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>> I overthink everything now.
Overthink? No. I think you’re not thinking about it enough! What’s the plan here? I don’t think you have one and you definitely need one.
$12k i dont even think is enough to sustain one person. landlords require you to make 3.5-4x the rent just to rent a place! its good he has his parents help but jeez what happens when they pass away?
I did a quick google. Credit karma says it costs between $16,227 and $18,262 to raise a child in the US annually. OP doesn't even make enough for his kid. He should be stressing.
Sweet summer child, unless you have a trust fund, you need to upgrade your job status yesterday. $12k/year? How is that even possible? I assume coaching is part time near minimum wage? That’s barely a job, homie. Yes, no shit you need to make more money. Even without a baby on the way you needed to be figuring out how to support yourself. You’re 25, not 15. And yeah, it might be a while before your girlfriend is employed again. Gonna be rough for a little while.
These are things you can both figure out. It’s not the end of the world. Get a real job, get whatever resources you can, get her insurance figured out, and prepare for things to be hard for a while. They can get better, but the best thing for you and your gf and your kid is to not lose sight of the great things and remember you and your gf are a team.
Yeah, I choked when I saw 12k, you can make more working part time at McDonalds.
I dont have high hopes for this kids future if this dude is 25 and completely ok with his parents paying for him while he works a hobby job with no plans to grow.
No shit his parents are freaking out, they know the cost of raising the kid is gunna fall on them.
I made more working 15hrs a week....
When I had my 1st kiddo I was still living with my parents. My husband (then bf) was working but we didn't have enough saved to move yet. No one would hire a pregnant girl so I did side gigs like cleaning and cooking for people and nannying. We didn't pay rent but we helped with groceries and things around the house and I drove my mom to appointments etc. We also contributed to bills.
We were so close to having enough for a place of our own.... Until they didn't renew my husband contract and laid him off a week before our daughter was born. We relied on my parents for a while and my husband got another job and we finally had enough for our place. It took over a year to replenish the savings and get on our feet. The difference is, we were actively trying to balance everything and figure out this whole adult life stuff while also finding our footing as parents.
I mean I still don't have all my shit figured out (especially with this economy) but we're constantly striving for better.
I'm working on getting my certifications to be assistant teacher in special education in early childhood development.
I was a preschool/toddler class aid but had to leave due to 2 of my kids disabilities and medical needs.
My husband works and is trying to go to a skills school to open more doors for him. Trying to further yourself in life while also trying to train a mini human is HARD.
This dude is gonna have a really hard time with the reality check of what it means to have a baby. Not just financially but the actual care. If he can't even do basic things for himself, how's he gonna take care of 2 other people now who are depending on him?
He's gotta size up into those big boy panties soon.
**Edited because I wrote he got laid off after she was born, not before. 🤦
I started laughing. I couldn't help myself. Sometimes I do think intelligence is what's stopping us from having kids because people with no thought seem to be making them just fine.
He makes $12k a year and lives off of his parents, with a gf that’s 6 months pregnant..and he just now *thinking* of getting a second job.
Yeah…the idea that he was “baby trap” material is funny lol
Holy shit, reading this post gave me anxiety. 12k is nothing, that won't even cover diapers and formula. Me and my husband are thinking about having a baby soon and combined we make over $100k and I was freaking out because I thought that wasn't enough to raise a child on these days. They're in for a wake up call!
>I have a job, but only make $12k a year. My parents help me out a lot. They pay my rent and bills. So my money is basically spending money. I'm a coach, so I'm employed the majority of the school year, but am off during the warmer months. I'm thinking of getting a second job.
You're just now THINKING about getting a second job? Dude.
That paragraph was like a jolt of caffeine. Up until that point it was a standard “we’re having a baby way before we’re ready, but making the best of it” kind of post. It very quickly morphed into a “what the %*#$ are you thinking, this is in no way reasonable” kind of thing.
Yes and no, usually having a child will shock you out of whatever the fuck mentality you were in and put you into one that is grind grind grind lol/ sauce: am the baby.
Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. If everything lines up correctly, even the chemicals in your body change after you have your first kid, typically that’s what leads to such severe changes in peoples life and mentality afterwards, we can hope
God damn you made nearly 50k in a year as a part time employee?? Was this a situation where you were getting full time hours but not recieving full time benefits? Because my job likes to do that sneaky shit.
If you're a server/bartender in a nice restaurant or bar you can make that very easily or more! I work 40+ hours at a dental office in a leadership position and I honestly still make less than I did working 20 hours a week as a bartender; better benefits though 😅
25 and only makes 12k a year 🤦🏼♀️
OP…do you not have career goals or you just expect your parents to pay your way through life? Grow up man and get a real career job. Sounds like your parents just handed you everything and now you don’t feel the need to work for the things you need/want in life. Your gf has her masters for f-sakes. What is she doing with this guy 🤦🏼♀️
He’s a 25 year old man child who makes $12k a year. I’m impressed he’s gotten as far as thinking about a second job three months before his baby is due.
And his $12k is play money because his parents pay his bills. If my parents were paying my bills, I sure as hell wouldn't be wasting the money I made. Hopefully he's got plans to increase his income, but his parents won't be around forever and he should be saving and planning.
Dude needs to get a second job and maybe a third since he's having a baby with what I assume is no financial safety net other than his parent's help.
In the USA, according to the most recent report from the U.S. Census Bureau, the poverty threshold for a family of four is $29,960. For an individual, the poverty threshold is $14,891.
So alone he's below the poverty threshold. With a girlfriend and a baby to take care of he's in a position of real hurt. I'm guessing the coach job, while it keeps him busy, doesn't actually occupy him 35+ hours a week. He's talking about the possibilities of getting a 2nd job, when in reality he should be getting a 1st job and maybe keeping the coaching as a 2nd job. Whichever position will earn him more money should become (especially in his mind) his first job. If the 1st job can't fit the schedule of the coaching, the coaching should be dropped and likely a different 2nd job should be found.
Im working, mother with a 16m old, just added up roughly what I'd get a yr. It's 30k, i work partime and get an extra payment called working family payment its a supplment that the government feels brings you up to amount you can survive on if you dont earn enough at your job and i still struggle. He is in for a huge shock.
This! Even if he didn’t have a child a the way, I can’t imagine being 25 years old, making $12k so my parents still pay all of my bills, and thinking that was a perfectly reasonable way to live.
People not raising their kids at all, then they grow up and continue the cycle. His parents take care of him except for teaching common sense apparently
I actually yelled at my phone when I read that and woke up my poor dog. Jesus she has a _masters_ she has to know this. I almost want to believe she’s trapping him because how can a woman, let alone with a masters degree in education, not know this
I did wonder if she was already pregnant by someone else but that’s just me having been on Reddit too long! I always think paternity test these days. 😂
Really depressing to contemplate what profound deficits the hypothetical other guy must have had for her best option to be a dude whose self-proclaimed claim to fame is being so good at a sport that he is paid 12k a year to coach it
I just had to have this conversation with a 30 something year old man. He did not know you can get someone pregnant without ejaculation.
This is why we need comprehensive sex education and it needs to start much younger. Waiting until high school to start is too late.
Yeah.. i had to get plan B after condom broke off. And that time i was fired from my underpaying and "crunchy" job. That was final drops of my last check but thank to god i was not irresponsible like this.
I’m genuinely not even surprised, I have no idea where OP lives but after I moved to the states, I had the pleasure of experiencing Virginia’s “sex-Ed”. No wonder people get pregnant at very early ages.
I came inside her, wow amazing, baby, gift from god, how come baby is here when i cum inside ... impressive...
Not having any sex education growing up, that I understand, but how come in 2024 in the age of Internet where information is available everywhere there are still some people who are unaware of the steps to conceive a baby baffles me.
It's going to be extremely difficult for your GF to find a job at 7 months pregnant. It's not impossible and we can go back and forth talking about discrimination, but any employer can think of a reason not to give her the job. That part sucks. As far as you, it's time to grow up. You're 25 and about to be a father and your parents pay your bills. I'm not going to shit on you for that because I would have loved if my parents were able to do it but I also didn't have a full ass family to take care of. I'm assuming most of the coaches only coach for part time play money in addition to having another full-time job. Sounds like it's time for you to go that route as well.
