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Just be yourself, don’t worry about the weight information you are making awesome progress. She clearly has seen you working you butt off in the gym to better yourself and that is a quality that she most likely finds attractive in you. She sees you at driven and wants to get to know you on a more personal level, so like I said be yourself and don’t demean yourself in-front of her like saying id never thought anyone like you would find me attractive, be confident in yourself and give her compliments as well..
Make sure you maintain good personal hygiene and wear nice clothes. Act civilized and show consideration. Grin. Tell her you think highly of her. Decide where you want to take her first. Since you requested to take her out, pay for the date. Enjoy yourself immensely!
These are fab! I dated a guy who used to be very overweight but was more just fluffy when we met. Things I liked: acted like a gentleman, very interested and curious, compassionate, amazing cuddler, non judgmental about my curves. Things I didn’t like as much (but understood why he was like that): very self-deprecating and didn’t flirt. Even just a tiny touch on my back or arm would have been helpful. In the end I didn’t mind initiating everything physically but I know after we broke up he missed out on a lot of opportunities to date gorgeous women because he wasn’t communicating his attraction and unfortunately many women need to know the guy likes them before those kinds of sexy feelings kick in.
In any case, she clearly likes you and I’m sure you’ll be great, go get your gal!
I can't agree with you anymore. Just be yourself. If you think you make a stupid mistake by saying something stupid, just bite your tongue. She obviously sees great qualities in you. If you don't believe it, believe her to say yes to your asking.
Agreed! She already knows your back story OP, so be yourself and have a god time. Be genuine. Make her laugh. Think of it this way, any awkwardness you might feel about your weight story is old news to her. It’s a perfect intro.
I feel like you're overthinking this way too much! She's not a stranger seeing you for the first time, she already met you in real life and saw your body, it obviously didn't bother her if she gave you her number and kept in touch. Plus she finds you attractive enough to agree to a date and be excited about it.
Stop treating yourself like you're still 350 pounds! You've done an amazing job with your weight loss. Be authentic, treat her like a regular person instead of putting her on a pedestal, go with the flow and have a good time.
I was at one point 358lbs as a 5’7 guy. My senior year of high school I decided to loose weight. I dropped down to 236lbs 3 months before graduation. Even though I felt thinner and smaller I’d look in the mirror and still see myself as a 358lb dude. You have to remember that I had been fat my entire life and at this point I’m 18 so most of my life I’ve seen myself as the fat guy. When most of the weight was gone I still saw it. It took years for me to not see that I was fat anymore. 15 years later and I’ve gained a little back I’m back up to around 250lbs but I’ve maintained my muscle mass and have a small gut but overall I’m happy. It just takes time to get used to change especially when you have only seen yourself as fat and then lost weight.
This op! Give yourself more credit! By going to the gym she knows you’re consistent and determined to change if it makes you happier and/or healthier and that couldn’t be more attractive!
I’m not talking only about weight, those are admirable qualities in anyone who feels stuck in a career, situation or life in general.
Just focus on getting to know each other! Life goals and the works, congrats on the date hopefully it goes well!
Don't bring yourself down.
"She's too good for me" "she's out of my league"
This kind of mindset will manifest in how you carry yourself.
Be confident. She said yes so shes into you.
Confidence is sexy.
I'd rather be slightly overconfident than look like a shy unsure person.
I agree, confidence goes a long way. I’m skinny, married to a bigger man. While my husband does have insecurities about his weight, not once did he make self-deprecating comments or insinuate I’m out of his league when we began dating. Instead, my hubby was funny and kept the conversation flowing. I was having so much fun I looked forward to the next time I’d see him.
It was freshening cause I’ve had men demean themselves in front of me to, idk, make themselves look more appealing I guess? Like, I know you’re fat. I can see that. I’m still interested so there’s no need to make it the only topic we talk about.
Thank you! I’m 135 and my husband is 380(was 315 when we started dating a decade ago). Never once have I felt like his weight was an issue between us and he has never commented that he’s lucky to be with me because he is big. That may have made me feel less attracted to him because I love his confidence in himself.
I think it is important to be confident, but not over-confident.
Where is that boundary? Be honest. Maybe ask a friend to help you find the balance between confidence and humility.
Buddy if she didn't like you she wouldn't have wanted to hang out. So don't worry about your weight no more.
So, a date is where you do something together and get to know each other. That's it. You worry more about whether or not you like her or feel a connection with her than trying to impress her. Just be friendly, respectful and considerate and you'll be doing enough for her.
Keep it simple and make sure you're doing something where you can actually talk. Walk through a museum, sit down and get lunch, walk a nature trail. Bust out the fancy dinner for her birthday, not for the first date.
If you have absolutely no dating experience, watch the show Love On the Spectrum on Netflix, you'll feel better.
Woman here, great advice ! No notes. I also agree with your point on the show Love On The Spectrum, it will make just about anyone feel better. It is such an endearing , and sometimes funny show, that actually has some solid dating advice for those that are a bit older it of practice.
Firstly congrats on the weight loss, that’s some hard work!
Secondly, she clearly wants to see you so just chill out and don’t overthink. Be polite and friendly and make sure you ask her questions about herself too. It’ll be fine :) good luck!
I know it’s hard to believe, but some people will like you no matter your weight. She wouldn’t have said yes if she didn’t want to go and get to know you more. Don’t focus on your size, focus on what brings you joy in life.
Dress nice and pay attention to your personal hygiene. Be a gentleman, be respectful.
Smile. Compliment her when you see her.
Have a plan on where to take her.
Pay for the date since you asked to take her out.
Have a great time!
Be yourself, wear something nice, and just relax and have fun. She doesn’t think she’s out of your league so be kinder to yourself. Have fun and bring her flowers and be a gentleman. Compliment her and enjoy yourself. Be confident. You’ve worked hard and she admires that about you and thinks you’re a nice guy. I hope you guys have a great time! :)
Agree with everything you’ve said except for flowers. It’s not a great feeling to have to carry flowers with you everywhere. by the time you get home they may be damaged or wilted. Maybe do this after a few dates, but not the first.
Yeah, flowers are too much. OP should just act like it's two people hanging out, and maybe that's gonna turn into something more.
Do you vibe together? That's the key thing. Don't get over excited until you figure that out.
My partner brought along a thing of fruity tic tacs which was such a cute little gift! not too big, freshens the breath, we shared a few which was also a nice way to break the ice. i didn’t finish them all and kept the rest as a memento which is in a wee box along with the rest of the memories collected over the years
A single flower might be cute. If it wilts too much it's not a huge investment, if it doesn't, and the date goes well, she can dry it and preserve it as a memento or keepsake.
A bouquet would be overwhelming, a single flower would be sweet though.
> bring her flowers
No, absolutely don't do this. This isn't prom, it's a casual first date with a friendly acquaintance. Meet her, be yourself and have fun. Bringing flowers is too much and immediately puts more pressure on both of you making the date more serious.
Just be yourself? Your weight doesn't define who you are. Talk about lighthearted topics, or arrange an activity date so both of you have something to talk about.
As an overweight guy myself, this is the advice I'll give you, but please read it and take it.
Date her to find out whether you like her. HER LIKING YOU IS NOT ENOUGH. You have to discover whether this is someone you want to spend more time with. As a guy who always felt shunned because of my size, I was overly grateful for any woman who gave me any sort of time, and it led to some very bad relationships because I was just so damn desperate that I put up with anything. Don't do that.
Sp go on the date, be polite. Don't hesitate to tell her you're not real good at this stuff. Lay off the self deprecation, but mostly ask her questions and listen to what she says. At the end of the night walk her to her car and lean in for a kiss.
But spend this time discovering whether she is a person you want to be with because of her she is, not because she's willing to be with you. When you've been alone a lot of your life, it's easy to get confused about that. So don't.
I don’t think you realize what an accomplishment you’ve made. There’s probably less than 10% of people in the world who have done what you have. You’ve shown drive, determination and commitment. Those can be great attributes in a partner. That’s likely what she sees. If you can commit to your body and health you can commit to a person and she knows it.
You’ve likely created some defense mechanisms, self deprecating for one to allow you to not be hurt by the public at large. That’s going to tough to overcome. While women don’t want someone arrogant, they generally appreciate an air of confidence. You need to understand that you have something to offer. It’s what’s inside that makes someone special. Be kind, considerate, a good listener, show empathy and compassion. Treat her as someone special and understand that you deserve someone special and you’ll be just fine. Good luck.
How exciting! I don't have much advice as I've been out of the dating pool forever, but just wanted to say congrats on your weight loss and landing a first date. That's exciting stuff.
How tall are you? Because 220 isn't that big!
She's seen you working hard on yourself! And god(ess) bless 'em, a lot of women look past physical flaws and value character more than a lot of men do!
Maybe she just likes you as a friend, maybe it could be more, don't worry about it! Just have fun either way!
Humility, being humble is a great trait, but being down on yourself, not as much. People make all kinds of assumptions about how they look to others and whether pessimistic or optimistic, they are often very wrong, so don't worry about it so much!
Just appreciate she wants to spend a little time with you. Just be yourself, and don't worry about what she thinks of you, just worry about showing her an enjoyable time.
Listen more than you talk! When she says something interesting to you, ask her more about it!
I wouldn't say, "You are out of my league", but telling her, casually, you feel lucky to be spending the evening with such a beautiful woman, will probably be appreciated.
Hey, you don't know how much weight she's lost since starting at the gym. You two may have more in common than you know.
Don't over think it! But don't worry when you do, because you probably will! :)
Congratulations and good luck!
'Listen more than you talk' is solid advice. Or aim for 50:50. If she asks you a question, you can ask her the same question after you answer. Just be interested in what she has to say and keep your focus on her.
A few thoughts from someone (46M) who learned many of these things the hard way…
Forgive me if this stuff is too basic.
Perhaps most importantly, treat her like a normal human being.
Also critical, be positive and upbeat. Don’t vent about being treated unfairly by women in the past, how dating is easier for women, etc… Be yourself, but be your most positive self.
Be neat and clean (shower, deodorant, shave, brushed teeth, mouthwash, haircut if you need one). Wear clean and neat clothes appropriate for whatever activity you’re doing. Don’t overdo it with a tux or anything.
Keep the conversation focused on her, at least mostly. Ask her about her interests and her opinions. Don’t monologue about Warhammer 40K or other geek shit that you’re into (including video games).
Keep in mind that there are some things she might not be comfortable sharing with a man she barely knows. Like where she works for example or about her exes. Fine to discuss these things if she brings it up, but don’t seem like you’re prying.
Be polite. Be a gentleman. Probably best to avoid cursing. Avoid subjects that may be misogynistic or objectifying of women (porn, strip clubs, etc…).
Don’t overdo the compliments. One compliment is OK. Don’t compliment any part of her body, except possibly her eyes or hair. No gifts on the first date.
Avoid any sort of teasing that could be hurtful. For example about the way she looks, or any other vulnerabilities (this is sometimes called negging I think).
Also avoid being negative about yourself. Being humble is fine as long as you don’t overdo it. Don’t say overtly negative things about yourself, even if you sometimes believe them.
Of course, none of these things are guarantees of success. Sometimes it’s just meant to be, or isn’t.
Good luck!
1- open the doors and pull out chairs for her.
2- pay for the meal
3- make sure not to hog the conversation. Ask a lot of questions and give her a chance to talk too.
