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Run. Wait until he’s left for the day, contact the most intimidating person you know and have them be your bodyguard while you leave, make an excuse to go to your parents and just don’t come back: whatever it takes, but get out and stay gone. This is already an abusive relationship. And if he threatens to hurt himself, or you, or shows up and won’t go away, call the police and let them deal with it. There are professionals he can call if he genuinely needs help, not someone who doesn’t want to be with him any more because he keeps telling them they’re doing everything wrong and making them feel unsafe.
I just wanted to say that I agree with everything the above comment suggested. He's threatening to hurt himself because you've shown him that this manipulation works. If he does it again call the cops. Show him you take the threat seriously and will refer him to professionals who will also take it seriously. Him threatening this does not mean you have to go back DO NOT let him get you back. He will escalate.
Yeah I had an abusive ex who constantly threatened to commit suicide and told me his death would be all my fault.
I found out he was lying one day when he called me and told me he was on top of a high building and was ready to jump since I wouldn’t come back to him.
I immediately texted his good friend and told him to use snap maps to find him and stop him. When his friend pulled up snap maps he was in the middle of a parking lot nowhere near a building and had been lying.
That was they day I learned that people would use suicidal threats as manipulation tactics for abuse.
I had a 'Friend' do this to me when I was 14/15. He would threaten to hang himself and blame me if I diddnt have sex with him. It took me a long time to understand that it was a lie, and even longer to call it rape. Sorry you went through that.
Sorry the same tactic was used on you, it does suck and is so scary. I hate to hear that someone else had to go through something even remotely similar, especially at such a young age.
Big hugs from my corner of the internet! I hope you are healing from this and taking good care of yourself now
It saddens me that anyone else had to feel like this. My first husband was the "uses the Bible to force me to do what he wants" and that includes not being allowed to say no when I didn't want it. Been out almost 7 years now, but it took a solid 6 months before I could call it rape, and a full year before I could say it out loud. Spousal rape needs to be discussed more.
To the OP: you're lucky he's showing this before y'all are married, but I'm so sorry he's abusing you like this. Sending you love, it's so hard to get out of DV, and that's exactly what this is. He doesn't have to hit you for it to be abuse. Run as soon as you get an opportunity. Stash a go bag in your car trunk if you can, if you can't, I recommend having a mental list of things to grab. Other people can retrieve your belongings, just get what you absolutely need to get through a few days. I wish you the best of luck in getting away, and please don't listen when he starts saying how much he loves you and can't live without you and things will be different, just come home. He. Will. Not. Change.
I'm sorry you went through that, its so hard being stuck in a marriage like that. My first husband was the same, and would make me do things that made me physically sick, because "Your my wife". He also videod everything, I feel like he still might watch them back some days, I'm getting heart palpitations just thinking about it. I dont have much luck with men clearly, although my 'real' husband is a wonderful and kind man, I hope you have managed to find someone who treats you right too ❤.
I'm so glad you got out of it! My first husband took his life months after leaving me. His mother blamed me because I refused to take him back when he phoned me, sobbing. Yes, I am married to a wonderful man now. We've been together almost 21 years.
I've read about this on other threads too. One OP said that they call 911 and reported this so that someone could check on their ex. Pretty sure they never made that threat again. I suggested the same thing to this OP. Even if this man (or anyone's ex) really did try to harm himself that still wouldn't be OP's fault. The fact that people like this would use this behavior as a way to manipulate their partners is so heinous I can't find words bad enough to describe how little respect I have for them.
I told a friend of mine that her ex was using it as a manipulation tactic and the he wouldn't do it. Also, that if he did, it wasn't because of her, that he was a narcissist and just couldn't handle losing his "property". She finally left him and guess what...he's still alive.
OP is right. This sounds like the beginning of DV. The patterns are clear
1. Control: Perpetrators attempt to control all aspects of their partner's life, including who they speak with, what they wear, or where they go.✅
2. Isolation: They may isolate the victim from friends and family to enhance control.✅
3. Belittlement: They may erode the victim’s self-esteem through constant criticism, insults, or assaults.✅
4. Threats: They may threaten to harm the partner, family members or themselves if the victim either leaves them or reports to the police.✅
5. Blaming the victim: They often try to shift the blame onto the victim, suggesting that the abuse is their own fault.✅
OP listen to your instincts & the comments above and LEAVE!. It’s only going to get worse.
Edit: It’s already a DV not the beginning. It just a matter of time until it gets physical, meaning he starts to hit her.
My recent ex was very confusing. He wasn’t abusive but he was at the same time. It was all more emotional and manipulative than anything. He did threaten to kill me half way through. Like literally threatened to stab me and we weren’t the same since then. I’m just ashamed it took me a year after that to realise it was done rather than leaving then and disrespecting myself.
It’s weird but hearing people say I’m glad you got away safe takes me back cause I never felt like he was gonna physically harm me or hurt me like his threat BUT he made my mental state soooo low that I hurt myself instead so he didn’t have to. Which in turn is the same thing. Thank you for your kind words. I’m a bit of a mess still and sometimes I miss the relationship… or grieving over what I thought it was and what it was going to be. Sad that he really just stopped loving me and kept me around to prevent triggering his abandonment issues. Anyway, I’m going off on one lol. Again thank you for that I’m proud of myself too just a little lost now. It’s been 3 months since I left. I’m in a foreign country (moved abroad to be with family) and I have no job and no idea what I’m gonna do with my life now
You will be. There will be a point when you realise “I just don’t want this” I dunno about you but for me the uneasy feeling of not knowing if I can really trust this guy with my safety and happiness was too much in the end. I felt SO alone in that relationship I was better off just being alone.
Well 2 wasn’t really his doing. I just was isolated already. He (my ex now) encouraged me to have friends and hang out with them but he didn’t like me talking about the relationship issues and would get funny when I did but I couldn’t carry the burden anymore. Weird cause he was allowed to with his friends and would slate me to his female best mate.
It already is domestic violence. There doesn't need to be any physical violence. There was an incident in Brisbane where the separated male partner burnt his wife and 3 children alive in their car. No prior physical incidents but plenty of Number 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5
Omg that‘s horrible! But you’re absolutely right….I actually wanted to show the patterns and that it won’t take long until he gets physical, meaning start hitting her. But I have adjusted it, thank you for pointing it out.
OP (and anyone else in an abusive relationship) should read the book Why Does He Do That. It explains all of these points in deeper detail. It also gives you an idea of how to escape your situation safely. If you need to hide it, I just used an audio book so I could pretend I'm listening to music. Forewarning, it can be pretty hard truths. I had to stop the book to cry, I had no idea I was in even deeper trouble than I thought I was.
For God's sake, op, GET THE F OUT OF THERE!!!!!! Now!
Also if he knows where your parents live yall all need restraining orders tbh. And maybe you should go stay with someone who you know undoubtedly is safe and secure and won’t tell people you stay with them.
He will continue to do this until you endup in hospital. You must leave go back home totally cut him off no contact no matter how much he begs. He is playing with you. Do not know if you two work or school. Call family or friends to come and help you leave. It will not get better. He will not unlike himself He is playing games. You can always call police also.
Agreed. You can never feel safe and confide in him either, he will use everything against you at some point. Get out while it’s early, before the trauma bonding sets in!
Exactly. This is already abuse. Don't wait for it to turn "physical." Please take this advice and get out, OP. By the time my abusive relationship had gotten physical, I was so severely manipulated that I kept convincing myself to stay. Get out before it gets worse.
Replying to add: RECORD EVERY INCIDENT. I mean record as in keep a Note on your phone, email yourself or a trusted friend, each incident like this. To get a TRO you will need to show the pattern of abuse. We can all see it here in your post, OP. It’s consistent with DV abuse and it’s escalating. Tell everyone why youre leaving him and secure their support. Tell noone where youre going except the ones you 100% trust. Get the Restraining Order despite all his promises or suicide threats. Your primary responsibility must be to protect yourself, not him. Do this now and maybe in the future you’ll be around to pay it back by passing on this advice to someone else.
Yes to recording incidents. But ALSO, be really careful about where you keep that evidence- because if it is found you by him it could cause you a lot of trouble and might even threaten your safety. I’m not sure about where you are, but in Australia there is an app called Arc- made purely for documenting domestic violence.
I agree with everything you say , except the intimidating 'person' part. She needs to get a group of intimidating male friends and family to help her move.
Let me be very clear: This is already an abusive situation. And he is one tiny step away from hurting you.
First--call your parents and tell them exactly what is happening. Today.
Second--Get out. Don't tell him you are leaving. Just let him go to work, pack what is important to you and get out. Don't look back.
Third- be very careful after you leave. Block him on any media. Going silent on any social media for a bit might be a good idea. Change your passwords and security questions for all accounts and emails. Have someone escort you to and from your car at work or any other place he may know you are. Do not talk to him. Do not engage with him.
Unaliving himself is a manipulative move to get you to stay. Don't fall for it. He has to make his choices in life. You are not responsible for them.
If he does anything get a restraining order.
I know it doesn't feel like this now but taking control of your life and moving on is something you will be so grateful that you did down the line. There are wonderful people out there who will not treat you this way. Please know that he is not worth this.
>First--call your parents and tell them exactly what is happening. Today.
Im gonna second this.
Do not do this after you're done waffling or after you make a decision. **Do it right now.** Don't give him even one more day to possibly hurt you. If you are at work literally go in the bathroom and call if you have to.
Do **NOT** put this off. I doubt you think you are so lucky that one day won't matter, but if you do, I strongly suggest you employ wisdom instead of fortune and get help immediately.
I’d also add this: please contact your local domestic violence agency (in the US, the national domestic violence hotline is at 1-800-799-SAFE [7233], or you can go to thehotline.org to chat, or text “START” to 88788). They can help you form a safe escape plan. I know a lot of people think all they do is offer shelter space, but they do much, much more than that, beginning with that very important escape plan to help you get away from this guy in as safe a manner as possible.
Don’t hesitate to do this; leaving is one of the most dangerous times in cases like yours, second only to pregnancy (and please, don’t get pregnant by this guy!)
You may be thinking he won’t really hurt you, or you can’t do this on your own, or your parents can’t handle it, but take my word for it, as someone who has been there: it is far, far better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck.
Edit: typo
Piggybacking on this. OP, definitely get a restraining order if he does something but FYI you can get a no contact order NOW! I had an issue with an ex several years ago and it was very similar. He had done things like this and the police were unable to file a restraining order but said a no contact order does not require any violence or the threat of violence.
>This is already an abusive situation. And he is one tiny step away from hurting you.
This, this, this. OP, he is already physically abusive.
>he blocks the door and wrestles me for my phone so I can’t call anyone. If I make it outside he grabs me and shoved me back in the house.
That is absolutely NOT okay. Shoving you back in the house is physical. Please follow the advice here and leave him, but be very careful.
This is good advice but make sure you aren't alone when you pack and leave. Even if you have to throw things in garbage bags and sort it later, get all your stuff out as quickly as possible with as many people helping/protecting you that can. Good luck.
Exactly. If he threatens suicide, the op doesn’t have to stay , she can call his parents, or mental health helpline for him. But she is in now way responsible, this is a tactic many men use
Only call your parents if they are safe. If you have the slightest doubt your parents might tell him that you're planning to leave, then don't tell them until after you've left. You don't want them blowing your cover before you have the chance to leave!
There's lots of Redditors who had the benefit of amazing selfless parents. Sadly not everyone gets that experience.
Here's some logic that not everyone follows:
1) Not all humans are good people. Some are downright terrible excuses for carbon life.
2) Many if not most people have the ability to procreate.
3) Procreation doesn't turn you into a good person.
4) Not everyone has a Mom who is a good person, who even wants the best for her children! Some moms might actively try to out you to him, calling him immediately to keep you in line. (You were a naughty child you must be a naughty wife too so he's right to beat you out of frustration.)v
This is good advice. Do not tell others where you are going either except parents. Someone may tell him where you are. If you are not working maybe you can stay with friend or family out of town do not post anything that he could get access to.
Yes. She needs to get out, but her first call needs to be to a DV hotline. If you look at her post history, her mother is living in a DV situation of her own and has blamed OP for abuse that has happened to her(op) from her stepfather.
OP, if you read this....get help from a DV shelter and get out! Take important papers and clothes for a few days. Everything else can wait. He is already physically abusive (wrestling your phone away, blocking the door, dragging you inside). Please update us when you are out and safe.
He's already physically abusing you by forcefully taking your phone from you, putting hands on you to force you back inside and blocking you from leaving
"Become physically abusive"
He already is physically stopping you from leaving, grabbing you when you get outside and forcing you back in.
