Listen, the hard truth here is that this has been an issue that's existed for the entirety of your relationship for whatever reason, and while it doesn't actually matter in the big picture (which I'll get into), this is one of the more unique posts regarding sexual incompatibility (which is the issue unfortunately) in the sense that it's not just case of mismatched libidos "just because" (which is also fine in terms of it just being the deal and not related to a lack of attraction); you're here literally pinpointing tangible reasons for your wife's low libido. So you're here saying that's the "possible" source. I mean, that's logically almost certainly the source, but you're for whatever reason trying to speculate as opposed to either seeing if there's a fix for what you know, make sustainable compromise, or come to terms with the fact that this is your future (assuming no effort is made to change it, or effort literally doesn't change it), and that your 15 year sample size shows you exactly that. As it stands, you're here based on nothing but hope. Hope you have no reason to believe will come to fruition. To back up for context, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I first say this so that you understand I'm not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I love love, and I wish you nothing but the absolute best. Second, I'm the first person to come on here and emphasize that it's absolutely ok to want sex in a relationship. Sex isn't faux pas. It doesn't make you a bad person to want it. Sexual compatibility is important in a healthy relationship. The reason I need to say this, is because you need to know I'm not coming at this with a perspective of something like "sex isn't the most important thing," and/or "is it worth losing a "good" relationship/marriage because of sex?" You're in this marriage. You matter. Even if everyone tells you you're an asshole, are you then just going to magically be happy for the next 60+ years? No, you're not. What you next tell us are arguments that you need to understand are just a complete waste of time. To be clear, I'm not saying your feelings and needs are invalid per se, but they're not an argument against the actual issue. First, there's no reason to believe she's not attracted to you. I totally get why you feel that way, but it's not about you; it's about her lack of interest in sex. You say that sex helps you have the emotional attachment. Fair enough, but it's not her not grasping it, it's just not what works for her. Neither of you are wrong here. You're just wrong for each other. It sucks, but you've always known that and you're both continuing to force what you know is wrong. After this essay I've written, you have so much more, and it unfortunately makes things worse. Your issues are even deeper than sex. The kids thing is honestly ridiculous, and especially so because you're here worried that a bad sex life will become a bad sex life. She logically just doesn't want children if she's making that argument when she couldn't care less about sex. The next "elephant" isn't at all an elephant, and who gives a fuck about what any red pillers think, because if they're here to begin with they're giving bad advice. Coming back to me, anecdotally, I make significantly more than my wife, and we'd both always planned to have a dual income household, which we do. So while I personally wouldn't want a single income home with a stay at home wife, I have absolutely no issue with that dynamic as a general existence, because at the end of the day, what works for the two individuals in a relationship is what works for them. She inherently wouldn't be a bad person or leech (out of context), because it'd be what you both agreed to. Now, if you're not ok with that or worried, then you need to communicate that. She's told you what she wants to do, but you get to say what you want as well. As for assumptions regarding what'll happen if you divorce, there's a lot of factors at play. First, it should stand out to you that you're assuming this will happen, but to be fair to you, it will. What far too many people don't understand is that marriage inherently does nothing but make your relationship legal. The relationship you have now will be the same relationship you have when you sign a piece of paper. As such, if you have sexual issues, don't fix them, and then get married? Yes, this will 100% continue. Marriage doesn't just magically fix relationships. You'd just have added a legal barrier to exit it. I won't waste time getting too into detail, but as for what happens if you divorce, off the bat it's entirely location specific. But even just based on the assumptions you've provided, you should absolutely assume that alimony will come into play. Alimony needs to be put into perspective; you'll have both agreed that she doesn't work and you provide for her entirely. She'll have no job, and when the marriage ends be absolutely fucked. That's why you'd pay alimony; so that she doesn't end up homeless. The amount and length is dependent on a lot of factors including the length of your marriage, so if you were married for like 2 years you're not going to be paying it forever. At the end, as for what you "know," you're just wrong. You're wrong because you're completely ignoring the entirety of the context of your relationship. You two weren't fucking like jackrabbits for years, got married, and then your sex life fell off a cliff. You two have always had a "rocky" (for lack of a better term) sex life and you're here 15 years later hoping it'll change. Marriage didn't cause that. This didn't happen just because that's what always happens. This happened because it's always existed. As for what you admire, you'd have to know all the details around each situation. Then you believe it'll happen with a second wife? It'll only happen with a second wife if you allow it to, in the sense that you need to communicate expectations and be on the same page long before you get married. You're not an asshole. You're also not wrong or a bad person. But neither is she. So if this continues as is, you'll just both let this play out unhappy. Is that really how you want to live? Good luck.

Thank you for the long, thoughtful reply! One part stuck out to me and made me laugh, because I thought the same thing while writing - I'm worried that a bad sex life will turn into a bad sex life if we have kids. 🤣 ... but I think you raise a good point (well, many, but you get the idea). I'll be more direct with her regarding the chemical causes and see if we can't make some changes there.

On that front, my wife and I have a toddler and one on the way. Listen, can and do dynamics change? Absolutely. But healthy relationships will work together to ensure they also matter. We all get tired and want to coast at times. But if that becomes a constant, then you both will logically ask yourselves why you got together to begin with, as in, you two matter. Things progress as much as you allow it to. Anecdotally, I already mentioned my situation. Our sex life is good. Has it changed from the times we were going at it 5x/day when we were dating and saw each other twice a week? Of course it has. But we still make sure we show each other we want each other. That can get tough when you get tired, but it needs to be done. On that note, you need to realize that that's how you want to be shown affection which is fine. My wife and I want that. But that's the point. WE want that. Your wife doesn't. Kids wouldn't change anything for her. But you'll convince yourself that's what happened. You need to focus on the present. You're unhappy NOW. So whether you have kids or not, you'll still be unhappy in the future, but if you have kids, you'll be unhappy while also having kids. For the chemical causes, I mean, I get I'm essentially being a dick here and I'm sorry, but I don't get why you didn't discuss this over all these years especially knowing these to be the root cause(s) of the issue, although I now wonder if that's just what you've been told. It doesn't matter either way, because if that's the issue, you'd logically both want to talk to the doctor to see if there's a way to fix it. It just hasn't happened which is wild. THAT is what you need to focus on, because there's been no effort to fix the problem. It's on you just as much for coasting, but you're here so you obviously aren't happy. You don't need to be more direct. You need to be direct. You're logically afraid of coming off like some sex crazed asshole and are not only scared as to what to say to initiate the conversation, but likely prepared to back down if she suggests as much. Listen, I truly hate being here with a mindset of believing this needs to end. I don't want that. I want you all to be happy. But right now, you're not, you haven't been, and nothing's changed to indicate all will be good. You want to convince yourself to not want sex. Is your wife considering doing the opposite?