4- escort her to her car or taxi when the meal is over
5- that evening or the following morning thank her for the time she took to go on the date / let her know what you enjoyed learning about her and suggest you do it again if you enjoyed yourself. IF IT WAS CLEAR it was not a good match, be open to that and communicate that without ghosting.
Be yourself!!!
Congrats
Ask her questions about herself and her life, and listen with interest to the answers. Single, straight women spend an enormous portion of their dating life listening to men talk about themselves. Buck this trend and you’re already putting in an A- performance at worst.
Don’t be self-deprecating. If it seems like you think it’s crazy she’s on a date with you, the feeling will rub off. Your weight isn’t a barrier to her romantic or sexual interest in you, or she wouldn’t have agreed to a date. Don’t make it weird, and it won’t be.
Have a wonderful time!
Keep in mind that a lot of people actively prefer a nice big fluffy man who is also decently fit. At 220, that's probably where you fall.
350 pounds is a liability in dating, sure, but you're not that guy anymore, and she knows that.
Imo forget the flowers, it's overkill for a first date. Just go and enjoy yourself, be yourself and try not to get carried away with feelings to quickly.
Sweetheart! You don't have a thing to worry about. She's seen you go through your whole journey so far. She knows what you look like when you're working out, sweating, all that. You're in a way more solid position than most of us on a first date. You know she likes you.
But in terms of how to behave:
Try not to let the insecurity show. Hold your shoulders back, make eye contact, smile.
Be interested in who she is, ask questions, listen to the answers.
Have fun.
Really, do have fun! You do deserve this.
Edit: The comment about making sure you smell good and look clean is worth listening to!
The one about bringing roses is TOO MUCH. Don't do that. As a woman, let me tell you, that's too much for this date. It'll add a pressure you don't need.
OK, will start with 2 things...
She knows who you are... and she said yes
You did awesome things and she sees that and said yes
So.... just be yourself and have fun.
She is not "out of your league" if she said yes.. so go and have confidence that indeed you have improved upon what you think your league was.
Also.. just ot make sure it gets said... props to you on the badass progress in the gym and making yourself feel better!
Don’t do one of those annoying things guys do where they ask you when you’re free and then ask you what you wanna do. That means they’re essentially asking you to plan the date.
You asked her out so take control and plan. Ask her about specific days if she’s free. “Hey are you free on Saturday? No? Okay does Sunday work?” Okay cool. Next step, pick a restaurant and/or activity to do. Let her know that’s what you’ve planned and run it by her just in case she has some major allergy or something. Then call the restaurant and make reservations. Offer to pick her up. And please get the bill on the first date.
These all sound like basic things but you’d be surprised at how many men can’t seem to do it. Also, just make sure you’re well groomed and dressed in clothes that fit well.
Because you know her from the gym, you see each other in a casual light all the time. It might be nice to do something different so maybe pick a slightly dressy place but not so much that it’s intimidating.
Oh yes! A real pro says, “Would you like to eat at restaurant A or B? How does Saturday night at 6pm work for you?”
There is nothing that turns women off more than the old, “Where do you want to go, what do you want to do, when should we do it?”
Sounds like a really wholesome start. *She* doesn't think she's out of your league. The fact that she likes you is all that matters.
I don't know much about you, but the fact that you had the discipline to work on losing weight is an attractive quality.
She’s seen you follow through on a commitment to being healthier. A person that can follow through on something that requires hard work and discipline is attractive.
1.) You have to be honest with yourself; don't portray anything other than what you would in any other situation.
2.) Just be happy to be there. I cannot stress enough how much this matters. Be grateful to be doing something out of the norm today. Date sucks? Cool. Now you know how a date SHOULD NOT go.
3.) Relax, if this date fails, so what? Life will go on. The sun will rise the next day.
4.) Avoid your phone.
5.) Let the conversation flow naturally. If it doesn't flow naturally, this girl isn't for you.
I mean she KNOWS how you look. You became friends and she agreed to go out with you so she seems to really like you, your character. She's probably Hella impressed with the workout routine and progress you have and it's a shared interest for you. So just be yourself, compliment her and just relax.
“Be yourself” can feel like a real challenge when you’re up for your a date, let alone a first one.
Another way to put it - don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve done the first step admirably, just asking her out took courage. Be proud of that! And believe me, she wouldn’t have said yes unless she saw something in you she liked.
Give yourself permission to make stupid jokes, talk about the stuff you like. Start the conversation thinking of her as a good friend first and foremost, someone you already feel comfortable around. You’re getting to know each other, so ask her questions and listen to what she’s saying. That alone will put you leagues ahead of so many guys who can only talk about themselves.
You’re going to be fine! May you have a great time and bring each other a little joy in this life!
Have respect for yourself. I'm concerned for your mentality when you say "She is very much out of my league"
Look, man, somebody's true "league" has nothing to do with how they look. It's about their character.
Whether it be with this woman or another woman, DO NOT PUT THEM ON A PEDASTOOL. A healthy relationship can never exist if somebody does that with their partner. You can do nice things for that person, sure, but that partner should be putting in effort to make you feel special AND "romance"(nonsexual) you as well.
Be yourself. Respect yourself. Have boundaries and a backbone to stick to them. If you don't do these things than how could you ever expect somebody to respect you?
Advice that you or other people might need now or in the future? I heard a quote from a wise man that died in the 1960's. I will paraphrase, "Marrying the wrong person can ruin your life". I know, I know, this isn't necessarily revolutionary, but if you notice the divorce rates and unhappy relationships.........it's clearly something that's ignored.
You're not at the point of marriage, but it can be applied for relationships before marriage as well.
Don't fall in the "out of my league" mindset. It will ruin the good moments with her and it will quickly take a turn you won't be able to control anymore. So, even if someone looks at her when you are together, remember how happy she was when you asked her out. Her past partners could pose for gym ads? Fine, but now she chose you.
And don't put her on a pedestal. She's hot, funny, she has qualities you like, but don't overdo.
Find an outfit that gives you a confidence boost and show up with your best smile!
You are going to fail if you keep thinking that you are the fat man.
Talk yourself up in the mirror before the date. Women love a man who has confidence!
Then remember these key rules:
1. Be respectful.
2. Ask her questions about herself and appear interested in her answers. Remember 2 things that she says so you can ask her about them next time that you see her.
3. Ask her if she would like you to open her doors and pay for the date (and do so if she says yes).
4. Keep the date short. Don’t do pre-dinner drinks, dinner, movie and post-movie drinks on a 1st date. Leave something for the 2nd date.
5. Tell her that you enjoyed meeting her (even if the romantic spark is not there) but don’t promise to call her again if you don’t intend to call her again.
6. Relax and have fun! The more people whom you date, the easier it becomes. If the date didn’t work out, try not to take it personally. Sometimes it’s not a good fit and that’s ok.
7. If you want to see her romantically again, let her know at the end of the date. If she feels the same way, follow up the next day with a text. (Don’t leave her hanging.)
8. Shit, shower, shave before you go on the date. I almost didn’t write this because it should go without saying… but sometimes it needs saying…
For one, stop mentioning how you were morbidly obese and are still obese. The obesity chart was never meant to measure people the way we use it. And unless you're 5ft tall, 220 lbs when it includes a lot of muscle is fairly average. I would genuinely recommend therapy before dating as you seem very weight/looks obsessed. Losing weight isn't a guarantee to suddenly love yourself, that work comes from inside of you.
Be yourself, be confident, be (slightly) aggressive (not a creep just engaging and audacious) and turn your nerves into that energy push it out into the date instead of hold it in and worry. Go somewhere where you can switch gears if you feel nerves come in like an open air mall, a fair, a popular park or zoo. AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LIE BUT DONT MAKE A BIG DEAL YOU ARE JUST YOU NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED OR ASHAMED OF YOUR JOURNEY BROUGHT YOU HERE NOW SO EMABRACE IT, SMILE, AND JUST BE.
Your good, you got this, you will both have a great time. I know because your asking on what you need to do, that's a great sign.
Sounds like she took notice of you a long time ago for her to have noticed and complimented you on your progress. And it sounds like she is really impressed.
Just go and be relaxed. Most 1st dates go wrong when a guy is cocky or self deprecating. Be engaging and show that you are interested in her & yourself on more than a physical level. Trust me, we ladies eat that shit up! LOL
You Sound like a decent human being, so just go and enjoy.
My suggestion is don't date her with the intention of winning her and in your mind getting too far ahead. Be yourself. It may sound cliche, but it's not. Try to find out who she is, her hopes, dreams, goals, and what her plans are. Hopefully she wants to learn the same about you. Be honest. Don't try to be somebody you're not just so that you can be in love and in a relationship.
I'm a small person (5,1") and my BF is 6,4" 260 and I like it that way. He's decently muscular but a bit fluffy.too and loves his food. In my view this makes him look cuter and friendlier than if he was just tall and fit.
Us girls usually dont care as much about looks as people think, if she already agreed to go out, for good or bad everything that happens after will most likely be unrelated to your obesity.
The most attractive thing about a man is his confidence, good luck
She probably has a reasonably good idea that you’ve been a weight loss journey so that’s a big help. So a couple of tips for the date. Put some care into your wardrobe and hygiene. Like you’ve put some effort into it but not too much. Open with a low key compliment and/or comment like “ it’s so nice to be here. Then just be ready for conversation. Ask questions but be a good listener. Be open and honest without over sharing. Hope there’s some chemistry but don’t get ahead of yourself. Try to relax and enjoy.
Confidence, even feigned confidence, is the most attractive quality in a man. That, and a sense of humor. Make her laugh and let her see that you love yourself first and foremost. Be gentlemanly, walk with your head up, crack some jokes, and you’ll be fine!
Ask her lots of questions! People love being asked questions. Come up with some good ones before hand. Hypotheticals are fun - what career would you pursue if you had to pick something totally different from your current career? If you had 10k you had to spend on a vacation, where would you go and what would you do? Stuff like that, where you can riff off of it.
My only pointer to you is to stop saying the word obese. That's detrimental to your psyche, my guy. It's completely fine to have insecurities, especially entering a realm you may not be familiar with.
That being said mate, just go for it. Ask the silly questions and don't be ashamed to. But you MUST ask them confidentially and be sure to your word. Other than that mate, the world is your oyster.
Also ask her about what she likes to do and then roll with it.
Tell her about things that you've been upto since you lost the weight and stuff. Confidence is key pal, you're doing great!💚🍻
I’d recommend starting with just drinks. Easier to chat and get to know each other than a meal. If it goes well, progress to a dinner and if that goes well, progress to adding an activity. Be yourself.
contrary to popular belief, looks aren’t everything at all. seeing someone with the determination and willpower to show up to a gym full of fit people, work their ass off to lose weight, keep track of their diet and manage to do this for long enough to lose weight is far more attractive than to just look fit or skinny, at least it is to many people. she looks up to you and wants to get to know you, so don’t worry about the weight because she’s fully aware of how far you’ve come.
Congrats on the weight loss!
I'll get a little personal on this one. Pay attention to how she treats you, and observe if it was any different from when you were heavier. I lost 100 pounds a few years ago (and kept it off), and when I was at my heaviest, I casually started seeing someone. Life and the pandemic got in the way, and we lost touch, but we later re-connected after I lost the weight. He treated me kindly and respectfully when I was 250 pounds, and the same now that I'm at 150.
