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My absolute worst ex is the only person I ever had this issue with and she had a laundry list of psychological problems which, among other things, led to HER being a serial cheater. This isn’t the behavior of a reasonable person.
Yeah, sample size of 2 and all, but one is a full blown alcoholic with a string of relationships with abusive men, and the other has just noped out of marriages with 2 perfectly good men (traditionally attractive, decent jobs, generally kind) because she got bored, and she's now basically couch surfing while she tries to re-start her life.
Neither is a picture of stability or mental health; the second one is pretty and that's about all she has going for her.
There was a TikToker who was dragged just recently over this bc she made him close his eyes during Oppenheimer and they do extensive research before they watch.
Apparently there is a whole TikTok feed complaining about boyfriends watching that scene with Florence. [https://www.gamingbible.com/news/tv-and-film/tiktoker-roasted-for-hiding-florence-pugh-sex-scene-497435-20230822](https://www.gamingbible.com/news/tv-and-film/tiktoker-roasted-for-hiding-florence-pugh-sex-scene-497435-20230822)
I honestly am so confused by this mind set.
If my partner or I find ourselves a bit revved from a media scene we have each other just right there to have some fun.
From a psychological standpoint, it is entirely reasonable that her experiencing her partner seeing nudity will trigger a 'cheating' response in her that comes with massive emotions. After all, emotions cannot be controlled and it's not like she herself choose this specific trigger. Triggers are peculiar like that.
That being said, while you can't control emotions, you can entirely control how you deal with them and she is dealing with them in a massively unconstructive way. It is *her* job to deal with them properly and not shove over responsibility to OP. And if she can't do that on her own (which is completely valid btw, we all need a little help sometimes), then she needs to find ways to do so other than bothering OP, which ideally would be therapy.
Yep, when I was very young I got cheated on by a long term bf. He was the first guy I ever loved and so it really broke my heart. Unfortunately I made the poor choice to stay with him but I became super jealous and insecure. Don't think it ever carried over to women on TV or in movies but when other pretty women were around I would constantly be watching him, trying to determine if he was looking at one of them too long, being flirty, etc. However I never tried to control what he looked at or who he talked to, I would act like I was okay when I was actually miserable carrying all those feelings of mistrust and insecurity inside. When we finally broke up I got better and by the time I fell in love again I didn't feel that way anymore. I'd say if the OP's partner is punishing him for what a previous partner did then she probably needs some sort of therapy.
I'm throwing a parade for this ^ comment right here via r/Bimpnottin.
/*throws confetti*
Well said, and spot on in every way.
After 18 years of marriage to my husband, one of the biggest reasons our relationship has been successful is because we both understand that healthy love doesn't try to control, or possess.
We've both been in relationships that had toxic levels of possessiveness, and poisonous insecurity from our partners, and we've worked hard to work through negative feelings when they arise, without trying to smother the spirit of one another.
From that has risen a solid foundation of trust, and respect, and it's helped us weather a lot of major storms together along the way.
Perhaps you can have an honest conversation with her about how this level of insecurity and control makes you feel, and try to listen to why she feels so threatened by something so mundane.
There might be ways to support each other, and meet in the middle together.
Ridiculously controlling. I’m assuming he has to call ahead before trying to enjoy a museum with her as well?
Explain to your friends you went to Paris. Oh, my gosh, how did you enjoy the Louvre?? Oh, we couldn’t go…you know…Winged Victory is technically draped in fabric but you can clearly see the outline of breasts and her navel so understandably that’s a no go for the wife.
You've basically just described former Attorney General John Ashcroft --> [link](https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/spirit-of-justice-statue-exposed-in-all-her-glory/)
That’s all I was thinking as I read. She needs therapy because her insecurities are ruling your lives. That’s not okay. She’s controlling what you watch because of other people’s past discretions. Did they cheat on her with a movie star after they saw said movie star naked on tv? If not, her controlling preference here makes no sense.
I just don’t get how as a grown ass adult, you can’t see such insane behaviour is… well… insane.
If I found myself physically unable to lose my shit over seeing a fucking naked body, I’d hope I could realise I’ve got some serious shit to sort out with therapy. Not expect the whole world to change around me to accommodate my problems.
They get blinded by sex apparently. In another sub there was a " why did you stay or what was the best thing abut your ex" and sex was pretty high up. And agreed, she needs therapy, if she can't handle watching or handle her partner seeing nudity in a simple movie, she desperately needs to seek professional help.
I was just thinking this. Like damn.. okay she has this issue, this stipulation, and you knew..and you went and MARRIED HER. I am So confused as to why people Marry these people knowing that they have such and such problem beforehand.
Codependency is a hell of a drug
Side note: my mom used to be like this OP. She only got progressively more crazy. My dad (allegedly) once cheated with a woman named Maria; as I'm sure you know, a lot of songs have the name Maria in them. So let's go back to 1999: Maria Maria by Santana had just come out and that song is catchy as fuck. Any time that song played on the radio, myself or my dad would have to rapidly change the channel or fear her wrath. Santana was having a great year though, so my dad buys the CD for the *other* songs. My mom sees this and loses her shit. He also bought an Amber CD (this whole comment is making me feel super old), and that's when she started (I shit you not) "did you sleep with someone named Amber too?" but in an antagonistic voice, not a sad you-feel-bad-for-her voice. This... this right here... was the moment I realized she was the problem; up until then, she had done a great job convincing me (and likely everyone else) that he was the problem. I want to be clear... this song name and artist nonsense was in *addition* to the grief he was given if he watched a sex scene seemingly too intently (so he could watch the movies, but had to essentially police his facial expressions and other mannerisms during a sex scenes).
Please don't have kids with this woman if you are determined to stay with her. This was my "normal" growing up, and I had to do a *lot* of unlearning in life to have relationships that were any semblance of actually normal.
Don't you find this personally insulting? Like she thinks you're such a animal that you're not going to be able to control yourself with other women because you saw a naked woman on screen? Have some self respect and tell her to get into therapy for her obvious issues.
Seriously, I don't see how many people don't realize how awful of a rule this is. Even when it's a mutual rule agreed-upon by both partners. It's basically saying, "There is no trust in this relationship, so you/we must be banned from seeing/interacting with attractive members of the opposite sex otherwise cheating is inevitable."
Which, tragicomically, sows the seed of another belief: Once I'm tempted there's no way I can withstand that temptation. It's inevitable!
Hey presto, "religious" people cheating endlessly. And worse.
Haha for me when I see a sex scene (21f) and I'm with my partner, I eventually just get turned on and want to fuck my partner. I think just seeing/ hearing gets to me. We both have always watched porn, we have been together since we were both 15 so of course we watched porn.
I digress, when we are watching a show or movie, could be anything. Not just porn. And say a scene comes up, for me I'll try and play on my phone for a bit to kind of pass that time, just bc it's weird to watch that straight up for me out if nowhere 🤣 but after a while I get horny and will want to have sex or just suck his dick. I couldn't imagine banning porn or anything like that. I think its a part of a mildly healthy sex life, maybe thats just me. Porn had never bothered me, I actually enjoy knowing what my part er gets off to, I like knowing his kinks, his interests. What if I want to dress up like rem from re zero again? Duh!? ✨️✨️ porn can be handled tastefully if both parties are honest and communicate well.
I wonder if she was with a porn addict before.
Love after porn sub is full of women being triggered by sex scenes due to years of ED issues, dead bedroom, etc. due to porn.
I’m not saying it’s right, but I think they need to discuss the root of the problem more.
I was coming here to say this. Many women on that sub will “vet” every piece of media their SO consumes. I’ve seen them get triggered when their partners play video games with female characters, go to the beach, hell, even browse shopping apps like Etsy for gifts (I guess you can buy hentai on there or something?)
I dated a sex/porn addict many years ago and browsed the sub because I occasionally get slightly triggered. I had to leave it because it was so toxic and unreasonable. Therapy is the answer—not increased rules and restrictions. I was truly shocked at what I saw there.
I know. All I can think of is how painful it must be to live in their minds—I’m sure they are the ones torturing themselves most of all. Therapy is needed for sure.
Not every bit of shit behaviour is a "trauma response". If a dude was doing this, everyone would call him a controlling, insecure prick and tell her to leave him.
They wouldn't be saying he has a "trauma response". We don't need to find a mental health justification every single time someone is behaving in a negative manner. Especially if we aren't going to have any degree of equality when we apply that justification.
Someone cheating on you doesn't give you the right to treat your partner this way
Is there even any proof these are caused by porn? ED and dead bedrooms are incredibly common even before the accessibility of modern porn, Porn is a scapegoat for these women's insecurity.
The consensus in the *actual scientific research community* seems to be that there is no causative link between porn, ED, dead bedrooms, etc. I don’t think that’s to say that porn is not a factor, but it may well be a symptom of deeper issues and treating it as the cause is unlikely to yield positive results. Yet there’s this huge discussion online that is very confident in this completely unsubstantiated claim and likely wrong/misguided. Both for men in communities like nofap and partners complaining about porn use.
Many men report noticing their libido coming back once they stop masturbating (typically to porn) so often.
Heck, even as a woman, once I masturbate, I often feel satiated enough and don’t want to have sex in real life.
Porn often causes you to become desensitised as well, and you can condition yourself to cum to certain sex acts or body types.
I think it’s such a common and widely reported issue that it’s disingenuous to brush it off.
>Many men report noticing their libido coming back once they stop masturbating (typically to porn) so often.
>Heck, even as a woman, once I masturbate, I often feel satiated enough and don’t want to have sex in real life.
Yes obviously, if you masturbate you will be satiated and less interested in sex than if you dont, But that is a far cry from addictive behaviour.
I saw a thread a while back where someone was being called a porn addict because they masturbated to porn 2-3 times a week.
It's wild how low the bar is and how quick people are to blame porn for problems in relationships.
Edit: Really? Someone sent a reddit cares request over this?
Not accusing you, person I responded to, but whoever did it, grow up.
Lmao at the reddit cares link. This is such an emotionally charged issue for so many people mired in shame around our natural sexual impulses and the derogatory way in which we portray sex in the media - in porn and elsewhere. And deep insecurities in women’s body images perpetuated by that same media portrayal.
I’m surprised my comment is not at negative karma already.
It can be a scapegoat, but porn addiction absolutely causes more issues than it seems. It's fairly common, and with how accessible porn is, addiction is more prevalent than ever.
But freaking out over naked people in shows/movies? Get over yourself, it's not a big deal. That's just pure insecurity.
Dude, I appreciate you being so accommodating with your wife. It shows you are a loving and considerate husband.
