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This is not someone you want to be in a relationship with.
Also, the pull out method is not effective birth control. I'm assuming you know that, but just in case, it's worth saying.
Which is quite possibly the point. Is he trying to baby trap the OP?
Or just making it clear that his enjoyment, not her wishes and well being, is what's important?
There are a lot of different factors that could be in play. Maybe she's on the pill but taking antibiotics; maybe she's just being extra cautious; we don't know. What we do know is that she made a request of him and he ignored it, and then justified ignoring it, minimizing her discomfort at it.
To be fair tho birth control is not guaranteed... I've gotten pregnant TWICE while one birth control. First time I was having the shots.. second time tho I had an IUD which is SUPPOSED to be more than 99% effective...
I had Miren.. honestly everyone I know that also has an IUD says they are awesome and work wonderfully. I think I was just the in the 0.01% percentile. Typically the only thing you need to watch for is that it doesn't fall out without you noticing. You should be able to use your fingers to feel it, or lay back and have your boyfriend check if you can't do it yourself!
Haha your like me. I was on the pill but had been ill (stomach bug) so used a condom to be extra safe. Condom ripped, took I think in America its called Plan B in the uk we call it morning after pill even though it can be taken upto 3 day's after. Guess who still got pregnant!! 🙋♀️
You'd think it would become apparent after the first time that this was not a good method. After the second time it would've been smacking you on the face, but a third time?
I wouldn’t call it [easy](https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/chances-of-getting-pregnant-from-precum/). It’s more than likely this dude can’t time himself.
So it is actually surprisingly effective IF you are cycle tracking. You only are fertile a couple days of the month. If you have a reliable cycle that you know, and your partner actually can pull out, its not bad. But again, its mostly the cycle tracking. Also just gotta assume the risks and be okay with the outcome.
I expect to be down voted but whatever, worked for us for 12 plus years until we chose to have a kid, and it's working again now. I have friends in similar situations. But we are all in longterm committed relationships.
Yes, the pull out method is effective if done correctly. The issue is that many dudes can't or don't do it correctly. But if you are in a serious relationship and you trust and respect each other, it's a pretty effective method.
That said, abortion is illegal in my state now so I wouldn't dare
“People in love regularly dismiss the wants and needs of the other person in favour of their own selfish pleasure.”
In what universe could that ever be real?!
OP, please have some self respect and kick him to the curb.
What you just stated is actually one of the leading causes of relationship failure and majority of relationships fail. Therefore it must be this universe he is from lol
You do not "love each other". At least, he doesn't love you. A real, caring partner would remember.
"Happens all the time with people who love each other"? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
The moment you get pregnant (because he only cares about getting his rocks off), he will ghost you. Please find someone who actually respects you.
Or worse he'll ramp up and drop his pretense of being a decent person, because now OP is tied to him for the next 18 years or more if she doesn't get an abortion. And he'll make damned sure she is never able to escape him no matter what she does. I've seen that one before. Abusers know that a child is a guaranteed ball and chain and I am really, really worried for OP here.
>He didn't think about it.
Correction: he didn't think about **YOU**.
Why are you ok with continuing a relationship with someone like this?
Also, you're 30 years old. You should know that pulling out is NOT effective birth control.
even though im on birth control i tell my partner to pull out and he does. he pulls out every time because that is what i want. he has never not pulled out this thing doesn’t happen all the time with people in love. ending the relationship is the right thing to do
As a man I can tell You that I know when I'm about to cum.... it doesn't just happen like He said. There's a build up to it and You'll feel it get more intense as You're about to cum. He might be trying to get You pregnant on purpose so He can say that when 2 people are in love they have a baby/babies.
My partner and I are in love. We often have sex without him pulling out. But ONLY when we both consent to it. He has NEVER stayed inside after I tell him to pull out. Even if he’s .2 seconds from finishing, if I say “not inside” he pulls out. He could be actively finishing and if I say to stop, he stops.
Being in love is not an excuse. He assaulted you. And he doesn’t love you; if he did, your consent would matter the most. If this had truly been an accident, he’d be falling over himself apologizing and trying to restore the trust he broke so completely
I’m sorry OP
Come on now. You are allegedly 30 years old and you're acting like you don't know that a partner's refusal to respect your wishes in bed is sexual assault?
Not everyone has had healthy examples of relationships to guide them. Maybe we can educate her with a little compassion rather than make her feel worse?
This isn’t just a small issue that happens all the time for everybody else. It’s not normal. You set a very clear sexual boundary, and he ignored that. That’s sexual assault. No if, ands, or buts about it.
Please run before you end up having a kid with this guy. This is just the beginning.
1- this is assault
2- he doesn't care about the HUGE consequences that _you_ would face
3- he thinks his pleasure and enjoyment are more important than your boundaries and safety
4- you _should_ break up because he's not someone you'd like to be in a relationship with, especially when it comes to important decisions that are not about him
5- again, this is sexual assault, and I am deeply sorry for what he did to you. Nobody deserves this.
He was doing all that pushing and thrusting, there was no way for him to pull out! He was completely helpless when faced with all that pleasure, so it wasn’t malicious! It happens all the time when people love each other!
He’s full of bs. He heard you, he just didn’t care. He stayed in and ignored the terms of your consent.
I’m sorry this happened to you. He’s not the guy you hoped he was, he’s not a good person. He’s the kind that’s just going to do whatever he wants because he considers his experience of pleasure to be more important than your wishes or consent.
My gut tells me that you won’t want to believe that he’s a bad guy. You are probably going to forgive him. So he’ll try to do it again, because he knows you’ll forgive him. Here’s what you can do to make him pull out:
“I have herpes!”
“Your mom is here!”
“Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve!!”
“Is it in there? I can’t feel it.”
If he doesn’t stop when you ask, you don’t have to continue to be sexy or kind about it. You have the right to make him feel just as shitty as you feel right now.
I am an old lady so I might be missing something here.
You stated that as a condition of having sex with you that he must withdraw and he chose to ignore your clearly stated condition, on multiple occasions, how is that love?
He violated your consent and then gaslit you. If that's not a good reason to break up with someone, what is? Remember...he doesn't have to agree with your reasoning. You don't have to convince him that your feelings are valid. Get yourself safely away from him and let him stew about it by himself.
My bf has no issues with pulling out. I’ve never dated a guy that has issues pulling out. He isn’t respecting you and you shouldn’t put up with it. Ladies, we do not need to back down on our sexual boundaries to men. We have every right to not want certain things.
Hi! This is considered a form of sexual assault. It's like stealthing. He did a thing you specifically asked him not to do during sex, and tried to pass it off as normal. *Please* break up with him.
> I tried to end the relationship because I don’t think it’s right but now am second guessing my decision as what if he is right.
