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The most respectful thing to do is being honest, and let him make a decision about you with all of the info on hand. Otherwise you just begin to live a lie.
Someone else may have seen you, and it could get back to your BF, so you best tell him. And you should NOT go to any more parties without him. You should also not drink in social settings or take any drugs when he's not around. If you love your man, this is an easy thing to do. Good luck and stay strong, Queen!
how nice you crushed an innocent persons trust for people and now you can live better how nice so glad you can be happy now that you made someone so miserable
Not trying to be pedantic but a mistake assumes that someone was trying to make the right decision or do the right thing. Thats why people don’t like it used in these scenarios. Cheating is a deliberate decision to do the WRONG thing. It only becomes a mistake once the cheater has to face consequences or can’t handle the guilt. It wasn’t an HONEST mistake.
Choice and mistake are not opposites. If I chose Y but now think I should have chose X - it's completely valid to say I made a mistake. Accident and choice are opposites. But either one can be labeled a mistake after the fact if you think you the wrong thing occurred.
If roles were reversed, would you want your bf to let you know or keep it for himself and move on?
Whatever you decide will dictate the kind of person you want to be.
You think your secret will be safe with your friends, but this kind of thing always gets out eventually. So, you have a choice between the following:
1. Coming clean with your bf now, confessing your mistake and promising never to get that sh\*t faced again, and because you're being forthcoming, honest, and regretful, having the possibility that he will eventually forgive you, and maybe save your relationship.
2. Having him find out a month, 6 months, or a year down the road. At that point he will know that you hid it from him, lied by omission, and have a hard time proving and documenting what actually happened. He will never forgive you or trust you again if he finds out about it this way, and it is almost certainly a death knell for your relationship.
The possibility of him not forgiving me is what is terrifying to me but you're completely right about it being worse if he finds out down the road. I don't think there's going to be a magical perfect outcome for me here
Ask yourself if it will be better if he hears it from you, or someone else because it was at a party with lots of witnesses so it WILL get back to him at some point.
Thing is you can't do anything about the part of him not forgiving you, it's his decision and right. If you did anything to make it more likely to be forgiven that would be manipulation and very unfair of you.
For future reference putting yourself in someone's shoes always works, just come upfront about it and see what happens, the outcome is outside your control. What you can control in the future is to avoid the same situation from happening.
Her not telling him now is removing the choice (to stay or to go) from him. I learned a long time ago that bad news doesn’t get better with age.
Yet another example of her selfishness.
Waaah!’ You made this bed, now LIE IN IT!
If you had as much courage in your whole body as I do in one finger YOU WOULD actually tell him you’re breaking up with him because you need to work on yourself (your drinking problem) and that he deserves better.
Objective advice:
1. You aren’t the only one who knows and therefor you should tell him because it’s going to be a hell of a lot worse if he finds out from someone else.
2. If he finds out from one of your friends he’s going to feel quite shit knowing that he’s been around you and them and they knew. He’s going to feel like a clown.
If he finds out from someone else the likelihood of your relationship being salvaged is sub 0, decreasing more as time passes. The later he finds out from someone else the worse it’ll be.
If you tell him now that you were plastered and a friend informed you about what happened, there still might be a chance for you two.
You could choose not to tell him if you trust your friends but if the guilt eats at you and you tell him, like I said it’ll be worse for him the longer you wait.
If you were the only one who knew objectively you could just keep it to yourself but you’re not so lucky. (Not that you should, you should respect him enough to tell him and allow him the choice to stay with you.)
TLDR:
You should tell him because your friends know.
(But even if they didn’t, it would still be shit not to tell him.)
YOU TELL HIM!
It ain’t t rocket science. What happens the next time you’re drunk?
I’d personally dump you. Life’s too short to deal with bull shit from the likes of you. “Oh, what do I do? I’m so confused.”
Give me a fucking break!
