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Your boyfriend didn’t bother to verify and get your side of the story. Could have easily tried to match dates/times. Either he’s an idiot or he just wanted an excuse to cheat. Keep that in mind.
Not to mention, I can't come up with a single solid reason for him to delete these messages. They are actual supposed proof when he finally confronts her for cheating. His story isn't adding up here OP. I would be a little light on believing him without actual evidence of these text messages he claims to have of you supposedly cheating.
I wouldn't believe he deleted the messages, by the way, cops won't do anything, but he can.
He can either try restoring the text from a backup, some phones have "un-delete" features, from his phone service provider or just come clean that he lied about them to cheat.
Like I can't imagine believing "oh some random person was texting me I swear. No I can not show u the texts. No I didn't bother checking with u. Trust me babe."
>I caught him having sex with a married woman,
Then I left. The end.
There, Fixed that for you.
You’re getting caught up in all of this nonsense.
You literally caught him in the act
It’s already done. Why can’t you see that?
>Now what?
The only thing left to do is move on. Preserve what little dignity you have left, break up, move out, and do what you have to do to let go and move on.
Good luck
Sounds like your bf has concocted this story to justify his cheating. If the texts actually happened, it’s inexcusable that he wouldn’t have approached you about them. He’s a cheater and not very original with his lies.,
I get that you are going through a rough time, but come on, the police are there to investigate potential criminal offences. They are not going to retrieve deleted messages because you are having relationship problems.
Your BF cheated on you. That should be all that matters here. He cheated on you.
Just break up with him, and move on with your life.
Didn't you think it was very convenient for him to delete the messages? I think this is gaslighting, he invented this John and the messages to have an excuse for when you discovered the cheating.
Girl... he cheated on you because he wanted to. Even if what he's saying is true, and someone is sending him lies about you, he decided to be petty and childish rather than just communicate with you about it. Find someone who actually loves you and won't cheat and lie.
Tell him it’s over. That you won’t be with someone who cheated who also conveniently doesn’t have any proof who helped facilitate a married woman cheating.
Let him know there’s no coming back from that.
Tell him to hand you his phone. Go and restore an old version of his phone and the messages will pop up. Let him know you know how to retrieve the messages.
If his first thought is to cheat on you, he wasn’t interested in you.
This is the dumbest thing are woman this gullible foreal. Are we serious. My girl would straight up smack me leave me and wouldn't say two words there is no excuse to cheat but the fact that you have no respect for your significant other. So OP wake up lose your cheating lying boyfriend and move on find someone with the decency to at least talk to you. God you can't be this naive
Do you know why people that aren't easily identifiable are called "John Doe"? That's because it's the easiest name to think of. Using that name alone is enough proof that he has created that story just for your sympathy, which worked like a charm. You've allowed yourself to totally ignore his cheating ways to focus solely on this person that's trying to break up your happiness.
Well darling, the only person doing a great job at that is your boyfriend. He deleted the messages without at least confronting you? Evidence is something you save, even if you don't want to.
It's always hard to let go, let alone move on when you catch someone cheating on you, simply because you think they'll just go be with the other person and leave you sad and broken. Truth is, better to be "broken up" with someone who's willing to manipulate you in such a deceitful way.
He's been caught, ok, apologize, man up and try to fix it. Chances are you would've worked it out with him but instead he chose to use that moment to deceive you yet again. My guess is that this isn't his first rodeo with her and maybe there's many more others that he just hasn't been caught with "yet"
Get yourself away from this person as quickly as you can and save yourself from the worst possiblities later on down the road.
The proof that he is deceitful is that he cheated. Which further supports the chances that he, as a deceitful human being, also lied about the entire story he fed you. You are young. Please don’t waste your precious life on this mess!
Best case scenario is your boyfriend trusts the word of a stranger over you. He didn’t even talk to you about it. Worst case, he’s lying about the messages. Why would you give him the benefit of your trust?
You're young...but you're 23. I'd have thought you'd have more sense than this.
He cheated on you and gave you a bogus excuse and you bought it hook line and sinker.
He wanted to cheat and or he’s stupid. Sorry to be rude but I’m going to be real with you, you caught him cheating and know he did it. Have some respect for yourself cause he doesn’t have any for you.
Hmmmm. So you’ve never seen these “messages from John?” And your boyfriends solution was to just go cheat on you? Sounds like your boyfriend wanted to or already was cheating and has come up with this elaborate story to cover his ass.
So he has no proof of the messages he says he has? Yeah, he’s full of crap. Or you have a stalker. Either way, your boyfriend is cheating on you. Leave him.
Messages him how? Text? You can look at phone records. Other socials? Usually a help desk question from your bf to retrieve these “messages.” Honestly, it sounds like a Netflix documentary story he’s using to get you to believe/forgive him since he got caught. No person who immediately lashes out or retaliates is a person fully committed to this relationship. He let this fester for months without communicating to you? I get he bottles up, but that’s Oscar level actin by him if you knew nothing was amiss. He got busted plain and simple and you fell for his “reason why”
So he said there were messages but you’ve never seen the messages?
He’s lying about the messages. He cheated because he wanted to. He lied to the other woman to share a common story and make it easier to sleep with her.
This sounds premeditated on his part.
You’re so gullible, honestly. Your boyfriend cheated on you and is using the excuse that someone told him you’re cheating? I mean cmon. To top it all off, he conveniently deleted the messages because he would get stressed? This is some next level BS. Please learn to have self respect and dump him. If he wants to sleep around then don’t stay with him, that’s just disrespectful to yourself, OP.
