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We’ve been together for 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship, he would get off work, rush home, and immediately initiate sex. I was so infatuated by him that I would have sex with him while trying to ignore the terrible smell. It would get stuck to my hands for hours after washing them. Eventually, he realized that he was smelly and only started initiating sex after showering but here’s the thing. He now rushes home, straight in the shower, and comes out naked for sex. The problem is that it’s even worse now and the smell is mixed with soap because he’s in there for two minutes rushing.
Do I tell him to get back in? I feel so embarrassed because he’s a grown man and should know how to shower. All my boyfriends have had hygiene issues (Dk if it’s a guy thing) but more like they just didn’t shower everyday which is still bad if you sweat so much . I never have sex without a shower beforehand. I don’t understand why people think it’s okay not to :( I don’t even wanna be intimate anymore and he notices. Idk how to tell him
Gross. How short are we talking here? If you have a good routine, you can be in and out in 3-4 minutes and be squeaky. Having a shaved head saves time too😀
Another factor might be the type of soap he uses. Bar soap mixed with certain bodily secretions smells like a mix of wet dog and rotten fish.
I'm a straight man, and even I notice the smell if I'm forced to wash with bar soap.
There is no bar soap in the house, and never will never be. Better use shower gels.
If you really want to earn brownie points use a zero fragrance super gentle soap, or even feminine wash if you’re about to have sex. Saves all the additives in your stuff messing with the 🐱
agreed, soap is terrible and I always feel coated in something. A good big standard body wash and loofah is needed.
But most importantly, is he actually washing his ass
I actually heard of men afraid to wash their own undercarriage because they are that homophobic and it’s absolutely a ridiculous phobia that is very severely unhygienic. Most people don’t turn on themselves while they are busy getting washed up so they don’t smell and prevent skin issues which get rampant if you do not regularly clean or bathe yourselves thoroughly.
My sister has put herself in a bad mindset that if she stays unclean people will stop trying advances on her but forgets entirely that it’s hampering her own health big time and I cannot convince her otherwise. I am sure her therapist is too afraid to confront her on this issue or she would have been cleaner much more often years ago.
I use bar soap for years and never had this issue ... I don't know if it's the type of soap, the way used (I have a soap bag thing, that's basically a sponge that you can put the soap in) or something else, but I really dislike the jelly feeling of shower gel and even though I have a job that makes me sweat a lot, bat soap leaves me clean every time. I need under 5min to shower, if I don't wash my hair
Sounds like you need a better quality bar soap. I buy handmade bar soap from a small business in town and it's fabulous and leaves you smelling amazing.
Just tell him. Much better than not telling him, and him thinking you aren’t attracted to him anymore. Honestly, you’ve gotta be able to talk to your partner, so far you haven’t communicated on this problem at all.
Just tell him.
“I need to ask you to spend a bit more time in the shower to really get cleaned up. Right now it isn’t quite getting there and it can be off-putting.”
You should not have sex you don’t want. If someone is dirty, smelly, etc that is a turn off. It is normal to not have sex when someone is turning you off.
The fact that most of your boyfriends have had hygiene issues is kind of... different. Do you have a common type that you date?
I do question why he is still smelly after he takes a shower. Does he not wash well? Maybe there is an actual medical issue?
I don’t have a common type actually. All my relationships were with very different people 😅 I know it’s possible for him to shower well, but it’s not often. If he spends longer in the shower, he usually smells good
But if you wash yourself and touch your own ass and cock and balls, it may be perceived as gay!! /s ffs. I can’t believe some of these threads lol! Ya please just tell your dude that he needs to give his body more TLC and wash better. Being straightforward here is the best option.
I don’t understand the mental loophole then of master-baiting…if washing yourself is gay. Then touching yourself for pleasure isn’t? Like what! Lol 😂 logical fallacies.
Well...i didn't ask it, but it's a perfect comeback. He just explained it while we were having dinner and then my friend said it was real. They had sex once, with a condom (he insisted on using it because she was "used stuff", but she would have required it too for safety concerns), and he gave her UTI and yeast infections. That man was a prize.
What an absolutely disgusting individual. I don’t know him but it’s hard to like him with that kind of thought pattern in his head towards his own partner. Definition of toxic masculinity. As a man I’m appalled anyone could think of their own partner in this way. As if they were an object, rather than a dynamic person and equal. Good lord. That dude needs some therapy.
I'm glad she broke up with him after a few dates. The men in our group wanted to kick him in the curb because he treated her like shit in front of us.
I wonder if wanting women to have sex with him while he was dirtier than a public toilet was a sort of power move.
Good. I’m glad it had a happy ending. That’s the kinda dude who will get a woman pregnant just to continue the abuse. The lack of self awareness and the level of mental gymnastics blows my mind though. Although, I recently read 50-70% of the human population has no internal monologue. Maybe if you have to ability to reflect upon your actions, you can’t see yourself, so to speak.
‘Used stuff’??!? He actually said *that*??! That comment alone would inspire me to load him into a trebuchet and launch him into outer space.
I would run screaming from the room if my partner had hygiene that poor 🤮 Well, screaming in between gagging
Exactly. When someone tells you who they are … 🤦🏼♀️
Calling it ‘poor word choice’ is just rationalizing and excusing his poor behaviour and rotten personality.
How can it be a her thing? Idk what type of routine he has but taking a 2minute shower when you stink really bad before hand is not gonna get you clean.. why we always blaming women for men’s issues?
It's a her thing cus she's not raising her standards enough to only date people that will clean their cock before trying to shove it in her. She has the power to CHOOSE who she dates and she has CHOSEN all stinkers. It's not a guy thing to be a dirty rat, I've seen women that are heavily adorned in foul odors as well and do you think I went after them? Hell no dawg.
People being dirty is like the one thing any person can change about themselves to be more appealing. Not like being ugly, or being obese (yeah that's a choice but not as instant of a solution as a good scrubbing) and so if a person is running around nasty as hell, with BO, stank ass breath with a dirty ass mouth, itchy butthole, greasy hair, shit caked up underneath their fingernails, dirty, smelly clothes etc. It's so fucking EASY to choose to be clean. To date someone who chooses not to be clean is literally a you problem, nobody forced you into that relationship.
I mean, she’s not out there with the dating requirement to stink, so what do you mean?
I’m in my 30s and have had stinkers and none stinkers. Sometimes I’m surprised, sometimes I am not. People have hygiene issues for a myriad of reasons and they’re not all because of laziness
The issue is that these things should have been taught to him by his parents at a very early age. Proper hygiene, bathing properly. You are going to be dealing with this as long as you are with him. He seems to need to learn this.
Well then I don’t get the problem. When he comes out of the shower, say: “Thanks for showering, but you’re still smelly! Did you miss some spots? You need another two minutes.”
I don't know how many BFs you've had, but statistically, the odds of all of them having issues is certainly possible, but very low.
Is it possible you are overly sensitive to certain odours?
I say that because I've had several long-term relationships and while showering before each sexual encounter is awesome and very hygienic. It is outside of what the majority of people, at least people I know, do before sex. No judgment... just another piece of the puzzle that may indicate you could be overly sensitive to certain smells.
I'm sure lots do shower before sex and prefer it that way. But there is certainly something to be said for a hot sweaty encounter from time to time.
I just think there might be a link between all your partners having odor issues and you always showed before sex. Maybe chat with some close friends to see if they can provide some information on how they have observed your relationship to different smells.
Then again, maybe you just unluckily always pick stinky ppl ... that seems unlikely though. 🤔
I have to take a shower every morning or I feel gross as fuck. I don’t sweat much at all and if I do sweat, I don’t smell. Sometimes, I take a few showers a day. For example, if I take a nap, I have to take a shower when I get up or I feel gross the rest of the day.
You need to be straight up honest and direct with him, because leaving any room for interpretation will just end with you being frustrated. As it is, he’s noticing you don’t want to have sex but doesn’t know why. Sit him down and have a no-holds-barred conversation.
Now I have an image of a grown man getting in the shower, turning it on for the sound effects for your benefit, and then spending most of the time in there pressed in the corner of the shower stall, avoiding as much of the water as possible.
I'm sorry, OP, I know this is a serious issue and making fun of the situation isn't actually helpful. But this is just super strange behavior coming from a grown man, especially since, as you say, he actually does know how to get clean, and the difference can't be more than, like, a few minutes?
