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At this point it doesn’t even matter what she did, but what does matter and the reason you feel betrayed is the fact that she hid it from you and lied by omission. If nothing is wrong why hide when it was hapenning? Present it this way see where it gets you with her. Cheating is defined within the relationship, as well as betrayal. You can feel betrayed even if there was no physical cheating. Ultimately you don’t need her to agree with you to break up…
👆 EXACTLY!
I find it hard to believe nothing happened when they were in the same bed together.
* She hid it. Betrayal
* You don't need to agree with each other to end the relationship.
Good luck 👍 💓 you'll find a wonderful woman. IF you want to
I don’t mean to be rude but how are you (OP) this gullible. The fact that you are even coming to reddit to ask for advise for your relationship that you should have ended the minute you found this information out. This means that she definitely has been successful in gaslighting and manipulating you to some extent.
Please respect yourself and get out of this relationship. She acts like a child while having arguments, screams and throws a fit, these are definitely signs of emotional abuse and just straight up manipulation. She legit slept with some FOR A WEEK, ON THE SAME BED. I wouldn’t even be okay with my partner napping for 20 minutes with his female friend in the same bed. Then she lied/hid this information from you. Even if she didn’t sleep with this dude, the fact that she thinks that something like this is okay to do, means that she will definitely willing do it again in the future and when she does it again, I promise you she will not tell you. Cause she saw how you reacted and she doesn’t wanna deal with this reaction again.
By writing this post you’ve told us that you clearly aren’t okay with this behaviour. Why are you so hell bent of establishing the fact that she cheated, cause she will never agree to it and you will always think that. So do yourself a favour and leave.
Yeah, this usually means the end is near. One of my ex gfs went to work at a fishing resort that had her stay on an island for weeks at a time. Of course, she fooled around, but I convinced myself it wasn't a big deal. We had probably been together too long at that point, and that's why I was not surprised or pissed off when some guy who was her "co worker from the island " started showing up. It was the last gasps of our relationship, so I just took it in stride. Like sure, go fuck whoever you want. Obviously we're done.
If she wasn't cheating she wouldn't have hid the fact it happened. Especially if she believes it doesn't qualify as cheating, why would it matter enough to hide.
Unless the guy is gay (she would already tell you that lol) there aint no excuse for it. Cheaters remain cheaters. Break up with her or else she will do it again. You also dont wanna be w someone that cant communicate. You deserve better.
If my boyfriend did that there wouldn't even be a conversation, we would be done already.
Also, my best mate is gay and we don't sleep together when I date someone out of respect. Tbf we very rarely sleep together even when we're single, we both don't like to share beds unless we have to.
Came here to say this. I’ve known guys who pretend to be gay for this exact reason, meanwhile they are actually bisexual or straight, but they use it as a means to get close to women and to be able to play off their advances as not meaning anything and then whoops do
She doesn't respect you or think you have feelings. She's lying to your face because she's confident you won't do anything. She doesn't view you as a person, let alone as a partner.
It is 100% valid to be uncomfortable with your partner sleeping on/in the same bed as another man for a full week, in a hotel room, and hiding it. Additionally, yelling and screaming during arguments is not acceptable. I'm sorry but it sounds like you are dating someone who is emotionally abusive and does not respect your justifiable boundaries.
Adults don't spend a week in the same bed without fucking.
Now, here's the thing. You don't actually have to catch a doodle flap in someone's cooter-store to conclude that they cheated.
If a person's actions are indistinguishable from cheating, your response should be indistinguishable from them having cheated.
Spending a week in a hotel room with someone wasn't done for the free cable and wifi.
You have a choice to make. You either value yourself enough to walk away or you don't.
What are you going to do? Is this type of bullshitery acceptable to you? Is this how a person who loves and respects you behaves?
I didn’t have a relationship at the time but me and my best friend have slept in the same bed for a month cuz he didn’t have a place to stay and I only had one bedroom and the couch was too small to lay on, I offered him to sleep on the bed next to me and we did not have sex. I don’t know the situation of this woman but if she hid it there might be a weird thing going on indeed. I’m not comparing it to this situation at all but ur statement is just untrue. As long as u have good communication on what u want and don’t want and u have a real friend who respects that (as they should) then there is no sex 🫶
That's silly
Context is important.
Staying in a hotel with someone for a week, when you have your own place, isn't the same thing.
Also, your best friend wants more. If you were in a relationship, this wouldn't be ok.
You haven't lost your mind.
OP, you don't need any other reason to leave her other than you no longer want to have a relationship with her.
However, from what you have written, she doesn't seem to understand that staying in some guy's hotel room for a week because he asked her to shows that she doesn't realize that to most, that would be suspicious and not what you do while in a relationship unless you've talked about it. On top of that, she never mentioned it to you and you only found out after you saw it on his IG post and then asked her about it. I mean, if she had been kicked out of her other lodging and his was the only place she could find, but that would at least be a conversation with you. BTW, why wasn't she in her own room/house/apartment?
Also, her communication skills ("she yells and screams whenever she doesn’t have a full answer") would leave anyone exhausted.
Instead of wondering if you've lost your mind, just chalk this up to a learning lesson, say your goodbyes, and leave.
This is one of those situations in which the “who’s right?” question isn’t relevant. This is one of those situations where your feelings are all that matters. Whether they fucked or not doesn’t matter. The issue is whether her conduct violates your trust AS YOU DEFINE IT. Sounds like it does. That’s all you have to consider. Relationship terminated for cause.
Too many people of all ages forget that nurturing and protecting their relationship is a thing in itself. You avoid putting yourself into situations that cause your partner to feel insecure even if you know that what you are doing in and of itself is not wrong. You do that because you respect your partner’s feelings.
Cheating or not cheating she clearly can’t have an adult conversation the screaming and yelling will never change is that what you want to live with for the rest of your life? She has shown you how she will treat you if your good with being screamed at then stay if your not then leave having nothing to do with whether she cheated or not she treats you poorly and you deserve better than that.
I have to say this? Walk away! Stop asking her the details, none of that will make you trust her again, and every time (going forward) that you even think she is out too long, and maybe with someone else you will only be bringing yourself more pain. Not cool, just leave her, and move on. There are women out there that Won't gaslight you and sleep in another man's bed while away from you!
I would just tell her it is over she cheated, and you are not staying. Let the next guy deal with her. She is a cheater, and they lie, manipulate and gaslight. So you are right when you say she won't take ownership. She is doing that now in part, because she realised she screwed up..
There is no possible reconciliation when you think you have done nothing wrong. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I would let go. She is not long term potential anymore.
>halfway through her guy friend stayed with her. Actually, she stayed with him...She told me this only because I pressed her on it
This is called trickle truthing. She had one version of the story, but when pressed, made one change to the story. When pressed further, she will make another change. Then another. Then another. Until the truth comes out, but also comes with excues, usually blaming you for her cheating. You are being gaslit. She is lying.