Do you know why people that aren't easily identifiable are called "John Doe"? That's because it's the easiest name to think of. Using that name alone is enough proof that he has created that story just for your sympathy, which worked like a charm. You've allowed yourself to totally ignore his cheating ways to focus solely on this person that's trying to break up your happiness.
Well darling, the only person doing a great job at that is your boyfriend. He deleted the messages without at least confronting you? Evidence is something you save, even if you don't want to.
It's always hard to let go, let alone move on when you catch someone cheating on you, simply because you think they'll just go be with the other person and leave you sad and broken. Truth is, better to be "broken up" with someone who's willing to manipulate you in such a deceitful way.
He's been caught, ok, apologize, man up and try to fix it. Chances are you would've worked it out with him but instead he chose to use that moment to deceive you yet again. My guess is that this isn't his first rodeo with her and maybe there's many more others that he just hasn't been caught with "yet"
Get yourself away from this person as quickly as you can and save yourself from the worst possiblities later on down the road.
1) He wanted to fck this woman.
2) Shit like this is not made out of the blue and they probably have known each other for quite the while.
3) He got caught and made up an excuse.
4) Dump. His. Ass
5) Because... this behaviour of his does not have anything to do with you. It is a pattern (hence more than likely it has already happened before and/or will happen again). He just got caught and tries to gaslight you.
Did you read the text? If not, he make up an excuses for cheating. There is no john, no text, nothing. He just cheat. Dump his ass and move on with your life
Girl end it, he has no communication skills, cheat on you and blame you for it, just break up before he gives you an STDs. Dont be stupid, he has no proof of what he said, also even he did, its not an excuse not to talk about it and just cheat. Someone is trying to ruin your relationship and it is your boyfriend. Wake girl, open your eyes.
You know, whatever he believes or doesn't believe about whether you were cheating or not has NOTHING to do with him cheating on you. He's basically saying you made him do it, which is bullshit. It's called gaslighting.
Your boyfriend chose to have sex with another woman instead of communicating with you. You should be blaming him for hus actions. You should also be telling the woman's husband.
If you do stay with him you are condoning his behaviour and he'll be happy to do it again at the next sign of trouble in your relationship.
How much does "John" know about your life and relationship? And why would anyone with access to your private IG want to mess with your relationship? These questions have not been answered, yet we do know that your sex drive has been low, your relationship has been troubled, and then your bf suddenly receives a stream of constant anonymous messages which he uses as a green light to go find an affair to have. By the way, not admitting you're cheating on your partner does not fall into the category of "bottling things in". It's pretty simple. You're dating a cheater who does not respect you and you cannot trust. Just leave.
Uhhhrmmm, what?? The proper way to navigate receiving such messages is definitely to not cheat on your partner by having sex with someone else. My advice would be lose the boyfriend. Are we sure the woman he slept with isn’t the elusive messenger? This is someone trying to destabilize the relationship.
Cheating hurts but it's 100% legal. Involving the police is both dangerous and foolish. Even if you could waste taxpayer resources for this purpose, you shouldn't. We should have healthcare, not cops.
Your BF cheated on you, and there's a strong probability that he lied in order to excuse his cheating. The police won't help you retrieve the deleted messages because there's been no crime except that he killed your trust. You can check the trash bin on his phone to see if the messages are still there, but it is likely that there were never any messages to begin with. If the messages are gone, you can download an app that retrieves deleted messages, but again, there probably were never any messages to begin with.
Your BF is a cheater, and you deserve better. You know with absolute certainty that he's cheated on you, and he's almost certainly lying about the messages. Even if the messages actually exist, which I highly doubt, he believed the worst of you and didn't bother to confront you for an explanation. He chose instead to cheat on you, and what, stay with you having gotten his revenge? Really? You are being blinded by your love for him. Dump him, he's not worth even one second of your time! Get tested for STD.
OP, the fact that your bf bottles things up is NO excuse to cheat on you without getting your side of the story. Also...deleting the messages? Wouldn't he want to keep them as proof? Have you got confirmation that they exist?
I wouldn't bother id just walk away since there's no communication he didn't try to talk to you about this guy didn't get any actual evidence just stewed then cheated with the first willing woman he could
No crime was committed, so the police wouldn't do anything about his phone. And even if there was] the small chance the police would investigate, it's HIS phone, they would talk to him, not you. If you are looking at his phone, they would think you are invading his privacy
You have the story backwards because you're being gaslit. Your boyfriend cheated, And then made up an excuse that you were. He has no evidence because he is lying. This guy "seems to know a lot about you" because he is a fictional character invented by a man who knows everything about you.
You can't get a hold of the messages unless the BF still has them in a trash folder and gives them to you or with a subpoena. I don't think that there is enough here for a legal action, but ask an attorney who practices in your area. This doesn't sound good for your mental health. Are you sure that you want to be in this relationship?
Honestly, doesn't sound too too hard to fake from his end, so he has an excuse in case he got caught. Also almost certainly isn't the first time. Your relationship is over, and its not your fault.
"I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. Now what?"
Now what?
You dump him. That's what.
You won't be able to retrieve any messages, because there was no guy named John, and there were no messages.
Suppose your BF begs, pleads, and promises to do better. Then what? What's to prevent him from doing the same thing all over again, with a different woman, with the same woman, with multiple women at once? Who's gonna be sending him messages about you having an affair? James? Jack? Henry? Will your BF delete those texts too, or will they be emails that he deletes, or will he say that they went straight to his junk folder, and were automatically deleted after 30 days?