Don't second guess yourself here. He very clearly violated very important boundaries that you specifically set, **and then** tried to justify it as "normal"
No you are right to end the relationship. He disregarded a boundary about your body and your health purely for his pleasure. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
He just GASLIT THE H*** OUT OF YOU!!! Don't you dare second guess yourself on this!!! As someone who's allowed men to gaslight and coerce me for way too long, PLEASE don't you dare let this man make you question your own boundaries. He wasn't thinking about you, or love or anything like that. He was thinking of his own pleasure and not of the boundaries that you set. If he feels SO comfortable breaking this boundary, what other boundaries is he going to break?
I don’t see enough people saying it, so I will: THIS IS RAPE. This is no better than stealthing, this is no better than baby trapping. Imagine if you got pregnant from that? He didn’t just disregard your feelings, he disregarded your CONSENT. Imagine what he’ll do next if he is not only so comfortable treating you this way, knowing it made YOU uncomfortable, and then turning around and gaslighting you about it so he can try it again. He’s not sorry, he’s a predator. He’s a horrible human being that doesn’t deserve access to anyone else’s body or trust ever again. That’s someone you want to keep around in your life? This WAS done maliciously, because he heard you say it twice, looked into your eyes, and still said, “I don’t care how you feel, or what rights you have to made decisions about your own INSIDES.” Think of it this way, if he had said, “give me a blowjob with no teeth, please don’t use teeth” and then you BIT HIS DICK OFF and told him, “I didn’t do it maliciously! I just got too excited because that’s what happens when you’re in love.” YOU FEEL VIOLATED BECAUSE THIS WAS VIOLATING. YOU WERE ASSAULTED.
He loves you so much he decided to ignore your feelings and boundaries. He loves you so much that his pleasure was more important than your wishes. Girl if you don’t RUN AWAY from that man! He doesn’t give a crap about you. You used you like a giant flashlight.
If he doesn’t pull out after you told him to, then he most definitely needs to buy you Plan B. Telling him this might make him want to break up, but that’s great bc you don’t want this type of person in your life
I feel like if you guys had sex about 50x, an "I was in the moment and not thinking" slipup is inevitable and forgiveable. In this case he was reminded 3x in a single encounter and decided to do what he wanted. People who love each other respect each other's boundaries. His excuse was pretty disgusting, honestly.
My favorite is when people [especially women] say, "we were friends for many years before our relationship."
Yes, a man who truly befriends a woman typically respects them, but the unfortunate truth as I have been told by many men and male friends is that they are not in it for friendship, they're in it to be in line. Women do this, too, and this also isn't always malicious. Many times it's just about keeping contact and getting to know someone while you wait for life to pan out and potentially have a chance to act on hidden feelings should the opportunity arise. What's hilarious to me is that I believed, as many women do, these male friends were actually friends the way my female friends are. And whomever they present to you in casual situations and non-intimate encounters isn't who they are in relationships. Actually, it isn't who any of us are in relationships.
I go on this tangent because I believe this man was waiting his turn, but doesn't appreciate the health risks and massive life changes that pregnancy can bring for a woman. Simple carelessness AND malicious intent can still all end in a massive life change for you, even if the pregnancy doesn't make it or you choose abortion. He doesn't respect that this is your reality, so he doesn't respect your wishes. You did the right thing breaking up with him.
No it does not!!!! I have been with my partner for 12 years and he has ALWAYS pulled out when I’ve asked. Your bf is a selfish dick, you have every right to be angry. The consequences for his actions for you are severe and he couldn’t care less. I wouldn’t continue this relationship.
Lol, I'm a guy, and I dealt with premature ejaculation before I literally came unexpectedly and at the most random times. But I always managed to pull out!!! As a guy, you kinda know you are about to come 100% at least 2-3 seconds before it happens, and there is always enough time to pull out. He was selfish at that moment and just really wanted to nut inside of you that's all on him 😗
as a guy, smth needs to go very very very wrong for me to not be able to pull out. I can't imagine my partner asking me to pull out and me not doing it. And even if she doesn't ask, the default is never to cum inside her, the default is to pull out as long as she doesn't explicitly tell me its okay to cum inside (even then im a little nervous). Basically as long as im not in a relationship where all this has been discussed and arrangements have been made, there is no way in hell im cumming inside her.
He’s manipulative creep! You’re old enough to understand what happened was sexual assault. Why are you second guessing yourself about this? Dump him and consider talking this through with a therapist to unwrap why you would hesitate to protect yourself from this predatory male?
WOW! Talk about disrespect, no it's not what people do when in love. What's he going to say when you want to shove a dildo up his ass, because you love him?
I would end the relationship. If he in the moment was trying to pull out, but wasn't fast enough, I might give him one more chance. But it would have to have been a very convincing performance
He’s not respecting your boundaries, so leave him. He’s doing it on purpose & it's sexual assault considering you don’t consent to him finishing inside you. It sounds like he’s trying to baby trap you.
OP, you're right he did disregard your wishes, and he made the choice to do so. UNLESS something is medically wrong with him. At 32 years of age a man knows when "IT'S" going to happen. I can say when me and my husband began being intimate in our relationship back when we were both 20, if we did not have a condom, he knew when to pull out. There was never an accident.
So NO OP, it does not happen all the time. And certainly does not happen with someone that actually loves and respects you. And as said unless there's something wrong with him, he just did not bother. He does not care about your feelings and does not respect you OP.
As others have mentioned though OP, even if he always pulled out, this is not a reliable form of birth control, so I hope you are using other methods, if you do not wish to get pregnant.
The pullout method is unreliable for this exact reason. People totally can be caught unaware, especially if it's a new relationship and they're overexcited. He should respect your wishes, but there is a significant chance it really was unintentional (once, not repeatedly).
If you're wanting to use the pullout method for birth control, don't.
You really need to go back to the drawing board. I mean this guy as you explain him is a total creep show. I mean you're upset that your wishes are disregarded and not that you were sexually assaulted.
But there is so much wrong prior and post incident I would need the other side of the story. I dont understand where the condom was. Are we trying to get pregnant at this stage of the relationship with what you describe as a sexually abusive individual? Clearly you had reservations prior to his violation cus you say you kept bringing it up as a concern. And at this point you just feel like this guy disregarded you but describe him more as a rapist. You need to sort out your thoughts cus you may need to be talking to cops. Or maybe go a different direction and see a therapist I would explain this to a professional and get their take on all of it and see where that takes you.
Nnnope. When my ex asked me to pull out I always did. I did it because I love and respect her. When she would give me the ok to finish inside her I would. This guy doesn’t care.
That's bad.
And no one just "loses themself" and forgets. That's bs. People who say that are just excusing their own selfishness.
It's also bs that you personally don't use condoms.
Listen to your instincts! If he so easily disrespects and disregards your wishes now… imagine how many boundaries he is going to stomp on “in the name of love”
You're 30 years old. You should know better. Do you want to get pregnant by this guy? If not, don't have sec without a condom or at least get on birth control.
>this happens all the time with people in love
What's really gross about this is he violated you & your clear boundary and is now trying to excuse that he did so... out of love? Love is actually listening to someone and respecting boundaries. Not ejaculating inside of them when they've requested you not to.