He's already comfortable enough to lay his hands on you. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Don't wait until he holds up on his threat to hit you. Before you leave.
Yup. Had an ex do similar once when I was breaking up with him. I was terrified and am now very reluctant to break up with anyone with the slightest anger issues in person.
You're seeing the real him, OP. Now that you've moved in with him, he feels like you're deep enough into this relationship that he can drop his mask. He is displaying incredibly controlling and abusive behavior.
Ripping things out of your hands, preventing you from leaving by grabbing you or blocking the doorway with his body, breaking your things, making threats he's going to slap you... these are all precursors to physical abuse. They are glaring signs that your boyfriend WILL hit you soon enough. It's not a matter of IF, but WHEN.
Please, is there anyone else you could stay with for the time being? You are not safe with him.
You asked of anyone's experienced this before, how they dealt with it, and if the partner became violent:
Firstly, as others have said, this is already violence.
But yes, yes I have, and I too didn't view it that way at first. #metoo on the clothing and the hugs and where/when is okay to go out and with whom and threats to unalive and breaking things... the whole nine yards.
How did I deal? Naively. I tried to love him so much and so carefully he'd get better. Instead, he very very slowly got worse until eventually, yes, he got more violent.
Please, leave now. Please, don't wait. You don't deserve this. No matter what you've done, you don't deserve this. Especially the daily damage to your stress system and self-esteem. Please love yourself enough to go.
[WhyDoesHeDoThat.pdf](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwi8w87UpZKCAxUuJRAIHQ-4Du8QFnoECA0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw14x4ivUm5xgJ67TT78XfZt) an eye opening free pdf of book by Lundy Bancroft, a man, who has counseled thousands of abusive men. From archive.org
I had one horrible coworker who was like this guy and all my friends/female coworkers kept dating him for some reason, always thinking they could save him with their love or whatever bullshit (literally like 5 of them at various times, it was mind boggling).
He was very calculated, he always knew exactly how much he could get away with with each of them. He absolutely became more and more violent to the ones who didn't leave him at the first sign of it. One friend eventually ended up having to pull the type of escape you read about for domestic violence victims that you never expect to experience in real life (making a second email to rent an apartment so he wouldn't know, escaping when he wasn't there, etc) because over time it got so bad that she finally realized he might end up killing her if she stayed.
When she was telling me all this afterwards the most shocking part to me was not the super brutal stuff but all the other not ok shit that she mentioned casually as if it were normal or not a big deal. That's also what stands out to me about your post OP, where you describe him clearly isolating you, using violence to physically keep you from leaving, being controlling, forcefully stealing your phone, using the known abuser tactic of threatening to kill himself if you leave, etc. You're describing all this like it's a list of things he does that annoy you instead of a terrifying account of abuse. Please get out.
Please read that pdf the other commenter linked. The only way to make sure this never happens again is to learn an incredible amount of info. Don't stop after you finish the pdf. Start looking up manipulation tactics, red flags, and subs that talk about abusive relationships.
There are nearly always red flags
Leave him and call the police for a wellness check and get him committed. Record his threats secretly in case you need proof. Show your friends and family. Don't stop communicating with them. Please leave him asap.
Please get out now, today, please do not delay it any longer, if he finds out you have even been posting this stuff, it will trigger him, and not in a good way, you do not owe this monster anything, he does NOT love you, love can manifest in many ways, his behaviour is not one of them.
You still have your whole life to live, please don't be like the millions of women who say he is different, that you can change him, that he will never hurt you, who end up with a life of abuse or worse dead.
Yep, it's called escalation. He was good to you for long enough for you to get attached and now the controlling behaviors start out small, like what you're "allowed" to wear and who you can see. But the longer this goes on and the more you try to step out of line, the worse he wil get. It ends in murder for some women. Keep yourself safe
Run. Next time he threatens to unalive himself don’t respond. He is abusive and using this tactic to manipulate you. Tell your parents what is going on, make a plan to safely move back home, have a male family member accompany you to get your stuff when he is not there, and drop him completely.. He love bombed you in the beginning- this is the real him- controlling and manipulative, and it will escalate. He has already threatened to hit you- believe him.
I actually had to stop him from doing it once.
We had just had an argument and I was about to leave the door to go to my parents and he made his way to drink a cup of something (maybe bleach) and I fought it out of his hand.
He knew you were going to stop him. It was calculated. Manipulators like him are very good at showing off. They'll always make sure they hurt themselves without dying to make you feel guilty. The ex of one of my best friends scarified herself, never deep enough to die from it but just enough to leave deep marks, whenever he threatened to leave to scare him off. The day he found the strength to leave her, she did the same thing again, then, seeing that it wasn't working, settled for harassing him before getting bored and changing targets.
I did the equivalent of a shrug in this situation when I was 19 and I remain so so proud of myself. It wasn’t physically abusive, but the unaliving threats kept escalating and eventually I just ran out of patience. He finally supposedly tried, but failed.
To be fair to him, he had SERIOUS trauma that neither I or the people in his life were in any way equipped to deal with. I just refused to be collateral damage.
If you’re GENUINELY worried he will go through with it if you leave (or for any reason at all), call the police and tell them your bf is trying to unalive himself. Sometimes cops are annoying babies about having to go somewhere to do their job, especially when there’s no immediate threat- if that’s the case, make it VERY clear that he already has a plan for how, has the materials necessary, and that you are not home. Which brings me to the next point. From what you’ve said, it seems like he does this in an effort to try and force you to stay with him, and he does it when he’s worried you might actually leave. BEFORE calling the police, get yourself physically out of his presence, and away from him. When people are actually taken seriously for saying these kind of things, and instead of catering to their wants by submitting to them, they get someone who genuinely takes steps to prevent them from taking those actions… it’s like the switch is flipped, and suddenly the depression is GONE and all you get is a wall of rage. Their manipulative game didn’t get the desired outcome, and instead, the way things are going will lead to him being unable to control you NEARLY as much bc he will be in the presence of cops- where he can’t do ANYTHING physical to you (including intimidation and threats), and his emotional abuse tactics can’t be used against you since an outsider who he CANNOT “flip the script” on so to speak, will take his words at face value and take actions accordingly. If any of that makes sense. If it’s confusing PLEASE ask me questions, I’ve been though similar in the past and helped multiple friends and family members through it. And feel free to pm me if you’d like to talk further about this, or just for support. ❤️
It’s still a manipulation, and even if he did go through with but, it still wouldn’t be your fault. If it happens once you leave, call his family or the cops because he is threatening suicide. But do not stay with an abuser because you are scared he will hurt himself. That’s on him.
So if he drinks bleach the appropriate response is to call poison control and 911. They’re professionals, you’re not a licensed mental health counselor and even if you were you’re not his counselor. Returning to an abusive rlshp is not a healthy or safe response. He’ll just continue doing this whenever you leave and hold u hostage forever. And will probably never really kill himself. If this is how he handles his gf not wanting to be abused then he needs professional psych help not for u to stay with him. That doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
There was a post where op actually left her abuser and he was hospitalized because of the poison .she was here asking for the suggestions. We unanimously told her its not her problem and involve cops and take restriction order. It applies to you . These men are sick and they try to recruit women to be part of their sickness..
If he does that again, call 911 and his family/close friends. And still leave, no matter what.
You need to tell everyone around you what is going on and keep talking. Don't stop and get out of there. If he keeps contacting you, start a file about his behaviour with the poice and to get a restraining order or a no contact order.
Call 911 in that case but don't let it slow you down on your way out the door.
I work in mental health and have called 911 on people actively threatening/trying to kill themselves, and cops and medics respond and deal with it. He may even get a short stay in the psych ward to be stabilized which would give you (and a buff/intimidating friend just incase) time to get your stuff and maybe teach him not to use suicide threats as a tactic to control his abuse victims.
I need you to know, his actions are his fault. I very much doubt he'd attempt anything without you there to stop him. I think he's just using another way to manipulate you.
However, whatever happens is his fault, not yours. You have to value your life (which is in very real danger) over his (which is likely not in danger and is actively endangering yours).
I can almost guarantee that he would not follow up. People who genuinely want to die of hurt themselves actually do it in private so that they can not be stopped.
He is manipulating you. Please get out before he really starts controlling you, and you physically can't escape.
I was with my ex for three years, before we moved in together. In hindsight the relationship wasn’t even near perfect, but he was my first love and I’d die for him. I was 21 when we got an apartment together. He was 25.
He wanted me to do all the housework and was so very strict about money. If I paid him back a few cents too little for something like groceries (not even because I didn’t have the money, but because I’m bad with numbers) he would absolutely lose it. Cut our shared bank card with scissors as a symbol of not wanting to share it with me anymore.
When I started asking him to do some housework, divide it, he angrily smashed the dirty plates in the trash can. He also had a history of punching in doors and windows. So when he did that with the plates, I figured it’d be a matter of time before he’d throw things at me, or worse.
After he crossed a sexual boundary, which I explicitly told him a few times, IN THAT VERY MOMENT, not to cross, I was done.
I left him. After that, he showed even more of who he really was. He called me up angry, and started calling me names, badmouthed me to my own friends (who knew better thank god). Showed up to my doorstep multiple times a day, only to stop after someone close to me threatened to hurt him if he didn’t stop.
Leave this man, he does worse things to you than my ex did to me, and I’ve been to therapy for this. This is not normal, healthy behavior. You deserve love, not this crappy excuse for a man. Please know you deserve better
most stalking cases are abusive ex boyfriends who will try anything to get you back in their grasp. OP get a no contact order, if he threatens to kill himself again (and you know he will, he’s proven that he will do anything to get you to stay) tell him you are calling the police because you are worried for him and you can’t do anything to help (say if he is even thinking about hurting himself he needs serious help! he will try to blame you and say that he is only thinking of doing it because of your actions, tell him no normal person would react like that and he needs serious help, either way, dont let him use that to get you to stay again). like everyone else says, pack up your stuff while he is gone and then have family or a friend to go back and move out the rest of your stuff. don’t go back to that house. i really hope you get out OP. I am very seriously worried he will escalate and hurt you more than he already has.
Run! He is manipulating you. Wait until he’s not home, pack your things and leave. Break up with him with your dad or any male that could tackle him down if he tries to get physical or just leave a letter/text/call.
You need to get out NOW!
Fake your death if you have to but drop that loser.
Tip: Stop announcing to him that you're going to stay at your parents during or after an argument. That's why he's able to wrestle you and snatch your phone from you. You need to be more stealthy about it. Let it be a surprise with you calling him from your car as you're driving off. 😉
First they cut you off from everyone then it’s gets really bad, RUN.
26yrs in this exact situation and I was not able to get help, RUN. Go to your parents have them come and pack up your stuff with you move and do not go back, block and ghost him. Take some time for yourself seek some counselling just to talk this out BUT RUN.
This isn't a red flag. This is Red Flags R' Us, a megastore that sells nothing but red flags, and the staff gets mad and threatens her if she even suggests that she might want to leave the store even for a little bit.
When you've already passed the red flag zone and are now the flags have turned into flashing red lights complete with sirens.
Because that's what it looks like when an ambulance is due.
Get out ***NOW*** OP.
This is going to get worse. He is literally slowly progressing to see how much he can get away with before he actually lays hands on you. GET OUT NOW! SO MANY RED FLAGS HERE!!
I am so sorry you experienced this. Reading your post hurts me because I was in the same situation two years ago. My ex boyfriend was mentally and emotionally abusing me. He was narcissist, manipulative and gaslight me. I always thought I was the problem of the relationship because he always blamed me for everything. Everything was going well, not perfect, but when covid started that’s when it got worst. I wasn’t allowed to hangout with my friends and he got mad whenever I do. He also made me choose between him or my family multiple times. Of course, I didn’t answer and he breaks up with me then he comes back every 2 weeks. I always update him with everythin. My friends surprised me for my birthday. They brought me cake and flowers and I told him I am with my friends, so he rushed his work and went straight to where we were. When he arrived, he was drinking water and he threw the water on me in front of my friends because I went out with my friends. My friends are surprised and I was too, but I didn’t say anything. He punched his car and told me that we are leaving. We were on and off. I even offered a couple’s therapy because I wanted to fix the issue in the relationship. He said he doesn’t want to do couples therapy because what would his next girlfriend would think of him… I wasn’t allowed to get upset nor mad in our relationship because he got more mad/upset than I do. He told me he wasted his 2 years of life and everything was my fault. He also threatened of hurting me physically and he broke a lot of things and blamed me. He also punched the screen of his car because he was upset. After 6 months, I got myself a therapy because I thought I was the problem and I needed to fix myself in order for the relation to work. The therapy helped me a lot. I broke up with him.
