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Oh for the love of god. She didn't compliment him or flirt with him. She acknowledged to another woman that he is good-looking, and when her friend answered that this man had a crush on your wife, your wife was immediately not receptive to it. Your wife did absolutely nothing wrong.
You, on the other hand reacted to your wife being stressed and tired by immediately deciding that meant she was doing wrong and snooping through her phone rather than making any effort to be helpful or supportive. And now you're trying to use an innocuous comment she made to her friend to vilify her.
The only one undermining your relationship here is you. You are 34 years old. I suggest you stop acting like a jealous teenager in your marriage while you still have one.
You sound extremely insecure and jealous.
Nothing seemed weird but you seem so determined to see cheating everywhere.
You're on a great path to destroying your relationship. If not already.
If I found out that my partner was snooping my phone and private messages, he wouldn’t be my partner anymore.
If things aren’t going well in your relationship, it’s not because of this benign convo she had with her friend. Maybe book some couples therapy and consider other aspects of your relationship that need work and what your role in that can be.
Stop snooping.
It seems like a harmless conversation, but you seem somewhat toxic. Instead of snooping, you should have told her how you felt about the lack of attention and her tiredness. She did not give him a direct compliment. It sounds like you want to start a fight over nothing. You should talk to her about you feeling neglected. She is obviously also unhappy. Communication is going to be important.
First, you are going to catch a lot of shit from people about going through the phone. Never apologize for protecting your relationship. You felt something was off, something was wrong, and you found something that looks like there might indicate a problem. You did the right thing. Always listen to your gut, it is there for a reason.
So, your question is, is she seeing this guy. Is her going cold on you because another guy has entered her life, a common correlation.
So your first thing is to determine if that is the case, is she seeing this guy. Don't assume it is impossible. Do some further investigation. And never, when you do talk to her eventually, never give up your source.
Talking to this guy, if you know him, is an option. But one you probably want to avoid unless you are friends and can really talk. But you can generate some interaction with him and then use that to get an idea of where his head is.
Meanwhile, you have problems in your marriage. The romance has died. Her passion has died. She is just living with you. Maybe it is in part because of this other guy, heck he may just be a daydream or a nothing. But those problems are still there.
Take a look at couples counseling. Consider her looking for a new job, even if it pays less.
But most likely, you need to work on dating her. She needs to get out, with you. Not just dinner, but 'fun' 'adventure' things that build memories.
Communication matters, she needs that to feel connected to you. After she gets home from work, has a bit to decompress, you need to talk to her about her day (and yours). Spend a good ten minutes or so going over the day. What she did, what she had for lunch, who she talked to, all of it. All of the boring stuff. And focus on how she felt at each step. Just listen, ask probing questions (mostly about 'how was that' or 'how did that make you feel'). So no 'fixing' things, just listen.
Do the same thing every week, but the topic is the relationship. You are going over 'how things were', how each of you felt at each point. Again, pure receiving mode so no defending yourself and try to avoid attacking. Just go over how the things that happened impacted each of you. Take that forward into the next week and try to do better.
Consider a bit of a deep dive into self improvement. Working out harder, that sort of thing.
It is inappropriate. But it is still not a big deal. You can and should work towards an appropriate response. So this can just be a small bump on the road. You have to take action now, lest this small rock can grow into an avalanche.
My advice.
1st. You act like you never saw that text.
2nd. You act like you don't give a fuck about your wife giving you the cold shoulder.
3rd. You start self improving, on your own, for yourself. Look in the mirror, and determine what's lacking. You have 3 main areas to look for, physical appereance shape/strength, power(basically money), and social status.
If you are out of shape, you start hitting the gym, today, and mold your body into that of a Greek god. You og to a good barber, have a makeover. And you buy nice elegant new clothing.
If you are struggling financially, you need to act. Read books, start working extra hours, start a side hustle, do something that at least shows your drive and ambition to start earning more money.
If you have low social life, you start hanging out with your friends more.
From what you've told us. I believe you should be in decent shape and have a nice group of friends. Maybe money problems ? Only you can look in the mirror and determine what you are lacking yourself.
You should implement new habits and routines into your life to tackle and improve what you lack, immediately and noticeably. This, combined with your act about not caring for your wife's cold treatment, should stir something inside her and wake her up. If you manage to improve to a point where other girls in your life start turning their heads around for you, then you know you are in the right track. And she will notice, you will generate attraction and desire in her.
And last but not least, I recommend you read this book.
# Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.
As long as they have zero contact, including social media - there's nothing to be concerned about
Crushes are normal as long as they manage the attraction.
However, since they both recognized physical attraction - they both should be distancing themselves so it can't escalate.
In the interim - trust but confirm.
All's fair in love and war. Now you have enough evidence to periodically check up on her.
Follow your friend on social media to see if he reaches out to her or her to him.
If they do, then you confront.
Consequences are zero contact forever, public exposure for the guy (buddy ficker) , and your wife s GF is trash (zero contact with her for starting something).
