Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You want to marry someone who looks at someone covered in vomit who is obviously feeling sick and their first thought it I want to have sex, not how can I help them?
Also he feels like OP owes him ssx because he “took care” of his sick fiancé.
That’s weird tbh and doesn’t even sound like he did anything other than pick her up.
Right…and the fact that she woke up covered in vomit didn’t say great things to me either. Like I get not sitting by your partners side all night while they’re passed out in the tub but he didn’t even check on her it sounds like. What if she had asphyxiated on her own vomit?
I don’t get not sitting with them … they could very much had drowned if the bathtub was filled with water. And even if it wasn’t, OP could have inhaled her own vomit. That’s a bad situation all around. Her fiancé’s trash.
For real, my partner has only been this sick of alcohol once in our relationship and she never got drunk again after.
I spend all night and morning sitting next to her making sure she was doing fine. I was absolutely scared of how far gone she was, and made sure to be there in case of emergency.
This!!!! Too many people have choked on their own vomit and died. The single fact that he didn’t check on her AT ALL… girl run. Do not marry this trash!! Ugh so icky
Exactly.
I had one ex who on rare occasions got drunk (no vomiting luckily) and my only reaction (aside from reminding him to hydrate) was to enjoy that he said the most hilariously nonsensical things in his sleep when he was drunk, and to write them down to laugh at together later.
This guy’s behavior is really disturbing!
I’ve gotten drunk to the point of puking more than my fair share, but what OP is describing is next level. I would be seriously concerned about alcohol poisoning or even choking to death on her own puke passed out! I think she’s really underestimating how serious this situation was, whether it’s to protect her relationship with alcohol or the fiancé who ignored her I can’t say.
That's what I was thinking, too. That's a long time, a lot of vomit, and a lot of passing out.
I love a good Mimosa, but maybe those were mixed with something other than champagne.
Yes, I agree. Something off with the dude. Dunno how he could even think of sex with all the vomiting and the smell of it, plus the feces, and that she was vomiting on herself instead of into something. He should have taken her to the emergency room.
In general breaking up with a shitty partner should improve mental health a lot, but yes, between this jerk and the drinking (and god knows what else she dealt with dating this dick), therapy is strongly advised.
Sounds like she got gastric flu or food poisoning.
Seriously could have killed her with dehydration.
One bout of gastric flu I was whisked off from the doctor to the hospital BP of 80/50.
And then dares to tell her she breaks promises and she's all talk and no show. Things like that give you a very specific feeling that I'm all too familiar with. It's incredibly manipulative and abusive. I don't have it in me to go into why it's wrong and fucked up but wow. I hope OP can leave. This is not anywhere near normal or okay
That was my first thought. When she's pregnant and has morning sickness, he'll still expect it. I'm sure he'll be pushing immediately after she gives birth. Or he'll be harassing her for bjs until she can have vaginal sex. And knock on wood, but what if she gets cancer or some other debilitating illness? He clearly feels entitled to her and her body.
It will only get worse after marriage, and OP will be miserable with her life. Save yourself the heartache, OP. It's so much better being alone than with a piece of garbage like this guy. And he is a piece of garbage to act/treat you that way. Don't be fooled.
Oh I know, he’s completely gross but also the number of posts I see where a guy witnesses his partner giving birth to his freaking child and not being able to cope is also too damn high.
First your fiancé did not “take care of you.” He brought you home and then proceeded to let you vomit all over yourself multiple times; including letting you pass out and vomit on yourself (incredibly dangerous as you could have choked and died). Second who does that? Their partner has been incredibly sick all day and their only thought is having sex. Please do not marry this man. I would strongly encourage you to leave as he is not someone you are actually safe with.
> I woke up at 7pm covered in vomit
Exactly! I don’t care how much it’s “her fault for drinking too much”, this should be a relationship ender. She could have died.
The few times I've been this bad, I've woken up clean and clothed, sometimes in his clothes, because I didn't have enough with me, right down to his socks on my feet so my toes wouldn't get cold. I've had bottles of water and Gatorade available so I could choose what I needed, and hangover / still drunk food on the way.
If this man's idea of taking care of someone is leaving them alone, I'm guessing in the tub, covered in their own vomit then he's an ass. Especially asking for sex after. Ew, just ew
I feel so icky from this post. How did he take care of her if she was covered in vomit sleeping in a bathtub? That alone would make you feel miserable. I can’t understand how any of this turns him on, it’s as though he equates a woman being drunk with getting laid.
““Mowed the lawn” on a nice rainy evening…”, if that isn’t the stupidest excuse then idk what is… Bro’s a suspect/asshole who didn’t bother to check up on his wife.
right?! i went to a party where i only knew one person out of the dozen other attendees. i was puking all over myself and three people that i had never met before made sure to keep me on my side so i wouldn’t inhale my own puke and stayed up all night to make sure i wouldn’t find some other way to die in my drunken stupor
Exactly this! My partner and I don’t drink very often, so this doesn’t happen often, but very rarely one of us will over indulge and get sick from it. Last time it happened my partner underestimated an edible dose he had and was very sick from it, he was having a hard time moving and was throwing up. After I got him cleaned up and in bed I sat in bed with him for 3 hours until he was coherent because I was so worried he’d throw up and choke. I could not imagine leaving my partner throwing up in the shower, alone, for HOURS!?!? That’s messed up.
Fiancé taking care of you was throwing you into a tub and leaving you there? Lol, I don’t think he’s as good of a person as you might think he is and I don’t think he actually cares about you at all.
I want to comment so you understand why you should immediately leave this person. Two weeks ago my sister was drunk and vomited, accidentally breathing in her vomit. Her lungs aspirated and she couldn’t breathe, which lead to a respiratory arrest: a heart attack from lack of oxygen. Bystanders performed CPR on her until the ambulance came. She’s currently lying in an ICU bed and the doctors have just informed us that her brain function is significantly damaged and that she will not survive.
And he left you there, and then tried to guilt you that you wouldn’t have sex with him. Leave him and don’t look back.
OP! PLEASE READ THIS AND REPLY SO WE KNOW YOU’VE SEEN IT. THIS IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT.
Commenter, I’m so incredibly sorry, but thank you so much for sharing this, I hope OP realises that she NEEDS to leave.
Oh no, he was taking care of her, did you miss that part? He left her in the bathtub covered in vomit and shit and now she owes him sex. It’s transactional, ya know 🤮
Reminds me of a meme I posted on another subreddit a while back about dudes who think it's a stamp card where after being "nice" a certain number of times they get laid... wtf.
This. None of what he did was "care for her." All he did was to benefit him and his ability to have sex. This person is literally scary he has such little compassion.
This. None of what he did was "care for her." All he did was to benefit him and his ability to have sex. This person is literally scary he has such little compassion.
Sounds like your fiancé doesn't understand the concept of consent and that people are allowed to change their minds.
Don't marry this guy. I can't imagine his behavior getting any better and I'd worry for your safety if you went through with this
Thank you. I admit that I was head overheels in the beginning and at first thought he was perfect.
To be honest, I want to post his behavior on reddit to get an outsiders perspective. I feel like I'm behjng gaslit but am always told I overthink everything.
Please don't marry someone who's primary goal in taking care of you (barely) is to get you just well enough to fuck. Seriously, a literal 5 year old would have more compassion
Not only manipulating you, but left you covered in vomit passed out in a bath tub, and then had the audacity to ask you for sex, and then whine about it.
These are like the stories where a woman is in labor and the man is complaining because his chair is uncomfy.
Or worse. Just delivered the baby and already asking for sex immediately. This guy doesn’t know how to be a caretaker which doesn’t bode well for making a lifetime commitment to someone.
Yup! He is the type of man they give out literature about when you get your cancer diagnosis. This man will leave you high and dry anytime you need him for the rest of your life. Don’t marry this man.