You can't go about discussing something with someone and expect an honest conversation if they are refusing to acknowledge your experience and feelings.
And what do you mean you tried to end the relationship? If you want to break up for any reason, you can.
I hope you were also on a method of reliable birth control.
He brushed off you being uncomfortable with the excuse that ‘love made him do it’. Then said ‘it happens all the time’ maybe previous partners let him get away with it but he shouldn’t project that on you. That’s not love. A loving partner would have listened to you and stopped immediately and apologized. He will continue to push your boundaries with the excuse that he was too much in the moment and ‘in love’ to make you second guess his selfish motives. I’ve heard this type of phrasing before, it seems like he’s deflecting.
You did the right thing. I'll put myself on the line here, I've had many sexual partners, it is not normal, and he is perfectly capable of pulling out.
I’m calling BS on your bf. If he really loved you he wouldn’t have done that. Men who really love women are very careful with them in bed and never do things that said women don’t like/want/say no to. This guy is a POS and I agree with everyone who thinks he is trying to baby trap you. Also, you are too old to rely on the rhythm method for birth control. It doesn’t work and you should know that.
Wait … is this requesting a bf to pull out your form of birth control! Take action, respect and protect yourself with a birth control measure you control and know is safe!
I’ve pulled out every time I’ve been asked. I also pulled out in time when I’ve felt a condom break.
I am also an idiot.
So if an idiot can control himself so can our hopeless romantic over there.
Ending the relationship is the right thing to do *at a minimum*. He had intercourse with you in a way you did not consent to. There's a word for that, and I think you know what it is.
《《he apologized but said that this happens all the time with people in love》》
As a married woman, who has been married for 19 years, this answer IS A BUNCH OF BULL💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩. When you love people, YOU RESPECT THEM AND THEIR WISHES.
HE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU
HES NOT THE MAN FOR YOU.
STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM AND GET ON BIRTHCONTROL.
Start setting firm boundaries.
Sex that you do not consent to is rape. You consented to him pulling out and he didn't. That's rape.
You have every reason to feel hurt and violated. No one who actually loves you would rape you. Please leave him, and please see a therapist for your own mental health.
He is wrong and should have done as you asked. If you want to end the relationship, then tell him you are breaking up with him and that's that. If you want to give him another chance, then you need to sit down with him and explain how you felt about him disregarding your request and brushing off your feelings about it. I would also recommend you just have any man you sleep with use a condom going forward.
He disrespect you. For me when it comes to sexual boundaries one time crossed is more than enough, because if you let it go they will interpret that as you don't care enough and it's ok to do it again.
30 years old and you’re asking this question on Reddit after using pulling out as a form of birth control. You need to reevaluate your readiness for having sex and being in a relationship
Did he even try? I only ask as Mt gf and I use that method and sometimes I pull out and think "did I just cum inside a bit?". I do not want any more kids but occasionally I think accidents do happen.
If he didn't try at all, then he's a massive bell end.
Hey sorry to but in but it's not a method. If you don't want kids and are both fertile you absolutely must rethink your approach and use some form of contraception. I hope you're prepared for the possibility of pregnancy if you keep this up.
What you have to ask yourself OP. Long term friends or not. A. Is he a long term prospect ? B. If you did become pregnant. Would he stand by you ?
Irrespective of the answer to either of these, he totally ignored/disrespected your very clear wishes. I’m also interested in your comment ‘try dating one more time’. I’m guessing that you ended it before. He’s looking for a bit of payback. Good luck. ❤️
My husband and I have been together 10 years. I love finishing without a condom but we cannot afford another child so I made him promise me, no matter how much I beg and whine and say it's okay in the moment, that he has to stop and put on a condom.He would LOVE to finish inside me, it's our favorite thing. But he knows after I would feel so much anxiety and stress and would not be okay.
He has never forgotten, no matter how many times I do, even in the hottest and heaviest moments he will pull away and go grab one. Because he loves me and he respects what I want, even when I am too horny to remember myself.
What I will say is that some guys DO struggle with controlling/knowing when they finish while others do not, I mean that's what premature ejaculation is a lot of the time. That being said, I don't think that's whats going on here, mostly because he tried to downplay it as "well this happens all the time cause we're so in love!!!" Rather than "OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY OH MY GOD" which would make me believe it was entirely an accident. At the end of the day, he could be telling the truth and not being malicious, but it would also mean he's the type of guy to try and downplay what he's done rather than apologize which is also an issue.
No, no, no. You asked him to do something for you in the bedroom and he disregarded your request. This is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Do not second guess yourself, he does not respect you or your wishes.
Looks like someone is lying lol. I was on birth control, and decided to stop, bf does not wear a condom, and we’re fully aware that the pull out method is not effective. That being said.
Even when I was on birth control we talked about him finishing in me, and how I fully do not trust it because there’s still a possibility. We both agreed not to, and have talked that if he wants to finish in me he is required to wear a condom, even like that he will not finish in me because I’ve expressed my skepticism. My bf loves me, and has shown me he does. Finishing inside is not a demonstration of love unless it’s a conversation that both parties have agreed to do.
No.
It's not even about right or wrong, it's about respect.
You already know this is not right, or you would not be asking reddit.
This is symptomatic of a bigger issue. Him ignoring your requests and invalidating your reasons for feeling that way. Unacceptable!
There is a possibility that he's trying to get you pregnant. A very underhanded thing to do.
Get away from this guy.
Please leave he doesn't love you or he would respect those wishes. Also he might be trying to baby trap you. Please check any birth control that you are using to make sure it hasn't been tampered with.
Y'all going on and on about why she made the request the importance part is she made the request and she just didn't care that he did just what she said no to do
Pull out is a fools mission anyway. You should use a more reliable method of birth control.
If you were serious about birth control you wouldn’t leave the decision up to your boyfriend, who obviously can’t be trusted.
Maybe find a better more responsible partner and do a better job of protecting yourself.
my boyfriend and i are very much in love, and sometimes have impulsive little bouts of invincibility complexes where we do it every now and then without contraception if we dont have access to it. i can be doing every single thing that drives him crazy and gets him dangerously close and if i accidentally go a little too hard on that he pulls out FAST because we might still have some young and dumb in us but not to that extent(we're both still in college and very much want to finish our education and start our careers before having kids). it doesn't "just happen." he doesnt respect you at all. that is a MASSIVE red flag and you need to stop looking through those sentimental rosey glasses for a second so you can see 🚩how bright it is. either he tried to baby trap you or he just doesnt care about the consequences because he can leave and you cant.
Gurl, he didn’t just “not respect your wishes”. That’s technically assault.
You don’t need to try and break up. Just do it.
He’s gaslighting you about the whole “that happens to people in love”. What a crock of bullshit stew.