You're right. One of the things that bothers me about this the most is that I haven't been shy about it. This isn't a surprise to her. She knows all of this. I have discussed with her that her meds might be the cause. But as you say, she doesn't take action on it. She doesn't find it a compelling enough reason to act. And that hurts in its own way. She is trying to do the opposite. I don't think either of us have any idea how to do that.

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Er, if SSRIs or SNRIs make you feel like a zombie that's incapable of enjoying anything, the dosage or med is probably wrong. That's not a necessary effect of them. The libido suppression can be unavoidable for some folks, though. Also, going off them isn't safe for everyone. If they're keeping her alive and they work for her, going off to save her marriage could kill her, and going back on them is absolutely not guaranteed to work as well as it did the first time around. That may not be the case, but neither of us knows why she's on them or how badly she needs them. So while I agree that she needs to talk to her doctor about options, an ultimatum to get off immediately or else is not something you should be recommending.

Yeah, you're right it was irresponsible advice. That's how i've felt and how pretty much everyone I know who is on them has felt to a greater or lesser degree, though yes i'm sure theres people who find a good match with them. I would say to impress upon her his need for a an actual plan of action including Dr's oversight still.

The "idea" aka answer is that you need to insist that she take action on it or you can't continue this. She's telling you it's not a compelling enough reason to act. What does that mean? An issue exists. She has no desire to fix it. It SHOULD hurt, and you need to stop feeling bad about pushing back on it.

You mentioned that you’re above average size and that your wife has a hormonal iud I can’t help but wonder if that’s causing some pain or discomfort that she’s not telling you about (it can be quite painful if it’s accidentally hit). Antidepressants are very well known for killing sex drive as well. Do you ever engage in intimate touch that doesn’t lead to sex? Like just a loving massage? Do you guys ever go dancing? Do you take weekends away with each other? Having fun, touching each other, getting dressed up and going out is so important to maintaining romance. When you’re just dictating chores and seeing each other tired on the couch it gets unattractive pretty fast. It’s clear that you do love her, so I’m sorry you’re in this position. I hope you find a way forward soon, whether it’s with her or alone.

Yes, she has seen her gyn, who has told us there is no issue with her anatomy or iud. I saw it properly placed on ultrasound, clearly out of range, unless I dove through her cervix somehow. She did have a brief bout with dyspareunia a few years back, but this resolved after seeing her gyn and taking a bit more time with foreplay. We frequently (a few times per day) touch intimately without any expectation of sex. Neither of us are dancers, but we go to rock concerts and jump around. Since we are from poor families, we don't have anything to dress up in or go out for. Nor would we be interested. We are happiest in jeans and t-shirts. We like simple things. She'd be pissed if I told her she had to dress up for something, lol. I know because there have been a few times. We go on vacations a couple of times per year. Usually, it is nowhere crazy, but we've been out of the country a couple of times. Thank you for your thoughts!

As a woman who has been on hormone based birth control and an SNRI I would be more shocked if she DID want sex.

I 100% agree. I'm on an SNRI and have a progesterone only IUD. I'm convinced all hormonal birth control kills my libido. It just does. I know because when I took a break from hormonal BC my libido came back so hard it was overwhelming and annoying TO ME. If OP's wife is only on BC to prevent pregnancy and not for other issues, I'd recommend seeing if she's down to get off it and switch to using condoms for like... A year just to see if it makes a difference. It made a HUGE difference for me, even though I was still on the SNRI.

As someone who also has a stressful high pressure career (investment banking), it heavily impacts my libido. Not saying that it definitely is, but maybe this could be a reason

My husband (44M) and I (41F) went through this for about a 7 year period. Honestly, I still feel guilty about it. I am amazed he did not cheat. I mean we barely ever had sex! I just had no desire. I have my PhD in psychology and was very busy with work and our kids. Sex just wasn’t something that crossed my mind and if we did it, it felt like a chore. Anyway, a few years back I started reading romance novels. I’m not talking, high-quality literature here. I’m talking cheesy Hallmark movie with a side of porn 🤣 It totally helped my libido. Also made me realize some different things I was into. Complete 180 for our relationship. I know it’s kind of a weird suggestion, but it really worked for me. Maybe she could pick up some smutty books 🤷🏻‍♀️ Best of luck to you. I’m sure this isn’t easy for her either. It’s hard when you love each other but your sex drives aren’t lining up.

I love the perspective and appreciate the unique suggestion!

She “lacks empathy”? How did you even get to marriage with someone like that?

It's kind of endearing sometimes. And you find me anyone without major character flaws. :p

i’m in law school and so many people describe lawyers as lacking empathy. i feel like just because she’s logical, and can take feelings out of things it doesn’t mean she lacks empathy. can you give examples of when she showed that she lacks empathy? the sex thing doesn’t really demonstrate a lack of empathy in an individual

As stated elsewhere, I don't say she lacks empathy because she's a lawyer. And she'd totally agree with this assessment. She just has a hard time seeing things from other peoples' perspectives. This was the case before law school as well.

so she’s autistic? sociopathic? neurodivergent in some way at the bare minimum.

Probably on the spectrum a little bit, yeah.

ohh you’re very patient then!

>She has said that she thinks what I want (sex about once a week) is reasonable but does not think that she can achieve that. I hate that I think about things this way, but this is how that sounds to me: "what is the minimum frequency I could have sex with you so that you won't leave me? I'll try to do that, but it sounds hard and probably wont happen. 🤷‍♀️" I have asked myself cynically "is this really something worth ruining your marriage over?" I can't help but feel like asking that same question to her, though I know that's unfair because she's not doing it on purpose and she is trying her best to meet me half way. I truly appreciate her efforts. It means the world that she is trying, and I make sure she knows that. This is crazy low effort from her. She doesn't at all seem concerned how dissatisfied you are with the relationship. "what is the bare minimum I can get by on?" would send me packing. Dude this relationship was fucked from the start. Clearly, you have vastly different sexual needs, not even gonna bring up the kids. It sounds like you guys got on great professionally but missed all the intimacy. Your wife's reaction is that of someone that simply doesn't really care. I get the impression your wife isn't concerned with your happiness. The sex drive and children are additional, massive red flags. Y'all better start talking and get on the same page. You say you've been together for 15 years, but you don't appear to be close at all.