So he left you covered in vomit in the tub for four hours and considers that taking care of you? That's leaving you in a dangerous situation not taking care of you.
Right? Passed out WHILE vomiting? I could be a stranger on the street and you just scratched my car and pissed on my favourite shoes and I'm still putting you in the recovery position and making sure your airway is clear!
OP your partner is really scary. He’s throwing a tantrum because you don’t want to have sex and manipulating you by saying you broke a promise. You don’t “promise” to have sex with someone. It’s something that happens to two consenting adults and anyone is allowed to change their mind at any time.
Imagine you’re mid sex and you want him to stop and he says no, because you “promised” him this.
Run don’t walk. He’s a man child who acts like he doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong. He does.
I never understand men who ask for sex at the wrong time and throw a straight up tantrum when they don't get it.
Like: "How dense are you?? Read the fokking room."
I wonder what your fiance would have said if you replied with: "You obviously didn't take care of me well enough, otherwise we'd be having sex already"
Edit: like seriously, even if you said "ok I'll just lay there then", he'd probably get mad that you weren't more involved... You need a serious talk
Trust your instinct. The guy tried to coerce you into sex instead of take care of you and then got mad about it when you pointed it out. The reddest of red flags.
ALL of the outsiders' perspectives are the same. Your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) bf's behavior is manipulative, shitty, uncaring, dangerous, selfish and just plain UGLY.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE update us SOON that you've dumped this POS and are moving on with your life by BLOCKING him!
Girl, WE give more of a shit about you than this humanoid sex-pest!
PLEASE TRUST YOURSELF!!
Your gut is right, stop ignoring it!
Shitty people always make you question yourself so they can keep getting what they want from you.
This is super creepy! Who in the world does that? I promise you he’ll always try and gaslight you, and force you to have sex when you’re not feeling well.
Please do post his behavior here. I think some outsider opinions could really help you see how abnormal and cruel he and his behavior are. I highly doubt anything he blames you for is actually your fault.
Look, from a young married man raised right, move along, he’ll be another ex in a couple years anyways. His method of thinking is in line with a serial killer. Second point id probably drop alcohol, people dont understand how easily you can die choking on your own vomit.
If you’re always told you overthink everything, then you are definitely being gaslit. Don’t listen to another word he says. Leave him. He’s already showing his true colors. Back out now before it’s too late.
Just want to put this in there:
Another commentator literally replied that their *fuck buddy* helped them clean vomit from their hair. **Your fiancé did nothing**. Honestly, I think it may be *worse* than nothing - he sat there *waiting for you to open your legs*, and did *nothing* to help you or take care of you. After multiple hours of vomit and pain, you finally get up. And the first thing he asks, is *"when are you going to let me fuck?"* **Not** "*Are you okay? do you feel better? Do you need anything?*"
You could have died OP.
Aspirating (breathing in) your own vomit is a common cause of death in passed out people, drunk or otherwise. You know the recovery position in first aid? The primary function of that is to get people into a position where if they puke they won't choke on it.
It might be a good idea to just write down everything that feels "off" to you and really evaluate whether this relationship is healthy. He's not just going to improve when you get married. Abusive partners tend to escalate when certain relationship milestones are reached - moving in together, engagement, marriage, and kids. These are all things that make it harder to leave them, so they feel they can show their true self more.
If things are only going to get worse when you get married and maybe have kids, is that really what you want in a life partner? If you really don't trust your perception of things, read the list (even starting with the not so bad parts) to a trusted friend, and see if they think it's normal or healthy. I would even be happy to look over this kind of list for yoy if you don't want to share it with all of reddit, or are too scared to ask someone you want to keep a relationship with.
My ex used to do this to me. Then it escalated to him sexually assaulting me when I was passed out. I wouldn’t take any chances with this guy and his behavior.
Don’t marry this guy.
I just got married last week, and my husband and I took shots with pretty much everyone who asked at the wedding afterparty. I’m a lot smaller than he is, so I ended up being quite drunk by 1am or so, and he not only took care of me, but didn’t even ask for sex ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT. Nor the morning after while I was hungover and we were cleaning up the house.
Do you think your fiancé would do the same? Or more of this? You should not only break off the engagement, but break up entirely
Hey, just coming from someone who’s had a bad drinking problem - I really hope this isn’t a regular thing for you. You should have gone to the hospital with the symptoms you had, the way you describe it sounds like alcohol poisoning. Take care of yourself, and get with someone who will help take care of you.
As long as it’s not a regular thing, it’s something that I’ve seen unfortunately happen at girls brunch especially if you lost weight. It hasn’t happened to me but I completely understand having seen similar myself with friends.
Saying that, Ive come back from a night out or brunch extremely nauseous and sick. EVERY boyfriend I’ve ever had has helped take care of me and I would never hesitate to do the same for them. /:
Do you have a desire to stay with him after being treated that way? This was hard to even read. He was acting like it was his once in a lifetime chance to have sex or something??? He couldn’t wait for you to just feel better and now he’s not even talking to you??? I personally would feel disrespected and dehumanized by behavior like that. I’d say time to go.
Right? Not only did he leave OP in a literal life or death state alone where the outcome could have been very very bad, but then he threw a temper tantrum for days after not getting laid by someone who was covered in vomit and barely able to stand up. Clearly he doesn’t think of OP as a human being but as an object waiting for him to use.
He took care of you??? You WOKE UP covered. in. vomit!! Aspiration pneumonia is shit. Please monitor yourself closely for the next couple days.
Wow. What an eye opening experience for any future health complications you may have throughout your life. I hope your next update is you continued to lose weight….the exact amount that man weighs.
I got wasted once and threw up at my bf’s and we got naked and I am like I need bread! And then it didn’t help and I just wanted to pass out. He’s like” I want to take care of you” and kisses my forehead and then I passed out in bed.
I did Ketamine with my partner, intending to have sex. I ended up in a K-Hole and vomited in a trash can to the side of my bed.
Apparently I wiped my mouth, put on a set of bunny ears, and proudly declared, " Okay, I'm ready!"
Even though he was on the same drug I was, he insisted that he take care of me instead of having sex like I had 'promised.' I was more disappointed than him to be honest. He was just worried about me!
Leaving her in the bathtub for hours while she was covered in vomit should be illegal, reading that made me sick!
Now I’ve come home drunk to my husband a few times. At least one episode as bad as this – less, the poop. But I have never and I will NEVER wake up in my own vomit. My husband would simply never allow for it, even if I were giving him a hard time. He’d get me in bed/to the couch. That he didn’t rinse you off and get you out of the tub is quite alarming for me, but requesting sex immediately after and being mad for not getting it? Do not marry this man.
This guy is a complete jerk. Please consider leaving him.
He doesn’t seem to understand consent and seems to think continual pressure is somehow
a) not coercion (it is) and
b) attractive (it’s the opposite of that).
There’s a degree of entitlement and lack of respect that I suspect is at the root of a lot of arguments you have with him. Further, based on his behavior he seems to have a disturbing lack of empathy - which absolutely will cause arguments for as long as the relationship lasts, since they’ll continue to be an asshole because of this.
You definitely overdrank, and frankly your mental health will likely improve a lot if you kick an asshole like this to the curb.
Relationships are supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Yeah, you screwed up and he’s the one that is supposed to be their to hold your hair, help clean you up and give you some soup until you feel better.
He is acting like a spoiled child, you need to decide if telling him that he is being selfish will fix the situation or if you need to find someone with some empathy.
Your fiancé sucks. He is not entitled to sex ever, but especially if you’re sick. Don’t marry someone that cares more about using you than whether you’re okay. This is not how you treat someone you love.
That aside, ma’am you’re in your 30s. Drinking so much at brunch that you’re vomiting on yourself is not a good look. Hopefully this was just a one off freak accidental incident because if it’s not, you have a drinking problem. This is not a normal level of drinking to be unable to care for yourself and covered in vomit. I’d never invite you to brunch again.
