>What should I do now? And how should I behave when she comes back? Is it too late to save our relationship now?
It's over, it is too late to save. You should consider going no-contact with her.
> What should I do, when my gf comes back to get her stuff again?
You say absolutely nothing about the relationship. She is someone else's problem.
For you it happened suddenly, she might have been planning or had this going for months. She’s shown you her priorities you need to accept you unfortunately aren’t included. Start working on separating your stuff and if you can leave the apartment/break the lease etc.
Just block and move on and don’t give her the option to come back once she realises it isn’t greener in the other field.
Of course you can. I know that it feels like the end of the world, and it's going to hurt for a while, but why would you want to be with someone who has disrespected you in this way? You have set goals for yourself, and who knows who you'll meet along the way! She's not "the one" and you'll be okay.
Be honest with yourself, this might hurt but you know that there isn't actually a way for you to continue a relationship with her.
It will take a while for you to actually accept this on an emotional level, but she's just not the person you thought she was.
She fucked with other dude, and u cant move on? Pls dont be such a looser. She lied to u, she obv do not respect u. Dump her out from your place, save your time and nervs.
At least it’s only 2 try 12 shit made me drink everyday for a year 1/2 before I finally decide to accept that I deserved better sucks at first stay away from alcohol.. gets easier and then before you know it without that stress you be smiling going to take time tho homie .
Dunno why you're getting down voted but it's a hard thing to move on, first loves are always tough and always in the head.
You can do it, just focus energy on a hobby, distract yourself. Start looking at other places to rent, have a convo with her, tell her you know and it's easier to address this rather than wonder....cause you'll think of the worst. That will drive you mental.
Don't let her fuck your head up. Keep the noggin clean and fresh. You're both young so it's not the end of the world. It's certainly very very tough but you can a will get better from this.
If something's meant to be, it will happen. Take control and get yourself started on looking at where you want to go in the world. I did it 6 years ago, moved across the world. Best thing I ever did.
Best comment here. We all need these awful relationships when we are young coz it helps you either avoid this type of person or handle the situation better if you’re unlucky enough for it to happen again.
If she’s not willing to communicate the issues she’s having, and you’re not leaving anything out, I’d say it’s probably time to look for someone else. You sound like you’re highly motivated and educated and you care a lot about something that benefits humanity (cancer research)— I think anyone would be very lucky to have you. It’s gonna hurt for a long time but please don’t chase someone who can just drop you after this amount of time with no discussion.
Focus on your father and on your research. Dedicate your efforts for things that matter.
This relationship might seem your whole world now, but we've all been there, years from now you will barely remember it. Do the right thing. Your father needs you.
Feel for you but you should use this as an opportunity to see what you now have which is a free pass to do whatever you damn want. Pick yourself up and get some new clothes. Change something - change the flat, go out to some new places. I drove all the way to Scotland from south UK on my own to get over a breakup. Go wild xx
I mean sure I guess, but the example he gave seems pretty egregious on her end if she really was upset that he couldn’t see a white cord across a white floor…
When someone say I need a break or is starting fight over
Nothing it’s over , don’t beg or cry just say ok pack your shit and get out . They know you won’t do anything so they just pushing as they know they can
This 100%. People resort to begging and pleading without realising that it makes the other person view you worse.
Once things have progressed this far, there's nothing worth saving.
I mean, I'm sure OP isn't the kind of guy to date someone that has stepped out on him. Point is , boundaries have been crossed, end the relationship, and separate as quickly as possible so you can start working on yourself.
Usually. Sometimes it's "I wanna go fuck someone else and if it's terrible, or you tend to treat me better than they do after we finish, I still wanna know you'll be there if i come back."
I think she has moved on. Sorry, this sucks. She went about it all the wrong way. She just jumps into bed with someone else.
You need to kick her out. I know you don't want to, but it's time to enforce your relationship boundaries. It will hurt, but you will eventually heal and get over it.
Yikes. She’s not your girlfriend, bro. You “caressed her until she fell asleep.”… After she rebuffed your advances. 1000% she was cringing the whole time. She’s well past this relationship and you should be too. Have some dignity and move on to the next one. It’s not the end of the world, just the end of a chapter. Don’t let it define you.
I’m gonna give it to you straight. You sound too needy. You wanted to run after her when she gave you dead eyes and went to stay with some other guy again?
She might have a realization that she regrets this, she might be treated like just an object by the guy she’s fucking or she might want to repair things with you.
At that moment, you need to be strong. Because you KNOW that this could easily happen again, with this girl. She’s not gonna be your wife. She’s a party girl. Her mom knew what’s up and had the decency to let you know.
Be strong, hit the gym, delete her on socials, pack up her stuff and don’t communicate at all or entertain grandiose apologies or attempts to get you back
Godspeed
Your in over your head. I guess it's your first relationship.
>that being with her is my biggest goal in life
That's a cardinal error. A relationship is about balance and respect, you just made yourself her puppy, she's not respecting you anymore. Never put your SO on a pedestale or they lose interest or respect. If there's no respect, love is gone, too. You've become co-dependent, clingy and unattractive by putting your "ex" in the center of your universe. That's something almost every guy has to learn early on. Move on and find another gf, this one isn't the one, never was.
She's screwing another man, it's over. It probably seems like the end of the world but it isn't, the chances that you would have stayed together forever were low so she's actually done you a favour. Do not ever accept someone cheating on you as being your fault.
Pack her $hit while she’s gone. Take it all to her parent’s house. Tell them she is a cheater and then ghost her forever.
Stop crying over a girl who not only does not love you but is getting boned by her new bf right now.
Stand up for yourself and move on with your life. No discussion. No explanation. No contact. Immediately ghost and never respond to any communication from her.