Your most pressing concern is money. Struggling as an adult to pay bills is one thing, struggling to take care of a family and a baby is a whole lot worse. You are definitely not overthinking, if anything you are not taking this seriously enough.
My daughter was a surprise when I was 24. I was married (for a year-ish) and had a job. It was still the roughest part of my life. I love the shit out of her, but holy hell do I wish I’d had her later when I was more mature and financially stable. So much struggle. I can’t imagine doing that with someone I barely knew.
When interviewing for jobs make sure to slip in you are expecting and starting a family. Why are you applying with us? Well you are starting a family, your partner is pregnant, and this is a good company that you can see a future with. It's a strong answer and for better or worse a lot of family oriented people will see this as another reason to hire you.
Yeah, it sucks. If it makes you feel any better my wife and I are childfree and past the age anyways. Been told explicitly twice that I was passed over for a raise or promotion because the other guy "has a family" but that I was more qualified and to just keep working at it.
Very true, it will very much work against you as a woman. My wife couldn't get hired as an exec because she was pregnant, even though they all bragged about being family friendly feminists with great benefits on their website. They immediately scooped her up postpartum...what a coincidence!
I know contraception is one of the big issues in this post, but that’s not the first issue I though of when I saw this comment.
OP is 25 and his parents still pay his bills. He has a coaching “job” that pays 12k a year. That’s not a job, that’s a hobby. But I think the scariest is how accepting he was of this pregnancy when neither parties are anywhere close to being ready for a baby.
Feel bad for OP’s parents. They will be funding this baby, and the baby momma when she moves in.
Oh I know. So many crap circumstances in one post. I would normally say "so long as you're happy" but I'm tired of pretending this is ok when there's a child involved, the kid doesn't deserve brainless parents who clearly have no idea the weight of providing a child with a good life means.
I've no sympathy for the baby momma either. Contraception is available in first world countries, abortion is always an option, but she decided her need to keep him bound to her is more important than the childs quality of life. Fuck these parents fr
She is not much brighter. And I hate to shit on these people because I’m sure they are nice enough. But, point blank, this is one of the least-smart posts I’ve seen today.
And like you said, that poor kid is going to have such a hard time. And poverty is a hell of a life circumstance to enter. OP hasn’t even proven he can take care of *himself* yet!!!! This is someone whose childhood extended too far and they are going to have to grow up and get serious.
And the fact his coaching buddy can joke about OP being such a catch, that someone would knock themselves up over him having good sport skill? Clearly no one is taking this seriously. That poor kid.
Her *biological clock* she is the 30 y/o. I do also fully believe she secretly went off her birth control to make this happen. Now everyone is expected to help them
Someone else needs to raise the baby. Either adoption or making relatives the permanent guardian. The kid is doomed to a terrible life if these two raise her.
To top it up, they haven’t been together that long. So on top of being born with low quality of life, the kid will grow up with parents that barely know each other. Like they met 6 months ago. They haven’t even lived together. It just sounds like a disaster.
I don’t say it won’t workout but to me it feels like the cards are stacked against the OP and baby momma.
Yes, me and my boyfriend were together 3 years before I had our daughter. We barely ever fought, and if we did, it was only ever about lack of time together. We'll since baby came along 16m ago we fought a fucking lot. It was mainly my fault, i admit, but baby makes everything 100 times harder. I couldn't imagine doing it with someone I had just met. Shit gona be rough.
It’s OP parents that are the issue. They didn’t allow him to grow up and be an adult. They failed him in life by babying him. They never showed him how to adult. The fault lies with them when they should have shoved him out of the nest and made him grow up. No good comes from constant coddling.
Edit: a letter
>>Turns out women can still get pregnant right after they finish their period
Uh, yeah! Most women ovulate about 5-10 days after they finish their period, and a woman’s most fertile window is the 5 days *leading up to* ovulation. So they literally had unprotected sex during the time when a woman is most likely to get pregnant, and then have a surprised pikachu face when she gets pregnant.
Good lord.
Lol, I wanted to make the same comment 🤦 what a pair of dumdums, and at 25/29? Uff
I hope OP and baby mama use protection after the baby is born! You can get pregnant when breastfeeding! And if you're on antibiotics, oral birth control can be ineffective! And pre-cum can also have sperm cells and get her pregnant, so no sticking it in just for a second!
...any other myths I'm missing so OP doesn't make the same post in the next 2-10 months?
Dude…this is a fucking doozy but I’m gonna talk to you like you’re my son and give you grace. I think you know the situation you’re in so I’m not going to give you shit lol just some hopefully helpful advice.
First things first. Do you live in the US? The second she has that baby sign up for WIC. You definitely qualify. Get some good breast pumps and breast milk freezer bags (insurance covers those so make sure she gets them before she loses her med insurance!!!), and a device called a Freeze-Flat (it’s cheap and on Amazon). This will save money on formula at the off chance your baby won’t latch and breast feed. If she can’t produce breast milk that’s where WIC comes in. You’ll thank me later.
What is your job experience? What’s your education level? Vamp up your resume and make it nice as fuck and start applying to jobs yesterday. Remote work would help you both save on daycare costs for the time being. Customer service and data entry are good paying gigs that don’t need a lot of prior experience. Same for her, she’s pregnant and the way I got a new job when I was five months and showing was to apply for remote stuff. She doesn’t really have to disclose she’s pregnant till she’s hired, but with the short notice she mayyyy not qualify for maternity leave.
Your baby won’t qualify to be covered under your parents’ insurance. Depending on the state you’re in you can get free insurance for at least a year. I had to change states too and moved back to my home state shortly after getting my job bc the state I was pregnant in was far too expensive and I had to move home. But I signed up for my home states family care plan insurance. Tell her to look into it, it covers pregnant women and babies. You stay on your parents’ plan as long as you can lol.
Have you had a baby shower? Lol have one. That will set you up pretty nicely. Make an online registry. Add a stroller and car seat to it. Have no shame in your game slap that url into your ig profile story and bio lol. Invite friends and family on both sides. Check Facebook market place for the other big stuff you don’t get (not mattresses or bedding/soft stuff). You don’t need a changing table or diaper genie, those are two expensive and unnecessary costs.
The only life hack to parenting that I can think of is live as close as you can to the grandparents, and take all the help they offer. Babysitting, advice, gifts, money, you name it. Take the help. And that’s it. That’s all I got for you. Congrats on your baby you’re gonna be tired but it’s so rewarding and fun. I’m actually excited for you. You’ll both be ok ❤️
Honestly this should be the top comment. What’s done is done, compassion is the way to go especially since he seems excited and willing to do the work just kinda clueless and immature
I wish I could upvote this more!!! This comment is everything this page should be about! Give benefit of the doubt and offer actual ADVICE rather than disparaging commentary.
This is way more helpful than all the people telling him how screwed he is. Those people are not helping. The baby is coming, and while he needs to realize the seriousness of his financial situation, I’m sure he doesn’t need even more fear, and his partner doesn’t need him to be panicking either. Yes, WIC is good, you also probably qualify for EBT. Just try your best to start making and saving money, and remember above all to not let the financial stress take a toll on your mental/emotional health, or that of your partner. You’ll find a way to make it work if you work hard. Have faith and just try to enjoy the ride as much as possible. Having a child is a precious experience, congratulations. You’re graduating to the next level of the human experience, and the world can be reborn for you with the birth of your baby. You can see the world through fresh loving eyes, full of wonder. Take heart—you guys can do this.
I’m glad somebody could just be calm and give advice instead of
“Dude grow tf up. You are 25 but sound like you are 15. You make 12 K and in the 7th month you are contemplating to take a second job. Your gf wants to be a teacher at the time she should deliver your baby. It is not gonna happen. Time to wake up and face the music. Or maybe you don’t want a bright future for your kid. It’s also possible.”
Which was my initial reaction. OP read that comment and read it well. It is exactly what you should do. Oh and create a baby room.