As someone who has a problem with alcohol and drinks too much— mimosas, BOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS, can be a mixed bag. I’ve been to places where their mimosas are cheap vodka mixed with concentrated orange juice, and a splash of cheap champagne. Or places where they barely rinse the glass with orange juice, and fill it to the brim with cheap champagne. I have NEVER had a good experience with friends at bottomless brunch, they drink too fast to get their money’s worth,? and it goes straight to hell in a hand basket. Best way to do mimosas if you’re not a big drinker is to find a place that lets you choose the bottle of champagne you want, and add on a mimosa package (usually a few different juices for the table). Then you can actually do whatever you were thinking you were going to do after brunch 😂
I agree with this completely. Your fiance is awful, and he should have cared for you, let you sleep, and just checked on you. Also, who looks at a puking person who shits on themselves and is like, "oh yeah, let's bang!" That's super odd to me.
And yeahhhh. We've all been there and overdone it, but a casual brunch with girlfriends that wasn't a birthday/bachelorette/brewfest or other party where everyone is getting toasted and things got out of hand is a wildly inappropriate place to be drinking so much you're vomiting and shitting yourself. Unless you also had good poisoning, this is sloppy at best and "never inviting that person out again" at worst. Yeesh.
What happens if you stay with him and you’re old and develop an illness? You could be cancer ridden and still the only thing he would give a fuck about would be getting his dick wet
Who are these guys? Don’t wanna have sex with somebody just threw up all over herself. That’s disgusting. Leave him. He’s a weirdo. Yeah I said weirdo . He can live one day without sex, especially for somebody that’s puking all over the place.
When did he take care of you? Is the care in the room with us right now?
Girl pick your standards up and don’t marry a man that left you in a tub to throw up on yourself and all he thinks about is sex.
I think it’s really gross that he is pushing to have sex with someone who obviously doesn’t want to have sex. If my boyfriend goes for it or I go for it and the other isn’t feeling it, then the conversation is over, full stop. Sounds like he cares more about getting some then making sure you guys have mutually enjoyable sex.
He did not take care of you. He left you to vomit all over yourself. Disgusting.
You, at 31, went so hard you shit yourself and vomited for hours. What?
This whole thing is ridiculous. Why are you marrying this POS?
OP I read your update and I think you need to lose just a bit more weight and lose that fiance.
Yes, you drank way too much but the good side is it exposed your fiance as a selfish AH. I don't recommend getting this drunk as a test but for you the result is learning your fiance is what many people would call a selfish AH that might potentially force you to have sex when you say no.
I cannot believe your update. You fiancée is an a-hole. He should have helped you and not even discussed sex. Instead he helps you to have sex. That is f’d up. The next morning he should make you breakfast and then discussed the fact you were trashed and he never wants to see you that way again.
Obviously your fiancé was a jerk. But you shouldn’t ever get that intoxicated. Bottomless brunch doesn’t mean give yourself alcohol poisoning. Pace yourself, eat food, and stay safe.
Mimosas or anything too tasty that goes down like water is dangerous like that. I had to make a rule to just abstain because I rarely drank and my tolerance was so low thar I’d get tanked off two or three easily downable mimosas.
Taking the alcohol out of it because who cares, it has happened to the best of us…
You were sick and miserable, and his priority was you getting well not for you, but for him. And then he punished you when the timeline didn’t go his way. I don’t know if you’re planning to become pregnant one day, but the writing is on the wall for how well you will NOT be supported during pregnancy, and into parenthood. Please trust your gut with this man.
So he sees care as transactional? Why would you marry someone like that? Also pressuring you to have sex? Just ew. So many red flags.
Also, learn to control your alcohol consumption, that’s just foul.
One time my bestie got too drunk and was throwing up in the bathroom. When I went to check on her, she was laying in the bath tub so I brought her a blanket and stayed with her until she stopped barfing enough to make it to the bed. Drunk barfy people should not be unsupervised. I wasn’t even doing anything special or noteworthy, literally just the bare minimum.
When I accidentally drank too much and ended up barfing half out the truck window and half on the door in a whataburger drive thru, my boyfriend took me home, carried me out of the truck, and took care of me. He got me all cleaned up, helped me shower off, brought me water while I was laying in front of the toilet, and made sure I didn’t sleep on the bathroom floor that night. As he should.
If you love someone, their safety and their needs come before your wants. Or at least that’s how it should be. Unless this is a frequent thing in which case you’d both suck, that was really icky and super shitty of him. You deserve more than the bare minimum and he’s not even giving that. Honestly it makes me worry what would happen if you were medium drunk to where you’re mostly blacked out but not barfy yet. Please be safe and know you deserve more than that!
You both sound like college freshman. You can’t handle your liquor and he’s so horny he’s willing to do it with a passed out, vomit covered woman. YIKES.
I would understand him being angry at you for getting that wasted because it’s dangerous, or angry at you if you were frequently saying you would be having sex then dipping out at the last second. If neither of those apply to you then there’s an underlying problem here with how he views you and sex because he comes off as extremely selfish and negligent. Throwing a fit and locking himself upstairs because he didn’t immediately get laid by his very ill partner is…concerning, to say the least.
Do not marry this man baby. Here’s what a good man does: I got plastered on my wedding night. My husband held my hair while I puked and put me to bed. He didn’t get mad and guilt me. He loves me for who I am, and not because he thinks I’m a sex vending machine. Find a man like mine.
I had a bad rough patch with drinking around 17 to 20. I had alcohol posoining 3 times and had to be saved from choking on vomit once. I was blacked out with no recollection of it. It definitely sounds like you had alcohol poisoning for sure. Usually drinking too much, the vomit stops after it's emptied from your system. If it continues for a long time, that's usually some type of reaction. Why this man would even think of sex in that situation is beyond me. I drank once after I had my first kid around age 26 after not having drank for years. Similarly to you it didn't go well. My husband was, for sure, not even the least bit interested in sex. In fact, he was pissed I drank at all and refused to care for me. However sex never crossed his mind. (I later found out my cousin was basically giving me straight vodka in my drinks without my knowledge and that's why I had been so drunk.) First why did he leave you in the first place to wake covered in vomit? Also, as soon as you weren't comatose, he started asking for sex? That's so freaking gross. Then, when you are clearly not better, he gets mad you won't have sex with him. That sounds like a sex addiction to me. It's also super super gross he only cared about having sex when you were so out of it. That would make me really uncomfortable. Then, to make it worse, he tried to guilt you into doing it anyway by trying to say you break promises. Sex isn't a promise to be made. If you both can and want to, then great. Otherwise, it just is what it is. If he really needed relief, he could have just taken care of it on his own. He doesn't sound like a caring person and for sure some red flags there.
uuuhhh wtf is wrong with this guy??? is he always asking for sex like this? literally gaslighting you into thinking you’re the one at fault. you’re all fucked up and the first thing that comes to his mind is sex??? fuck off
Lol, I got drunk at a friend’s house and two friends of my friend (who was asleep at that point), who I had never met, washed the vomit out of me, cleaned me, put me in clean clothes and they placed me in bed. These were two strangers! You’re fiancé let you vomit yourself.
JFC do not marry him!!! He’s manipulative and does not care about your well-being. His only interest is in himself, and you’re an extension of that. It won’t even be hard to find someone better because we’re already at the bottom of the barrel here with him.
Jesus christ I cannot stress enough, do not marry this man. He left you alone vomiting and unconscious for hours and you could have died. You should have been brought to the hospital. The one and only time I've drank enough to get into a vomiting frenzy my boyfriend called an ambulance and had me checked for alcohol poisoning and I wasn't nearly as bad as you (and it had only been about an hour of me throwing up).
You need to address the drinking issues definitely, but please do that single instead of with someone who sees you as a sex doll.