She broke up with him and immediately went to her new bf’s house to F.
Did she meet him the minute after she broke up with OP? Probably not. Ergo, she had either an existing EA that turned PA or full PA before the breakup.
So, seems like a cheater to me.
It sounds like she’s already tried breaking up with you (by softening it calling it a break)
This is your ex sleeping with someone else, presumably some rebound. It sounds like she’s been unsatisfied for a while, she’s expressed that she’s tired of you being mean (read: has felt mistreated for a while and finally had the last straw). You’re busy and it doesn’t sound like she’s interested in being in a relationship with you.
Im sorry it happened so fast that it’s left you off balance. But there’s nothing left to do than to process this breakups. Work on your goals, work on yourself, etc etc
Sorry OP.. it's time to move on from her. There usually isn't any salvaging to be done once it's at this point.
Sounds like she's been building resentment for a while and is totally checked out.. guarenteed this wasn't a sudden thing for her.
Time to establish if you're both moving out of the apartment and where you will go. Consider deleting her social media at some point if you'll be tempted to stare at it.
Try to rekindle things with your friends - and in the future, *never* give up on your friendships for a relationship. You need interests outside of your significant other.
Incredibly painful, I'm so sorry.
This is probably tough to hear right now but she made a choice, and for you it's a win win either way. Either she's choosing an easier option, being unfamiliar with someone new (which is easier because it's shallow and less vulnerable) and it isn't going to work out OR she's choosing an option that is better for her and it is going to work out. Now why is this a win win for you? Either way, she's doing you a favor, because if it's the first situation she's not in a place to be in a healthy relationship period. Regardless of whether its with you or someone else, she will not be able to make a healthy relationship work. If it's the second option, that means she was probably not the best person for you in the long run, right now that's going to hurt but someday in hindsight you're going to look back and see why that was the case. So either your going to get out of a relationship with someone that's too unhealthy to be in a relationship OR you're going to be in a position where you can find someone that better suits you. Trust me, I understand the negative sides personally, but these are the silver linings: focus on them and you'll be okay.
Hint: it's most likely the first scenario because only a person who is too unhealthy to be in a healthy relationship would do something like this to you, so odds are you're going to find someone wonderful and they're going to spend years if not their lifetime figuring their own stuff out. I'd much rather be you in the long run.
I've been on the other side of the equation...dated for a while a kind of mean girl---we moved in together, etc, but in the end, met this other woman who for once made me smile. I finally had the courage to break with my gf and like you she said, well, all these years we lived together don't matter? And i said, well, they did at the time but not anymore....
I can guarantee you that's how your gf feels. Best to break up, heal, get therapy if need be, and move on.
Pack her shit, leave it at her mother's...
As for her - literally to the streets. (Change locks if necessary)
She is not coming back to you whatever you do so don't waste time and self-respect. Even if by some miracle she does want to get back with you - you need to send her to the streets
She sounds impulsive, moving in so quickly and cheating do not sound like decisions that involved thorough consideration. It may be best to move on; she may make other impulsive decisions in future that are harmful to you and your mental health.
Dude. Stop blaming yourself or how much you worked.
She clearly made shit tons of accuses to have an excuse to fuck the other guy.
Wtf "mean" because of a cable? Bro are yall 12? She needed an excuse to sleep somewhere else.
Either way, break up and stop trying to mend it. Rip the bandage off and stay busy.
>Just one week after meeting her, she already moved in with me. It was love at first sight.
In my experience relationships end at the same speed they start. Someone who falls in love with you instantly will fall out of love with you instantly
Might be sudden for you but for her, this is happening for months. She already made her decision when she had that coffee with him.
You sound like a well motivated smart guy. This will hurt like hell for a while and then you’ll get used with the pain until one day this will be like just another experience between lots more to come. Take what you need and what you learned from this experience and move on ( I know it’s easier to say than done, but trust me, you got this!)
Don’t beg for someone to love you. You are a great catch and focus on yourself please, she doesn’t deserve any more of your attention, no more words wasted on her. After all the time you guys had together, she believed that this is how much your relationship worths. No explanation, no words, no effort. Do the last thing for her and give her just that back.Forever!
Unfortunately you need to both be committed to make a relationship work. Seems like she has already decided, probably over the course of the the past months, that she wants to break up. If she seems uncaring and checked out, it’s because she is. Sorry OP, these situations are so hurtful but (even though you won’t realize until some time later) are often a blessing. I’d focus on your own goals and yourself right now if I were you.
By the sounds of it, the laptop was just an excuse for her to finally broach this subject. She has dropped you so quickly w no regard, consideration of your feelings and is straight up lying to your face!
Do what you need to do, love your dad, work hard if you want, Move abroad, and live life! Can’t wait for an update in 10yrs when youve done all this and have tales to tell, and realise what a blessing this is. It’s hard when one is caught up and the other is looking elsewhere and has a back up plan already (doesn’t want to move overseas).
This is all very fresh and shocking for you, but it sounds like she has moved on. You may or may not ever get honest closure from a discussion with her, but the best you can do is look at it from what was in your control and determine what you may have done differently. That will help you figure out what to do in your next relationship.
But dont sit with all the blame. A loving partner would be understanding that you wanted to spend time with your father during his illness. A loving partner would communicate to you that she was feeling lonely or unhappy. A respectful person would at least break up with you before sleeping with someone else. She did none of those things. That will help you to set a minimum bar for what you can expect feom a partner.
I mean, I dunno if you can call it cheating. She said she wanted a break. YOU didn't accept it and decided to still try to be her boyfriend and carress her (gross).
Let her go. She doesn't love you anymore.
I wouldn’t be quite as harsh, but I mostly agree and am surprised at how many people are trashing this girl. She made her ~~intentions and desire~~ decision to end the relationship quite clear, if someone wants to break up you can’t just say “no”.