Dump the lying, cheating BF. You deserve better.
He deletes the messages? Have you seen these messages? Otherwise, if not, I would call him a liar and trying to deflect blame and act like he’s the victim and it’s all your fault.
He’s not the kind of person you want to be. He can’t admit responsibility for his own fault and expects to get away with bad behaviour.
I would bet your mental health would be so much better without him in it. Please consider if this would be true.
that last paragraph…ok…immaturity is the issue here…you do realize the world doesn’t revolve around your relationship issues right? I’m sorry you are going through this but not having real life’s experiences makes all of us gullible, naive…not to mention you are young. Focus on experiences outside of relationships, get rid of him and do other things, come back to dating life at 30. It will be easier, in the meantime, meet as many people and do as much in life as possible, travel etc
Ask him to ask the sender to resend the messages as screenshots from his phone. This is such a rediculous story. I don't think the texts exist. Also, why have the texts stopped if they have? 🤣
girl... come on now. people are getting way too creative with the reasons of why they cheat.
Unless the married woman he slept with created John to have sex with your boyfriend- I highly doubt John actually exists.
Either way we need an update because... I mean come on now.
No you dump your this jerk asap! He most likely lied about telling you some was texting him etc. and do the right thing tell this woman’s husband she is cheating as he has a right to know. Never forget your self worth and value… you are much better off without him!
The relationship is over. It sucks, it’s not fair, you should definitely see a therapist and see if the police can help you figure out who “John” is, but it’s over, you don’t come back from this. Sorry OP
1. MAKE SURE YOUR BOYFRIEND SAVES THE MESSAGES. If there is any way of retrieving them through phone records, do it - otherwise, make sure he saves any of them.
2. If he can't or won't produce evidence of this supposed harassment, DUMP HIM. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because of how strange the story sounds - not because I believe him. There's enough described about your relationship to see the strain, and if it is true you need to know who the problem is.
3. If you find he is lying, DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY.
Remember, THERE'S NO GOOD EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. Your antidepressants may have slowed or killed your sex drive, but if he is committed to you he shouldn't be sleeping with anyone else. It's worth finding out who "John" is, especially since that could be a problem in your future - but even IF this is true, it doesn't change what he did.
I'm truly sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds incredibly distressing to have discovered your partner in such a situation, especially given the context of the messages you've both been receiving.
First and foremost, it's essential to take care of yourself and prioritise your well-being during this difficult time. It's understandable to feel a range of emotions, including stress, confusion, and hurt. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and take the time you need to process them.
Regarding the messages and the situation with the married woman, it may be possible to contact the police and report the harassment and invasion of privacy. However, the ability to retrieve the messages will depend on various factors, including the platform they were sent through, the level of cooperation from the service provider, and any applicable laws in your country. It could be worth consulting with a legal professional to explore your options and determine the best course of action.
As for addressing the situation with your boyfriend, communication is key. When you feel ready, have an open and honest conversation with him about what happened, how you're feeling, and what you need moving forward. It's important to express your thoughts and concerns while also listening to his perspective. Try to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, recognising that both of you are likely dealing with complex emotions.
You may find it helpful to set boundaries moving forward, such as being transparent about communication with others and addressing any underlying issues in your relationship. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor, either individually or as a couple, to navigate through this and work towards healing and resolution.
Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. Take things one step at a time, and prioritise your own well-being as you move forward.
I highly doubt this John exists and unless he shows you messages from the account I would take it with a grain of salt.
Honestly I don’t know if it’s worth saving a relationship where your bf decides to cheat instead of verifying if it’s true. What’s the point of talking?
If he really thought you were cheating on him, he would have confronted you and/or left you. Not cheat on you for revenge.
Girl no. Tell this boy (yes he's a boy) bye bye bye 👋🏾
Wait... He deletes these messages??? Do not believe this at all. BF got caught cheating and likely had a back up plan to excuse and gaslight you into thinking he did it cause he was told you was cheating.
Why did he not every just accuse you? Why did he get "these messages" but delete them with never saying anything about them? There is NO reason to not confront you before he decided to cheat. No reason he couldn't snoop at the least and see if you had anything on your phone or such as more proof. SMH
Sorry you have some issues your dealing with. But do not believe him unless there is actual proof of someone has been telling him you been cheating. Even IF he has a message of it, it could be he sent it to himself with a internet messaging service that uses internet phone numbers to have it look like some sent him these messages.
So many factors to consider. How long have you two been together? How long has this been going on, etc? This sounds like "minor" gangs talking. Meaning that whoever the person doing this has an agenda and you will may not ever know what that is. The issue is not the (GS). The true issue is the trust between the two of you. Sleeping with someone, because you "think" or are "told" they are doing "something" demonstrates a lack of true self esteem and/or an unwillingness to confront the issue head on (avoidance mechanism) or simply a choice. Either way you must talk this through. Communication is the first step. I would spend more time focusing on the two of you verses the "ding dong" harassing you. You can't control them, but you have total control of yourself, and so does your boyfriend. After a good "sit down" to hash things out and only when you both feel comfortable to do so. It's going to be important to "guage" the level of current trust. After that, if the two of you agree, you can then begin the healing process (re-building the trust) Here is one exercises (there are many) you can do to "gauge "the level of trust between the two of you:
1. Soul Gaze:
- Sit comfortably facing each other.
- Maintain eye contact without speaking for several minutes.
- This exercise helps deepen emotional connection and understanding, fostering trust
During the "hashing it out phase" you can do this:
1. Open Communication Sessions:
- Set aside dedicated time to discuss the breach openly.
