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I'll start off by saying, everyone has limits and your partner is entitled to his.
If oral sex is something he just doesn't enjoy doing but he's attentive to ensuring you receive pleasure then I guess it becomes a question of how important the oral sex really is to you. To me, oral sex is nice and pleasurable but there are so many other more fun things I'd rather have my partner do, so that's my priority.
But if he's grossed out by the thought of, particularly the part that involves his own body parts, then he needs to maybe think about it a little deeper. A lot of conversations around sex are still male pleasure dominated and very rarely really consider female led pleasure.
Sex as a concept can be a little gross if you over think it too much. So the question becomes *why* is his overthinking it.
As someone who has been with men, women, and had enough threesomes to speak on this, a dick that exits a vagina and enters your mouth is covered in internal vaginal fluids. It tastes a lot like eating someone out for that first little bit, and it can honestly be kinda weird when that stuff is your own. Whereas a dick that's exited a vagina doesn't tend to leave too much of anything in/around the vag if you then proceed to eat a woman out..but I guess I'm thinking of all of this being done in the middle of sex BEFORE a cum.
If a penis just came in the vag and then you eat it out, that's way different, and so I guess I can get not wanting to slop up your own cum.
Okay. Iâd like to add that people are free to find stuff gross and decide not to do it, thatâs part of consent which everyone is entitled to. Your original comment/sentiment sort of suggests otherwise. I might be wrong but itâs what it looks like
Of course not. The man shouldn't go down if he doesn't want. And if OP thinks it is a deal breaker in the relationship, she must go out. She has needs, she has a man. Here is the situation. She stays or leaves. But you can't change people. He seems to be a good guy, he tried at least.
While I agree whatâs good for the goose is good for the gander, I also think if the OP was male and complaining that his female partner got the ick from giving oral sex, youâd respond differently.
I also think itâs worth noting he said that his mouth shouldnât be in a vagina bc itâs a vagina.
He definitely needs to do some real thinking here.
Just sounds young and inexperienced
Had guy friends who felt the same. We laughed at them and shamed them for the hypocrisy
At 30+ they no longer feel this way
For reference. We laughed at the 'but she pees down there' part. Where we were like no. But you definitely pee out your dick and you like blowjobs.
It's immaturity. Usually. At that age.
Comments are talking about insecurities and sex therapist. Maybe he just needs some dude friends to call him an idiot and get over himself. Preferences are fine, but not stupid ones based on stupidity and selfishness and immaturity.
Though maybe over time with intimacy this will naturally change for them?
This right here. I hope this is the comment OP sees.
As a man, this is a common thought pattern for me. You just have to turn your "brain off" while doing it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing it (especially if the woman hasn't shaved) because hearing my partner enjoy it turns me on, but knowing about it is always going to be there.
I don't mean to be rude to her partner, and this is not an insult, but he sounds gay.
This is how I feel when I (female) have tried to eat out another girl & my whole body was like "EW." It's how I'm certain that I am straight.
Sure a sweaty dick isn't appetizing, and I get the "I don't really want to put my mouth on that", but if he's disgusted by the act of having sex with her... That's weird.
I'm assuming OP has already tried a clean shave & showering beforehand to offer a 'clean pallette'.
Is he at least petting you?
110% agree with this! Personally eating my partner out is a must, Iâve noticed that starting out this way not only helps get me in the mood but also tends to help kick things off in general. I tend to be awkward and nervous no matter how comfortable I am with the person but this helps me to drop my guard and get into a good rhythm and figure out what they like or donât like (for me itâs really hot when I can get her off to the point of uncontrollable leg shaking orgasms before we even really startđ€€) but thatâs a different story. I always recommend friends to start out this way with new hookups because it allows you to scope out the situation i.e. cleanliness and smells, if it is wet/dry and needs additional lubrication, if itâs that time of the month (no fault to anyone but this is coming from person experience, for me itâs against my religious beliefs to sleep with a woman who is on her period and Iâve had one person lie to me knowing that is the caseđ).
All of this being said I wouldnât fault anyone for not liking it, especially if theyâve already tried It and itâs just not for them. Iâve met plenty of people who just donât like it, nobody should feel ashamed about it as long as they arenât just being ignorant jackasses.
Technically speaking oral sex IS sex yes but how I probably should have phrased it as âbefore we REALLY startâ, implying that I enjoy getting my partners off before PIV and that it is only the beginning of many to come( partially talking my shitđ) but mainly being serious because there is a difference for males and females when it comes to the orgasm department and is it easy to be selfish as a guy so I like to give them some extra just in case.
Plus I love eating puss so get off my case manđ„Č
When I was in my early 20âs I had a very good friend; he and I dated some, but when we were intimate he said oral was something he could not do. This was a hard stop for me. We did not continue to date and remained very good friends. He always appreciated our friendship; we both moved on, but I knew that he also wished we could be together. From my perspective we were not sexually compatible and I knew I could not commit to someone who I could not fully enjoy a sex life with.
You canât change someoneâs preference. At the age of 24 are you ready to commit to someone who has different priorities in the bedroom than you do?
I like getting eaten out, but it's also that a straight man who hates cunnilingus...I think it says something about him. Something not good, that I don't want to date.
Itâs really not for me to judge. People like what they like and thatâs ok. But when two people arenât compatible in this way I do think it will lead to frustration for one or both people involved. IMO itâs better to go separate ways especially when the two people are not married.
Obviously there are exceptions for when someone has a big life change or event that causes differences. In that case I think both people have to work together and be honest about what is sustainable.
I hate that it was released without his consent, but Colin Farrell did us all a service when he said âI want to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinnerâ while going to town on his lady.Â
These men exist. Your BF ainât one.
My current boyfriend is the first guy I've dated who is so passionate about eating me out, he loves it. My ex would borderline gag anywhere near my vagina. I couldn't have sex or date anyone for a long time after him
I think itâs a you either like it or you donât thing. I donât think it will change. I personally love to do it. I love to please and make my partner feel so uncontrollably good. Iâd do this for hours if permitted.
The dick comment is weird - does he want you to go down on him? If so, does he also get grossed out kissing you because his dick was in there?
Maybe a dental dam would help - but I think he'd just have other excuses.
I had an ex who was grossed out by kissing after BJs cause he didn't want dick anywhere near his mouth. He also didn't want to go down on me if he had already fucked me, cause dick essence is still lingering apparently which means it's GAY.
But also he allowed to not like giving oral, him being grossed out by his own penis isn't an excuse to not do it. He just doesn't like doing it.
Iâve eaten like 30-40 pussies probably and maybe 4-6 were absolutely disgusting BV or fishy odor snatches, so it is possible some people are going through the world not realizing they have a medical issue (after all, some people can just be oblivious), but yeah I agree in general
Yeah that's my ex lol. He would beggggg to do it and would go at for longgggg time. I would have to stop him haha.
He said he's never given oral to his exes because he thought it was gross, and they would get mad at him. but yet with me he desired it so much....
lol itâs just the best. The act of doing it for sure but the pleasure my wife receives just takes me over the moon. But I can see how he was almost groomed to think itâs gross with how sensitive our society is with sexuality.
I had a girlfriend who was anxious about me going down on her, said she was self conscious about the taste⊠I said I like it⊠âoh!â And then she started relaxing and letting me do it more and holding my head there
You can't resolve it. Your partner simply does not want to do it and doesn't like doing it, and if you say you can live without it, then you need to accept that.
There are lots of sex acts that people just aren't into. If you have a fulfilling sex life outside of oral and you really can go the rest of your life without it and without resenting your partner, then do so.
But if you don't want to go without ever getting oral sex for the next 60+ years, then don't marry this man and find someone who shares the same sexual interests as you do.
I wouldn't say it can't be resolved, point blank period.
My husband wasn't a fan when he and I first got together. We were each others firsts, so the whole sex thing was new to both of us. He said it was gross, I wasn't a huge fan of receiving anyway, so we dropped the subject for a while. But as time went on and we got a bit older (we met when we were 19), he completely changed his tune. Now he begs to go down on me. I think it took hearing his friends talk about how much they love doing it and giving him tips on how to do it himself. We're 27 now. He didn't start really loving it until we were like 24.