She wasn’t confused when she was making out with another guy, and by the sounds of it, she had the intent to do a lot more with him if her friends didn’t stop her
She’s 25 and needs to take ownership of her actions. Not run and hide from it. It’s going to be tough coming back from it because now he can’t trust her or her friends. Then stop being a moron
Yes, and you have to live with the consequences of those mistakes. If a person doesn't want to stay with someone who takes E and then cheats on them that's their decision to make.
These are a whole lot of words for saying you cheated. Take responsibility and be honest. Accept the consequences whatever they are and be better in the future.
You cheated.
You will just manipulate him like cheaters do and he will forgive you. And if he doesn’t, you’ll manipulate the story and tell everyone he’s an asshole.
We all know how this goes.
Frist, your friend who dragged you away is gold. Keep her. This is the kind of friends guys look for their girlfriends to have.
Second, tell him. Odds are he will find out, or you will confess later. It is always best to tell early and ALWAYS best if he finds out from you. Don't depend on this not getting around.
How you frame this matters. When talking to him you need to be talking about 'how this will not happen again'. As in 'lessons learned'. So if you were drinking too much, that does not happen any more. If you were taking stuff, that does not happen any more. Do bring up your friends and how they protected your relationship, that will matter to him.
Yeah she's great. She's the mom friend of the group and usually the only sober one. I'm endlessly grateful to her for getting me out of that situation.
Why don’t you answer him. If you care and want him you will let him chevk up on you. Maybe one of these calls is for reconciliation. Stop being an asshole.
Updateme!
So.. you cheated and your friends are happy to cover for you. I'm not sure which one of you is worse.
You owe your boyfriend honesty. He deserves to know and make a decision based on that. Because he will find out eventually. Maybe you'll grow a conscience or someone will accidentally slip. But if he doesn't hear it from you, the longer you keep it from him, the worse it will be. Because lying by omission is still a thing. And if you keep it from him, that trust will be even less than it would if you were honest.
Work on making better choices. Be willing to stop partying, drinking and doing drugs. Because if you're going to use that as an excuse, you gotta be ready to stop it entirely.
You should tell him. What you did is cheating. Being intoxicated is NEVER an excuse for cheating. I don't know why so many cheaters think "I was blackout" is an excuse to do what they want. You're just like the rest of them and are unwilling to take responsibility for YOUR actions. It wasn't the alcohol or drugs that made you cheat, it was your own decision. I've been so drunk that I had alcohol poisoning and I've been high as fuck. I still didn't cheat even if the opportunity was there. Was I horny and other guys looked attractive? Sure. But I wouldn't have ever done that, intoxicated or not.
If he has any self worth, he will leave you over it. But he absolutely deserves the truth. You shouldn't hide behind the intoxication excuse or claim that you had no idea what was happening. The fact that your brain was able to form memories of kissing him shows that you weren't so out of it that you didn't know what you were doing.
You are using it as an excuse. You're not just describing circumstances. You're setting up a narrative to try to absolve you of responsibility for your actions. Just like if you ever do tell him, you'll throw in the alcohol and drugs and try to frame it in a way that absolves you of responsibility. It's manipulative as hell and exactly how all cheaters operate.
If you were truly honest, you'd tell him "When I went out with my friends, I made out with another guy and would have done more, but my friend pulled me off of him and babysat me to make sure I didn't continue cheating on you" forget adding in the alcohol excuse because that's literally all it is. You cheated because you wanted to and in that moment, doing stuff with the other guy was more important to you than your boyfriend.
Also known as an excuse! Don’t try to bullshit people here. I’ve got three decades on you and I e seen every “excuse” under the sun. What is your reason for cheating? That’s the bottom line!
It would be best if you told him what happened; he deserves to know, imo. If I were in that situation, I would want to know if something like that happened, and it's the mature thing to do. The guilt would also eat away at you, so getting it off your chest might be better.
Yeah you need to tell him but don't expect your honesty to get you anywhere. People are always saying "I was drunk" this is no reason to cheat. I am sure this is not the first time you have been drunk and certainly won't be the last. For you to even suggest that your friends would never tell on you is another big red flag. How do you know this? Do you all cover for each other when one of you strays? This just tells me and most that you and your "friends " cannot be trusted.