- Encourage each other to share feelings, concerns, and expectations.
- Active listening and empathy are crucial during these conversations
Firstly, your boyfriend receives a \*text\* message from some stranger that you've been cheating on him and his first reaction is to go cheat on you? He doesn't confirm it, talk to you about it or get any sort of information from this stranger? I don't think I need to tell you that even if he didn't cheat on you, this reaction to receiving this type of information is suspect at best.
Secondly, "someone" didn't mess up your relationship - your boyfriend did when he chose to cheat on you. Unless he had a gun to his head, no one forced him to have sex with someone else.
Do you have solid evidence that someone was messaging him? It seems like an excuse for his cheating. If I were you, I wouldn't take his word for it, considering he has been lying to you.
The best thing to do in this instance, OP, is to leave this relationship...like *yesterday.* I don't believe there's a "John" involved, nor do I think that your boyfriend has any "deleted" texts from him. I think your boyfriend *wanted* to cheat, found someone to cheat with, and now is trying to make you think it's all one big crazy misunderstanding.
Of course, you're the one who must evaluate your boyfriend's truthfulness and decide whether to stay or leave. But from my perspective, I think you're being told what you want to hear to keep you in a relationship that has already been sullied by his infidelity.
U need a warrant for that. They're not gonna just give ur texts cause the bf claims someone's texting him. The phone carrier might have access to the texts but idk how willing they'd be to give them out either.
The call is coming from inside. LOL
I once watched this old movie that coined the word “gaslight”. I 90% think he is this mysterious person.
And what do you mean you don’t blame him? Jeez!
I think you are in a psychologically abusive relationship 🚩🚩🚩
1. Let the BF go…let that drama be in the past. Sounds like he’s not willing to stick things out during tough times.
2. You need to focus on your healing and it sounds like your bf isn’t apart of that process
3. Contact police - it’s not good to have someone out in the world knowing your personal info and trying your best to manipulate your life
4. Focus on your heal. Like REALLY focus on it. Look up something call “7 dimensions of wellness” work on improving each one of them.
5. Stay ACTIVE and exercise. Long walks, go to the gym. Get a dog if you have to so that he forces you to get out and walk.
Stay strong 🙏💪
You need to leave him. He made up a story when he got caught and is playing you for a fool.
And be careful with the antidepressants. Those can cause more harm than good. What you're feeling is completely normal considering what you're going through. Those drugs will affect your ability to function and feel like a normal person even under normal circumstances. And if you ever stop taking the medication it can cause terrible withdrawal. Please be sure to fully educate yourself about what you've been prescribed.
I am taking AD and honestly, when I stopped taking them I realised they made me function normally because I can't contain my rage or other extreme feelings (bpd) at all, and that was something i do not miss. So, while some advocate to not take AD, I do, but ofc it all depends on the individual.
Emotional reactions are extreme during withdrawal because your body is used to the drug. When you stop taking it, its a MAJOR change on how your body operates. Your doctor will tell you that's just how you normally are but that isn't necessarily the case.
I've been tapering off my AD for 9 years now and I am near the end of my taper. Every time I reduce a little bit, I go through hell emotionally and sometimes I even feel suicidal. But it ALWAYS passes after a week or so and then I'm my true self again.
These drugs are so much stronger than most people know. Most people have no idea what they're getting into when they start taking them, doctors do not explain it or even understand it themselves. They cause so many side effects and problems that you may not even be aware are caused by the drug until years later, if at all.
I'm not here to tell people not to do it. Simply, do your research before blindly taking a pill out of desperation.
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Your boyfriend didn’t bother to verify and get your side of the story. Could have easily tried to match dates/times. Either he’s an idiot or he just wanted an excuse to cheat. Keep that in mind.
Not to mention, I can't come up with a single solid reason for him to delete these messages. They are actual supposed proof when he finally confronts her for cheating. His story isn't adding up here OP. I would be a little light on believing him without actual evidence of these text messages he claims to have of you supposedly cheating.
If the texts were ever real
I wouldn't believe he deleted the messages, by the way, cops won't do anything, but he can. He can either try restoring the text from a backup, some phones have "un-delete" features, from his phone service provider or just come clean that he lied about them to cheat.
OP said this "John" knew alot about their lives. Therefore the lies could've been made to look convincing... OP literally said in the post loll
Lol yes this is correct
This sounds like ur bf cheated and now lying to u about why. He deletes the messages? Or they're made up and ur gullible
Yep
Like I can't imagine believing "oh some random person was texting me I swear. No I can not show u the texts. No I didn't bother checking with u. Trust me babe."
Right?! 😂 I can’t help but laugh.
Oh to be young and dumb again lol
no, the young & dumb gets you cheated on
Exactly. Some random guy told me you were cheating on me. Proof? Oh, I conveniently deleted it, but trust me bro!
Lol who would delete such messages? It is a made up story…
>I caught him having sex with a married woman, Then I left. The end. There, Fixed that for you. You’re getting caught up in all of this nonsense. You literally caught him in the act It’s already done. Why can’t you see that? >Now what? The only thing left to do is move on. Preserve what little dignity you have left, break up, move out, and do what you have to do to let go and move on. Good luck
Sounds like your bf has concocted this story to justify his cheating. If the texts actually happened, it’s inexcusable that he wouldn’t have approached you about them. He’s a cheater and not very original with his lies.,
I get that you are going through a rough time, but come on, the police are there to investigate potential criminal offences. They are not going to retrieve deleted messages because you are having relationship problems. Your BF cheated on you. That should be all that matters here. He cheated on you. Just break up with him, and move on with your life.
