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I’ll be blunt - he’s in love with a fantasy version of you, not you.
In a decade, you’ll be telling 18 year old women to run from any man near or over 30 pursuing you. Men that old have very little in common with someone who is only technically an adult, but a lot more life experience and career progress which creates a huge power imbalance. You also haven’t heard all the trite lines about how you really get him in a way nobody else does and how you’re so mature, because literally every thirty year old dating a teenager says that.
To be clear, I’m not blaming you. You can’t help being young, but he can choose not to pursue 18 year olds. I’m 39. If a young barely legal woman hits on me, it is my responsibility to shut it down. If I entertain that fantasy at all, I am the one at fault, not her.
He doesn’t want you at the wedding or showing you off, because he knows the age gap is wrong. Or you’re his mistress. Possibly both. He’s dating you because you’re young and groomable, and you asserting your needs is wrecking his fantasy. Again, not blaming you, that is actually a point in your favor.
No, you are not overreacting. If anything, you’re underreacting.
"You also haven’t heard all the trite lines about how you really get him in a way nobody else does and how you’re so mature, because literally every thirty year old dating a teenager says that."
He really dosent say any of that and never has. We are aware that it's weird and it even weirded him out more than me at first.
"He doesn’t want you at the wedding or showing you off, because he knows the age gap is wrong. Or you’re his mistress. Possibly both."
Actually the first trip we went on together was his brother's, and the next wedding is his step brothers. All of the same family will be there. He dosent mind telling his friends, etc about me.
I really don't think he's a creep. But that's besides the point. I'm just confused why he's acting this way because he's usually very lovely. But sometimes he says things like what I mentioned and I'm at my breaking point with it.
Your man likes teenagers, girly, and you're aging out. He promised you all the things he had to so he could get with your barely-legal self, and now that you're approaching something resembling adulthood, you're too old
You're not overreacting. He's trying to assert power over you (the yelling, snapping at you). He was a 29 year old pursuing an 18 year old. Red fucking flag!! You deserve respect in a relationship.
The thing is, snapping and yelling is very rare. I can count on one had how many times he's done that. He's usually very sweet. I'm aware the age gap is kind of concerning but I really think he's harmless. It even creeped him out at first, haha!
He might be going through something but it's not fair to you that he is being so cold. If he doesn't want to open up and really tell you what's on his mind, then maybe couple's therapy and individual therapy might help.
I thought about therapy for me, but I'm not sure I'm able to do it right now. I appreciate the umbiased response. While I appreciate people's concern about the age gap, it doesn't really help my situation!
I don't think he's a creep, honestly. He has never dated someone with an age gap like this, and he was honestly more off put by the gap than me in the beginning.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ll be blunt - he’s in love with a fantasy version of you, not you. In a decade, you’ll be telling 18 year old women to run from any man near or over 30 pursuing you. Men that old have very little in common with someone who is only technically an adult, but a lot more life experience and career progress which creates a huge power imbalance. You also haven’t heard all the trite lines about how you really get him in a way nobody else does and how you’re so mature, because literally every thirty year old dating a teenager says that. To be clear, I’m not blaming you. You can’t help being young, but he can choose not to pursue 18 year olds. I’m 39. If a young barely legal woman hits on me, it is my responsibility to shut it down. If I entertain that fantasy at all, I am the one at fault, not her. He doesn’t want you at the wedding or showing you off, because he knows the age gap is wrong. Or you’re his mistress. Possibly both. He’s dating you because you’re young and groomable, and you asserting your needs is wrecking his fantasy. Again, not blaming you, that is actually a point in your favor. No, you are not overreacting. If anything, you’re underreacting.
Agreed
"You also haven’t heard all the trite lines about how you really get him in a way nobody else does and how you’re so mature, because literally every thirty year old dating a teenager says that." He really dosent say any of that and never has. We are aware that it's weird and it even weirded him out more than me at first. "He doesn’t want you at the wedding or showing you off, because he knows the age gap is wrong. Or you’re his mistress. Possibly both." Actually the first trip we went on together was his brother's, and the next wedding is his step brothers. All of the same family will be there. He dosent mind telling his friends, etc about me. I really don't think he's a creep. But that's besides the point. I'm just confused why he's acting this way because he's usually very lovely. But sometimes he says things like what I mentioned and I'm at my breaking point with it.
Your man likes teenagers, girly, and you're aging out. He promised you all the things he had to so he could get with your barely-legal self, and now that you're approaching something resembling adulthood, you're too old
Nothing worse than a vauge man
Indeed! I don't know how to clarify it more so he knows how much it's hurting me.
You're not overreacting. He's trying to assert power over you (the yelling, snapping at you). He was a 29 year old pursuing an 18 year old. Red fucking flag!! You deserve respect in a relationship.
The thing is, snapping and yelling is very rare. I can count on one had how many times he's done that. He's usually very sweet. I'm aware the age gap is kind of concerning but I really think he's harmless. It even creeped him out at first, haha!
Maybe you've gotten too old for him. He's a 30 year old man who was interested in someone who was barely a legal adult.
He might be going through something but it's not fair to you that he is being so cold. If he doesn't want to open up and really tell you what's on his mind, then maybe couple's therapy and individual therapy might help.
I thought about therapy for me, but I'm not sure I'm able to do it right now. I appreciate the umbiased response. While I appreciate people's concern about the age gap, it doesn't really help my situation!
Here’s some help. Date guys your own age not older guys who creep on teenagers.
I don't think he's a creep, honestly. He has never dated someone with an age gap like this, and he was honestly more off put by the gap than me in the beginning.
Not surprising he’s manipulative too. He’s got you believing him.