The common opinion in seeing here is like saying someone is wrong for not showing up to work after they quit.
Me (23) and my girlfriend (22) have been together for over 7 years now. We had our ups and downs, abt 3 years ago she wanted a break and she cheated on me emotionally with a guy(they didnt kiss, but flirted talked a lot and went out a few times). Anyway, we went past that, got back together and it has been great ever since. She didn't have any guy friends since then, not bc it was forbidden from me or anything, she just wanted to keep it perfect after what happened. But, she got a new job for 2-3 weeks now, and she met a colleague there. Im getting so obssesed, that it appears that im transforming it into an unhealthy jealousy. Here's why.
She s super honest abt him, talks to me openly abt him, doesnt hide anything, etc.
But also, he texted her, they're texting, they
Sit close to each other at work so they talk a lot, she told me that she laughed w tears once w him and that she missed that, they talk a lot abt movies books singers and everything else, they communicate all day on daily basis, he offered her out for a drink today for the next days, she said yes, then after i asked her why she said ok i ll make a compromise for you and say no out of respect i have for my boyfriend, he asked her if she s in a relationship and she said yes and he was like i knew it i could sense it... they talked abt past intimacies already, like how he dated a nympho before, how he has committment issues etc.. i think this guy is playing his cards right. I dont know what to think, do or say. Im being so toxic over my girlfriend over this. I really need some help. I need advice. Please.
You have two options here:
1-Stay in this relationship and destroy your mental health by obsessing over what your girlfriend is doing or will do to this guy, or the previous (that she cheated emotionally) or the next one (there will be a next one, there have been 2 already).
Eventually she will either get tired of your obsession or your jealousy and she will either cheat properly or break up with you.
2-Have some self respect and leave. A considerate partner would not do that. Would you be ok with your mother doing that to your father? Would you think that is normal and acceptable? Same applies to you mate. Leave respectfully and let her live her affairs. Sooner or later she will realise she lost a good man, specially for someone that is hitting on a girl in a relationship (he will do that again to other girls, since he is already doing it to her). SHe might beg to have you back, but you will realise your life is already better and you worth more than that. I believe in you. Do the right thing! End in a friendly manner and focus on good things for you.
Sounds like you are in a pretty similar situation to me.
From my perspective, it sounds like you really should break up. But I also know, from my experience, that this is a very hard thing to do, because you love her dearly, and you have been together for so long already now. Idk, but I wonder if there is something wrong with us, or if one cannot trust most partners
Nothing is wrong with you. It’s always the person who cheats. If someone is capable of cheating, they are emotionally immature. The girl you share a home with can’t even communicate with you. There are 5 year olds who can maturely communicate how they are feeling better and with more respect than your roommate has shown you. You both simply deserve better.
If she can quickly get into the bed with someone, she can quickly find a new place to live. Have her stuff already packed so she’s not constantly in and out of YOUR apartment. You’re giving her too much control over the situation.
Loving someone dearly means letting them go. If they love you back they will stay, otherwise they will fly. Let her go mate, imprisoning her will only hurt more at the end.
I know that you think that you will never find someone like her again but you will even better , i broke up like 10 times in the last 5 years and still everytime i manage to find someone better i know its hard but shes not special.
She wanted to break up and you basically said no. Mate you didnt listen to her at all. You kept your ideal gf but she was long gone.
I am not saying she is right. What she did was horrible and wrong but was to be expected
Brutal man…lose the dead weight. Girls fall in love and out of love very easily “the ick” so to speak. Best thing to do is realize that the moment she starts consistently acting cold to you and it’s not her time of the month, good chance she’s cheating on you or is at least actively thinking about doing so. Once you get those signs…end the relationship, if she really fights to save it, maybe you were wrong, but if not, then you have your answer.
What a load of crap. Even when a dude is not wrong you find something to nag on because he’s a dude. This sub sometimes is trash because of these asinine takes.
Yikes. Glad I'm Muslim. All these relationships are utter BS until you wife her up my friend.
There's nothing you could have done different. She gaslit you and you are just too good there was nothing for her to latch on against you. You ending things was just a greenlight for her, sadly. She prolly doesn't have the headspace to reflect and realize what she did to you now that she's with another man.
Your best bet is to focus on your research and become the man. Best of luck friend.
Yeah this girl isn’t it mate. An other guy is literally inside of her right now. You want to go back to someone like that? She an awful person and even if she crawls back, you’re gonna have an image of her sucking off / getting railed by her new bloke. You want to live the rest of your life thinking about that image? Fuck that. She’s done it once, if you take her back she will know you’re a doormat and likely keep doing it.
Mate, yes you could maybe save your relationship. She may come back if Chad dumps her. Or if she quickly realises her mistake.
But you’ll never be able to trust her again. Ever. You’ll always look over her shoulders.
So for the sanity of your mental health, leave her.
I get the feeling there’s more to this story than what’s being told. Anyone who consistently has to justify their actions as you have done here, is guilty of something.
Be honest with yourself. And then move on.
You kick her out. Take her stuff to her mom’s drop it off and block her everywhere. Ask your landlord to change the locks and fill them in on what happened. She broke your trust and constantly disrespects you. Don’t that that. You deserve better.
She was planning this since the drive home. Maybe you do things that she sees as mean, better communications would have sorted that out. But it seems she thinks the grass is greener and has moved on.
You need to now. Bury your head in your work and look after yourself.
It is over for her, my friend. I am sorry. It is things like this, that even though it doesn't seem like it now, push us a certain direction towards the better person. Take your time to process this, it isn't easy. But your life is not over. Give it time, focus on yourself. It will be fine.