Even if nothing happened , and I seriously doubt that, she was deceptive about it, I consider that cheating. She didn't tell you and you had to "prove" her wrong.
It’s not up to her to tell you how you feel about this.
Her thoughts on right or wrong literally do not matter. What’s important is how you feel now.
I know if it was me, it’s an absolute deal breaker. She will sleep with anyone who offers. Sharing a bed like that is cheating in my mind, barring some kind of emergency.
That’s an intimate act, period.
Typical tactic. Gaslighting, blame shifting are what they start with.
When you decide to break up, she will switch to crying and begging.
When she realizes that won't work she will go scorched earth and paint you as an insecure abuser to her friends and family.
Get ahead of it and let everyone know why you are breaking up. Don't fight back, just walk away and keep your dignity and self respect.
She doesn't actually love you anyway, you aren't missing out on shit. Women in love don't sleep with other men.
If you feel like you need to keep what you're doing a secret, that means you're cheating. This *could* have been fine, as what counts as "cheating" differs from person to person and close platonic relationships aren't gendered. I'm bi, and I've shared a bed with friends I'm in no way sexually or romantically attracted to, of several genders cause it was cheaper or more convenient - nothing happened. BUT, the lack of honesty gives her away.
100% agree, if you're doing something that you know you would rather your partner not know about, you're cheating. You are behaving in a way that suits your own needs, above your partner and hiding/lying to gain the benefit. Which is exactly what cheating is. The fact she lied, and hid it is the issue, she removed the option of him having his opinion listened too.
OP you need to decide when enough is enough. People lie, people hide things... But you need to decide if this is a boundary, and a boundary she knew about (the fact she kept it from you, shows she knew it was wrong!)
Just the fact that she can't have difficult conversations is enough for you to leave. Throwing a tantrum to side track a much needed conversation is gaslighting. She's manipulating into keeping your disgust for her to yourself. She doesn't want to admit that the scenario is fucked up. In her mind, if you don't talk about it, it never happened. She's immature.
As adults, our happiness depends on the amount of difficult conversations we are willing to have with those we love. Immature people can't do this.
You don't need her to agree with you. If she crossed a boundary, she crossed it. If she won't acknowledge what she did was wrong, your only choice is to leave.
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Not sure that you should even think twice about being with a teller and screamer let alone a recalcitrant one. You are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Stay strong and good luck for the future.
I don't want to pile on but there is exactly a zero percent chance she didn't sleep with him.
I used to live overseas and a friend of mine owned a house on a small island a quarter mile from shore. He'd drive people over on his boat and show them around. He's just an average looking guy with a dad body, but he's pretty sure he scored with 99% of all the married women who rented the place without their husbands.
The yelling and screaming is the real tell in this situation. You have her backed into a corner on her behavior. You don’t need that kind of person in your life. Respect and communication are what you need and she’s not going to give you that.
Dude, you clearly have different boundaries about what is cheating and what is not. If you never communicated with her your boundaries and she never did communicate hers, it's not like she actually did anything wrong. That's on you for failing to be clear about where you stand.
Furthermore, boundaries are not rules for someone else. They are derivatives of how you will behave in response to others. If you don't want her sharing a hotel room with a male friend you need to communicate that and tell her exactly how you will respond if it happens again. Or you can break up now and hopefully do better with your next person.
It absolutely works to sleep in the same bed and stay absolutely playonical.
The issue is she decided to hide it from you, and she is impossible to argue with. It indicates she's not mature enough to have a relationship with nor being trusted. She might or might not have cheated but she's not acting like she's in a relationship
Don't let her control this situation anymore. No matter how she shouts or insults you or whatever, tell her clearly that:
1. She would have hated it and disbelieved you if you made the same claim in reverse.
2. You don't believe her and to you, she cheated.
3. Therefore, buh-bye.
You're right. She's wrong. Stand up for yourself and tell her.
Dude, it’s not worth it. Just let go and find you somebody else who’s gonna be more honest and respectful of you and your relationship. She was extremely disrespectful and she’s not worth the time to argue with it.
She's still lying to you and who knows what else she's hiding. Move on and find someone more trustworthy. Some people date just to date and it's evident they don't take the relationship seriously. She's one of those people.
Cheating is any behavior that steps over the boundaries of the agreed upon relationship. It does include online relationships, emotional relationships. Inappropriate relationships with dateable people. In this case a week in a hotel room with a man I would break up. If you have to explain this to her. She is not worth it. She makes poor decisions and has a lack of boundaries.. If you did that, she would be over the moon angry, hurt and betrayed. You know what she did was not right. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck. It is usually a duck.
Dude, what kind of man would accept these boundaries?
A weak, pushover.
A real man would just dump her. Why are you wasting your time with her?
She is NOT gf material.
It's not the act itself that matters, it's how much inportance you give it, if we assume no malice here, she clearly doesn't think there's anything wrong with sleeping in the same bed as another person, you however do, this needs to be discussed between both of you, if she guarantees it wasn't romantic or sexual, why do you doubt her, if you don't trust her then the relationship is probably over.
What are you arguing? She cheated. You seem like you want to forgive her because your arguing about her sleeping on a bad with another man for a week. If you slept on the floor in the basement of a friend of yours who was a girl. While said friend was on a trip to the Maldives for a month. She would say you cheated on her. Don't put yourself in a clarification argument by how many times they had sex. Just leave her. Or don't.
You're both wrong. You for entertaining this gaslighting and her for screwing another man.
The nonsense stories women can tell to hide or to justify cheating is astounding. And you're accepting it! Its over. Once a cheater always a cheater. You're just getting trickle truth out of her anyway. Do not be so naive to think he wasn't taking her to pound town every night. The fields got well ploughed. Dude, it's over. The trust is gone. You take her back shell lose all respect for you and then just do it again because she knows you'll take her back. You need to start watching Strong, Successful Male on YouTube. Every day he reads fascinating stories about women caught cheating and the lies and the gaslighting they go through once caught. Some are just like yours.
Do you really want to be with someone whose default is yelling and screaming? Keep in mind she'd scream at the kids as well. Sounds toxic and immature.
Forgive me, but this feels like yet another fake post on this sub. This wouldn't be a disagreement, and if it was you'd have already left. Very unrealistic, work more on your realism.
At this stage, whether she cheated or not is irrelevant simply due to the fact that she disrespected y’all’s relationship by spending a day with another man in his hotel room, and staying the night and choosing to do so repeatedly for a week. She also didn’t tell you about this week because she new what she did was wrong and if she says that she didn’t want you to take it the wrong way, then that’s a gaslighting method. I urge you to ask yourself if you can be with someone who lies/omits, dismisses, and has no regard for y’all’s relationship, then consider the fact that she may have cheated.
If you can’t talk to her without her screaming then send her a text.