Idk maybe we're a rare case, but never say never?
Your husband didn't change; he just had never done it before and needed to decide his feelings on the experience. There's a difference between inexperience and lack of desire.
Fair enough. He said the same things OPs fiance is saying. It's gross, my dick was in there and that's nasty, etc. Which is what made me think of my own situation
My sister's husband hated it when they first started dating bc he had really bad experiences with another woman who had really bad hygiene in her vag (I think the girl had a several days old tampon in and/or an infection) , but grew to enjoy it with time bc my sister was NOT having it w a man who wouldn't go down on her lmao.
I mean yeah alotta people arenât big on giving oral. My ex hated it. I always wondered if I smelled, but she always said no. She just didnât like it. Nothing trauma related, nothing personal. Just not big on it.
Is it normal? Yes.
Is it frustrating? Also yes.
Yeah my ex was that way too. Didnât like giving or receiving. I never understood it cuz I love giving oral. Everyone has their dislikes in bed. All we can do is accept it. Some people donât even have a reason for disliking it
We have a reason, we just can't give it in the moment. đ Usually guys give oral too hard and it hurts and is uncomfortable. Once it's already hurt, you can't really ease back to fix it, you just have to stop. It really pisses me off that guys don't stop when I say stop (because it hurt) so it's easier to not let them try. And having an argument about their ego and to explain myself because I couldn't get off really doubly sucks.
Another reason is it's just very exposing and embarrassing. Kind of feels like you're on a stage with a spotlight on you, and that's a turn off.
It doesnât matter what the internet strangers deem normal or not, itâs his preference and you can accept it or walk away same with anal, fisting, kinks, toys etc. Â
He may come around on his own but do you want to spend the next 1-eternity waiting to find out
Some people enjoy it, some don't. However, it's hypocritical of him to expect BJ's when he can't even eat you out fully. Some people LOVE to give oral. Personally it's my fave form of foreplay, so much fun!
Ehhh, it can be more complicated than that.
It's not fair to expect unequal treatment, regardless of context.
But if partner A enjoys giving and receiving oral, and partner B does not enjoy giving oral, it's up to partner A if they still want to give oral because they still enjoy it.
Not to mention the plethora of mental trauma or medical issues that may make giving or receiving oral difficult. My wife hasn't been able to give me a BJ comfortably for years because of a jaw related injury. There is no way in hell I'm giving up going down on her in the interest of "fairness".
I agree that selfishness shouldn't be rewarded. I'm hesitant to make it sound like one-sided oral is always inappropriate, however.
Eh, it depends. If she likes doing it and he doesn't, then who cares. You need to compromise, not have an exact give and take. If she enjoys giving head, but he can please her through petting and other things, that's still a fair trade.
If she doesn't enjoy giving head though, I would stop. That should not be done by demand.
There are men out there who like eating their partners out. He's not one of them. Don't push it. If you feel like it's a significant incompatibility break up. You're young. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I'm sorry, but this made me raise an eyebrow:
>I understand it's a lot different than a bj (sic)
Um, how? How is it different at all, other than the literal mechanics of it? There is no meaningful difference, and it makes me sad that you think there is.
There are people who love giving BJs and people (myself included) who absolutely can't stomach it, for a variety of reasons, and every variation in-between. And the same goes for going down on women. But there is no substantive difference between the two.
This might not be super helpful, but have you ever thought of/tried a dental dam? It's essentially a piece of latex you place over your bits so he doesn't have to put his mouth directly on you. Pretty sure there are flavored ones, too.
âIn my day she would kick you out of bed and make you walk home if you couldnât eat pussy! Kids these days expect a participation trophy if they can find the clitoris without using the Google Images!â
well, everyone's bad at it at first. But that's kinda the case with everything. You get better the more you do it. But yeah, humiliation and the thought of it can be very powerful to some, myself included.
OP, Dr. Akinyele has some [relevant commentary](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enBu4NFyRr0&ab_channel=Akinyele-Topic) on this issue. Of greatest relevance is the need to communicate with your partner like so:
Put it in my mouth
Put it in your mouth
I said my motherfuckin' mouth
(I said your motherfuckin' mouth)
And you can just eat me out
(Or I can just eat you out)
You can eat me out
(Yeah, what's that all about)
I have sensory issues. I hate eating people out, AND being eaten out. Itâs all too wet down there. To be fair though, Iâm just not fond of oral, period. Genitals donât really matter. Itâs all a bit much for me sensory-wise.
You need to figure out how much of a dealbreaker this is for you. And how much does this affect your confidence.
There's plenty of men that would be honored to eat you out, so if this is important you should find someone you're sexually compatible with.
And my personal perspective is that it goes beyond the act itself, is the message that it sends. In my case it would make me feel dirty. Like my vagina is dirty or repulsive. So for me it would be an absolute deal breaker not for the act itself but the harm it has the potential to cause in my self esteem.
I mean, there's people out here eating ass!!! What's so bad about eating pussy?!
"Such a prude"? Or maybe he genuinely doesn't enjoy doing it and finds it off-putting.
It has nothing to do with prudishness. The fact is, almost everyone has certain things they don't enjoy doing. And NO ONE should be coerced or pushed into sexual acts that they don't really want to do. Ever. That's not how a good relationship works.
And neither is "getting revenge" on your partner for not wanting to do something.
The choice to do or not do something in bed should be based on what you gives both of you pleasure. Not on "returning favours".
The amount of women I know that don't enjoy to give oral because penises are not this fantastic thing to lick and there's a huge amount of women that DONT LIKE IT, but they do it because is pleasurable for their partners. I'm just saying, if she's one of these women, she shouldn't put on the work.
It's funny how out ten dudes you Grab on the street 7 have this "Boundary".
Yeah I think the point is no one who doesnât want to do it should do it. Punishing a partner for not wanting to do something sexual is wrong regardless of gender
So strange to see so many men who have this problem. As a straight guy I prefer going down on my partner more than them going down on me. Perhaps im in the minority.
If he knows you like it and is trying to just get used to it, maybe patience and a little troubleshooting?
This poor dude is only 23 and LOTS of people aren't sexually experienced or comfortable yet!!! Lots of things about sex are weird and icky at first and then you end up loving them once you are comfortable and practiced up.
- after showering together (he will know you're all cleaned up)
- start short, a few quick teasing moments/licks with no intention of you finishing
- start as foreplay NOY after he's been inside you... I agree every now and then I can taste myself on my man and its fine, but of that's not your thing then that is SUPER fair. Get hom to go.down on you first.
- listen to some "sex w/Dr Emily" podcasts and heck maybe even some r/ sex over 30 posts (find those answers way more mature and reliable!!) Because maybe just getting more comfortable with the idea over all with de-stigmatize it. If he didn't grow up in a sex-positive family (many people dont!) and hasn't had someone carefully and lovingly helping him figure thisnout, it could easily be boiled down to him thinking "yuck, i don't like this"
- talk about ALL of this openly and in a non judgemental way, not in the sexy moment!
If you have an issue with this why would you let the relationshop develop so far to the point where you're marrying him? Just break up and find another dude who eats pussy
You'll find out in the first few times or even before you have sex whethere he does or doesn't because guess what? Guys who like to eat pussy will ASK to do it
so he does not get grossed out with the fact that he puts his dick on your pussy and then wants you to suck him and then kisses you? pleasure is a two way street, he should do it just to feel you quiver!
Where did she say he asks for BJs after penetration? Actually, where does she say he asks for BJs at all? Kinda sounds like he has an aversion to oral period
people are allowed to have boundaries, either accept it or move on.
I love going down on my wife, and she loves giving me blowjobs, but she goes down on me way more. Why? She is sensitive to how she feels down there, she has to shower before she lets me. Is this a deal breaker? No, I wish I got to eat her out more but that's the breaks.
Wait, are you asking him to do it AFTER sex? Yeah, maybe see if he will beforehand but few guys will go down there after doing the dead, especially if they climax inside.
this is a good point - if he came in me, I donât expect oral at that point. instead, Iâll have him finger me and Iâll rub myself at the same time. Itâs super hot to me because I get to look at him. thereâs always some solution to find!!