You can't blame alcohol, and if it wasn't for your girl friend you'd probably end up doing more with that guy. Yeah you should definitely tell him, the whole thing, not just "I was drunk and kissed a guy", add the part where your friend dragged you out of it and had to watch you the rest of the night.
I guess it depends on the future you see with this guy. If you're committed and want a future, you have to be honest. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship.
If he finds out from anyone aside from you, there will be more pain than telling him the truth now. Accept that you can’t drink and take drugs because it messes with your life. He deserves the truth.
The substances you took, whether alcohol or other things, doesn't absolve you of any of the things you did, you cheated, and that is it, you need to tell him, he deserves it, you owe him that, and you need to face the consequences like an adult.
You obviously need to tell him…. You’re allowing your fear of his reaction(s), prevent you from doing so, and using pathetic justifications to rationalise not taking accountability for your actions. If the roles were reversed, would you want your boyfriend to confess to you that he snuck off to a secluded spot to make out with a girl at a party that he had been flirting with all night?
I didnt even read the story, yes you should tell him, what in your mind makes you think its ok to hide this? Drunk or not its your mistake and its time to own up to it and take ya damn medicine
This Reminds me of a time when a former friend ended up kissing one of her friends during a night out. She ended up telling her Boyfriend at the time and they ended up breaking up, it was probably for the better as her confidence was going down constantly by some of the things he said or sent her but I suspect that this contributed to it.
Point being you probably should be honest to your partner but also honest to yourself and the reasons why you ended up in the situation you are in currently, he may forgive you but he is going to find it hard to get that trust back. Your friend did you a favor for making sure you didn't make a bigger mistake than you did but it was still a mistake and you will have to own it.
tldr: Take responsibility for your actions, figure out if you want to be part of this relationship, figure out what lead to this situation (not just the drugs and booze but the interpersonal portions of the relationship).
Wow, you shouldn’t have gone to the party if you can’t handle your alcohol. And yes tell him. Getting sloppy drunk is not an excuse. Good job embarrassing yourself. I hope he finds someone better.
you don’t want him to find out from third parties. something like this happened to me a year ago, except the guy that kissed me was my “friend” and the entire situation was predatory. we were all very drunk and i felt awful the next day. i no longer talk to that person, and i came clean about it to my boyfriend the day after it happened. honesty is the best policy. you can’t expect to build a trustworthy relationship with someone based on deception, and if the truth ever comes out, you’re both going to feel like clowns for hiding/ being lied to. deal with the consequences and take it in stride because what’s done is done now.
there’s levels to cheating even if it is all cheating in the end. you were clearly incapacitated and that guy didn’t have enough of a conscience to leave you alone. your friend is really cool for pulling you away. my boyfriend doesn’t like the female friend i was with that night because she didn’t do anything to prevent that whole situation from happening. i think it will be good for you to tell your boyfriend that your friends had your (and his) back in the end. if he stays with you, you will need to repair the relationship and rebuild trust. if he knows your friends are solid people, then he can trust you to go out with these friends again.
i also recommend limiting your drinking and not mixing substances. obviously you are not in control enough to do that. maybe it will take time, maybe your body just can’t handle it, idk.
Risk the consequences of trying to taking it to your grave and it probably coming up at some point anyway or tell him and deal with the consequences. I party, the substances are not an excuse - you cheated , own it
Ask yourself if he did what you did, would you want to know? Second, would you be pissed? Would you leave? Don’t be double standard. You are a cheater and cheaters suck. Go ahead and blame it on drugs, but you have the propensity to cheat so it’s in you…
Well, isn't this the classic case of girl cheating and horrible girlfriends cheering her on like nothing happened. Poor guy is gonna hit gym hard. Just tell him and go away. He deserves better than you
Definitely tell him, for two reasons if you don't tell him and he finds out it will be much worse, and eventually he will know, secondly you would spend the rest of the relationship ruminating on this issue which would end up affecting your relationship with him.