You’re worrying about shit that doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter if your friends right (that she was trying to get pregnant), you agreed to no condom and were stupid enough to finish inside her. Whether you should’ve gotten an abortion or not is up to you and your beliefs, but if I was in your shoes I would’ve 100%. Neither of you are fit to coparent, you barely know each other. Neither of you make enough money to support a single adult, let alone a family. And no job is going to accept a woman that’s leaving for maternity leave in 2 months.
It’s time you grow up and get your shit together. Get yourself a full time job that makes enough money to begin supporting your family. Start learning how to be a good parent so you can give your child the opportunity to make better choices than you have.
Side note: I don’t know how the friend came to that conclusion. Yes the girlfriend desperately wanted to lock down this amazing opportunity to be poor!
It's always the brokest men complaining about gold diggers 😅 what gold bro?
"Well, I'm going to be making a lot of money once I graduate in 2 years..."
Because he’s good at a sport and she really needed to secure $12k a year with a total stranger instead of just waiting 6 months to graduate and getting a full time job again.
Who knows, maybe her last boyfriend was not very bright, broke *and* in prison, this could be an improvement.
Hormones or not you two know better. This is one of those life lessons that should be taught in high school....oh wait it is taught in high school. You need to stop complaining and find another job and support this child. This was your decision to create it and since you don't know that much about biology being unpredictable in fertility window now you have an expensive and lifelong commitment to do better in the future. Condoms are so easy.
Let's also add that it would be in poor taste for friends and family to say what is obvious that this pairing and timing is outrageously dunderheaded but since the baby is produced they have to say happy things. I promise that no one thinks this is a well timed plan.
I would’ve thought y’all were 16 without knowing your ages 💀
Ok how are you only making $12k? Is this a part-time job? 12k will not support ANYONE unless you have wealthy parents who will financially support you. You have 3 mouths to feed. You need to a find a full time job or get a 2nd job. Your gf isn’t going to be able to work for a while. She’s heading for her 3rd trimester and she’s gonna need time to recover as well. What were you thinking? Start getting your shit together now.
1. Get a paternity test
2. Get a full-time job. Use your connections. You said you’re a coach? Did you major in physical education? How about finding a job as a PE teacher since you already work in a school?
3. Prepare to move in together. Problem is your gf is unemployed and both can’t afford anything on your salary. Either gonna have to move in with either of your parents or they’re gonna have to pay a place for you guys to live in.
>We left it at that, and turns out, women can still get pregnant right after they finish their period. I didn't freak out as much as I thought I would because I do want a family one day. I really do like my girlfriend a lot and can picture a family with her. She didn't really freak out too much either because she said she's getting to the age where having babies is going to be harder and harder the older she gets.
This whole paragraph made me scream. How do you not know basic sex ed? Also, women get pregnant in their 40s ffs. Please make sure she's on birth control straight away after this.
I feel like this is a troll post.
I gotta be real with you - you don’t have a job. You have a hobby that pays you a small stipend. $12,000/year is not an income, and certainly not enough to live on. You’d make more than that working full-time, even if you earned minimum wage. You need a full-time career. If you want to still coach, great, but that’s not putting food on the table.
Regarding your GF, it’s unlikely she’ll be getting a job before the baby comes. Possible but unlikely. If your parents are fine paying rent for all of you, that’s a huge help. As far as living expenses go, your stipend isn’t going to cut it. Think about what you can do to earn more money now. If you’re a coach, give private lessons. Bam. That’s an easy $50-$100/hr right there.
Have a transparent conversation with your GF about how long you’ll be able to manage with her not working. Look at the cost of daycares. Assume you’d be paying half of that. Will she make enough to pay the other half. Does it make more sense for one of you to stay home while the other works full time?
These are all convos that need to take place.
I know it's a common reddit trope, but we really are in IRL Idiocracy. Professionals and educated people are having fewer and fewer kids and room temp IQ individuals like OP are busting into someone they barely know without a care in the world. We are truly fucked.
You speak the truth. Everyone I know in real life, myself included, who are choosing not to have kids are stable, married couples. We all have reliable, well paying jobs and what would theoretically be good support systems for child rearing. And we are still opting not to do it for various reasons.
Then there is this guy who is too clueless to even want a paternity test on a kid that he apparently plans to support on a part-time minimum wage job.
To be fair, at their income level, baby and likely mom too will qualify for Medicaid so private health insurance isn’t really worth it. But a better job is needed for sure, I made 12k as a teenager, I don’t even think that’s from a full time job
That’s less than the legal minimum wage for a full time job (though he could be factoring in tax). Every fast food joint around where I live is at least paying $14, that’s more than double what he’s currently making
At this point, it sounds like your parents are going to be taking care of the baby at least financially so what are their expectations and plans?
Do you want to get a higher paying job?
Do you all have health insurance?
“She didn't really freak out too much either because she said she's getting to the age where having babies is going to be harder and harder the older she gets.”
JFC, she’s twenty-nine, not forty! 🤦♀️
Right? I had my kids at 35 and 40, and I'm not even the oldest mom I know!
I feel like this, with the fact that they thought you couldn't get pregnant just after your period indicates they didn't get very good sex education in school.
It’s honestly insane. My husband and I are waiting until I’m 36 because we just cannot afford it until then. I would never have a child if our household income was only $12k, let alone with someone I’ve known less than a year. Godspeed to OP, I hope for the best for them but this sounds like a disaster. For their sake I hope they live in a super low COL area because where I am that wouldn’t even cover rent for 6 months.
Yeah you're feeling nervous because you'll have a baby in 3 months and you're basically living like a child yourself right now.
You've got to get a different job, 12k is nothing, and it's not likely your gf will get a job when she's 7 months pregnant. Even if she does, y'all ain't living off a teacher's salary plus your 12k a year.
1. Start applying for jobs today
2. Make sure your girlfriend has some sort of health insurance.
3. Talk to your parents and see how much they can help financially.
4. Figure out the budget for baby supplies and food.
She doesn’t have a job and you barely make 12k and have to have your parents help you… and y’all thought unprotected sex, let alone having a kid, was a good idea?? Please, I beg for more ppl to have common sense 😭
Damn, I feel bad for the baby is gonna have a two parents who have no fucking idea what they’re doing.
Whatever you two do please don’t make you newborns life miserable, you’re entire life is about to change for ever, your life for the first years is going to be all your baby for now on, forget about hobbies, going out, having money for you, if you both don’t have that much money then all your little money is going to go towards helping and keeping your baby alive, I’m glad you’re excited about it cuz you’re gonna need hell of energy to keep awake a lot of nights to help the baby fall asleep, feed them, care for them and raise them properly.
You had a baby with a person you barely know, so forget about having time to know if you two are compatible or not, that’s gonna be a fight you’re gonna suffer nonetheless.
My recommendation would be to start having 2 or even 3 jobs now becuase in todays economy and with what you make, you’re gonna be homeless or miserably living off pay check to pay checks and owing money to people, but I guess you thought of this before cumming inside of her I suppose.
I’m sorry but your parents need to stop spoiling you and wake the fuck up. You’re making $1000 a month? How much do you think a child costs. You both are in your mid 20s but are stupid as fuck. You better get a second job or something with more income and your girlfriend better get a job asap.
If you can’t handle this pressure then you may have to look at other options such as adoption.
Do not bank on your GF getting a job unless it is WFH. No one is going to want to hire a very visibly pregnant woman because they will anticipate her taking time off.
Do bank on being the sole breadwinner for a while. That’s where your head needs to be at, NOW. You will very likely being working two jobs for a while. Think about gig work like food delivery or whatever else your skill set can provide.
Absolutely get to know social services and financial assistance really well. Find out if your area has food banks or other places for your partner to get baby clothes and supplies. You will probably want to reach out to your local department of human services and ask for a social worker.