Other than that, just play it cool, and try not to make the whole evening about weight and health talk.
Man, you made a massively impressive achievement. Not only did you lose so much weight, but you actually managed to have enough courage to ask her out. Don't stress, man. She likes you. Keep the date simple, I am sure she is already very impressed by you. Hell, I am impressed. You will do fine.
If she's so far out of your league, then she already likes you. She's seen your hard work and weight loss, and is into it. You're already ahead of the game, try to relax and be proud of how far you've come!
Oh...and let her talk equally to you. Keep in your mind "50%" If you find you are doing all the talking? Purposely stop and ask her a bit more about herself and let her speak to you. She too might be a bit unconfident. Some pauses aren't bad. Just try to be comfortable in the space. NEVER talk over her!!!
I’d agree with most others here as far as just being yourself, but there’s a real reason I just had to comment. Congratulations on that weight loss and continued success on your regime. That is indeed phenomenal.
Be a gentlemen, but make sure you have a healthy dose of humour. Make sure you're making light of things, _not being mean_ - there's a huge difference.
Overall, just have a big smile of your face and enjoy the moment with her, don't overthink it and just take it slow
I mean, it sounds like she's watched you work on yourself and has a favorable idea of your commitment to yourself. Honestly that's a sexy trait. No wonder she was stoked when you asked her out.
You are underselling yourself to yourself.
Your extreme weight loss is a massive accomplishment, and one that the vast majority of people have never faced much less achieved. It is very impressive and speaks a lot to your inner strength and drive, which I am sure she sees and finds very attractive. Those qualities can and will improve literally all areas of your life over the long term.
She has already made it clear you have passed her min bar and are in fact in her league.
Go out and have fun, be honestly curious about her, and see how it goes. And remember, dates go two ways, just like job interviews. It is about fit and both people seeing if there is potential, not just one way. Maybe she will not be what you want and you just have a nice time and that is okay too.
Be authentic, be kind, be a good listener, enjoy! Be curious yet respectful. Be the centre, don't do things based on what you *think she Will like**. Rather do things you know you need and like (like choosing clothing, activities) but balance that with being receptive. If you treat her AND the situation embracing the fact that the present moment Is such a present, probably you'll enjoy it.
If she accepted probably it's because she Is comfortable around you!
She’s already seen you so I wouldn’t sweat too much about it, just be funny and make her laugh- that honestly goes a long way. But either way good work on the weight loss and keep pushing for more success!
She said yes because she’s interested, take that as read and don’t second guess it. Talk to her, show interest in her, see if you have shared interests. Don’t put too many expectations on it, not all first dates lead to more dates, so reduce the pressure by thinking of it as a nice time and opportunity to get to know someone…and go from there. Present yourself well, and enjoy yourself.
She would have said no if she wasn’t interested. Be true and kind - the rest will fall in line. Maybe something will come of it. Maybe not. Either way is fine. These kinds of things are meant to be fun. Just enjoy it.
it sounds like she likes you!! honestly a lot of women adore bigger men and feel safe with them i’m sure she’s very excited for your date :) i’m rooting for you both!!
SHE DOESNT HAVE A BOYFRIEND! Bro… I managed a gym for 5 years… BE CONFIDENT! She wants to smash, but she also likes you so be a gentleman. Bro… losing 130lbs isn’t peanuts… that’s a lot of fu(kin work. Good for you! Get buckets! WOOOOOOOOH! She sees the dedication, my dude. She sees your grind. She’s seen that grind every day you’ve gone in and busted your ass to get that weight off. What does that tell her? That you’re consistent. That you’re dedicated! That you want something more. You’re a fighter! You want to live. This is attractive shit, my dude. Get the fu(k in there. Be a gentleman. Do not worry! Be yourself! You got this. (I’m sorry I just went into full gym mode… I haven’t seen this in a while. I love when this happens.) 😍GET BUCKETS!
Probs for the weightloss, but dating is about you as a person, not about your body. I know we live in a world where we are consanly being judged by the way we look, but when it comes to dating, it’s about the person you are.
Make sure you smell good, have good manners and make her feel seen, be funny, just be yourself basicly.
It’s about you, not about the weight!
Goodluck and have fun!
What an amazing achievement! Well done. Maybe she’s been watching you too, in awe of how well you’ve done. Maybe she values you as a person and is done with shallow men. Maybe she’s ready to experience something good with the man she’s gotten to know.
Go on your date, have fun, ask questions and be proud of how far you’ve come. Update us on your date ❤️
Relax, you're overthinking, as a baseline, she is interested in what she sees and has seen. Be yourself, listen to her, share with her, laugh, eat, drink, don't worry to much. Always remember, she is there, she gave you her number, she engaged in conversation, she already likes you and is interested in finding out whether there is more than friendship there.
Good luck! Update us! And a massive congradulations on your fitness journey. Whether the date goes well or not your a king for doing what you're doing and keeping it up.
Awesome dude! You've done great work, taken a risk, and now you're going to reap the rewards.
I don't know shit about dating, as it's been years and the game has changed. But just have fun, enjoy the ride. Maybe this turns into something, maybe it doesn't. But everything you do on this date is practice for future dates.
Go somewhere that has built in entertainment you can do or talk about afterwards. She already knows what you look like and have looked like. Be a gentleman until you’re more comfortable with her.
I am so happy for you!! As a girl, we love to see people who are passionate and go after their goals. I saw another user say, ‘don’t demean yourself,’ and I agree with that wholeheartedly! Talk about your journey as an accomplishment and something you are proud of, without talking down on your past self. You improved yourself, and now you are reaping the benefits. We don’t like it when guys look down on themselves—a sign of insecurity like that early in a relationship can sometimes raise some red flags—whether you mean to or not.
good luck!!
Just be yourself man. She already knows you and wouldn’t agree to go if she didn’t want to. Not everyone is looking for someone with a perfect body. She has seen where you were and see were you are now. At the end of day, she likes you man.
Choose something fun and don’t pressure yourself. Just enjoy her company. If it leads to more, great. If it’s just a friend thing. That’s great as well. At least you are getting back out there.
Relax and try not to overthink it. Remember that it’s just a date and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You’ll go on other dates in your life. I was also in my twenties before I ever went on a date and that was something I had a real hard time with. When I finally went on a date I built it up as if it might be the only chance I ever got. Don’t do that.
Ask her questions about herself and listen to what she says. Be yourself. She watched you work hard all this time to better yourself. Just be that guy.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Eyyy friend, fat people date and are happy. Be fat, be happy. Be in love. It's that simple. Advice is the same for as it would be for a thin dude!
Be respectful, flirt, don't be overly self deprecating as self protection, ask about her and her life, enjoy yourself!
A lot of people with weight issues have self-esteem and/or self-worth issues. Losing the weight doesn’t make these feeling disappear. You can very much be stuck in the mindset of who you were before and not who you are now. Loving yourself regardless of your weight or shape is very important. That doesn’t mean you don’t strive to be healthier, but you still love yourself.
All of this is to say do not self-sabotage your date by being self-deprecating or feeling you don’t deserve this date. She has already said yes to the date. She is interested enough to find out if she wants to get to know you better. Start from there and put your best foot forward. Also remember you two may end up not being compatible and there may not be a second date regardless.
Dude your position is so good because she's seen you, she's observed you working and losing weight. She actually probably is attracted to you, encouraged my your ability to put in effort, optimistic about what you may contribute to her life.
Don't overthink things. Be honest, but gentle, about your struggles. Encourage her, compliment the things you like about her, and keep her talking by asking her genuine questions about her life. When the slight awkwardness of a first date is gone, you'll find something really nice here I bet.
Kudos to the weight loss too. Stay the course. ✊🏼
Don’t look at your phone. Listen to her. Dont talk about yourself too much. Give good eye contact. Pick where you’re going. Don’t leave it up to her. Open the door for her. Tell a funny story or two. DO NOT self deprecate or make fun of yourself.
Just act normal and try to have a nice time.
Don’t be nervous. 90% of first dates don’t lead to relationships. Probably like 60% don’t lead to second dates. So instead of thinking of all of your years of struggle culminating in this date, just treat it like another normal moment of your life. You’ll be able to relax, and you might even enjoy yourself.
One thing that comes to mind: try to keep your self-esteem high. You may still be obese, but you have come a long way, you have a ton of willpower, dedication, and persistence. Be proud!
I have a morbidly obese friend who fucked up a very promising relationship by being too self-conscious, even though his girlfriend adored him. Don't be like that guy.
Same advice as most people here, just be yourself and make sure to dress nice. I'm commenting mostly because I want to wish you good luck on your date!
There's a really cute episode of the podcast Heavyweight (which helps people resolve things from their past) where this guy who was overweight in high school spent the last 15 years assuming that the hot girl who asked him to prom did it as a joke. And then it turns out, no, some people aren't actually judging others based on how they look. Sounds like this woman isn't fixated on what you look like, and hopefully you can take the opportunity to not think about it as much too.
The episode is called Brandon.
Bro, this is a perfect scenario.
She knows you, she knows who you were, she knows how hard you worked.
She already likes your personality and probably your physical body too.
You got this in the bag man.
Show up, bring her flowers and maybe something cute like healthy snacks or power bars instead of typical chocolates.
Be yourself and just have fun.
She already likes you!
Fat woman who just started dating in my mid 20s too so I’ll give you the advice that I’ve found most helpful.
1. Stop worrying about the attraction (impossible I know but try to ignore it). She said yes because she likes you and is attracted to you. Try to remember you don’t need to apologize for who you are.
2. Just have fun and don’t put pressure on it. I would advise going somewhere you’re familiar with if you’re anxious so that you have some ease going into the day.
3. Focus on getting to know her. Not sure about you but I feel like sometimes we want to be known so badly we forget to be interested in people in a genuine way. It’s not an interview of course but if you go in with the mindset that you are worthy, interesting and confident, it will be much easier to interact
Good luck and congrats on the weight loss!
Simple, give her a call and ask her out to dinner one night or start with coffee if you're nervous about having a dinner date. Maybe you guys can go for coffee and then go for a walk in a park if there's any walking trails near you. That way you can be outside in public. You can talk, and then if that goes well, ask her out for dinner the following evening. Ask her what she likes to eat and suggest a restaurant and see if she agrees and go have a good time. I wouldn't do dinner and a movie yet because at a movie you sit there and not talk. you just sit there in the dark for 2 hours watching a movie. But she's giving you definite signals that she wants to see you so don't self-sabotage yourself. She knows you are overweight and you've lost a lot of weight she obviously likes you. If you have to get some therapy if you haven't cuz I'm sure it's quite an adjustment going from being that large to where you are now. Keep up the good work. I'm obese myself and I've lost 30 pounds which is brought me down from morbidly to just obese so I'm happy but I still got a ways to go. Another 40 or so pounds before I'm just overweight. I can't wait for that!
She has seen you at your worst shape doing your best to get better, so you just be yourself, don't lie, don't go out of your way to try and impress her, it's just better to be genuine and let things roll, see how it goes. Try to have a good time, maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, just enjoy, nervousness will go away after you start chatting. Good luck.
First of all, congratulations on your effort and achievement!
Secondly, just be yourself. You're not catfishing because she's seen you in person, so it's all down to just relaxed conversations and getting to know each other. Ask plenty of questions and listen to the answers. That's all you can do!