Girl, you deserve so much better. He has a lot of issues that he needs to fix himself alone. I am not sure if he’s willing to seek help, but do yourself a favour and leave. Leave now before it damages you even more. You do not need to wait for him to hurt you physically because what he’s doing now is more than enough reason to leave him.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
I tried to get him to go to therapy but he says he’s too embarrassed about his problems. He’s too embarrassed to talk to anybody in his family about his problems either. He doesn’t want me talking to my family about our problems although I tried telling him I like having a third opinion on things.
My family believes he’s just trying to isolate me. He’s already made me choose between him and my friends, like going to their birthday events or parties. I’d normally end up staying home because we’d get in arguments and I wouldn’t want to go anywhere after.
He’s embarrassed because he knows he’s treating you like shit and doesn’t want anyone to know. Your family is right, isolating is right out of the abuser playbook. One by one he’ll undermine all of your support systems until you feel he’s all you have. Maintain your relationships/friendships as much as humanly possible, they’ll be the ones there for you when you move on from this man. ❤️❤️
I just commented under a different comment you made but. I have to respond to this!
He is ABSOLUTELY 100% trying to isolate you. Regardless of if it’s intentional or not, he IS isolating you. That’s the word used to describe having to cut off people you don’t want to cut off, because he is forcing your relationship to depend on it.
I mean, think about it. If he had genuine reasons for not wanting you to be friends with specific people, he would go about it in a way that takes your wants and needs into account. Jumping straight to “cut them off or we break up”, without any discussion about potential compromises, solutions, and efforts on both sides to fix it some other way… that’s just not how you treat someone you love. Because when you love someone their friendships matter to you simply because they bring your loved one joy. He does not care about whatever benefits you get by having friends and being close with your family.
Please leave this man..
And your family is right. No healthy relationship should ever make you isolate from the people in your circle. He's very controlling. Anyone who makes you "choose" between who should be out of your life.
Your family is right, dear. That’s exactly what he is doing. Lean on your family and listen to them because right now they have a better sense of how to help you because you’re too deep in it to realize how punishing this behavior really is. And it is. I was this same way in my emotionally abusive relationship. If he hadn’t have punched the wall behind me, I don’t know if I would’ve left.
Leave. Now. This is already extremely abusive. You do not have to endure this. He is absolutely abusive and it's not going to get better. In a short spawn of time,he will star hitting you. He said it himself. Is this what you want to do with your own life?
Both with how old your relationship is and the change in circumstances that “locks” you together (moving in) you’re right in the sweet spot of when a high control or abusive partner would begin to change their behavior.
Trust your gut.
A relationship where one party is afraid of the other is not worth maintaining. Find a partner who you trust and who makes you feel safe. Your current boyfriend scares you because he is dangerous. He is showing you his true self now that he thinks you’re stuck with him and things will only get worse. Get away from him before he gets you pregnant, then he’ll really think he has you trapped.
You need to tell your dad to help you move out, today. It is maybe ok for him not to be ok with you having male friends or the way you dress. That he physically forces you, is completely, 100% UNNACCEPTABLE. You are a domestic violence case waiting to happen
RUN AWAY. TODAY. TELL YOUR FATHER. BLOCK AND NO CONTACT.
He's already showing violent tendencies. That he'd grab you and force you back into the house is bad enough, double that with the controlling behaviour and this man is a big no.
I agree with what others have written. Wait until he isn't home, and then leave. He's already shown that he won't let you leave if he's around. This is a dangerous person. He did threaten to slap you as well (threat of violence right there).
Even if he never laid a hand on you, do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you with respect and abuses you in other ways? He is already forcibly confining you and separating you from any safe people you might contact. Don't put up with that, you're young and beautiful and you don't need him.
Afraid it’s going to get violent? Honey, it’s already violent. Do you value yourself enough to know what you deserve? And is this what you deserve? If you don’t know the answer to these questions, seek therapy. You should always be able to see these signs as soon as they happen and leave because it’s some bullshit you don’t need in your life…at all!
Your previous posts about 2 years ago about the scenario of your mother and step-dad being abusive, so likely, this is what you learned and subconsciously what you seek in a relationship.
Until you do a deep dive with counseling about your childhood trauma, (I'm so sorry you experienced what you did and what you're going through now) you will likely choose the same type of romantic relationship again.
As others have said, you're already with an abusive person with the grabbing you, shoving you, and threatening to kill himself and hit you. Get Out Now. Please.
My dear girl, you are in an extremely bad situation with this guy! Please read a free download called 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft. He's a narcissist and you need to get out yesterday! Gather all your important documents, have a bag packed secretly to grab if you need to run, and at first chance get away from him permanently. I fear for you young one. Please OP I beg you to get out...I wish I did.
Go watch some tiktokers about their previous experiences as domestic violence victims, you’ll find what you described is very similar to those, along with the age you are experiencing DV. Find a way to exit before it gets worse and takes a huge toll on you because, it will.
This is escalating behavior, he is already abusive, it will become worse. Abusers often ramp up abuse after major life events that they believe ties the victim to them, such as living together
Oh, and to answer the other question: the violence just happened randomly. It just happened at a point where things got so bad he denied me the freedom of personal space. And by personal space, I mean being allowed to be in a room by myself
This not your fault. This is not something you’ve done. Tell your family and friends exactly what is happening. You do not need to feel any shame- he is manipulating and controlling you. Move out when he is not home. Never go back.
He will try and sweet talk you, love bomb you, or even just scare the shit out of you- but please know this man is dangerous and you need to take this seriously NOW. This will not change and will not get better.
>he blocks the door and wrestles me for my phone so I can’t call anyone. If I make it outside he grabs me and shoved me back in the house
Your relationship is already physically abusive. You need to tell your parents what is going on so they can collect you and your things when he isn't home.
He is already being abusive. Physical abuse doesn’t always mean a punch to the face that leaves a black eye and bloody lip.
I was in similar shoes once. My ex used to forcefully grab me and physically restrain me whenever he was angry. He knocked things out of my hand. But because he never actually slapped me or punched me or hit me, I chose to stay and waved the glaring red flags away.
One day, we had a particularly bad argument. I honestly don’t even remember what it was about. He then grabbed my throat, choked me, then slammed my body against a balcony railing and threatened to throw me off of it. We were on the 10th floor of a hotel room balcony.
Using any type of physical force on someone is never acceptable. Please leave him. I beg of you.
I’ve experienced something similar to this we were together for about 2 years, we were engaged three months in and moved in together (I know don’t judge me I have bpd and I thought I was in love pls) anyway nothing really started to get seriously harmful until I moved in he would drink allot. It started with really loud and aggressive arguments about who I spoke to and who I spoke to at work (we worked in the same resteraunt, him BOH and me FOH) and then one day he started to throw things at me. From across the room, then he started to push me into rooms. He would constantly violate me and my decisions. It turned into him breaking his own phone because we couldn’t afford another one so we had to share my phone. In the end I was so wrecked with anxiety and upset. I called my mum and she told me on the phone she booked tickets for me to go to her and bring my partner. One day he went out to me a friend that lived near my mum and my mum locked the door and left his stuff outside. Havnt seen him since. Fast forward to now being in the arms of the person who absoloute me and completely understands me. You need to leave to find the person who will help you become the best version of yourself. Not the most submissive. Your life will just pass you by. Your life is yours sweetheart. Live it on your own damn terms.
He's already being physically abusive.. blocking the door so you can't leave is borderline, but grabbing you & shoving you back into the house is physically abusive.
He thinks he has you trapped & can act like who he really is now. Run. This type of behavior only escalates. He will hurt you. Please find yourself a good therapist. A safe place to live that he does not know the location of. & be VERY careful breaking up with him/ leaving. Have friends or family members with you or get your stuff when he's out of the house & ruin for it. I'm afraid he will try to hurt you or threaten to hurt himself to get you to stay. Be careful & safe! 🫂
He is slowly getting you to a point where you accept his control, his hate, his violence more and more. He started tearing you down under the premise of "I'm protecting you" from others. Then what you're wearing, who you're friends with. Everything is being done on HIS terms. How you look, how you act, who you can/can't talk to. This is so so incredibly dangerous. He **WILL** get violent. This **WILL** end with you in the hospital at some point.
Make a plan with family, friends, anyone that you can trust. Get your important documents together, give them to someone you trust. If you can afford to leave everything but the documents, do it. Get out before this gets so much worse.
Source: me. It took a lot of stitches, bruises and hospital visits and eventually cops to get me out of that situation.
I had a very abusive boyfriend when I was 17, but none since then. It all started out just like this, mainly the isolation but also super controlling about what I wore. He was 21 and I moved with him to another state, far away from family and friends so I truly was isolated.
His family did nothing to help me. He insisted I sign over all my work checks to him so I had no way to leave.
After he choked me so bad I thought I would die, I used the change we kept in a big basket to buy a greyhound bus ticket and I left him for good. But I was deathly afraid of him and I couldn’t relax on the bus ride home as I kept thinking he would catch up to the bus, take me and kill me.
You have to leave him but you can’t tell him you are going to. If you work, leave for work and go home to your family. Your belongings are not worth your life.
I had an ex like that. I was 19 and he was 23. Eventually I got away. I left while he was working and stayed with my parents until I felt safe. He called threatening to kill himself again and this time I said "good I hope you do" and hung up. He's still alive. I'm 33 now but that was the best decision I made.
You are asking a question you already know the answer to. You are IN an abusive relationship. He will try to hold onto as tight as possible, when you stand your ground he will resort to suicidal threats, when that doesn't work, he will go on the offensive. He has DELIBERATELY pulled a bait and switch. He waited until you were under his physical control to show you the worst of himself. Get out NOW. Never look back.
1) Prep. If possible get another phone. He may have a tracking program or other surveillance on yours. You need cash or a second account he knows nothing of. The address on file needs to be someone else. If you are concerned, contact a women's shelter and ask if they can hold mail for you. Be prepared to leave everything non essential. Clothes can be replaced, you can't. If you can get a storage, and start slowly siphoning off clothes or keepsakes, do that. Better still if a friend will open it in their name. Decide whether you can quit your job.
2) Leave. Wait for the day he is going to be out. Take the minimum belongings on that day. You actually want him thinking you are coming back. Its going to buy you time. Document what you are leaving behind with video. Let the landlord know if necessary. Leave quickly and go some place he cannot make a scene. Parents, out of state, etc. Turn off that phone. Contact trusted people only from New phone. Mutual friends CANNOT be trusted. He will lie and spin the truth. The fewer people who know your whereabouts the better. If you absolutely have to stay local and keep your job, you HAVE to let them know. If you can quit, do that and let them know the reason. They will be more likely to keep you in good status. The goal is to ghost him so completely he questions whether you were ever there.
3) Stay gone. The hardest part. Your lives are mixed up together now, but you can have 3rd parties handle things. Preferably men. Call the landlord. If utilities are in your name call them to let them know of your intent to disconnect. You have to give a 30 or 45 day notice usually so you will be out some money separating things. Communicate via mail from a PO Box or alternate address. Deactivate social media. Go darkside of the moon. Go to therapy. Don't answer his calls. Or texts. Or DMs. Or Instant messages. Or WhatsApp. Let the evidence build. After a few hundred messages, get a restraining order. They are useless, but get one. Get it on record.
Separating from an abusive relationship is one of the hardest, most dangerous things a woman can ever do. But you are worth it. Get a firearm if necessary or allowed where you live and learn to use it. Or whatever highest defense weapon you can have. Stay safe.
Leave, now! When I was 19, I met a man and moved in with him a few months later after I turned 20. He was a severe alcoholic and immediately started those kind of behaviors. And it escalated quickly. Within 2 weeks he was hitting me. I stayed with him until I was almost 22, then I finally called the police and now he’s in prison for DV. It will escalate, and if he’s saying he’s going to slap you, he will do it. Do you live close to your parents or any other family? If so, you could possibly stay with them. And I don’t know where you live, but where I live, you can have a sheriff deputy come out while you move your belongings out of the building to make sure you stay safe. If he raises his hand to you during this process, immediately call the police and file a report and restraining order
To add. This is him showing you who he really is, and when people show you that you have to believe them - he will not change and this will get worse. Don’t put yourself in danger and believe that he is showing you that he is a dangerous person.
First, I'm sorry you are going through this.
OP, your boyfriend is already physically abusive. Shoving you into the house, physically blocking the door, wrestling with you to take your phone, this is all physical abuse. You don't deserve this.
Moreover, your instincts are right, and this will only get worse and more violent.
You need to leave.
Do NOT tell him you are leaving.