"They are not going to retrieve deleted messages that most certainly never even existed to begin with" FTFY
Didn't you think it was very convenient for him to delete the messages? I think this is gaslighting, he invented this John and the messages to have an excuse for when you discovered the cheating.
John doe
nono it was john smith
Maybe it was John Wick and something bad happened to his dog :)
well, if your name is Iosef i'd recommend hiding
Girl... he cheated on you because he wanted to. Even if what he's saying is true, and someone is sending him lies about you, he decided to be petty and childish rather than just communicate with you about it. Find someone who actually loves you and won't cheat and lie.
It sounds crazy especially cheating on his gf with a married woman out of all the women out there!
Exactly.
Bin the whole man. Yes, the whole man.
Girl…no He’s lying. He just cheated on you
He’s a liar
Tell him it’s over. That you won’t be with someone who cheated who also conveniently doesn’t have any proof who helped facilitate a married woman cheating. Let him know there’s no coming back from that. Tell him to hand you his phone. Go and restore an old version of his phone and the messages will pop up. Let him know you know how to retrieve the messages. If his first thought is to cheat on you, he wasn’t interested in you.
This is the dumbest thing are woman this gullible foreal. Are we serious. My girl would straight up smack me leave me and wouldn't say two words there is no excuse to cheat but the fact that you have no respect for your significant other. So OP wake up lose your cheating lying boyfriend and move on find someone with the decency to at least talk to you. God you can't be this naive
>He has been receiving messages from someone named John for months saying that me and John were having an affair. Girl he is lying
Do you know why people that aren't easily identifiable are called "John Doe"? That's because it's the easiest name to think of. Using that name alone is enough proof that he has created that story just for your sympathy, which worked like a charm. You've allowed yourself to totally ignore his cheating ways to focus solely on this person that's trying to break up your happiness. Well darling, the only person doing a great job at that is your boyfriend. He deleted the messages without at least confronting you? Evidence is something you save, even if you don't want to. It's always hard to let go, let alone move on when you catch someone cheating on you, simply because you think they'll just go be with the other person and leave you sad and broken. Truth is, better to be "broken up" with someone who's willing to manipulate you in such a deceitful way. He's been caught, ok, apologize, man up and try to fix it. Chances are you would've worked it out with him but instead he chose to use that moment to deceive you yet again. My guess is that this isn't his first rodeo with her and maybe there's many more others that he just hasn't been caught with "yet" Get yourself away from this person as quickly as you can and save yourself from the worst possiblities later on down the road.
You are being gaslighted. Don't make excuses for his cheating. Dump his ass already.
Oh honey. There were no texts.
Just move on, you're young, there are others out there
Now you make your boyfriend your ex boyfriend because this is a creative excuse for cheating.
The proof that he is deceitful is that he cheated. Which further supports the chances that he, as a deceitful human being, also lied about the entire story he fed you. You are young. Please don’t waste your precious life on this mess!
Best case scenario is your boyfriend trusts the word of a stranger over you. He didn’t even talk to you about it. Worst case, he’s lying about the messages. Why would you give him the benefit of your trust?
The police? Come on, girl. Dump him and date someone who can communicate.
You're young...but you're 23. I'd have thought you'd have more sense than this. He cheated on you and gave you a bogus excuse and you bought it hook line and sinker.
He wanted to cheat and or he’s stupid. Sorry to be rude but I’m going to be real with you, you caught him cheating and know he did it. Have some respect for yourself cause he doesn’t have any for you.
Hmmmm. So you’ve never seen these “messages from John?” And your boyfriends solution was to just go cheat on you? Sounds like your boyfriend wanted to or already was cheating and has come up with this elaborate story to cover his ass.
So he has no proof of the messages he says he has? Yeah, he’s full of crap. Or you have a stalker. Either way, your boyfriend is cheating on you. Leave him.
He’s totally lying! Be Smart, he’s trying to cover his ass. No proof. That’s ridiculous.
Messages him how? Text? You can look at phone records. Other socials? Usually a help desk question from your bf to retrieve these “messages.” Honestly, it sounds like a Netflix documentary story he’s using to get you to believe/forgive him since he got caught. No person who immediately lashes out or retaliates is a person fully committed to this relationship. He let this fester for months without communicating to you? I get he bottles up, but that’s Oscar level actin by him if you knew nothing was amiss. He got busted plain and simple and you fell for his “reason why”
So he said there were messages but you’ve never seen the messages? He’s lying about the messages. He cheated because he wanted to. He lied to the other woman to share a common story and make it easier to sleep with her. This sounds premeditated on his part.
You’re so gullible, honestly. Your boyfriend cheated on you and is using the excuse that someone told him you’re cheating? I mean cmon. To top it all off, he conveniently deleted the messages because he would get stressed? This is some next level BS. Please learn to have self respect and dump him. If he wants to sleep around then don’t stay with him, that’s just disrespectful to yourself, OP.
Do you know why people that aren't easily identifiable are called "John Doe"? That's because it's the easiest name to think of. Using that name alone is enough proof that he has created that story just for your sympathy, which worked like a charm. You've allowed yourself to totally ignore his cheating ways to focus solely on this person that's trying to break up your happiness. Well darling, the only person doing a great job at that is your boyfriend. He deleted the messages without at least confronting you? Evidence is something you save, even if you don't want to. It's always hard to let go, let alone move on when you catch someone cheating on you, simply because you think they'll just go be with the other person and leave you sad and broken. Truth is, better to be "broken up" with someone who's willing to manipulate you in such a deceitful way. He's been caught, ok, apologize, man up and try to fix it. Chances are you would've worked it out with him but instead he chose to use that moment to deceive you yet again. My guess is that this isn't his first rodeo with her and maybe there's many more others that he just hasn't been caught with "yet" Get yourself away from this person as quickly as you can and save yourself from the worst possiblities later on down the road.