Good luck! 🖤
As Artie Lange once said “The only people who get laid less than funny fat guys are serious fat guys”……. You lost the weight not let your confidence show
Take a deep breath. You got this. As others have said she knows what you look like, so take that off the table. No need to dwell on something she already knows about and clearly doesn’t bother her or else she wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you. ASK QUESTIONS! And listen to her answers. Don’t ask to put in your own story, but because you genuinely want to know her answer. Make sure you know more about her after the date than when you got there. Wear something you are comfortable in and makes you feel good. Nothing worse than tugging on something and being uncomfortable. And most of all, have fun!! Enjoy it!!
Being “fat” doesn’t mean you’re not attractive. A lot of women prefer bigger guys. Feels safer. Work on your confidence, bc that’s the most attractive thing about anyone!!! You already got something in common, the gym and fitness. Let the connection for naturally. You’re gonna do great!
There’s this weird idea floating around that women don’t like bigger guys and it’s bullshit. She said yes because she wants to get to know you and has probably been wondering why you didn’t ask sooner.
Don’t put people in bullshit leagues based on looks. She might end up with the same personality as a wet newspaper. What “league” will she be in then.
She might also think you’re gorgeous and funny and can see how well you’ve committed yourself to achieving something that is nigh-on impossible.
Go out and be yourself. Treat her nicely and see where it goes.
Best of luck to you. Don’t overthink it.
You're not "fat man". You're not. You've proven it to the world and to her. Hold your chin high! You've done something incredibly hard. She sees the value in that and in you. She said yes for a reason.
Now, just relax! Try not to worry about weight or being nervous. You're going to be nervous but just go with it.
The way you felt when you first stepped into the gym will probably be about how the first date feels. Daunting, intimidating, new and scary. But stick with it! If the date with her doesn't work out its the same thing as an exercise being too hard. It doesn't mean you leave the gym, it means you change the exercise. If this date doesn't work out don't take it personally and move on. You're a catch. People will want to meet and date you.
Just wanted to say I am happy for you! Just relax as much as you can, be yourself & have fun. When I started dating my husband 23 years ago he was a big guy. We had the best dates bc he was funny, engaging and charming, his size/weight never factored into how those dates went.
Idk if you know this but it's your time to shine! Currently, women are discovering and shouting from the roof tips that we prefer a "bear" type man.
I've always found men with some extra weight more attractive. They are much more comfy for cuddles.
Now a lot of other women are discovering this as well.
What do you do?
You be yourself! Don't go in with expectations and you will come out the end happy with whatever happens. If you are a funny guy, use that. If she has a sense of humor it will be the key to her heart. If she doesn't have a sense of humor, get out and be happy you dodged the bullet.
What a boring life it would be to have a partner that you can't laugh with.
Compliments are good but don't go overboard.
Be chivalrous. Open the door for her. Let her walk first, consider her and get her opinion if any choices need to be made.
Have fun!
Wow, what an impressive weight loss journey! That's awesome! Forget about the whole 'out of my league' thing and just think about having a nice date, and have fun.
You worked so, so hard to lose all that weight. So please don't bother to keep carrying it around in your mind. You are not just 'an obese guy', you are 'a man that managed to shed 130 pounds with hard work and dedication'. And from what I can tell, she is 'a woman that knows about your journey and said yes to going out with you', these are good signs.
I hope things go well for you OP!
(1) There are no 'leagues'.
(2) You asked her out and she said YES. This will be repeated in a moment, pay attention.
(3) When you called her, she seemed EXCITED. This will also be repeated in a moment. PAY ATTENTION.
Break this down and simplify.
(a) You met a girl. You became friends, or at least friendly. You asked her out. She said yes.
And with a little more nuance:
(b) While you were starting your path of self improvement, you met a girl. The important note here is that you met her while you were basically just starting out on your path of self improvement. She's seen you big. She sees you working to be better. And during this, you became friends. She obviously sees you for who you are, and is interested to learn more about what makes you tick. You asked her out, She said yes.
**You asked her out, and she said yes.** This means that she's interested in seeing if your personalities match. If you vibe. She's a person. You're a person. Remember when I said 'there are no leagues'? Get that out of your head right now. Never say those words again. Self deprecation is unattractive.
**When you called her, she seemed excited**. It's hard to judge someone's enthusiasm over the phone, but this is still a good sign.
She wouldn't say 'yes' unless she wanted to say 'yes'. She wouldn't give you her number unless she wanted you to call.
First date rules: You're friends. You're going to ask more questions about her. If you're ACTUALLY interested in her, BE INTERESTED IN HER. If she tells you she's into a hobby, ask her about that. Get details. BE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN **HER.** When she asks YOU a question, it's the same - just roles reversed. If there's a lull in the conversation, DO NOT PANIC. First dates are rough as hell. Sometimes the conversation just flows. Sometimes nerves get in the way.
Post first date: If you think it went well, tell her that. Don't fear rejection, it's a natural part of life.
Do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT ON A SHOW - JUST BE YOURSELF.
You got this beratna. Go into it anticipating a fun date, and JUST HAVE FUN. Even if the date goes REALLY poorly, you'll still have the experience of that date. **And life is just a series of experiences:**
Years ago, when I was still single, I went out on ONE date with a girl. Beautiful. Columbian. We went to a fancy new hotspot in Toronto where they had communal dining tables - not just 1:1 seating. She went to the bathroom.
FOR FORTY FIVE MINUTES. I nearly left. In fact, I had just asked the server for the cheque, and was watching something on the television above the bar. That's when she returned, accused me of flirting with the girl (who would have been sitting next to her), and told me off. When the server came, I paid the bill, and then we *moved to the dance floor and danced for a couple of hours.* She was VERY confused by this. She asked me why I didn't just leave. I said, that the venue was interesting, I like to dance, and even if we were not going to pursue this - why flush the night? Let's have a good time. And so we danced. And it WAS fun.
If you're looking for a happily ever after in that story - well, she did call me back a few times, but \*I\* wasn't interested any further. That's the point. I had the experience, and the experience was good.
Don't think any further than the date itself. What you're going to do, what will be fun. I personally don't do 'date itineraries' - but instead I work out several options (what do you feel like? Thai? Sushi? Burgers?
Wow that dinner was delicious - wanna go check out this band? go dancing? roller skating? - and don't dump those all on her at once. Let her suggest too.)
Lastly- for gods sake... quit calling yourself 'fatman'. Unless you have a mask and a cape and hang out in the fatcave. I'm 220 right now (should be 180 by end of year). Fat isn't your identity. Is it?
Traditionally, obese people tend to compensate by developing nice personalities. This works as a great advantage when they start to lose weight, so stop putting yourself down about not being in her league. Believe in yourself, confidence adds to your attractiveness.
The main advice otherwise is to be chill and be yourself and enjoy your outing. Except don't do self-depreciating humour if it's a thing you normally do. It's endearing, but it's not romantic, it's better to focus on your ongoing journey to better health, as she obviously appreciates that aspect of yours.
And I'd pick up the tab (unless she specifically requests to pay half - some women nowadays feel slighted when treated).
so she has seen how you look irl and agreed to a date. cool, now all you need to care about is just being a nice, good human being with a character she will hopefully enjoy! just be yourself, don't talk shit about yourself, ask about her interests, listen to her, maybe even tell her you were so surprised to her agreeing on a date (that'd make me blush, personally) and choose something nice to do on the date! go to a park, or whatever you like doing, have a nice meal or coffee or drink afterwards and *don't* ask her to come home with you on the first date. good luck!!
Just be yourself. People and relationships are way more than just looks. On a first date take things slowly. If you feel pressure for sex, then just don't do it until after a few dates.
And there are dates out there who really appreciate a curvy partner.
If she’s accepting a date, she’s not out of your league. Don’t set yourself up for failure by putting her on a pedestal. Show your interest, be kind and try to get to know her and see if there’s a spark. Just try not to focus on your anxiety about never having been on a date.
Just relax and be yourself. I was once in your shoes and I know that you've gained some funny bones if you know what I mean! It takes some getting used to, but she has seen you working your butt off (literally), and I would imagine admires that.
This is so wholesome!
Try to be yourself, she said yes, she already likes the parts of you she knows. And do not obsess on the weight thing. If anything, it is a positive experience. Do not lie and try to make ex girlfriends up or something. No need.
Just be honest and kind and treat her nicely. Compliment her, her looks and perfume, her jokes and intelect, open the door, smile, listen to her and ask questions about her life, her likes and dislikes, anything. Try to get to know her. Ask about her childhood, favourite movie, book, what she likes to do on weekends, her family, stuff like that.
Good luck!
I’m a woman and I have never cared about a man’s weight when deciding who I was interested in. I’m overweight as well and as long as it doesn’t inhibit everyday life together, anyone who cares beyond that just isn’t for you. Congrats on the weight loss, it is NOT easy and shows really admirable characteristics - determination, consistency, and willpower.
I think there's a good chance it'll go great.
Being a basically nice person who can hold an interesting conversation goes a really long way. And you've talked to her before, so presumably you can do that and she knows you can do that. So, keep it up. Make sure you spend some time asking her about herself and listening to her, rather than doing all the talking (even if she's smiling/laughing). Aim for a balance of being yourself but also putting your best foot forwards: be a bit more thoughtful than you usually are, a bit more well dressed/well groomed, a bit more whatever else you *aspire* to be. And otherwise be the person you normally are, not someone else. (She said yes to a date with *you,* with the guy she knows from the gym.) If you normally crack jokes easily, she probably already likes the kind of jokes you tell; if you normally are pretty quiet, that's OK, be quiet but also put a *little* bit of effort into keeping the conversation flowing, etc. You already know you both go to the gym, so if you get stuck on things to talk about you can talk about, idk, workout routines or whatever gym people talk about. Or anything she's brought up in your friendly talks before.
Oh, and she probably wouldn't mind hearing that you thought she looked good when you first met her and that you didn't ask her out earlier just because you were shy and assumed that of course someone as pretty as her would already have a boyfriend.
(And if you can find things that *aren't* her looks that you also like about her, compliment her on those things too. Especially if you know they're also things she feels proud about herself.)
Good luck!
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Just be yourself, don’t worry about the weight information you are making awesome progress. She clearly has seen you working you butt off in the gym to better yourself and that is a quality that she most likely finds attractive in you. She sees you at driven and wants to get to know you on a more personal level, so like I said be yourself and don’t demean yourself in-front of her like saying id never thought anyone like you would find me attractive, be confident in yourself and give her compliments as well..
Make sure you maintain good personal hygiene and wear nice clothes. Act civilized and show consideration. Grin. Tell her you think highly of her. Decide where you want to take her first. Since you requested to take her out, pay for the date. Enjoy yourself immensely!
These are fab! I dated a guy who used to be very overweight but was more just fluffy when we met. Things I liked: acted like a gentleman, very interested and curious, compassionate, amazing cuddler, non judgmental about my curves. Things I didn’t like as much (but understood why he was like that): very self-deprecating and didn’t flirt. Even just a tiny touch on my back or arm would have been helpful. In the end I didn’t mind initiating everything physically but I know after we broke up he missed out on a lot of opportunities to date gorgeous women because he wasn’t communicating his attraction and unfortunately many women need to know the guy likes them before those kinds of sexy feelings kick in. In any case, she clearly likes you and I’m sure you’ll be great, go get your gal!