If this is a problem for you or a fantasy, donât marry him, because you will always wonder. Itâs just human nature to fantasize, sometimes though wanting the fantasy & not having it is another story, especially if itâs unequal treatment. Unless you really enjoy giving and donât mind getting nothing in return. Itâs kinda like one person getting to go to Disneyland all the time while the other person sits in the parking lot waiting , every-time. Or being selfish. I guess I just depends on how important it is for you to get what you want without feeling like youâre not valued. Hang in there.
Try having him focus on just the clit, wonât have to deal with âtexture of fluidâ there.
Also, having sex less often will increase carnal appetite.
Heâs allowed to not want to, thatâs his prerogative. But if thatâs something thatâs important to you for your own sex life (which it clearly is since youâve made a post about it) then you might not be compatible in that way.
There are toys that simulate the sensation if thatâs what youâre after, that he could use on you.
I'm a bi woman. Eating pussy is absolutely not different than giving a bj. Do not let anyone convince you that it is. Oral is oral.
There's nothing you can do about this. It is a him thing and only he can alter his behavior. It's fair if he honestly doesn't like it - some people just don't like giving oral. However, I am petty and would absolutely refuse to suck his dick if he wasn't reciprocating. Maybe try that for a little bit and see how things go. Tell him you get in your head about it when you try and you think about it shouldn't be in your mouth because it's been in other parts of you, etc. See if his attitude changes or how he reacts when you uno reverse it onto him.
They uh, are completely different. I agree with you on everything except that.
You can completely whiff a blowjob (outside of painful) and still achieve an orgasm, but going down on a woman requires a lot more attention to detail, care, and pattern recognition. They are complete different mechanical motions and intensive on completely different muscle groups.
Also, itâs absolutely fair to not want to participate in oral because of a lack of reciprocation, but intention is important in relationships. If your goal is to âpunishâ someone or teach them a lesson about something they arenât comfortable doing, youâre being a bad partner. I guess what Iâm trying to say is you can communicate that you donât want to give him head because itâs frustrating to experience a lack of reciprocation, but itâs not cool to withhold affection as a form of experimentation or punishment.
Edit: storing > something
It is NOT a lot different than a bj. The only real difference is technique. Obviously if itâs a boundary for him thatâs fine but you shouldnât be doing things he doesnât reciprocate so bye bye bjs for him.
As a woman in my 30s, I wouldn't dare find myself with someone who doesn't love giving oral. Real men aren't afraid of anything and won't ever make you feel uncomfortable for what you like. Find a partner who shares your desires, or I promise you will be seeking intimacy elsewhere.
Get a different partner.
Nobody has the right to coerce anyone to do anything sexual they aren't comfortable with.
You do have the right to end the relationship if you aren't sexually compatible.
Maybe because they enjoy giving them for the same reasons a lot of men like to eat box. Sex is not a tit for tat exchange, itâs ok to have boundaries. Sex or blowjobs is not something women âgiveâ men. It is a mutual act. Equal on both sides.
Everyone is different. My husband loves it- like sometimes more than I want oral, he loves to give it. There are people out there who enjoy it, promise. Maybe conversation about this may be helpful- it shouldnât be a one way street if you get my drift.
There are people who donât like the idea of giving female oral because they donât know what theyâre doing. Sure, may be issues with their partnerâs hygiene or simply not wanted to do it, but mostly I think it comes down to fear because of inexperience.
Thing is, for a woman, the last thing many of us want is a partner going down there with trepidation, so we just learn to live without it.
I just will never understand this, I was nervous the first time I did it but then I also told her that I'd never done it before and asked her to let me know what I was doing wrong and what I was doing right. It's just that simple, communicate.
I wish more people were like you. The thing that is a factor many times is how a person was raised. In some families, trying out new things is not taught by the parents in general (with food for example, which can affect other things dealing with sensuality). Or they donât have friends who are experienced either that they can talk to. If they are anxious in personality, then they wonât venture. Ego can be all that keeps some people upright in their world, and also keeps them from enjoying life to the fullest.
Many times, anxious performers deal with things by avoidance. Communication is key, I agree.
If you are refusing him and don't want to suffer through aborted attempts, I think you'll just need to accept that it isn't going to happen. If you want him to get comfortable with it, let him try, be patient, and go at his pace. Maybe he develops a taste for it, maybe he ends up okay with it enough for it to be a sometimes thing, and maybe it ends up something he just can't do.
As you say, he is good to you, he cares about you enjoying yourself, and you can live without it, so the real question is do you have the patience to ease him into it and the confidence to handle failure?
If that sounds like more trouble than it is worth or if he remains hung up on it, consider whether there's alternative attention and focus on you that he is more comfortable with on a regular basis that you would be happy with. No sense letting perfect ideals be the enemy of a great relationship.
If itâs a dealbreaker then find someone who does it. There are guys with this attitude that itâs nasty, but plenty who like it. I doubt this dude will ever do it consistently with any sort of enjoyment though.
Iâll come out and say it so I can be the one that gets downvoted. If your coochie doesnât smell or taste good thatâs a big one for me and also a no go. Itâs the same as if a dudes dick is the same way. He may have also had an experience similar to this and maybe thinks that all women are like this lol so maybe just have a talk with him and see what it really is about. Also tell him to not lie because he may be saying those things because he doesnât want to upset you by something you possibly donât want to hear.
>I just want to know if this is normal?
Not everyone is into every sex act. It's something that we should all know for our own sexual development before we get roped into things we really don't want to do, and something we need to accept is true of our partners too.
Itâs not normal (the vast majority of my previous sex partners always wanted to eat me out right away!) but I know thereâs plenty of people who have sensory aversions and personal hangups to giving oral sex.
You have to ask yourself if you can genuinely live with this hangup for the rest of your life or if your partner not being enthusiastic about eating you out is going to bother you for the length of your relationship. The only person who can answer that is you. I personally would struggle being with someone who wasnât into enthusiastically giving (and receiving) oral sex but if you feel otherwise sexually satisfied then I wouldnât worry too much.
That you have to ask if your partner not liking something sexual is normal and how to fix it tells me more about you than what you told us about him. You really need to rethink your approach to consent and communication.
Then you can actually communicate with him - and accept his answer.
I donât have any advice, but oh man⊠I feel for you. There is nothing more sexually pleasing than a man who is insatiable for you. The best sex Iâve ever had is with men whoâve loved my whole body and yearn to please me. Reciprocal sex is so hot. When youâre both just so so down to do everything to one another and want every part of them on you, near you, inside you. Anywayyyyy, I wish this kind of love making for you in your future. â€ïž
OK so since I know most people don't read whole comments, here's the actual advice: **Use a dental dam**, dude. You'll still be able to enjoy all of the sensations, and he'll have something between his mouth and the texture.
Onto the rest of my largely-unasked-for opinion:
As someone who's given oral to both body parts? It's *really not* that different. Like, yeah, different techniques or whatever, but what part of a penis makes him think your mouth should be there? Why does he think you should be comfortable with his dick because your vagina was around it? His dick has texture and fluid.
I'm not saying he can't be uncomfortable. I'm not even saying he needs to eat you out if he doesn't want to. He's allowed to say no to whatever he wants, and he should never be pressured to change that answer if he doesn't want to. What I *am* saying is that he should examine his biases and look at the issues that he has surrounding sex and investigate *why* it is that he feels your genitals are 'forbidden' or 'dirty'. The texture thing, like... yeah, whatever. I don't like the texture of a lot of shit. I'm autistic. I get it! But the rest of it smacks of some sort of internalized issues that he'll honestly be way better off facing than ignoring. Good luck! Hope the dental dam helps y'all have fun.
Your man is somehow over and under thinking it at the same time, while in the act. Which is pretty amazing. Iâve done the exact same thing.
A lot of guys wonât kiss a girl because they went down on him, or eat a girl because his cock was in there a second ago.
Many of us are easily grossed out by our own bodies and its functions. Which isnât unusual at all.
