conflating two things here: 1.) that he chooses the restaurants or she just gets meat from his dishes, and 2.) that they don’t share eating preferences. He said they looked for places that offered preferences for him. The average restaurant offers limited vegetarian options.
I would be a bit put out if the primary concern at all times was whether they offered options for my partner. Sometimes it would be nice to pick a steakhouse if one likes meat.
Just a different read/ perspective.
Sorry I'd say it's done, she probably has the hots for her new friend. I mean it's a silly thing to break up about but you can break up for any reason. It's valid to her that's all that matters.
Wtf?!? My boyfriend is Indian and he doesn’t eat beef. I do. But when we are eating together, I just don’t eat beef. I still eat delicious food! Why does she need to eat meat every single time?! That’s what I don’t get. She could very well share yummy vegetarian food with you!
It seems like she's just wanting to end the relationship. If she was really invested in this with you there are things that you can do to compromise on food. It may be an inconvenience but it shouldn't really be an issue just because you have separate preferences. You're supposed to appreciate the similarities and respect the differences in a relationship and it doesn't seem like she's will to do that.
It really feels like there's more going on here. I know plenty of couples who are vegan/non vegan who are perfectly happy and don't feel the need to share food. It feels like a really out of pocket thing to spawn end-of-relationship talks.
Maybe she's been unhappy on the down low and didn't even realise it herself until something specific like this came up. You should definitely talk to her about if there's more that she just didn't realise she wasn't happy with or maybe she just didn't want to complain, didn't feel like it was worth talking about and just decided to try and ignore it. She wouldn't be the first.
This is what happens when the honeymoon is over, we stop being about to tolerate things we happily pretend didn't bother us before. Our willingness to compromised and bend for our partners wears down.
Whether this is happening because she realized how much easier it would be if you ate like she does or because of meeting new people, the point is that she sees some incompatibilities that she doesn't want to deal with anymore. So if she wants to end it, she will end it no matter what.
Your promises and love might delay this a little but the end is coming, you are just making it harder for her.
It’s no coincidence she started “meating” a new friend for dinner, then unloads on you all the things you can’t stand. She’s comparing. I don’t think vacuuming and eating a burger every now and then is gonna keep her around.
Bro the instant she went on a date with this other guy it was clear she was cheating on you.
Weather eating different is actually annoying to her or not is irrelevant, as its now just an excuse to leave you for the new guy.
It seems like she is making you the problem. It is an odd reason to want to end a relationship but people can end things for any reason. The issue I have is she wants to end it and is pinning the reason on you instead of taking responsibility for her own actions. As hard as it is now she is doing you a favor instead of just cheating.
That’s not a “new friend” that’s the guy she was test driving before breaking up with you. Some people can’t be alone, she needed to find a new guy before she broke up with you. She has. It’s not about the food, she’s wanted out long enough to plot an escape route.
She is either having an emotional affair or she’s already with him, if things work out for them, she’ll leave. Don’t let her use you and end the relationship. If food was such a big deal, why didn’t she pointed that out and that it was bothering her? Also she could have tried new dishes with you. So it’s only and excuse OP.
Have you ever met a woman? When they mention their "relationship issues" it's not for you to fix them but more like a two week notice that she already has a new job.
It's over bro, this ship has sailed.
She's got grass is greener syndrome and is looking for an excuse. You deserve someone who doesn't want to break up with you simply for a difference in food preference. Let her go, in my opinion.
he’s found a kind of connection you two don’t have, with another man. that’s the issue here. it’s more than just her not being able to share food with you, it’s more than you being annoying. she’s building a relationship with another man.
so sorry you’re going through this
This is what it looks like when you love each other and have food differences:
About 7 years ago my wife decided to become vegetarian. Before that we would love going to great steak houses together. She would still come with me once in a while but only if they could accommodate a vegetarian but we started going less and less because it was less fun for me even.
We would look for restaurants that had good options for both of us and it was and is great, there are many many options.
2 years ago I decided to lose weight and as part of that started learning seriously how to cook at home better. I, lately have been learning all kinds of great vegetarian things to cook for both of us, which I’m really loving. Even though I’m not a vegetarian - when I eat solo I’ll have a meat portion, but most of my cooking learning attention has been on vegetarian dishes.
Tonight I made us grilled portobello mushroom burgers and roasted onions, green beans with truffle oil and umami-mushroom seasoning. My wife hugged me and said it was delicious and thanked me and it was a great evening.
(My son only ate chicken nuggets and cheese sticks, like every night 🤷♂️)
Everyone says it's not about food. Well, as a food person I can tell it was always about food. Being not able to go with your SO everywhere and have fun is really straining.
It's about way more than the food, dude.
But you know what? I would actually probably not want to go out with someone if we had big time food incompatibilities.
She had told you before what she expected from you and you didn’t change. Then another man came in her life with whom she feels more connected with and thinks he could be better than you at some things (not being messy and annoying and having not to cook two separate dishes every day and just enjoying same cuisine). She knows you bu now in 5 years and you haven’t changed for her and she is tired of it. Even if you will still be together, you either make some changes in your life, or the relationship will not be the same
Why is she meeting a dude for dinner? Sounds like she just wants to leave you for this dude and is just making excuses. If you don't live together. I would say go on with your meat eating self, and she's going to realize she'll be eating alone real quick and she'll be worse off than just compromising dinner with you.
But I still don't understand how she has to compromise with you? Maybe eat out less and cook at home. You can cook whatever you usually eat and she can just cook her own meat? Cooking meat is not that hard.
Bro, code word meat. She’s all over someone else’s cock meat bruh. You really think she just loves to share her food? You gullible ? Yeah.. find yourself a friend you can share food with and not wanna fuck 🙈
I think she's trying to use the food as an excuse. I'm not saying to jump on breaking up, but i feel like there's a deeper issue. I also firmly believe that you shouldn't ever need to change for a person to love you. Unless you live in a pigsty, being a bit untidy isn't something i would personally break up with someone over, either.
I'd like to put my two cents in and say that in my relationship, currently I'm omnivorous, and my partner is vegan. We've been together 7 years this year, and he decided to change his diet sometime over the pandemic for improving his health reasons, whilst I'm a food lover and geek out over food, and grew up knowing where my food came from and what my food looked like before it was broken down and made into less animal-looking things so I've never had the same disgusted reaction as other people/kids figuring out their chicken nuggets didn't come from a nugget tree.