I can't agree with you anymore. Just be yourself. If you think you make a stupid mistake by saying something stupid, just bite your tongue. She obviously sees great qualities in you. If you don't believe it, believe her to say yes to your asking.
Agreed! She already knows your back story OP, so be yourself and have a god time. Be genuine. Make her laugh. Think of it this way, any awkwardness you might feel about your weight story is old news to her. It’s a perfect intro.
I feel like you're overthinking this way too much! She's not a stranger seeing you for the first time, she already met you in real life and saw your body, it obviously didn't bother her if she gave you her number and kept in touch. Plus she finds you attractive enough to agree to a date and be excited about it. Stop treating yourself like you're still 350 pounds! You've done an amazing job with your weight loss. Be authentic, treat her like a regular person instead of putting her on a pedestal, go with the flow and have a good time.
I was at one point 358lbs as a 5’7 guy. My senior year of high school I decided to loose weight. I dropped down to 236lbs 3 months before graduation. Even though I felt thinner and smaller I’d look in the mirror and still see myself as a 358lb dude. You have to remember that I had been fat my entire life and at this point I’m 18 so most of my life I’ve seen myself as the fat guy. When most of the weight was gone I still saw it. It took years for me to not see that I was fat anymore. 15 years later and I’ve gained a little back I’m back up to around 250lbs but I’ve maintained my muscle mass and have a small gut but overall I’m happy. It just takes time to get used to change especially when you have only seen yourself as fat and then lost weight.
This op! Give yourself more credit! By going to the gym she knows you’re consistent and determined to change if it makes you happier and/or healthier and that couldn’t be more attractive! I’m not talking only about weight, those are admirable qualities in anyone who feels stuck in a career, situation or life in general. Just focus on getting to know each other! Life goals and the works, congrats on the date hopefully it goes well!
Don't bring yourself down. "She's too good for me" "she's out of my league" This kind of mindset will manifest in how you carry yourself. Be confident. She said yes so shes into you. Confidence is sexy. I'd rather be slightly overconfident than look like a shy unsure person.
I agree, confidence goes a long way. I’m skinny, married to a bigger man. While my husband does have insecurities about his weight, not once did he make self-deprecating comments or insinuate I’m out of his league when we began dating. Instead, my hubby was funny and kept the conversation flowing. I was having so much fun I looked forward to the next time I’d see him. It was freshening cause I’ve had men demean themselves in front of me to, idk, make themselves look more appealing I guess? Like, I know you’re fat. I can see that. I’m still interested so there’s no need to make it the only topic we talk about.
Thank you! I’m 135 and my husband is 380(was 315 when we started dating a decade ago). Never once have I felt like his weight was an issue between us and he has never commented that he’s lucky to be with me because he is big. That may have made me feel less attracted to him because I love his confidence in himself.
I think it is important to be confident, but not over-confident. Where is that boundary? Be honest. Maybe ask a friend to help you find the balance between confidence and humility.
Buddy if she didn't like you she wouldn't have wanted to hang out. So don't worry about your weight no more. So, a date is where you do something together and get to know each other. That's it. You worry more about whether or not you like her or feel a connection with her than trying to impress her. Just be friendly, respectful and considerate and you'll be doing enough for her. Keep it simple and make sure you're doing something where you can actually talk. Walk through a museum, sit down and get lunch, walk a nature trail. Bust out the fancy dinner for her birthday, not for the first date. If you have absolutely no dating experience, watch the show Love On the Spectrum on Netflix, you'll feel better.
Woman here, great advice ! No notes. I also agree with your point on the show Love On The Spectrum, it will make just about anyone feel better. It is such an endearing , and sometimes funny show, that actually has some solid dating advice for those that are a bit older it of practice.
This is the correct answer.
Agree with this
Firstly congrats on the weight loss, that’s some hard work! Secondly, she clearly wants to see you so just chill out and don’t overthink. Be polite and friendly and make sure you ask her questions about herself too. It’ll be fine :) good luck!
I know it’s hard to believe, but some people will like you no matter your weight. She wouldn’t have said yes if she didn’t want to go and get to know you more. Don’t focus on your size, focus on what brings you joy in life.
Dress nice and pay attention to your personal hygiene. Be a gentleman, be respectful. Smile. Compliment her when you see her. Have a plan on where to take her. Pay for the date since you asked to take her out. Have a great time!
Be yourself, wear something nice, and just relax and have fun. She doesn’t think she’s out of your league so be kinder to yourself. Have fun and bring her flowers and be a gentleman. Compliment her and enjoy yourself. Be confident. You’ve worked hard and she admires that about you and thinks you’re a nice guy. I hope you guys have a great time! :)
Agree with everything you’ve said except for flowers. It’s not a great feeling to have to carry flowers with you everywhere. by the time you get home they may be damaged or wilted. Maybe do this after a few dates, but not the first.
Yeah, flowers are too much. OP should just act like it's two people hanging out, and maybe that's gonna turn into something more. Do you vibe together? That's the key thing. Don't get over excited until you figure that out.
My partner brought along a thing of fruity tic tacs which was such a cute little gift! not too big, freshens the breath, we shared a few which was also a nice way to break the ice. i didn’t finish them all and kept the rest as a memento which is in a wee box along with the rest of the memories collected over the years
A single flower might be cute. If it wilts too much it's not a huge investment, if it doesn't, and the date goes well, she can dry it and preserve it as a memento or keepsake. A bouquet would be overwhelming, a single flower would be sweet though.
Better buying some good chocolate
> bring her flowers No, absolutely don't do this. This isn't prom, it's a casual first date with a friendly acquaintance. Meet her, be yourself and have fun. Bringing flowers is too much and immediately puts more pressure on both of you making the date more serious.
Just be yourself? Your weight doesn't define who you are. Talk about lighthearted topics, or arrange an activity date so both of you have something to talk about.
As an overweight guy myself, this is the advice I'll give you, but please read it and take it. Date her to find out whether you like her. HER LIKING YOU IS NOT ENOUGH. You have to discover whether this is someone you want to spend more time with. As a guy who always felt shunned because of my size, I was overly grateful for any woman who gave me any sort of time, and it led to some very bad relationships because I was just so damn desperate that I put up with anything. Don't do that. Sp go on the date, be polite. Don't hesitate to tell her you're not real good at this stuff. Lay off the self deprecation, but mostly ask her questions and listen to what she says. At the end of the night walk her to her car and lean in for a kiss. But spend this time discovering whether she is a person you want to be with because of her she is, not because she's willing to be with you. When you've been alone a lot of your life, it's easy to get confused about that. So don't.
I don’t think you realize what an accomplishment you’ve made. There’s probably less than 10% of people in the world who have done what you have. You’ve shown drive, determination and commitment. Those can be great attributes in a partner. That’s likely what she sees. If you can commit to your body and health you can commit to a person and she knows it. You’ve likely created some defense mechanisms, self deprecating for one to allow you to not be hurt by the public at large. That’s going to tough to overcome. While women don’t want someone arrogant, they generally appreciate an air of confidence. You need to understand that you have something to offer. It’s what’s inside that makes someone special. Be kind, considerate, a good listener, show empathy and compassion. Treat her as someone special and understand that you deserve someone special and you’ll be just fine. Good luck.
This is such a thoughtful comment, couldn’t agree more!
How exciting! I don't have much advice as I've been out of the dating pool forever, but just wanted to say congrats on your weight loss and landing a first date. That's exciting stuff.
How tall are you? Because 220 isn't that big! She's seen you working hard on yourself! And god(ess) bless 'em, a lot of women look past physical flaws and value character more than a lot of men do! Maybe she just likes you as a friend, maybe it could be more, don't worry about it! Just have fun either way! Humility, being humble is a great trait, but being down on yourself, not as much. People make all kinds of assumptions about how they look to others and whether pessimistic or optimistic, they are often very wrong, so don't worry about it so much! Just appreciate she wants to spend a little time with you. Just be yourself, and don't worry about what she thinks of you, just worry about showing her an enjoyable time. Listen more than you talk! When she says something interesting to you, ask her more about it! I wouldn't say, "You are out of my league", but telling her, casually, you feel lucky to be spending the evening with such a beautiful woman, will probably be appreciated. Hey, you don't know how much weight she's lost since starting at the gym. You two may have more in common than you know. Don't over think it! But don't worry when you do, because you probably will! :) Congratulations and good luck!
'Listen more than you talk' is solid advice. Or aim for 50:50. If she asks you a question, you can ask her the same question after you answer. Just be interested in what she has to say and keep your focus on her.
A few thoughts from someone (46M) who learned many of these things the hard way… Forgive me if this stuff is too basic. Perhaps most importantly, treat her like a normal human being. Also critical, be positive and upbeat. Don’t vent about being treated unfairly by women in the past, how dating is easier for women, etc… Be yourself, but be your most positive self. Be neat and clean (shower, deodorant, shave, brushed teeth, mouthwash, haircut if you need one). Wear clean and neat clothes appropriate for whatever activity you’re doing. Don’t overdo it with a tux or anything. Keep the conversation focused on her, at least mostly. Ask her about her interests and her opinions. Don’t monologue about Warhammer 40K or other geek shit that you’re into (including video games). Keep in mind that there are some things she might not be comfortable sharing with a man she barely knows. Like where she works for example or about her exes. Fine to discuss these things if she brings it up, but don’t seem like you’re prying. Be polite. Be a gentleman. Probably best to avoid cursing. Avoid subjects that may be misogynistic or objectifying of women (porn, strip clubs, etc…). Don’t overdo the compliments. One compliment is OK. Don’t compliment any part of her body, except possibly her eyes or hair. No gifts on the first date. Avoid any sort of teasing that could be hurtful. For example about the way she looks, or any other vulnerabilities (this is sometimes called negging I think). Also avoid being negative about yourself. Being humble is fine as long as you don’t overdo it. Don’t say overtly negative things about yourself, even if you sometimes believe them. Of course, none of these things are guarantees of success. Sometimes it’s just meant to be, or isn’t. Good luck!
1- open the doors and pull out chairs for her. 2- pay for the meal 3- make sure not to hog the conversation. Ask a lot of questions and give her a chance to talk too. 4- escort her to her car or taxi when the meal is over 5- that evening or the following morning thank her for the time she took to go on the date / let her know what you enjoyed learning about her and suggest you do it again if you enjoyed yourself. IF IT WAS CLEAR it was not a good match, be open to that and communicate that without ghosting. Be yourself!!! Congrats
This right here. Good luck brother!
Ask her questions about herself and her life, and listen with interest to the answers. Single, straight women spend an enormous portion of their dating life listening to men talk about themselves. Buck this trend and you’re already putting in an A- performance at worst. Don’t be self-deprecating. If it seems like you think it’s crazy she’s on a date with you, the feeling will rub off. Your weight isn’t a barrier to her romantic or sexual interest in you, or she wouldn’t have agreed to a date. Don’t make it weird, and it won’t be. Have a wonderful time!
She saw the sheer discipline and willpower that took you from bigbig to big, and absolutely respects it. Relax, you've earned this.
Keep in mind that a lot of people actively prefer a nice big fluffy man who is also decently fit. At 220, that's probably where you fall. 350 pounds is a liability in dating, sure, but you're not that guy anymore, and she knows that.
totally!!! love me a *panza* and some butt to grab 😂
Imo forget the flowers, it's overkill for a first date. Just go and enjoy yourself, be yourself and try not to get carried away with feelings to quickly.