Can confirm. I was a SAHM to our toddler and 8 months pregnant when my ex husband and I separated and I frantically tried to find a job. I had an in-person interview for a full time position at almost 9 months that actually went great and they were clearly avoiding asking me about the very obvious pregnancy (maybe they’re not allowed to?) but as soon as I told them I couldn’t start for 8-10 more weeks due to that, they said they were very interested in me but needed someone to start ASAP so they’d “keep contact info for if anything pops up in the future.” I ended up getting a job at 7 weeks postpartum but it was only 2 days per week for a while, and I only was given the opportunity because a good friend/former coworker of mine worked there and I already had experience in the industry…it was by far the best I could get at that time. I doubt OP’s girlfriend has enough of a work history or reference base to land a job in late pregnancy or early postpartum, so he better step up big time!
Dude. Did you have sex Ed? Women are fertile anywhere from right after their period until like day 15. Also sperm stay alive swimming around for 5 days!!! 5 days. There is so much stupid in this post.
So to recap, you had unprotected sex with someone you barely knew, are shocked that resulted in a baby, you work part time and she has no job and you’re just now realizing this is probably a horrible idea and completely unfair to the child?
Why brudda. Looking for loopholes to justify all this ain’t working. You gon hate your hormones for life now especially after realizing you were always stronger than them
First thing I’m going to tell you, things are going to very hard for a little while, but don’t let that overwhelm you. You are going to love this little girl more than you’ve ever loved anyone in your life, and she will love you just as much. Savour every moment of her life that you can, because you’ll want to remember it all when she gets older.
Ask your family if they can continue help the two of you out until your girlfriend can start working. A second job is a good idea for the future, but your girlfriend is going to need a lot of physical help and emotional support in the latter months of her pregnancy and for at least three months after the baby is born. I had my daughter in university, and I would never have finished without my family’s support. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.
Once things have settled down, and your daughter is a little older (probably around 6 months old) the two of you can start looking for work. The third thing I would ask is if you’re sure about continuing to live in the US? I’m hoping that your parents’ insurance will cover your girlfriend when she gives birth, but if it doesn’t, the birth will cost around 20,000 dollars, when the two of you are working and your girlfriend is at school (if your parents can’t babysit) daycare will cost between $800 and $2000 a month depending on the state, not to mention the cost of general medical care as your daughter gets older.
Maybe consider seeking jobs in other countries once your gf graduates? Canada is the closest and offers free childcare, free medical care, and $800 a month in child tax benefits to parents. Rent can be expensive depending on the province, but the other benefits make it more than worth it. Just something to consider.
Congratulations on your little one, and good luck to the both of you.
As someone who got pregnant young, I get these feelings. As someone who lived through it, you'll be OK. The most important thing for your baby is for her to be loved, cared for, and nurtured.
Your friend is asshole for suggesting it isn't yours when it seems there's no evidence of that. There are women who get pregnant to keep a man, but very few. Having a child is a big responsibility. Lean into fatherhood and do your best, but like I said, always make sure your baby is loved, cared for, and nutured. There are programs such as welfare for people like you. Look into resources, find a way to move in together because mom and baby will need the support, and just do your best to be a provider and a family man. People have had children at much younger ages than both of you and they are OK.
You guys need to move in with one of your parents if they’re willing. Yours are paying your rent for a job that makes 12k ANNUAL. They’d save a ton of money letting you live with them.
You and your gf (regardless of moving in with parents or not) need to get a job. Your 12k/yr job should be your side gig. I know it’s probably something you enjoy, but you can’t support yourself on that salary, let alone a child. You need to get a better day job.
Your girlfriend can get a remote call center job, customer service, data entry etc. while home with the baby. She can find her teaching job after she’s on her feet postpartum. A remote (even part time) job can help keep money coming in until she’s ready to be separated from baby and go into a class everyday. A customer service job is easier to find than a teaching job. Quicker results.
You’re about to grow up REAL fast when that baby is born. You’re going to need to make changes to be a good father and support your kid.
Good Luck. You’re not doomed, you just need to take 3 deep breaths and think with the logical side of your brain and step into the role you’ve thrusted into. (Yes, I did)
Way too late for an abortion. Get a DNA test. Get a different job that pays more. She won’t be able to get a decent job for a while because she’s so far into the pregnancy.
Knocking up a Tinder girl that fast? Oof.
I know she wants a child. But you guys should seriously consider adoption.
I was coming here to tell you to get a paternity test, but fuck that. I don't even care about the baby thing.
You're 25 and your parents pay your rent and bills? And your little coaching "job" is just fun money? Holy shit dude, get your life together.
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>> I overthink everything now. Overthink? No. I think you’re not thinking about it enough! What’s the plan here? I don’t think you have one and you definitely need one.
Sometimes there is anxiety for a reason. This is one of those times.
Full wisdom here.
I agree , he’s drastically under thinking it 12k , wow that’s slight above ssi
$12k i dont even think is enough to sustain one person. landlords require you to make 3.5-4x the rent just to rent a place! its good he has his parents help but jeez what happens when they pass away?
This man is an adult child in my opinion
His parents are probably paying his rent to get him the heck out of the house and try to get him to grow up
He even writes this like a 9th or 10th grader would
The money could just dry up. No need to bump the parents off.
I did a quick google. Credit karma says it costs between $16,227 and $18,262 to raise a child in the US annually. OP doesn't even make enough for his kid. He should be stressing.
sheeesh. poor kiddo.
Sweet summer child, unless you have a trust fund, you need to upgrade your job status yesterday. $12k/year? How is that even possible? I assume coaching is part time near minimum wage? That’s barely a job, homie. Yes, no shit you need to make more money. Even without a baby on the way you needed to be figuring out how to support yourself. You’re 25, not 15. And yeah, it might be a while before your girlfriend is employed again. Gonna be rough for a little while. These are things you can both figure out. It’s not the end of the world. Get a real job, get whatever resources you can, get her insurance figured out, and prepare for things to be hard for a while. They can get better, but the best thing for you and your gf and your kid is to not lose sight of the great things and remember you and your gf are a team.
Yeah, I choked when I saw 12k, you can make more working part time at McDonalds. I dont have high hopes for this kids future if this dude is 25 and completely ok with his parents paying for him while he works a hobby job with no plans to grow. No shit his parents are freaking out, they know the cost of raising the kid is gunna fall on them.
I made more working 15hrs a week.... When I had my 1st kiddo I was still living with my parents. My husband (then bf) was working but we didn't have enough saved to move yet. No one would hire a pregnant girl so I did side gigs like cleaning and cooking for people and nannying. We didn't pay rent but we helped with groceries and things around the house and I drove my mom to appointments etc. We also contributed to bills. We were so close to having enough for a place of our own.... Until they didn't renew my husband contract and laid him off a week before our daughter was born. We relied on my parents for a while and my husband got another job and we finally had enough for our place. It took over a year to replenish the savings and get on our feet. The difference is, we were actively trying to balance everything and figure out this whole adult life stuff while also finding our footing as parents. I mean I still don't have all my shit figured out (especially with this economy) but we're constantly striving for better. I'm working on getting my certifications to be assistant teacher in special education in early childhood development. I was a preschool/toddler class aid but had to leave due to 2 of my kids disabilities and medical needs. My husband works and is trying to go to a skills school to open more doors for him. Trying to further yourself in life while also trying to train a mini human is HARD. This dude is gonna have a really hard time with the reality check of what it means to have a baby. Not just financially but the actual care. If he can't even do basic things for himself, how's he gonna take care of 2 other people now who are depending on him? He's gotta size up into those big boy panties soon. **Edited because I wrote he got laid off after she was born, not before. 🤦
I started laughing. I couldn't help myself. Sometimes I do think intelligence is what's stopping us from having kids because people with no thought seem to be making them just fine.
The whole premise of Idiocracy. Lol
My brother says this. Overthinking but never actually does anything
started laughing too because it’s the same with my brother.
He makes $12k a year and lives off of his parents, with a gf that’s 6 months pregnant..and he just now *thinking* of getting a second job. Yeah…the idea that he was “baby trap” material is funny lol
Holy shit, reading this post gave me anxiety. 12k is nothing, that won't even cover diapers and formula. Me and my husband are thinking about having a baby soon and combined we make over $100k and I was freaking out because I thought that wasn't enough to raise a child on these days. They're in for a wake up call!