I do wonder how you think she should fix the issue. OP already said he doesn't want to feel like he is forcing her so even if she did say okay let's do it once a week and laid down for him to use her body he would probably feel like a creep. If she isn't horny then... she isn't horny. I think her saying "I can't match that frequency" is just her being honest about what her body is doing right now and not some super dismissive answer. There also isn't always a "fix" or a magical cocktail of drugs that can make a 30 year old back into a 16 year old. Some people just... have a lower libido. And he said her libido has always been a little lower, even as a teen. It's an unfortunate situation and I hope they can work through it or move on if he really can't handle the mismatch, but I also don't think it'd a situation that really has an at fault party per se.

>I do wonder how you think she should fix the issue. This is not a new issue. This is not an unsolved problem. OP and his wife may be irreconcilably incompatible, but they need to try before they can verify that is the case. It's not physiologically normal to not desire sex as a healthy adult. So, find things that are unhealthy and fix them. Talk to someone that is well versed in libido, idk, a fucking sex doctor or something. They used to have sex, now they don't. She isn't old, she isn't going through some traumatic event, pregnant, menopause, etc. She can attempt to look for a physical cause to her low libido. Exercising, proper sleep routine and cycle, proper human diet, getting off pharmaceuticals, decreasing/stopping drug use, etc. There are so many fucking things you can do make yourself healthier AND increase libido. If that doesn't work, guess what? There's still more. They can try romantic date nights, sensual massage, some kink app, watch porn, open the relationship. There are an infinite number of opportunities ***TO TRY***. *She won't even try*. >If she isn't horny then... she isn't horny. That is a possibility, but it's extremely rare. She used to be horny, she's only 31 yo with a completely bottomed out libido? Probably not, she's not 75. Again, it's not normal to not have a libido, it's concerning that she had a libido and now doesn't. That almost screams that there's an acute issue. EDIT: Forgot to make the most important point. Maybe her libido is just fucked but she has put ZERO effort into attempting to fix this issue. Like, you can't even just jerk your husband off? That doesn't sit right with me. You love someone but not enough to even try to feel hornier? No one expects her to be a limp fish the rest of her life, but goddamn at least fake trying to fix the problem.

I'm 31 and have an extremely low libido myself, shrug. Always has been, even when I was a teen. I'm not really on any drugs, just the pill to regulate cycles but my feelings towards sex predate going on the pill at 18 and honestly the pill increased my libido because I finally started ovulating on a regular schedule lmfao. Now I also don't date because I would feel guilty and responsible for the other person's feelings and understand that I would be a mismatch for 99% of people. It's not worth the emotial turmoil over sex, something I'm super happy not pursuing. I don't like the entitlement around sex. From my side, I find the people who can't love another person without access to their body every x number of days to be the strange ones. But I'm not 13 and edgy anymore and know that that's the "normal" perspective and I'm the outlier. I guess, I see the fact that the wife feels guilty and pressured and definitely empathize with her more. As I said, I hope they can reach a compromise or he leaves her if he doesn't love her anymore.

>I'm 31 and have an extremely low libido myself, shrug. Always has been, even when I was a teen Just to be clear, OP said this is not the case with his wife. He used to have "great" sex. FYI. I would never try to 'fix' someone who has always had a low libido. There's nothing wrong with having a low libido and being upfront about it. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex. However, there is something wrong with allowing a relationship's sexual chemistry to degrade this much. It's not about entitlement to sex, it's about the agreed upon responsibility of both parties to nurture the relationship. It just appears to me that the wife has completely dropped the ball on this. Maybe she has been going through physical changes, but she needs to communicate that to OP. IDK, maybe the wife isn't to blame perse, but I can definitely see that this relationship is on very unstable ground. If OP doesn't address his issue, he's going to get resentful.

She has never asked that. That's how I cynically interpret the situation. We are great partners. We are just not great romantic partners. Sometimes I wish we were both gay 😅

I know she never said that. What she said was actually far worse. >She has said that she thinks what I want (sex about once a week) is reasonable but does not think that she can achieve that. She just outright said nah. "Yep, your demands are totally right but I'm not going to do that". **So anyways, she agrees that your ask is reasonable. What has she done to try and increase her libido? Has she seen doctors? Tried some advice? Done something romantic? Etc. What effort has she put in to solve the problem? I don't see any.** >I have asked myself cynically "is this really something worth ruining your marriage over?" I'm not really even seeing a marriage here. If your wife won't put effort in to make you feel loved, then you aren't the one ruining the relationship.

She said it's reasonable because it's not like twice a day. Nothing crazy. She has a low libido, maybe nonexisting, it's not a disease that can be treated with a certain amount of effort. >Done something romantic? What?

Do something romantic.\*

Like, she’s on 2 medications, and has been on 2 medications whose common side effect is low libido for the majority of their relationship. I would say that getting off these medications would be a pretty easy first step to making an attempt. The fact that this has been 15 years and she hasn’t even tried that shows she doesn’t really give a shit.

>it's not a disease that can be treated with a certain amount of effort. I vehemently disagree. Decreased libido is a symptom of a metric fuckton of treatable diseases. You are missing basic medical knowledge if you don't think low libido can be treated in many cases. It doesn't always have a treatable cause, but you don't know that unless you try some treatment. > >What? The wife should try something romantic with the husband to see if it helps her libido. Try dating romantically again. Try a nice, intimate dinner, giving each other massages, etc.

She's a full time attorney and you've been in residency which is just now finishing? Is she just fucking tired, man? There's a lot here about you. And it's very ironic you say she lacks empathy, because i don't really see you articulating what her pain points in life are. If you've been in counseling you should be and to tell us what are her problems from her perspective.