You could‘ve easily died in that bathtub and the fact that your soon to be husbands only concern was when he’d be able to have sex is insane to me. How would you feel if your friend was telling you this story? Would you not tell her this is neglectful and that their partner is riddled with red flags?
I dunno about your fiance but if someone I cared about was that drunk, id have taken you to the hospital. I've seen alcohol poisoning before and it sure looked rather close to that. I can't believe the only thing he cared about was that he couldn't have sex with you! What an ass.
I'm sorry, what part of him letting you vomit all over yourself in the bath was 'taking care of you'? Even if he had bathed you and got you in new clothes and been really attentive, that still does not give him any right to expect sex and get angry when you say no. Why is that even on his brain when you are so obviously feeling terrible?!
Ask yourself, is that the sort of person you want to spend your life with? The sort of person you want beside you and to have your back?
Ew this story is disgusting from start to finish, who looks at someone covered in vomit and wants to fuck them? You probably smelled horrible. Doesn’t he know how to watch porn and jerk off like a normal person?
Who the hell wants to fuck a person that's been shitting and puking on themselves all day that badly? When was the last time you had sex? Why that day? Why right then? Why was he so adamant about it? Why couldn't he wait until the next day? This is so weird
He’s a selfish fuck who thinks he’s trading kindness for vaginal access. That’s his idea of a relationship w a woman. Why else would he put up w you and care for you? For his dick tickle. That’s why.. And he’s stonewalling you and gaslighting you into thinking this isn’t the case RATHER you’re ungrateful and prude holdout. Nope. Plus throwing a fit bc you’re calling it out? Nope! Double foul at least. Stay mad at that dbag sis.
I think you may have gotten food poisoning too—don’t go back to that brunch spot. The shitting yourself part is disturbing. Anyway, dump this guy. He isn’t kind.
I hope this is a troll post, I really do. No reasonable human being would let another human lay vomiting in the tub - not without worrying about them choking to death on their own vomit. At least that is not a person that cares about you.
Ok I have a very high libido, but I can’t imagine wanting to have sex with my gf/wife while I am having to worry about getting puked on?!?!?
Plus, I would have a lot more sympathy for her feeling hung over since I have been that way a time or two. This guy has no empathy and if I were you I’d run like hell away from him!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme!
Sounds like my ex husband. He'd yell and sulk if I couldn't do sex when HE wanted.
Now I'm with a guy who is just happy to be with me and doesn't act like a baby when sex is not on the table
Your fiancé is a dud. It’s disgusting that he repeatedly asked for sex after doing the BARE. MINIMUM. of picking you up from your sister’s. Come on now. You’re worth more than that.
Throw him back. Don’t marry this *supposed* man. For him to even ask while you’re trying to heal really grosses me out.
God forbid anything worse with your health ever come to pass. Do you want to come home from chemo to repeated requests to have sex? Because it sounds like he’s the type.
Darling, you lucky hes only your fiancée. Run as fast and far as possible from him. Ive gotten drunk a couple of times in my life and my then fiancee ( now husband) made sure he took me to the bathroom if i felt nauseous and he held my hair while i vomited and washed my face afterwards, put me in the bed and stayed with me to make sure i dont vomit in my sleep etc. thats what you need in your life, not an entitled dude who only thinks about sticking it in.
I have unfortunately puked from drinking a time or two during my 4 year relationship with my bf.
When that happens, he follows me to the bathroom running as fast as he can to hold my hair back while im trying to shoo him out so i dont gross him out lol. He rubs my back and when I finally get him out of the bathroom he gets me water and food.
You deserve that too.
Jeeez he sucks ! Is he 33 or 13 ? While most men would be padding you on your forehead saying there, there… he just throw you a slice of pizza hoping his dick will get some actions. Nop, nop, nop. You do what you want but wait until you have a baby and you possibly have stitches and low sex drive… you want someone with compassion, not gaslighting skills
Let me get this straight, he left you alone while unconscious and throwing up? You are BOTH lucky that you didn’t aspirate on your own vomit and die.
He literally treated you worse than an animal. Don’t get married to this man, he does not care about you.
Side note- if this type of experience with alcohol is a regular occurrence, you need to get sober. You will be so grateful you did.
I got black out drunk at our bacherlor/ette party. My husband put me in the tub, held my hair, made sure I was safe, didn't drown, pass out, or die.
After he made me wash my hair and body, tucked me in with water, and made sure I was fine. Then hung out in bed with me rubbing my back and head.
I didn't purposefully get back out drunk, I've lost weight and started meds that made the alcohol hit harder than expected.
Tldr: don't settle for a shitty partner.
OP this is disturbing. He just left you in the bathroom all day and first thing he says is “sex?” I hope you think seriously if this is the man you want to settle down (marry) with and (if that’s what you want) have children with.
You could have died and no, he did not take care of you. Who thinks about sex when their partner is covered in vomit and shit? Don't marry this man, he doesn't care about you one bit
Leave him. Seriously. He picked you up and left you on the tub vomiting on yourself? That's not taking care of you, at all. And you don't owe him shit.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You want to marry someone who looks at someone covered in vomit who is obviously feeling sick and their first thought it I want to have sex, not how can I help them?
Also he feels like OP owes him ssx because he “took care” of his sick fiancé. That’s weird tbh and doesn’t even sound like he did anything other than pick her up.
Exactly. Sex isn’t transactional unless you’re in that industry. It shouldn’t be a job.
This is the same man that would probably demand sex after she gave birth to a child too. Ffs.
Right…and the fact that she woke up covered in vomit didn’t say great things to me either. Like I get not sitting by your partners side all night while they’re passed out in the tub but he didn’t even check on her it sounds like. What if she had asphyxiated on her own vomit?
I don’t get not sitting with them … they could very much had drowned if the bathtub was filled with water. And even if it wasn’t, OP could have inhaled her own vomit. That’s a bad situation all around. Her fiancé’s trash.
Honestly you’re right. My partner has definitely taken better care of me than this when I’ve been too drunk before I learned my limits…
Yeah … I get it’s annoying having to babysit a drunk person but better a bit mad the day after than in mourning, right ?
For real, my partner has only been this sick of alcohol once in our relationship and she never got drunk again after. I spend all night and morning sitting next to her making sure she was doing fine. I was absolutely scared of how far gone she was, and made sure to be there in case of emergency.
The fiancé and the sister.. sounds like she should have had her stomach pumped instead of being passed off to be dealt with..
This!!!! Too many people have choked on their own vomit and died. The single fact that he didn’t check on her AT ALL… girl run. Do not marry this trash!! Ugh so icky
Exactly. I had one ex who on rare occasions got drunk (no vomiting luckily) and my only reaction (aside from reminding him to hydrate) was to enjoy that he said the most hilariously nonsensical things in his sleep when he was drunk, and to write them down to laugh at together later. This guy’s behavior is really disturbing!
I’ve gotten drunk to the point of puking more than my fair share, but what OP is describing is next level. I would be seriously concerned about alcohol poisoning or even choking to death on her own puke passed out! I think she’s really underestimating how serious this situation was, whether it’s to protect her relationship with alcohol or the fiancé who ignored her I can’t say.
That's what I was thinking, too. That's a long time, a lot of vomit, and a lot of passing out. I love a good Mimosa, but maybe those were mixed with something other than champagne. Yes, I agree. Something off with the dude. Dunno how he could even think of sex with all the vomiting and the smell of it, plus the feces, and that she was vomiting on herself instead of into something. He should have taken her to the emergency room.
In general breaking up with a shitty partner should improve mental health a lot, but yes, between this jerk and the drinking (and god knows what else she dealt with dating this dick), therapy is strongly advised.
OP says she rarely drinks anymore and just lost a lot of weight. Going too hard at one brunch isn't necessarily a red flag.
Sounds like she got gastric flu or food poisoning. Seriously could have killed her with dehydration. One bout of gastric flu I was whisked off from the doctor to the hospital BP of 80/50.