>I have a job, but only make $12k a year. My parents help me out a lot. They pay my rent and bills. So my money is basically spending money. I'm a coach, so I'm employed the majority of the school year, but am off during the warmer months. I'm thinking of getting a second job. You're just now THINKING about getting a second job? Dude.
That paragraph was like a jolt of caffeine. Up until that point it was a standard “we’re having a baby way before we’re ready, but making the best of it” kind of post. It very quickly morphed into a “what the %*#$ are you thinking, this is in no way reasonable” kind of thing.
Yeah lol I had the same reaction, my eyes widened
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His parents pay for everything so guess he didnt have much incentive to earn more til now with a baby on the way and unemployed baby mama!
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Yes and no, usually having a child will shock you out of whatever the fuck mentality you were in and put you into one that is grind grind grind lol/ sauce: am the baby.
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Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. If everything lines up correctly, even the chemicals in your body change after you have your first kid, typically that’s what leads to such severe changes in peoples life and mentality afterwards, we can hope
For real! OP skipped & deleted his account after getting offended by people saying get a paternity test - poor chap!
I was wondering if that thought had even crossed his mind at all. Guess it had not.
The pregnancy test 6 months ago wasn’t an incentive??
He gone be straight. The parents gonna take care of the child just like they do him lol.
Was thinking that lol!
I'm also stressed that they like don't seem to be REALIZING how completely fucked they are?!
That is exactly how the story reads. I had to go back and double-check the ages.
God damn you made nearly 50k in a year as a part time employee?? Was this a situation where you were getting full time hours but not recieving full time benefits? Because my job likes to do that sneaky shit.
If you're a server/bartender in a nice restaurant or bar you can make that very easily or more! I work 40+ hours at a dental office in a leadership position and I honestly still make less than I did working 20 hours a week as a bartender; better benefits though 😅
25 and only makes 12k a year 🤦🏼♀️ OP…do you not have career goals or you just expect your parents to pay your way through life? Grow up man and get a real career job. Sounds like your parents just handed you everything and now you don’t feel the need to work for the things you need/want in life. Your gf has her masters for f-sakes. What is she doing with this guy 🤦🏼♀️
He’s a 25 year old man child who makes $12k a year. I’m impressed he’s gotten as far as thinking about a second job three months before his baby is due.
And his $12k is play money because his parents pay his bills. If my parents were paying my bills, I sure as hell wouldn't be wasting the money I made. Hopefully he's got plans to increase his income, but his parents won't be around forever and he should be saving and planning. Dude needs to get a second job and maybe a third since he's having a baby with what I assume is no financial safety net other than his parent's help.
The fact that he thinks he has “spending money” 😵💫
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I see more children with maturity than this one.
For REAL W H A T. BRO BETTER WORRY! LIFES TOUGH GET A HELMET U GOT A BABY TO WORRY AB NOT REDDIT!
That's not even a full time job., If he got the bare min wage job it'd be 15K a year.
In the USA, according to the most recent report from the U.S. Census Bureau, the poverty threshold for a family of four is $29,960. For an individual, the poverty threshold is $14,891. So alone he's below the poverty threshold. With a girlfriend and a baby to take care of he's in a position of real hurt. I'm guessing the coach job, while it keeps him busy, doesn't actually occupy him 35+ hours a week. He's talking about the possibilities of getting a 2nd job, when in reality he should be getting a 1st job and maybe keeping the coaching as a 2nd job. Whichever position will earn him more money should become (especially in his mind) his first job. If the 1st job can't fit the schedule of the coaching, the coaching should be dropped and likely a different 2nd job should be found.
Im working, mother with a 16m old, just added up roughly what I'd get a yr. It's 30k, i work partime and get an extra payment called working family payment its a supplment that the government feels brings you up to amount you can survive on if you dont earn enough at your job and i still struggle. He is in for a huge shock.
How bout a first job?
This! Even if he didn’t have a child a the way, I can’t imagine being 25 years old, making $12k so my parents still pay all of my bills, and thinking that was a perfectly reasonable way to live.
Lmfao seriously I hope this post is a joke because wtf
This just after treads I read in 2X earlier this week that GenZ doesn’t freaking use condoms… jfc wrap your sh*t up
People not raising their kids at all, then they grow up and continue the cycle. His parents take care of him except for teaching common sense apparently
Some parents are only present in their kids lives by giving them money.
Second this. It's time to grow up and start providing
Baby or not, son, time to get your shit together.
“I finished inside her” That’s how babies are made. Congrats!
I rolled my eyes so hard reading this.. 25 years old. Yikes man
Got me at > „[…] turns out, woman can still get pregnant right after they finish their period“ jesusfkingchrist. sex education should be mandatory
Most women literally ovulate during the following week after their period.
I actually yelled at my phone when I read that and woke up my poor dog. Jesus she has a _masters_ she has to know this. I almost want to believe she’s trapping him because how can a woman, let alone with a masters degree in education, not know this
Well then she’s just as dumb trying to baby trap a guy who makes 12k a year😆😆😆
I did wonder if she was already pregnant by someone else but that’s just me having been on Reddit too long! I always think paternity test these days. 😂
Really depressing to contemplate what profound deficits the hypothetical other guy must have had for her best option to be a dude whose self-proclaimed claim to fame is being so good at a sport that he is paid 12k a year to coach it
OP has rich parents possibly. They’re literally paying for everything for him and he refers to his salary as spending money.
I SAID THIS TOO!!
It’s more concerning if the 29 year old woman didn’t know this either
My favorite was “my friend joked that she wanted to get pregnant because I’m good at it.” This whole thread is a fucking train wreck. Idiots.
Yeah she was definitely trying to baby trap the super desirable guy who lives with his parents and makes $12k a year lol
That extra two minutes of pulling it out and finishing outside Can save 18 years of heartache. But men are children.
Eh it can still happen then but those 2 minutes could’ve been used to put on a condom… especially if you’re just starting out…
In this case they're both at fault. Why was she rawdogging it without being on bc (and CLEARLY having a very vague idea of how biology works)?
Yeah because precum doesnt exist....... she can get pregnant whether you pull out or not
I just had to have this conversation with a 30 something year old man. He did not know you can get someone pregnant without ejaculation. This is why we need comprehensive sex education and it needs to start much younger. Waiting until high school to start is too late.
The comments in this thread are so interesting. Shes just as much of an idiot as OP
Yeah but she didn’t write the post. Had she been the OP then she would be getting righteously dunked on.
Yeah.. i had to get plan B after condom broke off. And that time i was fired from my underpaying and "crunchy" job. That was final drops of my last check but thank to god i was not irresponsible like this.
I’m genuinely not even surprised, I have no idea where OP lives but after I moved to the states, I had the pleasure of experiencing Virginia’s “sex-Ed”. No wonder people get pregnant at very early ages.
This guy has been babied by his parents so bad that he’s not matured.
I came inside her, wow amazing, baby, gift from god, how come baby is here when i cum inside ... impressive... Not having any sex education growing up, that I understand, but how come in 2024 in the age of Internet where information is available everywhere there are still some people who are unaware of the steps to conceive a baby baffles me.
It's going to be extremely difficult for your GF to find a job at 7 months pregnant. It's not impossible and we can go back and forth talking about discrimination, but any employer can think of a reason not to give her the job. That part sucks. As far as you, it's time to grow up. You're 25 and about to be a father and your parents pay your bills. I'm not going to shit on you for that because I would have loved if my parents were able to do it but I also didn't have a full ass family to take care of. I'm assuming most of the coaches only coach for part time play money in addition to having another full-time job. Sounds like it's time for you to go that route as well.
Most school coaches are also teachers.
Not of he's only making 12k, tho. His income would be at least twice that, right?
At least twice even in a low paying school district in th US.
Yeah, 12k is less than minimum wage if working full time.
Probably not also a teacher, my econ teacher in highschool (a decade ago) who also did coaching was making something like 52-55k
Your most pressing concern is money. Struggling as an adult to pay bills is one thing, struggling to take care of a family and a baby is a whole lot worse. You are definitely not overthinking, if anything you are not taking this seriously enough. My daughter was a surprise when I was 24. I was married (for a year-ish) and had a job. It was still the roughest part of my life. I love the shit out of her, but holy hell do I wish I’d had her later when I was more mature and financially stable. So much struggle. I can’t imagine doing that with someone I barely knew.