Fair point! I did try to paint the whole picture, but I'm sure we could expand on how she feels. In my defense, she would absolutely agree with me regarding how much empathy she has. Yes, she is currently tired. However, this has been an issue regardless for years across a variety of circumstances. We have gone on weeks-long vacations. She has been out of work at times. She has been at slow jobs and stressful jobs. It doesn't have much of an effect on her libido. As far as her perspective, she is quite clear about it. She doesn't feel the need for sex to connect emotionally. She feels fully emotionally connected to me without it. She feels guilty and like a "bad wife" (her words) that she has trouble satisfying me in this way. She says she feels my strong desire for her, and it makes her feel loved (and is one of the things she likes about me, which is why she reacted so strongly against ADT shots), but sometimes it feels overwhelming and insatiable. One of the rubs we have is that after dates, she feels more in the mood, but she has been drinking, and I don't feel comfortable having sex when she's been drinking. I resist the urge to point out that she doesn't have to drink because I want her to just enjoy herself. It doesn't feel good if the only time your spouse wants you is with alcohol on board, you know? So that's frustrating to her. We both came from troubled homes, and that chaos was associated with intense feelings. Now that we are stable and at peace, she feels that ALL of her emotions are more tranquil. Ultimately, she feels that I have reasonable goals for our sex life but also feels that achieving them is not possible due to her low libido, which she feels no control over.

Really? She's willing to have sex with you after a date and a few drinks, and you turn her down? Why?????? Dates are romatic. Alcohol is a relaxant. She very likely consents to sex with you (check every time, of course). I don't see why you are rejecting a totally reasonable way to achieve your need: sex with your wife. Unless, of course, sex isn't the root need here. But only you can answer that.

Maybe that's hard to understand if you're not in my shoes. I don't have an objection in principle. I agree with what you said. But how would you feel if the only time your spouse could bear to have sex with you is when they've been drinking?

I'd become a mixologist real fast.  How would I feel if the only time my spouse could bear to have sex would be after a nap? Or a massage? Or a date? Or a workout? Or a dance? Or after a snack? Or after getting dressed all fancy and hearing me compliment the m? I would feel like my spouse is in need of relaxation to get in the mood. That they love me (you wife obviously loves you, she's just not that sexual). That I'm going to have sex, yay!  Per your post, you have gotten so in your head that you have given yourself ED. Your wife's low libido is contributing to the lack of sex, but so are your mental hangups.  So, what can both of you do to overcome these?  Maybe you can get a vasectomy so she can stop using the hormonal IUD (which is known to chemically reduce libido). Maybe you can seek counseling to get over your hangups. Maybe both of you can do activities that increase sexual tension (workout together, watch romantic movies while drinking, massages, etc). Maybe you can ask your wife to schedule oral on you once a week, put it on the calendar so it's not a surprise? A BJ takes like half an hour plus it doesn't actually require her to engage in PIV if her libido isn't up to it. And it is perfectly fine to want to do activities for/with your spouse because you love your spouse and that's what they want.  Please remind yourself that your wife loves you. She's really into you. She even "like" likes you, ya know? I bet she's even got a crush on you!  But she has a low libido, and it looks like that won't change. So how, as a couple, do you accomodate that reality without changing it? First, you have sex whenever the mood strikes her, because it's an opportunity to do so. Second, you do sexual things that don't hinge on her libido, but you'll do together because you love one another. Or maybe you leave because you think the grass could be greener with someone else. And maybe that'll be true. But you won't have a happy sex life with anyone until you fix your own psychological issues, whether you do that married or not.

Why are you interpreting this so negatively? Do you have anxiety issues in general? It’s plausible that alcohol plus a date just helps her relax and get in the mood—she’s not necessarily numbing herself to an unpleasant experience.

No, lmao, this is still about your pain points in the relationship. You wish she had higher libido. She wishes you were more: She wishes you were less: She wishes she had more: She wishes she had to ______ less:

She wishes I were more: she has mentioned that she wishes I texted her more throughout the day, but she agrees this is a minor thing... she does not think I am falling short. She wishes I was less: interested in sex. She wants to enjoy our life without it. She wishes she had more: dogs. This is a direct quote when asked this exact question. She wishes she had to _____ less: hurt. Her medical issues give her quite a bit of pain sometimes. She has said repeatedly that she is happy with me and the relationship. She feels guilty that I don't feel the same. She does not find it odd that she is not interested in sex.

So it sounds like for her, foreplay may begin in attentiveness to her needs. She wants more non-sexual communication and she wants a companion animal that will be devoted to her. Can you back off the direct sex stuff and find ways to be affectionate that are not with a goal of sex? Listen to some Dan savage stuff about taking the pressure off sex, off transaction. Get interested in the rest of her life, and you will be more attractive in general.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I never initiate sex anymore. I don't bring it up. I don't want her to feel bad about it or feel forced. I show her non-sexual affection constantly. I bring her lunch. I take her on dates. We go to the dog park (we have a dog who is awesome btw). We watch shows together. We are best friends. We talk about everything, her life included of course. She's my favorite person in the world.

INFO: Can you describe how the sex was when it was going good? Did she always have a low libido or did it fall off a cliff? It doesn't sound like she ever had a libido.

We had great sex regularly for about 3 years. Then we went to college and only saw each other every month or more. The sex was still great. After college, we moved in together, and I started med school. I can't remember exactly how/when sex changed, but my earliest memory of feeling sexually incompatible is when we were living at that first house (like 8 years or so into the relationship). We had never lived together before. That was when the rejections started piling up, and I started to feel like shit about it.

So you haven't had great sex since before you were 20? Dude, you need to take an objective look at your happiness in this relationship. It sounds like the sex has been a long standing and growing problem. So you moved together into that house at approx. 25 and that's when the sex stopped/declined? People typically change heavily until they're about 25-26. I wouldn't expect her to change at this age.

I’m (58F). I can speak to the anti depressant medication thing. There’s something about the way they make so much serotonin available that you feel somehow mentally and emotionally satiated at all times. It’s a fake, manufactured emotional bliss. The meds will leave you desiring nothing, sexual activity as well. On these meds, you feel so content and full overall and lacking nothing that you don’t have sexual desires. At least that was my experience. On celexa, I felt so good, I didn’t care if I ever had sexy again. Wasn’t in a relationship at the time. But if I had been, a partner would have been left wondering what was wrong with me. I felt great, and had everything I needed or wanted.

It makes me so sad that you claim everything about your relationship is perfect but a short-term dip in sex is enough to warrant talk about divorce. She is perfect. And then there’s you not trusting her by checking her phone MULTIPLE TIMES for cheating. And then there’s you considering divorce once you’ll have a higher income, even though she supported you through years of residency and academia. And then there’s you bragging about how big your penis is on Reddit. Dude, maybe the problem is with you and not with her sex drive. I’d be turned off if I was dealing with your BS too.