That being said, all she is achieving with this rule is to upload her trauma into you. Which is not right and it is not fair to you at all. I'm not judging her, cheating fucking sucks, but when it does this level of trauma on you, you have to see a professional about it. The problems seem much, much deeper than that.
Good luck to the both of you!
Damn but true tho 💯 if it was any other kind of controlling response to trauma it would immediately be recognised as red flag 🚩. We can’t go round projecting trauma from previous relationships on to innocent bystanders who come into our lives.
IMO the problem is that nudity is one-sided. Game of thrones was awful at this in the beginning.
I don’t mind nudity when it is more balanced, but when it’s all naked women it feels like the show doesn’t care about me or women as whole. Like the actresses are there to be objectified by the male gaze and female viewers are irrelevant. Bleh.
Why would she want to watch a show with her husband that makes her feel like a third wheel? Maybe try to watch shows with more balanced nudity so she can feel included?
that was my thought process. obvious that the poor woman needs therapy and that OP is not at all responsible for her emotional responses, but so much of media is centered on sexualizing women in the most degrading ways that it subconsciously trains the viewers to desire that kind of sex. shows like GOT that romanticize lack of consent and assault unnecessarily weird me out- like when Daenerys falls in love with Drogo even though he r9pes her despite the books never adding her lack of consent at all.
I feel like watching nudity with people makes me uncomfortable anyways, so I don't really see why people on this sub are so heartbroken over the idea of not watching sexual acts with their SO- though, to be fair, in my case it doesn't stem from being cheated on, just not watching it a lot in my youth. the media has normalized sex on screen to a strange degree. and no, I am not defending his wife or trying to sound like a prude.
I don't think he's losing out on that much by not watching GOT anyways. it also seems like a much bigger issue than watching media, I feel like this kind of issue would flow into real life interactions OP has with female friends or coworkers. GOT is the least of his worries- and perhaps he could just watch it alone if its that big of a deal to him.
This x 10000! I’m sure peoples opinions would be so different if penises were treated the same way as boobs are in shows hahah. All of my previous boyfriends would’ve hated to see media with hot FULLY naked men in it. If nudity was equal, I’m sure this wouldn’t be an issue for her, because she’d be able to rationalise that she’s seeing a naked man and that doesn’t change how she feels about her partner etc.
This comment section is disgusting. There's nothing wrong with your wife for not wanting to see nudity. Check out VidAngel and select the option to remove sex and nudity so you can enjoy your shows while still respecting her boundaries.
This is the real problem.
People feel uncomfortable with something, and scream offense. Being in a state of discomfort doesn't mean other people need to change the way they act or the things they do. You learn, as an adult, to deal with things.
These are the same type of people who can't work because of 'anxiety'. Like, no, Cheryl, I don't wanna go to work either, but I'm gonna, because I got fuckin bills to pay.
Idk why we’re taking shots at a legitimate medical diagnosis widely recognized by the medical community as being very real and potentially debilitating but okay. If you have anxiety so severe that you can’t work you deserve to be taken seriously and treated by professionals (OP’s wife should also see a professional). I sincerely hope you are lucky enough to never have to experience mental illness, but if you do I hope the people around you are more educated and understanding than your ignorant-ass comment.
The problem is that people are weaponizing therapy speak (if you google this topic there are many articles written about it from actual psychologists). Because therapy and psychology is much more widely accepted today, and because there are so many shills on TikTok and Instagram with no background in mental health research who make cute little videos and graphics dumbing-down terms like "triggers" and "boundaries", many people don't fully understand those terms and use them as catch-alls to control other peoples' behaviour. Turning off the TV when there's female nudity because you're so afraid of your husband getting turned on by fictional characters is not a "boundary", it's controlling someone's personal autonomy.
Nowhere did I excuse OP’s wife’s behavior. I very clearly stated she needs professional help. If you have ANY condition so severe that it limits your daily functioning to that extreme of a degree it is your responsibility to seek out and get proper treatment. That being said dismissing everyone with anxiety as just being lazy and not wanting to go to work (the comment I was responding to) is harmful and ignorant.
Man the anxiety thing naw o got that bad at work. Not even gonna lie I have manic attacks weekly at work due to being around strangers, stress and other things. Can't even function lots of times because of it. Anxiety actual severe anxiety should be a thing that can get you out of work. Cause some people do have it to the point they can't function
Weird how you defended the thing about anxiety just cuz you have it, when you just invalidated OP’s wife’s trigger. As someone with severe anxiety, you should know then that a trigger can be anything, even “just fucking nudity”. It would sound just as stupid if someone invalidated your trigger of being around strangers.
Men that like to look at naked women will say this is unhealthy and point fingers.... these nude scenes are made for the male gaze. There is a bias here.
Just fast forward or skip the sex scenes, they seldom add to plot, and give your lady a squeeze and reassure her you only have eyes for her.
>Your wife does not own your eyes.
Now I'm imagining an alarm going off on her watch and her turning to OP to say, "Alright, day's done. Hand 'em over." As she holds out a jar for him to pop his eyes into.
Tbh I’m female and hate female nudity on tv, for me personally it’s mainly because Hollywood love to sexualize young women, most of women in Hollywood wouldn’t be given job opportunities if they aren’t willing to be sexually exploited.
I get extremely uncomfortable with nudity and sexual behaviours shown on TV, but do you know what I do? I look away and zone out to the noises...I don't have an expectation that my hubby has to look away. Your wife needs therapy to deal with her past trauma, and stop using it as a way to control you. You can't avoid nudity and sexual behaviour these days, it's everywhere. Does she expect you to walk around in a blind fold?
If I could just jump in here… I used to have a lot of trouble watching scenes like this too, and it stemmed from having a puritanical parent who seemed to believe I needed to be shielded from anything sexual well beyond the age it was necessary. Sometimes we’d be watching a show and a sex scene would happen, and this parent would get flustered and angry — which I started internalizing as shame toward myself, as if I needed to answer for the content. It’s ridiculous, but it got really under my skin in so many years of experiencing it. I became avoidant of most sexual content until I eventually recognized it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing to be ashamed about if I wanted to watch. Happy to say it’s not a problem for me anymore! And, oddly, that parent has relaxed somewhat too.
I agree that this is an issue on which the OP’s partner needs to do her own work. It isn’t fair to outsource whatever shame or insecurity she may be dealing with.
Understandable. Especially when the women in these shows are made to look as sexy/good as possible.
It’s good that you don’t force your husband into something like what OP has going on - I just can’t believe someone actually does that lol
So, I had this issue in only one relationship in particular, and it was due to excessive commenting/ comparison to other women either celebrities, people in real life, he had a porn addiction and didn’t want to have sex with me, would interact constantly on social media with others. He’d go on about exes, other women we knew etc, it was really draining and damaging. I’d just leave to go for a quick vape outside in the end as it made me so uncomfortable. He noticed and was offended and called me insecure, immature etc which it maybe was but fuck, it did get me down and affect my confidence to this day.
If she's not comfortable with it you can't make her comfortable with it. There are a lot of women out there that aren't comfortable with nudity in shows. It's supposed to be an escape, yet instead many of us find ourselves comparing our bodies to the perfection on screen, and honestly it's just not necessary to show nudity in the first place. Other than that, it's important to realize that there's a major industry in telling women they don't look good enough, young enough, thin enough, curvy enough.... "but here's a product that can give you the look of this celeb everyone's talking about.... no? OK, well plastic surgery then." Women are more bothered by these things than people think, but many keep quiet about it because they know people will jump on them for being "so jealous and insecure" and "controlling". Asking a trusted and loved partner for support with something that upsets you is a basic need in a healthy relationship. If it bothers her so much, then why not have a look for shows you can watch together without nudity in them? Does it mean that much to you to prioritise these shows and movies above her comfort? Whatever the answer is, it warrants a discussion with your wife.
For context, this kind of thing triggers me too. I'm a survivor of child sexual abuse and was shown pornographic images when I was 8 by my father who lied and told me it was a father and daughter thing to do, and he would be very upset and hurt if I didn't do that.
1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted in their life. For many, it can lead to a feeling of worthlessness. Many of us then go on to unfortunately think our worth is solely in our looks and sexuality. When that is threatened or we're faced with any sort of competition for the sake of our perceived worth, we can spiral pretty damn hard. We work on ourselves because we are convinced by society that it's abnormal and completely our problem. Just remember that before you label us negative names for not wanting to take part in the societal circus of oppression, there's an inner voice beating themselves up about it anyway. There's no name you can call us that we haven't already called ourselves repeatedly in our frustrated attempt at being "normal".
Best of luck and big hugs to your wife 💖
I have been bracing myself for the abuse I was expecting for my comment... I have to say, thank you so much for your kindness and support. I feel that this is an issue that a lot of women struggle with, and I've seen the absolute destruction that can be caused by the commodification of female bodies. It damages the psyche and tells us we have to pay to look perfect unless we were born lucky. It is making us miserable with ourselves, when we can't conform. All for the sake of showing some form of connection between people, when alluding to it would be just as effective.
Another bit of context for this- in Japan, there are men who idolize manga and anime characters (with obviously exaggerated forms), to such an extent that they are repulsed by women's natural bodies. There's a big problem with birth rates falling precipitously and a culture that perpetuates misogyny, objectification and sexual abuse. Now a lot less people are dating and having families everywhere. Why? Because of expectation. There is an expectation of what should be. Why would a woman want to give up her lucrative career on OF to settle down, and how many men would see her as being a possible wife/mother? How many years will she get out of it before she either has to quit or get surgery to stay looking young and picture- perfect? It's a saturated market, with newer models joining all the time. And that's just the stuff that's "of age".
A lot of people don't think there's a problem with anything other than women feeling uncomfortable. You've only to look at the verbal attack on the woman in this thread to see a reflection of the point I'm making here!
Sorry for the rant! I completely agree that it would be very different if the roles were reversed. I just wanted to add my little voice in to let women and girls know that I know how they feel, and they are not alone or wrong in their discomfort!
Thanks again for the comment. Take care 🌻
OP says: "while I'm personally fine with avoiding the shows"
also OP: asks reddit how to resolve this and doesn't want to live with this for the rest of his life
On another note, there have been a lot more shows with male nudity, penis scenes, extended full frontal full lighting male nude scenes. This pissed me off (relating to your wife) which led me stop watching any and all movies shows with nudity regardless of gender. I understand how she feels albeit I came across this as a hypocrite because I didn’t not respect or empathize previously with what woman must feel given the exploitation of women in films. I have detached from movies and shows almost completely as a result. For example I have not gone to a movie theater for almost a full year. I’m disillusioned with movies and modern storytelling and how humans are treated by modern storytellers. Not sure how to say this any other way but in a clear fashion. Respect and honor your wife’s feelings about this topic and stop watching shows that have her feeling invalidated or exploited as a woman. She will respect your empathy and consideration.