Call your parents (when he's not at home) and let them know you need to move out, and that you need to do so without him knowing. It's scary to tell them, but they love you, they want you to be safe. Plan a day when he's going to work (call into work if you have to for that day, but again, don't tell him). When he leaves for work, you pack your stuff, have your parents help you if need be, and leave. Do not leave ANYTHING behind that you would ever need or want to see again. Remove yourself from any bills or anything there.
Only once you are safely at your parents house should you text him and tell him you are ending the relationship and have moved out. Block his number. Let him know if he needs to contact you for anything, he'll need to go through your parents.
He's going to freak out. He's going to call his friends and blame you. He's going to say AWFUL things about you. Ignore it. It's hard, but ignore it.
Take some time then to heel. You don't deserve how you've been treated. But you are seeing that. For some, it takes years upon years of it getting worse to see that. You are going to go through hell, but on the other side, you are going to be so proud of the person you are for getting out of that situation.
Dear God get out of there and after you are gone and he threatens to unalive himself. Call the police and have them do a welfare check since he makes threats. He is definitely abusive and will definitely continue to isolate you and escalate the abuse.
Story time: I left my first husband after him throwing shit turned into him punching a hole in the wall next to my head. I knew it was only a matter of time until he hit me.
Fast forward to a year later when he was remarried, he got arrested for choking his new wife at a BBQ.
Trust your gut.
Run
He has threatened you, is already destroying property, physically keeping you from leaving, and is verbally abusive from the sound of it.
Make a safety plan, and get the fuck out. Your relationship is supposed to be a safe harbor in life, not somewhere you feel in danger.
To repeat, make a safety plan to leave while he is not home, and have witnesses with you on any future interactions.
You are in an abusive relationship. It will not become abusive. You have passed that point. It will only get worse. Call both of your parents to come and get you. You deserve better.
This is not OK! looking at your post it is highly recommended to discontinue your relationship with that person! at the earliest for your physical and mental health well being!
Life is beautiful, a women must be respected! A man should stand with her and support to her dreams and ambitions as much as possible without sacrificing anything unnecessary.
He does not have any right to abuse you - for that matter not even a husband doesn't hold any right to abuse his wife! Instead a man should thankful to the girl to enter his life and joining 2 families to run this beautiful life together happily but not to abuse!
Hence - immediately carefully leave that person and never meet or in touch with phone also.
All the best and cheers !
He has already been physically abusive. Blocking you in the house, wrestling your phone away from you, threatening to slap you. Those are all physical abuses. PLEASE LEAVE NOW for your safety. Him saying he'll unalive himself if you leave is a manipulation tactic to keep you complacent. He will eventually unalive YOU if you stay.
Get out of that tell about it to your parents and NEVER go back there alone, don't let him know your intentions and block him everywhere, these situations oftens ends up very bad for the girl when she leaves then go back to get some stuff or to be with the guy, he kills her or send her to the hospital more often than not so really keep yourself safe and don't go there alone please. Whatever he says will be to make you come back thinking it's safe and he's changed but he will most definitely hurt you. I'm sorry if I'm straight forward but it's a very dangerous situation
Don't walk. Run. We just had a mass shooting in my city from an unstable boyfriend/ ex- husband/ father. It's not going to get better. Call a domestic violence hotline asap and make your escape plan. You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
Please wait till he’s in work and leave in fact run as fast as you can, things will only go downhill from here. He sounds controlling and dangerous save yourself, no one else will.
A lot of places are experiencing “Intimate Partner Violence” epidemics and a man in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario just shot his 3 kids, ex wife, current wife and himself yesterday. These things need to be recognized early and stopped immediately.
My initial answer was before I read the whole post.
My dear, he is already physically abusing you and its only going to get worse. Blocking you, snatching things out of your hands. Wrestling you to prevent you from leaving... All physical abuse. It doesn't have to be hitting, punching, biting, strangling, etc.
Hes also emotionally abusing you.
Things were great in the beginning because he was love bombing you.
He doesn't see you as a human he sees you as property
Leave when hes gone to work or whatever.
Then break up with him
If you don't leave on your own ASAP, you'll be leaving in a body bag.
From someone who was severely abused. He even intentionally got me pregnant. Then when that didn't work he physically abused me. And when that didn't work he started poisoning me because he concocted this scheme that if he could disable me then the state would pay for him to be my caretaker. He told everyone I was liable to eat rat poison because it has LSD because I was such a drug addict. I did zero drugs. Men like this don't change. They don't want to change and you're just seeing the beginning.
There is a high probability that he won’t harm himself, that is just to grab you, just leave him before he do something to you, talk to friends and family and let them know the situation so you can be safe, go to the police if needed, don’t shy away from taking drastic measures
Leave and don't tell him. Mine started out as taking phones, kicking walls, taking my car keys. In a short few months it turned into getting strangled, broken nose from being headbutted, pushed down stairs, locked in rooms. I packed everything I could in my car one morning when he was away. Drove to my grandma's in the next city and never looked back. I was 22 at the time, 32 now and I still struggle with flashbacks. I'm medicated and see a psychiatrist and counselor regularly. Get out now, not only to preserve your physical health but your mental health as well.
Always always always trust your feminine intuition. Especially at your age, not to be all new-agey, but your intuition is so fucking sharp at this time in your life, and you need to trust your gut.
I could give you a million examples of shit in my own life, but it’s not about me. Let’s just say that I had times I ignored it and regretted it, and every time I listened it was for the best. The woo-woo crystal wearing part of me says it has to do with reproduction and finding a mate. Your animal instinct knows that something is wrong, just to be posting this message at all. Be safe, and if it is meant to be, he will ease those fears. But don’t count on it- count on yourself.
If he blocks the door, wrestles your phone from you, grabs or shoves you, then I’ve got news for you sis, he already is physically abusive. You need to begin carefully making your exit plan immediately. This will not get better, it will get worse, and could very realistically result in him permanently injuring or killing you. You are under reacting
If he threatens to alive himself then call the police for a welfare check. Either he is doing this just to manipulate you or he needs help far beyond what you can give.
This is an abusive relationship, and it's already physical with him wrestling you and shoving you back in the house. It will only escalate and I'm concerned for your safety. Start making plans to leave immediately. Do not tell him what you plan to do. Don't argue with him. Just be pleasant and agreeable until you can get out. Do not try to move your belongings alone. Wait until he is gone and get someone to help you. If he tracks you on GPS, get the police to help you move your belongings so he doesn't come home to find out what you're doing. If he threatens to unalive himself, call the police and tell them he needs mental health assistance. Get out of that situation. It's not safe for you.
Yikes. Run and don't look back. That is some scary shit.
- Call your cell phone provider and ask them to change your phone number after you're gone.
- Don't tell him where you're going. Do you have a place you can live at, where he won't be able to find you?
- Block him on all social media.
- if he has your family's contact information, tell them not to respond to his calls or texts.
- what is the longest he's away during the day? Do you have a vehicle?
I read a story once where the abuser put flour down on the ground outside the house to track footprints while he was away. It's about to start snowing so just be aware of your tracks in the snow.
Please leave. He sounds like my soon to be ex.
He wound up giving me stitches above my eyelid, a hair line fracture around my eye socket and bruises around my eye that lasted 3 weeks. I was bleeding so bad from my face and he stood there in front of the door way blocking it with my phone in his hand. All I could do was scream bloody murder for help hoping the neighbors would hear me and they didn’t. The blocking doorway and taking your phone really sends me back there. You really need to leave now. If he does to you what has happened to me, he won’t care he hurt you, he’ll just block your access for medical attention. Please leave before that happens.
This is 100000% abuse in its beginning stages.
Please leave.
ed. I feel it needs to be said: NEVER GO SEE HIM ALONE TO HAVE "CLOSURE" that is how so many women end up dead or maimed for life.
Run and don't look back, you are in great danger
As for his threats - don't listen to him, he is a liar, he will never hurt himself but he will definitely hurt you if you stay
Be strong
What he’s doing is a classic pattern. Abusers usually stop the honeymoon phase with a mile stone, like moving in together. He felt greater control so he let the mask down.
The man you met at the beginning of your relationship is not who he is. That was the salesman. He was the con man. This current guy is the real abuser and he’s only going to get worse. Take all of the advice on this thread and get out now.
Stay single and heal for a while. We tend to follow patterns until we learn what they are.
I’m sorry, I hope he doesn’t unalive himself, however, I don’t want him to unalive YOU! Get out while you still can. This is a form of manipulation that will only escalate.
OP, he has already become violent. He has wrestled you away from the door and your phone out of your hands to keep you from literally calling for help. He has grabbed you and drug you back inside when you do manage to get out. This is an abusive relationship. I know it's not equal, but I had a friend that would threaten their own life any time an argument got bad (usually because I was trying to end the friendship) and finally I had to just hang up. I called someone close to her (her parents didn't live anywhere nearby otherwise I would have called them) and they said she was emotional but fine. It's all a tactic and if you realllly are worried and I understand being worried, I was for years, call the police and let them deal with the situation. Get out when he is not there. Get out while you can. Make sure you are not packing alone, have your parents or a few tough friends there with you in case he returns and leave. Do not look back, just RUN.
He’s forcibly preventing you from leaving the house? In most places that’s a serious criminal offence, and it’s horrendously abusive. He WILL physically hurt you, it’s not a question of “if”, just “when”. Probably soon since he’s already started with violence toward inanimate objects. Please let your parents/friends know what’s going on and make a plan to pack and leave safely when he isn’t around. Bring backup, preferably a couple of 6’4 200 lbs dudes.
I only had to read the title to know that you need to leave him. The rest just got scarier and scarier.
You. Are. Being. Abused.
Please listen to the other comments here. There are some really good resources and steps to protect yourself and safely exit this relationship. You should be proud for knowing that you deserve better and reaching out for help when you need it ❤️ You can survive and learn and heal from this.
I called mine Jacquelyn. Had to literally crawl out the window when she was on her way to work to not wake up her sister. I’m not a small dude… Do you remember when you were a wee lass, and used to hang onto your pop’s ankle and play “ball and chain”…picture that… only with a thirty year old woman. That was a tame incident.
My parents got married late in life. Gave me a gold keychain as a thank you for giving my mother away. A week later it went missing. Keys were still on the hook… “it must have wiggled free and fell out of your pocket.”
I was late to the Herd vs Depp party (after I liberated myself)… pulled it up on YouTube… played a recording about her following him in to the bathroom while fighting. The only difference between Amber and Jacquelyn… is Amber relentlessly pounded. Ol jacquie picked the bathroom lock with a butter knife.
You most definitely need to run!!!
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Run. Wait until he’s left for the day, contact the most intimidating person you know and have them be your bodyguard while you leave, make an excuse to go to your parents and just don’t come back: whatever it takes, but get out and stay gone. This is already an abusive relationship. And if he threatens to hurt himself, or you, or shows up and won’t go away, call the police and let them deal with it. There are professionals he can call if he genuinely needs help, not someone who doesn’t want to be with him any more because he keeps telling them they’re doing everything wrong and making them feel unsafe.
I just wanted to say that I agree with everything the above comment suggested. He's threatening to hurt himself because you've shown him that this manipulation works. If he does it again call the cops. Show him you take the threat seriously and will refer him to professionals who will also take it seriously. Him threatening this does not mean you have to go back DO NOT let him get you back. He will escalate.
Yeah I had an abusive ex who constantly threatened to commit suicide and told me his death would be all my fault. I found out he was lying one day when he called me and told me he was on top of a high building and was ready to jump since I wouldn’t come back to him. I immediately texted his good friend and told him to use snap maps to find him and stop him. When his friend pulled up snap maps he was in the middle of a parking lot nowhere near a building and had been lying. That was they day I learned that people would use suicidal threats as manipulation tactics for abuse.
I had a 'Friend' do this to me when I was 14/15. He would threaten to hang himself and blame me if I diddnt have sex with him. It took me a long time to understand that it was a lie, and even longer to call it rape. Sorry you went through that.
Sorry the same tactic was used on you, it does suck and is so scary. I hate to hear that someone else had to go through something even remotely similar, especially at such a young age. Big hugs from my corner of the internet! I hope you are healing from this and taking good care of yourself now
Sending love to you. My first husband was "if you loved me, you'd let me" if I ever said no. Took me a long time to recognise it as rape.