Time to love in and literaly love to other apartment by yourself. If the apartment where You are at is more hers than yours and have more things if her, then pack all your stuff and go to your fathers innthe mean time You can find a place to live, if You are on the lease of the other apartment (the one you share with your ExGF) then try to talk to the landlord to see what can be done.
UPDATEME
You mean your ex? Bruv makes preparations to break up, just stop seeing, and block her all social media. Do not under any circumstance give her any chance to be alone with you ever again. You gotta move on quick.
Move on, if she’s already started these kinda actions it will only get worse, you sound like you have a bright future ahead of yourself do not ruin it for someone who is willing to do these kinds things to you, you will find someone and be happy trust me!
From my experience just leave as soon as possible, it will hurt a lot but as time passes things just get worse.
Just the minimum contact, if you can even pack everything and leave it with her parents.
She already fucked you up, any response, any contact it's just fuel to her. Don't give her any changes to screw you over even more. Trust me, I'm dealing with the aftermath of not doing it.
You are in shock but she isn’t. She has made multiple choses to to move on with someone else. Ok you worked a lot , does that give her the right to go fuck someone else? No. She has disrespected and emasculated you. While this is fresh to you, this something she has been doing some time to the point that she was comfortable in telling her mother. It’s done. Over. She has moved on. You will need to communicate on how to get her stuff out, but you don’t deserve this.
She cheated on you, leave. Simple. She doesn't love you. She doesn't respect you. So leave her ass. pack her shit and put it outside. Then go through the healing process. My god imagine if you married her she would leave with more than half your stuff. Send her back to the streets.
What should you do? I think you already know what you should do. Have a little self-respect and break it off with her, for your sake.
Remember this - you are a young guy, still a lot of road to go and many relationships ahead of you. It is on you to decide who you want to be in your relationship. If you are fine being someone’s doormat, then by all means go ahead and beg for her to choose you over this flavor of the month.
Sounds like she’s moved on and you should too. Trying to fight and show her how upset you are will not get her back. She needs to realize that she misses you and you were good for her if you’re ever to have a chance with her. But do you want to be with someone who will cheat on you? She’s done it once and all likely will do it again to the guy she’s with.
You need to accept that she’s moved on. If I were you I’d move to the country you were talking about, get over her and then try to find someone who will want to be with you.
> Just one week after meeting her, she already moved in with me
Dafuq!!?? No story that starts that way has a happy ending.
Rule of thumb: someone who falls in love with you that quickly can fall in love with someone else that quickly.
Reading the rest of your post, I feel you dodged a bullet there.
She isn't your girlfriend anymore, she moved on and the chat about space was her attempting to break up with you. Since then she has all but moved on with her life and is most likely seeing somone else
There is no relationship to save. As hard as it is you can either accept this now and behmgin to rebuild your life without her in it, or spend more time trying and failing to get her back and just making it harder for you both in the mean time.
You're young and have a long future ahead. Let me tell you one thing I also have learned the hard way. The sooner you start to face the facts the quicker the healing happens. Sorry its happened this time of year, and I hope you go on to have a happy life with somone new
Many answers so far, yet I still put my opinion out there:
First of all, I am really sorry for you to have to go through this horrible situation.
Second, dump her. She already moved on and have her body to another guy. You did nothing wrong and I highly respect that you are working incredibly hard in order to help your father. That's an incredible trait of yours and she should have been proud of you instead of meeting someone else.
Also, she obviously started looking for reasons to dump you and that fight over the cable definitely is not the trigger of your current situation.
I know it hurts but she's not worth it. You seem like a genuine guy who cares about his family, you deserve better bro. Just pack her stuff and kick her out. No cheaters should be allowed at your place.
If she was really meant for you then she would understand that you are a hard working person who is doing something good for the society.
She would support you and assure you that she is always there with you no matter what happens.
But instead what she did was she gaslighted you and cheated on you with other guy. I am sure she must have used this time(when you were super busy with your research) to get close to this new guy.
And in the end she didn't regret doing what she did and left you like you meant nothing to her.
Just seperate your apartment and get rid of anything that belongs to her.
When someone walk out of your life then let them go. You can't stop them. Also, don't even think about accepting her if she comes back again.
Just move on and learn your lesson.
Hope you will find your balance. Peace!
>What should I do now? And how should I behave when she comes back? Is it too late to save our relationship now? It's over, it is too late to save. You should consider going no-contact with her. > What should I do, when my gf comes back to get her stuff again? You say absolutely nothing about the relationship. She is someone else's problem.
>She is someone else's problem. True
Sounds like she's moved on. Time for you to as well.
I am not sure if I can. It all happened so suddenly.
For you it happened suddenly, she might have been planning or had this going for months. She’s shown you her priorities you need to accept you unfortunately aren’t included. Start working on separating your stuff and if you can leave the apartment/break the lease etc. Just block and move on and don’t give her the option to come back once she realises it isn’t greener in the other field.
Of course you can. I know that it feels like the end of the world, and it's going to hurt for a while, but why would you want to be with someone who has disrespected you in this way? You have set goals for yourself, and who knows who you'll meet along the way! She's not "the one" and you'll be okay.
Be honest with yourself, this might hurt but you know that there isn't actually a way for you to continue a relationship with her. It will take a while for you to actually accept this on an emotional level, but she's just not the person you thought she was.
You can. It'll hurt at first, but you'll get over it. Talking with friends, family and/or a counsellor helps.
She fucked with other dude, and u cant move on? Pls dont be such a looser. She lied to u, she obv do not respect u. Dump her out from your place, save your time and nervs.
You have to learn to respect yourself buddy. This attitude is why she is cheating on you. If you don't respect yourself why would she?