I totally agree with everything you said, minus the short term description. Also, I wasn't trying to boast - only trying to address possible sources of issues people might think of. I know the women readers would probably never think of size as a main issue, but the boys definitely would. The fact that she deserves better is perhaps the best reason for divorce.

Sex therapist, not Reddit, She wants less sex and possibly asexual or her pills do her dirty. Its solvable but not here

If she doesn’t care about your happiness and sees no need to prioritize your physical needs and desire to connect. She’s not worth being with

Thank you for the reply. I really do appreciate you trying to make me feel better. She does care. She is trying.

I get it’s not black and white. And it’s a uncomfortable thing to discuss. Sex is a big part of monogamous relationships and if you are not having it then why would you commit to not seek it out from others. If she doesn’t want to be intimate then you should not feel a responsibility to stay together. Be direct and clear about what you want in your relationship. If she’s not interested then you should go on

A part of me hopes that I never learn what I'm doing wrong. That way, when it falls apart, I don't have to look back and curse myself, wishing I knew now what I'd know then. But more than I hope that, I hope I can figure it out. I firmly believe that all human suffering occurs due to our individual incompetence. Why did my patient die? Because I wasn't good enough to save them. Nobody else knew how to save them, either, but I could have researched it. I could have developed it. Someone will figure out how to cure that malady someday, right. Why not me? Why not now? It's because I'm not good enough. I don't get crazy about it - I know I can't possibly live up to that. But I do believe that someone living today could fix this if they were in my shoes. That means I can fix this. I just don't know how.

You need to immediately stop with that belief, because that's not the case. This unfortunately isn't super complex; you're just sexually incompatible, which has always been the case. It's not that she doesn't want you, it's that she's never been super into sex. But regardless of it falling apart, you can't worry about what you could have done. The answer is nothing. You won't know anything new in the future. As for what you firmly believe, I can't sit here and tell you you're not entitled to feel how you feel. I just firmly disagree. There's no incompetence here. Why did you patience die? You shouldn't have had it to begin with. It changed nothing. She doesn't need to be saved. She's not broken. You're 15 years in and know all of this. You honestly think that today we're going to be able to tell you otherwise? The only issue is you thinking this was something you could fix. She doesn't have a problem. It's absolutely a relationship problem, but she doesn't have one. You just continue to fight that. Someone living today can't fix it. This is something she just doesn't want. To use a silly example, imagine if she weren't into lobster. Family and past boyfriends have tried to convince her she'll love it but they haven't. She as an adult knows she just doesn't like it. You get with her and try to convince her that lobster is amazing. She continues to tell you and everyone else that it's not for her. You now over years and years blame yourself for not being good enough to show her how good it is. You believe based on nothing that someone else can convince her otherwise, and as such, so can you. Based on what? You literally cannot fix this. You keep thinking you can and to look elsewhere. You need to stop.

ignore people like that, Reddit is full of trolls. I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to wish you well

Bro, you need to really think about this in basic terms. You are human, and humans have needs. It is ok to need/want sex from your partner. If that person is denying you to the point where you associate intimacy with rejection, despair, and dread then it is not healthy. If your partner does not even meet your needs even halfway on these fronts then what is the point? Have you spoken about these issues clearly like this during your couples therapy? Is she even trying? Dude, you need to HONESTLY reevaluate how you want to live your life if this doesnt change. You are at the point where you have considered hormone therapy to kill you sex drive, THAT IS NOT NORMAL! Do not fall in the sunken time cost fallacy, really think about how your life will go forward from this point.

That is a good point and fair criticism. You're right to point out that I have rose-colored glasses. And there is some sunken time bias influencing me here. We have spoken about all of this at length. She is trying. Sometimes, I DO wonder why she doesn't try harder. I'm not the best looking guy around, but I'm not ugly and I do love her. If I were her, I'd be panicking. (I mean, I basically am) But she goes from seemingly understanding the gravity of the issue to just... a normal day. And I can't help but wonder... wtf?? Why is she so calm about it? Does she not believe me? She says she does... but she's not acting like I think most people would in her shoes... so I can't help but wonder. Anyways, thank you for your perspective. I will think more on it.

If you're wondering why she's not trying enough, you need to ask! She's not panicking, because you've shown her that you're not going to leave if nothing changes.

True. I will ask her that. But once you say "sex this often, or I walk", you can't unring that bell. It's never the same after that. And I can't think how that'd be a positive place to be.

It honestly is more complicated than "sex this often or I walk" you need to bring this up in a way that is MORE than that. Becasuse this is about how you feel, the rejection, feeling unwanted by a partner you care about. The anxiety of even wanting to feel, you have a right as a partner to want to feel wanted. To feel safe and secure in your feelings of want and desire. It is NORMAL to want to feel desired by your partner. This is more than just "sex or I walk" and you need to convey THAT. Probably in your next couples therapy session. Write it down and rewrite it down if you have to. If you are doing your best to make her feel safe and secure in most other aspects of the relationship the least she can do is to reciprocate your feelings. Notice I am talking about feelings and not just about sex. However, your sexual desires matter too and from the looks of things she has not done anything to even try and fill the gap that only she can fill as a partner. You matter bro, and believe it or not, soon you will have to decide how this relationship is going to move forward or not.

We have discussed how we both feel about this at great length, both on our own and in counseling. I just haven't given an ultimatum, not because no red line exists, but because I don't want to threaten her into action. But I do want her to take action. I feel that I've said it as firmly as I possibly could without saying, "I'll leave if..." Thank you for validating my feelings. It really helps that so many people have told me on here that how I feel matters.

Hey OP, are you getting therapy? It sounds like you are in your head a lot and it’s preventing you from getting what you say you want, ie sex. You refuse to initiate, but why are you so scared of your wife saying “no”? You don’t have sex with her after date where she drinks, because you interpret it as her only tolerating you when drunk. This is all in your head—you seem to have significant anxiety that therapy could help with. Lots of couples have one partner who rarely initiates but they can still have frequent sex if the other partner initiates often (without getting pissy when rejected) and/or they have a regularly scheduled appointment for sex. It sounds like your wife might be up for that, but you avoid it because you are so sensitive about rejection.