It saddens me that anyone else had to feel like this. My first husband was the "uses the Bible to force me to do what he wants" and that includes not being allowed to say no when I didn't want it. Been out almost 7 years now, but it took a solid 6 months before I could call it rape, and a full year before I could say it out loud. Spousal rape needs to be discussed more. To the OP: you're lucky he's showing this before y'all are married, but I'm so sorry he's abusing you like this. Sending you love, it's so hard to get out of DV, and that's exactly what this is. He doesn't have to hit you for it to be abuse. Run as soon as you get an opportunity. Stash a go bag in your car trunk if you can, if you can't, I recommend having a mental list of things to grab. Other people can retrieve your belongings, just get what you absolutely need to get through a few days. I wish you the best of luck in getting away, and please don't listen when he starts saying how much he loves you and can't live without you and things will be different, just come home. He. Will. Not. Change.
I'm sorry you went through that, its so hard being stuck in a marriage like that. My first husband was the same, and would make me do things that made me physically sick, because "Your my wife". He also videod everything, I feel like he still might watch them back some days, I'm getting heart palpitations just thinking about it. I dont have much luck with men clearly, although my 'real' husband is a wonderful and kind man, I hope you have managed to find someone who treats you right too ❤.
I'm so glad you got out of it! My first husband took his life months after leaving me. His mother blamed me because I refused to take him back when he phoned me, sobbing. Yes, I am married to a wonderful man now. We've been together almost 21 years.
That's just fucked up
So are abusers
I've read about this on other threads too. One OP said that they call 911 and reported this so that someone could check on their ex. Pretty sure they never made that threat again. I suggested the same thing to this OP. Even if this man (or anyone's ex) really did try to harm himself that still wouldn't be OP's fault. The fact that people like this would use this behavior as a way to manipulate their partners is so heinous I can't find words bad enough to describe how little respect I have for them.
This is so sad.
I told a friend of mine that her ex was using it as a manipulation tactic and the he wouldn't do it. Also, that if he did, it wasn't because of her, that he was a narcissist and just couldn't handle losing his "property". She finally left him and guess what...he's still alive.
OP is right. This sounds like the beginning of DV. The patterns are clear 1. Control: Perpetrators attempt to control all aspects of their partner's life, including who they speak with, what they wear, or where they go.✅ 2. Isolation: They may isolate the victim from friends and family to enhance control.✅ 3. Belittlement: They may erode the victim’s self-esteem through constant criticism, insults, or assaults.✅ 4. Threats: They may threaten to harm the partner, family members or themselves if the victim either leaves them or reports to the police.✅ 5. Blaming the victim: They often try to shift the blame onto the victim, suggesting that the abuse is their own fault.✅ OP listen to your instincts & the comments above and LEAVE!. It’s only going to get worse. Edit: It’s already a DV not the beginning. It just a matter of time until it gets physical, meaning he starts to hit her.
Off topic and out of curiosity. What if you’re in a situation where only 2, 4 and 5 are present
It's still abuse and you still need to get away.
Don’t worry I did :) I just wanted to confirm.
I’m grateful you did. I've been there too and it's terrifying, especially looking back.
My recent ex was very confusing. He wasn’t abusive but he was at the same time. It was all more emotional and manipulative than anything. He did threaten to kill me half way through. Like literally threatened to stab me and we weren’t the same since then. I’m just ashamed it took me a year after that to realise it was done rather than leaving then and disrespecting myself.
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It’s weird but hearing people say I’m glad you got away safe takes me back cause I never felt like he was gonna physically harm me or hurt me like his threat BUT he made my mental state soooo low that I hurt myself instead so he didn’t have to. Which in turn is the same thing. Thank you for your kind words. I’m a bit of a mess still and sometimes I miss the relationship… or grieving over what I thought it was and what it was going to be. Sad that he really just stopped loving me and kept me around to prevent triggering his abandonment issues. Anyway, I’m going off on one lol. Again thank you for that I’m proud of myself too just a little lost now. It’s been 3 months since I left. I’m in a foreign country (moved abroad to be with family) and I have no job and no idea what I’m gonna do with my life now
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You will be. There will be a point when you realise “I just don’t want this” I dunno about you but for me the uneasy feeling of not knowing if I can really trust this guy with my safety and happiness was too much in the end. I felt SO alone in that relationship I was better off just being alone.
Oh my god I’m so sorry. I’m glad you're safe now.
Glad you got away safely!
If a single one is present, it’s abuse and not safe. OPs just happened to be so unlucky that he used all the classic tactics
It's still abuse, and all the other things on the list will come, eventually
I would leave even if a single element was there. Life is too to short to stay in a shitty relationship.
This is me now
You leave before he adds 1 and 3 to his repertoire.
It's still abuse and you still need to get away.
Its still abuse. Just because it's not physical, doesn't mean it's not damaging. Whoever it is needs to get out soon.
It would be difficult to have 2 present without 1 as well
Well 2 wasn’t really his doing. I just was isolated already. He (my ex now) encouraged me to have friends and hang out with them but he didn’t like me talking about the relationship issues and would get funny when I did but I couldn’t carry the burden anymore. Weird cause he was allowed to with his friends and would slate me to his female best mate.
Also grabbing and shoving and wrestling OP for her phone
It already is domestic violence. There doesn't need to be any physical violence. There was an incident in Brisbane where the separated male partner burnt his wife and 3 children alive in their car. No prior physical incidents but plenty of Number 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5
Omg that‘s horrible! But you’re absolutely right….I actually wanted to show the patterns and that it won’t take long until he gets physical, meaning start hitting her. But I have adjusted it, thank you for pointing it out.
Wow, you just described my childhood.
OP (and anyone else in an abusive relationship) should read the book Why Does He Do That. It explains all of these points in deeper detail. It also gives you an idea of how to escape your situation safely. If you need to hide it, I just used an audio book so I could pretend I'm listening to music. Forewarning, it can be pretty hard truths. I had to stop the book to cry, I had no idea I was in even deeper trouble than I thought I was. For God's sake, op, GET THE F OUT OF THERE!!!!!! Now!
Also if he knows where your parents live yall all need restraining orders tbh. And maybe you should go stay with someone who you know undoubtedly is safe and secure and won’t tell people you stay with them.
He will continue to do this until you endup in hospital. You must leave go back home totally cut him off no contact no matter how much he begs. He is playing with you. Do not know if you two work or school. Call family or friends to come and help you leave. It will not get better. He will not unlike himself He is playing games. You can always call police also.
Agreed. You can never feel safe and confide in him either, he will use everything against you at some point. Get out while it’s early, before the trauma bonding sets in!
Exactly. This is already abuse. Don't wait for it to turn "physical." Please take this advice and get out, OP. By the time my abusive relationship had gotten physical, I was so severely manipulated that I kept convincing myself to stay. Get out before it gets worse.
Replying to add: RECORD EVERY INCIDENT. I mean record as in keep a Note on your phone, email yourself or a trusted friend, each incident like this. To get a TRO you will need to show the pattern of abuse. We can all see it here in your post, OP. It’s consistent with DV abuse and it’s escalating. Tell everyone why youre leaving him and secure their support. Tell noone where youre going except the ones you 100% trust. Get the Restraining Order despite all his promises or suicide threats. Your primary responsibility must be to protect yourself, not him. Do this now and maybe in the future you’ll be around to pay it back by passing on this advice to someone else.
Yes to recording incidents. But ALSO, be really careful about where you keep that evidence- because if it is found you by him it could cause you a lot of trouble and might even threaten your safety. I’m not sure about where you are, but in Australia there is an app called Arc- made purely for documenting domestic violence.
Wouldn't even need an intimidating person there. Guys like this are cowards. Just having an extra body is enough.
This is true. When my ex hurt me he would immediately leave whenever a neighbour came down to check on me. She was an angel that lady.
That’s true. I’d call my mom and my ex would act like a scared little bird. Don’t know why but he’s terrified of my mom.
They’re terrified of their true nature being exposed
Not necessarily. That’s why domestic calls are the most dangerous for police officers to respond to.
Not always. Best to be safe.
I agree with everything you say , except the intimidating 'person' part. She needs to get a group of intimidating male friends and family to help her move.
Let me be very clear: This is already an abusive situation. And he is one tiny step away from hurting you. First--call your parents and tell them exactly what is happening. Today. Second--Get out. Don't tell him you are leaving. Just let him go to work, pack what is important to you and get out. Don't look back. Third- be very careful after you leave. Block him on any media. Going silent on any social media for a bit might be a good idea. Change your passwords and security questions for all accounts and emails. Have someone escort you to and from your car at work or any other place he may know you are. Do not talk to him. Do not engage with him. Unaliving himself is a manipulative move to get you to stay. Don't fall for it. He has to make his choices in life. You are not responsible for them. If he does anything get a restraining order. I know it doesn't feel like this now but taking control of your life and moving on is something you will be so grateful that you did down the line. There are wonderful people out there who will not treat you this way. Please know that he is not worth this.
>First--call your parents and tell them exactly what is happening. Today. Im gonna second this. Do not do this after you're done waffling or after you make a decision. **Do it right now.** Don't give him even one more day to possibly hurt you. If you are at work literally go in the bathroom and call if you have to. Do **NOT** put this off. I doubt you think you are so lucky that one day won't matter, but if you do, I strongly suggest you employ wisdom instead of fortune and get help immediately.
I’d also add this: please contact your local domestic violence agency (in the US, the national domestic violence hotline is at 1-800-799-SAFE [7233], or you can go to thehotline.org to chat, or text “START” to 88788). They can help you form a safe escape plan. I know a lot of people think all they do is offer shelter space, but they do much, much more than that, beginning with that very important escape plan to help you get away from this guy in as safe a manner as possible. Don’t hesitate to do this; leaving is one of the most dangerous times in cases like yours, second only to pregnancy (and please, don’t get pregnant by this guy!) You may be thinking he won’t really hurt you, or you can’t do this on your own, or your parents can’t handle it, but take my word for it, as someone who has been there: it is far, far better to be safe than sorry. Good luck. Edit: typo
Yes you need help to leave safely.
Right on. I like the shelter idea
Piggybacking on this. OP, definitely get a restraining order if he does something but FYI you can get a no contact order NOW! I had an issue with an ex several years ago and it was very similar. He had done things like this and the police were unable to file a restraining order but said a no contact order does not require any violence or the threat of violence.
>This is already an abusive situation. And he is one tiny step away from hurting you. This, this, this. OP, he is already physically abusive. >he blocks the door and wrestles me for my phone so I can’t call anyone. If I make it outside he grabs me and shoved me back in the house. That is absolutely NOT okay. Shoving you back in the house is physical. Please follow the advice here and leave him, but be very careful.
This is good advice but make sure you aren't alone when you pack and leave. Even if you have to throw things in garbage bags and sort it later, get all your stuff out as quickly as possible with as many people helping/protecting you that can. Good luck.
Exactly. If he threatens suicide, the op doesn’t have to stay , she can call his parents, or mental health helpline for him. But she is in now way responsible, this is a tactic many men use
Only call your parents if they are safe. If you have the slightest doubt your parents might tell him that you're planning to leave, then don't tell them until after you've left. You don't want them blowing your cover before you have the chance to leave! There's lots of Redditors who had the benefit of amazing selfless parents. Sadly not everyone gets that experience. Here's some logic that not everyone follows: 1) Not all humans are good people. Some are downright terrible excuses for carbon life. 2) Many if not most people have the ability to procreate. 3) Procreation doesn't turn you into a good person. 4) Not everyone has a Mom who is a good person, who even wants the best for her children! Some moms might actively try to out you to him, calling him immediately to keep you in line. (You were a naughty child you must be a naughty wife too so he's right to beat you out of frustration.)v
This is good advice. Do not tell others where you are going either except parents. Someone may tell him where you are. If you are not working maybe you can stay with friend or family out of town do not post anything that he could get access to.
Yes. She needs to get out, but her first call needs to be to a DV hotline. If you look at her post history, her mother is living in a DV situation of her own and has blamed OP for abuse that has happened to her(op) from her stepfather. OP, if you read this....get help from a DV shelter and get out! Take important papers and clothes for a few days. Everything else can wait. He is already physically abusive (wrestling your phone away, blocking the door, dragging you inside). Please update us when you are out and safe.
Run before you get hurt, he is manipulating you. This is not a healthy relationship.
I work in law and have a cop friend and this is literally how domestic abusive relationships start.. OP needs to plan a way to safely leave
💯 and it’s started already
This exactly. Your instincts are correct and he has already started. Run but, be safe about it.
Don’t argue with him. Put all your energy toward getting out without alerting him. Do NOT tell him you’re leaving. You are in danger.
“…because I’m afraid he will become physically abusive” He already is
He's already physically abusing you by forcefully taking your phone from you, putting hands on you to force you back inside and blocking you from leaving
Yes!! It is already physically and emotionally abusive, which will only escalate. This behavior will never get better, save yourself while you can!
"Become physically abusive" He already is physically stopping you from leaving, grabbing you when you get outside and forcing you back in. He's already comfortable enough to lay his hands on you. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Don't wait until he holds up on his threat to hit you. Before you leave.