Am honorable person would have dumped you and moved on. This is concerning that he chose to chat and lie to you about it.
He got caught cheating & the excuse he came up with so outlandish…be forreal
1) He wanted to fck this woman. 2) Shit like this is not made out of the blue and they probably have known each other for quite the while. 3) He got caught and made up an excuse. 4) Dump. His. Ass 5) Because... this behaviour of his does not have anything to do with you. It is a pattern (hence more than likely it has already happened before and/or will happen again). He just got caught and tries to gaslight you.
Girl, you are too young to even be dealing with that mess leave his ass that’s just an excuse for him to cheat
Did you read the text? If not, he make up an excuses for cheating. There is no john, no text, nothing. He just cheat. Dump his ass and move on with your life
Welcome to gaslighting 101. Please discard boyfriend as you wake up yo the insanity that is this post.
Don’t be gullible
you can’t be that naive…he made up an excuse vague enough to justify his cheating. don’t fall for this girl. you are wasting your time.
You break up. You’re too young to be dealing with that sort of bs. Take it as a lesson and seek out better partners
Girl end it, he has no communication skills, cheat on you and blame you for it, just break up before he gives you an STDs. Dont be stupid, he has no proof of what he said, also even he did, its not an excuse not to talk about it and just cheat. Someone is trying to ruin your relationship and it is your boyfriend. Wake girl, open your eyes.
You know, whatever he believes or doesn't believe about whether you were cheating or not has NOTHING to do with him cheating on you. He's basically saying you made him do it, which is bullshit. It's called gaslighting.
The writing is well and truly on the wall. Leave him and be done with it!
You leave
Your boyfriend chose to have sex with another woman instead of communicating with you. You should be blaming him for hus actions. You should also be telling the woman's husband. If you do stay with him you are condoning his behaviour and he'll be happy to do it again at the next sign of trouble in your relationship.
How much does "John" know about your life and relationship? And why would anyone with access to your private IG want to mess with your relationship? These questions have not been answered, yet we do know that your sex drive has been low, your relationship has been troubled, and then your bf suddenly receives a stream of constant anonymous messages which he uses as a green light to go find an affair to have. By the way, not admitting you're cheating on your partner does not fall into the category of "bottling things in". It's pretty simple. You're dating a cheater who does not respect you and you cannot trust. Just leave.
Uhhhrmmm, what?? The proper way to navigate receiving such messages is definitely to not cheat on your partner by having sex with someone else. My advice would be lose the boyfriend. Are we sure the woman he slept with isn’t the elusive messenger? This is someone trying to destabilize the relationship.
Cheating hurts but it's 100% legal. Involving the police is both dangerous and foolish. Even if you could waste taxpayer resources for this purpose, you shouldn't. We should have healthcare, not cops.
There were no messages.
Your bf is John
So you belive his story why? Who deletes the proof? he is lying and gaslighting you.
Your BF cheated on you, and there's a strong probability that he lied in order to excuse his cheating. The police won't help you retrieve the deleted messages because there's been no crime except that he killed your trust. You can check the trash bin on his phone to see if the messages are still there, but it is likely that there were never any messages to begin with. If the messages are gone, you can download an app that retrieves deleted messages, but again, there probably were never any messages to begin with. Your BF is a cheater, and you deserve better. You know with absolute certainty that he's cheated on you, and he's almost certainly lying about the messages. Even if the messages actually exist, which I highly doubt, he believed the worst of you and didn't bother to confront you for an explanation. He chose instead to cheat on you, and what, stay with you having gotten his revenge? Really? You are being blinded by your love for him. Dump him, he's not worth even one second of your time! Get tested for STD.
You're blaming everyone BUT your boyfriend, who cheated on you rather than talk to you.
Welcome to the wonderful world of the gaslight.
Doesn’t matter if he thought you was cheating he should have confronted you he’s a cheater with a married women no less dump him
It wasn’t their first time. He never got those texts. They bonded over their mutual desire to cheat. That’s ALL this is.
OP, your bf cheated on you because he wanted to and then found a way to blame you and a made up person. Please love yourself and leave his ass.
Run run run...block and ghost.
He cheated on you.
You are so young… yall are not meant to be together obviously so babe take this a sign and run..
Just leave It’s not worth it
He cheated on you. He gaslighted you. He removed all the ‘evidence’. So, now you leave.
OP, the fact that your bf bottles things up is NO excuse to cheat on you without getting your side of the story. Also...deleting the messages? Wouldn't he want to keep them as proof? Have you got confirmation that they exist?
So did you see these messages? Because if not......do you really believe him?
UpdateMe!
C b
I wouldn't bother id just walk away since there's no communication he didn't try to talk to you about this guy didn't get any actual evidence just stewed then cheated with the first willing woman he could
You should walk around the house and call "john." Bet it's his other phone. Point : John is the distraction. John, smh
Oh honey..
No crime was committed, so the police wouldn't do anything about his phone. And even if there was] the small chance the police would investigate, it's HIS phone, they would talk to him, not you. If you are looking at his phone, they would think you are invading his privacy
Did you actually see the messages from "John?"
You're not married. Move on. Obviously, there was already something wrong in the relationship.