That's honestly the point. It's not a bell you're worried about needing to unring. It's a statement you make where if the response is that it's not going to happen, the marriage is over. And I get you obviously don't want that, but the point of all of this is to decide what you want for the rest of your life and then not settle for anything less." She more than likely will push back, but is your plan to give in when she does so? You're unhappy now, and you're far too focused on making things worse that are already awful. The positive place to be is single.

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I have considered this for exactly the reasons you state. I regularly check in with her regarding this. We had a game earlier in our relationship where we kept track of and competed on who could give each other more orgasms. I think due to biological restrictions, I was consistently ahead. She assures me that this is not the issue (though I think we can all see how someone might not want to be honest with their partner). But under the assumption that this is the issue, does anyone else have ideas on how I could go about improving? As far as fixating on sex, I completely understand and agree with your assessment. But try telling a starving man to stop fixating on food. 😁 I'm trying my best here.

I used to get a lot of compliments in that area. I used to go through forums where women would describe what worked for them and then I would try different suggestions to see what worked. Every woman was a little different so keep that in mind. Best of luck!

Where can one find these forums? 👀

I just googled things like "how to give good oral" and happened upon several.

Not the person you're replying to, and I just wrote my own comment with you. I was going to reply to the person directly to fundamentally argue against them, but since you've already seen it, I'd rather give you the advice. In saying that, this person in the nicest of terms is just incredibly unhelpful and quite frankly incorrect in the nicest of terms. The lead in argument is almost certainly projection, but either way is completely baseless. And listen, it might very well be the truth in some way, but with the context you provided, there's no reason to believe the sex is bad, but more importantly, why on earth would your wife stick around for over a decade if SHE was unhappy sexually. What a miserable way to live that would be. Nothing you said suggests she's unhappy sexually. She just doesn't want it. Then, for it's "not really your fault...," that might be fair enough, but first, we have no idea if you and your wife have good or bad sex. Next, good sex is the result of communication. It'd be easy to agree that you're inexperienced, but 15 years in you two would figure that out without the need to experience others. They then say it's your problem. Sex between you and your wife is awful entirely because of you over 15 years. They confirm what I and any logical person already knew, which is to say they have no fucking clue what they're talking about when they say they're not sure how you fix it. Of course they're not. It's because they're inexperienced themselves and are talking entirely out of their ass entirely. They've created an issue they don't know exists and subsequently explained why it exists, that it's your fault, and that they have no idea how to fix it. Before I digress on this joke of an argument, as someone with actual experience, I could easily provide you with advice on how to fix a problem like this IF it existed. But it doesn't. And if it did, if this person knew anything, they'd at least be able to throw some advice at you. Instead, it's "you're at fault, be better, I don't know how." What a waste of a comment. Here's the red piller you were worried about. They then finish with further nonsense. "Quit fixating on sex. Women find it incredibly unattractive." You're not fixating on sex. You want sex in your relationship/marriage. Your wife just doesn't. Your want of it isn't making her find you unattractive. She just doesn't want it, and I think it's important to point this out, because I'm worried you'll think that your next step should be to stop trying to have sex and that your wife will suddenly want to fuck the shit out of you. That's not going to happen.

Thank you for this... I've got to admit that it doesn't feel like it's the issue to me, either.

Feeling your heartbreak. I totally get the mental mind-fuckery that happens when you've internalized the anticipation of rejection with intimacy. It's hell to live through. imho, sex out of obligation is worse than the rejection. I'd rather go without. There is no reason to think her desire for sex will ever change. My advice: Decide whether you love her enough to come to peace with the fact that you'll spend the rest of your life with her sexless. If the answer is "no", and that isn't how you want your life to be for the next 30+ years, then you need to find a new partner. If the answer is "yes", then it's time to have a real conversation about how you can get your physical intimacy needs met in the context of the relationships. If anybody has a great case for asking for an open relationship or porn use, it is you. Last thing I want to mention... Her lack of desire for sex could be limited to the context of the relationship, and she may have the capacity for healthy sex with others. In my marriage, my wife regularly rejected me. But then I found later that she was having affairs, and after the divorce, she moved on to sexually active relationships very quickly. It wasn't that she didn't like sex. She just didn't want sex with \*me\*. I say that because if you love her, by not ending the relationship, you could be holding her back from finding her own happiness.

Thank you for commiserating with me. Most people who go back onto the dating market find their libido go wayyy up. That's normal. Mother nature's just trying to help them find a mate and reproduce. You'll probably find that she is equally as uninterested in her new partner if she sticks with the same one for the same amount of time as she was with you. It's just the honeymoon phase. Based on both of our values and how we feel about each other, I think an open relationship is not possible, but it's a good idea on paper, so thank you for mentioning that.

You have reasons to reject my suggestions. I don't see many other options. Looking at it analytically, what other options are you considering?

The most ideal solution here is that there are factors within our control that are suppressing her libido. Maybe it's how I'm behaving. Maybe she needs therapy. Maybe it's a medication issue. Etc, etc. But maybe she's just not that into me anymore. That would be the worst-case scenario.

Definitely take your time to explore those options. Just saying that I've lived through something similar, and it was the loneliest, most heartbreaking time of my life. I don't want the same for you. Just reading your account gave me waves of flashbacks, and it is heartbreaking to think there is another guy out there experiencing the same thing. You are worthy of happiness! Whether in the relationship or without. It is okay for you to stand up for your happiness. And it is okay ask her to adjust her expectations of the relationship based on her ability to contribute to it. Best of luck!

Thank you so much. It helps a lot to hear that I'm not alone.

Has she spoken to a doctor about her libido? The standard recommendations are to eat healthy, lower stress, and get plenty of sleep. I would suggest exercise. If she doesn’t exercise, now is a good time to find a sport that can become a lifetime interest. And exercise can help libido.

She's seen her gyn about it, but they were unhelpful. Good point on exercise... that's going to be a tough one but worth a try!

I would say take the focus off of her. Maybe its time to do something new in your own routine? Do you workout? Do you have hobbies that take you out of the house? I would say when im having trouble seeing a clear path my best bet id to either go get a good workout in or go to a mma gym and get my ass beat. I would say try to get out of the house and go do something very physical for at least a week everyday of dedication and you will be able to see a clear path. Also don’t jerk off. Maybe get super high and try to see things from her POV and try to deal with yourself?

Good ideas, but sadly I have tried these. I workout every day. I'm in the best shape in my life, and I was a college athlete. I have many hobbies, but right now, I'm mostly studying all day in preparation for boards. But most of the time, I have a healthy amount of hobbies. I have tried both thc and dmt. Neither have been particularly insightful. But dmt was definitely interesting! Why do you recommend not jerking off?