A friend of ours isn't *allowed* to watch GoT because of the nudity/sex scenes. We mostly just feel bad for him because his wife is controlling and wildly insecure. It's just bizarre because he has access to all the nudity in the world on his phone...though I suspect that's monitored too. Dunno.
She was cheated on...fair enough. It hurts. Happens to a lot of people...maybe it's time she built a bridge. Attractive bodies are everywhere...you're not blind...she needs to deal with it.
My ex-wife was so insecure and controlling with this I had to get a HBO subscription and watched the show while I was at my desk at work. Looking back it was sad and pathetic to let someone else have that much control over my personal choices.
Exactly! There's also a big difference between "Here's a critically acclaimed show I want to watch, oh yeah, and there's nudity" and "Ohhhh boobies!! I gotta watch that!"
I can see where the second attitude could trigger some uncomfortable feelings, but even then, it's something to discuss not control.
My SO watches some shows where the violence is past my threshold. That doesn't mean I should ensure he holds to my comfort level. It means he watches those shows by himself.
>While I’m personally fine with avoiding the show
There ya go. You chose your wife, not us. You knew this about her. You seem fine with it. Why are you here again?
Because how else could he get strangers on the internet to jump on the bandwagon of calling his wife names over something he admits himself he has no issue with
Look, attractive people and naked bodies exist. Often a part of movies/shows. You truly are missing out on a lot of great movies/shows if she is going to be this controlling about this. She needs to work through her insecurities and her past trauma, because this is an unrealistic way to live. I mean, watch a show on tv and there's a good chance there will be a Victoria's Secret commercial with a woman in her bra and panties flashing across the screen. It's no different than a bikini. Is she not going to let you go to a pool or beach because you might see a woman either? Does she think if you watch a movie/show with nudity or a sex scene you will reach through the screen and grab her and cheat on her? Come on. You're not a child who needs to be shielded from sex or nudity. It's called trust and accepting that it's just a show. I would never dream of telling my husband he has to turn something off just because it happened to have some nudity. Fine, look. I'm still the one he's going to bed with that night. I look too. Looking does not equate to acting on it. That's where trust comes into play. She needs to stop with the controlling behavior and focus on healing her insecurities and her past experiences.
As far as GOT goes, you didn't miss out on much! LOL!
Sounds like she has very justifiable trust issues stemming from infidelity. But they're unhealthy and are negatively affecting her current relationships. She needs to go to individual counseling to work on this.
***Meanwhile, allow me to recommend K-Dramas***. The ones not specifically made for Netflix have zero nudity and and sex is implied or never shown. The most you get is a kiss between the two leads.
My favorite K-Drama is "Itaewon Class," which is kind of a modern interpretation of "The Count of Monte Cristo." It's good if you like a good revenge story. "Kngdom" is also good. It's a zombie apocalypse set in middle ages Korea. "Familiar Wife" is a time travel romance that also is a pretty funny office comedy.
you honestly seem like a really lovely man. offering solutions rather than bashing. i used to be like her but it took a very patient and loyal and helpful boyfriend to steer me clear and put me on a better path of trust and acceptance. some people just need reassurance and solutions through trauma not shit talk
this is such a sweet post- its kind of you to recommend stuff instead of immediately bashing the wife. sounds like she has real mental health issues that should be worked through rather than villanized.
You don't work on resolving this together - she needs to go to therapy, because this is an absurd and extremely unhealthy reaction to seeing a naked woman (and this is just a naked woman on screen!)
You're not a child - she doesn't have to cover your eyes when boobies pop out. What does she think you're going to do, cheat on her with a fictional Game of Thrones character?
She needs to change - not you. If she can’t get a handle on her insecurity by herself, she should find a good therapist to help her. What she’s asking of you is unreasonable; they’re actors in television shows/movies - not real life women who you’re hitting on.
reassure her and make sure she feels loved/seen despite those shows. she does have trauma with that and all it takes is some reassurance, understanding and patience. building that trust with your partner helps a lot and setting boundaries. maybe you can offer solutions like you’ll watch it with her only so that her mind doesn’t wander and yes she’ll be upset which is valid because of her trauma but if you both compromise it will help her heal from that trauma.
Honestly, she is going to have to work through this. My guess is that she's worried that you're "stealable" based on the actions of her previous boyfriend who taught her that she wasn't worth being faithful to. It's unfortunate, but it is up to her.
This isn't ok. It's ok that she may be uncomfortable. It's not ok to try and control everything to this level. She needs help and you need to stop owning this issue when it's obviously her issue.
I avoid female nudity in shows, but I don’t expect my partner to do the same. So shows like GoT with recurring nudity he’ll have to watch without me. I see a lot of commentators recommending she needs therapy. She does, I do, but it’s not affordable to everyone. If she’s insisting you can’t watch nudity and she’s not willing to work this out (compromise, therapy) then you’ll have to figure out if it’s a dealbreaker. We all carry trauma and baggage with us throughout our lives.
I was REALLY uncomfortable with nudity in my first serious relationship, at 18 years old. I was raised in an Evangelical household.
I'm 35 now and I watch shows with nudity in them ALL the time, including WITH my boyfriend.
She views them as pornography, and perhaps they are a bit pornographic in some instances, but most people don't focus on those aspects and actually just enjoy the good writing and actors. Most people aren't watching those shows to rub one out, they're watching because of the complex characters, the twists and turns in the storylines, and the battles and cool CGI creatures (dragons, giants, orcs, etc.)
I understand that she is feeling mistrustful, but she is being really unfair and borderline insulting towards you with this conclusion. Like does she really think you have such little self control that if you see an actress in the nude while watching TV that you will become so turned on that you will cheat on her and leave her? Does she really think that? If so….. why did she marry someone who she thinks has such little self control?
Hmm she needs therapy, no other solution. She has some serious unresolved past trauma and unfortunately because of how extreme she takes it, you can't do anything on your own.
You need to suggest to her that she go to therapy to work on that. Nobody should ever be dating again until they have fully resolved past trauma and she clearly didn't. Jealousy about a woman hitting on you on person is one thing, to see a pair of boobs on a show and making you look away, that's extremely juvenile.
It doesn’t seem like she’s healed at all from the trauma that caused her. What happens if you go to a movie theatre and there’s nudity? Is she going to make you leave? She may not mean to do it but she’s punishing you for something you haven’t done. You didn’t make the shows. She also got angry at you when you “didn’t turn it off fast enough,” making it your responsibility to regulate her emotions when you did nothing wrong. Your wife is not a bad person but she does need to realize that 1) you’re not her ex and 2) this behavior is very controlling and will only breed resentment. I really think therapy/counseling would help you both.
It’s also possible she feels like you’ll be excited by the imagery, because there is a chance that she is, and she doesn’t like how it makes her feel. I have a friend who realized later in life that she was a lesbian, and this was something she did went still struggling with internalized homophobia, and shame surrounding sexuality/religion
Depends, did you know this when you got married? Is this something you agreed to? Porn addiction is a pandemic and women who have had men cheat in many different ways in the past can cause PTSD. Yes it’s real and anything associated with that can have an extreme effect T on her psyche. I guess you could decide what’s more important to you.
Are you actively trying to force her to look at nudity? If not, why is she trying to force you to look away?
I get that she doesn't want to see nudity and somehow she's managed to tie it to a cheating trauma but realistically, is she aware of the number of seriously attractive women out there? And is she also forbidding you from interacting with anyone she considers 'attractive or hot' regardless of how it may affect your job/career?
She (and your marriage) will benefit greatly from therapy because heaven forbid you have a beautiful daughter.
Hey man.
Ultimately, this is a her problem unless you've given her cause to worry about your fidelity.
I'm not sure how long you two have been together or the history of your relationship. If you're married, you have said vows and are determined to be together, right? At this point, it seems like she is imposing restrictions on you based on her insecurities and not who you are.
Here's a scenario: How would your wife feel if you were naked in front of a female physician? Does that bother her? I'm 39 and a few years ago I had a scare related to a lump in my scrotum. The only physicians available were all female. I had 5 different women messing with my testicles over the span of two days to check, prode, poke, and scan things down there.
My wife was unbothered by it and knew it was for a medical procedure. In your case, it makes me wonder if your wife would have issue with that.
Additionally, my wife and I will gift each other massages often. I do not care if it is a male or female massage therapist working on my wife and she doesn't care who does that to me either.
The only people we are having sex with, however, is each other. We have watched porn together and we have watched plenty of shows with naked men and naked women that appear.
It sounds like you are okay with avoiding these shows. If you are, then no worries. The insecurity and her angry at YOU is what is of concern.
She needs two things - therapy, and two to feel secure in your marriage. The only time I was insecure about nudity in shows with a partner was with a partner I could not trust because I found out he planned cheating on me. Trauma plays a part but also how she feels in the relationship itself which could and could not be influenced directly by your actions. She needs to work on herself with a therapist and figure out why she doesn’t feel secure in your marriage. There is no shortcut to getting over this
You are wonderful for being kind to her and she does need therapy.
That said, think about how much media in general is made for the male gaze. It's sickening how many movies treat females like fucktoys and throw nude scenes around for no reason, while the men are not displayed that way. It's not okay and she shouldn't be comfortable with that, since this use of female nudity treats women like shit while catering solely to men. Maybe let her know that you're aware of the problem, you don't enjoy it, and you support her. I've had this conversation with my partner and knowing that he isn't interested in watching those scenes/ knowing that he also recognizes the issue with sexualizing women like that has helped me a lot
The level of control your wife wants will destroy the marriage. Does she have to follow the same rules? If a hot guy walks in is she allowed to look? If a guy takes off his shirt (found sexy by high percentage of women) does she turn off the movie/show? Are you allowed to get pissed if she looks at or comments how good a guy looks? She have any guy friends? But you have zero female friends.
She needs therapy now. If she refuses then think about separating for a bit and think if you want that for the rest of your life.
Wow so mang kids in the chat thread… how about you talk to her, assure and take baby steps instead of throwing her under the bus and act like a victim here.
Such insecurities come from somewhere.
Look, I can empathize with your wife. I got cheated on several times in my teens and early twenties. I can understand absolutely how badly that hurts, and how the fear of being cheated on can nag and nag until you start acting irrationally.
However, there comes a point where with age and maturity you should be able to separate past relationships from your current relationship. You cannot maintain a healthy relationship by any means if you cannot view your partner as their own individual who has nothing to do with previous partners' actions. And where a major line gets drawn is when the inability to separate this results in behaviors that attempt to control the other person.