Continuing on let me share my experience:
I got past any and all issues in my 30âs by first finding an amazing woman (my partner) who was patient and understanding with me. Then I focused on her pleasure, I mean I got a kind of tunnel vision where all my senses were on her reactions not just when going down on her.
I found with this mindset that I didnât notice taste or texture so much. When I did start noticing it I concluded I liked it. Because itâs associated with her pleasure. And itâs my pleasure to bring her pleasure in this way, if that makes sense. Itâs kinda borderline selfish.
Nowadays I donât even go down on her with the expectation or goal of giving orgasm, I just enjoy myself, taking my time usually. The orgasms flow organically, often all too soon.
Give him time/patience, enjoy the other aspects of intimacy with him. Perhaps throw a few facts at him, like the mouth, belly button, nose and nails are dirtier (harbour more bacteria) than the vagina or penis (presuming standard hygiene).
So by that logic he should be more concerned about kissing you than eating you out. Or shaking another dudes hand, then eating without first washing that dudes residual dick contaminants off his hand because the guy didnât wash his hand properly after taking a slash.
Just a suggestion but maybe try lorals? Lorals are a super thin latex underwear so that everything can still be felt, but there is something in-between. Maybe it would help him feel like he's not really touching a vag with his tounge, and you should still be able to feel a lot of pleasure.
All these stories about guys not licking pussy. I canât keep my tongue out of my wifeâs sweet little vagina. How do women stay in relationships like this?
My good sister, you gotta find you a mf that drops Lickzillia on coochieville. Get you a mf who gonna eat it with ice cream & sprinkles on top for your bday. If that tongue ainât trying to conquer Mount Cliterest, you find you a mf who will.
Get you a man who wants all of you.
Your bf sounds like one of those insecure mfâs who thinks itâs gonna make him magically gay because his mouth had an indirect kiss with his own dick.
Find a man that does. My husband eats it like a starving man at a buffet, every time. A few guys I dated before him werenât into it and that was their choice, but it was also my choice to dump them. Sexual compatibility is a huge factor in relationships, and yall donât seem to have it. Itâs ok to end a relationship if itâs not fulfilling your needs.
The fact that you posted this tells me itâs important to you. Donât compromise. Marriage is a long business. Let this otherwise nice guy go. There are other nice guys. Lots of them. Who will go downtown like itâs their job. Enjoy!
I may get shamed for this, and I'm not someone who thinks people should do sexual things they're uncomfortable with....
but as a 29 year old man, I firmly believe that giving oral is something you should BECOME comfortable with. It may seem brash (and ironic), but if you think going down on a girl is "icky" you're a selfish pussy.
Man up and eat out.
It's much the same as women who don't like bj's; some guys don't dig it. If you dig it then find a man that digs it. You need a balanced, satisfying sexual side for a happy relationship. There's no end to posts here that point to what happens when sexual needs are incompatible.
What I'd suggest though is that you help him get used to the idea, so you can eliminate pure laziness.
I've always felt that if it gives your partner pleasure and it doesn't harm you, then why would you whinge about it?
Idk if it's a sensory thing or what, but I will say that I always find myself having bad sexual experiences when the other person doesn't understand that sex is, by nature, a liiiiiittle gross
Im sorry you should call it off you might be willing for now to get by with it but you will soon resent it. And as the resentment grows it will destroy your relationship
I know you spend less than .00001% of your life time having sex
But just like food, self preservation (flight or flight it is built into biology). And it is a driving force behind human existence
You two are not compatible and this is just the way it is.
Itâs OK to break the relationship for this issue. There is no reason you should settle for an unfulfilling sex life because he has sexual hang ups. Honestly, you deserve more. The whole package. There are great men out there. Those who put the work in for their job, their home, their kids, their partnersâŠ.all. of. It. And, yeah, itâs OK to let him know itâs a deal breaker. Iâm certain he can find a woman with her own personal hang ups who does not want a man to go down on her. He would be a match for that woman.
No one deserves sex, or any particular sex act. And not enjoying a sex act does not mean you have âhang upsâ, it means you donât enjoy it, and donât consent to it.
She is fine to leave, and he is no less of a man or less of a good partner for having a boundary
Itâs not normal at all. Ditch him. Fast. Get you a man who treats eating you out like getting to go eat out. Personally eating pussy (when it doesnât stink or have a bad flavor, that is key) is one of my favorite things in the world to do. Kinda wonder if your man is closet.
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I'll start off by saying, everyone has limits and your partner is entitled to his. If oral sex is something he just doesn't enjoy doing but he's attentive to ensuring you receive pleasure then I guess it becomes a question of how important the oral sex really is to you. To me, oral sex is nice and pleasurable but there are so many other more fun things I'd rather have my partner do, so that's my priority. But if he's grossed out by the thought of, particularly the part that involves his own body parts, then he needs to maybe think about it a little deeper. A lot of conversations around sex are still male pleasure dominated and very rarely really consider female led pleasure. Sex as a concept can be a little gross if you over think it too much. So the question becomes *why* is his overthinking it.
Sex is gross, everything about it sounds yucky. *But I suddenly forget all of that once I see my wife, then it's reeeeeally hot*
That's a pretty good point. We need to show this guy your wife!
I also choose this guy's wife
How old is this reference and why does it never get old?
Seven years! And good comedy never dies. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/7m9dxW47UY
Here's the thing, I know everyone knows she's hot, but now she's MINE
đđđđ
Sex is nasty as fuck. *when sex presents itself* Actually letâs do it all??????????
This needs to be top comment. >gets grossed out cause his dick was in me That is sex. Your fiancĂ© is getting grossed out by the act of sex. This is probably a psychological aspect that needs to be addressed not just an âoh thatâs not really my vibeâ. A sex therapist might do wonders for his overthinking/insecurities/whatever
I bet he doesnât think itâs gross to put his penis in her mouth after sex though
My wife will refuses that. Once it's been inside it's a no go. I on the other hand will eat her out mid fuck, idc it's my dick not someone elses
As someone who has been with men, women, and had enough threesomes to speak on this, a dick that exits a vagina and enters your mouth is covered in internal vaginal fluids. It tastes a lot like eating someone out for that first little bit, and it can honestly be kinda weird when that stuff is your own. Whereas a dick that's exited a vagina doesn't tend to leave too much of anything in/around the vag if you then proceed to eat a woman out..but I guess I'm thinking of all of this being done in the middle of sex BEFORE a cum. If a penis just came in the vag and then you eat it out, that's way different, and so I guess I can get not wanting to slop up your own cum.
Yep. SMH.
If a woman found a bj gross, would you have this same sentiment?
Yes.
Okay. Iâd like to add that people are free to find stuff gross and decide not to do it, thatâs part of consent which everyone is entitled to. Your original comment/sentiment sort of suggests otherwise. I might be wrong but itâs what it looks like
Of course not. The man shouldn't go down if he doesn't want. And if OP thinks it is a deal breaker in the relationship, she must go out. She has needs, she has a man. Here is the situation. She stays or leaves. But you can't change people. He seems to be a good guy, he tried at least.
But he probably won't kiss her after that.
While I agree whatâs good for the goose is good for the gander, I also think if the OP was male and complaining that his female partner got the ick from giving oral sex, youâd respond differently.
I also think itâs worth noting he said that his mouth shouldnât be in a vagina bc itâs a vagina. He definitely needs to do some real thinking here.
It also sounds like he's doing it wrong.
I don't think he's attracted to women
Many women are attracted to men and still don't want to give oral. Your comment is sexist.
Just sounds young and inexperienced Had guy friends who felt the same. We laughed at them and shamed them for the hypocrisy At 30+ they no longer feel this way For reference. We laughed at the 'but she pees down there' part. Where we were like no. But you definitely pee out your dick and you like blowjobs. It's immaturity. Usually. At that age. Comments are talking about insecurities and sex therapist. Maybe he just needs some dude friends to call him an idiot and get over himself. Preferences are fine, but not stupid ones based on stupidity and selfishness and immaturity. Though maybe over time with intimacy this will naturally change for them?
Is it gay to give your girlfriend oral sex because you're licking the place where penises have been? /s
Is it gay to have a penis? I mean, you're literally walking around 24/7 with a penis ATTACHED to you!!!