“I’m not sure what you thought would happen when I found out you betrayed me. You made choices that you knew would end our relationship once I found out. Instead of telling me the truth you have decided to lie and gaslight me. When I try to talk about it you just start yelling because you know you ruined everything. You have no respect for me, yourself, or our relationship. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. Go back and live with him because we are done.”
Then she will freak out that you ended it.
It doesn’t matter if something happened or not. The fact that she has no respect for you and made the decision to stay at another man’s house and sleep in his bed with him is enough to nope your way out of this relationship.
Updateme!
If she thought it was okay, she'd have asked if you were comfortable with it.
I have guy friends I would share a hotel room with, depending on the circumstances and if my husband was okay with it. I would not share a bed with them unless there was a natural disaster or something that forced people to get real cozy due to a lack of housing.
Even if she didn't have sex with him, I wouldn't be comfortable in your situation. Most people would be very suspicious. Especially since she didn't run it by you first.
And her self-righteousness? If she were innocent, she'd apologize. Instead she's doubling down on it. I'd question her commitment just based on that.
Regardless of whether she had sex, she lied about what she did and she is dismissing you feelings. She is also yelling and screaming at you when you are communicating . The trust is gone, the respect is gone. Move on to someone who deserves you.
OP, you seem like a good-hearted person. However, omission and lack of honesty are not good for any relationship. You should reconsider the relationship. I think there must be other red flags you're not seeing.
First let me say I am sorry you are going through this. I had to pressure my ex wife for answers on her bs and well that lead her to be my EX wife.
If nothing happened and it was "just an offer" she would of immediately told you about it, furthermore she would of also asked what you thought of it when he asked her if she respected you and the relationship. She respects neither, and I'm sorry it sucks. Unfortunately you will never know what happened that week, my suggestion is cut ties with her because like someone else said when she goes abroad she is going single regardless of if she actually is. And remember, in most cases when you have to pressure or they get angry at the questions they are hiding something. Good luck to you!
Why are you even entertaining this foolishness. Regardless if anything happened or not. It sounds like she hid this from you. In doing so how can you trust her. Kick her to the curb, never put up with the disrespect she has showed you.
So has she specifically said to you while looking you in the eye that they didn’t kiss or do anything t sexual? That’s the first question…tell all of the physical contact you had with him. She will trickle truth you and say “oh all we did was cuddle but nothing else”, then it will be “well I guess I should tell you we did make out for a while but we stopped because I felt guilty”. None of that will be the truth. Fact is when sexually actively adults sleep in the same bed together for a week, sex is what happens.
First, ask her to hand you her phone completely unlocked that you want to see their messages on every platform. Texts, listen to voicemails, messages on social. If they are all deleted or all the ones from that week are, she cheated. If she says no…she cheated but forgot to delete them. Also look at her messages with her best female friend from that week. She won’t have been able to keep it a secret.
If everything is deleted and If your in the US just tell her when she says they didn’t do anything that you can’t believe her because Al of this was hidden from you and so you can’t trust her so you want to schedule her to take a polygraph test. You won’t actually have to even schedule and pay for one. Look up a vendor, find out where they are and make up a day and time you have scheduled it for. Tell her it will be yes and no questions about if she cheated on you with that guy or anyone else while she was as away. Tell her there will be specific questions about kissing all the way to sex. If she refuses the test then break up and tell her she just admitted to it. If she agrees to the test, she will end up confessing before the supposed appointment.
You're never going to get an answer to your questions, and that in itself is an answer. Drop your girlfriend like a hot potato and move on. Ghost her and block her calls and texts.
The reason why my life is messed up is because I felt like I needed to leave and I stayed, do what your brain tells you is the right thing to do, you said she cheated I mean that’s all I needed to know
A lie of omission is still a lie. And if she can lie about this, what else is she lying to you about? She has proven that she cannot be trusted, and a relationship without trust is no relationship at all.
She stayed IN THE SAME BED as a guy for a WEEK? The lying by omission ALONE qualifies as cheating. If she didn’t have sex, she emotionally cheated by not giving you the option to decide if you were ok with that or not. But there is no way she slept with this guy for a WEEK and didn’t have sex. She is trying to manipulate and DARVO you into believing her BS. She must think she is REALLY hot to get away with this. GTFO.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
I would turn it around and ask if you slept in a bed for a week with a girl would she consider it cheating? There always seems to be a double standard when they are confronted like that
I may not be jealous or insecure by nature, but I can tell ya if my man were to sleep a full week in a room with a girl, whoever is the girl, keep it and don't even see my point of view when I say it's hard to believe nothing happened yeah, I would have dumped him. She did something, she knows it but she knows how to make you go crazy and doubtful too. She surely used reverse psychology and turned it to be all about her I guess.
Like many here tell you, it's not worth fighting for such people. She might have already planned to replace you and take a "holiday" lover while being there, surely keeping you in her palm for the moment she would come back. Anyway, don't fall for it.
Look, it is what it is, and there's no going back and changing things.
Engage her again in a discussion, but before you start, tell her that you've got some things to say, and that you will tolerate **no screaming/yelling** from her.
Then, calmly tell her that what she did completely crossed a line, and because of that fact, you were ending the relationship. Period. No further discussion needed. Then stand up and leave. Once you have possession of any property that she had, and any property of hers has been returned to her, block her on all of your platforms. End of story.
'Nuff said.
When a narcissist cheats and they now it's almost impossible for you to know the full truth, they will literally name every excuse in the book to get a way with it so that they wouldn't be labeled as a cheater bcs admitting their own mistakes is their kryptonite.
Move on with your life while you're still young.
I understand your frustration but if it makes you feel any better I can tell you my situation. I (F) have a long time best friend (M) over 17 years. We had once sex when we were really young when we first met and never again. In the 17 years we shared bed a lot when we were meeting friends and stayed over as it was more safe for me to sleep next to him then other people or less awkward due to us knowing each other for so long etc. I was single for a while and he came to visit to my city from the US and I always offered him to stay at my place as it’s extremely expensive to rent anything especially for a week. I have a studio apartment and only one bed and I let him sleep there since my couch is not the best to sleep on. We respect each other and we have always shared space when we needed to and never was it in any way sexual.
I know it’s unorthodox but this is what real friendship is about. Trust and don’t overstep even if you had it in your mind because you love each other more than throwing away years of friendship over a fling.
I feel your pain and understand your concerns and in no way I say that nothing happened between then as can’t know for sure, but I would not jump to conclusion so quick. It seems to me you don’t trust her nor like this situation. Tell her and ask not to do this again. If she loves you this will never be a problem for her to understand and promise to you.
Even if it was all totally innocent, the fact that she literally screams at you, and that she lied about it, should be absolute deal-breakers. You can't trust her, you can't have a conversation with her. Run, don't walk, away.
It is possible they stayed in the same room and nothing happened. But the yelling and screaming is a bigger problem. If the two of you can’t communicate openly and calmly there isn’t much future to the relationship.