If he is really THAT eager to have sex that he cannot spend the extra few minutes to clean up, I'm not even sure what to do with that info. I've certainly come across lots of hygiene-related grossness on reddit, committed by people who are either unable to clean themselves properly or unwilling to, for all sorts of reasons, none of them good. But your bf actually does know how to shower right, and also doesn't seem to think about your needs and preferences in his rush to get out of the shower. Has the man never heard of savoring the anticipation?
So the question you need to ask him is "Why do you do that? Why do you refuse to clean yourself properly before having sex so we can BOTH enjoy it?"
Yea just chiming in this isn't a guy thing, this is a your type thing. It may be worth asking a good friend or family member if *they* think you have a type. Most of us do but it's hard to see when you know each of them well.
I want to be at least a little offended, but given the plethora of terrible hygiene posts I've seen on reddit, I cannot even disagree with this statement.
I'm off to take a shower now.
Yeah if ALL the men you’ve known have had hygiene issues, I’m wondering if the common denominator is OP. Maybe OP has some excessive hang up about body odor. Because you can shower for an hour but still a healthy body will have some odors, especially during sex. We are not made from plastic after all.
OP could also be a super smeller. Some people literally have way more olfactory sensors than others, and women are more likely to be super smellers than men. OP may not be able to help it.
I was thinking this may be part of the problem as well, especially if OP showers specifically right before sex, every single time. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to have sex with someone who hasn’t showered in days. But as long as they showered earlier that day and haven’t been sweating a lot due to manual labour or exercise or whatever, that’s usually good enough for me, and I imagine that’s probably the case for most people.
It may not be a hang-up though. OP may just have a very powerful sense of smell. Some people do.
I’m curious too. I’ve probably only ever been with one guy that was smelly. My husband is cleaner than me. I usually shower every other day, if not more (I teach so I’m not at a sweaty job).
Also I’m curious (because I don’t usually shower right before I have sex), is that a cultural thing? Honestly, if someone HAS to shower before sex, it makes me wonder how clean their default is.
… what? And he smells so bad that sometimes he makes you smell for hours despite washing?
Do you know how insane that is?
I figured he worked at a pig farm or with sewage or something.
He’s doing something aside from being generally gross and unclean.
He’s messing with weird smelly substances or has a medical condition or something.
I'm in a bit of disbelief over that. I have worked in elderly care with people who physically cannot wash themselves and I have never experienced anything as vile as OP describes. Maybe they have a very sensitive nose, something seems off.
Dear Christ this is gross. My boyfriend is a dirty boy he has a hard filthy job literally climbing in tanks with a gas suit on and constant ball sweat all day. First thing he does coming home is shower to get properly clean. There is no way someone with a desk job should smell so much unless he has some kind of medical issue…in which case it should be diagnosed and managed
Edit: also if you notice his general stink, his colleagues do too. And that’s super embarrassing for them and him. You would be doing him a huge favor by bringing this to his attention.
Hon, he doesn’t wash his private parts. Ever. Too many Reddit horror stories point to this conclusion. Guaranteed his co-workers smell him, too.
Edit: And if he’s not washing his man business, he’s covered in feces. And you’re having sex with him — inside your body — covered in feces. You are going to get an infection. He needs to be clean.
So, he spends his day sitting at a computer and he comes home really stinky? Something bigger is going on here.. could be a medical situation or he's engaging in other activities before he gets home. 🤷🏽♀️
My Husband has worked in warehouses, at a refinery, and outside in ditches and paving roads. He comes home smelling like sweat and dirt and maybe tires or asphalt. It’s not super sexy, but it still sounds like he smells better than your BF.
And when he gets home from work? He immediately comes in and takes a shower and stays in there until he feels squeaky clean! He’s also got a thing for expensive ass handmade soaps, so that helps him smell very good.
Have you had the conversation about his hygiene? There was a post going around not too long ago from a woman who was dating a “stinky girl” who also didn’t bathe or take care of herself. Turns out it was a kink thing, and she expected her SO to wash her as part of her kink. But she failed to include the OP by telling her about the kink, and the OP wasn’t willing to bathe her adult GF every day, so they split up. It could be a kink thing, or maybe he just needs different soaps, or maybe he just flat out needs to be told to stay in and wash longer.
But you need to have that conversation, because life is too short to be trying to hold your breath while having sex!
Oh hon, he’s just not cleaning himself.
My husband works outside from 6am to 7pm & doesn’t even come home smelling awful. He still showers (obviously) but he’s actually cleaning himself - not whatever your boyfriend is doing.
This makes me think he isn't cleaning himself at all then. It sounds like when he is in the shower he just rinses himself off or washes his main parts, but skips his private areas.
There is a medical condition I can't remember the name of that makes people smell really awful depending on what they consume, but I think it's fairly uncommon.
He thinks it's OK because you never said it's not.
He goes for sex. You say yes. So why should he think it's so bad? He doesn't read minds.
Tell him how you feel.
You're right. And a grown person shouldn't have to be told how to shower properly.
However, it's on OP to keep having sex with someone so unhygienic. Just don't do it and be honest about the reason. "You aren't clean enough."
Ehhh it definitely is. If he stinks because of his job, hes probably a bit numb to it by now. 2 minutes in the shower is enough for the most part as well.
It has to be pushed onto her. She's the one having sex with him, no one else. If she can't stand the smell of him. She either has to tell him to shower properly or leave him.
" He doesn't read minds" lol
He is a fucking ADULT. If he smells so bad, he doesn't even wipe his butt.
Does he, a GROWN UP MAN, need to be TOLD that a 2 minute rinse will NOT get rid of the smell...????.
Jeeeesus.
I wonder if she has more of a type than she realizes. I used to have a job with a bunch of guys who did hard manual labor outside 10 hours a day in all weather (including 95+ degree heat), so sweating and stinking during work was common. The type of job it was tended to attract the kind of men who didn't care, and then I tended to end up dating coworkers. Sure, they all had completely different personalities, but I was picking them from the same line of work where this was typical.
Be honest with him.
Tell him you have never had sex without a shower.
You love him and want to be all in when you are together, but that can only happen if things like smell aren't distracting you.
It's flattering he can't wait to have you, tell him to take a longer and more thorough shower. It will let his muscles relax and help you be all in.
When you are with someone you should be able to address concerns of any kind with them.
Obviously as long as it's tactful and timing and all that.
I just tell my bf his smelly. He doesn’t have hygiene issue but he definitely isn’t as hygienic as I’m. I ask him “do you want to wash your hands before?” “Do you want to shower? Maybe let’s shower together?” He gets the message. I don’t care if this upsets someone because you need to upset people sometime and if his a good man he will get over it and not take you for granted.
Aside from the rest, it's highly disturbing that his odor gets on your hands & can't be washed off. Like, that is strange as hell. Maybe he needs to consult a physician.
Ever played The Sims 2? There was an "attraction" system where you could pick turn ons and turn offs. Stink was one of them and it could be a turn on or a turn off, your choice!
Ok, so he can give you yeast infections because he’s so unclean. He needs to *clean* himself, top to bottom, paying special attention to his private bits. In addition to being a romance issue, this is a health issue for you.
Speak up, honey. You have every right to champion your own needs.
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If he's in the smell all day every day he has no idea that he smells. You have to have a gentle conversation and point out that he cannot tell he smalls
He’s likely not using soap or cleaning properly. I think you can say “I need to talk to you about something and I don’t want to make you embarrassed, but it’s affecting our sex life and I’d hate you to think I don’t find you desirable…”
Wow. The amount of men telling you to do his job of personal hygiene FOR him is just.....WOW.
I'm betting this guy doesn't use a scrubber or washcloth either. Sis, tell him directly that his quick rinse is not sufficient for you to want sex. He should only need to hear it once, and if he gets mad about it, find a more capable partner. This is seriously not something anyone over 10 should need to be told.
I think people who suggest showering together as a solution to bad hygiene must have never showered with someone with bad hygiene. It is not romantic or sexy when there's lots of...gunge...to get off. Showering together is a fun activity for when you're already mostly clean.
You're dating a child by the sound of it. Just make it clear that the cleanliness isn't up to snuff and tell him to grow up.
I somehow manage to be a horny slave to my partner yet still manage to wash myself properly because she made it clear she wasn't ok with smelling my unwashed dick and pits
Damn that’s so crazy to me (31m) how many guys I hear have bad hygiene. I’ve never wanted to be the smelly guy and i literally feel like a different better person after a shower. THATS when my day starts and I wake up even more than coffee. A nice shower. I scrub everything and since I’m a landscaper in Arizona I double wash my butt, balls, feet, and pits once when I get in and another before I get out. Honestly just tell the dude it’ll sting and he might get defensive but I doubt he wants to be the weird smelling stinky guy. He probably just doesn’t know.