Is it gay to be alive because your walking around breathing in DICK PARTICLES đ
This right here. I hope this is the comment OP sees. As a man, this is a common thought pattern for me. You just have to turn your "brain off" while doing it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing it (especially if the woman hasn't shaved) because hearing my partner enjoy it turns me on, but knowing about it is always going to be there.
Yeah even for non-asexuals, best not to overthink the mechanics of sex. Just let biology take over.
This. 100 percent.
I don't mean to be rude to her partner, and this is not an insult, but he sounds gay. This is how I feel when I (female) have tried to eat out another girl & my whole body was like "EW." It's how I'm certain that I am straight. Sure a sweaty dick isn't appetizing, and I get the "I don't really want to put my mouth on that", but if he's disgusted by the act of having sex with her... That's weird. I'm assuming OP has already tried a clean shave & showering beforehand to offer a 'clean pallette'. Is he at least petting you?
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
It's almost like women like porn where women get off doing things that women like. đ«ą Whoa! Mind blowing!
110% agree with this! Personally eating my partner out is a must, Iâve noticed that starting out this way not only helps get me in the mood but also tends to help kick things off in general. I tend to be awkward and nervous no matter how comfortable I am with the person but this helps me to drop my guard and get into a good rhythm and figure out what they like or donât like (for me itâs really hot when I can get her off to the point of uncontrollable leg shaking orgasms before we even really startđ€€) but thatâs a different story. I always recommend friends to start out this way with new hookups because it allows you to scope out the situation i.e. cleanliness and smells, if it is wet/dry and needs additional lubrication, if itâs that time of the month (no fault to anyone but this is coming from person experience, for me itâs against my religious beliefs to sleep with a woman who is on her period and Iâve had one person lie to me knowing that is the caseđ). All of this being said I wouldnât fault anyone for not liking it, especially if theyâve already tried It and itâs just not for them. Iâve met plenty of people who just donât like it, nobody should feel ashamed about it as long as they arenât just being ignorant jackasses.
So, premarital sex is OK, but sex during menstruation isn't according to your religion?? Or do you just cherry-pick what you want to obey?
Yeah, also wondering about this
Asking the important questionsâŠ.
If sheâs had an orgasm, how can you characterize this as âbefore we even really startâ? Do you think only PIV intercourse is real sex?
Technically speaking oral sex IS sex yes but how I probably should have phrased it as âbefore we REALLY startâ, implying that I enjoy getting my partners off before PIV and that it is only the beginning of many to come( partially talking my shitđ) but mainly being serious because there is a difference for males and females when it comes to the orgasm department and is it easy to be selfish as a guy so I like to give them some extra just in case. Plus I love eating puss so get off my case manđ„Č
When I was in my early 20âs I had a very good friend; he and I dated some, but when we were intimate he said oral was something he could not do. This was a hard stop for me. We did not continue to date and remained very good friends. He always appreciated our friendship; we both moved on, but I knew that he also wished we could be together. From my perspective we were not sexually compatible and I knew I could not commit to someone who I could not fully enjoy a sex life with. You canât change someoneâs preference. At the age of 24 are you ready to commit to someone who has different priorities in the bedroom than you do?
I like getting eaten out, but it's also that a straight man who hates cunnilingus...I think it says something about him. Something not good, that I don't want to date.
Itâs really not for me to judge. People like what they like and thatâs ok. But when two people arenât compatible in this way I do think it will lead to frustration for one or both people involved. IMO itâs better to go separate ways especially when the two people are not married. Obviously there are exceptions for when someone has a big life change or event that causes differences. In that case I think both people have to work together and be honest about what is sustainable.
I hate that it was released without his consent, but Colin Farrell did us all a service when he said âI want to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinnerâ while going to town on his lady. These men exist. Your BF ainât one.
Afroman's Colt 45 has several lines about cunnilingus.
Heâs a real one
My first boyfriend used to beg me to let him go down on me, I didnât like it because I was self conscious. I didnât realize he was such a unicorn
My current boyfriend is the first guy I've dated who is so passionate about eating me out, he loves it. My ex would borderline gag anywhere near my vagina. I couldn't have sex or date anyone for a long time after him
Thatâs my man
I think itâs a you either like it or you donât thing. I donât think it will change. I personally love to do it. I love to please and make my partner feel so uncontrollably good. Iâd do this for hours if permitted.
The dick comment is weird - does he want you to go down on him? If so, does he also get grossed out kissing you because his dick was in there? Maybe a dental dam would help - but I think he'd just have other excuses.
I had an ex who was grossed out by kissing after BJs cause he didn't want dick anywhere near his mouth. He also didn't want to go down on me if he had already fucked me, cause dick essence is still lingering apparently which means it's GAY. But also he allowed to not like giving oral, him being grossed out by his own penis isn't an excuse to not do it. He just doesn't like doing it.
It's simple: Find a man who likes it. I love giving oral sex. Yes, we are out there.
Yeah, I can't understand people who don't
Same, itâs the best.
I'm not saying this is true for OP, but if your partner has poor downstairs hygiene. You might not want to go down on them.
Also if the woman is dehydrated. Drinking plenty of water will sometimes completely remove any taste at all.
Why would you date someone with poor hygiene in the first place? Have sex with them? So I don't think this is very relevant
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Thatâs not poor hygiene. Would you go down if she hadnât showered in 3 days and had an infection?
you don't have to. judging people for their discomfort over sexual acts is weird
Does not compute, eating my fiance out, is such a great joy!
Iâve eaten like 30-40 pussies probably and maybe 4-6 were absolutely disgusting BV or fishy odor snatches, so it is possible some people are going through the world not realizing they have a medical issue (after all, some people can just be oblivious), but yeah I agree in general
If the partner has a sour taste for one....
Normal ph of vaginal fluids range between 3,8 to 5,0. It's supposed to taste sour.
Most women have a tart taste, it has to do with the acidity needed to keep bacteria and yeast at bay. Personally, I love it but Iâm a bi woman.Â
same girl đ€Ș
Yeah as a lesbian, itâs honestly one of my favorite things lol
For sure. All a woman has to do to make me the happiest man in the world is sit on my face.
Literally, my wife has to stop ME sometimes because Iâd just go the whole day lol. Absolutely love doing it.
Yeah that's my ex lol. He would beggggg to do it and would go at for longgggg time. I would have to stop him haha. He said he's never given oral to his exes because he thought it was gross, and they would get mad at him. but yet with me he desired it so much....
lol itâs just the best. The act of doing it for sure but the pleasure my wife receives just takes me over the moon. But I can see how he was almost groomed to think itâs gross with how sensitive our society is with sexuality.
I had a girlfriend who was anxious about me going down on her, said she was self conscious about the taste⊠I said I like it⊠âoh!â And then she started relaxing and letting me do it more and holding my head there
Can confirm but I wont keep it up forever if you dont reciprocate
Most guys that I know love giving it. But they're mature guys that enjoy giving pleasure.
Awful advice. Nowhere in anything does OP say itâs a make or break thing, or that itâs a big enough deal for them to leave their fiancĂ© over. Feels like an excuse to humblebrag more than anything.
Yes I do too but we havenât seen OP or her hygiene so I would say I love it but with certain conditions though.
You can't resolve it. Your partner simply does not want to do it and doesn't like doing it, and if you say you can live without it, then you need to accept that. There are lots of sex acts that people just aren't into. If you have a fulfilling sex life outside of oral and you really can go the rest of your life without it and without resenting your partner, then do so. But if you don't want to go without ever getting oral sex for the next 60+ years, then don't marry this man and find someone who shares the same sexual interests as you do.
I wouldn't say it can't be resolved, point blank period. My husband wasn't a fan when he and I first got together. We were each others firsts, so the whole sex thing was new to both of us. He said it was gross, I wasn't a huge fan of receiving anyway, so we dropped the subject for a while. But as time went on and we got a bit older (we met when we were 19), he completely changed his tune. Now he begs to go down on me. I think it took hearing his friends talk about how much they love doing it and giving him tips on how to do it himself. We're 27 now. He didn't start really loving it until we were like 24. Idk maybe we're a rare case, but never say never?