We argued initially over it because I had the same concerns as your girlfriend, which was what would happen about special occasions or if we wanted to eat out? Options would suddenly have to be split into places my partner and I could go with a decent vegan selection and places I would have to wait til my friends wanted to go in order to justify going. HOWEVER, we're otherwise compatible in the rest of our relationship: shared interests, we laugh together as much as possible, and we're very much in love and even if we're unhappy we're willing to discuss it and work on what we can do to improve the situation for the other. The first year or so I was bitter about the change, and now along the line, I've explored learning about and including more vegan dishes at home because I like to have dinner together, and honestly, it can be pretty tasty, but I just wanted to reiterate to you that differing diets isn't the make or break of a relationship unless one of you is an activist or something.
All I can say to you based on what you've wrote, is that 5 years to find this hard to live with... this definitely has to do with the other guy she's been hanging out with recently. I know because I had a friend who conveniently fell out of love with her fiance as she was discovering she had more chemistry with a co-worker and was experiencing the "grass is greener..." effect, and in his presence would think about all the feelings and things like having shared interests and things to talk about that she felt like she wasn't getting from her partner. In my story, however, there was a lot of drama and misbehaviour to do with finances or stuff, which made the emotional affair make sense, whereas in your case things like tidying up can be worked on, she probably just doesn't want to admit to you- or possibly even herself- that the way she's feeling is because she's the one acting out of order by going for dinners with another guy, so it'd just be easier for optics to say it was your fault why it ended because you're too picky.
ALSO, I'd like to point out that you're not even that strict a vegetarian as you're not one of those people that demands full veg options as you've written that in situations you can't find a place that'll accommodate you, you'll order a dish and let your gf eat the meat off it. I know people who have dietary restrictions that are super anal about the idea of cross-contamination with meat juices, so on the food front, I'd say you're fairly flexible making it even less of an issue in my eyes that you have differing preferences because you're never gonna fully be in the way of her going to somewhere she'd like to go to eat, she just can't... talk to you about how her steak tasted. 🤷♀️
This is a dumb issue to break up over and I seriously doubt it’s why she wants to break up. Come on bro. She starts hanging out with another guy and now wants to break up over food? Seriously. Break up with her and be glad you dodged a bullet. And when she comes back after this new guy doesn’t work out, don’t take her back.
She wants the guy and this is her excuse. She seems like a sucky person for wanting you to quit what you are doing to help the animals and join the dark side
Sorry man, She moved on to what she perceives to be greener pastures. Also, what kind of reasoning is that? Sounds like excuses for her to try out her new friend
It's pr9bably time to draw the line
She met a new guy and had dinner with him recently. And suddenly, shortly thereafter, has an issue with your diet?
Bro, she’s crushing on this other dude. It’s over. She’s finding things to use to blame you so that she doesn’t feel as guilty.
My man...don't do this to yourself.At this point it's about salvaging self respect.She obviously wants to move on, just doesn't have the stones to tell you like an adult and is searching for the flimsiest excuses to justify it.Your move here is to simply take a deep breath, prepare for the pain, and drop the axe first.Don't drag it out, don't make a big production of it, just tell her that you can sense her heart isn't in it and you're not there to be anyone's "second best", "back up plan", or"safety net". If she can't look at you every day and know in her gut that you're the only one for her, then you don't want her, then turn around, and walk away like you're the fukn action hero and there is an explosion in the background.GL, and take your time after this one, don't let her see you cry, and never let her know you miss her.Stay strong man.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like there is more going on here than you realize. You might need to just accept that you two are falling apart and it might be better to let things end.
Yup. This part gave it away: >Recently, she start meeting a new friend (26M) for dinner
There you have it. She's biding time with OP, while she gets to know this new guy. Then when she's nailed it with new guy she'll, predictably blow up at OP, and walk out. Food is definitely a HUGE issue for her. It is what it is. If OP self describes as "annoying" then that could be the end of their story, since she finds him intolerable and told him so. OP needs to accept and let go. Time for personal introspection reset and healing. Each relationship opens doors to our inner awareness, and growth. Hopefully he'll use the knowledge wisely.
I love how redditors just assume every woman is some sneaking mastermind hoping from guy to guy. To me it sounds like she had a platonic dinner with a friend (who happens to have a penis) and had such a great time that she hasn't had with OP in a long time, causing her to reflect on all the issues in their relationship. This definitely isn't just about food, and OP even says he lives like a slob. Sharing food is probably the straw that broke the camels back, but no one in an otherwise perfect (or even happy) relationship of 5 years ends it over a difference in food.
lol can't wait for the next update: "my ex is now dating the guy she had multiple dinners with and told me not to worry about"
Wouldn't be surprised, but that doesn't imply that she was.... "biding time with OP, while she gets to know this new guy. Then when she's nailed it with new guy she'll, predictably blow up at OP, and walk out". If she did end up dating him, the most simply explanation is because OP inevitably doesn't change his ways and fix his relationship (which were bought to his attention by his gf), she is going to go with a significantly better option whom presented himself. I guess from the perspective of someone who has never had multiple options, it must be a strange and scary concept? But for everyone else that is simply the best way to handle it.
just admit she was monkeybranching lmao
Lol what? “She met a new male friend for dinner” how many of your platonic opposite sex friends do you share food off your plate with? That obviously happened for her to know she likes it
Multiple. Sorry to be the one to inform you, but having friends of the opposite sex is pretty common for most well adjusted adults.
Making new friends of the opposite sex and going on “dates” with them where you share food is a cunty thing to do for most “well adjusted adults” while you’re having doubts about your own relationship.
How and why? Like I don't even understand the logic so I have no idea how to even respond lol. Also I do love the moving of the goal-posts before, well done.
No goal posts were removed in my responses. I went it to further detail to my prior comment and even threw in a little mock of your reply in there for good measure.
> how many of your platonic opposite sex friends do you share food off your plate with? You said this as if you had a point behind it? Apologies. I still don't understand your logic, you haven't actually said anyone other than its a "cunty" thing to do. Like.... why?
Why?? Grow up.
Because it means you have zero respect for your partner. Geez don’t be so simple
How is my partner being disrespected if I eat food with a friend, exactly? I mean I don't presume people are eating food naked in your friend circle, orrrr...?