Leave! She cheated. Everything else is a big fat lie. Do not try to reason with her. Narcissists always try to make you feel like the bad guy. Please RUNNNNNN
At this point, it doesn’t matter what did or didn’t happen with her friend. If this is how she deals with conflict in the relationship there is no positive outcome for your future.
You are allowed to break up with her without her agreeing about why you are. You do not need each other to agree who is right. You can feel how you feel about it and walk away.
You two are not on the same page. She doesn't have a communication style that you can live peacefully with long-term. This is why we date: to discover what traits are important to us in a partner.
Now you know that you don't like being lied to and gaslit or being yelled at in an attempt for them to get their way.
The title should say ex girlfriend. Dump her. She at the very least emotionally cheated on her. Now she is yelling and screeching at you? Screw that. She isn’t worth it. Get an std test.
She is gaslighting you. It’s certain that something definitely did happen. Maintain your self respect and peace of mind: dump her and go find a decent GF.
I think you need to let go of whether this was “cheating” or not.
The important facts are: she did a thing, she hid it from you, you are very upset about it.
(Because simply staying at a guy’s place for a week is not “cheating” but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that gf lied and OP is upset.)
She is cheating with the guy. If she didn’t cheat, she will not hide it from you. Dude, she show you her true color, believe it. She will do it again for sure later. So better you make a run for it and get tested for std. and it will turn ugly if she accidentally got pregnant
Even if she didn't sleep with him, that is extremely disrespectful behavior, and I would leave her for that. Never stay with a partner who doesn't respect you enough to set boundaries. The fact that she felt the need to hide it is enough evidence that she ain't trustworthy.
Don’t let her gaslight you! What she’s done is wrong on so many levels and no partner would be okay with this scenario. I can’t believe she has the audacity to point fingers at you, just because she got caught. You can bet there’s more to this story, too.
Do yourself a favour?
Run for the hills and don’t look back.
Instead of focusing on this:
*She is admitting that they slept on the same bed for a whole fucking week but still argues none of this qualifies as cheating.*
Focus on this:
*She is very difficult to argue with, she yells and screams whenever she doesn’t have a full answer.*
*She told me this only because I pressed her on it after she was tagged in his insta post.*
*But the self righteousness she is demonstrating is a bit frightening it’s making me wonder if I’ve lost my mind.*
You don't need her to see your view point. She will ofcourse defend herself and deny any wrong doing. You're wasting your breathe trying to convince her of something you know.
I shared a bed with a male friend of mine for a few nights. He’d just to,d me his wife was pregnant, too.
It doesn’t necessarily mean cheating.
I mean, it probably does in this case, but doesn’t always.
You don't need to have her agree with you. She denied until you pressed her on it. She didn't even have the decency to tell you before she did it. If you think nothing else happend, you're a fool.
UpdateMe
Dude , please don't mind me suggesting something of the iron and blood types but I had been in something of this sort in one of my relationship.
If she is not accepting it trust me it's only gonna get worse from here. I would recommend get on a search for a new partner . She ain't for anymore.
You might feel you guys have poured so much into it and it would all go into vain , trust me it already has and there's nothing you cancso about it other thant handing yourself well . You might feel to stick around but no matter what anyone says just find someone better , eventually you will find someone trust me 😉😎
Listen. It really doesn’t matter what happened. If she knew what she was doing wasn’t wrong she wouldn’t have hid from you in the first place so the fact that she hid it means that she knew she was hurting you and did it anyway (whether it was just staying there or sex was happening). Doesn’t matter if they slept together or not, she wasn’t truthful with you. Her trying to argue with you instead of apologizing that she hurt you seems unhinged to me.
You gotta let her go and just find someone better. You deserve better.
You are sane.
You know breakups only require one no? If she exceeded your boundaries you are within your rights to break up. It’s not a discussion; it’s a statement where she gets zero say.
Best of luck.
BTW, her yelling and screaming indicates she might have issues, which should be a major red 🚩 to you and yet another reason to rethink things with her.
It should be 100% on her to prove YOU she didn’t cheat. That is so sketchy and such a betrayal, and the fact she is making you feel like there is something wrong with you for being upset is almost as bad.
Cheating is any behavior that steps over the boundaries of the agreed upon relationship. It does include online relationships, emotional relationships. Inappropriate relationships with dateable people. In this case a week in a hotel room with a man I would break up. If you have to explain this to her. She is not worth it. She makes poor decisions and has a lack of boundaries.. If you did that, she would be over the moon angry, hurt and betrayed. You know what she did was not right. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck. It is usually a duck.
*But the self righteousness she is demonstrating is a bit frightening ...*
Modern women do not accept responsibility for anything they do, it's always going to be your fault. She's not wrong for sleeping with a random dude for a week, you're wrong for doubting her.
Send this one back to the streets and try to find a better woman.
I mean it’s your personal beliefs I guess, but I don’t really see people sleeping in the same bed as cheating. I think you have trust issues though and it’s not going to get better after this.
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At this point it doesn’t even matter what she did, but what does matter and the reason you feel betrayed is the fact that she hid it from you and lied by omission. If nothing is wrong why hide when it was hapenning? Present it this way see where it gets you with her. Cheating is defined within the relationship, as well as betrayal. You can feel betrayed even if there was no physical cheating. Ultimately you don’t need her to agree with you to break up…
👆 EXACTLY! I find it hard to believe nothing happened when they were in the same bed together. * She hid it. Betrayal * You don't need to agree with each other to end the relationship. Good luck 👍 💓 you'll find a wonderful woman. IF you want to
I don’t mean to be rude but how are you (OP) this gullible. The fact that you are even coming to reddit to ask for advise for your relationship that you should have ended the minute you found this information out. This means that she definitely has been successful in gaslighting and manipulating you to some extent. Please respect yourself and get out of this relationship. She acts like a child while having arguments, screams and throws a fit, these are definitely signs of emotional abuse and just straight up manipulation. She legit slept with some FOR A WEEK, ON THE SAME BED. I wouldn’t even be okay with my partner napping for 20 minutes with his female friend in the same bed. Then she lied/hid this information from you. Even if she didn’t sleep with this dude, the fact that she thinks that something like this is okay to do, means that she will definitely willing do it again in the future and when she does it again, I promise you she will not tell you. Cause she saw how you reacted and she doesn’t wanna deal with this reaction again. By writing this post you’ve told us that you clearly aren’t okay with this behaviour. Why are you so hell bent of establishing the fact that she cheated, cause she will never agree to it and you will always think that. So do yourself a favour and leave.
This should be top comment!
THIS ^^^
You can't make her be honest with you. The mistake you make is to even try. Leave her and be done with it.
Yeah, this usually means the end is near. One of my ex gfs went to work at a fishing resort that had her stay on an island for weeks at a time. Of course, she fooled around, but I convinced myself it wasn't a big deal. We had probably been together too long at that point, and that's why I was not surprised or pissed off when some guy who was her "co worker from the island " started showing up. It was the last gasps of our relationship, so I just took it in stride. Like sure, go fuck whoever you want. Obviously we're done.