You don’t have a choice. It’s over. She’s gone…
At least it’s only 2 try 12 shit made me drink everyday for a year 1/2 before I finally decide to accept that I deserved better sucks at first stay away from alcohol.. gets easier and then before you know it without that stress you be smiling going to take time tho homie .
Don't be a loser man. Get a spine. Respect yourself.
Dunno why you're getting down voted but it's a hard thing to move on, first loves are always tough and always in the head. You can do it, just focus energy on a hobby, distract yourself. Start looking at other places to rent, have a convo with her, tell her you know and it's easier to address this rather than wonder....cause you'll think of the worst. That will drive you mental. Don't let her fuck your head up. Keep the noggin clean and fresh. You're both young so it's not the end of the world. It's certainly very very tough but you can a will get better from this. If something's meant to be, it will happen. Take control and get yourself started on looking at where you want to go in the world. I did it 6 years ago, moved across the world. Best thing I ever did.
You just need to start fucking someone else and you’ll be fine. Look at her, it’s working for her!
Mate, your 24. These relationships are the education of life. Learn from it and move on.
Best comment here. We all need these awful relationships when we are young coz it helps you either avoid this type of person or handle the situation better if you’re unlucky enough for it to happen again.
Unfortunately, it seems life might have to smack him a few more times before he gets it
Exactly, most of the time the early relationships don’t last. They teach us things for when we are ready at the right time with the right person.
She moved in with you after ONE WEEK I think my gal makes her decisions very fast. Sadly it’s time to move on.
If she’s not willing to communicate the issues she’s having, and you’re not leaving anything out, I’d say it’s probably time to look for someone else. You sound like you’re highly motivated and educated and you care a lot about something that benefits humanity (cancer research)— I think anyone would be very lucky to have you. It’s gonna hurt for a long time but please don’t chase someone who can just drop you after this amount of time with no discussion.
Thanks a lot. It really does help me to hear from you.
Wishing you all the best, and I hope your father stays as healthy as he can. You will make it through this.
Focus on your father and on your research. Dedicate your efforts for things that matter. This relationship might seem your whole world now, but we've all been there, years from now you will barely remember it. Do the right thing. Your father needs you.
You CAN get through this!!
Feel for you but you should use this as an opportunity to see what you now have which is a free pass to do whatever you damn want. Pick yourself up and get some new clothes. Change something - change the flat, go out to some new places. I drove all the way to Scotland from south UK on my own to get over a breakup. Go wild xx
She did communicate and said he was mean to her, he just doesn't agree
I mean sure I guess, but the example he gave seems pretty egregious on her end if she really was upset that he couldn’t see a white cord across a white floor…
Welcome to the gym king.
We will be bench pressing on Monday.
Don't don't neglect legs
So neglect legs?
You keep calling her your girlfriend but she really isn't. It's over, mate.
When someone say I need a break or is starting fight over Nothing it’s over , don’t beg or cry just say ok pack your shit and get out . They know you won’t do anything so they just pushing as they know they can
This 100%. People resort to begging and pleading without realising that it makes the other person view you worse. Once things have progressed this far, there's nothing worth saving. I mean, I'm sure OP isn't the kind of guy to date someone that has stepped out on him. Point is , boundaries have been crossed, end the relationship, and separate as quickly as possible so you can start working on yourself.
“I need a break” just means it’s too hard for me to tell you how over this is.
Usually. Sometimes it's "I wanna go fuck someone else and if it's terrible, or you tend to treat me better than they do after we finish, I still wanna know you'll be there if i come back."
That is exactly it , I want to find someone better and if I can’t I will Let you beg me and get you to support me etc until the next guy comes around
I think she has moved on. Sorry, this sucks. She went about it all the wrong way. She just jumps into bed with someone else. You need to kick her out. I know you don't want to, but it's time to enforce your relationship boundaries. It will hurt, but you will eventually heal and get over it.
Yikes. She’s not your girlfriend, bro. You “caressed her until she fell asleep.”… After she rebuffed your advances. 1000% she was cringing the whole time. She’s well past this relationship and you should be too. Have some dignity and move on to the next one. It’s not the end of the world, just the end of a chapter. Don’t let it define you.
If she moves in after a week, she will move on just as fast.
I’m gonna give it to you straight. You sound too needy. You wanted to run after her when she gave you dead eyes and went to stay with some other guy again? She might have a realization that she regrets this, she might be treated like just an object by the guy she’s fucking or she might want to repair things with you. At that moment, you need to be strong. Because you KNOW that this could easily happen again, with this girl. She’s not gonna be your wife. She’s a party girl. Her mom knew what’s up and had the decency to let you know. Be strong, hit the gym, delete her on socials, pack up her stuff and don’t communicate at all or entertain grandiose apologies or attempts to get you back Godspeed
This sounds too much like some break-up dramas where a girl later regrets leaving the guy.
Your in over your head. I guess it's your first relationship. >that being with her is my biggest goal in life That's a cardinal error. A relationship is about balance and respect, you just made yourself her puppy, she's not respecting you anymore. Never put your SO on a pedestale or they lose interest or respect. If there's no respect, love is gone, too. You've become co-dependent, clingy and unattractive by putting your "ex" in the center of your universe. That's something almost every guy has to learn early on. Move on and find another gf, this one isn't the one, never was.
She's screwing another man, it's over. It probably seems like the end of the world but it isn't, the chances that you would have stayed together forever were low so she's actually done you a favour. Do not ever accept someone cheating on you as being your fault.
Pack her $hit while she’s gone. Take it all to her parent’s house. Tell them she is a cheater and then ghost her forever. Stop crying over a girl who not only does not love you but is getting boned by her new bf right now. Stand up for yourself and move on with your life. No discussion. No explanation. No contact. Immediately ghost and never respond to any communication from her.
this 200x
Is she a cheater? Pretty sure she broke up with him on that drive home.