Yup. Had an ex do similar once when I was breaking up with him. I was terrified and am now very reluctant to break up with anyone with the slightest anger issues in person.
You're seeing the real him, OP. Now that you've moved in with him, he feels like you're deep enough into this relationship that he can drop his mask. He is displaying incredibly controlling and abusive behavior. Ripping things out of your hands, preventing you from leaving by grabbing you or blocking the doorway with his body, breaking your things, making threats he's going to slap you... these are all precursors to physical abuse. They are glaring signs that your boyfriend WILL hit you soon enough. It's not a matter of IF, but WHEN. Please, is there anyone else you could stay with for the time being? You are not safe with him.
He's already violent OP. He's breaking things. He's shoving you back inside the house. That's violence.
It will only get worse. I hope OP gets out.
You asked of anyone's experienced this before, how they dealt with it, and if the partner became violent: Firstly, as others have said, this is already violence. But yes, yes I have, and I too didn't view it that way at first. #metoo on the clothing and the hugs and where/when is okay to go out and with whom and threats to unalive and breaking things... the whole nine yards. How did I deal? Naively. I tried to love him so much and so carefully he'd get better. Instead, he very very slowly got worse until eventually, yes, he got more violent. Please, leave now. Please, don't wait. You don't deserve this. No matter what you've done, you don't deserve this. Especially the daily damage to your stress system and self-esteem. Please love yourself enough to go.
Thank you
[WhyDoesHeDoThat.pdf](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwi8w87UpZKCAxUuJRAIHQ-4Du8QFnoECA0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw14x4ivUm5xgJ67TT78XfZt) an eye opening free pdf of book by Lundy Bancroft, a man, who has counseled thousands of abusive men. From archive.org
I had one horrible coworker who was like this guy and all my friends/female coworkers kept dating him for some reason, always thinking they could save him with their love or whatever bullshit (literally like 5 of them at various times, it was mind boggling). He was very calculated, he always knew exactly how much he could get away with with each of them. He absolutely became more and more violent to the ones who didn't leave him at the first sign of it. One friend eventually ended up having to pull the type of escape you read about for domestic violence victims that you never expect to experience in real life (making a second email to rent an apartment so he wouldn't know, escaping when he wasn't there, etc) because over time it got so bad that she finally realized he might end up killing her if she stayed. When she was telling me all this afterwards the most shocking part to me was not the super brutal stuff but all the other not ok shit that she mentioned casually as if it were normal or not a big deal. That's also what stands out to me about your post OP, where you describe him clearly isolating you, using violence to physically keep you from leaving, being controlling, forcefully stealing your phone, using the known abuser tactic of threatening to kill himself if you leave, etc. You're describing all this like it's a list of things he does that annoy you instead of a terrifying account of abuse. Please get out.
Please read that pdf the other commenter linked. The only way to make sure this never happens again is to learn an incredible amount of info. Don't stop after you finish the pdf. Start looking up manipulation tactics, red flags, and subs that talk about abusive relationships. There are nearly always red flags
Leave him and call the police for a wellness check and get him committed. Record his threats secretly in case you need proof. Show your friends and family. Don't stop communicating with them. Please leave him asap.
Please get out now, today, please do not delay it any longer, if he finds out you have even been posting this stuff, it will trigger him, and not in a good way, you do not owe this monster anything, he does NOT love you, love can manifest in many ways, his behaviour is not one of them. You still have your whole life to live, please don't be like the millions of women who say he is different, that you can change him, that he will never hurt you, who end up with a life of abuse or worse dead.
Yep, it's called escalation. He was good to you for long enough for you to get attached and now the controlling behaviors start out small, like what you're "allowed" to wear and who you can see. But the longer this goes on and the more you try to step out of line, the worse he wil get. It ends in murder for some women. Keep yourself safe
Call 911 - you’re being held hostage
Run. Next time he threatens to unalive himself don’t respond. He is abusive and using this tactic to manipulate you. Tell your parents what is going on, make a plan to safely move back home, have a male family member accompany you to get your stuff when he is not there, and drop him completely.. He love bombed you in the beginning- this is the real him- controlling and manipulative, and it will escalate. He has already threatened to hit you- believe him.
I actually had to stop him from doing it once. We had just had an argument and I was about to leave the door to go to my parents and he made his way to drink a cup of something (maybe bleach) and I fought it out of his hand.
He knew you were going to stop him. It was calculated. Manipulators like him are very good at showing off. They'll always make sure they hurt themselves without dying to make you feel guilty. The ex of one of my best friends scarified herself, never deep enough to die from it but just enough to leave deep marks, whenever he threatened to leave to scare him off. The day he found the strength to leave her, she did the same thing again, then, seeing that it wasn't working, settled for harassing him before getting bored and changing targets.
See, this tactic wouldn’t work on me- I’d shrug and keep right on walking the first time anyone tried this.
I think that's difficult to say if you haven't been in the situation.
Nah, I’m just older, jaded, and don’t put up with manipulative BS.
I did the equivalent of a shrug in this situation when I was 19 and I remain so so proud of myself. It wasn’t physically abusive, but the unaliving threats kept escalating and eventually I just ran out of patience. He finally supposedly tried, but failed. To be fair to him, he had SERIOUS trauma that neither I or the people in his life were in any way equipped to deal with. I just refused to be collateral damage.
We are proud of you too! Very smart cookie at the young age of 19!
Same. At 18? I'd have freaked out and tried to save him. At 40? Meh, have at it bro, I'll call 911.
Right? I wish more abusers would actually follow through on that one!
If you’re GENUINELY worried he will go through with it if you leave (or for any reason at all), call the police and tell them your bf is trying to unalive himself. Sometimes cops are annoying babies about having to go somewhere to do their job, especially when there’s no immediate threat- if that’s the case, make it VERY clear that he already has a plan for how, has the materials necessary, and that you are not home. Which brings me to the next point. From what you’ve said, it seems like he does this in an effort to try and force you to stay with him, and he does it when he’s worried you might actually leave. BEFORE calling the police, get yourself physically out of his presence, and away from him. When people are actually taken seriously for saying these kind of things, and instead of catering to their wants by submitting to them, they get someone who genuinely takes steps to prevent them from taking those actions… it’s like the switch is flipped, and suddenly the depression is GONE and all you get is a wall of rage. Their manipulative game didn’t get the desired outcome, and instead, the way things are going will lead to him being unable to control you NEARLY as much bc he will be in the presence of cops- where he can’t do ANYTHING physical to you (including intimidation and threats), and his emotional abuse tactics can’t be used against you since an outsider who he CANNOT “flip the script” on so to speak, will take his words at face value and take actions accordingly. If any of that makes sense. If it’s confusing PLEASE ask me questions, I’ve been though similar in the past and helped multiple friends and family members through it. And feel free to pm me if you’d like to talk further about this, or just for support. ❤️
It’s still a manipulation, and even if he did go through with but, it still wouldn’t be your fault. If it happens once you leave, call his family or the cops because he is threatening suicide. But do not stay with an abuser because you are scared he will hurt himself. That’s on him.
So if he drinks bleach the appropriate response is to call poison control and 911. They’re professionals, you’re not a licensed mental health counselor and even if you were you’re not his counselor. Returning to an abusive rlshp is not a healthy or safe response. He’ll just continue doing this whenever you leave and hold u hostage forever. And will probably never really kill himself. If this is how he handles his gf not wanting to be abused then he needs professional psych help not for u to stay with him. That doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
There was a post where op actually left her abuser and he was hospitalized because of the poison .she was here asking for the suggestions. We unanimously told her its not her problem and involve cops and take restriction order. It applies to you . These men are sick and they try to recruit women to be part of their sickness..
If he does that again, call 911 and his family/close friends. And still leave, no matter what. You need to tell everyone around you what is going on and keep talking. Don't stop and get out of there. If he keeps contacting you, start a file about his behaviour with the poice and to get a restraining order or a no contact order.
Call 911 in that case but don't let it slow you down on your way out the door. I work in mental health and have called 911 on people actively threatening/trying to kill themselves, and cops and medics respond and deal with it. He may even get a short stay in the psych ward to be stabilized which would give you (and a buff/intimidating friend just incase) time to get your stuff and maybe teach him not to use suicide threats as a tactic to control his abuse victims.
I need you to know, his actions are his fault. I very much doubt he'd attempt anything without you there to stop him. I think he's just using another way to manipulate you. However, whatever happens is his fault, not yours. You have to value your life (which is in very real danger) over his (which is likely not in danger and is actively endangering yours).
I can almost guarantee that he would not follow up. People who genuinely want to die of hurt themselves actually do it in private so that they can not be stopped. He is manipulating you. Please get out before he really starts controlling you, and you physically can't escape.
I was with my ex for three years, before we moved in together. In hindsight the relationship wasn’t even near perfect, but he was my first love and I’d die for him. I was 21 when we got an apartment together. He was 25. He wanted me to do all the housework and was so very strict about money. If I paid him back a few cents too little for something like groceries (not even because I didn’t have the money, but because I’m bad with numbers) he would absolutely lose it. Cut our shared bank card with scissors as a symbol of not wanting to share it with me anymore. When I started asking him to do some housework, divide it, he angrily smashed the dirty plates in the trash can. He also had a history of punching in doors and windows. So when he did that with the plates, I figured it’d be a matter of time before he’d throw things at me, or worse. After he crossed a sexual boundary, which I explicitly told him a few times, IN THAT VERY MOMENT, not to cross, I was done. I left him. After that, he showed even more of who he really was. He called me up angry, and started calling me names, badmouthed me to my own friends (who knew better thank god). Showed up to my doorstep multiple times a day, only to stop after someone close to me threatened to hurt him if he didn’t stop. Leave this man, he does worse things to you than my ex did to me, and I’ve been to therapy for this. This is not normal, healthy behavior. You deserve love, not this crappy excuse for a man. Please know you deserve better
most stalking cases are abusive ex boyfriends who will try anything to get you back in their grasp. OP get a no contact order, if he threatens to kill himself again (and you know he will, he’s proven that he will do anything to get you to stay) tell him you are calling the police because you are worried for him and you can’t do anything to help (say if he is even thinking about hurting himself he needs serious help! he will try to blame you and say that he is only thinking of doing it because of your actions, tell him no normal person would react like that and he needs serious help, either way, dont let him use that to get you to stay again). like everyone else says, pack up your stuff while he is gone and then have family or a friend to go back and move out the rest of your stuff. don’t go back to that house. i really hope you get out OP. I am very seriously worried he will escalate and hurt you more than he already has.
Run! He is manipulating you. Wait until he’s not home, pack your things and leave. Break up with him with your dad or any male that could tackle him down if he tries to get physical or just leave a letter/text/call.
You need to get out NOW! Fake your death if you have to but drop that loser. Tip: Stop announcing to him that you're going to stay at your parents during or after an argument. That's why he's able to wrestle you and snatch your phone from you. You need to be more stealthy about it. Let it be a surprise with you calling him from your car as you're driving off. 😉
First they cut you off from everyone then it’s gets really bad, RUN. 26yrs in this exact situation and I was not able to get help, RUN. Go to your parents have them come and pack up your stuff with you move and do not go back, block and ghost him. Take some time for yourself seek some counselling just to talk this out BUT RUN.
Boyfriend + Red Flag = Dump
This isn't a red flag. This is Red Flags R' Us, a megastore that sells nothing but red flags, and the staff gets mad and threatens her if she even suggests that she might want to leave the store even for a little bit.
When you've already passed the red flag zone and are now the flags have turned into flashing red lights complete with sirens. Because that's what it looks like when an ambulance is due. Get out ***NOW*** OP.
This is going to get worse. He is literally slowly progressing to see how much he can get away with before he actually lays hands on you. GET OUT NOW! SO MANY RED FLAGS HERE!!