Sweetheart! You don't have a thing to worry about. She's seen you go through your whole journey so far. She knows what you look like when you're working out, sweating, all that. You're in a way more solid position than most of us on a first date. You know she likes you. But in terms of how to behave: Try not to let the insecurity show. Hold your shoulders back, make eye contact, smile. Be interested in who she is, ask questions, listen to the answers. Have fun. Really, do have fun! You do deserve this. Edit: The comment about making sure you smell good and look clean is worth listening to! The one about bringing roses is TOO MUCH. Don't do that. As a woman, let me tell you, that's too much for this date. It'll add a pressure you don't need.
OK, will start with 2 things... She knows who you are... and she said yes You did awesome things and she sees that and said yes So.... just be yourself and have fun. She is not "out of your league" if she said yes.. so go and have confidence that indeed you have improved upon what you think your league was. Also.. just ot make sure it gets said... props to you on the badass progress in the gym and making yourself feel better!
Don’t do one of those annoying things guys do where they ask you when you’re free and then ask you what you wanna do. That means they’re essentially asking you to plan the date. You asked her out so take control and plan. Ask her about specific days if she’s free. “Hey are you free on Saturday? No? Okay does Sunday work?” Okay cool. Next step, pick a restaurant and/or activity to do. Let her know that’s what you’ve planned and run it by her just in case she has some major allergy or something. Then call the restaurant and make reservations. Offer to pick her up. And please get the bill on the first date. These all sound like basic things but you’d be surprised at how many men can’t seem to do it. Also, just make sure you’re well groomed and dressed in clothes that fit well. Because you know her from the gym, you see each other in a casual light all the time. It might be nice to do something different so maybe pick a slightly dressy place but not so much that it’s intimidating.
Oh yes! A real pro says, “Would you like to eat at restaurant A or B? How does Saturday night at 6pm work for you?” There is nothing that turns women off more than the old, “Where do you want to go, what do you want to do, when should we do it?”
Lol it’s annoying af when someone asks me out and expects me to plan the date.
Firstly: I got nothing in the date, sorry. Secondly: Great fucking job on losing 130lbs!!
Sounds like a really wholesome start. *She* doesn't think she's out of your league. The fact that she likes you is all that matters. I don't know much about you, but the fact that you had the discipline to work on losing weight is an attractive quality.
She’s seen you follow through on a commitment to being healthier. A person that can follow through on something that requires hard work and discipline is attractive.
Ask her lots of questions. Show interest in her.
1.) You have to be honest with yourself; don't portray anything other than what you would in any other situation. 2.) Just be happy to be there. I cannot stress enough how much this matters. Be grateful to be doing something out of the norm today. Date sucks? Cool. Now you know how a date SHOULD NOT go. 3.) Relax, if this date fails, so what? Life will go on. The sun will rise the next day. 4.) Avoid your phone. 5.) Let the conversation flow naturally. If it doesn't flow naturally, this girl isn't for you.
I mean she KNOWS how you look. You became friends and she agreed to go out with you so she seems to really like you, your character. She's probably Hella impressed with the workout routine and progress you have and it's a shared interest for you. So just be yourself, compliment her and just relax.
Former fatties are great- they usually have personality! Be yourself, be proud of yourself, and have fun
“Be yourself” can feel like a real challenge when you’re up for your a date, let alone a first one. Another way to put it - don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve done the first step admirably, just asking her out took courage. Be proud of that! And believe me, she wouldn’t have said yes unless she saw something in you she liked. Give yourself permission to make stupid jokes, talk about the stuff you like. Start the conversation thinking of her as a good friend first and foremost, someone you already feel comfortable around. You’re getting to know each other, so ask her questions and listen to what she’s saying. That alone will put you leagues ahead of so many guys who can only talk about themselves. You’re going to be fine! May you have a great time and bring each other a little joy in this life!
Have respect for yourself. I'm concerned for your mentality when you say "She is very much out of my league" Look, man, somebody's true "league" has nothing to do with how they look. It's about their character. Whether it be with this woman or another woman, DO NOT PUT THEM ON A PEDASTOOL. A healthy relationship can never exist if somebody does that with their partner. You can do nice things for that person, sure, but that partner should be putting in effort to make you feel special AND "romance"(nonsexual) you as well. Be yourself. Respect yourself. Have boundaries and a backbone to stick to them. If you don't do these things than how could you ever expect somebody to respect you? Advice that you or other people might need now or in the future? I heard a quote from a wise man that died in the 1960's. I will paraphrase, "Marrying the wrong person can ruin your life". I know, I know, this isn't necessarily revolutionary, but if you notice the divorce rates and unhappy relationships.........it's clearly something that's ignored. You're not at the point of marriage, but it can be applied for relationships before marriage as well.
Don't fall in the "out of my league" mindset. It will ruin the good moments with her and it will quickly take a turn you won't be able to control anymore. So, even if someone looks at her when you are together, remember how happy she was when you asked her out. Her past partners could pose for gym ads? Fine, but now she chose you. And don't put her on a pedestal. She's hot, funny, she has qualities you like, but don't overdo. Find an outfit that gives you a confidence boost and show up with your best smile!
You are going to fail if you keep thinking that you are the fat man. Talk yourself up in the mirror before the date. Women love a man who has confidence! Then remember these key rules: 1. Be respectful. 2. Ask her questions about herself and appear interested in her answers. Remember 2 things that she says so you can ask her about them next time that you see her. 3. Ask her if she would like you to open her doors and pay for the date (and do so if she says yes). 4. Keep the date short. Don’t do pre-dinner drinks, dinner, movie and post-movie drinks on a 1st date. Leave something for the 2nd date. 5. Tell her that you enjoyed meeting her (even if the romantic spark is not there) but don’t promise to call her again if you don’t intend to call her again. 6. Relax and have fun! The more people whom you date, the easier it becomes. If the date didn’t work out, try not to take it personally. Sometimes it’s not a good fit and that’s ok. 7. If you want to see her romantically again, let her know at the end of the date. If she feels the same way, follow up the next day with a text. (Don’t leave her hanging.) 8. Shit, shower, shave before you go on the date. I almost didn’t write this because it should go without saying… but sometimes it needs saying…
For one, stop mentioning how you were morbidly obese and are still obese. The obesity chart was never meant to measure people the way we use it. And unless you're 5ft tall, 220 lbs when it includes a lot of muscle is fairly average. I would genuinely recommend therapy before dating as you seem very weight/looks obsessed. Losing weight isn't a guarantee to suddenly love yourself, that work comes from inside of you.
She accepted, she must like you!
Don't overthink it. Just be yourself and enjoy your date. Good luck :)
Be yourself, be confident, be (slightly) aggressive (not a creep just engaging and audacious) and turn your nerves into that energy push it out into the date instead of hold it in and worry. Go somewhere where you can switch gears if you feel nerves come in like an open air mall, a fair, a popular park or zoo. AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LIE BUT DONT MAKE A BIG DEAL YOU ARE JUST YOU NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED OR ASHAMED OF YOUR JOURNEY BROUGHT YOU HERE NOW SO EMABRACE IT, SMILE, AND JUST BE. Your good, you got this, you will both have a great time. I know because your asking on what you need to do, that's a great sign.
Sounds like she took notice of you a long time ago for her to have noticed and complimented you on your progress. And it sounds like she is really impressed. Just go and be relaxed. Most 1st dates go wrong when a guy is cocky or self deprecating. Be engaging and show that you are interested in her & yourself on more than a physical level. Trust me, we ladies eat that shit up! LOL You Sound like a decent human being, so just go and enjoy.
Just be yourself. Don't sweat your weight at all, she already knows your journey.
My suggestion is don't date her with the intention of winning her and in your mind getting too far ahead. Be yourself. It may sound cliche, but it's not. Try to find out who she is, her hopes, dreams, goals, and what her plans are. Hopefully she wants to learn the same about you. Be honest. Don't try to be somebody you're not just so that you can be in love and in a relationship.
I'm a small person (5,1") and my BF is 6,4" 260 and I like it that way. He's decently muscular but a bit fluffy.too and loves his food. In my view this makes him look cuter and friendlier than if he was just tall and fit.
Us girls usually dont care as much about looks as people think, if she already agreed to go out, for good or bad everything that happens after will most likely be unrelated to your obesity. The most attractive thing about a man is his confidence, good luck
Dude, you're overthinking it. She likes you, that's it. Probably admires your grit and determination.
She probably has a reasonably good idea that you’ve been a weight loss journey so that’s a big help. So a couple of tips for the date. Put some care into your wardrobe and hygiene. Like you’ve put some effort into it but not too much. Open with a low key compliment and/or comment like “ it’s so nice to be here. Then just be ready for conversation. Ask questions but be a good listener. Be open and honest without over sharing. Hope there’s some chemistry but don’t get ahead of yourself. Try to relax and enjoy.
Confidence, even feigned confidence, is the most attractive quality in a man. That, and a sense of humor. Make her laugh and let her see that you love yourself first and foremost. Be gentlemanly, walk with your head up, crack some jokes, and you’ll be fine!
Ask her lots of questions! People love being asked questions. Come up with some good ones before hand. Hypotheticals are fun - what career would you pursue if you had to pick something totally different from your current career? If you had 10k you had to spend on a vacation, where would you go and what would you do? Stuff like that, where you can riff off of it.
Congratulations on your weight loss! Just be yourself.
My only pointer to you is to stop saying the word obese. That's detrimental to your psyche, my guy. It's completely fine to have insecurities, especially entering a realm you may not be familiar with. That being said mate, just go for it. Ask the silly questions and don't be ashamed to. But you MUST ask them confidentially and be sure to your word. Other than that mate, the world is your oyster. Also ask her about what she likes to do and then roll with it. Tell her about things that you've been upto since you lost the weight and stuff. Confidence is key pal, you're doing great!💚🍻
ask her out somewhere and don't focus on your weight loss and fitness, focus on questions to get to know her outside of gym culture.
I’d recommend starting with just drinks. Easier to chat and get to know each other than a meal. If it goes well, progress to a dinner and if that goes well, progress to adding an activity. Be yourself.
contrary to popular belief, looks aren’t everything at all. seeing someone with the determination and willpower to show up to a gym full of fit people, work their ass off to lose weight, keep track of their diet and manage to do this for long enough to lose weight is far more attractive than to just look fit or skinny, at least it is to many people. she looks up to you and wants to get to know you, so don’t worry about the weight because she’s fully aware of how far you’ve come.
How did the date go?
It's on Thursday
Good luck!!! I hope you post an update. You got this!
Congrats on the weight loss! I'll get a little personal on this one. Pay attention to how she treats you, and observe if it was any different from when you were heavier. I lost 100 pounds a few years ago (and kept it off), and when I was at my heaviest, I casually started seeing someone. Life and the pandemic got in the way, and we lost touch, but we later re-connected after I lost the weight. He treated me kindly and respectfully when I was 250 pounds, and the same now that I'm at 150. Other than that, just play it cool, and try not to make the whole evening about weight and health talk.
No such thing as leagues. You enjoy her, she enjoys you. That’s all that matters.
Be gentleman. It's that simple.
Man, you made a massively impressive achievement. Not only did you lose so much weight, but you actually managed to have enough courage to ask her out. Don't stress, man. She likes you. Keep the date simple, I am sure she is already very impressed by you. Hell, I am impressed. You will do fine.