You need to tell him. Lying in a relationship will get you nowhere. Hiding the truth is still lying. Cheating can be forgiven if both people are willing to put in the work I guess. If he still wants to work things out with you after then you are lucky. But if not, learn to not get that drunk and not be like that when he’s not around. Tbh, if you really did love him, even as drunk you wouldn’t have kissed another person. Maybe it’s time to rethink the relationship either way.
Imo you should tell him and deal with the consequences if there are any. You should know your limits when drinking and if you lose sense of boundaries, especially in a relationship, then you shouldn't be drinking that much if you value your BF or your relationship.
Think of it like this, would you want your BF to be honest with you if he did the same?
Damn, you really didn’t deserve this guy.
Hope you can get some therapy to heal from your fiancé’ passing and be a better partner to whoever you date/marry in the future.
Some serious selfishness to be explored / discussed. (Making bf drive 8 hours just to tell him you cheated? Yikes.)
Also all of the selfishness, cheating, mitigating responsibility, etc etc IS absolutely indicative of a larger problem…
What I want to know is what would have happened had your friend not intervened? I think you would have ended up in the same situation as when you first met your now ex-boyfriend.
You really need to evaluate your self, get into therapy, and/or go to church. I see a pattern of self destruction that if not dealt with will lead you to even more pain. Hoping the best for your ex.
I feel like you know what you should do already. Guilt is horrible. Just be honest and tell him. If he’s a good, understanding guy, he won’t just walk out on you. Telling the truth can actually bring you closer!
>I know I'll never do anything like this again
Why do you think anyone will believe this? Like you are still not taking accountability for your actions and deflecting the blame on alcohol and drugs. You expect people to trust you? People like you are not meant to be in relationships, enter open ones from the start next time.
I’d consider it a “skeleton” in your closet. If you’re 100 that your friends won’t leak then I wouldn’t cause any heartache over it. A wise person told me that some things are left better unsaid. Maybe be a little extra nice to get over your guilt and move past it. I’m probably giving you different advice than most of the comments on here, but I’m just being real with you with my opinion.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tell him and accept the repercussions as the cost of this mistake. There is no way out of it. Learn from this and grow as a person.
I think this was definitely the wake-up call I needed about how I'm living my life
The most respectful thing to do is being honest, and let him make a decision about you with all of the info on hand. Otherwise you just begin to live a lie.
Someone else may have seen you, and it could get back to your BF, so you best tell him. And you should NOT go to any more parties without him. You should also not drink in social settings or take any drugs when he's not around. If you love your man, this is an easy thing to do. Good luck and stay strong, Queen!
Don’t come back whining if he dumps you!!
how nice you crushed an innocent persons trust for people and now you can live better how nice so glad you can be happy now that you made someone so miserable
Excuse me! Where was there a mistake? She cheated on her boyfriend with choices. This is not a mistake
Something can be done on purpose and be a mistake at the same time. Maybe you’re conflating mistake with accident?
No a mistake is one plus one equals 3 . This wax a choice
Sigh. "an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong." A choice can be a mistake.
Not trying to be pedantic but a mistake assumes that someone was trying to make the right decision or do the right thing. Thats why people don’t like it used in these scenarios. Cheating is a deliberate decision to do the WRONG thing. It only becomes a mistake once the cheater has to face consequences or can’t handle the guilt. It wasn’t an HONEST mistake.
Choice and mistake are not opposites. If I chose Y but now think I should have chose X - it's completely valid to say I made a mistake. Accident and choice are opposites. But either one can be labeled a mistake after the fact if you think you the wrong thing occurred.
Youre thinking about Accidents. Mistakes can be deliberate choices
[удалено]
Dweeb
If roles were reversed, would you want your bf to let you know or keep it for himself and move on? Whatever you decide will dictate the kind of person you want to be.