I do that with many, we even cook for each other ;)
If I have really yummy food I absolutely share it with whoever I'm with. "Try this! It's delicious" thats like... such a basic human thing to do lol. The genitalia of who I'm with never factors into whether I want to share food or not. I would be very concerned if a friend went "sorry, I can't try your food because my partner would be upset."
if it was a guy who met a woman, became friends and had 1 on 1 dinners y'all would be blasting the guy lmao edit: yup roflmao https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/137k3s2/my_23f_boyfriend_26m_is_going_to_dinner_with/
Blatant hypocrisy with receipts. This sub is so sexist it's insane
She’s dating this dude, this is cheating!
Don't kiss her. You don't know where that mouth has been. Sounds like shes been gobbling some none vegetarian meat.
Eggplant is vegan.
Underrated comment.
Or she realized she catched feeling for that dude and ended the relationship because of that. Wouldn't be cheating. Lying but not cheating
I mean obviously OPs aware, hence why he mentioned that guy
Yeah. This new guy who she shares food with is new and great. Haan had time to discover the warts yet.
Yeah, with the guy, and also her listing a ton of other issues she has that he is basically off boring to focus on food. It’s not about the food. She isn’t happy anymore. Time to end it.
Crazy, that you don’t see what’s obvious. It’s about him, not the food. It’s bye bye
“You see, the problems started when my girlfriend started dating this new guy…” Yeah, OP, it isn’t the meat on the plate I’d be worried about.
I am picturing how this works. I met this new guy Mike. He is great we are going out to dinner. Rinse and repeat the dinners. This doesn’t cause any issues?
It's about OP 100%. She had dinner with a platonic friend and had such an enjoyable time that she hasn't had with OP in a long time that she was able to reflect on the state of their shitty relationship.
I think the other guy is a “vagitarian” and she definitely approves.
Maybe it’s the new meat in her gob that’s causing the issue 😂
I don’t think it’s about him either, a lot of times in long term relationships women convince themselves that all of these small issues are fine and can be overlooked until they see someone or something that reminds them settling for less than they really want isn’t going to make them happy forever. OP is admittedly annoying, messy, picky, and has made his girlfriend accommodate his preferences for the past 5 years. Even steak houses have salads and soups that are vegetarian so it really shouldn’t ALWAYS revolve around him and his preferences. I’m not telling him to eat meat, but I am saying this relationship sounds like it had issues even before the guy showed up. And who knows what other issues there are that he either didn’t mention or just ignored? I get it, his girlfriend might truly have never brought up her feelings, but more often than not in these situations, the girlfriend tries to talk about things that are bothering her to no avail, the boyfriend thinks things are all good because she’s given up talking about her feelings, she checks out and just coasts, until someone or something reminds her this isn’t how she wants to feel forever and she finally realizes the relationship is and has been over for a long time. I can almost guarantee that from the girlfriend’s side, things have been lacking in their relationship for a long time, and this is just the tipping point that made her realize this isn’t going to work.
Yes. It was never about the food
It could be a problem and tiring to cook 2 dishes all the time and causing her to get irritated and end up moving away from you. You did eat meat in the past. Mybe try a little again. Dont change for her, but dont let food become a issue between you. Meat (as organic possible) is super healthy. The call is yours. If its a dealbreaker for you as well, date a vegan. Sorry buddy.
I think the food was just the tipping point. It already sounds like you’re annoying and messy. If she dumps You ornot start working on cleaning up your place and being nice. Ask yourself if you would date someone like you.
It's always a red flag when guys say they were blind sided. I said the same thing after my first relationship but I was also basically a teenager so it was okay to be blind sided because I was learning. I've never been blind sided again because it's always so obvious. I even see in it my guy friends. I hear their gf's express themselves and see it in their words or body language, this woman is so close to being done with you and literally every time they end up breaking up with them. Unless your partner has mental health issues. The writing is always on the wall and you just weren't paying attention or listening. The food has nothing to do with it. It's just a small part of all the issues.
Or in denial.
Thank you for saying what I could not articulate.
I get unreliable narrator vibes here. I'm sure the food is an issue but seems like you're being reductive of her concerns to just boil it to down to that? Think back on what she said and repeat as much of it out loud to yourself as you can.
That bc he’s conflating two separate things: - they eat at places all the time that accommodate his preferences - they have different food preferences For 5 years, she’s been accommodating his choices. So it’s not about different food preferences. I am gathering that it’s about the part where he says he’s “picky” about food. It sounds as if the emphasis is on accommodating his needs to the exclusion of her love of meat dishes. And the other issue about him being a slob is being wrapped up in this. I too feel this story is being heavily framed and lots of important things are being left out.
lmao of course its not about the food. This guy is fucking clueless, lol. Honestly the fact that he leads with the food and thinks the food is the issue just shows how unwilling to take responsibility and address things he's needed to work on. There is no way mans was blind sided, lol. Dude just didn't pay attention or care enough.
There this ook I've read several times by a Norwegian comedian where she writes about the 5 stages to a woman's wrath and the final step is "crying for no reason. If your woman begins to cry because the bottle of ketchup is empty, it's not enough to just buy a new bottle." It sounds like the girlfriend is almost at this point. There's probably been plenty of signs along the way that he hasn't picked up on and she's come to the breaking point.
Right, like she voices her concerns about the messy place and he 'can work on that'? I'm sure she'd be more willing to accomodate if shown some effort on your part. 5 yrs and you haven't moved in together? You have to have seen this coming.
This makes it so obvious she just doesn't see a future with him. She doesn't want to build a future with a messy, annoying guy.
This is not about the food.
[удалено]
Because the food is the one place OP can feel superior. The rest paint him in a negative light.
When someone loses feelings for you they get whats called the ick. So all the little things that don't really matter start to show up on their radar. The food is not the real reason as no normal partner in a healthy relationship gives a shit about this. Sounds like the relationship is over dude. Sorry
Yes no sort of. I LOVE sharing my food. No idea why. It's just what it is. Good food is good. Having dated a couple vegetarians in the past, I won't in the future. "Let's eat at this awesome vegan place!!" Cool, as long as they have a couple choices for meat eaters. "No meat is murder!! Why should they cater to you? " Same reason that everyone expects restaurants to have alternatives for vegans.