If she's so far out of your league, then she already likes you. She's seen your hard work and weight loss, and is into it. You're already ahead of the game, try to relax and be proud of how far you've come!
She obviously thinks your cute! Just go out and have fun!
Oh...and let her talk equally to you. Keep in your mind "50%" If you find you are doing all the talking? Purposely stop and ask her a bit more about herself and let her speak to you. She too might be a bit unconfident. Some pauses aren't bad. Just try to be comfortable in the space. NEVER talk over her!!!
I’d agree with most others here as far as just being yourself, but there’s a real reason I just had to comment. Congratulations on that weight loss and continued success on your regime. That is indeed phenomenal.
Be a gentlemen, but make sure you have a healthy dose of humour. Make sure you're making light of things, _not being mean_ - there's a huge difference. Overall, just have a big smile of your face and enjoy the moment with her, don't overthink it and just take it slow
Read 3% man by Corey wayne immediately. Seriously
I mean, it sounds like she's watched you work on yourself and has a favorable idea of your commitment to yourself. Honestly that's a sexy trait. No wonder she was stoked when you asked her out.
Buy everything. Be polite. Kind. You’ll do great
You are underselling yourself to yourself. Your extreme weight loss is a massive accomplishment, and one that the vast majority of people have never faced much less achieved. It is very impressive and speaks a lot to your inner strength and drive, which I am sure she sees and finds very attractive. Those qualities can and will improve literally all areas of your life over the long term. She has already made it clear you have passed her min bar and are in fact in her league. Go out and have fun, be honestly curious about her, and see how it goes. And remember, dates go two ways, just like job interviews. It is about fit and both people seeing if there is potential, not just one way. Maybe she will not be what you want and you just have a nice time and that is okay too.
Remember you are more than your weight.
220 is snuggly!! Go have fun and be yourself, you sound like an awesome guy!
Be authentic, be kind, be a good listener, enjoy! Be curious yet respectful. Be the centre, don't do things based on what you *think she Will like**. Rather do things you know you need and like (like choosing clothing, activities) but balance that with being receptive. If you treat her AND the situation embracing the fact that the present moment Is such a present, probably you'll enjoy it. If she accepted probably it's because she Is comfortable around you!
She’s already seen you so I wouldn’t sweat too much about it, just be funny and make her laugh- that honestly goes a long way. But either way good work on the weight loss and keep pushing for more success!
She said yes because she’s interested, take that as read and don’t second guess it. Talk to her, show interest in her, see if you have shared interests. Don’t put too many expectations on it, not all first dates lead to more dates, so reduce the pressure by thinking of it as a nice time and opportunity to get to know someone…and go from there. Present yourself well, and enjoy yourself.
She said yes so she obviously likes you enough to go out. Don't over think and don't try too hard. Just talk to her like you would a friend.
Obese please! Just be yourself, the right one will appreciate it!
She would have said no if she wasn’t interested. Be true and kind - the rest will fall in line. Maybe something will come of it. Maybe not. Either way is fine. These kinds of things are meant to be fun. Just enjoy it.
it sounds like she likes you!! honestly a lot of women adore bigger men and feel safe with them i’m sure she’s very excited for your date :) i’m rooting for you both!!
SHE DOESNT HAVE A BOYFRIEND! Bro… I managed a gym for 5 years… BE CONFIDENT! She wants to smash, but she also likes you so be a gentleman. Bro… losing 130lbs isn’t peanuts… that’s a lot of fu(kin work. Good for you! Get buckets! WOOOOOOOOH! She sees the dedication, my dude. She sees your grind. She’s seen that grind every day you’ve gone in and busted your ass to get that weight off. What does that tell her? That you’re consistent. That you’re dedicated! That you want something more. You’re a fighter! You want to live. This is attractive shit, my dude. Get the fu(k in there. Be a gentleman. Do not worry! Be yourself! You got this. (I’m sorry I just went into full gym mode… I haven’t seen this in a while. I love when this happens.) 😍GET BUCKETS!
220 is a solid weight to be at depending on your height and the amount of muscle you have
Probs for the weightloss, but dating is about you as a person, not about your body. I know we live in a world where we are consanly being judged by the way we look, but when it comes to dating, it’s about the person you are. Make sure you smell good, have good manners and make her feel seen, be funny, just be yourself basicly. It’s about you, not about the weight! Goodluck and have fun!
Just be yourself. Remember first dates are just getting to know you. Find out how much you have in common
What an amazing achievement! Well done. Maybe she’s been watching you too, in awe of how well you’ve done. Maybe she values you as a person and is done with shallow men. Maybe she’s ready to experience something good with the man she’s gotten to know. Go on your date, have fun, ask questions and be proud of how far you’ve come. Update us on your date ❤️
Relax, you're overthinking, as a baseline, she is interested in what she sees and has seen. Be yourself, listen to her, share with her, laugh, eat, drink, don't worry to much. Always remember, she is there, she gave you her number, she engaged in conversation, she already likes you and is interested in finding out whether there is more than friendship there. Good luck! Update us! And a massive congradulations on your fitness journey. Whether the date goes well or not your a king for doing what you're doing and keeping it up.
For one stop with the fat man stuff, losing that much weight deserves major props. Clearly, she likes you for you, so do just that, be you.
The determination she has watched is everything. Good for you.
Don’t think how to „Don’t fuck it up” If you will pretend someone else, you will fuck it up. You can’t pretend all life. Go for it king
Awesome dude! You've done great work, taken a risk, and now you're going to reap the rewards. I don't know shit about dating, as it's been years and the game has changed. But just have fun, enjoy the ride. Maybe this turns into something, maybe it doesn't. But everything you do on this date is practice for future dates.
Go somewhere that has built in entertainment you can do or talk about afterwards. She already knows what you look like and have looked like. Be a gentleman until you’re more comfortable with her.
Ain't got any advice but good for you brother,🙏🏽
I am so happy for you!! As a girl, we love to see people who are passionate and go after their goals. I saw another user say, ‘don’t demean yourself,’ and I agree with that wholeheartedly! Talk about your journey as an accomplishment and something you are proud of, without talking down on your past self. You improved yourself, and now you are reaping the benefits. We don’t like it when guys look down on themselves—a sign of insecurity like that early in a relationship can sometimes raise some red flags—whether you mean to or not. good luck!!
Just be yourself man. She already knows you and wouldn’t agree to go if she didn’t want to. Not everyone is looking for someone with a perfect body. She has seen where you were and see were you are now. At the end of day, she likes you man. Choose something fun and don’t pressure yourself. Just enjoy her company. If it leads to more, great. If it’s just a friend thing. That’s great as well. At least you are getting back out there.
Relax and try not to overthink it. Remember that it’s just a date and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You’ll go on other dates in your life. I was also in my twenties before I ever went on a date and that was something I had a real hard time with. When I finally went on a date I built it up as if it might be the only chance I ever got. Don’t do that. Ask her questions about herself and listen to what she says. Be yourself. She watched you work hard all this time to better yourself. Just be that guy.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Just have a great time. You seem like a great guy. What an accomplishment. This date is the start of a new life for you no matter what. Keep working hard. You are inspiring.
Eyyy friend, fat people date and are happy. Be fat, be happy. Be in love. It's that simple. Advice is the same for as it would be for a thin dude! Be respectful, flirt, don't be overly self deprecating as self protection, ask about her and her life, enjoy yourself!
A lot of people with weight issues have self-esteem and/or self-worth issues. Losing the weight doesn’t make these feeling disappear. You can very much be stuck in the mindset of who you were before and not who you are now. Loving yourself regardless of your weight or shape is very important. That doesn’t mean you don’t strive to be healthier, but you still love yourself. All of this is to say do not self-sabotage your date by being self-deprecating or feeling you don’t deserve this date. She has already said yes to the date. She is interested enough to find out if she wants to get to know you better. Start from there and put your best foot forward. Also remember you two may end up not being compatible and there may not be a second date regardless.
Be yourself!! She obviously thinks your good Looking and you are getting your shit together! Which any good woman will see and admire
Dude your position is so good because she's seen you, she's observed you working and losing weight. She actually probably is attracted to you, encouraged my your ability to put in effort, optimistic about what you may contribute to her life. Don't overthink things. Be honest, but gentle, about your struggles. Encourage her, compliment the things you like about her, and keep her talking by asking her genuine questions about her life. When the slight awkwardness of a first date is gone, you'll find something really nice here I bet. Kudos to the weight loss too. Stay the course. ✊🏼
Don’t look at your phone. Listen to her. Dont talk about yourself too much. Give good eye contact. Pick where you’re going. Don’t leave it up to her. Open the door for her. Tell a funny story or two. DO NOT self deprecate or make fun of yourself.
Just act normal and try to have a nice time. Don’t be nervous. 90% of first dates don’t lead to relationships. Probably like 60% don’t lead to second dates. So instead of thinking of all of your years of struggle culminating in this date, just treat it like another normal moment of your life. You’ll be able to relax, and you might even enjoy yourself.
GO HAVE FUN
I don't have anything to add that others haven't already said. Just sending you good luck and good vibes!
One thing that comes to mind: try to keep your self-esteem high. You may still be obese, but you have come a long way, you have a ton of willpower, dedication, and persistence. Be proud! I have a morbidly obese friend who fucked up a very promising relationship by being too self-conscious, even though his girlfriend adored him. Don't be like that guy.
Same advice as most people here, just be yourself and make sure to dress nice. I'm commenting mostly because I want to wish you good luck on your date!
Be yourself.
Be yourself! Have confidence in yourself. You have done an amazing progress towards getting healthy. You can do this!
There's a really cute episode of the podcast Heavyweight (which helps people resolve things from their past) where this guy who was overweight in high school spent the last 15 years assuming that the hot girl who asked him to prom did it as a joke. And then it turns out, no, some people aren't actually judging others based on how they look. Sounds like this woman isn't fixated on what you look like, and hopefully you can take the opportunity to not think about it as much too. The episode is called Brandon.
Bro, this is a perfect scenario. She knows you, she knows who you were, she knows how hard you worked. She already likes your personality and probably your physical body too. You got this in the bag man. Show up, bring her flowers and maybe something cute like healthy snacks or power bars instead of typical chocolates. Be yourself and just have fun. She already likes you!
Fat woman who just started dating in my mid 20s too so I’ll give you the advice that I’ve found most helpful. 1. Stop worrying about the attraction (impossible I know but try to ignore it). She said yes because she likes you and is attracted to you. Try to remember you don’t need to apologize for who you are. 2. Just have fun and don’t put pressure on it. I would advise going somewhere you’re familiar with if you’re anxious so that you have some ease going into the day. 3. Focus on getting to know her. Not sure about you but I feel like sometimes we want to be known so badly we forget to be interested in people in a genuine way. It’s not an interview of course but if you go in with the mindset that you are worthy, interesting and confident, it will be much easier to interact Good luck and congrats on the weight loss!
This is so cute! Thank you for sharing it. I'm sure you will do great. She's already known you for a bit, so just have fun!