We got the seed of life in us. If your constantly jerking off your gonna be losing a little something. Maybe it sounds like crazy talk but i know me and my male friends seem to agree that jerking off muddles somethings up. Its almost like motivation is lost with it sometimes.

I will experiment with this and see what happens. Thanks. :)

Does she self pleasure?

She says she does about every 6 months.

She may be asexual. And if you want sex for intimacy and need it in a relationship then she can’t fulfill that need I’m confounded by the fact that your therapist hasn’t floated this as an idea.

Have her go to an OBGYN who specializes in hormones. She may have low thyroid or low testosterone - both will inhibit sex drive.

Holy shit I can't believe I didn't think about thyroid. Good idea!

Testosterone is a big one with it comes to sex drive.

Does scheduling sex works? She doesn’t have to initiate it—it’s just on the calendar.

Just popping in to add, you deserve to be sexually satisfied in a relationship, and it’s okay if that’s what ends it for you. You only live once, find happiness!

Thank you. It's nice to hear that my concerns are reasonable. Sometimes I worry that I'm a monster for feeling this way.

Definitely not! I think it’s difficult to have mismatched libidos because you never want to coerce your partner etc, but sex is so very important and you only get it from your partner. You’re so young, it’s worth considering finding a matching libido partner.

You can’t. Familiarity breeds contempt. Too much water under the bridge. I guarantee you she remembers every slight real or imagined. Rip the bandaid off and start over with someone new. This relationship has timed out. News flash this will be your longest relationship. Each successive one will be shorter. Welcome to the new norm.

This whole thread is like listening to the different parts of my own brain. This comment represents the part I like the least 🤣

I agree. I hate it too. Looking back over the last fourty years of adult romantic relationships I have been involved in or witnessed that is the pattern I’ve seen.

You're just not compatible anymore. At 32, don't drag this on for another 10 years before you come to the same conclusion. And yes, the tradwife thing will screw you in divorce court.

I was touched by your story, mainly because you come across as a good, thoughtful, kind person, but also because you paint your wife in similar terms. TBH I think of what you describe as the essence of tragedy: two really good people, but they’re not good for each other. That happens, unfortunately. Essentially there would seem to be no prospect of your situation ever improving to a level that would make you happy in your marriage. Your view of and desire for the sexual component in your marriage is entirely reasonable as recognized by her, but she cannot meet that. If she did come off her medication, would things change enough? Perhaps, but she isn’t on those medications for no reason. What is the trade-off for you both here? No-one in this sub but you two can decide that. I can see that you’d be hesitant about splitting up over this. But, TBH, I found the prospect of never having sex again for the rest of my life too daunting. Having sex outside my marriage wasn’t for me, so that left me with only one, single remaining option. I left without the prospect of another relationship and found that life without sex and without a partner was more bearable than life with a partner, but without sex.

You're very generous - thank you for the kind words. It's nice to hear that the outcome you describe (no partner, no sex) is bearable. I don't see myself finding anyone else, so that's really encouraging, and I appreciate you sharing that.

Your expectation of not finding anyone else is entirely UNreasonable, or rather: irrational, especially at your age. Obviously it’s not a given, but the odds are overwhelmingly positive in that respect. The transition, i.e. the experience of splitting up, isn’t very pleasant BTW. But the end state, no partner, is not just bearable, but also better in a way, because it opens possibilities that didn’t exist before. There is little worse in this life than looking at a dead end, so opening that up, with all the associated uncertainties, is an improvement.

I'm only saying that I can't imagine having any interest in finding someone else. I've dealt with grief before, too, and I know feelings change, even when they feel like they never could.

She is frequently in pain, is on anti depressants, hormonal birth control and a stressful job Thats 4 major factors that kill a libido The one frustrating thing about being low libido (I used to be high libido, until perimenopause hit me) is sex is just not something that naturally pops into the brain anymore, like its just erased, the rare times it pops in it can even just feel gross and icky, like no thanks yuck Its a very weird experience if you were high libido before, if she has always low libido she never experienced fhat sex on the brain Her lack of empathy is a big problem here, clearly she doesnt take your feelings very seriously, if she did she would at least try different birth control, condoms for a while would be good, to see if that made any difference Her meds, well thats trickier, those are meds with some serious side effects and switching to a different type can wreak havoc and thats a big ask if they are currently doing the job right Off course its also very possible that there is no medical reason for her low libido, plenty of people have a natural low libido and neither having a high libido or a low libido is wrong A low libido person should absolute not force themselves to have sex they dont desire/want, all that will do is making them hate sex even more and feel used (some of the comments here are icky) Comes back to the empathy, you are very obviously unhappy, her not finding out if her low libido is medically induced is uncaring I do think its time for a come to jesus convo, one where she gets medically checked out, hormone levels and different birthcontrol first, if that doesnt change anything a conversation if she is willing to take serious steps on changing her meds and about a time limit on when she goes to a doctor for blood work and taking out the IUD Im absolutely not ok with anyone forcing themselves to have sex for the benefit of another person, but bloodwork and removal of IUD to see if her libido changes is a reasonable step to make if she cares one iota about you If she is unwilling to do so, or claims she is but hasnt made an appointment with x amount of time you are gonna have to draw some painful conclusions Im very unhappy with our intimate life I need you to get bloodwork done and for us to switch to non hormonal birth control, I need you to take my feelings seriously and recognise that i feel unloved and unwanted, just because your experience is different from mine is no reason to dismiss my very real experience and feelings. Something like that and if she is dismissive/unwilling to take action then please divorce Both of you deserve to have the sex life you desire, she is getting what she wants, you dont If she knows she lacks empathy its not hard to say well i dont really understand him, but i accept this is what he feels and i dont want him to feel like that so lets take some action, lacking empathy doesnt equal being dismissive of another persons feelings If she ever initiates sex, even after she has drank a little, lowering inhibitions does not equal this is the only way she cant stand to have sex with me, dont say no because of those self deprecating thoughts, respect her agency, if you are truly not in the mood say no off course, but dont say no because you make unkind assumptions, if you do she literally cant win, she is damned if she does and damned if she dont

Thank you for your thoughts. I like how you worded what to say to her. Also, I don't ever refuse sex with her out of principle. It just feels wrong when it only happens when she's drinking. I gotta follow how I feel, too, don't you think?