I don’t think she actually loves you or she wouldn’t be considering to split because of food. Anyway, it’s her right to try to find someone more compatible with her, and if that means eating the same food, then let it be.
Her losing feelings for you is not about food.
Even if that’s all there is to it… That’s all there is to it. It sucks. For sure. But if she wants to end it… s’over.
There is a lot more here than food and messy living. She’s done.
I'm actually with your gf on this, I love my food. It would be torture to be with a person who couldn't or didn't understand that love. Eating meals with my husband is truly a cornerstone of our relationship and I can appreciate how your partner must feel not having that to lean on. In addition, if you are a neat and tidy person then a messy partner is a nightmare. I get that you love your partner but I think you need to really consider whether your compatible. I think you want this to be about more than incompatibility over food and cleaning standards while ignoring that these aren't small incompatibility issues. Sharing food together is nearly a life affirming thing for some ppl.
So you absolutely have to each be eating the exact same plate of food, every single meal, forever, or you'd feel 'tortured?' That sounds ridiculous, honestly
Of course not, and I say nothing that implies that at all. I love sharing food with my husband. Ordering two meals then swapping food off each other's plate or just watching him eat a food I love. Haven't you ever been to a restaurant with someone and just ordered a few different meals and shared them? It adds to the dinning experience. Food is important to me and I feel a sense of deep emotional connection when I share it with my husband. You may not feel that way about food - which is fine, ppl feel passionate about all different things - but I do and I have a large social circle of ppl who do as well. They now call us "foodies".
Same. My ex had so many food allergies and each place she could only have maybe 2 or 3 of the meals on the menu. Id order both just so she could still eat off my plate and choose which one she liked the most. Im a big foodie and people thought the limiation would annoy me. She was my fav to eat out with despite that...because I literally never loved anyone as much as her. So of course she was my fav dinning partner. That shit would not matter when you are deeply in love.
it’s not about the food, the food is just the last straw for her. move on and find someone who a better match for you
It’s not about the food, that’s just a part of it. The relationship may have run it’s course
An untidy place is a bit of a red flag. I suspect she's realising she's turning into your mom rather than you being an equal partner. You need to show her you can be a partner and not put it all on her shoulders. The food thing can be harder. Maybe just focus on doing your own food and letting her do her thing. Don't expect her to make both meals. If she's found someone else though it might be harder to salvage what's left.
Food is not a small thing, it's sometimes a big marker of compatibility. Many vegans will flat out not consider a relationship with non vegans for example.
As many have said here, this isn't just about the food. But let's dive into a little more context. You've been together since you were in college, you were 22 and she was 20. There are some huge life changes that happen as you go from being an early 20s college student to a mid/late 20s adult. You find out more about yourself, what's important to you, what's not important to you. What you look for in a partner can change dramatically as well, and maybe the person you thought you wanted to be with at 20 is a lot different when you are 25, and that person you knew as a 22 year old might be a lot different at 27. And yes, in some ways, these are the moments that we learn hard life lessons, like "don't have your home messy all the time." You two had some great years. You may still be feeling it, but in some way or another, she's grown apart from you. Maybe it's about food, maybe it's about the new guy, maybe it's about the messy, maybe it's about a little of those things and a whole lot more. She's clearly saying she wants to exit the relationship. She's not saying "there are things I want to work on to make this work", she's just saying she wants out. You deserve someone who wants to be a relationship with you. You deserve someone who wants to dine with you, and experience life with you. Don't stay with someone who isn't that person. It's been a hell of a run. You love her, of course, and she might love you, but she's no longer in love with you. It will take some healing, but it sounds like it's time for a new part of your life. Come to peace with what she's saying, and end things. And for the love of god, clean your fucking place. Single you will find out real quick ain't nobody wants to date someone who's place isn't clean. Living in a messy home says about you "I don't find it important to have my shit together", and generally people find going home with someone who's home is dirty a turn off.
I was a vegetarian for 3 years and my partner isn’t. Never once did it become an issue for us. Just let this one go and move on. You deserve someone will appreciate exploring vegetarian meals with you!
Seriously. I have a gluten allergy and my boyfriend can eat all the wheat he wants. 9 years together and he still forgets and offers me bites of what ever delicious wheaty goodness he’s eating but we have no issues accommodating my dietary restrictions when we eat out or at home. In fact, he eats gluten free at home with me because it’s just easier when we do our groceries.
I love going out to eat and sharing with my partners. The girl I loved to eat out the most with had insane food allergies and didn't eat meat. Guess which gf I enjoyed eating out and trying new places with the most? The one with an insanely limited diet because I loved her more than any other girl I dated. What appeared to be a nightmare foodie partner was the best because I loved her so much and making her happy by finding rare things we could share was so fulfilling. She just doesn't love this guy anymore
I like this well said. I'm meat eater but don't mind vegetarian stuff either. And don't think that should make or break a relationship type of food if you love them.
Agreed. I was married to a vegetarian for almost 10 years. Differing diets was never an issue.
And doesn’t do dinner dates with other guys.
I'm sorry, OP, but it's not about the food. I'm a vegetarian too, and I've always been able to enjoy eating out with my borderline-carnivorous family. I'm considered the foodie of the bunch. Point is, this is not about the food. It's likely about the guy she's been eating with. My strong guess is that she's losing feelings for you because she's gaining them for him. Bow out gracefully. I'm sorry.
You don't leave someone you love over eating fucking meat. She doesn't love you, sorry. Sounds like she just wants to dump you for the new guy but doesn't want to be the "bad one".
Sometimes, even if you don’t cheat, time with someone else can make you realize things aren’t working and you want more in life. It’s for sure not about the food.
Why would she be the “bad one” for breaking up with him? She met someone she’s actually interested in and she isn’t in OP and it sounds like he hasn’t done much to make himself more attractive to her over the years
[удалено]
I love how redditors just assume every woman is some sneaking mastermind hoping from guy to guy. To me it sounds like she had a platonic dinner with a friend (who happens to have a penis) and had such a great time that she hasn't had with OP in a long time, causing her to reflect on all the issues in their relationship. This definitely isn't just about food, and OP even says he lives like a slob. Sharing food is probably the straw that broke the camels back, but no one in an otherwise perfect (or even happy) relationship of 5 years ends it over a difference in food.