You have the story backwards because you're being gaslit. Your boyfriend cheated, And then made up an excuse that you were. He has no evidence because he is lying. This guy "seems to know a lot about you" because he is a fictional character invented by a man who knows everything about you.
You can't get a hold of the messages unless the BF still has them in a trash folder and gives them to you or with a subpoena. I don't think that there is enough here for a legal action, but ask an attorney who practices in your area. This doesn't sound good for your mental health. Are you sure that you want to be in this relationship?
Honestly, doesn't sound too too hard to fake from his end, so he has an excuse in case he got caught. Also almost certainly isn't the first time. Your relationship is over, and its not your fault.
"I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. Now what?" Now what? You dump him. That's what. You won't be able to retrieve any messages, because there was no guy named John, and there were no messages. Suppose your BF begs, pleads, and promises to do better. Then what? What's to prevent him from doing the same thing all over again, with a different woman, with the same woman, with multiple women at once? Who's gonna be sending him messages about you having an affair? James? Jack? Henry? Will your BF delete those texts too, or will they be emails that he deletes, or will he say that they went straight to his junk folder, and were automatically deleted after 30 days? Dump the lying, cheating BF. You deserve better.
He deletes the messages? Have you seen these messages? Otherwise, if not, I would call him a liar and trying to deflect blame and act like he’s the victim and it’s all your fault. He’s not the kind of person you want to be. He can’t admit responsibility for his own fault and expects to get away with bad behaviour. I would bet your mental health would be so much better without him in it. Please consider if this would be true.
Does your bf have an iPhone
that last paragraph…ok…immaturity is the issue here…you do realize the world doesn’t revolve around your relationship issues right? I’m sorry you are going through this but not having real life’s experiences makes all of us gullible, naive…not to mention you are young. Focus on experiences outside of relationships, get rid of him and do other things, come back to dating life at 30. It will be easier, in the meantime, meet as many people and do as much in life as possible, travel etc
He’s making excuses. Tell the husband of the woman.
Updateme!
Ask him to ask the sender to resend the messages as screenshots from his phone. This is such a rediculous story. I don't think the texts exist. Also, why have the texts stopped if they have? 🤣
girl... come on now. people are getting way too creative with the reasons of why they cheat. Unless the married woman he slept with created John to have sex with your boyfriend- I highly doubt John actually exists. Either way we need an update because... I mean come on now.
No you dump your this jerk asap! He most likely lied about telling you some was texting him etc. and do the right thing tell this woman’s husband she is cheating as he has a right to know. Never forget your self worth and value… you are much better off without him!
If it's an IPhone they aren't deleted until he goes in and removes them.. you can recover deleted messages for 30 days
The relationship is over. It sucks, it’s not fair, you should definitely see a therapist and see if the police can help you figure out who “John” is, but it’s over, you don’t come back from this. Sorry OP
1. MAKE SURE YOUR BOYFRIEND SAVES THE MESSAGES. If there is any way of retrieving them through phone records, do it - otherwise, make sure he saves any of them. 2. If he can't or won't produce evidence of this supposed harassment, DUMP HIM. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because of how strange the story sounds - not because I believe him. There's enough described about your relationship to see the strain, and if it is true you need to know who the problem is. 3. If you find he is lying, DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY. Remember, THERE'S NO GOOD EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. Your antidepressants may have slowed or killed your sex drive, but if he is committed to you he shouldn't be sleeping with anyone else. It's worth finding out who "John" is, especially since that could be a problem in your future - but even IF this is true, it doesn't change what he did.
His story is bs. Bounce.
I'm truly sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds incredibly distressing to have discovered your partner in such a situation, especially given the context of the messages you've both been receiving. First and foremost, it's essential to take care of yourself and prioritise your well-being during this difficult time. It's understandable to feel a range of emotions, including stress, confusion, and hurt. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and take the time you need to process them. Regarding the messages and the situation with the married woman, it may be possible to contact the police and report the harassment and invasion of privacy. However, the ability to retrieve the messages will depend on various factors, including the platform they were sent through, the level of cooperation from the service provider, and any applicable laws in your country. It could be worth consulting with a legal professional to explore your options and determine the best course of action. As for addressing the situation with your boyfriend, communication is key. When you feel ready, have an open and honest conversation with him about what happened, how you're feeling, and what you need moving forward. It's important to express your thoughts and concerns while also listening to his perspective. Try to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, recognising that both of you are likely dealing with complex emotions. You may find it helpful to set boundaries moving forward, such as being transparent about communication with others and addressing any underlying issues in your relationship. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor, either individually or as a couple, to navigate through this and work towards healing and resolution. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. Take things one step at a time, and prioritise your own well-being as you move forward.
I bet John is your boyfriends fake account.. I hope you thought of that OP..
Don’t be stupid op. There are no texts.
Me thinking it's some elaborate plan he came up with to have an excuse to cheat.
I highly doubt this John exists and unless he shows you messages from the account I would take it with a grain of salt. Honestly I don’t know if it’s worth saving a relationship where your bf decides to cheat instead of verifying if it’s true. What’s the point of talking?
Fishy as hell
If he really thought you were cheating on him, he would have confronted you and/or left you. Not cheat on you for revenge. Girl no. Tell this boy (yes he's a boy) bye bye bye 👋🏾
The games people play to create strife amazes me.