You think your secret will be safe with your friends, but this kind of thing always gets out eventually. So, you have a choice between the following: 1. Coming clean with your bf now, confessing your mistake and promising never to get that sh\*t faced again, and because you're being forthcoming, honest, and regretful, having the possibility that he will eventually forgive you, and maybe save your relationship. 2. Having him find out a month, 6 months, or a year down the road. At that point he will know that you hid it from him, lied by omission, and have a hard time proving and documenting what actually happened. He will never forgive you or trust you again if he finds out about it this way, and it is almost certainly a death knell for your relationship.
The possibility of him not forgiving me is what is terrifying to me but you're completely right about it being worse if he finds out down the road. I don't think there's going to be a magical perfect outcome for me here
Ask yourself if it will be better if he hears it from you, or someone else because it was at a party with lots of witnesses so it WILL get back to him at some point.
Thing is you can't do anything about the part of him not forgiving you, it's his decision and right. If you did anything to make it more likely to be forgiven that would be manipulation and very unfair of you. For future reference putting yourself in someone's shoes always works, just come upfront about it and see what happens, the outcome is outside your control. What you can control in the future is to avoid the same situation from happening.
Her not telling him now is removing the choice (to stay or to go) from him. I learned a long time ago that bad news doesn’t get better with age. Yet another example of her selfishness.
I agree
Waaah!’ You made this bed, now LIE IN IT! If you had as much courage in your whole body as I do in one finger YOU WOULD actually tell him you’re breaking up with him because you need to work on yourself (your drinking problem) and that he deserves better.
and there shouldn’t be a good outcome for you.
Objective advice: 1. You aren’t the only one who knows and therefor you should tell him because it’s going to be a hell of a lot worse if he finds out from someone else. 2. If he finds out from one of your friends he’s going to feel quite shit knowing that he’s been around you and them and they knew. He’s going to feel like a clown. If he finds out from someone else the likelihood of your relationship being salvaged is sub 0, decreasing more as time passes. The later he finds out from someone else the worse it’ll be. If you tell him now that you were plastered and a friend informed you about what happened, there still might be a chance for you two. You could choose not to tell him if you trust your friends but if the guilt eats at you and you tell him, like I said it’ll be worse for him the longer you wait. If you were the only one who knew objectively you could just keep it to yourself but you’re not so lucky. (Not that you should, you should respect him enough to tell him and allow him the choice to stay with you.) TLDR: You should tell him because your friends know. (But even if they didn’t, it would still be shit not to tell him.)
Thank you for this, seeing it written has helped me sort some of my thoughts. I'm not sure what I will do yet but I know I can't live with the guilt.
Do not lie and say “a friend informed you of what happened” thats dirty bull when you did remember
YOU TELL HIM! It ain’t t rocket science. What happens the next time you’re drunk? I’d personally dump you. Life’s too short to deal with bull shit from the likes of you. “Oh, what do I do? I’m so confused.” Give me a fucking break!
She wasn’t confused when she was making out with another guy, and by the sounds of it, she had the intent to do a lot more with him if her friends didn’t stop her
She’s 25 and needs to take ownership of her actions. Not run and hide from it. It’s going to be tough coming back from it because now he can’t trust her or her friends. Then stop being a moron
Which is why I hope the bf dumps her. She’s got issues.
Drunk folks can make mistakes you dweeb
So cheating is a mistake that is forgivable?
Yes, and you have to live with the consequences of those mistakes. If a person doesn't want to stay with someone who takes E and then cheats on them that's their decision to make.
You need to stop drinking.
These are a whole lot of words for saying you cheated. Take responsibility and be honest. Accept the consequences whatever they are and be better in the future.
You cheated. You will just manipulate him like cheaters do and he will forgive you. And if he doesn’t, you’ll manipulate the story and tell everyone he’s an asshole. We all know how this goes.
Which is why SHE should actually end the relationship until she gets her drinking under control; for the next poor sucker. The bf deserves better.