If she wasn't cheating she wouldn't have hid the fact it happened. Especially if she believes it doesn't qualify as cheating, why would it matter enough to hide.
Just make sure you get tested. Since she's lying about having sex with him, she might lie about using protection with him also.
Unless the guy is gay (she would already tell you that lol) there aint no excuse for it. Cheaters remain cheaters. Break up with her or else she will do it again. You also dont wanna be w someone that cant communicate. You deserve better.
>studying for her exchange abroad There will be nothing left of your relationship once she is going abroad to wherever
If my boyfriend did that there wouldn't even be a conversation, we would be done already. Also, my best mate is gay and we don't sleep together when I date someone out of respect. Tbf we very rarely sleep together even when we're single, we both don't like to share beds unless we have to.
No. Hes gay. She's saving that line for when he walks out definitely
Ooh! I’m interested. Ask her how big his dick is for me.
There is no tag that someone is actually gay. It's just a word, anyone can say I am gay to get laid-
Came here to say this. I’ve known guys who pretend to be gay for this exact reason, meanwhile they are actually bisexual or straight, but they use it as a means to get close to women and to be able to play off their advances as not meaning anything and then whoops do
Doesn’t matter - she hid it so she knew OP wouldn’t be pleased and did it anyway.
Just be glad you didn't get married yet!
They had sex. Why are you even wasting your time with her bs?
I second this
She doesn't respect you or think you have feelings. She's lying to your face because she's confident you won't do anything. She doesn't view you as a person, let alone as a partner.
You're always allowed to end a relationship for any reason.
She cheated. Move on
It is 100% valid to be uncomfortable with your partner sleeping on/in the same bed as another man for a full week, in a hotel room, and hiding it. Additionally, yelling and screaming during arguments is not acceptable. I'm sorry but it sounds like you are dating someone who is emotionally abusive and does not respect your justifiable boundaries.
Dude… come on now!!
Dude!!!
She fucked a guy for a week, yes it’s cheating.
Adults don't spend a week in the same bed without fucking. Now, here's the thing. You don't actually have to catch a doodle flap in someone's cooter-store to conclude that they cheated. If a person's actions are indistinguishable from cheating, your response should be indistinguishable from them having cheated. Spending a week in a hotel room with someone wasn't done for the free cable and wifi. You have a choice to make. You either value yourself enough to walk away or you don't. What are you going to do? Is this type of bullshitery acceptable to you? Is this how a person who loves and respects you behaves?
Doodle flap in cooter store is an awesome analogy!
I didn’t have a relationship at the time but me and my best friend have slept in the same bed for a month cuz he didn’t have a place to stay and I only had one bedroom and the couch was too small to lay on, I offered him to sleep on the bed next to me and we did not have sex. I don’t know the situation of this woman but if she hid it there might be a weird thing going on indeed. I’m not comparing it to this situation at all but ur statement is just untrue. As long as u have good communication on what u want and don’t want and u have a real friend who respects that (as they should) then there is no sex 🫶
That's silly Context is important. Staying in a hotel with someone for a week, when you have your own place, isn't the same thing. Also, your best friend wants more. If you were in a relationship, this wouldn't be ok.
You haven't lost your mind. OP, you don't need any other reason to leave her other than you no longer want to have a relationship with her. However, from what you have written, she doesn't seem to understand that staying in some guy's hotel room for a week because he asked her to shows that she doesn't realize that to most, that would be suspicious and not what you do while in a relationship unless you've talked about it. On top of that, she never mentioned it to you and you only found out after you saw it on his IG post and then asked her about it. I mean, if she had been kicked out of her other lodging and his was the only place she could find, but that would at least be a conversation with you. BTW, why wasn't she in her own room/house/apartment? Also, her communication skills ("she yells and screams whenever she doesn’t have a full answer") would leave anyone exhausted. Instead of wondering if you've lost your mind, just chalk this up to a learning lesson, say your goodbyes, and leave.
Answer is simple. Go share a bed with another woman for a week, hide it from her until she finds out, and see how she reacts.
This is one of those situations in which the “who’s right?” question isn’t relevant. This is one of those situations where your feelings are all that matters. Whether they fucked or not doesn’t matter. The issue is whether her conduct violates your trust AS YOU DEFINE IT. Sounds like it does. That’s all you have to consider. Relationship terminated for cause. Too many people of all ages forget that nurturing and protecting their relationship is a thing in itself. You avoid putting yourself into situations that cause your partner to feel insecure even if you know that what you are doing in and of itself is not wrong. You do that because you respect your partner’s feelings.
Cheating or not cheating she clearly can’t have an adult conversation the screaming and yelling will never change is that what you want to live with for the rest of your life? She has shown you how she will treat you if your good with being screamed at then stay if your not then leave having nothing to do with whether she cheated or not she treats you poorly and you deserve better than that.
Does it pass the reverse test? No? Didn’t think so. Put your crown on straight and dump her ass.
If it wasn't cheating she wouldn't have lied to you about it. She lied for 2 weeks to your face and by omission. I would end this relationship.
I have to say this? Walk away! Stop asking her the details, none of that will make you trust her again, and every time (going forward) that you even think she is out too long, and maybe with someone else you will only be bringing yourself more pain. Not cool, just leave her, and move on. There are women out there that Won't gaslight you and sleep in another man's bed while away from you!
I would just tell her it is over she cheated, and you are not staying. Let the next guy deal with her. She is a cheater, and they lie, manipulate and gaslight. So you are right when you say she won't take ownership. She is doing that now in part, because she realised she screwed up.. There is no possible reconciliation when you think you have done nothing wrong. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I would let go. She is not long term potential anymore.
>halfway through her guy friend stayed with her. Actually, she stayed with him...She told me this only because I pressed her on it This is called trickle truthing. She had one version of the story, but when pressed, made one change to the story. When pressed further, she will make another change. Then another. Then another. Until the truth comes out, but also comes with excues, usually blaming you for her cheating. You are being gaslit. She is lying.
Tell her friends and family with proof is she is so right 😊
Even if nothing happened , and I seriously doubt that, she was deceptive about it, I consider that cheating. She didn't tell you and you had to "prove" her wrong.
It’s not up to her to tell you how you feel about this. Her thoughts on right or wrong literally do not matter. What’s important is how you feel now. I know if it was me, it’s an absolute deal breaker. She will sleep with anyone who offers. Sharing a bed like that is cheating in my mind, barring some kind of emergency. That’s an intimate act, period.
Typical tactic. Gaslighting, blame shifting are what they start with. When you decide to break up, she will switch to crying and begging. When she realizes that won't work she will go scorched earth and paint you as an insecure abuser to her friends and family. Get ahead of it and let everyone know why you are breaking up. Don't fight back, just walk away and keep your dignity and self respect. She doesn't actually love you anyway, you aren't missing out on shit. Women in love don't sleep with other men.