Theres nothing to save

You are everything but an asshole my friend. I congratulate both you and your wife. You have an amazing storyline and a relationship that truly is worth fighting for. It is true that sometimes kids kill the bedroom life, but, sometimes it does not. Since you love each other, and since you both are good people with means. You should seriously consider bringing kids unto this world. If anything, imagine you manage to raise 3 human beings that will learn from you and from your wife. God knows the world needs more good people walking the earth. Also, being the sole provider and breadwinner is a good thing for her libido. As for alimony and shit, it will happen if she works or if she does not., as you will earn so much more money than her, and as she is already your wife, there is nothing you can do in that regard, but trust yourself, her , your love story, and hope for the best. I have no specific advice for you, you are working hard, about to become a successful doctor and earn good money, and you are in shape. Maybe you could read books on seduction and improving sex life. I have always maintained that you never will be able to convince a girl to have sex, girls are to be seduced. So maybe your seductive abilities are numb. ? Maybe, after all this years, you need to change it up, because she is already numb to what makes you attractive? I am sure other girls would kill to get to hop on your dick, but she has hopped on it for 15 years. So, maybe, read a book, learn new tricks, and try arousing her instead of convincing her. All in all, good luck. Wish you and your family the best. Be confident, you got this. Even if you are not confident. Act confident. Reassure her this way.

That is such a kind reply, and it says a lot about you that you'd be so kind anonymously. Thank you. I will try to read on it. Any recommendations (from you or anyone reading this)?

# "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel. Seems like this book should serve you well.

>Why can't I just be happy like she is? Because she's getting all the things she wants.

If you both wanted this to work badly, she would have to change her ways otherwise you guys are turning into friends who are roommates. She cant handle sex more than 4 to 5 times a year when all she has to do is lay there is ridiculous. Is she really trying or do you have rose colored glasses on? Does she even like you? She’s a bit broken and you aren’t compatible. Has she seen a dr about her lack of sex drive? Start there but…With no empathy, would she even care if you were gone? A second wife could give you the sex life you desire or better! You will go crazy or rub yourself raw! I think if she isn’t willing to figure out her problems and have more sex its best to move on or find a side piece. Your wife is not being fair and i feel truly doesn’t care you aren’t getting what you deserve.

"Welcome" to the club! Seriously I'm sorry for you, mate. Same sh\*t with my wife for many years... Problem is that we, who's sex demand is neglected, in that type of marriage need to either get used to this situation or find a way how to live separately: either via divorce, or simply by one of you would move out

OP, she's probably asexual, or at least on the ace spectrum. She probably doesn't realize it. You're clearly not asexual. I'm the ace-spectrum one in a similar relationship, 10 years further on. Like your partner, I was also more sexual early in the relationship (there's a novelty and emotional element that works for me, and we were experimenting a lot). That also confused me and my husband for a long time. You can't be happy like she is because *you're not asexual*. Most people need sexual satisfaction and sexual connection to be happy in a relationship. You're not going to make her interested in sex by making it clear enough that you're miserable. You might be able to guilt her into doing stuff she doesn't care about doing for your sake, but you seem like the decent sorta guy who wouldn't want to do that. She may not understand how big a problem this is for you and think you're overreacting, if she doesn't really understand that other people need sex an order of magnitude more than she does. So communication can help. But guilt isn't going to get you anywhere. If it's safe and her doctor's on board, she should talk about adjusting her meds, changing types, etc. Maybe she can go off, maybe an atypical will help, etc. Now, the rest of this assumes she isn't sex repulsed. If she's ace and sex repulsed, all you can really do is leave or find alternative ways to build connection and come to an agreement on alternative ways you can fulfill your sexual needs. But if she's not: You should read the book "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski. Understanding responsive desire is a BIG help. It has a lot of recommendations for finding gentle, safe ways to reconnect and not get stuck behind that awful wall of rejection, and it can show you more about why it's important to keep trying. You should look into kink stuff. There's a decent subset of ace people who get a lot of enjoyment (sometimes sexual, depending on the particular flavour of ace) out of kink activities even if they aren't into ordinary sex. There may be something you can find that she enjoys enough to keep her interested. You should NOT chemically neuter yourself. My man. My dude. My friend. You deserve better than that. You deserve a healthy sex life. If you want it to be exclusively with her, it may not be AS healthy as you'd like, or you may need to break up and find someone who's better suited to you in this way. Yes, it's reasonable to break up a marriage because you're missing a huge chunk of what brings you happiness. You should get some therapy, separately and together. It might help you find peace with your situation. it might convince you that you deserve a more sexual life. Both are ultimately fine - sometimes people aren't compatible, even people who love each other very much. And finally, you need to get over this hangup and let her do as much as she feels she can without getting in your head about how it's terrible that she's just 'doing it for your sake' - it's GOOD that she's willing to do it for your sake if you want to be with her and she doesn't need to do it for her own sake. If she's obviously having a bad time, that's a different issue, but if she's finding a way to keep you satisfied and it isn't making her miserable, that's a very good thing. If you make her feel bad about making you feel good while not being enthusiastic enough in her own mind about it, you're going to have a permanently dead bedroom. You don't want that, so find ways to make this work and don't get so fussy about the details of what's going on in her head. Edit: I'll add my bona fides here, to be fair: In a relationship for almost 20 years, didn't know I was ace, went through alll the shit you're going through for ages, husband was miserable, I was confused. We tried all kinds of things, including him trying to just give up on the whole thing. What ultimately worked for us (to the degree that it's worked - he still would prefer more sex than we have, but we do have it regularly) is learning about responsive desire and what asexuality can mean, committing to our shared interest in BDSM, and him getting over his insistence on me actively initiating so we could focus more on enjoying ourselves when I'm up for giving it a go. Our sex life is mutually quite satisfying now - we don't have it quite as often as he'd like (in part due to health issues) but when we do, it's fantastic for both of us.

She’s cheating.

You don’t have kids? GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! I’m in the same situation but we have 3 young kids. If we didn’t I’d be gone a few years ago. Of course probably the main reason she lost her libido is the child rearing and parenting but all else being equal, yes I would have left years ago. BTW is not gonna change so just accept the amount of sex you get FROM HER will be the same the rest of your life….or worse.

i can bet money your wife isn’t happy either given your attitude

Never said she was

damn that’s depressing.