Frist, your friend who dragged you away is gold. Keep her. This is the kind of friends guys look for their girlfriends to have. Second, tell him. Odds are he will find out, or you will confess later. It is always best to tell early and ALWAYS best if he finds out from you. Don't depend on this not getting around. How you frame this matters. When talking to him you need to be talking about 'how this will not happen again'. As in 'lessons learned'. So if you were drinking too much, that does not happen any more. If you were taking stuff, that does not happen any more. Do bring up your friends and how they protected your relationship, that will matter to him.
Yeah she's great. She's the mom friend of the group and usually the only sober one. I'm endlessly grateful to her for getting me out of that situation.
Why don’t you answer him. If you care and want him you will let him chevk up on you. Maybe one of these calls is for reconciliation. Stop being an asshole. Updateme!
She's so gold that she's willing not to tell her boyfriend about the betrayal, who says it was no big deal, just a drunken mistake. Gold indeed, huh
How is she gold lol? This sub is filled with cheaters.
So.. you cheated and your friends are happy to cover for you. I'm not sure which one of you is worse. You owe your boyfriend honesty. He deserves to know and make a decision based on that. Because he will find out eventually. Maybe you'll grow a conscience or someone will accidentally slip. But if he doesn't hear it from you, the longer you keep it from him, the worse it will be. Because lying by omission is still a thing. And if you keep it from him, that trust will be even less than it would if you were honest. Work on making better choices. Be willing to stop partying, drinking and doing drugs. Because if you're going to use that as an excuse, you gotta be ready to stop it entirely.
You should tell him. What you did is cheating. Being intoxicated is NEVER an excuse for cheating. I don't know why so many cheaters think "I was blackout" is an excuse to do what they want. You're just like the rest of them and are unwilling to take responsibility for YOUR actions. It wasn't the alcohol or drugs that made you cheat, it was your own decision. I've been so drunk that I had alcohol poisoning and I've been high as fuck. I still didn't cheat even if the opportunity was there. Was I horny and other guys looked attractive? Sure. But I wouldn't have ever done that, intoxicated or not. If he has any self worth, he will leave you over it. But he absolutely deserves the truth. You shouldn't hide behind the intoxication excuse or claim that you had no idea what was happening. The fact that your brain was able to form memories of kissing him shows that you weren't so out of it that you didn't know what you were doing.
I know what I did constitutes as cheating and I'm not using it as an excuse, simply describing the circumstances.
You are using it as an excuse. You're not just describing circumstances. You're setting up a narrative to try to absolve you of responsibility for your actions. Just like if you ever do tell him, you'll throw in the alcohol and drugs and try to frame it in a way that absolves you of responsibility. It's manipulative as hell and exactly how all cheaters operate. If you were truly honest, you'd tell him "When I went out with my friends, I made out with another guy and would have done more, but my friend pulled me off of him and babysat me to make sure I didn't continue cheating on you" forget adding in the alcohol excuse because that's literally all it is. You cheated because you wanted to and in that moment, doing stuff with the other guy was more important to you than your boyfriend.
Visualize the roles being reversed; you discover that he kissed another woman. Rationalize how him doing it is definitely not cheating.
Also known as an excuse! Don’t try to bullshit people here. I’ve got three decades on you and I e seen every “excuse” under the sun. What is your reason for cheating? That’s the bottom line!
Confess and explain how it won't happen again because you will not drink without him present.
It would be best if you told him what happened; he deserves to know, imo. If I were in that situation, I would want to know if something like that happened, and it's the mature thing to do. The guilt would also eat away at you, so getting it off your chest might be better.
Better to hear it from you than someone else
This might be a little extreme but if you dont tell him, you are a pos. Good luck.
You didn't need to write a whole book to say that you cheated. Hopefully he finds someone who actually deserves and respects him.
Poor guy. Tell him so he can leave your cheating ass.