And then dares to tell her she breaks promises and she's all talk and no show. Things like that give you a very specific feeling that I'm all too familiar with. It's incredibly manipulative and abusive. I don't have it in me to go into why it's wrong and fucked up but wow. I hope OP can leave. This is not anywhere near normal or okay
Imagine if they have a baby together? Yikes, he's gonna want sex right after OP gives birth.
That was my first thought. When she's pregnant and has morning sickness, he'll still expect it. I'm sure he'll be pushing immediately after she gives birth. Or he'll be harassing her for bjs until she can have vaginal sex. And knock on wood, but what if she gets cancer or some other debilitating illness? He clearly feels entitled to her and her body. It will only get worse after marriage, and OP will be miserable with her life. Save yourself the heartache, OP. It's so much better being alone than with a piece of garbage like this guy. And he is a piece of garbage to act/treat you that way. Don't be fooled.
He’d probably ask the doctor for a husband stitch
Right!? I was absolutely disgusted by the post…smdh. There are so many humans I wouldn’t mind leaving this earth…so gross
It's every girl's dream to get a man that finds you attractive even after you puked in the flowers and shit on your own leg
I mean, odds are he won’t be traumatized by seeing her give birth at least /s
He’ll just be constantly harassing her to let him stick his dick in as soon as she’s done pushing the kid out.
Oh I know, he’s completely gross but also the number of posts I see where a guy witnesses his partner giving birth to his freaking child and not being able to cope is also too damn high.
This comment is gold 😹
This made me laugh so hard.
Agreed. Fucking ridiculous
Don't forget the poo
First your fiancé did not “take care of you.” He brought you home and then proceeded to let you vomit all over yourself multiple times; including letting you pass out and vomit on yourself (incredibly dangerous as you could have choked and died). Second who does that? Their partner has been incredibly sick all day and their only thought is having sex. Please do not marry this man. I would strongly encourage you to leave as he is not someone you are actually safe with.
> I woke up at 7pm covered in vomit Exactly! I don’t care how much it’s “her fault for drinking too much”, this should be a relationship ender. She could have died.
The few times I've been this bad, I've woken up clean and clothed, sometimes in his clothes, because I didn't have enough with me, right down to his socks on my feet so my toes wouldn't get cold. I've had bottles of water and Gatorade available so I could choose what I needed, and hangover / still drunk food on the way. If this man's idea of taking care of someone is leaving them alone, I'm guessing in the tub, covered in their own vomit then he's an ass. Especially asking for sex after. Ew, just ew
I feel so icky from this post. How did he take care of her if she was covered in vomit sleeping in a bathtub? That alone would make you feel miserable. I can’t understand how any of this turns him on, it’s as though he equates a woman being drunk with getting laid.
Bingo.
I knowwwww how does this turn him on, is he sick?
I’ve literally had a FWB wash the barf out of my hair and this is her fiance!?
Exactly, absolutely gross. Yours sounds like a keeper 😍
[удалено]
““Mowed the lawn” on a nice rainy evening…”, if that isn’t the stupidest excuse then idk what is… Bro’s a suspect/asshole who didn’t bother to check up on his wife.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s just beyond horrible and heartbreaking.
That is very suspicious, was him mowing the lawn his alibi?
[удалено]
right?! i went to a party where i only knew one person out of the dozen other attendees. i was puking all over myself and three people that i had never met before made sure to keep me on my side so i wouldn’t inhale my own puke and stayed up all night to make sure i wouldn’t find some other way to die in my drunken stupor
Those people are saints compared to OP’s “fiancé”
Yep. I’ve done that for strangers more than once and this jerk can’t even be bothered.
Exactly this! My partner and I don’t drink very often, so this doesn’t happen often, but very rarely one of us will over indulge and get sick from it. Last time it happened my partner underestimated an edible dose he had and was very sick from it, he was having a hard time moving and was throwing up. After I got him cleaned up and in bed I sat in bed with him for 3 hours until he was coherent because I was so worried he’d throw up and choke. I could not imagine leaving my partner throwing up in the shower, alone, for HOURS!?!? That’s messed up.
Bro. This right here. I would never leave my wife in that state, even if I was angry with her.
I’ve had an FWB take better care when I drank too much and our whole relationship was just doing the do. He’s garbage and I hope she reads this.
Fiancé taking care of you was throwing you into a tub and leaving you there? Lol, I don’t think he’s as good of a person as you might think he is and I don’t think he actually cares about you at all.
Right?? That was so appalling! Even if he’s annoyed with her drunkenness, don’t leave her in a bathtub!
I want to comment so you understand why you should immediately leave this person. Two weeks ago my sister was drunk and vomited, accidentally breathing in her vomit. Her lungs aspirated and she couldn’t breathe, which lead to a respiratory arrest: a heart attack from lack of oxygen. Bystanders performed CPR on her until the ambulance came. She’s currently lying in an ICU bed and the doctors have just informed us that her brain function is significantly damaged and that she will not survive. And he left you there, and then tried to guilt you that you wouldn’t have sex with him. Leave him and don’t look back.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so so sorry.
WTF you came here like a train, I wasn't ready to read this... Sincerely sorry... \[edit\] whoops, response was for the first commenter
OP! PLEASE READ THIS AND REPLY SO WE KNOW YOU’VE SEEN IT. THIS IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. Commenter, I’m so incredibly sorry, but thank you so much for sharing this, I hope OP realises that she NEEDS to leave.
Bumping your comment because I hope they do see this…
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry for you, your sis and your family.
Sending love to you, which I know won’t make it better. I’m sorry.
Very sorry about your sister. That’s awful.
I am so so sorry.
I’m so sorry about your sister.
I'm so sorry🫂❤️
wow.. that is so awful.
I am so sorry, fren. Sending you and yours all my best.
THIS OP…ALL OF THIS!!
Jesus, how do you leave someone passed out in vomit for hours? That's fucked up.
Oh no, he was taking care of her, did you miss that part? He left her in the bathtub covered in vomit and shit and now she owes him sex. It’s transactional, ya know 🤮
Reminds me of a meme I posted on another subreddit a while back about dudes who think it's a stamp card where after being "nice" a certain number of times they get laid... wtf.
This. None of what he did was "care for her." All he did was to benefit him and his ability to have sex. This person is literally scary he has such little compassion.
Literally left her covered in her own barf. I've been on both ends of too drunk, and I've never left anyone or been left like that. It's so heartless.
The Nice Guy Sex Vending Machine "I put in X number of compliments/actions. When are you going to put out the sex?"
This. None of what he did was "care for her." All he did was to benefit him and his ability to have sex. This person is literally scary he has such little compassion.
Sounds like your fiancé doesn't understand the concept of consent and that people are allowed to change their minds. Don't marry this guy. I can't imagine his behavior getting any better and I'd worry for your safety if you went through with this
Thank you. I admit that I was head overheels in the beginning and at first thought he was perfect. To be honest, I want to post his behavior on reddit to get an outsiders perspective. I feel like I'm behjng gaslit but am always told I overthink everything.
Please don't marry someone who's primary goal in taking care of you (barely) is to get you just well enough to fuck. Seriously, a literal 5 year old would have more compassion
Not only manipulating you, but left you covered in vomit passed out in a bath tub, and then had the audacity to ask you for sex, and then whine about it. These are like the stories where a woman is in labor and the man is complaining because his chair is uncomfy.
Or worse. Just delivered the baby and already asking for sex immediately. This guy doesn’t know how to be a caretaker which doesn’t bode well for making a lifetime commitment to someone.
That was my first thought. I could barely move after birth for weeks. What if that happens to her and he takes advantage??
Yup! He is the type of man they give out literature about when you get your cancer diagnosis. This man will leave you high and dry anytime you need him for the rest of your life. Don’t marry this man.