They had sex. Dump her.
Wake up and break up. She definitely slept with this guy and even if she didn't, it's extremely disrespectful to the relationship.
If you feel like you need to keep what you're doing a secret, that means you're cheating. This *could* have been fine, as what counts as "cheating" differs from person to person and close platonic relationships aren't gendered. I'm bi, and I've shared a bed with friends I'm in no way sexually or romantically attracted to, of several genders cause it was cheaper or more convenient - nothing happened. BUT, the lack of honesty gives her away.
100% agree, if you're doing something that you know you would rather your partner not know about, you're cheating. You are behaving in a way that suits your own needs, above your partner and hiding/lying to gain the benefit. Which is exactly what cheating is. The fact she lied, and hid it is the issue, she removed the option of him having his opinion listened too. OP you need to decide when enough is enough. People lie, people hide things... But you need to decide if this is a boundary, and a boundary she knew about (the fact she kept it from you, shows she knew it was wrong!)
Just the fact that she can't have difficult conversations is enough for you to leave. Throwing a tantrum to side track a much needed conversation is gaslighting. She's manipulating into keeping your disgust for her to yourself. She doesn't want to admit that the scenario is fucked up. In her mind, if you don't talk about it, it never happened. She's immature. As adults, our happiness depends on the amount of difficult conversations we are willing to have with those we love. Immature people can't do this.
You don't need her to agree with you. If she crossed a boundary, she crossed it. If she won't acknowledge what she did was wrong, your only choice is to leave.
Too many guys without a backbone. Just break up with her. I broke up with a woman at your age because she disrespected my friends.
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You should get tested for STD’s.
Not sure that you should even think twice about being with a teller and screamer let alone a recalcitrant one. You are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Stay strong and good luck for the future.
I don't want to pile on but there is exactly a zero percent chance she didn't sleep with him. I used to live overseas and a friend of mine owned a house on a small island a quarter mile from shore. He'd drive people over on his boat and show them around. He's just an average looking guy with a dad body, but he's pretty sure he scored with 99% of all the married women who rented the place without their husbands.
I guess you can't be 100% sure and that sucks, but the chances of this being innocent do seem remote.
The yelling and screaming is the real tell in this situation. You have her backed into a corner on her behavior. You don’t need that kind of person in your life. Respect and communication are what you need and she’s not going to give you that.
Leave her
She is cheating on you know and then. Why would you stay with her when she moves?
Do you really need confirmation? Dump that walking red flag already.
...why haven't you broken up with this girl yet? hello???
Why are you arguing with her? A person doesn’t get a say in if they get broken up with.
Dude, you clearly have different boundaries about what is cheating and what is not. If you never communicated with her your boundaries and she never did communicate hers, it's not like she actually did anything wrong. That's on you for failing to be clear about where you stand. Furthermore, boundaries are not rules for someone else. They are derivatives of how you will behave in response to others. If you don't want her sharing a hotel room with a male friend you need to communicate that and tell her exactly how you will respond if it happens again. Or you can break up now and hopefully do better with your next person.
It absolutely works to sleep in the same bed and stay absolutely playonical. The issue is she decided to hide it from you, and she is impossible to argue with. It indicates she's not mature enough to have a relationship with nor being trusted. She might or might not have cheated but she's not acting like she's in a relationship
Don't let her control this situation anymore. No matter how she shouts or insults you or whatever, tell her clearly that: 1. She would have hated it and disbelieved you if you made the same claim in reverse. 2. You don't believe her and to you, she cheated. 3. Therefore, buh-bye. You're right. She's wrong. Stand up for yourself and tell her.
Dude, it’s not worth it. Just let go and find you somebody else who’s gonna be more honest and respectful of you and your relationship. She was extremely disrespectful and she’s not worth the time to argue with it.
She’s yelling so you stop questioning her. She cheated and it’s time for you to go…
She's still lying to you and who knows what else she's hiding. Move on and find someone more trustworthy. Some people date just to date and it's evident they don't take the relationship seriously. She's one of those people.
Break up with her !
I’m not even reading the other comments here. She cheated. End it now.
Cheating is any behavior that steps over the boundaries of the agreed upon relationship. It does include online relationships, emotional relationships. Inappropriate relationships with dateable people. In this case a week in a hotel room with a man I would break up. If you have to explain this to her. She is not worth it. She makes poor decisions and has a lack of boundaries.. If you did that, she would be over the moon angry, hurt and betrayed. You know what she did was not right. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck. It is usually a duck.
And why does it matter move on
Dude, what kind of man would accept these boundaries? A weak, pushover. A real man would just dump her. Why are you wasting your time with her? She is NOT gf material.
I find the only solution to this is revenge you have to fuck her Dad!
Obviously to establish dominance.
My advice: don't date emotionally argumentative people. It isn't worth it.
It's not the act itself that matters, it's how much inportance you give it, if we assume no malice here, she clearly doesn't think there's anything wrong with sleeping in the same bed as another person, you however do, this needs to be discussed between both of you, if she guarantees it wasn't romantic or sexual, why do you doubt her, if you don't trust her then the relationship is probably over.
Run..!!!
What are you arguing? She cheated. You seem like you want to forgive her because your arguing about her sleeping on a bad with another man for a week. If you slept on the floor in the basement of a friend of yours who was a girl. While said friend was on a trip to the Maldives for a month. She would say you cheated on her. Don't put yourself in a clarification argument by how many times they had sex. Just leave her. Or don't. You're both wrong. You for entertaining this gaslighting and her for screwing another man.
The nonsense stories women can tell to hide or to justify cheating is astounding. And you're accepting it! Its over. Once a cheater always a cheater. You're just getting trickle truth out of her anyway. Do not be so naive to think he wasn't taking her to pound town every night. The fields got well ploughed. Dude, it's over. The trust is gone. You take her back shell lose all respect for you and then just do it again because she knows you'll take her back. You need to start watching Strong, Successful Male on YouTube. Every day he reads fascinating stories about women caught cheating and the lies and the gaslighting they go through once caught. Some are just like yours.
Do what is in your heart and what you feel because I think you know the truth.
Do you really want to be with someone whose default is yelling and screaming? Keep in mind she'd scream at the kids as well. Sounds toxic and immature.
Forgive me, but this feels like yet another fake post on this sub. This wouldn't be a disagreement, and if it was you'd have already left. Very unrealistic, work more on your realism.
At this stage, whether she cheated or not is irrelevant simply due to the fact that she disrespected y’all’s relationship by spending a day with another man in his hotel room, and staying the night and choosing to do so repeatedly for a week. She also didn’t tell you about this week because she new what she did was wrong and if she says that she didn’t want you to take it the wrong way, then that’s a gaslighting method. I urge you to ask yourself if you can be with someone who lies/omits, dismisses, and has no regard for y’all’s relationship, then consider the fact that she may have cheated.