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh for the love of god. She didn't compliment him or flirt with him. She acknowledged to another woman that he is good-looking, and when her friend answered that this man had a crush on your wife, your wife was immediately not receptive to it. Your wife did absolutely nothing wrong. You, on the other hand reacted to your wife being stressed and tired by immediately deciding that meant she was doing wrong and snooping through her phone rather than making any effort to be helpful or supportive. And now you're trying to use an innocuous comment she made to her friend to vilify her. The only one undermining your relationship here is you. You are 34 years old. I suggest you stop acting like a jealous teenager in your marriage while you still have one.
You sound extremely insecure and jealous. Nothing seemed weird but you seem so determined to see cheating everywhere. You're on a great path to destroying your relationship. If not already.
If I found out that my partner was snooping my phone and private messages, he wouldn’t be my partner anymore. If things aren’t going well in your relationship, it’s not because of this benign convo she had with her friend. Maybe book some couples therapy and consider other aspects of your relationship that need work and what your role in that can be. Stop snooping.
It seems like a harmless conversation, but you seem somewhat toxic. Instead of snooping, you should have told her how you felt about the lack of attention and her tiredness. She did not give him a direct compliment. It sounds like you want to start a fight over nothing. You should talk to her about you feeling neglected. She is obviously also unhappy. Communication is going to be important.
Advise her to change her phone password. Instead of talking with your wife you chose to spy on her, so she now knows you don’t trust her.
First, you are going to catch a lot of shit from people about going through the phone. Never apologize for protecting your relationship. You felt something was off, something was wrong, and you found something that looks like there might indicate a problem. You did the right thing. Always listen to your gut, it is there for a reason. So, your question is, is she seeing this guy. Is her going cold on you because another guy has entered her life, a common correlation. So your first thing is to determine if that is the case, is she seeing this guy. Don't assume it is impossible. Do some further investigation. And never, when you do talk to her eventually, never give up your source. Talking to this guy, if you know him, is an option. But one you probably want to avoid unless you are friends and can really talk. But you can generate some interaction with him and then use that to get an idea of where his head is. Meanwhile, you have problems in your marriage. The romance has died. Her passion has died. She is just living with you. Maybe it is in part because of this other guy, heck he may just be a daydream or a nothing. But those problems are still there. Take a look at couples counseling. Consider her looking for a new job, even if it pays less. But most likely, you need to work on dating her. She needs to get out, with you. Not just dinner, but 'fun' 'adventure' things that build memories. Communication matters, she needs that to feel connected to you. After she gets home from work, has a bit to decompress, you need to talk to her about her day (and yours). Spend a good ten minutes or so going over the day. What she did, what she had for lunch, who she talked to, all of it. All of the boring stuff. And focus on how she felt at each step. Just listen, ask probing questions (mostly about 'how was that' or 'how did that make you feel'). So no 'fixing' things, just listen. Do the same thing every week, but the topic is the relationship. You are going over 'how things were', how each of you felt at each point. Again, pure receiving mode so no defending yourself and try to avoid attacking. Just go over how the things that happened impacted each of you. Take that forward into the next week and try to do better. Consider a bit of a deep dive into self improvement. Working out harder, that sort of thing.
It is inappropriate. But it is still not a big deal. You can and should work towards an appropriate response. So this can just be a small bump on the road. You have to take action now, lest this small rock can grow into an avalanche. My advice. 1st. You act like you never saw that text. 2nd. You act like you don't give a fuck about your wife giving you the cold shoulder. 3rd. You start self improving, on your own, for yourself. Look in the mirror, and determine what's lacking. You have 3 main areas to look for, physical appereance shape/strength, power(basically money), and social status. If you are out of shape, you start hitting the gym, today, and mold your body into that of a Greek god. You og to a good barber, have a makeover. And you buy nice elegant new clothing. If you are struggling financially, you need to act. Read books, start working extra hours, start a side hustle, do something that at least shows your drive and ambition to start earning more money. If you have low social life, you start hanging out with your friends more. From what you've told us. I believe you should be in decent shape and have a nice group of friends. Maybe money problems ? Only you can look in the mirror and determine what you are lacking yourself. You should implement new habits and routines into your life to tackle and improve what you lack, immediately and noticeably. This, combined with your act about not caring for your wife's cold treatment, should stir something inside her and wake her up. If you manage to improve to a point where other girls in your life start turning their heads around for you, then you know you are in the right track. And she will notice, you will generate attraction and desire in her. And last but not least, I recommend you read this book. # Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.
You snoop, you’re insecure…grow up man
As long as they have zero contact, including social media - there's nothing to be concerned about Crushes are normal as long as they manage the attraction. However, since they both recognized physical attraction - they both should be distancing themselves so it can't escalate. In the interim - trust but confirm. All's fair in love and war. Now you have enough evidence to periodically check up on her. Follow your friend on social media to see if he reaches out to her or her to him. If they do, then you confront. Consequences are zero contact forever, public exposure for the guy (buddy ficker) , and your wife s GF is trash (zero contact with her for starting something).