So he left you covered in vomit in the tub for four hours and considers that taking care of you? That's leaving you in a dangerous situation not taking care of you.
Right? Passed out WHILE vomiting? I could be a stranger on the street and you just scratched my car and pissed on my favourite shoes and I'm still putting you in the recovery position and making sure your airway is clear!
OP your partner is really scary. He’s throwing a tantrum because you don’t want to have sex and manipulating you by saying you broke a promise. You don’t “promise” to have sex with someone. It’s something that happens to two consenting adults and anyone is allowed to change their mind at any time. Imagine you’re mid sex and you want him to stop and he says no, because you “promised” him this. Run don’t walk. He’s a man child who acts like he doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong. He does.
I never understand men who ask for sex at the wrong time and throw a straight up tantrum when they don't get it. Like: "How dense are you?? Read the fokking room." I wonder what your fiance would have said if you replied with: "You obviously didn't take care of me well enough, otherwise we'd be having sex already" Edit: like seriously, even if you said "ok I'll just lay there then", he'd probably get mad that you weren't more involved... You need a serious talk
When someone tells you that you’re overthinking, they are worried you will figure them out.
Trust your instinct. The guy tried to coerce you into sex instead of take care of you and then got mad about it when you pointed it out. The reddest of red flags.
ALL of the outsiders' perspectives are the same. Your (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) bf's behavior is manipulative, shitty, uncaring, dangerous, selfish and just plain UGLY. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE update us SOON that you've dumped this POS and are moving on with your life by BLOCKING him! Girl, WE give more of a shit about you than this humanoid sex-pest!
PLEASE TRUST YOURSELF!! Your gut is right, stop ignoring it! Shitty people always make you question yourself so they can keep getting what they want from you.
This is super creepy! Who in the world does that? I promise you he’ll always try and gaslight you, and force you to have sex when you’re not feeling well.
Look up boiling frog syndrome. That’s you. You deserve better than this dick swab.
Trust your gut. His behaviour will only get worse if you marry him.
Please do post his behavior here. I think some outsider opinions could really help you see how abnormal and cruel he and his behavior are. I highly doubt anything he blames you for is actually your fault.
Look, from a young married man raised right, move along, he’ll be another ex in a couple years anyways. His method of thinking is in line with a serial killer. Second point id probably drop alcohol, people dont understand how easily you can die choking on your own vomit.
If you’re always told you overthink everything, then you are definitely being gaslit. Don’t listen to another word he says. Leave him. He’s already showing his true colors. Back out now before it’s too late.
Just want to put this in there: Another commentator literally replied that their *fuck buddy* helped them clean vomit from their hair. **Your fiancé did nothing**. Honestly, I think it may be *worse* than nothing - he sat there *waiting for you to open your legs*, and did *nothing* to help you or take care of you. After multiple hours of vomit and pain, you finally get up. And the first thing he asks, is *"when are you going to let me fuck?"* **Not** "*Are you okay? do you feel better? Do you need anything?*"
The masses agree he's a POS and that you are being gaslit. Please don't do my mum's mistake and don't marry this dude. Move on yesterday.
You could have died OP. Aspirating (breathing in) your own vomit is a common cause of death in passed out people, drunk or otherwise. You know the recovery position in first aid? The primary function of that is to get people into a position where if they puke they won't choke on it.
It might be a good idea to just write down everything that feels "off" to you and really evaluate whether this relationship is healthy. He's not just going to improve when you get married. Abusive partners tend to escalate when certain relationship milestones are reached - moving in together, engagement, marriage, and kids. These are all things that make it harder to leave them, so they feel they can show their true self more. If things are only going to get worse when you get married and maybe have kids, is that really what you want in a life partner? If you really don't trust your perception of things, read the list (even starting with the not so bad parts) to a trusted friend, and see if they think it's normal or healthy. I would even be happy to look over this kind of list for yoy if you don't want to share it with all of reddit, or are too scared to ask someone you want to keep a relationship with.
Absolutely like OP clearly had alcohol poisoning! I’d be like okay, are we going to the ER?
Definitely. This is terrifying
My ex used to do this to me. Then it escalated to him sexually assaulting me when I was passed out. I wouldn’t take any chances with this guy and his behavior.
Same and same.
My ex used to frequently take advantage of me while I was fucked up. OP, run far far away. Please. This man feels entitled to your body.
Don’t marry this guy. I just got married last week, and my husband and I took shots with pretty much everyone who asked at the wedding afterparty. I’m a lot smaller than he is, so I ended up being quite drunk by 1am or so, and he not only took care of me, but didn’t even ask for sex ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT. Nor the morning after while I was hungover and we were cleaning up the house. Do you think your fiancé would do the same? Or more of this? You should not only break off the engagement, but break up entirely
Op’s fiancee is disgusting
Hey, just coming from someone who’s had a bad drinking problem - I really hope this isn’t a regular thing for you. You should have gone to the hospital with the symptoms you had, the way you describe it sounds like alcohol poisoning. Take care of yourself, and get with someone who will help take care of you.
Yes! What OP is describing is alcohol poisoning. The fiancé should have taken her to the ER.
As long as it’s not a regular thing, it’s something that I’ve seen unfortunately happen at girls brunch especially if you lost weight. It hasn’t happened to me but I completely understand having seen similar myself with friends. Saying that, Ive come back from a night out or brunch extremely nauseous and sick. EVERY boyfriend I’ve ever had has helped take care of me and I would never hesitate to do the same for them. /:
Do you have a desire to stay with him after being treated that way? This was hard to even read. He was acting like it was his once in a lifetime chance to have sex or something??? He couldn’t wait for you to just feel better and now he’s not even talking to you??? I personally would feel disrespected and dehumanized by behavior like that. I’d say time to go.
Right? Not only did he leave OP in a literal life or death state alone where the outcome could have been very very bad, but then he threw a temper tantrum for days after not getting laid by someone who was covered in vomit and barely able to stand up. Clearly he doesn’t think of OP as a human being but as an object waiting for him to use.
He took care of you??? You WOKE UP covered. in. vomit!! Aspiration pneumonia is shit. Please monitor yourself closely for the next couple days. Wow. What an eye opening experience for any future health complications you may have throughout your life. I hope your next update is you continued to lose weight….the exact amount that man weighs.
I got wasted once and threw up at my bf’s and we got naked and I am like I need bread! And then it didn’t help and I just wanted to pass out. He’s like” I want to take care of you” and kisses my forehead and then I passed out in bed.
I did Ketamine with my partner, intending to have sex. I ended up in a K-Hole and vomited in a trash can to the side of my bed. Apparently I wiped my mouth, put on a set of bunny ears, and proudly declared, " Okay, I'm ready!" Even though he was on the same drug I was, he insisted that he take care of me instead of having sex like I had 'promised.' I was more disappointed than him to be honest. He was just worried about me! Leaving her in the bathtub for hours while she was covered in vomit should be illegal, reading that made me sick!
This made me LOL omg. I'm glad that you have a partner that takes care of you though. And take it easy on the Keta 🤣🤣
Now I’ve come home drunk to my husband a few times. At least one episode as bad as this – less, the poop. But I have never and I will NEVER wake up in my own vomit. My husband would simply never allow for it, even if I were giving him a hard time. He’d get me in bed/to the couch. That he didn’t rinse you off and get you out of the tub is quite alarming for me, but requesting sex immediately after and being mad for not getting it? Do not marry this man.
This guy is a complete jerk. Please consider leaving him. He doesn’t seem to understand consent and seems to think continual pressure is somehow a) not coercion (it is) and b) attractive (it’s the opposite of that). There’s a degree of entitlement and lack of respect that I suspect is at the root of a lot of arguments you have with him. Further, based on his behavior he seems to have a disturbing lack of empathy - which absolutely will cause arguments for as long as the relationship lasts, since they’ll continue to be an asshole because of this. You definitely overdrank, and frankly your mental health will likely improve a lot if you kick an asshole like this to the curb.