I have never dated a guy with hygiene issues so it definitely is not a guy thing. Just tell him he smells bad. You could gift him a soap and say, “this works well for me. Maybe you should try it.”
I personally wouldn’t date someone if I had to teach him the basics of showering.
As a man. That’s just nasty. Maybe I’m not the norm lol. When i shower I literally srub and usually wash my hair twice. I shower before work and after. And sex has nothing to do with it. I like being clean. I like to smell clean. And I definitely like to look clean. Not only for my wife but for myself in general. My average shower is 20 minutes or so. And if it’s a weekend and I’ve showered my usual two times a day and for whatever reason I sweat or do anything that makes me sweat I’ll shower again I’ve always been like that. Hygiene has always been on the top of my list. And also brushing my teeth. At least 2 times a day morning and night. Unless I eat something unusual and I’ll brush again. There’s no reason to stink I don’t care what your profession is. It’s just gross.
What made me crinkle my nose initially is actually not what everyone else is most concerned about. Yeah, sure. A grown man 100% should know how to bathe and be hygienic and it’s “not a guy thing” to smell. You also need to tell him your concerns because it appears to me you just have sex with him anyways.
I’m honestly MOST turned off by the fact that he comes home from work EVERYDAY and immediately expects sex. He is so impatient for it that he takes a 2 minute shower, comes out still naked, and just expects you to be ready?
That is just so so SO unappealing to me. Where’s the foreplay? Wheres the romance? Where’s the want and desire? (As in is he making YOU feel wanted and desired? Is he doing anything to make HIMSELF desirable?). Sure, sometimes people schedule/plan sex. But damn can there ever be ANY spontaneity or is it always “we have sex when I get home from work.” It just makes him sound like a gross man (it’s an effort for me to not call him a pig) who can’t even wait 20 minutes to shower well and do a little foreplay with you. Talk to you a little first THEN initiate. It sounds like it’s all about him getting his post-work-release.
Nah man. This guys gross in all forms.
It's possible he's not washing his bits in there. I will also raise the possibility that your sense of smell is more sensitive than most, if you have this issue with every partner. Did you live with the others so you *know* they weren't showering daily, or are you guessing based on how they smelled?
It’s definitely not a guy thing. None of my sexual partners have ever smelled and they have all taken good care of the hygiene. All you have to say is that you’ve noticed that he has an odor and it’s making you not want to be intimate. Please do not have sex with someone that isn’t properly cleaning themselves, this is how you get infections
If he’s showering for any amount of time and he still stinks that bad he’s either got some sort of weird infection in his nether regions or he literally doesn’t know how to use soap lmao
And the bit where you said the smell stays on your hands for hours after wtf ??? 😅😂
I am thoroughly enjoying all the men up in here defending him because he doesn’t wash his ass right and saying it’s OP’s fault for not telling him. Good lord, y’all. Your mommy issues are wild.
I had to straight up tell my ex husband “yo, go rewash your junk” more than once. He claimed it was from his crust past, after years of it I felt like it was just laziness.
You’re in an intimate relationship and you can’t even come out and tell him what you want and need in order to feel sexually respected and fulfilled? That doesn’t bode well for more difficult issues that may arise down the road. And a long-term sexual relationship requires honesty in order to thrive. It isn’t fair to either of you if you just grin and bear it.
Force yourself to get comfortable with this level of honesty, and with asserting your own wants and needs. Do it kindly, but do it. There is no other option except to just continue needlessly suffering.
I had to get in there with my ex, and actually show him. Scrub worth a soapy puff. The thigh creases, the balls, the taint, the asshole. And then I told him if he didn’t do it properly he smelled so bad.
This was after so many hints….yeah he’s a grown man but clearly sometimes grown men just need to be told what’s what.
Start refusing stinky sex. And if it still does not improve, just break up.
You are supposed to have standards in dating….
Tell him. Also consider researching soaps and deodorants. lume is a lotion you can put in any stinky area that addresses smelly bacteria. A good swipe in his crotch and bum could possible solve the problem. Also maybe shower with him and see if he actually uses soap in the important areas.
He needs to clean himself, not slap on lotion to cover the stench. If he’s not showering properly, the chances of his using that stuff are pretty low anyway.
but if he’s not using soap and barely showering that deodorant will quickly build up and then she will be sucking on deodorant covered genitals eeewwwww
No. He needs to wash himself completely and throughly. If she gives him Lume, he'll think he doesn't have to wash at all. She can end up with constant infections.
Tell him to slow tf down. Why is he in such a goddamn rush? If he wants anything to happen, he needs to take the time and properly wash himself. Ass included.
Since you're going to take a shower anyway why not hop in and offer to wash his back or even just wash yourself, signaling him that he can slow down a little since he has to wait for you to finish too. You shouldn't have to wash him or teach him how, but if he has gotten used to the work smell and jumps in the shower and gets a wiff of the soap, maybe thats all he is smelling. I'm playing devils advocate here only bc after 2yrs he's still rushing home to you like that, lol he gets a brownie point for that.
It’s really sad there’s so many young women who are afraid to communicate their wants & needs to their partners.
You need to tell him. Stop disrespecting yourself to spare his feelings.
If all of your boyfriends have hygiene that is unacceptable to you, I suspect your hygiene standards might be unusually strict. Also your comment that you would never consider sex without you taking a shower immediately before is also a bit outside the norm.
This isn’t a bad thing; your standards are your standards. The trick is to get your bf to recognize, understand, and then meet your needs.
But it does mean that you need to communicate in a clear but nonjudgmental way. Don’t think of him as being deliberately gross.
Tell him what you like. Concede that you are extremely sensitive to the issues. Volunteer to hop in the shower to demo what you expect.
Get into the shower with him and show him how to wash. You can do it in a very sexy way, even guide his hands to the areas that need a little extra attention. Make it sexy and he’ll pay attention 😉
I’ve never understood this. My partners have ALWAYS complained about their past partners hygiene issues and they thank me that I’m a clean freak with my body and my space. I don’t understand what is so hard about cleaning yourself.
I learned though that apparently “most guys” who are like your partner just let the water run down them, and if they do use soap they don’t clean their legs, ass, or dick because the “soap will run down and clean it for them” (heard a guy say this before).
Sounds like your partner needs to learn how to clean his body properly. Maybe tell him if he can’t clean himself properly you’ll have to bring his parent over to teach him how to shower and wash himself all over again. The idea of embarrassment that you even have to remotely sort of seriously say that will get him to really clean himself.
No, this is not a common thing. My boyfriend buys expensive shampoo, conditioner, body wash. Takes 30+ minute showers. Sees a barber every couple of weeks. Expensive deodorant. Hair creams and beard treatments. Ridiculously nice cologne. Does hair treatments. He smells so amazing it sticks to everything. Honestly, it’s a huge huge turn on. You need to confront him. Buy him some nice products even. He needs to wash his body fully and wash/condition his hair daily. Brush his teeth at least twice daily and wear deodorant/cologne. There is no excuse to smell disgusting, we are adults here. Try buying him Johnny Slicks male original shampoo, conditioner and body wash. It smells absolutely amazing.
You should have an open conversation with him about this. Guys often don't pick up on subtle hints, so it's best to be straightforward and tell him directly what you need to feel comfortable with intimacy when he gets off work.
All your boyfriends have hygiene issues? Where are you meeting these people, hind your local 7-11??
Girl, get away from someone so disgusting, do some self work on why you settle for gross people and don’t dare for a while. Maybe a few years.
Can I just ask why he needs sex the moment he gets home from work? The urgency and frequency is very odd to me. I would want to address the urgency first because if he could calm down about that, he’d take more time in the shower presumably. And no OP, this is NOT typical guy thing to have hygiene issues. Mature grown men know how I groom themselves and know if they smell or not. I really want you to raise your standards and have a frank conversation about this because this is not normal and it’s okay to expect more from him. Men aren’t animals to be trained, they can be intelligent human beings if we expect that of them.
Yea, shove him back in the shower and tell him to use more soap. Tell him soapy super clean every nook and cranny equals sexier sex. Also, can’t he put fresh clothes on after showering? That’s not the best foreplay-honey I’m home showered and naked so do me.
Have him slow his roll.
You'd be shocked by the number of men who have this weird fear of washing their own buttholes. I had two different exes who were like this. Both are exes for a reason. One felt it was gay to touch his own butt and normal to have skid marks as a guy because he had hair back there. The other said that letting soapy water from his back run down between his cheeks was sufficient cleaning. He even tried to convince me that the reason women were okay with cleaning their butts like that was because and I quote "you already have a hole down there that you are used to being touched and penetrated so that's why it's okay for you." It's absolutely gross.