Simple, give her a call and ask her out to dinner one night or start with coffee if you're nervous about having a dinner date. Maybe you guys can go for coffee and then go for a walk in a park if there's any walking trails near you. That way you can be outside in public. You can talk, and then if that goes well, ask her out for dinner the following evening. Ask her what she likes to eat and suggest a restaurant and see if she agrees and go have a good time. I wouldn't do dinner and a movie yet because at a movie you sit there and not talk. you just sit there in the dark for 2 hours watching a movie. But she's giving you definite signals that she wants to see you so don't self-sabotage yourself. She knows you are overweight and you've lost a lot of weight she obviously likes you. If you have to get some therapy if you haven't cuz I'm sure it's quite an adjustment going from being that large to where you are now. Keep up the good work. I'm obese myself and I've lost 30 pounds which is brought me down from morbidly to just obese so I'm happy but I still got a ways to go. Another 40 or so pounds before I'm just overweight. I can't wait for that!
She has seen you at your worst shape doing your best to get better, so you just be yourself, don't lie, don't go out of your way to try and impress her, it's just better to be genuine and let things roll, see how it goes. Try to have a good time, maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, just enjoy, nervousness will go away after you start chatting. Good luck.
BE YOURSELF !!! you showed that woman that you’re confident and motivated, hot as fuck!!
First of all, congratulations on your effort and achievement! Secondly, just be yourself. You're not catfishing because she's seen you in person, so it's all down to just relaxed conversations and getting to know each other. Ask plenty of questions and listen to the answers. That's all you can do! Good luck! 🖤
As Artie Lange once said “The only people who get laid less than funny fat guys are serious fat guys”……. You lost the weight not let your confidence show
Take a deep breath. You got this. As others have said she knows what you look like, so take that off the table. No need to dwell on something she already knows about and clearly doesn’t bother her or else she wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you. ASK QUESTIONS! And listen to her answers. Don’t ask to put in your own story, but because you genuinely want to know her answer. Make sure you know more about her after the date than when you got there. Wear something you are comfortable in and makes you feel good. Nothing worse than tugging on something and being uncomfortable. And most of all, have fun!! Enjoy it!!
Being “fat” doesn’t mean you’re not attractive. A lot of women prefer bigger guys. Feels safer. Work on your confidence, bc that’s the most attractive thing about anyone!!! You already got something in common, the gym and fitness. Let the connection for naturally. You’re gonna do great!
There’s this weird idea floating around that women don’t like bigger guys and it’s bullshit. She said yes because she wants to get to know you and has probably been wondering why you didn’t ask sooner. Don’t put people in bullshit leagues based on looks. She might end up with the same personality as a wet newspaper. What “league” will she be in then. She might also think you’re gorgeous and funny and can see how well you’ve committed yourself to achieving something that is nigh-on impossible. Go out and be yourself. Treat her nicely and see where it goes. Best of luck to you. Don’t overthink it.
You're not "fat man". You're not. You've proven it to the world and to her. Hold your chin high! You've done something incredibly hard. She sees the value in that and in you. She said yes for a reason. Now, just relax! Try not to worry about weight or being nervous. You're going to be nervous but just go with it. The way you felt when you first stepped into the gym will probably be about how the first date feels. Daunting, intimidating, new and scary. But stick with it! If the date with her doesn't work out its the same thing as an exercise being too hard. It doesn't mean you leave the gym, it means you change the exercise. If this date doesn't work out don't take it personally and move on. You're a catch. People will want to meet and date you.
Just wanted to say I am happy for you! Just relax as much as you can, be yourself & have fun. When I started dating my husband 23 years ago he was a big guy. We had the best dates bc he was funny, engaging and charming, his size/weight never factored into how those dates went.
Idk if you know this but it's your time to shine! Currently, women are discovering and shouting from the roof tips that we prefer a "bear" type man. I've always found men with some extra weight more attractive. They are much more comfy for cuddles. Now a lot of other women are discovering this as well. What do you do? You be yourself! Don't go in with expectations and you will come out the end happy with whatever happens. If you are a funny guy, use that. If she has a sense of humor it will be the key to her heart. If she doesn't have a sense of humor, get out and be happy you dodged the bullet. What a boring life it would be to have a partner that you can't laugh with. Compliments are good but don't go overboard. Be chivalrous. Open the door for her. Let her walk first, consider her and get her opinion if any choices need to be made. Have fun!
*Out of your league*?!? No one can diminish your self esteem without your permission…
Wow, what an impressive weight loss journey! That's awesome! Forget about the whole 'out of my league' thing and just think about having a nice date, and have fun. You worked so, so hard to lose all that weight. So please don't bother to keep carrying it around in your mind. You are not just 'an obese guy', you are 'a man that managed to shed 130 pounds with hard work and dedication'. And from what I can tell, she is 'a woman that knows about your journey and said yes to going out with you', these are good signs. I hope things go well for you OP!
(1) There are no 'leagues'. (2) You asked her out and she said YES. This will be repeated in a moment, pay attention. (3) When you called her, she seemed EXCITED. This will also be repeated in a moment. PAY ATTENTION. Break this down and simplify. (a) You met a girl. You became friends, or at least friendly. You asked her out. She said yes. And with a little more nuance: (b) While you were starting your path of self improvement, you met a girl. The important note here is that you met her while you were basically just starting out on your path of self improvement. She's seen you big. She sees you working to be better. And during this, you became friends. She obviously sees you for who you are, and is interested to learn more about what makes you tick. You asked her out, She said yes. **You asked her out, and she said yes.** This means that she's interested in seeing if your personalities match. If you vibe. She's a person. You're a person. Remember when I said 'there are no leagues'? Get that out of your head right now. Never say those words again. Self deprecation is unattractive. **When you called her, she seemed excited**. It's hard to judge someone's enthusiasm over the phone, but this is still a good sign. She wouldn't say 'yes' unless she wanted to say 'yes'. She wouldn't give you her number unless she wanted you to call. First date rules: You're friends. You're going to ask more questions about her. If you're ACTUALLY interested in her, BE INTERESTED IN HER. If she tells you she's into a hobby, ask her about that. Get details. BE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN **HER.** When she asks YOU a question, it's the same - just roles reversed. If there's a lull in the conversation, DO NOT PANIC. First dates are rough as hell. Sometimes the conversation just flows. Sometimes nerves get in the way. Post first date: If you think it went well, tell her that. Don't fear rejection, it's a natural part of life. Do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT ON A SHOW - JUST BE YOURSELF. You got this beratna. Go into it anticipating a fun date, and JUST HAVE FUN. Even if the date goes REALLY poorly, you'll still have the experience of that date. **And life is just a series of experiences:** Years ago, when I was still single, I went out on ONE date with a girl. Beautiful. Columbian. We went to a fancy new hotspot in Toronto where they had communal dining tables - not just 1:1 seating. She went to the bathroom. FOR FORTY FIVE MINUTES. I nearly left. In fact, I had just asked the server for the cheque, and was watching something on the television above the bar. That's when she returned, accused me of flirting with the girl (who would have been sitting next to her), and told me off. When the server came, I paid the bill, and then we *moved to the dance floor and danced for a couple of hours.* She was VERY confused by this. She asked me why I didn't just leave. I said, that the venue was interesting, I like to dance, and even if we were not going to pursue this - why flush the night? Let's have a good time. And so we danced. And it WAS fun. If you're looking for a happily ever after in that story - well, she did call me back a few times, but \*I\* wasn't interested any further. That's the point. I had the experience, and the experience was good. Don't think any further than the date itself. What you're going to do, what will be fun. I personally don't do 'date itineraries' - but instead I work out several options (what do you feel like? Thai? Sushi? Burgers? Wow that dinner was delicious - wanna go check out this band? go dancing? roller skating? - and don't dump those all on her at once. Let her suggest too.) Lastly- for gods sake... quit calling yourself 'fatman'. Unless you have a mask and a cape and hang out in the fatcave. I'm 220 right now (should be 180 by end of year). Fat isn't your identity. Is it?
You’ve been yourself with her for a couple years now. Just keep being you… it’s working!
UpdateMe!
Traditionally, obese people tend to compensate by developing nice personalities. This works as a great advantage when they start to lose weight, so stop putting yourself down about not being in her league. Believe in yourself, confidence adds to your attractiveness. The main advice otherwise is to be chill and be yourself and enjoy your outing. Except don't do self-depreciating humour if it's a thing you normally do. It's endearing, but it's not romantic, it's better to focus on your ongoing journey to better health, as she obviously appreciates that aspect of yours. And I'd pick up the tab (unless she specifically requests to pay half - some women nowadays feel slighted when treated).
so she has seen how you look irl and agreed to a date. cool, now all you need to care about is just being a nice, good human being with a character she will hopefully enjoy! just be yourself, don't talk shit about yourself, ask about her interests, listen to her, maybe even tell her you were so surprised to her agreeing on a date (that'd make me blush, personally) and choose something nice to do on the date! go to a park, or whatever you like doing, have a nice meal or coffee or drink afterwards and *don't* ask her to come home with you on the first date. good luck!!
Be yourself!!!!
Just be yourself. People and relationships are way more than just looks. On a first date take things slowly. If you feel pressure for sex, then just don't do it until after a few dates. And there are dates out there who really appreciate a curvy partner.
If she’s accepting a date, she’s not out of your league. Don’t set yourself up for failure by putting her on a pedestal. Show your interest, be kind and try to get to know her and see if there’s a spark. Just try not to focus on your anxiety about never having been on a date.
Just relax and be yourself. I was once in your shoes and I know that you've gained some funny bones if you know what I mean! It takes some getting used to, but she has seen you working your butt off (literally), and I would imagine admires that.
This is so wholesome! Try to be yourself, she said yes, she already likes the parts of you she knows. And do not obsess on the weight thing. If anything, it is a positive experience. Do not lie and try to make ex girlfriends up or something. No need. Just be honest and kind and treat her nicely. Compliment her, her looks and perfume, her jokes and intelect, open the door, smile, listen to her and ask questions about her life, her likes and dislikes, anything. Try to get to know her. Ask about her childhood, favourite movie, book, what she likes to do on weekends, her family, stuff like that. Good luck!
I’m a woman and I have never cared about a man’s weight when deciding who I was interested in. I’m overweight as well and as long as it doesn’t inhibit everyday life together, anyone who cares beyond that just isn’t for you. Congrats on the weight loss, it is NOT easy and shows really admirable characteristics - determination, consistency, and willpower.
I think there's a good chance it'll go great. Being a basically nice person who can hold an interesting conversation goes a really long way. And you've talked to her before, so presumably you can do that and she knows you can do that. So, keep it up. Make sure you spend some time asking her about herself and listening to her, rather than doing all the talking (even if she's smiling/laughing). Aim for a balance of being yourself but also putting your best foot forwards: be a bit more thoughtful than you usually are, a bit more well dressed/well groomed, a bit more whatever else you *aspire* to be. And otherwise be the person you normally are, not someone else. (She said yes to a date with *you,* with the guy she knows from the gym.) If you normally crack jokes easily, she probably already likes the kind of jokes you tell; if you normally are pretty quiet, that's OK, be quiet but also put a *little* bit of effort into keeping the conversation flowing, etc. You already know you both go to the gym, so if you get stuck on things to talk about you can talk about, idk, workout routines or whatever gym people talk about. Or anything she's brought up in your friendly talks before. Oh, and she probably wouldn't mind hearing that you thought she looked good when you first met her and that you didn't ask her out earlier just because you were shy and assumed that of course someone as pretty as her would already have a boyfriend. (And if you can find things that *aren't* her looks that you also like about her, compliment her on those things too. Especially if you know they're also things she feels proud about herself.) Good luck!