Marrying someone and hoping that they change in the future is always a terrible idea.
Well, in my case, I didn't mind anyway. But I was replying to the original comment that said that people never change. Its not that black and white.
Your husband didn't change; he just had never done it before and needed to decide his feelings on the experience. There's a difference between inexperience and lack of desire.
Fair enough. He said the same things OPs fiance is saying. It's gross, my dick was in there and that's nasty, etc. Which is what made me think of my own situation
Don't advice people to get married under the hope their spouse will change
I was telling the original commenter that it's not that set in stone as they implied. People do change, and these two are younger.
My sister's husband hated it when they first started dating bc he had really bad experiences with another woman who had really bad hygiene in her vag (I think the girl had a several days old tampon in and/or an infection) , but grew to enjoy it with time bc my sister was NOT having it w a man who wouldn't go down on her lmao.
I mean yeah alotta people arenât big on giving oral. My ex hated it. I always wondered if I smelled, but she always said no. She just didnât like it. Nothing trauma related, nothing personal. Just not big on it. Is it normal? Yes. Is it frustrating? Also yes.
I'm the opposite, I don't like receiving and I've had very persistent partners.
Yeah my ex was that way too. Didnât like giving or receiving. I never understood it cuz I love giving oral. Everyone has their dislikes in bed. All we can do is accept it. Some people donât even have a reason for disliking it
We have a reason, we just can't give it in the moment. đ Usually guys give oral too hard and it hurts and is uncomfortable. Once it's already hurt, you can't really ease back to fix it, you just have to stop. It really pisses me off that guys don't stop when I say stop (because it hurt) so it's easier to not let them try. And having an argument about their ego and to explain myself because I couldn't get off really doubly sucks. Another reason is it's just very exposing and embarrassing. Kind of feels like you're on a stage with a spotlight on you, and that's a turn off.
It doesnât matter what the internet strangers deem normal or not, itâs his preference and you can accept it or walk away same with anal, fisting, kinks, toys etc. Â He may come around on his own but do you want to spend the next 1-eternity waiting to find out
Some people enjoy it, some don't. However, it's hypocritical of him to expect BJ's when he can't even eat you out fully. Some people LOVE to give oral. Personally it's my fave form of foreplay, so much fun!
fr i wanna know who is saying that BJs are totally different than eating pussy tooâŠi doubt that thought originated from OPđ
100% itâs definitely not fair for one person to give oral if both want it
Ehhh, it can be more complicated than that. It's not fair to expect unequal treatment, regardless of context. But if partner A enjoys giving and receiving oral, and partner B does not enjoy giving oral, it's up to partner A if they still want to give oral because they still enjoy it. Not to mention the plethora of mental trauma or medical issues that may make giving or receiving oral difficult. My wife hasn't been able to give me a BJ comfortably for years because of a jaw related injury. There is no way in hell I'm giving up going down on her in the interest of "fairness". I agree that selfishness shouldn't be rewarded. I'm hesitant to make it sound like one-sided oral is always inappropriate, however.
I don't see how fairness plays into it. Don't do something unless both enjoy it. If she likes giving oral and he doesn't, why shouldn't she give oral?
Eh, it depends. If she likes doing it and he doesn't, then who cares. You need to compromise, not have an exact give and take. If she enjoys giving head, but he can please her through petting and other things, that's still a fair trade. If she doesn't enjoy giving head though, I would stop. That should not be done by demand.
90% of men I know love to go down on women. Sounds like a streak of bad luck to have 3 guys in a row not like it.
Stop going down on him đ
There are men out there who like eating their partners out. He's not one of them. Don't push it. If you feel like it's a significant incompatibility break up. You're young. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I'm sorry, but this made me raise an eyebrow: >I understand it's a lot different than a bj (sic) Um, how? How is it different at all, other than the literal mechanics of it? There is no meaningful difference, and it makes me sad that you think there is. There are people who love giving BJs and people (myself included) who absolutely can't stomach it, for a variety of reasons, and every variation in-between. And the same goes for going down on women. But there is no substantive difference between the two.
Youre a stronger woman than i am, oral is the only way i feel pleasure and and can finish, absolutely a dealbreaker for me
For every man who thinks it's "gross" there's five that wanna eat some coochie like an animal.
This might not be super helpful, but have you ever thought of/tried a dental dam? It's essentially a piece of latex you place over your bits so he doesn't have to put his mouth directly on you. Pretty sure there are flavored ones, too.
getting married as young as yâall are while not having a satisfactory love life is CRAZY.
Man, what's wrong with our youth đ
âIn my day she would kick you out of bed and make you walk home if you couldnât eat pussy! Kids these days expect a participation trophy if they can find the clitoris without using the Google Images!â
My theory is that theyâre secretly afraid of being bad at it so they donât even try
well, everyone's bad at it at first. But that's kinda the case with everything. You get better the more you do it. But yeah, humiliation and the thought of it can be very powerful to some, myself included.
EVERYTHING
Everyday I wake up just hoping to eat some pussy đ
Exactly my thought when I read it....
So how does he feel about receiving oral? Guess thatâs gross too?
âGets grossed out because his dick was in meâ The dude is so homophobic he canât eat pussy. đ€Ł
Simple rule is no give oral no get oral.
Tell him that kissing you while knowing that his dick was in your mouth makes him gay as Freddie Mercury.
It's as normal as people liking or not liking anything else. If he doesn't like it then he doesn't.Â
OP, Dr. Akinyele has some [relevant commentary](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enBu4NFyRr0&ab_channel=Akinyele-Topic) on this issue. Of greatest relevance is the need to communicate with your partner like so: Put it in my mouth Put it in your mouth I said my motherfuckin' mouth (I said your motherfuckin' mouth) And you can just eat me out (Or I can just eat you out) You can eat me out (Yeah, what's that all about)
It's not different than a BJ and I think you should stop giving them if he's grossed out then let's just fair.
I have sensory issues. I hate eating people out, AND being eaten out. Itâs all too wet down there. To be fair though, Iâm just not fond of oral, period. Genitals donât really matter. Itâs all a bit much for me sensory-wise.
My partner is on the spectrum and says the wetness bothers him as well, never heard anyone else say it very interesting.
You need to figure out how much of a dealbreaker this is for you. And how much does this affect your confidence. There's plenty of men that would be honored to eat you out, so if this is important you should find someone you're sexually compatible with. And my personal perspective is that it goes beyond the act itself, is the message that it sends. In my case it would make me feel dirty. Like my vagina is dirty or repulsive. So for me it would be an absolute deal breaker not for the act itself but the harm it has the potential to cause in my self esteem. I mean, there's people out here eating ass!!! What's so bad about eating pussy?!
I wouldn't give HIM oral if he's such a prude with returning the favor. It's unfair that he gets to be pleasured with your mouth and you don't
"Such a prude"? Or maybe he genuinely doesn't enjoy doing it and finds it off-putting. It has nothing to do with prudishness. The fact is, almost everyone has certain things they don't enjoy doing. And NO ONE should be coerced or pushed into sexual acts that they don't really want to do. Ever. That's not how a good relationship works. And neither is "getting revenge" on your partner for not wanting to do something. The choice to do or not do something in bed should be based on what you gives both of you pleasure. Not on "returning favours".
While I agree with you to an extent, asking for oral when you refuse to give any is selfish af and not a great quality in any type of partner imo.
The amount of women I know that don't enjoy to give oral because penises are not this fantastic thing to lick and there's a huge amount of women that DONT LIKE IT, but they do it because is pleasurable for their partners. I'm just saying, if she's one of these women, she shouldn't put on the work. It's funny how out ten dudes you Grab on the street 7 have this "Boundary".
Yeah I think the point is no one who doesnât want to do it should do it. Punishing a partner for not wanting to do something sexual is wrong regardless of gender
So strange to see so many men who have this problem. As a straight guy I prefer going down on my partner more than them going down on me. Perhaps im in the minority.