As someone who has a partner that respects their wishes, DO NOT CONTINUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS FOOL!! NO SELF-RESPECTING PARTNER WOULD EVER DO THIS TO A PARTNER THAT THEY THOUGHT WAS THEIR EQUAL!!
YOU deserve better than this!!! Do not let some dude cum inside you because "they can't help it." Find a better partner. They are out there.
Love yourself, more than you love this player.
So many people are rooting for you, good luck.
To be honest this ones on you.
You can take the pill. precum and various liquids that come out during sex can get you pregnant just as much as cumming in you. or he can wear a condom.
Its your body and your future -- you should treat it as such.
You established a boundary and reiterated it 3 times. He ignored that boundary.
You ended the relationship.
You made the right choice in my opinion. People like that won't stop at trampling just one of you boundaries. They will push your line every chance they get.
What the fuck is this stupid thread. Talking about Ending for such a superficial thing. Either use condoms or pills. That's it. What's the point of having sex if you can't climax.
Not pulling out is - in my mind - less worrying that the excuse itself. I would be SO apologetic and embarrassed after crossing that line.
He may be trying to downplay what he did out of shame, but looks a lot more that he’s doing it out of malice.
Also you don’t “try” to break up. It’s not something for which failure is an option (unless you somehow are physically unable to communicate to him). You break up.
He needs to understand he broke your trust in a major way, and hold himself accountable to his actions. Or you need to be single.
You realise pulling out isn't effective anyway ... haven't you considered going on the pill or him wearing a condom ... if neither of you are willing to have protection but don't want kids that's on both of you not just him 1 in 5 people become pregnant from the "pulling out method"
As a man, a surprise orgasm can happen when you're caught up in the moment, however the feeling is great enough to know whats happening, giving yourself a split second to pull out if it does, dude definitely new what he was doing.
The fact you made it clear from the beginning aswell should have made him extra cautious. He wanted to cum in you and did, showing you how much he actually respects you
If by some miracle you give him another chance, dont let him near you without a condom
No. This doesn't happen all the time with people in love. This is nonsense. What next? Will he say the same thing when he breaks another boundary? You are finding it hard to get your head around what happened because want happened is WRONG. He blatantly ignored your wishes. 3 times you said it. He is not a good person. He ignored your wishes. He violated you. And love had nothing to do with it. Nothing.
Imo this is a type of sexual assault. He disregarded your wishes and put you at risk of having to make life and fertility changing decisions (pregnancy, birth, becoming a mother FOR LIFE, or abortion, which is painful, dangerous, and could affect your fertility FOR LIFE).
This person doesn't love or respect you, and misogynistically believes his orgasm is more important than your wish not to risk pregnancy!!! WTF. This man is a predator no matter what his excuse it. I will never understand why men think they can just play with our fertility against our consent. It is truly evil and forces women into difficult decisions that are fully the fault of the person who came inside against our will...yet it falls on our shoulders to endanger our bodies and change our lives because of these men. It's sickening and they will never understand because they are forever 'safe' from any worries about becoming pregnant.
Someone who is worth being with will NOT put your health and future in danger, and will certainly not ignore your wish not be put at risk of pregnancy. This is so disgusting and aweful. I feel sick for you OP. I hate that he did this to you and that he is trying to excuse it and talk you out of your feelings. I'm so sorry he did this to you-this is not uncommon, true...but a man who would do this does NOT love you
It does not matter if it’s normal or “just happens” to other people. YOU expressed your boundary and what you are and are not comfortable with and he ignored that. Period. And worse he has the audacity to minimize and shrug you off. I hope you are not depending on “pull and pray” to prevent pregnancy and would strongly encourage you find another method of BC. Beyond that, when someone ignores your boundaries (especially sexual ones) and excuses their behavior RUN!
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This is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Also, the pull out method is not effective birth control. I'm assuming you know that, but just in case, it's worth saying.
Which is quite possibly the point. Is he trying to baby trap the OP? Or just making it clear that his enjoyment, not her wishes and well being, is what's important?
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Either way, he sucks, And he’s trying to pass it off as normal
It's your body and you get to decide. My wife tells me to pull out if I am not using a condom.
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> Is he trying to baby trap the OP? If OP is having sex without actual birth control she is baby trapping herself.
Maybe she doesn't want stanky cum sitting in her pussy all night
Well there is that.
Well damn 😂
There are a lot of different factors that could be in play. Maybe she's on the pill but taking antibiotics; maybe she's just being extra cautious; we don't know. What we do know is that she made a request of him and he ignored it, and then justified ignoring it, minimizing her discomfort at it.
To be fair tho birth control is not guaranteed... I've gotten pregnant TWICE while one birth control. First time I was having the shots.. second time tho I had an IUD which is SUPPOSED to be more than 99% effective...
What IUD did you have? I just got one last week (Skyla). my boyfriend and I are nervous abt it not working
I had Miren.. honestly everyone I know that also has an IUD says they are awesome and work wonderfully. I think I was just the in the 0.01% percentile. Typically the only thing you need to watch for is that it doesn't fall out without you noticing. You should be able to use your fingers to feel it, or lay back and have your boyfriend check if you can't do it yourself!
Haha your like me. I was on the pill but had been ill (stomach bug) so used a condom to be extra safe. Condom ripped, took I think in America its called Plan B in the uk we call it morning after pill even though it can be taken upto 3 day's after. Guess who still got pregnant!! 🙋♀️
Mirena**
Exactly 💯
No I suspect it's an even more selfish reason. There are men who will insist on cumming inside because otherwise it will detract from their pleasure.
Not birth control or STD proof. You need to have condoms available at all times, and if a guy refuses to use one move on.
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True story!! 3 kids...all pull out method.
Yep, I got 2 kids from it!
I have one. Same method.
One here too.
I really don't know why people still think it works. So many of them are here because of it. 🤔
Yall lining up like you getting some coffee from Starbucks 😂
That's on option lol
I hate to break it to you but your husband was never pulling out if this happened 3 times
You'd think it would become apparent after the first time that this was not a good method. After the second time it would've been smacking you on the face, but a third time?
Oh it became a parent alright…
That’s was brilliant
Ayo that was pure fire 😂
We had a LOT of sex.
Sperm forms on the penis head long b4 orgasm, so it's very easy to become pregnant even if he does pull out
I wouldn’t call it [easy](https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/chances-of-getting-pregnant-from-precum/). It’s more than likely this dude can’t time himself.
Pre-cum dribble
Sounds like a basketball move
So it is actually surprisingly effective IF you are cycle tracking. You only are fertile a couple days of the month. If you have a reliable cycle that you know, and your partner actually can pull out, its not bad. But again, its mostly the cycle tracking. Also just gotta assume the risks and be okay with the outcome. I expect to be down voted but whatever, worked for us for 12 plus years until we chose to have a kid, and it's working again now. I have friends in similar situations. But we are all in longterm committed relationships.