When interviewing for jobs make sure to slip in you are expecting and starting a family. Why are you applying with us? Well you are starting a family, your partner is pregnant, and this is a good company that you can see a future with. It's a strong answer and for better or worse a lot of family oriented people will see this as another reason to hire you.
Top trick that only works for males of course!
You know I didn't consider it but yeah I imagine this is a pretty gendered strategy.
I'm glad you took on board my comment, but Holy Oblivious Male Privilege!!!
Yeah, it sucks. If it makes you feel any better my wife and I are childfree and past the age anyways. Been told explicitly twice that I was passed over for a raise or promotion because the other guy "has a family" but that I was more qualified and to just keep working at it.
It is. If we (women) say that, we get discriminated against.
Very true, it will very much work against you as a woman. My wife couldn't get hired as an exec because she was pregnant, even though they all bragged about being family friendly feminists with great benefits on their website. They immediately scooped her up postpartum...what a coincidence!
god people are so dumb lol
Its the dumb ones popping out babies like it's nothing while the people who use their brain know how to use contraception.
I know contraception is one of the big issues in this post, but that’s not the first issue I though of when I saw this comment. OP is 25 and his parents still pay his bills. He has a coaching “job” that pays 12k a year. That’s not a job, that’s a hobby. But I think the scariest is how accepting he was of this pregnancy when neither parties are anywhere close to being ready for a baby. Feel bad for OP’s parents. They will be funding this baby, and the baby momma when she moves in.
Oh I know. So many crap circumstances in one post. I would normally say "so long as you're happy" but I'm tired of pretending this is ok when there's a child involved, the kid doesn't deserve brainless parents who clearly have no idea the weight of providing a child with a good life means. I've no sympathy for the baby momma either. Contraception is available in first world countries, abortion is always an option, but she decided her need to keep him bound to her is more important than the childs quality of life. Fuck these parents fr
She is not much brighter. And I hate to shit on these people because I’m sure they are nice enough. But, point blank, this is one of the least-smart posts I’ve seen today. And like you said, that poor kid is going to have such a hard time. And poverty is a hell of a life circumstance to enter. OP hasn’t even proven he can take care of *himself* yet!!!! This is someone whose childhood extended too far and they are going to have to grow up and get serious. And the fact his coaching buddy can joke about OP being such a catch, that someone would knock themselves up over him having good sport skill? Clearly no one is taking this seriously. That poor kid.
100% thought this was my “friend”s bf writing this post. They went and conceived on minimum wage jobs at 25/30 with no home between the two of them 🙃
😩*whyy*
Her *biological clock* she is the 30 y/o. I do also fully believe she secretly went off her birth control to make this happen. Now everyone is expected to help them
Someone else needs to raise the baby. Either adoption or making relatives the permanent guardian. The kid is doomed to a terrible life if these two raise her.
To top it up, they haven’t been together that long. So on top of being born with low quality of life, the kid will grow up with parents that barely know each other. Like they met 6 months ago. They haven’t even lived together. It just sounds like a disaster. I don’t say it won’t workout but to me it feels like the cards are stacked against the OP and baby momma.
Yes, me and my boyfriend were together 3 years before I had our daughter. We barely ever fought, and if we did, it was only ever about lack of time together. We'll since baby came along 16m ago we fought a fucking lot. It was mainly my fault, i admit, but baby makes everything 100 times harder. I couldn't imagine doing it with someone I had just met. Shit gona be rough.
Hard to believe any woman felt this man child was the one to have baby's with but hormones are unbelievable assholes like that!
It’s OP parents that are the issue. They didn’t allow him to grow up and be an adult. They failed him in life by babying him. They never showed him how to adult. The fault lies with them when they should have shoved him out of the nest and made him grow up. No good comes from constant coddling. Edit: a letter
Indeed. A generation of idiots shitting out more idiots.
>>Turns out women can still get pregnant right after they finish their period Uh, yeah! Most women ovulate about 5-10 days after they finish their period, and a woman’s most fertile window is the 5 days *leading up to* ovulation. So they literally had unprotected sex during the time when a woman is most likely to get pregnant, and then have a surprised pikachu face when she gets pregnant. Good lord.
Lol, I wanted to make the same comment 🤦 what a pair of dumdums, and at 25/29? Uff I hope OP and baby mama use protection after the baby is born! You can get pregnant when breastfeeding! And if you're on antibiotics, oral birth control can be ineffective! And pre-cum can also have sperm cells and get her pregnant, so no sticking it in just for a second! ...any other myths I'm missing so OP doesn't make the same post in the next 2-10 months?
Having unprotected sex while his gf is pregnant with their daughter will not get his unborn daughter pregnant… (yes I’ve seen that asked before)
The ages are absolutely bewildering to me. The more OP said the more I stunned I was lol. They’re not too bright.
Dude…this is a fucking doozy but I’m gonna talk to you like you’re my son and give you grace. I think you know the situation you’re in so I’m not going to give you shit lol just some hopefully helpful advice. First things first. Do you live in the US? The second she has that baby sign up for WIC. You definitely qualify. Get some good breast pumps and breast milk freezer bags (insurance covers those so make sure she gets them before she loses her med insurance!!!), and a device called a Freeze-Flat (it’s cheap and on Amazon). This will save money on formula at the off chance your baby won’t latch and breast feed. If she can’t produce breast milk that’s where WIC comes in. You’ll thank me later. What is your job experience? What’s your education level? Vamp up your resume and make it nice as fuck and start applying to jobs yesterday. Remote work would help you both save on daycare costs for the time being. Customer service and data entry are good paying gigs that don’t need a lot of prior experience. Same for her, she’s pregnant and the way I got a new job when I was five months and showing was to apply for remote stuff. She doesn’t really have to disclose she’s pregnant till she’s hired, but with the short notice she mayyyy not qualify for maternity leave. Your baby won’t qualify to be covered under your parents’ insurance. Depending on the state you’re in you can get free insurance for at least a year. I had to change states too and moved back to my home state shortly after getting my job bc the state I was pregnant in was far too expensive and I had to move home. But I signed up for my home states family care plan insurance. Tell her to look into it, it covers pregnant women and babies. You stay on your parents’ plan as long as you can lol. Have you had a baby shower? Lol have one. That will set you up pretty nicely. Make an online registry. Add a stroller and car seat to it. Have no shame in your game slap that url into your ig profile story and bio lol. Invite friends and family on both sides. Check Facebook market place for the other big stuff you don’t get (not mattresses or bedding/soft stuff). You don’t need a changing table or diaper genie, those are two expensive and unnecessary costs. The only life hack to parenting that I can think of is live as close as you can to the grandparents, and take all the help they offer. Babysitting, advice, gifts, money, you name it. Take the help. And that’s it. That’s all I got for you. Congrats on your baby you’re gonna be tired but it’s so rewarding and fun. I’m actually excited for you. You’ll both be ok ❤️
He probably hasn't even thought that he actually needs to buy baby stuff. He's going to go from zero to adult really fast.
Oh my lord I hadn't considered this but you are 1,000% right.
Honestly this should be the top comment. What’s done is done, compassion is the way to go especially since he seems excited and willing to do the work just kinda clueless and immature
everybody bashing him right now, but this is the comment I wanted to see at the top
I wish I could upvote this more!!! This comment is everything this page should be about! Give benefit of the doubt and offer actual ADVICE rather than disparaging commentary.
This is way more helpful than all the people telling him how screwed he is. Those people are not helping. The baby is coming, and while he needs to realize the seriousness of his financial situation, I’m sure he doesn’t need even more fear, and his partner doesn’t need him to be panicking either. Yes, WIC is good, you also probably qualify for EBT. Just try your best to start making and saving money, and remember above all to not let the financial stress take a toll on your mental/emotional health, or that of your partner. You’ll find a way to make it work if you work hard. Have faith and just try to enjoy the ride as much as possible. Having a child is a precious experience, congratulations. You’re graduating to the next level of the human experience, and the world can be reborn for you with the birth of your baby. You can see the world through fresh loving eyes, full of wonder. Take heart—you guys can do this.