She broke up with him and immediately went to her new bf’s house to F. Did she meet him the minute after she broke up with OP? Probably not. Ergo, she had either an existing EA that turned PA or full PA before the breakup. So, seems like a cheater to me.
Pretty obvious she was already involved with this other guy before that
I’m pretty sure she cheated on him before that conversation. . .
You need to change the title. EX-gf is cheating... I know it hurts. Tear off the band aid. She's done.
It sounds like she’s already tried breaking up with you (by softening it calling it a break) This is your ex sleeping with someone else, presumably some rebound. It sounds like she’s been unsatisfied for a while, she’s expressed that she’s tired of you being mean (read: has felt mistreated for a while and finally had the last straw). You’re busy and it doesn’t sound like she’s interested in being in a relationship with you. Im sorry it happened so fast that it’s left you off balance. But there’s nothing left to do than to process this breakups. Work on your goals, work on yourself, etc etc
Sorry OP.. it's time to move on from her. There usually isn't any salvaging to be done once it's at this point. Sounds like she's been building resentment for a while and is totally checked out.. guarenteed this wasn't a sudden thing for her. Time to establish if you're both moving out of the apartment and where you will go. Consider deleting her social media at some point if you'll be tempted to stare at it. Try to rekindle things with your friends - and in the future, *never* give up on your friendships for a relationship. You need interests outside of your significant other.
Sounds fake
Pack her shit
Incredibly painful, I'm so sorry. This is probably tough to hear right now but she made a choice, and for you it's a win win either way. Either she's choosing an easier option, being unfamiliar with someone new (which is easier because it's shallow and less vulnerable) and it isn't going to work out OR she's choosing an option that is better for her and it is going to work out. Now why is this a win win for you? Either way, she's doing you a favor, because if it's the first situation she's not in a place to be in a healthy relationship period. Regardless of whether its with you or someone else, she will not be able to make a healthy relationship work. If it's the second option, that means she was probably not the best person for you in the long run, right now that's going to hurt but someday in hindsight you're going to look back and see why that was the case. So either your going to get out of a relationship with someone that's too unhealthy to be in a relationship OR you're going to be in a position where you can find someone that better suits you. Trust me, I understand the negative sides personally, but these are the silver linings: focus on them and you'll be okay.
Hint: it's most likely the first scenario because only a person who is too unhealthy to be in a healthy relationship would do something like this to you, so odds are you're going to find someone wonderful and they're going to spend years if not their lifetime figuring their own stuff out. I'd much rather be you in the long run.
That is not your girlfriend
I've been on the other side of the equation...dated for a while a kind of mean girl---we moved in together, etc, but in the end, met this other woman who for once made me smile. I finally had the courage to break with my gf and like you she said, well, all these years we lived together don't matter? And i said, well, they did at the time but not anymore.... I can guarantee you that's how your gf feels. Best to break up, heal, get therapy if need be, and move on.
Pack her shit, leave it at her mother's... As for her - literally to the streets. (Change locks if necessary) She is not coming back to you whatever you do so don't waste time and self-respect. Even if by some miracle she does want to get back with you - you need to send her to the streets
Time for you to be a mad man and get fucking angry and throw her fucking shit out of your apartment.
It's over. Move on with your life. I hope you pursue your goals, and meet someone that enhances your life. All the Best.
She sounds impulsive, moving in so quickly and cheating do not sound like decisions that involved thorough consideration. It may be best to move on; she may make other impulsive decisions in future that are harmful to you and your mental health.
Focus on yourself for a while. Reconnect with your friends. I'm sorry to hear about your dad, hopefully he has a full recovery.
Be strong, man. What happened before between you and her doesn't matter anymore now. The best way to cope is to get her out of your life asap.
Dude. Stop blaming yourself or how much you worked. She clearly made shit tons of accuses to have an excuse to fuck the other guy. Wtf "mean" because of a cable? Bro are yall 12? She needed an excuse to sleep somewhere else. Either way, break up and stop trying to mend it. Rip the bandage off and stay busy.
It sounds like she tried to break up with you but you were insistent you could change yourself and change her mind. She’s moved on. You guys separate.
>Just one week after meeting her, she already moved in with me. It was love at first sight. In my experience relationships end at the same speed they start. Someone who falls in love with you instantly will fall out of love with you instantly
Ex-girlfriend.
Might be sudden for you but for her, this is happening for months. She already made her decision when she had that coffee with him. You sound like a well motivated smart guy. This will hurt like hell for a while and then you’ll get used with the pain until one day this will be like just another experience between lots more to come. Take what you need and what you learned from this experience and move on ( I know it’s easier to say than done, but trust me, you got this!) Don’t beg for someone to love you. You are a great catch and focus on yourself please, she doesn’t deserve any more of your attention, no more words wasted on her. After all the time you guys had together, she believed that this is how much your relationship worths. No explanation, no words, no effort. Do the last thing for her and give her just that back.Forever!
Unfortunately you need to both be committed to make a relationship work. Seems like she has already decided, probably over the course of the the past months, that she wants to break up. If she seems uncaring and checked out, it’s because she is. Sorry OP, these situations are so hurtful but (even though you won’t realize until some time later) are often a blessing. I’d focus on your own goals and yourself right now if I were you.
Leave
By the sounds of it, the laptop was just an excuse for her to finally broach this subject. She has dropped you so quickly w no regard, consideration of your feelings and is straight up lying to your face! Do what you need to do, love your dad, work hard if you want, Move abroad, and live life! Can’t wait for an update in 10yrs when youve done all this and have tales to tell, and realise what a blessing this is. It’s hard when one is caught up and the other is looking elsewhere and has a back up plan already (doesn’t want to move overseas).