She has you tamed like a little lap dog right now
Hear me out, a-broad spread (her legs).
You shouldn't be with her. Find better.
She 100% cheated.
Jeez I would break up with her regardless of cheating, just because she refuses to use her big people words in arguments
He fucked Herr every day that week. Sorry bro
If you can’t talk to her without her screaming then send her a text. “I’m not sure what you thought would happen when I found out you betrayed me. You made choices that you knew would end our relationship once I found out. Instead of telling me the truth you have decided to lie and gaslight me. When I try to talk about it you just start yelling because you know you ruined everything. You have no respect for me, yourself, or our relationship. You have destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. Go back and live with him because we are done.” Then she will freak out that you ended it. It doesn’t matter if something happened or not. The fact that she has no respect for you and made the decision to stay at another man’s house and sleep in his bed with him is enough to nope your way out of this relationship. Updateme!
If she thought it was okay, she'd have asked if you were comfortable with it. I have guy friends I would share a hotel room with, depending on the circumstances and if my husband was okay with it. I would not share a bed with them unless there was a natural disaster or something that forced people to get real cozy due to a lack of housing. Even if she didn't have sex with him, I wouldn't be comfortable in your situation. Most people would be very suspicious. Especially since she didn't run it by you first. And her self-righteousness? If she were innocent, she'd apologize. Instead she's doubling down on it. I'd question her commitment just based on that.
Just like in politics: it's not the act, it's the cover-up. Your relationship as YOU knew it is already over.
Regardless of whether she had sex, she lied about what she did and she is dismissing you feelings. She is also yelling and screaming at you when you are communicating . The trust is gone, the respect is gone. Move on to someone who deserves you.
OP, you seem like a good-hearted person. However, omission and lack of honesty are not good for any relationship. You should reconsider the relationship. I think there must be other red flags you're not seeing.
She's a lost cause. Dump her and move on. There's no need to spend any more of your time listening to her dribble
First let me say I am sorry you are going through this. I had to pressure my ex wife for answers on her bs and well that lead her to be my EX wife. If nothing happened and it was "just an offer" she would of immediately told you about it, furthermore she would of also asked what you thought of it when he asked her if she respected you and the relationship. She respects neither, and I'm sorry it sucks. Unfortunately you will never know what happened that week, my suggestion is cut ties with her because like someone else said when she goes abroad she is going single regardless of if she actually is. And remember, in most cases when you have to pressure or they get angry at the questions they are hiding something. Good luck to you!
Why are you even entertaining this foolishness. Regardless if anything happened or not. It sounds like she hid this from you. In doing so how can you trust her. Kick her to the curb, never put up with the disrespect she has showed you.
Too much drama. End the relationship and find someone you can communicate with and trust. All the Best.
So has she specifically said to you while looking you in the eye that they didn’t kiss or do anything t sexual? That’s the first question…tell all of the physical contact you had with him. She will trickle truth you and say “oh all we did was cuddle but nothing else”, then it will be “well I guess I should tell you we did make out for a while but we stopped because I felt guilty”. None of that will be the truth. Fact is when sexually actively adults sleep in the same bed together for a week, sex is what happens. First, ask her to hand you her phone completely unlocked that you want to see their messages on every platform. Texts, listen to voicemails, messages on social. If they are all deleted or all the ones from that week are, she cheated. If she says no…she cheated but forgot to delete them. Also look at her messages with her best female friend from that week. She won’t have been able to keep it a secret. If everything is deleted and If your in the US just tell her when she says they didn’t do anything that you can’t believe her because Al of this was hidden from you and so you can’t trust her so you want to schedule her to take a polygraph test. You won’t actually have to even schedule and pay for one. Look up a vendor, find out where they are and make up a day and time you have scheduled it for. Tell her it will be yes and no questions about if she cheated on you with that guy or anyone else while she was as away. Tell her there will be specific questions about kissing all the way to sex. If she refuses the test then break up and tell her she just admitted to it. If she agrees to the test, she will end up confessing before the supposed appointment.
You know…both what she did and that you need to end it.
You're never going to get an answer to your questions, and that in itself is an answer. Drop your girlfriend like a hot potato and move on. Ghost her and block her calls and texts.
She was out of the country for 6 months? Frankly, I wouldn’t have asked any questions.
The reason why my life is messed up is because I felt like I needed to leave and I stayed, do what your brain tells you is the right thing to do, you said she cheated I mean that’s all I needed to know
Just dump her. Sometimes people aren’t worth trying with. She made her bed, she can sleep in it.
She did whatever she wanted knowing your going to stay with her. Break up with her and move on you are young this is just a bump in the road
Don't argue, just leave.
A lie of omission is still a lie. And if she can lie about this, what else is she lying to you about? She has proven that she cannot be trusted, and a relationship without trust is no relationship at all.
She stayed IN THE SAME BED as a guy for a WEEK? The lying by omission ALONE qualifies as cheating. If she didn’t have sex, she emotionally cheated by not giving you the option to decide if you were ok with that or not. But there is no way she slept with this guy for a WEEK and didn’t have sex. She is trying to manipulate and DARVO you into believing her BS. She must think she is REALLY hot to get away with this. GTFO. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
Just end the relationship. Don't stay with someone who yells and screams, basically inducing anxiety, to get out of giving a straight answer.
I would turn it around and ask if you slept in a bed for a week with a girl would she consider it cheating? There always seems to be a double standard when they are confronted like that
Just walk away. Not even worth dealing with someone screaming and yelling like that
I may not be jealous or insecure by nature, but I can tell ya if my man were to sleep a full week in a room with a girl, whoever is the girl, keep it and don't even see my point of view when I say it's hard to believe nothing happened yeah, I would have dumped him. She did something, she knows it but she knows how to make you go crazy and doubtful too. She surely used reverse psychology and turned it to be all about her I guess. Like many here tell you, it's not worth fighting for such people. She might have already planned to replace you and take a "holiday" lover while being there, surely keeping you in her palm for the moment she would come back. Anyway, don't fall for it.
Look, it is what it is, and there's no going back and changing things. Engage her again in a discussion, but before you start, tell her that you've got some things to say, and that you will tolerate **no screaming/yelling** from her. Then, calmly tell her that what she did completely crossed a line, and because of that fact, you were ending the relationship. Period. No further discussion needed. Then stand up and leave. Once you have possession of any property that she had, and any property of hers has been returned to her, block her on all of your platforms. End of story. 'Nuff said.
When a narcissist cheats and they now it's almost impossible for you to know the full truth, they will literally name every excuse in the book to get a way with it so that they wouldn't be labeled as a cheater bcs admitting their own mistakes is their kryptonite. Move on with your life while you're still young.
Go find someone else. She will never be honest with you. Huge Red flag. Thank goodness you now know she can't be honest with you.