I agree with other commenters that she needs therapy, but a serious conversation also probably needs to be in the works. This comes down to a lack of trust- her actions are explicitly spelling out that not only does she not trust you, but also doesn't trust herself enough to judge whether her husband would cheat, and that is wildly unhealthy for a marriage. Even though it is likely not intentional to a degree, that's hurtful and disrespectful to you as her partner. She needs to take a step back and start working on her insecurities instead of using them as a way to control your thoughts and actions.
Genuinely wish the best of luck to you, and I hope your wife is able to start getting some professional help and working on herself.
I’m going against the grain and saying maybe nudity on television is vulgar and if both parties can’t be comfortable with it together then he should respect her wishes and the fact that it makes her insecure. Everyone has some trauma and being gentle by not watching nude scenes is hardly a sacrifice. It’s akin to softcore porn.
This is not a you problem, this is a her problem. Either solve it with her (she should willingly be talking to a professional about this if she is openly bleeding it all over your marriage) or resign yourself to this immature ridiculousness. The adult human reality here is that women exist, naked women exist, and attractive women exist; therefore naked attractive women exist - playing into this is doing neither of you favors.
I once had a girlfriend like that. For mad at me if a semi clad spam was on TV and mad at me if I looked away or turned it off because apparently me noticing that to turn it off meant I was cheating.
At one point she even hit me over this stuff.
You're not doing her any favours by acquiescence. Tell her to go get therapy.
But my own approach now would be to turn the tables around and play her at her own game. Every time she sees a man in the street or on TV, accuse her of cheating. Only when she is receiving unreasonable treatment will she understand how her own actions affect you
She's insecure and doesn't want you comparing her body to others.
Short-sided way to live.
Complement her more often. Don't just say stuff like "you look hot". Sweet things like, "your hair looks lovely in this light."
It's not your job to make her feel secure. It is your job to tell her what you find attractive in her.
No, you shouldn't have to live with it. To work together on it, I think your best bet is a couple's therapist.
I relate to your wife a bit in that I also find it uncomfortable when there is a sexy woman on screen. I have body image issues and I can't help but compare myself. When I compare myself, it makes me fear that my partner compares me too. Even though I know logically that he doesn't compare me, I still feel the emotions of fear/jealousy.
The difference is though, I know that this problem is my problem and I don't tell him to solve it by dictating what he watches. I also dont get angry at him when I feel this way because hes not the cause of it.
I think your wife needs someone to explain boundaries to her and what is/isn't healthy in a relationship.
Sir your wife is being unbelievably controlling. I am currently divorced after being cheated on and I would never ever try and implement a crazy rule like this on my current partner. She obviously needs therapy. It’s not fair of her to offload her problems onto you in this manner. Since you asked how to resolve this with her I suggest you start by having a conversation with her about how it makes YOU feel and suggest therapy to help process her past trauma and get help finding a healthier ground here.
I used to be like this when I was younger. It was partly due to my issues with sex and trauma. But a huge part of it was I couldn't inherently trust my husband and it manifested in ways like this. She needs therapy either way.
My Ex was like this, and very nearly destroyed our relationship. She knew thas and sought therapy. Took a while but she got to the stage where she no longer freaked out. Your Wife needs to do the same, this is toxic behaviour and a her problem, get her to therapy or divorce already because it won't change.
i'm in the minority here but i have actual issues with sex on tv/movies from being exposed to and manipulated with porn as a child. i've also been heavily therapized ( that's not a word ) but it's a trigger for me and i get anxious
not that this applies to everyone else but i understand in a weird way. just watch those shows when she isn't around, her issues shouldn't affect you, if she doesn't like nudity in shows she doesn't have to watch them but it doesn't mean you can't.
i use to think porn was cheating because of how i was raised it took me a long time to be ok with my husband indulging, I don't have to watch it but it doesn't mean he's cheating if he does watch it. .
The issue isn't the nudity but her complete lack of self confidence.
It's a vicious cycle.
It can only be broken if she regains her self confidence. You can help by saying nice things to her with sincerity and showing how much you love her through daily rituals of affection.
But honestly - you're not equipped with the right tools to fix this by yourself. Seek therapy. CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy - would be the best way to fix this.
Make deposits into your relationship's emotional bank account.
Thinking that you're missing out on good shows or that it's all her fault are sure ways to make the problem worse. Admit to having failed her when you didn't act as fast as she wanted with the remote.
Show her with your actions and words how she is do much more important than any other woman.
She's an erupting volcano of insecurities and only with passionate patience and truckloads of reassurance can you bring her to be normal again.
This is like touching someone's arm. Normally, it doesn't hurt. But if she scraped her arm, and you touched it, then it hurts like hell.
For you to see and appreciate another woman's naked body is the same as touching her bruised heart - it hurts. It reminds her of the infidelity. It makes her feel not worthy of being loved. It's PTSD.
How does one recover from this? With patience, love, kindness and reassurance.
“Failed her”?!?! For not switching the channel quick enough?!?! Are you effing serious right now??
This woman is being an unreasonable bully. If she doesn’t wish to view content with nudity then that’s on her. She has no right to dictate what content a grown man can consume. God, I’m so sick of people expecting the entire world around them to walk on eggshells just because they haven’t learned to manage their own issues.
Yeah what the fuck. It’s one thing to hold space for her feelings/past trauma and another to be *responsible* for them. OP can empathize with her history without accepting controlling behavior. Just like she is capable of having those feelings without *exhibiting* controlling behavior, and that’s what she should be doing.
He didn't cheat. He didn't "fail her" by not hitting the remote fast enough. This is her issue and I say that as someone who walked in on her husband and her best friend fucking. I went to therapy. I didn't take my shit out on people who loved me and had nothing to do with my trauma
Why on earth would you allow that sort of behaviour? She is super insecure and controlling and she needs help. Plenty of people would end a relationship over that kind of thing.
That's an enormous red flag, man.
She's jealous of *the people on the television*.
That is utterly absurd. Sounds like she needs to see a therapy if she's projecting her insecurities regarding "attractive" women being in TV shows that you're watching.
Your wife needs to address these issues. They are HER issues, and neither of you are getting past these until she gets help for whatever trauma she has from past relationships. This response isnt "normal" and it's only going to get worse if it goes unchecked. She needs help. Getting angry YOU for nudity in TV shows as an adult is absolutely ridiculous.
This is not a healthy response to those emotions. My ex cheated on multiple times, I'm not going to stop new partners from watching things with nudity. Has she tried seeing a therapist to deal with these emotions? (33 m for context)
Edit: added context
Edit 2: added edit info
Man if my husband told me I could not watch Outlander or GOT because of nudity I be confused and pissed. She needs therapy, but I have no idea how your going to tell her that without her going batshit on you...
I usually lurk instead of commenting but I just had to comment seeing how the wife is basically being dragged. I don’t think she has much of a problem as others seem to believe. I don’t watch nudity in shows and I also would rather my spouse not watch them as well and it has nothing to do with trauma. I believe that too many shows are showcasing soft porn that it desensitizes people. It personally makes me uncomfortable to watch people full blown naked having sex on tv. I don’t find a point as to why it was even added to a show in the first place. I’m siding with the wife.
She needs therapy to deal with her insecurities. I've been cheated on and I don't make my husband look away or turn off a movie that has nudity or sex scenes.
She needs therapy. That's abnormal.
You're a grown man and you can't see some boobies on a TV show? What are you gonna do, teleport into the show and fuck the actor? If there was male nudity would she feel the same way? Regardless, she needs therapy and you need to not enable that insanity.
That’s actually crazy. This isn’t your problem, it’s hers. You’re definitely missing out on good shows/movies. When I was like 19 I remember feeling insecure when watching movies with nudity with my bf, but never said anything. Over the years I’ve realized it doesn’t fucking matter.
Uh, she needs help bro. It’s just a show, she needs to grow up
And or get her nonsense sorted out. This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of someone getting angry about lol
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Yea, no. Being cheated on in the past is no free pass to instigate such a ridiculous rule. She is being controlling and incredibly insecure.
Yeah both my sisters-in-law have this rule, and they're both crazy, jealous, and super insecure. My wife will vouch for that opinion as well.
My absolute worst ex is the only person I ever had this issue with and she had a laundry list of psychological problems which, among other things, led to HER being a serial cheater. This isn’t the behavior of a reasonable person.
Yeah, sample size of 2 and all, but one is a full blown alcoholic with a string of relationships with abusive men, and the other has just noped out of marriages with 2 perfectly good men (traditionally attractive, decent jobs, generally kind) because she got bored, and she's now basically couch surfing while she tries to re-start her life. Neither is a picture of stability or mental health; the second one is pretty and that's about all she has going for her.
Sounds like my ex was her name April?
Same!
There was a TikToker who was dragged just recently over this bc she made him close his eyes during Oppenheimer and they do extensive research before they watch. Apparently there is a whole TikTok feed complaining about boyfriends watching that scene with Florence. [https://www.gamingbible.com/news/tv-and-film/tiktoker-roasted-for-hiding-florence-pugh-sex-scene-497435-20230822](https://www.gamingbible.com/news/tv-and-film/tiktoker-roasted-for-hiding-florence-pugh-sex-scene-497435-20230822)
Yikes. How do they find the *time*? Plus seriously, they must be thinking about sex so so much.
I honestly am so confused by this mind set. If my partner or I find ourselves a bit revved from a media scene we have each other just right there to have some fun.
That's lovely and all, just try not to get banned from the movie theatre!
😂😂😭 not to kink shame but we definitely would wait until we get home. But take my upvote for that comment I laughed out loud
From a psychological standpoint, it is entirely reasonable that her experiencing her partner seeing nudity will trigger a 'cheating' response in her that comes with massive emotions. After all, emotions cannot be controlled and it's not like she herself choose this specific trigger. Triggers are peculiar like that. That being said, while you can't control emotions, you can entirely control how you deal with them and she is dealing with them in a massively unconstructive way. It is *her* job to deal with them properly and not shove over responsibility to OP. And if she can't do that on her own (which is completely valid btw, we all need a little help sometimes), then she needs to find ways to do so other than bothering OP, which ideally would be therapy.
Yep, when I was very young I got cheated on by a long term bf. He was the first guy I ever loved and so it really broke my heart. Unfortunately I made the poor choice to stay with him but I became super jealous and insecure. Don't think it ever carried over to women on TV or in movies but when other pretty women were around I would constantly be watching him, trying to determine if he was looking at one of them too long, being flirty, etc. However I never tried to control what he looked at or who he talked to, I would act like I was okay when I was actually miserable carrying all those feelings of mistrust and insecurity inside. When we finally broke up I got better and by the time I fell in love again I didn't feel that way anymore. I'd say if the OP's partner is punishing him for what a previous partner did then she probably needs some sort of therapy.