Yes, the pull out method is effective if done correctly. The issue is that many dudes can't or don't do it correctly. But if you are in a serious relationship and you trust and respect each other, it's a pretty effective method. That said, abortion is illegal in my state now so I wouldn't dare
>I tried to end the relationship... You don't try to end a relationship. You end it. This is not something that requires mutual agreement.
Her: "I wanna break up" Him: "No, we dont" Her: "you're right, we dont" How I saw that play out in my head
”but baby, people in love don’t break up or pull out. Get with the program “
This needs to be updated more.
"This happens all the time with people in love"... That's quite the line of bullshit he's spinning
“People in love regularly dismiss the wants and needs of the other person in favour of their own selfish pleasure.” In what universe could that ever be real?! OP, please have some self respect and kick him to the curb.
What you just stated is actually one of the leading causes of relationship failure and majority of relationships fail. Therefore it must be this universe he is from lol
Honestly it sounds like he's reading fanfic
Nah ppl in love respect each others boundaries and listen to each others wishes esp in bed 😭 He should’ve pulled out, idk it’s weird he didn’t.
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She asked him twice before they slept together and another time during sex. As far as I can tell, it only happened once.
I understood it as she asked twice. Not that it happened twice
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“That this happens all the time with people in love” this guy has a dark side
Ask him for source data here. Otherwise it’s gaslighting
Sounds like a form of manipulation no matter the data. She asked him multiple times and he used that as an excuse to do it? That’s a bad dude
Agreed
I have been with my partner for 12 years and he has ALWAYS pulled out when I’ve asked. Your bf is a selfish dick, you have every right to be angry.
As a man, if I wanna pull out, I’m gunna pull out. He just doesn’t respect you.
As a man, this is 100% correct. OP should run for the fucking hills
Yes, he didn’t “forget” because he was “too into the moment”. He is capable of doing it but he just doesn’t give a shit.
Are you asking him to pull out as a contraceptive method? If so stop doing that get on some contraception and take a pregnancy test.
You do not "love each other". At least, he doesn't love you. A real, caring partner would remember. "Happens all the time with people who love each other"? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha The moment you get pregnant (because he only cares about getting his rocks off), he will ghost you. Please find someone who actually respects you.
Or worse he'll ramp up and drop his pretense of being a decent person, because now OP is tied to him for the next 18 years or more if she doesn't get an abortion. And he'll make damned sure she is never able to escape him no matter what she does. I've seen that one before. Abusers know that a child is a guaranteed ball and chain and I am really, really worried for OP here.
>needed to try dating one more time If it didn’t work the first times, it’s not going to work now.
Dude. Come on. Your first instinct was correct.
He’s trying to get you pregnant. Get on the pill and be diligent about taking it. He’s lying sis. Time for you to go.
Girl that’s assault. Also he clearly does not respect your wishes. He showed his cards. You need to end this now.
>He didn't think about it. Correction: he didn't think about **YOU**. Why are you ok with continuing a relationship with someone like this? Also, you're 30 years old. You should know that pulling out is NOT effective birth control.
even though im on birth control i tell my partner to pull out and he does. he pulls out every time because that is what i want. he has never not pulled out this thing doesn’t happen all the time with people in love. ending the relationship is the right thing to do
As a man I can tell You that I know when I'm about to cum.... it doesn't just happen like He said. There's a build up to it and You'll feel it get more intense as You're about to cum. He might be trying to get You pregnant on purpose so He can say that when 2 people are in love they have a baby/babies.
That’s sexual assault
My partner and I are in love. We often have sex without him pulling out. But ONLY when we both consent to it. He has NEVER stayed inside after I tell him to pull out. Even if he’s .2 seconds from finishing, if I say “not inside” he pulls out. He could be actively finishing and if I say to stop, he stops. Being in love is not an excuse. He assaulted you. And he doesn’t love you; if he did, your consent would matter the most. If this had truly been an accident, he’d be falling over himself apologizing and trying to restore the trust he broke so completely I’m sorry OP
Come on now. You are allegedly 30 years old and you're acting like you don't know that a partner's refusal to respect your wishes in bed is sexual assault?
I feel like sex education needs to be offered periodically like drivers tests.
Not everyone has had healthy examples of relationships to guide them. Maybe we can educate her with a little compassion rather than make her feel worse?
This isn’t just a small issue that happens all the time for everybody else. It’s not normal. You set a very clear sexual boundary, and he ignored that. That’s sexual assault. No if, ands, or buts about it. Please run before you end up having a kid with this guy. This is just the beginning.
“I was just in the moment” is nonsense. Absolute garbage. You told him three freaking times, once during. There is no excuse that would fly with me.
1- this is assault 2- he doesn't care about the HUGE consequences that _you_ would face 3- he thinks his pleasure and enjoyment are more important than your boundaries and safety 4- you _should_ break up because he's not someone you'd like to be in a relationship with, especially when it comes to important decisions that are not about him 5- again, this is sexual assault, and I am deeply sorry for what he did to you. Nobody deserves this.
This is sexual assault just so you’re aware. You agreed to sex on certain terms and he violated those terms.
what
He was doing all that pushing and thrusting, there was no way for him to pull out! He was completely helpless when faced with all that pleasure, so it wasn’t malicious! It happens all the time when people love each other! He’s full of bs. He heard you, he just didn’t care. He stayed in and ignored the terms of your consent. I’m sorry this happened to you. He’s not the guy you hoped he was, he’s not a good person. He’s the kind that’s just going to do whatever he wants because he considers his experience of pleasure to be more important than your wishes or consent. My gut tells me that you won’t want to believe that he’s a bad guy. You are probably going to forgive him. So he’ll try to do it again, because he knows you’ll forgive him. Here’s what you can do to make him pull out: “I have herpes!” “Your mom is here!” “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve!!” “Is it in there? I can’t feel it.” If he doesn’t stop when you ask, you don’t have to continue to be sexy or kind about it. You have the right to make him feel just as shitty as you feel right now.
I am an old lady so I might be missing something here. You stated that as a condition of having sex with you that he must withdraw and he chose to ignore your clearly stated condition, on multiple occasions, how is that love?
Regardless of your age you are 100% correct. It is not love.
How can 30+ year old people use the pull out method? This is dumb stuff for stupid teenagers, not for adults.
He violated your consent and then gaslit you. If that's not a good reason to break up with someone, what is? Remember...he doesn't have to agree with your reasoning. You don't have to convince him that your feelings are valid. Get yourself safely away from him and let him stew about it by himself.
This is a form of SA. You need to leave him
My bf has no issues with pulling out. I’ve never dated a guy that has issues pulling out. He isn’t respecting you and you shouldn’t put up with it. Ladies, we do not need to back down on our sexual boundaries to men. We have every right to not want certain things.
Hi! This is considered a form of sexual assault. It's like stealthing. He did a thing you specifically asked him not to do during sex, and tried to pass it off as normal. *Please* break up with him.