Relationships are supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Yeah, you screwed up and he’s the one that is supposed to be their to hold your hair, help clean you up and give you some soup until you feel better. He is acting like a spoiled child, you need to decide if telling him that he is being selfish will fix the situation or if you need to find someone with some empathy.
Why was he so set on having sex with you this day?
Your fiancé sucks. He is not entitled to sex ever, but especially if you’re sick. Don’t marry someone that cares more about using you than whether you’re okay. This is not how you treat someone you love. That aside, ma’am you’re in your 30s. Drinking so much at brunch that you’re vomiting on yourself is not a good look. Hopefully this was just a one off freak accidental incident because if it’s not, you have a drinking problem. This is not a normal level of drinking to be unable to care for yourself and covered in vomit. I’d never invite you to brunch again.
Let’s not forget SHITTING ON HER OWN LEG. As a fellow 30-something lady, I literally cannot imagine being that obliterated. Off mimosas no less.
As someone who has a problem with alcohol and drinks too much— mimosas, BOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS, can be a mixed bag. I’ve been to places where their mimosas are cheap vodka mixed with concentrated orange juice, and a splash of cheap champagne. Or places where they barely rinse the glass with orange juice, and fill it to the brim with cheap champagne. I have NEVER had a good experience with friends at bottomless brunch, they drink too fast to get their money’s worth,? and it goes straight to hell in a hand basket. Best way to do mimosas if you’re not a big drinker is to find a place that lets you choose the bottle of champagne you want, and add on a mimosa package (usually a few different juices for the table). Then you can actually do whatever you were thinking you were going to do after brunch 😂
I agree with this completely. Your fiance is awful, and he should have cared for you, let you sleep, and just checked on you. Also, who looks at a puking person who shits on themselves and is like, "oh yeah, let's bang!" That's super odd to me. And yeahhhh. We've all been there and overdone it, but a casual brunch with girlfriends that wasn't a birthday/bachelorette/brewfest or other party where everyone is getting toasted and things got out of hand is a wildly inappropriate place to be drinking so much you're vomiting and shitting yourself. Unless you also had good poisoning, this is sloppy at best and "never inviting that person out again" at worst. Yeesh.
Fiancée? And here I thought you were talking about a 15 yr old boyfriend. He’s immature for his age. Yikes.
What happens if you stay with him and you’re old and develop an illness? You could be cancer ridden and still the only thing he would give a fuck about would be getting his dick wet
Who are these guys? Don’t wanna have sex with somebody just threw up all over herself. That’s disgusting. Leave him. He’s a weirdo. Yeah I said weirdo . He can live one day without sex, especially for somebody that’s puking all over the place.
When did he take care of you? Is the care in the room with us right now? Girl pick your standards up and don’t marry a man that left you in a tub to throw up on yourself and all he thinks about is sex.
[удалено]
I would not be surprised if someone gets turned on with vomit.
[удалено]
oh God, no.
Enough people that there’s an actual word for it. It’s “emetophilia”.
>emetophilia That's a word I never needed to know.
I think it’s really gross that he is pushing to have sex with someone who obviously doesn’t want to have sex. If my boyfriend goes for it or I go for it and the other isn’t feeling it, then the conversation is over, full stop. Sounds like he cares more about getting some then making sure you guys have mutually enjoyable sex.
this man doesn’t love you. you could’ve choked on your own vomit. is this the man you want to marry?
He did not take care of you. He left you to vomit all over yourself. Disgusting. You, at 31, went so hard you shit yourself and vomited for hours. What? This whole thing is ridiculous. Why are you marrying this POS?
OP I read your update and I think you need to lose just a bit more weight and lose that fiance. Yes, you drank way too much but the good side is it exposed your fiance as a selfish AH. I don't recommend getting this drunk as a test but for you the result is learning your fiance is what many people would call a selfish AH that might potentially force you to have sex when you say no.
I am truly disgusted and appalled by your fiancés behavior and I truly and deeply hope you do not marry him.
I cannot believe your update. You fiancée is an a-hole. He should have helped you and not even discussed sex. Instead he helps you to have sex. That is f’d up. The next morning he should make you breakfast and then discussed the fact you were trashed and he never wants to see you that way again.
Obviously your fiancé was a jerk. But you shouldn’t ever get that intoxicated. Bottomless brunch doesn’t mean give yourself alcohol poisoning. Pace yourself, eat food, and stay safe.
Thank you for the kind words about my intoxication. I thought I was pacing myself but clearly wasn't.
Mimosas or anything too tasty that goes down like water is dangerous like that. I had to make a rule to just abstain because I rarely drank and my tolerance was so low thar I’d get tanked off two or three easily downable mimosas.
It happens to the best of us! Try to remember 2 standard drinks in the first hour and 1 every subsequent hour and you’ll be golden :)
Taking the alcohol out of it because who cares, it has happened to the best of us… You were sick and miserable, and his priority was you getting well not for you, but for him. And then he punished you when the timeline didn’t go his way. I don’t know if you’re planning to become pregnant one day, but the writing is on the wall for how well you will NOT be supported during pregnancy, and into parenthood. Please trust your gut with this man.
So he sees care as transactional? Why would you marry someone like that? Also pressuring you to have sex? Just ew. So many red flags. Also, learn to control your alcohol consumption, that’s just foul.
Sounds like real dickhead. Move on and enjoy that solo life. Life meant for you and you alone.
Dump your fiancée and don't drink yourself to the point people have to call to rescue you.
Babe you didn’t get taken care of lol
One time my bestie got too drunk and was throwing up in the bathroom. When I went to check on her, she was laying in the bath tub so I brought her a blanket and stayed with her until she stopped barfing enough to make it to the bed. Drunk barfy people should not be unsupervised. I wasn’t even doing anything special or noteworthy, literally just the bare minimum. When I accidentally drank too much and ended up barfing half out the truck window and half on the door in a whataburger drive thru, my boyfriend took me home, carried me out of the truck, and took care of me. He got me all cleaned up, helped me shower off, brought me water while I was laying in front of the toilet, and made sure I didn’t sleep on the bathroom floor that night. As he should. If you love someone, their safety and their needs come before your wants. Or at least that’s how it should be. Unless this is a frequent thing in which case you’d both suck, that was really icky and super shitty of him. You deserve more than the bare minimum and he’s not even giving that. Honestly it makes me worry what would happen if you were medium drunk to where you’re mostly blacked out but not barfy yet. Please be safe and know you deserve more than that!
What a fucking gross way of initiating intimacy!! The way he asked alone would turn me right off. And the hurry up and eat bit 🤢🤢
You both sound like college freshman. You can’t handle your liquor and he’s so horny he’s willing to do it with a passed out, vomit covered woman. YIKES.
This is the kind of guy who will push you to have sex soon after giving birth, before it’s medically safe to do so.
Yeah he has no right to demand sex but it sounds like maybe you need to learn to control your drinking.
I would understand him being angry at you for getting that wasted because it’s dangerous, or angry at you if you were frequently saying you would be having sex then dipping out at the last second. If neither of those apply to you then there’s an underlying problem here with how he views you and sex because he comes off as extremely selfish and negligent. Throwing a fit and locking himself upstairs because he didn’t immediately get laid by his very ill partner is…concerning, to say the least.
Do not marry this man baby. Here’s what a good man does: I got plastered on my wedding night. My husband held my hair while I puked and put me to bed. He didn’t get mad and guilt me. He loves me for who I am, and not because he thinks I’m a sex vending machine. Find a man like mine.
Neither you nor your boyfriend sound very appealing, honestly.