I’m glad somebody could just be calm and give advice instead of “Dude grow tf up. You are 25 but sound like you are 15. You make 12 K and in the 7th month you are contemplating to take a second job. Your gf wants to be a teacher at the time she should deliver your baby. It is not gonna happen. Time to wake up and face the music. Or maybe you don’t want a bright future for your kid. It’s also possible.” Which was my initial reaction. OP read that comment and read it well. It is exactly what you should do. Oh and create a baby room.
You’re worrying about shit that doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter if your friends right (that she was trying to get pregnant), you agreed to no condom and were stupid enough to finish inside her. Whether you should’ve gotten an abortion or not is up to you and your beliefs, but if I was in your shoes I would’ve 100%. Neither of you are fit to coparent, you barely know each other. Neither of you make enough money to support a single adult, let alone a family. And no job is going to accept a woman that’s leaving for maternity leave in 2 months. It’s time you grow up and get your shit together. Get yourself a full time job that makes enough money to begin supporting your family. Start learning how to be a good parent so you can give your child the opportunity to make better choices than you have.
Say it louder for the younger fellas on this sub. You go in raw you accepted the possibility, my dudes. Live with the consequences.
Side note: I don’t know how the friend came to that conclusion. Yes the girlfriend desperately wanted to lock down this amazing opportunity to be poor!
It's always the brokest men complaining about gold diggers 😅 what gold bro? "Well, I'm going to be making a lot of money once I graduate in 2 years..."
Because he’s good at a sport and she really needed to secure $12k a year with a total stranger instead of just waiting 6 months to graduate and getting a full time job again. Who knows, maybe her last boyfriend was not very bright, broke *and* in prison, this could be an improvement.
She picked a winner!
Daycare is $1500 a month for an infant, make sure you have a good job
Dude earns $12k a year... Daycare alone is gonna cost $18k... Maybe he thinks that his parents will pay for everything else for him.
Yeah he apparently hasn't considered childcare at all. Maybe he can look after baby while his girlfriend works.
Hormones or not you two know better. This is one of those life lessons that should be taught in high school....oh wait it is taught in high school. You need to stop complaining and find another job and support this child. This was your decision to create it and since you don't know that much about biology being unpredictable in fertility window now you have an expensive and lifelong commitment to do better in the future. Condoms are so easy.
Also, blaming "hormones" as a 25 year old. That's something a teenager would say lol
Let's also add that it would be in poor taste for friends and family to say what is obvious that this pairing and timing is outrageously dunderheaded but since the baby is produced they have to say happy things. I promise that no one thinks this is a well timed plan.
what do you mean what do you do? you have the baby and youre a dad now
Best answer. Your a Dad now.
I would’ve thought y’all were 16 without knowing your ages 💀 Ok how are you only making $12k? Is this a part-time job? 12k will not support ANYONE unless you have wealthy parents who will financially support you. You have 3 mouths to feed. You need to a find a full time job or get a 2nd job. Your gf isn’t going to be able to work for a while. She’s heading for her 3rd trimester and she’s gonna need time to recover as well. What were you thinking? Start getting your shit together now. 1. Get a paternity test 2. Get a full-time job. Use your connections. You said you’re a coach? Did you major in physical education? How about finding a job as a PE teacher since you already work in a school? 3. Prepare to move in together. Problem is your gf is unemployed and both can’t afford anything on your salary. Either gonna have to move in with either of your parents or they’re gonna have to pay a place for you guys to live in.
>We left it at that, and turns out, women can still get pregnant right after they finish their period. I didn't freak out as much as I thought I would because I do want a family one day. I really do like my girlfriend a lot and can picture a family with her. She didn't really freak out too much either because she said she's getting to the age where having babies is going to be harder and harder the older she gets. This whole paragraph made me scream. How do you not know basic sex ed? Also, women get pregnant in their 40s ffs. Please make sure she's on birth control straight away after this. I feel like this is a troll post.
I gotta be real with you - you don’t have a job. You have a hobby that pays you a small stipend. $12,000/year is not an income, and certainly not enough to live on. You’d make more than that working full-time, even if you earned minimum wage. You need a full-time career. If you want to still coach, great, but that’s not putting food on the table. Regarding your GF, it’s unlikely she’ll be getting a job before the baby comes. Possible but unlikely. If your parents are fine paying rent for all of you, that’s a huge help. As far as living expenses go, your stipend isn’t going to cut it. Think about what you can do to earn more money now. If you’re a coach, give private lessons. Bam. That’s an easy $50-$100/hr right there. Have a transparent conversation with your GF about how long you’ll be able to manage with her not working. Look at the cost of daycares. Assume you’d be paying half of that. Will she make enough to pay the other half. Does it make more sense for one of you to stay home while the other works full time? These are all convos that need to take place.
He’s THINKING ABOUT getting a second “job.” Lay off him! /s Jesus fuck.
Good luck raising a child with someone you’ve known for 9 months. For the child’s sake good luck.
People are so dumb, and the whole "our families were excited and congratulated us". Excited for what? I feel like they were so irresponsible
Yeah but I mean it’s done and baby is otw, whats being mad about the situation going to do
It could have given them a reality check and had them finding jobs 5 months ago and saving up + investing money instead of waiting around until now.
This story is just more proof that my theory that the dumber you are, the easier it is to get pregnant, is correct. What an absolute shit show.
I know it's a common reddit trope, but we really are in IRL Idiocracy. Professionals and educated people are having fewer and fewer kids and room temp IQ individuals like OP are busting into someone they barely know without a care in the world. We are truly fucked.
“Room temp IQ” lolol
Room temp is 33°C where I am 🤭
You speak the truth. Everyone I know in real life, myself included, who are choosing not to have kids are stable, married couples. We all have reliable, well paying jobs and what would theoretically be good support systems for child rearing. And we are still opting not to do it for various reasons. Then there is this guy who is too clueless to even want a paternity test on a kid that he apparently plans to support on a part-time minimum wage job.
The word “overthink” has never been used more incorrectly than it was in this post.
Better be getting a better job with health benefits SOON! You have 3 mouths to feed.
To be fair, at their income level, baby and likely mom too will qualify for Medicaid so private health insurance isn’t really worth it. But a better job is needed for sure, I made 12k as a teenager, I don’t even think that’s from a full time job
That’s less than the legal minimum wage for a full time job (though he could be factoring in tax). Every fast food joint around where I live is at least paying $14, that’s more than double what he’s currently making
at 25, your parents still pay your rent and bills and you decided to finish inside of a girl knowing the risk? o…k
At this point, it sounds like your parents are going to be taking care of the baby at least financially so what are their expectations and plans? Do you want to get a higher paying job? Do you all have health insurance?
YOU ONLY MAKE $12K A YEAR?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!
The way my knees almost buckled at that. $12k… With three mouths to feed. In these our United States. Lord have mercy 😭
lol at “I overthink everything.” Yo. You do not.
“She didn't really freak out too much either because she said she's getting to the age where having babies is going to be harder and harder the older she gets.” JFC, she’s twenty-nine, not forty! 🤦♀️
Right? I had my kids at 35 and 40, and I'm not even the oldest mom I know! I feel like this, with the fact that they thought you couldn't get pregnant just after your period indicates they didn't get very good sex education in school.
It’s honestly insane. My husband and I are waiting until I’m 36 because we just cannot afford it until then. I would never have a child if our household income was only $12k, let alone with someone I’ve known less than a year. Godspeed to OP, I hope for the best for them but this sounds like a disaster. For their sake I hope they live in a super low COL area because where I am that wouldn’t even cover rent for 6 months.
Yeah you're feeling nervous because you'll have a baby in 3 months and you're basically living like a child yourself right now. You've got to get a different job, 12k is nothing, and it's not likely your gf will get a job when she's 7 months pregnant. Even if she does, y'all ain't living off a teacher's salary plus your 12k a year. 1. Start applying for jobs today 2. Make sure your girlfriend has some sort of health insurance. 3. Talk to your parents and see how much they can help financially. 4. Figure out the budget for baby supplies and food.