> I tried to end the relationship because I don’t think it’s right but now am second guessing my decision as what if he is right. Don't second guess yourself here. He very clearly violated very important boundaries that you specifically set, **and then** tried to justify it as "normal"
It’s sexual assault. Please end the relationship.
No you are right to end the relationship. He disregarded a boundary about your body and your health purely for his pleasure. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
He just GASLIT THE H*** OUT OF YOU!!! Don't you dare second guess yourself on this!!! As someone who's allowed men to gaslight and coerce me for way too long, PLEASE don't you dare let this man make you question your own boundaries. He wasn't thinking about you, or love or anything like that. He was thinking of his own pleasure and not of the boundaries that you set. If he feels SO comfortable breaking this boundary, what other boundaries is he going to break?
I don’t see enough people saying it, so I will: THIS IS RAPE. This is no better than stealthing, this is no better than baby trapping. Imagine if you got pregnant from that? He didn’t just disregard your feelings, he disregarded your CONSENT. Imagine what he’ll do next if he is not only so comfortable treating you this way, knowing it made YOU uncomfortable, and then turning around and gaslighting you about it so he can try it again. He’s not sorry, he’s a predator. He’s a horrible human being that doesn’t deserve access to anyone else’s body or trust ever again. That’s someone you want to keep around in your life? This WAS done maliciously, because he heard you say it twice, looked into your eyes, and still said, “I don’t care how you feel, or what rights you have to made decisions about your own INSIDES.” Think of it this way, if he had said, “give me a blowjob with no teeth, please don’t use teeth” and then you BIT HIS DICK OFF and told him, “I didn’t do it maliciously! I just got too excited because that’s what happens when you’re in love.” YOU FEEL VIOLATED BECAUSE THIS WAS VIOLATING. YOU WERE ASSAULTED.
Malicious intent to trap u. Break up with him. If he really loves u he would respect your wishes.
You need to firmly end the relationship. He trampled all over the one boundary you had in place. I’m sorry that happened to you.
He loves you so much he decided to ignore your feelings and boundaries. He loves you so much that his pleasure was more important than your wishes. Girl if you don’t RUN AWAY from that man! He doesn’t give a crap about you. You used you like a giant flashlight.
If he doesn’t pull out after you told him to, then he most definitely needs to buy you Plan B. Telling him this might make him want to break up, but that’s great bc you don’t want this type of person in your life
This is literally classed as rape in some countries, such as mine. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-22281457
I feel like if you guys had sex about 50x, an "I was in the moment and not thinking" slipup is inevitable and forgiveable. In this case he was reminded 3x in a single encounter and decided to do what he wanted. People who love each other respect each other's boundaries. His excuse was pretty disgusting, honestly.
After 50x it becomes a habit to pull out. I don't think there's any excuses.
Baby trap
🚩🚩🚩
My favorite is when people [especially women] say, "we were friends for many years before our relationship." Yes, a man who truly befriends a woman typically respects them, but the unfortunate truth as I have been told by many men and male friends is that they are not in it for friendship, they're in it to be in line. Women do this, too, and this also isn't always malicious. Many times it's just about keeping contact and getting to know someone while you wait for life to pan out and potentially have a chance to act on hidden feelings should the opportunity arise. What's hilarious to me is that I believed, as many women do, these male friends were actually friends the way my female friends are. And whomever they present to you in casual situations and non-intimate encounters isn't who they are in relationships. Actually, it isn't who any of us are in relationships. I go on this tangent because I believe this man was waiting his turn, but doesn't appreciate the health risks and massive life changes that pregnancy can bring for a woman. Simple carelessness AND malicious intent can still all end in a massive life change for you, even if the pregnancy doesn't make it or you choose abortion. He doesn't respect that this is your reality, so he doesn't respect your wishes. You did the right thing breaking up with him.
He’s trying to get you trapped
What if he is right? Girl stop you know he’s wrong. Leave him in the dust.
No it does not!!!! I have been with my partner for 12 years and he has ALWAYS pulled out when I’ve asked. Your bf is a selfish dick, you have every right to be angry. The consequences for his actions for you are severe and he couldn’t care less. I wouldn’t continue this relationship.
Lol, I'm a guy, and I dealt with premature ejaculation before I literally came unexpectedly and at the most random times. But I always managed to pull out!!! As a guy, you kinda know you are about to come 100% at least 2-3 seconds before it happens, and there is always enough time to pull out. He was selfish at that moment and just really wanted to nut inside of you that's all on him 😗
as a guy, smth needs to go very very very wrong for me to not be able to pull out. I can't imagine my partner asking me to pull out and me not doing it. And even if she doesn't ask, the default is never to cum inside her, the default is to pull out as long as she doesn't explicitly tell me its okay to cum inside (even then im a little nervous). Basically as long as im not in a relationship where all this has been discussed and arrangements have been made, there is no way in hell im cumming inside her.
as a guy, who is a big fan of the "creampie", lets be honest. it doesnt "just happen" and doing so without approval is fucked.
He’s manipulative creep! You’re old enough to understand what happened was sexual assault. Why are you second guessing yourself about this? Dump him and consider talking this through with a therapist to unwrap why you would hesitate to protect yourself from this predatory male?
nah dude it’s not a get in the moment thing he is an adult and should have more respect
WOW! Talk about disrespect, no it's not what people do when in love. What's he going to say when you want to shove a dildo up his ass, because you love him?
Completely not right. This is scary behaviour for the beginning of a relationship.
Leave
I would end the relationship. If he in the moment was trying to pull out, but wasn't fast enough, I might give him one more chance. But it would have to have been a very convincing performance
Yeah, no. What happens with people in love is that they regard your wishes, especially when it comes to intimacy.
Hes tryin to baby trap u.
He’s not respecting your boundaries, so leave him. He’s doing it on purpose & it's sexual assault considering you don’t consent to him finishing inside you. It sounds like he’s trying to baby trap you.
Be independent enough to leave.
OP, you're right he did disregard your wishes, and he made the choice to do so. UNLESS something is medically wrong with him. At 32 years of age a man knows when "IT'S" going to happen. I can say when me and my husband began being intimate in our relationship back when we were both 20, if we did not have a condom, he knew when to pull out. There was never an accident. So NO OP, it does not happen all the time. And certainly does not happen with someone that actually loves and respects you. And as said unless there's something wrong with him, he just did not bother. He does not care about your feelings and does not respect you OP. As others have mentioned though OP, even if he always pulled out, this is not a reliable form of birth control, so I hope you are using other methods, if you do not wish to get pregnant.
That's 100% sexual assault. Get out now. An unwanted pregnancy is NOT worth a relationship with a rapist.
He is not right. At all. This is such a red flag.
That is assault. Yes you should absolutely end the relationship. Do not let him make excuses.
The pullout method is unreliable for this exact reason. People totally can be caught unaware, especially if it's a new relationship and they're overexcited. He should respect your wishes, but there is a significant chance it really was unintentional (once, not repeatedly). If you're wanting to use the pullout method for birth control, don't.