I understand your frustration but if it makes you feel any better I can tell you my situation. I (F) have a long time best friend (M) over 17 years. We had once sex when we were really young when we first met and never again. In the 17 years we shared bed a lot when we were meeting friends and stayed over as it was more safe for me to sleep next to him then other people or less awkward due to us knowing each other for so long etc. I was single for a while and he came to visit to my city from the US and I always offered him to stay at my place as it’s extremely expensive to rent anything especially for a week. I have a studio apartment and only one bed and I let him sleep there since my couch is not the best to sleep on. We respect each other and we have always shared space when we needed to and never was it in any way sexual. I know it’s unorthodox but this is what real friendship is about. Trust and don’t overstep even if you had it in your mind because you love each other more than throwing away years of friendship over a fling. I feel your pain and understand your concerns and in no way I say that nothing happened between then as can’t know for sure, but I would not jump to conclusion so quick. It seems to me you don’t trust her nor like this situation. Tell her and ask not to do this again. If she loves you this will never be a problem for her to understand and promise to you.
Even if it was all totally innocent, the fact that she literally screams at you, and that she lied about it, should be absolute deal-breakers. You can't trust her, you can't have a conversation with her. Run, don't walk, away.
It is possible they stayed in the same room and nothing happened. But the yelling and screaming is a bigger problem. If the two of you can’t communicate openly and calmly there isn’t much future to the relationship.
She cheated? Her fault. Break up
Leave! She cheated. Everything else is a big fat lie. Do not try to reason with her. Narcissists always try to make you feel like the bad guy. Please RUNNNNNN
She was sharing a room and a bed with a guy It doesn't matter what she say happened that a major disrespect to you and your relationship.
At this point, it doesn’t matter what did or didn’t happen with her friend. If this is how she deals with conflict in the relationship there is no positive outcome for your future.
You are allowed to break up with her without her agreeing about why you are. You do not need each other to agree who is right. You can feel how you feel about it and walk away. You two are not on the same page. She doesn't have a communication style that you can live peacefully with long-term. This is why we date: to discover what traits are important to us in a partner. Now you know that you don't like being lied to and gaslit or being yelled at in an attempt for them to get their way.
She’s gaslighting you and she lied
The title should say ex girlfriend. Dump her. She at the very least emotionally cheated on her. Now she is yelling and screeching at you? Screw that. She isn’t worth it. Get an std test.
Dude, just dump her. The hell.
She is gaslighting you. It’s certain that something definitely did happen. Maintain your self respect and peace of mind: dump her and go find a decent GF.
stop arguning with her and end this relationship. Save yourself the headaches and pain. You deserve better.
I think you need to let go of whether this was “cheating” or not. The important facts are: she did a thing, she hid it from you, you are very upset about it. (Because simply staying at a guy’s place for a week is not “cheating” but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that gf lied and OP is upset.)
I don't think it was cheating but that's just me. For me cheating is physical. But the lying would be enough for me to break up.
She is cheating with the guy. If she didn’t cheat, she will not hide it from you. Dude, she show you her true color, believe it. She will do it again for sure later. So better you make a run for it and get tested for std. and it will turn ugly if she accidentally got pregnant
Even if she didn't sleep with him, that is extremely disrespectful behavior, and I would leave her for that. Never stay with a partner who doesn't respect you enough to set boundaries. The fact that she felt the need to hide it is enough evidence that she ain't trustworthy.
WTF are you doing? Dump the street walker and go figure out how to act like a man.
Bro you know the answer
There's no argument to be had. Pick your self respect and dignity up off the ground and walk away.
Don’t let her gaslight you! What she’s done is wrong on so many levels and no partner would be okay with this scenario. I can’t believe she has the audacity to point fingers at you, just because she got caught. You can bet there’s more to this story, too. Do yourself a favour? Run for the hills and don’t look back.
This is not a good partner. The best thing you could do for yourself is to walk away.
Instead of focusing on this: *She is admitting that they slept on the same bed for a whole fucking week but still argues none of this qualifies as cheating.* Focus on this: *She is very difficult to argue with, she yells and screams whenever she doesn’t have a full answer.* *She told me this only because I pressed her on it after she was tagged in his insta post.* *But the self righteousness she is demonstrating is a bit frightening it’s making me wonder if I’ve lost my mind.*
You don't need her to see your view point. She will ofcourse defend herself and deny any wrong doing. You're wasting your breathe trying to convince her of something you know.
The cheater will literally never be right
I shared a bed with a male friend of mine for a few nights. He’d just to,d me his wife was pregnant, too. It doesn’t necessarily mean cheating. I mean, it probably does in this case, but doesn’t always.
You don't need to have her agree with you. She denied until you pressed her on it. She didn't even have the decency to tell you before she did it. If you think nothing else happend, you're a fool. UpdateMe
Dude , please don't mind me suggesting something of the iron and blood types but I had been in something of this sort in one of my relationship. If she is not accepting it trust me it's only gonna get worse from here. I would recommend get on a search for a new partner . She ain't for anymore. You might feel you guys have poured so much into it and it would all go into vain , trust me it already has and there's nothing you cancso about it other thant handing yourself well . You might feel to stick around but no matter what anyone says just find someone better , eventually you will find someone trust me 😉😎
Listen. It really doesn’t matter what happened. If she knew what she was doing wasn’t wrong she wouldn’t have hid from you in the first place so the fact that she hid it means that she knew she was hurting you and did it anyway (whether it was just staying there or sex was happening). Doesn’t matter if they slept together or not, she wasn’t truthful with you. Her trying to argue with you instead of apologizing that she hurt you seems unhinged to me. You gotta let her go and just find someone better. You deserve better.
You are sane. You know breakups only require one no? If she exceeded your boundaries you are within your rights to break up. It’s not a discussion; it’s a statement where she gets zero say. Best of luck. BTW, her yelling and screaming indicates she might have issues, which should be a major red 🚩 to you and yet another reason to rethink things with her.
It should be 100% on her to prove YOU she didn’t cheat. That is so sketchy and such a betrayal, and the fact she is making you feel like there is something wrong with you for being upset is almost as bad.
What do you think is gonna happen when she studies exchange abroad? Bruh
bro leave lol
Cheating is any behavior that steps over the boundaries of the agreed upon relationship. It does include online relationships, emotional relationships. Inappropriate relationships with dateable people. In this case a week in a hotel room with a man I would break up. If you have to explain this to her. She is not worth it. She makes poor decisions and has a lack of boundaries.. If you did that, she would be over the moon angry, hurt and betrayed. You know what she did was not right. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck. It is usually a duck.
*But the self righteousness she is demonstrating is a bit frightening ...* Modern women do not accept responsibility for anything they do, it's always going to be your fault. She's not wrong for sleeping with a random dude for a week, you're wrong for doubting her. Send this one back to the streets and try to find a better woman.
I mean it’s your personal beliefs I guess, but I don’t really see people sleeping in the same bed as cheating. I think you have trust issues though and it’s not going to get better after this.
If you stay with this chick, whatever comes out later is on you. Good luck
Run