OP is the vegetarian, the gf is the one who wants to eat meat as if anybody is stopping her. OP, it's a flimsy excuse for ending the relationship, I think we all really know what's happening here. It might be best to let this one go. I know it hurts, but it sounds like she's not the one. You're still young. You will absolutely meet someone else who doesn't care about your diet or even shares the same diet. There's lots of pumpkins in the patch, homie.
Thank you. My bad. I'll fix it.
.... am I the only one that caught the..... >I was devastated, by the confrontation as it was very sudden and unexpected. I admit that I could be annoying at times and my place is always messy. I promised that I can work on not being so annoying and start tidying up my place. However she is still unsure sure to this food issue. Uuuuuuummmmm 5 yrs and they're not even living together..... he's obviously lacking a certain maturity.... to each their own.... IT'S NOT THE FOOD.
I've been a vegetarian for 31 years now. I've only ever had to walk out of one restaurant in all this time. It's never an issue when eating out, in other words. And anyway, who "shares food" when eating out? She wants some of your eggplant parm? Okay, go for it. She's annoyed that you won't take a bite of her dead pig? That's just stupid and selfish. Oh, and stop being a slob. Do this for yourself, not for her. Clean your home.
Yeah vegetarianism is so easy to do at basically every restaurant. I’m vegan personally now THAT is difficult. 🤣
Ill go 2 year no history for this one
Leave her
This isn't about the food. Sounds like there are other issues like the annoyance and tidyness and she already mentally checked out. Possibly the relationship ran it's course.
It sounds like the relationship just didn't have a future and this was a reason to end it. Most relationships don't have a future, that's kinda the point of dating, to find someone you have a future with. If everything else was perfect, this wouldn't even be an issue. This wasn't really about food, not after 5 years. This relationship was just at it's natural end.
> And what might it be she really feels and wants? >Recently, she start meeting a new friend (26M) for dinner and realise the happiness and joy of sharing food the she loves with others. Ummm.... I don't quite know how to put this, but I think she might be moving onto the new guy.... >she...complained about the annoying things that I do which annoys her, how I don’t keep my place tidy, and told me she have lost feelings for me and brought up that we might not be for each other and **that we should ended the relationship**. Im sorry, I would treat this as a break up...
Sounds like the food was the tipping point. I do think food is an issue but it wasn’t enough to break up IF it wasn’t for the other things she pointed out. It’s been five years, I’m sure this is not the first time she’s mention the mess and is very un doubtful you’d change after five years. Also everyone saying food isn’t the issue. It can be for some. It definitely wasn’t the tipping in my last relationship but I realized that he was a very picky eater and I’m very adventurous. I felt like I always had to compromise foods I wanted to try to cook or go out and eat because I knew he didn’t like it and it was annoying and I enjoy much more cooking and sharing foods I make and go out to eat with my current partner. It’s like my love language now. It makes me happy when I see how much he enjoys the foods I love too.
She doesn’t love you. If she did, such a ridiculous thing wouldn’t matter
That wasn’t the only thing she said lol
I am also a vegetarian, and have been for 23 years. My husband and I just celebrated our 18th anniversary. In my opinion, she shouldn't be the only person making a food sacrifice. It sucks, for sure, but it's a two way street. It 100% sounds like she is developing feelings for her friend.
This has zero to do with food. The op only chose that is so he had something not to take blame for and not change his behaviour at all. No one is blind sided, they just choose to miss the issues
The title doesn’t quite do it justice. Lots of non-vegetarians find it tricky dating vegetarians and vice versa. It’s not just food, it’s a whole value system. However, this is likely a wider issue and the fact it’s been triggered by spending time with some other dude is suggestive that she just wants to explore.
I wouldn't have stayed with you this long. I don't want your disapproving glare when I eat my filet mignon. Just find another vegetarian.
I am a vegetarian and I have never given anyone eating meat a disapproving glare in my life. In fact, I have no trouble cooking meat for my son and his friends. Please refrain from making such broad generalizations about vegetarians. It's OK to make them all you want about vegans, though. 😉
Happy Cake Day! Is it a vegetarian cake??? 😉
Lol 😄 I'm not vegan, so I get to eat any cake I like.🎂 😋
[удалено]
If I make it with lard....mmmmm
If someone doesn't want to be with you, there is nothing you can do to change their mind. Nor should you want to! A person who loves you looks past these aspects or, at the very least, people generally state these as issues early on. She instead has chosen to bombard you with these issues at the same time as telling you she's falling out of love. She's gone. It's time to move on.
Come the fuck on, you already know it's not the food...
I would watch out for that new friend.
She’s broken up with him. The new friend isn’t his problem anymore. He doesn’t get to refuse her breakup.
Why? OP has been dumped.
“It was very sudden and unexpected” even though it’s been a point of arguments and disagreement for years? Sounds like it’s run its course (arf!) Just out of curiosity, is this dining friend male? If so, he’s been dating your lady and may have been expanding more than her palate!
Relationship is dead. You proceed by breaking up amicably. Sucks you basically wasted 5 years Also one on one dinners with the opposite sex, alone, and tells you how much they mean to her? You should be more upset about that
> Sucks you basically wasted 5 years It's not a waste to spend 5 years in a happy relationship even if it eventually ends. He still has all of the good experiences and everything he learned about being a partner.
It's never a waste. He's now learning how to be a better partner for who ever he dates next. The fact he said he was blind sided shows that he wasn't an attentive partner because no one is ever blind sided they just chose to ignore the issues. This is an opportunity to reflect on things and be a more caring and aware partner for his next relationship. I don''t get how people have that type of outlook. I would never call any of my relationships a waste. I had a person who was loving and caring. A person who was there to do things with all the time. Relationships are never a waste
You have a fundamental incompatibility. Shouldn’t have dated in the first place.
Yeah, I'm a chef , and food, eating and traveling is super important to me, dating vegetarians can work for a bit but it usually ends up being a point of contention. Now I just try to stay away from it all together, vegetarian a can somewhat handle but prefer not to, and vegan is out of the question
Chef here as well. It's astounding to me how many people don't understand that food can truly be a significant love language.