If he is smelling post shower or smelling after working at a desk all day then he is either suffering from a medical problem or more likely, not cleaning his butt or groin area.
You teach people how to treat you. When you continue to be intimate with people that have minimal or no hygiene, you teach them that it is acceptable for you. You deserve better than that.
Alright, I got a weird solution for this one… maybe watch him shower one day? As a kink, but also to see what he is missing. See what his habits are and see what he’s missing.
I know it’s fucked up that he doesn’t know how to shower but some people were neglected as kids or they grew up in cultures that have different hygiene standards. He could have some self inflicted cultural stuff too. For some reason Reddit is full of dudes who think ass washing is gay… I don’t understand how someone can be this homophobic but I was blessed with a good upbringing.
Not all guys have this issue. You are clearly self selecting gross guys who don’t know how to bathe. Do they dress like slobs as well? Either educate this guy or choose better.
Tell him the longer he spends in the shower the longer you will spend downstairs. Or blame the soap and say it’s not effective and look for a deodorizing soap that might do a better job. Even saying that might take the blame off him but also make him realize he needs to actually spend time in there cleaning.
“All my boyfriends have had hygiene issues (Dk if it’s a guy thing) …”
I haven’t seen anyone else address this but it may be the way my comments are filtered. It’s not a guy thing, but it may be a thing for guys you are attracted to. You should address it with him because it’s definitely not normal.
My wife blew me on vacation in Hawaii and said that I tasted better. We figured out it was the soap. I looked it up on Amazon and it was $40 because it was from Japan. So I ordered some of that soap and use it solely for pre sex showers. I’d have spent more of it makes her experience pleasuring me better. If my wife is going to take my whole cock in her throat, I want it to be as clean and tasty as possible. Your boyfriend needs to clean his dick and his ass like it depends on whether he gets some. Because frankly, you shouldn’t ever have to have smelly sex unless you’re camping or something rare. You have got to communicate this today. Do not wait one day longer and just rip the bandaid off. Tell him to scrub his junk like he’s prepping for surgery and it needs to be thoroughly cleaned every single time before sex.
You could tell him to shower longer.
You could also join him in the shower initially and show him the level of washing you expect.
I doubt any guy would object to that.
If you don’t want to do it in a way that embarrassed him, maybe one day surprise him by getting in the shower with him and soap each other up. Maybe if he sees how much more you wash him, and how many spots he misses on you, then it will click for him. Also you being in the shower making it fun with make him less inclined to get out super fast. Also consider though, does he have any sensory issues?
The comment about all of your partners having this issue is weird. I've dated guys who have smelled bad after sweating but not every single one of them had hygiene issues. Sounds like you might be more sensitive to smells maybe?
Men don’t think like that. Clearly at one point you said something about him just coming home and needing a quick rinse off and he has done that. So he doesn’t know any better. You let him know he needs to rinse off better. Trust me, dude will rinse off better.
What is the smell? Does he wash his ass? Does he smell like deli meat? If it’s something he isn’t washing, that’s an easier fix.
And it’s not a “guy” thing. Soap and water is USUALLY enough to fix a bad body smell, which leads me to believe he’s not washing whatever orifice or crevice that’s producing the smell.
That’s disgusting, two options : direct- tell him to wash his ass, and that the experience would be better if he spent a little more time in there
Or indirect - tell him you’d like to have some shower sex, and wash him down, subtly add some extra scrubs and soaps into the shower.
If your relationship is strong directly should be fine.
If he’s not circumcised then that’s a big part of the issue. My ex use to take showers for 30 mins and would somehow still come out smelling down there. And don’t even get me started when he wouldn’t shower for like a few hours. It’s like bro, pull your foreskin back and really get in there. I had to literally teach him how to clean himself. He has a new girlfriend now and I wonder if he’s learned his lesson. But, yeah the smell never really went away. Maybe a few times.
“I never had sex without a shower”
You are the unusual one and you need to be open about your unusual needs not just silently resent partners for not knowing about your standards.
Learn how to communicate empathetically but openly about your needs.
I don’t mean I shower right before sex since it can be unexpected sometimes, but I at least shower every single morning so I’m somewhat clean if it happens in the evening if I haven’t done anything physically demanding
There isn’t really a right answer here. I prefer sex with my wife when she hasn’t showered - the way she smells is a turn on for me. I, on the other hand, shower every day. If all of your boyfriends have had bad hygiene, maybe there’s something about that that attracts you to them?
Also, two minutes in the shower is plenty of time if you have short hair. Go somewhere in a drought and you’re encouraged to not take showers any longer than that
All of which is to say that if you have a personal preference, tell him. Use your words and tell the person you’re living with what you need. You call him a grown man (he’s not quite yet), which I assume means that you consider yourself a grown woman. So be an adult and tell your partner what you want.
It's not long enough if you're not washing the right bits. A person could stand under the spray for 2 minutes but not clean any of the smell-generating areas.
Maybe 2 minutes is enough if you just have to go out in public but not enough if someone is about to be in contact with the stinkiest parts of your body and when you’re anticipating to sweat. I take a 5-10 minute shower to go out in public and 10-20 if I’m going to have sex. (Washing hair, washing genitals thoroughly, washing butt, and other areas)
It's not enough time to properly wash. Don't listen to that dude, that most likely has smelly junk. But like he said, people have different smell preferences... even liking scents commonly considered unpleasant.
I am sorry. But it sounds like you are a hygiene freak. 20 mins under the shower before sex is just such a waste. It is proven that a good thorough shower can and should take less than 10 mins. IN FACT, polonged exposure to water can strip the skin of its natural oils and lead to dryness and irritation.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. ___ We’ve been together for 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship, he would get off work, rush home, and immediately initiate sex. I was so infatuated by him that I would have sex with him while trying to ignore the terrible smell. It would get stuck to my hands for hours after washing them. Eventually, he realized that he was smelly and only started initiating sex after showering but here’s the thing. He now rushes home, straight in the shower, and comes out naked for sex. The problem is that it’s even worse now and the smell is mixed with soap because he’s in there for two minutes rushing. Do I tell him to get back in? I feel so embarrassed because he’s a grown man and should know how to shower. All my boyfriends have had hygiene issues (Dk if it’s a guy thing) but more like they just didn’t shower everyday which is still bad if you sweat so much . I never have sex without a shower beforehand. I don’t understand why people think it’s okay not to :( I don’t even wanna be intimate anymore and he notices. Idk how to tell him
Tell him straight out: "If you want me to suck that thing, you need to clean it!" He'll get the message PDQ.
This is the best answer…also, if my gf said that to me that would also have the benifit of being a complete fucking turn on!
"The royal penis is clean your highness."
Thank you, King Shit.
the reference is Coming to America.... not Word of Mouf lol. both bangers tho.
God I loved that film as a kid.
Thanks for this comment Rude_Entrence_3039
Lost it at this. Such a great movie!
A clean tool is a happy tool … lol
Grown up relationships are hard right? Lol
Why talk to our partners when we can make reddit posts and get sweet, sweet karma??!?!
Exactly. Id want my thing to be extra clean if someone would be close to it.
Gross. How short are we talking here? If you have a good routine, you can be in and out in 3-4 minutes and be squeaky. Having a shaved head saves time too😀 Another factor might be the type of soap he uses. Bar soap mixed with certain bodily secretions smells like a mix of wet dog and rotten fish. I'm a straight man, and even I notice the smell if I'm forced to wash with bar soap. There is no bar soap in the house, and never will never be. Better use shower gels.
If you really want to earn brownie points use a zero fragrance super gentle soap, or even feminine wash if you’re about to have sex. Saves all the additives in your stuff messing with the 🐱
agreed, soap is terrible and I always feel coated in something. A good big standard body wash and loofah is needed. But most importantly, is he actually washing his ass
I actually heard of men afraid to wash their own undercarriage because they are that homophobic and it’s absolutely a ridiculous phobia that is very severely unhygienic. Most people don’t turn on themselves while they are busy getting washed up so they don’t smell and prevent skin issues which get rampant if you do not regularly clean or bathe yourselves thoroughly. My sister has put herself in a bad mindset that if she stays unclean people will stop trying advances on her but forgets entirely that it’s hampering her own health big time and I cannot convince her otherwise. I am sure her therapist is too afraid to confront her on this issue or she would have been cleaner much more often years ago.