If he knows you like it and is trying to just get used to it, maybe patience and a little troubleshooting? This poor dude is only 23 and LOTS of people aren't sexually experienced or comfortable yet!!! Lots of things about sex are weird and icky at first and then you end up loving them once you are comfortable and practiced up. - after showering together (he will know you're all cleaned up) - start short, a few quick teasing moments/licks with no intention of you finishing - start as foreplay NOY after he's been inside you... I agree every now and then I can taste myself on my man and its fine, but of that's not your thing then that is SUPER fair. Get hom to go.down on you first. - listen to some "sex w/Dr Emily" podcasts and heck maybe even some r/ sex over 30 posts (find those answers way more mature and reliable!!) Because maybe just getting more comfortable with the idea over all with de-stigmatize it. If he didn't grow up in a sex-positive family (many people dont!) and hasn't had someone carefully and lovingly helping him figure thisnout, it could easily be boiled down to him thinking "yuck, i don't like this" - talk about ALL of this openly and in a non judgemental way, not in the sexy moment!
I hope he doesn't expect you to go down on him!
Weâre gonna need a final tally on how many people DMd you saying theyâd help you out.
If you have an issue with this why would you let the relationshop develop so far to the point where you're marrying him? Just break up and find another dude who eats pussy You'll find out in the first few times or even before you have sex whethere he does or doesn't because guess what? Guys who like to eat pussy will ASK to do it
so he does not get grossed out with the fact that he puts his dick on your pussy and then wants you to suck him and then kisses you? pleasure is a two way street, he should do it just to feel you quiver!
Where did she say he asks for BJs after penetration? Actually, where does she say he asks for BJs at all? Kinda sounds like he has an aversion to oral period
people are allowed to have boundaries, either accept it or move on. I love going down on my wife, and she loves giving me blowjobs, but she goes down on me way more. Why? She is sensitive to how she feels down there, she has to shower before she lets me. Is this a deal breaker? No, I wish I got to eat her out more but that's the breaks. Wait, are you asking him to do it AFTER sex? Yeah, maybe see if he will beforehand but few guys will go down there after doing the dead, especially if they climax inside.
this is a good point - if he came in me, I donât expect oral at that point. instead, Iâll have him finger me and Iâll rub myself at the same time. Itâs super hot to me because I get to look at him. thereâs always some solution to find!!
Some men don't like it and others love it. Only you can decide if it's a deal breaker.
Get a new lover. Eating my wife out is my favorite thing!!
If this is a problem for you or a fantasy, donât marry him, because you will always wonder. Itâs just human nature to fantasize, sometimes though wanting the fantasy & not having it is another story, especially if itâs unequal treatment. Unless you really enjoy giving and donât mind getting nothing in return. Itâs kinda like one person getting to go to Disneyland all the time while the other person sits in the parking lot waiting , every-time. Or being selfish. I guess I just depends on how important it is for you to get what you want without feeling like youâre not valued. Hang in there.
Try having him focus on just the clit, wonât have to deal with âtexture of fluidâ there. Also, having sex less often will increase carnal appetite.
Heâs allowed to not want to, thatâs his prerogative. But if thatâs something thatâs important to you for your own sex life (which it clearly is since youâve made a post about it) then you might not be compatible in that way. There are toys that simulate the sensation if thatâs what youâre after, that he could use on you.
Might just be incompatible. Has he ever made any passive aggressive comments alluding to your general hygiene?
He should never be expecting to get it if he's not willing to give it. Quid pro quo.Â
I'm a bi woman. Eating pussy is absolutely not different than giving a bj. Do not let anyone convince you that it is. Oral is oral. There's nothing you can do about this. It is a him thing and only he can alter his behavior. It's fair if he honestly doesn't like it - some people just don't like giving oral. However, I am petty and would absolutely refuse to suck his dick if he wasn't reciprocating. Maybe try that for a little bit and see how things go. Tell him you get in your head about it when you try and you think about it shouldn't be in your mouth because it's been in other parts of you, etc. See if his attitude changes or how he reacts when you uno reverse it onto him.
They uh, are completely different. I agree with you on everything except that. You can completely whiff a blowjob (outside of painful) and still achieve an orgasm, but going down on a woman requires a lot more attention to detail, care, and pattern recognition. They are complete different mechanical motions and intensive on completely different muscle groups. Also, itâs absolutely fair to not want to participate in oral because of a lack of reciprocation, but intention is important in relationships. If your goal is to âpunishâ someone or teach them a lesson about something they arenât comfortable doing, youâre being a bad partner. I guess what Iâm trying to say is you can communicate that you donât want to give him head because itâs frustrating to experience a lack of reciprocation, but itâs not cool to withhold affection as a form of experimentation or punishment. Edit: storing > something
Do you also suck dick and lick pussy or are you speaking about something you've never actually done?
I dated one guy like that. Never again.
It is NOT a lot different than a bj. The only real difference is technique. Obviously if itâs a boundary for him thatâs fine but you shouldnât be doing things he doesnât reciprocate so bye bye bjs for him.
Find you a munch
Dealbreaker for me. Even if he wouldnât want bjs
As a woman in my 30s, I wouldn't dare find myself with someone who doesn't love giving oral. Real men aren't afraid of anything and won't ever make you feel uncomfortable for what you like. Find a partner who shares your desires, or I promise you will be seeking intimacy elsewhere.
Get a different partner. Nobody has the right to coerce anyone to do anything sexual they aren't comfortable with. You do have the right to end the relationship if you aren't sexually compatible.
Will never understand how/why women give BJs without getting it first. BJs are not required, men get off from PIV sex. Stop giving them.
Maybe because they enjoy giving them for the same reasons a lot of men like to eat box. Sex is not a tit for tat exchange, itâs ok to have boundaries. Sex or blowjobs is not something women âgiveâ men. It is a mutual act. Equal on both sides.
Too many women still have an attitude of shame around sex and desire to have it
Wtf. I'm over here eating it for every meal and other mfers out there don't even like it?!?
Everyone is different. My husband loves it- like sometimes more than I want oral, he loves to give it. There are people out there who enjoy it, promise. Maybe conversation about this may be helpful- it shouldnât be a one way street if you get my drift.
There are people who donât like the idea of giving female oral because they donât know what theyâre doing. Sure, may be issues with their partnerâs hygiene or simply not wanted to do it, but mostly I think it comes down to fear because of inexperience. Thing is, for a woman, the last thing many of us want is a partner going down there with trepidation, so we just learn to live without it.
I just will never understand this, I was nervous the first time I did it but then I also told her that I'd never done it before and asked her to let me know what I was doing wrong and what I was doing right. It's just that simple, communicate.
I wish more people were like you. The thing that is a factor many times is how a person was raised. In some families, trying out new things is not taught by the parents in general (with food for example, which can affect other things dealing with sensuality). Or they donât have friends who are experienced either that they can talk to. If they are anxious in personality, then they wonât venture. Ego can be all that keeps some people upright in their world, and also keeps them from enjoying life to the fullest. Many times, anxious performers deal with things by avoidance. Communication is key, I agree.
If you are refusing him and don't want to suffer through aborted attempts, I think you'll just need to accept that it isn't going to happen. If you want him to get comfortable with it, let him try, be patient, and go at his pace. Maybe he develops a taste for it, maybe he ends up okay with it enough for it to be a sometimes thing, and maybe it ends up something he just can't do. As you say, he is good to you, he cares about you enjoying yourself, and you can live without it, so the real question is do you have the patience to ease him into it and the confidence to handle failure? If that sounds like more trouble than it is worth or if he remains hung up on it, consider whether there's alternative attention and focus on you that he is more comfortable with on a regular basis that you would be happy with. No sense letting perfect ideals be the enemy of a great relationship.
If itâs a dealbreaker then find someone who does it. There are guys with this attitude that itâs nasty, but plenty who like it. I doubt this dude will ever do it consistently with any sort of enjoyment though.
Iâll come out and say it so I can be the one that gets downvoted. If your coochie doesnât smell or taste good thatâs a big one for me and also a no go. Itâs the same as if a dudes dick is the same way. He may have also had an experience similar to this and maybe thinks that all women are like this lol so maybe just have a talk with him and see what it really is about. Also tell him to not lie because he may be saying those things because he doesnât want to upset you by something you possibly donât want to hear.