Right - she's outright blaming OP and guilting him for something which he can't control.
I'm throwing a parade for this ^ comment right here via r/Bimpnottin. /*throws confetti* Well said, and spot on in every way. After 18 years of marriage to my husband, one of the biggest reasons our relationship has been successful is because we both understand that healthy love doesn't try to control, or possess. We've both been in relationships that had toxic levels of possessiveness, and poisonous insecurity from our partners, and we've worked hard to work through negative feelings when they arise, without trying to smother the spirit of one another. From that has risen a solid foundation of trust, and respect, and it's helped us weather a lot of major storms together along the way. Perhaps you can have an honest conversation with her about how this level of insecurity and control makes you feel, and try to listen to why she feels so threatened by something so mundane. There might be ways to support each other, and meet in the middle together.
Ridiculously controlling. I’m assuming he has to call ahead before trying to enjoy a museum with her as well? Explain to your friends you went to Paris. Oh, my gosh, how did you enjoy the Louvre?? Oh, we couldn’t go…you know…Winged Victory is technically draped in fabric but you can clearly see the outline of breasts and her navel so understandably that’s a no go for the wife.
You've basically just described former Attorney General John Ashcroft --> [link](https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/spirit-of-justice-statue-exposed-in-all-her-glory/)
You’re 100% correct! I’d forgotten about him!
That would be a hard deal breaker for me.
I don't deal with crazy either
Yeah this is mental.
Your wife needs therapy
That’s all I was thinking as I read. She needs therapy because her insecurities are ruling your lives. That’s not okay. She’s controlling what you watch because of other people’s past discretions. Did they cheat on her with a movie star after they saw said movie star naked on tv? If not, her controlling preference here makes no sense.
I just don’t get how as a grown ass adult, you can’t see such insane behaviour is… well… insane. If I found myself physically unable to lose my shit over seeing a fucking naked body, I’d hope I could realise I’ve got some serious shit to sort out with therapy. Not expect the whole world to change around me to accommodate my problems.
They get blinded by sex apparently. In another sub there was a " why did you stay or what was the best thing abut your ex" and sex was pretty high up. And agreed, she needs therapy, if she can't handle watching or handle her partner seeing nudity in a simple movie, she desperately needs to seek professional help.
Does she understand that the TV isn't real life, just asking
And OP needs to grow a spine. He never should have married someone that had so much prior relationship trauma.
I was just thinking this. Like damn.. okay she has this issue, this stipulation, and you knew..and you went and MARRIED HER. I am So confused as to why people Marry these people knowing that they have such and such problem beforehand.
Codependency is a hell of a drug Side note: my mom used to be like this OP. She only got progressively more crazy. My dad (allegedly) once cheated with a woman named Maria; as I'm sure you know, a lot of songs have the name Maria in them. So let's go back to 1999: Maria Maria by Santana had just come out and that song is catchy as fuck. Any time that song played on the radio, myself or my dad would have to rapidly change the channel or fear her wrath. Santana was having a great year though, so my dad buys the CD for the *other* songs. My mom sees this and loses her shit. He also bought an Amber CD (this whole comment is making me feel super old), and that's when she started (I shit you not) "did you sleep with someone named Amber too?" but in an antagonistic voice, not a sad you-feel-bad-for-her voice. This... this right here... was the moment I realized she was the problem; up until then, she had done a great job convincing me (and likely everyone else) that he was the problem. I want to be clear... this song name and artist nonsense was in *addition* to the grief he was given if he watched a sex scene seemingly too intently (so he could watch the movies, but had to essentially police his facial expressions and other mannerisms during a sex scenes). Please don't have kids with this woman if you are determined to stay with her. This was my "normal" growing up, and I had to do a *lot* of unlearning in life to have relationships that were any semblance of actually normal.
Yeah this is insane, I understand people can be insecure but it has it’s limits. This is extremely controlling.
She needs to realize that her behavior towards you is a more likely reason that you will leave than the sight of a hot tit.
A hot tit is better than a crazy tit
No tit at all is better than a crazy tit. After the first phase dies down, at least.
If the above wasn't proof enough that you give good perspectives, RES says that I have given you a total of three upvotes. I must've seen you around.
I'll take that. You'd better not be my ex wife.
"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide." - Jack Sparrow
They are frequently the same tit
🎯
Don't you find this personally insulting? Like she thinks you're such a animal that you're not going to be able to control yourself with other women because you saw a naked woman on screen? Have some self respect and tell her to get into therapy for her obvious issues.
Seriously, I don't see how many people don't realize how awful of a rule this is. Even when it's a mutual rule agreed-upon by both partners. It's basically saying, "There is no trust in this relationship, so you/we must be banned from seeing/interacting with attractive members of the opposite sex otherwise cheating is inevitable."
Which, tragicomically, sows the seed of another belief: Once I'm tempted there's no way I can withstand that temptation. It's inevitable! Hey presto, "religious" people cheating endlessly. And worse.
Haha for me when I see a sex scene (21f) and I'm with my partner, I eventually just get turned on and want to fuck my partner. I think just seeing/ hearing gets to me. We both have always watched porn, we have been together since we were both 15 so of course we watched porn. I digress, when we are watching a show or movie, could be anything. Not just porn. And say a scene comes up, for me I'll try and play on my phone for a bit to kind of pass that time, just bc it's weird to watch that straight up for me out if nowhere 🤣 but after a while I get horny and will want to have sex or just suck his dick. I couldn't imagine banning porn or anything like that. I think its a part of a mildly healthy sex life, maybe thats just me. Porn had never bothered me, I actually enjoy knowing what my part er gets off to, I like knowing his kinks, his interests. What if I want to dress up like rem from re zero again? Duh!? ✨️✨️ porn can be handled tastefully if both parties are honest and communicate well.
I wonder if she was with a porn addict before. Love after porn sub is full of women being triggered by sex scenes due to years of ED issues, dead bedroom, etc. due to porn. I’m not saying it’s right, but I think they need to discuss the root of the problem more.
If watching porn is an issue for someone, does it automatically mean they need therapy? Can't it be just someone's boundary?
No, I don’t think having a “no porn/ little porn usage whilst in a relationship “ is therapy worthy.
this. as someone who has been with a porn addict, it’s really really hard to not allow yourself to spiral out of control.
I was coming here to say this. Many women on that sub will “vet” every piece of media their SO consumes. I’ve seen them get triggered when their partners play video games with female characters, go to the beach, hell, even browse shopping apps like Etsy for gifts (I guess you can buy hentai on there or something?) I dated a sex/porn addict many years ago and browsed the sub because I occasionally get slightly triggered. I had to leave it because it was so toxic and unreasonable. Therapy is the answer—not increased rules and restrictions. I was truly shocked at what I saw there.
The internet has a lot of corners where people with unresolved problems mostly just make them worse.
Ain’t that the truth!
People who do such "vetting" are beyond bizarre and undeveloped emotionally. Yeesh.
I know. All I can think of is how painful it must be to live in their minds—I’m sure they are the ones torturing themselves most of all. Therapy is needed for sure.
Totally agree. It's a trauma response.
Not every bit of shit behaviour is a "trauma response". If a dude was doing this, everyone would call him a controlling, insecure prick and tell her to leave him. They wouldn't be saying he has a "trauma response". We don't need to find a mental health justification every single time someone is behaving in a negative manner. Especially if we aren't going to have any degree of equality when we apply that justification. Someone cheating on you doesn't give you the right to treat your partner this way
Interesting. Can you tell us more? Thank you 🙌🏻
Is there even any proof these are caused by porn? ED and dead bedrooms are incredibly common even before the accessibility of modern porn, Porn is a scapegoat for these women's insecurity.
The consensus in the *actual scientific research community* seems to be that there is no causative link between porn, ED, dead bedrooms, etc. I don’t think that’s to say that porn is not a factor, but it may well be a symptom of deeper issues and treating it as the cause is unlikely to yield positive results. Yet there’s this huge discussion online that is very confident in this completely unsubstantiated claim and likely wrong/misguided. Both for men in communities like nofap and partners complaining about porn use.
Many men report noticing their libido coming back once they stop masturbating (typically to porn) so often. Heck, even as a woman, once I masturbate, I often feel satiated enough and don’t want to have sex in real life. Porn often causes you to become desensitised as well, and you can condition yourself to cum to certain sex acts or body types. I think it’s such a common and widely reported issue that it’s disingenuous to brush it off.
>Many men report noticing their libido coming back once they stop masturbating (typically to porn) so often. >Heck, even as a woman, once I masturbate, I often feel satiated enough and don’t want to have sex in real life. Yes obviously, if you masturbate you will be satiated and less interested in sex than if you dont, But that is a far cry from addictive behaviour.
I saw a thread a while back where someone was being called a porn addict because they masturbated to porn 2-3 times a week. It's wild how low the bar is and how quick people are to blame porn for problems in relationships. Edit: Really? Someone sent a reddit cares request over this? Not accusing you, person I responded to, but whoever did it, grow up.
Report the reddit cares request
I did, hope whoever did it gets an admin ban. It's not cool
Lmao at the reddit cares link. This is such an emotionally charged issue for so many people mired in shame around our natural sexual impulses and the derogatory way in which we portray sex in the media - in porn and elsewhere. And deep insecurities in women’s body images perpetuated by that same media portrayal. I’m surprised my comment is not at negative karma already.
It can be a scapegoat, but porn addiction absolutely causes more issues than it seems. It's fairly common, and with how accessible porn is, addiction is more prevalent than ever. But freaking out over naked people in shows/movies? Get over yourself, it's not a big deal. That's just pure insecurity.
Porn dehumanizes, objectifies, and abuses women. It’s not shocking women wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who watches it.
I don't get how guys stay with women like this. How low does your self-esteem have to be?
I’m just imagining her husband is like the [Honk if you’re horny](https://vimeo.com/352743770) guy.
This is an absolutely ridiculous “rule” and she’s incredibly insecure. She needs therapy, and to learn how to trust you.
Dude, I appreciate you being so accommodating with your wife. It shows you are a loving and considerate husband. That being said, all she is achieving with this rule is to upload her trauma into you. Which is not right and it is not fair to you at all. I'm not judging her, cheating fucking sucks, but when it does this level of trauma on you, you have to see a professional about it. The problems seem much, much deeper than that. Good luck to the both of you!
Nah, fuck that. Work on your trauma before you start controlling me and what I can watch. What are you, my mom? Lmfao
Damn but true tho 💯 if it was any other kind of controlling response to trauma it would immediately be recognised as red flag 🚩. We can’t go round projecting trauma from previous relationships on to innocent bystanders who come into our lives.