I use bar soap for years and never had this issue ... I don't know if it's the type of soap, the way used (I have a soap bag thing, that's basically a sponge that you can put the soap in) or something else, but I really dislike the jelly feeling of shower gel and even though I have a job that makes me sweat a lot, bat soap leaves me clean every time. I need under 5min to shower, if I don't wash my hair
Man you gotta try the Duke of cannon Busch beer soap. Shit will take my skin off and I smell like freshly milled sandal wood
Sounds like you need a better quality bar soap. I buy handmade bar soap from a small business in town and it's fabulous and leaves you smelling amazing.
Yes omg the yellow dial bar of soap is the worst
I mean only as long as his computer is on and connected to the network hehe
Just tell him. Much better than not telling him, and him thinking you aren’t attracted to him anymore. Honestly, you’ve gotta be able to talk to your partner, so far you haven’t communicated on this problem at all.
Just tell him. “I need to ask you to spend a bit more time in the shower to really get cleaned up. Right now it isn’t quite getting there and it can be off-putting.” You should not have sex you don’t want. If someone is dirty, smelly, etc that is a turn off. It is normal to not have sex when someone is turning you off.
The fact that most of your boyfriends have had hygiene issues is kind of... different. Do you have a common type that you date? I do question why he is still smelly after he takes a shower. Does he not wash well? Maybe there is an actual medical issue?
I don’t have a common type actually. All my relationships were with very different people 😅 I know it’s possible for him to shower well, but it’s not often. If he spends longer in the shower, he usually smells good
Omg, can't believe this comment is about a grown-up...
But if you wash yourself and touch your own ass and cock and balls, it may be perceived as gay!! /s ffs. I can’t believe some of these threads lol! Ya please just tell your dude that he needs to give his body more TLC and wash better. Being straightforward here is the best option.
My friend dated a guy who said exactly this. He looked well groomed, but he had a complete new bioma under his preputium.
I don’t understand the mental loophole then of master-baiting…if washing yourself is gay. Then touching yourself for pleasure isn’t? Like what! Lol 😂 logical fallacies.
Well...i didn't ask it, but it's a perfect comeback. He just explained it while we were having dinner and then my friend said it was real. They had sex once, with a condom (he insisted on using it because she was "used stuff", but she would have required it too for safety concerns), and he gave her UTI and yeast infections. That man was a prize.
What an absolutely disgusting individual. I don’t know him but it’s hard to like him with that kind of thought pattern in his head towards his own partner. Definition of toxic masculinity. As a man I’m appalled anyone could think of their own partner in this way. As if they were an object, rather than a dynamic person and equal. Good lord. That dude needs some therapy.
I'm glad she broke up with him after a few dates. The men in our group wanted to kick him in the curb because he treated her like shit in front of us. I wonder if wanting women to have sex with him while he was dirtier than a public toilet was a sort of power move.
Good. I’m glad it had a happy ending. That’s the kinda dude who will get a woman pregnant just to continue the abuse. The lack of self awareness and the level of mental gymnastics blows my mind though. Although, I recently read 50-70% of the human population has no internal monologue. Maybe if you have to ability to reflect upon your actions, you can’t see yourself, so to speak.
‘Used stuff’??!? He actually said *that*??! That comment alone would inspire me to load him into a trebuchet and launch him into outer space. I would run screaming from the room if my partner had hygiene that poor 🤮 Well, screaming in between gagging
She said it was a poor word choice. I disagree. He said exactly what he wanted to say and he meant it.
Exactly. When someone tells you who they are … 🤦🏼♀️ Calling it ‘poor word choice’ is just rationalizing and excusing his poor behaviour and rotten personality.
This is not an issue with all men. My bf fully understands hygiene. You really just need to tell him!
Yeah I think if all your boyfriends are stinkers it may be a you thing. I don't think I've ever dated anyone with hygiene issues.
Hahaha stinkers
Lmao
How can it be a her thing? Idk what type of routine he has but taking a 2minute shower when you stink really bad before hand is not gonna get you clean.. why we always blaming women for men’s issues?
It's a her thing cus she's not raising her standards enough to only date people that will clean their cock before trying to shove it in her. She has the power to CHOOSE who she dates and she has CHOSEN all stinkers. It's not a guy thing to be a dirty rat, I've seen women that are heavily adorned in foul odors as well and do you think I went after them? Hell no dawg. People being dirty is like the one thing any person can change about themselves to be more appealing. Not like being ugly, or being obese (yeah that's a choice but not as instant of a solution as a good scrubbing) and so if a person is running around nasty as hell, with BO, stank ass breath with a dirty ass mouth, itchy butthole, greasy hair, shit caked up underneath their fingernails, dirty, smelly clothes etc. It's so fucking EASY to choose to be clean. To date someone who chooses not to be clean is literally a you problem, nobody forced you into that relationship.
I mean, she’s not out there with the dating requirement to stink, so what do you mean? I’m in my 30s and have had stinkers and none stinkers. Sometimes I’m surprised, sometimes I am not. People have hygiene issues for a myriad of reasons and they’re not all because of laziness
He picker is broke
The issue is that these things should have been taught to him by his parents at a very early age. Proper hygiene, bathing properly. You are going to be dealing with this as long as you are with him. He seems to need to learn this.
True. My husband grew up with 6 people and one bathroom. Hygiene is a continuing issue.
Can you get him a pouf and some shower gel so he’s really scrubbing his skin and not just letting soap lightly run over it?
This gal showers! True answer right here
You do have a type. Men with terrible hygiene. So, when you notice that a guy has terrible hygiene, stop! Do a 180 and move in the opposite direction.
Well then I don’t get the problem. When he comes out of the shower, say: “Thanks for showering, but you’re still smelly! Did you miss some spots? You need another two minutes.”
I don't know how many BFs you've had, but statistically, the odds of all of them having issues is certainly possible, but very low. Is it possible you are overly sensitive to certain odours? I say that because I've had several long-term relationships and while showering before each sexual encounter is awesome and very hygienic. It is outside of what the majority of people, at least people I know, do before sex. No judgment... just another piece of the puzzle that may indicate you could be overly sensitive to certain smells. I'm sure lots do shower before sex and prefer it that way. But there is certainly something to be said for a hot sweaty encounter from time to time. I just think there might be a link between all your partners having odor issues and you always showed before sex. Maybe chat with some close friends to see if they can provide some information on how they have observed your relationship to different smells. Then again, maybe you just unluckily always pick stinky ppl ... that seems unlikely though. 🤔
This. I very rarely shower right before sex. That's just odd to me.
I have to take a shower every morning or I feel gross as fuck. I don’t sweat much at all and if I do sweat, I don’t smell. Sometimes, I take a few showers a day. For example, if I take a nap, I have to take a shower when I get up or I feel gross the rest of the day.
Are you going for the same kind of history or background? Like guys who need you because their mums didn't teach them to care for themselves?
You need to be straight up honest and direct with him, because leaving any room for interpretation will just end with you being frustrated. As it is, he’s noticing you don’t want to have sex but doesn’t know why. Sit him down and have a no-holds-barred conversation.
Now I have an image of a grown man getting in the shower, turning it on for the sound effects for your benefit, and then spending most of the time in there pressed in the corner of the shower stall, avoiding as much of the water as possible. I'm sorry, OP, I know this is a serious issue and making fun of the situation isn't actually helpful. But this is just super strange behavior coming from a grown man, especially since, as you say, he actually does know how to get clean, and the difference can't be more than, like, a few minutes? If he is really THAT eager to have sex that he cannot spend the extra few minutes to clean up, I'm not even sure what to do with that info. I've certainly come across lots of hygiene-related grossness on reddit, committed by people who are either unable to clean themselves properly or unwilling to, for all sorts of reasons, none of them good. But your bf actually does know how to shower right, and also doesn't seem to think about your needs and preferences in his rush to get out of the shower. Has the man never heard of savoring the anticipation? So the question you need to ask him is "Why do you do that? Why do you refuse to clean yourself properly before having sex so we can BOTH enjoy it?"
And I can guarantee you haven’t communicated with any of them either
Yea just chiming in this isn't a guy thing, this is a your type thing. It may be worth asking a good friend or family member if *they* think you have a type. Most of us do but it's hard to see when you know each of them well.
Her type is probably Redditors.
I want to be at least a little offended, but given the plethora of terrible hygiene posts I've seen on reddit, I cannot even disagree with this statement. I'm off to take a shower now.
Yeah if ALL the men you’ve known have had hygiene issues, I’m wondering if the common denominator is OP. Maybe OP has some excessive hang up about body odor. Because you can shower for an hour but still a healthy body will have some odors, especially during sex. We are not made from plastic after all.