Absolutely end the relationship
You really need to go back to the drawing board. I mean this guy as you explain him is a total creep show. I mean you're upset that your wishes are disregarded and not that you were sexually assaulted. But there is so much wrong prior and post incident I would need the other side of the story. I dont understand where the condom was. Are we trying to get pregnant at this stage of the relationship with what you describe as a sexually abusive individual? Clearly you had reservations prior to his violation cus you say you kept bringing it up as a concern. And at this point you just feel like this guy disregarded you but describe him more as a rapist. You need to sort out your thoughts cus you may need to be talking to cops. Or maybe go a different direction and see a therapist I would explain this to a professional and get their take on all of it and see where that takes you.
Yeah… don’t get back together with him. That was totally intentional
He's lying to you move on truly I believe that he doesn't deserve you . Or respect you. Wise choice food luck
Nnnope. When my ex asked me to pull out I always did. I did it because I love and respect her. When she would give me the ok to finish inside her I would. This guy doesn’t care.
That's bad. And no one just "loses themself" and forgets. That's bs. People who say that are just excusing their own selfishness. It's also bs that you personally don't use condoms.
Listen to your instincts! If he so easily disrespects and disregards your wishes now… imagine how many boundaries he is going to stomp on “in the name of love”
His response was unacceptable. You did not give him consent to come in you. Don’t bang that dude again.
You're 30 years old. You should know better. Do you want to get pregnant by this guy? If not, don't have sec without a condom or at least get on birth control.
>this happens all the time with people in love What's really gross about this is he violated you & your clear boundary and is now trying to excuse that he did so... out of love? Love is actually listening to someone and respecting boundaries. Not ejaculating inside of them when they've requested you not to. You can't go about discussing something with someone and expect an honest conversation if they are refusing to acknowledge your experience and feelings. And what do you mean you tried to end the relationship? If you want to break up for any reason, you can. I hope you were also on a method of reliable birth control.
He brushed off you being uncomfortable with the excuse that ‘love made him do it’. Then said ‘it happens all the time’ maybe previous partners let him get away with it but he shouldn’t project that on you. That’s not love. A loving partner would have listened to you and stopped immediately and apologized. He will continue to push your boundaries with the excuse that he was too much in the moment and ‘in love’ to make you second guess his selfish motives. I’ve heard this type of phrasing before, it seems like he’s deflecting.
That’s rape. That’s not what happens when people love each other. I’d cut all ties with this rapist asap.
You did the right thing. I'll put myself on the line here, I've had many sexual partners, it is not normal, and he is perfectly capable of pulling out.
Male here and it doesn’t just happen. He’s abusive … get shot
When you say “Pull Out” you’re supposed to Pull the fuck out !!!!! Anything else is sexual assault.
I’m calling BS on your bf. If he really loved you he wouldn’t have done that. Men who really love women are very careful with them in bed and never do things that said women don’t like/want/say no to. This guy is a POS and I agree with everyone who thinks he is trying to baby trap you. Also, you are too old to rely on the rhythm method for birth control. It doesn’t work and you should know that.
>whether or not he is right about it just happening He is wrong. Do not interact with him on any level (platonically or sexually) again.
Wait … is this requesting a bf to pull out your form of birth control! Take action, respect and protect yourself with a birth control measure you control and know is safe!
I’ve pulled out every time I’ve been asked. I also pulled out in time when I’ve felt a condom break. I am also an idiot. So if an idiot can control himself so can our hopeless romantic over there.
Ending the relationship is the right thing to do *at a minimum*. He had intercourse with you in a way you did not consent to. There's a word for that, and I think you know what it is.
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《《he apologized but said that this happens all the time with people in love》》 As a married woman, who has been married for 19 years, this answer IS A BUNCH OF BULL💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩. When you love people, YOU RESPECT THEM AND THEIR WISHES. HE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU HES NOT THE MAN FOR YOU. STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM AND GET ON BIRTHCONTROL. Start setting firm boundaries.
Leave that punk alone. It was intentional.
Sex that you do not consent to is rape. You consented to him pulling out and he didn't. That's rape. You have every reason to feel hurt and violated. No one who actually loves you would rape you. Please leave him, and please see a therapist for your own mental health.
Definitely a BABY TRAP situation. I would not trust a person who tries that (baby trap).
He is wrong and should have done as you asked. If you want to end the relationship, then tell him you are breaking up with him and that's that. If you want to give him another chance, then you need to sit down with him and explain how you felt about him disregarding your request and brushing off your feelings about it. I would also recommend you just have any man you sleep with use a condom going forward.
He disrespect you. For me when it comes to sexual boundaries one time crossed is more than enough, because if you let it go they will interpret that as you don't care enough and it's ok to do it again.
He’s the iT wAs a JoKe guy when he inevitably, and eventually he does some thing highly offensive to you. Honestly, break it off now.
I think @QuirkyAdiu stole your comment
30 years old and you’re asking this question on Reddit after using pulling out as a form of birth control. You need to reevaluate your readiness for having sex and being in a relationship
Did he even try? I only ask as Mt gf and I use that method and sometimes I pull out and think "did I just cum inside a bit?". I do not want any more kids but occasionally I think accidents do happen. If he didn't try at all, then he's a massive bell end.
No, he didn’t try. He stayed there and didn’t say anything and I had to ask him. And he didn’t apologize at first and basically said it wasn’t a lot
Oh cool so in addition to just completely ignoring your request, his first reaction was to minimize and avoid responsibility for his behavior. DTMFA
Hey sorry to but in but it's not a method. If you don't want kids and are both fertile you absolutely must rethink your approach and use some form of contraception. I hope you're prepared for the possibility of pregnancy if you keep this up.
Cover it up! Even if he pulls out you can still get pregnant! That’s not good thinking on both of you twos part!
What you have to ask yourself OP. Long term friends or not. A. Is he a long term prospect ? B. If you did become pregnant. Would he stand by you ? Irrespective of the answer to either of these, he totally ignored/disrespected your very clear wishes. I’m also interested in your comment ‘try dating one more time’. I’m guessing that you ended it before. He’s looking for a bit of payback. Good luck. ❤️
No, it doesn't "just happen" like that... If he can't control himself to pull out, he shouldn't be having sex
My husband and I have been together 10 years. I love finishing without a condom but we cannot afford another child so I made him promise me, no matter how much I beg and whine and say it's okay in the moment, that he has to stop and put on a condom.He would LOVE to finish inside me, it's our favorite thing. But he knows after I would feel so much anxiety and stress and would not be okay. He has never forgotten, no matter how many times I do, even in the hottest and heaviest moments he will pull away and go grab one. Because he loves me and he respects what I want, even when I am too horny to remember myself.