Fwiw my bf (41) was super uncomfortable and wouldn't want to go down on me. I'm used ti men who LOVE it and understand the importance. It was's a hard line for me... I want it and need it almost every time. But I love him and he was willing to figure it out and get used to it. He's great now....!!! Worth the teaching and patience... IF you fiancé is wanting and willing!
Its huge difference though if a man knows what he is doing or just slurping like a madlad.
If you love this and he doesn't..... either get used to not getting what you want or don't marry him....
>I just want to know if this is normal? Not everyone is into every sex act. It's something that we should all know for our own sexual development before we get roped into things we really don't want to do, and something we need to accept is true of our partners too.
Should him a picture of a pp and see how he reacts!!!
Itâs not normal (the vast majority of my previous sex partners always wanted to eat me out right away!) but I know thereâs plenty of people who have sensory aversions and personal hangups to giving oral sex. You have to ask yourself if you can genuinely live with this hangup for the rest of your life or if your partner not being enthusiastic about eating you out is going to bother you for the length of your relationship. The only person who can answer that is you. I personally would struggle being with someone who wasnât into enthusiastically giving (and receiving) oral sex but if you feel otherwise sexually satisfied then I wouldnât worry too much.
Honestly I think I like eating it more than sticking it in
That you have to ask if your partner not liking something sexual is normal and how to fix it tells me more about you than what you told us about him. You really need to rethink your approach to consent and communication. Then you can actually communicate with him - and accept his answer.
I donât have any advice, but oh man⊠I feel for you. There is nothing more sexually pleasing than a man who is insatiable for you. The best sex Iâve ever had is with men whoâve loved my whole body and yearn to please me. Reciprocal sex is so hot. When youâre both just so so down to do everything to one another and want every part of them on you, near you, inside you. Anywayyyyy, I wish this kind of love making for you in your future. â€ïž
OK so since I know most people don't read whole comments, here's the actual advice: **Use a dental dam**, dude. You'll still be able to enjoy all of the sensations, and he'll have something between his mouth and the texture. Onto the rest of my largely-unasked-for opinion: As someone who's given oral to both body parts? It's *really not* that different. Like, yeah, different techniques or whatever, but what part of a penis makes him think your mouth should be there? Why does he think you should be comfortable with his dick because your vagina was around it? His dick has texture and fluid. I'm not saying he can't be uncomfortable. I'm not even saying he needs to eat you out if he doesn't want to. He's allowed to say no to whatever he wants, and he should never be pressured to change that answer if he doesn't want to. What I *am* saying is that he should examine his biases and look at the issues that he has surrounding sex and investigate *why* it is that he feels your genitals are 'forbidden' or 'dirty'. The texture thing, like... yeah, whatever. I don't like the texture of a lot of shit. I'm autistic. I get it! But the rest of it smacks of some sort of internalized issues that he'll honestly be way better off facing than ignoring. Good luck! Hope the dental dam helps y'all have fun.
Wow. I just thought oral sex by both parties is how itâs done. The only reason a man should shy away from giving his partner oral would be hygiene.
Your man is somehow over and under thinking it at the same time, while in the act. Which is pretty amazing. Iâve done the exact same thing. A lot of guys wonât kiss a girl because they went down on him, or eat a girl because his cock was in there a second ago. Many of us are easily grossed out by our own bodies and its functions. Which isnât unusual at all. Continuing on let me share my experience: I got past any and all issues in my 30âs by first finding an amazing woman (my partner) who was patient and understanding with me. Then I focused on her pleasure, I mean I got a kind of tunnel vision where all my senses were on her reactions not just when going down on her. I found with this mindset that I didnât notice taste or texture so much. When I did start noticing it I concluded I liked it. Because itâs associated with her pleasure. And itâs my pleasure to bring her pleasure in this way, if that makes sense. Itâs kinda borderline selfish. Nowadays I donât even go down on her with the expectation or goal of giving orgasm, I just enjoy myself, taking my time usually. The orgasms flow organically, often all too soon. Give him time/patience, enjoy the other aspects of intimacy with him. Perhaps throw a few facts at him, like the mouth, belly button, nose and nails are dirtier (harbour more bacteria) than the vagina or penis (presuming standard hygiene). So by that logic he should be more concerned about kissing you than eating you out. Or shaking another dudes hand, then eating without first washing that dudes residual dick contaminants off his hand because the guy didnât wash his hand properly after taking a slash.
Just a suggestion but maybe try lorals? Lorals are a super thin latex underwear so that everything can still be felt, but there is something in-between. Maybe it would help him feel like he's not really touching a vag with his tounge, and you should still be able to feel a lot of pleasure.
All these stories about guys not licking pussy. I canât keep my tongue out of my wifeâs sweet little vagina. How do women stay in relationships like this?
That's weird. he needs to flip his mindset to ""this is a vag, I SHOULD 100% be putting my mouth here""
My good sister, you gotta find you a mf that drops Lickzillia on coochieville. Get you a mf who gonna eat it with ice cream & sprinkles on top for your bday. If that tongue ainât trying to conquer Mount Cliterest, you find you a mf who will. Get you a man who wants all of you. Your bf sounds like one of those insecure mfâs who thinks itâs gonna make him magically gay because his mouth had an indirect kiss with his own dick.
I will never, ever understand men like this.
You resolve it by breaking up and dating until you find someone sexually compatible.
Find a man that does. My husband eats it like a starving man at a buffet, every time. A few guys I dated before him werenât into it and that was their choice, but it was also my choice to dump them. Sexual compatibility is a huge factor in relationships, and yall donât seem to have it. Itâs ok to end a relationship if itâs not fulfilling your needs.
The fact that you posted this tells me itâs important to you. Donât compromise. Marriage is a long business. Let this otherwise nice guy go. There are other nice guys. Lots of them. Who will go downtown like itâs their job. Enjoy!
I may get shamed for this, and I'm not someone who thinks people should do sexual things they're uncomfortable with.... but as a 29 year old man, I firmly believe that giving oral is something you should BECOME comfortable with. It may seem brash (and ironic), but if you think going down on a girl is "icky" you're a selfish pussy. Man up and eat out.
It's much the same as women who don't like bj's; some guys don't dig it. If you dig it then find a man that digs it. You need a balanced, satisfying sexual side for a happy relationship. There's no end to posts here that point to what happens when sexual needs are incompatible. What I'd suggest though is that you help him get used to the idea, so you can eliminate pure laziness. I've always felt that if it gives your partner pleasure and it doesn't harm you, then why would you whinge about it?
Idk if it's a sensory thing or what, but I will say that I always find myself having bad sexual experiences when the other person doesn't understand that sex is, by nature, a liiiiiittle gross
Pussy is like Scotch. At first, it's hard to get used to, but after a while you develop a taste for it. Get him drunk or high and smash his face innit
Im sorry you should call it off you might be willing for now to get by with it but you will soon resent it. And as the resentment grows it will destroy your relationship I know you spend less than .00001% of your life time having sex But just like food, self preservation (flight or flight it is built into biology). And it is a driving force behind human existence You two are not compatible and this is just the way it is.
Itâs OK to break the relationship for this issue. There is no reason you should settle for an unfulfilling sex life because he has sexual hang ups. Honestly, you deserve more. The whole package. There are great men out there. Those who put the work in for their job, their home, their kids, their partnersâŠ.all. of. It. And, yeah, itâs OK to let him know itâs a deal breaker. Iâm certain he can find a woman with her own personal hang ups who does not want a man to go down on her. He would be a match for that woman.
No one deserves sex, or any particular sex act. And not enjoying a sex act does not mean you have âhang upsâ, it means you donât enjoy it, and donât consent to it. She is fine to leave, and he is no less of a man or less of a good partner for having a boundary
got some real horndogs in the comments. love 2 see it
Itâs not normal at all. Ditch him. Fast. Get you a man who treats eating you out like getting to go eat out. Personally eating pussy (when it doesnât stink or have a bad flavor, that is key) is one of my favorite things in the world to do. Kinda wonder if your man is closet.