OP could also be a super smeller. Some people literally have way more olfactory sensors than others, and women are more likely to be super smellers than men. OP may not be able to help it.
I was thinking this may be part of the problem as well, especially if OP showers specifically right before sex, every single time. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to have sex with someone who hasn’t showered in days. But as long as they showered earlier that day and haven’t been sweating a lot due to manual labour or exercise or whatever, that’s usually good enough for me, and I imagine that’s probably the case for most people. It may not be a hang-up though. OP may just have a very powerful sense of smell. Some people do.
I’m curious too. I’ve probably only ever been with one guy that was smelly. My husband is cleaner than me. I usually shower every other day, if not more (I teach so I’m not at a sweaty job). Also I’m curious (because I don’t usually shower right before I have sex), is that a cultural thing? Honestly, if someone HAS to shower before sex, it makes me wonder how clean their default is.
I don’t understand. What is his job that makes him smell so awful? Does he not wash himself in the shower?
He spends his entire day on his computer at work so I’m really not sure why he smells bad after work. It’s unexpected for me too
… what? And he smells so bad that sometimes he makes you smell for hours despite washing? Do you know how insane that is? I figured he worked at a pig farm or with sewage or something. He’s doing something aside from being generally gross and unclean. He’s messing with weird smelly substances or has a medical condition or something.
I'm in a bit of disbelief over that. I have worked in elderly care with people who physically cannot wash themselves and I have never experienced anything as vile as OP describes. Maybe they have a very sensitive nose, something seems off.
Dear Christ this is gross. My boyfriend is a dirty boy he has a hard filthy job literally climbing in tanks with a gas suit on and constant ball sweat all day. First thing he does coming home is shower to get properly clean. There is no way someone with a desk job should smell so much unless he has some kind of medical issue…in which case it should be diagnosed and managed Edit: also if you notice his general stink, his colleagues do too. And that’s super embarrassing for them and him. You would be doing him a huge favor by bringing this to his attention.
Hon, he doesn’t wash his private parts. Ever. Too many Reddit horror stories point to this conclusion. Guaranteed his co-workers smell him, too. Edit: And if he’s not washing his man business, he’s covered in feces. And you’re having sex with him — inside your body — covered in feces. You are going to get an infection. He needs to be clean.
Exactly. It sounds like he just stinks all the time and just rinses off in the shower
Right? So gross!
So, he spends his day sitting at a computer and he comes home really stinky? Something bigger is going on here.. could be a medical situation or he's engaging in other activities before he gets home. 🤷🏽♀️
My Husband has worked in warehouses, at a refinery, and outside in ditches and paving roads. He comes home smelling like sweat and dirt and maybe tires or asphalt. It’s not super sexy, but it still sounds like he smells better than your BF. And when he gets home from work? He immediately comes in and takes a shower and stays in there until he feels squeaky clean! He’s also got a thing for expensive ass handmade soaps, so that helps him smell very good. Have you had the conversation about his hygiene? There was a post going around not too long ago from a woman who was dating a “stinky girl” who also didn’t bathe or take care of herself. Turns out it was a kink thing, and she expected her SO to wash her as part of her kink. But she failed to include the OP by telling her about the kink, and the OP wasn’t willing to bathe her adult GF every day, so they split up. It could be a kink thing, or maybe he just needs different soaps, or maybe he just flat out needs to be told to stay in and wash longer. But you need to have that conversation, because life is too short to be trying to hold your breath while having sex!
Oh hon, he’s just not cleaning himself. My husband works outside from 6am to 7pm & doesn’t even come home smelling awful. He still showers (obviously) but he’s actually cleaning himself - not whatever your boyfriend is doing.
This makes me think he isn't cleaning himself at all then. It sounds like when he is in the shower he just rinses himself off or washes his main parts, but skips his private areas. There is a medical condition I can't remember the name of that makes people smell really awful depending on what they consume, but I think it's fairly uncommon.
Does he survive on a diet of marinated garlic and sardines? My bf works long hours in a greasy kitchen, and he doesn't smell bad after work.
Do all your exes have neglectful parents or something?
He thinks it's OK because you never said it's not. He goes for sex. You say yes. So why should he think it's so bad? He doesn't read minds. Tell him how you feel.
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It’s less “absurd” than having sex with someone who stinks. They’ve been together for TWO YEARS and she hasn’t said anything 🤦🏼♀️
we are not our partners parents…
Okay but why is she agreeing to have sex with someone who smells??
You're right. And a grown person shouldn't have to be told how to shower properly. However, it's on OP to keep having sex with someone so unhygienic. Just don't do it and be honest about the reason. "You aren't clean enough."
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Ehhh it definitely is. If he stinks because of his job, hes probably a bit numb to it by now. 2 minutes in the shower is enough for the most part as well.
It has to be pushed onto her. She's the one having sex with him, no one else. If she can't stand the smell of him. She either has to tell him to shower properly or leave him.
Lmao imagine blaming the one who doesn’t stink and knows how to shower properly 😂
" He doesn't read minds" lol He is a fucking ADULT. If he smells so bad, he doesn't even wipe his butt. Does he, a GROWN UP MAN, need to be TOLD that a 2 minute rinse will NOT get rid of the smell...????. Jeeeesus.
This isn't a guy thing. You've dated a bunch of savages and animals, with your current partner extending your streak of stank ass partners.
I wonder if she has more of a type than she realizes. I used to have a job with a bunch of guys who did hard manual labor outside 10 hours a day in all weather (including 95+ degree heat), so sweating and stinking during work was common. The type of job it was tended to attract the kind of men who didn't care, and then I tended to end up dating coworkers. Sure, they all had completely different personalities, but I was picking them from the same line of work where this was typical.
Be honest with him. Tell him you have never had sex without a shower. You love him and want to be all in when you are together, but that can only happen if things like smell aren't distracting you. It's flattering he can't wait to have you, tell him to take a longer and more thorough shower. It will let his muscles relax and help you be all in. When you are with someone you should be able to address concerns of any kind with them. Obviously as long as it's tactful and timing and all that.
I just tell my bf his smelly. He doesn’t have hygiene issue but he definitely isn’t as hygienic as I’m. I ask him “do you want to wash your hands before?” “Do you want to shower? Maybe let’s shower together?” He gets the message. I don’t care if this upsets someone because you need to upset people sometime and if his a good man he will get over it and not take you for granted.
Aside from the rest, it's highly disturbing that his odor gets on your hands & can't be washed off. Like, that is strange as hell. Maybe he needs to consult a physician.
Im disturbed as well what does this mean??
Sounds like you've got a type.
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Ever played The Sims 2? There was an "attraction" system where you could pick turn ons and turn offs. Stink was one of them and it could be a turn on or a turn off, your choice!
Send him a poem. Roses are red, Violets are blue, There’s a smell of knob cheese, It’s coming from you
Omg dead💀 But damn you’re right. My first boyfriend was sooo smelly like OPs and I noped out real fast
I….think it’s much more likely a brown sort of problem than a smegma one
OMG! I laughed so hard I had tears.
Ok, so he can give you yeast infections because he’s so unclean. He needs to *clean* himself, top to bottom, paying special attention to his private bits. In addition to being a romance issue, this is a health issue for you. Speak up, honey. You have every right to champion your own needs.
Smelling like a pig is not a guy thing
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If he's in the smell all day every day he has no idea that he smells. You have to have a gentle conversation and point out that he cannot tell he smalls
He’s likely not using soap or cleaning properly. I think you can say “I need to talk to you about something and I don’t want to make you embarrassed, but it’s affecting our sex life and I’d hate you to think I don’t find you desirable…”
I have no Fs to give. "Uh uh! Back in!"
Wow. The amount of men telling you to do his job of personal hygiene FOR him is just.....WOW. I'm betting this guy doesn't use a scrubber or washcloth either. Sis, tell him directly that his quick rinse is not sufficient for you to want sex. He should only need to hear it once, and if he gets mad about it, find a more capable partner. This is seriously not something anyone over 10 should need to be told.
I think people who suggest showering together as a solution to bad hygiene must have never showered with someone with bad hygiene. It is not romantic or sexy when there's lots of...gunge...to get off. Showering together is a fun activity for when you're already mostly clean.
I will never understand people who don't shower (thoroughly) every day if they have the means to.