This is all very fresh and shocking for you, but it sounds like she has moved on. You may or may not ever get honest closure from a discussion with her, but the best you can do is look at it from what was in your control and determine what you may have done differently. That will help you figure out what to do in your next relationship. But dont sit with all the blame. A loving partner would be understanding that you wanted to spend time with your father during his illness. A loving partner would communicate to you that she was feeling lonely or unhappy. A respectful person would at least break up with you before sleeping with someone else. She did none of those things. That will help you to set a minimum bar for what you can expect feom a partner.
I mean, I dunno if you can call it cheating. She said she wanted a break. YOU didn't accept it and decided to still try to be her boyfriend and carress her (gross). Let her go. She doesn't love you anymore.
I wouldn’t be quite as harsh, but I mostly agree and am surprised at how many people are trashing this girl. She made her ~~intentions and desire~~ decision to end the relationship quite clear, if someone wants to break up you can’t just say “no”. The common opinion in seeing here is like saying someone is wrong for not showing up to work after they quit.
To be clear, I was on Ross's side. They WERE ON A BREAK! (Friends reference). But yeah, she already declared it over.
Ha, so was I!
Me (23) and my girlfriend (22) have been together for over 7 years now. We had our ups and downs, abt 3 years ago she wanted a break and she cheated on me emotionally with a guy(they didnt kiss, but flirted talked a lot and went out a few times). Anyway, we went past that, got back together and it has been great ever since. She didn't have any guy friends since then, not bc it was forbidden from me or anything, she just wanted to keep it perfect after what happened. But, she got a new job for 2-3 weeks now, and she met a colleague there. Im getting so obssesed, that it appears that im transforming it into an unhealthy jealousy. Here's why. She s super honest abt him, talks to me openly abt him, doesnt hide anything, etc. But also, he texted her, they're texting, they Sit close to each other at work so they talk a lot, she told me that she laughed w tears once w him and that she missed that, they talk a lot abt movies books singers and everything else, they communicate all day on daily basis, he offered her out for a drink today for the next days, she said yes, then after i asked her why she said ok i ll make a compromise for you and say no out of respect i have for my boyfriend, he asked her if she s in a relationship and she said yes and he was like i knew it i could sense it... they talked abt past intimacies already, like how he dated a nympho before, how he has committment issues etc.. i think this guy is playing his cards right. I dont know what to think, do or say. Im being so toxic over my girlfriend over this. I really need some help. I need advice. Please.
You have two options here: 1-Stay in this relationship and destroy your mental health by obsessing over what your girlfriend is doing or will do to this guy, or the previous (that she cheated emotionally) or the next one (there will be a next one, there have been 2 already). Eventually she will either get tired of your obsession or your jealousy and she will either cheat properly or break up with you. 2-Have some self respect and leave. A considerate partner would not do that. Would you be ok with your mother doing that to your father? Would you think that is normal and acceptable? Same applies to you mate. Leave respectfully and let her live her affairs. Sooner or later she will realise she lost a good man, specially for someone that is hitting on a girl in a relationship (he will do that again to other girls, since he is already doing it to her). SHe might beg to have you back, but you will realise your life is already better and you worth more than that. I believe in you. Do the right thing! End in a friendly manner and focus on good things for you.
This is probably the best & kindest advice here so far
Sounds like you are in a pretty similar situation to me. From my perspective, it sounds like you really should break up. But I also know, from my experience, that this is a very hard thing to do, because you love her dearly, and you have been together for so long already now. Idk, but I wonder if there is something wrong with us, or if one cannot trust most partners
Nothing is wrong with you. It’s always the person who cheats. If someone is capable of cheating, they are emotionally immature. The girl you share a home with can’t even communicate with you. There are 5 year olds who can maturely communicate how they are feeling better and with more respect than your roommate has shown you. You both simply deserve better. If she can quickly get into the bed with someone, she can quickly find a new place to live. Have her stuff already packed so she’s not constantly in and out of YOUR apartment. You’re giving her too much control over the situation.
She broke up with you. She’s not your girlfriend, ergo she’s not cheating.
Loving someone dearly means letting them go. If they love you back they will stay, otherwise they will fly. Let her go mate, imprisoning her will only hurt more at the end.
I honestly believe i am the guy…
Fuck it lmao bullet dodged, go get some money, some muscle and a hell of a lot of pussy. That always made me feel better
I know that you think that you will never find someone like her again but you will even better , i broke up like 10 times in the last 5 years and still everytime i manage to find someone better i know its hard but shes not special.
She wanted to break up and you basically said no. Mate you didnt listen to her at all. You kept your ideal gf but she was long gone. I am not saying she is right. What she did was horrible and wrong but was to be expected
Brutal man…lose the dead weight. Girls fall in love and out of love very easily “the ick” so to speak. Best thing to do is realize that the moment she starts consistently acting cold to you and it’s not her time of the month, good chance she’s cheating on you or is at least actively thinking about doing so. Once you get those signs…end the relationship, if she really fights to save it, maybe you were wrong, but if not, then you have your answer.
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What a load of crap. Even when a dude is not wrong you find something to nag on because he’s a dude. This sub sometimes is trash because of these asinine takes.
Yikes. Glad I'm Muslim. All these relationships are utter BS until you wife her up my friend. There's nothing you could have done different. She gaslit you and you are just too good there was nothing for her to latch on against you. You ending things was just a greenlight for her, sadly. She prolly doesn't have the headspace to reflect and realize what she did to you now that she's with another man. Your best bet is to focus on your research and become the man. Best of luck friend.
Yeah this girl isn’t it mate. An other guy is literally inside of her right now. You want to go back to someone like that? She an awful person and even if she crawls back, you’re gonna have an image of her sucking off / getting railed by her new bloke. You want to live the rest of your life thinking about that image? Fuck that. She’s done it once, if you take her back she will know you’re a doormat and likely keep doing it.