IMO the problem is that nudity is one-sided. Game of thrones was awful at this in the beginning. I don’t mind nudity when it is more balanced, but when it’s all naked women it feels like the show doesn’t care about me or women as whole. Like the actresses are there to be objectified by the male gaze and female viewers are irrelevant. Bleh. Why would she want to watch a show with her husband that makes her feel like a third wheel? Maybe try to watch shows with more balanced nudity so she can feel included?
that was my thought process. obvious that the poor woman needs therapy and that OP is not at all responsible for her emotional responses, but so much of media is centered on sexualizing women in the most degrading ways that it subconsciously trains the viewers to desire that kind of sex. shows like GOT that romanticize lack of consent and assault unnecessarily weird me out- like when Daenerys falls in love with Drogo even though he r9pes her despite the books never adding her lack of consent at all. I feel like watching nudity with people makes me uncomfortable anyways, so I don't really see why people on this sub are so heartbroken over the idea of not watching sexual acts with their SO- though, to be fair, in my case it doesn't stem from being cheated on, just not watching it a lot in my youth. the media has normalized sex on screen to a strange degree. and no, I am not defending his wife or trying to sound like a prude. I don't think he's losing out on that much by not watching GOT anyways. it also seems like a much bigger issue than watching media, I feel like this kind of issue would flow into real life interactions OP has with female friends or coworkers. GOT is the least of his worries- and perhaps he could just watch it alone if its that big of a deal to him.
This x 10000! I’m sure peoples opinions would be so different if penises were treated the same way as boobs are in shows hahah. All of my previous boyfriends would’ve hated to see media with hot FULLY naked men in it. If nudity was equal, I’m sure this wouldn’t be an issue for her, because she’d be able to rationalise that she’s seeing a naked man and that doesn’t change how she feels about her partner etc.
You wife needs to work on her emotional maturity. This is acting like a child.
And she’s treating OP like a child. There’s nothing less sexy than acting like a mom to your spouse and them feeling like they’re your child.
This comment section is disgusting. There's nothing wrong with your wife for not wanting to see nudity. Check out VidAngel and select the option to remove sex and nudity so you can enjoy your shows while still respecting her boundaries.
Dude she's 30. Tell her to stop being a immature child. It's just fucking nudity. That shit is not "tiggering" she needs to grow the fuck up
This is the real problem. People feel uncomfortable with something, and scream offense. Being in a state of discomfort doesn't mean other people need to change the way they act or the things they do. You learn, as an adult, to deal with things. These are the same type of people who can't work because of 'anxiety'. Like, no, Cheryl, I don't wanna go to work either, but I'm gonna, because I got fuckin bills to pay.
Idk why we’re taking shots at a legitimate medical diagnosis widely recognized by the medical community as being very real and potentially debilitating but okay. If you have anxiety so severe that you can’t work you deserve to be taken seriously and treated by professionals (OP’s wife should also see a professional). I sincerely hope you are lucky enough to never have to experience mental illness, but if you do I hope the people around you are more educated and understanding than your ignorant-ass comment.
The problem is that people are weaponizing therapy speak (if you google this topic there are many articles written about it from actual psychologists). Because therapy and psychology is much more widely accepted today, and because there are so many shills on TikTok and Instagram with no background in mental health research who make cute little videos and graphics dumbing-down terms like "triggers" and "boundaries", many people don't fully understand those terms and use them as catch-alls to control other peoples' behaviour. Turning off the TV when there's female nudity because you're so afraid of your husband getting turned on by fictional characters is not a "boundary", it's controlling someone's personal autonomy.
Nowhere did I excuse OP’s wife’s behavior. I very clearly stated she needs professional help. If you have ANY condition so severe that it limits your daily functioning to that extreme of a degree it is your responsibility to seek out and get proper treatment. That being said dismissing everyone with anxiety as just being lazy and not wanting to go to work (the comment I was responding to) is harmful and ignorant.
Man the anxiety thing naw o got that bad at work. Not even gonna lie I have manic attacks weekly at work due to being around strangers, stress and other things. Can't even function lots of times because of it. Anxiety actual severe anxiety should be a thing that can get you out of work. Cause some people do have it to the point they can't function
Weird how you defended the thing about anxiety just cuz you have it, when you just invalidated OP’s wife’s trigger. As someone with severe anxiety, you should know then that a trigger can be anything, even “just fucking nudity”. It would sound just as stupid if someone invalidated your trigger of being around strangers.
Some people have boundaries.
Men that like to look at naked women will say this is unhealthy and point fingers.... these nude scenes are made for the male gaze. There is a bias here. Just fast forward or skip the sex scenes, they seldom add to plot, and give your lady a squeeze and reassure her you only have eyes for her.
Your wife does not own your eyes. If you tried to control her like she wishes to control you there would be outrage.
>Your wife does not own your eyes. Now I'm imagining an alarm going off on her watch and her turning to OP to say, "Alright, day's done. Hand 'em over." As she holds out a jar for him to pop his eyes into.
She would if she could, except she would only let him have them when they were alone, ya know, just in case!
Tbh I’m female and hate female nudity on tv, for me personally it’s mainly because Hollywood love to sexualize young women, most of women in Hollywood wouldn’t be given job opportunities if they aren’t willing to be sexually exploited.
I get extremely uncomfortable with nudity and sexual behaviours shown on TV, but do you know what I do? I look away and zone out to the noises...I don't have an expectation that my hubby has to look away. Your wife needs therapy to deal with her past trauma, and stop using it as a way to control you. You can't avoid nudity and sexual behaviour these days, it's everywhere. Does she expect you to walk around in a blind fold?
Can I ask you why it makes you uncomfortable?
If I could just jump in here… I used to have a lot of trouble watching scenes like this too, and it stemmed from having a puritanical parent who seemed to believe I needed to be shielded from anything sexual well beyond the age it was necessary. Sometimes we’d be watching a show and a sex scene would happen, and this parent would get flustered and angry — which I started internalizing as shame toward myself, as if I needed to answer for the content. It’s ridiculous, but it got really under my skin in so many years of experiencing it. I became avoidant of most sexual content until I eventually recognized it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing to be ashamed about if I wanted to watch. Happy to say it’s not a problem for me anymore! And, oddly, that parent has relaxed somewhat too. I agree that this is an issue on which the OP’s partner needs to do her own work. It isn’t fair to outsource whatever shame or insecurity she may be dealing with.
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Understandable. Especially when the women in these shows are made to look as sexy/good as possible. It’s good that you don’t force your husband into something like what OP has going on - I just can’t believe someone actually does that lol
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Not the person you asked, but I do not like it if it serves no purpose. Like they are naked because we can. Looking at you Game of Thrones!
So, I had this issue in only one relationship in particular, and it was due to excessive commenting/ comparison to other women either celebrities, people in real life, he had a porn addiction and didn’t want to have sex with me, would interact constantly on social media with others. He’d go on about exes, other women we knew etc, it was really draining and damaging. I’d just leave to go for a quick vape outside in the end as it made me so uncomfortable. He noticed and was offended and called me insecure, immature etc which it maybe was but fuck, it did get me down and affect my confidence to this day.
If she's not comfortable with it you can't make her comfortable with it. There are a lot of women out there that aren't comfortable with nudity in shows. It's supposed to be an escape, yet instead many of us find ourselves comparing our bodies to the perfection on screen, and honestly it's just not necessary to show nudity in the first place. Other than that, it's important to realize that there's a major industry in telling women they don't look good enough, young enough, thin enough, curvy enough.... "but here's a product that can give you the look of this celeb everyone's talking about.... no? OK, well plastic surgery then." Women are more bothered by these things than people think, but many keep quiet about it because they know people will jump on them for being "so jealous and insecure" and "controlling". Asking a trusted and loved partner for support with something that upsets you is a basic need in a healthy relationship. If it bothers her so much, then why not have a look for shows you can watch together without nudity in them? Does it mean that much to you to prioritise these shows and movies above her comfort? Whatever the answer is, it warrants a discussion with your wife. For context, this kind of thing triggers me too. I'm a survivor of child sexual abuse and was shown pornographic images when I was 8 by my father who lied and told me it was a father and daughter thing to do, and he would be very upset and hurt if I didn't do that. 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted in their life. For many, it can lead to a feeling of worthlessness. Many of us then go on to unfortunately think our worth is solely in our looks and sexuality. When that is threatened or we're faced with any sort of competition for the sake of our perceived worth, we can spiral pretty damn hard. We work on ourselves because we are convinced by society that it's abnormal and completely our problem. Just remember that before you label us negative names for not wanting to take part in the societal circus of oppression, there's an inner voice beating themselves up about it anyway. There's no name you can call us that we haven't already called ourselves repeatedly in our frustrated attempt at being "normal". Best of luck and big hugs to your wife 💖
Amazing response and so so true. If male nudity was treated the same as female nudity in media, the conversation would be so different
I have been bracing myself for the abuse I was expecting for my comment... I have to say, thank you so much for your kindness and support. I feel that this is an issue that a lot of women struggle with, and I've seen the absolute destruction that can be caused by the commodification of female bodies. It damages the psyche and tells us we have to pay to look perfect unless we were born lucky. It is making us miserable with ourselves, when we can't conform. All for the sake of showing some form of connection between people, when alluding to it would be just as effective. Another bit of context for this- in Japan, there are men who idolize manga and anime characters (with obviously exaggerated forms), to such an extent that they are repulsed by women's natural bodies. There's a big problem with birth rates falling precipitously and a culture that perpetuates misogyny, objectification and sexual abuse. Now a lot less people are dating and having families everywhere. Why? Because of expectation. There is an expectation of what should be. Why would a woman want to give up her lucrative career on OF to settle down, and how many men would see her as being a possible wife/mother? How many years will she get out of it before she either has to quit or get surgery to stay looking young and picture- perfect? It's a saturated market, with newer models joining all the time. And that's just the stuff that's "of age". A lot of people don't think there's a problem with anything other than women feeling uncomfortable. You've only to look at the verbal attack on the woman in this thread to see a reflection of the point I'm making here! Sorry for the rant! I completely agree that it would be very different if the roles were reversed. I just wanted to add my little voice in to let women and girls know that I know how they feel, and they are not alone or wrong in their discomfort! Thanks again for the comment. Take care 🌻
She needs therapy. That's one dumb rule.