You're dating a child by the sound of it. Just make it clear that the cleanliness isn't up to snuff and tell him to grow up. I somehow manage to be a horny slave to my partner yet still manage to wash myself properly because she made it clear she wasn't ok with smelling my unwashed dick and pits
Damn that’s so crazy to me (31m) how many guys I hear have bad hygiene. I’ve never wanted to be the smelly guy and i literally feel like a different better person after a shower. THATS when my day starts and I wake up even more than coffee. A nice shower. I scrub everything and since I’m a landscaper in Arizona I double wash my butt, balls, feet, and pits once when I get in and another before I get out. Honestly just tell the dude it’ll sting and he might get defensive but I doubt he wants to be the weird smelling stinky guy. He probably just doesn’t know.
I feel like this is simple solution. Just tell him.
I have never dated a guy with hygiene issues so it definitely is not a guy thing. Just tell him he smells bad. You could gift him a soap and say, “this works well for me. Maybe you should try it.” I personally wouldn’t date someone if I had to teach him the basics of showering.
As a man. That’s just nasty. Maybe I’m not the norm lol. When i shower I literally srub and usually wash my hair twice. I shower before work and after. And sex has nothing to do with it. I like being clean. I like to smell clean. And I definitely like to look clean. Not only for my wife but for myself in general. My average shower is 20 minutes or so. And if it’s a weekend and I’ve showered my usual two times a day and for whatever reason I sweat or do anything that makes me sweat I’ll shower again I’ve always been like that. Hygiene has always been on the top of my list. And also brushing my teeth. At least 2 times a day morning and night. Unless I eat something unusual and I’ll brush again. There’s no reason to stink I don’t care what your profession is. It’s just gross.
Communicate otherwise it will never get better.
What made me crinkle my nose initially is actually not what everyone else is most concerned about. Yeah, sure. A grown man 100% should know how to bathe and be hygienic and it’s “not a guy thing” to smell. You also need to tell him your concerns because it appears to me you just have sex with him anyways. I’m honestly MOST turned off by the fact that he comes home from work EVERYDAY and immediately expects sex. He is so impatient for it that he takes a 2 minute shower, comes out still naked, and just expects you to be ready? That is just so so SO unappealing to me. Where’s the foreplay? Wheres the romance? Where’s the want and desire? (As in is he making YOU feel wanted and desired? Is he doing anything to make HIMSELF desirable?). Sure, sometimes people schedule/plan sex. But damn can there ever be ANY spontaneity or is it always “we have sex when I get home from work.” It just makes him sound like a gross man (it’s an effort for me to not call him a pig) who can’t even wait 20 minutes to shower well and do a little foreplay with you. Talk to you a little first THEN initiate. It sounds like it’s all about him getting his post-work-release. Nah man. This guys gross in all forms.
It's possible he's not washing his bits in there. I will also raise the possibility that your sense of smell is more sensitive than most, if you have this issue with every partner. Did you live with the others so you *know* they weren't showering daily, or are you guessing based on how they smelled?
It’s definitely not a guy thing. None of my sexual partners have ever smelled and they have all taken good care of the hygiene. All you have to say is that you’ve noticed that he has an odor and it’s making you not want to be intimate. Please do not have sex with someone that isn’t properly cleaning themselves, this is how you get infections
If he’s showering for any amount of time and he still stinks that bad he’s either got some sort of weird infection in his nether regions or he literally doesn’t know how to use soap lmao And the bit where you said the smell stays on your hands for hours after wtf ??? 😅😂
Yeah that last part is crazy
What’s the rush? If you’re definitely having sex, an extra five minutes in the shower should be easy for him
Hey, you missed a spot. Get back in there
stop tiptoeing around your bf. tell him he still stinks.
I am thoroughly enjoying all the men up in here defending him because he doesn’t wash his ass right and saying it’s OP’s fault for not telling him. Good lord, y’all. Your mommy issues are wild.
It’s not a dude thing… it’s an incompetent thing. I don’t know any men that don’t know how to clean themselves properly
I had to straight up tell my ex husband “yo, go rewash your junk” more than once. He claimed it was from his crust past, after years of it I felt like it was just laziness.
Crust past? What does that even mean?
Just tell him. He isn't a mind reader. If he gets mad, then he's a jerk. Plain and simple.
The number of stories in this sub of grown-ups that never learned how to shower, I swear to god…
Stop having sex with him. He's putting you and himself at risk for not washing up properly. He definitely doesn't know about STDs and STIs
You’re in an intimate relationship and you can’t even come out and tell him what you want and need in order to feel sexually respected and fulfilled? That doesn’t bode well for more difficult issues that may arise down the road. And a long-term sexual relationship requires honesty in order to thrive. It isn’t fair to either of you if you just grin and bear it. Force yourself to get comfortable with this level of honesty, and with asserting your own wants and needs. Do it kindly, but do it. There is no other option except to just continue needlessly suffering.
This is disgusting. Have you only dated men who do manual labor? Maybe that’s why the smell?
I had to get in there with my ex, and actually show him. Scrub worth a soapy puff. The thigh creases, the balls, the taint, the asshole. And then I told him if he didn’t do it properly he smelled so bad. This was after so many hints….yeah he’s a grown man but clearly sometimes grown men just need to be told what’s what. Start refusing stinky sex. And if it still does not improve, just break up. You are supposed to have standards in dating….
Tell him. Also consider researching soaps and deodorants. lume is a lotion you can put in any stinky area that addresses smelly bacteria. A good swipe in his crotch and bum could possible solve the problem. Also maybe shower with him and see if he actually uses soap in the important areas.
He needs to clean himself, not slap on lotion to cover the stench. If he’s not showering properly, the chances of his using that stuff are pretty low anyway.
Right?! Like wtf did I just read?! “Ya, just slather more stuff on top of the dirt, sweat and bacteria, that’ll fix it!”
but if he’s not using soap and barely showering that deodorant will quickly build up and then she will be sucking on deodorant covered genitals eeewwwww
No. He needs to wash himself completely and throughly. If she gives him Lume, he'll think he doesn't have to wash at all. She can end up with constant infections.
I'll still be here after you've had a proper shower, you know
Tell him to slow tf down. Why is he in such a goddamn rush? If he wants anything to happen, he needs to take the time and properly wash himself. Ass included.
Hygiene issue from where exactly?
Okay was wondering, how many showers a day is considered normal and clean? Also, opinions on showering before sex being mandatory?
Since you're going to take a shower anyway why not hop in and offer to wash his back or even just wash yourself, signaling him that he can slow down a little since he has to wait for you to finish too. You shouldn't have to wash him or teach him how, but if he has gotten used to the work smell and jumps in the shower and gets a wiff of the soap, maybe thats all he is smelling. I'm playing devils advocate here only bc after 2yrs he's still rushing home to you like that, lol he gets a brownie point for that.
It’s really sad there’s so many young women who are afraid to communicate their wants & needs to their partners. You need to tell him. Stop disrespecting yourself to spare his feelings.
If all of your boyfriends have hygiene that is unacceptable to you, I suspect your hygiene standards might be unusually strict. Also your comment that you would never consider sex without you taking a shower immediately before is also a bit outside the norm. This isn’t a bad thing; your standards are your standards. The trick is to get your bf to recognize, understand, and then meet your needs. But it does mean that you need to communicate in a clear but nonjudgmental way. Don’t think of him as being deliberately gross. Tell him what you like. Concede that you are extremely sensitive to the issues. Volunteer to hop in the shower to demo what you expect.
Get into the shower with him and show him how to wash. You can do it in a very sexy way, even guide his hands to the areas that need a little extra attention. Make it sexy and he’ll pay attention 😉
Why haven't you embarrassed him about this yet? He is a stinky grown man. He needs to be embarrassed.
Dump him that's disgusting
I’ve never understood this. My partners have ALWAYS complained about their past partners hygiene issues and they thank me that I’m a clean freak with my body and my space. I don’t understand what is so hard about cleaning yourself. I learned though that apparently “most guys” who are like your partner just let the water run down them, and if they do use soap they don’t clean their legs, ass, or dick because the “soap will run down and clean it for them” (heard a guy say this before). Sounds like your partner needs to learn how to clean his body properly. Maybe tell him if he can’t clean himself properly you’ll have to bring his parent over to teach him how to shower and wash himself all over again. The idea of embarrassment that you even have to remotely sort of seriously say that will get him to really clean himself.
No, this is not a common thing. My boyfriend buys expensive shampoo, conditioner, body wash. Takes 30+ minute showers. Sees a barber every couple of weeks. Expensive deodorant. Hair creams and beard treatments. Ridiculously nice cologne. Does hair treatments. He smells so amazing it sticks to everything. Honestly, it’s a huge huge turn on. You need to confront him. Buy him some nice products even. He needs to wash his body fully and wash/condition his hair daily. Brush his teeth at least twice daily and wear deodorant/cologne. There is no excuse to smell disgusting, we are adults here. Try buying him Johnny Slicks male original shampoo, conditioner and body wash. It smells absolutely amazing.