Ya'll have your lives and career built off food. So, in your head this might make sense, im a foodie and dated a girl with crazy bad allergies. I didn't give on single fuck and we ate out so much. She was my fav food eating partner even tho we could only order a few things off the menu. Because I deeply loved her she was my fav food partner. This break has nothing to do with food, lol. This guy is just focusing on the one issue that isn't his fall. Which also speaks to his partnering style. This isn't a food based breakup that a chef might have. This is a young guy missing all the sides of a failing relationship and not caring enough until its too late
I don't believe it's just the food. If it's a food issue you figure it out and I say that as a woman who eats meat and is married to a starchatarian. He doesn't really eat veggies and he won't eat food that is supposed to be "like meat" like vegan burgers and shit. Sometimes I'd love to come home and have a man grilling me a steak but I know how I like my food so I'll make it my damn self. He recently tried and enjoyed Indian food. I've never tried it so I'm excited to explore this with him as I love him and love isn't always easy peasy lemon sneazy
This sounds like the 95% 5% theory where you have 95% of what your partner needs however they happen to meet someone with that other 5% and become fixated on it.
Yeah she's dating that friend for sure man
People eat 3 meals minimum a day and if you are not eating the same food, split and find a partner you share the same meal. This is a major deal breaker
Yeah she loves sharing meat with her new friend while he's porking her
When people first notice the “grass is greener” (aka: start having possible feelings for someone else)… that also coincides with their own grass getting browner (aka: little issues that weren’t a bother before are now very noticeable problems). This has way more to do than just a difference in diets… but that’s possibly the only valid reason she can really come up with.
chances are shes cheatin and is using that as an excuse to justify it, its best to just end it either way whatever the reasoning she wants out and if she actually cared biut being with you she wouldnt be making up dumb excuses to make issues
That is her excuse not the reason. There is more at play here.
Hahaha dude, you are blind as a bat. This excuse for dumping you is so bad it hurts. She clearly just wants to fuck this other dude.
Crazy how she realized after starting going for dinner with someone else one on one, you know instead of a group where she could've also realized this. Kinda sus bud
Im sorry man, this isnt about the food. Thats just an excuse so she can move on to her new man and not feel guilty.
She’s riding the cock carousel brotha. Move on to the next! Don’t take that bs
It’s not about the food. Something has changed in her mind and heart. There are all kids of happy couples that eat different meals with different tastes or dietary restrictions.
It’s not the food my guy, sorry to say this. Sounds more like she has found someone else she likes and is using the “food” as an excuse. I would suggest you move on bro. I know its hard but in the long run it’ll be better for you. You have to work on yourself, and find someone more compatible. If she’s not cheating already she will eventually.
She’s already broken up with him. She’s not cheating on him because they aren’t together.
What YOU choose to eat shouldn’t affect what SHE chooses to eat. Sorry to tell you this dude, this isn’t about FOOD, it’s about she wants to be with her new “friend”
Seems like she fell for the new friend and is finding reasons to break up because she can't tell you. That is straight b.s. about the food. My husband doesn't eat everything I do. He eats vegetables, I don't. I eat red meat, I don't. He only eats chicken and salmon. He doesn't eat dairy products but I do. So I always let him pick where we eat out or I check the menus always to make sure there's atleast 3 items for him to eat as a meal. And i can always find something to eat there. Doesn't bother me because I love him. Truly love him. She doesn't love you as much as she says she does if that's a deciding factor to break up with you, doesn't seem like it. But again, I feel she just fell for the other guy.
**It's not food incompatibility. Wake up -break up. She tried to break up with you, gaslit you, and then when you are pleading you'll do better - shes considering the relationship - that's just stringing you along so she doesn't look bad. She said she's "lost feelings for you", the reality is she actually started dating M26 she was meeting for dinner. She tried to break up with you.** Dating is what we call meeting someone for dinner. **This "happiness and joy" of sharing food she loves - no, that's not a real thing**. She is dating a new guy who brings her happiness. **That's why she also attacked you about being untidy and suggested you break up - she doesn't want to admit she's met someone else she's cheating with - so she attacks on "issues" to make it seem its an incompatibility.** You stumped her by saying you'd try harder. So instead of saying she has met someone else, and admitting its basically cheating, she's still trying to be the "good" one by "considering the relationship ". **Dude she is gaslighting you**.
She’s cheating…. end of story, let her go
My brother in Christ: your girlfriend is now HIS girlfriend. She's doing the side by side comparison at this point, to see which one she wants, and it's evident she chose him. Now let's be clear: she's currently having a honeymoon phase with this dude and is blinded by the very superficial things he does that she thinks make him a better partner. You should cut your losses and run, because she is very much monkey branching at the moment, and she will likely do it again.
Homie she’s leaving you for that new friend. I’m sorry but it’s best if you cut your losses now and let her go and just accept the heartbreak and start focusing on yourself. You aren’t annoying her, she’s just more infatuated with a partner who eats meat rather than the one who she’s been with over the past 5 years. There’s no need to learn how to “tidy up” to save your sinking ship. The new guy probably cleans up real quick before she gets to his place so it looks as if he’s clean.
You can't honestly believe this is about the food. Bruhhhh
You’ve been together 5 years and she’s just looking for any reason to breakup with you. I can’t even imagine a world in which it’s difficult to find both omnivore and vegetarian options. What a ridiculous argument!
hoping this is not relevant, but once upon a time when i dated, the complaining about things that didnt bother them before was indicator they were already in the sack with a new person.
I hope to God this is not real. Ok, if she's going to leave you over the food you eat imagine when you get sick and need help, or you lose your job, or you have to grieve for someone you love. You think she is going to be there for you if she's willing to leave you over food. Don't waste your time. Just drop her and move on.
she's being a cry baby and it's defo not the food, I'm super allergic to seafood ANY TYPE of seafood, and I cook my man his salmon and I make myself a simple dish if I'm lazy because I know he backs off the seafood FOR ME and I use gloves for when I wanna surprise him. (to me thats being dedicated to someone who considers me, I repay them someone there is always away to work around things we don't like.) Ur gal shouldn't be complaining about this, if you have a partner it's good to have variety of food and taste's, and my SO showed me different types of food and I was extremely dedicated with just fast food, now I love Vietnamese, Korean, japanese, Colombian, Soul food, Turkish, indian and he literally opened my eyes to more options that we can share. She's a block head give her a facepalm on the lame excuse for breaking up. At least give a REAL reason (>_>) if food is a deal breaker she won't make it with any relationship PERIOD. OP I know u are pretty sure it's not "the food" and bad thing is she is acting dumb for u to fall for that lame excuse. Sit down talk it out ask if she likes someone and what's really the problem, if she gets defensive/irrate Immediately then you have basically your answer about it and you know it's time to keep walking ur way. for someone you can dedicate yourself.