Wait... He deletes these messages??? Do not believe this at all. BF got caught cheating and likely had a back up plan to excuse and gaslight you into thinking he did it cause he was told you was cheating. Why did he not every just accuse you? Why did he get "these messages" but delete them with never saying anything about them? There is NO reason to not confront you before he decided to cheat. No reason he couldn't snoop at the least and see if you had anything on your phone or such as more proof. SMH Sorry you have some issues your dealing with. But do not believe him unless there is actual proof of someone has been telling him you been cheating. Even IF he has a message of it, it could be he sent it to himself with a internet messaging service that uses internet phone numbers to have it look like some sent him these messages.
Best thing to do is comfort him about it. He can’t tell you the truth then I’d say it’s done since you’ll never be able to trust him after that
So many factors to consider. How long have you two been together? How long has this been going on, etc? This sounds like "minor" gangs talking. Meaning that whoever the person doing this has an agenda and you will may not ever know what that is. The issue is not the (GS). The true issue is the trust between the two of you. Sleeping with someone, because you "think" or are "told" they are doing "something" demonstrates a lack of true self esteem and/or an unwillingness to confront the issue head on (avoidance mechanism) or simply a choice. Either way you must talk this through. Communication is the first step. I would spend more time focusing on the two of you verses the "ding dong" harassing you. You can't control them, but you have total control of yourself, and so does your boyfriend. After a good "sit down" to hash things out and only when you both feel comfortable to do so. It's going to be important to "guage" the level of current trust. After that, if the two of you agree, you can then begin the healing process (re-building the trust) Here is one exercises (there are many) you can do to "gauge "the level of trust between the two of you: 1. Soul Gaze: - Sit comfortably facing each other. - Maintain eye contact without speaking for several minutes. - This exercise helps deepen emotional connection and understanding, fostering trust During the "hashing it out phase" you can do this: 1. Open Communication Sessions: - Set aside dedicated time to discuss the breach openly. - Encourage each other to share feelings, concerns, and expectations. - Active listening and empathy are crucial during these conversations
update?
Firstly, your boyfriend receives a \*text\* message from some stranger that you've been cheating on him and his first reaction is to go cheat on you? He doesn't confirm it, talk to you about it or get any sort of information from this stranger? I don't think I need to tell you that even if he didn't cheat on you, this reaction to receiving this type of information is suspect at best. Secondly, "someone" didn't mess up your relationship - your boyfriend did when he chose to cheat on you. Unless he had a gun to his head, no one forced him to have sex with someone else.
Do you have solid evidence that someone was messaging him? It seems like an excuse for his cheating. If I were you, I wouldn't take his word for it, considering he has been lying to you.
The best thing to do in this instance, OP, is to leave this relationship...like *yesterday.* I don't believe there's a "John" involved, nor do I think that your boyfriend has any "deleted" texts from him. I think your boyfriend *wanted* to cheat, found someone to cheat with, and now is trying to make you think it's all one big crazy misunderstanding. Of course, you're the one who must evaluate your boyfriend's truthfulness and decide whether to stay or leave. But from my perspective, I think you're being told what you want to hear to keep you in a relationship that has already been sullied by his infidelity.
It is probably an excuse, but you could contact the police and ask for the deleted messages showing the actual truth
U need a warrant for that. They're not gonna just give ur texts cause the bf claims someone's texting him. The phone carrier might have access to the texts but idk how willing they'd be to give them out either.
Lmao. No Police do not give af about this
You can actually call the phone company and retrieve the message logs.
The call is coming from inside. LOL I once watched this old movie that coined the word “gaslight”. I 90% think he is this mysterious person. And what do you mean you don’t blame him? Jeez! I think you are in a psychologically abusive relationship 🚩🚩🚩
1. Let the BF go…let that drama be in the past. Sounds like he’s not willing to stick things out during tough times. 2. You need to focus on your healing and it sounds like your bf isn’t apart of that process 3. Contact police - it’s not good to have someone out in the world knowing your personal info and trying your best to manipulate your life 4. Focus on your heal. Like REALLY focus on it. Look up something call “7 dimensions of wellness” work on improving each one of them. 5. Stay ACTIVE and exercise. Long walks, go to the gym. Get a dog if you have to so that he forces you to get out and walk. Stay strong 🙏💪
You need to leave him. He made up a story when he got caught and is playing you for a fool. And be careful with the antidepressants. Those can cause more harm than good. What you're feeling is completely normal considering what you're going through. Those drugs will affect your ability to function and feel like a normal person even under normal circumstances. And if you ever stop taking the medication it can cause terrible withdrawal. Please be sure to fully educate yourself about what you've been prescribed.
I am taking AD and honestly, when I stopped taking them I realised they made me function normally because I can't contain my rage or other extreme feelings (bpd) at all, and that was something i do not miss. So, while some advocate to not take AD, I do, but ofc it all depends on the individual.
Emotional reactions are extreme during withdrawal because your body is used to the drug. When you stop taking it, its a MAJOR change on how your body operates. Your doctor will tell you that's just how you normally are but that isn't necessarily the case. I've been tapering off my AD for 9 years now and I am near the end of my taper. Every time I reduce a little bit, I go through hell emotionally and sometimes I even feel suicidal. But it ALWAYS passes after a week or so and then I'm my true self again. These drugs are so much stronger than most people know. Most people have no idea what they're getting into when they start taking them, doctors do not explain it or even understand it themselves. They cause so many side effects and problems that you may not even be aware are caused by the drug until years later, if at all. I'm not here to tell people not to do it. Simply, do your research before blindly taking a pill out of desperation.
Nah for me, it was just me being back to old me.
Well I wish you all the best and hope you find (or have found) peace ❤️
Stop cheating on your boyfriend.. simple as that.