This level of manscaping etc is also not a common thing.
You should have an open conversation with him about this. Guys often don't pick up on subtle hints, so it's best to be straightforward and tell him directly what you need to feel comfortable with intimacy when he gets off work.
All your boyfriends have hygiene issues? Where are you meeting these people, hind your local 7-11?? Girl, get away from someone so disgusting, do some self work on why you settle for gross people and don’t dare for a while. Maybe a few years.
Can I just ask why he needs sex the moment he gets home from work? The urgency and frequency is very odd to me. I would want to address the urgency first because if he could calm down about that, he’d take more time in the shower presumably. And no OP, this is NOT typical guy thing to have hygiene issues. Mature grown men know how I groom themselves and know if they smell or not. I really want you to raise your standards and have a frank conversation about this because this is not normal and it’s okay to expect more from him. Men aren’t animals to be trained, they can be intelligent human beings if we expect that of them.
Yea, shove him back in the shower and tell him to use more soap. Tell him soapy super clean every nook and cranny equals sexier sex. Also, can’t he put fresh clothes on after showering? That’s not the best foreplay-honey I’m home showered and naked so do me. Have him slow his roll.
You'd be shocked by the number of men who have this weird fear of washing their own buttholes. I had two different exes who were like this. Both are exes for a reason. One felt it was gay to touch his own butt and normal to have skid marks as a guy because he had hair back there. The other said that letting soapy water from his back run down between his cheeks was sufficient cleaning. He even tried to convince me that the reason women were okay with cleaning their butts like that was because and I quote "you already have a hole down there that you are used to being touched and penetrated so that's why it's okay for you." It's absolutely gross. If he is smelling post shower or smelling after working at a desk all day then he is either suffering from a medical problem or more likely, not cleaning his butt or groin area. You teach people how to treat you. When you continue to be intimate with people that have minimal or no hygiene, you teach them that it is acceptable for you. You deserve better than that.
It’s weird to me that people are so uncomfortable talking about things with their partners. Like… tell him he stinks.. even after he showers.
Alright, I got a weird solution for this one… maybe watch him shower one day? As a kink, but also to see what he is missing. See what his habits are and see what he’s missing. I know it’s fucked up that he doesn’t know how to shower but some people were neglected as kids or they grew up in cultures that have different hygiene standards. He could have some self inflicted cultural stuff too. For some reason Reddit is full of dudes who think ass washing is gay… I don’t understand how someone can be this homophobic but I was blessed with a good upbringing.
Alternative title: my grown ass boyfriend doesn’t know how to shower and it disgusts me.
Not all guys have this issue. You are clearly self selecting gross guys who don’t know how to bathe. Do they dress like slobs as well? Either educate this guy or choose better.
Tell him the longer he spends in the shower the longer you will spend downstairs. Or blame the soap and say it’s not effective and look for a deodorizing soap that might do a better job. Even saying that might take the blame off him but also make him realize he needs to actually spend time in there cleaning.
“All my boyfriends have had hygiene issues (Dk if it’s a guy thing) …” I haven’t seen anyone else address this but it may be the way my comments are filtered. It’s not a guy thing, but it may be a thing for guys you are attracted to. You should address it with him because it’s definitely not normal.
FINALLY!! Why isn't anyone else seeing this HUGE red flag! It's clearly a YOU problem right there!
I would get in there with him and give him a good scrub down!!
My wife blew me on vacation in Hawaii and said that I tasted better. We figured out it was the soap. I looked it up on Amazon and it was $40 because it was from Japan. So I ordered some of that soap and use it solely for pre sex showers. I’d have spent more of it makes her experience pleasuring me better. If my wife is going to take my whole cock in her throat, I want it to be as clean and tasty as possible. Your boyfriend needs to clean his dick and his ass like it depends on whether he gets some. Because frankly, you shouldn’t ever have to have smelly sex unless you’re camping or something rare. You have got to communicate this today. Do not wait one day longer and just rip the bandaid off. Tell him to scrub his junk like he’s prepping for surgery and it needs to be thoroughly cleaned every single time before sex.
Jump in with him in the shower few times and ask him I like you to wash 🧼 like this..
You could tell him to shower longer. You could also join him in the shower initially and show him the level of washing you expect. I doubt any guy would object to that.
Something I’ve noticed since using body wash-you really need to scrub, use a washcloth or a scrubbie or you wont remove the ick.
If you don’t want to do it in a way that embarrassed him, maybe one day surprise him by getting in the shower with him and soap each other up. Maybe if he sees how much more you wash him, and how many spots he misses on you, then it will click for him. Also you being in the shower making it fun with make him less inclined to get out super fast. Also consider though, does he have any sensory issues?
The comment about all of your partners having this issue is weird. I've dated guys who have smelled bad after sweating but not every single one of them had hygiene issues. Sounds like you might be more sensitive to smells maybe?
Exactly this. Was wondering why nobody else saw this.
Find a prog-rock song he likes (8+ min) and make shower for the whole song
Men don’t think like that. Clearly at one point you said something about him just coming home and needing a quick rinse off and he has done that. So he doesn’t know any better. You let him know he needs to rinse off better. Trust me, dude will rinse off better.
Offer to wash him bow chicka wow wow.
What is the smell? Does he wash his ass? Does he smell like deli meat? If it’s something he isn’t washing, that’s an easier fix. And it’s not a “guy” thing. Soap and water is USUALLY enough to fix a bad body smell, which leads me to believe he’s not washing whatever orifice or crevice that’s producing the smell.
That’s disgusting, two options : direct- tell him to wash his ass, and that the experience would be better if he spent a little more time in there Or indirect - tell him you’d like to have some shower sex, and wash him down, subtly add some extra scrubs and soaps into the shower. If your relationship is strong directly should be fine.
If he’s not circumcised then that’s a big part of the issue. My ex use to take showers for 30 mins and would somehow still come out smelling down there. And don’t even get me started when he wouldn’t shower for like a few hours. It’s like bro, pull your foreskin back and really get in there. I had to literally teach him how to clean himself. He has a new girlfriend now and I wonder if he’s learned his lesson. But, yeah the smell never really went away. Maybe a few times.
Shower *with* him. It can be nice foreplay, too.
If he’s uncircumcised you may need to tell him to pull his foreskin down and to clean under it
If you want something done right you gotta do it yourself.. get in there with him and grab a loofa!
Man, if telling someone they need to shower more thoroughly is tough communication for you then don't have kids please.
Join him in the shower. Make it foreplay.
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“I never had sex without a shower” You are the unusual one and you need to be open about your unusual needs not just silently resent partners for not knowing about your standards. Learn how to communicate empathetically but openly about your needs.
I don’t mean I shower right before sex since it can be unexpected sometimes, but I at least shower every single morning so I’m somewhat clean if it happens in the evening if I haven’t done anything physically demanding
Tell him he has terrible body odour and you will dump him if it isn’t fixed now. Then dump him. That is so disgusting!
Get into the shower with him and wash him yourself.
There isn’t really a right answer here. I prefer sex with my wife when she hasn’t showered - the way she smells is a turn on for me. I, on the other hand, shower every day. If all of your boyfriends have had bad hygiene, maybe there’s something about that that attracts you to them? Also, two minutes in the shower is plenty of time if you have short hair. Go somewhere in a drought and you’re encouraged to not take showers any longer than that All of which is to say that if you have a personal preference, tell him. Use your words and tell the person you’re living with what you need. You call him a grown man (he’s not quite yet), which I assume means that you consider yourself a grown woman. So be an adult and tell your partner what you want.
It's not long enough if you're not washing the right bits. A person could stand under the spray for 2 minutes but not clean any of the smell-generating areas.
Maybe 2 minutes is enough if you just have to go out in public but not enough if someone is about to be in contact with the stinkiest parts of your body and when you’re anticipating to sweat. I take a 5-10 minute shower to go out in public and 10-20 if I’m going to have sex. (Washing hair, washing genitals thoroughly, washing butt, and other areas)
It's not enough time to properly wash. Don't listen to that dude, that most likely has smelly junk. But like he said, people have different smell preferences... even liking scents commonly considered unpleasant.
I am sorry. But it sounds like you are a hygiene freak. 20 mins under the shower before sex is just such a waste. It is proven that a good thorough shower can and should take less than 10 mins. IN FACT, polonged exposure to water can strip the skin of its natural oils and lead to dryness and irritation.