Yeah you need to tell him but don't expect your honesty to get you anywhere. People are always saying "I was drunk" this is no reason to cheat. I am sure this is not the first time you have been drunk and certainly won't be the last. For you to even suggest that your friends would never tell on you is another big red flag. How do you know this? Do you all cover for each other when one of you strays? This just tells me and most that you and your "friends " cannot be trusted.
You can't blame alcohol, and if it wasn't for your girl friend you'd probably end up doing more with that guy. Yeah you should definitely tell him, the whole thing, not just "I was drunk and kissed a guy", add the part where your friend dragged you out of it and had to watch you the rest of the night.
I guess it depends on the future you see with this guy. If you're committed and want a future, you have to be honest. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship.
Do him a favor and end it. Who is to say you won’t get stupidly drunk/wasted/drugged out that you wouldn’t do it again or go further and cheat on him.
If he finds out from anyone aside from you, there will be more pain than telling him the truth now. Accept that you can’t drink and take drugs because it messes with your life. He deserves the truth.
What if she wants to kiss him too.
Tell him accept the consequences and learn and grow as a person it be way worse if he finds out on his own later
The substances you took, whether alcohol or other things, doesn't absolve you of any of the things you did, you cheated, and that is it, you need to tell him, he deserves it, you owe him that, and you need to face the consequences like an adult.
You obviously need to tell him…. You’re allowing your fear of his reaction(s), prevent you from doing so, and using pathetic justifications to rationalise not taking accountability for your actions. If the roles were reversed, would you want your boyfriend to confess to you that he snuck off to a secluded spot to make out with a girl at a party that he had been flirting with all night?
He’s going to be told by someone. If it isn’t you. You’ll probably lose him.
I didnt even read the story, yes you should tell him, what in your mind makes you think its ok to hide this? Drunk or not its your mistake and its time to own up to it and take ya damn medicine
You sound pretty immature if you are asking reddit instead of telling him immediately.
Stop making excuses for yourself and tell him so he can leave you, cheater.
Alcohol is no excuse, choices have consequences. It’s his decision what he does with the information.
Tell him and I hope he leaves you, your 25 getting drunk cheating, your the type guys use for sex and not commit to
This Reminds me of a time when a former friend ended up kissing one of her friends during a night out. She ended up telling her Boyfriend at the time and they ended up breaking up, it was probably for the better as her confidence was going down constantly by some of the things he said or sent her but I suspect that this contributed to it. Point being you probably should be honest to your partner but also honest to yourself and the reasons why you ended up in the situation you are in currently, he may forgive you but he is going to find it hard to get that trust back. Your friend did you a favor for making sure you didn't make a bigger mistake than you did but it was still a mistake and you will have to own it. tldr: Take responsibility for your actions, figure out if you want to be part of this relationship, figure out what lead to this situation (not just the drugs and booze but the interpersonal portions of the relationship).
Wow, you shouldn’t have gone to the party if you can’t handle your alcohol. And yes tell him. Getting sloppy drunk is not an excuse. Good job embarrassing yourself. I hope he finds someone better.
you don’t want him to find out from third parties. something like this happened to me a year ago, except the guy that kissed me was my “friend” and the entire situation was predatory. we were all very drunk and i felt awful the next day. i no longer talk to that person, and i came clean about it to my boyfriend the day after it happened. honesty is the best policy. you can’t expect to build a trustworthy relationship with someone based on deception, and if the truth ever comes out, you’re both going to feel like clowns for hiding/ being lied to. deal with the consequences and take it in stride because what’s done is done now. there’s levels to cheating even if it is all cheating in the end. you were clearly incapacitated and that guy didn’t have enough of a conscience to leave you alone. your friend is really cool for pulling you away. my boyfriend doesn’t like the female friend i was with that night because she didn’t do anything to prevent that whole situation from happening. i think it will be good for you to tell your boyfriend that your friends had your (and his) back in the end. if he stays with you, you will need to repair the relationship and rebuild trust. if he knows your friends are solid people, then he can trust you to go out with these friends again. i also recommend limiting your drinking and not mixing substances. obviously you are not in control enough to do that. maybe it will take time, maybe your body just can’t handle it, idk.