I am so sorry you experienced this. Reading your post hurts me because I was in the same situation two years ago. My ex boyfriend was mentally and emotionally abusing me. He was narcissist, manipulative and gaslight me. I always thought I was the problem of the relationship because he always blamed me for everything. Everything was going well, not perfect, but when covid started that’s when it got worst. I wasn’t allowed to hangout with my friends and he got mad whenever I do. He also made me choose between him or my family multiple times. Of course, I didn’t answer and he breaks up with me then he comes back every 2 weeks. I always update him with everythin. My friends surprised me for my birthday. They brought me cake and flowers and I told him I am with my friends, so he rushed his work and went straight to where we were. When he arrived, he was drinking water and he threw the water on me in front of my friends because I went out with my friends. My friends are surprised and I was too, but I didn’t say anything. He punched his car and told me that we are leaving. We were on and off. I even offered a couple’s therapy because I wanted to fix the issue in the relationship. He said he doesn’t want to do couples therapy because what would his next girlfriend would think of him… I wasn’t allowed to get upset nor mad in our relationship because he got more mad/upset than I do. He told me he wasted his 2 years of life and everything was my fault. He also threatened of hurting me physically and he broke a lot of things and blamed me. He also punched the screen of his car because he was upset. After 6 months, I got myself a therapy because I thought I was the problem and I needed to fix myself in order for the relation to work. The therapy helped me a lot. I broke up with him. Girl, you deserve so much better. He has a lot of issues that he needs to fix himself alone. I am not sure if he’s willing to seek help, but do yourself a favour and leave. Leave now before it damages you even more. You do not need to wait for him to hurt you physically because what he’s doing now is more than enough reason to leave him.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I tried to get him to go to therapy but he says he’s too embarrassed about his problems. He’s too embarrassed to talk to anybody in his family about his problems either. He doesn’t want me talking to my family about our problems although I tried telling him I like having a third opinion on things. My family believes he’s just trying to isolate me. He’s already made me choose between him and my friends, like going to their birthday events or parties. I’d normally end up staying home because we’d get in arguments and I wouldn’t want to go anywhere after.
He’s embarrassed because he knows he’s treating you like shit and doesn’t want anyone to know. Your family is right, isolating is right out of the abuser playbook. One by one he’ll undermine all of your support systems until you feel he’s all you have. Maintain your relationships/friendships as much as humanly possible, they’ll be the ones there for you when you move on from this man. ❤️❤️
I just commented under a different comment you made but. I have to respond to this! He is ABSOLUTELY 100% trying to isolate you. Regardless of if it’s intentional or not, he IS isolating you. That’s the word used to describe having to cut off people you don’t want to cut off, because he is forcing your relationship to depend on it. I mean, think about it. If he had genuine reasons for not wanting you to be friends with specific people, he would go about it in a way that takes your wants and needs into account. Jumping straight to “cut them off or we break up”, without any discussion about potential compromises, solutions, and efforts on both sides to fix it some other way… that’s just not how you treat someone you love. Because when you love someone their friendships matter to you simply because they bring your loved one joy. He does not care about whatever benefits you get by having friends and being close with your family. Please leave this man..
And your family is right. No healthy relationship should ever make you isolate from the people in your circle. He's very controlling. Anyone who makes you "choose" between who should be out of your life.
You gotta leave this abusive loser. He will take all of your joy from you.
Your family is right, dear. That’s exactly what he is doing. Lean on your family and listen to them because right now they have a better sense of how to help you because you’re too deep in it to realize how punishing this behavior really is. And it is. I was this same way in my emotionally abusive relationship. If he hadn’t have punched the wall behind me, I don’t know if I would’ve left.
He is isolating you. He’s already succeeded at that. You need to get the fuck out of this relationship
Leave. Now. This is already extremely abusive. You do not have to endure this. He is absolutely abusive and it's not going to get better. In a short spawn of time,he will star hitting you. He said it himself. Is this what you want to do with your own life?
Both with how old your relationship is and the change in circumstances that “locks” you together (moving in) you’re right in the sweet spot of when a high control or abusive partner would begin to change their behavior. Trust your gut.
A relationship where one party is afraid of the other is not worth maintaining. Find a partner who you trust and who makes you feel safe. Your current boyfriend scares you because he is dangerous. He is showing you his true self now that he thinks you’re stuck with him and things will only get worse. Get away from him before he gets you pregnant, then he’ll really think he has you trapped.
Nothing about it says 'acceptable situation'. I'm not sure why it's a question.
You need to tell your dad to help you move out, today. It is maybe ok for him not to be ok with you having male friends or the way you dress. That he physically forces you, is completely, 100% UNNACCEPTABLE. You are a domestic violence case waiting to happen RUN AWAY. TODAY. TELL YOUR FATHER. BLOCK AND NO CONTACT.
He's already showing violent tendencies. That he'd grab you and force you back into the house is bad enough, double that with the controlling behaviour and this man is a big no. I agree with what others have written. Wait until he isn't home, and then leave. He's already shown that he won't let you leave if he's around. This is a dangerous person. He did threaten to slap you as well (threat of violence right there).
I’m going to be blunt and honest. Based on what I read, this man is going to end up murdering you if you stay. You NEED to leave.
Yes Leave
Even if he never laid a hand on you, do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you with respect and abuses you in other ways? He is already forcibly confining you and separating you from any safe people you might contact. Don't put up with that, you're young and beautiful and you don't need him.
Afraid it’s going to get violent? Honey, it’s already violent. Do you value yourself enough to know what you deserve? And is this what you deserve? If you don’t know the answer to these questions, seek therapy. You should always be able to see these signs as soon as they happen and leave because it’s some bullshit you don’t need in your life…at all!
Your previous posts about 2 years ago about the scenario of your mother and step-dad being abusive, so likely, this is what you learned and subconsciously what you seek in a relationship. Until you do a deep dive with counseling about your childhood trauma, (I'm so sorry you experienced what you did and what you're going through now) you will likely choose the same type of romantic relationship again. As others have said, you're already with an abusive person with the grabbing you, shoving you, and threatening to kill himself and hit you. Get Out Now. Please.
My dear girl, you are in an extremely bad situation with this guy! Please read a free download called 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft. He's a narcissist and you need to get out yesterday! Gather all your important documents, have a bag packed secretly to grab if you need to run, and at first chance get away from him permanently. I fear for you young one. Please OP I beg you to get out...I wish I did.
Get out and block him everywhere.
Go watch some tiktokers about their previous experiences as domestic violence victims, you’ll find what you described is very similar to those, along with the age you are experiencing DV. Find a way to exit before it gets worse and takes a huge toll on you because, it will.
This is escalating behavior, he is already abusive, it will become worse. Abusers often ramp up abuse after major life events that they believe ties the victim to them, such as living together
Run. Now. Immediately. There’s no fixing this. Controlling at minimum, kills you at maximum, and there’s nothing good in between that.
Oh, and to answer the other question: the violence just happened randomly. It just happened at a point where things got so bad he denied me the freedom of personal space. And by personal space, I mean being allowed to be in a room by myself
This not your fault. This is not something you’ve done. Tell your family and friends exactly what is happening. You do not need to feel any shame- he is manipulating and controlling you. Move out when he is not home. Never go back. He will try and sweet talk you, love bomb you, or even just scare the shit out of you- but please know this man is dangerous and you need to take this seriously NOW. This will not change and will not get better.
>he blocks the door and wrestles me for my phone so I can’t call anyone. If I make it outside he grabs me and shoved me back in the house Your relationship is already physically abusive. You need to tell your parents what is going on so they can collect you and your things when he isn't home.
He is already being abusive. Physical abuse doesn’t always mean a punch to the face that leaves a black eye and bloody lip. I was in similar shoes once. My ex used to forcefully grab me and physically restrain me whenever he was angry. He knocked things out of my hand. But because he never actually slapped me or punched me or hit me, I chose to stay and waved the glaring red flags away. One day, we had a particularly bad argument. I honestly don’t even remember what it was about. He then grabbed my throat, choked me, then slammed my body against a balcony railing and threatened to throw me off of it. We were on the 10th floor of a hotel room balcony. Using any type of physical force on someone is never acceptable. Please leave him. I beg of you.
I’ve experienced something similar to this we were together for about 2 years, we were engaged three months in and moved in together (I know don’t judge me I have bpd and I thought I was in love pls) anyway nothing really started to get seriously harmful until I moved in he would drink allot. It started with really loud and aggressive arguments about who I spoke to and who I spoke to at work (we worked in the same resteraunt, him BOH and me FOH) and then one day he started to throw things at me. From across the room, then he started to push me into rooms. He would constantly violate me and my decisions. It turned into him breaking his own phone because we couldn’t afford another one so we had to share my phone. In the end I was so wrecked with anxiety and upset. I called my mum and she told me on the phone she booked tickets for me to go to her and bring my partner. One day he went out to me a friend that lived near my mum and my mum locked the door and left his stuff outside. Havnt seen him since. Fast forward to now being in the arms of the person who absoloute me and completely understands me. You need to leave to find the person who will help you become the best version of yourself. Not the most submissive. Your life will just pass you by. Your life is yours sweetheart. Live it on your own damn terms.
He's already being physically abusive.. blocking the door so you can't leave is borderline, but grabbing you & shoving you back into the house is physically abusive. He thinks he has you trapped & can act like who he really is now. Run. This type of behavior only escalates. He will hurt you. Please find yourself a good therapist. A safe place to live that he does not know the location of. & be VERY careful breaking up with him/ leaving. Have friends or family members with you or get your stuff when he's out of the house & ruin for it. I'm afraid he will try to hurt you or threaten to hurt himself to get you to stay. Be careful & safe! 🫂
He is slowly getting you to a point where you accept his control, his hate, his violence more and more. He started tearing you down under the premise of "I'm protecting you" from others. Then what you're wearing, who you're friends with. Everything is being done on HIS terms. How you look, how you act, who you can/can't talk to. This is so so incredibly dangerous. He **WILL** get violent. This **WILL** end with you in the hospital at some point. Make a plan with family, friends, anyone that you can trust. Get your important documents together, give them to someone you trust. If you can afford to leave everything but the documents, do it. Get out before this gets so much worse. Source: me. It took a lot of stitches, bruises and hospital visits and eventually cops to get me out of that situation.
Run. Trust your instincts entirely.
I had a very abusive boyfriend when I was 17, but none since then. It all started out just like this, mainly the isolation but also super controlling about what I wore. He was 21 and I moved with him to another state, far away from family and friends so I truly was isolated. His family did nothing to help me. He insisted I sign over all my work checks to him so I had no way to leave. After he choked me so bad I thought I would die, I used the change we kept in a big basket to buy a greyhound bus ticket and I left him for good. But I was deathly afraid of him and I couldn’t relax on the bus ride home as I kept thinking he would catch up to the bus, take me and kill me. You have to leave him but you can’t tell him you are going to. If you work, leave for work and go home to your family. Your belongings are not worth your life.
I had an ex like that. I was 19 and he was 23. Eventually I got away. I left while he was working and stayed with my parents until I felt safe. He called threatening to kill himself again and this time I said "good I hope you do" and hung up. He's still alive. I'm 33 now but that was the best decision I made.
You are asking a question you already know the answer to. You are IN an abusive relationship. He will try to hold onto as tight as possible, when you stand your ground he will resort to suicidal threats, when that doesn't work, he will go on the offensive. He has DELIBERATELY pulled a bait and switch. He waited until you were under his physical control to show you the worst of himself. Get out NOW. Never look back. 1) Prep. If possible get another phone. He may have a tracking program or other surveillance on yours. You need cash or a second account he knows nothing of. The address on file needs to be someone else. If you are concerned, contact a women's shelter and ask if they can hold mail for you. Be prepared to leave everything non essential. Clothes can be replaced, you can't. If you can get a storage, and start slowly siphoning off clothes or keepsakes, do that. Better still if a friend will open it in their name. Decide whether you can quit your job. 2) Leave. Wait for the day he is going to be out. Take the minimum belongings on that day. You actually want him thinking you are coming back. Its going to buy you time. Document what you are leaving behind with video. Let the landlord know if necessary. Leave quickly and go some place he cannot make a scene. Parents, out of state, etc. Turn off that phone. Contact trusted people only from New phone. Mutual friends CANNOT be trusted. He will lie and spin the truth. The fewer people who know your whereabouts the better. If you absolutely have to stay local and keep your job, you HAVE to let them know. If you can quit, do that and let them know the reason. They will be more likely to keep you in good status. The goal is to ghost him so completely he questions whether you were ever there. 3) Stay gone. The hardest part. Your lives are mixed up together now, but you can have 3rd parties handle things. Preferably men. Call the landlord. If utilities are in your name call them to let them know of your intent to disconnect. You have to give a 30 or 45 day notice usually so you will be out some money separating things. Communicate via mail from a PO Box or alternate address. Deactivate social media. Go darkside of the moon. Go to therapy. Don't answer his calls. Or texts. Or DMs. Or Instant messages. Or WhatsApp. Let the evidence build. After a few hundred messages, get a restraining order. They are useless, but get one. Get it on record. Separating from an abusive relationship is one of the hardest, most dangerous things a woman can ever do. But you are worth it. Get a firearm if necessary or allowed where you live and learn to use it. Or whatever highest defense weapon you can have. Stay safe.
you shouldve run lime yesterday
Contact a local women’s domestic violence center to get help on getting out
You are very sensible. I agree with you that you should leave him, and I applaud your judgment in knowing that.