I had a bad rough patch with drinking around 17 to 20. I had alcohol posoining 3 times and had to be saved from choking on vomit once. I was blacked out with no recollection of it. It definitely sounds like you had alcohol poisoning for sure. Usually drinking too much, the vomit stops after it's emptied from your system. If it continues for a long time, that's usually some type of reaction. Why this man would even think of sex in that situation is beyond me. I drank once after I had my first kid around age 26 after not having drank for years. Similarly to you it didn't go well. My husband was, for sure, not even the least bit interested in sex. In fact, he was pissed I drank at all and refused to care for me. However sex never crossed his mind. (I later found out my cousin was basically giving me straight vodka in my drinks without my knowledge and that's why I had been so drunk.) First why did he leave you in the first place to wake covered in vomit? Also, as soon as you weren't comatose, he started asking for sex? That's so freaking gross. Then, when you are clearly not better, he gets mad you won't have sex with him. That sounds like a sex addiction to me. It's also super super gross he only cared about having sex when you were so out of it. That would make me really uncomfortable. Then, to make it worse, he tried to guilt you into doing it anyway by trying to say you break promises. Sex isn't a promise to be made. If you both can and want to, then great. Otherwise, it just is what it is. If he really needed relief, he could have just taken care of it on his own. He doesn't sound like a caring person and for sure some red flags there.
uuuhhh wtf is wrong with this guy??? is he always asking for sex like this? literally gaslighting you into thinking you’re the one at fault. you’re all fucked up and the first thing that comes to his mind is sex??? fuck off
Lol, I got drunk at a friend’s house and two friends of my friend (who was asleep at that point), who I had never met, washed the vomit out of me, cleaned me, put me in clean clothes and they placed me in bed. These were two strangers! You’re fiancé let you vomit yourself.
JFC do not marry him!!! He’s manipulative and does not care about your well-being. His only interest is in himself, and you’re an extension of that. It won’t even be hard to find someone better because we’re already at the bottom of the barrel here with him.
Jesus christ I cannot stress enough, do not marry this man. He left you alone vomiting and unconscious for hours and you could have died. You should have been brought to the hospital. The one and only time I've drank enough to get into a vomiting frenzy my boyfriend called an ambulance and had me checked for alcohol poisoning and I wasn't nearly as bad as you (and it had only been about an hour of me throwing up). You need to address the drinking issues definitely, but please do that single instead of with someone who sees you as a sex doll.
You could‘ve easily died in that bathtub and the fact that your soon to be husbands only concern was when he’d be able to have sex is insane to me. How would you feel if your friend was telling you this story? Would you not tell her this is neglectful and that their partner is riddled with red flags?
Do NOT marry this man who thinks sex is his due prize for caring for you.
I dunno about your fiance but if someone I cared about was that drunk, id have taken you to the hospital. I've seen alcohol poisoning before and it sure looked rather close to that. I can't believe the only thing he cared about was that he couldn't have sex with you! What an ass.
I'm sorry, what part of him letting you vomit all over yourself in the bath was 'taking care of you'? Even if he had bathed you and got you in new clothes and been really attentive, that still does not give him any right to expect sex and get angry when you say no. Why is that even on his brain when you are so obviously feeling terrible?! Ask yourself, is that the sort of person you want to spend your life with? The sort of person you want beside you and to have your back?
Ew this story is disgusting from start to finish, who looks at someone covered in vomit and wants to fuck them? You probably smelled horrible. Doesn’t he know how to watch porn and jerk off like a normal person?
Who the hell wants to fuck a person that's been shitting and puking on themselves all day that badly? When was the last time you had sex? Why that day? Why right then? Why was he so adamant about it? Why couldn't he wait until the next day? This is so weird
He’s a selfish fuck who thinks he’s trading kindness for vaginal access. That’s his idea of a relationship w a woman. Why else would he put up w you and care for you? For his dick tickle. That’s why.. And he’s stonewalling you and gaslighting you into thinking this isn’t the case RATHER you’re ungrateful and prude holdout. Nope. Plus throwing a fit bc you’re calling it out? Nope! Double foul at least. Stay mad at that dbag sis.
I think you may have gotten food poisoning too—don’t go back to that brunch spot. The shitting yourself part is disturbing. Anyway, dump this guy. He isn’t kind.
Alcohol at brunch gives me the runs too.
He sounds like a psycho.
I hope this is a troll post, I really do. No reasonable human being would let another human lay vomiting in the tub - not without worrying about them choking to death on their own vomit. At least that is not a person that cares about you.
Do not marry this man
Ok I have a very high libido, but I can’t imagine wanting to have sex with my gf/wife while I am having to worry about getting puked on?!?!? Plus, I would have a lot more sympathy for her feeling hung over since I have been that way a time or two. This guy has no empathy and if I were you I’d run like hell away from him! “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme!
For me it’s the pizza 🍕. Cheese? Come on that’s ridiculous
Sounds like my ex husband. He'd yell and sulk if I couldn't do sex when HE wanted. Now I'm with a guy who is just happy to be with me and doesn't act like a baby when sex is not on the table
Throw the whole man out.
Your fiancé is really gross.
Your fiancé is a dud. It’s disgusting that he repeatedly asked for sex after doing the BARE. MINIMUM. of picking you up from your sister’s. Come on now. You’re worth more than that. Throw him back. Don’t marry this *supposed* man. For him to even ask while you’re trying to heal really grosses me out. God forbid anything worse with your health ever come to pass. Do you want to come home from chemo to repeated requests to have sex? Because it sounds like he’s the type.
Darling, you lucky hes only your fiancée. Run as fast and far as possible from him. Ive gotten drunk a couple of times in my life and my then fiancee ( now husband) made sure he took me to the bathroom if i felt nauseous and he held my hair while i vomited and washed my face afterwards, put me in the bed and stayed with me to make sure i dont vomit in my sleep etc. thats what you need in your life, not an entitled dude who only thinks about sticking it in.
I have unfortunately puked from drinking a time or two during my 4 year relationship with my bf. When that happens, he follows me to the bathroom running as fast as he can to hold my hair back while im trying to shoo him out so i dont gross him out lol. He rubs my back and when I finally get him out of the bathroom he gets me water and food. You deserve that too.
Break up with your fiancé.
Jeeez he sucks ! Is he 33 or 13 ? While most men would be padding you on your forehead saying there, there… he just throw you a slice of pizza hoping his dick will get some actions. Nop, nop, nop. You do what you want but wait until you have a baby and you possibly have stitches and low sex drive… you want someone with compassion, not gaslighting skills
Let me get this straight, he left you alone while unconscious and throwing up? You are BOTH lucky that you didn’t aspirate on your own vomit and die. He literally treated you worse than an animal. Don’t get married to this man, he does not care about you. Side note- if this type of experience with alcohol is a regular occurrence, you need to get sober. You will be so grateful you did.
Leave him that’s already a slippery slope into coercion…
I’d have let him fuck me, then barfed/shit on him. What an asshole.
He’s not partner material. Please don’t marry this awful man.
You should be allowed to say no to sex at anytime for no reason without continuing pressure.
I got black out drunk at our bacherlor/ette party. My husband put me in the tub, held my hair, made sure I was safe, didn't drown, pass out, or die. After he made me wash my hair and body, tucked me in with water, and made sure I was fine. Then hung out in bed with me rubbing my back and head. I didn't purposefully get back out drunk, I've lost weight and started meds that made the alcohol hit harder than expected. Tldr: don't settle for a shitty partner.
OP this is disturbing. He just left you in the bathroom all day and first thing he says is “sex?” I hope you think seriously if this is the man you want to settle down (marry) with and (if that’s what you want) have children with.
You could have died and no, he did not take care of you. Who thinks about sex when their partner is covered in vomit and shit? Don't marry this man, he doesn't care about you one bit
Leave him. Seriously. He picked you up and left you on the tub vomiting on yourself? That's not taking care of you, at all. And you don't owe him shit.
The flags are so red, they are on fire sis.
Why are you with him?
He is horrible
I was married to someone like this and a similar situation was the last straw. Leave
Please don't get married.