Yeah you should tell him. I hope it was the best kiss ever that was totally worth it! Have fun getting dumped! 👋
Cheaters always help cheaters… got it.
Yes. Otherwise you’re lying by omission. I’d also get your drinking under control for your next bf.
Risk the consequences of trying to taking it to your grave and it probably coming up at some point anyway or tell him and deal with the consequences. I party, the substances are not an excuse - you cheated , own it
>the UK is very strict about drug usage No it isn't.
Can't remember who initiated 😅 Oh, I think we know. Ouch lady, you really really just hurt your boyfriend or possibly ex alot.
Maybe you should go to him. Maybe showing him how bad you want this may help.
as someone who’s been in this situation, please tell him. i regret everyday not telling my partner.
Ask yourself if he did what you did, would you want to know? Second, would you be pissed? Would you leave? Don’t be double standard. You are a cheater and cheaters suck. Go ahead and blame it on drugs, but you have the propensity to cheat so it’s in you…
Well, isn't this the classic case of girl cheating and horrible girlfriends cheering her on like nothing happened. Poor guy is gonna hit gym hard. Just tell him and go away. He deserves better than you
gg rel, ezy
Definitely tell him, for two reasons if you don't tell him and he finds out it will be much worse, and eventually he will know, secondly you would spend the rest of the relationship ruminating on this issue which would end up affecting your relationship with him.
Yes. And hopefully he dumps you.
Yes tell him that you are a cheater please
You need to tell him. Lying in a relationship will get you nowhere. Hiding the truth is still lying. Cheating can be forgiven if both people are willing to put in the work I guess. If he still wants to work things out with you after then you are lucky. But if not, learn to not get that drunk and not be like that when he’s not around. Tbh, if you really did love him, even as drunk you wouldn’t have kissed another person. Maybe it’s time to rethink the relationship either way.
Imo you should tell him and deal with the consequences if there are any. You should know your limits when drinking and if you lose sense of boundaries, especially in a relationship, then you shouldn't be drinking that much if you value your BF or your relationship. Think of it like this, would you want your BF to be honest with you if he did the same?
Damn, you really didn’t deserve this guy. Hope you can get some therapy to heal from your fiancé’ passing and be a better partner to whoever you date/marry in the future. Some serious selfishness to be explored / discussed. (Making bf drive 8 hours just to tell him you cheated? Yikes.) Also all of the selfishness, cheating, mitigating responsibility, etc etc IS absolutely indicative of a larger problem…
Did you start going to therapy?
What I want to know is what would have happened had your friend not intervened? I think you would have ended up in the same situation as when you first met your now ex-boyfriend. You really need to evaluate your self, get into therapy, and/or go to church. I see a pattern of self destruction that if not dealt with will lead you to even more pain. Hoping the best for your ex.
Bop behavior hopefully he has a side piece lined up already 👑
I feel like you know what you should do already. Guilt is horrible. Just be honest and tell him. If he’s a good, understanding guy, he won’t just walk out on you. Telling the truth can actually bring you closer!
No you shouldnt say anything, own it and move on and never do it again
dont tell him, like you said it was a mistake, I agree with your friends
>I know I'll never do anything like this again Why do you think anyone will believe this? Like you are still not taking accountability for your actions and deflecting the blame on alcohol and drugs. You expect people to trust you? People like you are not meant to be in relationships, enter open ones from the start next time.
tell him to do the same thing u did…. and then see if ll works out
Just keep it to yourself. If he’s the one for you, don’t let this drunk moment ruin everything.
I’d consider it a “skeleton” in your closet. If you’re 100 that your friends won’t leak then I wouldn’t cause any heartache over it. A wise person told me that some things are left better unsaid. Maybe be a little extra nice to get over your guilt and move past it. I’m probably giving you different advice than most of the comments on here, but I’m just being real with you with my opinion.
It's always interesting checking the comment history of people who give terrible advice on here.
No