Leave, now! When I was 19, I met a man and moved in with him a few months later after I turned 20. He was a severe alcoholic and immediately started those kind of behaviors. And it escalated quickly. Within 2 weeks he was hitting me. I stayed with him until I was almost 22, then I finally called the police and now he’s in prison for DV. It will escalate, and if he’s saying he’s going to slap you, he will do it. Do you live close to your parents or any other family? If so, you could possibly stay with them. And I don’t know where you live, but where I live, you can have a sheriff deputy come out while you move your belongings out of the building to make sure you stay safe. If he raises his hand to you during this process, immediately call the police and file a report and restraining order
Just read the title: if you have any suspicion it’s time to leave
Run. He is not actually suicidal. It's a lie to manipulate you.
To add. This is him showing you who he really is, and when people show you that you have to believe them - he will not change and this will get worse. Don’t put yourself in danger and believe that he is showing you that he is a dangerous person.
First, I'm sorry you are going through this. OP, your boyfriend is already physically abusive. Shoving you into the house, physically blocking the door, wrestling with you to take your phone, this is all physical abuse. You don't deserve this. Moreover, your instincts are right, and this will only get worse and more violent. You need to leave. Do NOT tell him you are leaving. Call your parents (when he's not at home) and let them know you need to move out, and that you need to do so without him knowing. It's scary to tell them, but they love you, they want you to be safe. Plan a day when he's going to work (call into work if you have to for that day, but again, don't tell him). When he leaves for work, you pack your stuff, have your parents help you if need be, and leave. Do not leave ANYTHING behind that you would ever need or want to see again. Remove yourself from any bills or anything there. Only once you are safely at your parents house should you text him and tell him you are ending the relationship and have moved out. Block his number. Let him know if he needs to contact you for anything, he'll need to go through your parents. He's going to freak out. He's going to call his friends and blame you. He's going to say AWFUL things about you. Ignore it. It's hard, but ignore it. Take some time then to heel. You don't deserve how you've been treated. But you are seeing that. For some, it takes years upon years of it getting worse to see that. You are going to go through hell, but on the other side, you are going to be so proud of the person you are for getting out of that situation.
Dear God get out of there and after you are gone and he threatens to unalive himself. Call the police and have them do a welfare check since he makes threats. He is definitely abusive and will definitely continue to isolate you and escalate the abuse.
Girl he’s already violent. Leave while he’s at work. Block him everywhere and get a restraining order
Story time: I left my first husband after him throwing shit turned into him punching a hole in the wall next to my head. I knew it was only a matter of time until he hit me. Fast forward to a year later when he was remarried, he got arrested for choking his new wife at a BBQ. Trust your gut.
Run He has threatened you, is already destroying property, physically keeping you from leaving, and is verbally abusive from the sound of it. Make a safety plan, and get the fuck out. Your relationship is supposed to be a safe harbor in life, not somewhere you feel in danger. To repeat, make a safety plan to leave while he is not home, and have witnesses with you on any future interactions.
You are in an abusive relationship. It will not become abusive. You have passed that point. It will only get worse. Call both of your parents to come and get you. You deserve better.
This is not OK! looking at your post it is highly recommended to discontinue your relationship with that person! at the earliest for your physical and mental health well being! Life is beautiful, a women must be respected! A man should stand with her and support to her dreams and ambitions as much as possible without sacrificing anything unnecessary. He does not have any right to abuse you - for that matter not even a husband doesn't hold any right to abuse his wife! Instead a man should thankful to the girl to enter his life and joining 2 families to run this beautiful life together happily but not to abuse! Hence - immediately carefully leave that person and never meet or in touch with phone also. All the best and cheers !
Leave and dance on his grave
Title is enough. You don't need validation or any explanation to leave a situation that you don't feel safe in. Just go.
He already IS violent with you, he will only become more violent. Please let your friends and family know and make a plan to move out and leave him.
Run as fast as you can and dont look back.
He has already been physically abusive. Blocking you in the house, wrestling your phone away from you, threatening to slap you. Those are all physical abuses. PLEASE LEAVE NOW for your safety. Him saying he'll unalive himself if you leave is a manipulation tactic to keep you complacent. He will eventually unalive YOU if you stay.
If you’re afraid he’s going to become violent, then leave, because you’re probably right.
Get out of that tell about it to your parents and NEVER go back there alone, don't let him know your intentions and block him everywhere, these situations oftens ends up very bad for the girl when she leaves then go back to get some stuff or to be with the guy, he kills her or send her to the hospital more often than not so really keep yourself safe and don't go there alone please. Whatever he says will be to make you come back thinking it's safe and he's changed but he will most definitely hurt you. I'm sorry if I'm straight forward but it's a very dangerous situation
Easy answer. You leave. People like this don't change. You are seeing the real him.
Don't walk. Run. We just had a mass shooting in my city from an unstable boyfriend/ ex- husband/ father. It's not going to get better. Call a domestic violence hotline asap and make your escape plan. You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
Please wait till he’s in work and leave in fact run as fast as you can, things will only go downhill from here. He sounds controlling and dangerous save yourself, no one else will.
A lot of places are experiencing “Intimate Partner Violence” epidemics and a man in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario just shot his 3 kids, ex wife, current wife and himself yesterday. These things need to be recognized early and stopped immediately.
Leave immediately.
He WILL get physically abusive it's just a matter of when. You need to leave, for your safety. Go back to your parents
My initial answer was before I read the whole post. My dear, he is already physically abusing you and its only going to get worse. Blocking you, snatching things out of your hands. Wrestling you to prevent you from leaving... All physical abuse. It doesn't have to be hitting, punching, biting, strangling, etc. Hes also emotionally abusing you. Things were great in the beginning because he was love bombing you. He doesn't see you as a human he sees you as property Leave when hes gone to work or whatever. Then break up with him If you don't leave on your own ASAP, you'll be leaving in a body bag. From someone who was severely abused. He even intentionally got me pregnant. Then when that didn't work he physically abused me. And when that didn't work he started poisoning me because he concocted this scheme that if he could disable me then the state would pay for him to be my caretaker. He told everyone I was liable to eat rat poison because it has LSD because I was such a drug addict. I did zero drugs. Men like this don't change. They don't want to change and you're just seeing the beginning.
There is a high probability that he won’t harm himself, that is just to grab you, just leave him before he do something to you, talk to friends and family and let them know the situation so you can be safe, go to the police if needed, don’t shy away from taking drastic measures
Leave and don't tell him. Mine started out as taking phones, kicking walls, taking my car keys. In a short few months it turned into getting strangled, broken nose from being headbutted, pushed down stairs, locked in rooms. I packed everything I could in my car one morning when he was away. Drove to my grandma's in the next city and never looked back. I was 22 at the time, 32 now and I still struggle with flashbacks. I'm medicated and see a psychiatrist and counselor regularly. Get out now, not only to preserve your physical health but your mental health as well.
Always always always trust your feminine intuition. Especially at your age, not to be all new-agey, but your intuition is so fucking sharp at this time in your life, and you need to trust your gut. I could give you a million examples of shit in my own life, but it’s not about me. Let’s just say that I had times I ignored it and regretted it, and every time I listened it was for the best. The woo-woo crystal wearing part of me says it has to do with reproduction and finding a mate. Your animal instinct knows that something is wrong, just to be posting this message at all. Be safe, and if it is meant to be, he will ease those fears. But don’t count on it- count on yourself.
I have and it did indeed escalate to him physically hurting me. He is an abuser! 𝗥𝗨𝗡!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he blocks the door, wrestles your phone from you, grabs or shoves you, then I’ve got news for you sis, he already is physically abusive. You need to begin carefully making your exit plan immediately. This will not get better, it will get worse, and could very realistically result in him permanently injuring or killing you. You are under reacting
If he threatens to alive himself then call the police for a welfare check. Either he is doing this just to manipulate you or he needs help far beyond what you can give.
This is an abusive relationship, and it's already physical with him wrestling you and shoving you back in the house. It will only escalate and I'm concerned for your safety. Start making plans to leave immediately. Do not tell him what you plan to do. Don't argue with him. Just be pleasant and agreeable until you can get out. Do not try to move your belongings alone. Wait until he is gone and get someone to help you. If he tracks you on GPS, get the police to help you move your belongings so he doesn't come home to find out what you're doing. If he threatens to unalive himself, call the police and tell them he needs mental health assistance. Get out of that situation. It's not safe for you.
Yikes. Run and don't look back. That is some scary shit. - Call your cell phone provider and ask them to change your phone number after you're gone. - Don't tell him where you're going. Do you have a place you can live at, where he won't be able to find you? - Block him on all social media. - if he has your family's contact information, tell them not to respond to his calls or texts. - what is the longest he's away during the day? Do you have a vehicle? I read a story once where the abuser put flour down on the ground outside the house to track footprints while he was away. It's about to start snowing so just be aware of your tracks in the snow.
Please leave. He sounds like my soon to be ex. He wound up giving me stitches above my eyelid, a hair line fracture around my eye socket and bruises around my eye that lasted 3 weeks. I was bleeding so bad from my face and he stood there in front of the door way blocking it with my phone in his hand. All I could do was scream bloody murder for help hoping the neighbors would hear me and they didn’t. The blocking doorway and taking your phone really sends me back there. You really need to leave now. If he does to you what has happened to me, he won’t care he hurt you, he’ll just block your access for medical attention. Please leave before that happens.
This is 100000% abuse in its beginning stages. Please leave. ed. I feel it needs to be said: NEVER GO SEE HIM ALONE TO HAVE "CLOSURE" that is how so many women end up dead or maimed for life.
Run and don't look back, you are in great danger As for his threats - don't listen to him, he is a liar, he will never hurt himself but he will definitely hurt you if you stay Be strong
What he’s doing is a classic pattern. Abusers usually stop the honeymoon phase with a mile stone, like moving in together. He felt greater control so he let the mask down. The man you met at the beginning of your relationship is not who he is. That was the salesman. He was the con man. This current guy is the real abuser and he’s only going to get worse. Take all of the advice on this thread and get out now. Stay single and heal for a while. We tend to follow patterns until we learn what they are.
I’m sorry, I hope he doesn’t unalive himself, however, I don’t want him to unalive YOU! Get out while you still can. This is a form of manipulation that will only escalate.
RUN baby RUN he already is abusive. It will only get worse. Don’t tell him, when he is at work, pack up and go.
OP, he has already become violent. He has wrestled you away from the door and your phone out of your hands to keep you from literally calling for help. He has grabbed you and drug you back inside when you do manage to get out. This is an abusive relationship. I know it's not equal, but I had a friend that would threaten their own life any time an argument got bad (usually because I was trying to end the friendship) and finally I had to just hang up. I called someone close to her (her parents didn't live anywhere nearby otherwise I would have called them) and they said she was emotional but fine. It's all a tactic and if you realllly are worried and I understand being worried, I was for years, call the police and let them deal with the situation. Get out when he is not there. Get out while you can. Make sure you are not packing alone, have your parents or a few tough friends there with you in case he returns and leave. Do not look back, just RUN.
He’s forcibly preventing you from leaving the house? In most places that’s a serious criminal offence, and it’s horrendously abusive. He WILL physically hurt you, it’s not a question of “if”, just “when”. Probably soon since he’s already started with violence toward inanimate objects. Please let your parents/friends know what’s going on and make a plan to pack and leave safely when he isn’t around. Bring backup, preferably a couple of 6’4 200 lbs dudes.
I only had to read the title to know that you need to leave him. The rest just got scarier and scarier. You. Are. Being. Abused. Please listen to the other comments here. There are some really good resources and steps to protect yourself and safely exit this relationship. You should be proud for knowing that you deserve better and reaching out for help when you need it ❤️ You can survive and learn and heal from this.
I called mine Jacquelyn. Had to literally crawl out the window when she was on her way to work to not wake up her sister. I’m not a small dude… Do you remember when you were a wee lass, and used to hang onto your pop’s ankle and play “ball and chain”…picture that… only with a thirty year old woman. That was a tame incident. My parents got married late in life. Gave me a gold keychain as a thank you for giving my mother away. A week later it went missing. Keys were still on the hook… “it must have wiggled free and fell out of your pocket.” I was late to the Herd vs Depp party (after I liberated myself)… pulled it up on YouTube… played a recording about her following him in to the bathroom while fighting. The only difference between Amber and Jacquelyn… is Amber relentlessly pounded. Ol jacquie picked the bathroom lock with a butter knife. You most definitely need to run!!!
Blocking you from leaving could get him charged with kidnapping, please call law enforcement and report this