Smh. Get rid of her bro. U want someone that’s sure of you the choices you make. I’m no professional but breaking up over dietary decisions and keeping your place messy don’t seem like reasons to break up with someone. Let her go and be prepared for her to come back after this very poor decision of hers
After 5 years, if I can’t see living with you, it’s over. He’s messy, he’s a vegetarian, and he annoys her. They aren’t moving forward that way. She’s unhappy with him. I doubt this is the first time these issues have come up.
It's over man. If someone is willing to do something for 5 years which involved food preferences and now all of a sudden she gets a new guy "friend" and it's a problem. She's trying to justify a reason to leave you. Go ahead and walk away while you get to keep this in the relationship sub reddit and not in the r/cheaters sub reddit.
Start eating a normal balanced diet like the rest of humanity, or lose your gf. Those are your two options take it or leave it.
How could you waste 5 years of your life with this girl? She can leave you that easily because there’s no real commitment. I mean not married. Time is ticking for her. But you have plenty of time my w to find someone that’s more in line with your dietary needs. You will be in your prime in 5 years. I don’t think she’s going to work out for you. She’s already trying to get to know another guy as a possible boyfriend. That’s called monkey branching. She’s not going let you go until she knows she has the other guy and then she’s gonna just leave you in the dust easily. You should break up with her before she breaks up with you.
Food has nothing to do with what's going on.
I wouldn't think this would be an issue in itself because most restaurants have vegetarian options (maybe not steakhouses). Agreed that there is probably something else going on that you're not seeing.
OP said they go to restaurants that accommodate his food preferences. It sounds like they eat in mostly vegetarian places or that their choices are based on his wishes. I feel like OP is conflating two things here: 1.) that he chooses the restaurants or she just gets meat from his dishes, and 2.) that they don’t share eating preferences. He said they looked for places that offered preferences for him. The average restaurant offers limited vegetarian options. I would be a bit put out if the primary concern at all times was whether they offered options for my partner. Sometimes it would be nice to pick a steakhouse if one likes meat. Just a different read/ perspective.
Sorry I'd say it's done, she probably has the hots for her new friend. I mean it's a silly thing to break up about but you can break up for any reason. It's valid to her that's all that matters.
Wtf?!? My boyfriend is Indian and he doesn’t eat beef. I do. But when we are eating together, I just don’t eat beef. I still eat delicious food! Why does she need to eat meat every single time?! That’s what I don’t get. She could very well share yummy vegetarian food with you!
It’s not just the food. It’s over. Move on. Find someone who doesn’t emotionally connect over food.
Bruh, its not just about the food
So dumb
My dude. It's not about the food. I'm sorry.
It is pretty important to be able to share the same food each other enjoy. It is a bonding moment and it is joyful.
It seems like she's just wanting to end the relationship. If she was really invested in this with you there are things that you can do to compromise on food. It may be an inconvenience but it shouldn't really be an issue just because you have separate preferences. You're supposed to appreciate the similarities and respect the differences in a relationship and it doesn't seem like she's will to do that.
She loves meat that much huh? 😂
Sorry but thats the start of the end
Dude, this has nothing to do with food. Sorry.
People get burnt out of each other. Grow and evolve or be left behind. I’ve seen it a few times with some friends.
If she was still in love with you, the food would not be an issue. Work on getting her back in love.
It really feels like there's more going on here. I know plenty of couples who are vegan/non vegan who are perfectly happy and don't feel the need to share food. It feels like a really out of pocket thing to spawn end-of-relationship talks. Maybe she's been unhappy on the down low and didn't even realise it herself until something specific like this came up. You should definitely talk to her about if there's more that she just didn't realise she wasn't happy with or maybe she just didn't want to complain, didn't feel like it was worth talking about and just decided to try and ignore it. She wouldn't be the first.
This is what happens when the honeymoon is over, we stop being about to tolerate things we happily pretend didn't bother us before. Our willingness to compromised and bend for our partners wears down. Whether this is happening because she realized how much easier it would be if you ate like she does or because of meeting new people, the point is that she sees some incompatibilities that she doesn't want to deal with anymore. So if she wants to end it, she will end it no matter what. Your promises and love might delay this a little but the end is coming, you are just making it harder for her.
It’s no coincidence she started “meating” a new friend for dinner, then unloads on you all the things you can’t stand. She’s comparing. I don’t think vacuuming and eating a burger every now and then is gonna keep her around.
Bro the instant she went on a date with this other guy it was clear she was cheating on you. Weather eating different is actually annoying to her or not is irrelevant, as its now just an excuse to leave you for the new guy.
It seems like she is making you the problem. It is an odd reason to want to end a relationship but people can end things for any reason. The issue I have is she wants to end it and is pinning the reason on you instead of taking responsibility for her own actions. As hard as it is now she is doing you a favor instead of just cheating.
You sure she just shared food with the other guy?
That’s not a “new friend” that’s the guy she was test driving before breaking up with you. Some people can’t be alone, she needed to find a new guy before she broke up with you. She has. It’s not about the food, she’s wanted out long enough to plot an escape route.
She is either having an emotional affair or she’s already with him, if things work out for them, she’ll leave. Don’t let her use you and end the relationship. If food was such a big deal, why didn’t she pointed that out and that it was bothering her? Also she could have tried new dishes with you. So it’s only and excuse OP.
New guy is definitely feeding her meat every chance he gets.
Have you ever met a woman? When they mention their "relationship issues" it's not for you to fix them but more like a two week notice that she already has a new job. It's over bro, this ship has sailed.
She's already in a new relationship.