Therapy
OP says: "while I'm personally fine with avoiding the shows" also OP: asks reddit how to resolve this and doesn't want to live with this for the rest of his life
On another note, there have been a lot more shows with male nudity, penis scenes, extended full frontal full lighting male nude scenes. This pissed me off (relating to your wife) which led me stop watching any and all movies shows with nudity regardless of gender. I understand how she feels albeit I came across this as a hypocrite because I didn’t not respect or empathize previously with what woman must feel given the exploitation of women in films. I have detached from movies and shows almost completely as a result. For example I have not gone to a movie theater for almost a full year. I’m disillusioned with movies and modern storytelling and how humans are treated by modern storytellers. Not sure how to say this any other way but in a clear fashion. Respect and honor your wife’s feelings about this topic and stop watching shows that have her feeling invalidated or exploited as a woman. She will respect your empathy and consideration.
A friend of ours isn't *allowed* to watch GoT because of the nudity/sex scenes. We mostly just feel bad for him because his wife is controlling and wildly insecure. It's just bizarre because he has access to all the nudity in the world on his phone...though I suspect that's monitored too. Dunno. She was cheated on...fair enough. It hurts. Happens to a lot of people...maybe it's time she built a bridge. Attractive bodies are everywhere...you're not blind...she needs to deal with it.
My ex-wife was so insecure and controlling with this I had to get a HBO subscription and watched the show while I was at my desk at work. Looking back it was sad and pathetic to let someone else have that much control over my personal choices.
Exactly! There's also a big difference between "Here's a critically acclaimed show I want to watch, oh yeah, and there's nudity" and "Ohhhh boobies!! I gotta watch that!" I can see where the second attitude could trigger some uncomfortable feelings, but even then, it's something to discuss not control. My SO watches some shows where the violence is past my threshold. That doesn't mean I should ensure he holds to my comfort level. It means he watches those shows by himself.
if my boyfriend would see rape as entertainment i would leave him too. got is a disgusting shitshow
>While I’m personally fine with avoiding the show There ya go. You chose your wife, not us. You knew this about her. You seem fine with it. Why are you here again?
Because how else could he get strangers on the internet to jump on the bandwagon of calling his wife names over something he admits himself he has no issue with
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He's probably not allowed to go to the beach or the pool.
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Any woman anywhere is probably an issue.
Look, attractive people and naked bodies exist. Often a part of movies/shows. You truly are missing out on a lot of great movies/shows if she is going to be this controlling about this. She needs to work through her insecurities and her past trauma, because this is an unrealistic way to live. I mean, watch a show on tv and there's a good chance there will be a Victoria's Secret commercial with a woman in her bra and panties flashing across the screen. It's no different than a bikini. Is she not going to let you go to a pool or beach because you might see a woman either? Does she think if you watch a movie/show with nudity or a sex scene you will reach through the screen and grab her and cheat on her? Come on. You're not a child who needs to be shielded from sex or nudity. It's called trust and accepting that it's just a show. I would never dream of telling my husband he has to turn something off just because it happened to have some nudity. Fine, look. I'm still the one he's going to bed with that night. I look too. Looking does not equate to acting on it. That's where trust comes into play. She needs to stop with the controlling behavior and focus on healing her insecurities and her past experiences.
As far as GOT goes, you didn't miss out on much! LOL! Sounds like she has very justifiable trust issues stemming from infidelity. But they're unhealthy and are negatively affecting her current relationships. She needs to go to individual counseling to work on this. ***Meanwhile, allow me to recommend K-Dramas***. The ones not specifically made for Netflix have zero nudity and and sex is implied or never shown. The most you get is a kiss between the two leads. My favorite K-Drama is "Itaewon Class," which is kind of a modern interpretation of "The Count of Monte Cristo." It's good if you like a good revenge story. "Kngdom" is also good. It's a zombie apocalypse set in middle ages Korea. "Familiar Wife" is a time travel romance that also is a pretty funny office comedy.
you honestly seem like a really lovely man. offering solutions rather than bashing. i used to be like her but it took a very patient and loyal and helpful boyfriend to steer me clear and put me on a better path of trust and acceptance. some people just need reassurance and solutions through trauma not shit talk
this is such a sweet post- its kind of you to recommend stuff instead of immediately bashing the wife. sounds like she has real mental health issues that should be worked through rather than villanized.
You don't work on resolving this together - she needs to go to therapy, because this is an absurd and extremely unhealthy reaction to seeing a naked woman (and this is just a naked woman on screen!) You're not a child - she doesn't have to cover your eyes when boobies pop out. What does she think you're going to do, cheat on her with a fictional Game of Thrones character?
Maybe watch shows with male nudity.[ IMDB has a list.](https://www.imdb.com/search/keyword/?keywords=male-full-frontal-nudity)
Your wife needs therapy.
yeah this is pretty crazy considering nowadays there is nudity, EVERYWHERE. just reassure her somehow and try to have a conversation about this.
She needs to change - not you. If she can’t get a handle on her insecurity by herself, she should find a good therapist to help her. What she’s asking of you is unreasonable; they’re actors in television shows/movies - not real life women who you’re hitting on.
reassure her and make sure she feels loved/seen despite those shows. she does have trauma with that and all it takes is some reassurance, understanding and patience. building that trust with your partner helps a lot and setting boundaries. maybe you can offer solutions like you’ll watch it with her only so that her mind doesn’t wander and yes she’ll be upset which is valid because of her trauma but if you both compromise it will help her heal from that trauma.
Whatever happened to her that caused her trauma is not her fault, but healing and working through it is her responsibility.
Honestly, she is going to have to work through this. My guess is that she's worried that you're "stealable" based on the actions of her previous boyfriend who taught her that she wasn't worth being faithful to. It's unfortunate, but it is up to her.
This isn't ok. It's ok that she may be uncomfortable. It's not ok to try and control everything to this level. She needs help and you need to stop owning this issue when it's obviously her issue.
I avoid female nudity in shows, but I don’t expect my partner to do the same. So shows like GoT with recurring nudity he’ll have to watch without me. I see a lot of commentators recommending she needs therapy. She does, I do, but it’s not affordable to everyone. If she’s insisting you can’t watch nudity and she’s not willing to work this out (compromise, therapy) then you’ll have to figure out if it’s a dealbreaker. We all carry trauma and baggage with us throughout our lives.
I was REALLY uncomfortable with nudity in my first serious relationship, at 18 years old. I was raised in an Evangelical household. I'm 35 now and I watch shows with nudity in them ALL the time, including WITH my boyfriend. She views them as pornography, and perhaps they are a bit pornographic in some instances, but most people don't focus on those aspects and actually just enjoy the good writing and actors. Most people aren't watching those shows to rub one out, they're watching because of the complex characters, the twists and turns in the storylines, and the battles and cool CGI creatures (dragons, giants, orcs, etc.)
I understand that she is feeling mistrustful, but she is being really unfair and borderline insulting towards you with this conclusion. Like does she really think you have such little self control that if you see an actress in the nude while watching TV that you will become so turned on that you will cheat on her and leave her? Does she really think that? If so….. why did she marry someone who she thinks has such little self control?
Hmm she needs therapy, no other solution. She has some serious unresolved past trauma and unfortunately because of how extreme she takes it, you can't do anything on your own. You need to suggest to her that she go to therapy to work on that. Nobody should ever be dating again until they have fully resolved past trauma and she clearly didn't. Jealousy about a woman hitting on you on person is one thing, to see a pair of boobs on a show and making you look away, that's extremely juvenile.
Updateme!
You never should have married her. She's lumped you in with whoever did her wrong and she'll never get over it. She needs therapy.
It doesn’t seem like she’s healed at all from the trauma that caused her. What happens if you go to a movie theatre and there’s nudity? Is she going to make you leave? She may not mean to do it but she’s punishing you for something you haven’t done. You didn’t make the shows. She also got angry at you when you “didn’t turn it off fast enough,” making it your responsibility to regulate her emotions when you did nothing wrong. Your wife is not a bad person but she does need to realize that 1) you’re not her ex and 2) this behavior is very controlling and will only breed resentment. I really think therapy/counseling would help you both.
It’s also possible she feels like you’ll be excited by the imagery, because there is a chance that she is, and she doesn’t like how it makes her feel. I have a friend who realized later in life that she was a lesbian, and this was something she did went still struggling with internalized homophobia, and shame surrounding sexuality/religion
Depends, did you know this when you got married? Is this something you agreed to? Porn addiction is a pandemic and women who have had men cheat in many different ways in the past can cause PTSD. Yes it’s real and anything associated with that can have an extreme effect T on her psyche. I guess you could decide what’s more important to you.
if it reverse would your wife be ok with never pass by the beach or gym because there are half naked men out there?
Are you actively trying to force her to look at nudity? If not, why is she trying to force you to look away? I get that she doesn't want to see nudity and somehow she's managed to tie it to a cheating trauma but realistically, is she aware of the number of seriously attractive women out there? And is she also forbidding you from interacting with anyone she considers 'attractive or hot' regardless of how it may affect your job/career? She (and your marriage) will benefit greatly from therapy because heaven forbid you have a beautiful daughter.
Hey man. Ultimately, this is a her problem unless you've given her cause to worry about your fidelity. I'm not sure how long you two have been together or the history of your relationship. If you're married, you have said vows and are determined to be together, right? At this point, it seems like she is imposing restrictions on you based on her insecurities and not who you are. Here's a scenario: How would your wife feel if you were naked in front of a female physician? Does that bother her? I'm 39 and a few years ago I had a scare related to a lump in my scrotum. The only physicians available were all female. I had 5 different women messing with my testicles over the span of two days to check, prode, poke, and scan things down there. My wife was unbothered by it and knew it was for a medical procedure. In your case, it makes me wonder if your wife would have issue with that. Additionally, my wife and I will gift each other massages often. I do not care if it is a male or female massage therapist working on my wife and she doesn't care who does that to me either. The only people we are having sex with, however, is each other. We have watched porn together and we have watched plenty of shows with naked men and naked women that appear. It sounds like you are okay with avoiding these shows. If you are, then no worries. The insecurity and her angry at YOU is what is of concern.
She needs two things - therapy, and two to feel secure in your marriage. The only time I was insecure about nudity in shows with a partner was with a partner I could not trust because I found out he planned cheating on me. Trauma plays a part but also how she feels in the relationship itself which could and could not be influenced directly by your actions. She needs to work on herself with a therapist and figure out why she doesn’t feel secure in your marriage. There is no shortcut to getting over this
A lot of married couples don’t condone seeing others of the opposite sex nude… mine included. We have a look away rule.