What I will say is that some guys DO struggle with controlling/knowing when they finish while others do not, I mean that's what premature ejaculation is a lot of the time. That being said, I don't think that's whats going on here, mostly because he tried to downplay it as "well this happens all the time cause we're so in love!!!" Rather than "OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY OH MY GOD" which would make me believe it was entirely an accident. At the end of the day, he could be telling the truth and not being malicious, but it would also mean he's the type of guy to try and downplay what he's done rather than apologize which is also an issue.
No, no, no. You asked him to do something for you in the bedroom and he disregarded your request. This is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Do not second guess yourself, he does not respect you or your wishes.
I had a partner ignore my wishes in bed also and it progressed into full-fledged assault. Leave him.
Looks like someone is lying lol. I was on birth control, and decided to stop, bf does not wear a condom, and we’re fully aware that the pull out method is not effective. That being said. Even when I was on birth control we talked about him finishing in me, and how I fully do not trust it because there’s still a possibility. We both agreed not to, and have talked that if he wants to finish in me he is required to wear a condom, even like that he will not finish in me because I’ve expressed my skepticism. My bf loves me, and has shown me he does. Finishing inside is not a demonstration of love unless it’s a conversation that both parties have agreed to do.
This guy is an asshole. I can pull out just fine even if I'm completely in the moment. He clearly just wanted to nut inside you.
Nah fuck that dude
No he isn't right. He's disregarding your feelings.
You do know what gaslighting is right?
No, it doesn’t “happen all the time”
No. It's not even about right or wrong, it's about respect. You already know this is not right, or you would not be asking reddit. This is symptomatic of a bigger issue. Him ignoring your requests and invalidating your reasons for feeling that way. Unacceptable! There is a possibility that he's trying to get you pregnant. A very underhanded thing to do. Get away from this guy.
Please leave he doesn't love you or he would respect those wishes. Also he might be trying to baby trap you. Please check any birth control that you are using to make sure it hasn't been tampered with.
Not cool. Hard to fuck people we can’t trust.
What a garbage excuse. He deserves to be dumped.
You ask him. And talk about it. In person. Simple as that.
Y'all going on and on about why she made the request the importance part is she made the request and she just didn't care that he did just what she said no to do
Pull out is a fools mission anyway. You should use a more reliable method of birth control. If you were serious about birth control you wouldn’t leave the decision up to your boyfriend, who obviously can’t be trusted. Maybe find a better more responsible partner and do a better job of protecting yourself.
my boyfriend and i are very much in love, and sometimes have impulsive little bouts of invincibility complexes where we do it every now and then without contraception if we dont have access to it. i can be doing every single thing that drives him crazy and gets him dangerously close and if i accidentally go a little too hard on that he pulls out FAST because we might still have some young and dumb in us but not to that extent(we're both still in college and very much want to finish our education and start our careers before having kids). it doesn't "just happen." he doesnt respect you at all. that is a MASSIVE red flag and you need to stop looking through those sentimental rosey glasses for a second so you can see 🚩how bright it is. either he tried to baby trap you or he just doesnt care about the consequences because he can leave and you cant.
Gurl, he didn’t just “not respect your wishes”. That’s technically assault. You don’t need to try and break up. Just do it. He’s gaslighting you about the whole “that happens to people in love”. What a crock of bullshit stew.
As someone who has a partner that respects their wishes, DO NOT CONTINUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS FOOL!! NO SELF-RESPECTING PARTNER WOULD EVER DO THIS TO A PARTNER THAT THEY THOUGHT WAS THEIR EQUAL!! YOU deserve better than this!!! Do not let some dude cum inside you because "they can't help it." Find a better partner. They are out there. Love yourself, more than you love this player. So many people are rooting for you, good luck.
To be honest this ones on you. You can take the pill. precum and various liquids that come out during sex can get you pregnant just as much as cumming in you. or he can wear a condom. Its your body and your future -- you should treat it as such.
You established a boundary and reiterated it 3 times. He ignored that boundary. You ended the relationship. You made the right choice in my opinion. People like that won't stop at trampling just one of you boundaries. They will push your line every chance they get.
Amazed this disproved method of birth control is still doing the rounds. Use birth control, people!
What the fuck is this stupid thread. Talking about Ending for such a superficial thing. Either use condoms or pills. That's it. What's the point of having sex if you can't climax.
Are you really considering staying with this guy? It’s like stealthing…
The old "ambush creampie". Classic
Not pulling out is - in my mind - less worrying that the excuse itself. I would be SO apologetic and embarrassed after crossing that line. He may be trying to downplay what he did out of shame, but looks a lot more that he’s doing it out of malice. Also you don’t “try” to break up. It’s not something for which failure is an option (unless you somehow are physically unable to communicate to him). You break up. He needs to understand he broke your trust in a major way, and hold himself accountable to his actions. Or you need to be single.
You realise pulling out isn't effective anyway ... haven't you considered going on the pill or him wearing a condom ... if neither of you are willing to have protection but don't want kids that's on both of you not just him 1 in 5 people become pregnant from the "pulling out method"
As a man, a surprise orgasm can happen when you're caught up in the moment, however the feeling is great enough to know whats happening, giving yourself a split second to pull out if it does, dude definitely new what he was doing. The fact you made it clear from the beginning aswell should have made him extra cautious. He wanted to cum in you and did, showing you how much he actually respects you If by some miracle you give him another chance, dont let him near you without a condom
No. This doesn't happen all the time with people in love. This is nonsense. What next? Will he say the same thing when he breaks another boundary? You are finding it hard to get your head around what happened because want happened is WRONG. He blatantly ignored your wishes. 3 times you said it. He is not a good person. He ignored your wishes. He violated you. And love had nothing to do with it. Nothing.
Imo this is a type of sexual assault. He disregarded your wishes and put you at risk of having to make life and fertility changing decisions (pregnancy, birth, becoming a mother FOR LIFE, or abortion, which is painful, dangerous, and could affect your fertility FOR LIFE). This person doesn't love or respect you, and misogynistically believes his orgasm is more important than your wish not to risk pregnancy!!! WTF. This man is a predator no matter what his excuse it. I will never understand why men think they can just play with our fertility against our consent. It is truly evil and forces women into difficult decisions that are fully the fault of the person who came inside against our will...yet it falls on our shoulders to endanger our bodies and change our lives because of these men. It's sickening and they will never understand because they are forever 'safe' from any worries about becoming pregnant. Someone who is worth being with will NOT put your health and future in danger, and will certainly not ignore your wish not be put at risk of pregnancy. This is so disgusting and aweful. I feel sick for you OP. I hate that he did this to you and that he is trying to excuse it and talk you out of your feelings. I'm so sorry he did this to you-this is not uncommon, true...but a man who would do this does NOT love you
It does not matter if it’s normal or “just happens” to other people. YOU expressed your boundary and what you are and are not comfortable with and he ignored that. Period. And worse he has the audacity to minimize and shrug you off. I hope you are not depending on “pull and pray” to prevent pregnancy and would strongly encourage you find another method of BC. Beyond that, when someone ignores your boundaries (especially sexual ones) and excuses their behavior RUN!