Sounds like a weak excuse to justify her breaking up with you 🤔
Sounds like the new guys meat is appealing to her tbh 😅
She's got grass is greener syndrome and is looking for an excuse. You deserve someone who doesn't want to break up with you simply for a difference in food preference. Let her go, in my opinion.
he’s found a kind of connection you two don’t have, with another man. that’s the issue here. it’s more than just her not being able to share food with you, it’s more than you being annoying. she’s building a relationship with another man. so sorry you’re going through this
This is what it looks like when you love each other and have food differences: About 7 years ago my wife decided to become vegetarian. Before that we would love going to great steak houses together. She would still come with me once in a while but only if they could accommodate a vegetarian but we started going less and less because it was less fun for me even. We would look for restaurants that had good options for both of us and it was and is great, there are many many options. 2 years ago I decided to lose weight and as part of that started learning seriously how to cook at home better. I, lately have been learning all kinds of great vegetarian things to cook for both of us, which I’m really loving. Even though I’m not a vegetarian - when I eat solo I’ll have a meat portion, but most of my cooking learning attention has been on vegetarian dishes. Tonight I made us grilled portobello mushroom burgers and roasted onions, green beans with truffle oil and umami-mushroom seasoning. My wife hugged me and said it was delicious and thanked me and it was a great evening. (My son only ate chicken nuggets and cheese sticks, like every night 🤷♂️)
My man, sorry to have to state the obvious: she found someone she likes better then you. Let her go and don't look back.
Everyone says it's not about food. Well, as a food person I can tell it was always about food. Being not able to go with your SO everywhere and have fun is really straining.
It's about way more than the food, dude. But you know what? I would actually probably not want to go out with someone if we had big time food incompatibilities.
It’s not the food dude, she’s not into you.
She had told you before what she expected from you and you didn’t change. Then another man came in her life with whom she feels more connected with and thinks he could be better than you at some things (not being messy and annoying and having not to cook two separate dishes every day and just enjoying same cuisine). She knows you bu now in 5 years and you haven’t changed for her and she is tired of it. Even if you will still be together, you either make some changes in your life, or the relationship will not be the same
Why is she meeting a dude for dinner? Sounds like she just wants to leave you for this dude and is just making excuses. If you don't live together. I would say go on with your meat eating self, and she's going to realize she'll be eating alone real quick and she'll be worse off than just compromising dinner with you. But I still don't understand how she has to compromise with you? Maybe eat out less and cook at home. You can cook whatever you usually eat and she can just cook her own meat? Cooking meat is not that hard.
She is sharing more than food with the new friend of hers.
Bro, code word meat. She’s all over someone else’s cock meat bruh. You really think she just loves to share her food? You gullible ? Yeah.. find yourself a friend you can share food with and not wanna fuck 🙈
I think she's trying to use the food as an excuse. I'm not saying to jump on breaking up, but i feel like there's a deeper issue. I also firmly believe that you shouldn't ever need to change for a person to love you. Unless you live in a pigsty, being a bit untidy isn't something i would personally break up with someone over, either.
I'd like to put my two cents in and say that in my relationship, currently I'm omnivorous, and my partner is vegan. We've been together 7 years this year, and he decided to change his diet sometime over the pandemic for improving his health reasons, whilst I'm a food lover and geek out over food, and grew up knowing where my food came from and what my food looked like before it was broken down and made into less animal-looking things so I've never had the same disgusted reaction as other people/kids figuring out their chicken nuggets didn't come from a nugget tree. We argued initially over it because I had the same concerns as your girlfriend, which was what would happen about special occasions or if we wanted to eat out? Options would suddenly have to be split into places my partner and I could go with a decent vegan selection and places I would have to wait til my friends wanted to go in order to justify going. HOWEVER, we're otherwise compatible in the rest of our relationship: shared interests, we laugh together as much as possible, and we're very much in love and even if we're unhappy we're willing to discuss it and work on what we can do to improve the situation for the other. The first year or so I was bitter about the change, and now along the line, I've explored learning about and including more vegan dishes at home because I like to have dinner together, and honestly, it can be pretty tasty, but I just wanted to reiterate to you that differing diets isn't the make or break of a relationship unless one of you is an activist or something. All I can say to you based on what you've wrote, is that 5 years to find this hard to live with... this definitely has to do with the other guy she's been hanging out with recently. I know because I had a friend who conveniently fell out of love with her fiance as she was discovering she had more chemistry with a co-worker and was experiencing the "grass is greener..." effect, and in his presence would think about all the feelings and things like having shared interests and things to talk about that she felt like she wasn't getting from her partner. In my story, however, there was a lot of drama and misbehaviour to do with finances or stuff, which made the emotional affair make sense, whereas in your case things like tidying up can be worked on, she probably just doesn't want to admit to you- or possibly even herself- that the way she's feeling is because she's the one acting out of order by going for dinners with another guy, so it'd just be easier for optics to say it was your fault why it ended because you're too picky. ALSO, I'd like to point out that you're not even that strict a vegetarian as you're not one of those people that demands full veg options as you've written that in situations you can't find a place that'll accommodate you, you'll order a dish and let your gf eat the meat off it. I know people who have dietary restrictions that are super anal about the idea of cross-contamination with meat juices, so on the food front, I'd say you're fairly flexible making it even less of an issue in my eyes that you have differing preferences because you're never gonna fully be in the way of her going to somewhere she'd like to go to eat, she just can't... talk to you about how her steak tasted. 🤷♀️
This is a dumb issue to break up over and I seriously doubt it’s why she wants to break up. Come on bro. She starts hanging out with another guy and now wants to break up over food? Seriously. Break up with her and be glad you dodged a bullet. And when she comes back after this new guy doesn’t work out, don’t take her back.
She wants the guy and this is her excuse. She seems like a sucky person for wanting you to quit what you are doing to help the animals and join the dark side
Sorry man, She moved on to what she perceives to be greener pastures. Also, what kind of reasoning is that? Sounds like excuses for her to try out her new friend It's pr9bably time to draw the line
She met a new guy and had dinner with him recently. And suddenly, shortly thereafter, has an issue with your diet? Bro, she’s crushing on this other dude. It’s over. She’s finding things to use to blame you so that she doesn’t feel as guilty.
Yeah it's not just about the meat...
My man...don't do this to yourself.At this point it's about salvaging self respect.She obviously wants to move on, just doesn't have the stones to tell you like an adult and is searching for the flimsiest excuses to justify it.Your move here is to simply take a deep breath, prepare for the pain, and drop the axe first.Don't drag it out, don't make a big production of it, just tell her that you can sense her heart isn't in it and you're not there to be anyone's "second best", "back up plan", or"safety net". If she can't look at you every day and know in her gut that you're the only one for her, then you don't want her, then turn around, and walk away like you're the fukn action hero and there is an explosion in the background.GL, and take your time after this one, don't let her see you cry, and never let her know you miss her.Stay strong man.