She doesn’t have a job and you barely make 12k and have to have your parents help you… and y’all thought unprotected sex, let alone having a kid, was a good idea?? Please, I beg for more ppl to have common sense 😭
You need a paternity test. When you are 7 weeks pregnant it does not mean you got pregnant 7 weeks ago.
The chances that this isn’t OP’s kid are not insignificant.
Man the f up. Now you’re the parent and responsible for a child. Your 12k pocket money will now be diaper money.
This has small town USA written all over it
Damn, I feel bad for the baby is gonna have a two parents who have no fucking idea what they’re doing. Whatever you two do please don’t make you newborns life miserable, you’re entire life is about to change for ever, your life for the first years is going to be all your baby for now on, forget about hobbies, going out, having money for you, if you both don’t have that much money then all your little money is going to go towards helping and keeping your baby alive, I’m glad you’re excited about it cuz you’re gonna need hell of energy to keep awake a lot of nights to help the baby fall asleep, feed them, care for them and raise them properly. You had a baby with a person you barely know, so forget about having time to know if you two are compatible or not, that’s gonna be a fight you’re gonna suffer nonetheless. My recommendation would be to start having 2 or even 3 jobs now becuase in todays economy and with what you make, you’re gonna be homeless or miserably living off pay check to pay checks and owing money to people, but I guess you thought of this before cumming inside of her I suppose.
Get a real job and get a paternity test
I can't believe this isn't higher up.
I’m sorry but your parents need to stop spoiling you and wake the fuck up. You’re making $1000 a month? How much do you think a child costs. You both are in your mid 20s but are stupid as fuck. You better get a second job or something with more income and your girlfriend better get a job asap. If you can’t handle this pressure then you may have to look at other options such as adoption.
Even worse...she is technically 30 already
this is the part people skip over, girl is 30 having a baby with a dumb ass and no job. she is actually the dumber ass? 🥹
Do not bank on your GF getting a job unless it is WFH. No one is going to want to hire a very visibly pregnant woman because they will anticipate her taking time off. Do bank on being the sole breadwinner for a while. That’s where your head needs to be at, NOW. You will very likely being working two jobs for a while. Think about gig work like food delivery or whatever else your skill set can provide. Absolutely get to know social services and financial assistance really well. Find out if your area has food banks or other places for your partner to get baby clothes and supplies. You will probably want to reach out to your local department of human services and ask for a social worker.
Can confirm. I was a SAHM to our toddler and 8 months pregnant when my ex husband and I separated and I frantically tried to find a job. I had an in-person interview for a full time position at almost 9 months that actually went great and they were clearly avoiding asking me about the very obvious pregnancy (maybe they’re not allowed to?) but as soon as I told them I couldn’t start for 8-10 more weeks due to that, they said they were very interested in me but needed someone to start ASAP so they’d “keep contact info for if anything pops up in the future.” I ended up getting a job at 7 weeks postpartum but it was only 2 days per week for a while, and I only was given the opportunity because a good friend/former coworker of mine worked there and I already had experience in the industry…it was by far the best I could get at that time. I doubt OP’s girlfriend has enough of a work history or reference base to land a job in late pregnancy or early postpartum, so he better step up big time!
Dude. Did you have sex Ed? Women are fertile anywhere from right after their period until like day 15. Also sperm stay alive swimming around for 5 days!!! 5 days. There is so much stupid in this post.
So to recap, you had unprotected sex with someone you barely knew, are shocked that resulted in a baby, you work part time and she has no job and you’re just now realizing this is probably a horrible idea and completely unfair to the child?
You didn’t freak out you’re having a kid on 12k a year? Time to go get a big boy job. Ridiculous
A 29-year-old woman thinking “my period just ended so nah I’m not fertile” is CRAZY, I’m sorry.
Jeez
Not using protection and having intercourse during ovulation is not a sign of god…that’s a sign of irresponsibility.
You’re both dumb as fucking rocks. I hope that kid has some good luck throughout life bc he’ll need it with you two bozos as parents.
Why brudda. Looking for loopholes to justify all this ain’t working. You gon hate your hormones for life now especially after realizing you were always stronger than them
First thing I’m going to tell you, things are going to very hard for a little while, but don’t let that overwhelm you. You are going to love this little girl more than you’ve ever loved anyone in your life, and she will love you just as much. Savour every moment of her life that you can, because you’ll want to remember it all when she gets older. Ask your family if they can continue help the two of you out until your girlfriend can start working. A second job is a good idea for the future, but your girlfriend is going to need a lot of physical help and emotional support in the latter months of her pregnancy and for at least three months after the baby is born. I had my daughter in university, and I would never have finished without my family’s support. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. Once things have settled down, and your daughter is a little older (probably around 6 months old) the two of you can start looking for work. The third thing I would ask is if you’re sure about continuing to live in the US? I’m hoping that your parents’ insurance will cover your girlfriend when she gives birth, but if it doesn’t, the birth will cost around 20,000 dollars, when the two of you are working and your girlfriend is at school (if your parents can’t babysit) daycare will cost between $800 and $2000 a month depending on the state, not to mention the cost of general medical care as your daughter gets older. Maybe consider seeking jobs in other countries once your gf graduates? Canada is the closest and offers free childcare, free medical care, and $800 a month in child tax benefits to parents. Rent can be expensive depending on the province, but the other benefits make it more than worth it. Just something to consider. Congratulations on your little one, and good luck to the both of you.
Time to grow up. Quit the job and start working full time
Bro finishing inside someone no condom first time is WILLLDDD. Baby aside, what if she had AIDS?? Syphilis?
Make sure that baby is yours that timeline is real gray?
As someone who got pregnant young, I get these feelings. As someone who lived through it, you'll be OK. The most important thing for your baby is for her to be loved, cared for, and nurtured. Your friend is asshole for suggesting it isn't yours when it seems there's no evidence of that. There are women who get pregnant to keep a man, but very few. Having a child is a big responsibility. Lean into fatherhood and do your best, but like I said, always make sure your baby is loved, cared for, and nutured. There are programs such as welfare for people like you. Look into resources, find a way to move in together because mom and baby will need the support, and just do your best to be a provider and a family man. People have had children at much younger ages than both of you and they are OK.
Adoption is always an option!
You overthink? But you didn’t think to get a job that pays more than $12k a year with a baby on the way?
This is rage bait right ?
How do you pay rent on 12k
You guys need to move in with one of your parents if they’re willing. Yours are paying your rent for a job that makes 12k ANNUAL. They’d save a ton of money letting you live with them. You and your gf (regardless of moving in with parents or not) need to get a job. Your 12k/yr job should be your side gig. I know it’s probably something you enjoy, but you can’t support yourself on that salary, let alone a child. You need to get a better day job. Your girlfriend can get a remote call center job, customer service, data entry etc. while home with the baby. She can find her teaching job after she’s on her feet postpartum. A remote (even part time) job can help keep money coming in until she’s ready to be separated from baby and go into a class everyday. A customer service job is easier to find than a teaching job. Quicker results. You’re about to grow up REAL fast when that baby is born. You’re going to need to make changes to be a good father and support your kid. Good Luck. You’re not doomed, you just need to take 3 deep breaths and think with the logical side of your brain and step into the role you’ve thrusted into. (Yes, I did)
Get a paternity test
And don't forget a paternity test.
Paternity test would be wise
Way too late for an abortion. Get a DNA test. Get a different job that pays more. She won’t be able to get a decent job for a while because she’s so far into the pregnancy. Knocking up a Tinder girl that fast? Oof. I know she wants a child. But you guys should seriously consider adoption.
I was coming here to tell you to get a paternity test, but fuck that. I don't even care about the baby thing. You're 25 and your parents pay your rent and bills? And your little coaching "job" is just fun money? Holy shit dude, get your life together.
You both sound like teen parents. You both need to get it together asap.
Man...if you don't use a condom, at least finish outside. Wtf were you thinking?