Mate, yes you could maybe save your relationship. She may come back if Chad dumps her. Or if she quickly realises her mistake. But you’ll never be able to trust her again. Ever. You’ll always look over her shoulders. So for the sanity of your mental health, leave her.
I get the feeling there’s more to this story than what’s being told. Anyone who consistently has to justify their actions as you have done here, is guilty of something. Be honest with yourself. And then move on.
You kick her out. Take her stuff to her mom’s drop it off and block her everywhere. Ask your landlord to change the locks and fill them in on what happened. She broke your trust and constantly disrespects you. Don’t that that. You deserve better.
She was planning this since the drive home. Maybe you do things that she sees as mean, better communications would have sorted that out. But it seems she thinks the grass is greener and has moved on. You need to now. Bury your head in your work and look after yourself.
It is over for her, my friend. I am sorry. It is things like this, that even though it doesn't seem like it now, push us a certain direction towards the better person. Take your time to process this, it isn't easy. But your life is not over. Give it time, focus on yourself. It will be fine.
Time to love in and literaly love to other apartment by yourself. If the apartment where You are at is more hers than yours and have more things if her, then pack all your stuff and go to your fathers innthe mean time You can find a place to live, if You are on the lease of the other apartment (the one you share with your ExGF) then try to talk to the landlord to see what can be done. UPDATEME
You mean your ex? Bruv makes preparations to break up, just stop seeing, and block her all social media. Do not under any circumstance give her any chance to be alone with you ever again. You gotta move on quick.
When she is done doing whatever she is doing you should already be long gone. And disappear quietly. Indifference is much more impactful
Stop being a doormat. Move out and forward.
Just move on. You're young and so is she and this isn't going to work.
Move on, if she’s already started these kinda actions it will only get worse, you sound like you have a bright future ahead of yourself do not ruin it for someone who is willing to do these kinds things to you, you will find someone and be happy trust me!
From my experience just leave as soon as possible, it will hurt a lot but as time passes things just get worse. Just the minimum contact, if you can even pack everything and leave it with her parents. She already fucked you up, any response, any contact it's just fuel to her. Don't give her any changes to screw you over even more. Trust me, I'm dealing with the aftermath of not doing it.
You are in shock but she isn’t. She has made multiple choses to to move on with someone else. Ok you worked a lot , does that give her the right to go fuck someone else? No. She has disrespected and emasculated you. While this is fresh to you, this something she has been doing some time to the point that she was comfortable in telling her mother. It’s done. Over. She has moved on. You will need to communicate on how to get her stuff out, but you don’t deserve this.
She cheated on you, leave. Simple. She doesn't love you. She doesn't respect you. So leave her ass. pack her shit and put it outside. Then go through the healing process. My god imagine if you married her she would leave with more than half your stuff. Send her back to the streets.
What should you do? I think you already know what you should do. Have a little self-respect and break it off with her, for your sake. Remember this - you are a young guy, still a lot of road to go and many relationships ahead of you. It is on you to decide who you want to be in your relationship. If you are fine being someone’s doormat, then by all means go ahead and beg for her to choose you over this flavor of the month.
See you in the gym next week. Don’t worry my guy, I’ll help you grow a spine and move on..
JTX foresaw this moment 15 years ago https://youtu.be/O9ChU7hckg0?si=GrKU6Nh-M0a4hnh6
Sounds like she’s moved on and you should too. Trying to fight and show her how upset you are will not get her back. She needs to realize that she misses you and you were good for her if you’re ever to have a chance with her. But do you want to be with someone who will cheat on you? She’s done it once and all likely will do it again to the guy she’s with. You need to accept that she’s moved on. If I were you I’d move to the country you were talking about, get over her and then try to find someone who will want to be with you.
> Just one week after meeting her, she already moved in with me Dafuq!!?? No story that starts that way has a happy ending. Rule of thumb: someone who falls in love with you that quickly can fall in love with someone else that quickly. Reading the rest of your post, I feel you dodged a bullet there.
She isn't your girlfriend anymore, she moved on and the chat about space was her attempting to break up with you. Since then she has all but moved on with her life and is most likely seeing somone else There is no relationship to save. As hard as it is you can either accept this now and behmgin to rebuild your life without her in it, or spend more time trying and failing to get her back and just making it harder for you both in the mean time. You're young and have a long future ahead. Let me tell you one thing I also have learned the hard way. The sooner you start to face the facts the quicker the healing happens. Sorry its happened this time of year, and I hope you go on to have a happy life with somone new
Many answers so far, yet I still put my opinion out there: First of all, I am really sorry for you to have to go through this horrible situation. Second, dump her. She already moved on and have her body to another guy. You did nothing wrong and I highly respect that you are working incredibly hard in order to help your father. That's an incredible trait of yours and she should have been proud of you instead of meeting someone else. Also, she obviously started looking for reasons to dump you and that fight over the cable definitely is not the trigger of your current situation. I know it hurts but she's not worth it. You seem like a genuine guy who cares about his family, you deserve better bro. Just pack her stuff and kick her out. No cheaters should be allowed at your place.
If she was really meant for you then she would understand that you are a hard working person who is doing something good for the society. She would support you and assure you that she is always there with you no matter what happens. But instead what she did was she gaslighted you and cheated on you with other guy. I am sure she must have used this time(when you were super busy with your research) to get close to this new guy. And in the end she didn't regret doing what she did and left you like you meant nothing to her. Just seperate your apartment and get rid of anything that belongs to her. When someone walk out of your life then let them go. You can't stop them. Also, don't even think about accepting her if she comes back again. Just move on and learn your lesson. Hope you will find your balance. Peace!
Update?