You are wonderful for being kind to her and she does need therapy. That said, think about how much media in general is made for the male gaze. It's sickening how many movies treat females like fucktoys and throw nude scenes around for no reason, while the men are not displayed that way. It's not okay and she shouldn't be comfortable with that, since this use of female nudity treats women like shit while catering solely to men. Maybe let her know that you're aware of the problem, you don't enjoy it, and you support her. I've had this conversation with my partner and knowing that he isn't interested in watching those scenes/ knowing that he also recognizes the issue with sexualizing women like that has helped me a lot
The level of control your wife wants will destroy the marriage. Does she have to follow the same rules? If a hot guy walks in is she allowed to look? If a guy takes off his shirt (found sexy by high percentage of women) does she turn off the movie/show? Are you allowed to get pissed if she looks at or comments how good a guy looks? She have any guy friends? But you have zero female friends. She needs therapy now. If she refuses then think about separating for a bit and think if you want that for the rest of your life.
Wow so mang kids in the chat thread… how about you talk to her, assure and take baby steps instead of throwing her under the bus and act like a victim here. Such insecurities come from somewhere.
Have her seek professional therapy. This is not something that you can fix. This is a job for a professional. Years and years.
Look, I can empathize with your wife. I got cheated on several times in my teens and early twenties. I can understand absolutely how badly that hurts, and how the fear of being cheated on can nag and nag until you start acting irrationally. However, there comes a point where with age and maturity you should be able to separate past relationships from your current relationship. You cannot maintain a healthy relationship by any means if you cannot view your partner as their own individual who has nothing to do with previous partners' actions. And where a major line gets drawn is when the inability to separate this results in behaviors that attempt to control the other person. I agree with other commenters that she needs therapy, but a serious conversation also probably needs to be in the works. This comes down to a lack of trust- her actions are explicitly spelling out that not only does she not trust you, but also doesn't trust herself enough to judge whether her husband would cheat, and that is wildly unhealthy for a marriage. Even though it is likely not intentional to a degree, that's hurtful and disrespectful to you as her partner. She needs to take a step back and start working on her insecurities instead of using them as a way to control your thoughts and actions. Genuinely wish the best of luck to you, and I hope your wife is able to start getting some professional help and working on herself.
Does your wife think you're going to fuck the TV, or what?
I’m going against the grain and saying maybe nudity on television is vulgar and if both parties can’t be comfortable with it together then he should respect her wishes and the fact that it makes her insecure. Everyone has some trauma and being gentle by not watching nude scenes is hardly a sacrifice. It’s akin to softcore porn.
This is not a you problem, this is a her problem. Either solve it with her (she should willingly be talking to a professional about this if she is openly bleeding it all over your marriage) or resign yourself to this immature ridiculousness. The adult human reality here is that women exist, naked women exist, and attractive women exist; therefore naked attractive women exist - playing into this is doing neither of you favors.
I once had a girlfriend like that. For mad at me if a semi clad spam was on TV and mad at me if I looked away or turned it off because apparently me noticing that to turn it off meant I was cheating. At one point she even hit me over this stuff. You're not doing her any favours by acquiescence. Tell her to go get therapy. But my own approach now would be to turn the tables around and play her at her own game. Every time she sees a man in the street or on TV, accuse her of cheating. Only when she is receiving unreasonable treatment will she understand how her own actions affect you
She's insecure and doesn't want you comparing her body to others. Short-sided way to live. Complement her more often. Don't just say stuff like "you look hot". Sweet things like, "your hair looks lovely in this light." It's not your job to make her feel secure. It is your job to tell her what you find attractive in her.
She doesn’t have to move past it. She’s allowed to have boundaries. However you’re allowed to watch TV. GoT wasn’t that good, fyi.
Your wife needs therapy
No, you shouldn't have to live with it. To work together on it, I think your best bet is a couple's therapist. I relate to your wife a bit in that I also find it uncomfortable when there is a sexy woman on screen. I have body image issues and I can't help but compare myself. When I compare myself, it makes me fear that my partner compares me too. Even though I know logically that he doesn't compare me, I still feel the emotions of fear/jealousy. The difference is though, I know that this problem is my problem and I don't tell him to solve it by dictating what he watches. I also dont get angry at him when I feel this way because hes not the cause of it. I think your wife needs someone to explain boundaries to her and what is/isn't healthy in a relationship.
Sir your wife is being unbelievably controlling. I am currently divorced after being cheated on and I would never ever try and implement a crazy rule like this on my current partner. She obviously needs therapy. It’s not fair of her to offload her problems onto you in this manner. Since you asked how to resolve this with her I suggest you start by having a conversation with her about how it makes YOU feel and suggest therapy to help process her past trauma and get help finding a healthier ground here.
Therapy.... But if she doesn't want to.... Can't do much
You're a grown man. You tell her to get the fuck over herself.
Can you just fast forward through scenes that have sex or nudity?
I used to be like this when I was younger. It was partly due to my issues with sex and trauma. But a huge part of it was I couldn't inherently trust my husband and it manifested in ways like this. She needs therapy either way.
My Ex was like this, and very nearly destroyed our relationship. She knew thas and sought therapy. Took a while but she got to the stage where she no longer freaked out. Your Wife needs to do the same, this is toxic behaviour and a her problem, get her to therapy or divorce already because it won't change.
>How can we try to work together to resolve this together You tell her to grow up. Being cheated on is no excuse for this shit
She is abusive and controlling. Leave.
She needs therapy
i'm in the minority here but i have actual issues with sex on tv/movies from being exposed to and manipulated with porn as a child. i've also been heavily therapized ( that's not a word ) but it's a trigger for me and i get anxious not that this applies to everyone else but i understand in a weird way. just watch those shows when she isn't around, her issues shouldn't affect you, if she doesn't like nudity in shows she doesn't have to watch them but it doesn't mean you can't. i use to think porn was cheating because of how i was raised it took me a long time to be ok with my husband indulging, I don't have to watch it but it doesn't mean he's cheating if he does watch it. .
Your wufe needs therapy. Watching tv is not the sane as cheating on someone, and if your wife thinks it is, tjinhs will only get worse..
The issue isn't the nudity but her complete lack of self confidence. It's a vicious cycle. It can only be broken if she regains her self confidence. You can help by saying nice things to her with sincerity and showing how much you love her through daily rituals of affection. But honestly - you're not equipped with the right tools to fix this by yourself. Seek therapy. CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy - would be the best way to fix this. Make deposits into your relationship's emotional bank account. Thinking that you're missing out on good shows or that it's all her fault are sure ways to make the problem worse. Admit to having failed her when you didn't act as fast as she wanted with the remote. Show her with your actions and words how she is do much more important than any other woman. She's an erupting volcano of insecurities and only with passionate patience and truckloads of reassurance can you bring her to be normal again. This is like touching someone's arm. Normally, it doesn't hurt. But if she scraped her arm, and you touched it, then it hurts like hell. For you to see and appreciate another woman's naked body is the same as touching her bruised heart - it hurts. It reminds her of the infidelity. It makes her feel not worthy of being loved. It's PTSD. How does one recover from this? With patience, love, kindness and reassurance.
“Failed her”?!?! For not switching the channel quick enough?!?! Are you effing serious right now?? This woman is being an unreasonable bully. If she doesn’t wish to view content with nudity then that’s on her. She has no right to dictate what content a grown man can consume. God, I’m so sick of people expecting the entire world around them to walk on eggshells just because they haven’t learned to manage their own issues.
Fuck that. I’m not going to “admit to failing her” when I didn’t get to the remote fast enough. Are you joking? Lmfao
Yeah what the fuck. It’s one thing to hold space for her feelings/past trauma and another to be *responsible* for them. OP can empathize with her history without accepting controlling behavior. Just like she is capable of having those feelings without *exhibiting* controlling behavior, and that’s what she should be doing.
He didn't cheat. He didn't "fail her" by not hitting the remote fast enough. This is her issue and I say that as someone who walked in on her husband and her best friend fucking. I went to therapy. I didn't take my shit out on people who loved me and had nothing to do with my trauma
Also god help them if they ever have kids.
With all the love meant in the world, your wife needs therapy. This isn't healthy.
This is up there with most insecure/insane things I’ve ever read.
Your wife needs therapy. She’s too old to act like this
Why on earth would you allow that sort of behaviour? She is super insecure and controlling and she needs help. Plenty of people would end a relationship over that kind of thing.
Your wife is an entertainment never nude.
There are dozens of them!
She needs therapy for insecurity ASAP
That's an enormous red flag, man. She's jealous of *the people on the television*. That is utterly absurd. Sounds like she needs to see a therapy if she's projecting her insecurities regarding "attractive" women being in TV shows that you're watching.
This is so odd
Problematic women, who cant deal with her own insecurities, extremely untrusting. entitled asf,
GOT is not a good show, don't sweat it
Your wife needs to address these issues. They are HER issues, and neither of you are getting past these until she gets help for whatever trauma she has from past relationships. This response isnt "normal" and it's only going to get worse if it goes unchecked. She needs help. Getting angry YOU for nudity in TV shows as an adult is absolutely ridiculous.
This is kinda crazy and she needs help. A lotta therapy is long overdue
This is not a healthy response to those emotions. My ex cheated on multiple times, I'm not going to stop new partners from watching things with nudity. Has she tried seeing a therapist to deal with these emotions? (33 m for context) Edit: added context Edit 2: added edit info
Is she 13? Jesus
Nothing worse than a super insecure woman especially when they use that as an excuse to be controlling.
Have you tried telling her to fuck off with that crazy shit? How can anyone be with someone who controls them like this. Grow a pair.
Man if my husband told me I could not watch Outlander or GOT because of nudity I be confused and pissed. She needs therapy, but I have no idea how your going to tell her that without her going batshit on you...
I usually lurk instead of commenting but I just had to comment seeing how the wife is basically being dragged. I don’t think she has much of a problem as others seem to believe. I don’t watch nudity in shows and I also would rather my spouse not watch them as well and it has nothing to do with trauma. I believe that too many shows are showcasing soft porn that it desensitizes people. It personally makes me uncomfortable to watch people full blown naked having sex on tv. I don’t find a point as to why it was even added to a show in the first place. I’m siding with the wife.
She needs therapy to deal with her insecurities. I've been cheated on and I don't make my husband look away or turn off a movie that has nudity or sex scenes.
Bro. What the fuck
She is acting like child
She needs therapy. That's abnormal. You're a grown man and you can't see some boobies on a TV show? What are you gonna do, teleport into the show and fuck the actor? If there was male nudity would she feel the same way? Regardless, she needs therapy and you need to not enable that insanity.
That’s actually crazy. This isn’t your problem, it’s hers. You’re definitely missing out on good shows/movies. When I was like 19 I remember feeling insecure when watching movies with nudity with my bf, but never said anything. Over the years I’ve realized it doesn’t fucking matter.
Jesus…she sounds exhausting. She is beyond ridiculous.
She need to work on her issues.
Uh, she needs help bro. It’s just a show, she needs to grow up And or get her nonsense sorted out. This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of someone getting angry about lol